All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation s04e15 Dave Returns.eng

- Oh, God.
- Hey, Boo-boo bear.

What did you
just call me?

- Boo-boo bear.
- Oh.

It's one of several nicknames
I made up for you,

and you can choose which one
you like best,

'cause I want this
to be a give and take.

Okay, we went out once,
and nothing happened.

There is no "this."

We have "cookie tush"...

Wow, just
right out the gate.

"Winnie the boo,"
"Lady presh-presh,"

"Ann-Berry sauce,"
"Annie get your boo,"

"Tommy's girl,"
"Annie banannie--"

Hey!

All right,
let's do this.

What are you doing?

Is this not
one of those?

I might have misread the vibe.

Oh, my God, dude, you have
to be cooler about this.

Look, I told Leslie
because she's my best friend,

but if anybody finds out
about this

and they start jabbering,

it's gonna make it
really hard to know

if this is
actually anything,

so just keep it
on the DL, okay?

I feel like
you're embarrassed by me.

That is accurate.

Can I at least change
my Facebook status

to "In a relationship"?

Definitely not.

"It's complicated"?

Whatever.

Am I in a relationship?

It's complicated.

Chief Trumple,
nice to see you.

- Hi,
- Hey, Knope. Wyatt.

Been a long time, eh, cap'n?
Or Captain.

"Oh, Captain,
my Captain!"

From Dead Poets' Society.

- You getting weird already?
- Nope, I'm good.

Pawnee's police chief
is retiring,

and I'm trying to get
his endorsement before he goes.

I'm really nervous because
I need this for my campaign.

And Ben is really nervous
because he is afraid of cops.

I'm not afraid of cops.
I have no reason to be.

I never break any laws, ever...

Because I'm deathly afraid
of cops.

Look, Knope,
I've always liked you.

But the Newports
run this town.

And frankly,
they've donated

a lot of money
to the department.

Mo' money, mo' problems,
that's what I always say.

How about "mo' money,
more protective kevlar vests"

- that save lives"?
- I-I...

Sometimes
I say that, too.

I understand
you need to think about it,

but if you were going to make
a decision--

The guys are throwing me
a little retirement thing

tonight at O'Flynnigans.

There's gonna be beer.

So why don't you swing by?
I'll give you an answer.

Weirdo can come, too.

- All right.
- Let's go.

- Oh, hey, uh, may I say...
- Don't.

- That the boys in blue...
- Stop.

are heroes?

Obviously some
more than others.

Oh, boy,
here it comes.

9/11.

- And we're walking.
- Okay.

Listen up, people.
This is very serious.

Jerry, if you're eating,
you're not listening.

Thanks, babe. I don't know
how many of you have heard,

but there's a flesh-eating virus
going around.

Yeah.

It's called "music,"

and there's only one way
to get a vaccine,

and that is to play it.

To play the--
you get an injection--

Just say
your piece, son.

I have finished writing
Leslie's campaign anthem.

It's called Catch Your Dream,
and it's amazing.

It's kind of like
We Are The World,

except I actually think
it could have

a real impact on society.

Here's the thing--we need
backup singers, and I thought,

"who better to be backup singers
than Leslie's campaign team?"

Everyone's got something
they're in charge of

for Leslie's campaign.

My job is the song.

She originally put me
in charge of hot dogs

at this fund-raising barbecue,
and I dropped them all--

all of them,
like a thousand,

so I really want to do
a good job.

So we're gonna
record this bitch tonight,

6:00,
Doubletime Studio.

Doubletime,
you said?

Little brick building
over on Liondale Road?

Yeah,
you know the one?

No.

You could not keep it together
in there.

I know. I'm sorry.

But I'm fine now,

as long as we get out of here
as quickly as possible

and never come back.

Hey, Leslie!

Oh!

- Dave.
- Hey.

- Oh, my God. Wow.
- Hey.

You look great.

