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1
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Morning, sunshine. I got us muffins.
2
00:00:03,273 --> 00:00:05,206
- I can't do breakfast.
- Oh, don't worry.
3
00:00:05,275 --> 00:00:07,442
I mashed one up and put
it in a coffee cup for you
4
00:00:07,511 --> 00:00:08,943
so no one'll know you're eating carbs.
5
00:00:09,012 --> 00:00:10,779
It's not that. Mavis just told me
6
00:00:10,847 --> 00:00:13,047
that I have a parent/teacher
conference this morning.
7
00:00:13,116 --> 00:00:14,482
Apparently, it's a mom
8
00:00:14,551 --> 00:00:16,384
who wants to meet just...'cause?
9
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I can do the conference for you.
10
00:00:17,954 --> 00:00:20,288
I can be you. [SNOOTY] Hi, I'm Ms. Snap.
11
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The only food I eat is Diet Pepsi.
12
00:00:24,523 --> 00:00:26,561
Yeah... I'm good.
13
00:00:26,630 --> 00:00:29,397
And I assure you, I can handle
any mom in that room.
14
00:00:29,466 --> 00:00:31,078
I'm just gonna politely explain to her
15
00:00:31,103 --> 00:00:32,273
that whatever the problem is,
16
00:00:32,298 --> 00:00:34,054
it's because her kid's an idiot.
17
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Mom?!
18
00:00:38,257 --> 00:00:39,382
Hi!
19
00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:40,606
[ROCK MUSIC]
20
00:00:40,631 --> 00:00:44,421
synced and corrected by susinz
*www.addic7ed.com*
21
00:00:44,977 --> 00:00:46,510
What are you doing here?
22
00:00:46,579 --> 00:00:47,912
I haven't seen or heard from you
23
00:00:47,980 --> 00:00:49,446
in, like, six years.
24
00:00:49,515 --> 00:00:51,718
Huh. It only felt like two.
25
00:00:51,743 --> 00:00:52,921
[LAUGHING]
26
00:00:54,253 --> 00:00:57,103
Oh, do we have to send out
a missing persons report
27
00:00:57,128 --> 00:00:59,015
- for your sense of humor?
- I guess I lost it
28
00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:00,382
when you stopped calling on my birthday.
29
00:01:00,398 --> 00:01:03,532
Ugh. You know I don't
celebrate the aging process.
30
00:01:03,601 --> 00:01:07,703
Anyway, I'm here because
31
00:01:07,772 --> 00:01:09,705
I got married! Yeah!
32
00:01:10,375 --> 00:01:12,975
Now, before you go getting
your thong in a wad
33
00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:14,507
about not being invited,
34
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it was a really small ceremony.
35
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About 175 people.
36
00:01:20,156 --> 00:01:23,226
Whatever. Once you've been to four of
your weddings, you've been to them all.
37
00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:25,726
Well, Bob, my husband,
38
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has a daughter named Stephanie,
39
00:01:27,815 --> 00:01:30,359
and she's in your class.
Can you believe it?
40
00:01:30,500 --> 00:01:31,960
I'm a mom!
41
00:01:32,039 --> 00:01:34,078
You've been a mom for 32 years.
42
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:37,295
I know, but now I really feel like one.
43
00:01:37,364 --> 00:01:39,955
And I wanna get involved
with Stephie's education
44
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as much as possible... room parent,
45
00:01:42,649 --> 00:01:45,250
field trips, chaperone... all of it.
46
00:01:45,319 --> 00:01:47,296
You never did any
of this for me growing up.
47
00:01:47,321 --> 00:01:49,488
You never stirred my maternal instincts.
48
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No offense.
49
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- Offense taken!
- No, you can't do that.
50
00:01:52,826 --> 00:01:54,203
- I said no offense.
- Damn.
51
00:01:54,414 --> 00:01:56,561
Come to dinner tonight.
52
00:01:56,630 --> 00:01:59,564
Meet Bob and spend some more
time with Stephanie.
53
00:01:59,633 --> 00:02:01,633
Wait... is this a trap?
54
00:02:01,702 --> 00:02:04,469
No. I really want you to come.
55
00:02:04,992 --> 00:02:07,038
By the way, you look terrific, honey.
56
00:02:07,107 --> 00:02:10,242
I actually like you with thicker calves.
57
00:02:10,742 --> 00:02:11,943
Yeah!
58
00:02:12,012 --> 00:02:13,320
[DRAMATIC STING]
59
00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:17,781
Hey, Deb! Two more acts signed up
60
00:02:17,806 --> 00:02:19,804
for the talent show.
This is gonna be a hoot.
61
00:02:19,829 --> 00:02:22,063
We'll be the best MCs
Fillmore's ever seen.
62
00:02:22,088 --> 00:02:23,289
Yeah. It's gonna be good.
63
00:02:23,352 --> 00:02:24,618
I haven't been in a talent show
64
00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:26,253
since my band,
Orifice and the Sphincters,
65
00:02:26,321 --> 00:02:28,622
got kicked out for
sexually explicit lyrics.
