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1
00:01:11,634 --> 00:01:13,067
You couldn't just drive
2
00:01:13,100 --> 00:01:14,701
and be happy you had jobs.
3
00:01:14,734 --> 00:01:17,534
The Sunshine Cab
Company is broke.
4
00:01:17,567 --> 00:01:19,567
We'll have to find
ourselves other jobs.
5
00:01:19,601 --> 00:01:20,767
We'll meet in a month
and we'll tell about
6
00:01:20,801 --> 00:01:21,801
the great jobs we all got.
7
00:01:21,834 --> 00:01:22,801
Yeah!
8
00:01:22,834 --> 00:01:23,868
Here.
9
00:01:23,901 --> 00:01:25,367
Congratulations.
10
00:01:26,767 --> 00:01:28,767
Hello, my name
is Elaine Nardo.
11
00:01:32,133 --> 00:01:35,634
Come on, Latka, there's
a lot of tables to be cleaned.
12
00:01:47,801 --> 00:01:51,100
( Louie chortling )
13
00:01:51,133 --> 00:01:52,367
Oh, I forgot.
14
00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:55,234
Tonight's the night
the losers get together
15
00:01:55,267 --> 00:01:57,367
to share their
success stories.
16
00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:59,501
It's going to be
a short evening.
17
00:02:00,701 --> 00:02:03,501
You have made
lots of money, Louie?
18
00:02:03,534 --> 00:02:05,601
Oh, I get by.
19
00:02:16,501 --> 00:02:19,334
No one ask him.
20
00:02:19,367 --> 00:02:21,701
Ah, well, I can't
stick around.
21
00:02:21,734 --> 00:02:23,667
I got to get
back to work.
22
00:02:23,701 --> 00:02:27,033
I just stopped by to
have a beer and gloat.
23
00:02:27,067 --> 00:02:28,067
( chortles )
24
00:02:28,100 --> 00:02:30,000
Hey, Louie, you
forgot to sign
25
00:02:30,033 --> 00:02:31,601
your unemployment
check.
26
00:02:31,634 --> 00:02:32,934
( Bobby snorts )
27
00:02:32,968 --> 00:02:35,901
( all snickering )
28
00:02:37,534 --> 00:02:38,701
TONY:
Go, Louie.
29
00:02:38,734 --> 00:02:40,868
All right,
before you laugh at me
30
00:02:40,901 --> 00:02:42,901
you better listen to my story.
31
00:02:42,934 --> 00:02:44,400
Thank
you.
32
00:02:44,434 --> 00:02:45,901
All right...
33
00:02:45,934 --> 00:02:49,367
I said I could succeed
in any field and I proved it.
34
00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:52,501
I went down to Wall Street
and I became a stockbroker.
35
00:02:52,534 --> 00:02:54,734
BOTH:
Get serious.
36
00:02:54,767 --> 00:02:56,133
You've got to be kidding?
37
00:02:56,167 --> 00:02:57,567
You, a stockbroker, Lou?
38
00:02:57,601 --> 00:02:58,734
BOBBY:
Give us a break, Louie.
39
00:02:58,767 --> 00:03:00,634
Hey, I'm not saying
it was easy to break in.
40
00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:06,734
These reports look fine.
41
00:03:06,767 --> 00:03:08,801
File them with
the Clifton portfolio
42
00:03:08,834 --> 00:03:11,367
and bring me the Wesley-
Cosgrove prospectus.
43
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:12,400
Yes, sir.
44
00:03:14,100 --> 00:03:16,067
You the top
dog here?
45
00:03:16,100 --> 00:03:19,267
I didn't know Guys
and Dolls was in town.
46
00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:21,934
Excuse me.
47
00:03:21,968 --> 00:03:24,133
You can't barge
in here like this.
48
00:03:24,167 --> 00:03:25,534
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
49
00:03:25,567 --> 00:03:27,300
Are you the cheese or not?
50
00:03:27,334 --> 00:03:30,334
I'm the head of this firm,
if that's what you mean.
51
00:03:31,367 --> 00:03:32,767
Snap this picture.
52
00:03:35,133 --> 00:03:37,868
Future generations
are going to want
53
00:03:37,901 --> 00:03:40,067
an exact record
of the moment
54
00:03:40,100 --> 00:03:42,968
that you hired your
greatest salesman.
55
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:45,467
Say "cheese," Cheese.
56
00:03:45,501 --> 00:03:47,000
There you go.
57
00:03:47,033 --> 00:03:48,767
Miss Lang, what are you doing?
Call security.
58
00:03:48,801 --> 00:03:50,367
Yes, sir.
59
00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:52,400
Good, good,
call security.
60
00:03:52,434 --> 00:03:55,067
If I can't convince
you to hire me
61
00:03:55,100 --> 00:03:58,133
by the time they get
here, I'll leave.
62
00:03:58,167 --> 00:04:02,501
You know what the problem
with this company is, Mr. Gray?
63
00:04:02,534 --> 00:04:05,067
You don't know how to get dirty.
64
00:04:06,667 --> 00:04:11,167
What this organization needs
is a man who can get dirty--
65
00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:13,367
someone who'll go out there
66
00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:17,234
and scrape up any business
he can, any way he can,
67
00:04:17,267 --> 00:04:20,501
from anybody who's got
a couple of bucks.
68
00:04:20,534 --> 00:04:22,901
You don't need
fancy clothes
69
00:04:22,934 --> 00:04:25,701
and a nice education
to make money.
70
00:04:25,734 --> 00:04:28,701
What you need is volume.
71
00:04:28,734 --> 00:04:30,934
You need hustle!
72
00:04:30,968 --> 00:04:33,300
You need to get dirty!
73
00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:38,567
I was born
dirty, Mr. Gray,
74
00:04:38,601 --> 00:04:42,467
and every day
I get dirtier...
75
00:04:42,501 --> 00:04:44,300
and dirtier!
76
00:04:44,334 --> 00:04:45,467
( rapping on door )
77
00:04:46,767 --> 00:04:48,100
Trouble,
Mr. Gray?
78
00:04:53,467 --> 00:04:54,801
Go on.
79
00:04:54,834 --> 00:04:57,133
And dirtier!
80
00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:01,667
Hello, De Palma here.
81
00:05:01,701 --> 00:05:03,067
You want a quote?
82
00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:04,467
Hang on a second.
83
00:05:04,501 --> 00:05:05,934
Let me have that.
84
00:05:07,934 --> 00:05:09,868
All right, 33 1/8.
85
00:05:09,901 --> 00:05:11,467
All right, all right.
86
00:05:11,501 --> 00:05:13,367
Hello there, De Palma here.
87
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,267
Oh, Tom, baby, how are you?
88
00:05:15,300 --> 00:05:16,801
All right.
89
00:05:16,834 --> 00:05:19,934
Yeah, listen, Tom,
I'm very upset to find out
90
00:05:19,968 --> 00:05:25,901
that you've got your entire
account sewed up in one stock,
91
00:05:25,934 --> 00:05:29,234
but if you want to bounce up
and down the boards with AT&T,
92
00:05:29,267 --> 00:05:30,834
that's your business.
93
00:05:30,868 --> 00:05:34,934
I'm telling you, Tom,
they're a fly-by-night outfit.
94
00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:37,801
Hold on a second, something
just flashed on the big board.
95
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:40,868
Hello there,
sweetheart.
96
00:05:40,901 --> 00:05:42,667
I don't believe
I've had the pleasure.
97
00:05:42,701 --> 00:05:44,234
We've met.
98
00:05:44,267 --> 00:05:47,167
That's not the pleasure
I was talking about.
99
00:05:51,133 --> 00:05:53,467
Tom, listen to the words
100
00:05:53,501 --> 00:05:57,634
that are going to send you
to an early retirement:
101
00:05:57,667 --> 00:05:59,701
Genetic research.
102
00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:02,701
You know, cloning
and stuff like that.
103
00:06:02,734 --> 00:06:06,133
Listen, today they're
doing it with rats.
104
00:06:06,167 --> 00:06:11,167
Tomorrow, they'll be cranking
out Cheryl Tiegs by the dozens.
105
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:13,400
Ah, I know what
you're going to say.
106
00:06:13,434 --> 00:06:15,367
I know, you got a
philosophical problem
107
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:17,200
because there's
a possibility
108
00:06:17,234 --> 00:06:19,501
that something maybe
could go wrong.
