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1
00:00:01,667 --> 00:00:05,133
Boy, the way Glenn Miller played
2
00:00:05,133 --> 00:00:08,634
Songs that made the hit parade
3
00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:11,734
Guys like us, we had it made
4
00:00:11,734 --> 00:00:14,734
Those were the days
5
00:00:14,734 --> 00:00:18,767
And you knew where you were then
6
00:00:18,767 --> 00:00:22,033
Girls were girls, and men were men
7
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Mister, we could use a man
like Herbert Hoover again
8
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:30,534
Didn't need no welfare state
9
00:00:30,534 --> 00:00:34,000
Everybody pulled his weight
10
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Gee, our old LaSalle ran great
11
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Those were the days
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EDITH: I'm in the kitchen, Archie.
13
00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:00,767
Hello, Archie.
14
00:01:05,067 --> 00:01:06,968
Archie?
15
00:01:09,234 --> 00:01:13,534
Archie, did you come in?
16
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[WATER FLUSHING]
17
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[SIGHS]
18
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Oh, you did.
19
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STEPHIE: It's me, Aunt Edith.
20
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Oh, it's you.
21
00:01:26,534 --> 00:01:27,968
Oh. [KISS]
22
00:01:27,968 --> 00:01:30,667
You sounded like your Uncle Archie.
23
00:01:30,667 --> 00:01:33,300
I got ladyfingers for you.
24
00:01:33,300 --> 00:01:34,434
No, thanks.
25
00:01:34,434 --> 00:01:36,133
Oh, they're big.
26
00:01:36,133 --> 00:01:38,200
They could be lady thumbs.
27
00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:42,067
No, thanks.
28
00:01:42,067 --> 00:01:44,801
Well, what's the matter?
29
00:01:44,801 --> 00:01:45,901
Nothing.
30
00:01:49,133 --> 00:01:52,133
Did something go wrong at school?
31
00:01:52,133 --> 00:01:53,067
No.
32
00:01:56,234 --> 00:01:59,901
Oh, come on.
33
00:01:59,901 --> 00:02:02,801
You are sad about something.
34
00:02:02,801 --> 00:02:04,634
I'm happy.
35
00:02:04,634 --> 00:02:07,834
Oh, no, you ain't.
36
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Come on, tell me.
37
00:02:10,667 --> 00:02:11,734
I'm lucky.
38
00:02:11,734 --> 00:02:14,000
All the other kids have
to find songs to sing
39
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,634
and poems to recite, but not me.
40
00:02:16,634 --> 00:02:20,000
What are you talking about?
41
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:22,868
They're getting ready for
parents and children's night.
42
00:02:27,067 --> 00:02:29,267
'Cause I don't have any parents.
43
00:02:32,934 --> 00:02:38,434
Oh, of course you do.
44
00:02:39,501 --> 00:02:43,100
Why, you got me and Archie.
45
00:02:43,100 --> 00:02:48,901
As long as you're living here,
we're your mommy and daddy.
46
00:02:48,901 --> 00:02:50,434
I'm the mommy.
47
00:02:54,534 --> 00:02:58,434
I could be in the show
with you, if you want.
48
00:02:59,601 --> 00:03:01,868
I could sing.
49
00:03:04,634 --> 00:03:07,734
I knew you'd like that.
50
00:03:07,734 --> 00:03:09,601
Now, let's see what'll we do.
51
00:03:09,601 --> 00:03:12,300
Oh, I know. "Little Glowworm."
52
00:03:12,300 --> 00:03:15,100
Oh, they love this.
53
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[PLAYING]
Glow, little glowworm
54
00:03:21,567 --> 00:03:23,167
Glimmer, gli--
55
00:03:23,167 --> 00:03:24,567
Come on and sing.
56
00:03:24,567 --> 00:03:26,434
It don't matter if you don't know it.
57
00:03:26,434 --> 00:03:29,667
Just do what I do, and you'll be perfect.
58
00:03:29,667 --> 00:03:32,467
Glow, little glowworm
59
00:03:32,467 --> 00:03:34,634
Glimmer, glimmer
60
00:03:34,634 --> 00:03:37,701
Glow, little glowworm
61
00:03:37,701 --> 00:03:39,934
Glimmer, glimmer
62
00:03:39,934 --> 00:03:45,133
Lead us lest too far we wander
63
00:03:45,133 --> 00:03:48,601
Love's sweet voice is calling yonder
64
00:03:48,601 --> 00:03:51,434
Give me a break over here, will you?
