Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,506 --> 00:00:09,474
All right, Friday it is.
2
00:00:09,541 --> 00:00:11,775
I'll see you then.
Bye-bye now.
3
00:00:11,843 --> 00:00:13,378
[Beeps]
4
00:00:13,445 --> 00:00:15,446
Ah, this sticks on ice.
5
00:00:15,514 --> 00:00:17,081
What's goin' on?
6
00:00:17,149 --> 00:00:20,184
Remember that Mrs. buxraum
character over
at the senior center?
7
00:00:20,252 --> 00:00:22,420
Oh, yeah.
8
00:00:22,488 --> 00:00:26,024
She's the one
who gives me tootsie rolls
and calls me Evelyn.
9
00:00:26,091 --> 00:00:27,392
How's she doin'?
10
00:00:27,459 --> 00:00:29,527
Dead.
11
00:00:29,594 --> 00:00:31,496
So I'm guessin'
that wasn't her.
12
00:00:31,563 --> 00:00:33,998
No, it was
her stupid cousin Judy.
13
00:00:34,066 --> 00:00:36,234
She must've heard
through the grapevine
I was single
14
00:00:36,301 --> 00:00:40,104
'cause she was rubbin' up
against me
all during the funeral.
15
00:00:40,172 --> 00:00:42,373
You like rubbing.
What's the problem?
16
00:00:42,441 --> 00:00:44,509
She's not my type.
17
00:00:44,576 --> 00:00:47,845
I'm small and pushy.
I like 'em big and scared
of their own shadows.
18
00:00:49,648 --> 00:00:51,516
So why're you
goin' out with her?
19
00:00:51,583 --> 00:00:53,084
Wanna get her off my back.
20
00:00:53,152 --> 00:00:55,819
But I'm not spendin' a dime
on her, I'll tell you that.
21
00:00:55,887 --> 00:00:58,389
I invited her here
where we can eat for free.
22
00:00:59,525 --> 00:01:02,093
Dad, the food here
ain't free.
23
00:01:02,161 --> 00:01:04,162
It is for me.
24
00:01:04,229 --> 00:01:06,264
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
What?
25
00:01:06,331 --> 00:01:08,332
A roach, a roach.
It was near the refrigerator.
26
00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:09,833
Oh, my God.
It just went under it.
27
00:01:09,901 --> 00:01:12,236
That's not a roach.
That's a baby frog.
28
00:01:12,304 --> 00:01:15,139
Dad, I think I know
what a roach looks like. Doug!
29
00:01:15,207 --> 00:01:18,609
That was a baby frog.
I used to race 'em
down in cajun country.
30
00:01:18,677 --> 00:01:20,144
Would you stop it? Doug!
31
00:01:20,212 --> 00:01:21,245
What?
32
00:01:21,313 --> 00:01:23,013
There's a baby frog
in the house.
33
00:01:23,082 --> 00:01:24,348
It's a roach.
34
00:01:24,416 --> 00:01:26,884
Ah, you don't know your ass
from your elbow.
35
00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:29,187
Well, where is it?
36
00:01:29,254 --> 00:01:30,521
He was near
the refrigerator.
37
00:01:30,589 --> 00:01:32,223
Oh, there he is!
Kill him. Kill him.
38
00:01:32,291 --> 00:01:33,291
Just get some raid.
39
00:01:33,358 --> 00:01:34,292
Ok, ok.
40
00:01:34,359 --> 00:01:35,293
Hurry up.
41
00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:36,561
I'm looking.
42
00:01:36,628 --> 00:01:37,995
Come on,
I got him cornered here.
43
00:01:38,063 --> 00:01:38,996
Here, here.
44
00:01:39,064 --> 00:01:40,698
Ok, this is oven cleaner.
45
00:01:40,765 --> 00:01:43,468
We don't have raid.
Just--just spray him.
46
00:01:43,535 --> 00:01:44,535
[Spraying]
47
00:01:44,603 --> 00:01:45,936
Ew. Is he dead?
48
00:01:46,004 --> 00:01:48,672
I can't tell, but he's blind
and he's sizzling.
49
00:01:50,275 --> 00:01:51,542
Just pick him up.
Pick him up.
50
00:01:51,610 --> 00:01:52,876
All right. Ok.
51
00:01:52,944 --> 00:01:54,945
All right, I got him.
Oh, my God, he's big.
52
00:01:56,047 --> 00:01:58,316
Don't. Stop it. Stop!
53
00:01:58,383 --> 00:02:00,451
There's probably
a whole village of 'em
under there,
54
00:02:00,519 --> 00:02:01,852
and it's all your fault.
What?
55
00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:04,122
Yeah, when you broke
the snapple bottle,
56
00:02:04,189 --> 00:02:06,857
I told you, you have to pull
the refrigerator out
and clean underneath it.
57
00:02:06,925 --> 00:02:08,959
Ok, you know what?
I broke that bottle
a year ago.
58
00:02:09,027 --> 00:02:11,996
For the love of God, move on.
59
00:02:12,063 --> 00:02:14,898
It's not funny.
We're probably infested.
