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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,968 --> 00:00:04,133 * Boy, the way Glenn Miller played * 2 00:00:04,133 --> 00:00:07,634 * Songs that made the hit parade * 3 00:00:07,634 --> 00:00:10,734 * Guys like us, we had it made * 4 00:00:10,734 --> 00:00:13,734 * Those were the days * 5 00:00:13,734 --> 00:00:17,701 * And you knew where you were then * 6 00:00:17,701 --> 00:00:20,968 * Girls were girls, and men were men * 7 00:00:20,968 --> 00:00:25,934 * Mister, we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again * 8 00:00:25,934 --> 00:00:29,467 * Didn't need no welfare state * 9 00:00:29,467 --> 00:00:32,934 * Everybody pulled his weight * 10 00:00:32,934 --> 00:00:37,534 * Gee, our old LaSalle ran great * 11 00:00:37,534 --> 00:00:43,501 * Those were the days * 12 00:00:46,501 --> 00:00:47,834 What? No, no. 13 00:00:47,834 --> 00:00:50,267 Hey, I think it's a great idea. 14 00:00:50,267 --> 00:00:54,400 Yes, yeah, I think we oughta talk about that. 15 00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:57,100 Well, there's no sense in coming over here 16 00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:59,634 'cause I gotta leave the house right away, see? 17 00:00:59,634 --> 00:01:01,467 I gotta get down to work there. 18 00:01:01,467 --> 00:01:02,467 [HUMS "MOON RIVER"] 19 00:01:02,467 --> 00:01:05,000 Shh! I'm on the phone. 20 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:06,601 Yeah, I gotta get down to work. 21 00:01:06,601 --> 00:01:09,267 I gotta open the saloon at 3:00. 22 00:01:09,267 --> 00:01:11,033 So why don't you meet me down there 23 00:01:11,033 --> 00:01:12,400 at 3:00, see? 24 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:14,901 - [EDITH HUMMING] - Yeah. 25 00:01:14,901 --> 00:01:17,901 No, that's from outside the house, some kind of vehicle. 26 00:01:17,901 --> 00:01:19,300 [HUMMING CONTINUES] 27 00:01:19,300 --> 00:01:21,467 All right, meet you then. 28 00:01:21,467 --> 00:01:24,934 Hey, listen, kiddo, it's great to hear your voice. 29 00:01:24,934 --> 00:01:27,534 Yeah. Bye. 30 00:01:27,534 --> 00:01:29,334 Listen, Edith. 31 00:01:29,334 --> 00:01:32,434 I just got a very interesting proposition over here, see? 32 00:01:32,434 --> 00:01:37,267 How come all your socks have holes in 'em in the back? 33 00:01:37,267 --> 00:01:40,100 I don't know, maybe I got sharp heels. 34 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,133 Now, listen. 35 00:01:41,133 --> 00:01:44,467 Maybe you got short shoes. 36 00:01:44,467 --> 00:01:47,067 Maybe you're a dingbat, Edith. 37 00:01:47,067 --> 00:01:48,067 Now, listen-- 38 00:01:48,067 --> 00:01:50,501 Maybe you got long feet. 39 00:01:50,501 --> 00:01:53,567 Maybe you want to stifle yourself, huh? 40 00:01:53,567 --> 00:01:56,000 Oh, sure, go ahead. 41 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:57,467 Listen to me! 42 00:01:57,467 --> 00:02:00,801 We're lucky enough to be in on the ground floor 43 00:02:00,801 --> 00:02:03,133 of the precipice of a great opportunity. 44 00:02:03,133 --> 00:02:05,534 This is a thing that could make us so rich 45 00:02:05,534 --> 00:02:08,968 that I might only have to wear a pair of socks once, huh? 46 00:02:08,968 --> 00:02:11,133 Or maybe no socks at all. 47 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:15,067 You wouldn't want to be that rich. 48 00:02:15,067 --> 00:02:17,033 Why the hell wouldn't I? 49 00:02:17,033 --> 00:02:19,801 You might catch a cold. 50 00:02:19,801 --> 00:02:21,467 Edith, listen. 51 00:02:21,467 --> 00:02:22,934 - Right in the eye! - Oh, I'm sorry. 52 00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:24,234 Right in the eye! 53 00:02:24,234 --> 00:02:26,567 - You're always doing that! - Oh, Archie. 54 00:02:26,567 --> 00:02:29,100 You nearly put the eye out of my head. 55 00:02:29,100 --> 00:02:31,934 No, no, no, don't go nowheres near it. 56 00:02:31,934 --> 00:02:33,567 Wait a minute, sit down. 57 00:02:33,567 --> 00:02:34,968 Sit down. 58 00:02:34,968 --> 00:02:36,367 Listen. 59 00:02:36,367 --> 00:02:39,234 I just got a proposition from my brother here, see. 60 00:02:39,234 --> 00:02:41,200 Your brother Fred? 61 00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:44,033 No, my brother Isabel. 62 00:02:44,033 --> 00:02:46,000 Certainly Fred! 63 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,300 Who is Isabel? 64 00:02:48,300 --> 00:02:51,567 Edith, there ain't no Isabel. 65 00:02:51,567 --> 00:02:53,734 Now, would you listen to me? 66 00:02:53,734 --> 00:02:56,167 For $5,000, 67 00:02:56,167 --> 00:02:58,834 Fred can put us into this here syndicate, see, 68 00:02:58,834 --> 00:03:02,434 that's gonna invest in an nationwide chain of cafeterias. 69 00:03:02,434 --> 00:03:05,434 It's gonna flood the country with Chinese food. 70 00:03:05,434 --> 00:03:09,467 They're gonna be called The Foo Yu China-terias. 71 00:03:09,467 --> 00:03:11,634 How does that grab ya, huh? 72 00:03:11,634 --> 00:03:14,400 Nothing but chink food there. 73 00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:18,033 Now, I think we oughta take $5,000 worth of that. 74 00:03:18,033 --> 00:03:23,234 Oh, Archie, you and me couldn't eat that much Chinese food. 75 00:03:23,234 --> 00:03:25,734 Hold it, hold! 76 00:03:25,734 --> 00:03:28,000 I ain't talking about you and me eating, 77 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:31,901 I'm talking about investing in a nationwide chain 78 00:03:31,901 --> 00:03:34,701 of all American "chink-a-terias." 79 00:03:36,534 --> 00:03:39,467 Why would you want to do that? 80 00:03:42,067 --> 00:03:45,901 Don't you know nothin'? Don't you read the papers? 81 00:03:45,901 --> 00:03:50,133 Don't you know that the Democrats just recognized China? 82 00:03:51,534 --> 00:03:52,868 Yeah. 83 00:03:52,868 --> 00:03:55,400 Well, the results of that is 84 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,734 there's gonna be a hell of a run in this country 85 00:03:57,734 --> 00:04:00,634 on chow mein and moo goo gai pan. 86 00:04:02,300 --> 00:04:06,534 But $5,000. 87 00:04:06,534 --> 00:04:09,767 Oh, that's a lot of money. 88 00:04:09,767 --> 00:04:12,100 What do you got against Fred? 89 00:04:12,100 --> 00:04:14,367 Your brother Fred? 90 00:04:14,367 --> 00:04:16,767 No, my sister Isabel. 91 00:04:18,567 --> 00:04:21,901 You ain't got a sister Isabel. 92 00:04:21,901 --> 00:04:24,801 Aah, Lord! 93 00:04:24,801 --> 00:04:30,100 Oh, I ain't got nothing against your brother Fred. 94 00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:34,601 I love him and I'd love your sister Isabel, too, 95 00:04:34,601 --> 00:04:36,234 if you had one. 96 00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:40,067 You know, I thought about that over the years. 97 00:04:40,067 --> 00:04:43,334 It would be so nice if you had a sister, 98 00:04:43,334 --> 00:04:45,567 and her name was Isabel. 99 00:04:45,567 --> 00:04:48,067 That's such a nice name. 100 00:04:50,167 --> 00:04:52,234 Are you finished now? 101 00:04:52,234 --> 00:04:53,634 Yeah. 102 00:04:53,634 --> 00:04:56,300 Then do me a favor, will you, please? 103 00:04:56,300 --> 00:04:58,801 Since you ain't got no sister-in-law to love, 104 00:04:58,801 --> 00:05:00,834 try loving your brother-in-law, huh? 105 00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:03,834 Oh, I do. 106 00:05:03,834 --> 00:05:07,334 I ain't the one that knocked his tooth out at our wedding 107 00:05:07,334 --> 00:05:10,834 and then didn't talk to him for 29 years. 108 00:05:10,834 --> 00:05:12,434 We all know who's done that. 109 00:05:12,434 --> 00:05:14,567 I don't have to mention no names. 110 00:05:14,567 --> 00:05:17,567 I just have to look at the party and whistle. 111 00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:18,968 [WHISTLES] 112 00:05:23,834 --> 00:05:28,300 D'you know that is the stupidest thing I ever heard? 113 00:05:28,300 --> 00:05:30,701 Now, come on, Edith, I think we oughta get in 114 00:05:30,701 --> 00:05:32,868 on the ground floor of this thing. 115 00:05:32,868 --> 00:05:36,534 Make this investment, let our money work for us. 116 00:05:36,534 --> 00:05:38,300 Tsk, well-- 117 00:05:38,300 --> 00:05:40,801 B-b-before you knock the other eye out. 118 00:05:40,801 --> 00:05:42,200 What do you say? 119 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:43,434 Huh? 120 00:05:43,434 --> 00:05:45,534 Tsk, I don't know. 121 00:05:45,534 --> 00:05:48,567 Swell! That's all I've been waiting to hear. 122 00:05:48,567 --> 00:05:50,501 But, Archie! 123 00:05:50,501 --> 00:05:52,767 You ain't even following your own advice. 124 00:05:52,767 --> 00:05:54,901 Advice, what the hell advice is that? 125 00:05:54,901 --> 00:05:58,067 Never do business with relatives. 126 00:05:58,067 --> 00:06:01,067 I meant your relatives, not mine. 127 00:06:07,567 --> 00:06:09,367 Come on, what are you thinking about? 128 00:06:09,367 --> 00:06:10,901 Are you in this with me or not? 129 00:06:10,901 --> 00:06:14,200 [CHUCKLES] China-terias. 130 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:16,767 You gotta be nuts. 131 00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:19,634 Go on and laugh, you dope, ya. 132 00:06:19,634 --> 00:06:21,167 Hey, listen. 133 00:06:21,167 --> 00:06:23,300 They laughed at Robert Fulton, you know? 134 00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:25,901 But if it wasn't for him, New York wouldn't have a fish market. 135 00:06:27,334 --> 00:06:28,767 Arch! 136 00:06:28,767 --> 00:06:32,968 Hey, Fred, come on in. Glad to see you there. 137 00:06:32,968 --> 00:06:34,901 You remember my partner, Harry Snowden, right? 138 00:06:34,901 --> 00:06:37,834 Hey, yeah, you dropped by here after your heart operation. 139 00:06:37,834 --> 00:06:39,200 - How are you feeling? - Terrific. 140 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,601 The valve job holding up okay? 141 00:06:41,601 --> 00:06:42,667 Oh, ticking away. 142 00:06:42,667 --> 00:06:43,701 [GROANS] 143 00:06:43,701 --> 00:06:45,534 - [LAUGHS] - Oh, hey. 144 00:06:45,534 --> 00:06:46,601 Quit kidding around. 145 00:06:46,601 --> 00:06:48,200 Hey, listen, we gotta talk. 146 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,167 Why don't you park your caucus at that table over there? 147 00:06:50,167 --> 00:06:51,667 Harry, bring something to drink. 148 00:06:51,667 --> 00:06:53,901 Send some glasses and a bottle, but not from the well, 149 00:06:53,901 --> 00:06:55,601 get the bottle off the shelf there. 150 00:06:55,601 --> 00:06:58,300 What the hell, go all the way out, get scotch. 151 00:06:58,300 --> 00:07:01,367 Hey, you shaved your moustache there. 152 00:07:01,367 --> 00:07:04,501 You know you look ten years uglier, huh? 153 00:07:04,501 --> 00:07:06,934 Oh, God, I'm sorry. Did I hurt you? 154 00:07:06,934 --> 00:07:09,267 - No. - I didn't mean to hit you there. 155 00:07:09,267 --> 00:07:11,434 Hey, let me tell you something. 156 00:07:11,434 --> 00:07:14,467 You even look like you've turned over a new leaf. 157 00:07:14,467 --> 00:07:18,200 I have, I'm a changed man thanks to my new bride. 158 00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:20,667 Oh, hey, if she could turn you around, 159 00:07:20,667 --> 00:07:22,567 she must be some kinda woman there. 160 00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:24,334 - She is, Archie. - Come on! 161 00:07:24,334 --> 00:07:25,934 Here's to the new "enterproose," huh? 162 00:07:25,934 --> 00:07:28,200 I'm in, put me down for 5,000. 163 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:29,367 Thanks. 164 00:07:31,133 --> 00:07:32,200 Hey, Fred, 165 00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:34,734 how'd you get in on this franchise thing? 166 00:07:34,734 --> 00:07:37,667 Oh, my wife read about it in the Wall Street Journal. 167 00:07:37,667 --> 00:07:39,067 Great head for business. 168 00:07:39,067 --> 00:07:40,133 [BEEPING] 169 00:07:40,133 --> 00:07:41,434 What the hell is that? 170 00:07:41,434 --> 00:07:43,501 - My watch. - Oh, a watch. 171 00:07:43,501 --> 00:07:46,267 Gee, I thought you blew a gasket in there. 172 00:07:46,267 --> 00:07:48,801 It reminds me to call Katherine. Oh, where's a phone? 173 00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:50,968 - Uh, pay phone's over there, next to the can. - It's there-- 174 00:07:52,534 --> 00:07:55,834 Is that nice, making him use the pay phone, my brother? 175 00:07:55,834 --> 00:07:58,300 He ain't my brother. 176 00:07:58,300 --> 00:07:59,968 Hey, Archie, what do you say 177 00:07:59,968 --> 00:08:02,000 we celebrate going into business together? 178 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:03,701 We'll all go out to dinner tonight. 179 00:08:03,701 --> 00:08:04,968 Well, yeah, we can celebrate, 180 00:08:04,968 --> 00:08:07,133 but we don't have to go out to eat, 181 00:08:07,133 --> 00:08:09,300 we can eat over my house, I'll call Edith. 182 00:08:09,300 --> 00:08:11,667 No, no, wait, don't go to any trouble. No. 183 00:08:11,667 --> 00:08:13,901 No, it's no trouble, it's not a bit of trouble. 184 00:08:13,901 --> 00:08:15,834 You know, Edith does it all. 185 00:08:15,834 --> 00:08:18,501 Hello, sweetheart, darling. 186 00:08:18,501 --> 00:08:20,367 How's my little pussycat? 187 00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:22,834 Get a load of this over here, huh? 188 00:08:22,834 --> 00:08:25,868 Hey, why don't you try some of that? 189 00:08:25,868 --> 00:08:27,467 You think I should, yeah? Well-- 190 00:08:27,467 --> 00:08:29,167 [CLEARS HIS THROAT] 191 00:08:29,167 --> 00:08:33,701 Hello, sweetheart, how's my little pussycat? 192 00:08:35,901 --> 00:08:37,801 What'd she say? 193 00:08:37,801 --> 00:08:39,634 She hung up the phone. 194 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:45,501 It's your fault, she heard you breathing. 195 00:08:45,501 --> 00:08:46,701 Go away. 196 00:08:49,467 --> 00:08:53,667 I'm sorry, Stephie, but if you want to meet the company tonight, 197 00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,701 then you gotta go upstairs now 198 00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:58,767 and do your homework before dinner. 199 00:08:58,767 --> 00:08:59,868 Okay. 200 00:08:59,868 --> 00:09:00,868 [DOORBELL RINGS] 201 00:09:00,868 --> 00:09:01,968 I'll get it. 202 00:09:01,968 --> 00:09:04,100 EDITH: Make sure the chain is on. 203 00:09:05,734 --> 00:09:07,834 Hi, I'm Mrs. Bunker. 204 00:09:07,834 --> 00:09:09,033 No, you're not. 205 00:09:10,267 --> 00:09:11,968 What was that? 206 00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:14,634 Some kid pretending she's you. 207 00:09:14,634 --> 00:09:17,434 Well, wait a minute. 208 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:25,601 Oh, hi. Can I help you? 209 00:09:25,601 --> 00:09:27,400 Hi, I'm Katherine Bunker. 210 00:09:29,667 --> 00:09:31,167 Fred's wife. 211 00:09:38,033 --> 00:09:39,634 Oh... 212 00:09:40,834 --> 00:09:45,334 Oh... 213 00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:46,834 Oh. 214 00:09:46,834 --> 00:09:50,434 Well, come on in, Mrs. Bunker. 215 00:09:50,434 --> 00:09:51,968 Thank you. 216 00:09:51,968 --> 00:09:54,133 I'm Mrs. Bunker, too. 217 00:09:54,133 --> 00:09:55,200 I know. 218 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:56,634 You do. 219 00:09:56,634 --> 00:09:58,834 I mean, I'm Edith Bunker. 220 00:09:58,834 --> 00:10:01,601 Well, you can call me that, Edith. 221 00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:04,067 - Thanks, Edith. - You're welcome. 222 00:10:04,067 --> 00:10:06,567 Fred'll be here in a minute, he's paying the taxi. 223 00:10:06,567 --> 00:10:08,767 Hm...ooh! 224 00:10:08,767 --> 00:10:11,534 This is our little niece, Stephie. 225 00:10:11,534 --> 00:10:15,267 Stephie, this is Mrs. Bunker. 226 00:10:15,267 --> 00:10:18,133 She's your Uncle Fred's wife. 227 00:10:18,133 --> 00:10:20,234 Hi, Stephie. I'm glad to meet you. 228 00:10:20,234 --> 00:10:21,300 How old are you? 229 00:10:21,300 --> 00:10:22,801 I'm ten. 230 00:10:22,801 --> 00:10:26,200 How old are you? 231 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:29,033 Oh, I'm sorry. 232 00:10:29,033 --> 00:10:32,367 It ain't polite to ask a lady her age. 233 00:10:32,367 --> 00:10:33,801 You remember that. 234 00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:36,100 She asked me. 235 00:10:36,100 --> 00:10:38,300 It's okay. I'm 18. 236 00:10:41,601 --> 00:10:43,200 Oh. 237 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:44,200 Oh. 238 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:45,534 [GIGGLES] 239 00:10:45,534 --> 00:10:46,567 Thank you. 240 00:10:46,567 --> 00:10:47,934 What grade are you in? 241 00:10:51,100 --> 00:10:53,367 Here. 242 00:10:53,367 --> 00:10:55,367 I graduated high school last year. 243 00:10:55,367 --> 00:10:57,601 That's good-- 244 00:10:57,601 --> 00:10:58,901 [DOORBELL RINGS] 245 00:10:58,901 --> 00:11:00,167 Oh, that's probably Fred. 246 00:11:00,167 --> 00:11:01,100 I'll get it. 247 00:11:04,434 --> 00:11:05,434 Edith! 248 00:11:05,434 --> 00:11:07,601 Oh, yeah, Fred! 249 00:11:07,601 --> 00:11:09,767 Oh, I'm so glad to see you. 250 00:11:09,767 --> 00:11:12,033 Well, Archie's out. 251 00:11:12,033 --> 00:11:14,767 He'll be back any minute. 252 00:11:14,767 --> 00:11:17,434 Oh, let me introduce you. 253 00:11:17,434 --> 00:11:19,767 This is our little niece Stephie. 254 00:11:19,767 --> 00:11:21,434 And this is your little wife-- 255 00:11:22,734 --> 00:11:24,901 [GIGGLES] I'm-- 256 00:11:24,901 --> 00:11:28,701 Oh, Stephie, this is your Uncle Fred. 257 00:11:28,701 --> 00:11:29,701 Hi, Stephie. 258 00:11:29,701 --> 00:11:31,334 Hi. 259 00:11:31,334 --> 00:11:33,467 - You want to see my room? - I'd love to. 260 00:11:33,467 --> 00:11:35,400 I got some neat dolls! 261 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:36,534 Oh, I love dolls. 262 00:11:39,501 --> 00:11:42,834 Ahh... Oh, sit down, Fred. 263 00:11:42,834 --> 00:11:44,534 Oh, after you. 264 00:11:44,534 --> 00:11:45,801 - No, wait. - No, sit. 265 00:11:45,801 --> 00:11:47,267 [GIGGLES] 266 00:11:47,267 --> 00:11:49,968 [SIGHS] 267 00:11:49,968 --> 00:11:51,501 So, what do you think of her? 268 00:11:52,834 --> 00:11:56,434 Well, she's very pretty... 269 00:11:56,434 --> 00:11:58,701 and very nice. 270 00:12:00,968 --> 00:12:02,934 And very... 271 00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:06,133 Young? 272 00:12:06,133 --> 00:12:08,834 No. 273 00:12:08,834 --> 00:12:11,834 Well...yeah. 274 00:12:11,834 --> 00:12:14,968 Whoop-dee-doo, whoop-dee-doo, whoop-dee-doo. 275 00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:16,667 Look what I got with me here, 276 00:12:16,667 --> 00:12:18,367 a little of the old bubbly, huh? 277 00:12:18,367 --> 00:12:20,000 - Terrific. - To celebrate. 278 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,367 I brung a whole "maggot" of it. 279 00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:24,734 This here is imported 280 00:12:24,734 --> 00:12:28,868 from a little town in Italy-- Fresno. 281 00:12:30,567 --> 00:12:32,801 You take care of that, huh, Edith? 282 00:12:32,801 --> 00:12:34,834 Fred, sit down, sit down. 283 00:12:34,834 --> 00:12:38,234 Hey, let that be your chair whenever I'm not in it. 284 00:12:38,234 --> 00:12:39,434 Hello. 285 00:12:39,434 --> 00:12:42,868 Oh, hey! Hi, there. Look who we got here. 286 00:12:42,868 --> 00:12:45,300 I didn't know you was gonna bring your daughter there. 287 00:12:45,300 --> 00:12:47,267 [MUTTERING] 288 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:50,067 But I thought she was a little older. 289 00:12:50,067 --> 00:12:52,367 My daughter is older. 290 00:12:52,367 --> 00:12:53,901 This is my wife. 291 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:04,300 This is your wife? 292 00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:05,334 Uh-huh. 293 00:13:07,501 --> 00:13:09,200 I'm Katherine. 294 00:13:12,801 --> 00:13:16,133 This is his wife? 295 00:13:16,133 --> 00:13:19,801 Oh, Kathy, would you like to help me put this on the ice? 296 00:13:19,801 --> 00:13:21,767 Sure. Excuse me. 297 00:13:24,968 --> 00:13:26,667 STEPHIE: What do you keep asking for? 298 00:13:26,667 --> 00:13:28,133 She's his wife. 299 00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:41,067 Hey, Arch, how about the champagne? 300 00:13:41,067 --> 00:13:42,767 Yeah, how about the champagne? 301 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:46,767 Go to bed! 302 00:13:51,467 --> 00:13:53,167 What was that? 303 00:13:56,467 --> 00:13:58,000 How about the champagne? 304 00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:59,167 Forget the champagne! 305 00:13:59,167 --> 00:14:01,200 I ain't openin' no champagne! 306 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:04,734 Listen, I'd be ashamed to serve an alcoholic beverage 307 00:14:04,734 --> 00:14:07,601 to "Patatum" O'Neal in there. 308 00:14:07,601 --> 00:14:09,367 What are you doing in my chair? 309 00:14:09,367 --> 00:14:11,167 - Take it. - The hell with it! 310 00:14:12,701 --> 00:14:14,801 What did you do, 311 00:14:14,801 --> 00:14:18,934 steal that child off of a schoolyard swing? 312 00:14:18,934 --> 00:14:21,801 She is not a child. She's a married woman. 313 00:14:21,801 --> 00:14:23,701 Uh, married... 314 00:14:23,701 --> 00:14:25,701 Who the hell married youse, 315 00:14:25,701 --> 00:14:28,133 the truant officer? 316 00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,567 It's none of your damn business. 317 00:14:31,567 --> 00:14:33,067 Well, it is my damn business 318 00:14:33,067 --> 00:14:35,901 if I'm supposed to go into business with you! 319 00:14:35,901 --> 00:14:39,434 I always knew how you felt about minority groups, 320 00:14:39,434 --> 00:14:41,868 but I never knew you had anything against young women. 321 00:14:41,868 --> 00:14:44,133 Wait a minute, wait a minute. 322 00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:46,567 Never in my life did I ever hold anything 323 00:14:46,567 --> 00:14:48,501 against a young woman. 324 00:14:51,267 --> 00:14:53,100 Listen, all I'm saying is 325 00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:55,334 that it's wrong for a young girl of 19 326 00:14:55,334 --> 00:14:57,567 to be marrying a dirty old guy. 327 00:14:57,567 --> 00:14:59,200 She's 18. 328 00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:01,834 Eighteen! 329 00:15:03,501 --> 00:15:08,601 God! He gets his hooks into a girl of 18. 330 00:15:08,601 --> 00:15:11,334 Well, you're one year dirtier 331 00:15:11,334 --> 00:15:12,767 than I thought you was. 332 00:15:15,300 --> 00:15:17,767 What the hell is dirty about getting married? 333 00:15:17,767 --> 00:15:20,934 I'll tell you what's dirty about getting married! 334 00:15:24,901 --> 00:15:26,267 It's dumb. 335 00:15:28,767 --> 00:15:30,167 Okay, Archie. 336 00:15:30,167 --> 00:15:32,901 Now, suppose you were alone at your age 337 00:15:32,901 --> 00:15:34,400 - and you wanted to get married again-- - Hold it. 338 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:37,701 ARCHIE: I'm gonna answer that question even before you ask. 339 00:15:37,701 --> 00:15:41,000 I would look for a woman my own age. 340 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,033 FRED: Okay, swell! 341 00:15:43,033 --> 00:15:45,567 But suppose while you're looking, 342 00:15:45,567 --> 00:15:48,434 you happen to meet a woman of 18. 343 00:15:48,434 --> 00:15:49,734 She falls in love with you. 344 00:15:49,734 --> 00:15:51,334 Has that ever crossed your mind? 345 00:15:51,334 --> 00:15:53,400 Nothing ever crosses my mind! 346 00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:59,033 So you don't think it's possible for a woman of 18 to fall in love with you? 347 00:15:59,033 --> 00:16:00,901 Aw, a woman... 348 00:16:00,901 --> 00:16:03,300 All right. Certainly, certainly. 349 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:09,167 Do you think it's possible for you to fall in love with a woman of 18? 350 00:16:09,167 --> 00:16:11,167 Certainly. 351 00:16:11,167 --> 00:16:13,033 It doesn't matter. 352 00:16:13,033 --> 00:16:16,968 I may be a man of 50--[MUTTERS] years of age, 353 00:16:16,968 --> 00:16:20,234 but I'm alive and well, and all my parts are in working order, 354 00:16:20,234 --> 00:16:22,767 and Lord knows I ain't no "fruze"! 355 00:16:25,334 --> 00:16:28,400 But I like to think I can control myself. 356 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:31,501 I mean, I'm an intelligent man. 357 00:16:31,501 --> 00:16:33,133 I ain't a animal 358 00:16:33,133 --> 00:16:36,267 of "carnival instinctuals" like you! 359 00:16:39,167 --> 00:16:40,901 What the hell am I doing here? 360 00:16:40,901 --> 00:16:42,334 I don't have to listen to this! 361 00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:44,834 You gotta listen to anything your older brother tells you! 362 00:16:44,834 --> 00:16:46,334 And I'm telling you this, 363 00:16:46,334 --> 00:16:48,434 I ain't going into business with ya! 364 00:16:48,434 --> 00:16:50,400 "Chink-a-terias." 365 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:53,267 Jeez! I never heard anything more crazy in my whole life. 366 00:16:53,267 --> 00:16:55,267 Well, you and Edith ain't roping me 367 00:16:55,267 --> 00:16:57,634 into anything like that. 368 00:16:57,634 --> 00:16:59,968 Now I know why you take the Chinese food, 369 00:16:59,968 --> 00:17:03,167 because you and it got soft noodles. 370 00:17:05,467 --> 00:17:07,734 - Step aside! - Go ahead! 371 00:17:07,734 --> 00:17:09,601 Katherine Ann, come on, we're going home. 372 00:17:09,601 --> 00:17:10,934 We're not staying for dinner. 373 00:17:10,934 --> 00:17:12,434 EDITH: Oh, no, please don't go. 374 00:17:12,434 --> 00:17:14,534 ARCHIE: Let 'em go! 375 00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:17,701 But we're gonna have such a nice dinner. 376 00:17:17,701 --> 00:17:19,267 I'm sorry, Edith. 377 00:17:19,267 --> 00:17:21,067 Maybe it's better this way. 378 00:17:21,067 --> 00:17:22,300 Some other time. 379 00:17:22,300 --> 00:17:23,968 Oh, yeah, when you're older. 380 00:17:25,667 --> 00:17:27,834 - Bye, Edith. - EDITH: Good-bye! 381 00:17:27,834 --> 00:17:30,334 Don't try to cash that check at the bank 382 00:17:30,334 --> 00:17:33,267 'cause I'm gonna call 'em up there and put a "stopperoony" on it. 383 00:17:45,100 --> 00:17:46,934 Bye, Uncle Archie. 384 00:17:52,367 --> 00:17:55,400 You wouldn't have fights with your brother 385 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:58,767 if you'd stop telling him how to live his life. 386 00:17:58,767 --> 00:18:00,801 Well, somebody's gotta tell him 387 00:18:00,801 --> 00:18:03,801 'cause he don't know. 388 00:18:03,801 --> 00:18:06,234 And anyway, brothers always fight. 389 00:18:06,234 --> 00:18:09,467 That's normal. Geez. 390 00:18:09,467 --> 00:18:12,701 Read your Bible. Cain and Abel. 391 00:18:12,701 --> 00:18:16,200 Read the newspapers. Billy Carter and what's-his-name. 392 00:18:18,567 --> 00:18:20,501 They don't fight. 393 00:18:20,501 --> 00:18:24,067 Well, maybe they oughta. It'd be better for the country. 394 00:18:27,367 --> 00:18:30,701 Katherine is a very nice girl. 395 00:18:30,701 --> 00:18:32,501 You don't have to tell me that. 396 00:18:32,501 --> 00:18:34,234 I got eyes to see with, Edith. 397 00:18:34,234 --> 00:18:35,901 She's young there... 398 00:18:35,901 --> 00:18:38,901 pretty face, tricky little figure. 399 00:18:40,234 --> 00:18:42,467 If he'd have brung her around our house 400 00:18:42,467 --> 00:18:45,234 when the old man was alive...wow! 401 00:18:45,234 --> 00:18:47,200 What woulda happened? 402 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:48,467 [SIGHS] 403 00:18:48,467 --> 00:18:50,567 Pop would have made a grab for her. 404 00:18:52,367 --> 00:18:55,167 All I know is that a man that age 405 00:18:55,167 --> 00:18:58,534 ain't got no business marrying a girl that age. 406 00:18:58,534 --> 00:19:00,667 And that's all there is to it. 407 00:19:00,667 --> 00:19:03,868 - Oh, lots of men marry young girls. - Oh... 408 00:19:03,868 --> 00:19:07,100 There was that famous senator, you know? 409 00:19:07,100 --> 00:19:09,934 And that Supreme Court judge. 410 00:19:09,934 --> 00:19:11,334 [MUMBLING] 411 00:19:11,334 --> 00:19:15,634 And Charlie Chaplin, he married a very young girl. 412 00:19:15,634 --> 00:19:16,701 Well, I remember that. 413 00:19:16,701 --> 00:19:18,934 They chased him out of the country for that. 414 00:19:20,601 --> 00:19:22,300 Oh, no. 415 00:19:22,300 --> 00:19:26,934 They finally give him an Academy Award for that. 416 00:19:30,033 --> 00:19:32,834 Edith, I don't want to talk no more 417 00:19:32,834 --> 00:19:35,100 about anything heavy, all right? 418 00:19:35,100 --> 00:19:38,033 Just shut off the light. Let's go to sleep. 419 00:19:38,033 --> 00:19:40,234 I need my beauty rest. 420 00:19:41,300 --> 00:19:42,534 Oh, good night. 421 00:19:42,534 --> 00:19:44,067 Good night. 422 00:19:45,167 --> 00:19:46,534 Sleep tight. 423 00:19:46,534 --> 00:19:48,100 I'll do that. 424 00:19:48,100 --> 00:19:49,968 See you in the morning. 425 00:19:49,968 --> 00:19:52,167 You do that, Edith. 426 00:20:05,968 --> 00:20:08,601 God, is it morning already? 427 00:20:09,868 --> 00:20:11,467 Not yet. 428 00:20:11,467 --> 00:20:14,200 I want to ask you a question. 429 00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:16,501 What? 430 00:20:16,501 --> 00:20:19,100 If you was alone 431 00:20:19,100 --> 00:20:22,701 at your age, 55-- 432 00:20:22,701 --> 00:20:26,100 Do you have to scream that to the world? 433 00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:29,868 And you wanted to get married again, 434 00:20:29,868 --> 00:20:34,133 you wouldn't look for a young girl, would you? 435 00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:36,934 Certainly not, Edith. 436 00:20:36,934 --> 00:20:38,400 [GROANS] 437 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:46,868 Well, who'd you have in mind? 438 00:20:49,901 --> 00:20:51,834 Well, it could happen, you know? 439 00:20:51,834 --> 00:20:54,734 I ain't no spring chicken. 440 00:20:54,734 --> 00:20:57,534 That is true. 441 00:20:58,934 --> 00:21:02,133 You ain't no spring rooster neither. 442 00:21:04,367 --> 00:21:07,033 Why are you attacking me? 443 00:21:07,033 --> 00:21:09,801 Archie... 444 00:21:09,801 --> 00:21:12,000 I love you. 445 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:15,234 Oh, that--that works out pretty good, Edith, 446 00:21:15,234 --> 00:21:20,734 because that's exactly the way I feel about you. 447 00:21:20,734 --> 00:21:22,434 You ain't saying that 448 00:21:22,434 --> 00:21:25,534 just to get me to go to sleep, are you? 449 00:21:25,534 --> 00:21:29,767 No, Edith, but I am trying to get me to go to sleep. 450 00:21:30,834 --> 00:21:33,667 Here, listen, let me tell you something. 451 00:21:33,667 --> 00:21:37,000 Being married to you 452 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:41,968 has been the happiest 28 years of my life. 453 00:21:41,968 --> 00:21:44,167 We've been married 30 years. 454 00:21:44,167 --> 00:21:45,701 All right, 30 years. 455 00:21:45,701 --> 00:21:48,934 Make a liar outta me, Edith. 456 00:21:48,934 --> 00:21:50,934 It shows you how happy I am. 457 00:21:50,934 --> 00:21:52,968 The years flew by so fast, 458 00:21:52,968 --> 00:21:55,200 I lost track of three of them! 459 00:21:56,267 --> 00:21:57,834 I'm happy! I'm happy! 460 00:21:57,834 --> 00:21:58,868 I'm happy! 461 00:21:58,868 --> 00:22:00,133 Why? 462 00:22:00,133 --> 00:22:02,400 Oh, why? 463 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:03,467 Because-- 464 00:22:03,467 --> 00:22:05,701 because... 465 00:22:05,701 --> 00:22:08,100 no matter how long we've been together, Edith, 466 00:22:08,100 --> 00:22:12,167 you still, as the kids say, 467 00:22:12,167 --> 00:22:14,300 turn me "over." 468 00:22:14,300 --> 00:22:16,234 [GROANS] 469 00:22:16,234 --> 00:22:17,400 Oh-- 470 00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:19,501 Aw, whatever, Edith. 471 00:22:20,567 --> 00:22:22,167 Oh, Archie. 472 00:22:22,167 --> 00:22:24,934 - Mmmm. - [MUTTERING] 473 00:22:28,701 --> 00:22:30,701 - Good night. - Yeah, good night. 474 00:22:30,701 --> 00:22:34,200 Well, before we go to sleep, just one more thing. 475 00:22:35,567 --> 00:22:38,400 Age don't matter, you know? 476 00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:42,400 As long as you remember to do, you know, 477 00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:46,267 like the song says, stay young at heart. 478 00:22:46,267 --> 00:22:47,934 Ohh... 479 00:22:47,934 --> 00:22:49,968 Huh? 480 00:22:49,968 --> 00:22:52,334 - Good night. - Good night, darling. 481 00:22:53,901 --> 00:22:55,534 [SIGHS] 482 00:23:02,067 --> 00:23:07,734 * Fairy tales can come true * 483 00:23:07,734 --> 00:23:11,167 * It can happen to you * 484 00:23:11,167 --> 00:23:13,434 I said one thing too many. 485 00:23:13,434 --> 00:23:14,834 Oh! 486 00:23:14,834 --> 00:23:17,767 [CONTINUES SINGING] 487 00:23:17,767 --> 00:23:20,100 Oh... 488 00:23:21,167 --> 00:23:22,667 Edith... 489 00:23:40,567 --> 00:23:42,000 [***] 490 00:23:58,834 --> 00:24:01,267 All in the Family was played to a studio audience 491 00:24:01,267 --> 00:24:03,200 for live responses. 492 00:24:03,250 --> 00:24:07,800 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 34020

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