66
00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:30,991
I'm excited. I'm gonna
create an act for students
67
00:02:31,059 --> 00:02:32,459
who do not have what our society
68
00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:34,992
narrowly defines as "artistic aptitude."
69
00:02:35,273 --> 00:02:37,063
So their talent for the talent show
70
00:02:37,132 --> 00:02:38,465
is not having any talent?
71
00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:40,533
- Mm-hmm!
- Ugh! I'm out of foundation,
72
00:02:40,602 --> 00:02:42,269
and I still have Kevin James calves.
73
00:02:42,337 --> 00:02:43,870
- Is everything okay, Chelsea?
- No.
74
00:02:43,939 --> 00:02:45,272
My mom is back.
75
00:02:45,340 --> 00:02:47,420
Oh, wow! Meeting your mom...
76
00:02:47,445 --> 00:02:49,011
this is a huge step for us.
77
00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:50,312
Our relationship is progressing.
78
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:51,437
Do you think she'll like me?
79
00:02:51,462 --> 00:02:53,304
You're not gonna meet her.
She's too busy
80
00:02:53,329 --> 00:02:56,108
with her new stepdaughter
who, bee-tee-dubs,
81
00:02:56,133 --> 00:02:58,334
is my student, Stephanie Harris.
82
00:02:58,402 --> 00:03:00,125
Stephanie is your stepsister?
83
00:03:00,188 --> 00:03:01,688
She just signed up for the talent show.
84
00:03:01,756 --> 00:03:03,723
- What is she doing?
- A mother/daughter act.
85
00:03:03,792 --> 00:03:05,658
Are you serious? This is the woman
86
00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:07,794
who left me floating
on an inflatable pizza
87
00:03:07,862 --> 00:03:10,396
in Lake Michigan so she could go tan.
88
00:03:10,465 --> 00:03:13,132
I washed ashore in Gary. Gary!
89
00:03:13,201 --> 00:03:14,539
[TAPPING SOUNDS]
90
00:03:16,883 --> 00:03:19,951
Caroline and Toby reporting
for talent show sign-ups.
91
00:03:20,020 --> 00:03:21,620
Can you guess what we're doing?
92
00:03:21,688 --> 00:03:23,154
An act where you saw each other in half
93
00:03:23,223 --> 00:03:24,923
but it's not magic, and you both die?
94
00:03:24,992 --> 00:03:26,691
No, silly. We're the...
95
00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:28,994
BOTH: Traveling Time Steps!
96
00:03:29,062 --> 00:03:30,862
We've been taking couples' tap lessons.
97
00:03:30,931 --> 00:03:33,098
And we're so excited
about performing in the show.
98
00:03:33,166 --> 00:03:35,467
[SQUEALS] We're in, we're in!
99
00:03:35,535 --> 00:03:37,035
And... slide!
100
00:03:37,104 --> 00:03:39,242
- BOTH: Slide!
- I don't care what anyone says.
101
00:03:39,649 --> 00:03:41,179
Those two are related.
102
00:03:42,734 --> 00:03:44,667
Welcome, everyone. You're here because
103
00:03:44,736 --> 00:03:46,435
you think you don't have a talent.
104
00:03:46,504 --> 00:03:48,304
But talent is just a passion expressed.
105
00:03:48,758 --> 00:03:51,125
So what are you passionate about?
106
00:03:51,193 --> 00:03:52,293
Snakes.
107
00:03:52,361 --> 00:03:53,427
Pretzels.
108
00:03:53,496 --> 00:03:54,762
Okay! Um...
109
00:03:54,830 --> 00:03:56,564
those are both valid.
110
00:03:56,632 --> 00:03:58,699
But what are some
important issues of the day
111
00:03:58,768 --> 00:04:00,093
that you care about?
112
00:04:01,812 --> 00:04:03,604
For instance...
113
00:04:03,673 --> 00:04:05,539
our Earth is dying a brutal death.
114
00:04:05,564 --> 00:04:06,976
The Earth is dying?
115
00:04:06,998 --> 00:04:09,014
Yes, Sandy, I agree!
116
00:04:09,039 --> 00:04:10,437
Let's use this opportunity
117
00:04:10,450 --> 00:04:12,150
to raise awareness for global warming.
118
00:04:12,218 --> 00:04:13,317
What's global warming?
119
00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:14,664
Exactly, Marty!
120
00:04:14,689 --> 00:04:16,717
That's the question we need to answer!
121
00:04:16,742 --> 00:04:18,775
I can see it now... a bare stage
122
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:21,526
except for a giant
three-dimensional Earth
123
00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:23,958
behind us... as we all sing about
124
00:04:23,983 --> 00:04:25,351
our imminent death.
125
00:04:28,535 --> 00:04:29,789
Wait... hold!
126
00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:32,703
Sugar! Did I drop my smile again?
127
00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:35,473
No! But your time step needs a time stop
128
00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:37,108
until our moves are in sync.