109
00:06:19,534 --> 00:06:21,100
I mean, some
mutant virus
110
00:06:21,133 --> 00:06:23,100
could wipe out half the world.
111
00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:25,801
If you're in the half
that's still around
112
00:06:25,834 --> 00:06:27,834
do you want to be rich or not?
113
00:06:27,868 --> 00:06:30,434
All right, all right.
I'm going no further on this.
114
00:06:30,467 --> 00:06:32,734
I'll put you down
for 5,000 shares.
115
00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:36,067
If you change your mind,
you get back to me, okay?
116
00:06:37,033 --> 00:06:39,634
5,000 shares!
117
00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:41,868
( chortling )
118
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:45,734
Yes, guys, that's the way
he does it.
119
00:06:45,767 --> 00:06:47,234
All right.
120
00:06:48,267 --> 00:06:49,968
Let's see...
121
00:06:51,834 --> 00:06:53,234
Whoop!
122
00:06:56,133 --> 00:06:57,400
Hello, Mrs. Greer?
123
00:06:57,434 --> 00:06:59,367
Uh, this is
Louie De Palma.
124
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:01,200
Have you decided
what to do
125
00:07:01,234 --> 00:07:04,901
with your husband's
life insurance settlement yet?
126
00:07:04,934 --> 00:07:08,200
Well, I noticed
in the obits this morning
127
00:07:08,234 --> 00:07:10,234
that he died last night.
128
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:18,400
Oh, oh, oh, well, well,
um, I'll call back in a...
129
00:07:18,434 --> 00:07:20,801
you know, after the services.
130
00:07:20,834 --> 00:07:25,701
All right, in the meantime,
think chemicals and electronics.
131
00:07:25,734 --> 00:07:27,000
All right.
132
00:07:28,067 --> 00:07:29,634
Okay, let's see...
133
00:07:35,767 --> 00:07:38,033
Hello, Myron Schwartz?
134
00:07:38,067 --> 00:07:40,767
This is your cousin,
Louis Ginzberg.
135
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:44,934
No, I was at your wedding.
136
00:07:44,968 --> 00:07:47,434
We met behind the chopped liver.
137
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:48,734
Uh, listen, listen--
138
00:07:48,767 --> 00:07:51,400
I think our family
should stick together.
139
00:07:51,434 --> 00:07:53,033
I got some
hot stock here
140
00:07:53,067 --> 00:07:54,634
and I saved some for you.
141
00:07:54,667 --> 00:07:56,567
I'll send you the prospectus.
142
00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:57,734
Don't mention it.
143
00:07:57,767 --> 00:07:59,033
Shalom.
144
00:08:03,868 --> 00:08:05,033
Uh... ( clears throat )
145
00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:06,901
Uh, I'll be
right with you.
146
00:08:08,567 --> 00:08:12,000
( humming )
147
00:08:12,033 --> 00:08:13,734
Uh, Mr. Tobias?
148
00:08:13,767 --> 00:08:15,901
Uh, this is Louie De Palma.
149
00:08:15,934 --> 00:08:18,367
Oh, well, have you ever thought
150
00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:21,000
of investing
in the stock market?
151
00:08:22,567 --> 00:08:25,234
Oh, well, is your mommy home?
152
00:08:27,834 --> 00:08:29,000
No?
153
00:08:29,033 --> 00:08:30,400
Well, do you know
154
00:08:30,434 --> 00:08:33,400
where your mommy
keeps her checkbook?
155
00:08:33,434 --> 00:08:37,567
Uh, all right,
look, David, David,
156
00:08:37,601 --> 00:08:39,167
I'll have to
get back to you.
157
00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:40,200
Okay.
158
00:08:40,234 --> 00:08:42,200
All right, bye-bye.
159
00:08:42,234 --> 00:08:43,634
Uh, Mr. De Palma,
160
00:08:43,667 --> 00:08:46,501
I have to speak to you
about something.
161
00:08:46,534 --> 00:08:48,767
I'm very busy here,
so make it quick.
162
00:08:48,801 --> 00:08:50,667
Certainly-- you're fired.
163
00:08:51,601 --> 00:08:54,067
I rushed you a little bit,
didn't I?
