Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,071
- OKAY, GUYS.
THE BATTLE ROYALE IS COMING UP.
2
00:00:03,104 --> 00:00:06,274
EVERY DEPARTMENT IN ONE ROOM,
ARGUING FOR MORE MONEY.
3
00:00:06,307 --> 00:00:08,576
BUDGETARY THUNDERDOME!
4
00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:11,645
SO, UH, MAKE LISTS OF WHY
OTHER DEPARTMENTS SUCK,
5
00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:13,814
AND I'M GONNA GO
GET THE SECRET WEAPON.
6
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:16,484
OUR SECRET WEAPON IN THIS
BUDGETARY BATTLE?
7
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:17,585
RON.
8
00:00:17,618 --> 00:00:20,288
EVERY TIME ANOTHER DEPARTMENT
ASKS FOR MORE MONEY,
9
00:00:20,321 --> 00:00:22,556
HE JUST STARES THEM DOWN
UNTIL THEY BACK OFF
10
00:00:22,590 --> 00:00:25,793
AND/OR WET THEMSELVES.
11
00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:29,297
HEY, WHO'S READY TO GET--
12
00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:30,298
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
13
00:00:30,331 --> 00:00:32,533
- TAMMY ONE SHOWED UP.
14
00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:35,169
I'M BEING AUDITED BY THE IRS.
15
00:00:35,203 --> 00:00:36,537
- NO!
16
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:37,705
YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE.
17
00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:39,407
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
SCREW THIS.
18
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:42,443
FIRST OF ALL,
INCOME TAX IS ILLEGAL.
19
00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:45,379
SECOND, TAMMY IS
A PSYCHOLOGICAL MASTERMIND.
20
00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:47,081
THIS IS JUST ANOTHER WAY FOR HER
21
00:00:47,115 --> 00:00:49,517
TO PUT HER HAND UP MY KEISTER
22
00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,852
AND CONTROL ME LIKE A PUPPET.
23
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,321
I'D RATHER BE LOCKED UP.
24
00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:55,589
- RON, THIS IS
A FEDERAL TAX AUDIT.
25
00:00:55,623 --> 00:00:57,358
YOU COULD GO TO JAIL.
26
00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:58,359
JAIL, RON.
27
00:00:58,392 --> 00:00:59,593
RON, JAIL.
28
00:00:59,627 --> 00:01:00,794
JAIL, RON, JAIL.
29
00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:02,196
YOU COULD GO TO JAIL.
30
00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:03,331
JAIL, JAIL, JAIL.
31
00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:04,332
- ARE YOU BROKEN?
32
00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:05,599
- ANDY, APRIL!
33
00:01:05,633 --> 00:01:06,667
- WHAT'S UP, BOSS?
34
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:07,501
- STOP YELLING
AND BEING ANNOYING.
35
00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:10,471
- GRAB YOUR CALCULATORS.
SETTLE IN.
36
00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:13,141
OPERATION RESCUE RON
IS STARTING.
37
00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:14,242
DON'T WORRY.
38
00:01:14,275 --> 00:01:15,376
I WILL THINK OF A BETTER NAME
FOR IT BY TOMORROW.
39
00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:16,377
- HERE YOU GO.
40
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:17,445
- CALCULATOR.
41
00:01:17,478 --> 00:01:20,448
[triumphant music]
42
00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:26,487
*
43
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:39,900
- HEY...
- HEY, MAN.
44
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:40,868
- BEN.
45
00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:43,171
- HEY, THANKS
FOR TEXTING ME TO HANG OUT.
46
00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:44,372
I'VE REALLY FELT
LIKE WE'VE DEVELOPED
47
00:01:44,405 --> 00:01:45,406
A COOL FRIENDSHIP, AND--
48
00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:47,308
ANYWAY, IT WAS JUST NICE
TO HAVE THAT VALIDATED.
49
00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:48,442
- YEAH, YEAH,
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
50
00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:51,545
LOOK, WE GOT SOME DOCUMENTS
OVER AT ENTERTAINMENT720
51
00:01:51,579 --> 00:01:53,147
THAT SEEM REALLY COMPLICATED.
52
00:01:53,181 --> 00:01:54,615
AND I THOUGHT, MAYBE YOU COULD
TAKE A LOOK AT THEM
53
00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:58,819
BECAUSE NERD STUFF PROBABLY
REALLY EXCITES YOU,
54
00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:00,154
BECAUSE YOU'RE A NERD.
55
00:02:00,188 --> 00:02:01,555
- NO, OF COURSE.
YEAH, NO, I JUST--
56
00:02:01,589 --> 00:02:03,157
PUT ON MY STAR WARS PAJAMAS
57
00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:04,558
AND SIT IN MY MOM'S BASEMENT
58
00:02:04,592 --> 00:02:05,693
AND PORE OVER SOME SPREADSHEETS.
59
00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:06,694
SOUNDS GREAT.
60
00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:07,761
YEAH.
W-W-WHAT'D YOU GOT?
61
00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:10,598
- SOMETHING CALLED
"BREAK EVEN ANALYSIS TABLES."
62
00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:11,599
- OH, BREAK EVENS?
63
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:12,600
THOSE ARE REALLY FUN.
64
00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:13,601
YEAH, SURE.
I'LL TAKE A LOOK.
65
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:14,602
- LET'S HIT IT.
66
00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:15,603
- WHAT YOU--
RIGHT NOW?
67
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:17,371
UH--I HAVE WORK.
68
00:02:17,405 --> 00:02:20,641
- AND I THOUGHT I HAD A FRIEND.
69
00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:21,609
- ALL RIGHT.
70
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,511
- IT'S ALMOST TOO EASY.
71
00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:24,512
- I CAN HEAR YOU.
72
00:02:24,545 --> 00:02:25,679
- [laughs]
73
00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:26,947
I KNOW YOU CAN,
BEN.
74
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,949
THAT'S HOW EASY IT IS.
75
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:31,719
- SO WE NEED TO FIND PROOF
OF EVERY TAX DEDUCTION
76
00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:33,754
I'VE TAKEN
IN THE LAST FIVE YEARS.
77
00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:35,689
- RON, MOST OF THESE
AREN'T EVEN RECEIPTS.
78
00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:39,193
THIS ONE SAYS,
"I BOUGHT SUPPLIES. 2007".
79
00:02:39,227 --> 00:02:41,662
- YOU WON'T FIND ANY
BANK STATEMENTS EITHER.
80
00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:43,264
I'VE HEAVILY INVESTED IN GOLD
81
00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:45,399
WHICH I'VE BURIED
IN SEVERAL DIFFERENT LOCATIONS
82
00:02:45,433 --> 00:02:47,635
AROUND PAWNEE.
83
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:48,902
OR HAVE I?
84
00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:49,903
- WHAT'S THIS?
85
00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:51,539
SOME KIND OF LAME DRUG DEAL?
86
00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:53,307
- THAT IS
A GENTLEMAN'S AGREEMENT.
87
00:02:53,341 --> 00:02:55,209
I MADE THAT MAN
A DINING ROOM TABLE
88
00:02:55,243 --> 00:02:57,478
IN EXCHANGE FOR 60 FEET
OF COPPER PIPE
89
00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:58,912
AND A HALF PIG.
90
00:02:58,946 --> 00:03:01,382
- WELL, LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE SOME
ACTUAL RECEIPTS HERE.
91
00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:04,252
SAME AMOUNT, EVERY MONTH.
140 BUCKS.
92
00:03:04,285 --> 00:03:05,253
WHAT'S THIS?
93
00:03:05,286 --> 00:03:06,287
- EVERY 30 DAYS,
94
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:08,756
I BUY SHOTGUN SHELLS
AND CIGARETTES
95
00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:10,358
AND SEND THEM HOME TO MY MOM.
96
00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:11,659
- [laughs]
97
00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:12,626
- THAT'S SO SWEET.
98
00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:14,328
YOUR MOM SOUNDS KICKASS.
99
00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:16,497
- MY FIRST EX-WIFE'S NAME
IS TAMMY.
100
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:19,900
MY SECOND EX-WIFE'S NAME
IS TAMMY.
101
00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:24,905
MY MOM'S NAME IS TAMARA.
102
00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:26,607
SHE GOES BY TAMMY.
103
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:30,478
- YOU CAN PREVENT
ADULT-ONSET DIABETES
104
00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:33,247
BY GETTING AN ANNUAL CHECK-UP,
105
00:03:33,281 --> 00:03:34,915
EXERCISING,
106
00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:35,916
PRAYING...
107
00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:36,917
- OKAY.
[clears throat]
108
00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:37,918
- WHO IS THAT GUY?
109
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:38,819
- THAT IS WALT MORPHLING.
110
00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:40,621
HE WAS THE DIRECTOR
OF PUBLIC HEALTH,
111
00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:42,323
BUT HE HAD TO RETIRE AT 46
112
00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:43,491
BECAUSE HE HAD DIABETES.
113
00:03:43,524 --> 00:03:44,725
- THAT IS SAD, BUT ALSO,
114
00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:46,794
IN THIS TOWN,
UNDERSTANDABLE.
115
00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:47,895
- I WOULD LIKE
TO SHOOT A NEW PSA
116
00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:49,330
AND I THINK IT'D BE GOOD
TO GET SOMEONE
117
00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:50,931
WHO'S HEALTHY AND TELEGENIC,
118
00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:55,336
AND I THOUGHT THAT
YOU WOULD BE PERFECT.
119
00:03:55,369 --> 00:03:56,437
- ANN PERKINS.
120
00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:57,438
I AM FLATTERED.
121
00:03:57,471 --> 00:03:58,439
AND I WILL DO IT.
122
00:03:58,472 --> 00:03:59,540
IS THERE A SCRIPT YET?
123
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,975
- UH, NO, BECAUSE YOU JUST
APPROVED THE IDEA, LIKE,
124
00:04:02,009 --> 00:04:03,344
THREE SECONDS AGO.
125
00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:04,345
- I WOULD LIKE YOU
TO WRITE ME A SCRIPT
126
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:05,313
AND GET IT TO ME IN AN HOUR.
127
00:04:05,346 --> 00:04:07,381
AND WE SHOULD START THINKING
ABOUT WARDROBE.
128
00:04:07,415 --> 00:04:08,516
CASUAL?
129
00:04:08,549 --> 00:04:09,917
FORMAL? SEMI-FORMAL?
130
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:10,918
SPORTY?
131
00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:11,919
SCARY?
132
00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:12,920
POSH? BABY?
133
00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:13,854
THOSE ARE THE SPICE GIRLS.
134
00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:15,022
I JUST GOT CAUGHT UP
IN MY OWN THOUGHTS.
135
00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:15,989
I'M VERY EXCITED ABOUT THIS.
136
00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:17,791
- IN TERMS OF SHIRTS,
I CAN WEAR WHITE...
137
00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:19,727
- WELCOME TO PARADISE,
MY MAN.
138
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,995
YOU CAN CHILL
OVER THERE BY THE BAR.
139
00:04:22,029 --> 00:04:23,964
WE ALSO GOT BASKETBALL
AT ANY TIME YOU WANT.
140
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:26,400
THERE'S ROY HIBBERT
AND DETLEF SCHREMPF.
141
00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:28,636
- OH, MY GOD.
THAT'S AN ACTUAL NBA PLAYER.
142
00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:29,803
HE PLAYS FOR THE PACERS.
143
00:04:29,837 --> 00:04:30,804
- NBA'S ON STRIKE,
144
00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:31,839
SO WE GOT HIM FOR ONLY, LIKE,
145
00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:34,642
75% OF HIS ORIGINAL NBA SALARY.
146
00:04:34,675 --> 00:04:35,943
WHAT UP, ROY?
147
00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,044
- IS THIS ALL YOU WANT ME TO DO?
148
00:04:37,077 --> 00:04:38,512
PLAY ONE ON ONE WITH DETLEF?
149
00:04:38,546 --> 00:04:39,513
- YES.
150
00:04:39,547 --> 00:04:41,482
AND KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.
151
00:04:41,515 --> 00:04:42,483
JEAN-RALPHIO!
152
00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:43,984
- TAKE ME THERE.
153
00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:46,620
[shouting]
154
00:04:46,654 --> 00:04:48,889
- BUMP!
[laughs]
155
00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:49,890
- WHO ARE YOU?
156
00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:51,091
- UH--
- THIS IS BEN.
157
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:52,092
HE'S HERE TO HELP US
WITH THE PAPERWORK.
158
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,093
- BEN?
IS THAT YOUR REAL NAME?
159
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,395
- YES.
160
00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:55,363
- OH, YOU COULD DO BETTER
THAN THAT.
161
00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:56,364
I'MA HELP YOU OUT RIGHT NOW.
162
00:04:56,397 --> 00:04:57,297
YOUR NAME IS ANGELO.
163
00:04:57,331 --> 00:04:58,198
ANGELO, THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR COMING OUT.
164
00:04:58,231 --> 00:04:58,999
GET A THICKER TIE.
IT LOOKS WEIRD ON YOU.
165
00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:01,402
MAKES YOUR HEAD
LOOK LIKE A FISH.
166
00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:02,503
SECONDLY,
167
00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:03,704
I DON'T KNOW WHERE
THE PAPERWORK IS,
168
00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:04,705
BUT WHEN YOU FIND IT,
169
00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:05,773
CAN YOU TAKE CARE OF IT FOR US?
170
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:07,441
WE DON'T HAVE ANY PENS
171
00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:08,442
'CAUSE WE'RE AFRAID
IT'S GONNA LEAK IN OUR SHIRTS.
172
00:05:08,476 --> 00:05:09,577
LASTLY, I HATE THE NAME,
ANGELO.
173
00:05:09,610 --> 00:05:10,911
I'MA SWITCH IT UP FOR YOU,
RIGHT NOW.
174
00:05:10,944 --> 00:05:13,981
YOUR NEW NICKNAME IS...
175
00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:15,516
JELL-O SHOT.
176
00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:17,050
- WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT,
J-SHOT?
177
00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:18,051
DO YOU HAVE QUESTIONS?
178
00:05:18,085 --> 00:05:20,053
- YEAH. WHERE ARE WE?
179
00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:21,021
- ALL RIGHT, BEN.
180
00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:22,122
IF YOU NEED ANYTHING,
181
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:23,491
ONE OF THESE MODELS THAT
WE PAY TO HANG AROUND HERE
182
00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:24,992
WILL GRAB IT FOR YOU.
183
00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:27,027
IN THE MEANTIME, WE'RE GONNA
BE PLAYING VIDEO GAMES,
184
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:29,029
TWEETING OUR HIGH SCORES.
185
00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,030
- HIT IT!
186
00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:31,832
- UM, HI.
187
00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:34,134
ARE YOU THE RECEPTIONIST?
188
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,135
- I GUESS.
189
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,370
I DON'T REALLY KNOW.
190
00:05:36,404 --> 00:05:37,371
- IF YOU DON'T MIND ME ASKING,
191
00:05:37,405 --> 00:05:39,507
HOW MUCH ARE THEY PAYING YOU?
192
00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:41,475
- $100,000 A YEAR.
193
00:05:41,509 --> 00:05:44,011
WITH FULL MEDICAL.
194
00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:45,579
- I MEAN, I WOULD GUESS
THEY'LL BE BANKRUPT
195
00:05:45,613 --> 00:05:47,014
BY THE END OF...
196
00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:51,452
THIS SENTENCE.
197
00:05:51,485 --> 00:05:53,621
NO, THANK YOU.
198
00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:54,722
- IS THIS TRUE?
199
00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:57,658
YOU ONLY SPENT $40 ON CLOTHES
IN THE PAST 5 YEARS?
200
00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:58,959
- IT SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT.
201
00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:01,128
- HOW DID YOU MEET TAMMY ONE?
202
00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:03,030
- TECHNICALLY, I'VE KNOWN HER
SINCE I WAS BORN.
203
00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:05,399
SHE WAS A CANDY STRIPER
AT THE HOSPITAL.
204
00:06:05,433 --> 00:06:06,400
SHE HELPED DELIVER ME.
205
00:06:06,434 --> 00:06:08,402
all: OH, MY GOD.
206
00:06:08,436 --> 00:06:10,070
- I GREW UP
IN A VERY SMALL TOWN.
207
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:11,605
600 PEOPLE.
208
00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:13,774
EVERYBODY KNEW EVERYBODY ELSE.
209
00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:15,876
WE FIRST TOOK UP TOGETHER
WHEN I WAS 15.
210
00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:17,411
- AWESOME.
- OH, MY GOD.
211
00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:18,579
- IT WAS A LITTLE SCANDALOUS,
212
00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:21,915
BUT EVERYONE FEARED HER,
SO THEY KEPT THEIR MOUTHS SHUT.
213
00:06:21,949 --> 00:06:24,151
- I DON'T EVEN KNOW HER,
BUT SHE'S MY HERO.
214
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:26,454
- NO, SHE'S NO HERO, APRIL.
215
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:28,489
SHE'S A HELLACIOUS NIGHTMARE.
216
00:06:28,522 --> 00:06:31,525
SHE DID, HOWEVER,
TEACH ME EVERYTHING I KNOW.
217
00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:33,627
SUNDAY SCHOOL, SEX.
218
00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:35,195
SHE WAS MY MATH TEACHER
IN MIDDLE SCHOOL
219
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,998
AND MY BABYSITTER,
AND SHE TAUGHT DRIVER'S ED.
220
00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:39,032
I--
221
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:42,770
- HELLO.
222
00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:43,771
I DON'T BELIEVE WE'VE MET.
223
00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:45,906
I AM LESLIE KNOPE, DEPUTY--
224
00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:47,207
- I DON'T THINK
IT WILL BE NECESSARY
225
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:51,612
FOR YOU TO SPEAK AGAIN
WHILE I'M HERE.
226
00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:54,815
- WHY DO I ONLY DATE BRUNETTES?
227
00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:57,017
YOU KNOW,
SOMETIMES YOU EAT CHICKEN
228
00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:58,118
AND YOU GET FOOD POISONING
229
00:06:58,151 --> 00:07:01,955
AND THEN, EVEN THE SIGHT
OF CHICKEN MAKES YOU SICK?
230
00:07:01,989 --> 00:07:04,725
TAMMY ONE IS MY BLONDE CHICKEN.
231
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:07,194
- GOOD GOD, RONALD.
232
00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:09,930
THIS IS A MUCH BIGGER MESS
THAN I IMAGINED.
233
00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:11,231
YOU'LL TAKE A WEEK OFF
FROM WORK.
234
00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:13,200
WE'LL DO A COMPLETE OVERHAUL
OF YOUR FINANCES.
235
00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:15,068
I'LL NEED ACCESS
TO ALL YOUR ACCOUNTS,
236
00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:18,005
AND YOUR HOME.
237
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:19,673
- IS THAT NECESSARY?
238
00:07:19,707 --> 00:07:20,874
- OH, OH.
239
00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:22,910
WE'RE PLAYING A GAME WHERE
EVERYONE SAYS SOMETHING STUPID?
240
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:24,878
- [laughs]
241
00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:27,715
- YOU.
WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
242
00:07:27,748 --> 00:07:29,049
- TIM.
243
00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:30,050
TIM BUCKENOWSKI.
244
00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:31,752
- REALLY?
245
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:32,753
- NO.
246
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:33,954
ANDY DWYER.
247
00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:35,255
- ANDY...
248
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,657
YOU'RE GOING TO COLLECT
ALL OF THIS,
249
00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:38,792
AND YOU'RE GOING
TO PUT IT IN MY CAR.
250
00:07:38,826 --> 00:07:39,927
- WHAT--
- MS. KNOPE.
251
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:40,928
- YES?
252
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,496
- YOU'RE GOING TO GO TO PAYROLL
253
00:07:42,530 --> 00:07:45,566
AND GET COPIES OF RONALD'S
WORKPLACE EXPENSE REPORTS.
254
00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:48,902
- OH, I--I'M JUST WONDERING
HOW LONG THAT'S GOING TO TAKE,
255
00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:51,505
BECAUSE RON AND I HAVE A VERY
IMPORTANT MEETING TOGETHER.
256
00:07:51,539 --> 00:07:52,740
IT'S CALLED THE BATTLE ROYALE.
257
00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:53,707
IT'S SUPER FUN.
258
00:07:53,741 --> 00:07:54,608
WELL...
259
00:07:54,642 --> 00:07:57,645
- YOU AND RON
HAVE A BIG MEETING, HUH?
260
00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,947
- I'M SURE RON WILL REMEMBER
THE MEETING FONDLY
261
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:02,583
WHILE HE MAKES TOILET WINE
IN A FEDERAL PRISON
262
00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:06,119
IN TERRE HAUTE.
263
00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:08,856
- I'LL--I'LL HEAD DOWN
TO PAYROLL.
264
00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:11,024
- [clears throat]
NOW.
265
00:08:11,058 --> 00:08:12,693
YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER.
266
00:08:12,726 --> 00:08:15,128
- YES, MA'AM.
267
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:19,266
- SHE'S THE COLD, DISTANT MOTHER
268
00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:21,935
I NEVER HAD.
269
00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:23,837
I LOVE HER.
270
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,241
- [whistling]
271
00:08:28,275 --> 00:08:29,810
GOOD MORNING, EVERYONE.
272
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:32,245
- GOOD MORNING, SIR.
HOW CAN I HELP YOU?
273
00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:34,281
- RON?
YOUR MOUSTACHE FELL OFF.
274
00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:36,316
- [laughs]
275
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:37,317
LESLIE, YOU GOOFBALL.
276
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,019
[laughs]
277
00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:40,754
TAMMY POINTED OUT THAT
MY FACE LOOKED BETTER
278
00:08:40,788 --> 00:08:41,889
WITHOUT ANY HAIR ON IT.
279
00:08:41,922 --> 00:08:43,691
AND IT COLLECT
A LOT OF FOOD CRUMBS,
280
00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:46,326
WHICH IS VERY UNSANITARY.
281
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:47,294
HEY, JER.
282
00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:49,830
HUMP DAY, AM I RIGHT, BUDDY?
[snaps fingers]
283
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:50,998
- WHAT?
284
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:51,999
- WHAT IS GOING ON?
285
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,000
WHERE'S TAMMY ONE?
286
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,001
- SHE MOVED IN WITH ME.
287
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,636
SHE'S REALLY HELPING ME OUT.
288
00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:57,971
YESTERDAY, SHE CONVERTED
MY BANK ACCOUNT
289
00:08:58,005 --> 00:08:59,940
INTO A JOINT BANK ACCOUNT
WITH HER.
290
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:01,108
- OH.
THAT'S GREAT.
291
00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:03,010
AND HOW IS THAT GONNA HELP?
292
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:04,011
- NOT SURE.
293
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,746
WHEN SHE EXPLAINS IT,
IT MAKES TOTAL SENSE.
294
00:09:05,779 --> 00:09:08,582
IT IS SO NICE
HAVING HER AROUND.
295
00:09:08,616 --> 00:09:09,983
HERE'S SOMETHING NEAT.
296
00:09:10,017 --> 00:09:11,351
TAMMY'S GOT ME
TAKING BABY ASPIRIN
297
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:14,955
TO LOWER
MY RISK OF HEART DISEASE.
298
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:16,857
SCIENCE IS A MIRACLE.
299
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:19,693
ANY-WHO,
BACK TO THE OLD GRINDSTONE.
300
00:09:19,727 --> 00:09:21,695
THESE EMAILS AREN'T GONNA
SEND THEMSELVES.
301
00:09:21,729 --> 00:09:23,664
[laughs]
302
00:09:23,697 --> 00:09:26,033
- DIABETES CAN'T BE CURED.
303
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,968
BUT IT CAN BE PREVENTED.
304
00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:30,237
MAKE A CHOICE.
MAKE A CHANGE.
305
00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:31,371
AND TOGETHER,
306
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,340
WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
307
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:34,842
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
ANY NOTES?
308
00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:35,976
- GREAT.
309
00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:37,310
JUST AS GOOD,
IF NOT EXACTLY THE SAME
310
00:09:37,344 --> 00:09:38,211
AS THE LAST ONE.
311
00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:40,147
IN THAT LAST ONE,
I LEFT A NANOSECOND
312
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:41,649
OF A PAUSE BETWEEN THE WORDS,
313
00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:42,816
"TOGETHER" AND "WE."
314
00:09:42,850 --> 00:09:43,884
IT FELT MUCH BETTER.
315
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:45,085
BUT I'D LOVE TO TRY ANOTHER ONE.
316
00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:46,820
- I REALLY THINK WE'VE GOT IT.
317
00:09:46,854 --> 00:09:47,955
- ANN.
318
00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:49,022
THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ME
319
00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:50,357
BECAUSE IT'S IMPORTANT TO YOU.
320
00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:51,959
I MEAN, YOU SPENT
A LOT OF TIME AND ENERGY
321
00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:52,960
ON WRITING THIS.
322
00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:53,994
- NOT REALLY.
323
00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:55,963
- SO, IT NEEDS TO BE PERFECT.
324
00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:57,665
SO, LET'S DO 1 MORE,
THEN 5 MORE,
325
00:09:57,698 --> 00:09:59,667
THEN 20 IN A ROW.
326
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:02,002
- HEY,
LOOK WHO IT IS.
327
00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:03,103
- HEY, HEY.
328
00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:06,073
- TOM.
JEAN-RALPHIO.
329
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:07,908
PROFESSIONAL BASKETBALL PLAYERS.
330
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:09,342
- 'SUP,
JELL-O SHOT.
331
00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:11,244
- CAN I ASK YOU GUYS
A QUESTION?
332
00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:13,046
HOW EXACTLY
ARE YOU MAKING MONEY?
333
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:13,947
- WANNA KNOW
HOW WE MAKE MONEY?
334
00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:15,649
- DO YOU WANNA KNOW
HOW WE MAKE MONEY?
335
00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:17,718
- BY LITERALLY
PRINTING OUT OUR MONEY.
336
00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:20,053
- WE BOUGHT A PRINTING PRESS.
337
00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:21,755
THIS PRINTS BILLS WITH OUR FACES
338
00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:24,825
AND THE E720 LOGO ON THEM.
339
00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:26,927
- AND PROMOTE THE COMPANY
BY GOING TO CLUBS
340
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,361
AND TOSSING THE BILLS
IN THE AIR AND SCREAMING,
341
00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:30,097
"FREE MONEY!"
342
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:33,033
- YOU CAN'T JUST PRINT
YOUR OWN MONEY.
343
00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:34,702
THIS HAS TO STOP,
344
00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:35,703
RIGHT NOW.
345
00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:38,739
[rap music]
346
00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:46,013
- AWW!
347
00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:46,914
- WHAT'S THE DEAL,
BABY?
348
00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:47,848
ONE SECOND, YOU HIT
THE PARTY SWITCH,
349
00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:49,282
AND THE NEXT SECOND,
YOU'RE ALL BUSINESS?
350
00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:50,984
- I NEED TO SEE
ALL OF YOUR BOOKS.
351
00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:51,985
- YOU GOT IT, BABY.
352
00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:53,053
BABY!
353
00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:54,054
GET HIM THE BOOKS.
354
00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:55,455
- AWW, SNAPPLE.
355
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,124
ARE WE CALLING
EVERYBODY "BABY" NOW?
356
00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:58,125
'CAUSE HONESTLY,
357
00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,192
I LOVE THAT.
358
00:10:59,226 --> 00:11:00,260
- ARE WE SAYING "SNAPPLE"
359
00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:01,261
ANYTIME WE THINK
SOMETHING'S DOPE?
360
00:11:01,294 --> 00:11:02,329
'CAUSE I LOVE THAT, BABY.
361
00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:03,330
- DO YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE?
362
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:04,331
[whistles]
363
00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:05,432
JELL-O SHOT!
364
00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:08,101
[rap music plays]
- UH-OH!
365
00:11:08,135 --> 00:11:10,137
HIBBERT, HIBBERT.
366
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,205
all: HUP, JELL-O SHOT!
367
00:11:12,239 --> 00:11:13,874
JELL-O SHOT!
368
00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:15,208
JELL-O SHOT!
369
00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:16,209
JELL-O SHOT!
370
00:11:16,243 --> 00:11:17,277
- THANK YOU.
371
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:18,445
- WE'RE HERE TO SERVE YOU,
FRIEND.
372
00:11:18,478 --> 00:11:21,214
I HOPE THE REST OF YOUR DAY
IS COOL BEANS.
373
00:11:21,248 --> 00:11:22,015
- RON,
374
00:11:22,049 --> 00:11:24,017
WHAT IS THIS MEMO
YOU SENT TO ME?
375
00:11:24,051 --> 00:11:26,086
YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO THE BATTLE ROYALE?
376
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:28,221
- I HAVE DECIDED
NOT TO ATTEND THIS YEAR.
377
00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:29,790
- OKAY, FIRST OF ALL,
IT'S DISTURBING
378
00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:31,792
THAT YOU WROTE A MEMO,
AT ALL.
379
00:11:31,825 --> 00:11:34,461
BUT YOU LOVE ARGUING AGAINST
GOVERNMENT SPENDING.
380
00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:35,863
WHY DO YOU NOT WANNA
DO IT NOW?
381
00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:37,130
- LESLIE, PLEASE.
382
00:11:37,164 --> 00:11:39,132
THE GOVERNMENT KNOWS
WHAT IT'S DOING.
383
00:11:39,166 --> 00:11:40,200
I'M CONFIDENT THAT I'LL--
384
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:42,369
OUCHIE.
385
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:44,137
- YOU AND I ARE GOING TO LUNCH.
386
00:11:44,171 --> 00:11:45,839
WE HAVE TO TALK.
387
00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:47,908
- LET ME JUST CALL TAMMY FIRST
AND GET PERMISSION.
388
00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:50,811
- OH, COME ON.
389
00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:51,912
- TAMMY,
390
00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:55,082
I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD
GO TO LUNCH WITH LESLIE?
391
00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:56,083
TERRIFIC.
392
00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:57,084
BYE.
393
00:11:57,117 --> 00:11:58,251
SHE SAYS I CAN'T GO.
394
00:11:58,285 --> 00:11:59,987
- YOU'RE GOING TO LUNCH WITH ME.
395
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:03,223
I SAY YOU CAN GO.
396
00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:05,058
- OH, GOSH.
397
00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:06,259
I'M REALLY IN A PICKLE NOW.
398
00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:07,494
- OH, MY GOD.
399
00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:09,162
WHEN RON FALLS FOR TAMMY TWO,
400
00:12:09,196 --> 00:12:11,331
HE TURNS
INTO A DEMONIC SEX MANIAC.
401
00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:12,365
BUT THIS?
402
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:13,366
NEUTERED WIMP?
403
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,434
THIS IS WORSE.
404
00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:17,170
OPERATION GOLDEN DOVE
IS IN TROUBLE.
405
00:12:17,204 --> 00:12:19,239
RON, THERE ARE SOME THINGS
I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOU ABOUT
406
00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:21,942
BUT I'M NOT QUITE SURE
HOW TO PHRASE THEM.
407
00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:23,510
- JUST BLURT THEM
RIGHT OUT, LESLIE.
408
00:12:23,543 --> 00:12:26,313
ANYTHING YOU SAY WILL STAY
BETWEEN YOU AND ME.
409
00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:27,480
RIGHT, MY LOVE?
410
00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:28,782
- STOP FIDGETING.
411
00:12:28,816 --> 00:12:29,649
- SORRY.
412
00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:31,484
- I WAS HOPING TO SPEAK
WITH RON ALONE.
413
00:12:31,518 --> 00:12:32,886
- HE WANTS ME HERE.
414
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,254
HE INVITED ME.
415
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:36,056
NA-NA-NA-NA-NA.
416
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:37,257
- DON'T WORRY, LESLIE.
417
00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:39,226
TAMMY'S TOTALLY COOL.
418
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:40,227
- HUH, OKAY.
419
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,328
THEN I'LL SAY IT TO HER.
420
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:42,963
YOU'RE EVIL,
AND YOU NEED TO GO.
421
00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:44,497
[both chuckle]
422
00:12:44,531 --> 00:12:47,067
- LESLIE, YOU ARE A PANIC.
423
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,202
TAMMY,
MAY I USE THE RESTROOM?
424
00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:53,506
- REMEMBER TO WASH YOUR HANDS.
425
00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:55,075
- OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
426
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,077
LET'S CUT THE CRAP.
427
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,012
IS THIS AUDIT EVEN REAL?
428
00:12:59,046 --> 00:13:01,281
- IN A SENSE, YES.
429
00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:03,817
BUT IN ANOTHER, TRUER SENSE, NO,
430
00:13:03,851 --> 00:13:05,252
IT IS NOT.
431
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:06,887
I WANT RONALD BACK,
432
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:08,321
BUT I HAD TO LEARN
ABOUT HIS FINANCES,
433
00:13:08,355 --> 00:13:10,390
TO MAKE SURE MY FUTURE
WAS PROTECTED.
434
00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:11,825
I'M IMPRESSED.
435
00:13:11,859 --> 00:13:14,962
HE'S ACQUIRED
QUITE A BIT OF GOLD.
436
00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:18,231
- YOU GOLD DIGGER.
437
00:13:18,265 --> 00:13:21,969
YOU'RE LITERALLY A GOLD DIGGER.
438
00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:26,006
- THE THING I LOVE ABOUT TAMMY
IS SHE CALLS ME ON MY CRAP.
439
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:27,807
EVERY GUY NEEDS THAT.
440
00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:35,115
- OKAY, IF YOU WANT
THIS COMPANY TO SURVIVE,
441
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,884
YOU IMMEDIATELY NEED TO
DOWNSIZE.
442
00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:38,485
I MEAN, YOU DON'T NEED
THIS AIRPLANE HANGAR.
443
00:13:38,518 --> 00:13:39,686
- UM, I THINK WE DO.
444
00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:43,991
- AND TWO, YOU HAVE TO KEEP
DETAILED FINANCIAL RECORDS.
445
00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:45,125
- THANK YOU!
446
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:46,326
I'VE BEEN TRYING
TO TELL THEM THAT!
447
00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:47,627
- WASTE OF TIME.
448
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,596
THEY WOULDN'T KNOW
A NON-EMPLOYEE TAX-REPORTABLE
449
00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:52,365
EXPENDITURE REQUEST
IF IT BIT THEM IN THE ASS.
450
00:13:52,399 --> 00:13:55,202
- HEY GUYS, WHICH TWO PEOPLE
HERE STARTED THEIR OWN COMPANY?
451
00:13:55,235 --> 00:13:57,570
'CAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE
IT WASN'T YOU TWO BOZOS.
452
00:13:57,604 --> 00:13:58,638
- HEY!
453
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:01,408
- LOOK, YOU GUYS CAN SWAGGER
AROUND ALL YOU WANT,
454
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:04,377
BUT BUSINESSES NEED REVENUE,
OKAY?
455
00:14:04,411 --> 00:14:07,247
UNLESS YOU START WORKING
ON AN ACTUAL PLAN,
456
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:08,248
YOU'RE DEAD IN A MONTH.
457
00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:09,316
THAT'S A FACT.
458
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,984
- BEN,
THANKS FOR YOUR TIME.
459
00:14:11,018 --> 00:14:12,385
BUT WITH ALL DUE RESPECT,
460
00:14:12,419 --> 00:14:14,187
AS FAR AS BUSINESS DECISIONS GO,
461
00:14:14,221 --> 00:14:15,923
I THINK WE KNOW
WHAT WE'RE DOING.
462
00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:19,226
DON'T FORGET TO GRAB A FREE iPad
ON YOUR WAY OUT.
463
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:21,061
- HE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE ONE.
464
00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:22,062
- DIABETES!
465
00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:24,364
FIGHT IT!
466
00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:26,499
NOT QUITE, BUT I LIKE THE
ENERGY--ARE WE STILL ROLLING?
467
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:28,268
- YUP.
468
00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:29,102
- DIABETES!
469
00:14:29,136 --> 00:14:31,004
- OKAY, LET'S--CAN WE TAKE
A BREAK?
470
00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:32,139
- I THINK THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
471
00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:33,473
I THINK WE ALMOST HAVE IT,
472
00:14:33,506 --> 00:14:35,675
AND I AM VERY EXCITED
AT THAT PROSPECT.
473
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,011
I'LL CANCEL MY FOUR O'CLOCK
AND MY FIVE O'CLOCK
474
00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:39,579
AND MY SIX O'CLOCK APPOINTMENTS.
475
00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:41,548
- I CANNOT BELIEVE
I DATED HIM.
476
00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:43,383
FOR A LONG TIME.
477
00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:45,252
AND HE BROKE UP WITH ME!
478
00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:47,254
- FAT EQUALS SPLAT!
479
00:14:47,287 --> 00:14:49,122
AS IN, "YOU'RE DEAD!"
480
00:14:49,156 --> 00:14:50,123
IS THERE SOMETHING THERE?
481
00:14:50,157 --> 00:14:51,124
NO--NO.
THAT--THAT SUCKED.
482
00:14:51,158 --> 00:14:52,292
BUT THERE'S SOMETHING THERE.
483
00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:53,393
I'M FEELING IT--
LET'S GO RIGHT AWAY!
484
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:54,394
IT'S MAGIC TIME!
485
00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:56,396
FROM THE TOP, EVERYBODY.
486
00:14:56,429 --> 00:14:58,431
- THERE'S NO ONE ELSE HERE.
487
00:14:58,465 --> 00:15:00,700
- BASICALLY, WE'RE BEING
ATTACKED BY GODZILLA.
488
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:03,303
AND TO BEAT GODZILLA,
WE NEED MOTHRA.
489
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:04,371
NO OFFENSE.
490
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:07,174
- NONE TAKEN.
I'M VERY FLATTERED.
491
00:15:07,207 --> 00:15:08,141
- WHO'S THIS?
492
00:15:08,175 --> 00:15:09,209
WHO'S THIS TALL DRINK OF WATER?
493
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:10,210
- ANDY.
494
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:11,444
- HEY, ANDY.
495
00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:12,512
HOW'S IT HANGING?
496
00:15:12,545 --> 00:15:16,083
- LISTEN, WE NEED YOU TO BREAK
RON FROM HER SPELL.
497
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:18,551
CAN'T YOU JUST MOVE
YOUR BUTT AROUND,
498
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,587
OR WEAR A DRESS
MADE OUT OF MEAT?
499
00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:23,156
- WELL I COULD DO
ALL THOSE THINGS AND HAVE,
500
00:15:23,190 --> 00:15:25,092
BUT THAT BITCH IS CRAZY.
501
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:29,162
WHEN RON LEFT HER
AND WE GOT TOGETHER,
502
00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:30,597
SHE THREW ACID ON MY FOOT.
503
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:31,731
- EWW!
504
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:33,533
- COULD WE TAKE A PEEK AT IT?
505
00:15:33,566 --> 00:15:37,437
- LISTEN, TAMMY ONE WAS
MY SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER, TOO.
506
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:39,272
SHE CAN PINPOINT
YOUR WEAKNESSES,
507
00:15:39,306 --> 00:15:42,709
AND THEN DESTROY YOU
WITH JUST ONE WORD.
508
00:15:42,742 --> 00:15:44,044
AND A JAR OF ACID.
509
00:15:44,077 --> 00:15:45,278
- OH, MY GOD.
510
00:15:45,312 --> 00:15:47,614
- I THINK I HAVE AN IDEA
THAT COULD SAVE RON.
511
00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:49,416
- ANDY, DON'T JOKE AROUND.
512
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:52,986
- I HAVE IDEAS, TOO.
513
00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:54,354
- YOU WERE RIGHT
TO COME GET ME.
514
00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:57,024
MY SON RONNIE ALWAYS HAD
A WEAKNESS FOR THOSE LADIES.
515
00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:58,025
- OH, WOW.
516
00:15:58,058 --> 00:15:59,192
IS THIS RON?
517
00:15:59,226 --> 00:16:00,760
- YUP.
AT THE AGE OF FIVE.
518
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,295
HE'S STANDING NEXT
TO THE FIRST CHAIR
519
00:16:02,329 --> 00:16:03,296
HE EVER BUILT.
520
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:06,199
- OH, MY GOD!
521
00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:09,202
THERE'S A ROOM
FULL OF JUST GUNS.
522
00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:11,471
- WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MANY GUNS?
523
00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:13,106
- THIS IS AMERICA, ISN'T IT?
524
00:16:13,140 --> 00:16:14,141
- YES.
525
00:16:14,174 --> 00:16:16,176
- THEN I DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER
STUPID QUESTIONS
526
00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:18,245
WHILE STANDING
ON MY OWN PROPERTY.
527
00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:20,180
LET'S GO.
[whistles]
528
00:16:20,213 --> 00:16:22,415
- OKAY. WELL,
IT'S DEFINITELY RON'S MOM.
529
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,753
- TAMMY.
530
00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:28,155
- TAMMY.
531
00:16:28,188 --> 00:16:29,156
- RONNIE.
532
00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:30,423
- WHAT'S GOING ON?
533
00:16:30,457 --> 00:16:32,292
- WELCOME
TO THE BATTLE ROYALE.
534
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:33,793
RIGHT HERE.
RIGHT NOW.
535
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:36,463
OPERATION SOARING FALCON
536
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:39,032
IS IN ITS FINAL STAGES.
537
00:16:39,066 --> 00:16:41,801
- IT'S TIME TO SETTLE THIS.
538
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:43,803
- AH.
539
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:46,539
AN OLD-FASHIONED
PRAIRIE DRINK-OFF.
540
00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:48,141
- WHAT'S IN THAT JUG?
541
00:16:48,175 --> 00:16:50,110
IT SMELLS LIKE JET FUEL.
542
00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:52,512
- THAT'S SWANSON FAMILY
MASH LIQUOR.
543
00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:55,782
MADE FROM THE FINEST CORN
EVER GROWN ON AMERICAN SOIL.
544
00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:57,784
ITS ONLY LEGAL USE
IS TO STRIP VARNISH
545
00:16:57,817 --> 00:17:00,053
OFF OF SPEEDBOATS.
546
00:17:00,087 --> 00:17:01,788
- IF YOU WIN,
HE'S ALL YOURS.
547
00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:03,523
AND IF I WIN, I BRING HIM
BACK TO THE FARM
548
00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:04,657
FOR GOOD.
549
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:06,359
- WAIT, WHAT?
THAT WASN'T THE DEAL.
550
00:17:06,393 --> 00:17:07,660
- POUR IT.
I'M THIRSTY.
551
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:08,661
- POUR ME ONE, TOO,
THEN.
552
00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:09,796
LET ME IN HERE.
553
00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:12,799
I'M GONNA JOIN YOU AND IF I WIN,
554
00:17:12,832 --> 00:17:14,434
RON STAYS HERE WITH US.
555
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:15,702
- LESLIE, NO,
DON'T DRINK THAT.
556
00:17:15,735 --> 00:17:20,039
WE USE IT TO BURN WARTS
OFF OF THE MULES!
557
00:17:27,847 --> 00:17:30,617
- POISON!
558
00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:32,152
UGH!
559
00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:34,287
I MADE A MISTAKE.
560
00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:37,524
I MADE A MISTAKE.
561
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:39,692
- HOW WERE WE TOGETHER
FOR FIVE MONTHS?
562
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:41,861
- WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S POSSIBLE
YOU CAN JUST DATE A GUY
563
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:45,398
BECAUSE OF WHERE YOU ARE
IN YOUR LIFE EMOTIONALLY.
564
00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:46,533
- YEAH, I SUPPOSE YOU'RE RIGHT,
JOHN.
565
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:47,634
- ANN PERKINS,
566
00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:50,403
I HATE TO SAY THIS,
BUT I HAVE A STAIN ON MY SHIRT.
567
00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:53,273
WHICH MEANS THAT EVERYTHING
WE SHOT SO FAR IS UNUSABLE,
568
00:17:53,306 --> 00:17:54,874
BUT LET'S USE THIS
AS AN OPPORTUNITY
569
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:56,709
TO REVISIT THE SCRIPT.
570
00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:57,810
DELIVERY GUY.
571
00:17:57,844 --> 00:17:59,212
- HEY.
- DIABETES!
572
00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:03,216
- HAD ENOUGH?
573
00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:05,552
- OF THIS WATERED-DOWN
BABY FORMULA?
574
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:06,819
NOT EVEN CLOSE.
575
00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:09,656
- NOT MEVEN CLARSE.
576
00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:12,725
MARVIN CLODS.
577
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:14,261
GLENN CLOSE.
578
00:18:14,294 --> 00:18:15,795
- LESLIE, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO DO THIS...
579
00:18:15,828 --> 00:18:20,567
- SHH!
GO TO BED, JIMMY.
580
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:21,568
WRAH!
581
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,536
I CAN'T FEEL MY FACE.
582
00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:24,871
MY FACE IS NUMB.
583
00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:26,639
[hissing]
584
00:18:30,710 --> 00:18:32,645
WHAT IS THAT?
585
00:18:32,679 --> 00:18:36,183
- AND TOGETHER,
WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
586
00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:37,384
THAT'S IT.
587
00:18:37,417 --> 00:18:39,286
I THINK WE GOT IT.
DO YOU THINK WE GOT IT?
588
00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:41,488
- YES! YEAH, WE HAVE IT.
589
00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:43,656
WE HAD IT SEVEN HOURS AGO.
590
00:18:43,690 --> 00:18:45,625
- OH, ANN, I--I KNOW THAT
I CAN BE INTENSE,
591
00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:48,561
BUT I'M ONLY TRYING TO BE
THE BEST ME THAT I CAN BE.
592
00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:50,563
I WANT TO THANK YOU
FOR THIS OPPORTUNITY
593
00:18:50,597 --> 00:18:51,698
AND YOUR PATIENCE,
594
00:18:51,731 --> 00:18:55,768
AND YOUR INTELLIGENCE,
AND YOUR INSIGHT.
595
00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:58,938
YOU REALLY ARE
AN AMAZING HUMAN BEING.
596
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:02,175
- THANK YOU.
597
00:19:02,209 --> 00:19:05,445
- OH, RIGHT--
THAT'S WHY I DATED HIM.
598
00:19:06,779 --> 00:19:07,747
- HEY.
599
00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:09,916
- I WANTED TO APOLOGIZE.
600
00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:12,785
WE BROUGHT IN FIVE ACCOUNTANTS
TO LOOK AT E720
601
00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:14,754
AND THEY ALL SAID
THE SAME THING YOU DID.
602
00:19:14,787 --> 00:19:15,822
IF WE DON'T START
MAKING CHANGES,
603
00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:16,789
WE'RE GONNA LOSE THE COMPANY.
604
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:19,326
- OKAY. WELL,
FIRST THING YOU NEED TO DO:
605
00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:20,793
GET RID OF FOUR
OF THOSE ACCOUNTANTS.
606
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:22,729
YOU DON'T NEED FIVE ACCOUNTANTS.
607
00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:24,431
- AGAIN, GOOD ADVICE.
608
00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:26,233
HERE.
609
00:19:26,266 --> 00:19:29,469
- YOU REALLY--YOU NEED TO STOP
GIVING THESE AWAY LIKE CANDY.
610
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:30,837
- I BOUGHT THAT ONE PERSONALLY.
611
00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:31,871
AS A THANK-YOU.
612
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:35,875
IT'S A iPad.
613
00:19:35,908 --> 00:19:38,211
- * EVERYBODY PRANCE, NOW!
614
00:19:38,245 --> 00:19:40,347
* PRANCE, PRANCE, PRANCE,
PRANCE, PRANCE, PRANCE *
615
00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:41,748
- SHE'S HAD ENOUGH.
CALL IT OFF.
616
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:43,750
- THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS.
SHE'S OUT.
617
00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:44,917
- WAIT.
I'M SUBBING IN.
618
00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:46,786
- APRIL, NO--THAT STUFF
WILL MELT
619
00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:48,621
THE SHELL OFF A GARDEN SNAIL.
620
00:19:48,655 --> 00:19:49,456
- WHATEVER.
621
00:19:49,489 --> 00:19:51,591
I'M PUERTO RICAN.
I CAN HANDLE IT.
622
00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:57,630
[sputters]
[bleep], OH, MY GOD!
623
00:19:57,664 --> 00:19:58,631
- OKAY.
624
00:19:58,665 --> 00:20:01,668
THIS ENDS NOW.
625
00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:19,486
- AH.
626
00:20:19,519 --> 00:20:22,455
- MOM, YOU'RE GOING
BACK TO THE FARM.
627
00:20:22,489 --> 00:20:23,823
AND YOU,
628
00:20:23,856 --> 00:20:25,024
YOU'RE GOING BACK TO HELL.
629
00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:26,025
- FINE.
630
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,727
I GOT WHAT I CAME FOR ANYWAY.
631
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:29,028
I FOUND YOUR UNDERGROUND SAFE.
632
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:30,730
I STOLE HALF YOUR GOLD.
633
00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:32,599
- THAT'S DECOY GOLD.
634
00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:33,466
YOU THINK I'D LEAVE MY GOLD
635
00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:35,435
IN A LOCKED SAFE
BURIED UNDERGROUND,
636
00:20:35,468 --> 00:20:37,537
WHERE ANYONE COULD FIND IT?
637
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:38,905
YOU DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL.
638
00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:39,739
- YES, I DO.
639
00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:41,841
I KNEW YOU THE MINUTE
YOU WERE BORN.
640
00:20:41,874 --> 00:20:47,547
AND I INTEND TO BE THERE
THE MINUTE YOU DIE.
641
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:51,684
- RON,
YOUR FAMILY'S WEIRD.
642
00:20:53,386 --> 00:20:54,186
- LITERALLY, THERE'S A--
SOMEONE READING A MAGAZINE
643
00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:55,488
AND SOMEONE
APPLYING NAIL POLISH.
644
00:20:55,522 --> 00:20:58,925
WHAT'S THAT--WHAT IS SHE DOING?
SHE'S JUST PLAYING WITH AN iPad.
645
00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:03,330
TOM TOLD ME THAT CHAIR
WAS $27,000.
646
00:21:03,363 --> 00:21:04,797
THAT CHAIR THAT HAS A ROOF.
647
00:21:04,831 --> 00:21:08,368
THE--THERE'S SOMEONE OVER THERE
IN A DEEP SLEEP.
648
00:21:08,401 --> 00:21:12,539
SHE'S PROBABLY BEING PAID
UPWARDS OF $100,000 A YEAR.
649
00:21:12,572 --> 00:21:15,608
THERE'S THIS VIDEO OF A BOAT.
650
00:21:15,642 --> 00:21:17,577
LOOK AT THAT THING.
WHAT IS THAT?
651
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:19,979
WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO
WITH THAT THING?
652
00:21:20,029 --> 00:21:24,579
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
43810
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.