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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,135 --> 00:00:03,037 - THIS IS THE FINAL WORD, WITH PERD. 2 00:00:03,071 --> 00:00:06,040 WITH YOUR HOST, PERDERICK L. HAPLEY. 3 00:00:06,074 --> 00:00:09,377 - ISSUE NUMBER ONE IS THE FIRST ISSUE WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT. 4 00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:12,313 IS BOBBY NEWPORT'S CAMPAIGN FOR CITY COUNCIL IN TROUBLE? 5 00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,348 WHEN I SAY YOUR NAMES, I WANT YOU TO RESPOND. 6 00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:15,683 DYLAN. 7 00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:18,519 - WELL, NEWPORT'S POLL NUMBERS HAVE BEEN PLUMMETING. 8 00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:21,055 THEY JUST FIRED HIS CAMPAIGN MANAGER, 9 00:00:21,089 --> 00:00:22,356 AND WHERE'S BOBBY? 10 00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:23,457 HE'S ON VACATION IN SPAIN. 11 00:00:23,491 --> 00:00:25,793 - HE'S NOT ON VACATION, HE'S IN HIDING. 12 00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:28,462 EVERY TIME THE GUY SPEAKS, HE PUTS HIS FOOT IN HIS MOUTH. 13 00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:30,464 - [laughs] THAT'S A HILARIOUS IMAGE. 14 00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:32,333 A FOOT IN A MOUTH. 15 00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:35,069 - IT'S A COMMON EXPRESSION. 16 00:00:35,103 --> 00:00:36,204 - OKAY. 17 00:00:36,237 --> 00:00:37,705 ACCORDING TO THE NEWEST POLLS, 18 00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:40,108 LESLIE KNOPE IS NOW IN SECOND PLACE. 19 00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:41,675 SHE'S JUST 15 POINTS BACK. 20 00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:43,077 - WHOA, YEAH! [cheering] 21 00:00:43,111 --> 00:00:44,312 - HOW DID SHE CLOSE THE GAP? 22 00:00:44,345 --> 00:00:45,579 - YOU HAVE TO GIVE A LOT OF CREDIT 23 00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:47,215 TO HER CAMPAIGN MANAGER, BEN WYATT. 24 00:00:47,248 --> 00:00:50,084 - SO APPARENTLY, NEWPORT JUST FIRED HIS CAMPAIGN MANAGER 25 00:00:50,118 --> 00:00:52,086 BECAUSE BEN WAS KICKING HIS ASS. 26 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:55,256 BEN IS THE BEST CAMPAIGN MANAGER ANYONE COULD EVER HAVE. 27 00:00:55,289 --> 00:00:57,558 EVERY MOVE HE'S MADE HAS WORKED. 28 00:00:57,591 --> 00:01:02,163 HE'S LIKE A BRILLIANT, SEXY, LITTLE HUMMINGBIRD. 29 00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:03,264 - WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY? 30 00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:04,732 - NOTHING. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. 31 00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:07,135 YOU'RE DOING GREAT. 32 00:01:07,168 --> 00:01:08,602 - [chuckles] 33 00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:11,605 [triumphant music] 34 00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:19,647 * 35 00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:32,126 - SENIOR CITIZENS ARE BASICALLY THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO VOTE 36 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:34,228 IN LOCAL ELECTIONS, SO IF YOU WANT TO WIN, 37 00:01:34,262 --> 00:01:35,496 YOU GOTTA GET THE GRAY VOTE. 38 00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:36,497 - AND TO GET THE GRAY VOTE, 39 00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:38,366 YOU NEED TO GET THE ENDORSEMENT OF NED JONES. 40 00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:40,568 HE'S THE PRESIDENT OF PAWNEE SENIORS UNITED. 41 00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:42,636 HE'S LIKE THE GODFATHER BUT OLD. 42 00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:44,405 - HE'S LIKE THE GRANDFATHER. 43 00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:45,506 THE GRAND GODFATHER. 44 00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:47,475 - THE "GROND" FATHER, HE'S LIKE-- 45 00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:50,478 IT DOESN'T MATTER. HE'S IMPORTANT, AND HE'S OLD. 46 00:01:50,511 --> 00:01:53,414 MR. JONES, SUCH A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU. 47 00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:54,482 PLEASE DON'T GET UP. 48 00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:56,684 - DON'T WORRY. I CAN'T. 49 00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:58,486 - OH. - JUST JOKING. 50 00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:01,355 I CAN GET UP. BUT IT'S DIFFICULT. 51 00:02:01,389 --> 00:02:03,324 BUT I CAN DO IT, 52 00:02:03,357 --> 00:02:06,227 BUT IT IS HARD. 53 00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:07,861 LOOK, I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME. 54 00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:10,531 - OH, GOD. I'M SO SORRY. 55 00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:12,200 IS IT...CANCER? 56 00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:16,237 - NO, I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME BEFORE MY SWIM AEROBICS. 57 00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:17,338 - OH. 58 00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:20,408 - WHY ARE YOU BETTER FOR SENIORS THAN BOBBY NEWPORT? 59 00:02:20,441 --> 00:02:21,409 - THREE WORDS: 60 00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:24,245 RAMP UP PAWNEE. 61 00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:25,746 PAWNEE IS WAY BEHIND THE TIMES 62 00:02:25,779 --> 00:02:28,182 IN TERMS OF MAKING ITS BUILDINGS WHEELCHAIR ACCESSIBLE. 