60
00:02:14,966 --> 00:02:16,200
I'll do it tomorrow.
61
00:02:16,268 --> 00:02:18,702
No, I'm gonna find them
in my bed tonight.
Do it now.
62
00:02:18,770 --> 00:02:21,139
[Shushing]
You're trembling.
63
00:02:21,206 --> 00:02:22,873
Cut it out. Stop it.
64
00:02:25,177 --> 00:02:26,844
What are you doing?
65
00:02:26,911 --> 00:02:27,978
What am I doing?
66
00:02:28,046 --> 00:02:31,249
I'm calming you
with my manly caresses.
67
00:02:31,316 --> 00:02:33,851
Doug, if you think
sex is gonna get you
out of this,
68
00:02:33,918 --> 00:02:36,220
you are very,
very wrong.
69
00:02:36,288 --> 00:02:39,657
And yet I'm gonna go
for it anyway.
70
00:02:39,724 --> 00:02:41,526
I'm very annoyed at you,
you know.
71
00:02:41,593 --> 00:02:43,528
Hmm, and that only arouses me.
72
00:02:43,595 --> 00:02:45,530
And you know what else?
73
00:02:45,597 --> 00:02:47,532
I left a wet towel
on the bathroom floor.
74
00:02:47,599 --> 00:02:49,534
That's pretty annoying, huh?
75
00:02:49,601 --> 00:02:51,402
Actually, that really is.
76
00:02:54,540 --> 00:02:57,575
Come on, carry me upstairs
and have your way with me.
77
00:02:59,044 --> 00:03:00,911
Just lift with your legs.
78
00:03:04,749 --> 00:03:06,250
(Spence)
Deac?
79
00:03:06,318 --> 00:03:07,318
Yeah.
80
00:03:09,288 --> 00:03:11,389
Hey, can I whip you up
a breakfast burrito?
81
00:03:12,757 --> 00:03:13,924
No, thanks.
82
00:03:13,992 --> 00:03:14,992
Denver omelet?
83
00:03:15,060 --> 00:03:16,727
Nope. Uh, I'm good.
84
00:03:20,632 --> 00:03:21,666
Blintzes?
85
00:03:21,733 --> 00:03:23,167
Still no.
86
00:03:23,235 --> 00:03:25,369
[Doorbell rings]
87
00:03:25,437 --> 00:03:27,905
Hey, how'd that massage pillow
work out for you last night?
88
00:03:27,972 --> 00:03:29,574
Uh, great. Um, thanks.
89
00:03:29,641 --> 00:03:31,709
Hey, gettin' tossed out
by your wife is tough enough,
90
00:03:31,776 --> 00:03:34,978
I mean, you don't want
to replace one pain in
the neck with the other one.
91
00:03:35,046 --> 00:03:37,147
Am I right, huh?
Who's with me?
92
00:03:39,518 --> 00:03:40,784
Answer the door.
93
00:03:44,155 --> 00:03:45,356
Hey, man.
Hey.
94
00:03:45,424 --> 00:03:46,957
Hey, you got time
for some breakfast?
95
00:03:47,025 --> 00:03:48,926
Uh, no. Uh, we--we gotta
get to work
96
00:03:48,993 --> 00:03:51,028
or all--all the good trucks
are gonna be taken.
97
00:03:51,096 --> 00:03:52,330
Oh, got you.
98
00:03:52,397 --> 00:03:54,064
Oh, hey, any idea
when you'll be back?
99
00:03:54,132 --> 00:03:57,034
'Cause, uh, I was gonna rent
blues brothers 2000.
100
00:03:59,638 --> 00:04:01,205
(Spence)
Director's cut!
101
00:04:02,807 --> 00:04:05,008
Man, it's brutal in there.
102
00:04:05,076 --> 00:04:06,544
Ah, come on.
He means well.
103
00:04:06,612 --> 00:04:09,213
He's smothering me.
You know what he did
last night?
104
00:04:09,281 --> 00:04:10,881
He drew me a bath.
105
00:04:13,118 --> 00:04:15,152
Drew me a bath.
106
00:04:17,989 --> 00:04:19,624
I had sex last night.
107
00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:23,461
Unscheduled.
108
00:04:30,702 --> 00:04:31,835
[Sighs]
109
00:04:31,903 --> 00:04:33,003
Idiot.
110
00:04:36,275 --> 00:04:37,341
Ow!
111
00:04:45,016 --> 00:04:46,717
[Car revving powerfully]
112
00:04:50,855 --> 00:04:52,823
(Doug)
Hey, how was work?
113
00:04:52,891 --> 00:04:53,991
[Tires screeching]
114
00:04:54,058 --> 00:04:55,459
[Car crashes]
115
00:04:57,929 --> 00:04:59,730
That was very reckless.
116
00:04:59,798 --> 00:05:02,300
You leave the refrigerator
in the middle of the kitchen.
117
00:05:02,367 --> 00:05:04,769
Excuse me, I was just doin'
what you asked me to do.
118
00:05:04,836 --> 00:05:06,837
Then the phone rang,
I got distracted.
119
00:05:06,905 --> 00:05:09,006
You got distracted
by the phone?
120
00:05:09,073 --> 00:05:11,208
Yes, I'm easily distracted.
121
00:05:11,276 --> 00:05:12,876
What happens
when the doorbell rings?
122
00:05:12,944 --> 00:05:14,745
You wet yourself?
123
00:05:14,813 --> 00:05:16,447
Oh, that's very clever,
Carrie,
124
00:05:16,515 --> 00:05:18,482
'cause nervous disorders
are funny.
125
00:05:18,550 --> 00:05:20,284
All right, now I know.
126
00:05:20,352 --> 00:05:23,487
And apparently,
putting the milk away
was too much for you,
127
00:05:23,555 --> 00:05:27,391
even though the fridge is now
one inch from the table.
128
00:05:27,459 --> 00:05:30,861
The phone rang!
129
00:05:30,929 --> 00:05:33,897
You know, I broke a nail
putting it back.
130
00:05:33,965 --> 00:05:36,534
So, buy another one.
131
00:05:36,601 --> 00:05:38,969
You know what, Doug?
You always give me
this excuse crap,
132
00:05:39,037 --> 00:05:41,171
and it drives me insane.
133
00:05:41,239 --> 00:05:43,307
"I had to go to work,
the game was on,
134
00:05:43,375 --> 00:05:46,143
I smelled cheese."
135
00:05:46,211 --> 00:05:48,011
I mean,
are you incredibly lazy,
136
00:05:48,079 --> 00:05:50,147
or do you--
do you just hate me?
137
00:05:50,215 --> 00:05:51,315
60-40.
138
00:05:52,951 --> 00:05:54,385
Ha, ha. Jerk.
139
00:05:54,453 --> 00:05:56,253
Ah, come on.
140
00:05:56,321 --> 00:05:58,956
Would you just go down there
and finish?
141
00:05:59,023 --> 00:06:02,560
God. I'm exhausted. I'm just--
I'm gonna go to bed.
142
00:06:04,896 --> 00:06:07,732
Come--come on, car,
I'm sorry, ok?
143
00:06:07,799 --> 00:06:09,233
I'm a bad boy.
144
00:06:10,902 --> 00:06:12,169
Punish me.
145
00:06:13,104 --> 00:06:14,204
Leave me alone.
146
00:06:14,272 --> 00:06:17,174
Come on, let's do stuff.
147
00:06:17,242 --> 00:06:20,478
Made you feel better
last night, right? Mmm.
148
00:06:20,545 --> 00:06:23,748
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
149
00:06:23,815 --> 00:06:27,117
I just read an article
about exactly
what we're doing.
150
00:06:27,185 --> 00:06:29,286
Really?
Were there pictures?
151
00:06:30,389 --> 00:06:32,556
No. It was about couples
152
00:06:32,624 --> 00:06:35,659
who--who substitute sex
for communication.
153
00:06:35,727 --> 00:06:36,761
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
154
00:06:36,828 --> 00:06:38,128
That's what we do.
155
00:06:38,196 --> 00:06:40,197
Right, right.
156
00:06:40,265 --> 00:06:41,532
Take your pants off.
157
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,734
Doug, think about it.
158
00:06:43,802 --> 00:06:46,203
Last night,
I was upset with you
about the fridge,
159
00:06:46,271 --> 00:06:48,472
and how'd it end up?
With sex.
160
00:06:48,540 --> 00:06:50,908
And then we were
just about to do
the same thing tonight.
161
00:06:50,975 --> 00:06:52,943
Well, it's better
than fighting, isn't it?
162
00:06:53,011 --> 00:06:55,479
Doug, it's not just
when we're fighting.
163
00:06:55,547 --> 00:06:57,281
We fall back on sex
all the time.
164
00:06:57,348 --> 00:06:59,316
When we're mad,
when we're happy.
165
00:06:59,384 --> 00:07:00,918
When there's nothing good
on t.V.
166
00:07:00,985 --> 00:07:01,919
So?
167
00:07:01,986 --> 00:07:03,754
So, the article said
168
00:07:03,822 --> 00:07:06,524
if couples do not explore
other aspects
of their relationship,
169
00:07:06,591 --> 00:07:08,325
it could hurt their marriage,
170
00:07:08,393 --> 00:07:09,727
you know, down the line.
171
00:07:09,795 --> 00:07:11,295
Carrie, believe me.
172
00:07:11,362 --> 00:07:15,699
I would never do anything
to hurt what we have, ever.
173
00:07:15,767 --> 00:07:17,902
Now offee with the pants.
174
00:07:17,969 --> 00:07:19,036
What are you,
175
00:07:19,103 --> 00:07:21,171
Benny hill over here?
176
00:07:21,239 --> 00:07:24,508
Can we have a conversation
about this, please?
177
00:07:24,576 --> 00:07:26,710
Fine. So we fall back on sex
once in a while.
178
00:07:26,778 --> 00:07:28,178
What the hell
can we do about it?
179
00:07:28,246 --> 00:07:30,614
Well, it's funny
that you should ask.
180
00:07:30,682 --> 00:07:32,215
The author of this article,
181
00:07:32,283 --> 00:07:34,985
who is a psychologist
by the way,
182
00:07:35,053 --> 00:07:37,822
suggests that couples
take a respite.
183
00:07:37,889 --> 00:07:39,924
Which means rest,
184
00:07:39,991 --> 00:07:44,628
from sex, while they explore
other areas
of their relationship.
185
00:07:44,696 --> 00:07:46,430
Ok, fair enough. Fair enough.
186
00:07:46,498 --> 00:07:49,867
Now, I just read an article
in penthouse
187
00:07:51,302 --> 00:07:52,870
by a sexologist--
188
00:07:52,938 --> 00:07:56,406
Doug, could you
take this seriously, please?
189
00:07:56,475 --> 00:07:58,141
I'm sorry.
But this is crazy, Carrie.
190
00:07:58,209 --> 00:07:59,844
I mean, yesterday
everything was fine,
191
00:07:59,911 --> 00:08:01,946
and today you're telling me
we have too much sex.
192
00:08:02,013 --> 00:08:04,047
I mean, most people would die
for that problem.
193
00:08:04,115 --> 00:08:06,984
Oh, really? Really?
Deacon and Kelly had sex
all the time.
194
00:08:07,051 --> 00:08:08,452
And now their marriage
is a mess.
195
00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:10,488
Ok, you don't know
that too much sex
was the reason.
196
00:08:10,555 --> 00:08:13,524
No, but I know that something
was obviously missing there.
197
00:08:13,592 --> 00:08:15,926
And now it might be
too late to fix it.
198
00:08:15,994 --> 00:08:18,462
Do you want that
to happen to us?
199
00:08:18,530 --> 00:08:20,764
Of course not. Honey...
200
00:08:21,733 --> 00:08:23,667
All right, so,
201
00:08:23,735 --> 00:08:27,437
so how long will this
no-sex thing be for?
202
00:08:27,506 --> 00:08:28,606
2 weeks.
203
00:08:28,673 --> 00:08:29,607
2 weeks!
204
00:08:29,674 --> 00:08:31,509
That's what the article said.
205
00:08:31,576 --> 00:08:33,811
Well, why'd you have to go
and read in the first place?
206
00:08:33,879 --> 00:08:35,379
Show-off.
207
00:08:35,446 --> 00:08:39,149
Doug, come on.
It's not that bad.
We've gone 2 weeks before.
208
00:08:39,217 --> 00:08:41,218
Maybe you have.
209
00:08:41,285 --> 00:08:42,686
Come on, it's not that long.
210
00:08:42,754 --> 00:08:45,222
And--and, look, we'll channel
all that extra energy
211
00:08:45,289 --> 00:08:47,525
into making the rest
of our relationship better.
212
00:08:47,592 --> 00:08:50,060
And at the end of the 2 weeks,
the forbidden fruit
213
00:08:50,128 --> 00:08:53,063
will taste that much sweeter,
don't you think?
214
00:08:54,833 --> 00:08:56,266
[Sighs deeply]
215
00:08:57,769 --> 00:08:59,369
Ok, I'm on board.
216
00:08:59,437 --> 00:09:02,305
Thank you. I love you.
217
00:09:02,373 --> 00:09:04,808
I'll tell you, I just wish
I would have known
about this ban
218
00:09:04,876 --> 00:09:06,844
before last night's sex.
219
00:09:06,912 --> 00:09:09,346
I probably
would've concentrated more.
220
00:09:13,852 --> 00:09:15,352
Doug?
Yeah.
221
00:09:15,420 --> 00:09:16,987
Get out of there.
222
00:09:30,667 --> 00:09:32,268
You have
a lovely home, Artie.
223
00:09:32,336 --> 00:09:33,635
I really like it.
224
00:09:33,703 --> 00:09:34,803
[Coughing]
225
00:09:37,007 --> 00:09:38,274
Thank you.
226
00:09:41,678 --> 00:09:42,711
H--
227
00:09:42,779 --> 00:09:43,712
[coughing]
228
00:09:45,949 --> 00:09:47,549
That's nice.
229
00:09:47,617 --> 00:09:50,453
Tell me, have you had
tuberculosis long?
230
00:09:52,289 --> 00:09:54,390
Oh, Artie,
you're a caution.
231
00:09:59,129 --> 00:10:00,896
Oh, my children are home.
Excuse me.
232
00:10:00,964 --> 00:10:02,698
Hey kids, this is Judy.
233
00:10:03,467 --> 00:10:04,400
Hi, there.
234
00:10:04,468 --> 00:10:05,767
Hello.
Nice to meet you.
235
00:10:06,903 --> 00:10:08,104
[Sighs]
236
00:10:08,171 --> 00:10:09,738
Douglas, very discreetly,
237
00:10:09,806 --> 00:10:12,074
I need you to set
the drapes on fire.
238
00:10:15,812 --> 00:10:17,513
Oh, things aren't going
so well, huh?
239
00:10:17,580 --> 00:10:21,117
It's torture. She's diseased
and incredibly boring.
240
00:10:21,184 --> 00:10:22,418
Be right with you, dear.
241
00:10:22,486 --> 00:10:24,053
Can you help me out, huh?
242
00:10:24,121 --> 00:10:26,355
Sorry. I've got
my own problems, guy.
243
00:10:30,460 --> 00:10:32,628
Wow, you're dad's really
in agony down there, huh?
244
00:10:32,695 --> 00:10:35,664
Yeah, that Judy
is a rough stretch
of highway, huh?
245
00:10:37,634 --> 00:10:41,237
Actually, if she wasn't
his date, I'd be jumping her
as we speak.
246
00:10:41,304 --> 00:10:43,805
Come on, we're doing great
without sex.
247
00:10:43,873 --> 00:10:45,908
We had a nice dinner,
we saw a good movie.
248
00:10:45,975 --> 00:10:47,410
It was a good movie.
249
00:10:49,079 --> 00:10:50,546
So now we're home.
250
00:10:50,613 --> 00:10:52,381
Now we're home.
251
00:10:52,449 --> 00:10:54,883
What to do?
What to do?
252
00:10:56,553 --> 00:10:58,387
Hey, why don't we
just talk?
253
00:10:58,455 --> 00:10:59,488
Talk?
254
00:10:59,556 --> 00:11:00,889
Yeah, why not?
255
00:11:00,957 --> 00:11:02,658
All right,
let's talk our brains out.
256
00:11:02,725 --> 00:11:03,926
All right.
257
00:11:07,630 --> 00:11:08,897
Here we go.
258
00:11:09,632 --> 00:11:10,732
Let's talk.
259
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:12,334
Gonna do some talkin'.
260
00:11:13,503 --> 00:11:15,271
[Drawling]
Conversation.
261
00:11:27,817 --> 00:11:30,686
You know,
the faster you eat it,
the better it tastes.
262
00:11:30,753 --> 00:11:32,321
That's their slogan actually.
263
00:11:32,389 --> 00:11:34,022
Oh. What brand is it?
264
00:11:34,857 --> 00:11:35,824
Uh, fast cake.
265
00:11:36,526 --> 00:11:37,460
Oh.
266
00:11:38,061 --> 00:11:38,994
[Coughs]
267
00:11:39,762 --> 00:11:40,896
[Yawns]
268
00:11:42,432 --> 00:11:44,032
I beg your pardon.
269
00:11:45,268 --> 00:11:46,902
Oh, it's 9:30,
270
00:11:47,604 --> 00:11:49,472
the witching hour.
271
00:11:49,539 --> 00:11:50,772
Well, maybe for you.
272
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:52,441
Me, I can stay up all night.
273
00:11:52,509 --> 00:11:55,043
I'm used to serving drinks
until 5:00 in the morning.
274
00:11:55,112 --> 00:11:56,512
Really? How fascinating.
275
00:11:56,580 --> 00:11:58,447
I'll get your coat.
276
00:11:58,515 --> 00:12:00,949
Yep. You had to be
on your toes
277
00:12:01,017 --> 00:12:02,318
when you served
the big boys.
278
00:12:02,385 --> 00:12:03,419
Sure.
279
00:12:03,487 --> 00:12:05,521
Like take Sinatra,
for example.
280
00:12:05,589 --> 00:12:07,689
You got the drink order
wrong for him,
281
00:12:07,757 --> 00:12:11,260
next thing you knew,
you were wearing it.
282
00:12:11,328 --> 00:12:15,397
You, uh, you served drinks
to Frank Sinatra?
283
00:12:15,465 --> 00:12:17,833
Oh, I served him
a lot more than drinks.
284
00:12:19,569 --> 00:12:23,071
Well, good night, Artie.
Thanks for the laughs.
285
00:12:23,140 --> 00:12:25,641
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.
286
00:12:25,708 --> 00:12:28,777
We're talkin'
about Frank Sinatra sr.
Here, right?
287
00:12:29,779 --> 00:12:31,547
Old blue eyes himself.
288
00:12:33,082 --> 00:12:35,684
Well, then where the hell
are you going, baby?
289
00:12:51,234 --> 00:12:52,934
What about politics?
290
00:12:54,337 --> 00:12:56,205
We never talk
about politics.
291
00:12:56,273 --> 00:12:57,640
Ok.
292
00:12:57,707 --> 00:13:00,176
Ok, politics.
293
00:13:00,243 --> 00:13:02,811
I'll take politics
for 200, Alex.
294
00:13:02,879 --> 00:13:03,945
[Laughs]
295
00:13:09,018 --> 00:13:11,220
All right, I'll get the party
started here.
296
00:13:11,288 --> 00:13:13,455
Uh, in the last election,
297
00:13:13,523 --> 00:13:16,225
how did you vote
on prop 17?
298
00:13:16,826 --> 00:13:18,160
Uh, I voted no.
299
00:13:18,228 --> 00:13:20,396
Really. Why?
300
00:13:20,463 --> 00:13:23,432
Well, I--I vote with a system.
301
00:13:23,500 --> 00:13:25,867
No, yes, no, yes,
no, yes, no, yes.
302
00:13:29,138 --> 00:13:31,106
So you just alternate?
303
00:13:32,309 --> 00:13:34,109
Yes, that's my system.
304
00:13:35,011 --> 00:13:36,445
Right, right.
305
00:13:37,681 --> 00:13:38,814
[Sighs]
306
00:13:41,951 --> 00:13:43,018
Uh, how about you?
307
00:13:43,086 --> 00:13:45,621
I voted yes. I voted yes.
308
00:13:45,689 --> 00:13:46,888
Hmm.
Yeah.
309
00:13:47,990 --> 00:13:49,291
At least I think I did,
310
00:13:49,359 --> 00:13:51,493
unless I left
a hanging Chad.
311
00:13:54,130 --> 00:13:56,565
Oh, right. 'Cause of the,
uh, thing.
Right.
312
00:14:07,309 --> 00:14:08,709
[Doorbell rings]
313
00:14:08,776 --> 00:14:10,110
(Deacon)
It's open.
314
00:14:11,279 --> 00:14:12,346
Hey, man.
315
00:14:12,413 --> 00:14:13,680
Hey, man.
316
00:14:13,748 --> 00:14:15,149
Hey, Spence. It's Doug.
317
00:14:15,217 --> 00:14:16,783
(Spence)
Hi, Doug!
318
00:14:16,852 --> 00:14:18,986
Hey, I'm making Deacon
a grilled-cheese sandwich.
You want one?
319
00:14:19,054 --> 00:14:20,721
No, I'm--I'm good.
320
00:14:20,788 --> 00:14:22,823
Bring him one of those
international beers.
321
00:14:22,891 --> 00:14:23,924
And one for me, too.
322
00:14:23,992 --> 00:14:24,992
You got it, bro.
323
00:14:25,060 --> 00:14:25,993
You the man.
324
00:14:26,061 --> 00:14:27,561
No, you're the man.
325
00:14:29,231 --> 00:14:31,232
What the hell's going on here?
326
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:34,201
Why's he "the man" now?
327
00:14:34,269 --> 00:14:37,404
I don't know, man.
At a certain point
I just said why fight it?
328
00:14:37,472 --> 00:14:38,839
You know what?
It's fantastic.
329
00:14:38,907 --> 00:14:42,476
He cooks for me.
He cleans up after me.
330
00:14:42,543 --> 00:14:44,678
He's like
my own little gilligan.
331
00:14:46,281 --> 00:14:50,117
Great. Glad one of
our relationships is clickin'.
332
00:14:50,185 --> 00:14:53,320
Hey, Doug. What's up, man?
All right.
333
00:14:53,388 --> 00:14:57,157
Here is your bottle
of laymenbourd.
334
00:14:57,225 --> 00:14:58,325
Thank you.
335
00:14:58,393 --> 00:15:01,362
And Doug,
I brought you a tika.
336
00:15:01,429 --> 00:15:04,231
That is a pale ale
from French Guyana.
337
00:15:07,702 --> 00:15:10,437
Try it. It's smooth.
338
00:15:10,505 --> 00:15:13,908
What's goin' on, man?
Uh, you and-- you and Carrie
having some problems?
339
00:15:13,975 --> 00:15:15,709
Aw, what's the matter?
340
00:15:15,777 --> 00:15:17,744
Oh, man, it's brutal. She--
341
00:15:17,812 --> 00:15:20,480
she decided she wanted
to ban sex for 2 weeks.
342
00:15:20,548 --> 00:15:23,117
With you or with anybody?
343
00:15:23,184 --> 00:15:25,252
Oh, no, you didn't.
344
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:27,988
[Both guffawing]
345
00:15:28,056 --> 00:15:31,691
All right,
would you idiots shut up!
I got a real problem here.
346
00:15:32,994 --> 00:15:34,995
Oh, I'm--I'm sorry, man.
347
00:15:35,897 --> 00:15:37,697
So, um, she banned sex?
348
00:15:37,765 --> 00:15:41,335
A week ago. You know,
she said it keeps us
from "communicating."
349
00:15:41,403 --> 00:15:43,770
So we--we tried
to communicate,
and, guess what?
350
00:15:43,838 --> 00:15:46,006
We got nothin'. Zippo.
351
00:15:46,074 --> 00:15:48,142
What?
352
00:15:48,209 --> 00:15:51,778
It's true. I mean,
without sex, my marriage
is like a bad first date.
353
00:15:51,846 --> 00:15:56,683
Except this one
I can't just ditch
at the diner.
354
00:15:56,751 --> 00:15:59,820
Well, don't--don't worry
about it, man. I mean,
you gotta work at it.
355
00:15:59,887 --> 00:16:03,390
Hey, deac and I,
this didn't come together
over night.
356
00:16:03,458 --> 00:16:05,659
Hey, good cookin' don't hurt.
357
00:16:05,726 --> 00:16:06,961
Stop it.
358
00:16:07,028 --> 00:16:10,497
You can't stop the truth.
You punish that kitchen.
359
00:16:10,565 --> 00:16:12,566
A little encouragement
doesn't hurt.
360
00:16:12,633 --> 00:16:14,768
This guy, what're you going
to do with him?
361
00:16:14,836 --> 00:16:16,236
No, you--
no, you.
362
00:16:20,775 --> 00:16:21,875
Goodbye.
363
00:16:31,752 --> 00:16:34,221
Oh, crap, there's another one.
364
00:16:34,289 --> 00:16:37,992
How'd you like me
to come under the fridge
and ruin your sex life?
365
00:16:41,396 --> 00:16:45,099
Douglas, I hate to interrupt
what appears to be some
kind of herky-jerky dance,
366
00:16:45,166 --> 00:16:49,069
but I was wondering
if you happen to have
any oysters on the half shell?
367
00:16:50,005 --> 00:16:52,072
Not on me, no.
What's going on?
368
00:16:52,140 --> 00:16:53,907
[Sighs]
369
00:16:53,975 --> 00:16:57,411
I've got my lady friend
downstairs, and I'm this close
to closing the deal.
370
00:16:57,479 --> 00:16:59,413
And when I do, Douglas,
371
00:16:59,481 --> 00:17:02,049
I'm goin' to do her my way.
372
00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:09,456
Ok, let me be the first
to say "brosh."
373
00:17:09,524 --> 00:17:12,359
And 2nd of all, what are you
talking about? I thought
you hated her.
374
00:17:12,427 --> 00:17:16,030
That was before I found out
she's been intimate
with Mr. Frank Sinatra.
375
00:17:16,097 --> 00:17:17,531
So?
So, don't you get it?
376
00:17:17,598 --> 00:17:20,834
If I get in there, it's like
I've been with Sinatra.
377
00:17:25,106 --> 00:17:27,574
You do realize
he's a man?
378
00:17:27,642 --> 00:17:28,675
(Judy)
Lover!
379
00:17:28,743 --> 00:17:30,577
On my way, you cuckoo broad.
380
00:17:34,949 --> 00:17:36,183
Hey!
Hey.
381
00:17:36,251 --> 00:17:39,420
Honey, this is the answer
to our problem.
382
00:17:41,489 --> 00:17:44,358
"101 ways to make lovewithout doing it."
383
00:17:45,660 --> 00:17:47,661
I got that on campus today.
384
00:17:47,728 --> 00:17:48,828
Yeah!
385
00:17:48,896 --> 00:17:50,697
Ok. Here we go.
You ready?
386
00:17:51,666 --> 00:17:52,799
All right.
387
00:17:52,867 --> 00:17:54,101
Number 1.
388
00:17:54,169 --> 00:17:56,803
"Tell the other person
you love them."
389
00:17:58,540 --> 00:18:01,141
Doug, I love you.
390
00:18:01,209 --> 00:18:02,842
I love you, too, Carrie.
391
00:18:04,179 --> 00:18:06,480
That was great.
I need a cigarette.
392
00:18:11,086 --> 00:18:13,353
Ok, movin' on. Number 2.
393
00:18:13,421 --> 00:18:15,655
"Give or get a hug."
394
00:18:21,563 --> 00:18:22,862
All righty.
395
00:18:23,831 --> 00:18:25,432
"Start a scrapbook."
396
00:18:30,405 --> 00:18:32,672
Ok. "Give each other
pet names.
397
00:18:32,740 --> 00:18:35,642
Play footsie."
Oh, that might be fun.
398
00:18:35,710 --> 00:18:36,910
Let's play footsie.
399
00:18:36,978 --> 00:18:38,678
All right.
All right. Here we go.
Up here.
400
00:18:38,746 --> 00:18:39,746
Ok.
401
00:18:47,555 --> 00:18:51,458
Ok. I guess, uh, footsie
pretty much has to be
a spontaneous thing.
402
00:18:52,793 --> 00:18:54,761
Yeah, and even then, hmm.
403
00:18:55,930 --> 00:18:59,899
Ok. Number 8. "Kiss."
404
00:18:59,967 --> 00:19:01,535
Kiss? That's a good one.
Let's kiss.
405
00:19:01,603 --> 00:19:03,470
Ok. Yeah. It's like
we're teenagers again.
406
00:19:03,538 --> 00:19:04,871
Yeah.
Ok. All right.
407
00:19:04,939 --> 00:19:06,673
Shall I keep my eyes open
or closed?
408
00:19:06,741 --> 00:19:07,841
Couldn't care less.
409
00:19:07,908 --> 00:19:08,842
Ok.
410
00:19:14,449 --> 00:19:17,083
No. Doug, come on.
411
00:19:17,718 --> 00:19:19,019
Come on!
412
00:19:19,086 --> 00:19:20,920
Are you on board
with this or not?
413
00:19:20,988 --> 00:19:22,623
Yes. That's how I kiss.
414
00:19:24,025 --> 00:19:26,026
Fine, you know what? I'm...
415
00:19:26,093 --> 00:19:28,228
I'm not on board with this,
all right?
416
00:19:28,296 --> 00:19:30,330
I mean, I finally figured out
what our problem is.
417
00:19:30,398 --> 00:19:31,565
What?
418
00:19:31,633 --> 00:19:33,800
We had no problem.
That's the problem.
419
00:19:33,868 --> 00:19:36,303
Our relationship was great
until you banned sex.
420
00:19:36,371 --> 00:19:39,273
No, Doug, we were
avoiding communication.
421
00:19:39,340 --> 00:19:41,741
No, we weren't. We were...
422
00:19:41,809 --> 00:19:44,077
Carrie, can I tell you
a little story?
423
00:19:44,145 --> 00:19:45,245
Sure.
424
00:19:45,313 --> 00:19:48,148
It's about a tasty beverage
called Coca-Cola,
425
00:19:48,216 --> 00:19:51,785
invented some time
in the 1600s.
426
00:19:51,852 --> 00:19:54,555
Anyway, it was sweet.
It was refreshing.
427
00:19:54,622 --> 00:19:56,390
Stores couldn't keep it
in stock.
428
00:19:56,457 --> 00:19:59,593
Kids wanted it
like wonka bars,
and times were good.
429
00:19:59,661 --> 00:20:01,995
Is this your way of tellin' me
we're running out of coke?
430
00:20:02,063 --> 00:20:04,097
No, it's not!
Although we are
running low,
431
00:20:04,165 --> 00:20:05,799
so you might want
to get on that.
432
00:20:05,866 --> 00:20:07,568
Anyway, can I
finish my story, please?
433
00:20:07,635 --> 00:20:10,237
So one day, one--
and baloney, get baloney.
434
00:20:12,507 --> 00:20:16,243
One day, one of the geniuses
435
00:20:16,311 --> 00:20:18,044
working at the coke factory,
436
00:20:18,112 --> 00:20:20,547
probably after reading
an article,
437
00:20:20,615 --> 00:20:23,116
said to himself,
"you know what, I want
to make coke better."
438
00:20:23,184 --> 00:20:24,918
And you know what
they came out with?
439
00:20:24,985 --> 00:20:26,720
New coke.
440
00:20:26,787 --> 00:20:29,523
Or as I like to call it,
syrupy piss water.
441
00:20:31,659 --> 00:20:34,628
You finished
a pound of baloney?
I just bought that.
442
00:20:34,696 --> 00:20:36,463
Ok. You're not listening
to me here, ok?
443
00:20:36,531 --> 00:20:39,266
The point is--
it was sliced very thin.
444
00:20:39,334 --> 00:20:40,667
But it's still a pound.
445
00:20:40,735 --> 00:20:42,269
Can I bring
my point home?
446
00:20:42,337 --> 00:20:45,138
Yes.
447
00:20:45,206 --> 00:20:47,974
The point is,
that's what you're doing
with our relationship.
448
00:20:48,042 --> 00:20:51,077
You're screwing around
with the formula.
449
00:20:51,145 --> 00:20:53,079
And you--
you don't have to.
450
00:20:53,147 --> 00:20:55,215
It's--it's great
what we have.
451
00:20:56,751 --> 00:20:58,218
I don't-- I just--
452
00:20:58,286 --> 00:21:00,053
I just felt like
we needed to talk more.
453
00:21:00,121 --> 00:21:02,356
We talk all the time.
We just--
454
00:21:02,423 --> 00:21:04,924
we don't talk
about library propositions.
455
00:21:04,992 --> 00:21:06,826
We talk about food,
what's on t.V.
456
00:21:06,894 --> 00:21:09,630
We make fun of strangers,
and damn it, it works!
457
00:21:11,332 --> 00:21:12,999
She works.
458
00:21:13,067 --> 00:21:15,802
You know what? That's it.
I'm not reading anymore.
459
00:21:16,671 --> 00:21:18,805
There you go.
460
00:21:18,873 --> 00:21:21,341
Ok, so is this--
is this over?
461
00:21:22,243 --> 00:21:23,176
It's over.
462
00:21:23,244 --> 00:21:25,078
[Sighs]
Thank God.
463
00:21:25,146 --> 00:21:27,947
Now we can get back
to talking
like normal people again.
464
00:21:29,116 --> 00:21:30,384
[Groaning]
465
00:21:31,118 --> 00:21:32,286
Welcome back,
466
00:21:32,353 --> 00:21:33,853
[drawling]
Fornication.
467
00:21:42,730 --> 00:21:43,764
Hey, man.
468
00:21:43,831 --> 00:21:45,699
Hi.
469
00:21:45,767 --> 00:21:48,902
Perfect timing.
The game just started,
and I got a pizza on the way.
470
00:21:48,969 --> 00:21:50,671
Right, right.
471
00:21:52,807 --> 00:21:53,807
You ok, man?
472
00:21:53,874 --> 00:21:56,109
Yeah, I'm fine. Fine.
473
00:21:57,612 --> 00:21:59,479
[Sighs]
474
00:21:59,547 --> 00:22:01,748
The thing is
I read this article today.
475
00:22:03,318 --> 00:22:04,884
(Deacon)
2 weeks?
33471
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese