All language subtitles for All In the Family s09e18 Barney, the Gold Digger.eng

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,734 --> 00:00:05,200 * Boy, the way Glenn Miller played * 2 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:08,701 * Songs that made the hit parade * 3 00:00:08,701 --> 00:00:11,801 * Guys like us, we had it made * 4 00:00:11,801 --> 00:00:14,801 * Those were the days * 5 00:00:14,801 --> 00:00:18,767 * And you knew where you were then * 6 00:00:18,767 --> 00:00:22,033 * Girls were girls, and men were men * 7 00:00:22,033 --> 00:00:27,000 * Mister, we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again * 8 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:30,534 * Didn't need no welfare state * 9 00:00:30,534 --> 00:00:34,000 * Everybody pulled his weight * 10 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:38,601 * Gee, our old LaSalle ran great * 11 00:00:38,601 --> 00:00:44,567 * Those were the days * 12 00:00:47,801 --> 00:00:49,234 - [PHONE RINGS] - ARCHIE: Get the phone, Edith! 13 00:00:49,234 --> 00:00:52,667 EDITH: Archie, would you get the phone, please? 14 00:00:52,667 --> 00:00:54,267 [RINGS] 15 00:00:54,267 --> 00:00:56,300 ARCHIE: I don't want to answer that phone, Edith! 16 00:00:56,300 --> 00:00:59,267 EDITH: Archie, get the phone! I'm in the oven! 17 00:00:59,267 --> 00:01:00,267 [RINGING] 18 00:01:00,267 --> 00:01:02,901 Can't you pick up that phone? 19 00:01:02,901 --> 00:01:06,534 Archie, get the phone! My hands are all icky. 20 00:01:06,534 --> 00:01:08,267 What did you do with the damn thing? 21 00:01:08,267 --> 00:01:09,567 [RINGING] 22 00:01:09,567 --> 00:01:12,467 Get the phone, Archie! 23 00:01:12,467 --> 00:01:14,667 Where is it, Edith? 24 00:01:14,667 --> 00:01:16,934 Oh... 25 00:01:16,934 --> 00:01:19,434 Let me tell you, this long wire ain't no convenience! 26 00:01:19,434 --> 00:01:22,133 We spend more time hunting than we do talking! 27 00:01:22,133 --> 00:01:24,901 Get the phone, Archie! 28 00:01:24,901 --> 00:01:27,067 I got the phone! 29 00:01:27,067 --> 00:01:29,834 What? 30 00:01:29,834 --> 00:01:31,801 Oh, I'm--I'm-- I'm sorry, Barney. 31 00:01:31,801 --> 00:01:33,934 Something else. Uh, what do you want? 32 00:01:35,601 --> 00:01:38,567 Hey, hey, Barney, don't cry, will ya? 33 00:01:38,567 --> 00:01:41,534 Barney, if you don't stop bawling, 34 00:01:41,534 --> 00:01:44,033 I ain't gonna be able to understand a word you're saying. 35 00:01:44,033 --> 00:01:47,200 - What happened? - Hold the phone, will ya, Barney? 36 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:49,400 You ain't gonna believe this. 37 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:50,801 It's Blanche. 38 00:01:50,801 --> 00:01:51,968 Is she sick? 39 00:01:51,968 --> 00:01:54,100 Better than that, she run away. 40 00:01:54,100 --> 00:01:56,167 Again? 41 00:01:56,167 --> 00:01:58,400 Yeah. Uh, Barney, now, listen-- 42 00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:01,033 No, Barney. Now, don't do that, huh? 43 00:02:01,033 --> 00:02:02,300 What's he saying? 44 00:02:02,300 --> 00:02:03,534 Hold the phone, Barney. 45 00:02:03,534 --> 00:02:05,167 He says he's gonna kill himself. 46 00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:07,167 Again? 47 00:02:08,601 --> 00:02:10,400 Barney, now, don't-- 48 00:02:11,634 --> 00:02:14,167 Okay, Barney, if you're gonna do that, 49 00:02:14,167 --> 00:02:17,634 then you'd better say good-bye to Edith here. 50 00:02:17,634 --> 00:02:18,901 Yeah, hold the phone. 51 00:02:18,901 --> 00:02:20,734 I'm gonna put her right on. 52 00:02:20,734 --> 00:02:21,968 Say good-bye to Barney. 53 00:02:21,968 --> 00:02:24,767 No, I can't say that. 54 00:02:24,767 --> 00:02:26,601 Then say hello to Barney. 55 00:02:26,601 --> 00:02:28,701 Say any damn thing you please. 56 00:02:28,701 --> 00:02:30,701 Just stall him till I have a chance 57 00:02:30,701 --> 00:02:32,868 to run over there and calm him down. 58 00:02:32,868 --> 00:02:34,100 Hello, Barney. 59 00:02:34,100 --> 00:02:36,367 Oh, Lord, why can't I have one friend 60 00:02:36,367 --> 00:02:37,400 with all his marbles? 61 00:02:39,934 --> 00:02:43,734 Barney, stop talking like that! 62 00:02:43,734 --> 00:02:46,968 You know you ain't gonna do that. 63 00:02:46,968 --> 00:02:51,367 Tsk, Barney, you remind me of my Uncle Horace 64 00:02:51,367 --> 00:02:53,634 who always said he was gonna kill himself 65 00:02:53,634 --> 00:02:55,734 every time his wife run away. 66 00:02:57,434 --> 00:02:59,601 Well, he-- he said he was going to go 67 00:02:59,601 --> 00:03:02,601 down to the subway and electrocute himself 68 00:03:02,601 --> 00:03:05,434 on the third rail. 69 00:03:05,434 --> 00:03:08,100 No, of course he didn't. 70 00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:11,801 He was too scared the train would come along and kill him. 71 00:03:14,167 --> 00:03:16,200 Uh-huh. Yeah? 72 00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:19,801 [SOBS] 73 00:03:19,801 --> 00:03:21,567 - Uh-huh. - [KNOCK ON DOOR] 74 00:03:21,567 --> 00:03:23,434 Oh, excuse me a minute, will ya, Edith? 75 00:03:23,434 --> 00:03:25,167 I think there's someone at the door. 76 00:03:25,167 --> 00:03:26,400 Who is it? 77 00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:29,033 ARCHIE: Open the door, Barney. It's me. 78 00:03:29,033 --> 00:03:31,167 I'll be right with you, Arch! 79 00:03:55,601 --> 00:03:57,567 [SOBS] 80 00:04:01,067 --> 00:04:02,234 You okay, Barney? 81 00:04:02,234 --> 00:04:03,767 Yeah, come on in, Arch. 82 00:04:03,767 --> 00:04:05,767 Yeah. Glad to see you're still alive. 83 00:04:05,767 --> 00:04:07,067 Yeah. 84 00:04:07,067 --> 00:04:09,868 Now, Barney, you and me gotta sit down 85 00:04:09,868 --> 00:04:12,868 and have an old fashion heart-to-heart talk here. 86 00:04:12,868 --> 00:04:14,267 Yeah. 87 00:04:14,267 --> 00:04:15,901 Uh, just outta curiosity, 88 00:04:15,901 --> 00:04:18,300 what was you gonna do it with this time? 89 00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:20,100 The old ten-gauge, Arch. 90 00:04:20,100 --> 00:04:21,234 Ahh... 91 00:04:21,234 --> 00:04:23,701 Well, that woulda killed you all right, Barney. 92 00:04:23,701 --> 00:04:26,400 You woulda also air conditioned your house. 93 00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:31,934 Edith here...she had an interesting suggestion. 94 00:04:31,934 --> 00:04:33,000 Yeah, what? 95 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:34,901 Uh, the subway. 96 00:04:34,901 --> 00:04:36,434 You know, the third rail. 97 00:04:36,434 --> 00:04:38,067 [MIMICKING ELECTROCUTION] 98 00:04:41,267 --> 00:04:44,801 Yeah, well, I ain't heard of that one in years. 99 00:04:44,801 --> 00:04:47,300 Is she still up in the air there? 100 00:04:47,300 --> 00:04:49,701 - Yeah, she's there. - Let me talk to her. 101 00:04:51,067 --> 00:04:53,234 Yeah, Edith, it's me. 102 00:04:53,234 --> 00:04:56,601 Yeah, I'm over here with Barney. 103 00:04:56,601 --> 00:04:59,100 Oh, well, he thinks he wants to go 104 00:04:59,100 --> 00:05:03,367 with your idea about the third rail. 105 00:05:03,367 --> 00:05:05,601 Yeah, all right, Edith. 106 00:05:05,601 --> 00:05:08,467 All right. Edith, I heard that story! 107 00:05:09,567 --> 00:05:11,067 [SOBS] 108 00:05:11,067 --> 00:05:12,634 Why do you always do this?! 109 00:05:12,634 --> 00:05:14,133 [MUMBLES] 110 00:05:14,133 --> 00:05:16,934 I mean, don't you know that Blanche ain't worth it? 111 00:05:16,934 --> 00:05:20,067 It ain't as thought this is the first time she done this to you. 112 00:05:20,067 --> 00:05:22,300 Hey, how many times since you married she run away from you? 113 00:05:23,801 --> 00:05:25,601 Counting the honeymoon? 114 00:05:25,601 --> 00:05:28,467 [NO AUDIO] 115 00:05:28,467 --> 00:05:29,601 Aw... 116 00:05:31,167 --> 00:05:33,300 Was it the exterminator again? 117 00:05:35,133 --> 00:05:37,400 No, this time it was the furnace man. 118 00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:39,701 Oh, the furnace man. 119 00:05:39,701 --> 00:05:41,467 How did he get to her? 120 00:05:41,467 --> 00:05:43,601 He heated up the house, 121 00:05:43,601 --> 00:05:46,133 then he heated up Blanche! 122 00:05:47,968 --> 00:05:50,334 Which one took him the longest? 