All language subtitles for Call The Midwife - 08x05.

Who are we,
after all? Are we where we live?

Are we the rituals
we celebrate year after year

as the seasons roll round?

Are we our hopes and our desires?
Are we what we choose to be and do?

Or are we shaped by accident
and not our own design?

And they lived happily ever after.
The end.

Course they did.
It's why we read them, isn't it?

I don't read them. Why not?

I don't believe in love
at first sight.

Who does?

But there's nothing wrong
with a bit of escapism.

I'll leave that there for you,
Lucille.

Hm!

Here's the list of appointments
for today's cervical smear clinic.

A copy for Nurse Franklin
and one for me.

Thank you, Miss Higgins.

- How many ladies altogether?
- 15, would you believe?

That's excellent!

There's always a sense
of anticipation

when we start a new clinic.

Especially one
as pioneering as this one.

Let's serve tea and biscuits
straight away, in case of nerves.

We have to remember none of them
will have had this test before.

I might need a cup.
First time for them,

first time for us, too.

- All set?
- I think so.

This new cervical cancer test
will save lives, Shelagh,

so I am thrilled to be asked to
participate.

While I do not wish
to rain on your parade, Dr Turner,

won't it also add considerably
to the surgery's workload?

I could always ask the council
to give us some support,

but I don't want them
to think that we can't manage.

They're trusting us to deliver this.

We'll manage. I'm sure of it.

George and I have waited
a long time for this.

After we lost our first, we didn't
think we'd get another chance.

Then, when we found out,

I was scared I'd be no good
at being pregnant.

And now I'm scared I'd be
no good at being a mum.

Everything's going to be
absolutely splendid.

Baby's ticking over nicely,

and you've been a regular
at our Mothercraft classes.

I'm going to drag
George along to the next one.

I think he's a bit embarrassed
that folk might think he's soft.

The first one's ready.

There we are, ready.

Mrs Porter is first up.

I'll call her in.

Mrs Porter, please.

In for a penny...

If men had what we've got
down there,

they wouldn't be getting scraped.

Consider yourself the vanguard.

A few moments' discomfort and you're
helping to protect yourself,

your daughters and the generations
of women who come after you.

You're a heroine, Mrs Porter.

Righto. How are we doing, Nurse?

- Ready, Doctor.
- Can we get on with it?

I need to get my sheets out
before the weather turns.

Just relax, Mrs Porter.

The speculum may feel a little cold.

And that's it done.

- That wasn't too bad, was it?
- I've had worse up there, believe me.

Bronwyn Parry, please.

That's me.

But my name's Lois, not Bronwyn.

Bronwyn is my mum.

She got the letter but didn't want
to come, so I'm here in her place.

Your mother will have been invited
because she's over 35

and has had a baby.
I'm very happy to say

that you're not at risk of
developing

cervical cancer at the moment.

Can I just have the test anyway?

I'm getting married soon and I want
to check everything's... you know.

If it's contraception
you're concerned about,

we do have a Women's
Advice Clinic.

The wedding's in a month.

Can't you just take a look, please?

Why? Is there something
worrying you?

I haven't had a period.

Since when?

Ever. I've never had one.

Not ever.

What colour do you want?

I better take both, just in case.

Sometimes I think it's a boy
cos the amount it kicks,

but then I think it's a girl cos it
goes all quiet

when Sing Something Simple's on.

Ah, well, whatever it is,
it'll be a little joy.

Why don't you take the lemon?
That will do both.

Give us a yard
and a half of that, then.

George will go daft when he sees
I'm knitting more cardies.

We can't move for them as it is.

I keep seeing your George in that
cafe round the corner,

tucking in to his fry-ups.

I said to him, he'd better watch it
or you'll be coming to me

for expanders for his trousers.

- Sandy Lawrence's caff?
- That's the one.

I'll be as quick
and as gentle as possible.

All done, Miss Parry.

Now,

why don't you sit up, get yourself
sorted and we'll have a chat.

There's nothing wrong, is there?

First batch done
and ready to go to the lab.

What, is it? What's wrong?

I've just seen a young woman
who hasn't started her periods.

She's 22 years old, Shelagh, and
I couldn't find her cervix, and she

has a very short vagina.

I've referred her St Cuthbert's
as a matter of urgency,

but she's about to get married.

Oh, no.

I do hope her young man
is a nice one.

I knew something wasn't right.

When all the girls in school
were getting their monthlies

and I... I wasn't.

What about your mother?

She must've noticed you weren't
using sanitary protection.

- I lied to her.
- I see.

She'd buy me sanitary towels
and I didn't know what to do

with them,
cos I didn't want her to realise.

So I said I'd put them in the bin
myself

cos I was too embarrassed
for her to do it.

I felt so bad lying to her.

You might want to tell her now,

then she can go
to the hospital with you.

No! Don't tell her!

Please.

How did you get on?
Did you get them? You know...

They said I've got to go to
the Women's Advice Clinic for them,

so they'll make an
appointment and sort me out.

Good.
That's good. Hey, not long now.

We won't have to wait
that much longer. Come on.

- That does not sound good.
- It certainly doesn't sound healthy.

Apologies, ladies.

I offer you a lift home
and you'd have been quicker walking.

It might be your head gasket,
Nurse Crane.

Morris Minors are wonderfully
reliable little cars,

but sometimes even
they can let you down.

My father's
a veteran car enthusiast.

He taught me a little about engines.

I'm afraid you both might have to
get out and push.

This is becoming a bit of a habit,
Phyllis.

Oh, dear.

What's wrong? Don't you like it?

It's not that, it's just er,
I'm not hungry.

- I had a big lunch.
- What did you have?

Bacon, couple of eggs,
sausages, three rounds of toast.

Blimey!

I thought I was meant to be
eating for two!

Where did you go?

The caff near work.

- Does Sandy Lawrence still work there?
- Think so. Why?

Just wondering.

- Sister Frances, I have a task for you.
- Yes, Sister?

I'd like you to supervise
our Mothercraft class this evening.

It's our "bathing baby" session,
one of our most popular,

and the fathers are encouraged
to attend.

I think you'd get
a great deal from it.

I'm very sorry, Sister,
but I can't do it.

I've been petrified of speaking
in public since I was seven

and I was the narrator
in the Nativity play.

And I froze just as the wise men
were arriving at the stable.

They didn't know if they
were coming or going.

I see.

Well, I'm sure Nurse Dyer would be
prepared to offer her moral support.

Of course, I'd be happy to.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you so much.

Better get a move on, love, you'll
be late for work.

- Got the morning off.
- You're not ill, are you?

Course not. I have to go and order
the wedding cake

and this is the only time
the baker could do it.

- Don't you want me to come with you?
- No, it's fine. I can do it.

Oh. I thought we could pick it
together.

I was looking forward to it.

Sorry, Mum, but I really want to do
that one thing by myself.

We've done everything else together,
haven't we? It's just the cake.

That's all.

Miss Parry?

Hm.

And...

What do you notice about
the genital area?

Anyone?

Come on.
It's staring you in the face.

- Lack of pubic hair, sir.
- Correct.

And why might that be?

Any thoughts?

Underactive adrenal gland, sir?

Possibly, but unlikely in this case.

Just relax, this won't take long.

Right, Nurse Crane, turn her over.

It appears you're having some
difficulty

persuading your vehicle
to obey your command.

Thankfully your powers
of observation have not deserted

you, Sister, even though my engine
seems to have given up the ghost.

Perhaps you are being
a little too demanding.

A gentle persuasion is often more
effective than a heavy hand.

Best get a mechanic to take a look,
Nurse Crane.

I know a bloke who comes
highly recommended.

A mechanic who comes highly
recommended? Gold dust!

It's perfectly normal
to feel nervous

the first time you bath baby,

but the important thing
to remember is...

..is...

..is...

..to test the temperature of the
water before lowering baby in.

So, you do this using your elbow.

Oh, dear! Oh, dear, oh, dear!

You'll be brilliant.
They're just people.

Imagine them naked,
then they'll hold no fear.

DOORBELL RINGS Oh.

Hello. Can I help?

Good morning, Miss,
I'm sorry to bother you,

but I'm looking for Nurse Phyllis
Crane. Mr Buckle sent me.

It's about her car.

She's out on call just now,
but she left her keys.

Come in, I'll get them.

Oh, my goodness, Miss Parry!
Whatever's happened?!

- Are you all right?
- Dr Turner, I... I have to see him.

- Please!
- I'm afraid he's not here.

Come on, George.

It was horrible.

He had these students there,
all men,

and he didn't tell me
what he was doing or why.

He found something in my stomach,
I know he did.

Here.

Don't worry.

We'll get to the bottom of it.

My Boy Lollipop
by Millie Small

Hello?

Oh.

I thought you should know,
you're causing an obstruction.

Oh, my apologies, Nurse. I haven't
quite mastered the ability to

diagnose my patient without
a good look at the chassis.

- Cyril Robinson. Oh, I better not shake.
- No, best not.

As long as you don't think I'm rude.

- Just a bit loud.
- I'll keep it down.

Even though it's something
of a sacrifice, Cyril,

the last cherry macaroon is yours.

I'm honoured, Sister.

I see you have already made
the acquaintance of our dear

Nurse Anderson.

She used to be a librarian before
she found her true path.

See you inside, Sister.

Nice to meet you, Mr Robinson.

So, this is the engine. It takes
fuel from the tank

and ignites it with a spark.

So, the workings of this automobile

are not unlike the workings
of the human body.

It requires fuel to power it,
a heart to keep it running,

lights to shine the way,

and a system that prevents
overheating.

I couldn't have put that better myself.

You all right, Mrs Sharp?

Sorry, my husband's late.

Oh, don't worry,
I can be Dad for now.

I don't know where he's got to.

I'll kill him when I see him.

Now, Sister Frances is going to
demonstrate the best way to

hold baby as you start to lower
it into the bath.

The important thing is to
support baby's head.

Like this.

We want baby to feel safe
and secure.

The last thing you want is
a wriggling infant

near a bath of water.

That's it, Mr Barton, but gently.

You don't want to drown baby.

Just lower baby
slowly into the water,

so it covers their tummy
and their legs,

then gently splash.

That's great.

Well done.

Oh, that's it, Mr Barton,
support the head.

The head. Little splashes.

You don't want to cause a flood.

What do you do
when water gets in it?

You just pull its
leg off... and pour.

Although I wouldn't try
that on an actual baby.

There you go, George. You know, if
you're not careful, you're going to

- grow a pair of trotters.
- Thought I'd find you here.

- I see you're being well taken care of.
- I was hungry.

We've got food at home.
You missed the class, George.

- Sorry, I forgot.
- Oh, charming.

Come on, we're going.

George, don't forget your butty,
whatever you do.

I'll take that, thank you very much.

That's it, Angela,

stand still.

Oh!

You've grown a whole inch!
Clever girl.

Come on, May,
let's measure you, too.

We can write your name
next to everyone else's.

Honestly, Patrick, if you could have
seen how upset Lois Parry was.

Perhaps I shouldn't have rushed
to get her an appointment.

Kenley is always
a bit of a blunt instrument.

I could've asked for a more
sympathetic consultant

if we'd been prepared to wait.

I do think any further diagnosis would
be better coming from you, Patrick.

We could get the
information from Mr Kenley

and pass it on with Trixie's help.

- Lois seems to like her.
- Hm. That's a good idea.

I do feel a bit out of my depth,

and I can only imagine what that
poor girl is feeling.

Dad, can I take these?

They've been in the cupboard
since the Jurassic age.

The Triassic, more likely.

I bought them in case
we ever got to the Cup Final.

- Where are you going with those?
- Clive's.

There's a few of us going round
to listen to A Hard Day's Night.

The Beatles do seem a bit
nicer than the Rolling Stones.

And Paul McCartney's
mother was a midwife.

We just have to check

if you're tall enough
to drink beer.

Oh. It seems you are.

I've replaced the head gasket
and it's still refusing to budge.

- It's probably the valves.
- How long will that take to fix?

Two days.

Maybe three.

Two days will have to suffice,
please.

I'm not prepared to do my rounds
on a bus any longer than that.

The timetables
are a work of fiction.

Nurse Crane? Still not working?

It would appear not,
and I have rounds to do.

Well, I'm off-duty today.

Uh... uh... uh, please allow me
to give you a lift.

Very well. Thank you.

When things don't seem quite
right on the outside,

it often means that there are more
worrying problems on the inside.

When Mr Kenley examined you,
he discovered that your vagina

was much shorter
than it should be,

and he couldn't find a womb.

Do you understand, Lois?

He discovered that you have
a very rare condition.

Where your ovaries would
normally be,

he found two male testes growing.

It's called
testicular feminisation syndrome.

I know this must be a terrible
shock, Lois.

We'll help you in any way
that we can.

In very simple terms,
it means that, on the outside,

you look like a woman,
but, genetically, you're male.

No! Please, no, no.

Please, I can't, I can't...

Nurse Franklin and I
have talked about all of this,

so I'm going to leave you
with her now,

and you can take your time
and take it in.

Is he saying that though
I look like a woman,

I'm really a man?

Is that what he's saying?

He's saying that you're
a mixture of both sexes.

Oh, God! Oh, God!

I don't have a womb!

How am I going to have children?

How am I going to tell Paul?

He wants to be a dad so badly.

There are other ways
to be a mother, Lois,

without becoming pregnant.

What about...

What about...

How will we...

..on the wedding night?

An intimate relationship
might still be possible.

How can we have
a relationship at all,

when I'm not who Paul thinks I am?

You don't have to drive me
to every house call, you know.

I'm perfectly capable of using
public transport.

I have no doubt you'd be perfectly
capable of doing most things,

but I'm happy to be of service.

I would be delighted...

if you'd do me the
honour of spending

some more time in my company.

Perhaps a visit to the theatre
this time? Or dinner, even?

Oh, look, we're here already!

Thank you.

Oh, Patrick...

I didn't make a very good
job of that, I'm afraid.

This might make you feel
a little better.

The Local Health Authority have
written to commend us

for the way we've handled
the cervical smear clinic.

- They want us to increase our numbers.
- This is good, isn't it?

Think how many more women we'll
be able to screen.

But you're going to need help.

- Do you think Trixie would be interested?
- I'm sure she would.

Hm.

Hello, pet, you're late.

I've kept you some tea.

- It's in the oven.
- Thanks, Mum, but I'm not that hungry.

But Paul will be
here in a minute.

- So he will.
- Is everything all right?

Have you two had a row or something?

No. I'm just tired.

This'll cheer you up.
The invitations arrived.

They're so fancy, Lois.

Show them, Nancy.

I'll look at them later.

Has it started? Is it coming?

No, Mr Sharp, it's just
your wife's body practising.

Your clever baby's getting ready.
We call these Braxton Hicks.

I like to think of them as a dress
rehearsal for the opening night.

How does my body know to do that?

When you think about it,
it's beyond belief.

Where are you going?

Out. I said I'd meet
Marty for a pint.

I won't be late.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I... I shouldn't have.
I... I just... I'm sorry.

- I just don't want to.
- What's wrong?

Nothing.

Why does something have to be wrong?
I just don't want to.

Why don't you go
and I'll see you tomorrow?

Did I hear that Nurse Crane's
mechanic has been teaching you

all about car engines,
Sister Monica Joan?

Oh, Cyril is much more
than a mechanic, my dear.

He is a scholar who spends
his evenings

in the pursuit of learning

and his Sundays
in the worship of God.

He's a part-time preacher,
you know.

Huh. Really?

Did you know that, Lucille?

Why would I know it?

Oh, I just thought you might.

What's he studying, Sister?
Do you know?

Engineering.

The civil kind.

The kind most suited to a young
gentleman of his disposition.

Well, he sounds most interesting
and...

..eligible.

Now, if you'll excuse me, ladies,
I have my own studies to attend.

Oh, Lois.

Mrs Turner telephoned to tell me
you were coming.

She was very kind.

She said I would find you here.

I don't know what to do, Nurse.

I just don't understand any of it.

I know Dr Turner said that I'm...

..I'm a man inside...

..but I look like a woman...

..don't I?

I still want to wear dresses
and make-up and do my hair nice.

I still have those feelings
for Paul.

If I can't understand it,
how is he going to?

The one thing that helped me when I
was trying to understand my problem

was talking to people
in the same position.

Might help you, too,
if we can find someone.

I don't know if I could.

I can't bear the thought
of anyone knowing.

Sometimes it is easier to talk to
strangers than our loved ones.

My Paul...

..he doesn't deserve this.

We're saving up.

We had it all mapped out.

Children... everything.

He's a lovely man.

I've let him down.

Oh, Lois...

You haven't done anything wrong.

It's the way that you were born
and none of us can control that.

What about your mum?

Would you like me to talk to her
with you?

I can't.

I just can't.

All right, sweetie.

All right.

Sister, can I ask you something?

You can ask, but I can't promise
to have the answer.

It's not about me or the baby,

it's George.

It's been so hard for him,
these past few months.

I've been a bit wrapped up
in myself.

And we haven't had... you know,

for months.

In case.

And he's been very good about it...

..but now he's acting all strange.

He's hiding something, I know it.

And I think he's having an affair

with the woman from the cafe
near his work.

Whatever makes you think that?

He's developed a taste for bacon
and he's never liked it

and he's getting a bit fat.

That's hardly conclusive proof
of an extra-marital dalliance.

And now you need
to concentrate on baby.

You and Mr Sharp can have
a thorough tête-à-tête

once baby's here and safe.

Nurse, can I borrow you?

I promised Nurse Crane
I'd get this done by tomorrow.

I just need a bit of help
to turn the engine over.

It'll only take a minute.

As long as it's quick.

Right, when I say, put one foot
on the pedal on the left

and one on the pedal on the right.

Do you want me to do anything
with the gear stick?

No, no. Just turn the key.

You've done it!

Yeah, gently. Not too much.

Argh!

It's nothing.
It's just a slight burn.

I wasn't concentrating.

Thank you.

I don't usually injure myself.

Mind on other things.

It happens.

Where are you from?

I came over from British Guiana.

Sister Monica Joan tells me
you are mechanic by day

and a scholar by night.

Of civil engineering?

They're not that different
from each other.

They're both about putting
things together.

Or fixing them when they break down.

I fix things.

And you fix people.

Do you like to dance,
Nurse Anderson?

Of course. Who doesn't?

Would you like to
come dancing with me

one Saturday night?

I'm a member of a very good
social club.

I am very flattered,
but I'm going to decline.

I am here to work, Cyril,

and I cannot allow myself
to get distracted.

I understand.

Completely.

Nonnatus House. Midwife speaking.

Hello. It's George Sharp here.

It's my wife, Pam.
I think she's started.

Come quickly, won't you?

Nurse Anderson...

..from the first moment I
encountered you, I sensed a spirit.

Free.

Fearless.

It would pain me to think your time
spent within these hallowed walls

had rendered you earthbound.

You were listening, Sister.

I was in the vicinity
and words floated to my ears.

Ooh!

I promised to bring
that nice young man a cup of tea.

But I suddenly feel weary.

I must rest.

Perhaps you... could oblige?

Thank you!

Sister Monica Joan asked me
to bring you this.

Thanks.

No music?

I was thinking of you.

It is your last night.

There's always music
in the streets back home.

I'd forgotten that till you came.

Well, if you won't come dancing
with me to a club,

dance with me now.

What, here?

Yes, here.

I... I... I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

The cavalry's arrived.

Your wife's in the bedroom, yes?

That answers my question.

Why don't you pop the kettle on,
Mr Sharp,

and make yourself a nice
cup of tea?

- Argh!
- Are you feeling all right, Mr Sharp?

I'm fine... I'm fine.
It just comes over me.

Sister Hilda, is that you?

I think I'm dying.

Yes, Mrs Sharp, it's me,
and you sound fairly alive to me.

You go. I'll be there in a minute.

It's... it's gone now.

So I see.
How often does this happen?

About every five minutes.

I don't understand, Lois.

Why? Why?

What's happened? Why?

Why?

Because I don't have those feelings
for you any more.

And it's not fair.

No, no, this isn't you, Lois.
This isn't like you.

- I don't believe you.
- It's the truth.

I don't believe you.

Find somebody else, Paul.

Somebody that can make you happy.

Because I can't.

I don't want it.

What am I supposed to do with that?
It's yours.

It will only ever be yours.

Oh!

I want it to be over.
Please let it be over.

It will be.
Baby can't stay in there for ever.

Now, do you prefer
Pam or Pamela?

Pam.
I hate Pamela.

My little brother used to call me
Spamela.

Sister, is my George all right?

That's it, Pam.

Breathe with the contraction.

Let it wash over you.
That's it, darling.

Good girl.

Argh... Arrgh!

Don't you worry, Pam.

Concentrate on what you have to do.

Contraction's nearly gone.
That's it.

That's it.

Lovely.

What's wrong with George, Sister?

Your pulse is a little fast,
but your temperature's normal.

How are your movements, Mr Sharp?
Any constipation?

I'd just like to feel your stomach,
if I may?

I'll send for the doctor
just to be on the safe side.

I've examined you thoroughly.

I don't think there's anything
seriously wrong.

It's more likely to be
a touch of anxiety.

When my eldest was born, I was
a nervous wreck, and I'm a doctor.

Anxiety? What, it could do
something like this?

Absolutely.

Come on, Pam!

For God's sake, just push, will ya?!

Don't you talk to me like that,
George Sharp!

This is all your bloody fault!

I need a fag.

Aaaaaaarrrrrh!

Ooooh.

Cyril asked me to go dancing
with him.

- Good for him.
- I said no.

I wish I'd said yes now.

Well, it's not too late.

You are allowed to change your mind.

I seem to have an admirer too.

And I think I'm being
a bit of a coward.

I shall have to face the music,
as should you.

Goodnight.

Short breaths for me, darling.
That's it, little breaths.

Pant for me, darling.

That's it.

You're doing beautifully, Pam.

- Baby's almost with you.
- Here comes baby.

Big push.

Aaaargh!

Look at you, little beauty.

Well done. You have a perfect
daughter, Pam. You've done so well.

There, there.

There you are.

Hello, darling.

Thank God that's over.

You all right, love?
You're very quiet.

Lois, what's...

What have you done?

Why did you do this?

Why?

Your lovely, lovely dress. Why?

Lois?

Lois, your poor father, he would
turn in his grave if he saw this.

What are you going
to get married in now?

The wedding's off.

- What do you mean, it's off?
- It's not happening, Mum.

Did he break it off?
If he has, I'll kill him!

He didn't.

I did.

Don't you want to know
what we've had?

I don't care. Just glad it's here.

She, George.

You've got a daughter.

Tell you what, you women
don't half go through it.

I'll never moan about a cold
ever again.

Good evening and welcome.

Even at this late hour.

How may I be of assistance?

Assistance?!
You've got a damn cheek!

You and your assistance has
ruined my daughter's life.

I... I... - Do you know that? Do you?
- I... I... I think that you...

If you had done your job properly
when you were meant to,

she would not be like this now.
This is all your fault.

- What's wrong? What's happening?
- I'm confused.

- May I ask...
- I'm glad you're here.

You need to know what
she's done to my girl.

May I ask you to refrain
from speaking to

or about Sister Monica Joan
in this way?

She is a senior midwife and deserves
your respect, not your anger.

Please sit down, Mrs Parry.

I know she's old,
but she wasn't old then.

She should've known there was
something wrong with my Lois

when she was born.

She was my midwife.
It was her job to know.

She told me she was a girl.

She's got boy's bits...

..inside.

I had heard something of this
from Nurse Franklin.

I understand how...

..deeply upsetting this must be.

And a terrible shock for all of you.

Please, come and sit down.

I don't have the details of your
daughter's case, Mrs Parry.

From what I understand,
Lois outwardly

looks female.

She would've appeared
to be a normal...

..baby girl when she was born

and Sister Monica Joan would have
had no reason to think otherwise.

Well, she isn't now.

Not now.

20 years, I've watched
my little girl grow.

20 years.

Then, today, because of some
bloody test, everything's changed.

Lois hasn't.
She's still the same person she was.

I'm her mother.

How did I not know?

All those... years.

If I'd had a notion,
I could've prepared myself better.

How is she ever going
to get over this?

Don't chide yourself, Mrs Parry.

Lois will come to understand
that you and her sister

and others will love her
for who she is.

You will be her strength,

as you have been since
the day she was born.

Lois.

Lois.

Lois.

Mum.

Mum!

What's wrong with her?

Go and phone an ambulance.
Hurry! Hurry!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Just when I think
one job's finished,

lo and behold, there's another.

That's fatherhood, George.

So, are you feeling better now?

Yeah. All the pain's gone.

What was that all about?

I think it was all about grief
over your first baby

and anxiety about the new one.

Emotional distress expressing itself
through physical symptoms.

So you're saying it was all
in my head?

All that pain and
massive stomach?

It was all very real to you.

It's a condition known
as Couvade, George.

In layman's terms,
you had a phantom pregnancy.

You experienced all the symptoms
of pregnancy along with your wife.

- I felt like I was going mad.
- No.

You just have a very, very close
bond with your wife.

The only phantom pregnancy I ever
heard of was in a cocker spaniel.

Yeah?

I just couldn't face the thought
of telling another soul.

Your mother was in shock, Lois.
She didn't mean to react like that.

I wish everything was the same
as it was,

but I know it can't be now.

Everything's different.

I'm not the same me any more.

You're still the same kind,
lovely person,

with a family and fiance
who love you very much.

That hasn't changed.

Our bodies are only part
of who we are.

I want to understand mine now.

When you feel stronger,

we can make you an appointment
at the Women's Advice Clinic.

- They'll try to help you find a way ahead.
- Will you be there?

I'll try.

Oh, hello. Is that Cyril?

It's Lucille.

If you do this work at
the Women's Advice Clinic,

it will have to be in your own time,

as work on the district
continues to grow.

I know that, Sister,

but I want to work in a place
where women feel able to come

and ask for help without feeling
embarrassed or uncomfortable.

Where they can talk in confidence
to other women

who are sympathetic and understand
some of what they're going through.

Then you have my permission.

Why don't you go talk to him, love?

He's been out there every day.

Waiting.

You rest now.

They said I don't have to tell
anyone anything if I don't want to.

- I'm sorry, Mum.
- Don't you dare say that.

You've got nothing to be sorry for,
hear me?

But you've lost all that money.

The church hall let me off
everything except the deposit.

Anyway, none of it matters.

None of it.

All I care about is you
and how you feel.

That's all.

So don't you worry,
we'll muddle through.

We'll do it together.

- Has Paul really been waiting out there?
- He has.

He cares about you, Lois.

Come and keep your sister company
while I sort the tea.

- I'm not going to do anything, Mum.
- I didn't say you were.

Don't you think my hair's a bit big?
Deanna from the choir did it

and I didn't have the heart
to say I wasn't sure.

The bigger the better.
Deanna's done a magnificent job.

Maybe I should've bought
a new dress.

I've had this one for ages.
Nonsense. That one suits you.

And the colour's divine.
There's nothing worse than wearing

something all stiff and new
that doesn't feel like you.

Stand up and do a twirl.

Beautiful.

You look... exactly like you.

Just with bigger hair.

Mum says you've been standing
out here, just waiting.

I wanted to see you.

Good.

Because I've got something
I have to say.

I just fixed it up. You're
the first person to ride in it.

I've known for years
that things weren't right.

But you never said anything.

To you?

I never said anything to anyone.

And there's things we never
discussed with each other,

like what would have happened
on our wedding night.

No.

I supposed I just thought
I'd wait and see what happened.

Yeah.

You know, I wondered and wondered,
Lois,

what it would be like.

What we'd be like.

And it was brilliant...

..in my mind.

Even though I didn't actually
know anything.

I wondered too.

Until I found things out.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

For you, for us. ...But

I wouldn't be
if I didn't still love you.

If I didn't look at you and feel

everything that I felt

before you told me... and more.

More?

I love you, Lois.

I look at you and everything I see
is what I saw the day I met you.

It's exactly what I've been
looking at

all the time we've been planning
this wedding.

There are things that are never
going to happen for us, Paul.

You do understand that?

We're never going to have children,
for a start.

I'm not getting married
cos I want children.

I'm getting married
because I want you.

Still?

Always.

You know, I used to think that
we were made for each other,

so if you're not made like...

..like other people,

that just makes you more precious
to me.

Will we find a way?

We're already looking.

- How do I get in?
- Just climb in.

There's nothing to it.

Come on, let's go.

- Foot on the step.
- Thank you.

Perhaps, most of all,

we are what we accept.

What we allow to be important.

What we embrace about each other
and ourselves?

There's nothing better.

There is nothing more hopeful.

There is nothing else.

Argh!

Oooh!

Watch out, son!

So our next meeting will be
to start planning May's move

to her permanent family.

- I'm not going to talk about Cyril.
- Why not?

He's not the person
I thought he was.

Still alive, then.

I'd like to rule out anthrax.

Bloody hell.