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1
00:00:03,836 --> 00:00:06,237
It's pretty great having Andy
working in the building.
2
00:00:06,362 --> 00:00:07,796
The guy is so much fun.
3
00:00:07,921 --> 00:00:09,146
His new thing...
4
00:00:09,271 --> 00:00:10,571
Piggyback rides.
5
00:00:11,013 --> 00:00:12,298
Anytime you want.
6
00:00:12,723 --> 00:00:14,273
Piggyback! Piggyback!
7
00:00:14,517 --> 00:00:15,517
Move!
8
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Piggyback. Bam!
9
00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:27,840
Giddyup!
10
00:00:30,899 --> 00:00:32,701
Councilman Howser.
Hello.
11
00:00:32,908 --> 00:00:34,617
- Hello.
- Did you get my proposal
12
00:00:34,902 --> 00:00:37,831
for the possible re-zoning
of lot 48?
13
00:00:38,126 --> 00:00:39,733
I have been busy.
14
00:00:39,918 --> 00:00:43,369
But I think it would be a really great
thing for the neighborhood.
15
00:00:43,494 --> 00:00:46,256
I don't doubt it, but it's really
a question of resource allocation.
16
00:00:46,606 --> 00:00:48,048
I completely understand that.
17
00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:50,218
But we know
that if we want to find the money,
18
00:00:50,426 --> 00:00:51,435
we can.
19
00:00:52,231 --> 00:00:53,221
I'm running late.
20
00:00:53,429 --> 00:00:54,597
I'll walk with you.
21
00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:57,142
See, the thing is,
when we allocate money for Parks...
22
00:00:57,350 --> 00:00:58,710
- Feygnasse Team -
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00:00:58,835 --> 00:01:00,502
. :: La Fabrique ::.
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00:01:01,149 --> 00:01:02,941
Episode 210
Hunting Trip
25
00:01:04,744 --> 00:01:05,764
mpm
26
00:01:06,611 --> 00:01:07,721
lestat78
27
00:01:17,708 --> 00:01:19,881
Just a reminder,
tomorrow's a half day.
28
00:01:20,006 --> 00:01:21,962
Jerry, Mark, and I have to conduct
29
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:24,461
the annual trail survey
30
00:01:24,668 --> 00:01:26,111
at Slippery Elm Park.
31
00:01:26,624 --> 00:01:28,631
I had the trail survey hats made
32
00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:30,680
to commemorate the trip.
33
00:01:31,175 --> 00:01:32,235
Nice, Jerry.
34
00:01:33,123 --> 00:01:35,220
And if you have
any questions about the details,
35
00:01:35,345 --> 00:01:37,474
feel free to shoot me an email.
36
00:01:41,657 --> 00:01:43,826
The only trails
he's gonna be surveying
37
00:01:43,951 --> 00:01:45,903
are trails of lies and deception.
38
00:01:46,134 --> 00:01:47,984
Ron has a special deal
with the park rangers.
39
00:01:48,450 --> 00:01:50,696
Every November,
they let him use their cabin,
40
00:01:50,821 --> 00:01:53,907
so he can go on a secret hunting trip
with all the guys in the office.
41
00:01:54,242 --> 00:01:56,117
Not all the guys.
He's never taken me.
42
00:01:56,378 --> 00:01:57,778
Fine, all the men.
43
00:01:58,499 --> 00:02:00,064
Ron, let's cut the bull.
44
00:02:00,189 --> 00:02:03,498
I want me, Tom, and all the other ladies
included on your hunting trip.
45
00:02:04,405 --> 00:02:05,555
Hunting trip?
46
00:02:05,947 --> 00:02:08,603
We're doing a trail survey, Leslie.
47
00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:10,965
You're literally listening
to turkey calls.
48
00:02:12,034 --> 00:02:13,464
Is this not rap?
49
00:02:14,036 --> 00:02:15,504
- Come on.
- All right, look.
50
00:02:15,629 --> 00:02:17,794
It's not just a hunting trip.
51
00:02:19,386 --> 00:02:20,767
It's a tradition.
52
00:02:20,975 --> 00:02:22,835
I am really good at hunting.
53
00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:25,605
And I'm even better
at being one of the guys.
54
00:02:26,439 --> 00:02:28,039
It's a work event,
55
00:02:29,091 --> 00:02:31,319
so, legally,
I can't stop you from coming.
56
00:02:31,444 --> 00:02:34,194
This is gonna be so fun!
I'll bring s'mores.