63 00:02:28,216 --> 00:02:30,451 NOT ENOUGH RAMPS IS THE NUMBER THREE COMPLAINT 64 00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:31,485 AMONG PAWNEE SENIORS... 65 00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:35,889 RIGHT BEHIND "EVERYTHING HURTS" AND "I'M DYING." 66 00:02:37,391 --> 00:02:39,360 - YOU WANTED TO SEE ME. 67 00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:41,829 GOOD GOD. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? 68 00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:43,264 - UPSIDE-DOWN SIT-UPS. 69 00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:45,433 GREAT EXERCISE, AND IT LITERALLY LETS ME SEE 70 00:02:45,466 --> 00:02:46,600 THE WORLD FROM A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE. 71 00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:50,338 - ISN'T THERE A MEN'S GYMNASIUM WHERE YOU COULD DO THAT? 72 00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:52,240 - THE WORLD'S MY GYMNASIUM, RON. 73 00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:54,508 BUT I WILL STOP IF IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE. 74 00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:56,310 COULD YOU HOLD ME WHILE I DISMOUNT? 75 00:02:56,344 --> 00:02:58,346 - [groans] 76 00:03:00,248 --> 00:03:02,283 - THANKS SO MUCH. - [clears throat] YOU BET. 77 00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:03,251 - QUESTION FOR YOU. 78 00:03:03,284 --> 00:03:05,386 IN A TOWN OF THIS SIZE, THE PARKS DEPARTMENT 79 00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:07,488 TRADITIONALLY HAS TEN EMPLOYEES. 80 00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,757 YOU HAVE ONLY SEVEN. WHY IS THAT? 81 00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:11,659 - I WORK HARD TO MAKE SURE MY DEPARTMENT 82 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:14,295 IS AS SMALL AND INEFFECTIVE AS POSSIBLE. 83 00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:16,497 - THE DEPARTMENT IS SO SMALL BECAUSE LESLIE KNOPE 84 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,799 SINGLE-HANDEDLY DOES THE WORK OF FOUR PEOPLE. 85 00:03:18,832 --> 00:03:20,634 AND SHE'S ALREADY SCALED BACK HER TIME. 86 00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:22,570 IF SHE WINS, SHE'LL BE DIVIDING HER TIME 87 00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:24,272 BETWEEN PARKS AND CITY COUNCIL. 88 00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:25,973 I'M GOING TO HAVE TO HIRE A DEPUTY DIRECTOR 89 00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:27,241 TO PICK UP THE SLACK. 90 00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:30,444 - NO! CHRIS, THAT'S UNNECESSARY. 91 00:03:30,478 --> 00:03:32,680 THE DEPARTMENT IS DOING FINE WITHOUT LESLIE. 92 00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,948 - THEN PROVE IT. COMPLETE ONE MAJOR PROJECT. 93 00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:37,785 - EITHER WE COMPLETE A GOVERNMENT PROJECT, 94 00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:38,786 WHICH IS ABHORRENT TO ME, 95 00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:41,422 OR WE BRING A NEW PERSON INTO THE DEPARTMENT, 96 00:03:41,455 --> 00:03:42,990 WHICH REPULSES ME TO MY CORE. 97 00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:45,726 REMINDS ME OF WHEN MY DAD MADE ME CHOOSE 98 00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:48,696 WHICH OF MY PET CALVES TO SLAUGHTER WITH MY OWN HANDS 99 00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,964 FOR MY SIXTH BIRTHDAY. 100 00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:56,470 I COULDN'T CHOOSE, SO I SLAUGHTERED BOTH OF THEM. 101 00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:58,406 AND THEY WERE DELICIOUS. 102 00:03:58,439 --> 00:03:59,940 - ESSENTIALLY, WE'RE GOING TO PUT A RAMP 103 00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:00,974 ON EVERY BUILDING IN TOWN. 104 00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:02,710 - LIKE I ALWAYS SAY, 105 00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:04,578 STAIRS ARE A YOUNG MAN'S GAME. 106 00:04:04,612 --> 00:04:06,314 - DAMN STRAIGHT. 107 00:04:06,347 --> 00:04:08,682 THIS IS VERY IMPRESSIVE. 108 00:04:08,716 --> 00:04:11,419 YOU KNOW, YOU REMIND ME OF MY BROTHER. 109 00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:13,421 YOU HAVE THE SAME NAME, LESLIE. 110 00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:17,558 HE LOST A THIRD OF HIS BODY IN A MOTORCYCLE ACCIDENT. 111 00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,560 THE MIDDLE THIRD. 112 00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:21,462 BUT THEY SUTURED THE HELL OUT OF HIM. 113 00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:23,631 HE'S-- HE'S FINE NOW. 114 00:04:23,664 --> 00:04:27,701 MUCH SHORTER BUT A GOOD-LOOKING, YOUNG, FLAT MAN. 115 00:04:27,735 --> 00:04:30,971 WHAT HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT NEWPORT'S NEW CAMPAIGN MANAGER, 116 00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:31,972 JENNIFER BARKLEY? 117 00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:33,541 - UH, WHO? 118 00:04:33,574 --> 00:04:35,909 - SHE WANTS TO HAVE A MEETING WITH ME AT 5:00. 119 00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:37,411 I TOLD HER SORRY. 120 00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:41,949 I DON'T TALK POLITICS AFTER DINNER. 121 00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:45,753 - NEWPORT HIRED A REAL WASHINGTON HOTSHOT. 122 00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:47,955 WOW, SHE WORKED WITH JAMES CARVILLE? 123 00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:49,990 SHE RAN TWO REPUBLICAN CONGRESSIONAL CAMPAIGNS 124 00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:51,625 AND A SENATE RACE. 125 00:04:51,659 --> 00:04:53,427 - YEAH, AND CHECK OUT THIS PICTURE. 126 00:04:53,461 --> 00:04:55,896 SHE'S EATING EGG SALAD WITH COLIN POWELL. 127 00:04:55,929 --> 00:04:58,599 THAT'S THE MOST IMPRESSIVE THING I'VE EVER SEEN. 128 00:04:58,632 --> 00:04:59,933 WHY ARE YOU SMILING? 129 00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:02,803 WHY IS THIS TERRIFYING INFORMATION MAKING YOU SMILE? 130 00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:04,338 - NEWPORT'S SCARED. 131 00:05:04,372 --> 00:05:06,106 I MEAN, HE MUST'VE SHELLED OUT A FORTUNE TO HIRE HER. 132 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:09,410 - SO WHAT DO WE DO NEXT? - I'M GOING TO SET UP A MEETING. 133 00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:10,911 I MEAN, WE CAN SIZE HER UP, BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, 134 00:05:10,944 --> 00:05:13,414 IT'LL HUMANIZE YOU, MAKE IT HARDER FOR HER TO ATTACK YOU. 135 00:05:13,447 --> 00:05:15,983 AND WE'LL DO IT AT JJ'S DINER. 136 00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,485 HOME FIELD ADVANTAGE. 137 00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,720 - AS A CANDIDATE, I APPRECIATE YOUR STRATEGIC MIND, 138 00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:21,522 BUT AS WOMAN, ALL I CARE ABOUT IS 139 00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:24,658 YOUR SLIGHT BUT POWERFUL BODY. 140 00:05:24,692 --> 00:05:26,527 - HELLO, ANN PERKINS. 141 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,497 - THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE SAID MY ENTIRE NAME CORRECTLY. 142 00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:31,499 - NONSENSE. WE ARE CLOSE FRIENDS. 143 00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:33,000 I HAVE GOOD NEWS FOR YOU. 144 00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:35,703 I'M MAKING THE WATER FOUNTAIN HYGIENE UPGRADE 145 00:05:35,736 --> 00:05:36,870 OUR NUMBER ONE PRIORITY. 146 00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:37,971 - OH, GREAT. 147 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,440 FOR SOME REASON, 148 00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:41,842 WHEN PEOPLE IN PAWNEE USE THE WATER FOUNTAIN, 149 00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:45,012 THEY PUT THEIR MOUTHS COMPLETELY OVER THE SPOUTS. 150 00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:48,582 IT'S LIKE THIS WEIRD, DISGUSTING, LOCAL QUIRK. 151 00:05:48,616 --> 00:05:50,718 KISS ONE WATER-FOUNTAIN DRINKER, 152 00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:53,621 YOU'RE KISSING EVERYONE IN PAWNEE. 153 00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:55,656 INCLUDING HIM. 154 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,525 - I'D LIKE TO COMPLETE THIS PROJECT 155 00:05:57,558 --> 00:05:59,693 BY...TOMORROW. 156 00:05:59,727 --> 00:06:00,694 - OH. 157 00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:01,695 - SET UP SHOP IN OUR OFFICE. 158 00:06:01,729 --> 00:06:03,464 IN FACT, TAKE LESLIE'S DESK. 159 00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:05,499 - OKAY, I WILL. THANKS. GREAT. 160 00:06:05,533 --> 00:06:06,834 - DO YOU WANT THE DOOR OPEN OR SHUT? 161 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:07,835 - AH, OPEN'S FINE. 162 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:11,104 - OKAY. 163 00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:12,540 - HELLO, MARTA. 164 00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:14,107 WE WOULD LIKE OUR REGULAR TABLE, 165 00:06:14,141 --> 00:06:16,577 BUT WE WANT YOU TO SET IT UP A LITTLE FANCIER THAN NORMAL 166 00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:17,945 BECAUSE WE'RE TRYING TO IMPRESS SOMEONE. 167 00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:18,979 - YOU MEAN MS. BARKLEY. 168 00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:20,448 SHE'S ALREADY HERE. LAST BOOTH. 169 00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:22,683 - LESLIE KNOPE. HI. 170 00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:23,817 I'M JEN BARKLEY. 171 00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:25,018 HI. - HI. 172 00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:26,487 - GRAB A SEAT. 173 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:27,588 - THANKS. 174 00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:28,722 - SORRY ABOUT ALL THESE PAPERS. 175 00:06:28,756 --> 00:06:30,458 I HAD THEM SHIPPED IN. I'M A NEWS JUNKIE. 176 00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:31,925 - IS THIS IN ARABIC? 177 00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:34,161 - WELL, I'VE BEEN READING UP ON YOU TWO. 178 00:06:34,194 --> 00:06:36,129 BEN, IT'S A GREAT JOB ON THIS CAMPAIGN. 179 00:06:36,163 --> 00:06:37,998 - OH. WELL, THANK YOU. 180 00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:40,734 - AND LESLIE, YOUR PARKS WORK, IT'S NO JOKE. 181 00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:42,570 THIS IS FEDERAL GOVERNMENT CALIBER. 182 00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:46,039 - NOT TO SOUND RUDE, BUT WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 183 00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:48,709 THIS CAMPAIGN SEEMS BENEATH YOU. 184 00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:49,743 - YEAH. 185 00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:52,513 BOBBY NEWPORT'S DADDY CALLED ME OUT OF THE BLUE. 186 00:06:52,546 --> 00:06:53,981 I'D NEVER HEARD OF BOBBY NEWPORT BEFORE, 187 00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:55,516 BUT IT BECAME CLEAR IN TWO SECONDS 188 00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:56,984 THIS GUY IS A MORON. 