129
00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:39,010
Well, maybe if we did
the "Shuffle Off to Buffalo"
130
00:04:39,078 --> 00:04:41,212
like I suggested, I'd keep up better.
131
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,814
"Shuffle Off to Buffalo"?
132
00:04:42,882 --> 00:04:44,682
What is this, amateur hour?
133
00:04:44,751 --> 00:04:47,632
Why do you get to make
all the decisions?
134
00:04:47,820 --> 00:04:50,521
This is just like when we tried
to redecorate the bathroom.
135
00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:52,023
We don't need 12 guest towels.
136
00:04:52,091 --> 00:04:54,492
- I like to entertain.
- We live in a studio!
137
00:04:54,561 --> 00:04:57,895
You have to let me
take charge sometimes!
138
00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:00,698
Okay.
139
00:05:00,767 --> 00:05:03,617
Good. I'll start now. Take five.
140
00:05:03,867 --> 00:05:05,233
"Take five"?
141
00:05:05,302 --> 00:05:08,617
What? That's how they
take a break in show biz.
142
00:05:08,751 --> 00:05:10,085
[ROCK MUSIC]
143
00:05:15,045 --> 00:05:16,195
[GIGGLES]
144
00:05:16,286 --> 00:05:18,820
Remind me... how is it
you know Tanya again?
145
00:05:19,382 --> 00:05:20,715
I'm her daughter.
146
00:05:20,784 --> 00:05:22,531
That's right. That's what it was.
147
00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:24,367
Okay, party people,
148
00:05:24,392 --> 00:05:27,648
Tanya's famous meatloaf
is ready for take-off.
149
00:05:28,039 --> 00:05:29,625
Wait... you made dinner?
150
00:05:29,650 --> 00:05:32,051
- Yeah.
- Mom's a great cook.
151
00:05:32,076 --> 00:05:33,843
- Ohh...
- How nice.
152
00:05:33,868 --> 00:05:36,093
I grew up thinking
all food came out of a can.
153
00:05:36,695 --> 00:05:38,717
- Well...
- Okay, well...
154
00:05:38,742 --> 00:05:40,136
Oh! Seriously?
155
00:05:40,161 --> 00:05:41,827
You can't diet slap me anymore.
156
00:05:41,852 --> 00:05:44,867
In this family, we wait
until we say grace.
157
00:05:46,467 --> 00:05:47,765
Pass.
158
00:05:50,195 --> 00:05:52,309
You know, this reminds me of that time
159
00:05:52,378 --> 00:05:53,744
we all went camping to Lake...
160
00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:55,946
- ALL: Shelbyville!
- [LAUGHTER]
161
00:05:56,015 --> 00:05:58,382
Yes! And then we went
to that bizarre diner
162
00:05:58,473 --> 00:06:01,041
- and had the meatloaf special.
- Oh, that's right.
163
00:06:01,086 --> 00:06:03,086
- [LAUGHTER]
- That was fun.
164
00:06:03,155 --> 00:06:04,320
[LAUGHING]
165
00:06:07,022 --> 00:06:08,289
[LAUGH FADES]
166
00:06:08,525 --> 00:06:10,304
It sounds funny.
167
00:06:11,130 --> 00:06:13,764
Mom, look, I made
a smiley face with my meatloaf!
168
00:06:13,832 --> 00:06:16,633
Look at that! My gal is so creative!
169
00:06:16,702 --> 00:06:17,901
[STRAINED LAUGH]
170
00:06:17,970 --> 00:06:19,903
Look! I made one too.
171
00:06:20,169 --> 00:06:21,201
Hi!
172
00:06:21,226 --> 00:06:23,460
Stop it, Chelsea. You're 32.
173
00:06:23,968 --> 00:06:26,476
You'd never say Stephanie's
age with such disgust.
174
00:06:26,545 --> 00:06:28,445
I would if she was playing with her food
175
00:06:28,514 --> 00:06:30,289
when she was almost middle-aged.
176
00:06:30,328 --> 00:06:32,765
Okay. I don't have to
sit here and take this.
177
00:06:33,007 --> 00:06:35,118
I gave up "RuPaul's
Drag Race" to be here,
178
00:06:35,187 --> 00:06:37,788
and this is the last day
of my free trial on Hulu,
179
00:06:37,856 --> 00:06:39,765
and now I have to buy a subscription!
180
00:06:40,796 --> 00:06:42,718
[EXHALES] Sashay away!
181
00:06:43,234 --> 00:06:44,585
[ROCK MUSIC]
182
00:06:48,434 --> 00:06:50,000
So the criminal justice system
183
00:06:50,069 --> 00:06:52,202
provides for the detection, detainment,
184
00:06:52,271 --> 00:06:53,971
and punishment of criminals.
185
00:06:54,039 --> 00:06:57,074
And, if your cheeks look like
God personally chiseled them,
186
00:06:57,539 --> 00:06:59,610
after your release,
you get to be a model
187
00:06:59,678 --> 00:07:01,328
and date the heiress of "Topshop."
