All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation s04e02 Ron and Tammys.eng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal) Download
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,071 - OKAY, GUYS. THE BATTLE ROYALE IS COMING UP. 2 00:00:03,104 --> 00:00:06,274 EVERY DEPARTMENT IN ONE ROOM, ARGUING FOR MORE MONEY. 3 00:00:06,307 --> 00:00:08,576 BUDGETARY THUNDERDOME! 4 00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:11,645 SO, UH, MAKE LISTS OF WHY OTHER DEPARTMENTS SUCK, 5 00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:13,814 AND I'M GONNA GO GET THE SECRET WEAPON. 6 00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:16,484 OUR SECRET WEAPON IN THIS BUDGETARY BATTLE? 7 00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:17,585 RON. 8 00:00:17,618 --> 00:00:20,288 EVERY TIME ANOTHER DEPARTMENT ASKS FOR MORE MONEY, 9 00:00:20,321 --> 00:00:22,556 HE JUST STARES THEM DOWN UNTIL THEY BACK OFF 10 00:00:22,590 --> 00:00:25,793 AND/OR WET THEMSELVES. 11 00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:29,297 HEY, WHO'S READY TO GET-- 12 00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:30,298 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 13 00:00:30,331 --> 00:00:32,533 - TAMMY ONE SHOWED UP. 14 00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:35,169 I'M BEING AUDITED BY THE IRS. 15 00:00:35,203 --> 00:00:36,537 - NO! 16 00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:37,705 YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE. 17 00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:39,407 - YOU KNOW WHAT? SCREW THIS. 18 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:42,443 FIRST OF ALL, INCOME TAX IS ILLEGAL. 19 00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:45,379 SECOND, TAMMY IS A PSYCHOLOGICAL MASTERMIND. 20 00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:47,081 THIS IS JUST ANOTHER WAY FOR HER 21 00:00:47,115 --> 00:00:49,517 TO PUT HER HAND UP MY KEISTER 22 00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,852 AND CONTROL ME LIKE A PUPPET. 23 00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,321 I'D RATHER BE LOCKED UP. 24 00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:55,589 - RON, THIS IS A FEDERAL TAX AUDIT. 25 00:00:55,623 --> 00:00:57,358 YOU COULD GO TO JAIL. 26 00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:58,359 JAIL, RON. 27 00:00:58,392 --> 00:00:59,593 RON, JAIL. 28 00:00:59,627 --> 00:01:00,794 JAIL, RON, JAIL. 29 00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:02,196 YOU COULD GO TO JAIL. 30 00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:03,331 JAIL, JAIL, JAIL. 31 00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:04,332 - ARE YOU BROKEN? 32 00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:05,599 - ANDY, APRIL! 33 00:01:05,633 --> 00:01:06,667 - WHAT'S UP, BOSS? 34 00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:07,501 - STOP YELLING AND BEING ANNOYING. 35 00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:10,471 - GRAB YOUR CALCULATORS. SETTLE IN. 36 00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:13,141 OPERATION RESCUE RON IS STARTING. 37 00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:14,242 DON'T WORRY. 38 00:01:14,275 --> 00:01:15,376 I WILL THINK OF A BETTER NAME FOR IT BY TOMORROW. 39 00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:16,377 - HERE YOU GO. 40 00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:17,445 - CALCULATOR. 41 00:01:17,478 --> 00:01:20,448 [triumphant music] 42 00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:26,487 * 43 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:39,900 - HEY... - HEY, MAN. 44 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:40,868 - BEN. 45 00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:43,171 - HEY, THANKS FOR TEXTING ME TO HANG OUT. 46 00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:44,372 I'VE REALLY FELT LIKE WE'VE DEVELOPED 47 00:01:44,405 --> 00:01:45,406 A COOL FRIENDSHIP, AND-- 48 00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:47,308 ANYWAY, IT WAS JUST NICE TO HAVE THAT VALIDATED. 49 00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:48,442 - YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. 50 00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:51,545 LOOK, WE GOT SOME DOCUMENTS OVER AT ENTERTAINMENT720 51 00:01:51,579 --> 00:01:53,147 THAT SEEM REALLY COMPLICATED. 52 00:01:53,181 --> 00:01:54,615 AND I THOUGHT, MAYBE YOU COULD TAKE A LOOK AT THEM 53 00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:58,819 BECAUSE NERD STUFF PROBABLY REALLY EXCITES YOU, 54 00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:00,154 BECAUSE YOU'RE A NERD. 55 00:02:00,188 --> 00:02:01,555 - NO, OF COURSE. YEAH, NO, I JUST-- 56 00:02:01,589 --> 00:02:03,157 PUT ON MY STAR WARS PAJAMAS 57 00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:04,558 AND SIT IN MY MOM'S BASEMENT 58 00:02:04,592 --> 00:02:05,693 AND PORE OVER SOME SPREADSHEETS. 59 00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:06,694 SOUNDS GREAT. 60 00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:07,761 YEAH. W-W-WHAT'D YOU GOT? 61 00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:10,598 - SOMETHING CALLED "BREAK EVEN ANALYSIS TABLES." 62 00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:11,599 - OH, BREAK EVENS? 63 00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:12,600 THOSE ARE REALLY FUN. 64 00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:13,601 YEAH, SURE. I'LL TAKE A LOOK. 65 00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:14,602 - LET'S HIT IT. 66 00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:15,603 - WHAT YOU-- RIGHT NOW? 67 00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:17,371 UH--I HAVE WORK. 68 00:02:17,405 --> 00:02:20,641 - AND I THOUGHT I HAD A FRIEND. 69 00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:21,609 - ALL RIGHT. 70 00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,511 - IT'S ALMOST TOO EASY. 71 00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:24,512 - I CAN HEAR YOU. 72 00:02:24,545 --> 00:02:25,679 - [laughs] 73 00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:26,947 I KNOW YOU CAN, BEN. 74 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,949 THAT'S HOW EASY IT IS. 75 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:31,719 - SO WE NEED TO FIND PROOF OF EVERY TAX DEDUCTION 76 00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:33,754 I'VE TAKEN IN THE LAST FIVE YEARS. 77 00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:35,689 - RON, MOST OF THESE AREN'T EVEN RECEIPTS. 78 00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:39,193 THIS ONE SAYS, "I BOUGHT SUPPLIES. 2007". 79 00:02:39,227 --> 00:02:41,662 - YOU WON'T FIND ANY BANK STATEMENTS EITHER. 80 00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:43,264 I'VE HEAVILY INVESTED IN GOLD 81 00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:45,399 WHICH I'VE BURIED IN SEVERAL DIFFERENT LOCATIONS 82 00:02:45,433 --> 00:02:47,635 AROUND PAWNEE. 