Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,200 --> 00:00:04,469
♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪
2
00:00:04,471 --> 00:00:07,772
♪ Songs that made
the hit parade ♪
3
00:00:07,774 --> 00:00:10,809
♪ Guys like us
we had it made ♪
4
00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:13,311
♪ Those were the days ♪
5
00:00:13,313 --> 00:00:17,015
♪ And you knew
where you were then ♪
6
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:19,918
♪ Girls were girls
and men were men ♪
7
00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:25,089
♪ Mister, we could use a man
like Herbert Hoover again ♪
8
00:00:25,091 --> 00:00:28,226
♪ Didn't need
no welfare state ♪
9
00:00:28,228 --> 00:00:31,329
♪ Everybody pulled
his weight ♪
10
00:00:31,331 --> 00:00:35,633
♪ Gee, our old LaSalle
ran great ♪
11
00:00:35,635 --> 00:00:41,239
♪ Those were the days ♪
12
00:00:44,844 --> 00:00:46,845
MICHAEL:
I have a beauty.
13
00:00:46,847 --> 00:00:49,881
"B-U-S-T...
14
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:53,118
A-R-D."
15
00:00:54,686 --> 00:00:56,955
That's what, ten points?
16
00:00:56,957 --> 00:00:59,791
I'm on a double word score
there, that's 20 points,
17
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:02,026
I used all my letters,
50 extra for that,
18
00:01:02,028 --> 00:01:03,462
I got "WAGES" here,
that's--
19
00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:06,698
Michael,
you made a mistake. That's not how you spell it.
20
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:09,133
"B-U-S-T-A-R-D"?
21
00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:10,335
Ha ha ha ha!
22
00:01:10,337 --> 00:01:12,036
Ha ha ha ha ha!
23
00:01:12,038 --> 00:01:15,139
That's right.
No, I challenge you.
24
00:01:15,141 --> 00:01:18,442
Gloria,
that is a word. "Bustard."
25
00:01:18,444 --> 00:01:22,514
Well, it's a word
if you're not a very nice person.
26
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:24,349
[SNORTS]
27
00:01:24,351 --> 00:01:26,918
Come on, Michael,
you finally made a mistake. I got you.
28
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,920
Here.
What does that say?
29
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:31,222
"Bustard. An Australian
game bird
30
00:01:31,224 --> 00:01:33,524
related to the cranes
and the plovers."
31
00:01:33,526 --> 00:01:35,994
Well, of course,
the plovers.
32
00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:37,496
How could I forget them?
33
00:01:37,498 --> 00:01:38,830
Caw! Caw! Caw!
34
00:01:38,832 --> 00:01:40,398
What are you doing?
35
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,466
I'm doing an Australian
game bird call.
36
00:01:42,468 --> 00:01:44,135
Are you gonna
play the game? Yes.
37
00:01:44,137 --> 00:01:45,336
Then go.
It's your turn.
38
00:01:45,338 --> 00:01:48,206
I know it's my turn.
39
00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:50,141
[CHORTLES]
40
00:01:52,511 --> 00:01:53,945
[CHORTLES]
41
00:01:55,447 --> 00:01:56,647
Oh boy!
42
00:01:56,649 --> 00:01:59,084
Oh boy!
43
00:01:59,086 --> 00:02:01,285
Heh heh heh heh!
Michael...
44
00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:02,821
What? My turn?
45
00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:05,490
No, it's still my turn,
but I can't concentrate
46
00:02:05,492 --> 00:02:07,158
with you making
all that noise.
47
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:09,794
Oh, I'm sorry,
I wasn't making noise intentionally.
48
00:02:10,996 --> 00:02:13,865
♪ Oh boy, I'm lucky ♪
49
00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:16,100
♪ I'll say I'm lucky ♪
50
00:02:16,102 --> 00:02:18,269
♪ This is my lucky day ♪
51
00:02:18,271 --> 00:02:20,939
♪ I got great letters-- ♪
52
00:02:22,407 --> 00:02:23,975
What? Go!
53
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:25,777
All right,
I'm gonna go.
54
00:02:25,779 --> 00:02:28,747
Uh, "T..."