188
00:07:01,714 --> 00:07:02,929
Any questions?
189
00:07:04,140 --> 00:07:05,162
No, thanks.
190
00:07:05,187 --> 00:07:07,451
Ugh. If Mom was here,
she'd make you call on me.
191
00:07:07,519 --> 00:07:09,386
Well, Mom's not here, is she?
192
00:07:10,289 --> 00:07:11,722
[SCOFFS] Take out your workbooks.
193
00:07:18,273 --> 00:07:20,187
Hey, you can't just take my stuff!
194
00:07:20,375 --> 00:07:22,041
You have to ask to borrow it.
195
00:07:22,110 --> 00:07:23,876
- Can I borrow it?
- No.
196
00:07:23,945 --> 00:07:25,144
[GASPS] Uh-uh.
197
00:07:25,213 --> 00:07:27,146
It's mine! No! You have to share!
198
00:07:27,215 --> 00:07:28,492
- Stop!
- You stop!
199
00:07:28,543 --> 00:07:29,773
Give it to me!
200
00:07:29,798 --> 00:07:32,666
Now you broke it! I'm telling Mom!
201
00:07:35,256 --> 00:07:37,156
What a tattletale, am I right?
202
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:42,495
Ms. Cannon, I have to
drop out of the show
203
00:07:42,563 --> 00:07:43,796
'cause of soccer practice.
204
00:07:43,821 --> 00:07:45,588
So you're choosing
an inconsequential sport
205
00:07:45,613 --> 00:07:47,398
over the survival of our planet?
206
00:07:47,540 --> 00:07:49,507
I don't know. I just go every Thursday.
207
00:07:49,532 --> 00:07:50,789
Fine. Go.
208
00:07:52,496 --> 00:07:53,765
Listen up, people.
209
00:07:53,977 --> 00:07:56,085
The work we're doing here matters,
210
00:07:56,110 --> 00:07:57,943
but we're not going to achieve our goals
211
00:07:58,012 --> 00:07:59,344
unless we're 100% committed.
212
00:07:59,413 --> 00:08:01,613
So I need you to take a moment right now
213
00:08:01,682 --> 00:08:03,181
to look inside yourself and decide,
214
00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:05,717
"Am I all in?" 'Cause if you're not,
215
00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:07,507
- there's the door!
- [EPIC MUSIC]
216
00:08:09,562 --> 00:08:10,859
[MUSIC STOPS]
217
00:08:17,346 --> 00:08:19,747
Okay. Well, Sandy,
218
00:08:20,117 --> 00:08:23,218
Marty, let's finish
papier-macheing the Earth.
219
00:08:26,250 --> 00:08:28,040
There you are, Care Bear.
220
00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:29,351
[TAPPING]
221
00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:32,748
Guess what.
222
00:08:32,773 --> 00:08:34,246
Since we've had such a hard time
223
00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:36,348
getting the act in shape,
I've taken the bull
224
00:08:36,417 --> 00:08:40,052
by the horns and booked us
a practice show for today.
225
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,365
Did you check on the space?
Did you send them a rider?
226
00:08:42,390 --> 00:08:44,189
We don't even have
our new character shoes!
227
00:08:44,258 --> 00:08:46,858
Caroline, I've taken care of everything.
228
00:08:47,210 --> 00:08:48,894
Okay. You're in charge.
229
00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:50,539
No more questions.
230
00:08:50,564 --> 00:08:51,976
My lips are sealed.
231
00:08:57,804 --> 00:09:00,162
Hey, you can't just barge into my room!
232
00:09:00,187 --> 00:09:01,459
Have you ever heard of knocking?
233
00:09:01,484 --> 00:09:04,585
Oh, why, are you making a
Ken doll go down on you again?
234
00:09:04,781 --> 00:09:06,210
You swore we'd never speak of that.
235
00:09:06,235 --> 00:09:07,585
Well, too bad!
236
00:09:07,929 --> 00:09:10,164
Stephanie said that you
were mean to her.
237
00:09:10,468 --> 00:09:12,250
What can I say? She's weak.
238
00:09:12,319 --> 00:09:14,886
Like it or not, you are
a part of this family,
239
00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:16,755
and we are going to work it out.
240
00:09:16,824 --> 00:09:18,690
How are we supposed to work it out?
241
00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:21,304
I want you to come over
for a sleepover tonight.
242
00:09:22,024 --> 00:09:24,658
Really? A girls' night?
243
00:09:25,992 --> 00:09:27,769
That sounds cool. I might... be there.
244
00:09:27,794 --> 00:09:28,937
I will be there.
245
00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:30,781
Bye, Mom.
246
00:09:31,101 --> 00:09:32,270
Bye, honey.
247
00:09:32,339 --> 00:09:33,648
I like your pants.
248
00:09:35,758 --> 00:09:37,491
We probably should have
measured the door
249
00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:38,640
before we started.
250
00:09:38,665 --> 00:09:41,085
You know what? Nothing's gonna stop us.
251
00:09:42,706 --> 00:09:44,539
[SLASHING AND GRUNTING]
252
00:09:45,933 --> 00:09:47,666
That's actually a great metaphor.
253
00:09:48,086 --> 00:09:49,515
[CRUNCHING]
254
00:09:52,842 --> 00:09:55,554
- [KNOCKING] Hi! Ho!
- Hey, ho.
255
00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:58,679
Why didn't you tell me
we were dressing up?
256
00:09:58,704 --> 00:10:00,445
I could have worn my mermaid hair.
257
00:10:00,476 --> 00:10:02,187
- Ready, babe?
- Yeah.
258
00:10:02,212 --> 00:10:03,335
[GIGGLES]
259
00:10:04,984 --> 00:10:06,078
Are you guys leaving?
260
00:10:06,103 --> 00:10:08,757
Yeah. We're going to see
a Def Leppard cover band.
261
00:10:08,777 --> 00:10:10,740
They're very accurate.
Their drummer only has
262
00:10:10,765 --> 00:10:11,842
- one arm too.
- Yeah.
263
00:10:11,867 --> 00:10:13,007
But what about girls' night?
264
00:10:13,032 --> 00:10:14,085
Well, girls' night
265
00:10:14,110 --> 00:10:16,890
- is for you and Steph, silly!
- Adios!
266
00:10:19,335 --> 00:10:20,765
This is my room.
267
00:10:22,617 --> 00:10:24,845
Do you seriously have every Adora Doll?
268
00:10:24,914 --> 00:10:27,514
Cottontail, Hearts Aflutter.
269
00:10:27,789 --> 00:10:29,585
Shut up! Sweet Cheeks?
270
00:10:30,687 --> 00:10:33,053
This is everything I wanted
before I discovered guys.
271
00:10:33,078 --> 00:10:34,476
Our mom got 'em for me.
272
00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:36,268
Did you have to be a certain weight?
273
00:10:36,293 --> 00:10:38,961
- No.
- Ugh! It's not fair!
274
00:10:39,523 --> 00:10:42,695
She was never there for me
the way she's there for you.
275
00:10:43,531 --> 00:10:44,929
I don't get it! [CRYING]
276
00:10:45,208 --> 00:10:46,710
I know how you feel.
277
00:10:47,033 --> 00:10:49,257
My real mom wasn't around much either.
278
00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:50,914
But now that Tanya's here,
279
00:10:50,939 --> 00:10:53,440
it's like I know how
a real mom's supposed to act.
280
00:10:53,465 --> 00:10:54,798
I wish I did.
281
00:10:55,434 --> 00:10:57,257
If it makes you feel any better,
282
00:10:57,500 --> 00:10:59,023
my dad's a serial cheater
283
00:10:59,048 --> 00:11:01,448
and will probably break our mom's heart.
284
00:11:01,874 --> 00:11:04,265
That does help. Thank you.
285
00:11:04,676 --> 00:11:05,851
[CRYING]
286
00:11:06,449 --> 00:11:07,915
Ohh...
287
00:11:08,875 --> 00:11:11,203
I'm sorry I was so mean to you in class.
288
00:11:11,392 --> 00:11:12,984
You did not deserve that.
289
00:11:13,695 --> 00:11:15,562
You're actually pretty cool
for a little sister.
290
00:11:15,587 --> 00:11:18,255
Thanks. I think you're really cool.
291
00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:19,398
I am.
292
00:11:19,906 --> 00:11:22,695
So, two cool chicks
with the house to themselves.
293
00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:24,359
You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
294
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:25,631
Let's get lit!
295
00:11:26,114 --> 00:11:28,048
? Up top, body shots ?
296
00:11:28,147 --> 00:11:29,981
? Sand in some weird spots ?
297
00:11:30,049 --> 00:11:31,482
? Can't come film them ?
298
00:11:31,551 --> 00:11:33,517
? 'Cause we're living the dream ?
299
00:11:33,586 --> 00:11:36,253
? No, I'm not asleep, I'm good ?
300
00:11:36,322 --> 00:11:38,828
? And living the dream ?
301
00:11:42,039 --> 00:11:44,261
This is why I never let you take charge.
302
00:11:44,330 --> 00:11:46,063
It was a mistake, Caroline.
303
00:11:46,132 --> 00:11:48,199
Try catastrophe!
Your shoes have a matte finish,
304
00:11:48,267 --> 00:11:50,334
and mine are patent leather!
Our feet are storytellers,
305
00:11:50,403 --> 00:11:52,103
and now they're telling
two different stories!
306
00:11:52,210 --> 00:11:54,205
I really don't think
it's that big of a deal.
307
00:11:54,508 --> 00:11:56,475
You're right. It pales in comparison
308
00:11:56,544 --> 00:11:58,177
to the fact that we'll be
309
00:11:58,246 --> 00:11:59,757
tapping on carpet!
