All language subtitles for Everybody Loves Raymond S07E24 Roberts Wedding 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-TEPES_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:14,633 --> 00:00:17,467 - stupid weddings. 2 00:00:17,467 --> 00:00:19,833 - here they are! Aren't they beau-- 3 00:00:19,833 --> 00:00:21,000 Ray! 4 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:23,800 I left you up here An hour ago. 5 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:25,067 I showered, did my hair, 6 00:00:25,067 --> 00:00:26,667 Got the kids up, Got them dressed. 7 00:00:26,667 --> 00:00:28,333 Kids, go downstairs. Mommy's yelling. 8 00:00:28,333 --> 00:00:30,767 And you can't even Do yourself? 9 00:00:30,767 --> 00:00:33,033 - what? I'm ready. 10 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:34,333 - everyone is waiting For you. 11 00:00:34,333 --> 00:00:35,733 Oh, look at this. 12 00:00:35,733 --> 00:00:39,067 Look, this goes on After the pants, einstein. 13 00:00:39,067 --> 00:00:40,267 Here, get-- 14 00:00:40,267 --> 00:00:44,333 Do you realize That it is a-- 15 00:00:44,333 --> 00:00:47,733 It's a three-hour drive To pennsylvania. 16 00:00:47,733 --> 00:00:49,300 Amy is waiting for me. 17 00:00:49,300 --> 00:00:52,233 Robert is a nervous wreck. I mean, come on. 18 00:00:52,233 --> 00:00:54,500 - hey, hey, hey, hey, Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! 19 00:00:54,500 --> 00:00:58,967 You might be a little too angry To do the zipper. 20 00:00:58,967 --> 00:01:00,700 - what have you been doing? 21 00:01:00,700 --> 00:01:01,967 - I got the speech-- 22 00:01:01,967 --> 00:01:03,533 The fricking toast thing I got to do. 23 00:01:03,533 --> 00:01:05,800 - would you stop obsessing About the toast? 24 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:07,867 Just say something Funny and heartfelt. 25 00:01:07,867 --> 00:01:11,233 Nobody cares. 26 00:01:11,233 --> 00:01:12,233 - where is he? 27 00:01:12,233 --> 00:01:15,167 - he's still in there. 28 00:01:15,167 --> 00:01:17,800 - what are you doing? 29 00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:18,933 - what? I'm coming. 30 00:01:18,933 --> 00:01:20,467 - would you hurry? 31 00:01:20,467 --> 00:01:22,367 Ma's already yelling at dad, Because he dripped 32 00:01:22,367 --> 00:01:25,200 Egg and cheese sandwich On his tux. 33 00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:26,500 Just get in the van! 34 00:01:26,500 --> 00:01:28,367 This is the biggest day Of my life. 35 00:01:28,367 --> 00:01:32,467 - that's what you said At your last wedding. 36 00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:35,700 - what's that, A smart remark? 37 00:01:35,700 --> 00:01:37,033 - no. - huh? 38 00:01:37,033 --> 00:01:39,900 You're bringing up My first marriage today, huh? 39 00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:41,200 You trying to jinx me, raymond? 40 00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:42,633 - no. No. 41 00:01:42,633 --> 00:01:44,367 - don't mess with me today, Raymond, okay? 42 00:01:44,367 --> 00:01:48,500 - I'm just-- - do not mess with me today! 43 00:01:48,500 --> 00:01:52,300 This is my wedding day, And I'm in no mood for fun! 44 00:01:55,733 --> 00:01:58,300 - then you're gonna Love marriage. 45 00:02:07,133 --> 00:02:10,267 - [breathing heavily] 46 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:14,667 [knock on door] 47 00:02:14,667 --> 00:02:18,267 - robbie? 48 00:02:18,267 --> 00:02:20,667 - ma, this is the men's room. 49 00:02:20,667 --> 00:02:22,633 - raymond told me You were in here. 50 00:02:22,633 --> 00:02:23,933 What are you doing? 51 00:02:23,933 --> 00:02:25,433 - nothing, ma. 52 00:02:25,433 --> 00:02:27,733 I just wanted a little Alone time before the ceremony. 53 00:02:27,733 --> 00:02:28,733 - oh, okay. 54 00:02:28,733 --> 00:02:31,833 I'll stay with you. 55 00:02:31,833 --> 00:02:35,467 Can we go somewhere else? 56 00:02:35,467 --> 00:02:37,933 - no, ma, I want To stay in here. 57 00:02:37,933 --> 00:02:39,500 Remember last time I got married, 58 00:02:39,500 --> 00:02:41,000 I saw joanne Before the wedding? 59 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,167 I think that put the whammy On the whole marriage. 60 00:02:43,167 --> 00:02:44,900 - oh, honey. 61 00:02:44,900 --> 00:02:48,367 The problem there was, You saw her after the wedding. 62 00:02:50,433 --> 00:02:51,900 - all right, Out, mom. 63 00:02:51,900 --> 00:02:53,833 - no, but-- - no, come on. 64 00:02:53,833 --> 00:02:56,367 You already got gianni Looking for a fire hydrant. 65 00:02:56,367 --> 00:02:57,633 Come on. 66 00:02:57,633 --> 00:02:59,633 Look, look, look, You want to help? 67 00:02:59,633 --> 00:03:01,367 See if you can find The reverend guy, okay? 68 00:03:01,367 --> 00:03:03,000 He'll be the one With the big book. 69 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:06,633 - yeah, but I need to talk to-- - no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 70 00:03:06,633 --> 00:03:08,100 - whoa, thanks, man. 71 00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:10,567 - yeah, always happy To do that. 72 00:03:10,567 --> 00:03:11,567 So how you doing? 73 00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:14,567 You fast, you loose, You throwing up? 74 00:03:14,567 --> 00:03:15,933 - I'm fine. 75 00:03:15,933 --> 00:03:19,000 You know, just wanted A little alone time, that's all. 76 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:22,267 - yeah. Let me ask you something. 