123 00:05:51,501 --> 00:05:52,834 I don't know. 124 00:05:52,834 --> 00:05:55,667 But he wasn't here more than 25 minutes altogether. 125 00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:04,734 How can decent human beings do things so fast? 126 00:06:04,734 --> 00:06:06,100 Barney, listen to me. 127 00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:07,200 Yeah. 128 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,934 What you need is somebody new. 129 00:06:09,934 --> 00:06:14,400 You need a whole new experience. 130 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:15,534 Not me. 131 00:06:18,234 --> 00:06:21,200 Just try and remember that old saying, huh? 132 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:23,033 There's more than one fish... 133 00:06:23,033 --> 00:06:25,167 in a wood pile. 134 00:06:27,634 --> 00:06:30,501 I think you said that wrong, Arch. 135 00:06:30,501 --> 00:06:34,000 Don't correct my English. I'm trying to help you. 136 00:06:37,167 --> 00:06:38,968 [ARCHIE YELLING] 137 00:06:38,968 --> 00:06:40,000 - [BARKING] - Run, Archie! Run! 138 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,534 Get the hell outta here! 139 00:06:41,534 --> 00:06:42,701 Shoo, shoo, shoo! 140 00:06:42,701 --> 00:06:44,634 How is Barney? 141 00:06:44,634 --> 00:06:46,067 Oh, poor Barney. 142 00:06:46,067 --> 00:06:48,300 He's in bad shape over there. 143 00:06:48,300 --> 00:06:51,267 Jeez, I wish I could say the same for his dog who's healthy enough. 144 00:06:51,267 --> 00:06:53,334 Look at that lawn. 145 00:06:54,701 --> 00:06:58,033 Ah, Edith, you know, Barney needs somebody new. 146 00:06:58,033 --> 00:06:59,868 I mean, he--he needs a woman 147 00:06:59,868 --> 00:07:01,968 who ain't gonna run away from him. 148 00:07:01,968 --> 00:07:07,801 He needs a woman with absolutely no... lust for life. 149 00:07:09,801 --> 00:07:11,767 [SIGHS] Anyway, we gotta give him things to do. 150 00:07:11,767 --> 00:07:14,167 Stick with him. Why don't we have him over for dinner tonight? 151 00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:16,033 Oh, we can't. You're working tonight. 152 00:07:16,033 --> 00:07:17,367 What about tomorrow night? 153 00:07:17,367 --> 00:07:21,067 No, I invited my friend Martha Birkhorn 154 00:07:21,067 --> 00:07:22,901 over for dinner tomorrow night. 155 00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:24,767 Who's Martha Birkhorn? 156 00:07:24,767 --> 00:07:27,033 You know! I told you about her. 157 00:07:27,033 --> 00:07:29,567 She's the one whose husband died 158 00:07:29,567 --> 00:07:32,200 and left her three supermarkets. 159 00:07:35,968 --> 00:07:37,767 Oh, really? 160 00:07:37,767 --> 00:07:40,868 Why don't we have Barney over at the same time? 161 00:07:40,868 --> 00:07:42,133 Why? 162 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:44,667 Because I think Barney 163 00:07:44,667 --> 00:07:46,033 would love to make the acquaintance 164 00:07:46,033 --> 00:07:47,601 of three supermarkets. 165 00:07:48,701 --> 00:07:51,200 Archie, what are you thinking? 166 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:54,667 Oh, Edith, I ain't thinking nothing at all. 167 00:07:54,667 --> 00:07:57,100 Except when the two of them get together, 168 00:07:57,100 --> 00:07:58,834 well, maybe they'll think of something. 169 00:07:58,834 --> 00:08:01,167 Ha ha ha. 170 00:08:01,167 --> 00:08:04,767 Archie, women don't like to meet men 171 00:08:04,767 --> 00:08:07,634 who are only interested in their money. 172 00:08:07,634 --> 00:08:11,801 Oh, excuse me. God. 173 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:16,968 And, besides, Barney is still a married man. 174 00:08:16,968 --> 00:08:19,634 Oh, come on! What kind of a married man is he 175 00:08:19,634 --> 00:08:21,968 with a wife who's always running away from him? 176 00:08:21,968 --> 00:08:25,601 First with an exterminator, now with the furnace man. 177 00:08:25,601 --> 00:08:27,968 You know, that woman Blanche, is working her tail 178 00:08:27,968 --> 00:08:30,200 right through the yellow pages. 