310
00:12:05,304 --> 00:12:07,304
And-a one, and-a two,
311
00:12:07,329 --> 00:12:09,463
and-a you know what to do.
312
00:12:09,500 --> 00:12:12,057
Click, clack,
click, clack, clickety-clack,
313
00:12:12,126 --> 00:12:13,984
boom-boom! Stop making noises.
314
00:12:14,009 --> 00:12:16,076
Click, click, click, click.
315
00:12:16,226 --> 00:12:17,596
- Click, click, click.
- Don't you dare
316
00:12:17,665 --> 00:12:19,781
- make noises for my solo!
- And click and clack.
317
00:12:20,041 --> 00:12:21,828
Click, click, click, click,
318
00:12:21,933 --> 00:12:23,835
clickety-clack. Click, click,
319
00:12:23,860 --> 00:12:25,571
- clickety-clack.
- Okay, stop!
320
00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:26,739
- Stop it!
- Click, click, click.
321
00:12:26,807 --> 00:12:29,174
- Uh-oh.
- You just humiliated me
322
00:12:29,243 --> 00:12:30,909
at the biggest venue
we've ever performed at.
323
00:12:30,978 --> 00:12:33,328
That's it! I'm done!
324
00:12:33,367 --> 00:12:35,265
Click, click, click,
click, click, click...
325
00:12:35,290 --> 00:12:36,356
Stop it!
326
00:12:39,281 --> 00:12:41,548
Did you freeze my good water bra?
327
00:12:41,616 --> 00:12:42,867
[LAUGHING]
328
00:12:44,476 --> 00:12:46,920
- No.
- Well, it burst in the freezer.
329
00:12:46,988 --> 00:12:48,755
Now what am I supposed to
wear to church?
330
00:12:48,824 --> 00:12:50,356
Relax. It was a prank.
331
00:12:50,425 --> 00:12:51,624
Sorry, Mom.
332
00:12:51,693 --> 00:12:54,162
No. This is all you, Chelsea.
333
00:12:54,187 --> 00:12:56,062
You are a horrible influence.
334
00:12:56,265 --> 00:12:58,781
Stephanie never would
have done this without you.
335
00:12:59,125 --> 00:13:01,218
Oh, you're such a disappointment.
336
00:13:02,671 --> 00:13:04,000
[INSISTENT BEEPING]
337
00:13:07,142 --> 00:13:08,942
Ugh. I hate Amber Alerts.
338
00:13:09,010 --> 00:13:10,510
What do they want me to do,
put on a cape
339
00:13:10,579 --> 00:13:11,845
and go find the kid?
340
00:13:11,913 --> 00:13:13,546
Maybe we shouldn't have pranked Mom.
341
00:13:13,615 --> 00:13:15,815
Yeah. She was really mad.
342
00:13:15,884 --> 00:13:17,817
I've never seen her
forehead move before.
343
00:13:17,886 --> 00:13:19,117
[SIRENS WHOOPING]
344
00:13:20,059 --> 00:13:21,213
Crap.
345
00:13:21,238 --> 00:13:23,304
Haven't paid parking
tickets in ten years.
346
00:13:24,603 --> 00:13:27,170
How much do I owe? I'll Venmo you.
347
00:13:27,195 --> 00:13:28,928
- Hands up!
- Aah!
348
00:13:28,996 --> 00:13:30,629
Aah!
349
00:13:30,698 --> 00:13:32,812
Your vehicle's the subject
of an Amber Alert.
350
00:13:32,837 --> 00:13:34,607
We're placing you under
arrest for kidnapping.
351
00:13:34,632 --> 00:13:36,890
What? She's my stepsister!
352
00:13:36,915 --> 00:13:38,460
I'm gonna read you your Miranda rights.
353
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,719
Well, I'm Chelsea, not Miranda,
354
00:13:40,744 --> 00:13:42,734
so why would you read me her rights?
355
00:13:42,970 --> 00:13:44,210
? ?
356
00:13:46,148 --> 00:13:47,581
Thank you so much for finding them.
357
00:13:47,649 --> 00:13:49,583
I'm sorry about the false alarm.
358
00:13:49,651 --> 00:13:50,820
[GIGGLES]
359
00:13:54,390 --> 00:13:55,589
I can't believe you did that.
360
00:13:55,657 --> 00:13:57,154
You got what you deserved.
361
00:13:57,179 --> 00:13:59,289
- You are unbelievable!
- Yeah.
362
00:13:59,314 --> 00:14:01,756
My whole life, all I've ever done
363
00:14:01,781 --> 00:14:02,896
is try to make you happy.
364
00:14:04,164 --> 00:14:05,585
But it's never enough.
365
00:14:06,180 --> 00:14:07,867
I celebrated my tenth birthday
366
00:14:07,892 --> 00:14:10,359
five years in a row
so you wouldn't feel old.
367
00:14:10,782 --> 00:14:11,796
Not enough.
368
00:14:11,821 --> 00:14:14,101
I slept in the yard
when you brought guys home
369
00:14:14,126 --> 00:14:15,609
because you said having
a kid in the house
370
00:14:15,634 --> 00:14:16,900
made them uncomfortable.
371
00:14:17,043 --> 00:14:18,242
Not enough!
372
00:14:18,843 --> 00:14:21,445
I broke up with my college boyfriend
373
00:14:21,470 --> 00:14:23,265
because you guys had chemistry!
374
00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:26,351
Not enough!
Then I even bond with Stephanie
375
00:14:26,617 --> 00:14:28,242
who you're doing all this stuff for
376
00:14:28,267 --> 00:14:29,812
that you never did for me.
377
00:14:30,742 --> 00:14:32,218
Why am I not enough?
378
00:14:33,913 --> 00:14:35,484
I don't know what to say.
379
00:14:37,466 --> 00:14:38,851
You don't have to say anything.
380
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:40,526
I never wanna see you again.
381
00:14:42,294 --> 00:14:45,161
W-wh... Wait, no! Chelsea!
382
00:14:45,186 --> 00:14:48,254
Wait. I know I was a terrible mom.
383
00:14:48,883 --> 00:14:50,718
So when Stephanie came along,
384
00:14:50,743 --> 00:14:53,273
I just figured this
maybe my chance to...
385
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:54,531
get it right?
386
00:14:55,473 --> 00:14:59,296
But you should know
that I'm very proud of you.
387
00:15:00,622 --> 00:15:02,356
I mean, look at you.
388
00:15:03,104 --> 00:15:05,632
You're a smart, successful,
389
00:15:05,657 --> 00:15:06,851
skinny teacher,
390
00:15:06,962 --> 00:15:09,096
and you did it all on your own.
391
00:15:09,562 --> 00:15:10,828
Oh, my God.
392
00:15:11,635 --> 00:15:13,068
Did you just call me skinny?
393
00:15:13,510 --> 00:15:14,968
Like Nicole Richie.
394
00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:16,781
I love you, Mom.
395
00:15:16,806 --> 00:15:18,421
I love you, Chels.
396
00:15:18,923 --> 00:15:20,507
[TEARFUL LAUGHING] Oh!
397
00:15:21,391 --> 00:15:23,062
- [VIOLIN END NOTES]
- [APPLAUSE]
398
00:15:26,570 --> 00:15:28,069
I hate playing violin.
399
00:15:28,677 --> 00:15:29,921
Oh! [LAUGHING]
400
00:15:31,546 --> 00:15:34,406
Well, that was a quick act, folks.
401
00:15:34,703 --> 00:15:37,279
I thought he might string us along.
402
00:15:37,796 --> 00:15:40,715
I'm glad he didn't. People
might have gotten violin... t.
403
00:15:41,578 --> 00:15:42,884
Hold for laughs.
404
00:15:42,953 --> 00:15:44,486
[LOW MURMURING]
405
00:15:44,953 --> 00:15:47,467
Okay! Without further ado,
406
00:15:47,492 --> 00:15:49,092
please welcome to the stage
407
00:15:49,117 --> 00:15:51,192
The Traveling Time Steps!
408
00:15:51,261 --> 00:15:53,828
- There's only one now.
- What? There's...
409
00:15:53,897 --> 00:15:56,498
- The Traveling Time...
- BOTH: Step!
410
00:15:56,566 --> 00:15:58,700
[LIGHT PIANO]
411
00:16:01,016 --> 00:16:02,507
[TAPPING]
412
00:16:04,708 --> 00:16:05,828
? ?
413
00:16:13,196 --> 00:16:14,507
[DISTANT TAPPING]
414
00:16:18,722 --> 00:16:20,234
[PIANO STARTS AGAIN]
415
00:16:23,493 --> 00:16:25,093
? ?
416
00:16:26,078 --> 00:16:27,271
[MOUTHING] Sorry.
417
00:16:27,367 --> 00:16:28,554
? ?
418
00:16:30,100 --> 00:16:31,609
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
419
00:16:32,970 --> 00:16:34,156
? ?
420
00:16:38,789 --> 00:16:40,271
CROWD: Oh!
421
00:16:40,343 --> 00:16:41,750
? ?
422
00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:55,557
That was top notch.
423
00:16:55,625 --> 00:16:57,273
I'll bet I know what those guys drank.
424
00:16:57,869 --> 00:16:59,201
What's that?
425
00:16:59,820 --> 00:17:01,207
Tap water.
426
00:17:01,244 --> 00:17:03,195
[UNDER BREATH] Make eye
contact with the audience...
427
00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:08,803
Next up, Ms. Cannon and two students.
428
00:17:08,872 --> 00:17:09,929
[APPLAUSE]
429
00:17:11,742 --> 00:17:13,141
[LIGHT PIANO]
430
00:17:13,648 --> 00:17:16,348
? Earth is our mother ?
431
00:17:16,417 --> 00:17:20,119
? She gave us life ?
