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1
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I don't know why, but I feel like Turk and Carla are upset with me.
2
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Still, I can't be sure, so it's always good to test.
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May I have a pancake please?
4
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Okay, they're mad.
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I'm pretty sure it's because of my new girlfriend.
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She's amazing.
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Don't get me wrong, she's not the warmest person.
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You know, the funniest thing happened...
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I'm eating.
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Sorry.
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I'm starvin'.
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Wish I hadn't left my wallet at home.
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Mmm, bread.
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Also, the sex could be a little impersonal.
15
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So that's a no on cuddling?
16
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Still, Turk and Carla's main problem with Neena...
17
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is that she's a malpractice attorney who's suing Turk.
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Needless to say, I was doing everything I could not to rub the relationship in Turk's face.
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I could probably do more.
20
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Morning.
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I'll see you at the deposition.
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I'll try not to spank your lawyer as hard as I spanked him last night.
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Bye!
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FYI, there was no spanking last night, okay?
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Really?
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- Yeah.
- Then this won't hurt.
27
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Nope.
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Hit him again baby.
29
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Why?
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After spreading half a tube of what I thought...
31
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was burn ointment on my butt, it was off to work.
32
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- What smells like Vagisil?
- Nothing.
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How can I help you?
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Remember how I thought Mr. Peterson's back pain...
35
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was sacroiliitis and you said it wasn't?
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Well, I was right.
37
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Elliot, you should never use scalding hot coffee for a victory sip.
38
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It's a beginner's mistake.
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Oh yeah? Well you're ***so something something ***.
40
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Over the past few months Eliot's come into her own as a doctor.
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Now that her mentor Molly is gone, she wants to prove it wasn't a fluke.
42
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Attention staff:
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One of our hospital's board members is coming in as a patient.
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The first doctor to my office gets to treat him.
45
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Of course around here, everybody's looking to prove themselves.
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Go.
47
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So Craig, how's your grandmother doing?
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Oh, she's much better now, thanks. Turns out it was just...
49
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Thanks!
50
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Scrubs �pisode 4x10:
My Female Trouble
51
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Transcript: http:/scrubs. mopnt. com/scripts/
Script & Timing: Siefaz Pour www. forom. com
52
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J.D., how could you do this to Turk?
53
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You two are so close that I occasionally have nightmares of you running away together.
54
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Where do we go?
55
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One time we went to Aspen.
56
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Oh, I hope it was summer. I'm not that big a skier.
57
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Girls! I want an explanation.
58
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Fine. Turk, tell her our code.
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If you haven't had sex in six months, you're not accountable for who you sleep with.
60
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Oh please, when you were single, you were never that desperate...
61
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Were you?
62
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Oh that was amazing.
63
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Yes, it was.
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We're all God's children in the dark.
65
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Christopher Duncan Turk, you tell him how you really feel,
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just like you told me last night, or I will do it for you.
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Baby! Why does he hurt me so bad?
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I want you to stop seeing her.
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Fine. But I'm only ending it because friends come first.
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Plus, you already had sex with her.
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Four a half times!
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Lata!
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Jordan. You're on the board, what is the story on my patient Mr. Summers?
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Well Stick, I'm going to warn you the same way...
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I warn Perry every time I have more than three scotches.
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Prepare to have your ass grabbed!
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That's disturbing in like... eight different ways.
78
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Barbie, the guy's a sexist pig. He's gonna eat you alive.
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Look, I'm not the same doctor I was four years ago.
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I'm smarter, I'm more confident...
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Yeah yeah yeah yeah.
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Just skip the rest of your "I'll show you speech"
83
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and just walk away in a huff. I'm very busy.
84
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Thank you!
85
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So should we start this deposition,
86
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or do you boys just want to hand us a big bag of money?
87
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Big bag of money...
88
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You aren't going to freeze up around her again, are you Ted?
89
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No chance. I'm drugged up.
90
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Plus, if I concentrate,
91
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I think I can control the excessive flop sweat I get the second she speaks.
92
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Ted, you ready to get started?
93
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Whenever you're ready, Neena.
94
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First off, I'd just like to say that these charges...
95
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We should take a short recess.
96
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Believe me, you're better off.
97
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I agree.
98
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Now, Mr. Corman is contending that the shoulder surgery he received ruined his tennis serve.
99
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I'd like to start by asking Dr. Turk if his diabetes...
100
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could have affected his performance in surgery.
101
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You're diabetic?
102
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Yes. I told you that.
103
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I thought you were joking.
104
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How is that funny?
105
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Well, it's a very serious disease. And I don't like you.
106
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How do we even know he plays tennis?
107
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Look at him. He's awful! You are awful!
108
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Wait for the serve.
109
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We're settling.
110
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Hey, I want you to know that I still think you're a great doctor.
111
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And I've been talking to my rabbi a lot lately about me finally getting circumsized.
112
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It's not a religious thing, it's... it's more for the ladies.
113
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What?
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Hey Neena.
115
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God help me, I'm going to miss that smile.
116
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I think because of the whole Turk situation we should probably stop seeing each other.
117
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No.
118
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You can't just say no. No is the answer to a question.
119
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And I clearly wasn't asking a question, Neena. I was making a dramatic statement.
120
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And I'm sorry, but that statement was goodbye.
121
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You know, one of us is going to tire eventually.
122
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So how are we feeling Mr. Summers?
123
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I feel like my ex-wife is standing on my chest.
124
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And not the pretty one.
125
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The fat one that had all my kids.
126
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Fantastic! I'd like to start by...
127
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Listen, Goldilocks.
128
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Unless the next three words out of your mouth...
129
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are some combination of sponge, bath, and my big white ass,
130
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I'm not interested.
131
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Now, how about you be a nice little nurse and go find my doctor.
132
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Actually sir...
133
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His name is Elliot Reid.
134
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So, what's the word?
135
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This guy any good?
136
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Oh, he rocks!
137
00:08:00,630 --> 00:08:03,270
Baby, you know if my malpractice insurance goes through the roof,
138
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you're going to have to take a step down lifestyle-wise.
139
00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:08,280
I live in a tiny apartment with my husband, his best friend,
140
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and their dead stuffed dog. What's the step down?
141
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Hey come on!
142
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One of the most amazing things about you is that you never let anything beat you.
143
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- Yeah, I am pretty impressive.
- Yes you are.
144
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Now don't you let anything else get into that beautiful head of yours.
145
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Okay?
146
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What could get into this man's head, baby? Huh?
147
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Tough day, huh?
148
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You wanna talk about it?
149
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Neena, it's over.
150
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No it's not.
151
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In fact, I find myself oddly turned on...
152
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by your timid baby horse standing up for the first time style of lovemaking.
153
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First of all, thank you.
154
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Secondly, I tried to be reasonable.
Now if you want to see my dark side,
155
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you're going to see my dark side.
156
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A- tickletickletickletickle...
157
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A- tickletickletickletickletickle...
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Yet another strong moment for you?
159
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Okay, fine, why don't you just tell me how this ends?
160
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You won't break up with me, you will betray your friend.
161
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What is this, some kind of lawyer mind trick? It's not gonna happen!
162
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- Sit down.
- I won't, I'm leaving.
163
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You're going to have sex with me.
164
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I'll do nothing of the sort.
165
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And as the ultimate act of betrayal,
166
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you will do it on the very same sweat and tear-soaked table where I crushed your friend.
167
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Oh, I hate a dirty table.
168
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You love a dirty table.
169
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God help me, I do. I do love a dirty table.
170
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Okay, Mr. Summers. Your EKGs came back...
171
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and Dr. Reid liked what he saw.
172
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When the hell am I getting out of here?
173
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Dr. Reid thought you might ask that and he had an answer for you.
174
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Shut your cakehole!
175
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He also said for you to stop paying off orderlies to sneak...
176
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you cheeseburgers, you big load.
177
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Wow, he's old school. Like me.
178
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Hey! That belongs to Dr. Reid!
179
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So you and Reid...
180
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Yes. We're lovers.
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Red hot lovers.
182
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I'm guessing he's married.
183
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She doesn't understand him like I do.
184
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I love this guy.
185
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Not like I do.
186
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Hey, Turk's kind of in a dark place right now,
187
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so stay away from him, okay?
Nothing personal, you're just an awful human being.
188
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Of course. But, uh, we kind of crossed paths already.
189
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Life is pointless Gandhi, and I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.
190
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The only thing more pointless than life itself is being a doctor.
191
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I mean, bottom line, you spend eight years and 200Gs
192
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trying to get through med school and what do you have to show for it?
193
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I'll tell ya. A diploma on your wall, and a bullseye on your back.
194
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And you reminded him that people are basically good.
195
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People suck. They suck. And make no mistake about it,
196
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even sweet little old ladies are looking to bend you over a chair in court.
197
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Come on.
198
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We covered people.
199
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And I know you would never do anything to ruin his innocence.
200
00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:55,755
You see, there's a compartment in the hat.
201
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So the stinkin' rabbit is actually in there the whole time.
202
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Right?
203
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People pretty much hear what they want to hear, okay?
204
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What did you do?
205
00:11:06,670 --> 00:11:09,350
Hey, excuse me. My son is interested in becoming a doctor,
206
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and I thought maybe you could tell him what it's like.
207
00:11:12,090 --> 00:11:14,480
I'd love to! I would love to!
208
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Do you have a dog, Bowl Cut?
209
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Well, I want you to find a pile of its best work and roll all around in it.
210
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See, that's how it feels to be a doctor. Because here's the dirty little secret.
211
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People don't want your help. They want your dignity, they want your pride,
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but mostly, they want your money.
213
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Good luck in med school.
214
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Oh! The next time you see a magic show,
215
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the bunny was in the hat the whole time.
216
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Peace out!
217
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You are so dead.
218
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You can only keep the truth hidden for so long.
219
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Enough is enough. I want to meet this Dr. Reid!
220
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No problem!
221
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Frick!
222
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Turk, wait!
223
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Let's sit down and talk about this.
224
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And when the truth comes out, it doesn't set you free as much as you'd hope.
225
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Hey buddy!
226
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Especially if it involves betraying your best friend.
227
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Did we win?
228
00:12:22,470 --> 00:12:23,515
Wait, hold on Turk!
229
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Haven't you ever heard of keeping your enemies closer?
230
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I was just keeping her closer! Turk!
231
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Hey Gandhi! Gandhi, I think we should talk. What do you say?
232
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Sure, Dr. Cox and I were feeling guilty.
233
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But if Turk didn't want to talk about it, we were in the clear.
234
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May I have a word with you two?
235
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Okay, who wants to be me?
236
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Craig, you're probably still mad at me. Anyone else?
237
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Dr. Reid. At your service.
238
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Okay, that's a no for Todd. Isn't there anyone here that I can trust to be me?
239
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Hello. I'm Dr. Reid. Dr. Elliot Reid.
240
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I'm a doctor.
241
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What is the matter with you two?
242
00:13:05,290 --> 00:13:07,500
J.D., you said you were going to break up with Neena.
243
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I know! Believe me,
244
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the whole time we were having sex I was thinking about Turk.
245
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That came out wrong.
246
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And you!
247
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Why do you want everybody in this hospital to be as miserable as you?
248
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How could you not get this?
249
00:13:20,170 --> 00:13:21,720
What does misery love?
250
00:13:22,970 --> 00:13:24,470
- Alright, look...
- Company!
251
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Misery loves company!
252
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Misery loves company...
253
00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:30,570
Oh God...
254
00:13:30,700 --> 00:13:35,650
Okay, sure sure. Maybe we did screw up, just a pequito, but come on.
255
00:13:35,685 --> 00:13:38,230
We're definitely not the ones you want to be mad at.
256
00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:39,400
Oh yeah, then who?
257
00:13:39,550 --> 00:13:40,640
Hiya fellas!
258
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:56,870
Summers, I think we can save your foot.
259
00:13:56,940 --> 00:13:58,730
- It's his heart.
- I know that.
260
00:13:58,980 --> 00:14:00,450
We're concerned about your ticker.
261
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:19,570
Ah, yes. Yes yes.
262
00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:23,240
Well, your paper script looks good.
263
00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:25,610
But, I'm going to have to listen to that heart of yours.
264
00:14:39,110 --> 00:14:41,820
Well, I'm afraid I was wrong. We're going to have to take that foot.
265
00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:47,910
My talk with Carla gave me the courage to take a stand.
266
00:14:48,150 --> 00:14:50,570
After all, misery loves comradery.
267
00:14:50,610 --> 00:14:51,545
Look, Neena...
268
00:14:51,580 --> 00:14:54,250
If you talk about ending our relationship again, I'll punish you.
269
00:14:54,700 --> 00:14:56,460
Punish me? How?
270
00:14:58,550 --> 00:14:59,815
You know what, no, this is crazy.
271
00:14:59,850 --> 00:15:02,690
I am not going to get your name tattooed on my ankle, okay?
272
00:15:02,820 --> 00:15:04,380
Enough is enough! Alright?
273
00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:06,090
A man has to have his limits.
274
00:15:06,220 --> 00:15:08,770
Let's get out of here. Come on!
275
00:15:10,290 --> 00:15:12,330
And that's when I realized I would never be strong enough...
276
00:15:12,365 --> 00:15:14,560
to break Neena's hold over me. I needed help.
277
00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:17,370
I needed someone who was even scarier than she was.
278
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,370
I needed a real witch.
279
00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:30,400
Someone must have left this here from Halloween.
280
00:15:31,250 --> 00:15:33,200
God, Dr. Cox is going to go off on me.
281
00:15:33,460 --> 00:15:36,270
It's going to be worse than the time my brother Barry caught me reading his Playgirl magazines.
282
00:15:36,470 --> 00:15:37,710
Don't you mean Playboy?
283
00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:38,590
No.
284
00:15:38,660 --> 00:15:40,040
So you're saying that your brother's...
285
00:15:40,075 --> 00:15:40,665
Yes.
286
00:15:40,700 --> 00:15:41,905
Has he actually told your family that...
287
00:15:41,940 --> 00:15:43,660
- No.
- But everyone's positive that he's...
288
00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:45,450
Do you think he and another guy have ever...
289
00:15:45,485 --> 00:15:46,480
No more questions.
290
00:15:48,110 --> 00:15:50,540
Elliot, if you can handle that sexist dirtbag in there,
291
00:15:50,575 --> 00:15:51,870
you can certainly handle Perry.
292
00:15:52,980 --> 00:15:54,040
Why are you being nice to me?
293
00:15:54,110 --> 00:15:56,950
Okay, Perry occasionally talks to me at home.
294
00:15:57,010 --> 00:15:59,135
And he told me that you don't need him as much anymore,
295
00:15:59,170 --> 00:16:02,470
and it annoys the hell out of him, which of course gives me endless enjoyment.
296
00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:04,475
Don't go backwards.
297
00:16:04,510 --> 00:16:06,145
Own what you did with Mr. Summers.
298
00:16:06,180 --> 00:16:09,670
You are so much stronger than all the other idiot residents around here.
299
00:16:10,860 --> 00:16:11,635
Really?
300
00:16:11,670 --> 00:16:14,120
Jordan? I need you to break up with somebody for me.
301
00:16:14,980 --> 00:16:15,850
Really.
302
00:16:20,700 --> 00:16:23,110
Hey. There's no pie here.
303
00:16:23,990 --> 00:16:26,870
Oh my God! Oh, you two are going to kill me!
304
00:16:26,905 --> 00:16:28,560
Nobody's going to kill you.
305
00:16:28,580 --> 00:16:29,980
Hi, I'm Dr. Nobody.
306
00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:33,620
Oh, I see. This is your Hippocratic Oath? Schoolyard threats?
307
00:16:33,655 --> 00:16:35,150
Seriously, is there no pie?
308
00:16:35,185 --> 00:16:36,240
Look, Turk.
309
00:16:36,380 --> 00:16:39,660
I know you feel like you did right by him, but you have to acknowledge...
310
00:16:39,695 --> 00:16:42,090
that Mr. Corman here feels like you let him down.
311
00:16:42,860 --> 00:16:45,260
You know what? I don't feel that way.
312
00:16:45,910 --> 00:16:47,900
I know you did the best job you could.
313
00:16:48,700 --> 00:16:50,800
But there's something that you should know about me.
314
00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:52,770
People hate me.
315
00:16:53,820 --> 00:16:56,710
But in tennis, they're forced to interact.
316
00:16:57,240 --> 00:17:00,360
So for three hours, two Sundays a month,
317
00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:03,080
I have friends. You know what I mean?
318
00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:08,260
So what you're saying is that even though you think my husband did a great job,
319
00:17:08,460 --> 00:17:10,765
you've decided to crush his spirit by...
320
00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:14,430
putting a permanent black mark on his medical record over a tennis game?
321
00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:17,460
I fear I've said too much.
322
00:17:20,580 --> 00:17:22,820
Okay, this woman is horrifying, so don't panic.
323
00:17:22,950 --> 00:17:24,720
- I'll be fine.
- I was talking to myself.
324
00:17:24,820 --> 00:17:27,710
Oh, there you are. Go get in the backseat of my car and lie down on the floor.
325
00:17:27,790 --> 00:17:28,560
Okay.
326
00:17:29,180 --> 00:17:30,650
Neena, a word?
327
00:17:31,930 --> 00:17:33,440
Oh, it's so on.
328
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,640
You got something to say? Say it.
329
00:17:47,940 --> 00:17:50,850
The thing about strong women... If you call them out,
330
00:17:50,885 --> 00:17:52,750
they're going to give you a piece of their mind.
331
00:17:53,620 --> 00:17:54,920
I should have known, Barbie.
332
00:17:55,270 --> 00:17:58,960
Hell, you have been impersonating a doctor since the first day you got here.
333
00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:01,255
Look, I did what I had to do to treat this guy.
334
00:18:01,290 --> 00:18:04,590
And as far as me being scared about you telling him that I'm full of crap?
335
00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:06,860
Hey Jerkwad! I'm Dr. Reid!
336
00:18:06,895 --> 00:18:07,685
What?!
337
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:10,440
Oh, and by the way. I had a little chat with your wife.
338
00:18:10,580 --> 00:18:11,790
I know I'm in your head.
339
00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:14,320
It took me three years to move in and I am not moving out.
340
00:18:17,170 --> 00:18:18,655
Here's what's going to happen.
341
00:18:18,690 --> 00:18:21,600
You're going to drop this lawsuit because it's wrong and you know it.
342
00:18:21,635 --> 00:18:23,200
But also because if you don't,
343
00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:25,105
I'm going to pound the plaid right off that shirt...
344
00:18:25,140 --> 00:18:28,720
and make it so that the only way you'll be able to eat pie is through a straw.
345
00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:32,490
You come in here and walk around like you're the queen bee.
346
00:18:32,970 --> 00:18:34,150
Guess what, Missy.
347
00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:35,610
This is my house.
348
00:18:35,630 --> 00:18:37,920
You and Mr. Chestless here are over.
349
00:18:37,955 --> 00:18:39,960
So move on! Cause if you don't,
350
00:18:40,100 --> 00:18:44,490
I'm going to turn your little lame liason into a threesome, starring yours truly.
351
00:18:44,550 --> 00:18:46,710
And I don't kiss nice.
352
00:18:57,820 --> 00:19:00,300
And just like that we all knew who had won.
353
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:01,490
Ouch.
354
00:19:03,380 --> 00:19:04,610
Yeah!
355
00:19:06,410 --> 00:19:08,100
Okay. Fine, it's over.
356
00:19:08,570 --> 00:19:09,780
I'm free?
357
00:19:10,790 --> 00:19:12,890
Hey you. Go get in the back of my car.
358
00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:14,210
Awesome.
359
00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:22,030
Wow. Thanks, Jordan.
360
00:19:22,430 --> 00:19:23,540
I'll see you around.
361
00:19:23,620 --> 00:19:26,110
Not so fast. You're my bitch now.
362
00:19:30,750 --> 00:19:33,290
Jordan's making me stretch out her new jeans.
363
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:37,410
Cry me a river.
364
00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:39,710
You know what Gandhi's wife made me do this afternoon...
365
00:19:39,745 --> 00:19:41,830
because I supposedly crushed his spirit?
366
00:19:41,940 --> 00:19:42,730
What?
367
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:46,580
Ever since the surgery I've been serving lefty.
368
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,840
It's a little unpredictable, but I'm getting some good heat.
369
00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:51,550
Can't wait to see it.
370
00:19:55,060 --> 00:19:58,050
Hit you on the fly! Fifteen-love!
371
00:20:00,620 --> 00:20:02,040
Turk, I'm sorry about Neena.
372
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:05,670
It's okay, man. She's a woman. I understand.
373
00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:08,230
And the truth was, he did understand.
374
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:10,775
No matter how much we like to pretend otherwise,
375
00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:13,720
strong confident women will always have the power over us.
376
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:16,380
Whether they're fighting for respect,
377
00:20:17,490 --> 00:20:18,740
fighting for their man,
378
00:20:19,470 --> 00:20:21,360
or even just fighting for the hell of it.
379
00:20:21,950 --> 00:20:24,450
Strong women make all guys feel the same way.
380
00:20:24,460 --> 00:20:26,350
Jordan looks mad, I should go.
381
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:30,710
I have to pick up Carla's dry-cleaning.
382
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:33,700
Well, what do we have here?
383
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:35,700
Oh, no.
384
00:20:36,630 --> 00:20:40,600
I heard from a reliable source that you want to live in dumpster.
385
00:20:41,340 --> 00:20:45,120
I can arrange that. Yep, I know just the right neighborhood.
386
00:20:45,170 --> 00:20:49,720
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