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1
00:00:02,835 --> 00:00:05,670
♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪
2
00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:09,340
♪ Songs that made
The Hit Parade ♪
3
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:13,011
♪ Guys like us
We had it made ♪
4
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:16,280
♪ Those were the days ♪
5
00:00:16,282 --> 00:00:20,284
♪ And you knewWhere you were then ♪
6
00:00:20,286 --> 00:00:23,622
♪ Girls were girlsAnd men were men ♪
7
00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:30,394
♪ Mister, we could use a manLike Herbert Hoover again ♪
8
00:00:30,396 --> 00:00:32,363
♪ Didn't needNo welfare state ♪
9
00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:36,534
♪ Everybody pulledHis weight ♪
10
00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:40,872
♪ Gee, our old LaSalleRan great ♪
11
00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:46,678
♪ Those were the days ♪
12
00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:56,855
Oh, hello, Archie.
13
00:00:56,857 --> 00:00:59,090
Did you have a nice day?
14
00:00:59,092 --> 00:01:01,793
Edith, I'm gonna
turn around slow
15
00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:03,594
and let you have
a look at my face.
16
00:01:03,596 --> 00:01:06,064
Then you tell me what
kind of a day I had.
17
00:01:11,403 --> 00:01:13,571
EDITH:
That bad, huh?
18
00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:15,006
Yeah, and to top
everything off,
19
00:01:15,008 --> 00:01:17,275
tonight on the subway
was worse than ever.
20
00:01:17,277 --> 00:01:18,943
I come down
on that platform
21
00:01:18,945 --> 00:01:20,311
and it's absolutely
jammed, Edith,
22
00:01:20,313 --> 00:01:22,881
and I says,
"God, if that train comes in
23
00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:24,615
"and there's an empty seat
on the train,
24
00:01:24,617 --> 00:01:27,686
"I'm gonna give Edith 5 bucks
for church on Sunday."
25
00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:30,689
And I says,
"God, if there happens to be
26
00:01:30,691 --> 00:01:32,991
"on that empty seat
a newspaper,
27
00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:34,358
"I'll go with Edith to church
28
00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:36,061
and I'll give you
the 5 bucks myself."
29
00:01:36,063 --> 00:01:37,528
What happened?
30
00:01:37,530 --> 00:01:40,031
The train comes in
and so help me,
31
00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:42,500
there's an empty seat
on that train,
32
00:01:42,502 --> 00:01:44,202
and you ain't gonna
believe this,
33
00:01:44,204 --> 00:01:46,404
but on the empty seat
there's a newspaper.
34
00:01:46,406 --> 00:01:49,273
Oh, Archie, ain't
that wonderful?!
35
00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:51,242
Your prayers were answered.
36
00:01:51,244 --> 00:01:52,410
Hold it, Edith.
37
00:01:52,412 --> 00:01:54,378
Hold it, hold it,
hold it.
38
00:01:54,380 --> 00:01:56,047
The newspaper on the
seat was this here.
39
00:02:06,158 --> 00:02:10,228
Does that mean you ain't
going to church with me?
40
00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:11,863
That's right.
41
00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:14,065
The Jewish Daily Forward
ain't exactly the answer
42
00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:14,933
to my prayer.
43
00:02:16,936 --> 00:02:20,071
What about the $5
for the church?
44
00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:21,740
Oh, no, that's canceled.
45
00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:23,842
Why don't you give the $5
to a synagogue?
46
00:02:28,614 --> 00:02:30,581
I'll give $5 to a synagogue
47
00:02:30,583 --> 00:02:33,752
on the day that I can do the
crossword puzzle in this paper.
48
00:02:35,020 --> 00:02:36,354
Take it.
49
00:02:39,091 --> 00:02:41,025
Oh, thank you, Archie.
50
00:02:41,027 --> 00:02:43,494
I wonder
where the puzzle is.
51
00:02:45,631 --> 00:02:48,166
I wonder where
the supper is, Edith.
52
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:49,467
Right away, Archie.
53
00:02:50,903 --> 00:02:52,237
What's the matter with you,
Meathead?
54
00:02:52,239 --> 00:02:53,938
Can't you understand English
over there?
55
00:02:53,940 --> 00:02:55,339
Come on,
clear the table for supper.
56
00:02:55,341 --> 00:02:56,808
The library is closed.
57
00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:58,042
Right away, Arch.
58
00:02:59,245 --> 00:03:00,278
No back talk from you?
59
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,380
Why should there be
any back talk?
60
00:03:02,382 --> 00:03:03,782
You told Ma
to get dinner ready,
61
00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:04,949
so I'm clearing
the table.
62
00:03:04,951 --> 00:03:06,350
When you're right,
you're right.
63
00:03:06,352 --> 00:03:07,551
Thank you very much.
64
00:03:07,553 --> 00:03:11,256
Doesn't happen often...
65
00:03:11,258 --> 00:03:12,791
but when it does,
66
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,826
I like to share
the experience with you.
67
00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:16,427
Get away from me!
Get away from me!
68
00:03:16,429 --> 00:03:17,295
Goodbye.
69
00:03:20,866 --> 00:03:22,834
Aw, gee, Edith. Edith!
70
00:03:22,836 --> 00:03:24,068
Yeah.
71
00:03:24,070 --> 00:03:26,504
Edith, how can anybody read
in this room?
72
00:03:26,506 --> 00:03:28,506
Why don't you get
more powerful bulbs
73
00:03:28,508 --> 00:03:29,908
for the lights in here?
74
00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:32,944
Oh, Archie, it ain't the light.
75
00:03:32,946 --> 00:03:34,846
It's what I've been
trying to tell you...
76
00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:36,314
Now, listen, listen,
don't start that again.
77
00:03:36,316 --> 00:03:37,548
Oh, but Archie--
78
00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:39,617
I never wore glasses
in my whole life,
79
00:03:39,619 --> 00:03:41,019
and I ain't going
to start now.
80
00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:44,189
But it's nothing
to be ashamed of.
81
00:03:44,191 --> 00:03:45,723
It's nature.
82
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:47,391
Everybody has
a little trouble
83
00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:49,294
seeing the words close-up
84
00:03:49,296 --> 00:03:51,229
after they pass
a certain age.
85
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:54,398
I tell you it ain't age!
86
00:03:55,835 --> 00:04:00,171
It's the ink they're using
in the paper.
87
00:04:00,173 --> 00:04:02,540
It ain't as black
as it used to be.
88
00:04:02,542 --> 00:04:03,774
They're probably watering
it down
89
00:04:03,776 --> 00:04:05,643
like everything else
you buy nowadays.
90
00:04:08,881 --> 00:04:10,081
Go out and get the supper!
91
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:11,249
Right away!
92
00:04:20,425 --> 00:04:22,426
Getting about time
to have your arms lengthened,
93
00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:23,461
huh, Arch?
94
00:04:29,235 --> 00:04:30,634
Maybe you ought
to get glasses, huh?
95
00:04:30,636 --> 00:04:31,870
Get away from me, huh?
96
00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:34,072
I mean, I saw the way
you were reading the paper.
97
00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:36,674
You might as well get glasses.
It'd be a lot easier for you.
98
00:04:36,676 --> 00:04:38,076
Holding them out
like that? Will you...
99
00:04:38,078 --> 00:04:39,277
Will you get
away from me?!
100
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:40,378
Oh, my goodness.
101
00:04:40,380 --> 00:04:42,813
How did you get into a fight
so quick?
102
00:04:42,815 --> 00:04:45,183
This guy came downstairs.
103
00:04:46,318 --> 00:04:48,786
What happened?
I don't know.
104
00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:51,189
I made a joke about the way
he was reading the paper.
105
00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:52,357
He goes bananas.
106
00:04:52,359 --> 00:04:55,193
Oh, Archie,
I know how you feel,
107
00:04:55,195 --> 00:04:57,495
but just because
you need glasses
108
00:04:57,497 --> 00:04:59,097
don't mean nothing.
109
00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:00,198
Well, look at me.
110
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,367
I've needed glasses
for years,
111
00:05:02,369 --> 00:05:04,402
and you're older
than I am.
112
00:05:04,404 --> 00:05:06,504
That's only because
I was born first.
113
00:05:09,174 --> 00:05:10,341
Hi, everybody.
114
00:05:10,343 --> 00:05:11,409
Hi.
Oh, hi, Gloria.
115
00:05:11,411 --> 00:05:12,410
Hi, Ma.
116
00:05:12,412 --> 00:05:13,411
I'll set the table.
117
00:05:13,413 --> 00:05:14,412
Hi, Daddy.
118
00:05:14,414 --> 00:05:15,446
What about me?
119
00:05:15,448 --> 00:05:16,647
I saved the best
for last.
120
00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:17,782
Ah.
121
00:05:17,784 --> 00:05:18,917
Oh, look at this here.
122
00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:20,418
She hasn't even got
her coat off,
123
00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:22,020
and he's jumping on her.
124
00:05:24,489 --> 00:05:27,191
[SEXY VOICE] Well,
then I'll take it off, Daddy.
125
00:05:27,193 --> 00:05:29,727
Cut that out!
126
00:05:29,729 --> 00:05:31,329
You're in a good mood tonight.
What happened?
127
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:32,931
Did you get a seat on
the subway?
128
00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:33,998
Better than that.
129
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,100
I got a ride all the way
home from work.
130
00:05:36,102 --> 00:05:37,468
Yeah?
Who gave you a lift?
131
00:05:37,470 --> 00:05:39,037
Mr. Clifton, the
buyer in cosmetics.
132
00:05:39,039 --> 00:05:41,205
Since when are you
so chummy with him?
133
00:05:41,207 --> 00:05:43,507
Michael,
you're not jealous, are you?
134
00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:46,244
No, I just don't
like you riding around
135
00:05:46,246 --> 00:05:47,645
with strange men,
that's all.
136
00:05:47,647 --> 00:05:49,847
Oh, Michael,
he's in his late 40s.
137
00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:51,282
He's old enough
to be my father.
138
00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:54,052
Hey, hey,
what kind of a crack is that?!
139
00:05:55,187 --> 00:05:56,387
Nothing. What'd I say?
140
00:05:56,389 --> 00:05:57,721
You know
what you said.
141
00:05:57,723 --> 00:05:58,889
What's going on?
142
00:05:58,891 --> 00:06:00,291
Archie's worried
about getting old.
143
00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:01,525
I ain't worried about that,
144
00:06:01,527 --> 00:06:03,527
and I don't want to hear
nothing more about old
145
00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:04,528
in this house!