55
00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:31,683
"I-N."
56
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:33,685
TIN.
57
00:02:36,789 --> 00:02:38,857
TIN? You're putting down TIN?!
58
00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:40,591
[RUDE GUFFAW]
59
00:02:40,593 --> 00:02:44,029
Yeah. Putting down TIN,
it's three points. Write it down.
60
00:02:44,031 --> 00:02:45,229
All right,
I'll write it down, honey,
61
00:02:45,231 --> 00:02:46,731
but it's not gonna make
any difference
62
00:02:46,733 --> 00:02:50,134
because I am going out
with ENGULFS.
63
00:02:50,136 --> 00:02:53,571
"E-N-G-U...
64
00:02:53,573 --> 00:02:57,241
L-F-S."
65
00:02:57,243 --> 00:02:59,878
That's a triple-word score,
I used all my letters,
66
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:04,049
I am out with
a grand total of 385 points
67
00:03:04,051 --> 00:03:07,652
to your measly 104.
68
00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:10,088
Okay. So I'm stupid.
69
00:03:10,090 --> 00:03:12,623
Honey, you're not stupid.
70
00:03:12,625 --> 00:03:15,393
You just don't know
as many words as I do, that's all.
71
00:03:15,395 --> 00:03:20,264
Why do we always compete
at things that you're good at?
72
00:03:20,266 --> 00:03:22,333
Why can't we compete
at something I'm good at?
73
00:03:22,335 --> 00:03:24,135
Fine, fine. We can.
74
00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:26,204
First thing tomorrow morning,
we'll get up bright and early
75
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:28,539
and we'll have
a bake-off.
76
00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:31,142
That's all you think
I'm good at is baking?
77
00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:32,944
No, honey,
it was a joke.
78
00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:36,147
There are many things,
many things that you are good at.
79
00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:37,749
No!
Many things.
80
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,684
Michael, no!
I don't feel like having fun.
81
00:03:39,686 --> 00:03:41,019
What?!
82
00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:42,386
What's the matter
with you?
83
00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:44,723
Of course you beat me
at these stupid games.
84
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,791
'Cause you've had
every opportunity in the world
85
00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:48,492
to improve your mind.
86
00:03:48,494 --> 00:03:50,795
The only opportunities
I've had are to feed your face
87
00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:55,700
and clean your clothes
and satisfy your lust.
88
00:03:55,702 --> 00:03:58,970
Take it easy;
there's no problem.
89
00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:00,939
We just won't play
games like this anymore.
90
00:04:00,941 --> 00:04:04,075
Besides, it's no fun for me
to win all the time anyway.
91
00:04:05,644 --> 00:04:07,779
Thanks a bunch!
92
00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:10,181
Gloria, the bedspread.
93
00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:11,816
Okay.
94
00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:14,585
I work to put you
through college so you can tell me
95
00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:16,487
how stupid I am.
96
00:04:16,489 --> 00:04:18,123
You are not stupid!
97
00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:19,924
You wanna go to college?
98
00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:21,025
You wanna
go to college?!
99
00:04:21,027 --> 00:04:22,360
Go. What's stopping you?
100
00:04:22,362 --> 00:04:24,462
How about housework,
the baby, money,
101
00:04:24,464 --> 00:04:26,131
...you?
Me?
102
00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:27,999
Yeah, you.
103
00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:29,968
I was supposed to go
to college when you finish, remember?
104
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:32,637
All right, so
when I get a little bit more money,
105
00:04:32,639 --> 00:04:34,005
and Joey's
a little bit older...
106
00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:36,241
I'll be 40 by then.
107
00:04:36,243 --> 00:04:40,678
In the meantime, every game,
every conversation,
108
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:44,382
every argument--
you'll always be the best.
109
00:04:44,384 --> 00:04:45,783
The better.
110
00:04:47,919 --> 00:04:49,553
What?
111
00:04:49,555 --> 00:04:51,422
It's good, better, best--
112
00:04:51,424 --> 00:04:53,658
good when there's one,
better when it's a comparative between two,
113
00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:55,526
and best when it refers
to three or more.