77 00:03:22,267 --> 00:03:25,633 Now that you and amy Are getting married, 78 00:03:25,633 --> 00:03:29,167 What's the one "Special thing" 79 00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:31,433 That you two have 80 00:03:31,433 --> 00:03:34,767 That a group of people Would want to hear about? 81 00:03:38,367 --> 00:03:39,933 - you've got nothing For the toast. 82 00:03:39,933 --> 00:03:42,600 - I got plenty. 83 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:44,567 What do you got? 84 00:03:46,933 --> 00:03:49,467 - oh! 85 00:03:49,467 --> 00:03:51,533 Great. You're both here. 86 00:03:51,533 --> 00:03:52,333 - yeah. 87 00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:55,500 - how's it going? 88 00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:56,633 - fine, peter. 89 00:03:56,633 --> 00:03:57,633 What is it? 90 00:03:57,633 --> 00:03:59,033 - well, nothing. 91 00:03:59,033 --> 00:04:02,267 I just wanted to see you two Before blastoff and everything. 92 00:04:02,267 --> 00:04:03,967 What do you think About the tux? 93 00:04:03,967 --> 00:04:07,367 I rented it. [clears throat] 94 00:04:07,367 --> 00:04:10,833 - yeah, that's a good fit. - thank you. 95 00:04:10,833 --> 00:04:13,667 Guys, look, this is Really hard for me. 96 00:04:13,667 --> 00:04:15,833 Um, I've had some issues 97 00:04:15,833 --> 00:04:17,400 With this whole Marriage agenda, 98 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:20,167 But I've had some time To reflect, 99 00:04:20,167 --> 00:04:26,033 And I realize that I may have been a wiener. 100 00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:27,733 - no, that's okay, peter. 101 00:04:27,733 --> 00:04:28,733 - no, it's not okay. 102 00:04:28,733 --> 00:04:30,200 We're gonna be family, 103 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:34,033 And I just--I want to be able To call you guys-- 104 00:04:34,033 --> 00:04:36,800 Both of you, 105 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:39,933 Brother-man. 106 00:04:39,933 --> 00:04:40,933 - all right. 107 00:04:40,933 --> 00:04:42,167 All right. Okay. 108 00:04:42,167 --> 00:04:43,633 - [sobbing] Welcome to our lives. 109 00:04:43,633 --> 00:04:45,400 - okay. [chuckles] 110 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:46,667 - it's all right. Thank you. 111 00:04:46,667 --> 00:04:48,500 Thank you, peter. - well, thank you. 112 00:04:48,500 --> 00:04:51,933 And now I shall Take my leave. 113 00:04:51,933 --> 00:04:54,133 Have a great day. 114 00:04:57,367 --> 00:05:02,733 - that psycho's Gonna pull some crap. 115 00:05:02,733 --> 00:05:03,733 Right? - yup. 116 00:05:03,733 --> 00:05:04,900 - now, listen. 117 00:05:04,900 --> 00:05:06,200 You got to stick With him, raymond. 118 00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:07,433 Go. Go now. You got to follow him. 119 00:05:07,433 --> 00:05:08,733 - I don't want to be-- 120 00:05:08,733 --> 00:05:10,267 - no, no, listen, listen, Just do it. 121 00:05:10,267 --> 00:05:11,767 He's gonna Wreck the wedding. 122 00:05:11,767 --> 00:05:15,500 That guy has squirrels Juggling knives in his head. 123 00:05:15,500 --> 00:05:17,200 - no, wait, wait, Wait, wait, wait, wait. 124 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:19,133 Before I go, one thing funny And then heartfelt. 125 00:05:19,133 --> 00:05:22,567 - go! 126 00:05:22,567 --> 00:05:23,767 - look out. 127 00:05:23,767 --> 00:05:25,700 I got egg and cheese sandwich On my crotch. 128 00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:28,833 - oh, great. Great! 129 00:05:28,833 --> 00:05:30,200 - what's your problem? 130 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:31,667 - nothing. Nothing, dad. 131 00:05:31,667 --> 00:05:33,700 How are you today? 132 00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:34,867 - none too happy. 133 00:05:34,867 --> 00:05:38,500 I just found out It's gonna be a cash bar. 134 00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:42,267 And the scuttlebutt is, The food will be skimpy. 135 00:05:42,267 --> 00:05:43,833 - yeah, and of course, The only reason 136 00:05:43,833 --> 00:05:44,933 Why you're here today 137 00:05:44,933 --> 00:05:46,900 Is so you can Stuff your face. 138 00:05:46,900 --> 00:05:49,433 - I enjoy life. 139 00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:54,900 So anyway, no offense, But the party's gonna blow. 140 00:05:54,900 --> 00:05:56,733 - well, I think it's nice That the macdougalls 141 00:05:56,733 --> 00:05:59,633 Have offered to help me and amy Pay for the wedding at all. 142 00:05:59,633 --> 00:06:01,267 - you saying I should've Chipped in? 143 00:06:01,267 --> 00:06:02,600 - no. [stammers] 144 00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:04,200 - I chipped in Your last wedding 145 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:06,000 And ray's wedding. 146 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:07,467 And by the way, 147 00:06:07,467 --> 00:06:10,867 The broad's family Is supposed to pay, 148 00:06:10,867 --> 00:06:14,267 And it is to be A full bar 149 00:06:14,267 --> 00:06:16,233 Free of charge 150 00:06:16,233 --> 00:06:19,100 With top-shelf hooch. 151 00:06:19,100 --> 00:06:21,400 Read your bible. 152 00:06:25,033 --> 00:06:27,433 - must've missed that passage. 153 00:06:27,433 --> 00:06:30,567 - you got some nerve complaining I haven't given enough. 