All language subtitles for All In the Family s07e01

♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪

♪ Songs that made
the hit parade ♪

♪ Guys like us
we had it made ♪

♪ Those were the days ♪

♪ And you knew
where you were then ♪

♪ Girls were girls
and men were men ♪

♪ Mister, we could use a man
like Herbert Hoover again ♪

♪ Didn't need
no welfare state ♪

♪ Everybody pulled
his weight ♪

♪ Gee, our old LaSalle
ran great ♪

♪ Those were the days ♪

♪ You're just
too marvelous ♪

♪ Too marvelous for words ♪

♪ Like "glorious" ♪

♪ "Glamorous" ♪

♪ And that old standby
"e-namorous" ♪

Look at this.

[HUMMING]

[CONTINUES HUMMING]

Hey, hey, hey,
old blue eyes is back.

Hey, you know somethin'?

Them ultraviolet lights
in the "terlet" seats

always scare me.

Archie, that's
to sterilize the seat.

I know it's to sterilize,

but how does the light know
where the seat ends and I begin?

Refills?

- Mmm.
- Yeah.

Yeah. Ha!

Thank you.

You want some more
sugar, sugar?

Oh, no, no,
I'm on a diet,

but you just dip
your pinky in there,

that'll make it
sweet, sweetie.

You are so cute!

Yeah, people
always say that.

Hey, what's our joke
for today?

Oh, hey, hey, I got
a new joke for ya today.

- No, no!
- Not the Martian joke!

- The Martian, the Martian!
- Give us a break!

Shut up!

There was this Martian, see,

and he lands
here in New York.

So he's got the antennies
up there, ya know, blinkin' and flashin'.

He's over there on 8th Avenue,
and he ducks into a bar.

So right away,
he sees the pinball machine.

Pinball machine
is flashin' with the lights goin'

and the bells ringin'.

He goes over to the machine,
he puts his hand on it,

and he says, "Hey,
what's a nice girl like you doin' in a joint like this?"

I always get a laugh
outta Denise.

You are so adorable,
I could kiss you.

Hey, hey, hey!

Maybe I shoulda
took that for dessert,

because it's so delicious
and it ain't fattening.

Huh?

That's my Archie,
the super burger with everything.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, you're-a so adorable!
I could kiss you!

Yeah, maybe I should have
had that for dessert.

It's delicious, and it
ain't even fattening!

Ooh!
[KISSING SOUNDS]

Will you...

People looking at you,

they'll think we're three kinds
of fruit over here.

Hey, listen to me, Arch,
will ya?

You know that Denise over there?

She's just beggin' you
for some action.

Ah, would ya listen to
Foley the philangerer over here.

Jeez.

You really think so?

You can't miss.

Hey, look, she digs you, Archie.

Why don't you make
your move, man?

Make a move?

If I was to make
any kind of a move,

Edith'd kill me.

Who says Edith's
gotta know anyway?

You got a right to some fun.

Foley, I'm a married man,

which means that I ain't got
no right to no fun.

Hey, now, Archie,

what's wrong with
a married guy havin' someone stashed somewhere, man?

What the hell do I look like,
a congressman?

I'm a very legit,
law-abidin' guy,

you understand what I mean?

If I was to try
anything like that--

which I wouldn't--

Edith would be sure
to get wise.

She's loaded with this,
what do ya call,

woman's intermission.

That is baloney!

Look, tell her you went
bowlin' with me.

She'd believe that.

Well, she might
believe that.

Or tell her you
spent the evening at my house.

She'd never believe
that, Whitey.

You know, Whitey,
poor old Archie Bunker.

Looks like our senior citizen
here is just a little bit over the hill.

Right on,
my man.

Look like we talking
candy to a guy who ain't got no more teeth.

I got news for you.

I'm still as good
as I ever was.

Didn't you hear
the old saying there?

Just 'cause there's
snow on the basement

don't mean there ain't
no fire in the roof.

Think that over
a minute, huh?

That's heavy,
ain't it?

♪ I'm dreamin' tonight
of my blue eyes ♪

Oh, you boys have
a good time now, ya hear?

We'll see you
lovebirds later.

Ah, go on.

Well, okay,
what's the damage?

Uh, 1.35.

And don't forget
to look under the cup

for a little somethin'
for yourself there, Denise.

Thank you.

Here. Hey,
you wouldn't believe

what them two dummies
was talkin' about over here.

What?

Well, they was sayin'
that because you and me kid around a lot,

and you take good care
of me when I come in here

that you and me...
well, you know.

What?

Ah, well...

Could I have one of them,
uh, uh, peppermint, uh, toothpicks there?

I...

Help yourself.

You know that perfume
you're wearing, it's really somethin'.

What is it?
Faberge?

Something like that.

Take your time
and enjoy it.

Ah, well...

Well, to hell
with the toothpick.

They say them things
bust your enamel anyhow, you know?

Uh, but...

Denise, uh...

Somethin' else you
wanna say, Archie?

No, I ain't got the time.

Well, uh...
in case you ever have the time...

here's my number.

Excuse me.

Oops.

[EDITH HUMMING]

♪ Joey ♪

[EDITH HUMMING]

♪ Joey ♪

Hey, Jeanette MacDonald,
your Eddy Nelson's here.

Oh!

Hey, Archie.

Ah!

And he's ready for
a night to remember, Edith.

I brought home a bottle
of Taylor's tawny port here.

What is this?

Joey's potty!

[GROANS]

What's it doin'
in the livin' room?

You tryin' to keep flies
outta the kitchen?

Oh, no. I'm gonna
put it away

until Joey's ready
for terlet training.

He don't need no training
for that, Edith.

That's the best thing
he does.

Well, Gloria says that
wrong training

can affect a child for life,
and I guess she's right,

'cause my mother
had a neighbor, Mrs. Applebaum,

and she had a little baby,
Wilton Applebaum,

and she started
training him too early,

and he kept slidin'
into the pot.

And they said it must have
affected his mind,

'cause he grew up to be
a terrible gambler.

And he was in this poker game
once, and this man said to him,

"Wilton, are you in the pot?"
and Wilton shot him.

You tell swell stories, Edith.

They're a little long,
but they're swell.

Oh, thank you.

Listen, get your mind
off everything tonight

but just you and me, huh?

Couple of blasts
of the tawny port here,

upstairs early,

and then,
que seroo, seroo.

Come on, sit down
over here. Right on the lap.

You want me
to sit on your lap?

- That's right.
- [GIGGLES]

Just move a little forward,
Edith, so I can breathe here.

There, now, huh?

Let me tell you what happened
at the Sunshine Home today.

No, I don't wanna
hear that, Edith.

What is the matter
with you lately?

Every time I come home,
you're busy doin' a favor for the kids,

you're baby-sittin'
for Joey,

or you're gallopin'
back and forth

between here and
the Sunshine Senior Citizens Home.

I mean, Edith, I feel
kinda neglected around here.

I'm worried about
Mr. Kleeger.

Oh, jeez,
old Sunshine Kleeger.

Ain't he dead yet?

Oh, no!

I'm worried about him
because he was so nervous today.

Sure, he's nervous.
He's 100, ain't he?

Oh, no! He's only 90.

Ah, jeez,
a mere stripling.

He wasn't nervous
'cause he's 90.

He was nervous 'cause
he wants to propose to Mrs. Friedman,

and I got his teeth.

You got his teeth? Where?

Oh, right here.

I'll show you.

No, jeez!
I don't wanna look at--

Oh, she shows 'em
to me anyway!

I picked 'em up
at the dentist for him.

Put 'em away, will ya?

I'd just as soon look at
the kid's potty.

Now, come on, here.

Now let's dwell
on you and me.

First of all,
hey, hey.

I got a hell of
a new story I wanna tell ya.

This is a swell joke.

There's this Martian, see,
and he lands in New York,

and he's over on 8th Avenue.

He's got his antennies
up in the air,

and they're blinkin'
and flashin' there.

All electrified.

And he goes into a bar.

That ain't the joke.
What's so funny about a bar?

Oh, I'm sorry, Archie.

Go ahead.

He goes into the bar, see,
and the first thing he sees the pinball machine,

so he goes over,
he lays his hand on the pinball machine,

and he says, "What is
a nice girl like you

doin' in a joint like this?"

Why don't you laugh there?

I'm waitin' to hear
what she said.

I know some people
that laughed like hell at that joke.

Oh, I'm sorry, Archie.

Tell it to me again.

No. Never mind,
never mind that, Edith.

How about a little toast
to start the evening, huh?

Here.

To Edith.

With you in my arms,
the moon in the sky,

love in my heart,
and one hand on your thigh.

Oh!

[PHONE RINGS]

Oh, I'll get it.

Oh, the hell
with the phone!

[RINGS]

Hello.

Oh, hello, Mr. Kleeger.

Don't Kleeger know enough

not to interfere
with people's privates?

I can't understand ya.

Talk slower.

How can he talk at all

with his Jimmy Carters
in your pocket?

Oh, yeah!

Mr. Kleeger, I got
your teeth for ya.

Yeah, I'll bring 'em
right over.

Oh, wait a minute...

You stay right there.

- Now wait a minute, Edith.
- That's right.

- Don't tell me--
you ain't goin'-- - I gotta go.

Wait a minute, Edith!
Now you can't go out again tonight!

I won't be too late,

and this'll make
Mr. Kleeger so happy,

and maybe Mrs. Friedman.

[BLOWS RASPBERRY]

Oh, Archie!

Don't do that!

Now your dinner's
in the fridge in a baggie.

Wait a minute.

Leave the dishes
in the sink.

Edith, don't do this.
Edith, will ya...

Edith, I got plans tonight
for you and me,

and the plans ain't
gonna work unless you're here.

What the hell am I supposed to
do with myself after dinner?

I can listen to myself burp.

Bayside 9-2--

Nah!

[DIALING]

[CLEARS THROAT]

[TENSE, HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
Hi there. Is that you, Denise?

Guess who this is.

[COUGHS]
What do you mean, you don't recognize...

[COUGHS AGAIN]
...the voice?

This is Archie.

Yeah.

Your super burger
with everything.

I was just, uh...
I was just here, you know...

[RINGS DOORBELL]

DENISE: The door's
open, Archie. Come on in.

I'll be right
with you.

- Hi.
- Oh, hi there, Denise.

Hey...oh, boy,
do you look wonderful there.

So do you.

Did you have any trouble
finding the place?

Oh, no, this used to be
my old stompin' ground.

I don't live too far
from here, ya know.

I know where you live.

You do?

You're in the phone book.

Yeah, I make it every year.

Uh, I brung ya
a little wine over here.

Oh, ya didn't have to
bring anything.

I know that, but you know,
on evenings such as this,

it always helps.

I mean,
makes it nice.

This here's
your Taylor's tawny port.

That's like a gentile
"Manishooitz."

It's "evaporooted"
a little bit there.

That's 'cause they don't
put the good corks in that no more.

Well, let's not
just stand here.

No, the hell with
standin' here.

What do ya wanna do?

Well, why don't you
make yourself comfy?

Oh, yeah, yeah, sure.

[CLEARS THROAT]
Thanks very much, Denise.

Jeez, it's a swell
apartment you got here.

Oh, thank you.

This is a real comfortable
chair here, ya know.

It fits like a glove
if my butt was a hand.

Well, now that you know
how close I am

and how comfy the chair is,

you won't have any excuse
for not dropping by.

Well, that's right.

I wouldn't have no excuse
for not...

comin' on over, ya know.

When I come, maybe this
could be my personal chair.

Mm-hmm.

Gee, I can't get over
how you look outta uniform.

Well, I mean...

you know, it's
a swell-lookin' dress.

Well, it's not
exactly a dress.

It's sort of
lounging pajamas.

Oh, yeah, yeah,
lounging pajamas.

I didn't bring
nothin' like that with me.

And that perfume, wow!

I mean, that really...

kinda "infilterates"
the "nosetrils."

You know, Archie,

I never heard anybody
put things the way you do.

Oh, I read a lot.

Oh.

Oh, here.

Look at this.

A little side order
of "horse ovaries" here.

I see you got
my favorite thing on there--salami.

I know. You ordered it
the first day you came in to the coffee shop.

Salami on rye.

You remember
the first thing I ordered?

I remember what you ordered,
what you wore, what you said.

You know, Archie,
you're kinda special.

Oh, yeah?

Mm-hmm.

Am I, uh...
am I embarrassing you?

No, no, no, the truth
ain't never embarrassing.

I, uh...
ordered some beer.

You wanna wait
until it gets here,

or would you like
to have some wine?

Oh, no, we could
begin with the wine.

- You know, because...
- Okay.

evenings such as this...

I always
stay on the wine.

It's a habit I picked up
over in Europe.

Oh, did you travel
in Europe?

Oh... yeah.
All over Europe.

Well, I was mostly
in Italy,

and I was mostly
in a place called Fouja.

See, I was stationed there.

That's where they
sent me over there, see,

in WWII--the big one.

Well, I, uh...

I'll bet you met
some pretty girls over there, huh?

Oh, yeah.

Course, us vets,
we don't like to brag too much about that,

but I can tell you
one thing--

I made a few chocolate bars
pay off.

[LAUGHS]

There was one
particular girl.

Wow, a beauty, a real...
"tosaline little regaza."

That's Eye-taliano
for girl.

You speak Italian?

Yeah. She taught me
everything I know--

all that "parlami amore"
stuff, ya know.

And that's
the name of the song.

- You know that song?
- No.

"Parlami amore."

♪ Tutta la mia vida sei tu ♪

♪ Gli occhi tuoi bella
brillano ♪

♪ Fiamme di sogno scintillano ♪

It's a little dago waltz.

Though you ain't
supposed to say dago no more.

The wops get sore.

It goes, uh...

♪ Oh, dimmi
che illusione non e ♪

♪ Dimmi che sei tutta per me ♪

♪ Qui sul tuo cuor
non soffro pi ♪

♪ Parlami damore, Mari ♪

Holy jeez.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Who the hell is that?

Uh...who is it?

MAN: Beer from
Kelsey's.

Kelsey's. My God.

Oh, come on in.
I'll get you the money.

Ah, good evening, Mr. Bunker.

Good evening.
A nice evening, huh?

Yeah, but it looks like
it's nicer for you than for me.

What do you mean by that?

Well, I'm workin'.

I don't know what you're doin'.

Listen, kid,
come here, will ya?

I wanna talk to ya.
What's your name again?

My name is Carlos,

but you call me
the spic kid.

Now, listen,
I hadn't oughta do that, Carlos.

And you gotta remind me
never to do that no more.

Okay. Don't do that no more.

Yeah, all right.

Now I wanna talk to you
like we say in your language,

like two hombres of the world,
understand?

You're gonna
bribe me, right?

And you're gonna
take it, right?

Right!

How much is the beer?

Uh, let's see here.
It's 2.50

All right,
here's three dollars.

You keep the difference.

Wow! A half a buck!

I pay good for favors.

Now listen,
what you see here...

I don't wanna
read about this here event

on the walls
of Kelsey's terlet.

Not even in Spanish, capisce?

Sure, sure.
I understand, Mr. Bunker.

Listen, big deal.
Who cares?

I don't care.

Nobody cares no more.

Why should you?

Listen, have yourself
a ball!

Have a ball,
know what I mean?

♪

All in the Family
was recorded on tape

before a live audience.

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0