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1
00:01:25,467 --> 00:01:28,067
How's dinner, Elaine? Hmm?
2
00:01:28,133 --> 00:01:29,400
Good, huh?
3
00:01:29,467 --> 00:01:31,234
Yeah, it's great.
4
00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:32,767
It's great.
5
00:01:32,834 --> 00:01:35,334
I really appreciate this, guys.
6
00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:36,767
Don't thank us, Elaine.
7
00:01:36,834 --> 00:01:39,033
Seeing you cheer up
is reward enough.
8
00:01:39,100 --> 00:01:40,234
Oh, I'm sorry.
9
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:42,834
I know I'm not responding much,
10
00:01:42,901 --> 00:01:46,767
but I just don't bounce back
the way I used to.
11
00:01:46,834 --> 00:01:48,000
Hey, believe me,
12
00:01:48,067 --> 00:01:50,100
no guy's worth
getting this upset over.
13
00:01:50,167 --> 00:01:51,434
No?
14
00:01:51,501 --> 00:01:53,200
Elaine, you know what
I think you should do?
15
00:01:53,267 --> 00:01:55,567
I think you should go out
with someone else right away.
16
00:01:55,634 --> 00:01:57,400
That's a good idea.
17
00:01:57,467 --> 00:01:58,701
I'm not talking
about falling in love,
18
00:01:58,767 --> 00:01:59,968
or, you know,
getting involved.
19
00:02:00,033 --> 00:02:01,300
I mean, just go out
with somebody else,
20
00:02:01,367 --> 00:02:02,300
but right away.
21
00:02:02,367 --> 00:02:03,701
I don't know anybody else.
22
00:02:03,767 --> 00:02:06,601
Well, what about a stranger?
23
00:02:06,667 --> 00:02:09,634
Maybe she don't
know any strangers.
24
00:02:09,701 --> 00:02:14,000
Boy, you got
all the answers.
25
00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:15,133
Hey, everybody.
Guess what?
26
00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:16,133
I got a part.
27
00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:17,133
TONY:
All right!
28
00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:18,434
ALEX:
Congratulations.
29
00:02:18,501 --> 00:02:19,400
TONY:
This calls for a celebration.
30
00:02:19,467 --> 00:02:20,601
Next round of drinks is on me.
31
00:02:20,667 --> 00:02:21,801
No, no, no.
32
00:02:21,868 --> 00:02:23,100
I got the part, I insist,
33
00:02:23,167 --> 00:02:24,501
I want to pay for my own drink.
Not a chance.
34
00:02:24,567 --> 00:02:25,901
Hey, Elaine, help
me go get 'em?
35
00:02:25,968 --> 00:02:27,334
No, I don't...
Come on, come on.
36
00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:28,868
The walk will
do you good.
37
00:02:28,934 --> 00:02:30,868
Come on, baby.
Put it there. Hey.
38
00:02:30,934 --> 00:02:32,701
Sit down, Bob.
Get a chair.
39
00:02:32,767 --> 00:02:33,834
So, tell me, tell me, huh?
40
00:02:33,901 --> 00:02:35,167
What's the part?
What's the part?
41
00:02:35,234 --> 00:02:37,133
Well, it's in
an off-Broadway play
42
00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:40,634
and I've been doing
a lot of thinking about it.
43
00:02:40,701 --> 00:02:43,000
Uh, excuse me. Hi.
44
00:02:43,067 --> 00:02:44,567
Are you two together?
45
00:02:44,634 --> 00:02:45,901
Yeah, we're together.
46
00:02:45,968 --> 00:02:48,167
Oh, whoa.
You mean she and I?
47
00:02:48,234 --> 00:02:49,400
No, no, no, no, no.
48
00:02:49,467 --> 00:02:50,934
We're just friends.
49
00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:54,167
Uh, I'm Tony Banta,
and this is Elaine Nardo.
50
00:02:54,234 --> 00:02:55,400
Pleased to meet you.
51
00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:56,601
Kirk Bradshaw.
52
00:02:56,667 --> 00:02:59,367
And we're pleased
to meet you, huh, Elaine?
53
00:02:59,434 --> 00:03:00,734
Yeah, right. Hi.
54
00:03:00,801 --> 00:03:02,734
So, Kirk,
you come here often?
55
00:03:02,801 --> 00:03:04,701
Yeah, well, my office
is just around the corner.
56
00:03:04,767 --> 00:03:05,801
Oh, yeah, what do you do?
57
00:03:05,868 --> 00:03:06,968
I'm
an investment analyst.
58
00:03:07,033 --> 00:03:08,300
Wow...
59
00:03:08,367 --> 00:03:10,467
An invest... an
investment analyst.
60
00:03:10,534 --> 00:03:13,133
Uh, small world.
61
00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:14,467
Why, are you
an investment analyst?
62
00:03:14,534 --> 00:03:17,334
Nah, cabdriver.
63
00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,434
Hey, Kirk,
are you married?
64
00:03:19,501 --> 00:03:20,868
No, Tony, I'm not.
65
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:22,801
Great. I got some people
I want you to meet.
66
00:03:22,868 --> 00:03:23,801
Come on over.
67
00:03:23,868 --> 00:03:25,367
Hey, guys.
68
00:03:25,434 --> 00:03:26,767
This is Kirk Bradshaw.
69
00:03:26,834 --> 00:03:28,968
He's an investment analyst
from here in New York,
70
00:03:29,033 --> 00:03:30,434
and he's not married.
71
00:03:30,501 --> 00:03:33,901
Why do I feel like I'm
watching a game show?
72
00:03:33,968 --> 00:03:36,100
Tell us
what he's won, Tony.