164
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:56,734
I'm sorry, I...
I made a mistake.
165
00:08:56,767 --> 00:09:00,267
You simply don't fit
into our organization.
166
00:09:00,300 --> 00:09:04,000
I'm... I'm... I'm making
more money than anybody here!
167
00:09:04,033 --> 00:09:06,634
We realize you're doing
high-volume business.
168
00:09:06,667 --> 00:09:08,667
That's not the problem.
169
00:09:08,701 --> 00:09:10,901
It's your... demeanor.
170
00:09:10,934 --> 00:09:13,968
Your taste in
clothing is loud.
171
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:17,133
Your taste in everything
is loud.
172
00:09:17,167 --> 00:09:18,634
You're loud!
173
00:09:19,934 --> 00:09:22,267
Secretaries have
been complaining.
174
00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:23,434
You eat too much
175
00:09:23,467 --> 00:09:25,534
in the corporate
dining room.
176
00:09:25,567 --> 00:09:29,567
You make noises when you eat.
177
00:09:29,601 --> 00:09:31,968
Everybody makes noises
when they eat.
178
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:35,868
Everybody makes eating noises
when they eat.
179
00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:43,767
Yours are not
eating noises.
180
00:09:43,801 --> 00:09:46,267
Yours are not...
181
00:09:46,300 --> 00:09:48,300
human noises.
182
00:09:49,534 --> 00:09:51,734
What are we talking about here?
183
00:09:51,767 --> 00:09:53,033
I mean ethics or something?
184
00:09:53,067 --> 00:09:55,467
Oh, no, I certainly
have no complaints
185
00:09:55,501 --> 00:09:56,667
about your ethics.
186
00:09:56,701 --> 00:09:58,100
You have no ethics.
187
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:02,400
The problem is...
188
00:10:02,434 --> 00:10:04,267
we can't stand you.
189
00:10:05,567 --> 00:10:07,200
Everyone's complaining.
190
00:10:07,234 --> 00:10:09,834
It's nothing personal,
you're just...
191
00:10:09,868 --> 00:10:11,133
disgusting!
192
00:10:30,667 --> 00:10:34,467
What you call disgusting,
I call selling!
193
00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:38,601
I'm better at this business
than any of you.
194
00:10:38,634 --> 00:10:41,267
I just don't look the part.
195
00:10:41,300 --> 00:10:44,601
I don't behave like
the rest of you.
196
00:10:44,634 --> 00:10:48,601
I didn't go to the right
college, or any college,
197
00:10:48,634 --> 00:10:51,968
but let me tell you something,
Mr. Gray.
198
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:56,067
I'm going to leave here
feeling good about myself
199
00:10:56,100 --> 00:10:58,834
because I know that I succeeded.
200
00:10:58,868 --> 00:11:01,267
You have to stay here
201
00:11:01,300 --> 00:11:06,100
knowing that some guy
off the street can outdo you.
202
00:11:06,133 --> 00:11:07,701
Hmm!
203
00:11:12,767 --> 00:11:14,067
I'm sorry.
204
00:11:16,367 --> 00:11:18,601
Uh, Mr. De Palma,
I like to think
205
00:11:18,634 --> 00:11:22,334
that even the most fleeting
and shallow relationships
206
00:11:22,367 --> 00:11:24,567
in this life somehow enrich us.
207
00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:28,033
I think if you take a good look
at this situation
208
00:11:28,067 --> 00:11:30,434
you'll find
you've profited by it.
209
00:11:35,801 --> 00:11:38,100
I couldn't agree more.
210
00:11:49,968 --> 00:11:52,300
So long, loser.
211
00:11:58,501 --> 00:12:00,300
TOMMY:
Louie, phone for you.
212
00:12:00,334 --> 00:12:02,133
That's probably
Wall Street
213
00:12:02,167 --> 00:12:03,834
begging me to come back.
214
00:12:03,868 --> 00:12:04,834
ALEX:
Go. Go.
215
00:12:04,868 --> 00:12:06,834
So, Bobby, I guess
it's your turn.
216
00:12:06,868 --> 00:12:07,901
What job did you get?
217
00:12:07,934 --> 00:12:11,434
Um, I got something
in the entertainment field.
218
00:12:11,467 --> 00:12:12,434
All right, Bob!
219
00:12:12,467 --> 00:12:13,968
ALEX:
That's interesting, Bob.
220
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,100
Well, sort of.
221
00:12:15,133 --> 00:12:16,501
What do you mean sort of?
222
00:12:16,534 --> 00:12:19,033
Well, I had a real hard time
finding anything,
223
00:12:19,067 --> 00:12:21,434
so I took a job
in a department store
224
00:12:21,467 --> 00:12:22,634
doing parties.
225
00:12:22,667 --> 00:12:25,300
People would
have parties
226
00:12:25,334 --> 00:12:26,667
for their children
227
00:12:26,701 --> 00:12:29,567
and they'd hire me
to come to the party
228
00:12:29,601 --> 00:12:31,167
and I'd play a part.
229
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:33,267
Oh, yeah?
What kind of part?
230
00:12:33,300 --> 00:12:35,200
Um... well,
nothing crazy.
231
00:12:35,234 --> 00:12:38,200
Something pretty
traditional, actually.
232
00:12:38,234 --> 00:12:39,501
( doorbell rings )
233
00:12:42,167 --> 00:12:44,267
BOBBY:
Is this the Beck residence?
234
00:12:44,300 --> 00:12:45,534
Yes, it is.
235
00:12:45,567 --> 00:12:47,067
Well, I'm here for
your party.
236
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,901
Oh, good-- come in, please.
237
00:12:51,167 --> 00:12:52,634
That's...
238
00:12:56,167 --> 00:12:57,534
that's a nice outfit.
239
00:12:57,567 --> 00:12:59,267
( giggles: )
Thanks a lot,
240
00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:00,801
but you got to understand,
241
00:13:00,834 --> 00:13:02,267
this is not what I do
for a living.
242
00:13:02,300 --> 00:13:03,701
You just do it for fun?
243
00:13:03,734 --> 00:13:05,968
No... not for fun.
244
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,367
I'll get
the kids.
245
00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:08,801
Hey, listen, um...
246
00:13:08,834 --> 00:13:12,167
excuse me, aren't you Cynthia
Beck, the film director?
247
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,300
That's right, I am.
248
00:13:14,334 --> 00:13:18,467
My name's Bobby Wheeler and...
and I just love your work.
249
00:13:18,501 --> 00:13:22,000
Well, I've always admired
your jelly beans.
250
00:13:22,033 --> 00:13:23,734
Hey, listen, actually,
I'm really an actor
251
00:13:23,767 --> 00:13:25,467
and I haven't
done very much,
252
00:13:25,501 --> 00:13:27,234
but I'm really,
really good.
253
00:13:27,267 --> 00:13:28,667
And I'd love to read
for you sometime,
254
00:13:28,701 --> 00:13:30,501
but you're really
hard to get in to see.
255
00:13:30,534 --> 00:13:32,801
Uh, the kids are
kind of restless.
256
00:13:32,834 --> 00:13:34,000
I'll send them
right in.
257
00:13:34,033 --> 00:13:35,000
Okay.
258
00:13:35,033 --> 00:13:36,501
Kids, come on,
the Easter bunny
259
00:13:36,534 --> 00:13:37,767
wants
to see you.
260
00:13:37,801 --> 00:13:38,868
( all cheer )
261
00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:41,534
( high voice: )
Hi, kids.
262
00:13:42,968 --> 00:13:45,133
Yeah! I'm the Easter bunny
263
00:13:45,167 --> 00:13:50,033
and I've come all the way
from the enchanted lettuce patch
264
00:13:50,067 --> 00:13:52,667
just to spend
Easter with you.
265
00:13:52,701 --> 00:13:54,667
Now, you want to sing a song?
266
00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:55,667
Hmm?
KIDS: Okay.
267
00:13:55,701 --> 00:13:56,934
Okay, now you join in.
268
00:13:56,968 --> 00:13:59,367
I think you'll know
this one, okay? All right. Okay.
269
00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:02,400
BOBBY ( kids join in ):
* Here comes Peter Cottontail
270
00:14:02,434 --> 00:14:05,200
* Hoppin' down the bunny trail
271
00:14:05,234 --> 00:14:07,167
* Hippity-hoppity, Easter...
