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1
00:00:02,829 --> 00:00:06,986
I don't hear a baby crying
She must still be in labor
2
00:00:06,986 --> 00:00:08,732
She's not giving birth, you nitwit
3
00:00:08,732 --> 00:00:10,503
She's taking a pregnancy test
4
00:00:10,503 --> 00:00:11,504
Here
5
00:00:12,044 --> 00:00:14,605
Sweet, maybe you should
try it like the girl on the box
6
00:00:14,605 --> 00:00:19,361
She's--she's arching her back
and throwing her arm up and smiling
7
00:00:19,863 --> 00:00:22,330
I can't do this with
all of you listening!
8
00:00:22,330 --> 00:00:24,822
Oh / All right, we're moving
9
00:00:24,822 --> 00:00:27,847
- We're in the kitchen now
- Ooh, such a long walk!
10
00:00:27,847 --> 00:00:29,909
So far!
11
00:00:29,909 --> 00:00:33,378
That's the worst fake moving
I've ever heard!
12
00:00:33,378 --> 00:00:34,445
C'mon
13
00:00:34,445 --> 00:00:35,442
Hey, hey, hey!
14
00:00:35,442 --> 00:00:39,038
Don't get all cozy with me, Wilma!
I'm still mad at you!
15
00:00:39,038 --> 00:00:41,858
You shoulda told me Stan
was gettin' outta the hoosegow
16
00:00:41,858 --> 00:00:42,590
Hey
17
00:00:42,590 --> 00:00:44,902
Who knew he was gonna
cut some deal with the Feds?
18
00:00:44,902 --> 00:00:45,853
The only reason
I found out was
19
00:00:45,853 --> 00:00:47,662
I saw the full-page ad
in the New York Times:
20
00:00:47,662 --> 00:00:50,893
"Welcome back, Stan
Love, your friends at Pizza Hut."
21
00:00:52,022 --> 00:00:52,753
Wait...
22
00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:54,600
he didn't find out
about your affair, did he?
23
00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:55,864
No
24
00:00:55,864 --> 00:00:58,929
Thank God my boobs are like arms
25
00:01:02,101 --> 00:01:03,908
I was able to distract
Stan with one of them
26
00:01:03,908 --> 00:01:07,180
while the other one motioned
for Lionel to get out the door!
27
00:01:09,870 --> 00:01:10,958
C'mon, Grace!
28
00:01:10,958 --> 00:01:13,676
You peed on everything
else in that bathroom!
29
00:01:14,133 --> 00:01:16,761
Why don't you just put the stick
at the bottom of the shower?
30
00:01:21,237 --> 00:01:22,945
Hey, Jack...
C'mere
31
00:01:23,348 --> 00:01:25,250
Stop bothering me
32
00:01:27,406 --> 00:01:30,263
Jack, if there's somewhere else
you need to be...
33
00:01:30,263 --> 00:01:32,304
Hey, what could possibly
be more important
34
00:01:32,304 --> 00:01:35,522
than my best friends
creating a new life?
35
00:01:36,020 --> 00:01:38,252
Oops, time to stalk Kevin Bacon!
36
00:01:56,712 --> 00:02:00,086
Kevin Bacon's stalker log
6 PM eastern stalker time
37
00:02:02,252 --> 00:02:03,684
My heart is racing and so am I
38
00:02:03,684 --> 00:02:05,890
Moving in for a closer look!
39
00:02:11,467 --> 00:02:14,253
Hmm, new plant in living room
40
00:02:14,253 --> 00:02:19,180
Must be gift from studio wooing
"La Bacon" to do Hollow Man II
41
00:02:19,866 --> 00:02:20,762
Note to self
42
00:02:20,762 --> 00:02:23,961
See if I can get a job
applying body makeup
43
00:02:30,690 --> 00:02:32,151
Satin!
44
00:02:32,427 --> 00:02:33,540
Soft!
45
00:02:34,045 --> 00:02:36,040
Manly!
46
00:02:37,639 --> 00:02:40,652
Must remember this
for fantasy dream later!
47
00:02:43,944 --> 00:02:47,075
- Honey, I got it!
- Abort! Abort! Abort!
48
00:02:48,970 --> 00:02:51,480
Kyra! Kyra!
I gotta go...
49
00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:52,792
because my hair's almost dry
50
00:02:52,792 --> 00:02:55,412
and if it gets too dry
then I can't put the gel in it
51
00:02:55,412 --> 00:02:57,445
Well, then it won't look good!
52
00:02:57,907 --> 00:02:59,182
And now it's too late and it's dry
53
00:02:59,182 --> 00:03:00,903
Thanks a lot
54
00:03:01,494 --> 00:03:03,683
Look, babe
I--I gotta go
55
00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:06,584
I'm interviewing assistants!
56
00:03:06,584 --> 00:03:09,866
Hey, you're not
the only busy one, okay?
57
00:03:10,135 --> 00:03:10,615
Yeah
58
00:03:10,615 --> 00:03:12,346
Guys? Come on in
We'll do it in here
59
00:03:12,346 --> 00:03:13,661
I'll call you later
60
00:03:13,661 --> 00:03:15,425
Okay, I love you too
61
00:03:15,425 --> 00:03:16,361
Bye
62
00:03:21,926 --> 00:03:23,646
Look, um, uh
63
00:03:24,167 --> 00:03:27,284
I--I-- feel like I should tell ya
64
00:03:27,284 --> 00:03:29,631
I-I've never had a personal
assistant before, okay?
65
00:03:29,631 --> 00:03:33,079
See, I've never bought into that
whole Hollywood thing, you know?
66
00:03:33,079 --> 00:03:37,492
Premieres, limos
paying people over minimum wage
67
00:03:37,492 --> 00:03:41,212
And it's not because
I'm cheap, okay?
68
00:03:41,212 --> 00:03:45,440
It's just that I'm not Hollywood
I'm in a band
69
00:03:45,947 --> 00:03:48,761
The Bacon Brothers!
That's the name of his band!
70
00:03:49,989 --> 00:03:52,179
He's in a band
It's called the Bacon Brothers
71
00:03:53,266 --> 00:03:54,940
Right
Very good
72
00:03:54,940 --> 00:03:55,920
Very good
You're right
73
00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:57,593
And by the way
if anybody wants a CD
74
00:03:57,593 --> 00:04:00,655
there's a bunch of them
in a shoebox on the dryer
75
00:04:00,655 --> 00:04:03,001
They're, uh, 12 bucks
76
00:04:04,168 --> 00:04:06,208
Please, sit
77
00:04:07,011 --> 00:04:08,987
So... I was thinkin'
78
00:04:08,987 --> 00:04:11,370
instead of doing
some boring interview
79
00:04:11,370 --> 00:04:15,436
it might be better to kinda find out
what you know about me
80
00:04:15,436 --> 00:04:19,566
I'm sorry, that sounds vain...
me and my career
81
00:04:20,064 --> 00:04:21,169
First film--
Animal House!
82
00:04:21,169 --> 00:04:22,988
Character's name in Footloose--
Ren MacCormack!
83
00:04:22,988 --> 00:04:24,801
Number of films with
full frontal nudity...four!
84
00:04:24,801 --> 00:04:26,593
Number of films with
full sidal nudity...three!
85
00:04:26,593 --> 00:04:28,963
Number of films with
rear frontal nudity...
86
00:04:28,963 --> 00:04:30,342
priceless!
87
00:04:34,406 --> 00:04:35,293
Wow...
88
00:04:35,649 --> 00:04:37,327
- impressive
- Thank you!
89
00:04:37,327 --> 00:04:40,267
The rest of you can go
You know nothing about me
90
00:04:44,964 --> 00:04:45,831
I gotta see the result
91
00:04:45,831 --> 00:04:48,611
No! No, we've gotta
wait for the timer
92
00:04:48,611 --> 00:04:50,319
This is such a huge moment!
93
00:04:50,319 --> 00:04:51,909
Two huge moments
94
00:04:51,909 --> 00:04:54,929
We finally found
a use for the butter dish
95
00:04:56,890 --> 00:04:59,275
By the way, we're
never using it again
96
00:05:01,874 --> 00:05:02,784
I can't wait, I'm looking
97
00:05:02,784 --> 00:05:05,814
- No! No!
- Grace! I just--
98
00:05:12,114 --> 00:05:13,045
Wow
99
00:05:13,045 --> 00:05:15,548
With my fashion sense and
your freakish upper body strength
100
00:05:15,548 --> 00:05:17,697
this kid could take over the world!
101
00:05:20,708 --> 00:05:21,896
You ready?
102
00:05:22,892 --> 00:05:25,014
- Yeah
- All right
103
00:05:39,397 --> 00:05:41,858
The doctor said that it doesn't
always work the first time, right?
104
00:05:41,858 --> 00:05:44,376
That's right, that's right
we'll try again in two weeks
105
00:05:44,376 --> 00:05:45,878
You know, when you're
ovulating again
106
00:05:45,878 --> 00:05:46,796
Right
107
00:05:46,796 --> 00:05:48,171
It'll be fun
108
00:05:48,171 --> 00:05:50,536
I like ovulating
109
00:05:51,871 --> 00:05:54,570
You know, I guess
I should stop eating for two
110
00:05:54,570 --> 00:05:55,690
Nah
111
00:05:55,690 --> 00:05:56,479
Why stop now?
112
00:05:56,479 --> 00:05:58,935
You've been doing it
since you were 11
113
00:06:03,955 --> 00:06:04,379
Ok, now
114
00:06:04,379 --> 00:06:07,188
I gotta talk to you about
something important, okay?
115
00:06:07,188 --> 00:06:09,226
Okay, um, should we maybe go out
116
00:06:09,226 --> 00:06:12,289
and do it in the street so
people can see us together?
117
00:06:12,890 --> 00:06:15,826
And--and if it leads to
a dance, so be it?
118
00:06:16,681 --> 00:06:17,685
Dude, dude
119
00:06:17,685 --> 00:06:19,143
let's get something
straight, all right?
120
00:06:19,143 --> 00:06:21,829
I didn't hire you to be my pal
121
00:06:21,829 --> 00:06:25,859
You're just here to make sure
the S.S. Bacon stays its course
122
00:06:28,483 --> 00:06:32,183
So, uh, we're not gonna dance?
123
00:06:33,048 --> 00:06:33,770
'Cause, uh
124
00:06:33,770 --> 00:06:37,353
you kind of implied in the interview
there would be some dancin'
125
00:06:38,269 --> 00:06:39,701
No, I didn't!
I did not!
126
00:06:39,701 --> 00:06:42,384
And would you stop
bringin' that up please? Sit!
127
00:06:42,686 --> 00:06:44,049
This is serious
128
00:06:44,453 --> 00:06:46,958
This is gonna
freak you out... but...
129
00:06:46,958 --> 00:06:49,640
- I have a stalker
- No! Are you sure?
130
00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:51,756
Damn it!
131
00:06:51,756 --> 00:06:53,644
Kyra didn't believe me either!
132
00:06:53,644 --> 00:06:57,012
Why is it so hard for everyone
to believe that I would have a stalker?
133
00:06:58,209 --> 00:07:01,592
- Just--just find him for me, all right?
- Oh, I'll find me--him!
134
00:07:01,592 --> 00:07:05,442
And when I find him
I am gonna stop me--him
135
00:07:08,479 --> 00:07:09,239
Okay
136
00:07:09,239 --> 00:07:10,765
But it's not gonna be easy
137
00:07:10,765 --> 00:07:12,614
This guy is slippery
138
00:07:12,614 --> 00:07:15,609
If I had a dollar for every time my jock
strap had been stolen from the gym--
139
00:07:15,609 --> 00:07:18,066
You'd have $186!
140
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,699
It's just an expression!
141
00:07:30,203 --> 00:07:33,257
Karen... ya gotta put an
end to it with Lionel
142
00:07:33,257 --> 00:07:35,087
I mean, a husband and a lover?
143
00:07:35,087 --> 00:07:38,299
I mean, when are you gonna
find time to ignore your kids?
144
00:07:39,718 --> 00:07:41,585
I know!
Honey, I've tried
145
00:07:41,585 --> 00:07:45,152
but every time I go to break up with him
he flashes those pearly caps
146
00:07:45,152 --> 00:07:48,044
and I end up
bent over the minibar
147
00:07:50,253 --> 00:07:51,377
End up?
148
00:07:51,377 --> 00:07:53,249
Isn't that where you started?
149
00:07:54,269 --> 00:07:57,726
So that's why I sent my number one
goon there to break up with him for me
150
00:07:57,726 --> 00:07:59,739
- Rosario?