73
00:03:36,167 --> 00:03:39,100
Kirk, this is Alex,
Bobby, Latka, Jim,
74
00:03:39,167 --> 00:03:41,467
and of course,
you know Elaine.
75
00:03:41,534 --> 00:03:43,567
Oh, sure, we go way back.
76
00:03:43,634 --> 00:03:45,234
JIM:
Sit down, Kirk.
77
00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:48,167
Any friend of Elaine's
is a friend of ours.
78
00:03:48,234 --> 00:03:49,834
TONY:
Yeah, we got a good seat for you
79
00:03:49,901 --> 00:03:51,267
right over here.
80
00:03:55,300 --> 00:03:59,400
So, Kirk, let me tell you
a little bit about Elaine.
81
00:03:59,467 --> 00:04:00,601
She's a cabdriver,
82
00:04:00,667 --> 00:04:03,000
but she also works
in an art gallery.
83
00:04:03,067 --> 00:04:05,033
Really?
I'm kind of an art buff.
84
00:04:05,100 --> 00:04:07,467
Ooh!
Hey, an art buff.
85
00:04:07,534 --> 00:04:10,000
I'm strictly an amateur
art buff, of course.
86
00:04:10,067 --> 00:04:11,234
What kind of stuff you like?
87
00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:13,534
Ah, just the simple
stuff, I guess.
88
00:04:13,601 --> 00:04:15,334
French impressionists.
89
00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:17,300
French impressionists--
that's her favorite.
90
00:04:17,367 --> 00:04:18,467
Oh, my God.
Ooh-la-la!
91
00:04:20,734 --> 00:04:21,667
Come on, will ya?
92
00:04:21,734 --> 00:04:22,601
Come on,
you're embarrassing her.
93
00:04:22,667 --> 00:04:24,000
No, it's okay.
It's okay.
94
00:04:24,067 --> 00:04:27,767
I own a couple of pen and
ink drawings by Degas.
95
00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:29,267
Really!
You got the real stuff.
96
00:04:29,334 --> 00:04:31,667
Oh, hey, I think Elaine
would like to see those.
97
00:04:31,734 --> 00:04:33,434
Oh, I'm really
sorry about this.
98
00:04:33,501 --> 00:04:34,934
How about tomorrow
night, Elaine?
99
00:04:37,934 --> 00:04:39,567
How about for dinner?
100
00:04:39,634 --> 00:04:40,801
Oh, do you know
101
00:04:40,868 --> 00:04:42,801
what you're putting
this poor man through?
102
00:04:42,868 --> 00:04:44,834
How about dinner
tomorrow night, Elaine?
103
00:04:44,901 --> 00:04:47,300
I'd really like to,
seriously.
104
00:04:47,367 --> 00:04:48,701
I'm so embarrassed.
105
00:04:48,767 --> 00:04:49,834
I wish you wouldn't be.
106
00:04:49,901 --> 00:04:51,133
I'd love to show
you my drawings.
107
00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:53,767
Oh...
108
00:04:54,801 --> 00:04:57,667
Well, uh...
it might be fun.
109
00:04:57,734 --> 00:05:01,100
Um, why don't you call me?
110
00:05:01,167 --> 00:05:02,200
Let me give you
my phone number.
111
00:05:02,267 --> 00:05:03,934
Here, here, I'll do it.
I'll get it.
112
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:05,934
BOTH:
5-5-5...
113
00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:07,100
4-2-7...
4-4-2-4.
114
00:05:07,167 --> 00:05:08,234
4-2-7...
115
00:05:08,300 --> 00:05:10,400
ALEX/TONY:
4-2-7-6.
116
00:05:10,467 --> 00:05:11,767
...7-6.
117
00:05:11,834 --> 00:05:12,934
Here you go.
118
00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:14,367
5-5...
119
00:05:14,434 --> 00:05:16,267
Jim, Jim...
120
00:05:16,334 --> 00:05:17,734
we got it.
121
00:05:17,801 --> 00:05:19,400
Nice meeting you all.
Nice to meet you, Kirk.
122
00:05:19,467 --> 00:05:20,634
See you tomorrow night,
Elaine.
123
00:05:20,701 --> 00:05:21,801
Okay. Bye-bye.
124
00:05:21,868 --> 00:05:23,467
ALEX:
So long, Kirk.
125
00:05:23,534 --> 00:05:25,400
Great guy.
126
00:05:25,467 --> 00:05:27,968
Yes, he's very nice. Okay?
127
00:05:28,033 --> 00:05:31,334
Uh, he seemed
a little pushy to me.
128
00:05:41,133 --> 00:05:44,868
( Elaine humming )
129
00:05:46,901 --> 00:05:49,000
( humming continues )
130
00:05:49,067 --> 00:05:51,534
Anybody notice who's been
going around singing lately?
131
00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:53,701
Is it me?
132
00:05:53,767 --> 00:05:55,767
Yes. I've certainly
noticed a change
133
00:05:55,834 --> 00:05:59,434
in a certain person's morale
in the last ten days or so.
134
00:05:59,501 --> 00:06:01,167
I'm not denying it.
135
00:06:01,234 --> 00:06:02,868
It goes
beyond singing.
136
00:06:02,934 --> 00:06:04,968
I've noticed somebody
walking around
137
00:06:05,033 --> 00:06:07,434
whistling and giggling
like a schoolgirl.
138
00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:08,767
That's a lie.
139
00:06:08,834 --> 00:06:12,167
Not you, Jim-- Elaine.
140
00:06:12,234 --> 00:06:13,567
Oh, Elaine, uh,
it wouldn't have
141
00:06:13,634 --> 00:06:14,968
anything to do
with your seeing
142
00:06:15,033 --> 00:06:16,534
a lot of this
Kirk Bradshaw lately,
143
00:06:16,601 --> 00:06:17,767
now would it?
