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1
00:01:38,968 --> 00:01:41,434
May I have your attention,
please?
2
00:01:41,467 --> 00:01:43,267
God knows, I hate to interrupt
3
00:01:43,300 --> 00:01:47,300
the important conversations
I know you're all having,
4
00:01:47,334 --> 00:01:51,567
but someone special
is retiring today
5
00:01:51,601 --> 00:01:55,467
after 41 years
with Sunshine Cabs.
6
00:01:55,501 --> 00:01:58,734
These are the last receipts
7
00:01:58,767 --> 00:02:05,033
that will ever be turned in
by our old friend Maxie...
8
00:02:07,334 --> 00:02:09,334
What is that, "Mulch"?
9
00:02:09,367 --> 00:02:11,334
Mulcher?
10
00:02:11,367 --> 00:02:12,601
Melcher.
11
00:02:12,634 --> 00:02:13,601
Terrible handwriting.
12
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:16,367
Nerves go first, huh, Maxie?
13
00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:22,968
Anyway, it's customary,
when a person retires
14
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,667
to present them
with a little gift
15
00:02:25,701 --> 00:02:28,667
to help them keep track
of the time.
16
00:02:28,701 --> 00:02:30,667
So here you are, Maxie,
17
00:02:30,701 --> 00:02:37,133
a lovely calendar depicting
12 different scenes
18
00:02:37,167 --> 00:02:39,901
of American highways.
19
00:02:39,934 --> 00:02:41,701
Use it in good health.
20
00:02:50,567 --> 00:02:51,968
Thank you.
21
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:54,434
You know, a lot of you...
22
00:02:54,467 --> 00:02:58,868
Rodriguez, 993.
23
00:02:58,901 --> 00:03:00,467
Murphy...
24
00:03:00,501 --> 00:03:01,567
Louie...
25
00:03:01,601 --> 00:03:03,601
Beat it, Max.
26
00:03:05,634 --> 00:03:07,601
Look, uh, Jeff,
27
00:03:07,634 --> 00:03:11,634
if anybody wants me,
I'll be in the library.
28
00:03:22,701 --> 00:03:24,801
Just act natural
29
00:03:24,834 --> 00:03:26,267
and don't make a fuss
over this.
30
00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:28,534
Over a briefcase?
31
00:03:28,567 --> 00:03:30,767
This isn't any
briefcase, Elaine.
32
00:03:30,801 --> 00:03:32,267
I was cruising
the Broadway District,
33
00:03:32,300 --> 00:03:33,801
like I do on Thursdays,
34
00:03:33,834 --> 00:03:35,000
you know, hoping
to make a contact.
35
00:03:35,033 --> 00:03:36,133
The guy I picked up
36
00:03:36,167 --> 00:03:38,501
left this in the back
of the cab, right?
37
00:03:38,534 --> 00:03:40,701
And I was thinking that maybe
there's a chance this guy
38
00:03:40,734 --> 00:03:42,601
might be important
in the theater, you know?
39
00:03:42,634 --> 00:03:44,400
Oh, and he's going to
owe you a favor
40
00:03:44,434 --> 00:03:45,701
for returning this, right?
41
00:03:45,734 --> 00:03:47,434
Hey, Elaine, you know,
42
00:03:47,467 --> 00:03:49,033
there are a lot of ways
to make it in the theater,
43
00:03:49,067 --> 00:03:50,400
and if being nice
is one of them,
44
00:03:50,434 --> 00:03:51,701
I'm willing to give it a shot.
45
00:03:51,734 --> 00:03:52,968
Beautiful thought, Bob.
46
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,100
Beautifully put.
Thanks.
47
00:03:54,133 --> 00:03:55,334
Hey, what's up?
48
00:03:55,367 --> 00:03:57,234
Shh. I don't want Louie
to know about this.
49
00:03:57,267 --> 00:03:58,934
I found it in
the back of my cab.
50
00:03:58,968 --> 00:04:01,868
You have that, too, huh?
51
00:04:01,901 --> 00:04:06,234
I'm always finding stuff
people leave behind--
52
00:04:06,267 --> 00:04:11,901
old magazines, gloves, meat...
53
00:04:11,934 --> 00:04:13,467
Meat?
54
00:04:13,501 --> 00:04:16,300
Not good meat-- chewy.
55
00:04:16,334 --> 00:04:17,667
Oh.
56
00:04:17,701 --> 00:04:21,467
Jim, sit down.
57
00:04:21,501 --> 00:04:23,634
Anyway, if I'm going
to return this
58
00:04:23,667 --> 00:04:24,834
I got to get it unlocked
59
00:04:24,868 --> 00:04:26,367
to find out
who it belongs to,
60
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,567
but I've been trying,
and I can't do it.
61
00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:29,701
I thought the rule was,
62
00:04:29,734 --> 00:04:31,534
anything you find in a cab,
you got to turn in to Louie.
63
00:04:31,567 --> 00:04:33,634
Anything that goes
into Louie's cage
64
00:04:33,667 --> 00:04:35,234
vanishes from
the face of the earth.
65
00:04:35,267 --> 00:04:38,567
Yes, with the definite exception
of Louie himself.
66
00:04:38,601 --> 00:04:41,167
Hey, you know what? There are
initials on this-- N.Z.
67
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:42,968
Norman Zelnick!
68
00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:45,334
My God.
69
00:04:45,367 --> 00:04:46,834
Who's Norman Zelnick?
