All language subtitles for All In the Family s07e05 The Unemployment Story (Part 2).eng

♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪

♪ Songs that made
the hit parade ♪

♪ Guys like us
we had it made ♪

♪ Those were the days ♪

♪ And you knew
where you were then ♪

♪ Girls were girls
and men were men ♪

♪ Mister, we could use a man
like Herbert Hoover again ♪

♪ Didn't need
no welfare state ♪

♪ Everybody pulled
his weight ♪

♪ Gee, our old LaSalle
Ran great ♪

♪ Those were the days ♪

You're gonna be glad
I went shoppin' with ya, Edith,

when you see how much money
I keep you from spending.

Oh, you just
wait and see!

Would youse look at the height
of the prices on them shelves?

The whole world's
going to hell in a shopping basket.

Archie,
I told ya so.

Just remember,
I'm unemployed, Edith.

Don't be grabbin'
with both hands!

Don't be spending my money
faster than I ain't earning it!

Why are we shopping
in Ferguson's, anyway? Fergusons' is crooks!

Archie!
It's a nice place,

and it's in
the neighborhood.

Yeah, there better be
a poorhouse in the neighborhood.

What is that? Wait a minute,
why is beans 49 cents a can?

Because it's on sale.
The regular price is 53 cents.

Unless you find a dented can,
then it's 2 cents cheaper.

Uh, Edith, go get bread.

Bread. Over there.
Over there.

All right.
Yeah.

I killed a roach there.

Look at this.
I found a couple of dented cans of beans.

Oh!
You're a good shopper.

Look at the price
on this here bread, 50 cents, Edith.

Take it back
and buy the 11 cent bread we always eat.

Archie, bread ain't been
11 cents for years!

Not since you went
in the service,

that was 1942.

Oh, jeez, 1942.

I want to tell ya,
them was the days, Edith,

them was the days.

Boy, everybody
in the country was workin',

plenty of money
in everybody's pocket, 11 cent bread--

that's 'cause we had
a beautiful war going for us then.

Look at everything
nowadays, huh?

Boy, millions of people
out of work, no money in their pockets like me,

we're selling all our wheat--

the Russkies got
the 11 cent bread, we got the 50 cent bread.

I wanna tell ya,
this country's in trouble

every time
there's an outbreak of peace!

I wanna show you
something about the bread here.

Oh, no, don't do that!

They say on TV you shouldn't
squeeze the bread.

To hell with the TV.
I'm showin' ya something here.

You test bread for fresh

the same as you
test a cigar.

See, you squeeze it,
and you listen.

- See what I mean?
- Is it fresh?

Yeah, yeah, see?

And then
when you find a fresh one,

you put back the one
you squeeze, you grab another loaf.

[MUTTERING]
Shh!

Don't you know people
have to eat that after you?

What're you
doing now, Edith?

Oh, I'm listening
to the peas.

You're probably the only
woman in the world that peas talk to.

What're they saying?

Well, you see,
if you listen to 'em,

you can tell by the noise
which can has more peas than water.

Why don't you do that
with the beans here?

Well, the beans
don't make no noise.

Yeah, that's true--
in the store they don't.

Hey.

Froot Loops. Don't forget
the Froot Loops.

Oh, yeah.

Hurry up.
They're way over there.

Way over there.

Handle's comin'
off here, that's...

See how lousy
people are, Edith?

Somebody tore open a whole bag
of licorice bits there.

Archie, you
shouldn't eat 'em.

Why the hell not?
Once they're open, they go bad, don't they?

Oh, jeez, oh.

What's the matter,
Archie? [GROANING]

What's the matter--
is it your gall stones?

No, no, no.
If it's anything, it's the licorice.

I told you,
I ain't got no gall stones.

Well, Dr. Shapiro
told ya you did.

Until I told Dr. Shapiro
I didn't.

Let's not have
no more arguments.

Come on, finish up, let's get
out of here, huh?

I gotta get
your Twinkies.

If they don't
have the Twinkies...

Don't--If they don't
have the Twinkies,

get Ding Dongs
or Devil Dogs.

Hey.

When you're passing the
hardware, return this, will ya?

I changed my mind
about that item, see.

And Edith, we need eggs.
I bought eggs!

I don't see
no eggs in there. Well, I'm sure--

Okay there, girlie.

Ya think we can
get an honest count,

or is that against
the policy of the store?

[BEEPING]

Wait, wait a minute.

Wait a minute,
wait a minute, wait, wait!

Wait a minute.
Watch what you hit-and-run on the keys there.

What's with
the holding hands?

I ought to be able to hold
more than that for what you're charging in here.

Look, what's the complaint?

The complaint is, there,
that you're banging up the numbers there--

you ain't even looking
at the price on the item.

We're trained
to know the prices.

Well, let's see how good
you train then.

How much is this here?

47 cents.

Wrong--57.

Thank you.

Aw, jeez.

Here. I got your Twinkies and
some cranberries.

Why did you get
two cans of cranberries?

Well, Thanksgiving
is coming.

So is Christmas--
I ain't buying a tree.

But they're on sale.
Two for 81 cents.

All right.
How much is one?

41 cents.

I'll take
the 40 cent one.

GLORIA:
Ma! Daddy!

Gloria!
I'm so glad I found you.

Is Joey all right?

Oh, yeah, Joey's fine.
Mrs. Rehnquist is taking care of him.

But I was out in the yard,
and I heard your phone ringing.

And it was
for you, Daddy.

Who was it?
Is Joey at Mrs. Rehnquist's house,

or is Mrs. Rehnquist
over at your house?

Wh-who was on--
Joey's over at Mrs. Rehnquist's.

Who was it?
Oh, I don't think

you should leave Joey
with Mrs. Rehnquist.

Why not?
Who was it?

Well, he don't like her.

He won't even make
a boom-boom for her.

You want me to make
a boom-boom right here?

What the hell
are you looking at?

I didn't make it yet.

Who was it on the phone?

Daddy, it was
a phone call about a job for you.

A job?
Well, not exactly a job yet.

It's an interview
for one at 2:00.

This is
the address. Give it to me.

Let me out of here,
will ya?

And look out for her,
will ya?

That's Lady Goldfingers
over there.

She changes prices.
I caught her in a near misdemeanus.

[INAUDIBLE]

Well, good afternoon
there, sis.

My name is Archie Bunker.

I believe
I have an appointment.

It'll be just a moment.

Maloney in there?

Just have a seat,
please.

Yeah, all right.

Oh, uh, I come about
the job there, Mr. Maloney.

I'm not Mr. Maloney.

And by the way,
Maloney is not a mister.

Oh, what is he?
One of these here guys?

No. Maloney is a "Ms."

Oh, worse yet.

And I'm waiting to hear
about the same job.

You're here
about the job?

No kidding, I mean,
you know...

You don't, kind of,
look the type there.

Uh, I'm just looking
at the initials on your monogrome there.

"F.E."

When I was a kid,
I knew another kid, F.E. Farley Epstein.

I'm Frank Edwards.

I'm Archie Bunker.

Uh, hey, listen--

What questions
did she ask you there?

Oh, the usual--
name, address, age.

All them I can answer.

Previous experience.

College degrees.

You've been to college?

Yes, William and Mary.

Two of them, huh?

I only just barely
finished high school myself.

Jeez, what am I doing here?
I ain't got a prayer.

Well, you may be
more qualified for this job than I am.

What is the job?

They call it "custodian."

Aah, that means...

BOTH: Janitor.

How come a guy like you is going
out for a job like that?

I haven't worked
for three years.

I've run out
of my unemployment insurance,

and I can't get a job
'cause I'm too damn old.

Oh, uh, well,
how old are you?

48.

Jeez, uh,
I'm pretty nearly that myself.

Mr. Bunker?
Yeah.

Miss Maloney
will see you now. Oh.

Okay, see you later
there, Frank.

Right in, huh?

Mm-hmm.
Okay.

Thank you very much.

Nothing personal, hon.

[KNOCKS]

Come in, please.

Have a seat,
Mr. Bunker.

Yeah.

Thank you very much, Mrs.--

Ms.

Oh, sorry, Ms.--I can never
get used to that baloney.

I mean, excuse me,
Ms. Maloney.

Let's make this short
and to the point.

You are Archibald Bunker.

That's right.

And your age is 52.

Well, uh, just barely.

Uh, he's a college guy
out there, huh?

Oh, Mr. Edwards?

I'm afraid
he's overqualified.

We'd spend our time
and money breaking him in--

if a better job came along,
a college man would leave us flat.

Oh, they do it every time.

We find that the best
person for this job

is a man lacking
in skill and knowledge.

Ah, well, you're
looking at him, you're looking at him.

Now, you'll have to answer
a few personal questions.

Oh, yeah, yeah.
Shoot.

Do you drink?

Does beer count?

Yes.

No.

Have you ever been
in trouble with the police?

No.

We can check this
with computers

in a matter of minutes.

Well, you don't
have to do that.

In fact, a couple years ago,

my old platoon WW2 was
having a reunion, you know.

And we was up in a hotel room,
the guys kidding around, some pinko calls the cops.

All we was doing up there--
we was dangling Shorty Benson out a window by his ankles.

And the funny part of it is--
Shorty was the only guy arrested there

'cause he didn't
have no pants on.

But you were not arrested?

I had my pants on
the whole time.

Mr. Bunker, the job
pays $3.90 an hour.

$3.90 an hour?

Where is it, in Puerto Rico?

Close. 97th Street
and 3rd Avenue.

Oh.

Don't you want the job,
Mr. Bunker?

Oh, yeah, hey.
Gracias for the job. I mean, you know...

It's honest work
and buys the groceries, right?

When do I start?

You start tomorrow morning.

Pick up a W-4 form
from the receptionist,

and she'll tell you
where to check in.

Okay, well, thank you.

Thank you very much there,
Ms. Maloney.

You're a good guy.

Oh, hi there, Frank.

Listen, I got good news
and bad news.

I got the job,
and you didn't.

Good luck, Bunker.

Yeah, well, good,
you didn't want it anyway.

It's all right, Bunker,
I'm used to it.

Yeah. So long.

Uh, okay, little girl.
I'm supposed to pick up a W-4 form here.

You got the job?
Well, listen--

I'm gonna be the best
janitor a white man can.

Mandy, the man
that was in your office

just climbed out the window!

Mr. Edwards?
Uh-huh.

What do you mean?!

Frank Edwards?

Frank Edwards?!

What did he do?

W-W-Wait, hey.

Hey, Frank,
what the hell you doing out the window, man?

Something I should've
done three years ago.

Frank, Frank, hey, you
shouldn't be out there.

Hey, we're eight
stories up, Frank.

You step off
from eight stories,

you get a hell
of a nosebleed going down.

Come on, now--
No!

Don't touch me!
Frank, Frank.

Arggh!
My resumes!

Frank, come in
out of there. Take this, too.

Now, don't do nothing,
Frank-- You touch me,

I ain't--
I ain't gonna touch you.

I-I just don't want
you to do nothing

on the sperm
of the moment, Frank.

Please get
out of the way, Mr. Bunker.

I'll take charge
until the police get here.

What do you mean
you'll take charge?

Come here, let me
tell you something.

You take charge.
The man is out there on a ledge

'cause you wouldn't
give him a job.

There was only one job.
I gave that to you.

That's why he's out there.

[PANICKY CHATTER]

Five bucks.
That's all I got!

Frank, hey, Frank,
now don't to it, Frank! ( horns beeping )

There was
a big mistake made.

The job's supposed
to go to you.

Not me.
Tell him, Maloney. Yeah.

Yes, that's
quite true.

It was a misunderstanding.
The job is yours.

Oh, sure, 'til
I get off the ledge,

and then you'll
have me arrested.

No, no, Frank, she's
telling the truth.

I know it's hard to believe
a kisser like this,

but she can't be blamed
for what she looks-- Frank--

Nothing personal.
You're a swell-lookin' dame here.

I'm just trying to get this
loony away from the edge.

Forget it, Bunker.
I heard you call me a loony.

I heard you say,
"Get this loony away from the edge."

No, no! I said it was
a lovely afternooney on the ledge.

Yeah, right.
Frank.

Ah! Listen to them.
[SIRENS WAILING]

You hear 'em?

[ALL SHOUTING]

They want me to jump.
Here I go.

No, no, hey.

Frank!
I'm coming.

Hey, you're
a bunch of jerks. I'm coming!

You're a bunch of jerks
down there--shut up!

You'll make me sick,
and I'll throw up all over you.

Hey, Frank--

Hey, Frank, don't
do this to me, Frank. To you?

Yes, Frank, because you were
supposed to get the job.

I'll spend the whole
rest of my life with a guilty complexion.

If it wasn't you,
it would be somebody else.

No, no, Frank,
Frank, listen.

You wanna talk
to a priest or a rabbi? No!

You don't want
neither of them, I tell you what.

There's a gang of shaved-head
Krishna Hiris down there.

I'll bring one of them up.
He'll play the tambourine for you.

Forget it, Bunker,
I'm an atheist.

Oh, you don't
believe in God, Frank?

If there's a God,
let him catch me in his arms when I jump.

Oh, Frank, Frank.

Listen, I'm
a true believer myself,

but I would never expect
God to catch me, you know?

'Cause maybe his hands
are full with something else.

He's a busy man up there,
Frank.

He's whipping up tornadoes
and whirlpools and hurricanes

and all them
terrible things he does

to let us know down here
he's always thinking of us.

Let me through in there.

Come on,
move aside there. Yeah.

All right, buddy,
come in here before you hurt yourself.

You take one step,
and I'll jump.

Ooh, excuse me.

All right.

All right.

You better get the fire
department with their net,

or we're gonna need
the sanitation department with shovels.

Keep stalling.
Yeah.

Frank, oh, hey.

Hey, Frank,
before you jump...

maybe we ought
to call your wife, huh?

'Cause you know
how mad women get

when we keep them
waiting for dinner.

I haven't got a wife--
I'm divorced.

Well, no, listen, Frank.

That could be good, too,
because you're free.

I tell you what.
Come on back in here,

and we'll put you together
with Maloney, huh?

Huh, Frank?

Smile, you dope, ya.

Listen, listen,
Frank.

You think
you're the only one

with problems
with his wife?

Frank, listen.

I can't even cut
the mustard with my wife.

What do you mean?

I mean it's--ever since

I've been unemp--

Maloney,
leave us alone here, huh?

Get out of here,
youse.

Ever since I'm unemployed,

in bed,
I'm totally impudent.

Impudent?

Yes, Frank.

[GIGGLES]

Don't laugh, okay?

Listen,
the word is impotent!

Bunker, you're impotent!

Don't tell the whole
of New York City about it, will ya!

You're not better off
than I am.

You're taking a job
that's beneath you.

You're not a kid anymore.

Everything is downhill
from now on.

What do you got to live for?

Frank.

You wanna know
what I got to live for?

All right, Frank,
I'll show you. Ah!

Don't, don't come near.

Hey, I ain't
gonna touch ya.

You asked me
what I got to live for.

I'm gonna show you,
that's all.

Let me
show you something--

( screaming )

Shh!

See that picture
there?

That's a picture
of my little grandson.

That's what I got
to live for, huh.

No hair but a beautiful
kid anyway.

He's gonna be
one years old in December.

Mine is almost three.

You got a grandson,
and you got the nerve to end your life, Frank?

What the hell's
the matter with you?

If you go, who's gonna
raise up that little son?

His father.

His father?
What the hell is his father?

Only your son.
Son-in-law.

Oh, son-in-law.

Ain't that the most
ridiculous thing?

Ohhh!

Shh!

Don't make him nervous, huh?

Where's the net?

Son-in-law's the most
ridiculous thing I ever heard of, Frank, listen.

I got a son-in-law.

When I'm trying
to flatter him, I call him meathead.

Now, listen to me,
Frank. [WOMEN SCREAMING]

Shut up, youse.

Frank.

A grandfather's
got to do the business of raising a kid--

teach him all the things
he has to know.

All the little things
like, for instance,

you take a blade of grass
between your two thumbs,

and you blow
like a whistle, huh?

Who's gonna teach him
how to break in a first baseman's mitt?

Oil it up there
and put a rock in the middle, huh?

Frank, who's gonna slip
two bucks on the sly

to go the movies
when his father's punishing him, huh?

That's the grandfather's
gotta do that.

He's gonna grow up
without all of them wisdoms that you can give him.

Frank, Frank, listen.

[WHIMPERING]

Take China.

Why is there billions
of people in China?

'Cause there's so many
grandfathers still living.

And you know why?

'Cause you'll never
see an old Chink jumping off a building.

Now, Frank, I want--ooh.

You okay, Bunker?

Oh, it's nothing.
It comes and goes, comes and goes.

It's just a little
gall bladder, you know,

but it feels
like a ball bat

right in the gut.
Unh!

Aaah!
Aaah! Ah!

Jeez,
I'm on the ledge!

I'm on the ledge!

I got ya, I got ya.

Hey, Frank, Frank.

I got ya.
I'm up here,

I'm all alone here,
Frank.

Why don't you go in,
go in the window? I can't move.

Well, don't panic.
Don't panic.

It's so far down.
Don't look down.

Where am I
supposed to look? Look up.

That's worse.

Turn around,
turn around. No, no, no.

I can't move.
Yeah, I'll help you.

Don't touch me,
Frank. I'll help you,

I'll help you.

Stay there.
No, no.

Stay cool.
Give me your hand. No, Frank.

Give me your hand!
No, no.

Got you,
Edwards. Ah!

[GASPING]

All right, okay.

Okay, Frank.

I'll give you my hand,
Frank.

I'll give you my hand,
Frank.

Where the hell are you,
Frank?

Frank, where--oh, jeez,
I'm all alone!

[CROWD YELLING]

Jump! Jump!

[CROWN CHANTING]

Jump! Jump!

Don't say that.

It's the other guy
you want, not me.

Well, I wanna tell you,

it really would've
disgusted you.

There I was,
way up on that ledge,

whole crowd of jerks
in the street yelling up at me,

"Jump! Jump!"

So, I look down on them
like this, you know.

And I give 'em one of these.
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]

Then I do a little
buck and wing along the edge, see.

[LAUGHING]
I hop in the window.

Frank Edwards is in there.

Throws his arms
around me, hugs me,

kisses me and all.
Aww.

I mean because he was
choked up with emotion, you know.

I mean, he's a nut,
but he ain't a fruit.

Well, I don't blame him
for kissing you.

You saved his life.

You know what Frank
wants to do one of these days?

He wants to take you and me
out to dinner.

Oh.
You know, when he gets all his marbles back.

I guess he wants
to show his appreciation for what you done.

Yeah.
My! You walked right out there on that ledge.

20 stories high.

You could've
got dizzy and fell.

No, no, you're out there
saving human life, you never think dizzy.

Oh, Archie,
you're a hero!

And on top of all that,
you got a job, too!

And...

here we are in bed.

Yeah.

Remember lately,
I was thinking

I was maybe becoming
a little impudent, you know?

Oh.
No, no, wait a minute.

Wait a minute,
wait a minute.

[MUTTERING]

Let me finish, will you?

All day today,
I got the feeling that...

my 'pudence was coming back.

Oh...

Archie.

Now, wait a minute,
wait a minute, wait a minute.

It's always a lot better
with the light out.

Oh, oh, oh!

What's the matter,
Archie?

jeez, my guts are boiling,
Edith.

Is it your
gall stones again?

It hurts, it hurts.

I better call
Dr. Shapiro.

No, no,
don't call Shapiro.

He'll want me
to go to the hospital.

Well, that's what
you ought to do.

Yeah, but that ain't
what I wanna do right now, Edith.

Oh, oh, oh.

All right, all right,
go ahead.

Call him, call Shapiro.

Aw, Edith, Edith,
Edith.

I'm awful sorry there,
darling, you know.

Game called
on account of pain.

♪

All in the Family
was recorded on tape

before a live audience.

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