144
00:06:17,834 --> 00:06:18,934
He's a terrific guy.
145
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:20,767
( phone ringing )
I'll get it!
146
00:06:20,834 --> 00:06:21,968
So, Elaine,
147
00:06:22,033 --> 00:06:24,467
we're pretty good matchmakers,
huh?
148
00:06:24,534 --> 00:06:25,868
Oh, will you quit gloating?
149
00:06:25,934 --> 00:06:28,067
Although, I must admit
that you picked out
150
00:06:28,133 --> 00:06:30,367
a better one for me
than I usually do.
151
00:06:30,434 --> 00:06:31,901
Oh, a winner
the first time out.
152
00:06:31,968 --> 00:06:33,467
Mr. Banta, congratulations.
153
00:06:33,534 --> 00:06:34,968
Nardo...
154
00:06:35,033 --> 00:06:37,000
928.
155
00:06:37,067 --> 00:06:38,133
Hey, Tony, it's for you.
156
00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:39,400
It's the guy from the gym.
157
00:06:39,467 --> 00:06:41,167
He says you owe a
towel fee from April.
158
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:42,300
He's crazy.
159
00:06:42,367 --> 00:06:44,901
I didn't shower
in April.
160
00:06:44,968 --> 00:06:46,701
Hey, Louie, come on, huh?
161
00:06:46,767 --> 00:06:48,434
Get us out of here.
162
00:06:48,501 --> 00:06:51,133
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
here you go, here you go.
163
00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:52,634
Dames. Sheesh.
164
00:06:52,701 --> 00:06:54,467
"Sheesh," Louie?
165
00:06:54,534 --> 00:06:55,701
Yeah.
166
00:06:55,767 --> 00:06:58,200
No matter how many bums
a woman dates,
167
00:06:58,267 --> 00:07:00,167
whenever a new one comes along,
168
00:07:00,234 --> 00:07:02,300
she thinks this one
is going to be Mr. Right.
169
00:07:02,367 --> 00:07:03,567
You ever notice that?
170
00:07:03,634 --> 00:07:04,734
Notice it?
171
00:07:04,801 --> 00:07:07,167
I depend on it.
172
00:07:07,234 --> 00:07:08,534
Come on, Lou.
173
00:07:08,601 --> 00:07:09,901
Rieger, do you
hate anything
174
00:07:09,968 --> 00:07:11,167
as much as I
hate Wheeler?
175
00:07:11,234 --> 00:07:13,133
I doubt it.
176
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:14,501
Have a terrible
evening, Lou.
177
00:07:14,567 --> 00:07:16,000
Same to you, Rieger.
178
00:07:16,067 --> 00:07:18,033
Ignatowski!
179
00:07:18,100 --> 00:07:19,167
Yo.
180
00:07:19,234 --> 00:07:20,934
Starship 314.
181
00:07:23,634 --> 00:07:26,167
LOUIE:
Banta, come on, look alive here!
182
00:07:26,234 --> 00:07:28,067
One second, Lou.
One second.
183
00:07:28,133 --> 00:07:30,100
Hey, hey. Who are you?
184
00:07:30,167 --> 00:07:31,467
Kirk Bradshaw.
185
00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:32,968
And who are you?
186
00:07:33,033 --> 00:07:35,701
In here, God.
187
00:07:35,767 --> 00:07:37,400
Oh, oh. Kirk.
188
00:07:37,467 --> 00:07:38,801
Kirk Bradshaw.
189
00:07:38,868 --> 00:07:40,734
Oh, you're the young fellow
190
00:07:40,801 --> 00:07:42,767
who's dating our Miss Nardo.
191
00:07:42,834 --> 00:07:43,701
That's right.
192
00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:44,801
How far did you get?
193
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:50,067
Come on. Come on,
a little guy-talk here.
194
00:07:50,133 --> 00:07:52,601
Did you hit a home run?
195
00:07:52,667 --> 00:07:55,567
Come on, I'm not going
to tell anybody.
196
00:07:55,634 --> 00:07:57,133
I'm not going
to tell you anything
197
00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:59,300
about my relationship
with Elaine.
198
00:07:59,367 --> 00:08:01,567
Well, some friend you are, Kirk.
199
00:08:03,701 --> 00:08:04,934
What was that about?
200
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:06,100
Aw, he's a jerk.
201
00:08:06,167 --> 00:08:07,267
Hey, so,
how you doing, Kirk?
202
00:08:07,334 --> 00:08:08,434
Pretty good.
203
00:08:08,501 --> 00:08:09,934
Pretty good,
you son of a gun, you.
204
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:11,767
You and Elaine seeing
a lot of each other.
205
00:08:11,834 --> 00:08:13,100
Oh, yeah.
206
00:08:13,167 --> 00:08:14,934
Yeah,
you son of a gun, you.
207
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,934
That's why I stopped by,
I wanted to talk to her.
208
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:18,100
Well,
you just missed her.
209
00:08:18,167 --> 00:08:19,467
She just went out.
210
00:08:19,534 --> 00:08:22,133
Oh? Just as well, I guess.
211
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:23,801
What's the matter,
you two got a problem?
212
00:08:23,868 --> 00:08:25,067
Yeah. I'm afraid so.
213
00:08:25,133 --> 00:08:27,667
I've been meaning to
talk to her about it
214
00:08:27,734 --> 00:08:29,033
ever since I met her.
215
00:08:29,100 --> 00:08:31,000
I just can't seem
to be able to.
216
00:08:31,067 --> 00:08:32,133
Well, sit down.
217
00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:33,367
Tell me about it.
218
00:08:33,434 --> 00:08:34,467
Come on.
219
00:08:34,534 --> 00:08:35,501
See...
