Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,463 --> 00:00:02,466
It's settled.
2
00:00:02,506 --> 00:00:05,547
The urinals in the women's restroom
will be turned into planters.
3
00:00:05,587 --> 00:00:07,506
Onto chores.
4
00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:09,290
We need some able bodies
to clear out a space
5
00:00:09,364 --> 00:00:10,897
in the east hall's storage room.
6
00:00:10,932 --> 00:00:12,098
- I'll do it.
- Really?
7
00:00:12,133 --> 00:00:14,067
Yeah, Annie always goes
from the easy chores to the hardest.
8
00:00:14,101 --> 00:00:15,102
That's true, isn't it?
9
00:00:15,136 --> 00:00:16,770
- I'll do it too.
- Yeah, me too.
10
00:00:16,804 --> 00:00:18,405
Okay, that concludes this meeting.
11
00:00:18,439 --> 00:00:19,539
- Oh!
- Aw, man!
12
00:00:19,574 --> 00:00:21,775
Nobody picks up on my patterns!
What am I gonna say next?
13
00:00:21,809 --> 00:00:23,710
Graham cracker!
You didn't know.
14
00:00:23,744 --> 00:00:25,912
Hey, it's the "aww couple."
15
00:00:25,947 --> 00:00:27,380
ALL:
Aww.
16
00:00:27,415 --> 00:00:29,095
Look what Rachel got me:
Pile of Bullets.
17
00:00:29,117 --> 00:00:31,485
An interactive Old West-themed
VCR game from the '90s.
18
00:00:31,519 --> 00:00:32,819
I found it at goodwill.
19
00:00:32,854 --> 00:00:35,555
It was between a Thighmaster
and a Dick Tracy Burger King glass.
20
00:00:35,590 --> 00:00:37,457
- Happy anniversary.
- Anniversary?
21
00:00:37,492 --> 00:00:39,493
I guess I should learn
your name, young lady.
22
00:00:39,527 --> 00:00:40,527
Oh, Rachel.
23
00:00:40,561 --> 00:00:42,262
Rachel. Nice to meet you, Rachel.
24
00:00:42,296 --> 00:00:44,672
- You can go.
- Okay.
25
00:00:45,278 --> 00:00:47,701
- [All females] Aww!
- Anniversary?
26
00:00:47,735 --> 00:00:49,133
Yeah, Rachel and I have been dating
for one of your months,
27
00:00:49,168 --> 00:00:50,891
but our relationship
is 12 times more efficient,
28
00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:53,173
so it's really been a year.
Our sleep cycles are in synch,
29
00:00:53,207 --> 00:00:54,274
we can communicate
with our eyebrows,
30
00:00:54,308 --> 00:00:56,443
and she knows my Netflix password...
Jeff's Netflix password.
31
00:00:56,477 --> 00:00:57,844
Damn it. I'm changing that.
32
00:00:57,879 --> 00:00:58,879
- I changed it.
- To what?
33
00:00:58,880 --> 00:00:59,880
Nice try.
34
00:00:59,914 --> 00:01:01,948
Annie, can Rachel come to our place
to play this tonight?
35
00:01:01,983 --> 00:01:03,216
I can't afford to take her anywhere.
36
00:01:03,251 --> 00:01:04,317
Well, my brother's in town
for the week,
37
00:01:04,352 --> 00:01:05,952
and I'm broke too,
38
00:01:05,987 --> 00:01:07,787
so I was gonna make him
dinner tonight.
39
00:01:07,822 --> 00:01:08,822
Cool. Double date?
40
00:01:08,856 --> 00:01:10,490
Dinner and 1993
interactive VCR game?
41
00:01:10,525 --> 00:01:11,758
- What are you making?
- Salmon.
42
00:01:11,793 --> 00:01:13,660
- [Grumbles]
- Buttered noodles.
43
00:01:13,694 --> 00:01:14,728
Buttered noodles are my favorite.
44
00:01:14,762 --> 00:01:16,063
- Hmm.
- Ah!
45
00:01:16,097 --> 00:01:19,966
Quick announcement
for two of Greendale's finest.
46
00:01:20,001 --> 00:01:23,570
Payday is postponed until next week.
So this...
47
00:01:23,604 --> 00:01:24,838
[Rap music plays]
48
00:01:24,872 --> 00:01:27,407
...is my freestyle rap apology.
49
00:01:27,442 --> 00:01:28,842
Well, I'm a peanut bar
50
00:01:28,876 --> 00:01:30,043
And I'm here to say
51
00:01:30,077 --> 00:01:32,312
Your checks will arrive
on another day
52
00:01:32,346 --> 00:01:34,706
Another day, another dime,
another rhyme, another dollar
53
00:01:34,716 --> 00:01:36,716
Another stuffed shirt
with another white collar
54
00:01:36,751 --> 00:01:38,552
Criminals, Wall Street,
taking the pie
55
00:01:38,586 --> 00:01:41,154
And all the black man
gets is a plate of white lies
56
00:01:41,189 --> 00:01:43,023
Prisons! Recruitin' 'em!
Police be shootin' them
57
00:01:43,057 --> 00:01:45,492
Rap artists lootin' them,
labels all dilutin' them
58
00:01:45,526 --> 00:01:47,727
Barack Obama is scared of me
59
00:01:47,762 --> 00:01:49,262
'Cause I don't
swallow knowledge
60
00:01:49,297 --> 00:01:50,897
And I spit it for free
61
00:01:50,932 --> 00:01:52,799
Let me clear my throat,
ah-ha, ah-ha...
62
00:01:52,834 --> 00:01:54,067
[Feedback hums]
63
00:01:54,101 --> 00:01:56,736
[Sobbing]
I don't know what that was, I don't.
64
00:01:56,771 --> 00:02:00,173
I don't know what that was.