114
00:04:57,496 --> 00:04:58,730
Thank you very much.
115
00:04:58,732 --> 00:04:59,998
I stand corrected.
116
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,398
Go to hell, Michael!
Whoa!
117
00:05:03,335 --> 00:05:05,136
Did I say that right?!
118
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:06,370
Whoa!
119
00:05:06,372 --> 00:05:08,973
Thanks to you,
the only change I foresee in my life
120
00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:10,909
is menopause,
and what do you care?
121
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:12,076
Whoa!
122
00:05:12,078 --> 00:05:13,210
You know what?
123
00:05:13,212 --> 00:05:14,846
You've ruined my life.
124
00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:16,347
[GUFFAWS LOUDLY]
125
00:05:16,349 --> 00:05:18,616
I have ruined
your life?!
126
00:05:18,618 --> 00:05:23,287
I, who get up every morning
at 6:00 to go to work to make a living
127
00:05:23,289 --> 00:05:25,456
so that you and Joey
have a roof over your head
128
00:05:25,458 --> 00:05:27,358
and are fed and clothed?!
129
00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:28,993
I have ruined your life?
130
00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:31,062
Yes, ruined!
131
00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:32,564
If I hadn't
married you,
132
00:05:32,566 --> 00:05:35,433
I could've gone to college
and really been something
133
00:05:35,435 --> 00:05:37,268
like a doctor or a lawyer,
134
00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:40,338
or just
a lousy professor like you.
135
00:05:43,742 --> 00:05:45,977
Lousy professor, huh?
136
00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:47,378
You wish you could be
so lousy
137
00:05:47,380 --> 00:05:48,980
with your atrocious spelling.
138
00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:51,448
Atrocious?
139
00:05:51,450 --> 00:05:54,418
Yeah, yeah
Can you spell that?
140
00:05:54,420 --> 00:05:56,154
Yeah!
141
00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:57,554
Atrocious.
142
00:05:57,556 --> 00:06:00,324
M-E-A-T-H-E-A-D.
143
00:06:00,326 --> 00:06:01,693
Atrocious!
144
00:06:07,632 --> 00:06:11,535
All right, Gloria,
I don't have to listen to any of this.
145
00:06:11,537 --> 00:06:14,538
If you have any other
little trenchant comments
146
00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:16,340
that you wish
to pass on to me,
147
00:06:16,342 --> 00:06:19,677
kindly refer them
downstairs to the couch,
148
00:06:19,679 --> 00:06:21,813
which is where
I will be sleeping.
149
00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:23,014
Don't think that you're
punishing me,
150
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:25,316
because I'm used
to sleeping with nothing.
151
00:06:37,996 --> 00:06:41,632
Okay, Gloria,
you just did it.
152
00:06:41,634 --> 00:06:44,301
You drove me off the couch
and out the front door.
153
00:06:44,303 --> 00:06:46,437
That's fine with me!
154
00:06:46,439 --> 00:06:48,773
Why don't you
just disappear?!
155
00:06:48,775 --> 00:06:51,609
D-I-S-A-P-E-A-R.
156
00:06:53,579 --> 00:06:55,413
There's two P's
in that word.
157
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:56,847
Get out of here!
158
00:06:56,849 --> 00:06:58,349
I hate you,
Michael Stivic!
159
00:06:58,351 --> 00:06:59,817
Just disappear!
160
00:06:59,819 --> 00:07:00,885
You ruined my life!
161
00:07:00,887 --> 00:07:03,188
[ALARM CLOCK RINGS,
BABY BEGINS SCREAMING]
162
00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:07,458
Aaaaaaah!
163
00:07:17,703 --> 00:07:19,036
[DOORBELL RINGS]
164
00:07:21,172 --> 00:07:23,040
[RINGS]
165
00:07:23,042 --> 00:07:25,075
ARCHIE: Oh, my God!
166
00:07:25,077 --> 00:07:27,011
[RINGS]
167
00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:31,282
Why would anybody
ring a man's doorbell
168
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:32,683
at 2:00 a.m.
in the morning?
169
00:07:32,685 --> 00:07:34,652
[RINGS]
170
00:07:34,654 --> 00:07:37,087
Aw, this is just
savageness, that's all.