189 00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,218 SO I WAS, LIKE, "SORRY, NICK. 190 00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:00,454 YOUR SON IS A MORON. THERE'S NO WAY." 191 00:07:00,488 --> 00:07:01,955 THEN HE OFFERED ME A CRAZY AMOUNT OF MONEY. 192 00:07:01,989 --> 00:07:03,824 I SHOULDN'T EVEN TELL YOU HOW MUCH. 193 00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:06,026 BUT I WILL. $250,000. 194 00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:08,496 - GOOD LORD. FOR SIX WEEKS OF WORK? 195 00:07:08,529 --> 00:07:09,497 - I KNOW. 196 00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:11,198 PLUS FRANKLY, I NEEDED A BREAK FROM WASHINGTON. 197 00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:13,501 - DO YOU KNOW JOE BIDEN? 198 00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:14,502 - OH, MM-HMM. 199 00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:16,103 - HE'S ON MY CELEBRITY SEX LIST. 200 00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:18,472 WELL, HE IS MY CELEBRITY SEX LIST. 201 00:07:18,506 --> 00:07:20,040 - OH, TRUST ME. YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN JOE. 202 00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:21,141 - [laughing] OH, NO. 203 00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:22,976 I DON'T-- I DON'T THINK I CAN. 204 00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:24,211 - [laughs] 205 00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:25,513 - NO WAY. 206 00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:27,214 [laughing] 207 00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:29,483 - OH, MAN. 208 00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:31,251 I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE MET YOU GUYS. 209 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:34,087 NOW I KIND OF HOPE YOU WIN. 210 00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,524 - SHE'S JUST DOING THIS FOR THE MONEY. 211 00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,158 SHE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE HER OWN CLIENT. 212 00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:40,260 THIS COULD BE THE BEST CASE SCENARIO FOR US. 213 00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:43,163 - OR THE REAL BEST CASE SCENARIO IS IF SHE JUST TAKES THE MONEY 214 00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:44,898 AND DOESN'T EVEN TRY. 215 00:07:44,932 --> 00:07:47,501 - TELL ME A LITTLE BIT ABOUT LESLIE KNOPE. 216 00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:49,102 - WELL, PERD, LESLIE KNOPE REPRESENTS 217 00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:51,505 EVERYTHING THAT IS WRONG ABOUT POLITICS IN AMERICA. 218 00:07:51,539 --> 00:07:53,974 SHE'S NAIVE, SHE'S UNTESTED, 219 00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:55,776 AND SHE'S AN ENTRENCHED BUREAUCRAT 220 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:58,512 THAT'S GOT THE STINK OF BIG GOVERNMENT ALL OVER HER. 221 00:07:58,546 --> 00:07:59,479 - OH, GOD. - WHAT? 222 00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:01,715 - WOW, STRONG WORDS FROM A POWERFUL LADY. 223 00:08:01,749 --> 00:08:02,816 - SO I GUESS WE BOTH AGREE. 224 00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:06,687 LESLIE KNOPE IS WRONG FOR PAWNEE. 225 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:07,888 - WORST CASE SCENARIO. 226 00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:09,590 WORST CASE SCENARIO! 227 00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:14,868 - I'M LESLIE KNOPE, AND WHEN I GROW UP, 228 00:08:15,175 --> 00:08:19,614 I WANT TO BE A UNICORN PRINCESS OR A CITY COUNCILOR. 229 00:08:19,647 --> 00:08:22,082 - WRONG. NOT IN MY TOWN, KID. 230 00:08:22,116 --> 00:08:25,653 CITY COUNCIL'S A REAL JOB FOR A REAL ADULT. 231 00:08:25,686 --> 00:08:27,755 - IT'S PLAYING EVERY HOUR ON EVERY CHANNEL. 232 00:08:27,788 --> 00:08:29,624 - IT'S OFFICIAL. I HATE JENNIFER BARKLEY. 233 00:08:29,657 --> 00:08:31,659 WHEN I GO TO THAT SENIOR CENTER, I'M GOING TO GO UP ONSTAGE, 234 00:08:31,692 --> 00:08:33,193 AND I'M GOING TO VICIOUSLY ATTACK HER. 235 00:08:33,227 --> 00:08:34,795 - OKAY, DON'T LET BARKLEY KNOCK US OFF MESSAGE. 236 00:08:34,829 --> 00:08:37,932 WE ARE GOING THERE TO GET NED JONES' ENDORSEMENT, 237 00:08:37,965 --> 00:08:39,667 AND THAT'S HUGE. - YOU'RE RIGHT. 238 00:08:39,700 --> 00:08:41,201 AND I SHOULD LISTEN TO YOU ALWAYS 239 00:08:41,235 --> 00:08:42,937 BECAUSE YOU ARE A MAN GENIUS 240 00:08:42,970 --> 00:08:46,373 WITH A TAUT, NARROW FRAME LIKE A SEXY, ELF KING. 241 00:08:46,406 --> 00:08:49,343 - DO YOU WISH I WERE TALLER OR-- WHAT'S GOING ON? 242 00:08:49,376 --> 00:08:50,778 - NOTHING. YOU'RE PERFECT. 243 00:08:50,811 --> 00:08:52,179 - OKAY, EVERYONE. 244 00:08:52,212 --> 00:08:54,248 SO THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT IS WORKING ON A POSTER CAMPAIGN 245 00:08:54,281 --> 00:08:56,383 TO WARN PEOPLE ABOUT DISEASES. 246 00:08:56,416 --> 00:08:59,353 NOW WE ARE GOING TO BUILD A BETTER WATER FOUNTAIN 247 00:08:59,386 --> 00:09:00,721 FOR THE PARKS. 248 00:09:00,755 --> 00:09:02,957 ANDY IS OUR OFFICIAL WATER-FOUNTAIN TESTER. 249 00:09:02,990 --> 00:09:07,995 - ALL RIGHT, LET'S GIVE THIS SUCKER A TEST-DRIVE. 250 00:09:09,229 --> 00:09:12,867 - YEAH, SO THE IDEA IS TO MAKE A FOUNTAIN 251 00:09:12,900 --> 00:09:15,670 THAT HE CAN'T DO THAT TO. 252 00:09:15,703 --> 00:09:16,871 - AH, THAT'S GOOD. 253 00:09:16,904 --> 00:09:19,039 - OKAY, ANY IDEAS? JERRY? 