70
00:04:46,868 --> 00:04:49,267
I was hoping
one of you would know.
71
00:04:49,300 --> 00:04:51,601
Geeze.
72
00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:59,701
All right, so I guess we're just
gonna have to bust it open, huh?
73
00:04:59,734 --> 00:05:02,067
No, no, no, Tony.
I don't want to ruin the case.
74
00:05:02,100 --> 00:05:03,968
Ooh... Latka's a mechanic.
75
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:05,167
He's got to have something
that can open this.
76
00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:06,534
Yeah, that's right.
77
00:05:06,567 --> 00:05:07,534
Latka, come here.
78
00:05:07,567 --> 00:05:08,534
What?
79
00:05:08,567 --> 00:05:09,734
Take a look at this case.
80
00:05:09,767 --> 00:05:11,334
You think you can open it?
81
00:05:11,367 --> 00:05:12,501
Oh, sure, I can.
82
00:05:12,534 --> 00:05:14,400
I have just the right tool.
83
00:05:15,534 --> 00:05:17,901
Give him a chance,
give him a chance.
84
00:05:17,934 --> 00:05:19,400
( yelling )
85
00:05:19,434 --> 00:05:21,567
Latka!
86
00:05:21,601 --> 00:05:23,567
What the hell is this, Iwo Jima?
87
00:05:25,100 --> 00:05:26,400
What's going on here?
88
00:05:26,434 --> 00:05:29,267
Louie, Louie, I found
this briefcase
89
00:05:29,300 --> 00:05:30,367
in the back of my cab
90
00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:32,534
and you're not getting it.
91
00:05:32,567 --> 00:05:35,267
Well, why don't you open it
and find out whose it is?
92
00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:37,667
Oh, you think
it's that easy, huh?
93
00:05:37,701 --> 00:05:41,133
Well, I've been trying,
I been trying and I can't do it.
94
00:05:41,167 --> 00:05:42,234
I'll open it for you.
95
00:05:42,267 --> 00:05:45,968
Yeah, what makes you
think you can open it?
96
00:06:23,367 --> 00:06:26,033
Ten bucks, Wheeler.
97
00:06:27,367 --> 00:06:29,400
All right, ten bucks.
98
00:06:29,434 --> 00:06:31,501
Easy to come by.
99
00:06:31,534 --> 00:06:32,534
Do your worst.
100
00:06:32,567 --> 00:06:34,200
Pleasure doing business
with you.
101
00:06:34,234 --> 00:06:35,834
All right.
Come on, come on.
102
00:06:46,067 --> 00:06:48,567
Okay, okay...
103
00:06:48,601 --> 00:06:49,868
you ain't getting anything
that's in there, Louie.
104
00:06:49,901 --> 00:06:50,901
What? What?
105
00:06:50,934 --> 00:06:52,133
What? What?
Come on, now,
106
00:06:52,167 --> 00:06:53,300
you got your money.
Now, get out of here.
107
00:06:53,334 --> 00:06:55,000
Go! Shoo! Shoo!
Scram, mush, mush!
108
00:06:55,033 --> 00:06:58,367
All right! Okay!
Calm down! Calm down!
109
00:06:58,400 --> 00:06:59,567
( scoffs )
110
00:06:59,601 --> 00:07:02,868
( unintelligible muttering )
111
00:07:02,901 --> 00:07:04,400
I can't.
112
00:07:04,434 --> 00:07:05,567
You can't what?
113
00:07:05,601 --> 00:07:07,234
I got... I got to have
something out of
114
00:07:07,267 --> 00:07:08,567
that briefcase.
BOBBY: Louie...
115
00:07:08,601 --> 00:07:09,567
I got... I got
to, please!
116
00:07:09,601 --> 00:07:10,801
Louie, you get
out of here, Louie...
117
00:07:10,834 --> 00:07:12,334
No, I mean it, Wheeler,
I mean it.
118
00:07:12,367 --> 00:07:13,334
Get out of here.
119
00:07:13,367 --> 00:07:15,334
Uh, Bob,
I think he's serious.
120
00:07:15,367 --> 00:07:17,601
He needs this.
He's not like us.
121
00:07:20,968 --> 00:07:22,400
Just anything, Wheeler,
anything.
122
00:07:22,434 --> 00:07:23,734
Anything.
123
00:07:23,767 --> 00:07:25,267
All right, all right, all right,
all right, all right.
124
00:07:25,300 --> 00:07:27,901
( indistinct whispers )
125
00:07:27,934 --> 00:07:29,300
Huh? Huh? Huh?
126
00:07:29,334 --> 00:07:30,334
Okay.
Huh?
127
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,667
( gasps )
128
00:07:35,701 --> 00:07:37,100
Oh!
129
00:07:37,133 --> 00:07:38,434
A pen!
130
00:07:38,467 --> 00:07:39,601
Good.
131
00:07:39,634 --> 00:07:41,434
Good. Hey, Iggy!
132
00:07:41,467 --> 00:07:42,601
Look, I got a pen.
133
00:07:42,634 --> 00:07:44,100
Eh...
Yeah.
134
00:07:44,133 --> 00:07:45,901
Good, good.
135
00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:49,200
( cackling )
136
00:07:49,234 --> 00:07:50,834
I've never seen
a human being
137
00:07:50,868 --> 00:07:52,033
experience such joy.
138
00:07:52,067 --> 00:07:54,300
A human being couldn't.
139
00:07:56,534 --> 00:07:58,234
TONY:
Looks like the guy who owns this
140
00:07:58,267 --> 00:07:59,234
is a pretty rich dude.
141
00:07:59,267 --> 00:08:00,767
Hey... ( chuckles )
142
00:08:00,801 --> 00:08:02,200
I may have
hit the jackpot.
143
00:08:02,234 --> 00:08:03,868
I don't know
who this guy is. Let's see.
144
00:08:03,901 --> 00:08:05,734
But he's got a picture
of Stephen Sondheim.
145
00:08:05,767 --> 00:08:06,934
Oh, let me see.
146
00:08:06,968 --> 00:08:08,067
That's Stephen Sondheim?
147
00:08:08,100 --> 00:08:09,200
Yeah, the guy
on the left.
148
00:08:09,234 --> 00:08:10,567
I don't recognize
the other guy.
149
00:08:10,601 --> 00:08:12,067
Maybe that's Norman Zelnick.
150
00:08:12,100 --> 00:08:13,667
Hmm.
151
00:08:16,701 --> 00:08:20,334
There isn't any
Norman Zelnick.
152
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:22,701
Wait, Bobby.
153
00:08:22,734 --> 00:08:25,534
I've heard that name before.
154
00:08:27,234 --> 00:08:28,701
Oh, my gosh!
Look at this!
155
00:08:28,734 --> 00:08:30,701
It's a picture
of Paul Newman!
156
00:08:30,734 --> 00:08:33,534
Hey, yeah, and the guy
up here is the same guy
157
00:08:33,567 --> 00:08:35,367
as the picture down here.
158
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:36,868
Whose briefcase
this must be.
159
00:08:36,901 --> 00:08:38,234
This is fun.
160
00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:40,734
Hey, hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
161
00:08:40,767 --> 00:08:42,100
What are we doing here?
162
00:08:42,133 --> 00:08:43,868
Are we trying to find out
the name of the guy
163
00:08:43,901 --> 00:08:45,567
who owns this,
so we can give it back to him
164
00:08:45,601 --> 00:08:47,367
or are we just
snooping through his briefcase?
165
00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:49,267
We're just snooping
through his briefcase.
166
00:08:49,300 --> 00:08:50,467
And loving every minute of it.
167
00:08:50,501 --> 00:08:53,667
Whoa, look what I got here--
his appointment book.
168
00:08:53,701 --> 00:08:54,901
All right!
Ooh!
169
00:08:56,067 --> 00:08:57,400
BOBBY:
Oh, wow, look at that.
170
00:08:57,434 --> 00:08:59,701
"Tuesday, lunch,
L. Strasberg."
171
00:08:59,734 --> 00:09:01,467
That's Lee Strasberg.
172
00:09:01,501 --> 00:09:03,300
"Wednesday,
lunch, Liza."
173
00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:05,033
Minnelli.
Doesn't say.
174
00:09:05,067 --> 00:09:06,400
Got to be.
175
00:09:06,434 --> 00:09:08,868
Wow, he's having lunch
with somebody famous
176
00:09:08,901 --> 00:09:10,634
every day this week.
177
00:09:10,667 --> 00:09:13,367
( chuckling ):
Oh, look at this.
178
00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:15,901
He knows Cary Grant--
an autographed picture.
179
00:09:15,934 --> 00:09:17,567
Oh, wow.
180
00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:20,734
Who do you figure
this guy is?
181
00:09:20,767 --> 00:09:21,734
I don't know.
182
00:09:21,767 --> 00:09:23,567
Maybe he's an agent,
maybe a producer.
183
00:09:23,601 --> 00:09:25,734
Or maybe a real estate
salesman.
184
00:09:25,767 --> 00:09:27,801
"Neal Zacherman."
BOBBY: Uh-huh.
185
00:09:27,834 --> 00:09:29,400
"Zacherman Real Estate."
186
00:09:29,434 --> 00:09:30,934
He sells real estate.
Well...
187
00:09:30,968 --> 00:09:33,033
What's he doing with all these
pictures of celebrities?
188
00:09:33,067 --> 00:09:36,234
I don't know. He must, uh,
specialize in famous people.
189
00:09:36,267 --> 00:09:37,767
Sorry, Bobby.
( scoffs )
190
00:09:37,801 --> 00:09:39,968
Well, what's he doing the
rest of the week, Elaine?
191
00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:41,934
I don't know.
I'm starting to feel real funny
192
00:09:41,968 --> 00:09:43,400
about looking
through this. Ah...
193
00:09:43,434 --> 00:09:45,267
I mean, it is private
property, you know?
194
00:09:45,300 --> 00:09:47,100
Aah...
So one more.
195
00:09:47,133 --> 00:09:49,300
Okay. All right.
196
00:09:49,334 --> 00:09:50,767
"Woody's costume party,
Saturday night."
197
00:09:50,801 --> 00:09:51,767
That's it.
198
00:09:51,801 --> 00:09:52,868
That's it.
199
00:09:52,901 --> 00:09:55,067
That's one of Woody Allen's
famous parties.
200
00:09:55,100 --> 00:09:58,400
He throws them once a year.
It's a tradition...
201
00:09:58,434 --> 00:10:00,901
All the biggest celebrities
in the world show up there.
202
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:03,000
Yeah, biggies,
like Neal Zacherman, hmm?
203
00:10:03,033 --> 00:10:04,534
No, no, Alex.
Nah...
204
00:10:04,567 --> 00:10:06,267
Really big stars, too.
205
00:10:06,300 --> 00:10:07,767
I didn't read
about it in the paper.
206
00:10:07,801 --> 00:10:09,968
Well, it's not in the papers.
It's a secret.
207
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:11,701
He wants to keep out
the crashers.
208
00:10:11,734 --> 00:10:13,901
Oh! You know,
except for the people
209
00:10:13,934 --> 00:10:15,701
who are invited to
this party, I mean,
210
00:10:15,734 --> 00:10:18,133
we may be the
only ones who know about it.
211
00:10:18,167 --> 00:10:19,701
That's very likely.
212
00:10:19,734 --> 00:10:21,200
Yeah.
213
00:10:26,901 --> 00:10:28,467
Scarlett O'Hara.
214
00:10:28,501 --> 00:10:29,501
I'll be Cyrano.
215
00:10:29,534 --> 00:10:30,834
Yeah!
Let's do it.
216
00:10:30,868 --> 00:10:32,767
Hey, hey, hey, come on.
217
00:10:32,801 --> 00:10:34,167
Alex, this is perfect.
218
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:35,267
What's perfect?
219
00:10:35,300 --> 00:10:36,334
It's a costume party.
220
00:10:36,367 --> 00:10:37,767
Nobody's going to know
who anyone is.
221
00:10:37,801 --> 00:10:38,934
It'll be great.
Yes! Yes!
222
00:10:38,968 --> 00:10:41,167
If you get caught,
you're gonna look foolish.
223
00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:42,634
It's worth the risk.
224
00:10:42,667 --> 00:10:43,868
( groans )
225
00:10:43,901 --> 00:10:45,734
Aw, hey, come on, Alex?
TONY: Come on, Alex.
226
00:10:45,767 --> 00:10:46,801
ELAINE:
Yeah! Huh?
227
00:10:46,834 --> 00:10:48,167
This could really
help my career.
228
00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:49,968
I mean, this place is going
to be contact city.
229
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:50,968
Yeah!
Listen, if it's
230
00:10:51,033 --> 00:10:52,234
so important
to you, go ahead.
231
00:10:52,267 --> 00:10:53,400
What do you
need me for?
232
00:10:53,434 --> 00:10:55,234
Well, if you go, that
means it's not so nuts.
233
00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:59,601
So, the only way you're not
gonna look as crazy as you are
234
00:10:59,634 --> 00:11:01,000
is if I look
as crazy as you are?
235
00:11:01,033 --> 00:11:02,567
I think so.
236
00:11:02,601 --> 00:11:04,834
Well, as persuasive
as that argument is,
237
00:11:04,868 --> 00:11:05,934
I don't want to go.
238
00:11:05,968 --> 00:11:07,000
BOBBY:
Oh, come on!
239
00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:08,300
I mean, what am I
going to wear?
240
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:09,634
I'll fix you a costume.
Yeah! Oh, come on.
241
00:11:09,667 --> 00:11:11,100
TONY:
Hey, Elaine, would you fix one for me, too?
242
00:11:11,133 --> 00:11:11,868
Sure.
243
00:11:11,901 --> 00:11:12,601
And me?
244
00:11:12,634 --> 00:11:13,601
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
245
00:11:13,634 --> 00:11:14,701
I'll fix you all three up.
246
00:11:14,734 --> 00:11:15,767
Come on, Alex,
what do you say?
247
00:11:15,801 --> 00:11:16,767
Come on, Alex.
Would you go?
248
00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:17,801
It's ridiculous.
249
00:11:17,834 --> 00:11:19,167
Oh! You're a drip.
250
00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:21,000
Oh, you mean, if I go
to this one party
251
00:11:21,033 --> 00:11:22,534
it's gonna save me
from Dripdom?
252
00:11:22,567 --> 00:11:24,167
That's right.
253
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:25,367
Yeah.
What do you say?
254
00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:26,834
BOBBY:
Come on. What do I say?
255
00:11:26,868 --> 00:11:28,200
Come on!
( indistinct voices )
256
00:11:28,234 --> 00:11:30,934
I'll tell you what I say.
257
00:11:30,968 --> 00:11:32,901
I say, let's go to Woody's.
258
00:11:32,934 --> 00:11:35,000
( all cheering )
259
00:11:35,033 --> 00:11:36,200
ALEX:
Let's go to Woody's!
260
00:11:36,234 --> 00:11:37,534
OTHERS:
Let's go to Woody's!
261
00:11:37,567 --> 00:11:38,767
ALEX:
Let's go to Woody's!
262
00:11:38,801 --> 00:11:39,968
ALL:
Let's go to Woody's!
263
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,434
Come on!
Let's go to Woody's!
264
00:11:42,467 --> 00:11:43,767
Let's go to Woody's!
265
00:11:43,801 --> 00:11:45,701
Let's go to Woody's!
266
00:11:45,734 --> 00:11:47,701
Let's go to Woody's!
267
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:55,501
What's the matter?
268
00:11:55,534 --> 00:11:57,400
Louie... in the
name of God,
269
00:11:57,434 --> 00:12:00,567
you're not thinking of going
to this thing, are you?
270
00:12:00,601 --> 00:12:02,601
You're gonna ruin it
for all of us, Louie.
271
00:12:02,634 --> 00:12:04,667
Of course, I'm going
to this thing!
272
00:12:04,701 --> 00:12:06,200
I'm going to meet
a few celebrities.
273
00:12:06,234 --> 00:12:07,267
ALEX:
Ah, no, you're not.
274
00:12:07,300 --> 00:12:09,267
I'll get some free food...
275
00:12:09,300 --> 00:12:12,200
take home a couple of autographs
with my new pen.
276
00:12:12,234 --> 00:12:13,367
Aw, thanks, Louie.
Thanks.
277
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,534
Bye.
278
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,200
LOUIE:
Sounds like my kind of evening.
279
00:12:16,234 --> 00:12:19,868
Hey, wait a minute.
What are we worried about?
280
00:12:19,901 --> 00:12:22,534
Louie doesn't know
where the party is.
281
00:12:22,567 --> 00:12:25,367
The location is right
here in the book, right?
282
00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:27,501
Oh...
Which is now in the briefcase
283
00:12:27,534 --> 00:12:29,667
back on its way
to its owner, so...
284
00:12:29,701 --> 00:12:32,701
if nobody tells Louie
where the party is,
285
00:12:32,734 --> 00:12:35,467
that means Louie
can't go to the party.
286
00:12:35,501 --> 00:12:36,934
TONY ( chuckling ):
That's right.
287
00:12:36,968 --> 00:12:38,534
( laughs )
Too bad, Lou.
288
00:12:38,567 --> 00:12:41,133
Yeah. We'll tell you
all about it afterwards.
289
00:12:41,167 --> 00:12:42,234
ALEX:
Right. Bye-bye, Lou.
290
00:12:42,267 --> 00:12:44,033
BOBBY:
I'll give your regards
291
00:12:44,067 --> 00:12:45,634
Bye-bye, Louie.
292
00:12:45,667 --> 00:12:47,067
ALL:
We're going to Woody's.
293
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,801
We're going to Woody's...
294
00:12:54,234 --> 00:12:57,467
( Dixieland music playing )
295
00:13:12,267 --> 00:13:14,868
I don't believe it.
We just walked straight in.
296
00:13:14,901 --> 00:13:15,868
( sighs )
297
00:13:15,901 --> 00:13:17,767
I'm so nervous,
I can't breathe.
298
00:13:17,801 --> 00:13:19,667
Okay, now just relax.
The worst is over.
299
00:13:19,701 --> 00:13:21,968
We're in.
( laughs )
300
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:23,901
Isn't this incredible?
What a great place
301
00:13:23,934 --> 00:13:25,167
to have a party,
on a boat.
302
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:27,067
I know! Only Woody Allen
would think of this.
303
00:13:27,100 --> 00:13:29,067
Hey, you don't mind,
I'm just going to go
304
00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:30,367
and mingle a little bit,
you know?
305
00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:31,367
Oh, no, no, no.
Me, too.
306
00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:32,934
Kind of feel out
the territory, you know.
307
00:13:32,968 --> 00:13:34,400
( laughs ) Just
act unimpressed.
308
00:13:34,434 --> 00:13:35,901
That's impossible.
309
00:13:59,534 --> 00:14:01,801
Hey. It's the Andrews Sisters.
310
00:14:01,834 --> 00:14:03,267
( chuckling ):
Hey.
311
00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:04,834
You guys look great.
312
00:14:04,868 --> 00:14:06,868
How'd you know
it was us?
313
00:14:06,901 --> 00:14:09,367
Just a wild guess.
314
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:11,834
You know, when-when
Elaine told us
315
00:14:11,868 --> 00:14:13,334
about these costumes
316
00:14:13,367 --> 00:14:16,767
uh, Alex, he thought it
was going to look stupid.
317
00:14:16,801 --> 00:14:18,934
( scoffs )
Well, I'm not too big a man
318
00:14:18,968 --> 00:14:20,467
to admit that I was right.
319
00:14:20,501 --> 00:14:22,300
Look at this party.
Ain't it worth it? Huh?
320
00:14:22,334 --> 00:14:23,467
It is fabulous.
321
00:14:23,501 --> 00:14:25,501
And wait till you
taste the food. It's great!
322
00:14:25,534 --> 00:14:27,834
And they got one of the best
bands playing in there
323
00:14:27,868 --> 00:14:29,000
I've ever heard.
324
00:14:29,033 --> 00:14:30,734
Well, I have to admit,
it's a long way
325
00:14:30,767 --> 00:14:31,968
from beer and pretzels...
326
00:14:38,267 --> 00:14:42,200
( indistinct voices )
327
00:14:42,234 --> 00:14:44,467
Oh, my God!
328
00:14:44,501 --> 00:14:46,734
They hit Pearl Harbor again?
329
00:14:51,067 --> 00:14:52,767
Wait a minute.
330
00:14:52,801 --> 00:14:55,267
I know who you are.
331
00:14:55,300 --> 00:14:56,667
Latka...
332
00:14:56,701 --> 00:14:59,133
Uh, Tony...
333
00:14:59,167 --> 00:15:01,334
and Barbra Streisand.
334
00:15:06,801 --> 00:15:08,367
No, Jim, this is a
costume party, remember?
335
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:09,701
You were supposed
to wear an outfit.
336
00:15:09,734 --> 00:15:11,634
Oh, yeah, yeah.
337
00:15:11,667 --> 00:15:13,901
( clearing throat )
338
00:15:18,934 --> 00:15:22,167
I look wigged out, huh?
339
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:23,801
So come on, tell me.
Who's famous here?
340
00:15:23,834 --> 00:15:25,133
Oh, everybody, man.
341
00:15:25,167 --> 00:15:27,701
Before you guys came in,
I heard some people talking.
342
00:15:27,734 --> 00:15:30,167
And they had to be Diane Keaton
and Truman Capote.
343
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:31,234
Nah...
344
00:15:31,267 --> 00:15:33,267
Man, this is just too good
to stand here.
345
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:34,734
I got to mingle.
346
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,100
Me, too.
347
00:15:36,133 --> 00:15:38,000
Point me
to the starlets.
348
00:15:38,033 --> 00:15:39,100
Uh, shall we, Laverne?
349
00:15:39,133 --> 00:15:40,133
Okay, Maxine.
350
00:15:40,167 --> 00:15:41,167
Hey.
351
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:42,167
Hey, uh, Patty?
352
00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:43,601
Come on, I'll get you a drink.
353
00:15:48,534 --> 00:15:49,534
( stifled yell )
354
00:15:50,934 --> 00:15:53,467
I couldn't help myself.
355
00:15:57,033 --> 00:15:58,601
What are those?
356
00:15:58,634 --> 00:16:00,234
Oh, they're Dramamine.
357
00:16:00,267 --> 00:16:02,734
See, I get a little
seasickness on boats.
358
00:16:02,767 --> 00:16:04,667
This boat is
tied to the pier, Bob.
359
00:16:04,701 --> 00:16:06,868
Yeah-yeah, I know, but it's
the motion that gets to me.
360
00:16:06,901 --> 00:16:07,868
Oh.
361
00:16:07,901 --> 00:16:09,300
( pills rattling )
362
00:16:16,234 --> 00:16:18,701
What are you taking
there, Bobby?
363
00:16:18,734 --> 00:16:21,601
Oh, these are for seasickness.
You want one?
364
00:16:21,634 --> 00:16:23,133
No, thanks.
365
00:16:23,167 --> 00:16:25,601
I'm already a little seasick.
366
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:31,200
But don't go away.
It might wear off.
367
00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:34,767
Oh, Alex, I just
came by to tell you
368
00:16:34,801 --> 00:16:36,334
I'm having
such a terrific time
369
00:16:36,367 --> 00:16:37,934
and that
your seams are crooked.
370
00:16:37,968 --> 00:16:39,000
Huh?
371
00:16:39,033 --> 00:16:40,667
Oh.
372
00:16:40,701 --> 00:16:41,901
How's that?
373
00:16:41,934 --> 00:16:43,801
Much better.
374
00:16:50,067 --> 00:16:51,100
Alex.
375
00:16:51,133 --> 00:16:52,601
Huh?
376
00:16:54,767 --> 00:16:56,067
Whoo!
377
00:16:57,434 --> 00:16:59,968
Elaine, why are you
in such a hurry?
378
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:02,968
Oh, uh, well, I-I met this
guy, and we're dancing.
379
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:05,167
Hey, hey, Elaine, Elaine...
who-who is this guy?
380
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,267
Do-Do you think he might
be somebody famous?
381
00:17:07,300 --> 00:17:09,000
Oh, Bobby, I don't
want to tell you.
382
00:17:09,033 --> 00:17:11,734
'Cause you're gonna think
I'm crazy, but he's Al Pacino.
383
00:17:11,767 --> 00:17:13,467
Well, I mean,
his name is Al, right?
384
00:17:13,501 --> 00:17:15,234
And I've seen all
of Pacino's movies,
385
00:17:15,267 --> 00:17:16,601
and the voice could be his.
386
00:17:16,634 --> 00:17:18,100
Oh, boy, Elaine.
387
00:17:18,133 --> 00:17:19,601
We're a little
star-struck, are we?
388
00:17:19,634 --> 00:17:20,634
Well, just...
389
00:17:20,667 --> 00:17:21,934
Hey, uh, can
I meet him?
390
00:17:21,968 --> 00:17:23,334
( giggles )
Sure. Come on.
391
00:17:23,367 --> 00:17:24,501
Oh, good.
392
00:17:29,434 --> 00:17:31,434
Whoa!
393
00:17:35,367 --> 00:17:36,601
You again.
394
00:17:38,300 --> 00:17:41,534
Everywhere I go, he's there.
395
00:17:41,567 --> 00:17:43,634
( Dixieland jazz plays )
396
00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:49,200
What a party!
Huh?
397
00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:50,434
You'll never guess
who's here.
398
00:17:50,467 --> 00:17:51,534
He's headed this way.
Who?
399
00:17:51,567 --> 00:17:53,501
TONY:
That's Henry Kissinger.
400
00:17:53,534 --> 00:17:55,534
You can't miss
that voice.
401
00:17:55,567 --> 00:17:57,167
( whispers ):
The Lone Ranger?
402
00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,133
Wow. He's a
great man, Tony.
403
00:17:59,167 --> 00:18:01,434
I know.
I'm really getting impressed now.
404
00:18:01,467 --> 00:18:03,167
That guy was the
Secretary of State.
405
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,267
He won the Nobel
Peace Prize.
406
00:18:05,300 --> 00:18:08,934
I've heard he was
always good to Tonto.
407
00:18:08,968 --> 00:18:10,634
I was getting
to that, Jim.
408
00:18:10,667 --> 00:18:12,534
BOBBY:
Alex! Tony! Yeah.
409
00:18:12,567 --> 00:18:14,634
Hey, Bob.
Hey, Bobby, what's the matter?
410
00:18:14,667 --> 00:18:16,667
I just found out Hal Prince
is at this party.
411
00:18:16,701 --> 00:18:18,100
Who's Hal Prince?
412
00:18:18,133 --> 00:18:20,767
He's one of the biggest
directors on Broadway, Tony.
413
00:18:20,801 --> 00:18:21,801
Are you sure
it's him?
414
00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:22,968
Oh, yeah.
415
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,667
I overheard this girl
talking to a walrus,
416
00:18:25,701 --> 00:18:27,501
and she called
him Mr. Prince.
417
00:18:27,534 --> 00:18:28,968
Oh, Alex, how can I meet him?
418
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,167
You could take him a fish.
419
00:18:31,834 --> 00:18:35,334
Bobby, he doesn't know
you're not supposed to be here.
420
00:18:35,367 --> 00:18:38,167
Just go up to him
and introduce yourself
421
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,000
and have a little... chat.
422
00:18:40,033 --> 00:18:41,000
Hey.
423
00:18:41,033 --> 00:18:42,000
Casually.
424
00:18:42,033 --> 00:18:43,400
Hey, that's really
good, Alex.
425
00:18:43,434 --> 00:18:44,801
So...
Just-just go up to him
426
00:18:44,834 --> 00:18:46,434
( stammers ):
and introduce myself
427
00:18:46,467 --> 00:18:48,200
and talk to him casually.
428
00:18:48,234 --> 00:18:50,200
Hey, that's really great.
429
00:18:50,234 --> 00:18:51,234
( mumbles )
430
00:18:53,534 --> 00:18:55,067
Hey, Alex, you just
been standing around.
431
00:18:55,100 --> 00:18:56,133
I mean, come on.
Let's mix.
432
00:18:56,167 --> 00:18:57,601
Let's rub elbows
with the biggies.
433
00:18:57,634 --> 00:18:59,000
I don't know, Tony.
434
00:18:59,033 --> 00:19:01,067
What, Alex?
435
00:19:01,100 --> 00:19:02,167
What's wrong?
436
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:03,634
I've been wondering
about something.
437
00:19:03,667 --> 00:19:05,968
I mean, why is it we have
this group of people
438
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:07,501
that we set off
from ourselves?
439
00:19:07,534 --> 00:19:09,400
You know, we call them
famous people.
440
00:19:09,434 --> 00:19:11,601
We treat them better,
we treat them special.
441
00:19:11,634 --> 00:19:14,367
We get excited when we're
in the same room with them.
442
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:16,234
What makes them so special?
443
00:19:16,267 --> 00:19:18,868
I know exactly what
you're saying, Alex.
444
00:19:18,901 --> 00:19:20,667
And I bet there's plenty
of famous people
445
00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:21,968
that nobody even
knows about.
446
00:19:23,467 --> 00:19:25,634
We have to talk like this
more often, Tony.
447
00:19:29,133 --> 00:19:31,100
Hey, Bobby, did
you meet Hal Prince?
448
00:19:31,133 --> 00:19:33,133
Oh, yeah, kind of.
449
00:19:33,167 --> 00:19:35,567
I threw up on him.
450
00:19:35,601 --> 00:19:39,267
Might have given "Hi.
Nice party" a try first, Bob.
451
00:19:39,300 --> 00:19:42,834
I'm never going to work
in show business again.
452
00:19:42,868 --> 00:19:46,167
Oh, I feel like going home.
453
00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:49,300
ELAINE:
Bobby, what did you do to that walrus?
454
00:19:49,334 --> 00:19:50,701
Look, everybody.
455
00:19:50,734 --> 00:19:52,133
Look what I got. Look here.
456
00:19:52,167 --> 00:19:53,601
What do you
got there, Latka?
457
00:19:53,634 --> 00:19:55,834
I got autographs.
458
00:19:55,868 --> 00:19:58,033
What?
Autographs.
459
00:19:58,067 --> 00:20:00,734
Latka, that's the worst
possible thing you could do.
460
00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:04,200
Celebrities don't
ask other celebrities for their autographs.
461
00:20:04,234 --> 00:20:06,834
Bobby, that's okay.
Take it easy.
462
00:20:06,868 --> 00:20:09,667
Elaine, do you realize
what this means?
463
00:20:09,701 --> 00:20:11,501
Hal Prince is
going to find out
464
00:20:11,534 --> 00:20:16,334
that the guy that threw up
on him snuck in here to do it.
465
00:20:16,367 --> 00:20:18,467
I don't care
what you say.
466
00:20:18,501 --> 00:20:20,334
You can yell at
me all you want,
467
00:20:20,367 --> 00:20:22,934
but I got the autographs
from famous people.
468
00:20:22,968 --> 00:20:24,901
Yeah, well,
who'd you get, Latka?
469
00:20:24,934 --> 00:20:26,367
Well... Look.
470
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,901
First... first here
is George Hanson.
471
00:20:29,934 --> 00:20:33,901
It says, "Best wishes
to my buddy, Latka."
472
00:20:33,934 --> 00:20:36,267
And next here is, uh...
473
00:20:36,300 --> 00:20:37,534
"Nice costume, Latka."
474
00:20:37,567 --> 00:20:39,934
Signed... is
signed by Fran
475
00:20:39,968 --> 00:20:41,767
Petricini.
476
00:20:41,801 --> 00:20:45,534
"Here's looking
at you, Latka.
477
00:20:45,567 --> 00:20:47,334
Gus Bates."
478
00:20:47,367 --> 00:20:49,267
Who are these people?
479
00:20:49,300 --> 00:20:52,133
Well, there
is Gus Bates over there
480
00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:54,167
in the Lone
Ranger outfit.
481
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,067
You know, suddenly,
I'm not so sure
482
00:20:56,100 --> 00:20:57,634
we are where
we think we are.
483
00:20:57,667 --> 00:20:59,868
Boy, I know
that feeling.
484
00:21:01,567 --> 00:21:04,133
This explains something
I heard earlier.
485
00:21:04,167 --> 00:21:06,667
I heard somebody said
that they were in the Pacific
486
00:21:06,701 --> 00:21:08,501
with this guy Woody
during World War II.
487
00:21:08,534 --> 00:21:11,634
I figured they meant
he was entertaining the troops.
488
00:21:11,667 --> 00:21:13,200
Woody Allen
would have been
489
00:21:13,234 --> 00:21:15,234
about four years old
in World War II.
490
00:21:15,267 --> 00:21:17,734
I didn't know when he got
started in show business.
491
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:20,701
So, who are
these people, then?
492
00:21:20,734 --> 00:21:22,400
Friends of Neal
Zacherman's.
493
00:21:22,434 --> 00:21:24,834
Yeah, probably a bunch
of real estate people. Mm-hmm.
494
00:21:24,868 --> 00:21:27,701
That means I didn't throw up
on Hal Prince. ( chuckles )
495
00:21:27,734 --> 00:21:30,234
You're still young.
496
00:21:30,267 --> 00:21:31,701
Come on, let's get
out of this place.
497
00:21:31,734 --> 00:21:32,901
Come on, let's
go have a beer.
498
00:21:32,934 --> 00:21:34,067
Yeah.
Come on. Yeah.
499
00:21:34,100 --> 00:21:35,801
Yeah, let's go.
Come on. That's a good idea.
500
00:21:35,834 --> 00:21:38,200
Where's the
nearest U.S.O.?
501
00:21:38,234 --> 00:21:39,634
Hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
502
00:21:39,667 --> 00:21:40,634
What?
Wait a minute.
503
00:21:40,667 --> 00:21:41,734
We're crazy, huh?
504
00:21:41,767 --> 00:21:43,534
What's the big deal?
505
00:21:43,567 --> 00:21:44,834
A moment ago,
we were having
506
00:21:44,868 --> 00:21:46,267
the greatest party
of our life
507
00:21:46,300 --> 00:21:48,634
because we, uh, thought
we were among celebrities.
508
00:21:48,667 --> 00:21:50,367
So what if they're
not celebrities?!
509
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:52,367
They still could be interesting
people, can't they?
510
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:55,634
I'm going to
get to know, uh, Gus Bates.
511
00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:00,000
Hi. I'm Alex Rieger.
512
00:22:00,033 --> 00:22:01,267
I'm Gus Bates.
513
00:22:02,701 --> 00:22:04,534
Wait up, you guys!
514
00:22:04,567 --> 00:22:06,801
( Dixieland jazz playing )
515
00:22:29,601 --> 00:22:31,667
( sighs )
516
00:22:31,701 --> 00:22:33,901
Oh, we're
almost home.
517
00:22:33,934 --> 00:22:36,334
What a depressing night.
518
00:22:36,367 --> 00:22:37,334
You're telling me.
519
00:22:37,367 --> 00:22:39,300
ALEX:
Aw, come on, Elaine. Hey!
520
00:22:39,334 --> 00:22:41,701
You know, I mean,
you might have lost Rhett,
521
00:22:41,734 --> 00:22:44,968
you might have lost Al Pacino,
but you still got Patty...
522
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:46,033
Maxine...
523
00:22:46,067 --> 00:22:47,067
And Laverne.
524
00:22:47,100 --> 00:22:48,234
ALEX:
Hit it, girls.
525
00:22:49,434 --> 00:22:52,200
* Bei mir bist du schon *
526
00:22:52,234 --> 00:22:54,434
* Please let me explain
527
00:22:54,467 --> 00:22:58,434
* "Bei mir bist du schon"
means that you're grand *
528
00:23:00,033 --> 00:23:03,200
* Bei mir bist du schon *
529
00:23:03,234 --> 00:23:05,234
* Again I'll explain
530
00:23:05,267 --> 00:23:09,400
* It means you're
the fairest in the land *
531
00:23:09,434 --> 00:23:12,167
* I could say "bella, bella" *
532
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:14,534
* Even say "wunderbar" *
533
00:23:14,567 --> 00:23:18,234
* Each language
only helps me tell you *
534
00:23:18,267 --> 00:23:20,000
* How grand you are
535
00:23:20,033 --> 00:23:22,667
* I tried to explain
536
00:23:22,701 --> 00:23:25,033
* Bei mir bist du schon *
537
00:23:25,067 --> 00:23:30,234
* So kiss me and say
you'll understand. *
538
00:23:41,067 --> 00:23:44,467
( theme music playing )
539
00:24:08,033 --> 00:24:09,567
WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.
540
00:24:09,601 --> 00:24:10,934
( grunts )
541
00:24:10,984 --> 00:24:15,534
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