432
00:17:20,188 --> 00:17:22,822
? Listen to our song ?
433
00:17:22,890 --> 00:17:26,695
? And save her from strife ?
434
00:17:26,989 --> 00:17:29,390
- [HARD ROCK CHORDS]
- ? Mankind is murdering ?
435
00:17:29,630 --> 00:17:32,731
? The Earth! ?
436
00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:35,401
? Methane, water vapor, carbon dioxide ?
437
00:17:35,470 --> 00:17:36,936
? It warms our planet ?
438
00:17:37,004 --> 00:17:38,704
ALL: ? Kills her from the inside ?
439
00:17:38,773 --> 00:17:40,940
? What is true,
through all this clatter ?
440
00:17:41,008 --> 00:17:44,310
? Does anyone care about
Black Lives Matter? ?
441
00:17:44,378 --> 00:17:46,632
We're all gonna die!
442
00:17:48,983 --> 00:17:50,883
- [SCATTERED CLAPPING]
- Wow. Global warming?
443
00:17:50,952 --> 00:17:54,015
Someone call Nelly, 'cause
it' getting hot in hurrr.
444
00:17:55,507 --> 00:17:57,514
Okay, for our final act,
445
00:17:57,539 --> 00:18:00,382
please welcome Tanya Harris
and her two daughters.
446
00:18:00,895 --> 00:18:03,496
? Walk, na-na na-na na-na ?
447
00:18:03,564 --> 00:18:05,364
? Na-na na-na na-na ?
448
00:18:05,433 --> 00:18:06,866
? The runway walk ?
449
00:18:06,934 --> 00:18:09,134
? Na-na na-na na-na na-na ?
450
00:18:09,203 --> 00:18:12,037
? Na-na na-na na-na na-na,
the runway walk ?
451
00:18:12,106 --> 00:18:13,973
? Let me see your runway walk ?
452
00:18:14,041 --> 00:18:16,308
? Make your heels click,
make the runway talk ?
453
00:18:16,377 --> 00:18:18,943
? Come on, pretty women
taking pictures ?
454
00:18:18,968 --> 00:18:21,375
? They never come outside
until they look vicious ?
455
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:24,659
Oh! Oh... Chelsea, look out!
456
00:18:24,684 --> 00:18:25,883
Oh!
457
00:18:26,554 --> 00:18:28,220
Oh...
458
00:18:28,289 --> 00:18:29,655
AUDIENCE: Oh!
459
00:18:29,724 --> 00:18:30,990
[CHELSEA MOANS]
460
00:18:33,594 --> 00:18:35,215
Thanks for doing the show with me.
461
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:36,457
Of course.
462
00:18:36,527 --> 00:18:39,004
I'm sorry for quitting
The Traveling Time Steps.
463
00:18:39,267 --> 00:18:41,660
And you were right about
the "Shuffle Off to Buffalo."
464
00:18:41,685 --> 00:18:44,285
It is not an amateur move.
465
00:18:47,770 --> 00:18:48,941
What's wrong?
466
00:18:49,176 --> 00:18:50,842
Listen, Care Bear,
467
00:18:51,348 --> 00:18:53,160
you mean the world to me,
468
00:18:53,995 --> 00:18:56,754
but I think we both know
this isn't working.
469
00:18:58,129 --> 00:19:00,793
Toblerone, are you breaking up with me?
470
00:19:01,464 --> 00:19:03,131
[SOMBER MUSIC]
471
00:19:03,457 --> 00:19:04,890
I know we've been fighting a lot,
472
00:19:04,959 --> 00:19:06,895
but I'm not myself. I'm worried about
473
00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:08,332
my financial situation...
474
00:19:08,357 --> 00:19:10,791
It's not just you. It's me too.
475
00:19:12,012 --> 00:19:14,410
I think we're both having a hard time
476
00:19:14,864 --> 00:19:16,702
accommodating each other.
477
00:19:17,341 --> 00:19:19,274
I'll stop watching
"The Property Brothers."
478
00:19:19,343 --> 00:19:20,637
I don't even find them that attractive.
479
00:19:20,662 --> 00:19:24,082
I'm a man, Caroline, but I have eyes.
480
00:19:24,107 --> 00:19:26,489
Those two are Greek gods,
and you and I both know it.
481
00:19:26,672 --> 00:19:28,205
Yeah.
482
00:19:30,850 --> 00:19:32,684
So is this really it?
483
00:19:33,166 --> 00:19:34,799
I think it is.
484
00:19:35,392 --> 00:19:36,762
[SOMBER MUSIC]
485
00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:48,121
Uh... we carpooled this morning.
486
00:19:48,924 --> 00:19:51,125
Can I still get a ride?
487
00:19:51,871 --> 00:19:54,809
Uh... I think it's probably
best if you get a Lyft.
488
00:19:55,459 --> 00:19:56,614
Okay.
489
00:19:56,639 --> 00:20:00,140
synced and corrected by susinz
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490
00:20:00,190 --> 00:20:04,740
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