220
00:08:35,567 --> 00:08:37,334
I'm in a tough spot.
221
00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,534
I really like Elaine...
222
00:08:39,601 --> 00:08:41,868
You son of a gun, you.
223
00:08:41,934 --> 00:08:45,334
Tony, the problem is I
like somebody else, too.
224
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,501
Oh... somebody else.
225
00:08:47,567 --> 00:08:50,367
Oh, man, that's a problem.
226
00:08:50,434 --> 00:08:52,033
It is a problem, Tony.
227
00:08:52,100 --> 00:08:53,601
I feel bad about it.
228
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:56,367
I honestly never meant
to get involved with Elaine.
229
00:08:56,434 --> 00:08:59,200
Remember the night
I came up to you two at the bar?
230
00:08:59,267 --> 00:09:00,968
I said, "Are you two together?"
231
00:09:01,033 --> 00:09:04,367
Yeah, I told you we weren't.
232
00:09:04,434 --> 00:09:05,667
Well,
233
00:09:05,734 --> 00:09:09,567
she wasn't the one
I was after, Tony.
234
00:09:14,801 --> 00:09:16,467
Oh, no?
235
00:09:20,534 --> 00:09:23,267
No.
236
00:09:32,901 --> 00:09:36,133
Oh, no, no, no, no...
237
00:09:47,701 --> 00:09:49,267
Banta, what the
hell's going on here?
238
00:09:49,334 --> 00:09:50,701
You're supposed to
be out on the road.
239
00:09:50,767 --> 00:09:52,000
I ain't going, Louie.
240
00:09:52,067 --> 00:09:53,033
I got a problem.
241
00:09:53,100 --> 00:09:54,934
Aw, not again.
242
00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:57,634
The one on the left's the brake.
243
00:09:57,701 --> 00:10:00,167
The one on the right's the gas.
244
00:10:00,234 --> 00:10:01,734
Louie, leave me alone.
245
00:10:01,801 --> 00:10:04,634
Something's really
bothering you, huh, Banta?
246
00:10:04,701 --> 00:10:05,934
Yeah.
247
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,968
So, why haven't you
unloaded it on Rieger?
248
00:10:08,033 --> 00:10:10,300
'Cause everybody's
always unloading on Alex,
249
00:10:10,367 --> 00:10:11,734
and it's terrible for him.
250
00:10:11,801 --> 00:10:13,567
I ain't dumping this one on him.
251
00:10:14,601 --> 00:10:16,801
Oh...
252
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:20,834
Oh, I see what
you're getting at.
253
00:10:20,901 --> 00:10:24,167
Well, who else in
this cab company
254
00:10:24,234 --> 00:10:29,167
would offer the maturity,
the character, and poise
255
00:10:29,234 --> 00:10:33,501
required to be a
real confidant?
256
00:10:33,567 --> 00:10:34,868
Uh...
257
00:10:34,934 --> 00:10:39,067
You pick me or your butt's
flying out of here.
258
00:10:39,133 --> 00:10:40,834
No way you can make me
tell you this, Louie.
259
00:10:40,901 --> 00:10:42,501
Okay, okay, Tony.
All right.
260
00:10:42,567 --> 00:10:45,667
I know exactly
how you feel.
261
00:10:45,734 --> 00:10:47,701
I got problems
of my own.
262
00:10:47,767 --> 00:10:50,200
You ain't got
no problem like this one.
263
00:10:50,267 --> 00:10:51,567
Maybe, maybe not.
264
00:10:51,634 --> 00:10:54,234
I don't know anything
about your problems
265
00:10:54,300 --> 00:10:55,801
so I really don't know.
266
00:10:55,868 --> 00:10:57,434
But my problems...
yecch!
267
00:10:57,501 --> 00:10:59,434
Yecch!
268
00:10:59,501 --> 00:11:01,801
I'll tell you,
some of them...
269
00:11:01,868 --> 00:11:03,834
ah, I just
don't even want
270
00:11:03,901 --> 00:11:05,534
to think about them.
271
00:11:06,567 --> 00:11:09,501
Especially...
272
00:11:09,567 --> 00:11:11,701
that one.
273
00:11:15,534 --> 00:11:18,000
What one?
274
00:11:18,067 --> 00:11:19,834
Ah, never mind.
275
00:11:24,367 --> 00:11:26,534
Believe me, there's
nothing in this world
276
00:11:26,601 --> 00:11:27,868
that I'd like better
277
00:11:27,934 --> 00:11:30,667
than to share this with
another human being.
278
00:11:30,734 --> 00:11:32,234
I mean, just one time
279
00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:34,667
to have another
person understand
280
00:11:34,734 --> 00:11:39,167
what I live with
every day of my life.
281
00:11:39,234 --> 00:11:41,000
You know, if there was
anybody that I would tell,
282
00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:42,501
it would be you, Tony.
283
00:11:42,567 --> 00:11:44,501
My paisano.
284
00:11:44,567 --> 00:11:47,234
( speaking Italian )
285
00:11:47,300 --> 00:11:49,367
( Speaking Italian )
286
00:11:49,434 --> 00:11:52,167
Aw, I just can't do it.
287
00:11:52,234 --> 00:11:54,868
Unless...
288
00:11:54,934 --> 00:11:56,767
Unless what?
289
00:11:56,834 --> 00:12:00,133
Well...
290
00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:01,334
if you were to tell me
291
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,300
about that little
problem of yours--
292
00:12:03,367 --> 00:12:05,534
I mean, just as
an act of faith--
293
00:12:05,601 --> 00:12:06,801
Oh, I don't know.
294
00:12:06,868 --> 00:12:08,467
Oh, no, no, never
mind, never mind.
295
00:12:08,534 --> 00:12:10,634
This is better kept
296
00:12:10,701 --> 00:12:14,934
in the deep, dark
recesses of my soul.
297
00:12:21,701 --> 00:12:25,701
Hey, Louie, it's not good
to keep things inside you
298
00:12:25,767 --> 00:12:27,701
where they can eat at you.
299
00:12:27,767 --> 00:12:29,767
Okay, Lou,
let's trade secrets.
300
00:12:35,901 --> 00:12:37,167
Thanks, Tony.
301
00:12:37,234 --> 00:12:39,200
All right,
I'll tell you what.
302
00:12:39,267 --> 00:12:41,334
Just so that
neither one of us
303
00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:43,567
has to say these things
out loud,
304
00:12:43,634 --> 00:12:46,133
we'll write them on
a piece of paper,
305
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,834
and then
we'll trade secrets.
306
00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:49,701
Good idea, Louie.
307
00:12:57,267 --> 00:12:58,367
Pencil.
308
00:12:58,434 --> 00:12:59,767
Oops. I got it.
309
00:12:59,834 --> 00:13:01,100
Okay.
310
00:13:06,634 --> 00:13:09,133
Oh, I can't go through
with this.
311
00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:11,300
I can't go through with this.
312
00:13:11,367 --> 00:13:13,300
Oh, come on, Lou.
It will help you.
313
00:13:13,367 --> 00:13:16,067
I think it's helping me. Paisan.
314
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:27,701
All right, but after,
we'll burn the pieces of paper.
315
00:13:27,767 --> 00:13:29,200
Sure.
316
00:13:39,934 --> 00:13:42,868
"The guy Elaine
is going out with
317
00:13:42,934 --> 00:13:45,100
just made
a pass at me"?
318
00:13:47,133 --> 00:13:48,934
Oh...
319
00:14:02,167 --> 00:14:04,334
Now I'll read yours, okay?
320
00:14:09,033 --> 00:14:10,968
"Ha, ha."
321
00:14:11,067 --> 00:14:14,467
Ha, ha.
322
00:14:14,534 --> 00:14:16,334
Hey, Louie...
323
00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:17,567
Ha, ha.
324
00:14:20,300 --> 00:14:23,133
You're my favorite,
Banta!
325
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:25,367
( shouting indistinctly )
326
00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:29,634
Hey, Tony,
how's it going?
327
00:14:29,701 --> 00:14:31,100
Not great.
328
00:14:31,167 --> 00:14:32,467
Why aren't you drinking?
329
00:14:32,534 --> 00:14:34,634
I can't-- I had to give
all my money to Louie.
330
00:14:34,701 --> 00:14:35,801
To Louie?
331
00:14:35,868 --> 00:14:37,968
Hey, let me have
a couple of beers.
332
00:14:38,033 --> 00:14:39,467
How come? What for?
333
00:14:39,534 --> 00:14:40,801
Never mind, it's
a long story.
334
00:14:40,868 --> 00:14:44,100
Hey, I got something I
got ask you-- a problem.
335
00:14:44,167 --> 00:14:45,667
What do you call
one of them questions
336
00:14:45,734 --> 00:14:46,834
that didn't happen
337
00:14:46,901 --> 00:14:48,167
but you ask it
like it really did?
338
00:14:48,234 --> 00:14:49,734
Hypothetical?
339
00:14:49,801 --> 00:14:51,167
Right-- hypothetical.
340
00:14:51,234 --> 00:14:53,133
Okay, let's say
you're dating a girl,
341
00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:54,701
and you really like her,
342
00:14:54,767 --> 00:14:56,467
and she makes
a pass at me.
343
00:14:56,534 --> 00:14:58,467
Would you want
me to tell you?
344
00:14:58,534 --> 00:15:02,400
How come
you're asking me that?
345
00:15:02,467 --> 00:15:03,534
It's just hypothetical.
346
00:15:03,601 --> 00:15:05,300
What are you getting
so weird about?
347
00:15:05,367 --> 00:15:06,767
Well, it's kind
of a strange question
348
00:15:06,834 --> 00:15:08,767
to come out of the clear
blue sky, Tony, you know?
349
00:15:08,834 --> 00:15:10,167
Bobby, I'm just
asking you...
350
00:15:10,234 --> 00:15:12,100
I know why you're asking me.
It's Debbie, isn't it? Huh?
351
00:15:12,167 --> 00:15:14,167
Well, she's pulled that
little trick once too often.
352
00:15:14,234 --> 00:15:15,601
I'm going to tell her
we're through.
353
00:15:15,667 --> 00:15:18,868
Thanks a lot, Tony.
I owe you one.
354
00:15:18,934 --> 00:15:20,834
ELAINE:
Bobby, is Tony in there?
355
00:15:20,901 --> 00:15:22,033
BOBBY:
Yeah, he's inside.
356
00:15:23,067 --> 00:15:25,300
Tony...
357
00:15:25,367 --> 00:15:26,634
Did Kirk stop
by the garage
358
00:15:26,701 --> 00:15:27,801
after I left tonight?
359
00:15:27,868 --> 00:15:28,968
Kirk?
Yeah.
360
00:15:29,033 --> 00:15:30,634
No, I didn't see
any Kirk. No Kirk.
361
00:15:30,701 --> 00:15:31,801
No, I didn't see Kirk.
No?
362
00:15:31,868 --> 00:15:33,133
What gave you that idea?
363
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:34,467
Oh, Alex said he
thought he saw him
364
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:35,634
as he was driving off.
365
00:15:35,701 --> 00:15:37,567
Well, I sure didn't
see any Kirk.
366
00:15:37,634 --> 00:15:39,667
Hmm...
367
00:15:39,734 --> 00:15:41,267
Are you okay?
368
00:15:41,334 --> 00:15:43,534
I'm fine. I just have
something on my mind.
369
00:15:43,601 --> 00:15:45,767
Aw, you want to talk about it?
370
00:15:45,834 --> 00:15:48,367
I haven't decided yet.
371
00:15:48,434 --> 00:15:50,267
Mm... well, okay.
372
00:15:50,334 --> 00:15:52,767
Well, I'm going to be home
if you want to call, okay?
373
00:15:52,834 --> 00:15:54,100
Thanks, Elaine.
374
00:15:54,167 --> 00:15:56,133
Okay. I got
to go. Bye.
375
00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:02,167
Hello, Tony.
376
00:16:02,234 --> 00:16:04,767
Hello?
377
00:16:04,834 --> 00:16:06,267
What's the matter?
378
00:16:06,334 --> 00:16:08,968
You're too sad to talk?
379
00:16:09,033 --> 00:16:11,534
Okay, I do your part
for you then.
380
00:16:11,601 --> 00:16:13,434
Hello, Tony.
381
00:16:13,501 --> 00:16:16,434
( imitates Tony ):
Hello, Latka. How you doing there?
382
00:16:18,167 --> 00:16:19,434
Fine. How are you?
383
00:16:19,501 --> 00:16:21,968
Hey, I'm okay.
How you doing? I'm all right.
384
00:16:22,033 --> 00:16:24,400
Why don't you sit down,
have a seat there.
385
00:16:24,467 --> 00:16:27,133
Well, I'd like to,
but I don't have any money.
386
00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:29,501
That's all right.
You're my pal.
387
00:16:29,567 --> 00:16:31,467
Pals don't need no money.
388
00:16:31,534 --> 00:16:32,834
Have one on me.
389
00:16:32,901 --> 00:16:35,267
All right. Thank you very much.
You're very nice.
390
00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:38,501
Hello?
391
00:16:38,567 --> 00:16:41,534
What's the matter,
you have the blues?
392
00:16:44,901 --> 00:16:47,033
Well, why don't you order
some drinks,
393
00:16:47,100 --> 00:16:48,601
and we can talk about it.
394
00:16:48,667 --> 00:16:50,467
I can't. I got no money.
395
00:16:50,534 --> 00:16:54,100
And, anyway, I don't think
you'd understand my problem.
396
00:16:54,167 --> 00:16:55,767
Yes, I would.
397
00:16:55,834 --> 00:16:57,167
I don't think so.
398
00:16:57,234 --> 00:16:59,968
You know anything
about bisexuals?
399
00:17:00,033 --> 00:17:03,367
Of course. They are
very popular in my country.
400
00:17:03,434 --> 00:17:04,934
They are?
401
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:08,501
Yeah. Oh, almost
everybody have them.
402
00:17:08,567 --> 00:17:13,467
And, uh, one of our
favorite sports is racing them.
403
00:17:13,534 --> 00:17:15,868
And when we are not...
404
00:17:15,934 --> 00:17:18,000
when we are not using them,
405
00:17:18,067 --> 00:17:22,367
we have special racks
where we chain them up at night.
406
00:17:22,434 --> 00:17:25,767
Latka, I'm not talking
about bicycles.
407
00:17:25,834 --> 00:17:28,367
I'm talking about bisexuals.
408
00:17:28,434 --> 00:17:29,601
So am I.
409
00:17:29,667 --> 00:17:31,000
Listen, I hope
410
00:17:31,067 --> 00:17:33,067
that you feel better,
all right?
411
00:17:33,133 --> 00:17:34,968
Good-bye.
Take it easy.
412
00:17:36,868 --> 00:17:37,801
Hi, Latka.
413
00:17:37,868 --> 00:17:38,801
Hello, Alex.
414
00:17:38,868 --> 00:17:39,801
Hi, Tony.
415
00:17:39,868 --> 00:17:40,801
Hi, Alex.
416
00:17:40,868 --> 00:17:42,968
Can I have a beer,
Charlie?
417
00:17:43,033 --> 00:17:44,467
Hey, Alex, uh...
418
00:17:44,534 --> 00:17:45,701
Yeah?
419
00:17:45,767 --> 00:17:48,367
I really tried
to work this out myself
420
00:17:48,434 --> 00:17:49,667
but, uh...
421
00:17:49,734 --> 00:17:52,467
I got the worst problem
of my whole life, Alex.
422
00:17:52,534 --> 00:17:53,968
Now, hold it, hold it.
Hold it right there.
423
00:17:54,033 --> 00:17:55,100
Just hold it right there.
424
00:17:55,167 --> 00:17:56,434
I've decided
I'm not going to listen
425
00:17:56,501 --> 00:17:57,467
to any more sentences
that start like that.
426
00:17:57,534 --> 00:17:58,868
Now, wait...
No, I'm serious.
427
00:17:58,934 --> 00:18:00,133
There are a lot of sentences
that I will listen to--
428
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:01,367
I mean, ones that start with,
429
00:18:01,434 --> 00:18:02,567
"Alex, I'd like
to pass on a compliment."
430
00:18:02,634 --> 00:18:03,968
"Alex,
I've got a woman for you."
431
00:18:04,033 --> 00:18:05,434
"Alex,
I want to give you money."
432
00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:07,100
Those are sentences
I will listen to.
433
00:18:07,167 --> 00:18:08,767
But, "Alex, I've got
the worst problem of my life"
434
00:18:08,834 --> 00:18:10,367
is right up there with,
"Alex, is that thing
435
00:18:10,434 --> 00:18:11,601
on your neck
getting any bigger?"
436
00:18:11,667 --> 00:18:13,067
I don't want to hear that.
437
00:18:13,133 --> 00:18:14,934
No, I'm through
listening to them.
438
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:16,434
I'm through solving
other people's problems.
439
00:18:16,501 --> 00:18:17,767
I'm no longer
in that line of work.
440
00:18:17,834 --> 00:18:18,934
The office is closed.
441
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:19,934
The doctor is out.
442
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,434
Sally doesn't live here anymore.
443
00:18:23,467 --> 00:18:25,501
You finished?
444
00:18:25,567 --> 00:18:27,501
Yes. What's your problem?
445
00:18:27,567 --> 00:18:28,934
Oh...
446
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,701
Oh, Alex, I really did try
to spare you from this,
447
00:18:31,767 --> 00:18:33,100
but, uh, I'm not so sure
448
00:18:33,167 --> 00:18:34,601
the guy that Elaine's
going out with
449
00:18:34,667 --> 00:18:35,767
is right for her.
450
00:18:35,834 --> 00:18:38,801
That's your problem?
451
00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:41,467
Tony, Tony, what are
you worried about?
452
00:18:41,534 --> 00:18:43,167
We picked a winner.
453
00:18:43,234 --> 00:18:44,601
ALEX:
That's your problem?
454
00:18:44,667 --> 00:18:46,300
Besides,
who are we to decide
455
00:18:46,367 --> 00:18:48,234
who's right
or wrong for Elaine?
456
00:18:48,300 --> 00:18:50,467
Yeah, that's right,
except for one thing.
457
00:18:50,534 --> 00:18:51,534
Nothing.
458
00:18:51,601 --> 00:18:52,634
Well, except
this one thing.
459
00:18:52,701 --> 00:18:53,801
What one thing?
460
00:18:53,868 --> 00:18:55,434
He wants to date me.
461
00:18:55,501 --> 00:18:57,601
No...
462
00:18:57,667 --> 00:18:59,701
Yeah...
463
00:18:59,767 --> 00:19:03,133
No. You must have misinterpreted
what he meant.
464
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:05,400
Well, he said
my simplicity was engaging,
465
00:19:05,467 --> 00:19:07,734
and that
we'd be wonderful together.
466
00:19:07,801 --> 00:19:11,234
Oh, no.
467
00:19:11,300 --> 00:19:12,901
See, now, the point
is, here, Alex,
468
00:19:12,968 --> 00:19:14,434
is this could go
rough on Elaine.
469
00:19:14,501 --> 00:19:16,100
If she's getting
serious about him,
470
00:19:16,167 --> 00:19:17,434
she should know.
471
00:19:17,501 --> 00:19:19,133
So should I tell her?
472
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:21,601
No. I say he ought to tell her.
473
00:19:21,667 --> 00:19:23,601
Someone's got to talk to Kirk
and set him straight,
474
00:19:23,667 --> 00:19:25,501
as it were.
475
00:19:26,534 --> 00:19:27,767
Thanks, Alex.
476
00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:30,501
Let me know how it turns out.
477
00:19:30,567 --> 00:19:32,067
No! No! No!
I'm not going to do it.
478
00:19:32,133 --> 00:19:34,000
For once in my life,
I am not going to let
479
00:19:34,067 --> 00:19:35,467
this thing
get dumped in my lap.
480
00:19:35,534 --> 00:19:37,133
You tell him.
481
00:19:38,167 --> 00:19:41,601
All right, I know it's my job.
482
00:19:41,667 --> 00:19:43,000
But you think you could
come along with me?
483
00:19:43,067 --> 00:19:44,367
I mean, you don't
have to say nothing.
484
00:19:44,434 --> 00:19:45,767
All you got to do is
sit there and be a buddy.
485
00:19:45,834 --> 00:19:47,133
Come on, Alex. Please,
please, please, please.
486
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:48,567
All right, all right.
487
00:19:48,634 --> 00:19:49,901
I don't understand.
488
00:19:49,968 --> 00:19:52,234
Why can't you do this
by yourself?
489
00:19:52,300 --> 00:19:53,968
I can't be alone with him.
490
00:19:54,033 --> 00:19:57,300
I'm the one he spends
tortured nights dreaming about.
491
00:19:57,367 --> 00:19:58,300
He said that?
492
00:19:58,367 --> 00:20:00,367
No. I'm just assuming.
493
00:20:07,534 --> 00:20:08,634
KIRK:
Alex.
494
00:20:08,701 --> 00:20:09,634
Oh, hi, Kirk.
495
00:20:09,701 --> 00:20:10,634
Hello.
Hi.
496
00:20:10,701 --> 00:20:11,634
How you doing?
497
00:20:11,701 --> 00:20:12,934
Is Tony here yet?
498
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:15,367
No. He called and said
he'd be delayed.
499
00:20:15,434 --> 00:20:16,701
Oh.
500
00:20:16,767 --> 00:20:18,367
That gives us
a chance to chat.
501
00:20:18,434 --> 00:20:19,868
Yeah, sure, okay.
502
00:20:22,467 --> 00:20:24,234
This is a gay bar,
isn't it?
503
00:20:24,300 --> 00:20:25,434
Yeah, sure.
504
00:20:25,501 --> 00:20:26,834
This your first time here?
505
00:20:26,901 --> 00:20:28,200
Oh, yes, yes.
506
00:20:28,267 --> 00:20:31,300
I'm sorry, I didn't mean
by saying "yes" so quickly
507
00:20:31,367 --> 00:20:33,734
that it'd be terrible
if I'd been here before,
508
00:20:33,801 --> 00:20:35,767
because, well, actually, it
would not have been terrible
509
00:20:35,834 --> 00:20:37,267
if I'd been here before.
510
00:20:37,334 --> 00:20:38,901
You know, I've been meaning to.
511
00:20:40,133 --> 00:20:42,234
Just out of curiosity,
of course.
512
00:20:42,300 --> 00:20:44,367
I don't mean you're
a curiosity, but I, I mean....
513
00:20:44,434 --> 00:20:46,100
Let's not chat anymore.
514
00:20:46,167 --> 00:20:48,000
I used to be such a
good chatter, you know.
515
00:20:48,067 --> 00:20:51,167
Look, uh, Kirk, I...
I have a really terrible...
516
00:20:51,234 --> 00:20:53,200
uh, difficult thing
to talk to you about,
517
00:20:53,267 --> 00:20:54,734
and I don't even
know how to start.
518
00:20:54,801 --> 00:20:58,267
Alex, I think I can guess
what you're trying to tell me.
519
00:20:58,334 --> 00:20:59,667
You can?
520
00:20:59,734 --> 00:21:01,033
But I've already told
Elaine that I'm bisexual.
521
00:21:01,100 --> 00:21:02,234
Shh.
522
00:21:02,300 --> 00:21:05,167
Oh, okay. It's okay here.
523
00:21:05,234 --> 00:21:06,167
I'm sorry.
524
00:21:06,234 --> 00:21:07,434
Anyway,
525
00:21:07,501 --> 00:21:10,467
we're still friends,
and we had a fine talk.
526
00:21:10,534 --> 00:21:12,267
Oh, and by the way,
527
00:21:12,334 --> 00:21:14,567
I understand
that Tony's not interested
528
00:21:14,634 --> 00:21:16,067
and that's okay, too.
529
00:21:16,133 --> 00:21:19,367
Oh... wow.
530
00:21:19,434 --> 00:21:21,100
Can we have a couple of beers?
531
00:21:21,167 --> 00:21:24,200
Sure. Hey, Chief, can we
get a couple of beers?
532
00:21:24,267 --> 00:21:26,534
Well, I thought this was
going to be difficult,
533
00:21:26,601 --> 00:21:27,968
but instead,
it's a snap.
534
00:21:28,033 --> 00:21:29,467
Boy, am I
a lucky guy.
535
00:21:29,534 --> 00:21:31,868
Excuse me.
Would you like to dance?
536
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:38,701
Just for the sake of optimism,
no, go ahead, I don't mind.
537
00:21:38,767 --> 00:21:40,200
No, I meant you.
538
00:21:40,267 --> 00:21:42,868
Oh, no, no. I'm just having
a beer with a pal. Thanks.
539
00:21:42,934 --> 00:21:43,868
Come on,
don't be shy.
540
00:21:43,934 --> 00:21:46,167
No, no, no, no,
I really can't.
541
00:21:46,234 --> 00:21:48,801
( dance music playing )
542
00:21:51,701 --> 00:21:53,200
It's okay with me.
543
00:21:58,601 --> 00:22:00,534
Whoa.
544
00:22:00,601 --> 00:22:03,534
* *
545
00:22:08,167 --> 00:22:10,000
( muttering )
546
00:22:17,801 --> 00:22:19,300
Oh, good step.
547
00:22:23,167 --> 00:22:24,667
Duck!
What?
548
00:22:29,834 --> 00:22:31,767
Thanks, pal.
Thank you very much.
549
00:22:31,834 --> 00:22:33,501
Yeah, one, two, three, ha!
550
00:22:33,567 --> 00:22:35,167
One, two, three, go!
551
00:22:35,234 --> 00:22:37,234
One, two, three, step!
552
00:22:37,300 --> 00:22:39,100
One, two, three, dance!
553
00:22:39,167 --> 00:22:41,100
One, two, three, dance!
554
00:22:45,267 --> 00:22:48,267
( dance music continues )
555
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:54,000
( all cheering and whooping )
556
00:22:58,033 --> 00:23:01,033
( all shouting encouragement )
557
00:23:05,267 --> 00:23:06,767
( louder cheers )
558
00:23:09,167 --> 00:23:10,834
( rhythmic clapping )
559
00:23:14,934 --> 00:23:18,567
( cheering and dance music
continue )
560
00:23:23,667 --> 00:23:25,667
( wild cheering )
561
00:23:27,767 --> 00:23:30,701
( crowd screaming )
562
00:23:30,767 --> 00:23:33,067
Alex, Elaine's heart
is getting broken.
563
00:23:33,133 --> 00:23:34,701
You're having
a great time here dancing.
564
00:23:43,501 --> 00:23:44,868
I'll never understand
565
00:23:44,934 --> 00:23:46,434
how you could
have let that happen.
566
00:23:46,501 --> 00:23:47,734
I don't care what you say.
567
00:23:47,801 --> 00:23:49,033
I would never
dance with that guy.
568
00:23:49,100 --> 00:23:53,300
No, not you,
you little heartbreaker.
569
00:23:53,367 --> 00:23:54,334
Give me my trophy.
570
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:58,100
( stifled chuckle )
571
00:23:58,167 --> 00:24:00,200
( chuckling )
572
00:24:00,267 --> 00:24:01,934
Hi, guys.
573
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:03,300
Hiya, Jim.
574
00:24:03,367 --> 00:24:05,234
Hey, Jim,
what do you say?
575
00:24:07,234 --> 00:24:09,701
Hey, Alex, what's that for?
576
00:24:09,767 --> 00:24:12,033
For acting like a jerk.
577
00:24:12,100 --> 00:24:17,167
Why doesn't anybody ever
tell me about these contests?
578
00:24:25,100 --> 00:24:28,534
( theme music playing )
579
00:24:52,100 --> 00:24:53,634
WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.
580
00:24:53,701 --> 00:24:55,033
( grunts )
581
00:24:55,083 --> 00:24:59,633
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