- Yeah
151
00:08:01,570 --> 00:08:03,713
I kept her tied up outside
without food for two days
152
00:08:03,713 --> 00:08:05,995
so she should be
extra ornery
153
00:08:07,719 --> 00:08:10,893
Listen, honey, I'm gonna go grab
some lunch with some of the other gals
154
00:08:10,893 --> 00:08:13,214
from the typing pool
155
00:08:15,761 --> 00:08:16,599
Oh!
156
00:08:16,599 --> 00:08:20,810
It's Zoey's birthday
Fran made cupcakes
157
00:08:22,110 --> 00:08:22,971
Sheesh...
158
00:08:23,246 --> 00:08:24,601
Cupcakes!
159
00:08:25,020 --> 00:08:27,078
Friggin' nutbag
160
00:08:27,494 --> 00:08:29,588
Ca-ray-zy!
161
00:08:31,366 --> 00:08:33,112
Am I interrupting something?
162
00:08:33,741 --> 00:08:38,757
Oh...oh, no, um
I was just, uh-- I--I--
163
00:08:38,757 --> 00:08:40,876
I have an assistant
and she's...
164
00:08:40,876 --> 00:08:43,913
And?
do you see her now?
165
00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:48,576
Leo, why are you here?
166
00:08:48,576 --> 00:08:52,544
I just came by to apologize for putting
my phone number in your wallet
167
00:08:52,544 --> 00:08:55,294
I--I--wouldn't have done
that if I'd known your situation
168
00:08:55,838 --> 00:08:57,010
Pregnancy
169
00:08:57,010 --> 00:08:59,957
I can say that
I'm...a doctor
170
00:09:00,819 --> 00:09:01,889
It's okay
171
00:09:02,253 --> 00:09:04,948
I don't think Emily Post covers
leaving a note for a woman
172
00:09:04,948 --> 00:09:07,053
who's pregnant with
her gay roommate's baby
173
00:09:07,053 --> 00:09:09,160
Oh, I--I didn't know he was gay
174
00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:13,110
I just thought he smelled
better than most women
175
00:09:14,210 --> 00:09:17,428
Except you, I mean
you--you smell fantastic
176
00:09:17,428 --> 00:09:19,572
Thank you
it's Will's
177
00:09:23,292 --> 00:09:26,923
Anyway, um, I'm--
I'm not pregnant
178
00:09:26,923 --> 00:09:29,588
- It didn't take
- Oh. I'm really sorry
179
00:09:29,588 --> 00:09:30,469
It's okay
180
00:09:30,469 --> 00:09:31,161
Well, in that case
181
00:09:31,161 --> 00:09:33,202
maybe this would be a good time
to ask you something--
182
00:09:33,202 --> 00:09:34,981
Unbelievable!
183
00:09:34,981 --> 00:09:38,633
I can't believe that you are
hitting on me again!
184
00:09:38,633 --> 00:09:41,602
I'm not hitting you, conceited!
185
00:09:42,666 --> 00:09:45,160
I--I just--you know
wanted to know if you'd, uh
186
00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:46,709
decorate my office
187
00:09:48,514 --> 00:09:53,185
I-I'm serious, I just wanted to liven up
my office a little bit with some of this stuff
188
00:09:53,185 --> 00:09:54,435
you know, like this
189
00:09:54,435 --> 00:09:56,120
This--this kinda stuff
190
00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:59,276
A couple a these, you know
like--like this...weirdness
191
00:09:59,276 --> 00:10:02,619
Does this come in a couch?
Because, I tell ya, it's very--
192
00:10:02,619 --> 00:10:03,267
- Ok, give that!
- I like...
193
00:10:03,267 --> 00:10:05,292
Hey, hey, hey!
You put that down and--
194
00:10:05,292 --> 00:10:09,660
- You just give-- Let me have this!
- No, let-- Give it to me! Hey!
195
00:10:09,660 --> 00:10:11,970
I usually don't have to
work this hard, you know
196
00:10:11,970 --> 00:10:13,589
I have a nice job
197
00:10:13,589 --> 00:10:17,489
And I'm pretty much gonna
have this hair until I'm 80
198
00:10:19,943 --> 00:10:21,539
What do you think?
199
00:10:24,650 --> 00:10:25,748
I...
200
00:10:27,214 --> 00:10:28,519
just can't right now
201
00:10:28,519 --> 00:10:29,578
So...
202
00:10:30,586 --> 00:10:33,432
that means that
you have to go now
203
00:10:33,432 --> 00:10:36,210
I don't have to go
I've got a transplant at 2:30
204
00:10:36,210 --> 00:10:40,520
- But the kidney's in the cooler, so, I--
- Okay, good-bye
205
00:10:43,366 --> 00:10:44,457
Hold my hand
206
00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:45,424
What?
207
00:10:45,424 --> 00:10:46,730
C'mon, hold my hand
208
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:48,488
All right
209
00:10:50,925 --> 00:10:51,969
Look at that
210
00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:53,537
That should be me
211
00:10:54,156 --> 00:10:56,020
I can't believe we didn't get pregnant
212
00:10:56,020 --> 00:10:56,881
Yeah
213
00:10:57,264 --> 00:11:00,300
Maybe my swimmers just weren't
ready for the responsibility
214
00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:02,241
I mean, all they ever had to do
before was just jump out and go
215
00:11:02,241 --> 00:11:03,668
"whoopee!"
216
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:05,155
Or...
217
00:11:05,155 --> 00:11:09,241
maybe they're just a little shy
and they need a little encouragement
218
00:11:09,241 --> 00:11:10,310
C'mon, let me help...
219
00:11:10,310 --> 00:11:14,715
Hey now, you're an all-star
get your game on, go play
220
00:11:14,715 --> 00:11:15,636
- Hey now, you're a rock star--- I can't believe
221
00:11:15,636 --> 00:11:18,268
in all the time I've known you
that I've had to say this twice
222
00:11:18,268 --> 00:11:21,256
but my penis doesn't
enjoy being sung to
223
00:11:22,198 --> 00:11:23,719
- Kneel down!
- What are you--
224
00:11:23,719 --> 00:11:25,894
I said I'd hold your hand
but I draw the line--
225
00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:32,471
No, we are stalking Kevin Bacon!
Come on! Come on! Get in!
226
00:11:33,049 --> 00:11:34,470
I thought you were his assistant!
227
00:11:34,470 --> 00:11:36,726
It turns out he only needed
an assistant to find the stalker
228
00:11:36,726 --> 00:11:38,043
If I stop stalking, he doesn't
need an assistant
229
00:11:38,043 --> 00:11:40,463
So I had to re-stalk to keep my job and
realize my dream of dancing with him
230
00:11:40,463 --> 00:11:40,986
in a cornfield
231
00:11:40,986 --> 00:11:43,049
Come on, catch up, slow mo!
232
00:11:43,547 --> 00:11:44,578
This is ridiculous!
233
00:11:44,578 --> 00:11:46,500
I swear if I had anything better
to do with my life I'd be outta here
234
00:11:46,500 --> 00:11:48,155
like a shot!
235
00:11:48,503 --> 00:11:51,360
I left him a cardboard
cutout of himself signed
236
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:53,522
"Nice stalkin' to ya."
237
00:11:53,522 --> 00:11:55,885
Let's tune in and see how he reacts
238
00:12:00,571 --> 00:12:01,939
Okay, okay
239
00:12:02,839 --> 00:12:04,707
All right, he's seeing it
240
00:12:04,707 --> 00:12:07,127
but he's not--
he's not moving!
241
00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:09,668
Oh, my God, it's like
something flattened him!
242
00:12:09,668 --> 00:12:13,278
Perhaps you're looking at
the cardboard cutout, dinkus
243
00:12:19,534 --> 00:12:20,665
Fel-low?
244
00:12:21,397 --> 00:12:22,693
Oh, hey, Kev
245
00:12:23,068 --> 00:12:24,364
Hey!
246
00:12:24,364 --> 00:12:25,070
What's that?
247
00:12:25,070 --> 00:12:26,757
Oh, you're breakin' up
where are you?
248
00:12:26,757 --> 00:12:28,861
You're outside of your apartment?
249
00:12:28,861 --> 00:12:30,485
Huh, wh--?
250
00:12:30,485 --> 00:12:32,933
You're standing right next to me?
251
00:12:33,715 --> 00:12:35,836
What are you wearin'?
252
00:12:38,449 --> 00:12:43,603
- What are you doing, man?
- I--um, I--I--I--I--
253
00:12:43,603 --> 00:12:45,547
I found your stalker!
254
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:54,080
There is a logical explanation for this
255
00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:56,591
- And now you're touching me
- And now I'm touching you
256
00:13:03,481 --> 00:13:06,558
Karen, thanks for taking
me out to dinner
257
00:13:07,519 --> 00:13:09,480
I was kind of hoping
I'd have a little baby in here
258
00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:12,679
but I guess a little
baby back ribs will do
259
00:13:14,325 --> 00:13:16,067
Well, honey
260
00:13:16,412 --> 00:13:18,148
it's like the old song goes...
261
00:13:18,148 --> 00:13:22,553
anyone deserves a free meal
after having Will's sperm inside them
262
00:13:25,033 --> 00:13:28,922
I think that was from
"You're a Gay Dad, Charlie Brown."
263
00:13:29,556 --> 00:13:31,845
Oh! Pull over right here, Driver!
264
00:13:33,726 --> 00:13:35,265
Rosie's comin' with
265
00:13:35,265 --> 00:13:37,205
She's up there breakin' up
with Lionel for me
266
00:13:37,205 --> 00:13:38,768
so I thought I'd take her out too
267
00:13:38,768 --> 00:13:42,799
and get this supportive
friend thing over with in one trip
268
00:13:46,339 --> 00:13:47,149
- Hey
- Oh!
269
00:13:47,149 --> 00:13:48,609
honey, how'd it go?
270
00:13:48,609 --> 00:13:50,495
- I couldn't do it
- What?
271
00:13:50,495 --> 00:13:55,653
What a man, what a man, what a man
what a mighty good man!
272
00:13:55,653 --> 00:13:58,158
Oh, Ro-Ro, ya didn't!
273
00:13:58,158 --> 00:13:59,848
I did!
274
00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:03,172
I'm only a woman
275
00:14:03,917 --> 00:14:07,701
Well, half of you is
276
00:14:09,235 --> 00:14:11,845
Well, you leave me no choice
277
00:14:12,169 --> 00:14:14,681
I'm gonna have to
bite the bullet and, uh
278
00:14:14,681 --> 00:14:17,507
send Grace in there
to do it for me / What?
279
00:14:17,811 --> 00:14:19,664
No way!
I'm not breakin' up with him!
280
00:14:19,664 --> 00:14:23,676
I'm just here for the ribs and
maybe some corn on the side
281
00:14:23,907 --> 00:14:25,774
This is your responsibility
282
00:14:26,310 --> 00:14:28,165
No, no, honey I can't!
283
00:14:28,165 --> 00:14:31,723
You don't know what it's like to
turn away somebody who is irresistible!
284
00:14:31,723 --> 00:14:33,124
Don't I?
285
00:14:33,124 --> 00:14:35,855
I just met the perfect guy
286
00:14:36,175 --> 00:14:37,636
He's cute and smart and funny
287
00:14:37,636 --> 00:14:40,901
His worst qualities are
that he's a Jewish doctor!
288
00:14:41,307 --> 00:14:44,327
But I made a promise to Will, so...
289
00:14:46,772 --> 00:14:48,375
I turned him down
290
00:14:50,036 --> 00:14:52,797
- Is Will still gay?
- Yes
291
00:14:53,530 --> 00:14:55,657
- Idiot
- Hey!
292
00:14:57,090 --> 00:14:58,643
No, no
293
00:14:59,114 --> 00:15:00,546
Grace is right
294
00:15:01,356 --> 00:15:04,122
We made commitments
to our husbands
295
00:15:04,695 --> 00:15:06,793
Nothing's more important than that
296
00:15:07,362 --> 00:15:11,254
I'm just gonna have to
march up there and tell Lionel
297
00:15:11,254 --> 00:15:16,157
"You're sleazy and shameless
I hate that, and we're through!"
298
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:19,552
You're sleazy and shameless!
299
00:15:19,844 --> 00:15:22,454
I like that, but we're through!
300
00:15:22,723 --> 00:15:26,081
- You're my one true love!
- But you're not mine!
301
00:15:26,081 --> 00:15:27,916
I love Stan!
302
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:33,942
Stan loves ham...
ham I am! Good-bye!
303
00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:42,156
Round two
304
00:15:46,665 --> 00:15:50,066
Look, it's not me
Okay? Jack's your stalker!
305
00:15:50,066 --> 00:15:51,757
I mean, after he saw you in Apollo 13
306
00:15:51,757 --> 00:15:54,107
he went to every video store
in Manhattan trying to find
307
00:15:54,107 --> 00:15:56,445
Apollo 1 through 12!
308
00:15:57,833 --> 00:15:59,417
Come on, hot shot
309
00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:01,440
There are no cops here, all right?
310
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:04,432
It's just you and me
Two regular joes
311
00:16:04,432 --> 00:16:08,134
Me...a Golden Globe nominee
for The River Wild...
312
00:16:09,957 --> 00:16:10,893
and you
313
00:16:10,893 --> 00:16:14,784
a guy who just happened to be
outside my apartment with binoculars
314
00:16:14,784 --> 00:16:16,192
Yes, I admit that looks bad
315
00:16:16,192 --> 00:16:17,308
but you've gotta believe me!
316
00:16:17,308 --> 00:16:20,820
I just...I don't care
that much about you
317
00:16:20,820 --> 00:16:21,857
Oh, really?
318
00:16:22,434 --> 00:16:24,143
Then explain this!
319
00:16:27,907 --> 00:16:30,746
Go ahead, kiss it
I know you want to!
320
00:16:32,348 --> 00:16:35,319
And by the way, the Golden Globe
nom was a total surprise
321
00:16:35,319 --> 00:16:36,688
but it really meant
something, you know
322
00:16:36,688 --> 00:16:40,048
'cause it's not from your peers
it's from the Hollywood Foreign Press
323
00:16:41,268 --> 00:16:42,985
- It's not me!
- I think it is!
324
00:16:42,985 --> 00:16:45,592
- I'm leaving!
- Please don't go!
325
00:16:47,261 --> 00:16:48,336
What?
326
00:16:48,912 --> 00:16:49,904
Stay!
327
00:16:50,341 --> 00:16:52,091
Come on, we'll--
we'll split a Shasta
328
00:16:52,091 --> 00:16:55,401
we'll--we'll bust open
a box of Hydrox!
329
00:16:55,916 --> 00:16:57,432
Whatdya say, cap'n?
330
00:16:58,026 --> 00:17:00,646
I'm no expert, but shouldn't
you be calling the police
331
00:17:00,646 --> 00:17:04,326
rather than offering me
snacks and calling me "cap'n"?
332
00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:05,906
Look
333
00:17:06,515 --> 00:17:08,215
when the stalkers leave
334
00:17:08,215 --> 00:17:12,179
it's the first sign that
your career is slipping
335
00:17:12,878 --> 00:17:16,186
It's a little tidbit
I picked up from Val Kilmer
336
00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:19,172
You--you did
a movie with Val Kilmer?
337
00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:21,624
No, but Val was in Top Gun
with Tom Cruise
338
00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:23,988
and Tom was in
A Few Good Men with me
339
00:17:29,776 --> 00:17:31,661
Huh, that was a short one
340
00:17:33,725 --> 00:17:35,765
Your fans are never gonna leave you
341
00:17:35,765 --> 00:17:37,133
you're a great actor
342
00:17:37,133 --> 00:17:39,624
You're lookin' good
your hair's workin'
343
00:17:39,624 --> 00:17:41,486
You've got the waist
of a 14-year-old girl...
344
00:17:41,486 --> 00:17:44,462
I mean, look at that, that's crazy!
345
00:17:44,462 --> 00:17:46,385
Oh, stop
346
00:17:48,329 --> 00:17:49,628
What--what--what--
347
00:17:49,628 --> 00:17:52,871
what was your favorite
Kevin Bacon performance?
348
00:17:53,479 --> 00:17:55,300
Oh, wow...I don't--
I don't know, I--
349
00:17:55,300 --> 00:17:58,879
- I loved you in Footloose
- Oh, yeah, you saw that?
350
00:18:00,222 --> 00:18:01,234
Yeah
351
00:18:01,631 --> 00:18:03,439
Any other faves?
352
00:18:03,674 --> 00:18:06,360
No, actually, that's
the only one I liked
353
00:18:07,465 --> 00:18:09,878
But--but, I--I liked it a lot
354
00:18:09,878 --> 00:18:12,606
You know, I even, uh--
learned the dance, you know
355
00:18:12,606 --> 00:18:14,709
- for our high school talent contest
- Did you win?
356
00:18:14,709 --> 00:18:15,878
Nah
I got a nom
357
00:18:15,878 --> 00:18:17,996
But it meant a lot because
it didn't come from my peers
358
00:18:17,996 --> 00:18:20,632
it came from the gay head
of the drama department
359
00:18:24,659 --> 00:18:28,453
Could you, uh
do it for me now?
360
00:18:30,548 --> 00:18:33,230
I don't know, it's kinda weird
I don't even know if I remember it
361
00:18:33,230 --> 00:18:35,753
And besides
there isn't even any, uh--
362
00:18:40,673 --> 00:18:41,831
It's a little more arms
363
00:18:50,707 --> 00:18:55,981
Stop it! Enough!
Stop it! Stop it!
364
00:19:01,095 --> 00:19:02,774
You shouldn't be dancing with him!
365
00:19:02,774 --> 00:19:04,948
He's not your stalker
your stalker's still at large!
366
00:19:04,948 --> 00:19:08,380
- But you fingered this guy!
- I did not! We were just holding hands!
367
00:19:10,791 --> 00:19:13,514
Your stalker's been throwing pebbles
at your window for the last 15 minutes
368
00:19:13,514 --> 00:19:16,998
Or maybe you didn't hear me
because the music was so loud!
369
00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:20,205
You...
370
00:19:20,587 --> 00:19:22,273
you're my stalker
371
00:19:23,069 --> 00:19:26,093
I prefer the term
"professional crazed fan."
372
00:19:26,522 --> 00:19:28,827
A job that's a hell of a lot more
satisfying than sewing Prada labels
373
00:19:28,827 --> 00:19:31,171
in your Old Navy shirts!
374
00:19:32,628 --> 00:19:34,302
Go get yourself a new assistant!
375
00:19:34,302 --> 00:19:36,563
If you need me
I'll be in your hamper
376
00:19:38,931 --> 00:19:42,244
Hey, man, I'm sorry
I owe you an apology
377
00:19:42,244 --> 00:19:44,983
I don't know
how I can make it up to you
378
00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:49,166
Five, six, seven, eight!
379
00:20:03,010 --> 00:20:04,169
- Hey
- Hey
380
00:20:04,169 --> 00:20:05,164
What are you doin'?
381
00:20:05,625 --> 00:20:08,030
You would not believe the night I had
382
00:20:08,030 --> 00:20:10,513
Kevin Bacon caught me
in the bushes outside his apartment
383
00:20:10,513 --> 00:20:12,740
and we ended up dancing together!
384
00:20:14,846 --> 00:20:17,258
I thought Jack was stalking him
385
00:20:17,258 --> 00:20:19,819
Yeah, he was
but then I was for a little bit
386
00:20:21,374 --> 00:20:26,151
I can't wait to tell our kid that
his dad danced with Kevin Bacon
387
00:20:26,151 --> 00:20:29,717
Well, that should save you
the trouble of telling him you're gay
388
00:20:30,815 --> 00:20:35,513
Do you realize that in two weeks
that kid could be on his way?
389
00:20:37,580 --> 00:20:38,764
Yeah
390
00:20:39,213 --> 00:20:40,311
Two weeks
391
00:20:40,311 --> 00:20:43,453
Ooh, I've gotta get over to Jack's
Quicksilver's on WE
392
00:20:44,523 --> 00:20:47,374
Women's Entertainment
Wheee!
393
00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:14,260
Leo, hey
It's Grace Adler
394
00:21:14,260 --> 00:21:20,496
from the lamppost and the horse
and the coffee shop and my office
395
00:21:21,543 --> 00:21:23,301
Listen, um...
396
00:21:25,273 --> 00:21:26,761
call me
397
00:21:38,398 --> 00:21:40,468
Excuse me, I'm working!
398
00:21:45,711 --> 00:21:47,111
Hey!
399
00:21:48,148 --> 00:21:50,276
- Hi
- I..Uh..
400
00:21:50,276 --> 00:21:54,379
I thought you might be cold
so I brought you some coco
401
00:21:55,046 --> 00:21:57,940
- Thank you
- You're welcome
402
00:21:57,940 --> 00:22:00,217
They would be fifty cents
29641
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