San Diego sun...
Got me all tanned up.

So what are you--
oh, sorry.

Um, Ben, this, uh--

this is my--
this is Dave Sanderson.

- Oh, hey.
- Nice to meet you.

Uh, yes, uh, Leslie Knope
is a female person

with whom I was involved.

We had a romantic--
"romantical" involvement

until I relocated
to San Diego,

which is--
that's in California,

which is southwest of here
by a number of miles.

So we terminated our involvement
at that time.

Are you here
for a while?

No, just tonight,

for the chief's
retirement thing.

Oh, yeah, we're going
to that, too, actually,

but we're gonna go
a little later,

'cause first,
we're going to have dinner

at a really nice
new French restaurant.

Cool. I'm gonna go
to the gas station

and get
a frozen burrito

and eat it right there
at that table.

Well, see you later.

You should come
to dinner with us.

Okay.

I shouldn't have invited him.
I'm sorry.

Oh, no, no--

No, that's okay.

I mean, I just feel like
it's kind of odd

for me and him
to hang out with you.

Honestly, if you want to just
go out with him alone,

I'd be totally
okay with it.

No, look,
he's here for one night.

He's a really great guy,
and he's gonna love you,

which--bonus--will make
all the other cops love you.

Dave is a great person, and
he's a great judge of character.

Tonight he's going
to endorse Ben,

and Trumple is going
to endorse me.

Double endorsement.

Ooh, that sounds like
an Ashley Judd movie.

Studio's down here.
Let's go.

Hustle, people,
come on. Jerry...

Ah.

That's vandalism.

I have a problem.

This happens to be the studio
where a local saxophone legend

named Duke Silver
records his albums.

I've heard of him.

I heard he makes mature women
swoon when he plays.

From what I've heard
about Duke,

he's kind of
a private guy.

He doesn't want
his nosy coworkers

discussing his music with him
or knowing that he exists.

So, if you happen to see
any memorabilia laying around,

kindly and discreetly
discard it.

- You got it, Duke.
- Don't call me that.

I dig
your groovy tunes, man.

Did you hear me?

I said, "I dig
your groovy tunes, man."

Yo, Chuck,
we're going to go ahead

and play and sing
at the same time.

I want this to have the
electricity of a live concert.

So we have to play it
perfectly every time?

No, Burly,
play it "unperfectly."

You mean imperfectly?

I mean perfectly.

- God, that was hot nonsense.
- Yeah.

Hey, uh, can I have
a sip of that water?

- Oh, sure.
- Thanks.

That's sweet.

The two of you
sharing a nice bottle of--

- You told them.
- What?

I asked you
for one thing.

Fine. I told them
we went on a date.

- When?
- As soon as I possibly could.

I texted them
while we were on the date.

I'm sorry.

But you are too hot
to hide, Ann.

This is on you.

Hey.

When you two spoon,
who spoons who?

Ben's doing an amazing job
as campaign manager.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

He's really smart.
You know, a campaign manager

is only as good
as the campaign person

that he is managing.

So I'm trying to say
you're a real smart lady.

Uh, you can say that again.

If anything,
I'm holding her back.

Aw, Ben.

I said my thing first.

Actually, that's why we were
at the police station today.

We're trying to get
Chief Trumple's endorsement.

Oh, yeah?
Hugh's a buddy of mine.

I could probably
get him to endorse you.

Oh, man,
that would be amazing.

- Yeah.
- Thank you.

Excuse me.
I'm gonna use the bathroom.

Uh, you mean
"the whiz palace."

Leslie calls it that
sometimes.

I know.
It's kind of cute, right?

Yeah, that's real cute.

- So, how is San D--
- I'm still in love with you.

- What did you just say?
- Nothing.

I did--nuttin' was said.
Nuttin' was just now--

Did you just say you were
still in love with me?

No, I don't think
I said that.

Dave, why would you
tell me that here and now?

Because
it's accurate.

And because
he's not here right now,

so I thought
this would be a good time.

Can I just please talk to you
about this for five minutes?

No, you cannot bring
this up at all

when my boyfriend is here.

Okay, we'll get rid of him.
That's a good call.

No, bad call.
That's not the call.

Okay, if we leave now
while he's in the whiz palace...

No, listen to me.
Listen--

Hey.

Whizzingham manor.

It's another funny name
for the bathroom...

That I thought of.

-
Catch your--
- No, no, no, no, no.

Was that a joke?

Were you joking just now?
Because if so,

that was hilarious...ly
awful...ly funny

how bad that was.

Why don't you take
15 minutes

and really think
about whether or not

you want to be
part of this?

He's a gorgeous genius,
people.

Don't question his methods.

Tom, am I to understand
correctly that you are now

romantically involved
with Ann Perkins?

Tsk. Oh, are you
about to give me the whole

"she's a great girl, I need
to treat her right" speech,

- since you guys used to date?
- No.

But she is,
and you should.

I just had no idea,
and so now I have to...

Adjust.

Tsk.
Okay, great talk.

Uh, how's work
out there, Dave?

Pretty good.

Caught a lot of bad guys,
about six bad guys.

So you're leaving tomorrow?

I'm scheduled
to leave tomorrow

on the 12:15 flight
through Salt Lake City.

Oh, it was so good
to see you.

- But I may be coming back.
- How's that, now?

Well, I'm mainly here
to interview for Trumple's job--

- Police chief.
- Dude, that's amazing.

You should totally be chief.
You could endorse Leslie.

I would definitely
endorse Leslie.

You don't have to.

There's a lot
of good candidates.

I think I'm gonna take
a little--go outside.

You look like
I could use some company.

- What?
- What?

Would you like to step outside
with me and catch up?

We have caught up.

We talked about San Diego
and about the six bad guys.

I think we're good.

I could take
a little jaunt with you.

No,
I don't want that.

Well, I'm already--
I already said I'm gonna go,

so I guess--I'm a man
of my word.

I'm gonna go.

- Take your time.
- Okay, thank you.

Okay, honestly,
how do you think I'm doing?

'Cause I feel like
we're getting along pretty well.

He said
he's still in love with me.

What's that?

While you were
in the bathroom,

he said he was still
in love with me.

Oh, my God.
Leslie, he's a cop.

He's in love with you,
and he has a gun?

- Can you just not freak out?
- I'm not freaking out!

- Okay.
- I'm not freaking--

Uh...

I know, that's--I know.

Uh, it was raining out,
so I didn't want to get wet.

I got some hot tea
with honey--

good for the voice.

I recommend you all try it.

Mine's really just a cup
of honey, 'cause tea is gross.

Now, here's the thing--
we're gonna start from scratch.

We're gonna get rid
of this whole sucky vibe.

I'm thinking we could--

Whoo! To the man!

I was thinking, like,
a crazy rock star vibe!

See where her head's at?

Follow her lead.
That was amazing.

Next thing, I want to hear
how all of us sing on our own,

so we can figure out
where we're going wrong.

This is not an audition,
so relax.

But if you don't sing good,
you're out of here.

I think you sound like an angel,

and everyone else
sounds like demons.

I think
you shouldn't whisper.

Yeah, Ann's mad at me now,

but I have a few tricks
up my sleeve.

I don't want to brag,
but I have a ton of experience

with women being mad at me.

Chris, you're first.
Sing anything you want.

- Let me hear it.
- Okay.

Boom.

And the check,
as you requested.

Here's my credit card--
quick, now.

- Check?
- Yeah.

You like dessert.
Why don't you get a dessert?

Oh, dessert's overrated
and gross.

Dave, thank you so much
for a lovely evening.

Oh, actually,

Ben, would you mind
if I talked to Leslie alone?

Uh, actually, Dave,
I'd like to talk to you.