171
00:07:37,089 --> 00:07:40,224
Ah, jeez.
172
00:07:40,226 --> 00:07:43,027
Archie, why don't you
put the lights on?
173
00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:44,929
I shoulda did that, Edith,
174
00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:48,465
because I just stubbed
the little toe on the left foot
175
00:07:48,467 --> 00:07:50,567
on the leg of the chair, see
176
00:07:50,569 --> 00:07:52,336
And here comes the pain.
177
00:07:55,340 --> 00:07:56,740
That's too bad.
178
00:07:56,742 --> 00:07:59,310
See, the painter
moved the furniture.
179
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,913
Why didn't you move it
all back where it was?
180
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:06,317
It took me 20 years to memorize
the deformities of this room.
181
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,719
[YAWNING]
182
00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:10,755
MIKE: Hey, Arch, it's me.
Open the door!
183
00:08:10,757 --> 00:08:12,090
Oh, it's Mike!
184
00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:15,026
They must've run out of
food over there.
185
00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:17,528
Hi, Mike.
Hi, Ma.
186
00:08:17,530 --> 00:08:18,896
Hi.
Hi, Arch.
187
00:08:18,898 --> 00:08:21,532
Here he is
in all his glory,
188
00:08:21,534 --> 00:08:23,635
Attila the Hungry.
189
00:08:25,237 --> 00:08:28,339
Mike, what's the matter?
Nobody's sick, are they?
190
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,308
No, ma,
it's nothing like that.
191
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:31,742
I'm sorry to get you
out of bed.
192
00:08:31,744 --> 00:08:34,812
That's all right.
We was only sleepin'.
193
00:08:39,952 --> 00:08:43,154
You don't have to
explain to him
194
00:08:43,156 --> 00:08:46,157
our what do you call 'em,
privacies there.
195
00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:47,825
Suppose we wasn't sleepin'.
196
00:08:47,827 --> 00:08:51,362
Would you give him
a rundown on all the frolics?
197
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,898
Mike, what's the matter?
198
00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:56,868
Why ain't you in bed
sleepin'?
199
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:58,602
Gloria and I had a fight.
200
00:08:58,604 --> 00:09:02,473
I was wondering if I could
borrow some money for a motel.
201
00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:03,441
BOTH: Ah...
202
00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:04,976
Mike, I'm sorry.
203
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:06,143
What happened?
204
00:09:06,145 --> 00:09:08,079
Wait a minute,
wait a minute.
205
00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:10,949
We don't wanna know
what happened there.
206
00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:12,617
Don't tell us
what happened.
207
00:09:12,619 --> 00:09:13,885
We don't wanna know.
208
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,486
Tell him we don't
give a damn what happened.
209
00:09:15,488 --> 00:09:17,288
What happened, Mike?
210
00:09:18,857 --> 00:09:20,491
I don't know, Ma.
211
00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:23,795
Gloria got all upset
and she said I ruined her life.
212
00:09:23,797 --> 00:09:27,331
I told her the same thing
seven years ago.
213
00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:28,833
All right,
forget it, Arch.
214
00:09:28,835 --> 00:09:30,568
I'm sorry I came here
to begin with.
215
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,303
Wait a minute, Mike.
Where are you going?
216
00:09:32,305 --> 00:09:34,505
I don't know, Ma--
out into the night.
217
00:09:34,507 --> 00:09:36,741
Oh, no, Mike, no!
218
00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:39,443
It's too cold
out there and dark.
219
00:09:39,445 --> 00:09:41,980
Why don't you stay
here tonight?
220
00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:43,614
Oh, no, Ma.
221
00:09:43,616 --> 00:09:45,883
Where the hell's
he gonna sleep? With Teresa?
222
00:09:45,885 --> 00:09:47,952
Oh, no.
223
00:09:47,954 --> 00:09:52,223
Teresa can sleep
in our bed.
224
00:09:54,759 --> 00:09:58,429
Up against you
or up against me?
225
00:09:58,431 --> 00:09:59,897
Oh, no!
226
00:09:59,899 --> 00:10:02,967
See, Archie, you'll sleep
in Teresa's bed
227
00:10:02,969 --> 00:10:04,335
in Mike's old room,
228
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:06,938
and I'll ask Teresa
to come and sleep with me
229
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,007
in our bed in our room.
230
00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:12,844
And Mike'll sleep
on the cot in Teresa's room,
231
00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:14,912
which used to be
Mike's old room
232
00:10:14,914 --> 00:10:17,949
where you'll be sleeping
in Teresa's bed.
233
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:22,386
See, and you won't
have to sleep up against nobody. See?
234
00:10:22,388 --> 00:10:24,621
If I tried to figure
that one out,
235
00:10:24,623 --> 00:10:27,358
I'd be sleeping up against
a straitjacket.
236
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:28,993
You'll see what I mean.
Come on.
237
00:10:28,995 --> 00:10:30,161
Help me up.
238
00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:31,962
You pinched a roll!
239
00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:34,265
Come on, Mike.
240
00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:36,433
Everything's gonna be
all right.
241
00:10:36,435 --> 00:10:38,669
Turn out the light,
will ya, Meathead?
242
00:10:38,671 --> 00:10:41,105
And you're gonna
have to help me down with that cot up there.
243
00:10:41,107 --> 00:10:43,207
Arch, I don't know about
sleepin' on that cot.
244
00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:44,441
I got a bad back.
245
00:10:44,443 --> 00:10:45,943
What the hell
are you talkin' about?
246
00:10:45,945 --> 00:10:47,077
Everybody sleeps
good on that cot.
247
00:10:47,079 --> 00:10:48,445
Like who?
248
00:10:48,447 --> 00:10:53,885
I remember my cousin Oscar
once fell asleep on that cot.
249
00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:55,019
He never woke up.
250
00:11:04,395 --> 00:11:07,098
MICHAEL: Hey, Arch.
What do you want?
251
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:10,101
I don't know about
these pajamas you gave me.
252
00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:13,470
Well, it was either
a pair of Edith's or a pair of mine,
253
00:11:13,472 --> 00:11:16,940
and Edith's ain't got
the standard opening.
254
00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:26,951
Nine million people
in the city of New York
255
00:11:26,953 --> 00:11:30,220
and look at me--
shackin' up with you.
256
00:11:31,757 --> 00:11:33,624
What are you takin'?
257
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:35,225
It's for blood pressures--
258
00:11:35,227 --> 00:11:38,495
what they call
an anti-Meathead pill.
259
00:11:38,497 --> 00:11:40,531
Hey, Arch,
260
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:43,233
what did your cousin Oscar
die from, anyway?
261
00:11:43,235 --> 00:11:44,668
Oh, Oscar.
262
00:11:44,670 --> 00:11:47,738
Well, he died of, uh...
263
00:11:47,740 --> 00:11:49,506
bad feet.
264
00:11:49,508 --> 00:11:52,910
Nobody dies from bad feet.
265
00:11:52,912 --> 00:11:56,814
I don't know. The man
was always complaining his feet was killin' him.
266
00:12:23,041 --> 00:12:23,975
Ah.
267
00:12:26,744 --> 00:12:29,480
I can't believe
what I just seen there.
268
00:12:30,982 --> 00:12:32,149
What? I got into bed.
269
00:12:33,218 --> 00:12:36,721
Is that the way
you always get into bed?
270
00:12:36,723 --> 00:12:37,855
Sure.
271
00:12:37,857 --> 00:12:40,023
You must be
the only person in the world
272
00:12:40,025 --> 00:12:41,291
that gets into
a bed that way.
273
00:12:41,293 --> 00:12:42,560
What's wrong with it?
274
00:12:42,562 --> 00:12:44,462
Well, let me show you
somethin', huh?
275
00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:48,165
Why does he always
get me so mad at everything?
276
00:12:48,167 --> 00:12:50,835
Now this is the way
you get into a bed.
277
00:12:50,837 --> 00:12:53,804
You go up to the bed,
you look at it, right?
278
00:12:53,806 --> 00:12:55,305
Okay.
