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1
00:00:04,217 --> 00:00:06,339
Oh, hey, you're back
2
00:00:07,126 --> 00:00:09,116
Wow
You missed one hell of a night
3
00:00:09,116 --> 00:00:10,428
Yeah? What'd you do--
Watch "Providence,"
4
00:00:10,428 --> 00:00:12,093
take a couple of antihistamines?
5
00:00:13,359 --> 00:00:16,648
End a glass of chardonnay
with an ice cube / Mmm!
6
00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:18,920
It was like spring break for shut-ins
7
00:00:20,806 --> 00:00:22,472
How'd it go with your parents?
8
00:00:22,472 --> 00:00:25,888
Well, I thought I was gonna be sad
you know, going back to the house...
9
00:00:25,888 --> 00:00:28,441
dealing with the reality of their separation
but you know what?
10
00:00:28,441 --> 00:00:30,801
It actually turned out
to be fairly devastating
11
00:00:31,844 --> 00:00:33,900
- Oh, I'm sorry
- Yeah
12
00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:35,198
they've put the house on the market
13
00:00:35,198 --> 00:00:38,766
so they told us kids just to take anything
that really means something to us
14
00:00:39,752 --> 00:00:42,396
Boy, I can't imagine doing
that in my parent's house
15
00:00:42,396 --> 00:00:44,146
Mainly because I've already
stolen everything I liked
16
00:00:44,146 --> 00:00:45,658
and everything else is crap
17
00:00:47,596 --> 00:00:51,904
Well, I had to fight for it
but I got something I love
18
00:00:51,904 --> 00:00:52,900
Oh, good
19
00:00:57,533 --> 00:01:01,130
Well, hopefully it Will be
a reminder of all the good times
20
00:01:01,130 --> 00:01:02,582
that you and your family
21
00:01:02,582 --> 00:01:03,626
Aah!
22
00:01:05,692 --> 00:01:08,083
What the hell is that freaky thing?!
23
00:01:08,937 --> 00:01:11,404
His name's Squatsie
24
00:01:11,674 --> 00:01:13,404
When I was 9, my brothers
and I all chipped in
25
00:01:13,404 --> 00:01:15,172
and got him for
my parent's anniversary
26
00:01:15,172 --> 00:01:16,522
Even though he wasn't
really their taste
27
00:01:16,522 --> 00:01:18,371
they loved us so much
they put him right in the front garden
28
00:01:18,371 --> 00:01:19,586
where everybody could see him
29
00:01:19,933 --> 00:01:21,757
Oh, that's sweet
30
00:01:22,508 --> 00:01:26,490
Do you think it'll fit down the chute
or should we just take it to the dumpster?
31
00:01:27,317 --> 00:01:31,209
Ok, I knew when I brought a gnome into
this house that some would scoff
32
00:01:31,873 --> 00:01:34,603
but I love him!
We have been through a lot together
33
00:01:34,603 --> 00:01:35,996
Haven't we, Squatsie?
34
00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:37,266
Right you are, Will
35
00:01:37,266 --> 00:01:39,577
You've always had
a special place in me heart!
36
00:01:41,468 --> 00:01:42,803
Oh, good
37
00:01:43,093 --> 00:01:44,329
He talks, too
38
00:01:45,643 --> 00:01:49,440
And I think I see
the perfect place for him
39
00:01:50,227 --> 00:01:51,201
Huh?
40
00:01:51,201 --> 00:01:52,634
what do you think, Squats?
41
00:01:52,634 --> 00:01:54,671
Oh, I like it here, Will
42
00:01:56,890 --> 00:02:01,394
Um, may I offer one
Squatsie-related thought?
43
00:02:01,394 --> 00:02:04,941
Um, he strikes me
as an outdoor gnome
44
00:02:04,941 --> 00:02:07,119
I mean, 'cause, look
he's already wearing a jacket
45
00:02:07,119 --> 00:02:08,587
Why don't we...
46
00:02:09,219 --> 00:02:10,948
keep him in our garden?
47
00:02:11,978 --> 00:02:14,549
What? That community garden
plot across the street?
48
00:02:14,549 --> 00:02:15,976
I thought we got rid of
that two years ago
49
00:02:15,976 --> 00:02:17,737
Eh, there was this big form
you had to fill out
50
00:02:17,737 --> 00:02:19,837
It was less work
just to pay the bill
51
00:02:20,512 --> 00:02:22,568
Once again your sloth pays off
52
00:02:22,863 --> 00:02:24,092
You know, this is a great idea
53
00:02:24,092 --> 00:02:27,526
I used to sit in the garden
and look at my gnome
54
00:02:27,526 --> 00:02:30,078
and look at the flowers
sing songs
55
00:02:30,078 --> 00:02:32,226
Thinking about falling
in love some day
56
00:02:32,785 --> 00:02:34,977
I even used to make wishes on him
57
00:02:35,895 --> 00:02:39,176
Did you wish to be gay?
Because that one really came true
58
00:02:59,958 --> 00:03:03,113
And, Karen, you know
I wouldn't be asking for your help
59
00:03:03,113 --> 00:03:05,297
if I didn't feel
we were like family
60
00:03:05,297 --> 00:03:08,035
I mean, God
all we've been through
61
00:03:08,035 --> 00:03:10,918
Oh, I know, honey
You don't have to remind me
62
00:03:10,918 --> 00:03:13,183
Well, you know
our history together--
63
00:03:13,183 --> 00:03:15,596
Those summers
we spent in Sag Harbor
64
00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:17,896
you and Stan
me and Lorraine
65
00:03:17,896 --> 00:03:20,168
Oh, Lorraine. Hmm
66
00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:21,779
Good times
67
00:03:24,286 --> 00:03:27,023
I'm sorry
I have no idea who you are
68
00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:29,940
Norman
69
00:03:30,315 --> 00:03:31,744
Keep going
70
00:03:32,222 --> 00:03:34,027
Stan's old partner
71
00:03:34,027 --> 00:03:36,104
We started the mattress store together
72
00:03:36,104 --> 00:03:37,411
- Mattress store...
- Remember?
73
00:03:37,411 --> 00:03:39,969
Then he wanted to branch out
into other businesses
74
00:03:39,969 --> 00:03:44,118
but I said, no
I'll just not take any chances
75
00:03:44,118 --> 00:03:46,281
So now I've got
the one little store
76
00:03:46,281 --> 00:03:49,088
and he's worth
hundreds of millions of dollars
77
00:03:50,641 --> 00:03:53,228
Schmucky Norman!
Of course!
78
00:03:54,510 --> 00:03:56,030
I need your help
79
00:03:56,030 --> 00:03:58,340
We're getting killed by the big guys
80
00:03:58,340 --> 00:04:01,793
and I need the money
to make a T.V. commercial
81
00:04:02,374 --> 00:04:04,274
Karen! Huge news!
82
00:04:04,274 --> 00:04:05,324
Hello, sir
83
00:04:05,324 --> 00:04:07,691
I just got back from my acting class
and my teacher --
84
00:04:07,691 --> 00:04:09,173
Zandra-with-a-"Z" --
85
00:04:09,173 --> 00:04:12,982
said my monologue was
the second worst she's ever seen
86
00:04:14,008 --> 00:04:15,316
You hear that?
87
00:04:15,591 --> 00:04:16,632
I'm getting better
88
00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:20,026
Honey, give me a minute, ok?
89
00:04:20,026 --> 00:04:23,025
I'm catching up here
with my dear old friend...
90
00:04:23,025 --> 00:04:24,467
Norman
91
00:04:24,467 --> 00:04:26,754
Norman! Norman
Norman, right
92
00:04:26,990 --> 00:04:29,623
Listen, honey, since it
means something to Stan
93
00:04:29,623 --> 00:04:31,601
I'll throw a few
shekels your way
94
00:04:31,601 --> 00:04:33,118
What kind of commercial
are we talking?
95
00:04:33,118 --> 00:04:35,944
Oh, something simple
for local cable
96
00:04:35,944 --> 00:04:40,689
and because the store
is called "Senor Mattress,"
97
00:04:43,238 --> 00:04:47,577
I could be lying on one of
the high-end posturepedics
98
00:04:47,577 --> 00:04:49,182
wearing a sombrero
99
00:04:49,182 --> 00:04:52,785
and Lorraine could come in all sexy
and cootchie-cootchie and--
100
00:04:52,785 --> 00:04:55,426
Honey, honey
I'm gonna stop you right there
101
00:04:55,426 --> 00:04:58,050
otherwise I'll never be able to
drink solid foods again
102
00:05:00,927 --> 00:05:03,863
I think we're gonna need a real actor
103
00:05:04,691 --> 00:05:06,244
Yeah, well, let's see
104
00:05:10,196 --> 00:05:13,136
Why don't you run on home
and we'll talk in a couple of days, ok?
105
00:05:13,136 --> 00:05:15,530
Oh, thank you, Karen
I appreciate it
106
00:05:15,530 --> 00:05:16,760
- Oh...
- Good-bye
107
00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:19,442
Good-bye, uh... uh...
108
00:05:20,256 --> 00:05:22,232
- Norman!
- Norman!
109
00:05:23,705 --> 00:05:25,945
Whoo! Honey
we're having auditions again
110
00:05:25,945 --> 00:05:29,204
so break out the rulers
and I'll heat up the oils
111
00:05:29,958 --> 00:05:31,853
No! Karen, what about me?!
112
00:05:31,853 --> 00:05:33,402
I could star in
your commercial! / No...
113
00:05:33,402 --> 00:05:34,596
I'm an actor!
114
00:05:34,933 --> 00:05:36,029
Do I need to remind you
115
00:05:36,029 --> 00:05:38,915
I almost just got that part in
Seven Grooms for Seven Brothers?
116
00:05:44,577 --> 00:05:47,070
Till that damn 15th guy showed up
117
00:05:49,092 --> 00:05:52,596
Honey, this is not
some trashy downtown skit
118
00:05:52,596 --> 00:05:54,493
where you flit around in
tights performing
119
00:05:54,493 --> 00:05:56,503
for homeless men
in cardboard RVs
120
00:05:58,493 --> 00:06:01,688
We need a virile
hunky, straight actor
121
00:06:01,972 --> 00:06:04,629
Uh, hello!
I could totally play straight!
122
00:06:09,084 --> 00:06:14,513
Oh, honey, no one in the world
would believe you're straight
123
00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:17,887
You're as gay as a
clutch purse on Tony night
124
00:06:20,829 --> 00:06:24,926
You fell out of the gay tree hitting
every gay branch on the way down
125
00:06:29,329 --> 00:06:31,516
And you landed on a gay guy
126
00:06:33,273 --> 00:06:34,493
And you did him
127
00:06:39,783 --> 00:06:41,550
No, no, honey
128
00:06:41,550 --> 00:06:44,018
your gayness can be
seen from space
129
00:06:44,018 --> 00:06:45,129
Why, you're so gay that--
130
00:06:48,191 --> 00:06:50,160
And will you be
needing your own trailer?
131
00:06:54,865 --> 00:06:57,591
Steve, I'm sorry
we haven't been here in a while
132
00:06:57,591 --> 00:06:58,265
I mean We meant to
133
00:06:58,265 --> 00:07:01,655
it's just that you know how life gets busy
and exciting and gardening
134
00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:04,277
sort of gets pushed to
the bottom of the list
135
00:07:04,277 --> 00:07:06,774
I wouldn't know
This is all I have
136
00:07:08,787 --> 00:07:11,145
- So which plot's ours?
- Right here
137
00:07:11,393 --> 00:07:12,370
Ta-da!
138
00:07:15,269 --> 00:07:16,582
Wow
139
00:07:17,607 --> 00:07:19,827
Well, our sun-dried tomatoes came in
140
00:07:22,097 --> 00:07:24,671
I guess it's funny
that you killed everything
141
00:07:36,034 --> 00:07:37,928
Ok...
142
00:07:37,928 --> 00:07:39,811
I may have gone a little overboard
143
00:07:39,811 --> 00:07:41,651
but I figure we can afford it
because of all the money
144
00:07:41,651 --> 00:07:43,793
we're gonna save
growing our own food
145
00:07:43,793 --> 00:07:46,780
Well, you don't eat vegetables
so unless we can grow a Ring-Ding bush
146
00:07:46,780 --> 00:07:48,530
I really don't see that happening
147
00:07:51,132 --> 00:07:53,355
Come on. Dig in
I want to make it pretty for Squatsie
148
00:07:53,355 --> 00:07:57,378
Yeah, let's get in there
and start making things grow
149
00:07:57,849 --> 00:07:59,338
But I'm gonna do it
from over here
150
00:07:59,338 --> 00:08:01,823
because I don't want to get my
new gardening clothes dirty
151
00:08:04,726 --> 00:08:06,628
Grace, come here, you wuss
152
00:08:09,849 --> 00:08:11,471
Get your fingers in the earth
153
00:08:11,471 --> 00:08:13,093
Connect with nature
154
00:08:14,042 --> 00:08:17,076
It's almost spiritual, really
Aah! A worm! A worm!
155
00:08:17,076 --> 00:08:18,283
Kill it! Kill it!
156
00:08:21,325 --> 00:08:22,253
Yuh!
157
00:08:22,253 --> 00:08:24,320
Hey! Hey
what are you doing
158
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:26,577
getting dirt all over
my prize-winning lettuce?!
159
00:08:27,474 --> 00:08:27,951
I'm sorry
160
00:08:27,951 --> 00:08:31,528
We just had a really close call
with a worm the size of a--
161
00:08:31,528 --> 00:08:33,384
a really small snake
162
00:08:36,788 --> 00:08:38,601
Hi, I'm Grace
This is Will
163
00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:39,794
You know what?
164
00:08:39,794 --> 00:08:40,904
Let's get one thing straight, ok?
165
00:08:40,904 --> 00:08:43,743
I come here to be alone
not to socialize with
166
00:08:43,743 --> 00:08:45,931
a couple of freaks
growing hippie spinach
167
00:08:45,931 --> 00:08:48,956
So keep your crap off my plot
and we'll get along fine
168
00:08:48,956 --> 00:08:50,134
Capisce?
169
00:08:54,151 --> 00:08:56,270
Did he just say, "capisce"?
170
00:09:07,205 --> 00:09:08,691
Whee!
Ha ha ha!
171
00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:12,832
Oh, I love the Game Show Network
172
00:09:12,832 --> 00:09:14,489
Jack, when is your
commercial gonna be on?
173
00:09:14,489 --> 00:09:19,392
You've already made us sit through
eight episodes of "Match Game 73."
174
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:20,470
If I have to watch one more
175
00:09:20,470 --> 00:09:22,957
I'm gonna
"blank" in my shorts
176
00:09:25,412 --> 00:09:27,141
Oh, wait!
Here it is! Here it is!
177
00:09:27,388 --> 00:09:30,479
Has this ever happened to you?
178
00:09:31,017 --> 00:09:32,911
Honey, are you awake?
179
00:09:32,911 --> 00:09:35,778
Of course I'm awake
I haven't slept in weeks
180
00:09:35,999 --> 00:09:40,483
- Well, do you wanna--
- No! I'm tired, and I'm irritable
181
00:09:40,483 --> 00:09:42,720
You're always tired and irritable
182
00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:45,595
- I'm a man. I have needs
- I don't care
183
00:09:45,595 --> 00:09:47,126
Until we get a new mattress
184
00:09:47,126 --> 00:09:49,207
you're not gonna lay a hand on me
185
00:09:50,162 --> 00:09:53,374
Isn't there anyone
out there who can help me?
186
00:09:56,154 --> 00:09:58,296
Why don't you just pop in the
shower and help yourself?
187
00:09:58,296 --> 00:09:59,184
Shh! Shh!
188
00:10:02,077 --> 00:10:05,061
So come on down to Senor Mattress
189
00:10:05,857 --> 00:10:09,101
And I'll take care of all your needs
190
00:10:11,872 --> 00:10:14,608
Muchos gracias, Senor Mattress
191
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:18,082
Gracias for everything!
192
00:10:23,071 --> 00:10:25,331
Honey, that was really moving
193
00:10:25,331 --> 00:10:27,681
You know
I think I got a little misty...
194
00:10:29,973 --> 00:10:31,157
Down there
195
00:10:37,392 --> 00:10:38,174
Oh!
196
00:10:39,082 --> 00:10:41,505
We should get going if we
want to do some gardening
197
00:10:41,505 --> 00:10:43,813
Ok, let me just grab my hoe
and I'll be ready
198
00:10:44,276 --> 00:10:45,090
I'm ready
199
00:10:49,584 --> 00:10:53,345
Honey, you were right
You were totally convincing as a hetero
200
00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:56,885
- I was, wasn't I?
- Mm-hmm
201
00:10:56,885 --> 00:10:58,973
And guess what?
I got a little surprise for you
202
00:10:58,973 --> 00:11:03,472
Your first check, and, no
your eyes are not deceiving you
203
00:11:03,472 --> 00:11:06,800
Those are two zeroes after that "1."
204
00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:10,783
- Yeah....
- And listen to this
205
00:11:10,783 --> 00:11:12,307
For your next commercial
206
00:11:12,307 --> 00:11:15,020
that "one" is going to
become a "two,"
207
00:11:15,020 --> 00:11:17,408
and that second zero
will disappear. Ok?
208
00:11:19,397 --> 00:11:21,268
A second commercial?
209
00:11:22,064 --> 00:11:24,059
I don't think I can do that, Karen
210
00:11:24,059 --> 00:11:25,850
Huh? Huh?
What? Gin?!
211
00:11:27,386 --> 00:11:29,637
I-- I think I made an awful mistake
212
00:11:30,128 --> 00:11:34,510
I was so convincing as a hetero
Now no one will ever cast me as gay
213
00:11:36,199 --> 00:11:38,360
What in the hell
are you talking about?
214
00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:42,776
I'm typecast!
Pigeon-chested! Corn-holed!
215
00:11:47,581 --> 00:11:49,974
Now I'll never get a chance to
play the gay romantic lead
216
00:11:49,974 --> 00:11:51,947
in a Hollywood blockbuster movie
217
00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:57,094
Or the gay general leading
his gay troops into battle
218
00:12:00,043 --> 00:12:02,717
And you can kiss my gay action
hero franchise good-bye
219
00:12:02,717 --> 00:12:05,284
No ornery black police
captain Will ever say to me
220
00:12:05,284 --> 00:12:07,038
You a loose cannon, Bruce
221
00:12:07,038 --> 00:12:10,419
Turn in your badge and your chaps
and get your gay ass out of my precinct
222
00:12:15,162 --> 00:12:16,832
Ok. All right
223
00:12:17,697 --> 00:12:19,868
I think I see what's happening here
224
00:12:19,868 --> 00:12:22,583
And, uh, here's what I'm gonna do
225
00:12:25,968 --> 00:12:31,765
For your next commercial I'm gonna put
a "three" in front of that zero, ok?
226
00:12:31,765 --> 00:12:33,217
That's 30 dollars
227
00:12:36,659 --> 00:12:40,293
30 Canadian dollars
228
00:12:41,357 --> 00:12:44,309
No! There's not gonna
be a next commercial!
229
00:12:44,309 --> 00:12:47,410
And if you were any kind of friend
you'd pull that one off the air!
230
00:12:48,865 --> 00:12:49,616
Ok. Uh
231
00:12:51,287 --> 00:12:52,893
I'm gonna tell you what I told
232
00:12:52,893 --> 00:12:54,808
Stan yesterday in prison...
233
00:12:55,380 --> 00:12:56,987
I ain't pullin' nothin'
234
00:12:59,912 --> 00:13:03,138
Since we started running that ad
mattress sales have doubled...
235
00:13:03,138 --> 00:13:04,317
To five!
236
00:13:06,548 --> 00:13:09,834
So you're gonna keep hawkin'
those beds, and you're gonna like it!
237
00:13:09,834 --> 00:13:12,079
- Forget it! I quit!
- Oh!
238
00:13:14,467 --> 00:13:16,678
Oh, look! My ride's here
and it's a huff!
239
00:13:16,678 --> 00:13:17,894
I believe I'll leave in it!
240
00:13:23,492 --> 00:13:25,751
Aah!
God, these bugs!
241
00:13:25,751 --> 00:13:26,839
Hey!
242
00:13:26,839 --> 00:13:28,897
Lock the gate when you leave!
243
00:13:28,897 --> 00:13:30,406
Last night you dinks left it open
244
00:13:30,406 --> 00:13:32,710
I don't want anyone swiping
my prize-winning lettuce
245
00:13:33,830 --> 00:13:37,336
And your stinking dwarf is ruining
the view from my garden
246
00:13:37,336 --> 00:13:38,917
Lose it!
247
00:13:40,721 --> 00:13:42,638
That guy is so mean!
248
00:13:42,638 --> 00:13:44,688
Just forget about him, Will
249
00:13:44,913 --> 00:13:47,564
You know, what does that guy know
about sentimental attachments?
250
00:13:48,223 --> 00:13:48,968
Ow!
251
00:13:50,003 --> 00:13:50,988
Sorry
252
00:13:50,988 --> 00:13:52,113
- There were two of them
- Oh
253
00:13:52,741 --> 00:13:55,269
Ow! Thanks
Did you get it?
254
00:13:55,269 --> 00:13:56,432
Get what?
255
00:13:59,437 --> 00:14:01,646
Oh! This--
This is driving me crazy
256
00:14:01,646 --> 00:14:04,124
I'm gonna go get some bug spray
You want anything?
257
00:14:04,124 --> 00:14:05,536
Bactine and a Dove Bar
258
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:09,763
I'll see you later, Squatsie
259
00:14:09,763 --> 00:14:12,226
I'll count the moments
till you come back, Will
260
00:14:15,076 --> 00:14:15,597
Ok
261
00:14:24,141 --> 00:14:25,000
Get away!
262
00:14:34,683 --> 00:14:35,839
Got 'em...
263
00:14:45,776 --> 00:14:46,405
Hey!
264
00:14:50,765 --> 00:14:52,880
Will, I have some bad news
265
00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:54,676
What?
That outfit isn't returnable?
266
00:14:57,687 --> 00:14:59,967
No, it's really bad
267
00:15:00,365 --> 00:15:04,772
So bad that, uh
even a Dove Bar won't help?
268
00:15:05,189 --> 00:15:06,653
I'm afraid so
269
00:15:19,089 --> 00:15:20,017
What is it?
270
00:15:22,819 --> 00:15:23,929
Aah!
271
00:15:25,978 --> 00:15:27,486
Oh, my God!
272
00:15:27,486 --> 00:15:29,466
Ok, look, I know you're upset--
273
00:15:29,466 --> 00:15:31,626
- How did this happen?
- Will, I--
274
00:15:31,626 --> 00:15:33,773
Was-- Was it him?!
275
00:15:34,061 --> 00:15:36,368
Was it that mean guy
that told us to lose it?!
276
00:15:36,368 --> 00:15:38,612
Oh, this is so hard
for me to say, but...
277
00:15:39,843 --> 00:15:41,888
Yes. Yes, it was
278
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,038
Oh, Zandra, over here
279
00:15:48,641 --> 00:15:49,934
Zandra Zoggin
280
00:15:49,934 --> 00:15:53,261
acting teacher extraordinario--
Class is full, don't bother asking!
281
00:15:53,514 --> 00:15:55,627
Zandra, please sit down right here
Thank you
282
00:15:55,627 --> 00:15:56,612
Oh, excuse me
283
00:15:56,843 --> 00:15:58,567
Can I get you something to drink?
Some coffee or something?
284
00:15:58,567 --> 00:15:59,979
This better be good
285
00:16:00,486 --> 00:16:05,338
You're taking time away from my slow
agonizing march toward death
286
00:16:09,001 --> 00:16:10,239
Well, I won't keep you
287
00:16:12,994 --> 00:16:14,081
As you know
288
00:16:14,081 --> 00:16:17,732
there's no one whose opinion
I respect more than yours
289
00:16:17,973 --> 00:16:19,479
In fact...
290
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,971
I've always considered
you a father figure
291
00:16:21,971 --> 00:16:26,160
Oh, I'm not your fag hag, McFarland
292
00:16:27,251 --> 00:16:29,412
I am your acting teacher
293
00:16:29,763 --> 00:16:31,160
And get to the point!
294
00:16:32,823 --> 00:16:34,968
Ok. I just did a commercial
295
00:16:35,177 --> 00:16:38,271
Played a strappin' straighty
with a yen for the ladies
296
00:16:38,809 --> 00:16:40,077
and, Zandra...
297
00:16:40,341 --> 00:16:41,634
I was good
298
00:16:43,156 --> 00:16:45,125
I was too good, I think
299
00:16:45,125 --> 00:16:47,311
And now I'm plagued with doubt
300
00:16:47,311 --> 00:16:51,963
Should I compromise my career goals
for literally tens of dollars?
301
00:16:53,140 --> 00:16:54,634
I say no!
302
00:16:54,634 --> 00:16:56,505
So when they asked me
to do a second commercial
303
00:16:56,505 --> 00:16:58,126
I turned them down!
304
00:16:58,126 --> 00:17:00,617
And because you're my mentor
I wanted you to be the first to know
305
00:17:00,617 --> 00:17:02,139
You may praise me
306
00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:04,699
You stupid little ass monkey!
307
00:17:05,549 --> 00:17:09,001
Ow! Ow, Zandra!
My cheekbones! Ow!
308
00:17:09,001 --> 00:17:11,073
You turned down a paying job?!
309
00:17:13,211 --> 00:17:17,028
40 years in this profession
and you are far and away
310
00:17:17,028 --> 00:17:19,410
the worst student I've ever had
311
00:17:20,090 --> 00:17:23,186
And now by some miracle of God
312
00:17:23,186 --> 00:17:27,733
someone actually offered you a job
and you turned them down?!
313
00:17:29,031 --> 00:17:31,560
If I still smoked
I would take my Parliament
314
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:32,955
and stick it in your eye!
315
00:17:37,122 --> 00:17:40,107
Oh, what the hell
I'm just gonna jab you with this dirty fork
316
00:17:40,107 --> 00:17:44,184
No! No! No! No! No!
317
00:17:45,166 --> 00:17:46,137
Wait!
318
00:17:46,479 --> 00:17:48,455
Zandra, what about all that stuff
you're always saying about
319
00:17:48,455 --> 00:17:51,093
how we need to make
tough choices in our careers?
320
00:17:51,093 --> 00:17:55,292
Well, that only applies to people
who have careers!
321
00:17:57,004 --> 00:17:59,627
You go back to this brainless fart
322
00:17:59,627 --> 00:18:01,592
who gave you this part
in the first place
323
00:18:01,592 --> 00:18:03,547
and you get down on your knees...
324
00:18:04,321 --> 00:18:05,816
and you beg...
325
00:18:06,332 --> 00:18:09,139
like a gypsy in an airport...
326
00:18:10,234 --> 00:18:12,584
for your job back!
327
00:18:12,584 --> 00:18:13,118
- No
- Please!
328
00:18:13,118 --> 00:18:13,175
- No
- Please!
329
00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:13,851
- No
- Please!
330
00:18:13,851 --> 00:18:14,614
- No
- Please!
331
00:18:14,614 --> 00:18:15,341
- No
- Please!
332
00:18:15,341 --> 00:18:16,055
- No
- Please!
333
00:18:16,055 --> 00:18:16,772
- No
- Please!
334
00:18:16,772 --> 00:18:20,079
- No
- Please!
335
00:18:24,567 --> 00:18:25,424
Oh, my God
336
00:18:27,529 --> 00:18:28,523
His ear
337
00:18:32,401 --> 00:18:34,564
I'm sorry, Squatsie
338
00:18:41,966 --> 00:18:45,163
Here's a little prize for your lettuce
339
00:18:46,027 --> 00:18:48,195
Hey! What are you doing!
Get off my land!
340
00:18:48,580 --> 00:18:49,690
I wasn't doing anything!
341
00:18:49,989 --> 00:18:51,648
Stay where you are, fella!
342
00:18:52,783 --> 00:18:56,141
This situation does not call for a whistle
and who comes for a whistle?!
343
00:18:56,141 --> 00:18:57,764
What's going on?
I heard the whistle
344
00:18:58,374 --> 00:19:00,192
Nothing
Nothing is going on
345
00:19:00,192 --> 00:19:01,548
He is trespassing!
346
00:19:01,548 --> 00:19:04,115
Probably trying to swipe some of
my prize-winning lettuce
347
00:19:04,630 --> 00:19:06,524
Hey, I got your message
348
00:19:06,914 --> 00:19:07,780
What are you doing in the garden?
349
00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:09,595
I thought you weren't
coming here anymore
350
00:19:09,595 --> 00:19:11,046
- This guy is a thief
- I am not!
351
00:19:11,046 --> 00:19:12,377
- What's going on?
- I'm calling the cops
352
00:19:12,377 --> 00:19:14,925
There's no need to call the cops
I wasn't stealing anything
353
00:19:14,925 --> 00:19:16,763
Oh, yeah?
Then what were you doing in here?!
354
00:19:16,763 --> 00:19:18,479
Yeah, what were you doing in here?
355
00:19:18,479 --> 00:19:19,551
What were you doing here?
356
00:19:20,408 --> 00:19:23,451
Because the-- I--
357
00:19:23,898 --> 00:19:26,517
I was peeing! Ok?!
358
00:19:26,517 --> 00:19:27,925
I was gonna pee on his lettuce
359
00:19:27,925 --> 00:19:29,448
because he broke my gnome
360
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:31,727
The only thing I have left
from my parent's marriage
361
00:19:31,727 --> 00:19:32,543
and he broke it!
362
00:19:32,543 --> 00:19:34,598
I come from a broken home
and now thanks to you
363
00:19:34,598 --> 00:19:36,645
I come from a broken gnome!
364
00:19:37,295 --> 00:19:39,295
I didn't break anything!
365
00:19:39,295 --> 00:19:41,011
I don't know what the hell
you're talking about!
366
00:19:41,011 --> 00:19:42,548
Oh, please!
Grace saw you do it!
367
00:19:42,548 --> 00:19:43,557
Grace, tell him!
368
00:19:44,380 --> 00:19:45,727
What did you see, Grace?
369
00:19:45,727 --> 00:19:47,549
Yeah!
What'd you see?!
370
00:19:48,434 --> 00:19:49,309
I-- I--
371
00:19:52,570 --> 00:19:54,728
I broke it, ok?!
I broke it!
372
00:19:54,728 --> 00:19:56,456
I'm-- I'm the gnome-wrecker!
373
00:19:58,083 --> 00:19:59,315
And I was going to tell you
374
00:19:59,315 --> 00:20:01,647
but you just--you love
that damn thing so much
375
00:20:01,647 --> 00:20:03,367
and I didn't know how
376
00:20:03,367 --> 00:20:05,702
And since you were already so mad
at him for being so mean
377
00:20:05,702 --> 00:20:07,860
I just thought that you would--
you would go with it
378
00:20:07,860 --> 00:20:09,864
Why do you have to be so mean?!
379
00:20:10,850 --> 00:20:12,225
Yeah, why are you mean?
380
00:20:13,444 --> 00:20:14,959
Why are you so mean?
381
00:20:18,348 --> 00:20:22,272
Because I-- I--
382
00:20:22,272 --> 00:20:24,550
I lost my job, ok?!
383
00:20:24,943 --> 00:20:27,368
I spent so much time
with my prize-winning lettuce
384
00:20:27,368 --> 00:20:29,315
that I-- I lost my job!
385
00:20:29,574 --> 00:20:32,579
I mean, yeah, yeah
I embezzled a little bit, but...
386
00:20:33,854 --> 00:20:35,640
It was mostly the lettuce
387
00:20:36,172 --> 00:20:38,601
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
388
00:20:38,601 --> 00:20:39,744
I'm sorry, too
389
00:20:40,857 --> 00:20:42,125
Me-- Me, too
390
00:20:42,125 --> 00:20:45,444
I'm--I'm--
I'm really sorry
391
00:20:55,877 --> 00:20:58,486
You know, I've had
a rough couple of days, too
392
00:21:03,665 --> 00:21:04,844
Oh, look
Here's that commercial
393
00:21:04,844 --> 00:21:06,343
I wonder who they
got to replace you?
394
00:21:06,343 --> 00:21:09,163
Has this ever happened to you?
395
00:21:11,062 --> 00:21:12,642
Honey, are you awake?
396
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:15,720
Of course I'm awake
I haven't slept in weeks
397
00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:18,079
Oh, well, do you wanna--
398
00:21:18,079 --> 00:21:20,967
No! I'm tired
and I'm irritable
399
00:21:20,967 --> 00:21:25,098
You're always tired and irritable
I'm a man. I have needs
400
00:21:25,346 --> 00:21:29,227
Isn't there someone out there
who can help me?
29382
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