154 00:06:30,567 --> 00:06:32,767 Need I remind you Of 40 years of room 155 00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:37,100 And enormous amounts of board? 156 00:06:37,100 --> 00:06:40,267 - look, dad, dad, I'm sorry, okay? 157 00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:41,500 I'm just a little, You know-- 158 00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:43,000 I want it to go well today, 159 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:44,600 So I apologize. 160 00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:45,867 I appreciate everything, 161 00:06:45,867 --> 00:06:50,500 And you're a sensational father. 162 00:06:50,500 --> 00:06:54,633 - well, you know, I apologize too. 163 00:06:54,633 --> 00:06:56,333 I guess everyone's Kind of on edge today, 164 00:06:56,333 --> 00:06:57,700 But you'll be okay. 165 00:06:57,700 --> 00:06:59,733 You're used to this Type of thing, 166 00:06:59,733 --> 00:07:03,533 Being a cop, Seeing murders, and whatnot. 167 00:07:10,500 --> 00:07:12,133 - thanks. 168 00:07:12,133 --> 00:07:15,567 I feel better. 169 00:07:15,567 --> 00:07:16,767 - good. 170 00:07:16,767 --> 00:07:19,100 Let's hope you Picked a winner this time. 171 00:07:44,100 --> 00:07:47,233 [indistinct chatter] 172 00:07:48,433 --> 00:07:49,467 - hey. 173 00:07:49,467 --> 00:07:51,567 - hey, ray. All: hi, ray. 174 00:07:51,567 --> 00:07:53,400 - hi. Hi. 175 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:56,200 So how's my groom? 176 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:58,600 - he's, you know, stoked. 177 00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:00,500 - aw. 178 00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:06,667 - so how's it going in here? 179 00:08:06,667 --> 00:08:07,733 - going great. 180 00:08:07,733 --> 00:08:09,767 Doesn't amy look beautiful? - yeah. 181 00:08:09,767 --> 00:08:11,433 I don't know when I have been so excited. 182 00:08:11,433 --> 00:08:14,367 It's so romantic. Everybody's crying. 183 00:08:14,367 --> 00:08:17,367 - that's what it's all about. - yeah. 184 00:08:17,367 --> 00:08:20,433 You look so handsome. 185 00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:23,900 Oh, I am just gonna Dance with you all day. 186 00:08:23,900 --> 00:08:25,333 - yeah? 187 00:08:25,333 --> 00:08:28,000 Somebody's been popping The champagne already? 188 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:30,733 - no! No, it's just-- 189 00:08:30,733 --> 00:08:31,867 Come on! 190 00:08:31,867 --> 00:08:34,367 It's a wedding. Get into it. 191 00:08:34,367 --> 00:08:37,567 You know, the romance, The love that's all around us. 192 00:08:37,567 --> 00:08:41,167 Can't you suck it up For one day? 193 00:08:41,167 --> 00:08:45,467 - I'm into it. I'm sucking. 194 00:08:45,467 --> 00:08:48,200 - you're dancing With me today, jerkwad. 195 00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:53,433 - you haven't called me that Since our wedding. 196 00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:58,233 - amy, where's your mom? 197 00:08:58,233 --> 00:08:59,467 - oh, she's running around 198 00:08:59,467 --> 00:09:01,233 Like a headless chicken Making sure... 199 00:09:01,233 --> 00:09:02,667 [imitating mother] All the relatives 200 00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:04,600 Are comfortable And are seated properly. 201 00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:06,900 [all laugh] 202 00:09:06,900 --> 00:09:08,800 Oh, dear, tiny aunt florence. 203 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:10,200 Can you see from there? 204 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:13,233 Would you like a cushion Or a phone book? 205 00:09:13,233 --> 00:09:14,967 [all laugh] 206 00:09:14,967 --> 00:09:18,733 [normal voice] Hi, mom! 207 00:09:18,733 --> 00:09:21,800 - hello. 208 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:23,133 - I'm sorry, mother. 209 00:09:23,133 --> 00:09:25,300 You know I was Just fooling around. 210 00:09:25,300 --> 00:09:28,900 - oh, I know, honey. That never bothers me. 211 00:09:28,900 --> 00:09:31,767 And you're so good at it. 212 00:09:31,767 --> 00:09:37,533 And you look So beautiful today, and-- 213 00:09:37,533 --> 00:09:38,967 [sobbing] 214 00:09:38,967 --> 00:09:41,167 - what? What? 215 00:09:41,167 --> 00:09:43,333 - I'm sorry. 216 00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:45,867 I guess I pictured My little girl's wedding 217 00:09:45,867 --> 00:09:49,167 A certain way. 218 00:09:49,167 --> 00:09:51,033 I used to worry About telling you 219 00:09:51,033 --> 00:09:52,967 What to expect-- 220 00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:57,133 You know, On your wedding night? 221 00:09:59,067 --> 00:10:02,933 But you and robert Have already-- 222 00:10:02,933 --> 00:10:04,933 - mother, please! 223 00:10:04,933 --> 00:10:06,300 - I'm sorry. 224 00:10:06,300 --> 00:10:07,967 You're right, sweetie. 225 00:10:07,967 --> 00:10:10,100 I know it's a different world. 226 00:10:10,100 --> 00:10:12,733 All fun all the time. 227 00:10:17,967 --> 00:10:20,233 But look at you. 228 00:10:20,233 --> 00:10:23,533 You're like an angel Dropped from heaven, 229 00:10:23,533 --> 00:10:27,733 And you've always been that For me and your father. 230 00:10:27,733 --> 00:10:31,600 - thanks, mom. 231 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:32,900 - I'd better go. 232 00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:36,933 That phone book for Aunt florence is a good idea. 233 00:10:36,933 --> 00:10:39,800 Oh, my, we're supposed To get started in five minutes, 234 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:42,100 And I haven't seen Reverend stevens yet. 235 00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:43,100 Peter? 236 00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:46,267 - yes, mama? 237 00:10:46,267 --> 00:10:48,567 - honey, you picked up Reverend stevens this morning, 238 00:10:48,567 --> 00:10:49,600 Didn't you? 239 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:51,667 - why, yes, of course, I did, mama. 240 00:10:51,667 --> 00:10:55,767 I have no idea where that rascal Could've gotten to, 241 00:10:55,767 --> 00:10:57,133 But I'm on it. 242 00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:08,233 - did peter come in here? 243 00:11:08,233 --> 00:11:10,833 - yeah, he's in there. 244 00:11:10,833 --> 00:11:15,200 - peter? 245 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:18,033 Come on, peter, I know you're in there. 246 00:11:18,033 --> 00:11:20,933 - I'm very busy. 247 00:11:20,933 --> 00:11:22,367 - what's going on? 248 00:11:22,367 --> 00:11:24,233 - he was supposed To pick up the reverend guy, 249 00:11:24,233 --> 00:11:26,067 And nobody can find him. 250 00:11:26,067 --> 00:11:28,033 - peter, come out there Right now! 251 00:11:28,033 --> 00:11:30,633 - let's go! - I can see you! 252 00:11:35,067 --> 00:11:37,733 - what did you do to him? 253 00:11:37,733 --> 00:11:39,067 - ah, reverend stevens. 254 00:11:39,067 --> 00:11:40,700 - somebody was supposed To pick me up. 255 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,033 I had to hitchhike. 256 00:11:44,500 --> 00:11:47,233 Let's get this over with. 257 00:11:51,533 --> 00:11:54,700 - well, gee, Who did I pick up, then? 258 00:11:56,933 --> 00:11:59,667 [scoffs] 259 00:11:59,667 --> 00:12:00,533 [knocking at door] 260 00:12:00,533 --> 00:12:03,167 - peter? Are you in there, peter? 261 00:12:03,167 --> 00:12:06,167 - yes, mama, I am. Come on in. 262 00:12:06,167 --> 00:12:07,367 - oh, hello. 263 00:12:07,367 --> 00:12:08,867 Peter, we found Reverend stevens. 264 00:12:08,867 --> 00:12:09,867 You can stop looking. 265 00:12:09,867 --> 00:12:12,367 - oh, thank goodness. 266 00:12:12,367 --> 00:12:14,233 - everything all right In here? 267 00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:16,000 - yes, everything's fine, mama. 268 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:18,033 Everything's great. 269 00:12:18,033 --> 00:12:20,267 Hey, I think It's wedding time, 270 00:12:20,267 --> 00:12:21,300 Isn't it? 271 00:12:21,300 --> 00:12:24,800 Places, everyone. 272 00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:27,300 Oh, good luck out there. 273 00:12:31,033 --> 00:12:34,033 ["Here comes the bride" playing] 274 00:12:34,033 --> 00:12:40,167 [processional organ music] 275 00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:13,967 - good morning. 276 00:13:13,967 --> 00:13:15,767 All: good morning. 277 00:13:15,767 --> 00:13:20,333 - we are gathered here today In the sight of god 278 00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:23,333 To join together in marriage 279 00:13:23,333 --> 00:13:26,100 Robert charles barone 280 00:13:26,100 --> 00:13:29,433 And amy louise macdougall. 281 00:13:29,433 --> 00:13:31,700 If there is anyone here Who knows any reason 282 00:13:31,700 --> 00:13:36,200 Why these two people should not Be joined in holy matrimony, 283 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:39,167 Let them speak now Or forever hold their peace. 284 00:13:46,133 --> 00:13:47,533 We will begin this morning-- 285 00:13:47,533 --> 00:13:48,633 - excuse me. 286 00:13:50,900 --> 00:13:54,467 I need to say something. 287 00:14:01,567 --> 00:14:04,267 - pardon me? What was that? 288 00:14:04,267 --> 00:14:09,433 - I'm sorry, but I feel the need To say something. 289 00:14:09,433 --> 00:14:11,400 - ma! 290 00:14:21,367 --> 00:14:24,100 - did you bring your gun? 291 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,400 What do you do now? 292 00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:37,767 - I don't know. This never happened before. 293 00:14:37,767 --> 00:14:41,967 Well, I guess, speak now. 294 00:14:41,967 --> 00:14:45,267 - well, I wanted to speak To robbie before the ceremony, 295 00:14:45,267 --> 00:14:46,600 But he didn't Give me a chance 296 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:49,400 When we were In the bathroom together. 297 00:14:52,067 --> 00:14:53,967 - did she do this to you? 298 00:14:53,967 --> 00:14:56,667 - honey, this is Only the beginning. 299 00:15:01,033 --> 00:15:02,567 - I'm just so worried 300 00:15:02,567 --> 00:15:05,033 That robbie might Only be getting married today 301 00:15:05,033 --> 00:15:06,333 Because of me. 302 00:15:06,333 --> 00:15:10,167 - ma, what are you Talking about? 303 00:15:10,167 --> 00:15:12,367 - I may have pressured you Into getting married 304 00:15:12,367 --> 00:15:14,267 And you weren't ready yet. 305 00:15:14,267 --> 00:15:17,733 And I need to do What's best for my son, don't I? 306 00:15:17,733 --> 00:15:20,567 - could it not be today? 307 00:15:27,833 --> 00:15:29,200 - I'm sorry. 308 00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:31,733 You know I never Like to interfere. 