57
00:02:34,508 --> 00:02:35,958
And just like that,
58
00:02:37,075 --> 00:02:39,775
the one tiny aspect of government
I enjoyed
59
00:02:40,259 --> 00:02:42,559
was clubbed to death before my eyes.
60
00:02:43,122 --> 00:02:45,682
April, I need you
to do something for me.
61
00:02:45,807 --> 00:02:47,657
I'm going hunting tomorrow,
62
00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:50,689
so call the State Parks Office
and get verbal confirmation
63
00:02:50,814 --> 00:02:52,507
that our budget documentation is in.
64
00:02:53,178 --> 00:02:54,942
Can I tell you
the 16 tracking number,
65
00:02:55,067 --> 00:02:57,095
or do you want me to write it down?
66
00:02:57,467 --> 00:03:00,212
- Can you handle this?
- You want me to dial a number,
67
00:03:00,337 --> 00:03:02,266
and then read another number
out loud?
68
00:03:03,559 --> 00:03:04,936
Can you handle this?
69
00:03:08,601 --> 00:03:09,901
Well, try. Okay?
70
00:03:10,317 --> 00:03:11,588
And if you do it,
71
00:03:11,713 --> 00:03:13,860
I will name the first turkey I shoot
after you.
72
00:03:15,202 --> 00:03:16,202
Cool.
73
00:03:20,573 --> 00:03:22,348
Ann, ready to bag some birds?
74
00:03:22,473 --> 00:03:24,754
No, but I am ready
to relax by the fire
75
00:03:24,879 --> 00:03:26,857
and get my real simple magazine on.
76
00:03:26,982 --> 00:03:29,482
If you change your mind,
you are now officially
77
00:03:29,607 --> 00:03:31,363
a licensed Indiana hunter.
78
00:03:31,898 --> 00:03:32,898
Gross.
79
00:03:38,669 --> 00:03:41,851
Hello, you have reached
the Indiana State Parks Department.
80
00:03:41,976 --> 00:03:45,105
Your call is very important to us.
Please stay on the line.
81
00:03:55,602 --> 00:03:57,483
- Here we go.
- Here we are.
82
00:03:57,739 --> 00:03:59,073
There's Ron.
83
00:03:59,281 --> 00:04:01,659
It's pretty!
I thought it was gonna be gross.
84
00:04:05,205 --> 00:04:06,396
Holy cow.
85
00:04:07,500 --> 00:04:09,040
It is good to be back!
86
00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:10,650
Sneak attack!
87
00:04:12,698 --> 00:04:14,368
- Damn it!
- I'm the pants king!
88
00:04:14,493 --> 00:04:16,214
- Bow to me.
- Bow. I bow.
89
00:04:17,699 --> 00:04:19,199
I'm the pants queen!
90
00:04:20,952 --> 00:04:22,180
What the hell!
91
00:04:23,286 --> 00:04:24,936
Bow to the pants queen.
92
00:04:25,622 --> 00:04:28,526
When you're out with the boys,
you gotta be ready for a good pantsing.
93
00:04:28,763 --> 00:04:32,363
That's why I have suspenders
that connect my bra to my jeans.
94
00:04:33,686 --> 00:04:35,318
Ron "P. Diddy" combs.
95
00:04:35,727 --> 00:04:38,446
I have to admit,
this place is pretty tight.
96
00:04:39,049 --> 00:04:40,990
May I interest anyone in some chew?
97
00:04:41,365 --> 00:04:42,325
Nice touch.
98
00:04:43,371 --> 00:04:44,784
Let me get some of that.
99
00:04:44,994 --> 00:04:46,454
- You sure?
- Yeah.
100
00:04:46,579 --> 00:04:48,789
I would not have pegged you
as a user of mouth tobacco.
101
00:04:49,756 --> 00:04:51,284
I'm full of surprises, Ron.
102
00:04:51,409 --> 00:04:53,809
Man, my stomach's a little upset.
103
00:04:54,140 --> 00:04:55,505
I feel a little queasy.
104
00:04:55,713 --> 00:04:58,174
That might be the chew.
You could spit it out.
105
00:04:58,826 --> 00:04:59,842
I swallowed it.
106
00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:01,469
You're supposed to swallow it?
107
00:05:10,450 --> 00:05:11,450
All right.
108
00:05:13,230 --> 00:05:14,493
Poor little buddy.
109
00:05:14,618 --> 00:05:16,824
That's why they call it chew
and not swallow.
110
00:05:16,949 --> 00:05:19,278
- Am I right, Ron?
- Yes, you are right.
111
00:05:21,113 --> 00:05:22,823
All right, safety basics.
112
00:05:24,325 --> 00:05:26,744
Tell me why it's bad
to look down the barrel of your gun?
113
00:05:27,123 --> 00:05:28,588
Is that a trick question?
114
00:05:28,713 --> 00:05:30,241
No, Donna, don't!
Please.
115
00:05:30,707 --> 00:05:33,672
Rule number one,
do not point the weapon at a person.
116
00:05:33,797 --> 00:05:35,461
That includes your own face.
117
00:05:35,856 --> 00:05:38,391
Now, every year before we go
on our first hunt,
118
00:05:38,516 --> 00:05:40,516
we do a toast, so grab a beer.
119
00:05:44,808 --> 00:05:45,972
To the hunt.
120
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:47,065
Hear, hear!
121
00:05:47,190 --> 00:05:48,640
And to the hunters.
122
00:05:49,569 --> 00:05:51,669
The only way to defeat the beast
123
00:05:51,957 --> 00:05:53,857
is to find the beast within.
124
00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:56,357
- Pretty good.
- Hear, hear!
125
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:57,599
Right on!
126
00:05:57,724 --> 00:05:59,069
Ron, your toast sucked.
127
00:05:59,194 --> 00:06:00,528
The traditional toast
128
00:06:00,841 --> 00:06:02,367
is "to the hunt."
129
00:06:03,010 --> 00:06:04,749
And it is said by me.
130
00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:06,655
You all set, Mark?
131
00:06:06,780 --> 00:06:08,742
Maybe we could do mixed doubles.
132
00:06:08,867 --> 00:06:10,121
Boy/girl, boy/girl.
133
00:06:10,430 --> 00:06:12,707
You said
that we were gonna hunt together.
134
00:06:13,174 --> 00:06:16,460
I always forget because you're so pretty
you're not used to rejection.
135
00:06:17,187 --> 00:06:18,921
I have to hunt with Ron.
136
00:06:19,131 --> 00:06:21,346
- Ann, we'll go together.
- Perfect.
137
00:06:21,601 --> 00:06:25,351
I hope you're ready to discuss
some college bowl game scenarios.
138
00:06:26,242 --> 00:06:27,073
Bully.
139
00:06:37,470 --> 00:06:38,731
Can you come here?
140
00:06:39,276 --> 00:06:41,333
- What's up?
- I've been on hold for an hour.
141
00:06:41,458 --> 00:06:43,404
I really have to pee.
Can you sit here
142
00:06:43,614 --> 00:06:44,871
and just listen?
143
00:06:44,996 --> 00:06:46,032
Please? Great.
144
00:06:46,538 --> 00:06:50,138
And if they answer, can you just read
those numbers out loud?
145
00:06:53,671 --> 00:06:55,541
Now here's the female
adolescent turkey.
146
00:06:57,723 --> 00:07:00,400
Could you hear the difference?
The turkeys can.
147
00:07:06,743 --> 00:07:08,888
We do that the first time
one of us hits something.
148
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:10,006
Cool.
149
00:07:10,131 --> 00:07:11,724
No. You missed it.
150
00:07:13,107 --> 00:07:14,948
Look, Ron, I know this weekend
151
00:07:15,073 --> 00:07:18,133
you were looking forward
to a lot of man on man on man action,
152
00:07:18,258 --> 00:07:21,971
but I wanted to say I'm very grateful
that you let me come along on this trip.
153
00:07:22,096 --> 00:07:23,196
That's fine.
154
00:07:23,321 --> 00:07:26,685
I'm just glad you didn't end up inviting
more of the motor...
155
00:07:27,843 --> 00:07:28,990
What the***?
156
00:07:29,827 --> 00:07:32,420
- What the hell? Give me some warning.
- I saw a quail.
157
00:07:32,684 --> 00:07:34,707
Sorry, man.
You snooze, you lose.
158
00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:44,882
I think this is gonna be a really good
bonding sess for me and Ron.
159
00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:46,801
Guys love it when you can show them
160
00:07:46,926 --> 00:07:49,261
you're better than they are
at something they love.
161
00:07:50,868 --> 00:07:52,080
Check this out.
162
00:07:52,766 --> 00:07:54,386
I am on hold
163
00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:56,352
with the State Parks Department
164
00:07:57,131 --> 00:07:58,521
I am on hold
165
00:07:58,941 --> 00:08:00,897
so suck on my butt
166
00:08:01,192 --> 00:08:01,982
Nice.
167
00:08:06,111 --> 00:08:07,801
They didn't answer, obviously.
168
00:08:07,926 --> 00:08:09,057
Where is everyone?
169
00:08:09,182 --> 00:08:11,033
- Hunting trip.
- Hunting trip?
170
00:08:11,298 --> 00:08:12,284
Did Mark go?
171
00:08:12,936 --> 00:08:15,162
That's cool.
At least he's not with Ann.
172
00:08:15,330 --> 00:08:17,172
- No, Ann's there.
- God!
173
00:08:17,877 --> 00:08:20,068
How come he gets to do
all the things I want to do?
174
00:08:20,193 --> 00:08:21,359
Go hunting...
175
00:08:21,844 --> 00:08:22,844
Ann...
176
00:08:23,128 --> 00:08:24,713
Maybe a deer will eat him.
177
00:08:28,802 --> 00:08:29,890
That'd be awesome,
178
00:08:30,015 --> 00:08:32,221
but I don't think
that will happen, probably.
179
00:08:32,431 --> 00:08:35,382
You surprised that my breasts
didn't throw my aim off?
180
00:08:35,507 --> 00:08:36,757
Leslie, please.
181
00:08:37,129 --> 00:08:39,979
I don't care that you're a girl,
I just don't like change.
182
00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:43,232
I like the same place, the same people,
telling the same stories,
183
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:45,293
and seeing who can bag
the most turkeys.
184
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:48,696
You like hunting with the same people
because you can beat 'em.
185
00:08:51,157 --> 00:08:53,242
100 bucks says I bag
more birds than you.
186
00:08:53,728 --> 00:08:54,535
You're on.
187
00:08:55,131 --> 00:08:57,605
Let's split up.
I do it better alone.
188
00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,476
Yeah, you do. See?
189
00:08:59,904 --> 00:09:01,222
Just one of the guys.
190
00:09:03,401 --> 00:09:05,431
Your favorite cake
can't be birthday cake.
191
00:09:05,556 --> 00:09:08,359
That's like saying, your favorite
kind of cereal is breakfast cereal.
192
00:09:08,484 --> 00:09:09,967
I love breakfast cereal.
193
00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:12,678
Look, some kind of bird. Let's kill it.
You talkin' to me, bitch?
194
00:09:17,868 --> 00:09:19,470
What were you aiming at?
195
00:09:19,595 --> 00:09:20,498
Nothin'.
196
00:09:28,729 --> 00:09:30,529
I can understand
why people like that.
197
00:09:37,134 --> 00:09:38,659
And keeping one's eyes open
198
00:09:38,784 --> 00:09:40,706
is always a good rule
of thumb around guns.
199
00:09:41,829 --> 00:09:43,523
This is such a great day.
200
00:09:43,648 --> 00:09:47,348
See, at my house I've got a wife
and three beautiful daughters.
201
00:09:48,047 --> 00:09:50,647
But this trip,
it is the one time of year
202
00:09:51,096 --> 00:09:52,992
I get to pee standing up.
203
00:09:56,690 --> 00:09:58,090
I love that sound.
204
00:10:00,155 --> 00:10:01,405
I've been shot!
205
00:10:03,491 --> 00:10:04,741
I've been shot!
206
00:10:13,012 --> 00:10:14,962
Somebody shot me in the head!
207
00:10:21,618 --> 00:10:22,623
My God!
208
00:10:23,150 --> 00:10:24,150
Over here.
209
00:10:24,502 --> 00:10:25,918
Ron, I have your hat.
210
00:10:26,658 --> 00:10:29,768
- Are you in a lot of pain?
- I was shot in the head with a shotgun!
211
00:10:29,893 --> 00:10:31,445
Ron, it's not that serious.
212
00:10:31,570 --> 00:10:33,091
I just need you to stay calm.
213
00:10:33,634 --> 00:10:36,685
I'm just gonna stay angry.
I find that relaxes me.
214
00:10:37,139 --> 00:10:39,472
Ron, we called 911,
and they're gonna send a ranger.
215
00:10:39,929 --> 00:10:41,801
Damn! This is a mess.
216
00:10:42,139 --> 00:10:44,183
The rangers won't let us
come back next year.
217
00:10:44,308 --> 00:10:46,270
We're not gonna think
about that right now.
218
00:10:46,395 --> 00:10:48,274
Can you put him on the day bed
219
00:10:48,442 --> 00:10:50,516
- in the carcass room?
- Day bed?
220
00:10:52,946 --> 00:10:54,146
Is that Donna?
221
00:11:03,512 --> 00:11:04,662
Are you okay?
222
00:11:05,094 --> 00:11:06,459
What is it, your heart?
223
00:11:06,584 --> 00:11:08,467
Are you having trouble breathing?
224
00:11:08,592 --> 00:11:09,592
Someone...
225
00:11:15,818 --> 00:11:18,469
- Here's your scotch, Ron.
- Jerry's here. Here's your scotch.
226
00:11:18,638 --> 00:11:19,738
There we go.
227
00:11:20,065 --> 00:11:23,495
Hey, you know what is great?
Ann's gonna take care of you.
228
00:11:23,620 --> 00:11:26,052
And Ann is the best nurse
in north America.
229
00:11:26,177 --> 00:11:27,877
All right.
There we go.
230
00:11:29,374 --> 00:11:31,815
- What? You okay?
- Did you... Did you shoot me?
231
00:11:32,168 --> 00:11:33,015
What?
232
00:11:34,154 --> 00:11:37,696
There was a bird kind of near me,
and I know you want to prove yourself.
233
00:11:37,866 --> 00:11:39,407
No, I swear I didn't.
234
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,450
I swear to God,
I've never shot anyone.
235
00:11:41,620 --> 00:11:43,500
You better find out who it was.
236
00:11:43,625 --> 00:11:45,643
And then purchase them a coffin
237
00:11:45,768 --> 00:11:47,707
because I'm gonna rip them apart!
238
00:11:50,128 --> 00:11:51,128
Marco.
239
00:11:52,327 --> 00:11:53,177
Polo.
240
00:12:07,503 --> 00:12:10,555
How are you feeling? Are you dizzy?
Are you light-headed?
241
00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:13,166
When I look at my palm,
I see a lady's mouth
242
00:12:13,291 --> 00:12:14,841
french kissing a dog.
243
00:12:15,345 --> 00:12:16,318
Is that normal?
244
00:12:16,488 --> 00:12:18,724
The pain medication
I gave you is pretty strong.
245
00:12:18,849 --> 00:12:21,559
Donna uses it for menstrual cramps.
How many did you take?
246
00:12:21,684 --> 00:12:23,392
Seve... Eight.
247
00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:26,331
But I washed 'em down
with plenty of fluids.
248
00:12:26,456 --> 00:12:28,889
You cannot drink scotch with this!
249
00:12:29,014 --> 00:12:31,714
You're gonna need to purge
right now, okay?
250
00:12:31,839 --> 00:12:34,964
- No, I'm not wasting 20-year scotch.
- Can you open his mouth?
251
00:12:35,089 --> 00:12:36,505
- What?
- Open his mouth.
252
00:12:37,033 --> 00:12:40,248
- Open his mouth!
- I'm not making myself throw up.
253
00:12:40,621 --> 00:12:42,720
Ron, I'm sorry.
We have to do this.
254
00:12:42,889 --> 00:12:44,740
- This is for your own good.
- I'll bite you!
255
00:12:44,865 --> 00:12:47,200
- Open your mouth.
- Leslie, grab his moustache.
256
00:12:47,325 --> 00:12:48,519
Open your mouth.
257
00:12:48,687 --> 00:12:50,036
Get his chest up.
258
00:12:50,161 --> 00:12:52,397
- Open your mouth!
- His shoulders!
259
00:12:55,643 --> 00:12:58,194
The good news
is Ron is resting comfortably.
260
00:12:58,660 --> 00:13:00,279
Is he okay?
Is he gonna live?
261
00:13:00,850 --> 00:13:02,026
I think so.
262
00:13:02,504 --> 00:13:05,088
Although I am hoping
that he has some memory loss.
263
00:13:05,213 --> 00:13:07,661
On a scale of one to Chris Brown,
how pissed is he?
264
00:13:08,053 --> 00:13:10,753
Well, he's very curious
about who shot him.
265
00:13:10,940 --> 00:13:13,334
So if you did it,
just say "I did it".
266
00:13:15,565 --> 00:13:17,213
Come on, person who shot Ron.
267
00:13:21,545 --> 00:13:23,001
I think it's a little weird
268
00:13:23,126 --> 00:13:26,013
that nobody wants to admit
that they shot Ron in the head.
269
00:13:26,436 --> 00:13:28,098
Maybe Ron shot himself.
270
00:13:28,268 --> 00:13:30,050
He has seemed
really depressed lately.
271
00:13:30,175 --> 00:13:32,045
He was shot in the back of the head.
272
00:13:32,170 --> 00:13:35,363
- Right, he loves the back of his head.
- He would never shoot himself there.
273
00:13:35,488 --> 00:13:37,942
It could have been someone else.
Someone not in our group.
274
00:13:38,345 --> 00:13:40,592
You think someone is hunting us?
275
00:13:40,827 --> 00:13:42,522
Man is the most dangerous game.
276
00:13:42,647 --> 00:13:43,947
To the predator.
277
00:13:44,350 --> 00:13:46,703
I did smell something out there,
and it wasn't human.
278
00:13:46,828 --> 00:13:48,137
That was pine trees.
279
00:13:48,262 --> 00:13:49,733
The predator can see heat.
280
00:13:49,858 --> 00:13:51,331
We should cover ourselves in mud.
281
00:13:51,499 --> 00:13:52,957
It could still be out there.
282
00:13:54,592 --> 00:13:56,919
- Did you hear that?
- Actually, I did hear something.
283
00:13:57,088 --> 00:13:58,796
- There's someone.
- I get my gun.
284
00:13:58,965 --> 00:14:01,048
Scare him off.
Shoot over his head.
285
00:14:01,305 --> 00:14:03,879
What's that gonna do?
I'm gonna shoot under its head.
286
00:14:04,004 --> 00:14:06,512
- Don't shoot anyone.
- What are you doing?
287
00:14:07,671 --> 00:14:08,681
Don't shoot!
288
00:14:09,728 --> 00:14:12,228
It's Craig from Reinhold Mercedes!
289
00:14:12,937 --> 00:14:14,563
Craig, I got you, dawg!
290
00:14:14,721 --> 00:14:16,005
Don't worry, I'm comin'!
291
00:14:16,130 --> 00:14:18,567
Attention, person
who shot me in the head.
292
00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:21,976
I'm gonna find you
and I'm gonna tear you apart!
293
00:14:23,329 --> 00:14:24,699
Bed. Now.
294
00:14:29,822 --> 00:14:31,672
That man wasn't my brother.
295
00:14:32,569 --> 00:14:33,969
He was my husband!
296
00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:40,088
- How was that? That wasn't good?
- Yeah, you can do better.
297
00:14:40,256 --> 00:14:42,965
- Gimme another one.
- I'm pregnant...
298
00:14:43,775 --> 00:14:45,259
With Josh Groban's baby!
299
00:14:48,837 --> 00:14:50,097
That was good.
300
00:14:50,539 --> 00:14:51,598
You do one.
301
00:14:54,220 --> 00:14:56,520
What do you mean the squirrel...
302
00:14:57,017 --> 00:14:59,376
took the nuts out of the...
303
00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:03,902
Out of that kid's backpack...
And ate 'em?
304
00:15:05,227 --> 00:15:07,406
You have to give me
a reason to spit.
305
00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:09,041
To spit.
306
00:15:10,444 --> 00:15:13,746
- Don't ask me a question.
- I won't. Okay, not a question.
307
00:15:14,495 --> 00:15:17,049
I've lived in Pawnee my whole life.
308
00:15:20,989 --> 00:15:22,239
That is a fact.
309
00:15:22,861 --> 00:15:24,534
A fact about me.
310
00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:28,302
You have...
311
00:15:34,018 --> 00:15:36,703
- Hey, how is he?
- He's, pretty out of it.
312
00:15:36,828 --> 00:15:39,646
- He's talking about you in his sleep.
- Good stuff?
313
00:15:40,319 --> 00:15:41,982
- How's it going out there?
- Terribly.
314
00:15:42,365 --> 00:15:45,277
No one will admit they shot Ron,
and no one saw it happen.
315
00:15:45,546 --> 00:15:46,779
I know what happened.
316
00:15:47,839 --> 00:15:48,697
You do?
317
00:15:50,429 --> 00:15:53,869
I heard about the accident,
and I need to know who is responsible.
318
00:15:54,561 --> 00:15:56,747
I don't know.
That's the problem.
319
00:15:56,916 --> 00:15:57,831
I am.
320
00:15:58,994 --> 00:16:00,303
I shot Ron Swanson.
321
00:16:00,795 --> 00:16:02,294
You shot my Mercedes?
322
00:16:02,463 --> 00:16:03,613
What? No. No!
323
00:16:06,055 --> 00:16:09,236
You can follow my light?
No, not your whole head, just the eyes.
324
00:16:12,256 --> 00:16:13,848
- What month is it?
- November
325
00:16:14,668 --> 00:16:16,558
Why are you taking
the blame for this?
326
00:16:17,350 --> 00:16:19,720
Don't worry about it.
I know what I'm doing.
327
00:16:19,845 --> 00:16:21,495
Just go look after Ron.
328
00:16:24,485 --> 00:16:25,609
So what happened?
329
00:16:25,778 --> 00:16:28,283
Did you forget
to check the entire field?
330
00:16:28,408 --> 00:16:31,365
I find a lot of women have
problems with tunnel vision.
331
00:16:32,887 --> 00:16:34,702
No, I'm an excellent hunter.
332
00:16:34,912 --> 00:16:36,663
How did you end up
shooting a guy, then?
333
00:16:37,193 --> 00:16:38,191
Fair enough.
334
00:16:38,316 --> 00:16:40,124
I was walking in the woods,
335
00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:42,749
and then I tripped
and my gun went off.
336
00:16:43,212 --> 00:16:46,969
- So you forgot to put the safety on.
- No, I always have the safety on.
337
00:16:48,651 --> 00:16:51,443
While I was tripping, I saw a quail,
338
00:16:51,568 --> 00:16:53,137
and I shot at it.
339
00:16:53,479 --> 00:16:54,430
In mid-trip?
340
00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:56,599
No. That's...
341
00:16:57,534 --> 00:16:58,782
Okay, fine.
342
00:17:00,219 --> 00:17:02,069
I got that tunnel vision...
343
00:17:02,274 --> 00:17:03,524
that girls get.
344
00:17:05,461 --> 00:17:08,143
- That's what happened. End of story.
- I think you're hysterical
345
00:17:08,268 --> 00:17:10,327
because of all the excitement,
obviously.
346
00:17:10,452 --> 00:17:12,865
So I'm just not following your story.
All right?
347
00:17:14,756 --> 00:17:16,982
I let my emotions
get the best of me.
348
00:17:17,107 --> 00:17:20,163
I just...
I cared too much, I guess.
349
00:17:20,413 --> 00:17:23,083
I was thinking with my lady parts.
350
00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:25,116
I was walking,
and I felt something icky.
351
00:17:25,241 --> 00:17:28,226
I thought there was gonna be chocolate.
I don't even remember.
352
00:17:28,423 --> 00:17:32,427
I'm wearing a new bra,
and it closes in the front.
353
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,761
So it popped open
and it threw me off.
354
00:17:34,975 --> 00:17:36,661
All I want to do is have babies.
355
00:17:36,786 --> 00:17:39,683
Are you single?
I'm going through a thing right now.
356
00:17:39,852 --> 00:17:42,838
I guess when my life's incomplete,
I want to shoot someone.
357
00:17:42,963 --> 00:17:45,463
This would not happen
if I had a penis!
358
00:17:45,709 --> 00:17:47,705
What?
Bitches be crazy.
359
00:17:47,830 --> 00:17:49,694
I'm good at tolerating pain,
360
00:17:50,201 --> 00:17:53,461
I'm bad at math, and I'm stupid.
361
00:17:54,246 --> 00:17:55,824
I wonder what they're doing.
362
00:17:56,003 --> 00:17:58,903
Probably making out
on top of a deer carcass.
363
00:17:59,544 --> 00:18:00,794
Super-romantic.
364
00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:05,334
You know, if I gave you a hickey,
it would totally make Ann jealous.
365
00:18:08,609 --> 00:18:11,229
I don't know, I think that would...
That's pretty gross.
366
00:18:11,354 --> 00:18:12,854
Seems kind of weird.
367
00:18:13,312 --> 00:18:16,762
What's weird about one friend sucking
on another friend's neck?
368
00:18:19,841 --> 00:18:22,143
When you put it that way,
it doesn't sound that weird at all.
369
00:18:22,698 --> 00:18:25,520
Yeah, it's not. I gave my gay
boyfriend's boyfriend a hickey,
370
00:18:25,645 --> 00:18:27,981
and it totally made
my gay boyfriend jealous.
371
00:18:28,519 --> 00:18:29,519
Really?
372
00:18:31,821 --> 00:18:32,921
All right...
373
00:18:33,586 --> 00:18:34,831
awesome, I'm in.
374
00:18:34,956 --> 00:18:36,626
I'm gonna go sterilize my neck.
375
00:18:42,558 --> 00:18:43,338
What?
376
00:18:43,926 --> 00:18:46,300
You know, Leslie,
the Super Bowl's in a couple months.
377
00:18:46,425 --> 00:18:48,357
I usually watch it with my brothers.
378
00:18:48,482 --> 00:18:51,792
Maybe you could come by at halftime
and shoot me in the head.
379
00:18:52,727 --> 00:18:55,597
Ron, I'm really sorry
that I ruined your weekend.
380
00:18:55,722 --> 00:18:59,539
Or perhaps next time I'm enjoying
some alone time in the men's restroom,
381
00:18:59,664 --> 00:19:02,474
you could invite yourself into my stall
and shoot me in the head.
382
00:19:03,783 --> 00:19:06,354
Look, if there's anything I can do
to make it up to you...
383
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:08,512
Sure.
How 'bout you shoot me in the head?
384
00:19:08,637 --> 00:19:10,148
Wait, you already did that!
385
00:19:12,196 --> 00:19:14,817
Hey, Tom, can I talk to you
for a second?
386
00:19:14,942 --> 00:19:16,407
Hold on.
This is amazing.
387
00:19:16,532 --> 00:19:18,638
Now. I need to talk to you now.
388
00:19:23,455 --> 00:19:25,256
Are we finally gonna do this?
389
00:19:25,799 --> 00:19:27,299
I saw you shoot Ron.
390
00:19:27,483 --> 00:19:28,980
Okay, Leslie covered for you,
391
00:19:29,105 --> 00:19:32,295
but I won't let her take more crap
from Ron on your sorry-ass behalf.
392
00:19:32,849 --> 00:19:36,345
Okay, for the record, I was gonna
come forward, and I'll do it right now.
393
00:19:36,470 --> 00:19:39,012
But afterwards can we come back here
and talk about us?
394
00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:44,518
Maybe the next time I'm at the doctor's
office getting my prostate examined,
395
00:19:44,643 --> 00:19:46,765
you could come by
and shoot me in the head.
396
00:19:46,890 --> 00:19:48,311
Excuse me, everyone.
397
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:50,564
Ron, I have something to say.
398
00:19:50,733 --> 00:19:52,879
Hang on a minute.
I'm not done berating Leslie.
399
00:19:53,004 --> 00:19:54,693
It wasn't Leslie's fault.
400
00:19:55,439 --> 00:19:58,988
She was covering for me
because I didn't have a hunting license.
401
00:20:00,430 --> 00:20:02,826
- I was the one who shot you.
- You didn't get a license?
402
00:20:03,426 --> 00:20:05,829
What kind of moron
doesn't get a license?
403
00:20:05,998 --> 00:20:08,106
That's reckless endangerment,
my son.
404
00:20:08,231 --> 00:20:10,564
That's a $25,000 fine, minimum.
405
00:20:10,790 --> 00:20:12,169
And probably jail time.
406
00:20:12,598 --> 00:20:14,463
But she covered for me,
407
00:20:14,632 --> 00:20:16,032
and I'm in the clear.
408
00:20:16,157 --> 00:20:17,307
That's right.
409
00:20:17,777 --> 00:20:20,553
She kept her mouth shut,
and now you're in the clear.
410
00:20:20,721 --> 00:20:22,803
- You know, I couldn't let...
- I know.
411
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:25,150
You did good.
412
00:20:28,698 --> 00:20:30,103
You're a real stand-up guy.
413
00:20:31,302 --> 00:20:32,814
I'm sorry I lost my temper.
414
00:20:33,504 --> 00:20:36,122
It was because I was shot
in the head by a moron.
415
00:20:36,247 --> 00:20:37,527
Dude, Ron, I'm so sorry.
416
00:20:37,696 --> 00:20:39,732
Apology not accepted, moron.
417
00:20:44,067 --> 00:20:45,160
Pants king.
418
00:20:45,958 --> 00:20:47,120
Pants queen.
419
00:21:01,158 --> 00:21:02,758
The turkeys are great.
420
00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:09,167
Welcome back, Ron.
421
00:21:10,461 --> 00:21:11,961
"Welcome back, Ron."
422
00:21:13,322 --> 00:21:15,572
That's terrific.
Thanks, you guys.
423
00:21:16,372 --> 00:21:17,372
Let's eat!
424
00:21:18,153 --> 00:21:20,070
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