83 00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:48,902 OR HAVE I? 84 00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:49,903 - WHAT'S THIS? 85 00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:51,539 SOME KIND OF LAME DRUG DEAL? 86 00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:53,307 - THAT IS A GENTLEMAN'S AGREEMENT. 87 00:02:53,341 --> 00:02:55,209 I MADE THAT MAN A DINING ROOM TABLE 88 00:02:55,243 --> 00:02:57,478 IN EXCHANGE FOR 60 FEET OF COPPER PIPE 89 00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:58,912 AND A HALF PIG. 90 00:02:58,946 --> 00:03:01,382 - WELL, LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE SOME ACTUAL RECEIPTS HERE. 91 00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:04,252 SAME AMOUNT, EVERY MONTH. 140 BUCKS. 92 00:03:04,285 --> 00:03:05,253 WHAT'S THIS? 93 00:03:05,286 --> 00:03:06,287 - EVERY 30 DAYS, 94 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:08,756 I BUY SHOTGUN SHELLS AND CIGARETTES 95 00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:10,358 AND SEND THEM HOME TO MY MOM. 96 00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:11,659 - [laughs] 97 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:12,626 - THAT'S SO SWEET. 98 00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:14,328 YOUR MOM SOUNDS KICKASS. 99 00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:16,497 - MY FIRST EX-WIFE'S NAME IS TAMMY. 100 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:19,900 MY SECOND EX-WIFE'S NAME IS TAMMY. 101 00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:24,905 MY MOM'S NAME IS TAMARA. 102 00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:26,607 SHE GOES BY TAMMY. 103 00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:30,478 - YOU CAN PREVENT ADULT-ONSET DIABETES 104 00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:33,247 BY GETTING AN ANNUAL CHECK-UP, 105 00:03:33,281 --> 00:03:34,915 EXERCISING, 106 00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:35,916 PRAYING... 107 00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:36,917 - OKAY. [clears throat] 108 00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:37,918 - WHO IS THAT GUY? 109 00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:38,819 - THAT IS WALT MORPHLING. 110 00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:40,621 HE WAS THE DIRECTOR OF PUBLIC HEALTH, 111 00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:42,323 BUT HE HAD TO RETIRE AT 46 112 00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:43,491 BECAUSE HE HAD DIABETES. 113 00:03:43,524 --> 00:03:44,725 - THAT IS SAD, BUT ALSO, 114 00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:46,794 IN THIS TOWN, UNDERSTANDABLE. 115 00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:47,895 - I WOULD LIKE TO SHOOT A NEW PSA 116 00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:49,330 AND I THINK IT'D BE GOOD TO GET SOMEONE 117 00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:50,931 WHO'S HEALTHY AND TELEGENIC, 118 00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:55,336 AND I THOUGHT THAT YOU WOULD BE PERFECT. 119 00:03:55,369 --> 00:03:56,437 - ANN PERKINS. 120 00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:57,438 I AM FLATTERED. 121 00:03:57,471 --> 00:03:58,439 AND I WILL DO IT. 122 00:03:58,472 --> 00:03:59,540 IS THERE A SCRIPT YET? 123 00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,975 - UH, NO, BECAUSE YOU JUST APPROVED THE IDEA, LIKE, 124 00:04:02,009 --> 00:04:03,344 THREE SECONDS AGO. 125 00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:04,345 - I WOULD LIKE YOU TO WRITE ME A SCRIPT 126 00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:05,313 AND GET IT TO ME IN AN HOUR. 127 00:04:05,346 --> 00:04:07,381 AND WE SHOULD START THINKING ABOUT WARDROBE. 128 00:04:07,415 --> 00:04:08,516 CASUAL? 129 00:04:08,549 --> 00:04:09,917 FORMAL? SEMI-FORMAL? 130 00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:10,918 SPORTY? 131 00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:11,919 SCARY? 132 00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:12,920 POSH? BABY? 133 00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:13,854 THOSE ARE THE SPICE GIRLS. 134 00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:15,022 I JUST GOT CAUGHT UP IN MY OWN THOUGHTS. 135 00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:15,989 I'M VERY EXCITED ABOUT THIS. 136 00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:17,791 - IN TERMS OF SHIRTS, I CAN WEAR WHITE... 137 00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:19,727 - WELCOME TO PARADISE, MY MAN. 138 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,995 YOU CAN CHILL OVER THERE BY THE BAR. 139 00:04:22,029 --> 00:04:23,964 WE ALSO GOT BASKETBALL AT ANY TIME YOU WANT. 140 00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:26,400 THERE'S ROY HIBBERT AND DETLEF SCHREMPF. 141 00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:28,636 - OH, MY GOD. THAT'S AN ACTUAL NBA PLAYER. 142 00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:29,803 HE PLAYS FOR THE PACERS. 143 00:04:29,837 --> 00:04:30,804 - NBA'S ON STRIKE, 144 00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:31,839 SO WE GOT HIM FOR ONLY, LIKE, 145 00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:34,642 75% OF HIS ORIGINAL NBA SALARY. 146 00:04:34,675 --> 00:04:35,943 WHAT UP, ROY? 147 00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,044 - IS THIS ALL YOU WANT ME TO DO? 148 00:04:37,077 --> 00:04:38,512 PLAY ONE ON ONE WITH DETLEF? 149 00:04:38,546 --> 00:04:39,513 - YES. 150 00:04:39,547 --> 00:04:41,482 AND KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. 151 00:04:41,515 --> 00:04:42,483 JEAN-RALPHIO! 152 00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:43,984 - TAKE ME THERE. 153 00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:46,620 [shouting] 154 00:04:46,654 --> 00:04:48,889 - BUMP! [laughs] 155 00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:49,890 - WHO ARE YOU? 156 00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:51,091 - UH-- - THIS IS BEN. 157 00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:52,092 HE'S HERE TO HELP US WITH THE PAPERWORK. 158 00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,093 - BEN? IS THAT YOUR REAL NAME? 159 00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,395 - YES. 160 00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:55,363 - OH, YOU COULD DO BETTER THAN THAT. 161 00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:56,364 I'MA HELP YOU OUT RIGHT NOW. 162 00:04:56,397 --> 00:04:57,297 YOUR NAME IS ANGELO. 163 00:04:57,331 --> 00:04:58,198 ANGELO, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING OUT. 164 00:04:58,231 --> 00:04:58,999 GET A THICKER TIE. IT LOOKS WEIRD ON YOU. 165 00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:01,402 MAKES YOUR HEAD LOOK LIKE A FISH. 166 00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:02,503 SECONDLY, 167 00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:03,704 I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE PAPERWORK IS, 168 00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:04,705 BUT WHEN YOU FIND IT, 169 00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:05,773 CAN YOU TAKE CARE OF IT FOR US? 170 00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:07,441 WE DON'T HAVE ANY PENS 171 00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:08,442 'CAUSE WE'RE AFRAID IT'S GONNA LEAK IN OUR SHIRTS. 172 00:05:08,476 --> 00:05:09,577 LASTLY, I HATE THE NAME, ANGELO. 173 00:05:09,610 --> 00:05:10,911 I'MA SWITCH IT UP FOR YOU, RIGHT NOW. 174 00:05:10,944 --> 00:05:13,981 YOUR NEW NICKNAME IS... 175 00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:15,516 JELL-O SHOT. 176 00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:17,050 - WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT, J-SHOT? 177 00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:18,051 DO YOU HAVE QUESTIONS? 178 00:05:18,085 --> 00:05:20,053 - YEAH. WHERE ARE WE? 179 00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:21,021 - ALL RIGHT, BEN. 180 00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:22,122 IF YOU NEED ANYTHING, 181 00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:23,491 ONE OF THESE MODELS THAT WE PAY TO HANG AROUND HERE 182 00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:24,992 WILL GRAB IT FOR YOU. 183 00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:27,027 IN THE MEANTIME, WE'RE GONNA BE PLAYING VIDEO GAMES, 184 00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:29,029 TWEETING OUR HIGH SCORES. 185 00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,030 - HIT IT! 186 00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:31,832 - UM, HI. 187 00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:34,134 ARE YOU THE RECEPTIONIST? 188 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,135 - I GUESS. 189 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,370 I DON'T REALLY KNOW. 190 00:05:36,404 --> 00:05:37,371 - IF YOU DON'T MIND ME ASKING, 191 00:05:37,405 --> 00:05:39,507 HOW MUCH ARE THEY PAYING YOU? 192 00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:41,475 - $100,000 A YEAR. 193 00:05:41,509 --> 00:05:44,011 WITH FULL MEDICAL. 194 00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:45,579 - I MEAN, I WOULD GUESS THEY'LL BE BANKRUPT 195 00:05:45,613 --> 00:05:47,014 BY THE END OF... 196 00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:51,452 THIS SENTENCE. 197 00:05:51,485 --> 00:05:53,621 NO, THANK YOU. 198 00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:54,722 - IS THIS TRUE? 199 00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:57,658 YOU ONLY SPENT $40 ON CLOTHES IN THE PAST 5 YEARS? 200 00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:58,959 - IT SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT. 201 00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:01,128 - HOW DID YOU MEET TAMMY ONE? 202 00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:03,030 - TECHNICALLY, I'VE KNOWN HER SINCE I WAS BORN. 203 00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:05,399 SHE WAS A CANDY STRIPER AT THE HOSPITAL. 204 00:06:05,433 --> 00:06:06,400 SHE HELPED DELIVER ME. 205 00:06:06,434 --> 00:06:08,402 all: OH, MY GOD. 206 00:06:08,436 --> 00:06:10,070 - I GREW UP IN A VERY SMALL TOWN. 207 00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:11,605 600 PEOPLE. 208 00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:13,774 EVERYBODY KNEW EVERYBODY ELSE. 209 00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:15,876 WE FIRST TOOK UP TOGETHER WHEN I WAS 15. 210 00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:17,411 - AWESOME. - OH, MY GOD. 211 00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:18,579 - IT WAS A LITTLE SCANDALOUS, 212 00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:21,915 BUT EVERYONE FEARED HER, SO THEY KEPT THEIR MOUTHS SHUT. 213 00:06:21,949 --> 00:06:24,151 - I DON'T EVEN KNOW HER, BUT SHE'S MY HERO. 214 00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:26,454 - NO, SHE'S NO HERO, APRIL. 215 00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:28,489 SHE'S A HELLACIOUS NIGHTMARE. 216 00:06:28,522 --> 00:06:31,525 SHE DID, HOWEVER, TEACH ME EVERYTHING I KNOW. 217 00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:33,627 SUNDAY SCHOOL, SEX. 218 00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:35,195 SHE WAS MY MATH TEACHER IN MIDDLE SCHOOL 219 00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,998 AND MY BABYSITTER, AND SHE TAUGHT DRIVER'S ED. 220 00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:39,032 I-- 221 00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:42,770 - HELLO. 222 00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:43,771 I DON'T BELIEVE WE'VE MET. 223 00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:45,906 I AM LESLIE KNOPE, DEPUTY-- 224 00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:47,207 - I DON'T THINK IT WILL BE NECESSARY 225 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:51,612 FOR YOU TO SPEAK AGAIN WHILE I'M HERE. 226 00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:54,815 - WHY DO I ONLY DATE BRUNETTES? 227 00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:57,017 YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES YOU EAT CHICKEN 228 00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:58,118 AND YOU GET FOOD POISONING 229 00:06:58,151 --> 00:07:01,955 AND THEN, EVEN THE SIGHT OF CHICKEN MAKES YOU SICK? 230 00:07:01,989 --> 00:07:04,725 TAMMY ONE IS MY BLONDE CHICKEN. 231 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:07,194 - GOOD GOD, RONALD. 232 00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:09,930 THIS IS A MUCH BIGGER MESS THAN I IMAGINED. 233 00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:11,231 YOU'LL TAKE A WEEK OFF FROM WORK. 234 00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:13,200 WE'LL DO A COMPLETE OVERHAUL OF YOUR FINANCES. 235 00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:15,068 I'LL NEED ACCESS TO ALL YOUR ACCOUNTS, 236 00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:18,005 AND YOUR HOME. 237 00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:19,673 - IS THAT NECESSARY? 238 00:07:19,707 --> 00:07:20,874 - OH, OH. 239 00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:22,910 WE'RE PLAYING A GAME WHERE EVERYONE SAYS SOMETHING STUPID? 240 00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:24,878 - [laughs] 241 00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:27,715 - YOU. WHAT IS YOUR NAME? 242 00:07:27,748 --> 00:07:29,049 - TIM. 243 00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:30,050 TIM BUCKENOWSKI. 244 00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:31,752 - REALLY? 245 00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:32,753 - NO. 246 00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:33,954 ANDY DWYER. 247 00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:35,255 - ANDY... 248 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,657 YOU'RE GOING TO COLLECT ALL OF THIS, 249 00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:38,792 AND YOU'RE GOING TO PUT IT IN MY CAR. 250 00:07:38,826 --> 00:07:39,927 - WHAT-- - MS. KNOPE. 251 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:40,928 - YES? 252 00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,496 - YOU'RE GOING TO GO TO PAYROLL 253 00:07:42,530 --> 00:07:45,566 AND GET COPIES OF RONALD'S WORKPLACE EXPENSE REPORTS. 254 00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:48,902 - OH, I--I'M JUST WONDERING HOW LONG THAT'S GOING TO TAKE, 255 00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:51,505 BECAUSE RON AND I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT MEETING TOGETHER. 256 00:07:51,539 --> 00:07:52,740 IT'S CALLED THE BATTLE ROYALE. 257 00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:53,707 IT'S SUPER FUN. 258 00:07:53,741 --> 00:07:54,608 WELL... 259 00:07:54,642 --> 00:07:57,645 - YOU AND RON HAVE A BIG MEETING, HUH? 260 00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,947 - I'M SURE RON WILL REMEMBER THE MEETING FONDLY 261 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:02,583 WHILE HE MAKES TOILET WINE IN A FEDERAL PRISON 262 00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:06,119 IN TERRE HAUTE. 263 00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:08,856 - I'LL--I'LL HEAD DOWN TO PAYROLL. 264 00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:11,024 - [clears throat] NOW. 265 00:08:11,058 --> 00:08:12,693 YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER. 266 00:08:12,726 --> 00:08:15,128 - YES, MA'AM. 267 00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:19,266 - SHE'S THE COLD, DISTANT MOTHER 268 00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:21,935 I NEVER HAD. 269 00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:23,837 I LOVE HER. 270 00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,241 - [whistling] 271 00:08:28,275 --> 00:08:29,810 GOOD MORNING, EVERYONE. 272 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:32,245 - GOOD MORNING, SIR. HOW CAN I HELP YOU? 273 00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:34,281 - RON? YOUR MOUSTACHE FELL OFF. 274 00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:36,316 - [laughs] 275 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:37,317 LESLIE, YOU GOOFBALL. 276 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,019 [laughs] 277 00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:40,754 TAMMY POINTED OUT THAT MY FACE LOOKED BETTER 278 00:08:40,788 --> 00:08:41,889 WITHOUT ANY HAIR ON IT. 279 00:08:41,922 --> 00:08:43,691 AND IT COLLECT A LOT OF FOOD CRUMBS, 280 00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:46,326 WHICH IS VERY UNSANITARY. 281 00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:47,294 HEY, JER. 282 00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:49,830 HUMP DAY, AM I RIGHT, BUDDY? [snaps fingers] 283 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:50,998 - WHAT? 284 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:51,999 - WHAT IS GOING ON? 285 00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,000 WHERE'S TAMMY ONE? 286 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,001 - SHE MOVED IN WITH ME. 287 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,636 SHE'S REALLY HELPING ME OUT. 288 00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:57,971 YESTERDAY, SHE CONVERTED MY BANK ACCOUNT 289 00:08:58,005 --> 00:08:59,940 INTO A JOINT BANK ACCOUNT WITH HER. 290 00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:01,108 - OH. THAT'S GREAT. 291 00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:03,010 AND HOW IS THAT GONNA HELP? 292 00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:04,011 - NOT SURE. 293 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,746 WHEN SHE EXPLAINS IT, IT MAKES TOTAL SENSE. 294 00:09:05,779 --> 00:09:08,582 IT IS SO NICE HAVING HER AROUND. 295 00:09:08,616 --> 00:09:09,983 HERE'S SOMETHING NEAT. 296 00:09:10,017 --> 00:09:11,351 TAMMY'S GOT ME TAKING BABY ASPIRIN 297 00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:14,955 TO LOWER MY RISK OF HEART DISEASE. 298 00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:16,857 SCIENCE IS A MIRACLE. 299 00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:19,693 ANY-WHO, BACK TO THE OLD GRINDSTONE. 300 00:09:19,727 --> 00:09:21,695 THESE EMAILS AREN'T GONNA SEND THEMSELVES. 301 00:09:21,729 --> 00:09:23,664 [laughs] 302 00:09:23,697 --> 00:09:26,033 - DIABETES CAN'T BE CURED. 303 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,968 BUT IT CAN BE PREVENTED. 304 00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:30,237 MAKE A CHOICE. MAKE A CHANGE. 305 00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:31,371 AND TOGETHER, 306 00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,340 WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE. 307 00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:34,842 WHAT DO YOU THINK? ANY NOTES? 308 00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:35,976 - GREAT. 309 00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:37,310 JUST AS GOOD, IF NOT EXACTLY THE SAME 310 00:09:37,344 --> 00:09:38,211 AS THE LAST ONE. 311 00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:40,147 IN THAT LAST ONE, I LEFT A NANOSECOND 312 00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:41,649 OF A PAUSE BETWEEN THE WORDS, 313 00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:42,816 "TOGETHER" AND "WE." 314 00:09:42,850 --> 00:09:43,884 IT FELT MUCH BETTER. 315 00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:45,085 BUT I'D LOVE TO TRY ANOTHER ONE. 316 00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:46,820 - I REALLY THINK WE'VE GOT IT. 317 00:09:46,854 --> 00:09:47,955 - ANN. 318 00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:49,022 THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ME 319 00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:50,357 BECAUSE IT'S IMPORTANT TO YOU. 320 00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:51,959 I MEAN, YOU SPENT A LOT OF TIME AND ENERGY 321 00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:52,960 ON WRITING THIS. 322 00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:53,994 - NOT REALLY. 323 00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:55,963 - SO, IT NEEDS TO BE PERFECT. 324 00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:57,665 SO, LET'S DO 1 MORE, THEN 5 MORE, 325 00:09:57,698 --> 00:09:59,667 THEN 20 IN A ROW. 326 00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:02,002 - HEY, LOOK WHO IT IS. 327 00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:03,103 - HEY, HEY. 328 00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:06,073 - TOM. JEAN-RALPHIO. 329 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:07,908 PROFESSIONAL BASKETBALL PLAYERS. 330 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:09,342 - 'SUP, JELL-O SHOT. 331 00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:11,244 - CAN I ASK YOU GUYS A QUESTION? 332 00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:13,046 HOW EXACTLY ARE YOU MAKING MONEY? 333 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:13,947 - WANNA KNOW HOW WE MAKE MONEY? 334 00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:15,649 - DO YOU WANNA KNOW HOW WE MAKE MONEY? 335 00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:17,718 - BY LITERALLY PRINTING OUT OUR MONEY. 336 00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:20,053 - WE BOUGHT A PRINTING PRESS. 337 00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:21,755 THIS PRINTS BILLS WITH OUR FACES 338 00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:24,825 AND THE E720 LOGO ON THEM. 339 00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:26,927 - AND PROMOTE THE COMPANY BY GOING TO CLUBS 340 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,361 AND TOSSING THE BILLS IN THE AIR AND SCREAMING, 341 00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:30,097 "FREE MONEY!" 342 00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:33,033 - YOU CAN'T JUST PRINT YOUR OWN MONEY. 343 00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:34,702 THIS HAS TO STOP, 344 00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:35,703 RIGHT NOW. 345 00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:38,739 [rap music] 346 00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:46,013 - AWW! 347 00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:46,914 - WHAT'S THE DEAL, BABY? 348 00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:47,848 ONE SECOND, YOU HIT THE PARTY SWITCH, 349 00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:49,282 AND THE NEXT SECOND, YOU'RE ALL BUSINESS? 350 00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:50,984 - I NEED TO SEE ALL OF YOUR BOOKS. 351 00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:51,985 - YOU GOT IT, BABY. 352 00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:53,053 BABY! 353 00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:54,054 GET HIM THE BOOKS. 354 00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:55,455 - AWW, SNAPPLE. 355 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,124 ARE WE CALLING EVERYBODY "BABY" NOW? 356 00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:58,125 'CAUSE HONESTLY, 357 00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,192 I LOVE THAT. 358 00:10:59,226 --> 00:11:00,260 - ARE WE SAYING "SNAPPLE" 359 00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:01,261 ANYTIME WE THINK SOMETHING'S DOPE? 360 00:11:01,294 --> 00:11:02,329 'CAUSE I LOVE THAT, BABY. 361 00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:03,330 - DO YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE? 362 00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:04,331 [whistles] 363 00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:05,432 JELL-O SHOT! 364 00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:08,101 [rap music plays] - UH-OH! 365 00:11:08,135 --> 00:11:10,137 HIBBERT, HIBBERT. 366 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,205 all: HUP, JELL-O SHOT! 367 00:11:12,239 --> 00:11:13,874 JELL-O SHOT! 368 00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:15,208 JELL-O SHOT! 369 00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:16,209 JELL-O SHOT! 370 00:11:16,243 --> 00:11:17,277 - THANK YOU. 371 00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:18,445 - WE'RE HERE TO SERVE YOU, FRIEND. 372 00:11:18,478 --> 00:11:21,214 I HOPE THE REST OF YOUR DAY IS COOL BEANS. 373 00:11:21,248 --> 00:11:22,015 - RON, 374 00:11:22,049 --> 00:11:24,017 WHAT IS THIS MEMO YOU SENT TO ME? 375 00:11:24,051 --> 00:11:26,086 YOU'RE NOT GOING TO THE BATTLE ROYALE? 376 00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:28,221 - I HAVE DECIDED NOT TO ATTEND THIS YEAR. 377 00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:29,790 - OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, IT'S DISTURBING 378 00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:31,792 THAT YOU WROTE A MEMO, AT ALL. 379 00:11:31,825 --> 00:11:34,461 BUT YOU LOVE ARGUING AGAINST GOVERNMENT SPENDING. 380 00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:35,863 WHY DO YOU NOT WANNA DO IT NOW? 381 00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:37,130 - LESLIE, PLEASE. 382 00:11:37,164 --> 00:11:39,132 THE GOVERNMENT KNOWS WHAT IT'S DOING. 383 00:11:39,166 --> 00:11:40,200 I'M CONFIDENT THAT I'LL-- 384 00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:42,369 OUCHIE. 385 00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:44,137 - YOU AND I ARE GOING TO LUNCH. 386 00:11:44,171 --> 00:11:45,839 WE HAVE TO TALK. 387 00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:47,908 - LET ME JUST CALL TAMMY FIRST AND GET PERMISSION. 388 00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:50,811 - OH, COME ON. 389 00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:51,912 - TAMMY, 390 00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:55,082 I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD GO TO LUNCH WITH LESLIE? 391 00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:56,083 TERRIFIC. 392 00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:57,084 BYE. 393 00:11:57,117 --> 00:11:58,251 SHE SAYS I CAN'T GO. 394 00:11:58,285 --> 00:11:59,987 - YOU'RE GOING TO LUNCH WITH ME. 395 00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:03,223 I SAY YOU CAN GO. 396 00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:05,058 - OH, GOSH. 397 00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:06,259 I'M REALLY IN A PICKLE NOW. 398 00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:07,494 - OH, MY GOD. 399 00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:09,162 WHEN RON FALLS FOR TAMMY TWO, 400 00:12:09,196 --> 00:12:11,331 HE TURNS INTO A DEMONIC SEX MANIAC. 401 00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:12,365 BUT THIS? 402 00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:13,366 NEUTERED WIMP? 403 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,434 THIS IS WORSE. 404 00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:17,170 OPERATION GOLDEN DOVE IS IN TROUBLE. 405 00:12:17,204 --> 00:12:19,239 RON, THERE ARE SOME THINGS I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOU ABOUT 406 00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:21,942 BUT I'M NOT QUITE SURE HOW TO PHRASE THEM. 407 00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:23,510 - JUST BLURT THEM RIGHT OUT, LESLIE. 408 00:12:23,543 --> 00:12:26,313 ANYTHING YOU SAY WILL STAY BETWEEN YOU AND ME. 409 00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:27,480 RIGHT, MY LOVE? 410 00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:28,782 - STOP FIDGETING. 411 00:12:28,816 --> 00:12:29,649 - SORRY. 412 00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:31,484 - I WAS HOPING TO SPEAK WITH RON ALONE. 413 00:12:31,518 --> 00:12:32,886 - HE WANTS ME HERE. 414 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,254 HE INVITED ME. 415 00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:36,056 NA-NA-NA-NA-NA. 416 00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:37,257 - DON'T WORRY, LESLIE. 417 00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:39,226 TAMMY'S TOTALLY COOL. 418 00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:40,227 - HUH, OKAY. 419 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,328 THEN I'LL SAY IT TO HER. 420 00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:42,963 YOU'RE EVIL, AND YOU NEED TO GO. 421 00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:44,497 [both chuckle] 422 00:12:44,531 --> 00:12:47,067 - LESLIE, YOU ARE A PANIC. 423 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,202 TAMMY, MAY I USE THE RESTROOM? 424 00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:53,506 - REMEMBER TO WASH YOUR HANDS. 425 00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:55,075 - OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? 426 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,077 LET'S CUT THE CRAP. 427 00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,012 IS THIS AUDIT EVEN REAL? 428 00:12:59,046 --> 00:13:01,281 - IN A SENSE, YES. 429 00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:03,817 BUT IN ANOTHER, TRUER SENSE, NO, 430 00:13:03,851 --> 00:13:05,252 IT IS NOT. 431 00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:06,887 I WANT RONALD BACK, 432 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:08,321 BUT I HAD TO LEARN ABOUT HIS FINANCES, 433 00:13:08,355 --> 00:13:10,390 TO MAKE SURE MY FUTURE WAS PROTECTED. 434 00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:11,825 I'M IMPRESSED. 435 00:13:11,859 --> 00:13:14,962 HE'S ACQUIRED QUITE A BIT OF GOLD. 436 00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:18,231 - YOU GOLD DIGGER. 437 00:13:18,265 --> 00:13:21,969 YOU'RE LITERALLY A GOLD DIGGER. 438 00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:26,006 - THE THING I LOVE ABOUT TAMMY IS SHE CALLS ME ON MY CRAP. 439 00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:27,807 EVERY GUY NEEDS THAT. 440 00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:35,115 - OKAY, IF YOU WANT THIS COMPANY TO SURVIVE, 441 00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,884 YOU IMMEDIATELY NEED TO DOWNSIZE. 442 00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:38,485 I MEAN, YOU DON'T NEED THIS AIRPLANE HANGAR. 443 00:13:38,518 --> 00:13:39,686 - UM, I THINK WE DO. 444 00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:43,991 - AND TWO, YOU HAVE TO KEEP DETAILED FINANCIAL RECORDS. 445 00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:45,125 - THANK YOU! 446 00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:46,326 I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL THEM THAT! 447 00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:47,627 - WASTE OF TIME. 448 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,596 THEY WOULDN'T KNOW A NON-EMPLOYEE TAX-REPORTABLE 449 00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:52,365 EXPENDITURE REQUEST IF IT BIT THEM IN THE ASS. 450 00:13:52,399 --> 00:13:55,202 - HEY GUYS, WHICH TWO PEOPLE HERE STARTED THEIR OWN COMPANY? 451 00:13:55,235 --> 00:13:57,570 'CAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE IT WASN'T YOU TWO BOZOS. 452 00:13:57,604 --> 00:13:58,638 - HEY! 453 00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:01,408 - LOOK, YOU GUYS CAN SWAGGER AROUND ALL YOU WANT, 454 00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:04,377 BUT BUSINESSES NEED REVENUE, OKAY? 455 00:14:04,411 --> 00:14:07,247 UNLESS YOU START WORKING ON AN ACTUAL PLAN, 456 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:08,248 YOU'RE DEAD IN A MONTH. 457 00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:09,316 THAT'S A FACT. 458 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,984 - BEN, THANKS FOR YOUR TIME. 459 00:14:11,018 --> 00:14:12,385 BUT WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, 460 00:14:12,419 --> 00:14:14,187 AS FAR AS BUSINESS DECISIONS GO, 461 00:14:14,221 --> 00:14:15,923 I THINK WE KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING. 462 00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:19,226 DON'T FORGET TO GRAB A FREE iPad ON YOUR WAY OUT. 463 00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:21,061 - HE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE ONE. 464 00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:22,062 - DIABETES! 465 00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:24,364 FIGHT IT! 466 00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:26,499 NOT QUITE, BUT I LIKE THE ENERGY--ARE WE STILL ROLLING? 467 00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:28,268 - YUP. 468 00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:29,102 - DIABETES! 469 00:14:29,136 --> 00:14:31,004 - OKAY, LET'S--CAN WE TAKE A BREAK? 470 00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:32,139 - I THINK THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. 471 00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:33,473 I THINK WE ALMOST HAVE IT, 472 00:14:33,506 --> 00:14:35,675 AND I AM VERY EXCITED AT THAT PROSPECT. 473 00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,011 I'LL CANCEL MY FOUR O'CLOCK AND MY FIVE O'CLOCK 474 00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:39,579 AND MY SIX O'CLOCK APPOINTMENTS. 475 00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:41,548 - I CANNOT BELIEVE I DATED HIM. 476 00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:43,383 FOR A LONG TIME. 477 00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:45,252 AND HE BROKE UP WITH ME! 478 00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:47,254 - FAT EQUALS SPLAT! 479 00:14:47,287 --> 00:14:49,122 AS IN, "YOU'RE DEAD!" 480 00:14:49,156 --> 00:14:50,123 IS THERE SOMETHING THERE? 481 00:14:50,157 --> 00:14:51,124 NO--NO. THAT--THAT SUCKED. 482 00:14:51,158 --> 00:14:52,292 BUT THERE'S SOMETHING THERE. 483 00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:53,393 I'M FEELING IT-- LET'S GO RIGHT AWAY! 484 00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:54,394 IT'S MAGIC TIME! 485 00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:56,396 FROM THE TOP, EVERYBODY. 486 00:14:56,429 --> 00:14:58,431 - THERE'S NO ONE ELSE HERE. 487 00:14:58,465 --> 00:15:00,700 - BASICALLY, WE'RE BEING ATTACKED BY GODZILLA. 488 00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:03,303 AND TO BEAT GODZILLA, WE NEED MOTHRA. 489 00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:04,371 NO OFFENSE. 490 00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:07,174 - NONE TAKEN. I'M VERY FLATTERED. 491 00:15:07,207 --> 00:15:08,141 - WHO'S THIS? 492 00:15:08,175 --> 00:15:09,209 WHO'S THIS TALL DRINK OF WATER? 493 00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:10,210 - ANDY. 494 00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:11,444 - HEY, ANDY. 495 00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:12,512 HOW'S IT HANGING? 496 00:15:12,545 --> 00:15:16,083 - LISTEN, WE NEED YOU TO BREAK RON FROM HER SPELL. 497 00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:18,551 CAN'T YOU JUST MOVE YOUR BUTT AROUND, 498 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,587 OR WEAR A DRESS MADE OUT OF MEAT? 499 00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:23,156 - WELL I COULD DO ALL THOSE THINGS AND HAVE, 500 00:15:23,190 --> 00:15:25,092 BUT THAT BITCH IS CRAZY. 501 00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:29,162 WHEN RON LEFT HER AND WE GOT TOGETHER, 502 00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:30,597 SHE THREW ACID ON MY FOOT. 503 00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:31,731 - EWW! 504 00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:33,533 - COULD WE TAKE A PEEK AT IT? 505 00:15:33,566 --> 00:15:37,437 - LISTEN, TAMMY ONE WAS MY SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER, TOO. 506 00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:39,272 SHE CAN PINPOINT YOUR WEAKNESSES, 507 00:15:39,306 --> 00:15:42,709 AND THEN DESTROY YOU WITH JUST ONE WORD. 508 00:15:42,742 --> 00:15:44,044 AND A JAR OF ACID. 509 00:15:44,077 --> 00:15:45,278 - OH, MY GOD. 510 00:15:45,312 --> 00:15:47,614 - I THINK I HAVE AN IDEA THAT COULD SAVE RON. 511 00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:49,416 - ANDY, DON'T JOKE AROUND. 512 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:52,986 - I HAVE IDEAS, TOO. 513 00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:54,354 - YOU WERE RIGHT TO COME GET ME. 514 00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:57,024 MY SON RONNIE ALWAYS HAD A WEAKNESS FOR THOSE LADIES. 515 00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:58,025 - OH, WOW. 516 00:15:58,058 --> 00:15:59,192 IS THIS RON? 517 00:15:59,226 --> 00:16:00,760 - YUP. AT THE AGE OF FIVE. 518 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,295 HE'S STANDING NEXT TO THE FIRST CHAIR 519 00:16:02,329 --> 00:16:03,296 HE EVER BUILT. 520 00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:06,199 - OH, MY GOD! 521 00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:09,202 THERE'S A ROOM FULL OF JUST GUNS. 522 00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:11,471 - WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MANY GUNS? 523 00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:13,106 - THIS IS AMERICA, ISN'T IT? 524 00:16:13,140 --> 00:16:14,141 - YES. 525 00:16:14,174 --> 00:16:16,176 - THEN I DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER STUPID QUESTIONS 526 00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:18,245 WHILE STANDING ON MY OWN PROPERTY. 527 00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:20,180 LET'S GO. [whistles] 528 00:16:20,213 --> 00:16:22,415 - OKAY. WELL, IT'S DEFINITELY RON'S MOM. 529 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,753 - TAMMY. 530 00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:28,155 - TAMMY. 531 00:16:28,188 --> 00:16:29,156 - RONNIE. 532 00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:30,423 - WHAT'S GOING ON? 533 00:16:30,457 --> 00:16:32,292 - WELCOME TO THE BATTLE ROYALE. 534 00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:33,793 RIGHT HERE. RIGHT NOW. 535 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:36,463 OPERATION SOARING FALCON 536 00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:39,032 IS IN ITS FINAL STAGES. 537 00:16:39,066 --> 00:16:41,801 - IT'S TIME TO SETTLE THIS. 538 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:43,803 - AH. 539 00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:46,539 AN OLD-FASHIONED PRAIRIE DRINK-OFF. 540 00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:48,141 - WHAT'S IN THAT JUG? 541 00:16:48,175 --> 00:16:50,110 IT SMELLS LIKE JET FUEL. 542 00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:52,512 - THAT'S SWANSON FAMILY MASH LIQUOR. 543 00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:55,782 MADE FROM THE FINEST CORN EVER GROWN ON AMERICAN SOIL. 544 00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:57,784 ITS ONLY LEGAL USE IS TO STRIP VARNISH 545 00:16:57,817 --> 00:17:00,053 OFF OF SPEEDBOATS. 546 00:17:00,087 --> 00:17:01,788 - IF YOU WIN, HE'S ALL YOURS. 547 00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:03,523 AND IF I WIN, I BRING HIM BACK TO THE FARM 548 00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:04,657 FOR GOOD. 549 00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:06,359 - WAIT, WHAT? THAT WASN'T THE DEAL. 550 00:17:06,393 --> 00:17:07,660 - POUR IT. I'M THIRSTY. 551 00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:08,661 - POUR ME ONE, TOO, THEN. 552 00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:09,796 LET ME IN HERE. 553 00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:12,799 I'M GONNA JOIN YOU AND IF I WIN, 554 00:17:12,832 --> 00:17:14,434 RON STAYS HERE WITH US. 555 00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:15,702 - LESLIE, NO, DON'T DRINK THAT. 556 00:17:15,735 --> 00:17:20,039 WE USE IT TO BURN WARTS OFF OF THE MULES! 557 00:17:27,847 --> 00:17:30,617 - POISON! 558 00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:32,152 UGH! 559 00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:34,287 I MADE A MISTAKE. 560 00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:37,524 I MADE A MISTAKE. 561 00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:39,692 - HOW WERE WE TOGETHER FOR FIVE MONTHS? 562 00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:41,861 - WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S POSSIBLE YOU CAN JUST DATE A GUY 563 00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:45,398 BECAUSE OF WHERE YOU ARE IN YOUR LIFE EMOTIONALLY. 564 00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:46,533 - YEAH, I SUPPOSE YOU'RE RIGHT, JOHN. 565 00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:47,634 - ANN PERKINS, 566 00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:50,403 I HATE TO SAY THIS, BUT I HAVE A STAIN ON MY SHIRT. 567 00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:53,273 WHICH MEANS THAT EVERYTHING WE SHOT SO FAR IS UNUSABLE, 568 00:17:53,306 --> 00:17:54,874 BUT LET'S USE THIS AS AN OPPORTUNITY 569 00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:56,709 TO REVISIT THE SCRIPT. 570 00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:57,810 DELIVERY GUY. 571 00:17:57,844 --> 00:17:59,212 - HEY. - DIABETES! 572 00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:03,216 - HAD ENOUGH? 573 00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:05,552 - OF THIS WATERED-DOWN BABY FORMULA? 574 00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:06,819 NOT EVEN CLOSE. 575 00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:09,656 - NOT MEVEN CLARSE. 576 00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:12,725 MARVIN CLODS. 577 00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:14,261 GLENN CLOSE. 578 00:18:14,294 --> 00:18:15,795 - LESLIE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS... 579 00:18:15,828 --> 00:18:20,567 - SHH! GO TO BED, JIMMY. 580 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:21,568 WRAH! 581 00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,536 I CAN'T FEEL MY FACE. 582 00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:24,871 MY FACE IS NUMB. 583 00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:26,639 [hissing] 584 00:18:30,710 --> 00:18:32,645 WHAT IS THAT? 585 00:18:32,679 --> 00:18:36,183 - AND TOGETHER, WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE. 586 00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:37,384 THAT'S IT. 587 00:18:37,417 --> 00:18:39,286 I THINK WE GOT IT. DO YOU THINK WE GOT IT? 588 00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:41,488 - YES! YEAH, WE HAVE IT. 589 00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:43,656 WE HAD IT SEVEN HOURS AGO. 590 00:18:43,690 --> 00:18:45,625 - OH, ANN, I--I KNOW THAT I CAN BE INTENSE, 591 00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:48,561 BUT I'M ONLY TRYING TO BE THE BEST ME THAT I CAN BE. 592 00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:50,563 I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR THIS OPPORTUNITY 593 00:18:50,597 --> 00:18:51,698 AND YOUR PATIENCE, 594 00:18:51,731 --> 00:18:55,768 AND YOUR INTELLIGENCE, AND YOUR INSIGHT. 595 00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:58,938 YOU REALLY ARE AN AMAZING HUMAN BEING. 596 00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:02,175 - THANK YOU. 597 00:19:02,209 --> 00:19:05,445 - OH, RIGHT-- THAT'S WHY I DATED HIM. 598 00:19:06,779 --> 00:19:07,747 - HEY. 599 00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:09,916 - I WANTED TO APOLOGIZE. 600 00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:12,785 WE BROUGHT IN FIVE ACCOUNTANTS TO LOOK AT E720 601 00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:14,754 AND THEY ALL SAID THE SAME THING YOU DID. 602 00:19:14,787 --> 00:19:15,822 IF WE DON'T START MAKING CHANGES, 603 00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:16,789 WE'RE GONNA LOSE THE COMPANY. 604 00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:19,326 - OKAY. WELL, FIRST THING YOU NEED TO DO: 605 00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:20,793 GET RID OF FOUR OF THOSE ACCOUNTANTS. 606 00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:22,729 YOU DON'T NEED FIVE ACCOUNTANTS. 607 00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:24,431 - AGAIN, GOOD ADVICE. 608 00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:26,233 HERE. 609 00:19:26,266 --> 00:19:29,469 - YOU REALLY--YOU NEED TO STOP GIVING THESE AWAY LIKE CANDY. 610 00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:30,837 - I BOUGHT THAT ONE PERSONALLY. 611 00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:31,871 AS A THANK-YOU. 612 00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:35,875 IT'S A iPad. 613 00:19:35,908 --> 00:19:38,211 - * EVERYBODY PRANCE, NOW! 614 00:19:38,245 --> 00:19:40,347 * PRANCE, PRANCE, PRANCE, PRANCE, PRANCE, PRANCE * 615 00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:41,748 - SHE'S HAD ENOUGH. CALL IT OFF. 616 00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:43,750 - THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS. SHE'S OUT. 617 00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:44,917 - WAIT. I'M SUBBING IN. 618 00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:46,786 - APRIL, NO--THAT STUFF WILL MELT 619 00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:48,621 THE SHELL OFF A GARDEN SNAIL. 620 00:19:48,655 --> 00:19:49,456 - WHATEVER. 621 00:19:49,489 --> 00:19:51,591 I'M PUERTO RICAN. I CAN HANDLE IT. 622 00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:57,630 [sputters] [bleep], OH, MY GOD! 623 00:19:57,664 --> 00:19:58,631 - OKAY. 624 00:19:58,665 --> 00:20:01,668 THIS ENDS NOW. 625 00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:19,486 - AH. 626 00:20:19,519 --> 00:20:22,455 - MOM, YOU'RE GOING BACK TO THE FARM. 627 00:20:22,489 --> 00:20:23,823 AND YOU, 628 00:20:23,856 --> 00:20:25,024 YOU'RE GOING BACK TO HELL. 629 00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:26,025 - FINE. 630 00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,727 I GOT WHAT I CAME FOR ANYWAY. 631 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:29,028 I FOUND YOUR UNDERGROUND SAFE. 632 00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:30,730 I STOLE HALF YOUR GOLD. 633 00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:32,599 - THAT'S DECOY GOLD. 634 00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:33,466 YOU THINK I'D LEAVE MY GOLD 635 00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:35,435 IN A LOCKED SAFE BURIED UNDERGROUND, 636 00:20:35,468 --> 00:20:37,537 WHERE ANYONE COULD FIND IT? 637 00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:38,905 YOU DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL. 638 00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:39,739 - YES, I DO. 639 00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:41,841 I KNEW YOU THE MINUTE YOU WERE BORN. 640 00:20:41,874 --> 00:20:47,547 AND I INTEND TO BE THERE THE MINUTE YOU DIE. 641 00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:51,684 - RON, YOUR FAMILY'S WEIRD. 642 00:20:53,386 --> 00:20:54,186 - LITERALLY, THERE'S A-- SOMEONE READING A MAGAZINE 643 00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:55,488 AND SOMEONE APPLYING NAIL POLISH. 644 00:20:55,522 --> 00:20:58,925 WHAT'S THAT--WHAT IS SHE DOING? SHE'S JUST PLAYING WITH AN iPad. 645 00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:03,330 TOM TOLD ME THAT CHAIR WAS $27,000. 646 00:21:03,363 --> 00:21:04,797 THAT CHAIR THAT HAS A ROOF. 647 00:21:04,831 --> 00:21:08,368 THE--THERE'S SOMEONE OVER THERE IN A DEEP SLEEP. 648 00:21:08,401 --> 00:21:12,539 SHE'S PROBABLY BEING PAID UPWARDS OF $100,000 A YEAR. 649 00:21:12,572 --> 00:21:15,608 THERE'S THIS VIDEO OF A BOAT. 650 00:21:15,642 --> 00:21:17,577 LOOK AT THAT THING. WHAT IS THAT? 651 00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:19,979 WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT THING? 652 00:21:20,029 --> 00:21:24,579 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 43810

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.