309 00:15:34,967 --> 00:15:37,300 But I pushed you Because I was so worried 310 00:15:37,300 --> 00:15:39,567 That you'd wind up with nobody, 311 00:15:39,567 --> 00:15:42,667 And even though This is wonderful and-- 312 00:15:45,433 --> 00:15:47,933 And I'm thrilled To be here 313 00:15:47,933 --> 00:15:49,700 And I love amy-- 314 00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:51,033 Hi, amy-- 315 00:15:55,267 --> 00:15:57,433 But it all Happened so fast, 316 00:15:57,433 --> 00:16:01,133 I'm not sure how amy's family Feels about you. 317 00:16:01,133 --> 00:16:03,300 - ma, this is none Of your business. 318 00:16:03,300 --> 00:16:04,500 - how could you say that? 319 00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:06,400 Of course it's my business. 320 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:10,167 You're my son. You're my business. 321 00:16:10,167 --> 00:16:13,700 - do you realize That you have ruined 322 00:16:13,700 --> 00:16:17,600 Every single event I've ever had in my life? 323 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,167 - what are you getting So upset about? 324 00:16:19,167 --> 00:16:21,133 We're just talking. 325 00:16:27,300 --> 00:16:29,433 - the elementary school play? 326 00:16:29,433 --> 00:16:33,033 You tried to put Different pants on me. 327 00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:34,733 - you got yours dirty. 328 00:16:34,733 --> 00:16:37,033 Any mother Would've done the same. 329 00:16:37,033 --> 00:16:41,667 - not while I was onstage! 330 00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:42,633 Huh? 331 00:16:42,633 --> 00:16:45,700 You don't see A pattern here? 332 00:16:48,933 --> 00:16:51,100 - a pattern of love. 333 00:16:51,100 --> 00:16:52,667 I mean, for years, I kept thinking, 334 00:16:52,667 --> 00:16:55,300 If only I had spoken up At your first wedding 335 00:16:55,300 --> 00:16:57,100 To that terrible dancer. 336 00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:59,533 And as I recall-- 337 00:17:04,967 --> 00:17:06,333 As I recall, 338 00:17:06,333 --> 00:17:08,400 You were fine With me interfering 339 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:11,800 When you needed someone to throw That hussy out of the house. 340 00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:14,233 Not that that would Ever happen here, dear. 341 00:17:18,867 --> 00:17:21,933 All I'm saying is, 342 00:17:21,933 --> 00:17:24,933 I love you, And I love amy, 343 00:17:24,933 --> 00:17:26,600 And I just want to make sure 344 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:30,433 That you're marrying today For love and only for love, 345 00:17:30,433 --> 00:17:33,967 Because that's the only way A marriage can stay together. 346 00:17:33,967 --> 00:17:35,233 Isn't that right, frank? 347 00:17:35,233 --> 00:17:37,733 - I don't know Who you are, lady. 348 00:17:51,100 --> 00:17:54,833 - robbie, I said What I had to say, 349 00:17:54,833 --> 00:17:56,467 And it came from love. 350 00:17:56,467 --> 00:17:58,200 Now you do what you want. 351 00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:02,633 This is your life. 352 00:18:02,633 --> 00:18:03,900 I feel better now. 353 00:18:03,900 --> 00:18:06,433 Go ahead, reverend. 354 00:18:22,233 --> 00:18:24,633 - okay, we're back. 355 00:18:29,167 --> 00:18:30,667 - all right! 356 00:18:30,667 --> 00:18:34,367 And now, here they are, Ladies and gentlemen, 357 00:18:34,367 --> 00:18:36,733 For the first time anywhere, 358 00:18:36,733 --> 00:18:39,067 Robert and amy barone! 359 00:18:39,067 --> 00:18:41,133 [applause] 360 00:18:41,133 --> 00:18:46,400 [jazzy wedding march playing] 361 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:49,600 All right, and now, Ladies and gentlemen, 362 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:52,533 The buffet is open. 363 00:18:58,467 --> 00:19:00,033 - hi! 364 00:19:00,033 --> 00:19:03,767 - hi! - hi. 365 00:19:03,767 --> 00:19:06,133 - so... 366 00:19:06,133 --> 00:19:08,667 Feel different? 367 00:19:08,667 --> 00:19:11,567 - yeah. 368 00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:13,333 - life is good. 369 00:19:23,767 --> 00:19:24,767 - yes. 370 00:19:24,767 --> 00:19:26,333 You're married. 371 00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:28,300 You two looked beautiful Up there, 372 00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:32,700 And...You've got Your health. 373 00:19:32,700 --> 00:19:35,667 - oh, hello! 374 00:19:35,667 --> 00:19:39,100 Oh, I thought The ceremony was beautiful. 375 00:19:39,100 --> 00:19:40,367 Didn't you, robbie? 376 00:19:40,367 --> 00:19:43,233 - I'll never forget it. 377 00:19:43,233 --> 00:19:45,300 - I am so happy. 378 00:19:45,300 --> 00:19:46,767 And you know what? 379 00:19:46,767 --> 00:19:48,467 I'm actually starving. 380 00:19:48,467 --> 00:19:52,600 I forgot to eat today, What with all I had to do. 381 00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:55,267 I'll catch up With you later. 382 00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:00,500 - hey, can I have A beer? 383 00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:01,667 - sure. 384 00:20:01,667 --> 00:20:03,200 That's $3, sir. 385 00:20:06,167 --> 00:20:08,467 - jeezaloo! 386 00:20:08,467 --> 00:20:11,400 Hey, look. Tell you what. 387 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:12,667 I think I left My wallet at home 388 00:20:12,667 --> 00:20:15,367 When I changed Into the monkey suit. 389 00:20:15,367 --> 00:20:17,233 Could you Let one slide? 