254 00:09:19,073 --> 00:09:21,075 - WELL, I WAS THINKING THAT 255 00:09:21,108 --> 00:09:23,944 WE COULD PUT THIS CAGE THING AROUND IT. 256 00:09:23,978 --> 00:09:25,780 - OKAY. THAT COULD WORK. 257 00:09:25,813 --> 00:09:27,614 ANDY? 258 00:09:31,686 --> 00:09:32,687 - [slurping] 259 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:34,154 - YEAH. 260 00:09:34,188 --> 00:09:35,189 THANK YOU, ANDY. 261 00:09:35,222 --> 00:09:36,657 - AH, STILL GOOD. 262 00:09:36,691 --> 00:09:38,693 - TOM? - FULL DISCLOSURE. 263 00:09:38,726 --> 00:09:41,862 ANN AND I ARE ROMANTICALLY INTERTWINED. 264 00:09:41,896 --> 00:09:42,963 - OH, GOD. 265 00:09:42,997 --> 00:09:45,065 - SO LET'S NOT BE SURPRISED IF SHE PICKS MY IDEA. 266 00:09:45,099 --> 00:09:46,266 - WOULD YOU JUST GO, DUMMY? 267 00:09:46,300 --> 00:09:48,836 - WHAT'S THE BEST KIND OF WATER FOUNTAIN? 268 00:09:48,869 --> 00:09:50,237 HOW ABOUT NO WATER FOUNTAIN? 269 00:09:50,270 --> 00:09:51,038 THIS... 270 00:09:51,071 --> 00:09:55,042 IS THE VOSS WATER BUTLER BY TUMI. 271 00:09:55,075 --> 00:09:56,176 AND ONLY $600 A BAG. 272 00:09:56,210 --> 00:09:58,045 - APRIL, WHAT'S YOUR IDEA? 273 00:09:58,078 --> 00:10:00,247 - TO GO IN THAT ROOM AND FINISH THIS BOOK. 274 00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:01,348 - OH, REALLY? - YEAH. 275 00:10:01,381 --> 00:10:04,251 - IS IT GOOD? - YEAH. 276 00:10:04,284 --> 00:10:05,285 - YOU'RE GOING TO STAY HERE, AND YOU'RE GOING TO HELP. 277 00:10:05,319 --> 00:10:06,453 - DONNA? 278 00:10:06,486 --> 00:10:09,023 - DO I LOOK LIKE I DRINK WATER? 279 00:10:09,056 --> 00:10:11,058 - YOO-HOO. I'M OVER HERE. 280 00:10:11,091 --> 00:10:13,260 JUST ABOUT TO START MY PRESENTATION. 281 00:10:13,293 --> 00:10:16,130 I-- UH-OH, STAIRS. 282 00:10:16,163 --> 00:10:17,164 WHAT DO I DO? 283 00:10:17,197 --> 00:10:19,800 HOW DO I GET FROM HERE TO THERE? 284 00:10:19,834 --> 00:10:22,169 I'M NOT A PROFESSIONAL MOUNTAIN CLIMBER. 285 00:10:22,202 --> 00:10:24,138 IT'S A REAL PROBLEM IN OUR TOWN, 286 00:10:24,171 --> 00:10:27,274 BUT NOT ANYMORE, THANKS TO RAMP UP PAWNEE. 287 00:10:27,307 --> 00:10:30,444 WE'RE GOING TO PUT RAMPS IN EVERY BUILDING IN THIS TOWN 288 00:10:30,477 --> 00:10:33,480 BECAUSE IF THERE'S ONE THING I BELIEVE, 289 00:10:33,513 --> 00:10:36,283 IT'S THAT STAIRS ARE A YOUNG MAN'S GAME. 290 00:10:36,316 --> 00:10:37,284 - YEAH. 291 00:10:37,317 --> 00:10:38,886 [applause] 292 00:10:38,919 --> 00:10:41,255 - RAMPS ARE AN IDIOT'S GAME. 293 00:10:41,288 --> 00:10:43,958 THIS IS NOTHING MORE THAN A WORSE VERSION 294 00:10:43,991 --> 00:10:45,459 OF BOBBY NEWPORT'S PLAN. 295 00:10:45,492 --> 00:10:46,761 - WHAT PLAN? 296 00:10:46,794 --> 00:10:48,295 BOBBY NEWPORT DOESN'T HAVE A PLAN. 297 00:10:48,328 --> 00:10:50,865 - WAS SOMEBODY JUST TALKING ABOUT BOBBY NEWPORT'S PLAN? 298 00:10:50,898 --> 00:10:53,500 BECAUSE NED JONES AND I WOULD LOVE TO SHARE IT WITH YOU. 299 00:10:53,533 --> 00:10:54,769 COME ON OUT HERE, NED. 300 00:10:54,802 --> 00:10:56,837 - NED JONES IS HERE. 301 00:10:56,871 --> 00:10:58,438 [applause] SAY HELLO TO NED JONES. 302 00:10:58,472 --> 00:11:00,307 MAKE WAY FOR NED JONES. 303 00:11:00,340 --> 00:11:02,176 - WHY DON'T WE JUST TURN UP THE PRESSURE? 304 00:11:02,209 --> 00:11:05,980 THAT WAY YOU DON'T HAVE TO PUT YOUR MOUTH SO CLOSE. 305 00:11:06,013 --> 00:11:07,915 - ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. 306 00:11:07,948 --> 00:11:09,950 - AH, STOP! 307 00:11:09,984 --> 00:11:11,218 - HONEY, I'M SORRY. 308 00:11:11,251 --> 00:11:13,187 - THAT'LL TEACH YOU TO PAY ATTENTION. 309 00:11:13,220 --> 00:11:15,322 - I HAVE AN IDEA. 310 00:11:15,355 --> 00:11:17,424 UM, I WAS THINKING, "WHAT IF WE DID 311 00:11:17,457 --> 00:11:18,893 "SOMETHING LIKE... 312 00:11:18,926 --> 00:11:19,960 THIS?" 313 00:11:19,994 --> 00:11:23,931 - OH, MY-- DUDE, WHAT THE HELL? 314 00:11:23,964 --> 00:11:28,202 - BOBBY NEWPORT'S PLAN IS CALLED "RISE UP! PAWNEE." 315 00:11:28,235 --> 00:11:30,104 HE IS GOING TO PUT AN ELECTRIC LIFT 316 00:11:30,137 --> 00:11:34,341 ON EVERY OUTDOOR STAIRCASE IN TOWN. 317 00:11:34,374 --> 00:11:36,076 - WOW. [applause] 318 00:11:36,110 --> 00:11:37,912 - NOW YOU COULD USE A RAMP, 319 00:11:37,945 --> 00:11:39,947 BUT THAT SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF WORK. 320 00:11:39,980 --> 00:11:42,216 BOBBY NEWPORT THINKS THAT THE STAIRS 321 00:11:42,249 --> 00:11:44,885 SHOULD DO THE WORK FOR YOU, DON'T YOU AGREE? 322 00:11:44,919 --> 00:11:46,153 GIVE HIM A HAND. 323 00:11:46,186 --> 00:11:50,357 - AS PRESIDENT OF SENIORS UNITED, 324 00:11:50,390 --> 00:11:55,029 I ENDORSE BOBBY NEWPORT. 325 00:11:55,062 --> 00:11:56,263 [cheers and applause] 326 00:11:56,296 --> 00:11:57,832 - I'VE STARTED MEETING WITH PEOPLE 327 00:11:57,865 --> 00:11:59,266 TO FILL IN FOR LESLIE. 328 00:11:59,299 --> 00:12:02,002 I HAVE FOUND FIVE CANDIDATES I'D LIKE TO HIRE 329 00:12:02,036 --> 00:12:04,304 AND TWO I'D LIKE TO BE LIFELONG FRIENDS WITH. 330 00:12:04,338 --> 00:12:06,273 - WELL, YOU WILL NOT BE HIRING ANYONE 331 00:12:06,306 --> 00:12:09,143 BECAUSE MY DEPARTMENT IS JUST FINISHING UP A MAJOR PROJECT. 332 00:12:09,176 --> 00:12:10,144 - INCOMING! 333 00:12:10,177 --> 00:12:13,013 [balloon pops, screaming] 334 00:12:13,047 --> 00:12:14,381 - [laughs] GOT YOU! 335 00:12:14,414 --> 00:12:16,516 [screaming] 336 00:12:16,550 --> 00:12:17,985 - DONNA, DON'T! 337 00:12:18,018 --> 00:12:19,119 [screaming continues] - EXCUSE ME. 338 00:12:19,153 --> 00:12:20,387 - HELP, EVERYTHING I'M WEARING IS SUEDE! 339 00:12:20,420 --> 00:12:22,389 EVERYTHING I'M WEARING IS SUEDE, EVERYTHING I'M WEARING IS SUEDE! 340 00:12:22,422 --> 00:12:24,024 - EXCUSE ME, EVERYBODY. 341 00:12:24,058 --> 00:12:26,426 - ATTENTION! 342 00:12:29,029 --> 00:12:31,498 - I THINK YOU'LL AGREE THAT THIS DEPARTMENT 343 00:12:31,531 --> 00:12:33,233 COULD USE A LITTLE LEADERSHIP. 344 00:12:33,267 --> 00:12:35,002 - KAMIKAZE! 