Original subtitles

♪ Boy, the way Glenn Miller played ♪

♪ Songs that made The Hit Parade ♪

♪ Guys like us We had it made ♪

♪ Those were the days ♪

♪ And you knew Where you were then ♪

♪ Girls were girls And men were men ♪

♪ Mister, we could use a man Like Herbert Hoover again ♪

♪ Didn't need No welfare state ♪

♪ Everybody pulled His weight ♪

♪ Gee, our old LaSalle Ran great ♪

♪ Those were the days ♪

Oh, my!

I wonder if it's the same Mervyn Jerome.

Who's Mervyn Jerome?

He used to run the animal hospital

where we used to take Arthur, our cat.

And Mr. Jerome went to my high school too.

Oh, my. He was such a nice man.

He was very close to his animals.

Archie always said you couldn't smell 'em apart.

Of course, that was a joke.

It made Mr. Jerome laugh... sometimes.

What made you think of him?

Well, his name is in the paper,

if it's the same Mervyn Jerome.

Oh, what did he do?

He died.

"Suddenly... Beloved husband of Thelma Ruby.

Services private. No flowers."

[GASPS] That could be him.

He suffered from hay fever.

If it's the same Mervyn Jerome,

he's gonna miss our class reunion next week...

if he's dead.

Ma, I think it's a shame

you're gonna miss the class reunion.

Yeah, just because Archie won't go,

that doesn't mean you shouldn't.

Oh, no. I wouldn't feel comfortable without Archie.

ARCHIE: Edith! We're out of toilet paper.

No, we're not. I bought some yesterday.

It's in the closet in the kitchen.

ARCHIE: I ain't in the kitchen.

Oh...

Oh!

ARCHIE: Hurry up!

Don't panic, Arch! Help's on the way!

Be right there! I'll take it, Ma.

Oh, thanks, Mike.

How come Daddy doesn't check for paper first?

Because he's too busy reading.

ARCHIE: All right, Meathead, just leave it there.

I'll put it on the roller myself.

Why do you have to look for cough drops now?

Get out of here!

I bet cousin Amelia was angry

when she found out

you weren't going to the reunion, Ma.

Oh, yeah...

and it's the only reunion we've ever had.

Thirty years.

And now they're tearing down the school.

[TOILET FLUSHING]

And it won't be the same saying,

"That's where I went to school," and pointing to the A&P.

Now, can't we get one thing clear

around here?

Uh, Mrs. Stivic,

would you get your little keister

out of my chair?

The person who uses up the paper

on the roller up there

has to put a new roll on the roller.

Can't youse none of youse remember that rule?

That's a rule?

It's one of your main rules of civilization, Meathead.

[DOORBELL RINGS] Oh, no, no.

Who could that be, on a Sunday

ringing the bell?

It's a day of rest.

Jeez, don't people stay home

and read their bibles no more?

What happened to Christianity anyhow?

Whoever that is, tell them to get the hell out of here!

Amelia! Edith.

Oh, Archie, it's cousin Amelia!

Shut the door, will the two of youse!

We're catching pneumonia here!

Hi, Amelia. Hi, Mike. Hi, Gloria.

Oh, hiya, Archie. Hi, Amelia.

Ooh, you're getting a little thin up here.

Isn't he?

Don't fool with it, huh!

Sit down, Amelia.

Make yourself comfortable.

Would you like a cup of coffee?

And I think there's one Twinkie left.

Hey, hey, hey!

That's my tomorrow's-lunch Twinkie!

How about a cookie, Amelia?

Anything, thank you.

I'll get it, Ma.

Yeah. I'll help you.

Oh, thanks, Gloria.

Thanks, Mike.

Edith, I want to know why you sent back

this invitation to our class reunion.

Oh, I'm sorry, Amelia, but I can't go.

But you got to go.

It's going to be a marvelous party.

Remember Mavis Pike?

Yeah!

Well, Mavis is making us a special banner.

It's gonna say "30th reunion."

Oh, Mavis was always good with words.

Her father was a butcher.

She used to write his windows.

What did she do?

You know, "Special today: chuck steak."

Coffee and cookies, everybody.

Hey, Cousin Amelia. Yeah?

Did you talk Ma into going to the reunion yet?

Not yet.

What's the matter with you, Arch?

Why don't you take her?

Do I have to report to you whatever--

Hey, hey! Hey!

That's my tomorrow's-lunch Twinkie

you're eating there.

Jeez, ain't nothing sacred to you at all?

Sorry. I forgot.

They ought to make a horror movie

out of your stomach.

Want the rest?

I don't want it now!

Daddy, you're just evading the issue.

Why won't you take Ma to her class reunion?

I promised Barney Hefner

that I'm gonna go bowling with him on Saturday.

That's a promise. That's a point of honor.

"Point of honor"?

Yeah, which you wouldn't understand,

being a Twinkie thief.

Daddy, remember how you used to love

going to your old Air Corps reunions?

Oh, now, come on.

Are you comparing this high school stupid stuff

to my Air Corps reunions?

Our Air Corps reunions was held to "re-memorate"

the great things we had done.

Yeah, like bombing, strafing, killing...

Get away from me, huh?

If your mother wants to go to that class reunion,

she can go without me.

Oh, Daddy, you know Ma never goes anywhere without you.

Russell's taking me.

Well, I ain't going, and that's final.

Maybe this'll change your mind, Edith.

I brought you a copy of the old school paper.

The Milestone?

Yeah, I had reprints made

for everybody in the class.

Here.

Oh, look. Here's a picture of the whole class.

Let me see, Ma. Which one is you?

There I am. Edith Baines.

Oh, you look so young.

That's because I was younger then.

Archie, look, here's Amelia.

Oh, look at Amelia with all the braces.

Jeez, what a face full of wire you had.

1943... Ma, can Michael and I look at this?

Sure.

We were kids then, Archie.

Everybody had a face full of wire.

Except Buck Evans. He was perfect.

Buck Evans... I haven't thought about him in years.

He was the handsomest thing...

and Edith had a crush on him.

Oh...

Boy, what a lousy Sunday this is.

Oh, yeah, Buck Evans was so popular,

but he let me go with him wherever he went.

You know what they used to call me?

"Who's that with Buck Evans?"

Hey, Ma, which one is Buck in this picture?

Oh, now, let's see.

It's been so many years.

There he is!

Oh, my...

Oh, is he good-looking. Yeah.

He was voted the Boy Most Likely to Win the War.

But that picture don't do him justice.

You had to see him on the track field.

Oh, he had such a beautiful figure.

And that golden hair waving in the wind...

Oh!

Sounds like a running fag.

He was anything but that.

All the girls were crazy about him.

You, too, huh, Edith? Whoo!

Oh, yeah.

Remember? You used to leave him notes.

"From an anonymous admirer...

Signed, Edith Baines."

Why did you stop seeing him, Ma?

Well, he went into the Air Corps.

Oh, my, and in his uniform...

Ooh, he looked

like the cover on one of those song sheets.

♪ He wore a pair Of silver wings... ♪

Silver wings, oh!

What's the matter with you?

You were in the Air Corps, weren't you?

That's right, Meathead.

I was second in charge of the motor pool.

What'd you wear on your chest? A little carburetor?

Oh, Edith, I got to get going.

Now, you're sure you won't change your mind

about coming to the reunion?

Oh, no, Amelia. I'm sorry.

Ah, Buck is gonna be awful disappointed.

Buck is coming to the reunion?

Sure. Didn't you know?

No. His name wasn't on the list you sent me.

Oh, but his answer came in late. He's gonna be there.

Oh...

Archie, are you sure you don't mind

if I go to the reunion?

Well, wait a minute, now. Uh...

No. He doesn't mind. He said so 10 times.

Oh... well, then, I think I'll go.

Yeah. I'm going to the reunion.

Great. You're going alone?

Why not?

Hold it! Hold it there!

You ain't gonna do nothing of the kind there, Edith.

But, Archie...

No, no!

I'm going with you.

Because of Buck Evans, Daddy?

No!

Because no real man lets his wife go out alone at night

after Buck... dark.

She's ready, Michael. She's ready.

Come on. Get up, okay. Okay, yeah.

All right, Ma, you can come down now.

EDITH: Okay. I'm coming.

♪ A pretty girl ♪

Oh!

♪ That went To Fillmore High ♪

♪ Is going there Again ♪

Hey, you look beautiful, really nice.

So pretty, Ma. Thanks.

Oh, thanks, Gloria.

Wasn't it nice of Archie to come with me?

Edith, Edith,

what is this spot on my good tie?

Oh... that's ketchup from your last lodge dinner.

Remember?

I didn't ask, "What's the spot? What is it?"

I asked, "What's the spot? What's it still doing there?"

I'm sorry, Archie. I guess I forgot to clean it.

Aw...

Let me see, Daddy.

Why don't you just move your tie clip down?

Or you could tie your knot higher

and tuck the end in your pants.

Or... you could tie a knot in your tongue!

Come on. Let's go.

Ma, you remembered the ticket?

Yeah. Here it is.

Oh, ain't that beautiful?

"Mrs. Edith Bunker and friend."

Ain't that nice?

No. It ain't nice, Edith. It's dumb.

I'm your husband. I ain't your friend.

ARCHIE: Come on!

Hey, Ma, you better hurry.

You don't want to be late after 30 years.

Oh, my!

No. That would be awful, wouldn't it?

ARCHIE: Hey, Edith!

Your friend is waiting for you

on the stoop here!

Coming, Archie! Bye-bye.

Bye, Ma. Have a good time.

See you later.

Bye, Daddy.

Gee, I hope Ma has a good time

at her reunion.

[IMITATING GROUCHO MARX] I hope we have

a good time at ours.

Michael...

By a strange coincidence,

our class is meeting in this house all evening,

and I'm happy to report

that we're the only two that showed up.

[IMITATING MAE WEST] Why resist temptation?

There's always more.

[HIGH-PITCHED LAUGHTER]

Here I am, Archie.

What took you so long?

I'm standing here alone like a potted plant.

I'm sorry, but I had to get change.

I didn't have a dime.

Why can't you take care of them things

before we leave home where it's free?

Why didn't you talk to somebody while you was waiting?

Because it ain't my reunion, and I don't know nobody,

and I don't want to know nobody.

[ANGRILY] Now, let's go in there and have a good time.

WOMAN: Edith!

Mavis Pike!

Oh, welcome. I'm so glad you came.

It's lovely to see you again.

You look just the same.

[LAUGHS] Oh...

Oh, I'm sorry. This is Mr. Bunker.

Archie, this is Mavis Pike,

the one I told you about, who's so good with words.

Oh, yeah,

she writes the "chuck steak" on the windows.

Nice to know you, there, Mrs. Pike.

Oh, no. It's not "Mrs."

It's "Ms." "Ms."-- M-S.

Oh, you're one of them.

She's a women's lib!

You see, that means she ain't a missus

and she ain't a miss, neither.

What does that make her, a near miss?

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Edith, I was going to ask you

if you've had an interesting life,

but he just saved me the trouble.

Oh, hi!

Hi, oh, I promise not to guess your name

if you promise not to guess mine.

[LAUGHS]

[HIGH-PITCHED LAUGHING]

I'm gonna get a drink.

Oh, Amelia, what a wonderful turnout.

It is good, isn't it?

Of course, not everybody could come,

and some of us are no longer with us.

Oh, my. They left already?

Oh, no, no. They passed on.

Oh!

Yeah, Danny Pilsner? You remember him?

Just last year.

Oh, I'm sorry, but it don't surprise me.

He was always very sickly.

What did he pass on of?

He got hit by a truck.

Hey, Amelia, I don't see your husband around.

Where is he?

He didn't come. Listen, Edith--

Wait a minute. What do you mean, he didn't come?

He promised a very special client of his

that he would go bowling with him.

Now, listen, Edith. You hear that, Edith?

Hey, he's going bowling.

I had to come here with you.

But Archie, you wanted to come.

That's right, Arch, the minute you heard

Buck Evans was going to be here.

Oh, well, that's right, sure.

I didn't want to miss the golden flyer.

Where is he?

He's coming. Come on, Edith.

Say hello to the rest of the old gang.

Come on, Archie. I want you to meet...

[GRUMBLING]

That's Edith Baines.

Hi, everybody. Oh, Edith Baines.

Edith! Edith Baines.

Remember me?

Sam Gulinsky?

♪ Kuey, kuey, conga Kuey, kuey, conga ♪

[LAUGHING] Of course, Sam.

Sam, this is Archie. Archie, Sam Gulinsky.

Hi. Hey, did you ever play ball?

Yeah, I played some ball.

Figures. Edith always had a thing for ball players.

Oh!

Did you know Buck Evans was going to be here?

Yeah!

Hey, would you like to meet my wife? Sylvia!

Listen, remember when you and Buck and me...

A nod is as good as a wink to a blind man.

What was that?

If it were my wife,

and Buck Evans was coming...

You know what I mean?

No. What do you mean?

Enough said.

Hold it. Hold it.

Hold it. What do you mean, "Enough said"?

Enough said.

This party is stinkeroo.

Hey, uh, would you mind

freshening up my drink, there?

I'm taking rye and ginger ale.

Uh, pardon me asking, but ain't you on duty here?

Nah.

I'm just fixing myself a drink.

Oh, I get it. I get it.

You're one of the reunions here, huh?

That's right.

It's funny, Edith never mentioned

there was a colored guy in her class.

As a matter of fact, there were three of us...

black guys in the class.

Oh? Where's the other two?

Well, I guess they couldn't make it.

Why? Are they in trouble?

I doubt that.

They're probably very busy

with their law firm up in Buffalo.

Oh, they're lawyers, huh? Whoop-de-do.

What do you do for a living?

A little farming.

Hey, that's nice.

Well, youse three guys done pretty good for yourselves, huh?

Well, we can't complain.

Yeah, that's because when you was in school,

I bet you wasn't rioting, right?

Uh, no, we weren't.

Yeah, because you were smart, hard-working...

Outnumbered.

Excuse me.

Tony Rizelli!

Huh?

Tony, I never forget a face. Never forget a face.

You just broke your record.

[LAUGHING]

Excuse me, I gotta mingle.

So, Edith, tell me.

What have you been doing with yourself

these last 30 years?

Well, right after graduation, I went on a week's vacation

to my cousin Gertrude's in Newark.

It was kind of a graduation present

from Mom and Dad.

And then, after I got home,

I started looking for a job...

It's funny, because I could have sworn

you were on the track team with me.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

You was on the track team? Yeah.

You wouldn't be that guy Buck Evans, would you?

[LAUGHS] Me? Buck Evans?

Do I look like Buck Evans?

He thinks I'm Buck Evans.

[LAUGHS]

That was Willy Weatherby.

Buck Evans was much stronger.

Who cares?

And much handsomer.

God, he was beautiful.

Do you remember how he used to carry the flag

at assemblies?

With his white gloves?

Oh, it brought a lump to your throat.

God, he was beautiful.

We heard that.

That takes care of 1945.

And then, in 1946,

I joined the Hercules Plumbing Company

as a secretary.

Isn't that interesting?

Oh, yes, it was so interesting.

Oh, we had all kinds of equipment:

faucets,

swivel-head showers, gaskets...

Remember how stuck Edith was on Buck?

Well, why shouldn't she be?

God, he was beautiful!

[AUDIENCE LAUGHTER]

And Archie and me was marr--

Oh, here's Archie now!

Hi!

Edith, I want to talk--

Oh, Archie, ain't this a wonderful party?

Aren't you glad you came? I wanna talk--

Edith, we need you to lead us in the old high school cheer!

[GRUMBLING]

Come on, do the school cheer.

I ain't going to cheer for nothing.

Okay, hit it! One, two, three--

ALL: Fillmore High! Fillmore High!

We are high on old Fillmore!

Everybody runs when they hear us roar!

Fillmore! Fillmore! Roar! Roar! Roar!

[LOW-LEVEL CHATTERING]

Do you know what you look like?

Archie, don't be such a spoilsport.

Come on! Hit it again!

We're gonna do it once more.

One, two, three, and--

ALL: Fillmore High! Fillmore High!

We are high on old Fillmore!

Everybody runs when they hear us roar!

Fillmore! Fillmore! Roar! Roar! Roar!

[CHEERING]

Sam!

Hiya. Nice to see you.

How about that?

My best buddy at school,

and he didn't even know me.

What do you care? There's plenty to eat.

You're, uh...

Oh, now, wait a minute. You don't know me.

My name is Archie Bunker.

See, I ain't one of the reunions here.

Oh. How's the party going?

Aw, it's a lot of nothing.

They're all waiting for the big class hero,

Buck Evans.

That's funny.

[LAUGHING]

What's funny?

I'm Buck Evans.

You're who?

Buck Evans.

You're "golden-hair-running- flying-on-the-track" Buck Evans?

[LAUGHS] That's right.

What the hell happened to you?

I married a gourmet cook.

[LAUGHS]

Looks like she's in there with you.

Listen, I know someone who's waiting here all night

to meet you again.

Yeah? Who?

My wife. She used to be Edith Baines.

Edith Baines.

That's right. I'm gonna get her and bring her over.

You stay right here, see?

Don't let nobody move you.

Hey, Edith! Edith?

Hey, get away from me here, huh.

Will you get out of the way?

Edith... Edith, there's somebody over here

that you're gonna be very happy to see.

Step this way.

I'll bet you'll never recognize him.

Buck Evans.

Edith Baines.

Oh, Buck!

How'd you recognize me?

I'd know you anywhere.

Your eyes. Your eyes are just the same.

I can still see right inside you.

See, Archie? Ain't he beautiful?

Uh, nice to meet your acquaintanceship there.

Can I just take my wife over here for a minute?

We'll see you, huh?

Edith, Edith.

I will never be able to figure you out.

You and me, we look at the same guy,

and you see a beautiful person.

I see a blimp.

Yeah. Ain't that too bad?

But, then, you're beautiful too.

Here we are. We're home!

They can see that, Edith.

Did you have a good time?

Oh, it was wonderful.

And Amelia says it was so much fun

we're gonna have a reunion

every 30 years from now on.

What'd you think of the reunion, Arch?

Well, I'll tell you one thing.

Your mother-in-law

was the prettiest lady in the whole crowd.

Oh, Archie.

Aw, don't lose your head, Edith.

There was an awful lot of losers there.

[♪]

ANNOUNCERS: All in the family was recorded on tape

before a live audience.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0