390 00:20:17,233 --> 00:20:18,833 - I'm sorry, sir. I'm not allowed. 391 00:20:18,833 --> 00:20:21,367 - aw, come on. Come on. 392 00:20:21,367 --> 00:20:23,367 Listen, pal, I don't care What the rules are 393 00:20:23,367 --> 00:20:26,700 At this stinking Hump of a wedding. 394 00:20:26,700 --> 00:20:29,767 I am the father Of the gigantic groom... 395 00:20:31,100 --> 00:20:33,133 And I want beer now. 396 00:20:33,133 --> 00:20:36,667 Beer now, beer now! 397 00:20:36,667 --> 00:20:38,867 - here. 398 00:20:38,867 --> 00:20:40,333 Please, let me. 399 00:20:40,333 --> 00:20:42,533 - uh, that's okay. 400 00:20:42,533 --> 00:20:45,067 - no, frank, please. It's my pleasure. 401 00:20:45,067 --> 00:20:48,800 - well, uh, Thanks there, hank. 402 00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:50,233 - sure. 403 00:20:50,233 --> 00:20:52,167 You know, I'm sorry That our two families 404 00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:57,867 Seem to have gotten off on such A wrong...What's the word? 405 00:20:57,867 --> 00:21:00,767 Foot. 406 00:21:00,767 --> 00:21:03,900 I mean, I like to think That I'm a nice fella, 407 00:21:03,900 --> 00:21:07,667 And I was always taught To find the good in people, 408 00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:10,300 And I would like to In you, frank. 409 00:21:12,267 --> 00:21:14,900 - well, I think you are A nice fella, hank. 410 00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:17,433 But I got to tell you, 411 00:21:17,433 --> 00:21:19,167 You're not gonna find Much good in people 412 00:21:19,167 --> 00:21:20,800 When they drive All the way to pennsylvania 413 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:22,000 For a big, long wedding 414 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,600 And you screw them On the booze. 415 00:21:31,033 --> 00:21:32,833 - well. 416 00:21:32,833 --> 00:21:34,167 - "Well"? 417 00:21:34,167 --> 00:21:35,433 That's all you got? 418 00:21:35,433 --> 00:21:36,633 "Well"? 419 00:21:36,633 --> 00:21:37,933 - yes, because "Well" 420 00:21:37,933 --> 00:21:40,000 Is what one says When one is shocked 421 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:41,400 But not Particularly surprised 422 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:43,733 By someone's Boorish behavior. 423 00:21:43,733 --> 00:21:45,133 Well. 424 00:21:45,133 --> 00:21:46,633 - [laughs] 425 00:21:46,633 --> 00:21:48,700 That is so fricking sad. 426 00:21:51,300 --> 00:21:53,900 - oh, yes, frank, That's sad? 427 00:21:53,900 --> 00:21:56,700 Well, I want My money back. 428 00:21:56,700 --> 00:21:58,800 Now who's sad? 429 00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:00,167 Oh, mr. Bartender, 430 00:22:00,167 --> 00:22:01,967 Don't give this man Any alcohol. 431 00:22:01,967 --> 00:22:03,567 He seems to have had More than enough 432 00:22:03,567 --> 00:22:05,067 Over the course Of his life. 433 00:22:05,067 --> 00:22:06,267 - I'm a veteran! 434 00:22:06,267 --> 00:22:08,267 - a veteran Of the bad manners army. 435 00:22:08,267 --> 00:22:09,300 - take a hike, boy scout! 436 00:22:09,300 --> 00:22:10,333 - I'll take a hike when... 437 00:22:10,333 --> 00:22:12,200 - hey, hey, hey, Hold it! 438 00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:14,600 Back it up, calm it down, 439 00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:20,533 And take a look at all The people at the wedding. 440 00:22:20,533 --> 00:22:22,633 - this phony holy man And his liquor gouging 441 00:22:22,633 --> 00:22:25,300 Have ruined An otherwise happy occasion. 442 00:22:25,300 --> 00:22:28,200 So long, cheapskate. 443 00:22:32,133 --> 00:22:34,667 - he gets emotional At weddings. 444 00:22:37,067 --> 00:22:39,167 - marie, I need To say something. 445 00:22:39,167 --> 00:22:42,600 - I know. Can you believe this food? 446 00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:44,367 - marie, we're leaving. Drop the meat. 447 00:22:44,367 --> 00:22:47,600 - what? We can't leave. 448 00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:49,533 I'm the mother Of the groom. 449 00:22:49,533 --> 00:22:51,200 No matter how horrible The food is, 450 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:53,400 I have to stay. 451 00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:54,933 - hello. 452 00:22:54,933 --> 00:22:58,867 - oh, pat, What a wonderful spread. 453 00:22:58,867 --> 00:23:00,567 - thank you, marie, 454 00:23:00,567 --> 00:23:03,100 But perhaps Frank is right. 455 00:23:03,100 --> 00:23:05,533 Perhaps you should go. 456 00:23:05,533 --> 00:23:07,000 - what? 457 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:09,867 - you know, this wedding, Whether we like it or not, 458 00:23:09,867 --> 00:23:12,100 Was for amy and robert, 459 00:23:12,100 --> 00:23:13,500 And you shouldn't have Intruded 460 00:23:13,500 --> 00:23:16,733 On their moment of happiness In the chapel. 461 00:23:16,733 --> 00:23:18,633 - I was doing it for them. 462 00:23:18,633 --> 00:23:24,033 - oh, marie, I think maybe You were doing it for you, 463 00:23:24,033 --> 00:23:25,500 And you were So busy thinking 464 00:23:25,500 --> 00:23:27,467 About what you needed To express, 465 00:23:27,467 --> 00:23:29,333 You weren't thinking About anyone else, 466 00:23:29,333 --> 00:23:31,667 Including your son. 467 00:23:31,667 --> 00:23:35,233 I think that's called Narcissism. 