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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,074 Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org 2 00:00:06,633 --> 00:00:08,001 Cobra, Cobra, Cobra, 3 00:00:08,035 --> 00:00:10,570 Cobra, Cobra, Cobra, Cobra, Cobra, Cobra, Cobra, Cobra, 4 00:00:10,604 --> 00:00:12,472 Cobra, Cobra. 5 00:00:12,506 --> 00:00:14,273 Cobra! 6 00:00:14,308 --> 00:00:16,175 Destroy the Taj Mahal. 7 00:00:16,210 --> 00:00:18,578 Cobra! 8 00:00:23,484 --> 00:00:25,218 Not if G.I. Joe can help it. 9 00:00:25,252 --> 00:00:26,586 Roadblock, deep six. 10 00:00:26,620 --> 00:00:28,054 Hold off those hiss tanks. 11 00:00:28,088 --> 00:00:30,223 - Yo, Joe! - Hat Muffs, Pit Take, 12 00:00:30,257 --> 00:00:32,325 shoot down those rattlers. 13 00:00:34,495 --> 00:00:36,396 Um, excuse me, sir. 14 00:00:36,430 --> 00:00:38,464 Why is Cobra attacking a tourist attraction 15 00:00:38,499 --> 00:00:39,632 with zero tactical value, 16 00:00:39,666 --> 00:00:41,200 and with all due respect to India, 17 00:00:41,235 --> 00:00:42,468 why are we defending it? 18 00:00:42,503 --> 00:00:44,070 Tightship, you can overhaul G.I. Joe 19 00:00:44,104 --> 00:00:45,204 when you're commander. 20 00:00:45,239 --> 00:00:47,273 Which will clearly happen any day now, 21 00:00:47,308 --> 00:00:49,208 as long as your [Bleep] stay on full display. 22 00:00:49,243 --> 00:00:51,544 Whoa, Buzzkill, language. 23 00:00:51,578 --> 00:00:53,046 No, you can't have ice cream for lunch. 24 00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:54,280 Put your brother on the phone. 25 00:00:54,315 --> 00:00:55,481 Three Kids, put down that phone. 26 00:00:55,516 --> 00:00:57,050 We're in the middle of a battle. 27 00:00:57,084 --> 00:00:58,351 Oh, screw you, Flint. 28 00:00:58,385 --> 00:00:59,919 I'm in a battle called having three kids. 29 00:01:01,455 --> 00:01:03,690 Guys, we're a squad. You're making me look bad. 30 00:01:03,724 --> 00:01:05,024 Well, if you're so great, Wingman, 31 00:01:05,059 --> 00:01:06,693 show us how it's done. 32 00:01:06,727 --> 00:01:09,228 With pleasure. 33 00:01:14,134 --> 00:01:16,502 We'll meet again, G.I. Joe. 34 00:01:17,871 --> 00:01:19,205 Good shooting, Wingman, 35 00:01:19,239 --> 00:01:20,440 but it looks like Destro's getting away. 36 00:01:20,474 --> 00:01:22,275 Not necessarily, sir. 37 00:01:22,309 --> 00:01:25,445 Jeez! 38 00:01:25,479 --> 00:01:26,713 What? Oh, no. What are you doing? 39 00:01:26,747 --> 00:01:29,115 Hey! Are you crazy? Wha... uh... 40 00:01:34,455 --> 00:01:37,223 Yo, Joe! 41 00:01:39,393 --> 00:01:41,260 What? 42 00:01:41,295 --> 00:01:43,529 What, we're... we're not saying it together? 43 00:01:46,266 --> 00:01:48,568 Yo, Joe! 44 00:01:48,602 --> 00:01:51,270 He'll fight for freedom, wherever there's trouble 45 00:01:51,305 --> 00:01:52,839 G.I. Joe is there 46 00:01:52,873 --> 00:01:56,342 G.I. Joe, American hero 47 00:01:56,377 --> 00:01:58,544 G.I. Joe is there 48 00:01:58,579 --> 00:01:59,779 it's G.I. Joe 49 00:01:59,813 --> 00:02:01,447 against Cobra the enemy 50 00:02:01,482 --> 00:02:03,950 fighting to save the day 51 00:02:03,984 --> 00:02:06,586 he never gives up, he's always there 52 00:02:06,620 --> 00:02:10,256 fighting for freedom over land and air 53 00:02:10,290 --> 00:02:13,059 G.I. Joe, a real American hero 54 00:02:13,093 --> 00:02:15,261 G.I. Joe is there 55 00:02:15,296 --> 00:02:16,829 G.I. Joe is the code name 56 00:02:16,864 --> 00:02:18,965 for America's daring, awesomely trained, 57 00:02:18,999 --> 00:02:20,433 awesome mission force. 58 00:02:20,467 --> 00:02:22,135 Its purpose... to fight Cobra, 59 00:02:22,169 --> 00:02:23,936 because they're terrorists. 60 00:02:23,971 --> 00:02:26,072 Look, I think I'm over-explaining it. 61 00:02:26,106 --> 00:02:27,273 The bad guys are snakes, 62 00:02:27,308 --> 00:02:29,409 and the good guys are army people. 63 00:02:29,475 --> 00:02:30,742 He never gives up 64 00:02:30,777 --> 00:02:31,977 he'll stay till the fight's won 65 00:02:32,011 --> 00:02:34,179 G.I. Joe will dare 66 00:02:34,213 --> 00:02:37,349 G.I. Joe, a real American hero 67 00:02:37,383 --> 00:02:40,719 G.I. Joe 68 00:02:46,756 --> 00:02:49,324 Wingman, Three Kids, Buzzkill, Tightship, 69 00:02:49,358 --> 00:02:51,126 you stand accused of violence, 70 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:53,795 suggestive language, and mature situations 71 00:02:53,830 --> 00:02:56,531 unbecoming of G.I. Joe. What say you? 72 00:02:56,566 --> 00:02:58,100 Look, I understand this is the first time 73 00:02:58,134 --> 00:03:01,103 a G.I. Joe has killed anyone in all of recorded history. 74 00:03:01,137 --> 00:03:02,704 - However... - However, let's be truthful. 75 00:03:02,739 --> 00:03:04,539 This is a very disorganized militia. 76 00:03:04,574 --> 00:03:06,074 Yeah, what's anyone's rank? 77 00:03:06,109 --> 00:03:08,176 We're all just dressed like serial killers and strippers. 78 00:03:08,211 --> 00:03:09,478 I have three kids. 79 00:03:09,512 --> 00:03:11,246 You guys are not helping. 80 00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:13,415 Duke, Flint, Scarlett, 81 00:03:13,449 --> 00:03:16,184 yes, it's true I killed Destro. 82 00:03:16,304 --> 00:03:17,971 And I promise not to do it again. 83 00:03:18,005 --> 00:03:19,372 But is it really a crime? 84 00:03:19,407 --> 00:03:21,408 Is Cobra not a ruthless terrorist organization 85 00:03:21,442 --> 00:03:23,043 determined to rule the world? 86 00:03:23,077 --> 00:03:24,544 And if we never kill them, 87 00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:26,980 are we not basically on their side? 88 00:03:27,014 --> 00:03:29,483 And won't this war therefore last forever 89 00:03:29,517 --> 00:03:31,218 unless we finish killing Cobra 90 00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:33,253 or start killing ourselves? 91 00:03:35,756 --> 00:03:37,824 How long are we in here, Cold Shoulder? 92 00:03:37,859 --> 00:03:39,226 Cold Shoulder? 93 00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:40,460 What's with that guy? 94 00:03:40,495 --> 00:03:42,529 "Start killing Cobra or killing ourselves"? 95 00:03:42,563 --> 00:03:44,865 We were in the fourth down. It was a hail mary. 96 00:03:44,899 --> 00:03:47,367 This place is a graveyard for G.I. Joe rejects. 97 00:03:47,401 --> 00:03:48,735 Look who's in here... 98 00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:50,971 Deep Dish, Shark Arms, 99 00:03:51,005 --> 00:03:52,706 Weird Head, Home Free, 100 00:03:52,740 --> 00:03:55,075 Place Holder, Sleep Apnea, and us! 101 00:03:55,109 --> 00:03:56,276 I have three kids. 102 00:03:56,310 --> 00:03:57,978 This is the worst day of my life. 103 00:03:58,012 --> 00:04:00,146 Is it life? 104 00:04:00,181 --> 00:04:02,415 My name is Fourth Wall. 105 00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:04,417 And I believe that what we perceive as life 106 00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:07,854 is actually a syndicated children's cartoon. 107 00:04:07,889 --> 00:04:10,257 What? Shut up, Fourth Wall. 108 00:04:10,291 --> 00:04:12,526 If this were a cartoon, there'd be a word for "cartoon" 109 00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:15,262 in our language, which there isn't. 110 00:04:15,296 --> 00:04:17,264 There'd also be less movement, less detail, 111 00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:18,832 and constant lip-sync mistakes. 112 00:04:18,866 --> 00:04:20,901 What if I told you there was more, 113 00:04:20,935 --> 00:04:22,569 a higher reality, 114 00:04:22,603 --> 00:04:24,938 with more than 65 colors and at least three dimensions? 115 00:04:24,972 --> 00:04:26,273 Then I guess someone would have to lock you up 116 00:04:26,307 --> 00:04:27,474 with the crazy people. 117 00:04:27,508 --> 00:04:28,708 Oh, good. 118 00:04:28,743 --> 00:04:32,112 I recently infiltrated a secret Cobra dig site, 119 00:04:32,146 --> 00:04:33,680 code name: Greendale. 120 00:04:36,284 --> 00:04:37,584 What did you say? 121 00:04:37,618 --> 00:04:39,586 Cobra has discovered an ancient buried structure 122 00:04:39,620 --> 00:04:41,621 filled with strange things. 123 00:04:41,656 --> 00:04:43,023 Look. 124 00:04:43,057 --> 00:04:45,592 - Oh, yeah, look at that. - It's a child's toy. 125 00:04:45,626 --> 00:04:47,961 The toy was more real than this at Greendale. 126 00:04:47,995 --> 00:04:49,029 Ow, oof. 127 00:04:49,063 --> 00:04:51,598 What is that word? 128 00:04:51,632 --> 00:04:52,632 Greendale? 129 00:05:02,744 --> 00:05:05,111 Cobra's out to take over the world, 130 00:05:05,146 --> 00:05:06,580 but G.I. Joe is there. 131 00:05:06,614 --> 00:05:08,248 G.I. Joe must be destroyed. 132 00:05:08,282 --> 00:05:09,950 Cobra hiss coming for attack! 133 00:05:09,984 --> 00:05:12,586 It's the new G.I. Joe submachopter, 134 00:05:12,620 --> 00:05:13,587 piloted by Wingman. 135 00:05:13,621 --> 00:05:15,922 - Retreat! - Yo, Joe! 136 00:05:15,957 --> 00:05:17,491 We are in a toy commercial! 137 00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:20,127 I can't hear you when you're covered in rocks. 138 00:05:20,161 --> 00:05:21,862 It doesn't hurt because it isn't real. 139 00:05:21,896 --> 00:05:23,897 - Good job, Wingman. - Thank you, Duke. 140 00:05:23,931 --> 00:05:25,999 G.I. Joe is my entire life. 141 00:05:26,033 --> 00:05:27,934 Yo, Joe! 142 00:05:27,969 --> 00:05:29,770 All other figures and vehicles sold separately. 143 00:05:30,972 --> 00:05:33,907 - Wingman, what happened? - I don't know. 144 00:05:33,941 --> 00:05:36,076 He clearly has a connection to the non-cartoon reality. 145 00:05:36,110 --> 00:05:37,144 When I mentioned Greenda... 146 00:05:37,178 --> 00:05:39,012 Shut up. Stop saying that word. 147 00:05:39,046 --> 00:05:40,580 You're some kind of demon man, 148 00:05:40,615 --> 00:05:43,216 and... and your outfit is three layers of racist. 149 00:05:43,251 --> 00:05:44,317 Oh, my God, he's having an attack. 150 00:05:44,352 --> 00:05:45,852 Jeff, can you hear us? It's Annie. 151 00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:47,120 What did you just call me? 152 00:05:47,155 --> 00:05:48,388 Jeffrey, do you know where you are? 153 00:05:48,423 --> 00:05:49,656 Be quiet. Leave me alone. 154 00:05:49,690 --> 00:05:52,392 I... I don't belong here. I belong in G.I. Joe. 155 00:05:52,426 --> 00:05:55,462 Ow! And don't touch me. Who wears a saw on their arm? 156 00:06:01,836 --> 00:06:03,804 The first time I met Destro, 157 00:06:03,838 --> 00:06:05,572 he asked me if he should have 158 00:06:05,606 --> 00:06:07,808 his entire head coated in chrome. 159 00:06:07,842 --> 00:06:09,709 I said, "no. How would you do that?" 160 00:06:09,744 --> 00:06:12,179 How would that even work? 161 00:06:13,247 --> 00:06:15,082 Look, I'm not good at eulogies 162 00:06:15,116 --> 00:06:16,750 because I've never had to give one. 163 00:06:16,784 --> 00:06:20,420 All I want to know is, how did G.I. Joe do this? 164 00:06:20,455 --> 00:06:23,390 We've been shooting at each other and missing for 20 years. 165 00:06:23,424 --> 00:06:24,558 Now all of a sudden... 166 00:06:24,592 --> 00:06:26,326 Unbelievable. What? 167 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:27,427 Cobra Commander, 168 00:06:27,462 --> 00:06:29,629 it's Vice Cobra Assistant Commander. 169 00:06:29,664 --> 00:06:31,465 We just got a very interesting energy surge 170 00:06:31,499 --> 00:06:32,632 at the Greendale site. 171 00:06:32,667 --> 00:06:35,535 Oh, okay. That's super fascinating. 172 00:06:35,570 --> 00:06:37,471 Um, Destro's dead! 173 00:06:37,505 --> 00:06:40,607 Oh, my gosh, Destro? Were you guys close? 174 00:06:40,641 --> 00:06:42,075 Were we close? Yes! 175 00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:43,276 What kind of a question is... 176 00:06:43,311 --> 00:06:46,380 Okay, fine. I loved him! 177 00:06:46,414 --> 00:06:48,115 Is that what you want to hear? 178 00:06:48,149 --> 00:06:49,449 Called it. 179 00:06:50,752 --> 00:06:52,185 And we are going to find out how this happened, 180 00:06:52,220 --> 00:06:57,157 and G.I. Joe is going to pay-bra! 181 00:06:57,191 --> 00:06:58,725 I riffed that. 182 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:00,026 No wrong answers. 183 00:07:00,061 --> 00:07:01,828 It's a condition that comes on 184 00:07:01,863 --> 00:07:03,130 when you get to a certain weight. 185 00:07:03,164 --> 00:07:04,231 Oh, I see. 186 00:07:04,265 --> 00:07:05,699 So is there a Mr. Tightship, or... 187 00:07:05,733 --> 00:07:06,700 Um... 188 00:07:08,336 --> 00:07:09,436 That's a code three. 189 00:07:09,470 --> 00:07:12,973 Cobra forces are infiltrating the base. 190 00:07:13,007 --> 00:07:14,641 Cobra! 191 00:07:14,675 --> 00:07:19,479 Avenge my totally platonic friend! 192 00:07:19,514 --> 00:07:21,114 Oh, great, and we're stuck in here. 193 00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:22,516 We don't have to be. 194 00:07:22,550 --> 00:07:24,951 For 15 years, I have used my trademark tablespoon 195 00:07:24,986 --> 00:07:27,187 to excavate a tunnel, 196 00:07:27,221 --> 00:07:29,890 swallowing handfuls of dirt and rock with my meals 197 00:07:29,924 --> 00:07:31,224 and listening only to Smashmouth 198 00:07:31,259 --> 00:07:33,093 in order to justify this poster. 199 00:07:33,127 --> 00:07:36,696 Now I am within inches of reaching the... 200 00:07:36,731 --> 00:07:38,498 Come on, if we help save the base, 201 00:07:38,533 --> 00:07:41,868 maybe they'll let us be G.I. Joes again. 202 00:07:41,903 --> 00:07:43,904 Battle stations! 203 00:07:43,938 --> 00:07:46,339 Snakes at 6:00. 204 00:07:47,942 --> 00:07:50,444 Okay, now remember... don't kill anybody. 205 00:07:50,478 --> 00:07:51,978 Just lay down a suppressive fire, 206 00:07:52,013 --> 00:07:54,080 like this. 207 00:07:54,115 --> 00:07:56,550 Oh, my gosh! I'm sorry. 208 00:07:56,584 --> 00:07:58,852 Oh, God. 209 00:07:58,886 --> 00:08:00,754 Oh, man. Oh, darn it. 210 00:08:00,788 --> 00:08:02,322 Yeah, I'd say they're suppressed. 211 00:08:02,356 --> 00:08:04,725 Jeez. Aw, was that lifeline? 212 00:08:04,759 --> 00:08:05,759 Sorry! 213 00:08:05,793 --> 00:08:07,160 Someone's killing people. 214 00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:08,895 It's Wingman! He's escaped! 215 00:08:08,930 --> 00:08:11,698 Lay down a suppressive fire! 216 00:08:11,732 --> 00:08:13,500 They're suppressive firing at us! 217 00:08:13,534 --> 00:08:14,568 I think we'll be okay. 218 00:08:14,602 --> 00:08:15,969 Remember, this is all just a cartoon 219 00:08:16,003 --> 00:08:17,003 about action figures for kids. 220 00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:18,171 Shut up, Fourth Wall, 221 00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:20,273 and get into the new G.I. Joe submachopter 222 00:08:20,308 --> 00:08:23,009 with twin rocket launchers and rotating attack jet. 223 00:08:26,948 --> 00:08:29,282 All I want to do is be a good G.I. Joe. 224 00:08:29,317 --> 00:08:30,884 What's wrong with me? 225 00:08:30,918 --> 00:08:33,587 I'm not sure, but I think our answers will be at Greendale. 226 00:08:33,621 --> 00:08:35,455 Ugh. 227 00:08:35,490 --> 00:08:36,623 Whoops. 228 00:08:36,657 --> 00:08:37,724 Shouldn't somebody be flying the plane? 229 00:08:37,759 --> 00:08:39,126 - It's submachopter. - Whatever. 230 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:40,260 Will somebody grab the stick? 231 00:08:40,294 --> 00:08:42,362 I don't wanna die up here! Oh, Lord! 232 00:08:46,631 --> 00:08:48,565 The G.I. Joe mutineers are even worse than Cobra 233 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:49,666 because they're traitors. 234 00:08:49,701 --> 00:08:51,735 - Buzzkill... - All government is a lie. 235 00:08:51,770 --> 00:08:52,736 Tightship... 236 00:08:52,771 --> 00:08:54,037 I control everything, or else! 237 00:08:54,072 --> 00:08:56,173 - Three Kids... - My family comes first. 238 00:08:56,207 --> 00:08:57,307 Fourth Wall... 239 00:08:57,342 --> 00:08:58,308 Doesn't this guy also do the voice 240 00:08:58,343 --> 00:08:59,309 for He-man commercials? 241 00:08:59,344 --> 00:09:00,511 And their nefarious, 242 00:09:00,545 --> 00:09:01,545 ruthless leader, Wingman. 243 00:09:01,579 --> 00:09:02,546 Hey, that's not true! 244 00:09:02,580 --> 00:09:03,914 I love G.I. Joe! 245 00:09:03,948 --> 00:09:05,616 I don't know, man. Seems like you hate it. 246 00:09:05,650 --> 00:09:07,251 This is all a misunderstanding. 247 00:09:07,285 --> 00:09:08,719 Tell it to the judge. 248 00:09:08,753 --> 00:09:11,221 Everything is sold separately. Assembly required. 249 00:09:11,256 --> 00:09:12,289 Nothing is happening. 250 00:09:13,324 --> 00:09:14,425 Cartoon coffee? 251 00:09:14,459 --> 00:09:16,193 Tightship is piloting the submachopter. 252 00:09:16,227 --> 00:09:17,895 At first it was Buzzkill, but she almost crashed five times, 253 00:09:17,929 --> 00:09:19,129 and when we pointed it out, 254 00:09:19,164 --> 00:09:20,664 she called us sexist and went to the bathroom. 255 00:09:20,699 --> 00:09:22,099 You know she's smoking in there, right? 256 00:09:22,133 --> 00:09:24,268 She broke the detector. That's a federal crime. 257 00:09:24,302 --> 00:09:26,470 I keep having these visions. 258 00:09:26,504 --> 00:09:28,439 Kids, little boys... 259 00:09:28,473 --> 00:09:29,606 Uh, are these visions 260 00:09:29,641 --> 00:09:31,308 we should share with the authorities? 261 00:09:31,343 --> 00:09:33,010 I want to go to this Greendale place now. 262 00:09:33,044 --> 00:09:34,111 We're on our way. 263 00:09:34,145 --> 00:09:35,479 Do you remember Greendale, Jeffrey? 264 00:09:35,513 --> 00:09:37,514 Why did you call me that? What's with you people? 265 00:09:37,549 --> 00:09:38,816 What do you mean, "you people"? 266 00:09:38,850 --> 00:09:40,184 - Oh! - Nice. 267 00:09:44,073 --> 00:09:46,575 That's the entrance to the excavation site. 268 00:09:46,609 --> 00:09:48,410 How do we get past those guards? 269 00:09:48,445 --> 00:09:50,579 I think I got an idea. 270 00:09:53,249 --> 00:09:55,017 Your idea was doing exactly what we did 271 00:09:55,051 --> 00:09:56,552 to those other guards back at headquarters? 272 00:09:56,586 --> 00:09:57,820 It was proven effective. 273 00:09:57,854 --> 00:09:59,154 I don't know, seems kind of cheap. 274 00:09:59,189 --> 00:10:01,056 From an animated perspective, very cheap. 275 00:10:01,090 --> 00:10:03,926 Help me club this hatch open. 276 00:10:07,464 --> 00:10:10,099 I know this place. 277 00:10:10,133 --> 00:10:12,468 It's filling me with a sense of endless hours 278 00:10:12,502 --> 00:10:15,938 for unfair wages and printers that never have toner. 279 00:10:15,972 --> 00:10:17,840 What is this, Major Dick? 280 00:10:17,874 --> 00:10:20,109 That is a request for hazard pay. 281 00:10:20,143 --> 00:10:21,310 Maybe you haven't heard, 282 00:10:21,344 --> 00:10:23,512 but we can actually die now. 283 00:10:23,546 --> 00:10:24,913 You know we can't afford this. 284 00:10:24,948 --> 00:10:26,348 Oh, so we can afford to create 285 00:10:26,382 --> 00:10:28,617 a new model of weaponized vehicle once a week, 286 00:10:28,651 --> 00:10:31,286 but we basically get minimum wage to risk our lives. 287 00:10:31,321 --> 00:10:33,522 Well, welcome to Cobra, Ximxam. 288 00:10:33,556 --> 00:10:35,824 Maybe you noticed our logo was a snake? 289 00:10:35,859 --> 00:10:36,859 Suck it up, guys! 290 00:10:36,893 --> 00:10:38,327 And while I have your attention, here. 291 00:10:38,361 --> 00:10:39,795 What is this? 292 00:10:39,829 --> 00:10:42,064 We have to lower the salaries. Our insurance is going up. 293 00:10:42,098 --> 00:10:43,198 - No way. - What? 294 00:10:43,233 --> 00:10:45,134 Hey, you people can actually die now. 295 00:10:45,168 --> 00:10:46,802 It affects the health plan. 296 00:10:46,836 --> 00:10:48,937 Vice Cobra Assistant Commander, 297 00:10:48,972 --> 00:10:50,472 we've been infiltrated by Joes! 298 00:10:50,507 --> 00:10:52,608 Well? 299 00:10:52,642 --> 00:10:53,609 Protect me! 300 00:10:53,643 --> 00:10:55,377 Hello, Greendale. 301 00:10:55,411 --> 00:10:57,613 I understand G.I. Joe has breached the perimeter. 302 00:10:57,647 --> 00:10:59,148 Please eliminate them. 303 00:10:59,182 --> 00:11:01,817 And please don't forget this Saturday is the Cobra fun run. 304 00:11:01,851 --> 00:11:04,353 If you miss it, you're letting the anti-terrorists win. 305 00:11:04,387 --> 00:11:06,822 Ugh, overkill. 306 00:11:06,856 --> 00:11:08,390 Yes, it's me. 307 00:11:08,425 --> 00:11:09,892 But which me 308 00:11:09,926 --> 00:11:12,127 is the real me? 309 00:11:15,698 --> 00:11:16,665 Probably the one in the middle. 310 00:11:16,699 --> 00:11:17,699 The middle, right? 311 00:11:17,734 --> 00:11:20,536 Aah! Ow, my leg! Ow! 312 00:11:20,570 --> 00:11:22,337 Now, before you fight me, G.I. Joe, 313 00:11:22,372 --> 00:11:23,505 you should be warned. 314 00:11:23,540 --> 00:11:26,308 I, Ximxam, have a twin brother named Mixmax 315 00:11:26,342 --> 00:11:27,843 that feels all my pain. 316 00:11:27,877 --> 00:11:30,879 And how is that supposed to affect us? 317 00:11:30,914 --> 00:11:33,182 Psychologically? 318 00:11:33,216 --> 00:11:34,183 Aah! 319 00:11:34,217 --> 00:11:36,218 Today's soup is a carrot pur?e 320 00:11:36,252 --> 00:11:38,554 with a... ow! Damn it! Aah! 321 00:11:38,588 --> 00:11:41,056 Sorry. My twin brother is a... 322 00:11:41,090 --> 00:11:43,325 it's pointless to explain. 323 00:11:43,359 --> 00:11:44,760 - Hurts so much! - Right? 324 00:11:44,794 --> 00:11:47,362 It shredded my meniscus! 325 00:11:47,477 --> 00:11:48,944 Whup! Whup! Whup! 326 00:11:48,978 --> 00:11:50,679 Oh! Ow, ooh, ooh. 327 00:11:50,713 --> 00:11:52,114 Shouldn't have done that. Ooh. 328 00:11:52,148 --> 00:11:54,082 Nope. Don't like that sound. 329 00:11:54,117 --> 00:11:55,450 Incredible. 330 00:11:55,485 --> 00:11:56,618 It's as if there's something about this place 331 00:11:56,653 --> 00:11:59,454 that feeds on ambition. 332 00:12:05,695 --> 00:12:09,631 I came from here. I work here. 333 00:12:09,666 --> 00:12:12,401 My name is Jeff Winger. And you're Annie. 334 00:12:12,435 --> 00:12:14,169 And... and Shirley. 335 00:12:14,204 --> 00:12:15,671 And Abed and Britta. 336 00:12:15,705 --> 00:12:17,639 Britta? What kind of lame name is that? 337 00:12:17,674 --> 00:12:20,108 I wanna be Buzzkill because of my awesome saw. 338 00:12:22,078 --> 00:12:24,379 You guys are my friends in real life. 339 00:12:24,414 --> 00:12:27,115 This is my imagination or something. 340 00:12:27,150 --> 00:12:28,183 Freeze, everybody! 341 00:12:28,218 --> 00:12:29,318 Don't make me zap you! 342 00:12:29,352 --> 00:12:30,452 Craig, it's me, Jeff. 343 00:12:30,486 --> 00:12:32,554 Jeffrey! Are you okay? 344 00:12:32,589 --> 00:12:34,556 No, he's not. Take it from an expert in delusion. 345 00:12:34,591 --> 00:12:36,325 If Jeff's hallucinating something this cool, 346 00:12:36,359 --> 00:12:37,759 something's wrong, he needs to get back. 347 00:12:37,794 --> 00:12:38,894 Wingman, do you have your wingpack, 348 00:12:38,928 --> 00:12:40,395 - or is it sold separately? - Here it is. 349 00:12:40,430 --> 00:12:42,297 That's good, my Fourth Wall penetrating powers 350 00:12:42,332 --> 00:12:44,466 combined with this medium's lack of internal logic 351 00:12:44,501 --> 00:12:46,201 should allow me to come up with an oversimplified solution. 352 00:12:46,236 --> 00:12:49,304 I'll be right back. I have to get something. 353 00:12:49,339 --> 00:12:51,206 - What? - The truth. 354 00:13:02,886 --> 00:13:05,587 Oh, crap. 355 00:13:07,123 --> 00:13:09,024 Ah, Jeff, while you were gone, I figured everything out 356 00:13:09,058 --> 00:13:10,559 and did everything that needs to be done. 357 00:13:10,593 --> 00:13:12,828 This may be your delusion, but I'm still the one on the ball. 358 00:13:12,862 --> 00:13:15,264 I know why I'm here. I'm unconscious. 359 00:13:15,298 --> 00:13:17,499 Jeff Winger's unconscious, because he... 360 00:13:17,534 --> 00:13:20,202 I drank a fifth of scotch. 361 00:13:20,236 --> 00:13:22,671 And I took some pills. 362 00:13:22,705 --> 00:13:25,574 Jeffrey, shame on you. I have three kids. 363 00:13:25,608 --> 00:13:27,209 Are you saying you tried to... 364 00:13:27,243 --> 00:13:28,644 No, they were these stupid youth pills 365 00:13:28,678 --> 00:13:30,479 that I bought in Koreatown. 366 00:13:30,513 --> 00:13:33,815 I took them because it's my birthday and... 367 00:13:33,850 --> 00:13:36,418 - I've been lying about my age. - Whoa. 368 00:13:36,453 --> 00:13:38,420 Yeah, it's not something I'm really ready to deal with. 369 00:13:38,455 --> 00:13:39,555 I guess you found a way to deal with it 370 00:13:39,589 --> 00:13:41,123 unconsciously through a psychotic break. 371 00:13:41,157 --> 00:13:42,291 Happens to the best of us. 372 00:13:42,325 --> 00:13:43,959 Now, these are the three layers of reality. 373 00:13:43,993 --> 00:13:45,427 We are in the cartoon layer. 374 00:13:45,462 --> 00:13:46,895 It's separated from the live-action layer 375 00:13:46,930 --> 00:13:49,698 by a dangerous mid-layer called children's toy commercials, 376 00:13:49,732 --> 00:13:51,166 which I believe you're seeing in your visions. 377 00:13:51,201 --> 00:13:53,302 I've modified your wingpack to break this barrier, and... 378 00:13:53,336 --> 00:13:56,138 - I'm not going back. - Jeff, you have to go back. 379 00:13:56,172 --> 00:13:59,308 I don't wanna be a middle-aged community college teacher. 380 00:13:59,342 --> 00:14:01,210 I wanna be in G.I. Joe. 381 00:14:01,244 --> 00:14:02,478 I wanna fight for freedom 382 00:14:02,512 --> 00:14:04,079 wherever there's trouble forever. 383 00:14:04,113 --> 00:14:06,548 Jeff, that's your ten-year-old self talking. 384 00:14:06,583 --> 00:14:09,051 You've receded into some infantile part of your mind. 385 00:14:09,085 --> 00:14:11,720 Imaginary Britta is right. And only imaginary Britta. 386 00:14:11,754 --> 00:14:12,988 In these visions you're having, 387 00:14:13,022 --> 00:14:14,256 a giant child is controlling you. 388 00:14:14,290 --> 00:14:15,290 You have to get away from him. 389 00:14:15,325 --> 00:14:17,026 I am him! That's the point. 390 00:14:17,060 --> 00:14:19,595 I created this. I chose this. 391 00:14:19,629 --> 00:14:22,164 But do you understand that the real Jeff Winger 392 00:14:22,198 --> 00:14:24,299 is in some kind of actual, real medical jeopardy? 393 00:14:24,334 --> 00:14:25,467 Like the kind in a one-hour drama? 394 00:14:25,502 --> 00:14:28,070 Jeff, please. I don't want you to die. 395 00:14:28,104 --> 00:14:29,238 Can you hear me? 396 00:14:29,272 --> 00:14:31,507 I'm only dying out there, Annie. 397 00:14:31,541 --> 00:14:32,708 In here we're immortal. 398 00:14:32,827 --> 00:14:34,194 Look at the rack I gave you. 399 00:14:34,229 --> 00:14:36,563 Those are gonna stay right where they are for an eternity. 400 00:14:36,598 --> 00:14:39,700 You're welcome. 401 00:14:39,734 --> 00:14:42,369 Yo, Jobra! 402 00:14:42,403 --> 00:14:43,904 "Yo, Jobra"? 403 00:14:43,938 --> 00:14:45,906 We talked it over and realized that since 404 00:14:45,940 --> 00:14:48,175 none of us can kill each other, we might as well team up. 405 00:14:48,209 --> 00:14:50,711 Seeing as we've got a common enemy. 406 00:14:50,745 --> 00:14:51,912 Seize them! 407 00:14:51,946 --> 00:14:53,313 You can't seize me. 408 00:14:53,348 --> 00:14:55,415 I am the creator of your reality. 409 00:14:55,450 --> 00:14:58,051 I am Neo in the third act of the Matrix. 410 00:14:58,086 --> 00:15:01,054 I'm also Neo in the first act of the second Matrix. 411 00:15:01,089 --> 00:15:02,623 I didn't get around to seeing the third one, 412 00:15:02,657 --> 00:15:03,690 but my guess is... oh! 413 00:15:07,625 --> 00:15:09,392 Cobra and G.I. Joe have finally united. 414 00:15:09,427 --> 00:15:10,393 Do you guys need anything? 415 00:15:10,428 --> 00:15:11,528 We could probably use some milk. 416 00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:13,296 Let's go get some milk for G.I. Joe. 417 00:15:13,331 --> 00:15:16,633 I'll wait it out in this cell until you guys can reeducate me. 418 00:15:16,667 --> 00:15:18,268 Yo, Jobra! 419 00:15:18,302 --> 00:15:19,503 Yo, Jobra. 420 00:15:19,537 --> 00:15:21,171 All figures come with their own accessories. 421 00:15:21,205 --> 00:15:22,906 Wingman sold separately or something. 422 00:15:25,676 --> 00:15:29,679 Ah, look who'ssssss conscious again. 423 00:15:29,714 --> 00:15:31,948 You're pretty selective with those snake "S" s. 424 00:15:31,983 --> 00:15:33,350 What are you, my life coach? 425 00:15:33,384 --> 00:15:36,052 I'd make fun of some physical detail about you, 426 00:15:36,087 --> 00:15:37,220 but there aren't any. 427 00:15:37,345 --> 00:15:39,646 You look like some Aryan foosball figure. 428 00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:41,581 Guys, you don't have to keep me prisoner. 429 00:15:41,616 --> 00:15:43,016 I want what you want. 430 00:15:43,050 --> 00:15:45,085 We can't just have you running around, Wingman. 431 00:15:45,119 --> 00:15:46,086 You're too powerful. 432 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:47,787 So let's share the power. 433 00:15:47,822 --> 00:15:49,623 We can be gods here forever. 434 00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:52,125 For realsies? 435 00:15:52,159 --> 00:15:54,160 Absolutely. I don't wanna leave here. 436 00:15:54,195 --> 00:15:57,063 I wanna hang out with you guys and blow stuff up. 437 00:15:57,098 --> 00:15:59,899 Hmm. All right. 438 00:15:59,934 --> 00:16:02,569 - Yo, Jobra. - Yo, Jobra. 439 00:16:02,603 --> 00:16:04,137 Yo, Jobra. 440 00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:08,208 Say, do you mind if we ask you a few questions about real life? 441 00:16:08,242 --> 00:16:09,609 No problem. 442 00:16:09,644 --> 00:16:12,112 - Ask. - So... 443 00:16:12,146 --> 00:16:14,481 What do boobies look like? 444 00:16:14,515 --> 00:16:18,251 Wait. You don't know? 445 00:16:18,286 --> 00:16:20,554 You guys have never seen a naked woman? 446 00:16:20,588 --> 00:16:22,656 You don't have to make us feel bad. 447 00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:25,525 Have you guys ever tasted scotch? 448 00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:29,062 Does scotch liquor exist here? 449 00:16:29,096 --> 00:16:30,797 You know what? 450 00:16:30,831 --> 00:16:34,000 Can I just go to the bathroom real quick? 451 00:16:34,035 --> 00:16:36,269 Sure. It's the second door over there on the right. 452 00:16:36,304 --> 00:16:38,071 Hey! We can't go to the bathroom! 453 00:16:38,105 --> 00:16:40,574 Fool! He's getting away! 454 00:16:53,254 --> 00:16:54,588 This had better work. 455 00:16:54,622 --> 00:16:57,090 No, no, no, wait! 456 00:16:58,459 --> 00:17:00,560 Get off me! I wanna go home! 457 00:17:00,595 --> 00:17:03,129 Take me with you! I want to see women's boobs! 458 00:17:03,164 --> 00:17:04,931 We can't both go! 459 00:17:04,966 --> 00:17:08,368 You're slowing me down! Let go! 460 00:17:10,805 --> 00:17:14,641 I can feel it! Yes! I can feel reality! 461 00:17:14,675 --> 00:17:17,544 I've never felt so alive! 462 00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:20,580 Because you're fictional! You can't survive this! 463 00:17:20,615 --> 00:17:22,716 Wait, why does my back hurt? 464 00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:25,252 Why do I just have random pains in my body? 465 00:17:25,286 --> 00:17:28,688 Why is my ability to appreciate new music diminishing? 466 00:17:31,425 --> 00:17:35,562 Need to gain speed before... 467 00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:37,864 Wingman is trying to escape G.I. Joe, 468 00:17:37,899 --> 00:17:39,332 and it's up to you to hold him back 469 00:17:39,367 --> 00:17:40,634 with your inner child's hand. 470 00:17:40,668 --> 00:17:42,302 Damn it, I didn't make it. 471 00:17:42,336 --> 00:17:45,372 I'm not controlling him! He's doing this himself! 472 00:17:45,406 --> 00:17:46,373 Screw you, kid! 473 00:17:46,407 --> 00:17:48,275 Ow! He burnt my hand. 474 00:17:48,309 --> 00:17:50,277 The Wingman wingpack is not available in stores. 475 00:17:50,311 --> 00:17:51,711 You control the toy. 476 00:17:51,746 --> 00:17:53,847 You control it, my ass. 477 00:17:53,881 --> 00:17:56,183 - What is it doing? - Making a man of you. 478 00:17:58,619 --> 00:17:59,986 Everything sold separately. 479 00:18:00,021 --> 00:18:01,354 Everyone dies eventually. 480 00:18:01,389 --> 00:18:04,491 Nobody gets out alive. 481 00:18:04,525 --> 00:18:06,293 His eyes are opening. 482 00:18:06,327 --> 00:18:08,128 Yeah, but that happens when people die too. 483 00:18:08,162 --> 00:18:10,430 - Jeff! Jeffrey! - Wait, Britta, don't slap him! 484 00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:12,132 Jeffrey, it's me, the Dean. I'm right here. 485 00:18:12,166 --> 00:18:13,300 Wait, wait, no, no, I think you have to... 486 00:18:13,334 --> 00:18:15,068 Oh, stop it, I'm awake. 487 00:18:15,102 --> 00:18:16,069 Oh! 488 00:18:17,438 --> 00:18:19,773 Jeff, you've been keeping your birthday a secret? 489 00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:21,241 Yeah. Most people have cake. 490 00:18:21,275 --> 00:18:24,244 Not a fifth of scotch and what the hell else. 491 00:18:24,278 --> 00:18:27,214 "Age reverse, life extend power"? 492 00:18:31,619 --> 00:18:33,153 This is Korean. 493 00:18:33,187 --> 00:18:35,422 - Okay, what am I? - Chinese! 494 00:18:35,456 --> 00:18:36,756 Okay, I swear to God I feel Korean. 495 00:18:36,791 --> 00:18:38,892 Guys... 496 00:18:38,926 --> 00:18:39,893 I'm 40. 497 00:18:39,927 --> 00:18:41,027 What? 498 00:18:41,062 --> 00:18:42,295 - Wow. - I'm so sorry. 499 00:18:42,330 --> 00:18:43,296 Yeah, we knew that. 500 00:18:43,331 --> 00:18:46,399 You know, I guess we knew 501 00:18:46,434 --> 00:18:48,235 that you had to be around 30 when we met. 502 00:18:48,269 --> 00:18:50,237 Yeah, and it has been five years. 503 00:18:50,271 --> 00:18:53,340 And even if he had been 32, we'd have to know he would be... 504 00:18:53,374 --> 00:18:55,642 - This isn't helping. - You guys know I'm 38, right? 505 00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:57,377 What? 506 00:18:57,411 --> 00:18:59,212 I'm kidding. 507 00:18:59,247 --> 00:19:00,947 But, Jeff, you shouldn't almost die over a number. 508 00:19:00,982 --> 00:19:02,883 What's important are ranges of numbers. 509 00:19:02,917 --> 00:19:04,618 You're still 18 to 49 for almost a decade. 510 00:19:04,652 --> 00:19:05,986 That's valuable to society. 511 00:19:06,020 --> 00:19:07,888 You have any more of these pills left? 512 00:19:07,922 --> 00:19:10,056 I had the craziest dream. 513 00:19:10,091 --> 00:19:11,291 It was all animated 514 00:19:11,325 --> 00:19:14,394 and a G.I. Joe cartoon, and you were all in it. 515 00:19:14,428 --> 00:19:15,695 In it? How much? 516 00:19:15,730 --> 00:19:17,230 What clothes did you draw me in? 517 00:19:17,265 --> 00:19:18,665 Mm, fully animated? 518 00:19:18,699 --> 00:19:20,700 But it was all a dream because you were unconscious. 519 00:19:20,735 --> 00:19:21,902 Remember that Christmas when I... 520 00:19:21,936 --> 00:19:23,970 Yes! 521 00:19:24,005 --> 00:19:26,873 Jeff, here's your present. 522 00:19:26,908 --> 00:19:28,775 Slim Pickings at the hospital gift shop, 523 00:19:28,810 --> 00:19:32,078 but we made do. 524 00:19:33,147 --> 00:19:35,582 "It's a old boy." 525 00:19:35,616 --> 00:19:37,451 - Yes. - He is a old boy. 526 00:19:37,485 --> 00:19:39,252 He's a old boy. 527 00:19:39,287 --> 00:19:41,121 Bring it in, guys. 528 00:19:41,155 --> 00:19:42,188 Jeff! 529 00:19:42,223 --> 00:19:44,457 Hey, listen, I got a former partner 530 00:19:44,492 --> 00:19:47,661 that's been here since '89 in a coma, so... hmm. 531 00:19:47,695 --> 00:19:50,096 1889? 532 00:19:50,131 --> 00:19:52,098 Winger, you're funny. 533 00:20:01,064 --> 00:20:03,466 - This is cool! - Make my name too. 534 00:20:03,500 --> 00:20:05,677 - What are you guys, cavemen? - Buzzkill! 535 00:20:05,702 --> 00:20:07,302 What you're doing is a waste of spray paint. 536 00:20:07,336 --> 00:20:09,705 We live in a fascist police state disguised as democracy. 537 00:20:09,739 --> 00:20:11,640 You think you're gonna shatter that illusion 538 00:20:11,674 --> 00:20:13,208 by celebrating your own meaningless identities? 539 00:20:13,242 --> 00:20:15,711 - Is church over yet? - Fourth Wall! 540 00:20:15,745 --> 00:20:17,846 A good syndicated cartoon has a lesson at the end. 541 00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:19,381 But getting heavy-handed or preachy 542 00:20:19,415 --> 00:20:22,017 could turn an entire generation into jaded, sarcastic babies. 543 00:20:22,051 --> 00:20:24,686 - Be friendly and direct. - And keep the message simple. 544 00:20:24,721 --> 00:20:26,488 Graffiti is bad. Go play sports. 545 00:20:26,522 --> 00:20:28,523 - Cool! - I get it! 546 00:20:28,558 --> 00:20:30,358 I was trying to hold them to a higher standard. 547 00:20:30,393 --> 00:20:32,527 If the media tells kids what to think, all they'll know is... 548 00:20:32,562 --> 00:20:33,528 And knowing is half the battle. 549 00:20:33,563 --> 00:20:35,530 What? 550 00:20:35,531 --> 00:20:36,531 - synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 551 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:40,101 Best watched using Open Subtitles MKV Player 552 00:20:40,151 --> 00:20:44,701 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 39332

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