345 00:12:35,035 --> 00:12:36,170 - OH. 346 00:12:36,203 --> 00:12:38,805 - [laughs] 347 00:12:41,308 --> 00:12:43,543 - "STUMBLING FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MONTHS, 348 00:12:43,577 --> 00:12:45,512 "THE KNOPE CAMPAIGN SEEMS TO BE ROLLING DOWN 349 00:12:45,545 --> 00:12:47,614 A RAMP TO NOWHERE." 350 00:12:47,647 --> 00:12:50,417 - WE ARE GETTING OUR BUTTS KICKED 351 00:12:50,450 --> 00:12:52,452 BY A GUY WHO IS NOT EVEN IN THE COUNTRY. 352 00:12:52,486 --> 00:12:55,155 HE'S MAKING OUT WITH SOME FLOOZY IN MAJORCA. 353 00:12:55,189 --> 00:12:56,891 - SORRY, I WISH I WAS BETTER AT THIS. 354 00:12:56,924 --> 00:13:01,261 THEN YOU COULD BE MAKING OUT WITH SOME FLOOZY IN MAJORCA. 355 00:13:01,295 --> 00:13:02,997 MAYBE WE TAKE THE FIGHT TO HER? 356 00:13:03,030 --> 00:13:04,564 I MEAN I COULD TRY TO GET YOU ON PERD'S SHOW, 357 00:13:04,598 --> 00:13:06,266 AND YOU COULD TELL HIM HOW SHE STOLE OUR IDEA. 358 00:13:06,300 --> 00:13:08,135 - THAT SOUNDS GOOD. 359 00:13:08,168 --> 00:13:09,136 - OKAY, I'LL JUST DO THAT. 360 00:13:09,169 --> 00:13:12,039 I CAN CALL, OR MAYBE I'LL JUST GO DOWN THERE. 361 00:13:12,072 --> 00:13:13,941 - HEY. 362 00:13:13,974 --> 00:13:15,175 CHRIS WANTS YOU IN HIS OFFICE 363 00:13:15,209 --> 00:13:16,877 FOR THE FINAL ROUND OF INTERVIEWS. 364 00:13:16,911 --> 00:13:19,246 - [groans] 365 00:13:19,279 --> 00:13:22,282 - AND SORRY WE GOOFED AROUND SO MUCH. 366 00:13:22,316 --> 00:13:24,184 - NORMALLY, I'D BE VERY PROUD OF YOU 367 00:13:24,218 --> 00:13:25,552 FOR WHAT YOU DID. 368 00:13:25,585 --> 00:13:26,586 THIS IS A RARE EXAMPLE 369 00:13:26,620 --> 00:13:29,289 WHERE WASTING A FULL DAY OF WORK IS A BAD THING. 370 00:13:29,323 --> 00:13:31,291 - IS THERE REALLY GOING TO BE A WEIRD, NEW PERSON 371 00:13:31,325 --> 00:13:32,659 IN THE OFFICE? 372 00:13:32,692 --> 00:13:33,693 - I THINK SO. 373 00:13:33,727 --> 00:13:39,166 WE MAY BE IN FOR A GOOD, OLD-FASHIONED SHAKE-UP. 374 00:13:39,199 --> 00:13:40,567 - JENNIFER BARKLEY. 375 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:42,369 YOU TWO-FACED, CARPETBAGGING-- 376 00:13:42,402 --> 00:13:43,603 - HI, LESLIE. GOOD TO SEE YOU. 377 00:13:43,637 --> 00:13:45,539 - HI, NICE TO SEE YOU, TOO. YOU ARE A TWO-FACED, CARPET-- 378 00:13:45,572 --> 00:13:47,274 - YOU WANT ANYTHING? ANYTHING? IT'S ON ME. 379 00:13:47,307 --> 00:13:48,943 EVERYTHING IN THIS TOWN IS SO CHEAP. 380 00:13:48,976 --> 00:13:50,144 - I WOULD NEVER ACCEPT ANYTHING 381 00:13:50,177 --> 00:13:51,145 FROM A TWO-FACED, CARPETBAGGING-- 382 00:13:51,178 --> 00:13:52,179 - LESLIE. - PLEASE. 383 00:13:52,212 --> 00:13:53,213 LET ME GET MY INSULTS OUT. 384 00:13:53,247 --> 00:13:54,148 I'VE BEEN PRACTICING IT THE WHOLE WAY OVER HERE. 385 00:13:54,181 --> 00:13:57,417 - I SENSE THAT YOU'RE ANGRY. TELL ME WHY. 386 00:13:57,451 --> 00:14:00,988 - BECAUSE YOU STOLE MY IDEA, AND YOURS WON'T EVEN WORK. 387 00:14:01,021 --> 00:14:02,122 RAMPS ARE MORE PRACTICAL, 388 00:14:02,156 --> 00:14:04,124 AND THEY'RE LESS EXPENSIVE THAN LIFTS. 389 00:14:04,158 --> 00:14:05,192 MY IDEA IS BETTER. 390 00:14:05,225 --> 00:14:08,128 - OH, I DON'T DOUBT IT. THE FACT IS I DON'T CARE. 391 00:14:08,162 --> 00:14:10,264 RAMPS, LIFTS, YOUR PLAN, MY PLAN-- 392 00:14:10,297 --> 00:14:11,598 I DON'T ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT ANY OF THIS. 393 00:14:11,631 --> 00:14:12,466 I'M JUST TRYING TO WIN. 394 00:14:12,499 --> 00:14:15,402 LOOK, IT'S NOT PERSONAL. I LIKE YOU. 395 00:14:15,435 --> 00:14:17,404 BUT MY JOB IS TO BEAT YOU. 396 00:14:17,437 --> 00:14:19,039 SO HAVE A SEAT. 397 00:14:19,073 --> 00:14:20,674 I'LL GET YOU SOME OF THOSE WAFFLES YOU LOVE. 398 00:14:20,707 --> 00:14:23,143 - HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT-- - IT'S MY JOB TO KNOW. 399 00:14:23,177 --> 00:14:25,012 - [whispers] GOD, YOU'RE GOOD. - I KNOW. 400 00:14:25,045 --> 00:14:27,014 - HI, GUYS. WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT? 401 00:14:27,047 --> 00:14:30,985 - WELL, AFTER YESTERDAY'S HANDS-ON BRAINSTORMING SESSION-- 402 00:14:31,018 --> 00:14:31,986 - WATER BALLOON FIGHT. 403 00:14:32,019 --> 00:14:33,387 - FAIR ENOUGH. 404 00:14:33,420 --> 00:14:35,722 WE THINK WE CAME UP WITH A FOUNTAIN IDEA 405 00:14:35,755 --> 00:14:37,357 THAT REALLY WORKS. 406 00:14:37,391 --> 00:14:40,360 PRESENTING THE AMAZING SPOUTLESS FOUNTAIN. 407 00:14:40,394 --> 00:14:42,462 - HUH? WHAT? 408 00:14:42,496 --> 00:14:43,663 - WE JUST REMOVED THE SPLASH GUARD 409 00:14:43,697 --> 00:14:46,033 BECAUSE IF IT'S NOT THERE, YOU CAN'T PUT YOUR MOUTH ON IT. 410 00:14:46,066 --> 00:14:48,102 - WELL, I'LL--I'LL TRY IT. 411 00:14:48,135 --> 00:14:49,636 [slurps] 412 00:14:49,669 --> 00:14:53,107 [laughs] I DID IT. - GOOD JOB, BABE. 413 00:14:53,140 --> 00:14:56,977 - SIMPLE, ELEGANT, AND COST-EFFECTIVE. 414 00:14:57,011 --> 00:14:58,678 IF YOUR TEAM KEEPS THIS UP, I THINK WE CAN HOLD OFF 415 00:14:58,712 --> 00:15:00,414 ON FILLING THE LESLIE VOID. 416 00:15:00,447 --> 00:15:03,150 - I THINK BEN'S ALREADY FILLING THE LESLIE VOID. 417 00:15:03,183 --> 00:15:04,751 - OH! - OH! 418 00:15:04,784 --> 00:15:06,253 - I'LL GIVE IT UP FOR THAT. 419 00:15:06,286 --> 00:15:09,156 - SO WHAT'S BEN'S NEXT MOVE FOR YOU? 420 00:15:09,189 --> 00:15:10,690 - OH, OH, I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU THAT. 421 00:15:10,724 --> 00:15:11,992 - OH, LET ME GUESS. 422 00:15:12,026 --> 00:15:13,393 UM, YOU'RE GOING TO ATTACK ME. 423 00:15:13,427 --> 00:15:15,662 YOU'RE GOING TO GO ON THAT PERM SHOW AGAIN, 424 00:15:15,695 --> 00:15:18,098 SO YOU COULD TELL EVERYONE THAT THAT RAMP IDEA WAS YOURS. 425 00:15:18,132 --> 00:15:21,101 - IT'S "PERD," FIRST OF ALL, AND NO. 426 00:15:21,135 --> 00:15:22,269 MAYBE. NO. 427 00:15:22,302 --> 00:15:24,204 - THAT'S NOT A TERRIBLE IDEA. 428 00:15:24,238 --> 00:15:26,340 NO, ACTUALLY, IT IS KIND OF TERRIBLE 429 00:15:26,373 --> 00:15:28,208 BECAUSE IF YOU GO ON THE AIR AND TELL EVERYBODY 430 00:15:28,242 --> 00:15:29,409 THAT I STOLE YOUR IDEA... 431 00:15:29,443 --> 00:15:31,045 - WHICH YOU DID. - WHICH I DID, 432 00:15:31,078 --> 00:15:32,379 EVERYONE'S GOING TO THINK YOU'RE A SORE LOSER, 433 00:15:32,412 --> 00:15:34,214 A GOODY-GOODY NERD. 434 00:15:34,248 --> 00:15:36,116 BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT PEOPLE DON'T CARE ABOUT? 435 00:15:36,150 --> 00:15:39,019 THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT WHOSE IDEA WAS FIRST. 436 00:15:39,053 --> 00:15:42,256 THEY CARE ABOUT WHOSE IDEA WAS BEST. 437 00:15:42,289 --> 00:15:43,557 - WELL, LET'S SAY THAT THAT WAS OUR PLAN, WHICH IT ISN'T. 438 00:15:43,590 --> 00:15:44,558 - MM-HMM, OKAY. 439 00:15:44,591 --> 00:15:47,127 - WHAT WOULD YOU DO INSTEAD? 440 00:15:47,161 --> 00:15:48,428 - OH, LESLIE. 441 00:15:48,462 --> 00:15:50,797 I REALLY SHOULDN'T GIVE YOU CAMPAIGN ADVICE. 442 00:15:50,830 --> 00:15:53,333 - RIGHT. - AH, WHAT THE HELL. 443 00:15:53,367 --> 00:15:55,035 IF YOU LOVE CHESS, WHICH I DO, 444 00:15:55,069 --> 00:15:56,670 BUT YOU DON'T HAVE ANYBODY TO PLAY AGAINST, 445 00:15:56,703 --> 00:15:58,138 WHICH I DON'T, 446 00:15:58,172 --> 00:16:01,108 THEN SOMETIMES, YOU JUST GOTTA PLAY YOURSELF. 447 00:16:01,141 --> 00:16:04,611 YOU COULD ATTACK THE NEWPORT PLAN FOR COSTING TOO MUCH MONEY. 448 00:16:04,644 --> 00:16:06,380 NO, BUT THAT WOULD BACKFIRE BECAUSE THEN WE WOULD JUST SAY, 449 00:16:06,413 --> 00:16:08,082 "YOU CAN NEVER SPEND TOO MUCH ON SENIORS." 450 00:16:08,115 --> 00:16:10,517 - OF COURSE. - YOU NEED TO BEAT OUR IDEA. 451 00:16:10,550 --> 00:16:12,352 COME UP WITH SOMETHING BETTER. I DON'T KNOW. 452 00:16:12,386 --> 00:16:14,788 MAYBE A FREE SHUTTLE SERVICE FOR SENIORS. 453 00:16:14,821 --> 00:16:16,056 ALL RIGHT, THAT COULD WORK. 454 00:16:16,090 --> 00:16:17,157 - WOW. 455 00:16:17,191 --> 00:16:19,159 - WAFFLES AND A CAPPUCCINO. 456 00:16:19,193 --> 00:16:20,660 - GRACIAS, MARTA. 457 00:16:20,694 --> 00:16:22,562 - JJ'S DOESN'T HAVE A CAPPUCCINO MAKER. 458 00:16:22,596 --> 00:16:24,764 - OH, IT DOES NOW. I BOUGHT THEM ONE. 459 00:16:24,798 --> 00:16:25,832 - COURSE YOU DID. 460 00:16:25,865 --> 00:16:28,568 - YOU TALKED TO BARKLEY WITHOUT ME? 461 00:16:28,602 --> 00:16:30,170 - I WANTED TO TELL HER WHAT A JERK SHE WAS. 462 00:16:30,204 --> 00:16:31,771 AND THEN SHE GUESSED YOUR PLAN IMMEDIATELY 463 00:16:31,805 --> 00:16:33,207 AND DEMOLISHED IT. 464 00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:35,142 - OKAY, AS A RULE, YOU SHOULDN'T TAKE ADVICE 465 00:16:35,175 --> 00:16:37,077 FROM YOUR OPPONENT'S CAMPAIGN MANAGER. 466 00:16:37,111 --> 00:16:38,078 - BUT WHAT IF SHE'S RIGHT? 467 00:16:38,112 --> 00:16:39,246 - WELL, WHAT IF IT'S A TRICK? 468 00:16:39,279 --> 00:16:41,515 I MEAN, MAYBE SHE THINKS OUR ORIGINAL PLAN WOULD WORK, 469 00:16:41,548 --> 00:16:43,550 AND SHE CONVINCED YOU TO USE HER PLAN INSTEAD 470 00:16:43,583 --> 00:16:45,452 BECAUSE SHE KNOWS THAT WON'T WORK. 471 00:16:45,485 --> 00:16:46,286 - OR MAYBE SHE THINKS THAT WE THINK THAT 472 00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:47,287 SHE THINKS THAT, SO WE WON'T DO IT. 473 00:16:47,321 --> 00:16:49,389 BUT SHE KNOWS THAT I KNOW THAT SHE KNOWS THAT-- 474 00:16:49,423 --> 00:16:52,792 SHE'S IN OUR HEADS. - [groans] 475 00:16:52,826 --> 00:16:55,862 I'M SORRY, LESLIE. SHE'S BETTER AT THIS THAN I AM. 476 00:16:55,895 --> 00:16:58,365 - HEY, THERE IS NO ONE ON EARTH 477 00:16:58,398 --> 00:17:01,435 THAT I WOULD RATHER GO INTO BATTLE WITH THAN YOU. 478 00:17:01,468 --> 00:17:03,437 - REALLY? - YES. 479 00:17:03,470 --> 00:17:05,672 SO TELL ME, WHAT DO WE DO, 480 00:17:05,705 --> 00:17:06,706 MY CAMPAIGN MANAGER? 481 00:17:06,740 --> 00:17:09,309 - I DON'T KNOW. 482 00:17:09,343 --> 00:17:10,377 - OKAY. 483 00:17:13,747 --> 00:17:16,283 - I'D LIKE TO TALK ABOUT YOUR FUTURE. 484 00:17:16,316 --> 00:17:18,285 - WHY ARE WE ON THIS BENCH? THIS IS WEIRD. 485 00:17:18,318 --> 00:17:21,255 - YOU DID A GREAT JOB SOLVING THAT PROBLEM TODAY. 486 00:17:21,288 --> 00:17:24,324 THE LEADERSHIP YOU DISPLAYED HAS GOTTEN ME THINKING-- 487 00:17:24,358 --> 00:17:26,460 - I DIDN'T SOLVE THAT PROBLEM. APRIL DID. 488 00:17:26,493 --> 00:17:29,696 - REALLY? WHY DID SHE TELL ME YOU DID? 489 00:17:29,729 --> 00:17:32,699 - BECAUSE SHE'S APRIL, AND SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO THINK 490 00:17:32,732 --> 00:17:36,370 THAT SHE ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT SOMETHING. 491 00:17:36,403 --> 00:17:38,572 IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO HELP FILL IN FOR LESLIE, 492 00:17:38,605 --> 00:17:41,708 APRIL'S A PAIN IN THE ASS, BUT SHE'S CLEARLY THE ANSWER. 493 00:17:41,741 --> 00:17:46,180 - PERHAPS YOU'RE RIGHT. 494 00:17:48,782 --> 00:17:50,350 - SHOULD I GO? 495 00:17:50,384 --> 00:17:54,120 - OH, YOU'RE STILL HERE? YES. 496 00:17:55,622 --> 00:17:57,724 - LET'S BEGIN THE SHOW BY STARTING IT. 497 00:17:57,757 --> 00:18:00,927 NOW, LESLIE, YOU CLAIM THE NEWPORT CAMPAIGN 498 00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:04,731 STOLE ONE OF YOUR IDEAS. 499 00:18:04,764 --> 00:18:06,833 - WELL, UH... 500 00:18:06,866 --> 00:18:09,303 THEY DID, THEY STOLE OUR IDEA. 501 00:18:09,336 --> 00:18:11,371 WE WERE WORKING ON THE RAMP UP PAWNEE INITIATIVE 502 00:18:11,405 --> 00:18:12,272 FOR MANY WEEKS. 503 00:18:12,306 --> 00:18:15,242 - OH, PERD. THIS IS POLITICS AS USUAL. 504 00:18:15,275 --> 00:18:18,745 THE FACT IS, BOBBY NEWPORT'S PLAN IS BETTER FOR SENIORS, 505 00:18:18,778 --> 00:18:20,180 BETTER FOR PAWNEE. 506 00:18:20,214 --> 00:18:21,581 - WELL, OUR PLAN IS MORE PRACTICAL, 507 00:18:21,615 --> 00:18:22,582 AND IT'S CHEAPER. 508 00:18:22,616 --> 00:18:23,950 - THERE SHE GOES AGAIN, PERD. 509 00:18:23,983 --> 00:18:24,918 - [chuckles] 510 00:18:24,951 --> 00:18:27,487 I DON'T KNOW WHERE SHE WENT THE FIRST TIME. 511 00:18:27,521 --> 00:18:29,756 - BOBBY NEWPORT CARES ABOUT BETTER, 512 00:18:29,789 --> 00:18:31,591 NOT CHEAPER FOR OUR SENIORS. 513 00:18:31,625 --> 00:18:33,260 - AND OUR FLASH POLL SEEMS TO AGREE. 514 00:18:33,293 --> 00:18:37,264 SOME 78% OF THOSE WE SURVEYED PREFER THE NEWPORT PLAN 515 00:18:37,297 --> 00:18:38,198 TO THE KNOPE PLAN. 516 00:18:38,232 --> 00:18:39,733 - THIS IS WHY NED JONES HAS ENDORSED US. 517 00:18:39,766 --> 00:18:41,768 LET'S GET BACK ON TRACK. 518 00:18:41,801 --> 00:18:43,303 I JUST THINK OUR OPPOSITION IS LOSING SIGHT 519 00:18:43,337 --> 00:18:45,472 OF WHAT ALL THIS IS ABOUT. 520 00:18:45,505 --> 00:18:48,475 - WHAT THIS IS ABOUT IS PAWNEE, AND THAT IS WHAT I CARE ABOUT. 521 00:18:48,508 --> 00:18:50,610 WHAT BOBBY NEWPORT CARES ABOUT 522 00:18:50,644 --> 00:18:53,913 IS ROMPING AROUND ON SOME BEACH IN SPAIN WITH A FLOOZY. 523 00:18:53,947 --> 00:18:55,449 - [laughs] EXCUSE ME? 524 00:18:55,482 --> 00:18:57,851 - OH, MAYBE YOU HADN'T HEARD OF IT. 525 00:18:57,884 --> 00:19:00,520 IT WASN'T IN THE NEW YORK TIMES OR LE MONDE, 526 00:19:00,554 --> 00:19:01,888 WHICH IS WHAT SHE READS. 527 00:19:01,921 --> 00:19:03,757 IT WAS IN THE PAWNEE PAPERS. 528 00:19:03,790 --> 00:19:06,493 - BOBBY NEWPORT'S PERSONAL LIFE IS NEITHER HERE NOR THERE. 529 00:19:06,526 --> 00:19:07,527 - IT'S CERTAINLY NOT HERE. 530 00:19:07,561 --> 00:19:10,364 AND I THINK PAWNEEANS DESERVE A CITY COUNCILOR 531 00:19:10,397 --> 00:19:11,398 WHO STAYS IN THE CITY, 532 00:19:11,431 --> 00:19:14,501 LIKE I DO. 533 00:19:14,534 --> 00:19:15,769 - WELL, WE WERE GOING TO KEEP THIS A SECRET 534 00:19:15,802 --> 00:19:17,504 UNTIL WE HAD EVERYTHING IN WRITING, 535 00:19:17,537 --> 00:19:18,672 BUT BOBBY NEWPORT IS TRYING TO CONVINCE 536 00:19:18,705 --> 00:19:21,908 A MAJOR EUROPEAN COMPANY TO OPEN UP A FACTORY IN PAWNEE. 537 00:19:21,941 --> 00:19:24,611 AND THAT WOMAN THAT HE IS WITH 538 00:19:24,644 --> 00:19:26,446 IS AN ANTILAND-MINE ADVOCATE. 539 00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:29,015 I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT YOU WERE PROLAND-MINE. 540 00:19:29,048 --> 00:19:31,518 - I AM NOT HERE TO DECLARE A WINNER, 541 00:19:31,551 --> 00:19:33,853 BUT JENNIFER IS THE WINNER. 542 00:19:33,887 --> 00:19:35,255 - THANK YOU. 543 00:19:35,289 --> 00:19:36,690 - NOW IT'S TIME TO MOVE ONTO OUR NEXT SEGMENT, 544 00:19:36,723 --> 00:19:37,857 WHICH IS A COMMERCIAL. 545 00:19:37,891 --> 00:19:41,328 - I AM GOING TO GET DRUNK, AND THEN I'M GOING TO ORDER 546 00:19:41,361 --> 00:19:43,029 A THREE-COURSE MEAL WHERE EACH COURSE 547 00:19:43,062 --> 00:19:44,331 IS MADE OF DESSERT. 548 00:19:44,364 --> 00:19:46,032 - SHE KICKED OUR ASSES. - YEAH. 549 00:19:46,065 --> 00:19:47,467 HOW ARE WE GOING TO BEAT HER? 550 00:19:47,501 --> 00:19:50,036 - I DON'T KNOW. I MEAN, SHE'S LIKE A HURRICANE. 551 00:19:50,069 --> 00:19:51,638 SHE'S EVERYWHERE. 552 00:19:51,671 --> 00:19:53,740 - HEY, YOU GUYS. - LITERALLY. 553 00:19:53,773 --> 00:19:56,009 - HI, GUYS. 554 00:19:56,042 --> 00:19:58,378 YOU REALLY STEPPED UP YOUR GAME. 555 00:19:58,412 --> 00:20:00,514 THAT WAS REALLY FUN. YOU ALMOST GOT ME. 556 00:20:00,547 --> 00:20:02,349 - I WOULD HAVE IF BOBBY NEWPORT HADN'T GOTTEN 557 00:20:02,382 --> 00:20:04,884 THOSE STUPID COMPANIES TO BUILD FACTORIES HERE. 558 00:20:04,918 --> 00:20:07,721 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 559 00:20:07,754 --> 00:20:08,888 OH, THAT THING I SAID ON THE SHOW? 560 00:20:08,922 --> 00:20:10,390 OH, NO. THAT WAS MOSTLY MADE-UP. 561 00:20:10,424 --> 00:20:12,025 DON'T CHALLENGE ME ON THAT. THAT WILL BACKFIRE. 562 00:20:12,058 --> 00:20:13,593 ANYWAY, ENJOY YOUR DINNER, GUYS. 563 00:20:13,627 --> 00:20:14,794 I ALREADY TOOK CARE OF THE BILL. 564 00:20:14,828 --> 00:20:16,896 [laughs] 565 00:20:16,930 --> 00:20:19,299 - ANOTHER ROUND, PLEASE? - MM-HMM. 566 00:20:21,868 --> 00:20:23,937 - NICE JOB ON THE WATER FOUNTAIN. 567 00:20:23,970 --> 00:20:25,705 - IT WASN'T ME. - DON'T DENY IT. 568 00:20:25,739 --> 00:20:26,940 I KNOW IT WASN'T THE NURSE. 569 00:20:26,973 --> 00:20:29,576 I'M ASKING YOU TO STEP UP. 570 00:20:29,609 --> 00:20:32,346 NOT REPLACING LESLIE, JUST PICKING UP SOME SLACK. 571 00:20:32,379 --> 00:20:33,413 - I DON'T WANT TO DO THINGS. 572 00:20:33,447 --> 00:20:36,616 I WANT TO NOT DO THINGS, JUST LIKE YOU TAUGHT ME. 573 00:20:36,650 --> 00:20:38,051 - AND I TAUGHT YOU WELL, 574 00:20:38,084 --> 00:20:40,420 BUT I DON'T LIKE WATCHING YOU WASTING YOUR BRAIN. 575 00:20:40,454 --> 00:20:43,457 AND YOU'RE TOO SMART TO STAY MY ASSISTANT HERE FOREVER. 576 00:20:43,490 --> 00:20:44,824 I'D RATHER YOU START A BUSINESS 577 00:20:44,858 --> 00:20:46,560 OR USE YOUR HANDS TO FARM, 578 00:20:46,593 --> 00:20:49,563 BUT RIGHT NOW, THE DEPARTMENT NEEDS YOU. 579 00:20:49,596 --> 00:20:51,931 PLEASE. 580 00:20:51,965 --> 00:20:53,467 - OKAY... 581 00:20:53,500 --> 00:20:55,502 BUT ONLY BECAUSE YOU BEGGED. 582 00:20:55,535 --> 00:20:57,471 - GOOD GIRL. 583 00:20:57,504 --> 00:20:59,706 [phone rings] 584 00:20:59,739 --> 00:21:00,707 - CHRIS TRAEGER. 585 00:21:00,740 --> 00:21:01,975 - THIS IS RON SWANSON. 586 00:21:02,008 --> 00:21:04,978 APRIL'S GOING TO TAKE OVER SOME OF LESLIE'S RESPONSIBILITIES. 587 00:21:05,011 --> 00:21:06,112 - EXCELLENT. 588 00:21:06,145 --> 00:21:08,482 I HAVE BEEN A FAN OF APRIL SINCE DAY ONE. 589 00:21:08,515 --> 00:21:10,717 I TOLD-- 590 00:21:10,767 --> 00:21:15,317 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 43025

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