468 00:23:43,967 --> 00:23:45,133 - all right. 469 00:23:45,133 --> 00:23:46,633 All right, That's enough. 470 00:23:46,633 --> 00:23:49,733 Can I speak to you in private, Please, mrs. Macdougall? 471 00:23:54,500 --> 00:23:57,567 Nobody's ever Said that to her before. 472 00:24:02,767 --> 00:24:06,467 You're cool. 473 00:24:06,467 --> 00:24:11,200 - thank you, ray, But I don't feel cool. 474 00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:13,033 I feel like I just contributed 475 00:24:13,033 --> 00:24:14,933 To the whole tone Of the wedding, 476 00:24:14,933 --> 00:24:17,867 Which is bad. 477 00:24:17,867 --> 00:24:19,267 It's ruined, 478 00:24:19,267 --> 00:24:20,967 And that's the last thing I wanted to do 479 00:24:20,967 --> 00:24:24,033 For my daughter And her new husband. 480 00:24:27,267 --> 00:24:29,533 - why do I talk to people? 481 00:24:31,233 --> 00:24:32,833 Listen-- - okay, everybody. 482 00:24:32,833 --> 00:24:35,300 It's time for the toast From the best man. 483 00:24:35,300 --> 00:24:38,267 Let's give a big Barone-macdougall welcome 484 00:24:38,267 --> 00:24:39,767 To little brother raymond. 485 00:24:39,767 --> 00:24:42,133 Come on, everybody, Bring him up here! 486 00:24:42,133 --> 00:24:45,267 [applause] 487 00:24:50,067 --> 00:24:52,500 - hey. 488 00:24:52,500 --> 00:24:53,567 Uh... 489 00:24:53,567 --> 00:24:55,133 [clears throat] 490 00:24:55,133 --> 00:24:56,600 Well, I got to be honest. 491 00:24:56,600 --> 00:25:00,500 I didn't know What I was gonna say today. 492 00:25:00,500 --> 00:25:02,633 Uh... 493 00:25:02,633 --> 00:25:04,233 I wanted to do A nice toast, 494 00:25:04,233 --> 00:25:06,167 But everybody Does a nice toast. 495 00:25:06,167 --> 00:25:08,833 But I wanted it To be special, 496 00:25:08,833 --> 00:25:11,267 'cause it's a special day For my brother, robert, 497 00:25:11,267 --> 00:25:14,200 And his new wife, amy. 498 00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:16,367 So, uh... 499 00:25:16,367 --> 00:25:18,700 I didn't know What I was gonna say. 500 00:25:22,433 --> 00:25:27,700 But then sometimes material 501 00:25:27,700 --> 00:25:29,700 Presents itself. 502 00:25:34,967 --> 00:25:37,200 Like today, for example-- 503 00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:39,567 A lot to talk about. 504 00:25:39,567 --> 00:25:41,767 But I think I can Put a good spin on it. 505 00:25:41,767 --> 00:25:43,400 I think, uh... 506 00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:47,433 I think there's one thing That can make it all better: 507 00:25:47,433 --> 00:25:49,533 Editing. 508 00:25:51,467 --> 00:25:54,400 Yes, I think there's a portion Of today's ceremony 509 00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:57,733 That we won't need to save On the videotape. 510 00:25:59,533 --> 00:26:01,233 Editing. 511 00:26:01,233 --> 00:26:03,467 You know, robert and I, 512 00:26:03,467 --> 00:26:05,200 When we remember Our childhood, 513 00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:07,633 We kind of use That technology 514 00:26:07,633 --> 00:26:10,333 In our heads. 515 00:26:10,333 --> 00:26:13,000 You know, we only remember The good stuff, 516 00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:14,633 Like the food. 517 00:26:14,633 --> 00:26:16,733 Yeah, we don't remember When mom would yell at dad 518 00:26:16,733 --> 00:26:19,833 Not to scratch his rear end With a spatula... 519 00:26:19,833 --> 00:26:23,067 [laughter] 520 00:26:23,067 --> 00:26:26,367 In the bakery. 521 00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:31,133 Editing. 522 00:26:31,133 --> 00:26:32,267 Yeah, you know, 523 00:26:32,267 --> 00:26:33,767 Anybody who knows Our family 524 00:26:33,767 --> 00:26:36,567 Probably wasn't surprised By what happened today. 525 00:26:36,567 --> 00:26:38,567 I mean, amy knew What she was getting into 526 00:26:38,567 --> 00:26:40,600 When she married Into this family, 527 00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:42,333 And that's why I got her A wedding gift 528 00:26:42,333 --> 00:26:44,033 I know she can use: 529 00:26:44,033 --> 00:26:46,233 Cyanide. 530 00:26:51,533 --> 00:26:52,767 Yeah. 531 00:26:52,767 --> 00:26:54,000 And by the way, Robert, 532 00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:55,267 If you think It was annoying today 533 00:26:55,267 --> 00:26:57,333 When mom interrupted The ceremony, 534 00:26:57,333 --> 00:27:01,300 Wait till she interrupts Tonight, yeah. 535 00:27:02,500 --> 00:27:04,033 Yeah, "I got to say, robert, 536 00:27:04,033 --> 00:27:06,300 I don't think You're doing that correctly." 537 00:27:08,300 --> 00:27:10,933 She's involved, our mom. 538 00:27:10,933 --> 00:27:14,333 I liked it today When my mom said, 539 00:27:14,333 --> 00:27:15,667 "I'm a mother. 540 00:27:15,667 --> 00:27:16,733 You are my business." 541 00:27:16,733 --> 00:27:18,300 You know What we're waiting for, ma? 542 00:27:18,300 --> 00:27:20,567 Your "Going out Of business" sale. 543 00:27:25,733 --> 00:27:27,000 But I think amy understands 544 00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:28,400 That that's What marriage is about. 545 00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:30,233 I mean, she's not only Getting a husband; 546 00:27:30,233 --> 00:27:33,400 She's getting An entire mental hospital. 547 00:27:36,433 --> 00:27:37,900 My wife, deb, Likes that, right? 548 00:27:37,900 --> 00:27:38,967 That's my wife over there, 549 00:27:38,967 --> 00:27:40,433 The drunk one. 550 00:27:40,433 --> 00:27:41,300 Yeah. 551 00:27:41,300 --> 00:27:43,100 I'm just playing. 552 00:27:43,100 --> 00:27:44,533 She couldn't be drunk here 553 00:27:44,533 --> 00:27:46,700 Unless she took out a loan For a whiskey sour. 554 00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:54,200 I want to thank amy's family-- Hank and pat-- 555 00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:55,933 For throwing A wonderful party. 556 00:27:55,933 --> 00:27:57,767 They really know How to throw one, yeah. 557 00:27:57,767 --> 00:27:59,100 Yeah, you know-- 558 00:27:59,100 --> 00:28:00,900 You know, if you wanted My mom to be speechless, 559 00:28:00,900 --> 00:28:04,600 You should've shown her The buffet before the ceremony. 560 00:28:06,700 --> 00:28:08,400 But I kid. 561 00:28:10,300 --> 00:28:12,500 I kid the macdougalls. 562 00:28:12,500 --> 00:28:14,167 We get along great with them, 563 00:28:14,167 --> 00:28:15,500 Especially with peter, 564 00:28:15,500 --> 00:28:20,000 Who, by the way, ladies, Is still single. 565 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:21,000 Yeah. 566 00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:22,933 Still single. 567 00:28:22,933 --> 00:28:26,200 But, you know, I'm sure there's Somebody for him out there, 568 00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:30,133 And she'd better be Really out there. 569 00:28:35,967 --> 00:28:39,400 Yeah. Yeah. 570 00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:41,567 And, you know, One more thing 571 00:28:41,567 --> 00:28:43,067 About the editing. 572 00:28:43,067 --> 00:28:44,867 I, uh... 573 00:28:44,867 --> 00:28:47,467 I think you're gonna remember About today 574 00:28:47,467 --> 00:28:49,700 What you want to remember. 575 00:28:49,700 --> 00:28:53,367 You know, I guess our brains Are good like that. 576 00:28:53,367 --> 00:28:55,133 Like, I remember my wedding day 577 00:28:55,133 --> 00:28:57,033 As the day That I got to kiss 578 00:28:57,033 --> 00:28:59,400 The most beautiful girl In the world. 579 00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:01,800 Yeah. 580 00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:02,967 And I think she remembers it. 581 00:29:02,967 --> 00:29:04,733 At least, I hope she does. 582 00:29:04,733 --> 00:29:06,167 It was a good day, 583 00:29:06,167 --> 00:29:08,900 The start of a lot Of good memories. 584 00:29:08,900 --> 00:29:10,967 We completely blotted out The part 585 00:29:10,967 --> 00:29:12,667 Where mom was hanging on To my pants leg, 586 00:29:12,667 --> 00:29:13,900 Yelling, "Don't go! 587 00:29:13,900 --> 00:29:15,767 Don't go!" 588 00:29:17,100 --> 00:29:21,367 Yeah, we didn't save Those pictures, 589 00:29:21,367 --> 00:29:24,767 Just the good ones, 590 00:29:24,767 --> 00:29:26,500 Just the good ones. 591 00:29:28,567 --> 00:29:31,233 So here's To my brother, robert, 592 00:29:31,233 --> 00:29:33,833 And the best thing That ever happened to him-- 593 00:29:33,833 --> 00:29:36,400 My new sister, amy. 594 00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:38,800 You'll keep the good ones. 595 00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:42,500 [cheers] 596 00:29:42,500 --> 00:29:45,433 [applause] 597 00:30:00,433 --> 00:30:02,200 - oh! 598 00:30:04,033 --> 00:30:05,700 - ladies and gentlemen, It is now time 599 00:30:05,700 --> 00:30:09,333 For robert and amy's first dance As husband and wife 600 00:30:09,333 --> 00:30:10,633 To a song they chose 601 00:30:10,633 --> 00:30:12,600 Especially For the occasion. 602 00:30:16,500 --> 00:30:22,633 [elvis presley's "A little less Conversation" playing] 603 00:30:41,467 --> 00:30:43,167 - [singing] A little less conversation 604 00:30:43,167 --> 00:30:45,667 A little more action, please 605 00:30:45,667 --> 00:30:49,700 All this aggravation Ain't satisfactioning me 606 00:30:49,700 --> 00:30:51,833 A little more bite, A little less bark 607 00:30:51,833 --> 00:30:53,967 A little less fight And a little more spark 608 00:30:53,967 --> 00:30:55,400 Close your mouth And open up your heart 609 00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:57,833 And, baby, satisfy me 610 00:30:57,833 --> 00:31:00,367 Satisfy me, baby 611 00:31:17,100 --> 00:31:19,200 Baby, close your eyes And listen to the music 612 00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:20,933 Drifting through The summer breeze 613 00:31:20,933 --> 00:31:23,300 It's a groovy night, And I can show you how to use it 614 00:31:23,300 --> 00:31:25,367 Come along with me And put your mind at ease 615 00:31:25,367 --> 00:31:26,933 A little less conversation 616 00:31:26,933 --> 00:31:29,433 A little more action, please 617 00:31:29,433 --> 00:31:33,533 All this aggravation Ain't satisfactioning me 618 00:31:33,533 --> 00:31:35,600 A little more bite, A little less bark 619 00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:37,567 A little less fight And a little more spark 620 00:31:37,567 --> 00:31:39,300 Close your mouth And open up your heart 621 00:31:39,300 --> 00:31:41,467 And, baby, satisfy me - satisfy me 622 00:31:41,467 --> 00:31:44,167 - satisfy me, baby - satisfy me 623 00:31:44,167 --> 00:31:48,233 - come on, baby, I'm tired of talkin' 624 00:31:48,233 --> 00:31:52,367 Grab your coat And let's start walkin' 625 00:31:52,367 --> 00:31:54,633 Come on, come on - come on, come on 42791

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