65
00:03:51,434 --> 00:03:54,267
- Edith, Edith, calm--calm-- - Oh.
66
00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:55,868
Hi, Archie.
67
00:03:55,868 --> 00:03:58,767
Jeez, I feel like I've
been gunned down here.
68
00:04:01,167 --> 00:04:04,300
What the hell is this,
The Singing Dingbats?
69
00:04:06,033 --> 00:04:08,434
Oh...
70
00:04:08,434 --> 00:04:10,100
Guess what?
71
00:04:10,100 --> 00:04:11,667
I don't want to guess nothing.
72
00:04:11,667 --> 00:04:15,133
Stephie and me are gonna sing a duet.
73
00:04:15,133 --> 00:04:17,334
Oh, jeez, well, I guessed that. Where?
74
00:04:17,334 --> 00:04:21,968
- At school, for parent and children's night.
- Oh.
75
00:04:21,968 --> 00:04:23,968
Edith, the two of youse
ain't gonna go out there
76
00:04:23,968 --> 00:04:25,634
and sing that in front of the world,
77
00:04:25,634 --> 00:04:27,434
in front of all 'em parents?
78
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:28,501
They're our acquaintances,
79
00:04:28,501 --> 00:04:29,734
and neighbors and near neighbors.
80
00:04:29,734 --> 00:04:31,667
- Oh. - Yeah, and in front of you.
81
00:04:31,667 --> 00:04:33,334
Oh, no. Oh, no, not me.
82
00:04:33,334 --> 00:04:35,601
- I ain't gonna be there, Edith.
- Oh, yes, you are.
83
00:04:35,601 --> 00:04:37,234
I ain't gonna be there, Edith.
84
00:04:37,234 --> 00:04:40,033
In fact, you might as well run
out and buy me some chopsticks.
85
00:04:41,133 --> 00:04:42,701
What for?
86
00:04:42,701 --> 00:04:45,267
'Cause if youse two go
on with this in public,
87
00:04:45,267 --> 00:04:47,734
I'm gonna be hiding in China.
88
00:04:47,734 --> 00:04:50,801
Aunt Edith's singing isn't so bad.
89
00:04:50,801 --> 00:04:52,701
Thank you.
90
00:04:52,701 --> 00:04:54,200
You're young yet there, kiddo.
91
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:56,000
Your ears haven't opened fully.
92
00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:01,400
Why do you always make jokes
about Aunt Edith's singing?
93
00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:03,100
They ain't jokes.
94
00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:05,300
Them is serious cries from the heart.
95
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:11,367
You always said you liked my
singing when you was courting me.
96
00:05:11,367 --> 00:05:13,234
Oh, well, Edith, jeez.
97
00:05:13,234 --> 00:05:15,934
If everybody told the truth
while they was courting,
98
00:05:15,934 --> 00:05:18,667
there wouldn't be no marriages.
99
00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:23,834
Archie, me and Stephie are gonna practice.
100
00:05:23,834 --> 00:05:26,567
You're gonna be proud of us. Ain't he?
101
00:05:26,567 --> 00:05:29,634
Proud of youse? If you really
go on with this thing, Edith,
102
00:05:29,634 --> 00:05:32,601
I'm liable to go out and change my name.
103
00:05:34,234 --> 00:05:36,767
Archie, people love it.
104
00:05:36,767 --> 00:05:40,100
That's entertainment
105
00:05:40,100 --> 00:05:44,367
Entertainment
I hate entertainment.
106
00:05:44,367 --> 00:05:46,367
Entertainment is a thing of the past.
107
00:05:46,367 --> 00:05:48,400
Today we got television.
108
00:05:52,033 --> 00:05:54,634
Can we do this one, Aunt Edith?
109
00:05:54,634 --> 00:05:56,133
"Sister Kate."
110
00:05:56,133 --> 00:06:00,334
Oh, yeah. Remember "Sister Kate," Archie?
111
00:06:00,334 --> 00:06:02,534
Oh, yeah. That was that dumb movie
112
00:06:02,534 --> 00:06:06,634
about nuns starring "Ingrid Bernstein."
113
00:06:06,634 --> 00:06:09,400
No, no. This is a good song.
114
00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:11,567
Now, we're gonna start
115
00:06:11,567 --> 00:06:14,601
and we're gonna practice night and day,
116
00:06:14,601 --> 00:06:17,100
so we get every note perfect.
117
00:06:17,100 --> 00:06:18,567
Oh, God.
118
00:06:18,567 --> 00:06:19,901
[PLAYING]
119
00:06:19,901 --> 00:06:24,501
Went to a dance with my sister Kate
120
00:06:24,501 --> 00:06:28,701
Everyone there said she danced so great
121
00:06:28,701 --> 00:06:32,200
I realized a thing or two
122
00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:35,033
I hope you're noting this down, Lord.
123
00:06:35,033 --> 00:06:37,067
Hey, I'm paying for sins here.
124
00:06:37,067 --> 00:06:39,000
[SINGING AND PLAYING CONTINUE]
125
00:06:42,133 --> 00:06:46,167
Went to a dance with my sister Kate
126
00:06:46,167 --> 00:06:52,100
Everyone there said she danced so great
127
00:06:52,100 --> 00:06:56,334
I realized a thing or two
128
00:06:56,334 --> 00:06:58,100
[COUGHS]
129
00:06:58,100 --> 00:07:03,200
That I got wise to something new
130
00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:07,868
Went to a dance with my sister Kate
131
00:07:07,868 --> 00:07:12,434
Everyone there said she danced so great
132
00:07:12,434 --> 00:07:16,367
I realized a thing or two
133
00:07:16,367 --> 00:07:17,834
[COUGHS]
134
00:07:17,834 --> 00:07:22,567
That I got wise to something new
135
00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:26,701
Went to a dance with my sister Kate
136
00:07:26,701 --> 00:07:31,400
Everyone there said she danced so great
137
00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:34,634
I realized a thing or two
138
00:07:34,634 --> 00:07:35,901
[COUGHS]
139
00:07:35,901 --> 00:07:39,334
That I got wise to something new
140
00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:42,634
Went to a dance with my sister Kate
141
00:07:42,634 --> 00:07:46,000
Everyone there said she danced so great
142
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:49,367
I realized a thing or two
143
00:07:49,367 --> 00:07:51,834
That I got wise to something new
144
00:07:51,834 --> 00:07:53,734
Will you leave me alone?
145
00:07:53,734 --> 00:07:56,501
Listen, I couldn't go to that
thing even if I wanted to.
146
00:07:56,501 --> 00:07:58,300
Suppose we get busy in here tonight.
147
00:07:58,300 --> 00:07:59,701
I can handle it.
148
00:07:59,701 --> 00:08:01,634
I think you oughta go to the school show.
149
00:08:01,634 --> 00:08:03,267
I hate school shows.
150
00:08:03,267 --> 00:08:05,767
I hated school shows ever
since I was this high.
151
00:08:05,767 --> 00:08:08,300
God, will I ever forget them?
152
00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:11,267
There was always some kid pounding a piano,
153
00:08:11,267 --> 00:08:13,968
and then there was always
some four-eyed sissy
154
00:08:13,968 --> 00:08:16,534
torturing a violin,
155
00:08:16,534 --> 00:08:21,067
and some fat slob reciting "Trees".
156
00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:26,434
And then there was always the black
kid singing "My Yiddishe Mama."
157
00:08:26,434 --> 00:08:28,934
Hey, come on, Arch. I got the cards ready.
158
00:08:28,934 --> 00:08:31,200
- Okay, I'll be right with you there.
- What's going on?
159
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:33,467
This guy thinks he's gonna
take some money off me.
160
00:08:33,467 --> 00:08:35,767
- Come on, get your dollar up.
- And where the hell is yours?
161
00:08:35,767 --> 00:08:38,834
- Right here, here it is.
- Put it up. There's mine. What do we do?
162
00:08:38,834 --> 00:08:40,033
All right, now.
163
00:08:40,033 --> 00:08:41,901
- Here's a pair of kings. - Yeah.
164
00:08:41,901 --> 00:08:43,667
- Here's a pair of queens. - Yeah.
165
00:08:43,667 --> 00:08:45,267
Which pair do you take?
166
00:08:48,701 --> 00:08:50,000
Are you kidding?
167
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:51,000
No.
168
00:08:52,267 --> 00:08:55,601
Which pair do I take? I take this pair.
169
00:08:55,601 --> 00:08:58,100
And I take this pair. Ha ha ha.
170
00:08:58,100 --> 00:08:59,968
Wait, wait.
171
00:08:59,968 --> 00:09:01,100
[LAUGHS]
172
00:09:01,100 --> 00:09:03,501
What the hell are you laughing at there?
173
00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:05,601
What kind of a gag is this?
174
00:09:05,601 --> 00:09:07,701
There's no gag, you had your choice.
175
00:09:07,701 --> 00:09:10,200
All right, all right. Well,
I want another choice.
176
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:11,701
- Oh, no. - Oh, yes.
177
00:09:11,701 --> 00:09:13,334
- I want a return match. Come on. - Oh, no.
178
00:09:13,334 --> 00:09:14,567
Get a dollar up there.
179
00:09:14,567 --> 00:09:16,334
Oh, well, I'm being coerced.
180
00:09:16,334 --> 00:09:18,734
- All right, go ahead. - All right.
181
00:09:18,734 --> 00:09:21,434
Now, like I said before,
here's a pair of kings.
182
00:09:21,434 --> 00:09:22,934
I see them there.
183
00:09:22,934 --> 00:09:24,801
- And here's a pair of queens.
- I see the queens, yeah.
184
00:09:24,801 --> 00:09:26,334
All right, which pair do you take?
185
00:09:26,334 --> 00:09:28,200
Oh, well, hold it, wise guy.
186
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:32,200
What do you think, I just drove in
from Long Island on a load of turnips?
187
00:09:34,467 --> 00:09:38,000
This time you go first.
Which pair do you take?
188
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:40,567
I take this pair. Ha ha ha.
189
00:09:40,567 --> 00:09:42,167
Now, wait a minute.
190
00:09:42,167 --> 00:09:43,200
This is supposed--
191
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:45,000
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
192
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,100
Will you deal me a hand
? You keep a hand yourself--
193
00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:50,367
- Oh, wait, I got another one.
- Never mind the other one.
194
00:09:50,367 --> 00:09:51,701
- Arch... Arch! - Just a minute.
195
00:09:51,701 --> 00:09:53,434
- What do you want? - It's for you.
196
00:09:53,434 --> 00:09:55,467
Just a minute. I don't want the other one.
197
00:09:55,467 --> 00:09:59,267
I want the same one. I'll be back
with you in a minute there, wise guy.
198
00:09:59,267 --> 00:10:02,434
Hello. Oh, hello there, Rosemarie.
199
00:10:02,434 --> 00:10:03,767
BOTH MEN: Stephanie!
200
00:10:03,767 --> 00:10:06,567
Shush up, youse.
201
00:10:06,567 --> 00:10:08,167
Yeah, what d'you want?
202
00:10:11,868 --> 00:10:13,434
Something awful's happened.
203
00:10:13,434 --> 00:10:15,234
Aunt Edith can't sing.
204
00:10:15,234 --> 00:10:18,968
Well, who said she ever could?
205
00:10:18,968 --> 00:10:20,767
I mean, she lost her voice,
206
00:10:20,767 --> 00:10:23,934
and the show's tonight,
and she sounds terrible.
207
00:10:23,934 --> 00:10:26,667
Well, wait a minute, kiddo,
don't be upset, see,
208
00:10:26,667 --> 00:10:29,334
your Aunt Edith ain't lost her voice...
209
00:10:29,334 --> 00:10:32,234
that is her voice.
210
00:10:32,234 --> 00:10:35,434
No. I mean, she can't talk either.
211
00:10:35,434 --> 00:10:38,367
She opens her mouth and nothing comes out.
212
00:10:38,367 --> 00:10:40,467
Listen.
213
00:10:40,467 --> 00:10:44,834
[HOARSELY] Ahh ahh ahh.
214
00:10:46,100 --> 00:10:48,334
Is that you, Edith?
215
00:10:48,334 --> 00:10:51,033
[HOARSELY] I can't talk.
216
00:10:51,033 --> 00:10:52,334
[COUGHS]
217
00:10:52,334 --> 00:10:53,901
See?
218
00:10:53,901 --> 00:10:57,400
She sounds like she's in a bottle.
219
00:10:57,400 --> 00:11:01,734
Well, all right, but what
does she want me to do, huh?
220
00:11:01,734 --> 00:11:04,767
Friedman's Pharmacy, pick
up a prescription there?
221
00:11:04,767 --> 00:11:06,434
All right, tell her I'll do that.
222
00:11:06,434 --> 00:11:08,234
I'll be right home. Good-bye.
223
00:11:09,701 --> 00:11:11,000
What happened, Arch?
224
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,567
There's something wrong with Edith.
225
00:11:12,567 --> 00:11:14,567
She opens her mouth and nothing comes out.
226
00:11:14,567 --> 00:11:17,100
You better hurry home so you can enjoy it.
227
00:11:17,100 --> 00:11:18,601
[FAKE LAUGH]
228
00:11:18,601 --> 00:11:20,000
Oh, yeah, but, gee,
229
00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:22,834
I hope it ain't that old
trouble coming back, you know?
230
00:11:22,834 --> 00:11:25,734
Oh, gee, then it would be
a kind of an emergency.
231
00:11:25,734 --> 00:11:27,100
I don't know what to do.
232
00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:29,000
Could you lend me a deuce for a cab?
233
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,400
- Oh, sure, Arch. Here.
- Oh, yeah. Oh, gee.
234
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:34,434
God bless you. But I think I'll walk.
235
00:11:44,100 --> 00:11:46,300
Hey, Edith, there.
236
00:11:46,300 --> 00:11:49,000
I'm home with your medicine here.
237
00:11:50,300 --> 00:11:51,934
[NO AUDIO]
238
00:11:57,667 --> 00:12:00,968
Well, it's a new approach, Edith.
239
00:12:00,968 --> 00:12:03,367
Did Dr. Shapiro call you from his club
240
00:12:03,367 --> 00:12:05,834
or from his Lincoln Continental?
241
00:12:05,834 --> 00:12:09,734
There. But he examined you
over the phone as usual, huh?
242
00:12:09,734 --> 00:12:13,167
Yeah. I hope he gave us a
discount for distance.
243
00:12:13,167 --> 00:12:16,667
Listen, I--I want to take a
look at your throat, Edith.
244
00:12:16,667 --> 00:12:18,334
Open up your mouth there.
245
00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:24,567
Oh, jeez, it looks... it looks
terrible in there, Edith.
246
00:12:24,567 --> 00:12:27,334
All right, give me a-- give me an "ahh."
247
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,667
She writes me an "ahh."
248
00:12:36,667 --> 00:12:38,467
Edith, Edith, listen.
249
00:12:38,467 --> 00:12:40,267
This could be serious, you know.
250
00:12:40,267 --> 00:12:43,534
I mean, maybe we oughta take you
to see some kind of specialist.
251
00:12:43,534 --> 00:12:46,901
Can you remember what brung-- brung it on?
252
00:12:48,067 --> 00:12:49,767
No, no. Don't write it, Edith.
253
00:12:49,767 --> 00:12:52,133
Can't you just tell me?
254
00:12:52,133 --> 00:12:53,467
Oh, you can't talk.
255
00:12:53,467 --> 00:12:56,267
Well, do what you done before
on the phone, you know.
256
00:12:56,267 --> 00:12:57,501
The hissing at me.
257
00:12:57,501 --> 00:12:58,834
[NO AUDIO]
258
00:12:58,834 --> 00:13:02,033
The doctor says, "No whispering."
259
00:13:02,033 --> 00:13:04,467
Yeah, well, all right, go ahead.
Write it out to me.
260
00:13:04,467 --> 00:13:05,467
God.
261
00:14:06,868 --> 00:14:08,300
[SIGHS]
262
00:14:12,634 --> 00:14:14,300
What the hell are we doing here?
263
00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:17,634
Edith, will you stifle yourself over there?
264
00:14:17,634 --> 00:14:19,133
Let me read that.
265
00:14:19,133 --> 00:14:21,200
[NO AUDIO]
266
00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:24,033
Bring it over to me!
267
00:14:31,501 --> 00:14:33,067
[GRUNTS]
268
00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:36,400
[COUGHS]
269
00:14:37,467 --> 00:14:39,200
[GRUMBLES]
270
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:42,601
See what the hell she's got here.
"This thing
271
00:14:42,601 --> 00:14:46,000
"happened once before in our family.
272
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,834
"In 1943...
273
00:14:52,501 --> 00:14:56,400
"In 1943, my Aunt Lou and Uncle Dalton
274
00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:59,300
- "was collecting rubber and tin cans...
- [NO AUDIO]
275
00:14:59,300 --> 00:15:03,968
"for the scrap drive to
win the war, in Brooklyn.
276
00:15:05,067 --> 00:15:08,734
"While they was crossing Flatbush Avenue...
277
00:15:08,734 --> 00:15:13,734
It was at the corner of
DeKalb and Flatbush."
278
00:15:16,334 --> 00:15:19,567
This here is very suspenseful, Edith.
279
00:15:24,934 --> 00:15:29,701
"Only Aunt Lou knew the
DeKalb Avenue trolley
280
00:15:29,701 --> 00:15:32,767
was bearing down on them."
281
00:15:34,033 --> 00:15:36,167
Couldn't Dalton hear the damn thing?
282
00:15:38,801 --> 00:15:40,167
Oh....
283
00:15:40,167 --> 00:15:44,133
"Uncle Dalton was hard of hearing.
284
00:15:44,133 --> 00:15:47,734
Aunt Lou had lost her voice."
285
00:15:47,734 --> 00:15:49,701
What a perfect pair.
286
00:15:51,334 --> 00:15:55,467
"So she couldn't warn him.
All of a sudden..."
287
00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:02,634
All of a sudden what?
288
00:16:05,634 --> 00:16:07,100
They was hit by the trolley?
289
00:16:11,434 --> 00:16:12,734
Killed, I hope?
290
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:16,567
- [NO AUDIO] - Aunt Lou was killed!
291
00:16:16,567 --> 00:16:18,767
[NO AUDIO]
292
00:16:18,767 --> 00:16:20,767
She got her voice back?
293
00:16:20,767 --> 00:16:23,968
Yeah. Well, Dalton at least was killed.
294
00:16:26,133 --> 00:16:28,200
He got cauliflower ears?
295
00:16:30,767 --> 00:16:32,334
He got his hearing back?
296
00:16:32,334 --> 00:16:34,200
Oh, jeez, but, Edith,
297
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:36,734
where does all this leave us
298
00:16:36,734 --> 00:16:39,901
with regards to the question here at hand?
299
00:16:48,567 --> 00:16:51,801
[NO AUDIO]
300
00:16:54,234 --> 00:16:58,467
The question was: how did
you lose your voice?
301
00:17:02,667 --> 00:17:05,133
Don't write it, Edith.
302
00:17:05,133 --> 00:17:07,334
I don't care no more.
303
00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:10,434
Hi, Uncle Archie.
304
00:17:10,434 --> 00:17:12,234
Now we're talking here.
305
00:17:12,234 --> 00:17:13,734
Are you any better, Aunt Edith?
306
00:17:13,734 --> 00:17:16,067
- No, she ain't no better, no. - [COUGHS]
307
00:17:16,067 --> 00:17:18,267
You hear that cough there?
308
00:17:18,267 --> 00:17:22,033
That's the smog over New
York does that, see?
309
00:17:22,033 --> 00:17:25,200
And she ain't liable to
be better soon, either.
310
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:27,767
A thing like this could
take two, three days,
311
00:17:27,767 --> 00:17:30,634
maybe-- maybe a year.
312
00:17:30,634 --> 00:17:33,133
Then we can't be in the show tonight?
313
00:17:33,133 --> 00:17:36,534
Well, don't look so "chestfallen" about it.
314
00:17:36,534 --> 00:17:38,701
That means that, uh, tomorrow morning,
315
00:17:38,701 --> 00:17:41,534
you won't wake up dyin' of shame, huh?
316
00:17:41,534 --> 00:17:43,734
You stay home tonight, and you watch TV.
317
00:17:43,734 --> 00:17:45,467
That's the best thing to do.
318
00:17:45,467 --> 00:17:47,467
Hey, I see by the Guide there
319
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:50,067
that there's a good animal show on,
320
00:17:50,067 --> 00:17:52,801
you know, with that kindly
old gent, "Marlons Perkos."
321
00:17:52,801 --> 00:17:54,334
You can watch that.
322
00:17:54,334 --> 00:17:57,067
He's gonna show you how an anaconda snake
323
00:17:57,067 --> 00:17:59,934
can swallow a whole Brazilian soldier.
324
00:18:02,300 --> 00:18:04,133
[NO AUDIO]
325
00:18:04,133 --> 00:18:06,067
I...
326
00:18:06,067 --> 00:18:07,234
have...
327
00:18:07,234 --> 00:18:09,367
an idea.
328
00:18:09,367 --> 00:18:11,400
You and me...
329
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:13,434
will go...
330
00:18:13,434 --> 00:18:15,200
to the show.
331
00:18:16,467 --> 00:18:19,200
I will sing...
332
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:21,367
alone.
333
00:18:21,367 --> 00:18:24,234
You... will play the piano.
334
00:18:26,167 --> 00:18:28,834
But Dr. Shapiro says you shouldn't go out.
335
00:18:28,834 --> 00:18:30,968
I don't think he'd like it either.
336
00:18:33,667 --> 00:18:35,701
Uncle Archie wouldn't like it.
337
00:18:39,167 --> 00:18:41,934
Sew...
338
00:18:41,934 --> 00:18:43,968
what?
339
00:18:43,968 --> 00:18:45,567
So what?
340
00:18:58,100 --> 00:19:00,267
- Oh, you're stuck? - Yeah.
341
00:19:00,267 --> 00:19:02,067
You don't know how to
play this game, do you?
342
00:19:02,067 --> 00:19:03,267
What do you mean?
343
00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:04,834
Don't you know that if you sit stuck here
344
00:19:04,834 --> 00:19:06,667
for 30 seconds or more,
345
00:19:06,667 --> 00:19:10,167
you're allowed to lift
up the first down card?
346
00:19:10,167 --> 00:19:11,734
3 of clubs.
347
00:19:11,734 --> 00:19:13,667
Play it on the red 4, huh?
348
00:19:13,667 --> 00:19:15,334
That's cheatin'!
349
00:19:15,334 --> 00:19:17,000
No, it ain't.
350
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:20,601
That's 1978 rules, dummy.
351
00:19:20,601 --> 00:19:22,601
Oh.
352
00:19:26,100 --> 00:19:28,334
Here's your two bottles of rye here, Harry.
353
00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:29,934
You coulda been a sport.
354
00:19:29,934 --> 00:19:32,100
When Edith fell out, you
coulda took her place
355
00:19:32,100 --> 00:19:34,067
and sung a little song with the kid.
356
00:19:34,067 --> 00:19:36,534
[BLOWS RASPBERRY] ...to that.
357
00:19:36,534 --> 00:19:38,701
Sorry there.
358
00:19:38,701 --> 00:19:40,200
Let me tell you something.
359
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:42,033
I'm a businessman, see?
360
00:19:42,033 --> 00:19:44,801
In this world, it's to each its own.
361
00:19:44,801 --> 00:19:49,467
I don't sing, Sinatra don't sell beer.
362
00:19:49,467 --> 00:19:51,601
Well, there's lots of parents there tonight
363
00:19:51,601 --> 00:19:53,434
taking pride in their kids.
364
00:19:53,434 --> 00:19:55,467
You don't understand me.
365
00:19:55,467 --> 00:19:58,634
This kid I got with me sings terrible.
366
00:19:58,634 --> 00:20:00,901
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
367
00:20:00,901 --> 00:20:05,133
She's from Edith's side
of the family, ain't she?
368
00:20:05,133 --> 00:20:08,434
God knows they all sing
terrible over there.
369
00:20:08,434 --> 00:20:11,467
And then I got a clue myself
the other night, see?
370
00:20:11,467 --> 00:20:13,834
She's up in the bathtub, she sits down,
371
00:20:13,834 --> 00:20:15,767
and the water's too hot.
372
00:20:15,767 --> 00:20:20,133
She lets out a high note that
went through my head like a nail.
373
00:20:21,901 --> 00:20:24,934
Archie, Archie.
374
00:20:24,934 --> 00:20:26,000
Guess what.
375
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,067
I can guess you got your voice back.
376
00:20:28,067 --> 00:20:32,834
Yeah. Like Aunt Lou when she
got hit by the trolley.
377
00:20:32,834 --> 00:20:34,467
What hit you?
378
00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:36,000
The show.
379
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:39,801
- Stephanie sang all by herself. - Oh, gee.
380
00:20:39,801 --> 00:20:42,868
And she won first prize, look.
381
00:20:42,868 --> 00:20:46,267
Hey, how's about Stephie
doing a number for us?
382
00:20:46,267 --> 00:20:49,000
- No, no, no. - ALL: Yeah. Go on.
383
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:50,501
Edith, Edith.
384
00:20:50,501 --> 00:20:52,901
Hey, Edith, some of the customers
385
00:20:52,901 --> 00:20:55,434
might desire otherwise, you know?
386
00:20:55,434 --> 00:20:57,701
- No, no, let her sing.
- Why don't you shut up?
387
00:20:57,701 --> 00:20:59,567
'Cause I'm a 40/60 partner.
388
00:20:59,567 --> 00:21:00,934
Oh, yeah?
389
00:21:00,934 --> 00:21:02,434
Well, when they flop over there,
390
00:21:02,434 --> 00:21:05,801
you take over 40% of my "uwiliaration."
391
00:21:05,801 --> 00:21:07,501
["SISTER KATE" PLAYING]
392
00:21:09,234 --> 00:21:13,133
I wish that I could shimmy
like my sister Kate
393
00:21:13,133 --> 00:21:17,200
Shimmies like jelly on a plate
394
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:20,968
My mama wanted to know last night
395
00:21:20,968 --> 00:21:24,701
Why all the boys treat
sister Kate so right
396
00:21:24,701 --> 00:21:28,234
Every boy in our neighborhood
397
00:21:28,234 --> 00:21:32,234
Knows that she can shimmy
and it's understood
398
00:21:32,234 --> 00:21:35,267
I know I'm late, but I'll be up-to-date
399
00:21:35,267 --> 00:21:39,000
When I can shimmy like my sister Kate
400
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:40,934
[PIANO CONTINUES]
401
00:21:49,334 --> 00:21:52,367
I wish that I could shimmy
like my sister Kate
402
00:21:52,367 --> 00:21:55,501
She shimmies like jelly on a plate
403
00:21:55,501 --> 00:21:58,534
My mama wanted to know last night
404
00:21:58,534 --> 00:22:01,467
Why all the boys treat Katie so right
405
00:22:01,467 --> 00:22:03,067
At the corner she goes
406
00:22:03,067 --> 00:22:06,601
Boom shaka laka laka,
Boom shaka laka laka
407
00:22:06,601 --> 00:22:08,734
Very hot
408
00:22:08,734 --> 00:22:11,367
All the boys in our neighborhood
409
00:22:11,367 --> 00:22:13,434
Know she shakes it
410
00:22:13,434 --> 00:22:14,434
Whoo
411
00:22:14,434 --> 00:22:17,067
And it's good
412
00:22:17,067 --> 00:22:19,367
I know I'm late, but I'll be up-to-date
413
00:22:19,367 --> 00:22:22,100
When I can shim-sham-shimmy
414
00:22:22,100 --> 00:22:28,601
Like my sister Kate
415
00:22:28,601 --> 00:22:30,601
[APPLAUSE]
416
00:22:36,701 --> 00:22:37,901
[NO AUDIO]
417
00:22:42,934 --> 00:22:44,400
- Ohh... - Hey--
418
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:46,200
Could I have a little privacy here?
419
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:48,033
I'll give you 60%.
420
00:22:48,033 --> 00:22:50,033
Thanks a lot.
421
00:22:50,033 --> 00:22:51,868
Um...
422
00:22:51,868 --> 00:22:54,334
Is that what you done at your school?
423
00:22:57,167 --> 00:22:59,200
Is that the way you done it over there,
424
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:01,801
with this "shake a lack" and all of that?
425
00:23:04,667 --> 00:23:07,534
Did they clap for you there
like they done here?
426
00:23:10,534 --> 00:23:13,601
Well... you was pretty good.
427
00:23:15,467 --> 00:23:18,501
And I gotta tell you something.
428
00:23:18,501 --> 00:23:24,334
I'm very sorry that I didn't
go to the school to see you.
429
00:23:25,434 --> 00:23:26,534
[KISS]
430
00:24:01,934 --> 00:24:03,868
[
]
431
00:24:27,601 --> 00:24:30,267
All in the Family was
playedto a studio audience
432
00:24:30,267 --> 00:24:32,267
for live responses.
433
00:24:32,317 --> 00:24:36,867
Repair and Synchronization by
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