272
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:12,000
Oh! And now, kids, in keeping
with the Easter season
273
00:14:12,033 --> 00:14:16,467
the Easter bunny has
a special surprise for you.
274
00:14:16,501 --> 00:14:18,534
He's going
to perform a scene
275
00:14:18,567 --> 00:14:22,033
from the Broadway play
Whose Life Is It Anyway?
276
00:14:24,334 --> 00:14:26,133
That's right, kids.
277
00:14:26,167 --> 00:14:30,033
The Easter bunny
is also a serious artist, too.
278
00:14:30,067 --> 00:14:32,100
Now, you have to pretend
279
00:14:32,133 --> 00:14:36,567
that the Easter bunny's
paralyzed from the neck down.
280
00:14:39,167 --> 00:14:40,133
And he's
talking
281
00:14:40,167 --> 00:14:41,133
to his
doctor, okay?
282
00:14:41,167 --> 00:14:42,901
You got that, right?
283
00:14:42,934 --> 00:14:44,534
Good.
284
00:14:44,567 --> 00:14:48,868
( dramatically ):
Can't you see that is why I've decided
285
00:14:48,901 --> 00:14:51,167
that life is not
worth living?
286
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,334
I'm not human!
287
00:14:54,601 --> 00:14:56,467
And I'm even more
convinced of that
288
00:14:56,501 --> 00:14:58,300
by your visit than I was before.
289
00:14:58,334 --> 00:14:59,901
Now, how does that grab you?
290
00:14:59,934 --> 00:15:02,100
The very
exercise
291
00:15:02,133 --> 00:15:04,400
of your so-called
"professionalism"
292
00:15:04,434 --> 00:15:05,934
makes me want to die.
293
00:15:09,467 --> 00:15:11,634
She was so impressed
by my performance
294
00:15:11,667 --> 00:15:13,234
that she offered
me a part.
295
00:15:13,267 --> 00:15:14,234
Really?
Yeah.
296
00:15:14,267 --> 00:15:15,367
What part?
297
00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:17,901
The clown at her
daughter's birthday party.
298
00:15:17,934 --> 00:15:20,167
All right, Bob!
299
00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:22,534
Well, um... that leaves, uh...
300
00:15:22,567 --> 00:15:25,334
the guy in the yellow sweater.
301
00:15:25,367 --> 00:15:27,267
( everyone laughs )
302
00:15:27,300 --> 00:15:28,567
TONY:
Yeah, Alex, tell us.
303
00:15:28,601 --> 00:15:29,801
What'd you do?
304
00:15:29,834 --> 00:15:31,033
What'd you do?
What'd you do? Come on.
305
00:15:31,067 --> 00:15:32,767
Well, I, uh...
I took a job
306
00:15:32,801 --> 00:15:35,567
as a night watchman
in an office building.
307
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:36,767
A night watchman?
308
00:15:36,801 --> 00:15:38,601
ALEX:
I thought I would, you know,
309
00:15:38,634 --> 00:15:40,167
have a lot of
time to myself--
310
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:41,968
you know, catch up
on a lot of reading
311
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,767
I always wanted
to get done.
312
00:15:43,801 --> 00:15:45,767
Well, the first
couple of weeks
313
00:15:45,801 --> 00:15:47,267
it was kind of boring.
314
00:15:47,300 --> 00:15:48,467
But after that
315
00:15:48,501 --> 00:15:50,467
I started to go
a little nuts.
316
00:15:56,334 --> 00:15:59,167
12,389...
317
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:01,667
12,390...
318
00:16:01,701 --> 00:16:05,000
12,391.
319
00:16:06,334 --> 00:16:10,267
12,391 hairs on my head.
320
00:16:14,100 --> 00:16:17,434
Oh, what the hell,
let's make it an even number.
321
00:16:19,033 --> 00:16:21,567
12,390.
322
00:16:24,534 --> 00:16:27,467
Oh, what else is left
on the agenda?
323
00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:31,234
And I had dinner...
324
00:16:31,267 --> 00:16:33,934
Oh, next is my rounds, make
sure the building is secure.
325
00:16:33,968 --> 00:16:36,767
My rounds, my rounds.