I don't want to talk to you.
I want to talk to Leslie.

Well, I want to talk to you,
and if not,

then I'd like to talk
to Leslie.

Well, I'd like to talk
to Ben,

and then I'd like the three
of us to talk together.

Well, then I'll talk to Ben,

and then you--
and then I'll talk to you,

and then you'll talk
to each other,

and then we'll
all three talk, then.

- All right.
- So who's talking now?

Stop the song,
stop the song right now!

Please, stop it!
Oh, for [Bleep] sake.

Ann, I caught feelings
for you,

and I want you
to be my girl,

And I don't care who knows.

I know you don't care, dummy.
I care.

Let's not get hung up
on who wants what.

You know what?
I'm calling this. We're done.

What about our next date?

If you want another date,
keep walking away.

She's still walking.

I need you to know something,
man-to-man.

I still have feelings
for Leslie,

in a womanly fashion,

and I believe she feels
the same towards me,

in a manly way.

She doesn't feel the same way,
because she has a boyfriend--

um, me, and--and--
and--and we love each other.

That's--that information is--
it's not pertinent...

- Well, I--
- Frankly, at this juncture.

I just said to you one thing,
and you're "contraring" me.

I don't think
that's a word.

I think we'd all appreciate it
if you would just let me have

three minutes with her alone.

Consequently, I'd like you
to clear the area.

Okay, I'm sorry,
I'm not gonna give my blessing

for you to go and try and win
my girlfriend away from me.

I think that
that's reasonable.

Okay.

Okay, and I want to thank you.

I want to thank you
for having this talk with me...

- Man-to-man.
- Oh, well, thank you.

- Thank you very much.
- What--

- what are you doing?
- I'm doing that.

Are you serious?

- You brought it on yourself.
- What?

I've got something
I gotta say to you.

- Where's Ben?
- He left.

- He left?
- Yeah, he said,

"I got somewhere I got to--
important to go,

and I don't respect her
as a woman."

He said that?

And he acted more effeminate
than he does in front of you.

Just--look, I got some--
something to say,

and it's emotional,
and it's important.

I need 30 seconds.

Okay, what?
Go ahead. What is it?

Okay.

Romance--

Hello?

Are you okay?

Yeah.

I have to pee really bad,
ironically.

What were you thinking?

I was thinking
that I would cuff him,

and--and then I could have time
to speak to you,

and then you would decide
to be with me,

and then
I would come back here,

and we would uncuff him
together.

Can you just uncuff him,
please?

Sorry.

Would you look at that?
Nature is throwing me a bone.

Haverford playbook move
number two--

"ladies love a guy
waiting for them in the rain."

I never thought
I'd say this to you, son,

but you may be
overthinking this.

This song
has to be perfect, Ron, okay?

Leslie trusted me with it.

I can't come up with some
brilliant political idea, can I?

This is the only way
I can help.

Maybe if I hit my head
against the ground.

That's worked before.

Leslie is going to love it,
I promise.

No offense, Ron, but what
do you know about music?

Mm.

Tsk.
Hey, take a walk.

Clear your head.
I bet it does you some good.

Ann?

Boo-boo?

I don't want to say,
"I told you so,"

- but...
- What?

I was the one
who didn't want to go.

I know. I was hoping
you wouldn't remember.

I'm sorry.

He was a very important person
to me,

and it mattered to me
that he liked you,

which is silly.

Let's just go home.

No, we're going
to Trumple's thing.

No, let's not go there.

I don't care
about the endorsement,

and I don't want to put you
through this any more.

You don't care
about the endorsement?

Leslie, let's not let
your terrible decision making

get in the way
of this election.

What happened to you?

I was waiting outside
in the rain for you,

'cause I thought
you would come out and be like,

"aw, he's all wet.
That's so romantic,"

but you didn't,
and now I got the "sniffness."

What on earth would make you
think I would like that?

Movies.

Oh, God, Tom!

Why do you have to be
so "you" all the time?

I'm sorry.

Will you help me
get out of these wet clothes?

- Hey, you want a beer?
- Oh, okay.

If you're driving,
I can't give you a beer.

Oh, well, then,
no, thank you.

It's a celebration, man.
You have to have a drink.

I'll definitely have one.

Don't make a mistake
you'll always regret.

Please, just tell me
what you want me to do.

So, if you move here,
I hope we can be friends,

but I love Ben.

He comes first, and if you're
going to act like an ass,

I can't talk to you, ever.

Okay, that's fair.

I-I'm sorry.

That was dumb,
all that stuff I did.

You just--
you make me crazy,

and I guess
I'm just surprised that--

you know, that's the guy
you fell in love with.

He's very--well, he's shrimpy,
and he's small.

Shrimpy or not...

He's smart, and he's cute,
and he's kind, and he's funny,

and he's got a great face
and nice hair, and he's--

Okay, I get it.
I surrender.

I just want to know

that you're happy
and you're protected.

I'm very happy.

And he's not shrimpy.

A few weeks ago, a guy called me
a bitch in a bowling alley,

and he punched him
in the face.

Oh, good man.

I mean him,
for doing that,

not the guy
who called you a bitch.

You tell me where he is.
I'll punch him, too.

All right, guys,
here's the deal--

we got to completely
start over.

I wrote a new song--
it's called

The Promise
Of Tomorrow's Wings.

It's brilliant--
about a billion times better

than Catch Your Dreams,
which I realize now sucks ass.

Hey, Chuck, go ahead and just
delete everything, all right?

Hold on, Chuck.

Just listen to the song
one more time,

and then make a decision.

Where's that saxophone
coming from?

I don't know.

I don't know
the first thing about music.

Whoa, is that a new mix?
It sounds way better.

See? You just needed
to clear your head.

Hey, you guys,
who is this?

This looks just like--

Ow, that was loud.

I am telling you that Leslie,
in the long run,

is so much better
for this police department

than Bobby Newport is.

Gun!

No, no, no, no!
It's just a--it's paper.

It's--I was reaching
for paper.

It's all right, boys.

Leslie has a plan
to raise cops' pensions

and increase benefits
without cutting back on hours.

Newport's
just gonna keep on

buying you guys
a couple new cars

or some new uniforms,
as always.

That guy's all about
short-term solutions.

Pretty sweet sauce in there,
eh, Ace?

- What's wrong with you?
- I don't know.

Trumple gave me
the endorsement, which is great,

but really, the only endorsement
that matters is Ben's,

and I locked that sucker up
a long time ago.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm about endorse ten beers
into my mouth,

'cause this has been
an incredibly stressful evening.

Nice work, guys.

Hey, a little tradition
after Mouse Rat records,

someone buys me booze--
who's it gonna be?

All right, look,
I know I messed up,

but there's something
I got to say to you.

No playbook, no gimmicks,
just me, Tom,

talking to you as a person.

Okay,
I would like that.

Good, 'cause this is
what I really want to say.

-
I'm saying date me
- Okay, yes. Fine, fine, fine!

- Yes, I will.
-
Baby, baby, baby, baby

I will go out with you.
Enough, please!

- Really?
- Yes.

Dude, you wore me down.
Just stop singing, please.

The four sweetest words
in the English language--

"You wore me down."

Go ahead.

Oh. Go ahead.

Oh, hey, Dave,
go ahead.

- Uh, go ahead. No, it's fine.
- No, no, no.

You're waiting.
It's your turn.

No, no, I'm not.

- You're not waiting?
- No.

It feels like you're--

- I'm--
- It feels to me

like you're being
overly respectful

of all these cops,
and you're letting them go in

- all in front of you.
- No, no, no.

I'm just standing here.

Why would you be standing
just here?

I w--I--
I was just checking--

Get in the--
go in!

Thank you so much.

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