279
00:12:55,307 --> 00:12:57,708
Then the next thing you do,
you take the covers
280
00:12:57,710 --> 00:13:01,812
and you turn 'em down
in a flap like that there, see?
281
00:13:01,814 --> 00:13:03,514
All right.
282
00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:05,683
Then you sit down
on the edge of your bed there
283
00:13:05,685 --> 00:13:09,553
like this here,
and you say a little prayer,
284
00:13:09,555 --> 00:13:12,155
unless you're an atheist
and you're gonna burn in hell anyhow.
285
00:13:15,861 --> 00:13:17,795
Then you swing your legs
into the bed,
286
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:19,797
you pull the flap
over like that,
287
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:24,301
and you groove yourself
down in there
288
00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:27,538
and with them few
simple maneuvers,
289
00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:29,306
you're ready to sleep.
290
00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:31,308
That's my way.
Now what about your way?
291
00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:32,910
My way--
292
00:13:32,912 --> 00:13:34,011
Your way is stupid!
293
00:13:34,013 --> 00:13:36,814
I seen your way there.
294
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:40,618
Jeez, it ain't even human.
295
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:46,256
You slid yourself in there
like a punch card into a time clock.
296
00:13:46,258 --> 00:13:49,193
Arch, my way
is the perfect way.
297
00:13:49,195 --> 00:13:51,462
My way, I don't
mess up the sheets,
298
00:13:51,464 --> 00:13:52,797
I don't mess up the blanket.
299
00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:57,067
I am now perfectly tucked in,
snug as a bug in a rug.
300
00:13:57,069 --> 00:14:00,671
Bug. Don't you wanna
be a person?
301
00:14:04,208 --> 00:14:07,711
Your way, every time
you get into bed,
302
00:14:07,713 --> 00:14:09,446
you got the cover,
you got the sheets,
303
00:14:09,448 --> 00:14:10,714
the blanket--
304
00:14:10,716 --> 00:14:13,751
There's reasons for that!
305
00:14:13,753 --> 00:14:15,953
Help me, Lord.
306
00:14:19,057 --> 00:14:21,992
Suppose there's a fire
in the middle of the night.
307
00:14:21,994 --> 00:14:23,827
What are you gonna do, huh?
308
00:14:23,829 --> 00:14:26,163
You're locked in there.
309
00:14:26,165 --> 00:14:28,866
But with a flap here...
310
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,669
Look. You throw the flap back,
you're outta bed,
311
00:14:31,671 --> 00:14:36,407
and like a shot there,
you got easy regress to safety.
312
00:14:36,409 --> 00:14:40,044
If that's the only reason
to have a flap,
313
00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:41,678
I'll take my chances
on burnin' to death.
314
00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:44,081
There's other reasons,
there's other reasons!
315
00:14:44,083 --> 00:14:47,351
What about gastriasis?
316
00:14:49,421 --> 00:14:50,754
What?!
317
00:14:50,756 --> 00:14:55,325
Gastriasis. Suppose you get
an attack of gastriasis
318
00:14:55,327 --> 00:14:57,128
in the middle of the night?
319
00:15:00,165 --> 00:15:04,434
Your way,
you're trapped in there,
320
00:15:04,436 --> 00:15:06,637
you can't get away from it.
321
00:15:09,907 --> 00:15:12,008
My way, with the flap...
322
00:15:23,188 --> 00:15:26,690
Now get outta the bed
and turn down a flap and get into it my way!
323
00:15:28,860 --> 00:15:31,195
I'll do it that way
tomorrow night, all right?
324
00:15:31,197 --> 00:15:33,797
Okay, tomorrow, and the next
night and the next night
325
00:15:33,799 --> 00:15:36,367
and do it that way every night
for the rest of your life!
326
00:15:38,002 --> 00:15:39,903
Now good night.
327
00:15:39,905 --> 00:15:41,071
[GROANS]
328
00:15:41,073 --> 00:15:43,607
What a jerk.
329
00:15:44,976 --> 00:15:47,711
What a dope.
330
00:15:47,713 --> 00:15:50,180
[COT CREAKS LOUDLY]
331
00:15:50,182 --> 00:15:52,516
Hey, Arch?
332
00:15:54,686 --> 00:15:56,419
[CREAKS AGAIN]
333
00:15:58,489 --> 00:15:59,690
Arch.
334
00:16:01,726 --> 00:16:02,793
There's somethin'...
335
00:16:16,007 --> 00:16:17,908
...wrong with this bed.
336
00:16:26,551 --> 00:16:28,185
I'm trapped.
337
00:16:28,187 --> 00:16:30,154
I'm trapped!
338
00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:32,489
I shoulda left a flap;
he was right.
339
00:16:39,798 --> 00:16:41,231
[GRUNTS LOUDLY]
340
00:16:48,406 --> 00:16:49,773
Huh...
341
00:17:07,225 --> 00:17:08,859
[ARCHIE SNORING]
342
00:17:23,774 --> 00:17:27,711
Oh, don't get sore
about Alice Faye.
343
00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:30,680
I only loved her
from afar.
344
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:47,364
[SIGHS]
345
00:18:46,257 --> 00:18:50,060
You got into bed with me
to do this here?
346
00:18:55,266 --> 00:18:57,201
It was an accident.
347
00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:02,339
With little Joey,
it would be an accident.
348
00:19:03,575 --> 00:19:07,544
With you,
it's a dishonorable discharge.
349
00:19:07,546 --> 00:19:10,280
Arch, the cot broke,
so I got into bed.
350
00:19:10,282 --> 00:19:12,149
I'm sorry; I spilled
a glass of water--
351
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:15,452
Oh, you spilled water
in the bed, you slob, ya?!
352
00:19:15,454 --> 00:19:17,254
Get up and get outta here
and go to a motel!
353
00:19:17,256 --> 00:19:20,056
Fine! Fine!
I didn't wanna stay here to begin with.
354
00:19:20,058 --> 00:19:21,891
I'll gladly
loan you the money.
355
00:19:21,893 --> 00:19:23,727
Good. The word is "lend."
356
00:19:25,763 --> 00:19:29,265
The word is "loan,"
'cause I want the money back.
357
00:19:29,267 --> 00:19:31,568
Arch, "loan" is a noun.
358
00:19:31,570 --> 00:19:33,036
You make a loan.
359
00:19:33,038 --> 00:19:34,938
"Lend" is a verb.
You lend somebody something.
360
00:19:34,940 --> 00:19:37,607
Come on. Talk like a regular
person, will ya there?
361
00:19:37,609 --> 00:19:40,978
You're always talkin' like
you swallowed an almanac
362
00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:42,813
and you're burpin' up
all your learnin'.
363
00:19:42,815 --> 00:19:45,014
I'm a teacher;
that's what I do for a living.
364
00:19:45,016 --> 00:19:47,884
Do you have to go around
and do that all the time, huh?
365
00:19:47,886 --> 00:19:49,819
Showin' everybody
how smart you are?
366
00:19:49,821 --> 00:19:51,722
I don't do that.
367
00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:53,957
Yes, you do.
368
00:19:53,959 --> 00:19:56,192
You're always correctin'
everybody.
369
00:19:56,194 --> 00:19:58,094
You correct your mother-in-law,
you correct me.
370
00:19:58,096 --> 00:20:00,163
You correct your wife, my
darling little daughter Gloria.
371
00:20:00,165 --> 00:20:02,532
Why did she leave me?
372
00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:05,201
You go around correctin'
the whole world.
373
00:20:05,203 --> 00:20:07,437
Do I really do that?
374
00:20:07,439 --> 00:20:09,673
Yes, you do that!
375
00:20:09,675 --> 00:20:11,141
Why the hell did you
go through college anyway?
376
00:20:11,143 --> 00:20:13,343
So you could turn around
and tell the rest of us
377
00:20:13,345 --> 00:20:15,312
what a bunch of dummies
we was?
378
00:20:17,515 --> 00:20:18,815
I do do that, don't I?
379
00:20:18,817 --> 00:20:22,318
You most certainly do.
380
00:20:25,123 --> 00:20:26,823
Hey, Arch...