146
00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:05,396
Come on.
Let's eat supper.
147
00:06:07,499 --> 00:06:10,435
Uh, Daddy, did you
pick up my watch?
148
00:06:10,437 --> 00:06:11,735
What watch?
149
00:06:11,737 --> 00:06:14,105
My wristwatch,
the one that's being repaired.
150
00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:15,306
No, I didn't pick it up.
151
00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:17,141
Why didn't you remind me
about it last night?
152
00:06:17,143 --> 00:06:18,909
I did remind you
last night.
153
00:06:18,911 --> 00:06:20,611
You said you would.
154
00:06:20,613 --> 00:06:22,180
I don't remember that.
155
00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:23,982
Sure, Arch, it was at dinner.
I heard you.
156
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:26,484
You didn't hear that
because I didn't say that,
157
00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:28,086
and you didn't say nothing
about it neither.
158
00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:29,887
Wait a second.
Ma heard you too, right, Ma?
159
00:06:29,889 --> 00:06:32,490
No, I don't remember.
160
00:06:32,492 --> 00:06:34,993
When you get older,
you forget...
161
00:06:36,928 --> 00:06:38,662
Oh, no, Archie!
162
00:06:38,664 --> 00:06:43,601
No! I didn't mean you.
I meant me.
163
00:06:43,603 --> 00:06:46,871
I don't wanna hear
nothing more
164
00:06:46,873 --> 00:06:50,141
about getting old
at this table!
165
00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:51,742
In fact, I don't want
to hear nothing
166
00:06:51,744 --> 00:06:52,977
about nothing!
167
00:07:18,703 --> 00:07:20,104
Arch, everybody gets old...
168
00:07:24,009 --> 00:07:26,077
EDITH: Archie,
where are you going?
169
00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:28,446
I'm going to where youse people
have been sending me
170
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:29,547
for the last half hour,
171
00:07:29,549 --> 00:07:31,916
to the old folks' home.
172
00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:33,284
And on the way,
173
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:35,053
I'm gonna stop off
at Kelsey's Bar,
174
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,787
and I'm gonna
have a couple of beers.
175
00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:40,624
And maybe for my dinner,
I'll gum down a few pretzels.
176
00:07:47,166 --> 00:07:49,067
So you get the
picture, see?
177
00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:50,501
There's this big crate
on the ground,
178
00:07:50,503 --> 00:07:52,937
and we got to get it up
onto the loading platform.
179
00:07:52,939 --> 00:07:55,139
Now, we got all
these young wise guys
180
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:56,640
standing around
staring at it
181
00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:58,609
like they never heard
of the word "muscle," see?
182
00:07:58,611 --> 00:08:00,445
So I call over
to Petey Brobich,
183
00:08:00,447 --> 00:08:02,280
"Petey, come on.
Give me a hand here."
184
00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:03,914
Petey gets one end
of it, see,
185
00:08:03,916 --> 00:08:05,916
with his hands, and I get
the other end here.
186
00:08:05,918 --> 00:08:08,652
Mind you, this is
a 500-pound crate.
187
00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:09,720
We grabbed that crate
188
00:08:09,722 --> 00:08:11,021
and alley-oop
off the ground,
189
00:08:11,023 --> 00:08:12,623
right up like a feather,
onto the platform.
190
00:08:12,625 --> 00:08:13,824
What do you
think of that?
191
00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:15,226
Well, you was
in pretty good shape
192
00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:16,094
in them days, Arch.
193
00:08:20,799 --> 00:08:22,600
What the hell do you mean,
"in them days"?
194
00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:24,402
Well, Petey Brobich
dropped dead
195
00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:25,503
more than 15 years ago.
196
00:08:27,272 --> 00:08:28,772
Fifteen years?
You're crazy.
197
00:08:28,774 --> 00:08:30,141
No, no.
I remember it well.
198
00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:32,543
It was my first
anniversary in this bar.
199
00:08:32,545 --> 00:08:34,112
I was serving free eats.
200
00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:35,313
Petey comes in,
201
00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:36,747
takes one of
my hard-boiled eggs
202
00:08:36,749 --> 00:08:37,948
and drops dead.
203
00:08:39,684 --> 00:08:41,852
ARCHIE:
That long ago.
204
00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:44,489
Gee, where does time
fly to, anyway.
205
00:08:44,491 --> 00:08:45,523
Let me have a beer.
206
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:46,690
Yeah, coming up.
207
00:08:46,692 --> 00:08:51,162
Hey, Kelsey,
how old would you say I looked?
208
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:52,396
Arch,
at bartender college,
209
00:08:52,398 --> 00:08:54,198
they taught us three things
you don't talk about:
210
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,501
politics,
religion, and age.
211
00:08:56,503 --> 00:08:59,237
We stick to the safe subjects
like taxes,
212
00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:01,071
which everybody's against.
213
00:09:01,073 --> 00:09:03,608
And women, which
everybody's for.
214
00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:04,642
Hey, that's
pretty good, huh?
215
00:09:04,644 --> 00:09:06,210
Yeah.
[CASH REGISTER RINGS]
216
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:08,312
Uh, hey, excuse me.
217
00:09:08,314 --> 00:09:09,580
Don't I know you
from someplace?
218
00:09:09,582 --> 00:09:11,882
I don't know. You tell me.
219
00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:14,885
Well, to me you kind of look
like the Mulheron family...
220
00:09:14,887 --> 00:09:17,087
I got it. I got it.
221
00:09:17,089 --> 00:09:19,157
You're Bill Mulheron's
kid brother.
222
00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:21,526
Better than that.
I'm Bill Mulheron.
223
00:09:24,929 --> 00:09:26,364
No.
224
00:09:26,366 --> 00:09:27,498
Sure am.
225
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:28,732
You're Bill Mul--
226
00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:30,268
Uh-huh.
227
00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:32,803
Well, I'll be. You are.
228
00:09:32,805 --> 00:09:33,804
Hey, come over here!
229
00:09:33,806 --> 00:09:35,640
How are you?
How you been?
230
00:09:35,642 --> 00:09:36,774
Great, great.
231
00:09:36,776 --> 00:09:37,775
Just great.
232
00:09:37,777 --> 00:09:39,177
Now can I ask
you a question?
233
00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:40,545
Yeah, sure.
Who are you?
234
00:09:44,816 --> 00:09:46,016
You don't remember me,
Archie Bunker?
235
00:09:46,018 --> 00:09:47,585
Archie Bunker?
236
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:48,719
I thought you were dead.
237
00:09:55,460 --> 00:09:58,028
No. No, I'm still alive.
238
00:09:59,831 --> 00:10:01,232
Gee.
239
00:10:01,234 --> 00:10:03,301
Well, I ain't seen you
in a long time.
240
00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:05,636
How long has it been--
15, 20 years?
241
00:10:05,638 --> 00:10:06,937
Are you kidding?
242
00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:07,938
Closer to 30.
243
00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:11,442
What? 30 years?
244
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,644
I can't get over it.
245
00:10:13,646 --> 00:10:15,446
Well, what brings you back
to the old neighborhood?
246
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:17,047
I'm meeting a friend here.
247
00:10:17,049 --> 00:10:19,250
Oh, yeah.
248
00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:22,953
Gee, Bill, you don't look
a day older.
249
00:10:22,955 --> 00:10:24,988
I mean, what are you doing?
Taking shots?
250
00:10:24,990 --> 00:10:27,825
No, just work out
every day,
251
00:10:27,827 --> 00:10:29,927
take care of myself,
keep myself in shape.
252
00:10:29,929 --> 00:10:32,563
The most important thing
is up here.
253
00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:33,831
You gotta be young
in your head.
254
00:10:34,966 --> 00:10:37,134
Well, I heard of that.
255
00:10:37,136 --> 00:10:38,603
Hey, hey, Kelsey.
256
00:10:38,605 --> 00:10:41,138
Say hello to an old friend
of mine, Bill Mulheron.
257
00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:42,440
Shake hands with Kelsey here.
258
00:10:42,442 --> 00:10:43,441
Hiya, Kelsey.
259
00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:44,842
Put a head on these beers.
260
00:10:44,844 --> 00:10:46,810
No, no, no, no!
Just one a night.
261
00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:48,346
So you two guys
know each other?
262
00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:51,315
Sure! We was in the same
high school class together.
263
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:52,316
You're kidding.
264
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:54,151
Yep, that's right.
265
00:10:54,153 --> 00:10:56,487
Same age,
believe it or not.
266
00:10:59,324 --> 00:11:00,324
You've gotta watch
267
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,993
that middle-age
spread, Arch.
268
00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:04,061
Be right back.
269
00:11:04,063 --> 00:11:05,363
I'm going to
the boys' room.
270
00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:06,464
Ah.
271
00:11:08,032 --> 00:11:10,368
You're the same age
as him?
272
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:11,802
Yeah.
273
00:11:11,804 --> 00:11:15,473
But you look like you got
10, 15 years on him.
274
00:11:17,643 --> 00:11:19,477
Why don't you go back
to bartender's college
275
00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:21,812
and take a course
in Shut Up?
276
00:11:40,632 --> 00:11:41,865
MICHAEL: What are you
talking about?
277
00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:44,368
You're a meathead
and you always will be!
278
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:46,637
Don't you know enough
not to walk into a toilet
279
00:11:46,639 --> 00:11:48,172
when there's
somebody in there?
280
00:11:50,142 --> 00:11:52,075
I didn't know
you were in there.
281
00:11:52,077 --> 00:11:53,043
The door was half open.
282
00:11:54,179 --> 00:11:57,014
It was also half closed,
283
00:11:57,016 --> 00:11:58,482
and that's the part
you got to respect.
284
00:11:59,784 --> 00:12:01,152
What are you, upset
285
00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:03,154
because I caught you in there
checking for bald spots?
286
00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:04,955
I wasn't doing that!
287
00:12:04,957 --> 00:12:06,557
Then what were you doing
using Gloria's mirror,
288
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,892
checking the back of your head
in the bathroom mirror?
289
00:12:08,894 --> 00:12:09,793
Looking for dandruff.
290
00:12:11,896 --> 00:12:12,896
Come on, Archie.
291
00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:14,431
You were checking
for fallen hair.
292
00:12:14,433 --> 00:12:16,833
I was not. I haven't lost
any hair in over a year.
293
00:12:16,835 --> 00:12:17,901
Oh, yeah?
294
00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:19,570
Then what was that hair
doing on your comb?
295
00:12:21,173 --> 00:12:23,574
Maybe I'm growing new hair.
Did you ever think of that?
296
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:24,875
What?!
297
00:12:24,877 --> 00:12:26,677
That's right, that hair
you seen on the comb.
298
00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:27,911
That's the old hair,
299
00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:30,147
which the new hair growing in
is pushing out.
300
00:12:30,149 --> 00:12:32,115
Archie,
where are you going?
301
00:12:32,117 --> 00:12:33,984
I got your lunch all ready.
302
00:12:33,986 --> 00:12:35,252
I'm going down to Kelsey's Bar,
303
00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:36,853
where a man can go
into the toilet
304
00:12:36,855 --> 00:12:37,988
without attracting a crowd.
305
00:12:39,157 --> 00:12:40,157
Arch...
306
00:12:40,159 --> 00:12:41,024
Can I eat your lunch?
307
00:12:46,231 --> 00:12:47,097
Get away from me.
308
00:12:48,633 --> 00:12:49,900
Daddy, hi.
Get away from me.
309
00:12:51,769 --> 00:12:53,003
What's wrong
with him?
310
00:12:53,005 --> 00:12:54,905
He's still hung up
on that age thing.
311
00:12:54,907 --> 00:12:57,575
Oh, yeah,
he's so worried about it,
312
00:12:57,577 --> 00:13:00,444
he don't act natural no more.
313
00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:04,815
If he ain't yelling about it,
he's sitting there staring.
314
00:13:04,817 --> 00:13:07,318
Like the other evening
when you two were out,
315
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:10,321
he sat through
the whole 7:00 news
316
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:14,291
without blowing one raspberry
at Walter Cronkite.
317
00:13:15,527 --> 00:13:19,463
Well, remember how
funny you acted, Ma?
318
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:21,164
I mean, when you were
going through the change?
319
00:13:22,567 --> 00:13:26,303
Oh, I don't think
Archie's getting hot flashes.
320
00:13:29,907 --> 00:13:32,075
No.
321
00:13:32,077 --> 00:13:33,910
But that's why he's been
so moody lately.
322
00:13:33,912 --> 00:13:36,380
Well, he was up
early this morning
323
00:13:36,382 --> 00:13:38,014
doing his exercises.
324
00:13:38,016 --> 00:13:39,750
Daddy was exercising?
325
00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:40,851
Oh, yeah.
326
00:13:40,853 --> 00:13:42,986
He tried
to touch his toes.
327
00:13:44,556 --> 00:13:45,756
Did he make it?
328
00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:47,924
Yeah, after he sat down.
329
00:13:49,394 --> 00:13:52,162
You know what it is?
It's the capitalist system.
330
00:13:53,765 --> 00:13:55,366
That's right. That's right.
331
00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:57,301
It's Madison Avenue selling us
a phony youth culture.
332
00:13:57,303 --> 00:13:58,902
I mean, if you're not
young and beautiful,
333
00:13:58,904 --> 00:14:00,137
you're not worth a damn.
334
00:14:00,139 --> 00:14:03,307
What's wrong
with being young and beautiful?
335
00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:05,442
Well, nothing,
if that's what you are,
336
00:14:05,444 --> 00:14:07,077
but what's wrong
with being older and beautiful?
337
00:14:07,079 --> 00:14:08,646
You know, Michael's right.
338
00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:10,681
It's like all those ladies
having their faces lifted
339
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:12,449
and their breasts lifted.
340
00:14:12,451 --> 00:14:16,019
Just last week, in the paper,
a woman had her bottom lifted.
341
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,468
Oh, my.
342
00:14:33,571 --> 00:14:37,107
Wouldn't that make her
too tall to sit down?
343
00:14:41,780 --> 00:14:43,246
Thanks, fellows.
See you soon.
344
00:14:46,384 --> 00:14:47,484
Hi there, Kelsey.
345
00:14:47,486 --> 00:14:48,686
Oh, hi, Arch.
BILL: Hey, Arch!
346
00:14:48,688 --> 00:14:50,354
How are you?
347
00:14:50,356 --> 00:14:51,522
Oh, hiya there, Bill.
348
00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:53,324
What, are you making
a habit of this joint?
349
00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:54,325
I'm meeting
another friend.
350
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:55,326
Oh.
351
00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:56,993
Sit down, Arch,
you look beat.
352
00:14:56,995 --> 00:14:59,196
Kelse! Bring over
a beer for Arch.
353
00:14:59,198 --> 00:15:00,631
Yeah, I'm beat
all right.
354
00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:02,165
Walking over here now,
355
00:15:02,167 --> 00:15:03,634
I felt something brushing
at my heels.
356
00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:05,569
I looked down,
it was my butt.
357
00:15:11,175 --> 00:15:12,943
You ought to start
exercising, Arch.
358
00:15:12,945 --> 00:15:14,311
That'll perk you up.
359
00:15:14,313 --> 00:15:16,480
Are you kidding?
I tried that this morning.
360
00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:18,782
That's what's
got me the way I am.
361
00:15:18,784 --> 00:15:22,185
Jeez, how do you do it?
How do you stay so young?
362
00:15:22,187 --> 00:15:24,788
It's like I told you
before, Arch.
363
00:15:24,790 --> 00:15:26,523
The secret is up here.
364
00:15:26,525 --> 00:15:28,925
You want to stay young,
you think young.
365
00:15:28,927 --> 00:15:30,927
And wait'll you get a load
of the young friend
366
00:15:30,929 --> 00:15:32,329
that's meeting me.
367
00:15:32,331 --> 00:15:34,365
One look at her and you feel
10 years younger.
368
00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:36,700
Ah, you're meeting a girl
in here, huh, Bill?
369
00:15:37,869 --> 00:15:40,437
When she gets here,
call me Brad.
370
00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:42,539
Brad? What for?
371
00:15:42,541 --> 00:15:44,742
Well, it sounds younger.
372
00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:47,711
"Bill" ain't got
no pizzazz to it.
373
00:15:47,713 --> 00:15:50,180
People start calling
you Brad, and you...
374
00:15:50,182 --> 00:15:53,484
you feel like a Brad.
375
00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:55,886
Besides, my girlfriend's
crazy about that name.
376
00:15:55,888 --> 00:15:57,554
Yeah, but wait a minute.
377
00:15:57,556 --> 00:15:59,590
Didn't I hear long ago
that you got married?
378
00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:03,627
That's right, I'm married--
22 years.
379
00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:05,262
Oh.
380
00:16:05,264 --> 00:16:07,163
You're fooling around, huh?
381
00:16:07,165 --> 00:16:08,365
Now, look, Arch.
382
00:16:08,367 --> 00:16:10,300
You take some
of your most famous men--
383
00:16:10,302 --> 00:16:12,669
Pablo Picasso,
that great painter...
384
00:16:12,671 --> 00:16:14,438
over 80 and still going strong.
385
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:17,741
Why? Because he keeps
marrying young girls.
386
00:16:17,743 --> 00:16:19,676
Then you take
that other Pablo...
387
00:16:19,678 --> 00:16:20,711
Casals.
388
00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:22,646
Oh, yeah, the welterweight.
389
00:16:25,583 --> 00:16:26,817
No, no, no, the cello player.
390
00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:28,585
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
391
00:16:29,754 --> 00:16:32,423
Over 90
and still fiddling around.
392
00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:37,260
Why? Because he's married
to a young chick.
393
00:16:38,530 --> 00:16:39,863
Well, what are you
telling me?
394
00:16:39,865 --> 00:16:41,264
That you're gonna
get married again?
395
00:16:41,266 --> 00:16:44,301
No, I wouldn't do nothing
to hurt my family.
396
00:16:44,303 --> 00:16:47,237
Look, Arch,
I figure this way:
397
00:16:47,239 --> 00:16:50,340
I'm doing my wife a big favor
by keeping young for her.
398
00:16:53,778 --> 00:16:55,879
You married, Arch?
399
00:16:55,881 --> 00:16:58,248
Oh, me. Yeah, sure.
24 years.
400
00:16:58,250 --> 00:17:01,485
Uh-huh. You ever,
uh, fool around?
401
00:17:03,087 --> 00:17:05,456
Oh, sure.
402
00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:11,394
Well, uh, how much
fooling around do you do?
403
00:17:13,130 --> 00:17:15,231
Enough.
404
00:17:15,233 --> 00:17:17,968
Enough. Well, does that mean
more than once?
405
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:19,903
Oh, no,
come on, now there, Bill--
406
00:17:19,905 --> 00:17:20,904
Brad.
407
00:17:20,906 --> 00:17:22,238
Uh, Brad, there.
408
00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:24,040
You know, you ain't going
to get no information,
409
00:17:24,042 --> 00:17:25,241
because I ain't one of your...
410
00:17:25,243 --> 00:17:27,043
what do you call...
kiss-and-tellers.
411
00:17:29,848 --> 00:17:31,348
Hi, Brad.
412
00:17:31,350 --> 00:17:32,349
Tina!
413
00:17:32,351 --> 00:17:33,584
Oh, am I late?
414
00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:36,119
Oh, baby,
you're never late.
415
00:17:36,121 --> 00:17:38,522
Whenever you show up,
it's just the right time.
416
00:17:38,524 --> 00:17:41,658
Oh, Brad, you're so
corny, but I love it.
417
00:17:41,660 --> 00:17:42,526
[LAUGHING]
418
00:17:48,299 --> 00:17:50,734
Oh! Tina, I want you to meet
an old friend of mine.
419
00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:51,735
This is...
420
00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:53,704
Uh, Greg Bunker.
421
00:18:03,548 --> 00:18:06,817
Yeah. Yeah,
Greg, Greg Bunker.
422
00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:08,184
This is Tina.
423
00:18:08,186 --> 00:18:09,452
Hi.
424
00:18:09,454 --> 00:18:11,354
Oh, I'm pleased to make
your acquaintanceship, Tina.
425
00:18:11,356 --> 00:18:12,489
Oh!
426
00:18:12,491 --> 00:18:14,090
Sit down, Tina,
and I'll order some drinks.
427
00:18:14,092 --> 00:18:15,291
Ah, well, youse two
are together.
428
00:18:15,293 --> 00:18:16,493
I'll be in
the way here.
429
00:18:16,495 --> 00:18:18,562
No, no. Sit down, relax.
Are you sure?
430
00:18:18,564 --> 00:18:19,763
Yeah, yeah,
you're gonna join us.
431
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:21,031
All right.
432
00:18:21,033 --> 00:18:24,367
It'll be good for you...
up here.
433
00:18:24,369 --> 00:18:26,436
Uh, honey, excuse me
just for a couple of minutes.
434
00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:28,539
I got to make
a couple of phone calls,
435
00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:30,574
and then I'm all yours.
436
00:18:30,576 --> 00:18:33,143
Can I, uh, trust you two
while I'm gone?
437
00:18:33,145 --> 00:18:34,244
Aw, come on.
438
00:18:34,246 --> 00:18:36,112
Oh, I don't know
about that, Brad.
439
00:18:36,114 --> 00:18:38,281
Your friend's awful cute.
440
00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:40,517
Aw, cut it out.
441
00:18:40,519 --> 00:18:42,553
You just watch yourself,
honey,
442
00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:43,921
because Greg here
has always been
443
00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:45,221
a big guy
with the ladies.
444
00:18:45,223 --> 00:18:46,757
Aw, get out of here.
445
00:18:48,192 --> 00:18:50,326
Vodka gimlet for the lady.
446
00:18:58,335 --> 00:18:59,703
Uh... Tina, huh?
447
00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:01,137
Right.
448
00:19:06,110 --> 00:19:10,581
Uh, do you mind if I ask you
a question, Greg?
449
00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:12,382
No, go ahead.
450
00:19:12,384 --> 00:19:14,117
Well, do you ever
take your hat off?
451
00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:16,419
Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure.
I take my hat off.
452
00:19:19,190 --> 00:19:21,725
Oh, what a difference!
453
00:19:21,727 --> 00:19:26,063
Now, why would you want to hide
all that beautiful hair?
454
00:19:26,065 --> 00:19:28,298
[CHUCKLES] Come on.
455
00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:29,666
You like the hair, huh?
456
00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:31,534
I love it.
457
00:19:34,138 --> 00:19:36,172
Well, listen, don't let
that color fool you.
458
00:19:36,174 --> 00:19:37,507
You know the old saying--
459
00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:39,309
just because there's snow
on the roof
460
00:19:39,311 --> 00:19:41,177
don't mean there ain't
no fire in the furnace.
461
00:19:46,751 --> 00:19:48,251
Oh, that's so funny.
462
00:19:51,188 --> 00:19:52,656
Ain't you never
heard that before?
463
00:19:52,658 --> 00:19:53,657
Yes.
464
00:19:57,361 --> 00:19:59,730
But I love the way
you say it.
465
00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:02,032
Yeah, well,
I got a lot of them.
466
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:06,202
Oh, I'll, uh, tell you
a little secret, Greg,
467
00:20:06,204 --> 00:20:07,738
but don't tell Brad.
468
00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:08,805
No, no.
469
00:20:08,807 --> 00:20:11,775
I just love gray hair
on a man.
470
00:20:11,777 --> 00:20:13,710
Yeah.
471
00:20:13,712 --> 00:20:15,746
Well, see,
I'll tell you about this gray.
472
00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:19,249
See, this gray ain't
what you call old gray.
473
00:20:19,251 --> 00:20:22,119
See, I had this gray
since I was in my 20s.
474
00:20:22,121 --> 00:20:24,254
Like, it come on me overnight.
475
00:20:24,256 --> 00:20:26,556
Oh, well,
did something bad happen?
476
00:20:27,925 --> 00:20:30,226
Yeah, the Giants
moved to California.
477
00:20:33,497 --> 00:20:36,199
You are so funny.
478
00:20:36,201 --> 00:20:37,600
Excuse me.
479
00:20:37,602 --> 00:20:39,402
Would you like a little
something with your drinks?
480
00:20:39,404 --> 00:20:41,604
Peanuts, pretzels,
Vitamin E?
481
00:20:50,548 --> 00:20:51,982
Uh...
482
00:20:51,984 --> 00:20:53,216
That'll be all, waiter.
483
00:20:59,924 --> 00:21:01,158
Well, Tina, here's how--
484
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:02,525
Well, I know how.
485
00:21:02,527 --> 00:21:03,593
Just say when.
486
00:21:07,665 --> 00:21:09,933
Hey, that's a swiftie,
there.
487
00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:10,934
Now, you're kind of cute.
488
00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:12,169
Hey,
Brad better be careful
489
00:21:12,171 --> 00:21:13,770
or somebody's going
to steal you from him.
490
00:21:13,772 --> 00:21:16,039
Oh, nobody has
to steal me, Greg.
491
00:21:16,041 --> 00:21:18,075
You could borrow me for $20.
492
00:21:23,414 --> 00:21:25,582
Huh?
493
00:21:27,351 --> 00:21:28,218
Too expensive?
494
00:21:29,954 --> 00:21:31,755
Oh, come on, Tina,
you're kidding me, ain't you?
495
00:21:31,757 --> 00:21:33,890
No. No, I'm not kidding.
496
00:21:34,992 --> 00:21:36,093
But, Tina, I mean...
497
00:21:36,095 --> 00:21:38,095
if you was to take
20 bucks off a guy,
498
00:21:38,097 --> 00:21:39,495
that would make you
one of them...
499
00:21:39,497 --> 00:21:41,798
That's right.
I'm a working girl.
500
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:44,234
Oh.
501
00:21:45,569 --> 00:21:48,004
And today
you're working for Brad, huh?
502
00:21:48,006 --> 00:21:50,673
Well, yeah.
Well, he pays.
503
00:21:50,675 --> 00:21:52,709
I mean, why else
would I go out with him?
504
00:21:55,046 --> 00:21:58,615
Oh, what do you know
about that?
505
00:21:58,617 --> 00:22:01,818
A beautiful-looking young girl
like you.
506
00:22:01,820 --> 00:22:05,756
You ought to be
ashamed of yourself!
507
00:22:05,758 --> 00:22:09,092
Does your mother know
what you're doing?
508
00:22:09,094 --> 00:22:11,261
Yes, she does.
509
00:22:11,263 --> 00:22:12,929
Does your mother know
what you're doing?
510
00:22:12,931 --> 00:22:13,797
[CLICKS TONGUE]
511
00:22:15,933 --> 00:22:17,600
Tell Brad
512
00:22:17,602 --> 00:22:19,970
he knows where to find me
if he wants me...
513
00:22:21,372 --> 00:22:23,039
Blue Eyes.
514
00:22:23,741 --> 00:22:25,142
Holy cow.
515
00:22:25,144 --> 00:22:27,911
Even the neighborhood bar
ain't sacred no more.
516
00:22:31,082 --> 00:22:32,482
Where's Tina?
517
00:22:32,484 --> 00:22:33,349
Where's Tina?
518
00:22:34,718 --> 00:22:36,319
Tina left.
519
00:22:36,321 --> 00:22:37,553
She left?
Where'd she go?
520
00:22:37,555 --> 00:22:41,057
Oh, she said you'd find her
at her place.
521
00:22:41,059 --> 00:22:44,460
You... Your young girls
keeping you young.
522
00:22:44,462 --> 00:22:46,362
You didn't tell me
you was paying for them.
523
00:22:46,364 --> 00:22:48,198
She "prepositioned" me
right here.
524
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:49,199
What's the difference?
525
00:22:49,201 --> 00:22:50,566
Young is young.
526
00:22:50,568 --> 00:22:53,170
Yeah, sure, Brad.
527
00:22:53,172 --> 00:22:55,272
Damn it,
I got the wrong glasses!
528
00:22:55,274 --> 00:22:57,340
Hey, what's the matter
with you there, Brad?
529
00:22:57,342 --> 00:22:58,775
You having trouble
with your eyesight?
530
00:22:58,777 --> 00:23:00,110
Give me the book.
531
00:23:00,112 --> 00:23:01,812
Hey, I'll read that for you.
532
00:23:06,317 --> 00:23:09,252
Yeah, Tina:
341 Groton Place.
533
00:23:09,254 --> 00:23:10,253
Thanks, Arch.
534
00:23:10,255 --> 00:23:11,521
Hey, before you leave,
535
00:23:11,523 --> 00:23:13,723
can I buy you a drink,
there, old-timer?
536
00:23:15,092 --> 00:23:16,359
Some other time.
537
00:23:23,267 --> 00:23:26,937
Well, all I got to say is
whoop-dee-do.
538
00:23:28,072 --> 00:23:30,173
I got some news
for you, Kelsey.
539
00:23:30,175 --> 00:23:31,541
You see that Bill Mulheron guy
540
00:23:31,543 --> 00:23:33,710
just walked out the door there,
huh?
541
00:23:33,712 --> 00:23:37,848
Well, he may look young,
but he sure don't think young.
542
00:23:37,850 --> 00:23:39,149
That young girl over there?
543
00:23:39,151 --> 00:23:40,416
Paying for her.
544
00:23:40,418 --> 00:23:42,018
No.
545
00:23:42,020 --> 00:23:43,019
Yeah.
546
00:23:43,021 --> 00:23:45,222
Now, will you tell me something?
547
00:23:45,224 --> 00:23:49,926
Why do guys worry
about getting old?
548
00:23:49,928 --> 00:23:51,494
Now, that's a question
549
00:23:51,496 --> 00:23:52,996
for bigger minds
than ours, Arch.
550
00:23:52,998 --> 00:23:53,864
[GRUNTS IN AGREEMENT]
551
00:23:55,166 --> 00:23:57,067
Yeah. You know something?
552
00:23:57,069 --> 00:23:59,870
That might be a good question
for "Dear Abe-y."
553
00:24:02,206 --> 00:24:03,073
Give me another beer.
554
00:24:18,689 --> 00:24:22,125
Can you see better
with your glasses, Archie?
555
00:24:22,127 --> 00:24:25,528
Yeah, Edith, I can see
a whole lot better,
556
00:24:25,530 --> 00:24:27,297
but the news
ain't no better.
557
00:24:28,499 --> 00:24:29,966
Let's see what we got
on the TV.
558
00:24:31,568 --> 00:24:33,636
ANNOUNCER: From CBS NewsHeadquarters in New York,
559
00:24:33,638 --> 00:24:36,373
this is the CBS Evening Newswith Walter Cronkite.
560
00:24:40,945 --> 00:24:44,314
But Archie,
he ain't said nothing yet.
561
00:24:44,316 --> 00:24:45,715
He will.
562
00:25:01,999 --> 00:25:04,968
[♪]
563
00:25:04,970 --> 00:25:07,470
ANNOUNCER: All in the Family
was recorded on tape
564
00:25:07,472 --> 00:25:08,939
before a live audience.
565
00:25:08,989 --> 00:25:13,539
Repair and Synchronization by
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