65
00:02:00,208 --> 00:02:03,977
[Hyperventilating]
66
00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:07,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
67
00:02:09,016 --> 00:02:11,084
Give me some rope
68
00:02:11,119 --> 00:02:12,786
Tie me to dream
69
00:02:12,820 --> 00:02:14,121
Give me the hope
70
00:02:14,155 --> 00:02:15,655
To run out of steam
71
00:02:15,690 --> 00:02:19,126
Somebody said it can be here
72
00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:23,030
We could be roped up,
tied up, dead in a year
73
00:02:23,064 --> 00:02:28,135
I can't count the reasons
I should stay
74
00:02:28,169 --> 00:02:32,313
One by one,
they all just fade away
75
00:02:32,340 --> 00:02:35,208
76
00:02:37,876 --> 00:02:40,714
So nice to have the Edison kids
under one roof again.
77
00:02:40,748 --> 00:02:42,816
Remember when
we used to cut carrots for mom?
78
00:02:42,850 --> 00:02:43,984
[Monotone]
Yes.
79
00:02:44,018 --> 00:02:46,987
- I need a soda.
- Oh, okay.
80
00:02:47,021 --> 00:02:50,657
One, two, three.
81
00:02:50,691 --> 00:02:51,892
Door's busted.
82
00:02:51,926 --> 00:02:53,960
Landlord's in jail
and money's tight.
83
00:02:53,995 --> 00:02:56,263
Yeah.
84
00:02:56,297 --> 00:02:59,066
[Door clanks]
85
00:02:59,100 --> 00:03:02,002
[Ratcheting twist]
86
00:03:04,439 --> 00:03:05,472
Oh, my God!
87
00:03:05,506 --> 00:03:07,541
Anthony! Thank you!
88
00:03:07,575 --> 00:03:08,708
Yeah.
89
00:03:08,743 --> 00:03:11,678
- Hey, Abed, a quick word.
- Hmm.
90
00:03:13,548 --> 00:03:15,582
What would you think
about my brother moving in with us?
91
00:03:15,616 --> 00:03:17,584
Do I just keep cutting carrots?
92
00:03:17,618 --> 00:03:18,618
Yes, Anthony!
93
00:03:18,619 --> 00:03:22,055
- He has money. He's handy.
- You're putting me on the spot.
94
00:03:22,090 --> 00:03:23,323
I guess my knee-jerk concern
would be
95
00:03:23,357 --> 00:03:24,758
that he's a Viking
and might only use our home
96
00:03:24,792 --> 00:03:27,194
as a temporary base before moving inland
where lumber is more plentiful.
97
00:03:27,228 --> 00:03:29,663
He's a good guy. We can't afford to keep
splitting the rent two ways.
98
00:03:29,697 --> 00:03:30,797
You have a better idea?
99
00:03:30,832 --> 00:03:32,499
- How about Rachel?
- Is that a joke?
100
00:03:32,533 --> 00:03:33,834
Is it cool if I poop?
101
00:03:33,868 --> 00:03:36,069
No, Anthony! Just cut the carrots!
102
00:03:36,104 --> 00:03:37,637
You've been dating Rachel
for a month.
103
00:03:37,672 --> 00:03:40,127
I don't think you heard his question.
The answer is yes!
104
00:03:41,642 --> 00:03:43,410
Rachel and I have been dating
for the equivalent of a year.
105
00:03:43,444 --> 00:03:44,778
Oh, really?
106
00:03:44,812 --> 00:03:46,880
'Cause I feel like I've been hearing
about that for two years.
107
00:03:46,914 --> 00:03:48,655
You can't just microwave a relationship
like it's a bean burrito.
108
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,494
I ain't living with your
month-long girlfriend, brah.
109
00:03:50,531 --> 00:03:51,685
Well, I ain't living
with your wack-ass,
110
00:03:51,719 --> 00:03:53,787
don't-know-whether-to-keep-cutting-carrots-
or-ask-if-he-can-take-a-poop-brother.
111
00:03:53,821 --> 00:03:55,288
Can we discuss this later?
112
00:03:55,323 --> 00:03:58,525
Rachel's on her way, and I'd
like to practice my smile.
113
00:03:58,559 --> 00:04:02,129
I guess it was just air.
114
00:04:07,535 --> 00:04:09,803
Why are we organizing
a storage room?
115
00:04:09,837 --> 00:04:12,672
- How is this not a janitor's job?
- Can I ask you something?
116
00:04:12,707 --> 00:04:15,008
Why the hell do you have
all those muscles
117
00:04:15,042 --> 00:04:17,511
if you're gonna bitch
about moving boxes?
118
00:04:17,545 --> 00:04:18,712
Is the air working in here?
119
00:04:18,746 --> 00:04:20,514
I'm sweating like a Catholic
on Judgment Day.
120
00:04:20,548 --> 00:04:22,683
[Giggles]
Just a little protestant humor.
121
00:04:22,717 --> 00:04:26,553
- I've got more.
- Oh, can't wait.
122
00:04:26,587 --> 00:04:27,921
Nothin'.
123
00:04:27,955 --> 00:04:31,058
Wait, there's something in there
blocking the vent.
124
00:04:31,092 --> 00:04:32,592
You gonna open it?
125
00:04:32,627 --> 00:04:34,161
You do realize nothing good
has ever been found
126
00:04:34,195 --> 00:04:35,262
in a vent, right?
127
00:04:35,296 --> 00:04:37,531
It's a vent.
128
00:04:37,565 --> 00:04:40,634
Whoa.
129
00:04:40,668 --> 00:04:41,835
Huh.
130
00:04:41,869 --> 00:04:43,837
[Mysterious music]
131
00:04:43,871 --> 00:04:48,341
[Switchblade clicks]
132
00:04:48,376 --> 00:04:50,243
Oh!
133
00:04:50,278 --> 00:04:54,581
Intro to Chemistry. Third edition.
134
00:04:54,615 --> 00:04:56,616
[Whistles in awe]
135
00:04:56,651 --> 00:04:57,918
Mint.
136
00:04:57,952 --> 00:04:59,386
$200 retail.
137
00:04:59,420 --> 00:05:01,555
160 on the street.
138
00:05:01,589 --> 00:05:03,323
Why are there books
in an air duct?
139
00:05:03,357 --> 00:05:04,791
Why is there hot sauce
in the bathroom?
140
00:05:04,826 --> 00:05:06,760
- It's Greendale.
- They must be stolen.
141
00:05:06,794 --> 00:05:09,196
- We have to tell the Dean.
- Hold on.
142
00:05:09,230 --> 00:05:13,100
Let's just calm down
and have a slow, pleasant chat
143
00:05:13,134 --> 00:05:15,435
- about possibilities.
- What kind?
144
00:05:15,470 --> 00:05:17,971
All kinds. Anything is possible.
145
00:05:18,005 --> 00:05:21,308
We might one day have hover cars.
Kale might be poisonous.
146
00:05:21,342 --> 00:05:23,944
And we might not have
to get the Dean involved here.
147
00:05:23,978 --> 00:05:26,179
- Jeffrey, these are stolen!
- From who?
148
00:05:26,214 --> 00:05:28,048
By who? How long ago?
149
00:05:28,082 --> 00:05:31,151
It's "from whom," "by whom."
But he nailed the third question.
150
00:05:31,185 --> 00:05:34,788
Look, we are the committee
that deals with Greendale's problems.
151
00:05:34,822 --> 00:05:36,423
Now did you see anything
on our list
152
00:05:36,457 --> 00:05:37,791
about a pile of missing books
153
00:05:37,825 --> 00:05:39,693
that are worth more than
the school they're hidden in?
154
00:05:39,727 --> 00:05:41,061
One thing's for sure.
155
00:05:41,095 --> 00:05:43,163
If we hand these over,
they'll really go missing.
156
00:05:43,197 --> 00:05:45,632
And you think that money's
gonna be used to cut our paychecks
157
00:05:45,666 --> 00:05:48,602
or to make another
rapping peanut costume?
158
00:05:48,636 --> 00:05:50,971
- I can't believe what I'm hearing.
- Fine. You wanna go to heaven?
159
00:05:51,005 --> 00:05:53,507
- Walk away, more for us.
- I'm an accomplice now!
160
00:05:53,541 --> 00:05:55,842
If I walk away, I'll only get into heaven
by turning you in.
161
00:05:55,877 --> 00:05:59,646
But what about your restaurant?
What about your kids?
162
00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:02,916
Ms. Bennett, when God talks to you,
what language does he use?
163
00:06:02,950 --> 00:06:06,486
Because in my experience,
when he thinks you deserve something,
164
00:06:06,521 --> 00:06:09,689
he drops it on you
like a ton of bricks.
165
00:06:13,761 --> 00:06:16,596
Okay. All right.
166
00:06:16,597 --> 00:06:19,866
But if we're gonna do this,
we're gonna do this clean and safe.
167
00:06:19,901 --> 00:06:21,968
We're gonna move these
to my restaurant in bread carts,
168
00:06:22,003 --> 00:06:23,804
and we're gonna sit on 'em
until we know they're cold.
169
00:06:23,838 --> 00:06:25,105
Then we're gonna price them
through a third party,
170
00:06:25,139 --> 00:06:27,240
and we're gonna unload them
in a single score.
171
00:06:27,275 --> 00:06:29,810
None of that nickel-and-dime crap.
I don't wanna leave a trail.
172
00:06:29,844 --> 00:06:32,579
- Yeah, great.
- Wonderful.
173
00:06:32,613 --> 00:06:34,848
Okay, let's count these babies up.
174
00:06:34,882 --> 00:06:36,116
Yeah, great.
175
00:06:36,150 --> 00:06:38,985
When we were kids,
176
00:06:39,020 --> 00:06:40,354
Anthony and I would play
Time Machine.
177
00:06:40,388 --> 00:06:44,124
We would go, "Oh, no!
We're in Barbarian times!
178
00:06:44,158 --> 00:06:46,193
Quick! Back to the Time Machine!"
179
00:06:46,227 --> 00:06:52,065
And then we would run back
to the Time Machine.
180
00:06:52,100 --> 00:06:53,700
It's true.
181
00:06:53,735 --> 00:06:55,102
I bet that's why Abed
is like a brother to me.
182
00:06:55,136 --> 00:06:56,603
You guys are so alike.
183
00:06:56,637 --> 00:06:58,677
I can't accept that based
on one time-machine story.
184
00:06:58,706 --> 00:07:02,075
Rachel, did you tell Annie
about your Waterpik?
185
00:07:02,110 --> 00:07:05,345
I suppose now is
as good a time as any.
186
00:07:05,380 --> 00:07:08,382
- I own a Waterpik.
- Annie has one too.
187
00:07:08,416 --> 00:07:09,816
You guys both care
for your teeth the same amount.
188
00:07:09,851 --> 00:07:11,652
If you shared a bathroom,
it'd go pretty smoothly.
189
00:07:11,686 --> 00:07:13,020
Anthony said
he could fix our cabinets.
190
00:07:13,054 --> 00:07:15,389
Rachel used to mop floors
when she worked at Kmart.
191
00:07:15,423 --> 00:07:17,824
Is this a real conversation
or are we being bugged by the feds?
192
00:07:17,859 --> 00:07:22,254
Abed. Sidebar.
193
00:07:24,499 --> 00:07:28,435
What do you think happens
after you die?
194
00:07:28,469 --> 00:07:29,636
I don't know.
195
00:07:29,671 --> 00:07:32,205
You're lucky.
196
00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:35,942
- Stop trying to sell me on Rachel.
- Stop pitching Anthony so hard.
197
00:07:35,977 --> 00:07:37,544
You're like ice cream cake
out there... overkill.
198
00:07:37,578 --> 00:07:38,945
We need a roommate.
We're broke.
199
00:07:38,980 --> 00:07:40,213
- I vote for Rachel.
- I vote for Anthony.
200
00:07:40,248 --> 00:07:42,416
- Flip a coin?
- No. Coins create parallel timelines.
201
00:07:42,450 --> 00:07:45,686
- Rock, paper, scissors?
- That's a nine-sided coin.
202
00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:47,354
What about Pile of Bullets?
203
00:07:47,388 --> 00:07:53,427
You wanna decide on a roommate
with a 1993 Old West-themed VCR game?
204
00:07:53,461 --> 00:07:55,862
If Rachel or I win,
Rachel moves in.
205
00:07:55,897 --> 00:07:57,464
If you or Anthony win,
I'll politely surrender
206
00:07:57,498 --> 00:07:58,999
and count down the days
until he eats me.
207
00:07:59,033 --> 00:08:02,869
All right, it's settled.
208
00:08:02,904 --> 00:08:06,073
- Is this working?
- It's a handshake in progress.
209
00:08:06,107 --> 00:08:08,208
Who wants to play Pile of Bullets?
210
00:08:08,242 --> 00:08:09,443
- Not me.
- You have to.
211
00:08:09,477 --> 00:08:11,978
- Oh, it's okay, we don't have to.
- It's not okay. We do have to.
212
00:08:11,979 --> 00:08:13,380
We all have to,
and one day we'll tell you why.
213
00:08:13,414 --> 00:08:15,382
But for now, let's simply
retire to the TV area.
214
00:08:15,416 --> 00:08:17,951
For the highest stakes
1993 interactive VCR game
215
00:08:17,986 --> 00:08:20,220
of your entire young adult lives.
216
00:08:22,409 --> 00:08:24,495
Okay, let's see what you got.
217
00:08:28,214 --> 00:08:32,217
[Glass clink]
[Sniffs intensely]
218
00:08:32,251 --> 00:08:34,252
Yeah. Okay.
219
00:08:34,287 --> 00:08:36,321
I know somebody that knows people.
220
00:08:36,355 --> 00:08:39,089
I can get you a price per book,
find a buyer, and make a deal.
221
00:08:39,124 --> 00:08:41,159
- For half.
- That's ridiculous.
222
00:08:41,194 --> 00:08:43,061
I'm assuming more than half the risk.
223
00:08:43,095 --> 00:08:44,696
- Half is fair.
- Not really.
224
00:08:44,730 --> 00:08:47,399
Because they're ours,
all 100% of them.
225
00:08:47,433 --> 00:08:49,868
Giving you half is not fair,
it's silly.
226
00:08:49,902 --> 00:08:52,137
Okay, good luck.
You wanna re-blindfold me?
227
00:08:52,171 --> 00:08:54,606
I know we're in E-9
in the east wing.
228
00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:56,675
I know that
because it smells like weed.
229
00:08:56,709 --> 00:08:58,677
Not my weed.
230
00:08:58,711 --> 00:09:01,379
Look, I'm willing to give her half.
231
00:09:01,414 --> 00:09:03,448
Hear that, Britta?
You can have half of Jeff's share.
232
00:09:03,483 --> 00:09:05,016
That's not what I meant.
233
00:09:05,051 --> 00:09:06,284
That's what you're offering
by giving her half of the total.
234
00:09:06,319 --> 00:09:08,019
Either she can get half
of all of our money
235
00:09:08,054 --> 00:09:09,154
or she can get half of your share.
236
00:09:09,188 --> 00:09:11,156
Either way, you walk away
with about 16%.
237
00:09:11,190 --> 00:09:12,691
- That's not fair.
- Damn right.
238
00:09:12,725 --> 00:09:14,893
Here's what is:
25% for each of us.
239
00:09:14,927 --> 00:09:17,562
Take it or leave it, Britta.
240
00:09:17,597 --> 00:09:18,964
Legalize it
241
00:09:18,998 --> 00:09:22,000
Don't Chang...
242
00:09:22,034 --> 00:09:26,338
Hey, guys.
243
00:09:26,372 --> 00:09:27,873
Hey.
244
00:09:27,907 --> 00:09:31,109
Look, if something sketchy
is happening, I don't care.
245
00:09:31,144 --> 00:09:34,446
So I'm just gonna back
out of the room now and...
246
00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:35,780
He can't leave.
247
00:09:35,815 --> 00:09:37,782
[Screams]
No! No!
248
00:09:37,817 --> 00:09:40,886
I didn't see anything.
I did not see anything!
249
00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:43,822
- Britta, find some rope.
- I've got rope.
250
00:09:43,856 --> 00:09:46,391
"Each player starts
with six bullet tokens,
251
00:09:46,425 --> 00:09:50,262
ten gold certificates,
and a color-coded posse token."
252
00:09:50,296 --> 00:09:52,130
There's two types of tokens?
253
00:09:52,165 --> 00:09:53,632
I'm sure we'll figure it out.
254
00:09:53,666 --> 00:09:54,666
[Harmonica music plays over TV]
255
00:09:54,700 --> 00:09:55,767
[Over TV]
Howdy!
256
00:09:55,801 --> 00:09:58,436
You look like a real group
of gunslingers.
257
00:09:58,471 --> 00:10:00,105
Everyone in town's mighty scared,
258
00:10:00,139 --> 00:10:02,140
what with all the gold
and the outlaws.
259
00:10:02,174 --> 00:10:05,410
But only one of us
can make it out alive.
260
00:10:05,444 --> 00:10:06,745
Are we robbing the town?
261
00:10:06,779 --> 00:10:09,281
By now, you should have
your bullets, your gold,
262
00:10:09,315 --> 00:10:11,883
and two Wild West tokens each.
263
00:10:11,918 --> 00:10:14,119
Hang onto those tokens
no matter what.
264
00:10:14,153 --> 00:10:15,987
- There's two kinds of tokens.
- Two each?
265
00:10:16,022 --> 00:10:18,523
Now when you hear the word "draw,"
266
00:10:18,558 --> 00:10:21,126
or when you see a square
with a color or number matching
267
00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:22,694
one of you or your opponent's cards,
268
00:10:22,728 --> 00:10:24,796
the first one of you to say, "bang,"
269
00:10:24,831 --> 00:10:26,731
wins the challenged player's token
270
00:10:26,766 --> 00:10:28,934
and the amount of their bid in gold!
271
00:10:28,968 --> 00:10:30,302
- What's going on?
- Shh!
272
00:10:30,336 --> 00:10:31,336
- Ready?
- Yes?
273
00:10:31,337 --> 00:10:32,838
- I'm not.
- Shh!
274
00:10:32,872 --> 00:10:35,841
[Silence]
275
00:10:41,881 --> 00:10:43,682
- Are we supposed to be bidding?
- [Over TV] Draw!
276
00:10:43,716 --> 00:10:44,783
- I bid!
- Pow! Bang!
277
00:10:44,817 --> 00:10:46,084
[Male voice over TV]
Rattler!
278
00:10:46,119 --> 00:10:47,119
Bang! 5!
279
00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:48,386
- Bang?
- Yee-haw!
280
00:10:48,421 --> 00:10:49,421
- Bang-bang! 5!
- Bang?
281
00:10:49,455 --> 00:10:50,856
Not bad!
282
00:10:50,890 --> 00:10:53,051
Collect your tokens and let's
get on to the next round!
283
00:10:53,059 --> 00:10:54,893
What are you doing? Stop that.
284
00:10:54,927 --> 00:10:56,161
He said, "Collect your tokens."
285
00:10:56,195 --> 00:10:57,295
He can't see you.
286
00:10:57,330 --> 00:10:59,631
Didn't Abed shoot whoever's 5?
287
00:10:59,665 --> 00:11:01,700
- Draw!
- ALL: Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
288
00:11:01,734 --> 00:11:03,935
Odd-numbered players,
give up two cards!
289
00:11:03,970 --> 00:11:05,837
- Draw!
- We have numbers?
290
00:11:05,872 --> 00:11:07,906
[Monotone] Bang, bang,
bang, bang, bang, bang.
291
00:11:07,940 --> 00:11:09,174
Okay, okay, I don't think
we're doing this right.
292
00:11:09,208 --> 00:11:11,276
Are we sure this is a game
and not some art film?
293
00:11:11,310 --> 00:11:13,145
- Now what do we do?
- We rewind it and start over.
294
00:11:13,179 --> 00:11:15,747
- Okay, I'll allow it.
- No, it's okay.
295
00:11:15,782 --> 00:11:16,882
We gave it our best shot, no?
296
00:11:16,916 --> 00:11:18,016
[Scoffs]
297
00:11:18,050 --> 00:11:20,051
I'm sorry, Rachel,
is this your home?
298
00:11:20,086 --> 00:11:21,520
Oh, God, no, I'm sorry.
299
00:11:21,554 --> 00:11:23,828
- Well, this is what we're playing.
- But it doesn't make any sense.
300
00:11:23,856 --> 00:11:25,690
Oh! It sounds like Anthony
wants to forfeit.
301
00:11:25,725 --> 00:11:28,760
- He doesn't. Don't forfeit, Anthony.
- Rachel, we can do this.
302
00:11:28,794 --> 00:11:29,861
[Whispering]
Just focus, okay?
303
00:11:29,896 --> 00:11:32,898
- Okay...
- Okay.
304
00:11:32,932 --> 00:11:34,099
[Harmonica music plays over TV]
305
00:11:34,133 --> 00:11:36,134
- Howdy!
- BOTH: [Flat] Howdy.
306
00:11:37,036 --> 00:11:40,071
I love textbooks.
That's why I stole these.
307
00:11:40,106 --> 00:11:41,807
- All right, knock it off.
- What?
308
00:11:41,841 --> 00:11:46,278
You gotta make it sound believable
or you're not getting outta here.
309
00:11:46,312 --> 00:11:47,971
- [Whining] I'm trying.
- Try harder!
310
00:11:48,005 --> 00:11:49,439
Go.
311
00:11:49,474 --> 00:11:51,441
[Sobs]
312
00:11:51,476 --> 00:11:55,111
I love textbooks.
That's why I stole them.
313
00:11:55,146 --> 00:11:56,613
Mm.
314
00:11:56,647 --> 00:11:57,948
Look at this one.
315
00:11:57,982 --> 00:11:59,983
[Smooches]
[Sighs]
316
00:12:00,017 --> 00:12:01,918
Stolen textbooks are the best kind.
317
00:12:01,953 --> 00:12:04,387
I stole all these books
and put 'em in this room
318
00:12:04,422 --> 00:12:06,323
so I could come kiss them.
319
00:12:06,357 --> 00:12:08,024
That's all, thank you.
320
00:12:08,059 --> 00:12:10,827
[Sobbing]
Please, I'm on parole!
321
00:12:10,862 --> 00:12:11,862
Exactly.
322
00:12:11,896 --> 00:12:14,598
So keep your mouth shut
or we'll send this file to everybody.
323
00:12:14,632 --> 00:12:15,632
What do you mean "everybody"?
324
00:12:15,666 --> 00:12:19,636
[As Gary Oldman]
Everybody!
325
00:12:19,670 --> 00:12:21,638
[Chuckles]
326
00:12:21,672 --> 00:12:23,006
- Look, I can't do this anymore.
- What?
327
00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:24,040
I'm out.
328
00:12:24,075 --> 00:12:26,042
It's too far, it's too...
329
00:12:26,077 --> 00:12:28,011
evil.
330
00:12:28,045 --> 00:12:29,679
Look, you guys can split the money.
331
00:12:29,714 --> 00:12:31,014
I'm just gonna leave quietly.
332
00:12:31,048 --> 00:12:34,017
Good-bye.
333
00:12:36,621 --> 00:12:37,988
[Grunting]
334
00:12:38,022 --> 00:12:39,022
What the hell?
335
00:12:39,056 --> 00:12:40,624
- Yeah?
- What the hell? Ow!
336
00:12:40,658 --> 00:12:42,926
I can't let you leave until
we're done with this deal.
337
00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:45,128
Shirley, this is not what God
wants you to be doing today!
338
00:12:45,163 --> 00:12:46,663
We had our chance
to think about that.
339
00:12:46,697 --> 00:12:48,398
He dropped this on us
like a ton of bricks.
340
00:12:48,433 --> 00:12:49,466
Right, Hickey?
341
00:12:49,500 --> 00:12:51,001
Oh, yeah, definitely.
342
00:12:51,035 --> 00:12:53,003
Not to say that this
isn't getting insane.
343
00:12:53,037 --> 00:12:54,571
[Grunts]
344
00:12:54,605 --> 00:12:57,374
[Over TV] Blackhat Bill
sure ain't the forgivin' type.
345
00:12:57,408 --> 00:12:59,276
- You! Green player!
- Yes, partner?
346
00:12:59,310 --> 00:13:00,310
You can do better than that,
can't you?
347
00:13:00,344 --> 00:13:01,778
Yes, pard-ner!
348
00:13:01,813 --> 00:13:03,246
Pick another player that you
want to draw a cactus card.
349
00:13:03,281 --> 00:13:04,281
I choose Anthony!
350
00:13:04,315 --> 00:13:06,283
Anthony, draw a card.
351
00:13:06,317 --> 00:13:08,185
Oh! This is a good one.
352
00:13:08,219 --> 00:13:09,419
Keep this for when you're
in a quick draw.
353
00:13:09,454 --> 00:13:10,954
- Rachel, your turn!
- What do I do?
354
00:13:10,988 --> 00:13:12,122
You roll, you roll. Here.
355
00:13:12,156 --> 00:13:14,791
- There. My turn.
- Stop! Snake bite! Lose a turn.
356
00:13:14,826 --> 00:13:16,259
- Anti-venom.
- I'll take two.
357
00:13:16,294 --> 00:13:17,394
- Draw!
- BOTH: Bang!
358
00:13:17,428 --> 00:13:18,895
- Okay, I bid 5 bullets.
- I raise 6.
359
00:13:18,930 --> 00:13:20,464
- 11.
- Pass. Reverse!
360
00:13:20,498 --> 00:13:22,332
- Hold it!
- BOTH: Yee-haw!
361
00:13:22,366 --> 00:13:23,567
Did you remember
to say "yee-haw"?
362
00:13:23,601 --> 00:13:26,503
Anyone that didn't loses a turn.
363
00:13:26,537 --> 00:13:28,371
Collect your coins!
364
00:13:28,406 --> 00:13:29,906
Anthony, I'll trade you
two snakes for a bullet.
365
00:13:29,941 --> 00:13:32,509
- Just say yes!
- I don't wanna die.
366
00:13:32,543 --> 00:13:33,810
- Stop her, Rachel, stop her!
- Bang?
367
00:13:33,845 --> 00:13:34,845
No! Bid 5!
368
00:13:34,846 --> 00:13:37,180
- Tornado!
- BOTH: Tornado!
369
00:13:37,215 --> 00:13:38,515
9 tornado!
370
00:13:38,549 --> 00:13:39,549
Pass! 7!
371
00:13:39,584 --> 00:13:40,750
- Reverse!
- 2 tornado!
372
00:13:40,785 --> 00:13:41,852
- Pass!
- Double!
373
00:13:41,886 --> 00:13:43,053
- Draw!
- BOTH: Bang!
374
00:13:43,087 --> 00:13:45,155
[Gunshot]
Oh, come on.
375
00:13:45,189 --> 00:13:47,190
- You son of a bitch!
- Come on.
376
00:13:47,225 --> 00:13:48,925
- [Mumbling]
- Come on, come on.
377
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:50,360
Come on, come on.
[Blows]
378
00:13:50,394 --> 00:13:51,661
[Growling]
Come on!
379
00:13:51,696 --> 00:13:53,363
[Beeping over TV]
380
00:13:53,397 --> 00:13:54,698
[Harmonica music plays]
381
00:13:54,732 --> 00:13:56,133
[Over TV] If one of you
rolled your bullet number,
382
00:13:56,167 --> 00:13:57,934
you're the winner!
[Groans]
383
00:13:57,969 --> 00:14:02,005
Fast-forward to the red screen
to get your gold.
384
00:14:02,039 --> 00:14:05,275
Well, more food for the buzzards.
385
00:14:05,309 --> 00:14:08,779
Looks like modern times...
386
00:14:08,813 --> 00:14:10,113
have come after all.
387
00:14:10,148 --> 00:14:11,882
See ya in the city.
388
00:14:11,916 --> 00:14:13,717
I wanna go home.
389
00:14:13,751 --> 00:14:15,231
- Me too.
- No, we have to play again.
390
00:14:15,253 --> 00:14:18,088
Abed, I think you're having
one of your special times, okay?
391
00:14:18,122 --> 00:14:19,489
So I'm gonna give you some space.
392
00:14:19,524 --> 00:14:20,724
I don't want space.
I want you to move in here.
393
00:14:20,758 --> 00:14:21,958
- What?
- But that's not resolved!
394
00:14:21,993 --> 00:14:23,314
- Anthony might move in, so...
- What?
395
00:14:23,327 --> 00:14:24,795
We want one of you to live with us.
396
00:14:24,829 --> 00:14:27,297
Yeah, we're settling it
with a game of Pile of Bullets.
397
00:14:27,331 --> 00:14:29,399
That is not an explanation
398
00:14:29,434 --> 00:14:34,137
that should make anybody
want to live here.
399
00:14:34,172 --> 00:14:36,773
Abed, I don't like this side of you,
400
00:14:36,808 --> 00:14:39,509
and I do not like that side
of VCR technology.
401
00:14:39,544 --> 00:14:42,045
I am glad that it's a dead medium.
402
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,080
That was very uncomfortable.
403
00:14:44,115 --> 00:14:47,117
[Door opens, closes]
404
00:14:49,420 --> 00:14:51,388
I don't really know
how girlfriends work,
405
00:14:51,422 --> 00:14:55,058
but I don't think
you have one anymore.
406
00:15:00,501 --> 00:15:02,402
Okay, cool. See you there.
407
00:15:02,436 --> 00:15:03,470
I'm meeting my guy in an hour.
408
00:15:03,504 --> 00:15:05,405
He wants to see a sample,
set a price,
409
00:15:05,439 --> 00:15:06,573
and then we'll do the exchange.
410
00:15:06,607 --> 00:15:08,174
[Chucking]
Oh, brother.
411
00:15:08,209 --> 00:15:09,442
So Britta doesn't know
how much she's getting
412
00:15:09,477 --> 00:15:11,211
from this guy that none of us
will ever see again.
413
00:15:11,245 --> 00:15:13,413
But she knows one thing for sure:
414
00:15:13,447 --> 00:15:16,249
She'll be right back with it
so you can divvy it up,
415
00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:17,283
even Steven.
416
00:15:17,318 --> 00:15:21,221
- [Laughing]
- [Laughing]
417
00:15:21,255 --> 00:15:22,689
Oh, man, that is rich.
418
00:15:22,723 --> 00:15:24,924
What's supposed to stop her
from robbing you guys blind?
419
00:15:24,959 --> 00:15:26,426
What are you gonna do,
call the cops?
420
00:15:26,460 --> 00:15:28,628
- I'll go with her.
- Oh, yeah. Good plan.
421
00:15:28,662 --> 00:15:30,997
Yeah, leave Hickey here,
and the two of you do the deal.
422
00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:32,098
Yeah, what the hell?
423
00:15:32,133 --> 00:15:33,694
When did I volunteer
for Guantanamo duty
424
00:15:33,701 --> 00:15:36,069
while you two traipse off
425
00:15:36,103 --> 00:15:38,438
to the Cuban equivalent
of Las Vegas?
426
00:15:38,472 --> 00:15:40,040
Havana, right?
427
00:15:40,074 --> 00:15:42,642
Guys, don't listen to Jeff.
He's just trying to divide us.
428
00:15:42,677 --> 00:15:45,678
Says the woman who's willing
to take care of the cash by herself.
429
00:15:45,713 --> 00:15:47,380
As if you're Mr. Trustworthy.
430
00:15:47,415 --> 00:15:49,682
Why do you have
so much access to rope?
431
00:15:49,717 --> 00:15:51,217
Hey, you're the one
who left the door unlocked
432
00:15:51,252 --> 00:15:52,652
so Chang could get in here.
433
00:15:52,686 --> 00:15:54,020
How do I know
you didn't do that on purpose?
434
00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:57,524
Guys. Guys! Calm down.
435
00:15:57,558 --> 00:15:58,925
I'm sure we can work this out.
436
00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:02,262
We just need to stay cool
and talk it through.
437
00:16:02,296 --> 00:16:03,863
I'm sorry.
438
00:16:03,898 --> 00:16:06,800
That didn't work out
the way I planned.
439
00:16:06,834 --> 00:16:09,863
I'm sorry.
But you didn't leave me any choice.
440
00:16:09,870 --> 00:16:11,471
You were acting very poorly,
441
00:16:11,505 --> 00:16:13,206
I didn't know
if I could trust you anymore!
442
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,375
You dragged me into this.
443
00:16:15,409 --> 00:16:16,643
I didn't want this.
444
00:16:16,677 --> 00:16:19,612
Huh?
445
00:16:22,083 --> 00:16:24,951
- You're packing?
- Yeah.
446
00:16:24,985 --> 00:16:26,920
- You're leaving?
- Yeah.
447
00:16:26,954 --> 00:16:28,388
- Because of last night?
- Yeah.
448
00:16:28,422 --> 00:16:31,124
I just think there's
some unresolved issues here.
449
00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:33,293
You're right.
450
00:16:33,327 --> 00:16:36,229
I'm still really hurt
by mom turning her back on me
451
00:16:36,263 --> 00:16:38,565
when I went to rehab.
452
00:16:38,599 --> 00:16:41,334
And I guess part of me
was mad at you
453
00:16:41,368 --> 00:16:42,869
for siding with her,
454
00:16:42,903 --> 00:16:47,273
so I thought you moving in here
was some kind of moral victory.
455
00:16:47,308 --> 00:16:48,308
What? No.
456
00:16:48,309 --> 00:16:49,476
I mean unresolved issues
457
00:16:49,510 --> 00:16:50,877
involving the black guy
in all these photographs.
458
00:16:50,911 --> 00:16:53,380
- Troy?
- Hey, I don't know his name, man.
459
00:16:53,414 --> 00:16:56,449
I just know he's clearly
left some kind of vacuum.
460
00:16:56,484 --> 00:16:58,585
And screw you.
What did I have to do with mom?
461
00:16:58,619 --> 00:17:00,487
I was 13.
462
00:17:00,521 --> 00:17:02,522
[Door opens, closes]
463
00:17:06,260 --> 00:17:08,027
- Hey.
- Hi.
464
00:17:08,062 --> 00:17:09,763
I'm here to do my third-act apology.
465
00:17:09,797 --> 00:17:10,830
- Abed, I don't think...
- Wait.
466
00:17:10,865 --> 00:17:13,099
Don't reject it
until the whole thing's been served up.
467
00:17:13,134 --> 00:17:15,301
Dobry.
468
00:17:15,336 --> 00:17:18,305
Open your locker please.
469
00:17:21,475 --> 00:17:22,876
[Sighs]
470
00:17:22,910 --> 00:17:25,011
[Knocks on locker]
471
00:17:25,046 --> 00:17:27,347
- Hey.
- Hey.
472
00:17:27,381 --> 00:17:29,783
- I wanna tell you something.
- Abed, this is adorable.
473
00:17:29,817 --> 00:17:32,217
Just because it's adorable
doesn't mean it's not important.
474
00:17:32,219 --> 00:17:34,421
Listen.
475
00:17:34,455 --> 00:17:35,822
I've been accelerating
our relationship
476
00:17:35,856 --> 00:17:38,358
because I've been worried
I wouldn't pass a lot of the tests.
477
00:17:38,392 --> 00:17:39,693
I wanted you to move in
because I thought
478
00:17:39,727 --> 00:17:42,262
if Annie was around, I'd have
less chance of screwing things up.
479
00:17:42,296 --> 00:17:44,397
You're not
screwing things up, though.
480
00:17:44,432 --> 00:17:46,266
That's good to know.
481
00:17:46,300 --> 00:17:47,934
But the problem with me
will always be
482
00:17:47,968 --> 00:17:49,602
that I can never know for sure.
483
00:17:49,637 --> 00:17:50,770
There's not a huge amount
of people in my life
484
00:17:50,805 --> 00:17:52,285
that haven't
eventually kicked me out,
485
00:17:52,306 --> 00:17:56,276
and I don't always see it coming.
486
00:17:56,310 --> 00:17:57,844
I don't want it to happen with you.
487
00:17:57,878 --> 00:18:00,480
Well, don't manipulate me
and don't keep secrets from me
488
00:18:00,514 --> 00:18:02,782
and we'll probably be okay.
489
00:18:02,817 --> 00:18:04,350
Cool.
490
00:18:04,385 --> 00:18:08,621
[Gasps]
It stopped raining.
491
00:18:08,656 --> 00:18:10,423
Yeah, it sure did.
492
00:18:10,458 --> 00:18:13,359
[Squeak]
493
00:18:13,394 --> 00:18:15,762
Aww, you hired a stunt person.
494
00:18:15,796 --> 00:18:17,957
No, I did not.
495
00:18:19,700 --> 00:18:20,867
Where'd you get these?
496
00:18:20,901 --> 00:18:23,536
They were an inheritance
from my father.
497
00:18:23,571 --> 00:18:26,239
- He was a collector.
- Mmhmm.
498
00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:28,475
- How many?
- 120.
499
00:18:28,509 --> 00:18:30,777
Well, for the whole bunch,
maybe 20.
500
00:18:30,811 --> 00:18:31,878
- Thousand?
- Dollars.
501
00:18:31,912 --> 00:18:33,646
- $20,000?
- 20 non-thousand dollars.
502
00:18:33,681 --> 00:18:34,881
20 regular dollars.
503
00:18:34,915 --> 00:18:36,716
You might get that
from a recycling place.
504
00:18:36,751 --> 00:18:39,953
These are misprints, honey.
Check out page 105.
505
00:18:39,987 --> 00:18:42,155
Well, I can't
because there's no page numbers.
506
00:18:42,189 --> 00:18:43,990
Ah! Well, that would be a problem.
507
00:18:44,025 --> 00:18:45,825
You know, "Class, turn to page..."
508
00:18:45,860 --> 00:18:47,293
There is no page...
509
00:18:47,328 --> 00:18:49,662
Oh, well, if there's no page number,
you can't turn to it.
510
00:18:49,697 --> 00:18:51,931
I've better things
to do with my life.
511
00:18:51,966 --> 00:18:53,166
[Door closes]
512
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:56,136
[Gentle music]
513
00:19:07,919 --> 00:19:09,359
Although we haven't been saying it,
514
00:19:09,383 --> 00:19:12,018
Troy was an important part
of our apartment.
515
00:19:12,053 --> 00:19:14,921
- He kept the peace.
- Yeah.
516
00:19:14,955 --> 00:19:17,190
Goin' a little crazy without him.
517
00:19:17,224 --> 00:19:20,226
Maybe we need to live
with a therapist.
518
00:19:20,261 --> 00:19:22,262
Or at least someone crazier
than us.
519
00:19:22,296 --> 00:19:25,265
[Footfall]
520
00:19:29,648 --> 00:19:32,105
- Let's give Craigslist another try.
- I think Craigslist is the way to go.
521
00:19:32,139 --> 00:19:33,500
- Yeah, that's a good idea.
- Yeah.
522
00:19:33,507 --> 00:19:36,409
Are you guys all wearing
the same clothes from yesterday?
523
00:19:36,444 --> 00:19:37,644
We've been through some stuff.
524
00:19:37,678 --> 00:19:39,079
But we learned something.
525
00:19:39,113 --> 00:19:40,447
No, we didn't.
526
00:19:40,481 --> 00:19:42,749
We learned that sometimes
there's no lesson.
527
00:19:42,783 --> 00:19:44,585
- How is that learning?
- We played Pile of Bullets.
528
00:19:44,695 --> 00:19:46,186
Can we just get
this meeting over with?
529
00:19:46,220 --> 00:19:48,321
- So how'd the cleanup go?
- I learned how to smile.
530
00:19:48,355 --> 00:19:49,956
Don't step, don't step to me.
531
00:19:49,990 --> 00:19:52,525
I like coffee and water,
don't step to me.
532
00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:55,995
Uh, damn it! I lost it.
I lost it!
533
00:19:56,705 --> 00:20:00,574
Okay. I will get back to you.
Thanks.
534
00:20:00,608 --> 00:20:02,401
- Who was that, sweetie?
- Guess they want me
535
00:20:02,478 --> 00:20:06,513
for that Wild West videotape
board game thing.
536
00:20:06,548 --> 00:20:08,048
- Pile of Bullets?
- Yeah.
537
00:20:08,083 --> 00:20:10,584
[Plate shatters]
538
00:20:10,619 --> 00:20:12,220
Devin, you pick up that phone
right now
539
00:20:12,254 --> 00:20:14,655
and you call these people
and you tell 'em you want this part.
540
00:20:14,689 --> 00:20:19,059
These VCR games
is where everything is headed.
541
00:20:19,094 --> 00:20:20,361
Can't you see that?
542
00:20:20,395 --> 00:20:24,198
You just became the Luke Skywalker
543
00:20:24,232 --> 00:20:25,599
of the new Star Wars.
544
00:20:25,634 --> 00:20:27,334
- We've gotta move.
- We do?
545
00:20:27,369 --> 00:20:28,569
Oh, yes, indeedy.
546
00:20:28,603 --> 00:20:31,071
We have got to move
to Los Angeles.
547
00:20:31,106 --> 00:20:32,573
But I work here.
548
00:20:32,607 --> 00:20:33,640
Oh, please.
549
00:20:33,675 --> 00:20:35,743
You call Apple computers work?
550
00:20:35,777 --> 00:20:38,312
What kind of company
offers stock options
551
00:20:38,346 --> 00:20:39,747
as a Christmas bonus?
552
00:20:39,781 --> 00:20:43,317
That ship is sinkin'.
553
00:20:43,351 --> 00:20:45,386
Sweetie, remember
when we were talkin'
554
00:20:45,420 --> 00:20:46,954
about trying cocaine?
555
00:20:46,988 --> 00:20:48,355
Yeah...
556
00:20:48,390 --> 00:20:51,859
I think we should start
looking for some right now.
557
00:20:51,893 --> 00:20:54,695
Because we're gonna be able
to afford it.
558
00:20:54,729 --> 00:20:57,097
Okay. I mean, if you're sure.
559
00:20:57,132 --> 00:21:00,301
I've never been more sure
about anything in my entire life.
560
00:21:00,335 --> 00:21:02,878
Pile of Bullets.
561
00:21:03,113 --> 00:21:05,017
Pile of Bullets.
562
00:21:05,052 --> 00:21:06,376
[Both laugh]
Oh, yes!
563
00:21:06,577 --> 00:21:12,415
564
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:16,148
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