326
00:16:36,801 --> 00:16:39,934
Corridor A, Corridor B,
Corridor C, Corridor D.
327
00:16:39,968 --> 00:16:41,234
Wow.
328
00:16:45,901 --> 00:16:48,133
Work, work, work, work, work.
329
00:16:50,834 --> 00:16:52,934
Keep in shape.
330
00:16:52,968 --> 00:16:57,133
( makes karate chop noises )
331
00:17:00,133 --> 00:17:05,133
( grunting )
332
00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:24,868
( barks )
333
00:18:00,467 --> 00:18:02,734
This is how I look when I talk.
334
00:18:08,434 --> 00:18:10,067
This is how I look
335
00:18:10,100 --> 00:18:13,400
when I say, "This is how I look
when I talk."
336
00:18:13,434 --> 00:18:15,767
This is how I look when I smile.
337
00:18:17,634 --> 00:18:20,968
This is how I look
with my flashlight in my mouth.
338
00:18:24,100 --> 00:18:27,667
This is how I look when I'm
the star of my own TV show:
339
00:18:27,701 --> 00:18:29,968
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen!
340
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:33,534
Welcome to The Alex Rieger Show,
starring Alex Rieger.
341
00:18:33,567 --> 00:18:35,834
Now let's get
to our first guest.
342
00:18:35,868 --> 00:18:38,467
Our first guest this evening,
ladies and gentlemen,
343
00:18:38,501 --> 00:18:40,901
is the greatest juggler
in the world.
344
00:18:40,934 --> 00:18:43,968
And let's see if I get his name
straight here:
345
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:45,067
Alex Rieger!
346
00:18:53,567 --> 00:18:55,367
( grunts )
347
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:58,033
I am now going
to attempt juggling...
348
00:18:58,067 --> 00:18:59,300
backwards.
349
00:19:01,767 --> 00:19:03,968
With one leg.
350
00:19:06,434 --> 00:19:09,534
Now, for my greatest trick,
ladies and gentlemen,
351
00:19:09,567 --> 00:19:11,501
I must have complete silence.
352
00:19:11,534 --> 00:19:14,601
I am going to juggle
and eat at the same time.
353
00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:30,300
This is station Y.A.W.N.
signing off
354
00:19:30,334 --> 00:19:33,000
after an evening of telecasting.
355
00:19:35,901 --> 00:19:45,934
( humming
"The Star-Spangled Banner" )
356
00:19:57,634 --> 00:20:00,434
( imitating airplane )
357
00:20:00,467 --> 00:20:03,100
( keeps humming )
358
00:20:03,133 --> 00:20:08,534
( mimics airplane swooping )
359
00:20:11,834 --> 00:20:14,300
( yawns )
360
00:20:16,601 --> 00:20:18,267
Oh...
361
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:19,634
Hi, Henry.
362
00:20:19,667 --> 00:20:21,033
You okay?
363
00:20:21,067 --> 00:20:23,501
Oh, sure, sure,
I'm fine, Henry.
364
00:20:23,534 --> 00:20:26,267
Well, I'll just be
going along now.
365
00:20:27,534 --> 00:20:29,634
Yeah, just take it easy, Rieger.
366
00:20:29,667 --> 00:20:31,868
It's just the first
couple of weeks
367
00:20:31,901 --> 00:20:34,100
on this job that
are kind of tough, you know?
368
00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:37,167
But once you've been at
it 20 years like I have,
369
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:39,734
boy, you're going
to learn to handle it.
370
00:20:39,767 --> 00:20:41,400
Thanks for
the tip, Henry.
371
00:20:41,434 --> 00:20:42,801
Take it easy.
372
00:20:42,834 --> 00:20:44,234
Yeah, good night.
373
00:20:45,267 --> 00:20:47,968
( Alex humming )
374
00:20:52,968 --> 00:20:54,534
Gee.
375
00:20:54,567 --> 00:20:56,868
Boy... gee.
376
00:21:13,167 --> 00:21:14,501
It's time now...
377
00:21:14,534 --> 00:21:17,100
for The Harry and Muffy Show!
378
00:21:17,133 --> 00:21:18,300
Yeah!
379
00:21:23,868 --> 00:21:26,300
Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
380
00:21:26,334 --> 00:21:29,634
Well, who are
our guests tonight, Muffy?
381
00:21:30,667 --> 00:21:31,834
( giggling )
382
00:21:31,868 --> 00:21:33,167
( gasps )
383
00:21:36,234 --> 00:21:38,033
( high voice: )
Harry...
384
00:21:38,067 --> 00:21:40,434
you are a sick man.
385
00:21:46,901 --> 00:21:49,200
Listen up, dregs of society.
386
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,868
The Sunshine Cab Company
387
00:21:54,901 --> 00:21:57,067
was just purchased
by a new owner.
388
00:21:57,100 --> 00:21:58,601
All right?
389
00:21:58,634 --> 00:22:01,200
We're back in business,
boys and girls.
390
00:22:01,234 --> 00:22:04,968
If you want your jobs back,
you better follow me.
391
00:22:11,968 --> 00:22:13,267
( sniffs )
392
00:22:13,300 --> 00:22:16,667
So okay, so cab driving
is a stinky, lousy job
393
00:22:16,701 --> 00:22:18,601
that, uh...
has no comforts
394
00:22:18,634 --> 00:22:20,601
and no dignity
and no future,
395
00:22:20,634 --> 00:22:22,400
but on the other hand...
396
00:22:22,434 --> 00:22:24,400
would anyone
like to help me
397
00:22:24,434 --> 00:22:25,901
with the other hand?
398
00:22:25,934 --> 00:22:26,968
On the other hand
399
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:28,701
we stink at
everything else?
400
00:22:28,734 --> 00:22:30,534
Come on!
401
00:22:30,567 --> 00:22:31,534
All right!
402
00:22:31,567 --> 00:22:32,567
I guess...
403
00:22:32,601 --> 00:22:33,801
Let's go, Latka.
404
00:22:33,834 --> 00:22:35,534
TONY:
Hey, Tom, on my tab.
405
00:22:35,567 --> 00:22:36,834
TOM:
You got it, Tone.
406
00:22:36,868 --> 00:22:38,133
( Tony hoots )
407
00:22:44,267 --> 00:22:46,334
Take this job and shove it.
408
00:22:55,934 --> 00:22:57,701
You know something?
I can't believe it,
409
00:22:57,734 --> 00:23:00,267
but it's actually
good to be back.
410
00:23:00,300 --> 00:23:02,167
Yeah, I have
to admit it.
411
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:03,667
It is.
412
00:23:03,701 --> 00:23:06,634
Who ever thought we'd
miss this crummy place?
413
00:23:06,667 --> 00:23:08,267
Yeah, I know what you mean.
414
00:23:08,300 --> 00:23:09,934
Oh, my God.
415
00:23:09,968 --> 00:23:12,434
It actually
feels like home.
416
00:23:12,467 --> 00:23:15,000
Yeah, it sure does.
417
00:23:15,033 --> 00:23:18,300
Well, let's get to work.
418
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:20,968
Yeah.
419
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:22,367
Hey...
420
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:24,467
what is it we do?
421
00:23:24,501 --> 00:23:26,334
We're cab drivers, Jim.
422
00:23:26,367 --> 00:23:28,367
Ah, come on.
423
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:30,167
No, really.
424
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:31,601
Wow!
425
00:23:32,901 --> 00:23:34,467
Ignatowski...
426
00:23:34,501 --> 00:23:36,300
111.
427
00:23:36,334 --> 00:23:37,601
Banta...
428
00:23:37,634 --> 00:23:40,634
412.
429
00:23:40,667 --> 00:23:42,467
Wheeler, 603.
430
00:23:42,501 --> 00:23:44,467
BOBBY:
Old 603.
431
00:23:44,501 --> 00:23:46,601
LOUIE:
Nardo...
432
00:23:46,634 --> 00:23:48,033
218.
433
00:23:49,100 --> 00:23:50,667
Rieger...
434
00:23:50,701 --> 00:23:52,234
134.
435
00:23:59,300 --> 00:24:02,133
( theme music playing )
436
00:24:26,300 --> 00:24:27,868
WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.
437
00:24:27,901 --> 00:24:29,234
( grunts )
438
00:24:29,284 --> 00:24:33,834
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