179 00:08:31,567 --> 00:08:32,501 Ah. 180 00:08:34,534 --> 00:08:36,067 What are you gonna do? 181 00:08:36,067 --> 00:08:38,501 I'm gonna make a phone call, do you mind? 182 00:08:38,501 --> 00:08:40,334 Now, where is it now?! 183 00:08:40,334 --> 00:08:41,634 Uh, there. 184 00:08:41,634 --> 00:08:43,667 Why do you--? It ain't there! 185 00:08:43,667 --> 00:08:45,767 - I didn't say there. - What did you say? 186 00:08:45,767 --> 00:08:47,067 I said there. 187 00:08:47,067 --> 00:08:49,000 God, help me. 188 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:50,501 Who are you gonna call? 189 00:08:50,501 --> 00:08:52,601 I'm gonna call my old pal Barney. 190 00:08:52,601 --> 00:08:55,133 Oh, no. Archie, you can't do that. 191 00:08:55,133 --> 00:08:56,734 What about about Blanche? 192 00:08:56,734 --> 00:08:58,934 [BLOWS RASPBERRY] 193 00:08:58,934 --> 00:09:01,267 Tsk, I know. 194 00:09:01,267 --> 00:09:02,801 But she'll come back. 195 00:09:02,801 --> 00:09:04,300 She always does. 196 00:09:04,300 --> 00:09:07,801 Yeah, well, this time we ain't taking her back. 197 00:09:07,801 --> 00:09:10,601 - That ain't for you to decide. - Please. 198 00:09:10,601 --> 00:09:13,534 - Oh, hiya, there, Barney. - Archie, that ain't none of your business-- 199 00:09:13,534 --> 00:09:15,701 Shh. Excuse me-- Shush, will you? 200 00:09:15,701 --> 00:09:18,300 Hi, Barney. It's me, Arch. 201 00:09:18,300 --> 00:09:20,434 Listen, Edith and me was thinking, 202 00:09:20,434 --> 00:09:23,901 how'd you like to come over for dinner tomorrow night, huh? 203 00:09:23,901 --> 00:09:26,501 Would you like that? 204 00:09:26,501 --> 00:09:27,868 Hold the phone. 205 00:09:27,868 --> 00:09:29,767 He'd like to know what you're cooking. 206 00:09:32,033 --> 00:09:33,033 Meatloaf. 207 00:09:33,033 --> 00:09:35,834 Uh, it's meatloaf, Barney. 208 00:09:35,834 --> 00:09:37,334 Hold the phone. 209 00:09:37,334 --> 00:09:40,634 Uh, he says, can you make it a pot roast? 210 00:09:42,701 --> 00:09:45,968 Come on, it ain't like he's asking for duck or something there. 211 00:09:45,968 --> 00:09:47,868 Give. 212 00:09:47,868 --> 00:09:49,801 All right. Pot roast. 213 00:09:49,801 --> 00:09:51,868 You got the pot roast, Barney 214 00:09:51,868 --> 00:09:53,234 Yeah. Uh, listen, 215 00:09:53,234 --> 00:09:56,534 Edith's gonna invite a lady friend of hers over here. 216 00:09:56,534 --> 00:09:59,901 You know, just so we make up a kind of a fourtet here. 217 00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:03,367 - Well, come at 6:00. - No. 218 00:10:03,367 --> 00:10:04,701 - Yeah. - Make it 6:15. 219 00:10:04,701 --> 00:10:05,901 6:15, Barney. 220 00:10:05,901 --> 00:10:08,334 No, you'd better make it 6:30. 221 00:10:08,334 --> 00:10:10,734 6:30, Barney, and that one's final. Bye. 222 00:10:10,734 --> 00:10:12,667 God! Will you let me get to my chair? 223 00:10:12,667 --> 00:10:15,434 Yeah, all right. Hold it, hold it. 224 00:10:15,434 --> 00:10:17,000 [BOTH SIGH] 225 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,400 This might work out there pretty good. 226 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:21,467 Uh, wait-- wait a minute. 227 00:10:21,467 --> 00:10:24,033 What does this Martha whosis woman look like? 228 00:10:24,033 --> 00:10:26,334 - Birkhorn. - Yeah, all right. What? 229 00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:28,667 Well, she's a lovely lady. 230 00:10:28,667 --> 00:10:31,467 She has a wonderful sense of humor, 231 00:10:31,467 --> 00:10:33,367 and she's very peppy. 232 00:10:33,367 --> 00:10:37,434 And she's got lots of charm and personality. 233 00:10:44,567 --> 00:10:47,100 A dog, huh? 234 00:10:54,434 --> 00:10:55,634 [DOORBELL RINGS] 235 00:10:55,634 --> 00:10:58,000 Coming! 236 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,167 Archie! 237 00:11:00,167 --> 00:11:02,367 She's here! 238 00:11:02,367 --> 00:11:03,501 ARCHIE: Give me a minute. 239 00:11:03,501 --> 00:11:05,934 Yeah, all right. 240 00:11:05,934 --> 00:11:06,901 - Oh! - Edith! 241 00:11:08,667 --> 00:11:11,267 - Oh, you look wonderful. - Good to see you! 242 00:11:11,267 --> 00:11:15,434 Oh, my Lord, ain't that beautiful fur? 243 00:11:15,434 --> 00:11:16,501 It's mink. 244 00:11:16,501 --> 00:11:17,567 Oh... 245 00:11:17,567 --> 00:11:18,701 [GIGGLES] 246 00:11:18,701 --> 00:11:23,100 Oh, Martha, you look wonderful. 247 00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:25,033 Edith, is he here yet? 248 00:11:25,033 --> 00:11:27,734 Oh, no. He'll be here at 6:30. 249 00:11:27,734 --> 00:11:29,968 Sit down. 250 00:11:29,968 --> 00:11:32,667 Oh, Edith, everything looks so nice. 251 00:11:32,667 --> 00:11:34,901 - Thank you. - Oh, wow. 252 00:11:34,901 --> 00:11:38,534 I'm so glad you could come. 253 00:11:38,534 --> 00:11:40,501 I'm so glad you invited me. 254 00:11:40,501 --> 00:11:43,868 I didn't want to be alone tonight of all nights. 255 00:11:43,868 --> 00:11:45,834 Why? 256 00:11:45,834 --> 00:11:47,734 Well, if Wally hadn't died, 257 00:11:47,734 --> 00:11:50,501 tonight would have been our silver wedding anniversary. 258 00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:53,701 Ohh... 259 00:11:53,701 --> 00:11:56,868 Well, congratulations. 260 00:11:56,868 --> 00:11:59,601 Well, well, here I am. Sorry for the delay. 261 00:11:59,601 --> 00:12:01,400 I had to kill a thousand-legger 262 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,634 in the bathtub up there and then-- 263 00:12:08,701 --> 00:12:11,334 This is my husband, Archie. 264 00:12:11,334 --> 00:12:14,601 Uh, Archie, this is Martha Birkhorn. 265 00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:16,100 Pleased to meet you. 266 00:12:16,100 --> 00:12:18,300 Yeah, yeah. Pleased to meet you, there. 267 00:12:18,300 --> 00:12:19,367 Yeah. 268 00:12:20,801 --> 00:12:22,734 Well, let's not stand here, huh? 269 00:12:22,734 --> 00:12:25,300 Sit down, make yourself at home there. 270 00:12:25,300 --> 00:12:28,467 Not in this chair, 'cause the back legs are wobbly. 271 00:12:28,467 --> 00:12:31,067 Women always hurt themselves sitting in that chair. 272 00:12:31,067 --> 00:12:32,601 I don't know why. 273 00:12:32,601 --> 00:12:34,734 - Well, sit over here on the couch. - All right. 274 00:12:35,801 --> 00:12:37,501 What? 275 00:12:37,501 --> 00:12:40,934 What is the matter with you? 276 00:12:40,934 --> 00:12:42,334 [GIGGLING] 277 00:12:43,834 --> 00:12:47,467 Well, tell me, dear, Mrs. Birkhorny-- 278 00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:49,701 Call me Martha. 279 00:12:49,701 --> 00:12:51,634 Yeah. Martha, yeah. 280 00:12:51,634 --> 00:12:55,367 So, your old man died. Too bad. How did he go? 281 00:12:57,634 --> 00:12:59,501 Well, it was just before dinner, 282 00:12:59,501 --> 00:13:02,834 and he was sitting all dressed up in his favorite chair, 283 00:13:02,834 --> 00:13:04,801 smoking a cigar... 284 00:13:04,801 --> 00:13:06,434 and poof! 285 00:13:06,434 --> 00:13:08,434 He was gone, just like that. 286 00:13:08,434 --> 00:13:10,400 Oh, gee. 287 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:13,133 Well, what are you gonna do, you know? 288 00:13:19,534 --> 00:13:21,367 What the hell are you looking at? 289 00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:23,601 Nothing. 290 00:13:23,601 --> 00:13:26,934 [EXHALES] Don't interrupt, will ya? 291 00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:30,634 Ha ha. 292 00:13:32,968 --> 00:13:37,000 Hey...you know who else took on a lot of weight? 293 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,267 Elizabeth Taylor. 294 00:13:42,901 --> 00:13:45,634 Do you still have the supermarkets? 295 00:13:45,634 --> 00:13:49,000 No, no. I got a good price, so I sold 'em. 296 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:53,200 Oh, you sold the supermarkets, huh? 297 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:54,634 Well, well. 298 00:13:54,634 --> 00:13:58,501 Well, uh... what did you do with the money? 299 00:13:58,501 --> 00:14:01,033 If I may ask. 300 00:14:01,033 --> 00:14:03,901 Did you invest it or...just blow it? 301 00:14:06,968 --> 00:14:11,300 No, no. I put part in tax-exempt bonds. 302 00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:15,133 And then I heard that diamonds go up in value. 303 00:14:15,133 --> 00:14:18,467 So, with the rest, I bought these. 304 00:14:18,467 --> 00:14:20,567 A girl's best friend, huh? 305 00:14:20,567 --> 00:14:23,100 - Wow. - They're beautiful! 306 00:14:23,100 --> 00:14:25,901 - Get over there and look at them. - Oh, yeah. 307 00:14:25,901 --> 00:14:26,968 Oh... 308 00:14:26,968 --> 00:14:28,601 Look at these earrings here. 309 00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:30,734 - Oh, they're gorgeous. - Are they lovely, Edith? 310 00:14:30,734 --> 00:14:33,434 Oh, Archie. Look at this! 311 00:14:33,434 --> 00:14:36,200 Did you ever see anything like that? 312 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:39,400 Not since Sammy Davis was in the house. 313 00:14:40,701 --> 00:14:43,534 - [DOORBELL RINGS] - Ooh, that must be Barney. 314 00:14:43,534 --> 00:14:44,968 Yeah, I'll open the door for him. 315 00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:47,167 I gotta check my pot roast. 316 00:14:47,167 --> 00:14:48,534 Oh, Edith, let me help. 317 00:14:48,534 --> 00:14:50,334 Yeah, help her up. 318 00:14:50,334 --> 00:14:51,934 No... 319 00:14:51,934 --> 00:14:53,501 No, wait a minute. Wait a minute. 320 00:14:53,501 --> 00:14:55,634 I don't want to see him right away. 321 00:14:55,634 --> 00:14:58,000 What do you mean you don't want to see him? He's here. 322 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,367 Well, don't let him in yet. 323 00:15:07,167 --> 00:15:08,300 Now? 324 00:15:08,300 --> 00:15:10,567 [Edith and Martha] Now. 325 00:15:13,868 --> 00:15:15,968 - Hiya, Barney, my old pal! - Hiya, Arch! 326 00:15:15,968 --> 00:15:18,801 Hey, hey, good to see a smile on your face again. 327 00:15:18,801 --> 00:15:20,467 Yeah. Thanks to you, pal. 328 00:15:20,467 --> 00:15:22,300 Hey, is my date here yet? 329 00:15:22,300 --> 00:15:24,000 Hey, in the kitchen with Edith. 330 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,133 [GIGGLING] 331 00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:26,834 Is she good-looking? 332 00:15:26,834 --> 00:15:29,334 Oh...she ain't bad, Barn. 333 00:15:30,868 --> 00:15:32,234 Is she young? 334 00:15:33,601 --> 00:15:34,834 She ain't old. 335 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:38,267 Has she got a good figure? 336 00:15:46,167 --> 00:15:49,968 Hey...did you ever see Elizabeth Taylor? 337 00:15:49,968 --> 00:15:52,467 Wow! He he he! 338 00:15:52,467 --> 00:15:54,267 He he! Whoa! 339 00:15:55,334 --> 00:15:56,601 I mean, lately. 340 00:15:59,267 --> 00:16:00,200 Huh? 341 00:16:01,267 --> 00:16:03,267 Now, listen, Barney. 342 00:16:03,267 --> 00:16:05,701 This here is a lovely lady, you know? 343 00:16:05,701 --> 00:16:08,901 She's a good sport there and--and she's peppy 344 00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:11,934 and she's got loads of charm and personality. 345 00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:15,801 A dog, huh? 346 00:16:15,801 --> 00:16:18,100 - Barney, don't start this-- - Here we are! 347 00:16:18,100 --> 00:16:20,701 Give it a chance here. 348 00:16:29,234 --> 00:16:31,167 [NO AUDIO] 349 00:16:36,901 --> 00:16:39,234 Go ahead. Don't be scared, Barney. 350 00:16:41,033 --> 00:16:42,100 [PANTING] 351 00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:45,300 Martha, this is Barney Hefner. 352 00:16:45,300 --> 00:16:48,634 Barney, this is Martha Birkhorn. 353 00:17:04,234 --> 00:17:05,767 Come on there, kids. 354 00:17:05,767 --> 00:17:07,033 Come on there. 355 00:17:07,033 --> 00:17:09,434 Let's hear the old "pleased to meet youse." 356 00:17:09,434 --> 00:17:10,634 Uh, Barney? 357 00:17:18,167 --> 00:17:20,567 - Pleased to meet you. - Pleased to meet you. 358 00:17:20,567 --> 00:17:22,667 There you are. That's swell, uh? 359 00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:24,601 Well, Barney, say something else. 360 00:17:24,601 --> 00:17:26,367 Can I see you in the kitchen, Arch? 361 00:17:26,367 --> 00:17:27,434 No! 362 00:17:27,434 --> 00:17:29,767 It's important. 363 00:17:29,767 --> 00:17:33,067 All right then, Barney. Give us a minute or two. 364 00:17:33,067 --> 00:17:35,934 Barney wants to see me in the kitchen. Just make yourselves at home. 365 00:17:35,934 --> 00:17:40,100 Edith, don't stand there. Show the guest where to sit down. 366 00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:42,067 Keep her outta my chair. 367 00:17:42,067 --> 00:17:44,467 - What the hell you want in the kitchen? - The back door. 368 00:17:44,467 --> 00:17:47,601 Oh, no, you stay over here. 369 00:17:47,601 --> 00:17:50,000 You ain't gonna stick me with that dame. 370 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,167 Just a minute. 371 00:17:51,167 --> 00:17:53,434 As regards that dame, 372 00:17:53,434 --> 00:17:54,868 putting everything aside-- 373 00:17:54,868 --> 00:17:56,367 If you could lift it. 374 00:17:56,367 --> 00:17:58,734 Hold it, hold it, hold it. 375 00:17:58,734 --> 00:18:02,267 - She happens to be a wealthy widow. - Huh? 376 00:18:02,267 --> 00:18:04,667 She used to own three supermarkets. 377 00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:06,934 Used to. Well, they're gone now. 378 00:18:06,934 --> 00:18:07,968 She ate 'em. 379 00:18:10,968 --> 00:18:13,334 Here. 380 00:18:13,334 --> 00:18:16,901 You ain't walking out on Edith's beautiful pot roast here. 381 00:18:16,901 --> 00:18:18,767 Look at this, huh? 382 00:18:18,767 --> 00:18:22,167 With the little new potatoes golden in the grease there 383 00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:25,234 and the carrots, and the little pearl onions. 384 00:18:25,234 --> 00:18:26,968 Smell that gravy there. 385 00:18:26,968 --> 00:18:29,501 You louse, you. 386 00:18:29,501 --> 00:18:31,567 Okay, for Edith's sake, I'll stay. 387 00:18:31,567 --> 00:18:34,534 But I'll tell you one thing, I ain't for sale. 388 00:18:34,534 --> 00:18:37,834 Oh, come on. We ain't trying to sell you. 389 00:18:37,834 --> 00:18:40,267 We'd be lucky to give you away. 390 00:18:40,267 --> 00:18:41,767 Get out there! 391 00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:45,334 [SIGHS] 392 00:18:51,167 --> 00:18:54,834 Edith, this has been my happiest week in years. 393 00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:58,300 You know, Barney and me, 394 00:18:58,300 --> 00:19:01,567 we've been out to dinner and the theater three times, 395 00:19:01,567 --> 00:19:04,267 and Barney says he's having such fun. 396 00:19:06,067 --> 00:19:07,801 That's nice. 397 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:11,400 What's the matter? 398 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:13,868 Oh, nothing. 399 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,801 I'll bet you think Barney's after my money. 400 00:19:25,434 --> 00:19:26,767 Yeah. 401 00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:31,567 Well, it isn't true. 402 00:19:31,567 --> 00:19:33,834 Sometimes I buy the theater tickets, 403 00:19:33,834 --> 00:19:36,501 but Barney pays for dinner and a cab. 404 00:19:36,501 --> 00:19:39,634 Sometimes I buy the popcorn and Coke, 405 00:19:39,634 --> 00:19:41,968 and Barney pays for the movie. 406 00:19:41,968 --> 00:19:44,200 And sometimes I pay for something, 407 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:47,000 and Barney pays for something else. 408 00:19:48,934 --> 00:19:52,367 Look at me, Edith. I'm no beauty. 409 00:19:52,367 --> 00:19:53,834 Oh... 410 00:19:53,834 --> 00:19:58,100 You know, they say money can't buy happiness. 411 00:19:59,534 --> 00:20:03,267 Well, I'm happy with whatever it's buying me. 412 00:20:03,267 --> 00:20:05,968 You know, Barney is a very nice man. 413 00:20:05,968 --> 00:20:08,534 I--He's lots of fun, 414 00:20:08,534 --> 00:20:11,667 and I...I like being with him. 415 00:20:11,667 --> 00:20:15,567 He--he makes me feel wanted. 416 00:20:15,567 --> 00:20:18,133 And sometimes when he looks at me, 417 00:20:18,133 --> 00:20:20,434 I know he's seeing me... 418 00:20:20,434 --> 00:20:22,467 not my money. 419 00:20:24,367 --> 00:20:26,667 Oh, Martha. 420 00:20:26,667 --> 00:20:29,934 I'm sorry I said that. 421 00:20:29,934 --> 00:20:32,434 It's all right. 422 00:20:33,934 --> 00:20:35,367 You know what? 423 00:20:35,367 --> 00:20:38,133 He's cooking dinner for me tonight. 424 00:20:38,133 --> 00:20:39,901 Low-cal. 425 00:20:39,901 --> 00:20:41,400 Oh... 426 00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:43,968 - Ain't that sweet? - Yeah. 427 00:20:43,968 --> 00:20:45,868 And we're going bowling after. 428 00:20:45,868 --> 00:20:48,100 Oh... 429 00:20:49,968 --> 00:20:51,734 Edith, I want to thank you and Archie 430 00:20:51,734 --> 00:20:54,501 for bringing us together. 431 00:20:54,501 --> 00:20:56,300 I know you know what it means 432 00:20:56,300 --> 00:20:58,934 to have a thoughtful man in your life. 433 00:21:01,601 --> 00:21:04,300 Oh...yeah, I do. 434 00:21:06,300 --> 00:21:09,000 Well, I just hope you never have to know 435 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:12,167 what it's like to-- to be without one. 436 00:21:13,534 --> 00:21:16,467 Oh, Martha. Tsk. 437 00:21:16,467 --> 00:21:19,400 Have another cake. 438 00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:20,868 Hey, hey, hey. 439 00:21:20,868 --> 00:21:23,234 Is my little butterball in there? 440 00:21:23,234 --> 00:21:26,534 - Barney! - Here we come, Barney! 441 00:21:26,534 --> 00:21:27,634 Hey, Big Momma! 442 00:21:27,634 --> 00:21:29,234 Big Daddy's here! 443 00:21:29,234 --> 00:21:30,868 [LAUGHING] 444 00:21:30,868 --> 00:21:32,400 How are you, honey? Hi, Edith. 445 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:35,267 Hi, Barney. Here, you take the rest of the cakes. 446 00:21:35,267 --> 00:21:36,634 Cake? 447 00:21:36,634 --> 00:21:39,868 Hey, I thought we were gonna kick them goodies. 448 00:21:39,868 --> 00:21:43,334 Well, maybe we could jog a little longer tomorrow. 449 00:21:43,334 --> 00:21:44,467 [GIGGLING] 450 00:21:44,467 --> 00:21:45,767 Okay, but come on. 451 00:21:45,767 --> 00:21:47,601 We gotta go now. Dinner's ready. 452 00:21:47,601 --> 00:21:50,067 - Bye-bye, Edith. - Bye, Barney! 453 00:21:51,133 --> 00:21:54,534 - Thank you, Edith. - Ohh... 454 00:21:54,534 --> 00:21:55,734 BARNEY: Come on, sweetheart. 455 00:21:55,734 --> 00:21:56,934 - Bye-bye, Edith. - Bye. 456 00:21:56,934 --> 00:21:58,667 - Have fun! - Thank you! 457 00:21:58,667 --> 00:21:59,601 Tsk. 458 00:22:03,033 --> 00:22:06,033 Oh, thank God. I thought they'd never leave. 459 00:22:06,033 --> 00:22:09,033 Archie! Guess what? 460 00:22:09,033 --> 00:22:11,133 I don't have to guess, I heard. 461 00:22:11,133 --> 00:22:13,601 - The two of them are an item. - Yeah. 462 00:22:13,601 --> 00:22:17,234 I ain't surprised. I threw them together, didn't I? 463 00:22:17,234 --> 00:22:21,300 But what's gonna happen if Blanche comes back? 464 00:22:21,300 --> 00:22:23,067 Oh, well, I don't know. 465 00:22:23,067 --> 00:22:25,467 I mean, them things are, as they say, 466 00:22:25,467 --> 00:22:27,934 in the lap of the cards. 467 00:22:31,467 --> 00:22:33,667 Anyway, if she does, uh... 468 00:22:33,667 --> 00:22:37,234 well, all Barney's got to do is wreck his TV set there, 469 00:22:37,234 --> 00:22:40,501 or his icebox or punch holes in his roof, 470 00:22:40,501 --> 00:22:43,501 or throw nails in his washing machine. 471 00:22:44,734 --> 00:22:46,868 What good would that do? 472 00:22:46,868 --> 00:22:50,434 Well, then he'll have four repairmen over the house, you know? 473 00:22:50,434 --> 00:22:53,701 Within about 25 minutes Blanche would run away with one of them. 474 00:22:54,767 --> 00:22:57,300 Oh, Archie... 475 00:22:57,300 --> 00:23:00,300 Oh, I know them kind of women, Edith. 476 00:23:00,300 --> 00:23:01,801 - Oh... - Yeah. 477 00:23:01,801 --> 00:23:04,767 Easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy! 478 00:23:04,767 --> 00:23:06,434 Edith, don't--Easy! 479 00:23:06,434 --> 00:23:08,601 Love should never hurt! 480 00:23:28,834 --> 00:23:31,200 [***] 481 00:23:48,300 --> 00:23:51,100 All In The Family was played to a studio audience 482 00:23:51,100 --> 00:23:52,567 for live responses. 483 00:23:52,617 --> 00:23:57,167 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 33469

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