All language subtitles for Awkward s04e07 After Hours.eng

- Previously on Awkward...
- It's you.

It's over, Tamara.

Jake, no.

I'll see you then.

That girl's
a straight-up creeper.

I left because what happened
to you up there

was kind of rough.

I couldn't figure out
standard deviations

for the life of me,
but there was one formula

I was finally getting
the hang of--

the formula for moving on.

One spectacular senior year
with my friends

plus one amazing new boyfriend

minus absolutely zero
lingering feelings for Matty

equals me ready to start
a new chapter in my life.

Okay, babe, break time's over.

Back to the riveting world
of statistics.

So for each number
in the formula,

you subtract the mean
and do what?

I have no idea.
Want to make out?

Uh-huh.

Hey, kids, do you want
some desser--

- Jesus!

Someone needs
a tutorial on knocking.

I am so sorry, sweetie.

I'm just gonna be a bad parent

and pretend I didn't see
any of this.

Just promise me
you'll be careful,

because if you've learned
one thing

from your father and me,

it's that it only takes
one thrust

for someone to become
a teen mom.

That is so embarrassing.

[Clears throat]

Now, where were we?

Uh, it's getting pretty late.

Should we just pick this up
next time?

Good idea.

No more distractions.

It's been a pleasure
being your math tutor.

I accept payment in the form
of Visa, MasterCard,

or, in your case,
a really excellent kiss.

My formula for moving on
seemed to be working out great.

When I kissed Luke,

all I saw was my present
and my future...

and Matty?

On second thought, maybe
I needed to get my eyes checked.

Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com

Hey.

- Sorry to interrupt.
- Matty, right?

Great to meet you.
I'm Luke.

Yeah, I know.
Hey.

Matty, what are you doing here?

I thought you'd be on lockdown
after the Mr. PHHS pageant.

Yeah, I'm grounded for life,

but what are they gonna do,

add another day
for sneaking out?

Anyway, I'm here on business.

Oh, the BF/GF/BFF concert.

BF/GF/BFF is the name
of a band?

No, it's not.
It's a--

Never mind.

I'm sorry.
I forgot about this.

Same.

No clue what Jake and Tamara
are doing with theirs,

but I figured
you could have mine and--

I don't know--
take Luke if you want.

Thanks, man, but I have
midterms this weekend.

Why don't you guys
just go together?

Seriously?
You wouldn't mind?

Not at all.

You shouldn't miss a show
you already paid for.

I am down if you are.

Sure.
Why not?

It was great being with
a secure, mature college guy.

Only some high school spaz
would make

a big deal out of a couple
of stupid concert tickets.

These concert tickets
are a big freakin' deal, Rosati!

You don't even deserve
to look at them!

Oh, okay, I can't look at them.

No, you can't look at them.

- Ugh.
- This footage is fantastic.

Why are you guys filming this?

We're making
a documentary called

Straight People Are Basic.

You'd be so great in it!

Oh, no, no.

Good luck with that.

Would anyone be interested

in either Jake
or Tamara's ticket to Echosmith?

There's no way
they're both going.

Oh, pick me.
Pick me, please.

Oh, please, Hamiltacky.

Even if Austin and I
didn't already have tickets,

I'd never be desperado enough

to take your friends'
sloppy seconds.

I believed you when you said
you had three pet dingoes

and a vacation home
in the Outback!

Do you know how humiliating
that is?

- OMG, did you hear that?
- Hear what?

That's the sound of me
not giving a flying fuck.

All: Oh.

Thank God we were never
that bad.

I'm sorry you had
to see Luke and I

mid-make-out last night.

Well, Jenna, it's not like
it was the first time.

Ouch.
Totally true, but ouch.

Luke seems like
a good guy, though.

I'm really happy for you.

[Sighs]

It is hard to find a person
of quality around here.

Trust me.

You know, maybe
I'll write another song

and call it My Crazy Ex Talks
Like A Speed Freak

No JK, LOL.

How are you gonna do that
without your precious harmonica?

All: Oh!

Aw.

I didn't do anything wrong,
except date a psychopath

who can do a convincing
Australian accent.

When you speak,
I want to die, just FYI.

Stop it! Stop it!
You've both been acting crazy.

It is time that you learn
a thing or two

from your friends/model exes
Jenna and Matty.

These two have managed

to maintain the peace
even after Jenna

cruelly cheated on him

and fell down
a rabbit hole of sin.

Smash-cut to the brutal irony
of this year--

Jenna is now dating
a hot college stud,

and Matty
is still single and alone.

I'm-- I'm fine, actually.

Shh.
Don't speak.

What I'm trying to say

is that these two
have a million reasons

why they should be
putting up their dukes

in the quad,
but they are choosing

to be mature.

Fine.
You want maturity?

I'm giving up my ticket.
Have fun at the concert.

Yay!
That means I win.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop!

Do you guys, uh, know anyone

who might want Jake's ticket?

'Cause I think I know a girl
who could really use

a night of love, laughter,
and music.

Talking about me.

Val was right.

It wasn't fair that I was in
a solid relationship with Luke

while Matty
was getting hit on by girls

who didn't even know
how to spell "monogamy."

He deserved better.

Now that my ex has exed himself

out of our plans,
who should we invite?

I'm cool with whoever.

I'll see you guys later.

This is gonna sound weird,

but I kind of wish Matty had
a girl to bring to the concert.

Hold the iPhone.
What are you talking about?

Seeing Matty move on
like I have would make me happy.

I call bluffnanigans, Jenna.

No one wants to see their ex
date other people.

- I do. I want Matty to date.
- Really?

Well, if you're so sure,

why don't you set him up
yourself?

Maybe I will.
Got any suggestions?

As a matter of fact, I do.

Eva.

She's so down-to-earth
and nonthreatening.

What do you think?

Setting up Matty

with one of the hottest girls
in school

wouldn't be my first choice...

or second or 90th.

See?
I told you, Jenna.

Put a TBD on your NBD attitude.

You know what?
You're wrong.

Hey, Eva.

Mother F, I wasn't serious.

Hey, girls.
You both look super chic today.

- What's up?
- I was wondering.

How do you feel
about live music?

Wow!
What a cool car, Tamara.

Just remind me to put
a paper bag over my head

when we roll up
to the venue, okay?

Press pause
on the ungrate hate, Sadie.

Would you rather be driving
your wienermobile

to the concert?

You're showing visible signs
of discomfort.

Back massage commences now.

Now that I had accepted
Tamara's challenge

and gotten Matty and Eva
together,

it was time for me to do
a little massaging of my own.

- I love your dress, Eva.
- Oh, thanks.

It was a gift from
an old friend-- Alexander Wang.

- Ugh.
- Too strong?

Too desperate.

You know, you two
look really good together.

Oh, you think?

Excuse me. Oh, sorry.

Hey, uh, what are you doing?

I just want you to have
a good time tonight--

no hidden agenda.

Okay, well,
you're being weird, but okay.

Playing matchmaker with an ex

proves you've gone
from point A to point cray.

I'm not crazy.

Maybe once you finally get over
Jake, you'll understand.

Please.
I'm so over Jake.

Can we go?

Rude. Give it back.

Can you not look at your phone
while driving?

You are way too obsessed
with Jake.

It's not healthy.

Please tell me
someone here has alcohol.

If I have to share
this gross oxygen pool

with you losers,
the least you could do

is get me drunk
so I don't remember it.

I left my flask at home,

but we can get drinks
with our fakes at the show.

No one here has a fake.

[Clears throat]
I do.

Matty, this won't even get you
into an R-rated movie.

It's okay; we can stop
by this place downtown.

They do fakes on the quick.

I got my first ID there
when I was, like, 15.

You told us you were
at boarding school

in Switzerland
when you were 15.

Le Rosey, yes,
and I was dating a DJ in LA.

That would fly me out
on the weekends and stuff.

From Switzerland?

A couple of Xannies
on the plane,

and the distance feels
like nothing.

The show's gonna start soon.

Do we really have to do
all this work

for just a couple drinks?

Oh, come on, Jenna.

We all know you roll
with the older crowd now.

But us children, we still got
to fend for ourselves.

Okay, whatever, I'll take us.

Just put the address in my GPS.

[Siren wailing]

Eva, you neglected
to tell us this place

was on the corner
of hep C and rape.

Oh, it's fine.
We can park here.

Seriously, I've parked here
all the time.

It's never been a problem.

Eva, you've been everywhere,

and you know everything.

Would you please consider
being my life coach?

Sure, I'm always happy
to help those in need.

Sadie, can we talk for a sec?

Ugh.
What do you want?

I have this great photo
of you for your ID.

Nice try, you sketchy skitch.

Nothing happened that night,
and you know it.

I know.

It just kind of looks
like something did.

I wonder what Austin
would think.

You wouldn't dare.

Probably not.

But if you're at all worried,

you might want to think about
being way less bitchy to me.

[Rock music]

You folks lost?

Pinkberry's down the street.

Hey, babe.
How have you been?

We're here for IDs.

White bread, perma-scowl,
you two,

in the back, now!

Yes, sir.

Jenna, just so I'm clear
about what's going on,

did you invite me to the concert
to set me up with Matty?

Not exactly,
but if you're into Matty,

I want you to know
I'd be totally cool with it.

Seriously?

Yeah, it's clear
you guys have chemistry,

and I don't want to get
in the way of that.

I'm so relieved
you're not one of those girls

that's psycho about her ex.

You're awesome.

[Camera shutter clicks]

What do you want
your name to be?

- Austin Welch.
- No, Austin.

You have to create a fake name.

- But that would be lying.
- Duh, that's the point.

Austin S. Welch.

[Camera shutter clicks]

[Tattoo needle buzzing]

That looks so painful.

Getting them removed
hurts more.

- Really?
- Yeah.

When I got rid
of all my tattoos last year,

I had to drink straight tequila
to get through it.

Why'd you get rid of them?

Things change.
You need to cleanse.

Sounds like something
I need to do with my tattoo.

Doubtful.

I bet it's sexy.
Show me.

[Sighs]

Oh, that's an easy fix.

"4 Eva," see?

Well, that was quick.

With just a touch of her palm,

Eva had found a way
to erase my past with Matty,

not that it bothered me.

Matty's and my history
was exactly that-- history.

Yo, prom king and queen,

front and center.

Hey, drop the phone.

Jake just tweeted
that he's in a hot tub

mackin' on some groupies.

WTF?

I'm the only girl he shouldn't
be giving orgasms to.

[Cell phone clicking]

_

_

Stop it!

You're being a bugaboo, Jenna.
I'm fine.

Do you think Matty's upset
with me for setting him up?

I might have jumped the gun
on this.

Furious.
He might never get over it.

You guys, guess what names
we chose for our IDs.

William and Kate,
because, duh, we're royalty.

Wow.
How romantic.

Whoa!
Where did that come from?

My plan to make Matty happy
was working.

So why was I suddenly
feeling so unhappy?

It's not like I still
had feelings for him.

Holy fuck,
I still had feelings for him.

Let's test these babies

at the liquor store
down the street.

We're already late.
Let's just go.

You know what?

I'd actually love to get
a bottle of this rose

that Luke turned me on to.

Eva, would you be up
for some classy PBR?

- It's my favorite.
- Ugh. Fine. Go.

But I'm staying here.

I would have to lather myself
in Purell

before stepping into
that etch-a-sketch place.

[Cell phone clicking]

_

Excuse me.

- Do you have the time?
- Ew!

Do you not own a cell phone?

I do now.

[Gasps]
Oh, no, you don't!

This phone is my lifeline!

My texts, my music,
my contacts, my photos,

my Twitter, my Pinterest,

and my comprehensive notes
dedicating my five-year plan!

Back off, bitch!

Hey, let your phone go!

Thanks.

I had it under control, Jenna.

No, you didn't.
You have a problem.

Actually, she has multiples.

Your car is being towed.

Stop!

My friend said it was okay
to park here!

I said it's usually okay.

Please can I have my car back?

Consider it for $200.

Guys,
put all your money in, now.

- Thanks.
- Hey! I thought you said--

Said I would consider it.

What?

[Engine turning over]

Guess we'll never forget
this first date.

That made the three of us.

Just so you know,
I only came because of Matty.

Sorry to pull you
out of your groupie orgy.

Hope you disinfected
before you came.

Or should I say after?

[Clears throat]

- Oh, am I crushing you?
- Nah, you feel great.

Wow, glad you two
are enjoying yourselves

after our friend got mugged
and we lost all our money.

- Is there a problem, Jenna?
- I couldn't say.

In my quest to move on
from Matty,

I had ended up
where I started--

a jealous, insecure wreck.

No. No problem at all.

Let's give Eva
a round of applause

for all her genius ideas
that got us into this hellhole.

[Clapping]

[Cell phone chimes]

_

- Oh, what's that?
- It's nothing.

Keep clapping.

[Clapping]

Your threats
don't scare me, Eva.

Austin and I don't have
a typical relationship.

If you haven't noticed,
he's a little different.

I can be honest with him
about anything,

so your little plan
to blackmail me

is as useless as you are.

It's going to cost you $400
to get it out of the impound.

Jake, you pay for it.

Consider it my settlement
in the Jakara breakup.

No, I'm done.

I don't care enough
to fight you anymore.

T, can we sidebar?

You have got to stop it
with Jake.

- You're embarrassing yourself.
- Oh, please, Jenna.

Ever since Matty and Eva
started hitting it off,

you've been guzzling down
haterade.

At least I'm owning my crazy
instead of leasing it.

[Giggles]

So do we make out now?

Not yet.
I need to show you something.

Oh, I haven't seen this photo
of you before.

Your skin looks beautiful.

Oh, and there's Matty.

It was taken one night after
we had fallen asleep together--

totally innocent,
nothing happened.

Okay. Great.

You look like
you're gonna puke.

Matty and I kissed, okay?

And it meant nothing,
and I promise

it will never happen again.

[Sighs]
I feel so much better.

I'm really glad you told me.

Really? I was nervous.

But I knew you would understand.

Oh, I understand.

You're a liar,
and I need to break up with you.

What?
Austin, I didn't lie.

I'm telling you now.

You lied when you said
you would be monogamous,

and you just lied again
by saying that you didn't lie.

Austin, you're getting this
totally twisted.

When someone lies
about fidelity

in a relationship,
the probability

that they'll lie again
goes up by more than 80%.

I'm not some statistic.

I'm your girlfriend.
I just need to--

- I'm sorry,
but this is about what I need,

and that's 100% certainty
that you won't betray my trust.

I can give you that.

Just give me a chance
to prove it.

But that's the problem, Sadie.

You've already proven to me
that you can't.

Hallelujah!
We are free.

They are finally releasing
my car from captivity.

How?

My expert
negotiation skills, obvi.

My grandmother let me charge it
to her credit card.

Are you okay, Sadie?

Where's Austin?

Matty, can I talk to you
before we go?

Sure.

I'm sorry
if I was rude tonight.

I thought I would be cool with
seeing you date other people,

but it bothered me
more than I thought.

I noticed.

I promise not to interfere
with you or Eva.

You two have my blessing
to be together.

Your blessing?
Are you serious?

Do you even know
how ridiculous that sounds?

Should I have given you
my blessing

when you cheated on me
with Colin last year

or maybe when you started
to date Luke?

We don't need
each other's blessings, Jenna.

We're not together.

Hey, let's go.

Eva, you gonna come with?

[Mouths words]
I'm sorry.

Jenna, we're gone, baby, gone.

Come on.

Hey!
Get out of my car, man!

Jesus!

You too!

Close call, boys.

Bummer.

We didn't even get
to see Echosmith play.

At least we got
some fake IDs out of it.

Oh, you guys got fakes?
Let me see.

I'll show you mine
if you show me yours.

"John Smith"?

Jake, this is so lame.

- Oh, whatever, William, Kate.
- Whatever.

- It's cute. We're cute.
- Yeah.

What do you say
we call Jake a car

and then you and I
can get out of here?

- I love that idea.
- Great.

Jake, we're calling you
an uber.

You're too drunk to drive.

- You don't have to do that.
- Yes, I do.

Ugh, it smells like tweakers
in here.

- One sec.
- Yeah.

I thought Eva was too good
for high school guys.

Looks like she made
an exception there, Jakey.

[Siren wails]

Shit, hide the booze, man.

[Indistinct chatter
over police radio]

You two been drinking tonight?

Well, yes, sir, we have,
but our friend

went to go call us a car, so...

Yeah, we didn't start drinking

until we got to the concert,

which we didn't even
end up seeing.

Hey, I'm not asking
for your life story here.

That's great,

because I don't have
a life story to tell you.

Show me your IDs.

You little candy-asses
getting a thrill

by being in this part of town?

Yeah, you don't know
anything about us,

so why are you being
such a dick?

Shut up, dude.

That's it.
Out of the car right now.

- Right now. Come on.
- We didn't do anything wrong.

Those open containers
just jump in your car

when you weren't looking?

How'd you guess, huh?

- Get!
- Matty!

[Cell phone chimes]

_

Sometimes it felt like
I was stuck

in an emotional prison

waiting to be set free
from my feelings for Matty,

and now that I had Luke,
the handcuffs were coming off.

Gets even better.

Precinct lockup is all full.

You boys get to spend
the night in County.

[Sighs]

Next on Awkward...

We can still make it
to SCU by midnight

and spend our night
with real men.

Every one of them
is like a living,

breathing J Crew catalog,
only hotter.

- Hey there.
- [Belches]

Surprise!

Don't we get one phone call?

I'd rather die in prison
than call Jenna right now.

Gonna give you
his brother's number.

He'll know exactly
how to handle this situation.

I went to Jenna.
She said she couldn't help.

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