381
00:20:26,825 --> 00:20:29,125
Ya know, that's the first time
since I've known you
382
00:20:29,127 --> 00:20:32,329
you've actually told me
something I can use.
383
00:20:32,331 --> 00:20:33,830
Ah!
384
00:20:33,832 --> 00:20:35,232
Thanks, Archie.
385
00:20:41,639 --> 00:20:46,010
Guy ain't been the same ever
since he had that vas-sex-somy.
386
00:20:50,381 --> 00:20:51,915
Oh!
387
00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:54,184
Isn't this lovely?
388
00:20:58,055 --> 00:20:59,556
Hey, Edith!
389
00:21:01,693 --> 00:21:03,460
Hey, Edith, in there!
390
00:21:03,462 --> 00:21:05,195
What,
Archie?
391
00:21:05,197 --> 00:21:08,265
Edith, the bed's
all wet in here.
392
00:21:12,303 --> 00:21:13,970
Oh.
393
00:21:20,144 --> 00:21:27,016
"Kalinsky, Korean, kosher,
koumiss."
394
00:21:27,018 --> 00:21:30,620
K-O-U-M-I-S-S.
395
00:21:30,622 --> 00:21:34,424
"A fermented beverage
made by nomads of Central Asia
396
00:21:34,426 --> 00:21:36,092
from mares' milk."
397
00:21:36,094 --> 00:21:37,861
Yechh!
398
00:21:39,263 --> 00:21:43,834
Koumiss. A fermented beverage
made by...
399
00:21:43,836 --> 00:21:48,104
...nomads of Central Asia
from mares' milk.
400
00:21:48,106 --> 00:21:49,039
[DOOR OPENS]
401
00:22:42,660 --> 00:22:44,060
Truce?
402
00:22:46,297 --> 00:22:47,464
Truce.
403
00:22:47,466 --> 00:22:49,566
T-R-U-C-E,
truce.
404
00:22:52,202 --> 00:22:53,570
You were right, honey.
405
00:22:53,572 --> 00:22:56,072
I am a meathead.
406
00:22:56,074 --> 00:22:59,375
Not only that,
I'm a pompous ass.
407
00:23:01,245 --> 00:23:02,378
I shouldn't
talk down to you.
408
00:23:02,380 --> 00:23:03,313
I'm sorry.
409
00:23:06,083 --> 00:23:09,085
Thank you, Michael.
410
00:23:09,087 --> 00:23:13,657
And I'm sorry that I said
you ruined my life.
411
00:23:13,659 --> 00:23:16,693
You've made me very happy.
412
00:23:16,695 --> 00:23:19,596
Hey, you know what?
413
00:23:19,598 --> 00:23:23,133
If you wanna--
you wanna go to college,
414
00:23:23,135 --> 00:23:24,501
we'll find a way.
415
00:23:27,071 --> 00:23:30,740
Well, I don't know
if I have to go right away.
416
00:23:30,742 --> 00:23:33,443
Many people who've
never been to college
417
00:23:33,445 --> 00:23:35,344
know a lot of things.
418
00:23:35,346 --> 00:23:36,412
For instance,
419
00:23:36,414 --> 00:23:40,183
just this minute,
I was thinking
420
00:23:40,185 --> 00:23:45,154
how good it would be to have
a nice, cold glass of koumiss.
421
00:23:47,825 --> 00:23:49,893
Koumiss. You know what
that is, koumiss?
422
00:23:49,895 --> 00:23:53,596
A fermented beverage
made by nomads of Central Asia
423
00:23:53,598 --> 00:23:54,631
from mares' milk.
424
00:23:54,633 --> 00:23:55,765
You rat!
425
00:23:55,767 --> 00:23:56,899
I heard you!
How did you...?!
426
00:23:56,901 --> 00:23:58,502
I heard it
outside the door.
427
00:23:58,504 --> 00:24:00,069
I heard you say it...
428
00:24:20,524 --> 00:24:23,259
♪
429
00:24:23,261 --> 00:24:25,862
All in the Family
was recorded on tape
430
00:24:25,864 --> 00:24:28,131
before a live audience.
431
00:24:28,181 --> 00:24:32,731
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
30269
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof