Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,968 --> 00:00:04,133
* Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played *
2
00:00:04,133 --> 00:00:07,634
* Songs that made
the hit parade *
3
00:00:07,634 --> 00:00:10,734
* Guys like us,
we had it made *
4
00:00:10,734 --> 00:00:13,734
* Those were the days *
5
00:00:13,734 --> 00:00:17,701
* And you knew
where you were then *
6
00:00:17,701 --> 00:00:20,968
* Girls were girls,
and men were men *
7
00:00:20,968 --> 00:00:25,934
* Mister, we could use a man
like Herbert Hoover again *
8
00:00:25,934 --> 00:00:29,467
* Didn't need
no welfare state *
9
00:00:29,467 --> 00:00:32,934
* Everybody
pulled his weight *
10
00:00:32,934 --> 00:00:37,534
* Gee, our old LaSalle
ran great *
11
00:00:37,534 --> 00:00:43,501
* Those were the days *
12
00:00:46,501 --> 00:00:47,834
What? No, no.
13
00:00:47,834 --> 00:00:50,267
Hey, I think
it's a great idea.
14
00:00:50,267 --> 00:00:54,400
Yes, yeah,
I think we oughta talk about that.
15
00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:57,100
Well, there's no sense
in coming over here
16
00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:59,634
'cause I gotta leave
the house right away, see?
17
00:00:59,634 --> 00:01:01,467
I gotta get down
to work there.
18
00:01:01,467 --> 00:01:02,467
[HUMS "MOON RIVER"]
19
00:01:02,467 --> 00:01:05,000
Shh!
I'm on the phone.
20
00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:06,601
Yeah, I gotta
get down to work.
21
00:01:06,601 --> 00:01:09,267
I gotta open
the saloon at 3:00.
22
00:01:09,267 --> 00:01:11,033
So why don't you
meet me down there
23
00:01:11,033 --> 00:01:12,400
at 3:00, see?
24
00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:14,901
- [EDITH HUMMING]
- Yeah.
25
00:01:14,901 --> 00:01:17,901
No, that's from
outside the house, some kind of vehicle.
26
00:01:17,901 --> 00:01:19,300
[HUMMING CONTINUES]
27
00:01:19,300 --> 00:01:21,467
All right,
meet you then.
28
00:01:21,467 --> 00:01:24,934
Hey, listen,
kiddo, it's great to hear your voice.
29
00:01:24,934 --> 00:01:27,534
Yeah. Bye.
30
00:01:27,534 --> 00:01:29,334
Listen, Edith.
31
00:01:29,334 --> 00:01:32,434
I just got a very
interesting proposition over here, see?
32
00:01:32,434 --> 00:01:37,267
How come all your socks
have holes in 'em in the back?
33
00:01:37,267 --> 00:01:40,100
I don't know, maybe
I got sharp heels.
34
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,133
Now, listen.
35
00:01:41,133 --> 00:01:44,467
Maybe you got
short shoes.
36
00:01:44,467 --> 00:01:47,067
Maybe you're
a dingbat, Edith.
37
00:01:47,067 --> 00:01:48,067
Now, listen--
38
00:01:48,067 --> 00:01:50,501
Maybe
you got long feet.
39
00:01:50,501 --> 00:01:53,567
Maybe you want to
stifle yourself, huh?
40
00:01:53,567 --> 00:01:56,000
Oh, sure, go ahead.
41
00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:57,467
Listen to me!
42
00:01:57,467 --> 00:02:00,801
We're lucky enough to be
in on the ground floor
43
00:02:00,801 --> 00:02:03,133
of the precipice
of a great opportunity.
44
00:02:03,133 --> 00:02:05,534
This is a thing that
could make us so rich
45
00:02:05,534 --> 00:02:08,968
that I might only
have to wear a pair of socks once, huh?
46
00:02:08,968 --> 00:02:11,133
Or maybe
no socks at all.
47
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:15,067
You wouldn't
want to be that rich.
48
00:02:15,067 --> 00:02:17,033
Why the hell
wouldn't I?
49
00:02:17,033 --> 00:02:19,801
You might catch a cold.
50
00:02:19,801 --> 00:02:21,467
Edith, listen.
51
00:02:21,467 --> 00:02:22,934
- Right in the eye!
- Oh, I'm sorry.
52
00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:24,234
Right in the eye!
53
00:02:24,234 --> 00:02:26,567
- You're always
doing that! - Oh, Archie.
54
00:02:26,567 --> 00:02:29,100
You nearly put
the eye out of my head.
55
00:02:29,100 --> 00:02:31,934
No, no, no, don't go
nowheres near it.
56
00:02:31,934 --> 00:02:33,567
Wait a minute,
sit down.
57
00:02:33,567 --> 00:02:34,968
Sit down.
58
00:02:34,968 --> 00:02:36,367
Listen.
59
00:02:36,367 --> 00:02:39,234
I just got a proposition
from my brother here, see.
60
00:02:39,234 --> 00:02:41,200
Your brother Fred?
61
00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:44,033
No, my brother Isabel.
62
00:02:44,033 --> 00:02:46,000
Certainly Fred!
63
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,300
Who is Isabel?
64
00:02:48,300 --> 00:02:51,567
Edith, there
ain't no Isabel.
65
00:02:51,567 --> 00:02:53,734
Now, would you
listen to me?
66
00:02:53,734 --> 00:02:56,167
For $5,000,
67
00:02:56,167 --> 00:02:58,834
Fred can put us into
this here syndicate, see,
68
00:02:58,834 --> 00:03:02,434
that's gonna invest
in an nationwide chain of cafeterias.
69
00:03:02,434 --> 00:03:05,434
It's gonna
flood the country with Chinese food.
70
00:03:05,434 --> 00:03:09,467
They're gonna be called
The Foo Yu China-terias.
71
00:03:09,467 --> 00:03:11,634
How does that
grab ya, huh?
72
00:03:11,634 --> 00:03:14,400
Nothing but
chink food there.
73
00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:18,033
Now, I think we
oughta take $5,000 worth of that.
74
00:03:18,033 --> 00:03:23,234
Oh, Archie,
you and me couldn't eat that much Chinese food.
75
00:03:23,234 --> 00:03:25,734
Hold it, hold!
76
00:03:25,734 --> 00:03:28,000
I ain't talking
about you and me eating,
77
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:31,901
I'm talking about investing
in a nationwide chain
78
00:03:31,901 --> 00:03:34,701
of all American
"chink-a-terias."
79
00:03:36,534 --> 00:03:39,467
Why would
you want to do that?
80
00:03:42,067 --> 00:03:45,901
Don't you know nothin'?
Don't you read the papers?
81
00:03:45,901 --> 00:03:50,133
Don't you know
that the Democrats just recognized China?
82
00:03:51,534 --> 00:03:52,868
Yeah.
83
00:03:52,868 --> 00:03:55,400
Well, the results
of that is
84
00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,734
there's gonna be
a hell of a run in this country
85
00:03:57,734 --> 00:04:00,634
on chow mein
and moo goo gai pan.
86
00:04:02,300 --> 00:04:06,534
But $5,000.
87
00:04:06,534 --> 00:04:09,767
Oh, that's
a lot of money.
88
00:04:09,767 --> 00:04:12,100
What do you got
against Fred?
89
00:04:12,100 --> 00:04:14,367
Your brother Fred?
90
00:04:14,367 --> 00:04:16,767
No, my sister Isabel.
91
00:04:18,567 --> 00:04:21,901
You ain't got
a sister Isabel.
92
00:04:21,901 --> 00:04:24,801
Aah, Lord!
93
00:04:24,801 --> 00:04:30,100
Oh, I ain't got nothing
against your brother Fred.
94
00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:34,601
I love him and I'd love
your sister Isabel, too,
95
00:04:34,601 --> 00:04:36,234
if you had one.
96
00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:40,067
You know, I thought
about that over the years.
97
00:04:40,067 --> 00:04:43,334
It would be so nice
if you had a sister,
98
00:04:43,334 --> 00:04:45,567
and her name was Isabel.
99
00:04:45,567 --> 00:04:48,067
That's such a nice name.
100
00:04:50,167 --> 00:04:52,234
Are you finished now?
101
00:04:52,234 --> 00:04:53,634
Yeah.
102
00:04:53,634 --> 00:04:56,300
Then do me a favor,
will you, please?
103
00:04:56,300 --> 00:04:58,801
Since you ain't got
no sister-in-law to love,
104
00:04:58,801 --> 00:05:00,834
try loving
your brother-in-law, huh?
105
00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:03,834
Oh, I do.
106
00:05:03,834 --> 00:05:07,334
I ain't the one that knocked
his tooth out at our wedding
107
00:05:07,334 --> 00:05:10,834
and then didn't talk
to him for 29 years.
108
00:05:10,834 --> 00:05:12,434
We all know
who's done that.
109
00:05:12,434 --> 00:05:14,567
I don't have
to mention no names.
110
00:05:14,567 --> 00:05:17,567
I just have to look
at the party and whistle.
111
00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:18,968
[WHISTLES]
112
00:05:23,834 --> 00:05:28,300
D'you know that is
the stupidest thing I ever heard?
113
00:05:28,300 --> 00:05:30,701
Now, come on, Edith,
I think we oughta get in
114
00:05:30,701 --> 00:05:32,868
on the ground floor
of this thing.
115
00:05:32,868 --> 00:05:36,534
Make this investment,
let our money work for us.
116
00:05:36,534 --> 00:05:38,300
Tsk, well--
117
00:05:38,300 --> 00:05:40,801
B-b-before you knock
the other eye out.
118
00:05:40,801 --> 00:05:42,200
What do you say?
119
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:43,434
Huh?
120
00:05:43,434 --> 00:05:45,534
Tsk, I don't know.
121
00:05:45,534 --> 00:05:48,567
Swell! That's all
I've been waiting to hear.
122
00:05:48,567 --> 00:05:50,501
But, Archie!
123
00:05:50,501 --> 00:05:52,767
You ain't even
following your own advice.
124
00:05:52,767 --> 00:05:54,901
Advice, what the hell
advice is that?
125
00:05:54,901 --> 00:05:58,067
Never do business
with relatives.
126
00:05:58,067 --> 00:06:01,067
I meant
your relatives, not mine.
127
00:06:07,567 --> 00:06:09,367
Come on, what are
you thinking about?
128
00:06:09,367 --> 00:06:10,901
Are you in this
with me or not?
129
00:06:10,901 --> 00:06:14,200
[CHUCKLES]
China-terias.
130
00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:16,767
You gotta be nuts.
131
00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:19,634
Go on and laugh,
you dope, ya.
132
00:06:19,634 --> 00:06:21,167
Hey, listen.
133
00:06:21,167 --> 00:06:23,300
They laughed
at Robert Fulton, you know?
134
00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:25,901
But if it wasn't for him,
New York wouldn't have a fish market.
135
00:06:27,334 --> 00:06:28,767
Arch!
136
00:06:28,767 --> 00:06:32,968
Hey, Fred, come on in.
Glad to see you there.
137
00:06:32,968 --> 00:06:34,901
You remember my partner,
Harry Snowden, right?
138
00:06:34,901 --> 00:06:37,834
Hey, yeah, you
dropped by here after your heart operation.
139
00:06:37,834 --> 00:06:39,200
- How are you feeling?
- Terrific.
140
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,601
The valve job
holding up okay?
141
00:06:41,601 --> 00:06:42,667
Oh, ticking away.
142
00:06:42,667 --> 00:06:43,701
[GROANS]
143
00:06:43,701 --> 00:06:45,534
- [LAUGHS]
- Oh, hey.
144
00:06:45,534 --> 00:06:46,601
Quit kidding around.
145
00:06:46,601 --> 00:06:48,200
Hey, listen,
we gotta talk.
146
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,167
Why don't you park your caucus
at that table over there?
147
00:06:50,167 --> 00:06:51,667
Harry, bring
something to drink.
148
00:06:51,667 --> 00:06:53,901
Send some glasses
and a bottle, but not from the well,
149
00:06:53,901 --> 00:06:55,601
get the bottle
off the shelf there.
150
00:06:55,601 --> 00:06:58,300
What the hell,
go all the way out, get scotch.
151
00:06:58,300 --> 00:07:01,367
Hey, you shaved your
moustache there.
152
00:07:01,367 --> 00:07:04,501
You know you look
ten years uglier, huh?
153
00:07:04,501 --> 00:07:06,934
Oh, God, I'm sorry.
Did I hurt you?
154
00:07:06,934 --> 00:07:09,267
- No.
- I didn't mean to hit you there.
155
00:07:09,267 --> 00:07:11,434
Hey, let me
tell you something.
156
00:07:11,434 --> 00:07:14,467
You even look like
you've turned over a new leaf.
157
00:07:14,467 --> 00:07:18,200
I have, I'm a changed man
thanks to my new bride.
158
00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:20,667
Oh, hey, if she
could turn you around,
159
00:07:20,667 --> 00:07:22,567
she must be some
kinda woman there.
160
00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:24,334
- She is, Archie.
- Come on!
161
00:07:24,334 --> 00:07:25,934
Here's to the new
"enterproose," huh?
162
00:07:25,934 --> 00:07:28,200
I'm in,
put me down for 5,000.
163
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:29,367
Thanks.
164
00:07:31,133 --> 00:07:32,200
Hey, Fred,
165
00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:34,734
how'd you get in
on this franchise thing?
166
00:07:34,734 --> 00:07:37,667
Oh, my wife read about it
in the Wall Street Journal.
167
00:07:37,667 --> 00:07:39,067
Great head
for business.
168
00:07:39,067 --> 00:07:40,133
[BEEPING]
169
00:07:40,133 --> 00:07:41,434
What the hell is that?
170
00:07:41,434 --> 00:07:43,501
- My watch.
- Oh, a watch.
171
00:07:43,501 --> 00:07:46,267
Gee, I thought you blew
a gasket in there.
172
00:07:46,267 --> 00:07:48,801
It reminds me
to call Katherine. Oh, where's a phone?
173
00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:50,968
- Uh, pay phone's over
there, next to the can. - It's there--
174
00:07:52,534 --> 00:07:55,834
Is that nice, making
him use the pay phone, my brother?
175
00:07:55,834 --> 00:07:58,300
He ain't my brother.
176
00:07:58,300 --> 00:07:59,968
Hey, Archie,
what do you say
177
00:07:59,968 --> 00:08:02,000
we celebrate going
into business together?
178
00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:03,701
We'll all go out
to dinner tonight.
179
00:08:03,701 --> 00:08:04,968
Well, yeah,
we can celebrate,
180
00:08:04,968 --> 00:08:07,133
but we don't have
to go out to eat,
181
00:08:07,133 --> 00:08:09,300
we can eat over my house,
I'll call Edith.
182
00:08:09,300 --> 00:08:11,667
No, no, wait, don't go
to any trouble. No.
183
00:08:11,667 --> 00:08:13,901
No, it's no trouble,
it's not a bit of trouble.
184
00:08:13,901 --> 00:08:15,834
You know, Edith does it all.
185
00:08:15,834 --> 00:08:18,501
Hello, sweetheart, darling.
186
00:08:18,501 --> 00:08:20,367
How's my little pussycat?
187
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:22,834
Get a load of this
over here, huh?
188
00:08:22,834 --> 00:08:25,868
Hey, why don't you
try some of that?
189
00:08:25,868 --> 00:08:27,467
You think
I should, yeah? Well--
190
00:08:27,467 --> 00:08:29,167
[CLEARS HIS THROAT]
191
00:08:29,167 --> 00:08:33,701
Hello, sweetheart,
how's my little pussycat?
192
00:08:35,901 --> 00:08:37,801
What'd she say?
193
00:08:37,801 --> 00:08:39,634
She hung up the phone.
194
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:45,501
It's your fault,
she heard you breathing.
195
00:08:45,501 --> 00:08:46,701
Go away.
196
00:08:49,467 --> 00:08:53,667
I'm sorry, Stephie,
but if you want to meet the company tonight,
197
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,701
then you gotta
go upstairs now
198
00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:58,767
and do your homework
before dinner.
199
00:08:58,767 --> 00:08:59,868
Okay.
200
00:08:59,868 --> 00:09:00,868
[DOORBELL RINGS]
201
00:09:00,868 --> 00:09:01,968
I'll get it.
202
00:09:01,968 --> 00:09:04,100
EDITH: Make sure
the chain is on.
203
00:09:05,734 --> 00:09:07,834
Hi, I'm Mrs. Bunker.
204
00:09:07,834 --> 00:09:09,033
No, you're not.
205
00:09:10,267 --> 00:09:11,968
What was that?
206
00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:14,634
Some kid
pretending she's you.
207
00:09:14,634 --> 00:09:17,434
Well, wait a minute.
208
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:25,601
Oh, hi.
Can I help you?
209
00:09:25,601 --> 00:09:27,400
Hi, I'm Katherine Bunker.
210
00:09:29,667 --> 00:09:31,167
Fred's wife.
211
00:09:38,033 --> 00:09:39,634
Oh...
212
00:09:40,834 --> 00:09:45,334
Oh...
213
00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:46,834
Oh.
214
00:09:46,834 --> 00:09:50,434
Well, come on in,
Mrs. Bunker.
215
00:09:50,434 --> 00:09:51,968
Thank you.
216
00:09:51,968 --> 00:09:54,133
I'm Mrs. Bunker, too.
217
00:09:54,133 --> 00:09:55,200
I know.
218
00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:56,634
You do.
219
00:09:56,634 --> 00:09:58,834
I mean,
I'm Edith Bunker.
220
00:09:58,834 --> 00:10:01,601
Well, you can
call me that, Edith.
221
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:04,067
- Thanks, Edith.
- You're welcome.
222
00:10:04,067 --> 00:10:06,567
Fred'll be here in a minute,
he's paying the taxi.
223
00:10:06,567 --> 00:10:08,767
Hm...ooh!
224
00:10:08,767 --> 00:10:11,534
This is our
little niece, Stephie.
225
00:10:11,534 --> 00:10:15,267
Stephie, this
is Mrs. Bunker.
226
00:10:15,267 --> 00:10:18,133
She's your
Uncle Fred's wife.
227
00:10:18,133 --> 00:10:20,234
Hi, Stephie.
I'm glad to meet you.
228
00:10:20,234 --> 00:10:21,300
How old are you?
229
00:10:21,300 --> 00:10:22,801
I'm ten.
230
00:10:22,801 --> 00:10:26,200
How old are you?
231
00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:29,033
Oh, I'm sorry.
232
00:10:29,033 --> 00:10:32,367
It ain't polite to ask
a lady her age.
233
00:10:32,367 --> 00:10:33,801
You remember that.
234
00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:36,100
She asked me.
235
00:10:36,100 --> 00:10:38,300
It's okay.
I'm 18.
236
00:10:41,601 --> 00:10:43,200
Oh.
237
00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:44,200
Oh.
238
00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:45,534
[GIGGLES]
239
00:10:45,534 --> 00:10:46,567
Thank you.
240
00:10:46,567 --> 00:10:47,934
What grade
are you in?
241
00:10:51,100 --> 00:10:53,367
Here.
242
00:10:53,367 --> 00:10:55,367
I graduated
high school last year.
243
00:10:55,367 --> 00:10:57,601
That's good--
244
00:10:57,601 --> 00:10:58,901
[DOORBELL RINGS]
245
00:10:58,901 --> 00:11:00,167
Oh, that's
probably Fred.
246
00:11:00,167 --> 00:11:01,100
I'll get it.
247
00:11:04,434 --> 00:11:05,434
Edith!
248
00:11:05,434 --> 00:11:07,601
Oh, yeah, Fred!
249
00:11:07,601 --> 00:11:09,767
Oh, I'm so glad
to see you.
250
00:11:09,767 --> 00:11:12,033
Well, Archie's out.
251
00:11:12,033 --> 00:11:14,767
He'll be back
any minute.
252
00:11:14,767 --> 00:11:17,434
Oh, let me
introduce you.
253
00:11:17,434 --> 00:11:19,767
This is our
little niece Stephie.
254
00:11:19,767 --> 00:11:21,434
And this is
your little wife--
255
00:11:22,734 --> 00:11:24,901
[GIGGLES] I'm--
256
00:11:24,901 --> 00:11:28,701
Oh, Stephie, this
is your Uncle Fred.
257
00:11:28,701 --> 00:11:29,701
Hi, Stephie.
258
00:11:29,701 --> 00:11:31,334
Hi.
259
00:11:31,334 --> 00:11:33,467
- You want to see my room?
- I'd love to.
260
00:11:33,467 --> 00:11:35,400
I got
some neat dolls!
261
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:36,534
Oh, I love dolls.
262
00:11:39,501 --> 00:11:42,834
Ahh...
Oh, sit down, Fred.
263
00:11:42,834 --> 00:11:44,534
Oh, after you.
264
00:11:44,534 --> 00:11:45,801
- No, wait.
- No, sit.
265
00:11:45,801 --> 00:11:47,267
[GIGGLES]
266
00:11:47,267 --> 00:11:49,968
[SIGHS]
267
00:11:49,968 --> 00:11:51,501
So, what do you
think of her?
268
00:11:52,834 --> 00:11:56,434
Well, she's
very pretty...
269
00:11:56,434 --> 00:11:58,701
and very nice.
270
00:12:00,968 --> 00:12:02,934
And very...
271
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:06,133
Young?
272
00:12:06,133 --> 00:12:08,834
No.
273
00:12:08,834 --> 00:12:11,834
Well...yeah.
274
00:12:11,834 --> 00:12:14,968
Whoop-dee-doo,
whoop-dee-doo, whoop-dee-doo.
275
00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:16,667
Look what I got
with me here,
276
00:12:16,667 --> 00:12:18,367
a little
of the old bubbly, huh?
277
00:12:18,367 --> 00:12:20,000
- Terrific.
- To celebrate.
278
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,367
I brung a whole
"maggot" of it.
279
00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:24,734
This here is imported
280
00:12:24,734 --> 00:12:28,868
from a little town
in Italy-- Fresno.
281
00:12:30,567 --> 00:12:32,801
You take care of that,
huh, Edith?
282
00:12:32,801 --> 00:12:34,834
Fred, sit down,
sit down.
283
00:12:34,834 --> 00:12:38,234
Hey, let that be your chair
whenever I'm not in it.
284
00:12:38,234 --> 00:12:39,434
Hello.
285
00:12:39,434 --> 00:12:42,868
Oh, hey! Hi, there.
Look who we got here.
286
00:12:42,868 --> 00:12:45,300
I didn't know you was gonna
bring your daughter there.
287
00:12:45,300 --> 00:12:47,267
[MUTTERING]
288
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:50,067
But I thought
she was a little older.
289
00:12:50,067 --> 00:12:52,367
My daughter is older.
290
00:12:52,367 --> 00:12:53,901
This is my wife.
291
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:04,300
This is your wife?
292
00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:05,334
Uh-huh.
293
00:13:07,501 --> 00:13:09,200
I'm Katherine.
294
00:13:12,801 --> 00:13:16,133
This is his wife?
295
00:13:16,133 --> 00:13:19,801
Oh, Kathy, would you like
to help me put this on the ice?
296
00:13:19,801 --> 00:13:21,767
Sure.
Excuse me.
297
00:13:24,968 --> 00:13:26,667
STEPHIE: What do you
keep asking for?
298
00:13:26,667 --> 00:13:28,133
She's his wife.
299
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:41,067
Hey, Arch, how about
the champagne?
300
00:13:41,067 --> 00:13:42,767
Yeah, how about
the champagne?
301
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:46,767
Go to bed!
302
00:13:51,467 --> 00:13:53,167
What was that?
303
00:13:56,467 --> 00:13:58,000
How about
the champagne?
304
00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:59,167
Forget
the champagne!
305
00:13:59,167 --> 00:14:01,200
I ain't openin'
no champagne!
306
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:04,734
Listen,
I'd be ashamed to serve an alcoholic beverage
307
00:14:04,734 --> 00:14:07,601
to "Patatum" O'Neal
in there.
308
00:14:07,601 --> 00:14:09,367
What are you doing
in my chair?
309
00:14:09,367 --> 00:14:11,167
- Take it.
- The hell with it!
310
00:14:12,701 --> 00:14:14,801
What did you do,
311
00:14:14,801 --> 00:14:18,934
steal that child off
of a schoolyard swing?
312
00:14:18,934 --> 00:14:21,801
She is not a child.
She's a married woman.
313
00:14:21,801 --> 00:14:23,701
Uh, married...
314
00:14:23,701 --> 00:14:25,701
Who the hell
married youse,
315
00:14:25,701 --> 00:14:28,133
the truant officer?
316
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,567
It's none
of your damn business.
317
00:14:31,567 --> 00:14:33,067
Well, it is
my damn business
318
00:14:33,067 --> 00:14:35,901
if I'm supposed to go
into business with you!
319
00:14:35,901 --> 00:14:39,434
I always knew how you felt
about minority groups,
320
00:14:39,434 --> 00:14:41,868
but I never knew
you had anything against young women.
321
00:14:41,868 --> 00:14:44,133
Wait a minute,
wait a minute.
322
00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:46,567
Never in my life
did I ever hold anything
323
00:14:46,567 --> 00:14:48,501
against a young woman.
324
00:14:51,267 --> 00:14:53,100
Listen, all I'm saying is
325
00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:55,334
that it's wrong
for a young girl of 19
326
00:14:55,334 --> 00:14:57,567
to be marrying
a dirty old guy.
327
00:14:57,567 --> 00:14:59,200
She's 18.
328
00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:01,834
Eighteen!
329
00:15:03,501 --> 00:15:08,601
God! He gets his hooks
into a girl of 18.
330
00:15:08,601 --> 00:15:11,334
Well, you're
one year dirtier
331
00:15:11,334 --> 00:15:12,767
than I thought
you was.
332
00:15:15,300 --> 00:15:17,767
What the hell is dirty
about getting married?
333
00:15:17,767 --> 00:15:20,934
I'll tell you what's dirty
about getting married!
334
00:15:24,901 --> 00:15:26,267
It's dumb.
335
00:15:28,767 --> 00:15:30,167
Okay, Archie.
336
00:15:30,167 --> 00:15:32,901
Now, suppose
you were alone at your age
337
00:15:32,901 --> 00:15:34,400
- and you wanted
to get married again-- - Hold it.
338
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:37,701
ARCHIE: I'm gonna
answer that question even before you ask.
339
00:15:37,701 --> 00:15:41,000
I would look
for a woman my own age.
340
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,033
FRED:
Okay, swell!
341
00:15:43,033 --> 00:15:45,567
But suppose
while you're looking,
342
00:15:45,567 --> 00:15:48,434
you happen to meet
a woman of 18.
343
00:15:48,434 --> 00:15:49,734
She falls
in love with you.
344
00:15:49,734 --> 00:15:51,334
Has that ever
crossed your mind?
345
00:15:51,334 --> 00:15:53,400
Nothing ever
crosses my mind!
346
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:59,033
So you don't think it's possible
for a woman of 18 to fall in love with you?
347
00:15:59,033 --> 00:16:00,901
Aw, a woman...
348
00:16:00,901 --> 00:16:03,300
All right.
Certainly, certainly.
349
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:09,167
Do you think it's possible
for you to fall in love with a woman of 18?
350
00:16:09,167 --> 00:16:11,167
Certainly.
351
00:16:11,167 --> 00:16:13,033
It doesn't matter.
352
00:16:13,033 --> 00:16:16,968
I may be a man of 50--[MUTTERS]
years of age,
353
00:16:16,968 --> 00:16:20,234
but I'm alive and well,
and all my parts are in working order,
354
00:16:20,234 --> 00:16:22,767
and Lord knows
I ain't no "fruze"!
355
00:16:25,334 --> 00:16:28,400
But I like to think
I can control myself.
356
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:31,501
I mean,
I'm an intelligent man.
357
00:16:31,501 --> 00:16:33,133
I ain't a animal
358
00:16:33,133 --> 00:16:36,267
of "carnival instinctuals"
like you!
359
00:16:39,167 --> 00:16:40,901
What the hell
am I doing here?
360
00:16:40,901 --> 00:16:42,334
I don't have
to listen to this!
361
00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:44,834
You gotta listen to anything
your older brother tells you!
362
00:16:44,834 --> 00:16:46,334
And I'm telling you this,
363
00:16:46,334 --> 00:16:48,434
I ain't going into
business with ya!
364
00:16:48,434 --> 00:16:50,400
"Chink-a-terias."
365
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:53,267
Jeez! I never heard anything
more crazy in my whole life.
366
00:16:53,267 --> 00:16:55,267
Well, you and Edith
ain't roping me
367
00:16:55,267 --> 00:16:57,634
into anything like that.
368
00:16:57,634 --> 00:16:59,968
Now I know why you take
the Chinese food,
369
00:16:59,968 --> 00:17:03,167
because you and it
got soft noodles.
370
00:17:05,467 --> 00:17:07,734
- Step aside!
- Go ahead!
371
00:17:07,734 --> 00:17:09,601
Katherine Ann, come on,
we're going home.
372
00:17:09,601 --> 00:17:10,934
We're not staying
for dinner.
373
00:17:10,934 --> 00:17:12,434
EDITH: Oh, no,
please don't go.
374
00:17:12,434 --> 00:17:14,534
ARCHIE:
Let 'em go!
375
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:17,701
But we're gonna have
such a nice dinner.
376
00:17:17,701 --> 00:17:19,267
I'm sorry, Edith.
377
00:17:19,267 --> 00:17:21,067
Maybe it's
better this way.
378
00:17:21,067 --> 00:17:22,300
Some other time.
379
00:17:22,300 --> 00:17:23,968
Oh, yeah,
when you're older.
380
00:17:25,667 --> 00:17:27,834
- Bye, Edith.
- EDITH: Good-bye!
381
00:17:27,834 --> 00:17:30,334
Don't try to cash
that check at the bank
382
00:17:30,334 --> 00:17:33,267
'cause I'm gonna call 'em
up there and put a "stopperoony" on it.
383
00:17:45,100 --> 00:17:46,934
Bye, Uncle Archie.
384
00:17:52,367 --> 00:17:55,400
You wouldn't have fights
with your brother
385
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:58,767
if you'd stop telling him
how to live his life.
386
00:17:58,767 --> 00:18:00,801
Well, somebody's
gotta tell him
387
00:18:00,801 --> 00:18:03,801
'cause he don't know.
388
00:18:03,801 --> 00:18:06,234
And anyway,
brothers always fight.
389
00:18:06,234 --> 00:18:09,467
That's normal. Geez.
390
00:18:09,467 --> 00:18:12,701
Read your Bible.
Cain and Abel.
391
00:18:12,701 --> 00:18:16,200
Read the newspapers.
Billy Carter and what's-his-name.
392
00:18:18,567 --> 00:18:20,501
They don't fight.
393
00:18:20,501 --> 00:18:24,067
Well, maybe they oughta.
It'd be better for the country.
394
00:18:27,367 --> 00:18:30,701
Katherine
is a very nice girl.
395
00:18:30,701 --> 00:18:32,501
You don't have
to tell me that.
396
00:18:32,501 --> 00:18:34,234
I got eyes to see with,
Edith.
397
00:18:34,234 --> 00:18:35,901
She's young there...
398
00:18:35,901 --> 00:18:38,901
pretty face,
tricky little figure.
399
00:18:40,234 --> 00:18:42,467
If he'd have brung her
around our house
400
00:18:42,467 --> 00:18:45,234
when the old man
was alive...wow!
401
00:18:45,234 --> 00:18:47,200
What woulda happened?
402
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:48,467
[SIGHS]
403
00:18:48,467 --> 00:18:50,567
Pop would have made
a grab for her.
404
00:18:52,367 --> 00:18:55,167
All I know
is that a man that age
405
00:18:55,167 --> 00:18:58,534
ain't got no business
marrying a girl that age.
406
00:18:58,534 --> 00:19:00,667
And that's all
there is to it.
407
00:19:00,667 --> 00:19:03,868
- Oh, lots of men
marry young girls. - Oh...
408
00:19:03,868 --> 00:19:07,100
There was that famous
senator, you know?
409
00:19:07,100 --> 00:19:09,934
And that
Supreme Court judge.
410
00:19:09,934 --> 00:19:11,334
[MUMBLING]
411
00:19:11,334 --> 00:19:15,634
And Charlie Chaplin,
he married a very young girl.
412
00:19:15,634 --> 00:19:16,701
Well, I remember that.
413
00:19:16,701 --> 00:19:18,934
They chased him
out of the country for that.
414
00:19:20,601 --> 00:19:22,300
Oh, no.
415
00:19:22,300 --> 00:19:26,934
They finally give him
an Academy Award for that.
416
00:19:30,033 --> 00:19:32,834
Edith, I don't
want to talk no more
417
00:19:32,834 --> 00:19:35,100
about anything heavy,
all right?
418
00:19:35,100 --> 00:19:38,033
Just shut off the light.
Let's go to sleep.
419
00:19:38,033 --> 00:19:40,234
I need my beauty rest.
420
00:19:41,300 --> 00:19:42,534
Oh, good night.
421
00:19:42,534 --> 00:19:44,067
Good night.
422
00:19:45,167 --> 00:19:46,534
Sleep tight.
423
00:19:46,534 --> 00:19:48,100
I'll do that.
424
00:19:48,100 --> 00:19:49,968
See you in the morning.
425
00:19:49,968 --> 00:19:52,167
You do that, Edith.
426
00:20:05,968 --> 00:20:08,601
God, is it morning already?
427
00:20:09,868 --> 00:20:11,467
Not yet.
428
00:20:11,467 --> 00:20:14,200
I want to ask you
a question.
429
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:16,501
What?
430
00:20:16,501 --> 00:20:19,100
If you was alone
431
00:20:19,100 --> 00:20:22,701
at your age, 55--
432
00:20:22,701 --> 00:20:26,100
Do you have to scream that
to the world?
433
00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:29,868
And you wanted
to get married again,
434
00:20:29,868 --> 00:20:34,133
you wouldn't look
for a young girl, would you?
435
00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:36,934
Certainly not, Edith.
436
00:20:36,934 --> 00:20:38,400
[GROANS]
437
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:46,868
Well, who'd you
have in mind?
438
00:20:49,901 --> 00:20:51,834
Well, it could happen,
you know?
439
00:20:51,834 --> 00:20:54,734
I ain't no spring chicken.
440
00:20:54,734 --> 00:20:57,534
That is true.
441
00:20:58,934 --> 00:21:02,133
You ain't no
spring rooster neither.
442
00:21:04,367 --> 00:21:07,033
Why are you attacking me?
443
00:21:07,033 --> 00:21:09,801
Archie...
444
00:21:09,801 --> 00:21:12,000
I love you.
445
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:15,234
Oh, that--that works out
pretty good, Edith,
446
00:21:15,234 --> 00:21:20,734
because that's exactly
the way I feel about you.
447
00:21:20,734 --> 00:21:22,434
You ain't saying that
448
00:21:22,434 --> 00:21:25,534
just to get me
to go to sleep, are you?
449
00:21:25,534 --> 00:21:29,767
No, Edith, but I am trying
to get me to go to sleep.
450
00:21:30,834 --> 00:21:33,667
Here, listen,
let me tell you something.
451
00:21:33,667 --> 00:21:37,000
Being married to you
452
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:41,968
has been the happiest
28 years of my life.
453
00:21:41,968 --> 00:21:44,167
We've been married
30 years.
454
00:21:44,167 --> 00:21:45,701
All right, 30 years.
455
00:21:45,701 --> 00:21:48,934
Make a liar
outta me, Edith.
456
00:21:48,934 --> 00:21:50,934
It shows you how happy I am.
457
00:21:50,934 --> 00:21:52,968
The years flew by so fast,
458
00:21:52,968 --> 00:21:55,200
I lost track
of three of them!
459
00:21:56,267 --> 00:21:57,834
I'm happy! I'm happy!
460
00:21:57,834 --> 00:21:58,868
I'm happy!
461
00:21:58,868 --> 00:22:00,133
Why?
462
00:22:00,133 --> 00:22:02,400
Oh, why?
463
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:03,467
Because--
464
00:22:03,467 --> 00:22:05,701
because...
465
00:22:05,701 --> 00:22:08,100
no matter how long
we've been together, Edith,
466
00:22:08,100 --> 00:22:12,167
you still,
as the kids say,
467
00:22:12,167 --> 00:22:14,300
turn me "over."
468
00:22:14,300 --> 00:22:16,234
[GROANS]
469
00:22:16,234 --> 00:22:17,400
Oh--
470
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:19,501
Aw, whatever, Edith.
471
00:22:20,567 --> 00:22:22,167
Oh, Archie.
472
00:22:22,167 --> 00:22:24,934
- Mmmm.
- [MUTTERING]
473
00:22:28,701 --> 00:22:30,701
- Good night.
- Yeah, good night.
474
00:22:30,701 --> 00:22:34,200
Well, before we go to sleep,
just one more thing.
475
00:22:35,567 --> 00:22:38,400
Age don't matter, you know?
476
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:42,400
As long as you remember
to do, you know,
477
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:46,267
like the song says,
stay young at heart.
478
00:22:46,267 --> 00:22:47,934
Ohh...
479
00:22:47,934 --> 00:22:49,968
Huh?
480
00:22:49,968 --> 00:22:52,334
- Good night.
- Good night, darling.
481
00:22:53,901 --> 00:22:55,534
[SIGHS]
482
00:23:02,067 --> 00:23:07,734
* Fairy tales can come true *
483
00:23:07,734 --> 00:23:11,167
* It can happen to you *
484
00:23:11,167 --> 00:23:13,434
I said one thing too many.
485
00:23:13,434 --> 00:23:14,834
Oh!
486
00:23:14,834 --> 00:23:17,767
[CONTINUES SINGING]
487
00:23:17,767 --> 00:23:20,100
Oh...
488
00:23:21,167 --> 00:23:22,667
Edith...
489
00:23:40,567 --> 00:23:42,000
[***]
490
00:23:58,834 --> 00:24:01,267
All in the Family wasplayed to a studio audience
491
00:24:01,267 --> 00:24:03,200
for live responses.
492
00:24:03,250 --> 00:24:07,800
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
34020
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof