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1
00:00:02,768 --> 00:00:04,869
♪ My eyesare gettin' weary ♪
2
00:00:04,937 --> 00:00:07,639
♪ my back is gettin' tight
3
00:00:07,707 --> 00:00:09,741
♪ I'm sittin' herein traffic ♪
4
00:00:09,809 --> 00:00:12,611
♪ on the queensboro bridgetonight ♪
5
00:00:12,678 --> 00:00:16,014
♪ but I don't care,'cause all I want to do ♪
6
00:00:18,183 --> 00:00:21,486
♪ is cash my checkand drive right home to you ♪
7
00:00:23,656 --> 00:00:25,556
♪ 'cause, baby, all my life
8
00:00:25,625 --> 00:00:29,227
♪ I will be drivin'home to you ♪
9
00:00:35,768 --> 00:00:37,736
Today really? Th-that's great.
10
00:00:37,803 --> 00:00:40,939
3:00? That's right,
you know what, no problem.
Wide open today.
11
00:00:41,007 --> 00:00:42,406
No, we're not.
12
00:00:42,474 --> 00:00:44,242
You know what,
don't worry about it,
it's no problem.
13
00:00:44,309 --> 00:00:45,677
Doug,
who're you talking to?
14
00:00:45,745 --> 00:00:47,512
Look--look we wanna see you,
we're coming.
15
00:00:47,579 --> 00:00:49,280
Doug, hello.
16
00:00:49,348 --> 00:00:51,315
It's fine, yup, ok.
17
00:00:51,383 --> 00:00:53,284
Pay attention to me.
18
00:00:54,319 --> 00:00:56,487
Got it, ok, bye mom.
19
00:00:56,555 --> 00:00:58,123
Oh.
20
00:00:58,190 --> 00:01:00,859
Nice job, now I'm gonna
hear her voice
every time I see those.
21
00:01:00,926 --> 00:01:03,327
So am I hearing
your parents are
coming down here today?
22
00:01:03,395 --> 00:01:05,930
Yeah, yeah, they are, uh,
flying to Montreal
for a wedding.
23
00:01:05,998 --> 00:01:08,533
It turns out they got
a 45-minute layover at j.F.K.
24
00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:10,434
So we're gonna drive out
and see them.
25
00:01:10,502 --> 00:01:12,303
Doug, even if I wasn't
really busy today,
26
00:01:12,371 --> 00:01:14,005
that sounds like
a big pain in the ass.
27
00:01:14,073 --> 00:01:15,540
Hey, come on,
it's my parents.
28
00:01:15,607 --> 00:01:17,341
I know and I love them,
believe me.
29
00:01:17,409 --> 00:01:19,310
It's just the drive there,
find parking...
30
00:01:19,378 --> 00:01:21,780
A 45-minute visit
is gonna take 4 hours.
31
00:01:21,847 --> 00:01:23,648
A 4-hour inconvenience with
my parents
32
00:01:23,716 --> 00:01:26,685
as opposed to
in my house always.
33
00:01:30,622 --> 00:01:32,824
Doug, you may have never made
a better point.
34
00:01:32,892 --> 00:01:34,625
Hmm.
Yeah.
35
00:01:34,694 --> 00:01:36,594
Dad, we're gonna have
to move your haircut
appointment today.
36
00:01:36,662 --> 00:01:38,063
I'm sorry.
What? Why?
37
00:01:38,130 --> 00:01:39,664
Doug's parents
are coming into town.
38
00:01:39,732 --> 00:01:41,566
Well, well, well,
stop the world.
39
00:01:41,633 --> 00:01:45,103
The heffernans have deigned
to grace us
with their presence.
40
00:01:45,171 --> 00:01:47,638
Would you stop.
They are very nice people.
41
00:01:47,707 --> 00:01:49,674
Yeah, well I'm down here
in the trenches,
42
00:01:49,742 --> 00:01:51,442
doing the heavy lifting
of parenting,
43
00:01:51,510 --> 00:01:54,045
then they waltz into town
and get all the glory.
44
00:01:54,113 --> 00:01:56,247
Yes, you're an unsung hero.
45
00:02:02,221 --> 00:02:04,255
Come on, I wanna meet them
when they get off.
46
00:02:04,323 --> 00:02:06,725
I can't believe
you made me change
my haircut appointment.
47
00:02:06,792 --> 00:02:08,793
Dad we're taking you there
right after this.
48
00:02:08,861 --> 00:02:11,429
And listen, you're not
the only one
who had to move stuff, ok?
49
00:02:11,496 --> 00:02:13,732
I had to change
my manicure to 6:00.
50
00:02:13,799 --> 00:02:16,201
And I had to cancel
the toes, all right?
51
00:02:16,268 --> 00:02:19,237
So suck it up,
we're doing this
for Doug's parents.
52
00:02:19,304 --> 00:02:22,473
Yeah, well while we're at it,
why don't we tweak
the earth's axis
53
00:02:22,541 --> 00:02:25,309
to make the weather
more pleasant for them.
54
00:02:27,479 --> 00:02:29,680
(Doug)
Do you think my mom'll bring
her lemon squares?
55
00:02:29,749 --> 00:02:31,249
Has she ever not?
56
00:02:31,316 --> 00:02:32,250
No.
57
00:02:32,317 --> 00:02:33,651
No, she always does.
58
00:02:33,719 --> 00:02:35,686
Just gonna get
a drink of water.
59
00:02:35,755 --> 00:02:37,622
Come on, Arthur,
can't you grab it later?
60
00:02:37,689 --> 00:02:39,924
(Arthur)
Hold your horses,
I'm thirsty.
61
00:02:42,228 --> 00:02:44,428
What the hell just happened?
62
00:02:44,496 --> 00:02:46,264
Oh, that was good water.
63
00:02:49,835 --> 00:02:52,003
Check it,
make him check it.
64
00:02:53,405 --> 00:02:55,240
Ok, you know what,
it's not working, guy.
65
00:02:55,307 --> 00:02:57,742
You got to-- it's too big.
You got to check the bag.
66
00:02:57,810 --> 00:02:59,844
No, you got to check it,
you got to check it.
67
00:02:59,912 --> 00:03:01,712
All right here you go.
68
00:03:02,381 --> 00:03:03,314
Sorry.
69
00:03:06,385 --> 00:03:08,186
Oh, good, the doors aren't
even open yet.
70
00:03:08,254 --> 00:03:09,854
See we didn't miss bupkiss.
71
00:03:09,922 --> 00:03:12,590
The further you go,
the behinder he gets.
72
00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:16,661
[Sighing]
73
00:03:16,728 --> 00:03:18,196
Can I borrow the pen?
74
00:03:20,399 --> 00:03:21,565
What're you doing?
75
00:03:21,633 --> 00:03:23,467
Just shut-y and watch-y.
76
00:03:26,605 --> 00:03:27,605
Thanks.
77
00:03:27,673 --> 00:03:30,574
[Exclaiming]
78
00:03:30,642 --> 00:03:34,279
Ok, I'm not gonna lie to you
Doug, it's border line
embarrassing
79
00:03:34,346 --> 00:03:36,647
you're kidding me,
this is gonna go over huge.
80
00:03:43,488 --> 00:03:44,555
Is that them?
81
00:03:45,457 --> 00:03:46,324
(Carrie)
No.
82
00:03:49,295 --> 00:03:50,361
My arm hurts.
83
00:03:55,167 --> 00:03:57,101
You know, it's ok
to let this thing go.
84
00:03:58,871 --> 00:04:00,504
It's gonna be hilarious.
85
00:04:01,841 --> 00:04:03,842
Carrie, Doug, Arthur.
86
00:04:03,909 --> 00:04:05,176
Hi.
87
00:04:05,244 --> 00:04:08,279
Excuse me are you, uh,
"mom and dad."
88
00:04:08,347 --> 00:04:09,513
What's this for?
89
00:04:09,581 --> 00:04:11,049
It's like
when you get a limo.
90
00:04:11,116 --> 00:04:13,251
You got a limo?
Oh, Doug, I hope you didn't
get a limo.
91
00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:15,854
We got a connecting flight,
you told him
it was just a layover.
92
00:04:15,921 --> 00:04:17,322
Well, of course, I did.
93
00:04:17,389 --> 00:04:18,756
(Joe)
Why do you waste
a $100 on a limo?
94
00:04:18,824 --> 00:04:20,658
I didn't get one.
We just don't
have the time.
95
00:04:20,726 --> 00:04:22,293
Ok, here's what's
going on here.
96
00:04:22,361 --> 00:04:24,695
Doug thought
it would be cute to pretend
he was a limo driver.
97
00:04:24,763 --> 00:04:27,165
There's no car.
Everything's fine,
the joke didn't land.
98
00:04:27,233 --> 00:04:29,100
So lets all hug
and say hi now.
99
00:04:29,168 --> 00:04:31,502
[All chattering]
100
00:04:31,570 --> 00:04:32,737
(Janet)
My baby.
101
00:04:32,804 --> 00:04:34,538
(Joe)
The same Dougie boy, eh?
102
00:04:34,606 --> 00:04:36,707
Hello, Arthur.
103
00:04:36,775 --> 00:04:38,209
[Exclaiming]
104
00:04:38,277 --> 00:04:41,012
I brought a couple of goodies
from the sunshine state.
105
00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:44,048
There's a little something
for everyone.
Ah, that's so nice.
106
00:04:44,116 --> 00:04:46,985
For Carrie, from my favorite
store at the bulk & more.
107
00:04:47,052 --> 00:04:50,255
Oh, this is great.
108
00:04:50,322 --> 00:04:52,290
Ok, I'll just wear both.
Here you go.
109
00:04:52,358 --> 00:04:53,358
Thank you.
110
00:04:53,425 --> 00:04:56,394
So, uh, why aren't I eating
a lemon square?
111
00:04:56,461 --> 00:04:59,864
Oh, my God,
I'm so sorry, I forgot.
112
00:05:01,267 --> 00:05:02,267
Just kidding.
113
00:05:02,334 --> 00:05:03,601
[All laughing]
114
00:05:05,304 --> 00:05:06,470
Don't do that, ok?
115
00:05:06,538 --> 00:05:07,838
Give me that.
After lunch.
116
00:05:07,907 --> 00:05:09,040
Give me 'em.
117
00:05:09,108 --> 00:05:10,909
Hey, hey,
good to see you, spooner.
118
00:05:10,976 --> 00:05:14,379
Heffernan.
Got a little something
for you, too. Real deal.
119
00:05:14,446 --> 00:05:16,281
Cubano.
120
00:05:16,348 --> 00:05:18,682
Enjoy it, on me.
121
00:05:18,750 --> 00:05:20,885
[Announcer chattering
on p.A. System]
122
00:05:22,587 --> 00:05:23,854
And so it begins.
123
00:05:28,460 --> 00:05:30,128
Your sister's
gonna make it?
124
00:05:30,195 --> 00:05:32,630
She said she'll try,
she's reffing a girl's
soccer game.
125
00:05:32,697 --> 00:05:34,665
Oh, that's a good way
to meet a man.
126
00:05:34,733 --> 00:05:37,335
Well, since we don't
have much time...
127
00:05:37,403 --> 00:05:40,838
Yes, the dreaded
to-do file.
128
00:05:40,906 --> 00:05:43,007
Just a couple of things.
129
00:05:43,075 --> 00:05:46,177
We're not gonna see
you on your birthday,
so we goy you an early card.
130
00:05:46,245 --> 00:05:47,412
Happy 30 bump bumps.
131
00:05:50,015 --> 00:05:52,650
Hey, a $100 bill.
132
00:05:52,717 --> 00:05:55,019
Hey much nicer
than the $50
you gave me last year
133
00:05:55,087 --> 00:05:56,921
I told you, you only
gave him $50.
134
00:05:56,989 --> 00:05:59,123
Too late,
this is now the minimum.
135
00:05:59,191 --> 00:06:01,292
So, come on,
how about giving me
a lemon square, huh?
136
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,594
Well, just one.
I don't wanna
spoil your appetite.
137
00:06:03,662 --> 00:06:05,096
Yet to happen.
138
00:06:09,435 --> 00:06:10,969
Something's--something's
different.
139
00:06:11,036 --> 00:06:12,136
Oh.
140
00:06:12,204 --> 00:06:14,439
Since we're now in Florida,
I'm using real lemons
141
00:06:14,506 --> 00:06:16,807
instead of that
fake bottle stuff.
142
00:06:17,609 --> 00:06:18,443
Hmm.
143
00:06:25,217 --> 00:06:26,717
What's the matter
with you?
144
00:06:26,785 --> 00:06:29,753
I wasn't told there'll be
gift giving.
145
00:06:29,821 --> 00:06:32,590
Dad, it was just
a nice gesture.
146
00:06:32,657 --> 00:06:35,226
Yeah, well, I'm familiar
with that gesture.
147
00:06:35,294 --> 00:06:38,196
It means I'm nothing
and they're aristocrats.
148
00:06:38,263 --> 00:06:40,398
Joe owned a hardware store.
149
00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:42,700
Did you see how
he shoved the cigar down
my pocket?
150
00:06:42,767 --> 00:06:44,802
Like he was tipping
a bellhop.
151
00:06:44,870 --> 00:06:46,204
I can't even stand
looking at it.
152
00:06:46,271 --> 00:06:49,707
All right, well, great,
now you don't have to.
153
00:06:49,774 --> 00:06:51,009
What else here?
154
00:06:51,810 --> 00:06:53,144
Oh.
155
00:06:53,212 --> 00:06:55,579
This cartoon reminded me
of you, sweety.
156
00:06:55,647 --> 00:06:56,814
Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm.
157
00:06:56,882 --> 00:06:59,783
You see, the dog is driving
a truck just like you do
158
00:07:03,322 --> 00:07:06,324
oh, yeah, I'll put it
with the others.
159
00:07:06,392 --> 00:07:08,559
Well, what's, uh, what's this?
160
00:07:08,627 --> 00:07:10,661
Oh, just some papers
we ned you to sign.
161
00:07:12,531 --> 00:07:14,065
A living will?
162
00:07:14,133 --> 00:07:15,933
It just says if ever
there's a problem,
163
00:07:16,001 --> 00:07:17,835
that you shouldn't use
any artificial means
164
00:07:17,903 --> 00:07:20,405
to keep your dad
and me alive.
165
00:07:20,472 --> 00:07:24,442
Is there a reason
the cartoon is attached to it,
or...
166
00:07:24,510 --> 00:07:27,278
No, I was just
saving a staple.
167
00:07:27,346 --> 00:07:29,380
You sign right here
beside the sticker.
168
00:07:29,448 --> 00:07:32,283
And then your
initial right there
169
00:07:32,351 --> 00:07:34,618
next to the section
about comas.
170
00:07:35,487 --> 00:07:37,121
Uh-huh.
171
00:07:37,189 --> 00:07:39,790
Oh, we'd better go
to the bathroom
before the food comes.
172
00:07:39,858 --> 00:07:41,025
How do you know
I have to go?
173
00:07:41,093 --> 00:07:42,427
I'm sure
you have to go.
174
00:07:43,728 --> 00:07:45,063
She's right.
175
00:07:57,207 --> 00:07:59,475
Those heffernans always
trying to show me up.
176
00:07:59,542 --> 00:08:01,077
You know when it started,
don't you?
177
00:08:01,144 --> 00:08:03,145
The day I let them
pay for your wedding.
178
00:08:03,213 --> 00:08:05,214
Dad, don't start with that
now, please.
179
00:08:05,282 --> 00:08:07,483
You were out of a job,
they did a very nice thing.
180
00:08:07,550 --> 00:08:09,551
Yes, but did it have to be
so lavish?
181
00:08:09,619 --> 00:08:13,856
Oh, sure, everybody's
got to have
a glass of champagne.
182
00:08:13,923 --> 00:08:17,593
You already made
your feelings very clear
on our wedding video.
183
00:08:17,660 --> 00:08:20,596
Well, they're not
the only ones who can give
flashy gifts.
184
00:08:20,663 --> 00:08:22,631
Dad, you don't have to
buy them anything.
185
00:08:22,699 --> 00:08:25,368
Yes I do.
Today I even the score.
186
00:08:25,435 --> 00:08:29,105
Although I am a bit
short on cash.
187
00:08:29,172 --> 00:08:32,574
Darling, uh, would you mind
floating me over
a few balloons?
188
00:08:32,642 --> 00:08:33,542
No.
189
00:08:33,610 --> 00:08:34,643
Come on.
No.
190
00:08:34,711 --> 00:08:36,445
Dad, I-I'm paying
for the food
191
00:08:36,513 --> 00:08:39,448
and the rest I'm saving
for something not insane.
192
00:08:39,516 --> 00:08:42,651
Fine. I gave you life.
Whatever.
193
00:08:45,455 --> 00:08:48,491
Douglas, quick.
I need to borrow
some cash.
194
00:08:48,558 --> 00:08:50,893
I only got like $10 on me.
195
00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:53,162
Well, what have we here,
a c-note?
196
00:08:53,230 --> 00:08:55,231
Oh, yeah.
I forgot about that.
197
00:08:55,298 --> 00:08:58,034
But you know
I'm good for it.
198
00:08:58,101 --> 00:09:00,702
Hey, there goes
a crap load of burgers.
199
00:09:02,305 --> 00:09:04,673
Hey, where is everyone?
200
00:09:04,741 --> 00:09:06,175
Look at this thing.
201
00:09:06,243 --> 00:09:08,444
Look at what my parents
gave me to sign.
Look at that.
202
00:09:08,512 --> 00:09:09,578
A living will?
203
00:09:09,646 --> 00:09:10,846
Yeah, look at this.
204
00:09:10,914 --> 00:09:13,149
I get to be the conservator
of their person.
205
00:09:13,216 --> 00:09:16,685
Which basically means
if they stub their toe,
I fly in and waste them.
206
00:09:16,753 --> 00:09:19,655
All right, calm down.
We do these at the law firm
all the time
207
00:09:19,722 --> 00:09:20,923
it's actually a good idea.
208
00:09:20,990 --> 00:09:22,391
It's a terrible idea.
209
00:09:22,459 --> 00:09:24,093
Look at this.
210
00:09:24,161 --> 00:09:26,195
Look they checked
"do not resuscitate"
on every thing.
211
00:09:26,263 --> 00:09:28,030
It's like they can't die
fast enough.
212
00:09:28,098 --> 00:09:29,731
Doug, it's not that
they wanna die.
213
00:09:29,799 --> 00:09:32,101
It's just that
they're trying to plan
for the future.
214
00:09:32,169 --> 00:09:34,870
You know,
in the off chance
if they're ever in a...
215
00:09:34,938 --> 00:09:36,605
Vegetative state.
216
00:09:36,673 --> 00:09:39,708
Vegetative state!
They were just supposed to
bring me lemon squares.
217
00:09:39,776 --> 00:09:41,577
Ok. I know
this is stressful,
218
00:09:41,644 --> 00:09:44,746
but it's what they want.
219
00:09:44,814 --> 00:09:47,249
Did you, uh, sign
one of these for your dad?
220
00:09:47,317 --> 00:09:53,255
Actually he checked "yes"
to anything they could do to
keep him alive.
221
00:09:53,323 --> 00:09:57,226
I think he even wrote in
something about
freezing his head.
222
00:10:01,831 --> 00:10:05,101
Hello, my good man,
I'm in the market
for some high-end gifts.
223
00:10:05,168 --> 00:10:08,337
Give me your
most expensive whisky
and your finest perfume.
224
00:10:08,405 --> 00:10:09,671
All righty, coming up.
225
00:10:09,739 --> 00:10:12,741
"International duty
free shop."
226
00:10:12,809 --> 00:10:16,178
So tell me are we currently
standing on American soil
227
00:10:16,246 --> 00:10:18,380
or are we in
some sort of
a borderless limbo?
228
00:10:19,516 --> 00:10:20,649
Uh, it's America.
229
00:10:22,219 --> 00:10:23,852
That'll be $423.
230
00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:25,787
Uh-huh, ok, plan b.
231
00:10:25,855 --> 00:10:28,690
Lets go down to your
4th best in both categories.
232
00:10:28,758 --> 00:10:29,625
Sure.
233
00:10:30,693 --> 00:10:33,195
And what flight
are you on?
234
00:10:33,263 --> 00:10:35,564
That's none of
your affair.
235
00:10:35,632 --> 00:10:38,800
You can't buy duty free
unless you're on
an international flight.
236
00:10:38,868 --> 00:10:40,669
I see, well,
in that case,
237
00:10:40,737 --> 00:10:43,439
I'm on b.O.A.C. Flight 1
en route to
constantinople.
238
00:10:44,841 --> 00:10:46,208
I'll need to see a ticket.
239
00:10:46,276 --> 00:10:48,677
I must have left it
in my attache case.
240
00:10:48,745 --> 00:10:52,148
I'm sorry, I can't
sell this to you
without a ticket.
241
00:10:52,215 --> 00:10:54,883
Let me ask you this.
242
00:10:54,951 --> 00:10:58,287
Were I traveling abroad,
what would my total
have been?
243
00:10:59,256 --> 00:11:01,423
$97.50.
244
00:11:02,959 --> 00:11:08,096
I have in my hand
a crisp $100 bill.
245
00:11:08,165 --> 00:11:11,367
What if I left the
change on the counter
and just walked away?
246
00:11:14,871 --> 00:11:16,772
Come on, it's a $300
travel voucher.
247
00:11:16,839 --> 00:11:18,340
And we'll still get there.
248
00:11:18,408 --> 00:11:20,108
I don't want to do it.
249
00:11:20,177 --> 00:11:21,410
What's going on?
250
00:11:21,478 --> 00:11:23,045
Oh, they overbooked
a flight to Montreal.
251
00:11:23,112 --> 00:11:25,414
Now they're offering to bump
people on to the next flight.
252
00:11:25,482 --> 00:11:27,216
And they hand us
free money.
253
00:11:27,284 --> 00:11:29,418
It's ridiculous!
We're flying to a wedding.
254
00:11:29,486 --> 00:11:31,320
We're not gonna miss
the rehearsal dinner.
255
00:11:31,388 --> 00:11:33,789
I don't give a crap about
this girl's rehearsal dinner.
256
00:11:33,856 --> 00:11:37,393
I'd much rather spend
the next 4 hours
right here with you kids.
257
00:11:37,460 --> 00:11:39,328
Cool.
258
00:11:39,396 --> 00:11:42,398
Oh, I don't know.
What do you two think?
259
00:11:42,465 --> 00:11:45,100
Um, actually,
you know what?
260
00:11:45,168 --> 00:11:46,768
Rehearsal dinners
are very important.
261
00:11:46,836 --> 00:11:49,271
A friend missed ours,
and I, I really hate her now.
262
00:11:50,907 --> 00:11:53,409
Thank you.
Fine.
263
00:11:53,476 --> 00:11:55,477
You signed those
papers yet, honey?
264
00:11:55,545 --> 00:11:58,514
Uh, you know what?
I'm gonna hold on to these
265
00:11:58,582 --> 00:12:00,416
and have my guy
take a look at 'em.
266
00:12:00,483 --> 00:12:02,784
You have a guy now?
267
00:12:02,852 --> 00:12:05,588
Yeah, I have a guy.
He looks over things.
268
00:12:05,655 --> 00:12:07,423
What is he, a lawyer?
Kinda.
269
00:12:07,490 --> 00:12:09,791
You always used our guy!
When did you get a guy?
270
00:12:09,859 --> 00:12:11,827
Actually, I've had one
for a while now.
271
00:12:11,894 --> 00:12:13,329
What's the matter with Dan?
272
00:12:13,396 --> 00:12:16,432
I've know Dan for 27 years.
What am I gonna tell Dan
when he asks?
273
00:12:16,499 --> 00:12:18,500
I don't care what
you tell Dan, ok?
274
00:12:18,568 --> 00:12:20,802
You know, you fly in here
on a 45-minute layover,
275
00:12:20,870 --> 00:12:22,638
and you spring your
death warrants on me,
276
00:12:22,706 --> 00:12:25,574
stapled to a
wizard of ID cartoon!
277
00:12:25,642 --> 00:12:26,709
[Sputters]
278
00:12:26,776 --> 00:12:28,611
You know, this is crazy!
I'm not signing.
279
00:12:28,678 --> 00:12:29,678
Enjoy your comas.
280
00:12:29,746 --> 00:12:32,581
You're gonna be in them
for quite some time.
281
00:12:37,017 --> 00:12:38,585
[Crowd cheering on t.V.]
282
00:12:40,822 --> 00:12:43,123
[Whistle blowing]
283
00:12:43,190 --> 00:12:45,959
Ha! Why couldn't
the Knicks get Shaq?
284
00:12:46,027 --> 00:12:48,228
Well, if they let me run
that team for one year--
285
00:12:48,295 --> 00:12:49,530
dad, if you ran the team,
286
00:12:49,597 --> 00:12:53,166
there'd be 87 players
on a billion-dollar payroll.
287
00:12:53,234 --> 00:12:55,135
And a championship, son.
288
00:12:55,703 --> 00:12:56,904
Right.
289
00:12:56,971 --> 00:12:58,605
Look, we don't get
to see you that much.
290
00:12:58,673 --> 00:13:00,574
Um, sorry this turned
into a whole thing.
291
00:13:00,642 --> 00:13:02,308
Yeah, not our--
not our best visit.
292
00:13:02,376 --> 00:13:04,411
Well, we should have known
you might feel that way.
293
00:13:04,478 --> 00:13:05,746
I remember
how upset you were
294
00:13:05,813 --> 00:13:07,814
when you had to take your
pet Guinea pig to the vet,
295
00:13:07,882 --> 00:13:09,049
to put him to sleep.
296
00:13:09,116 --> 00:13:11,919
Hey, mork still had
some good years left!
297
00:13:11,986 --> 00:13:14,421
He was blind, and his
kidneys were shot.
298
00:13:14,488 --> 00:13:17,123
He had more time.
299
00:13:19,326 --> 00:13:21,595
Look, we got to start
boarding in like 20 minutes.
300
00:13:21,663 --> 00:13:24,431
I don't want to leave
without getting this settled.
301
00:13:24,498 --> 00:13:26,199
All right.
302
00:13:26,267 --> 00:13:28,669
I'm gonna work with you here.
303
00:13:28,736 --> 00:13:30,771
What are you most
uncomfortable with?
304
00:13:30,838 --> 00:13:33,440
We're not married
to all of these.
305
00:13:33,507 --> 00:13:35,842
I don't know, how about
like--like this one here?
306
00:13:35,910 --> 00:13:38,045
"If I have no reasonable hope
for normal functioning,
307
00:13:38,112 --> 00:13:40,346
"withhold life-sustaining
treatment, including nutrition
308
00:13:40,414 --> 00:13:41,548
and anyhydration."
309
00:13:41,616 --> 00:13:42,883
"X" that one out.
310
00:13:42,951 --> 00:13:44,117
We can't lose that.
311
00:13:44,185 --> 00:13:45,786
We might as well
drop the whole thing!
312
00:13:45,853 --> 00:13:47,420
What else?
313
00:13:47,488 --> 00:13:49,289
All right, then, fine.
How about this one?
314
00:13:49,356 --> 00:13:51,858
"Turning off the respirator."
315
00:13:51,926 --> 00:13:54,027
Nah, your mother's got
her heart set on that one.
316
00:13:54,095 --> 00:13:55,729
Well, you're not working
with me here!
317
00:13:55,797 --> 00:13:56,797
Don't yell at me, Dougie.
318
00:13:56,864 --> 00:13:59,066
This wasn't my idea
in the first place.
319
00:13:59,133 --> 00:14:01,367
What are you--
what are you saying?
320
00:14:01,435 --> 00:14:04,304
I'm saying this is really
your mother's baby.
321
00:14:05,406 --> 00:14:07,808
Do you even want to do this?
322
00:14:07,875 --> 00:14:10,677
I guess I could either way.
323
00:14:10,745 --> 00:14:14,147
But it'd be a whole big thing
with your mother.
324
00:14:14,215 --> 00:14:16,382
So you'd rather die
instead of having
325
00:14:16,450 --> 00:14:18,719
an awkward conversation
with mom?
326
00:14:23,290 --> 00:14:25,458
I just don't want
any trouble.
327
00:14:26,961 --> 00:14:29,596
I'm sorry we dragged you out
to hear a heffernan fight.
328
00:14:29,664 --> 00:14:32,265
I'm sure you had much better
things to do with your day.
329
00:14:32,333 --> 00:14:36,369
Oh, no! It's--it's--
it's--it's--it's, uh...
330
00:14:36,437 --> 00:14:37,771
It's...
331
00:14:37,839 --> 00:14:39,439
No! No, no, no.
332
00:14:39,507 --> 00:14:41,108
Mom, dad has something
to say to you.
333
00:14:41,175 --> 00:14:42,275
I do not.
334
00:14:42,343 --> 00:14:44,111
Tell her what you said
back there!
335
00:14:44,178 --> 00:14:47,514
I tell him you grow
more beautiful with
each passing year.
336
00:14:47,581 --> 00:14:49,616
No, no! He said he doesn't
want a living will.
337
00:14:49,684 --> 00:14:50,917
He doesn't want to do this.
338
00:14:50,985 --> 00:14:51,985
You said that?
339
00:14:52,053 --> 00:14:53,419
I said nothing of the kind.
340
00:14:53,487 --> 00:14:55,122
I very much want to die.
341
00:14:55,189 --> 00:14:56,589
Look, now he can't say it!
342
00:14:56,658 --> 00:14:59,126
Look, you--
I'm not signing it
and you can't make me.
343
00:14:59,193 --> 00:15:00,326
Ok, guys, I made it.
344
00:15:00,394 --> 00:15:01,594
Hey, kiddo!
345
00:15:01,663 --> 00:15:03,196
[Kissing]
346
00:15:03,264 --> 00:15:04,464
What's going on?
347
00:15:04,532 --> 00:15:06,299
Mom and dad
want me to kill 'em.
348
00:15:06,367 --> 00:15:08,635
What?
349
00:15:08,703 --> 00:15:11,437
We said we want
your brother to sign
a little piece of paper
350
00:15:11,505 --> 00:15:13,573
in case
we ever get very sick.
351
00:15:13,641 --> 00:15:14,741
Hello.
352
00:15:14,809 --> 00:15:16,476
Am I supposed
to sign it too?
353
00:15:16,544 --> 00:15:18,645
Actually, no, honey.
Just Doug.
354
00:15:18,713 --> 00:15:20,747
W-why just Doug?
355
00:15:20,815 --> 00:15:23,383
We only needed
one of you to sign it.
356
00:15:23,450 --> 00:15:25,118
Then why don't
I just sign it?
357
00:15:25,186 --> 00:15:28,955
Well, because we just
wanted Doug to sign it.
358
00:15:29,023 --> 00:15:31,491
Honey, you know,
he's married.
359
00:15:31,559 --> 00:15:33,393
He's settled.
We know where he is.
360
00:15:33,460 --> 00:15:34,728
And you don't know
where I am?
361
00:15:34,796 --> 00:15:36,997
It's just that first
you were in buffalo,
362
00:15:37,065 --> 00:15:40,400
and--and--and then you're
back here in queens, and...
363
00:15:40,467 --> 00:15:43,436
It's called moving!
I did it once.
364
00:15:43,504 --> 00:15:45,305
Honey, it's just--
if you were married
365
00:15:45,372 --> 00:15:48,175
and settled down,
or even had a boyfriend,
366
00:15:48,242 --> 00:15:50,543
or a partner
of some sort.
367
00:15:50,611 --> 00:15:52,813
What is that supposed to mean?
368
00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:55,515
Darling, you're a single girl
wearing a referee's costume.
369
00:15:55,583 --> 00:15:57,818
What are we supposed
to think?
370
00:15:57,885 --> 00:16:00,821
Look, it's her life.
Let her do what she wants.
371
00:16:00,888 --> 00:16:02,823
Please, let me sign this.
372
00:16:03,791 --> 00:16:04,925
You're not signing it.
373
00:16:04,992 --> 00:16:06,292
This is so typical.
374
00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:07,861
Doug got the bedroom
in the attic.
375
00:16:07,929 --> 00:16:09,229
Doug got the car.
376
00:16:09,296 --> 00:16:13,499
Doug gets to pull the plug.
He gets to do everything!
377
00:16:13,567 --> 00:16:15,668
Joe, it's obvious
we're not gonna settle this
378
00:16:15,737 --> 00:16:16,737
in the next 10 minutes.
379
00:16:16,804 --> 00:16:18,872
Let's take that later flight.
380
00:16:18,940 --> 00:16:23,443
Doug, I have a 6:00 manicure
with Denise.
381
00:16:23,510 --> 00:16:25,712
She's very hard to get.
382
00:16:25,780 --> 00:16:27,147
Let Steph sign it.
383
00:16:27,215 --> 00:16:28,314
No.
384
00:16:28,382 --> 00:16:30,217
Come on, Doug.
This could be good for her.
385
00:16:30,284 --> 00:16:31,317
Throw her a bone.
386
00:16:31,385 --> 00:16:32,853
No!
387
00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:34,755
Joe, see if you can change
our flight, would you?
388
00:16:34,822 --> 00:16:37,157
You know what, you know,
let me--let me,
yeah, let me do this.
389
00:16:37,225 --> 00:16:39,559
You guys, you keep talking.
You're making progress here.
390
00:16:39,627 --> 00:16:40,894
Oh, ok!
Thank you, honey.
391
00:16:40,962 --> 00:16:42,629
No problem.
Later flight, coming up.
392
00:16:42,696 --> 00:16:44,464
[Woman chattering
on p.A. System]
393
00:16:48,169 --> 00:16:50,503
You're going.
Oh, you're going now.
394
00:16:52,273 --> 00:16:53,874
How about this?
395
00:16:53,941 --> 00:16:55,441
How about we put
these papers away
for 10, 15 years?
396
00:16:55,509 --> 00:16:57,010
And then I'll be happy
to sign them.
397
00:16:57,078 --> 00:16:58,344
I'm ready to sign
them anytime.
398
00:16:58,412 --> 00:16:59,913
Just back off, Steph.
399
00:16:59,981 --> 00:17:02,682
Well, we're not going anywhere
until this is settled.
400
00:17:05,452 --> 00:17:06,920
I hope Carrie's
getting somewhere
401
00:17:06,988 --> 00:17:08,588
with the other flight.
402
00:17:21,836 --> 00:17:24,570
Come on, Doug. We love you.
We ask so little of you.
403
00:17:24,638 --> 00:17:26,940
It's just a piece of paper.
Do us a favor.
404
00:17:27,008 --> 00:17:28,008
No, I'm not signing it.
405
00:17:28,075 --> 00:17:29,943
Just sign it!
Uh-uh.
406
00:17:30,011 --> 00:17:32,946
Why are you making this
such a big giant thing?
407
00:17:33,014 --> 00:17:34,747
Becau-- because you...
408
00:17:34,816 --> 00:17:35,816
[Exhales]
409
00:17:35,883 --> 00:17:37,184
I don't know, I mean...
410
00:17:37,251 --> 00:17:39,552
All of a sudden
everything's different.
411
00:17:39,620 --> 00:17:40,620
What do you mean?
412
00:17:40,688 --> 00:17:42,055
I mean, dad,
l-look at you, dad.
413
00:17:42,123 --> 00:17:43,556
I mean, your hair
is totally gray.
414
00:17:43,624 --> 00:17:45,591
You're not even using
just for men anymore.
415
00:17:45,659 --> 00:17:46,793
It's like you don't care.
416
00:17:47,594 --> 00:17:48,628
And mom?
417
00:17:48,696 --> 00:17:51,531
Real lemons
in the lemon squares?
418
00:17:51,598 --> 00:17:54,534
Why would you ever
mess with that?
419
00:17:54,601 --> 00:17:57,904
Look, Doug, things can't
stay the same forever.
420
00:17:58,572 --> 00:17:59,605
[Sighs]
421
00:17:59,673 --> 00:18:01,007
I--I know. I...
422
00:18:02,977 --> 00:18:04,044
[Scoffs]
423
00:18:04,111 --> 00:18:05,145
Look at that.
424
00:18:05,213 --> 00:18:06,947
Just a second ago,
that was me.
425
00:18:07,014 --> 00:18:08,681
Huh? Remember that?
426
00:18:08,749 --> 00:18:10,917
This guy right here was me.
427
00:18:10,985 --> 00:18:12,485
Remember my face?
428
00:18:12,553 --> 00:18:14,654
My pudgy little pie-stained-
from-McDonald's face.
429
00:18:14,722 --> 00:18:16,356
Remember the chunkiness?
430
00:18:17,291 --> 00:18:18,959
Where did it go?
431
00:18:19,026 --> 00:18:20,994
Look, we're just trying
to go to Disney world.
432
00:18:21,062 --> 00:18:23,629
Oh, that is so great!
See?
433
00:18:23,697 --> 00:18:24,898
Get him a hat.
434
00:18:29,803 --> 00:18:30,737
[Sighs]
435
00:18:32,306 --> 00:18:33,373
[Exhales]
436
00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:35,208
You really...
437
00:18:35,276 --> 00:18:36,977
You really want me to sign it?
438
00:18:38,212 --> 00:18:39,512
Yes, we do.
439
00:18:41,415 --> 00:18:43,783
All right, give me
the papers. I'll sign it.
440
00:18:45,319 --> 00:18:46,753
Thank you, dear.
441
00:18:46,820 --> 00:18:48,554
Yeah, but you gotta go
back to using fake juice
442
00:18:48,622 --> 00:18:49,822
in the lemon squares, right?
443
00:18:49,891 --> 00:18:50,924
You got it.
444
00:18:50,992 --> 00:18:52,759
Yeah, 'cause that's
a deal-breaker.
445
00:18:52,826 --> 00:18:54,660
I come bearing gifts.
446
00:18:56,063 --> 00:18:57,197
What?
447
00:18:57,265 --> 00:19:00,233
As patriarch of
the spooner-heffernan clan,
448
00:19:00,301 --> 00:19:02,969
I thought I'd commemorate
the time we spent together.
449
00:19:03,037 --> 00:19:05,071
No strings attached.
450
00:19:05,139 --> 00:19:08,574
Arthur, you didn't have to.
It was totally unnecessary.
451
00:19:08,642 --> 00:19:10,643
For Janet, the largest
452
00:19:10,711 --> 00:19:12,845
big apple snow-globe
on the market.
453
00:19:14,148 --> 00:19:15,581
Fine,
454
00:19:15,649 --> 00:19:17,050
thank you.
455
00:19:17,118 --> 00:19:18,418
And for Joe,
456
00:19:18,485 --> 00:19:21,587
lady liberty in 2 sizes,
whatever works for your decor.
457
00:19:22,689 --> 00:19:24,057
And you can Duke it out
458
00:19:24,125 --> 00:19:26,359
over an assortment of
refreshing velamints,
459
00:19:26,427 --> 00:19:28,494
a sparkle pen,
and the latest page-Turner
460
00:19:28,562 --> 00:19:30,330
from Mr. Ken follet.
461
00:19:31,332 --> 00:19:33,133
Well, thank you, Arthur.
462
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:34,935
That's what you spent
the $100 on?
463
00:19:35,002 --> 00:19:36,236
That was my birthday gift.
464
00:19:36,304 --> 00:19:37,437
Wait, you bought all these
465
00:19:37,504 --> 00:19:39,272
with the money
we gave to Doug?
466
00:19:39,340 --> 00:19:41,308
So it's like we
bought our own gifts?
467
00:19:41,375 --> 00:19:42,842
Oh, that's funny!
468
00:19:42,910 --> 00:19:43,910
[Both laughing]
469
00:19:43,978 --> 00:19:44,978
Thank you, Joe.
470
00:19:45,046 --> 00:19:46,947
Thank you, Janet.
471
00:19:47,014 --> 00:19:48,081
Son of a bitch!
472
00:19:50,584 --> 00:19:53,586
Bad news. I cannot get
you guys on a later flight.
473
00:19:53,654 --> 00:19:56,923
And I--I fought with the man.
He was very rude.
474
00:19:57,724 --> 00:19:58,825
Everything is fine.
475
00:19:58,892 --> 00:20:00,793
Doug signed the papers.
We're good to go.
476
00:20:00,861 --> 00:20:02,495
Oh! Then it all worked out.
477
00:20:02,563 --> 00:20:03,930
Ok, we should board.
478
00:20:03,998 --> 00:20:06,666
If we want an overhead bin,
we're already on the bubble.
479
00:20:06,733 --> 00:20:08,201
Sorry about all this, kitten.
480
00:20:08,269 --> 00:20:11,137
Oh! Bye, dad.
Mmm, it's great to see you.
481
00:20:11,205 --> 00:20:12,172
Well.
482
00:20:13,107 --> 00:20:14,640
Yup.
483
00:20:14,708 --> 00:20:17,043
Oh, I love you, baby.
484
00:20:17,111 --> 00:20:19,379
Sorry I got upset.
I just love you both
so much.
485
00:20:19,447 --> 00:20:22,648
Ok. People. Let's put wings
on this credit crap.
486
00:20:22,716 --> 00:20:26,786
Bye-bye, darling.
Bye-bye baby.
487
00:20:26,854 --> 00:20:30,490
Flight 714 has been delayeddue to congestion in Montreal.
488
00:20:30,557 --> 00:20:32,725
We'll keep you updatedas we get more information.
489
00:20:32,793 --> 00:20:33,826
Thank you.
490
00:20:33,894 --> 00:20:34,927
Ha!
491
00:20:34,996 --> 00:20:36,229
[Grunts]
492
00:20:36,297 --> 00:20:37,630
[Sighing]
493
00:20:40,601 --> 00:20:41,734
Hey.
494
00:20:57,318 --> 00:20:58,818
So, what else?
495
00:21:14,635 --> 00:21:16,269
(Joe)
Hold the Guinea pig
higher, Doug.
496
00:21:16,337 --> 00:21:17,803
Ok.
497
00:21:17,871 --> 00:21:20,140
It's October 3, 1978,
498
00:21:20,207 --> 00:21:23,843
and we're presenting Doug
and his sidekick, mork.
499
00:21:23,911 --> 00:21:26,746
I love you, mork, I love you.
500
00:21:30,251 --> 00:21:34,054
♪ Eat a pellet, make a pellet,
eat a pellet, make a pellet ♪
501
00:21:34,121 --> 00:21:37,623
♪ eat a pellet, make a pellet
eat a pellet, make a pellet ♪
502
00:21:37,691 --> 00:21:38,791
(Joe)
Doug, ok, Dougie.
503
00:21:38,859 --> 00:21:40,093
♪ Eat a pellet,
make a pellet ♪
504
00:21:40,161 --> 00:21:41,194
(Joe)
Calm down, Dougie!
505
00:21:41,262 --> 00:21:43,129
♪ Eat a pellet,
make a pellet ♪
506
00:21:43,197 --> 00:21:44,197
(Joe)
Dougie!
507
00:21:44,265 --> 00:21:45,165
♪ Eat a pellet, make--
37286
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