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1
00:00:41,842 --> 00:00:43,563
So? How'd it go last night?
2
00:00:43,643 --> 00:00:47,563
We drove up to Chester's Peak and
spent the whole night under the stars.
3
00:00:47,643 --> 00:00:51,122
You gotta lock this man down, Brenda!
No offense, but you're Sam Goody.
4
00:00:51,202 --> 00:00:52,522
He's Tower Records.
5
00:00:52,603 --> 00:00:58,482
Oh, my God, we're taking it slow, Kate!
And I've got my entire life ahead of me.
6
00:00:58,883 --> 00:01:02,522
Brenda Cokono, will you make me
the luckiest man in the whole world?
7
00:01:08,723 --> 00:01:09,883
Oh, my God!
8
00:01:33,202 --> 00:01:37,043
Many moons ago, the bureaucrats in city
hall thought it wise
9
00:01:37,122 --> 00:01:40,362
to deprive our great city
of its one and only mall.
10
00:01:40,443 --> 00:01:43,762
Once upon a time, our youth were filled
with dreams and promise
11
00:01:43,842 --> 00:01:45,883
but we forced them out of the food courts,
12
00:01:45,963 --> 00:01:48,523
arcades and toy stores right
into the hands
13
00:01:48,603 --> 00:01:52,362
of the mohawked, switchblade-wielding
gangs that awaited just outside!
14
00:01:52,443 --> 00:01:57,323
"Don't re-open this mall!" They said.
"It's haunted!" They said.
15
00:01:57,402 --> 00:01:59,562
Well, a new day rises.
16
00:01:59,642 --> 00:02:03,362
And under my leadership,
we re-open these doors and give back
17
00:02:03,443 --> 00:02:08,242
to the citizens of Bakersfield
the mall they so rightly deserve.
18
00:02:10,962 --> 00:02:14,723
I will now cut the ceremonial ribbon
with these novelty scissors,
19
00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:17,362
which can be purchased
at the new Novelty Scissors store
20
00:02:17,443 --> 00:02:19,323
located on the second floor.
21
00:02:38,922 --> 00:02:41,043
Come on, hon!
Our hibachi tables awaits!
22
00:02:41,362 --> 00:02:44,682
Trust me, you do not want
to disrespect the Japanese.
23
00:02:44,762 --> 00:02:46,082
Get me a to go box!
24
00:02:46,163 --> 00:02:49,323
Well, well. What'a we have here?
25
00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:53,443
Not a great idea to walk these streets
alone, grandpa.
26
00:02:53,522 --> 00:02:56,883
Lucky for you, my buddies'n I
got a nice cold six pack
27
00:02:56,962 --> 00:03:01,242
back at our gang headquarters.
You ever had a beer before, tough guy?
28
00:03:01,323 --> 00:03:03,883
- Yes?
- Stebe, it's our anniversary!
29
00:03:03,962 --> 00:03:07,482
And I thank you for the invitation,
but I respectfully decline.
30
00:03:07,563 --> 00:03:11,802
Oh, no, see, that's a bad move.
Cause that'd make you our enemy.
31
00:03:11,883 --> 00:03:14,403
You don't wanna be our enemy now,
do ya'?
32
00:03:14,482 --> 00:03:15,522
No?
33
00:03:15,603 --> 00:03:17,802
Stebe Hornsby, you get inside
this mall right now!
34
00:03:19,843 --> 00:03:22,843
- Who was that you were talking to?
- No one! A friend!
35
00:03:25,443 --> 00:03:29,843
Look at this place! A Vitamin Shop
right next to a shoe store!?
36
00:03:29,922 --> 00:03:35,082
A store that only sells hats?! I love you
so much! Get the F out of here!
37
00:03:35,163 --> 00:03:37,762
- Excuse me, mister.
- Not you, silly. Those.
38
00:03:40,843 --> 00:03:45,003
Stebe, I know you would rather be couped
up at home, but this is our special day.
39
00:03:45,082 --> 00:03:46,522
Yeah, maybe you're right.
40
00:03:46,603 --> 00:03:51,443
You know me, I'm a thrill seeker.
Look! An escalator!
41
00:03:57,163 --> 00:04:00,202
- Stebe, what's wrong?
- Nothing. Maybe we take the stairs.
42
00:04:00,283 --> 00:04:04,082
What? Why?
Look, it's easy. I'll show you.
43
00:04:12,762 --> 00:04:14,003
Now it's your turn!
44
00:04:14,082 --> 00:04:16,523
I don't wanna ride the fucking escalator,
okay?! God!
45
00:04:16,603 --> 00:04:19,643
Just one thing after another with you!
I'll meet you at the restaurant! God!
46
00:04:25,083 --> 00:04:29,043
Looks like the mall is re-opened
and I'm on my way to re-election.
47
00:04:29,122 --> 00:04:31,843
Ms. Mayor, we have to shut down
the mall now!
48
00:04:31,922 --> 00:04:33,203
These electromagnetic waves
49
00:04:33,283 --> 00:04:36,002
are forecasting an unprecedented spike
in paranormal activity!
50
00:04:36,083 --> 00:04:38,723
Officer Smith, meet Doctor Richards.
51
00:04:38,802 --> 00:04:42,283
The mall's lead scientist and a real pain
in my you know what.
52
00:04:42,362 --> 00:04:44,043
Sorry, but this mall stays open!
53
00:04:44,403 --> 00:04:46,643
I've been a student of science
all my life, Mayor.
54
00:04:46,723 --> 00:04:49,882
Science, science, science!
That's all I ever hear from you!
55
00:04:49,963 --> 00:04:54,322
And I will not stand idly as you put these
good citizens in harms way! Oh, yeah!
56
00:04:54,843 --> 00:04:58,203
We're all doomed!
Doomed, Jerry, doomed!
57
00:05:06,482 --> 00:05:08,163
Hey! What happened
to the Tower Records?
58
00:05:08,242 --> 00:05:10,002
I'm trying to return this piece
of sell-out trash!
59
00:05:18,843 --> 00:05:22,203
Alright, I get it, you don't want to give
me my money back. Fine, I'm outta here.
60
00:05:22,922 --> 00:05:28,802
Leave. Leave this mall as soon as you can.
It's not safe here.
61
00:05:29,283 --> 00:05:33,122
And whatever you do,
do not take the escalator...
62
00:05:33,203 --> 00:05:36,763
Let go of me, perv! What are you,
my eighth grade piano teacher?
63
00:05:36,843 --> 00:05:38,922
Welcome to Hibachi Chachi's!
64
00:05:39,002 --> 00:05:42,482
I may not be authentically Japanese,
but I can assure you I'm a pro.
65
00:05:43,362 --> 00:05:46,442
It's not that you're not Japanese.
Although that is a bit of a bummer.
66
00:05:46,523 --> 00:05:47,963
It's my husband, Stebe.
67
00:05:48,043 --> 00:05:50,802
I just wish he'd embrace some
of the things I like for once.
68
00:05:50,882 --> 00:05:56,882
I once was in love too, but master Ichiro
Makimoto ground my soul to bits over years
69
00:05:56,963 --> 00:06:01,322
of intense, relentless hibachi training,
making my heart grow cold.
70
00:06:04,163 --> 00:06:06,122
There you are!
71
00:06:06,203 --> 00:06:08,643
Welcome to Hibachi Chachi's,
my name's Phil.
72
00:06:08,723 --> 00:06:11,723
- Phil, huh? Doesn't sound very authentic.
- Dude!
73
00:06:14,603 --> 00:06:16,963
Welcome to Build-A-Dillo!
What can I help you create today?
74
00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:18,802
But make it quick,
we are swamped!
75
00:06:18,882 --> 00:06:20,002
I'm picking...
76
00:06:20,083 --> 00:06:22,242
And for the last time no
aardvarks or anteaters!
77
00:06:22,322 --> 00:06:25,002
I'm picking up an advance order.
Under Matt Hornsby?
78
00:06:25,083 --> 00:06:27,203
You're going to need to be more
specific, kid. We're backed up here.
79
00:06:27,283 --> 00:06:28,963
- What's the name on the 'Dillo?
- Matt Hornsby.
80
00:06:29,043 --> 00:06:33,242
When I tried to take out a loan from the
bank for a customizable armadillo store,
81
00:06:33,322 --> 00:06:35,322
they laughed at me.
Can you believe that?
82
00:06:35,403 --> 00:06:37,643
I'm just hoping I can get through this
rush in the next few weeks
83
00:06:37,723 --> 00:06:40,122
so I can finally get some downtime.
84
00:06:40,882 --> 00:06:42,843
- Sorry! What's the name?
- Matt Hornsby.
85
00:06:42,922 --> 00:06:47,203
Got it. Alright, just gotta find it here
on this long list of 'Dillo orders.
86
00:06:47,562 --> 00:06:49,763
Everybody loves the idea.
87
00:06:51,682 --> 00:06:53,802
You know my dad
isn't even talking to me anymore?
88
00:06:53,882 --> 00:06:56,682
Doesn't like that I'm in the 'Dillo biz.
Anyway, what's the name?
89
00:06:56,763 --> 00:06:57,763
Matt Hornsby!
90
00:06:57,843 --> 00:07:00,682
One of the new guys must have forgot
to put your name down.
91
00:07:00,763 --> 00:07:02,682
Let me see what I can find in the back.
92
00:07:03,002 --> 00:07:06,083
A big time Hollywood producer
came in here earlier and said he wants
93
00:07:06,163 --> 00:07:09,163
to write a film trilogy about me and this
whole 'Dillo craze.
94
00:07:10,922 --> 00:07:13,043
Anyway, I'll check on that 'Dillo for ya.
95
00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:20,802
Alright. Holsby, Holsby.
Where is Holsby?
96
00:07:24,403 --> 00:07:26,763
Where are you?
And we've got a sale.
97
00:07:27,562 --> 00:07:30,682
What the...
Probably nothing.
98
00:07:31,203 --> 00:07:32,922
What was that?
99
00:07:35,442 --> 00:07:37,242
Eyes and ears are playing tricks on me.
100
00:07:37,723 --> 00:07:39,922
What? What the... Oh, no!
101
00:07:40,322 --> 00:07:43,203
- I feel like I'm in heaven!
- Oh, yeah.
102
00:07:47,843 --> 00:07:49,922
Oh, yeah, it's really getting in there.
103
00:07:50,682 --> 00:07:54,562
- Barb, it's got me.
- It's almost a little too much.
104
00:07:54,643 --> 00:07:57,002
- Barb, help!
- Craig!
105
00:07:58,203 --> 00:08:01,362
No! Oh, no!
106
00:08:08,242 --> 00:08:10,802
I have your 'Dillo, Cornsby.
107
00:08:32,163 --> 00:08:33,483
What is it now?!
108
00:08:55,562 --> 00:08:58,962
Keep shopping! I won't let you peasants
take this away from me!
109
00:09:33,602 --> 00:09:36,442
It has begun.
110
00:09:43,883 --> 00:09:47,722
Stebe, I can not believe you let him toss
that shrimp in your pocket.
111
00:09:47,802 --> 00:09:49,842
Who are you and where's
the man I married?
112
00:09:50,322 --> 00:09:53,202
Yeah, you were right. Sorry if
I've been acting like a wet blanket.
113
00:09:53,283 --> 00:09:56,363
It's okay, honey.
I just want tonight to be special.
114
00:09:56,442 --> 00:09:58,403
You know, have a little
excitement in our lives.
115
00:10:02,922 --> 00:10:05,483
- Oh, my God!
- Relax. This has to be part of his show.
116
00:10:05,883 --> 00:10:08,763
I bet he has beef in his pocket
and this is how he cooks it.
117
00:10:14,442 --> 00:10:16,243
He's really selling it, huh?!
118
00:10:17,363 --> 00:10:19,403
Oh, God! I don't think
this is part of the show!
119
00:10:19,483 --> 00:10:21,043
We've got to get out of here!
120
00:10:23,043 --> 00:10:24,442
Oh, my God!
121
00:10:27,283 --> 00:10:29,602
I knew this place wasn't
authentically Japanese!
122
00:10:32,403 --> 00:10:35,722
Stebe, slow down! You know what exotic
foods do to your stomach!
123
00:10:38,163 --> 00:10:39,442
Oh, my God!
124
00:10:51,602 --> 00:10:53,243
I know there's been some concerns
125
00:10:53,322 --> 00:10:57,202
about the recent slew of deaths here
at the mall. And I share your concerns.
126
00:10:57,283 --> 00:11:00,562
Every life is precious.
I'm always saying that, ask anyone.
127
00:11:00,643 --> 00:11:04,043
But I can assure you that this
mall is perfectly safe.
128
00:11:04,123 --> 00:11:07,003
Do you think I am the type of Mayor
who would reopen a mall
129
00:11:07,082 --> 00:11:09,322
if I had been given information
that it wasn't safe?
130
00:11:09,403 --> 00:11:14,883
I am the type of Mayor who reopens
the mall and everyone loves me for it!
131
00:11:15,922 --> 00:11:20,322
Please, go back to shopping as usual.
Everything is fine, trust me.
132
00:11:20,403 --> 00:11:23,722
This is a great, historic day.
So have fun!
133
00:11:26,922 --> 00:11:28,283
What?
134
00:11:28,842 --> 00:11:30,842
Oh, shit. Oh, god!
135
00:11:33,763 --> 00:11:35,602
I used to be the manager
of Tower Records.
136
00:11:35,682 --> 00:11:38,202
I was getting enough money to move out,
making minimum wage;
137
00:11:38,283 --> 00:11:40,922
$7.25 back then,
which was pretty good,
138
00:11:41,003 --> 00:11:44,483
but then the accident happened.
139
00:11:44,922 --> 00:11:49,003
A young girl got eaten alive
by the first floor escalator.
140
00:11:49,682 --> 00:11:52,722
And the mall got shut down
for maintenance. It was a boring time,
141
00:11:53,123 --> 00:11:57,403
but I went into Spender's Gifts
and that's when I found this.
142
00:11:57,483 --> 00:12:02,962
- "Ten Thousand Jokes About Weiners?"
- Oh, no. Not that one. This one.
143
00:12:05,163 --> 00:12:08,802
At first, when I dabbled a bit,
nothing really happened,
144
00:12:08,883 --> 00:12:14,682
but then one night something
horrible occurred.
145
00:12:27,202 --> 00:12:29,403
A portal to the netherworld opened.
146
00:12:31,163 --> 00:12:37,123
And the spirit of that girl who was eaten
by the escalator was released.
147
00:12:44,043 --> 00:12:48,163
And she's been haunting
this mall ever since.
148
00:12:49,163 --> 00:12:52,322
So, how brown do you want your panini?
149
00:12:52,403 --> 00:12:56,602
The Tio Pepe Panini Press gets it
perfect, every time!
150
00:12:59,003 --> 00:13:00,403
Oh, shit, you live here, huh?
151
00:13:00,483 --> 00:13:02,483
We need to have our heads on a swivel.
152
00:13:02,562 --> 00:13:04,682
Be on the lookout for anything out
of the ordinary.
153
00:13:25,322 --> 00:13:26,922
Oh, no!
154
00:13:33,523 --> 00:13:35,363
We have to save ourselves!
Come on!
155
00:13:38,682 --> 00:13:43,043
Stebe, you usually don't even like to make
eye contact with a place like this.
156
00:13:52,562 --> 00:13:55,283
Well, I've had just about
enough of this stuff.
157
00:13:56,962 --> 00:14:01,202
I've got 99 problems, and this mall
just became top of the list.
158
00:14:03,763 --> 00:14:04,883
Oh, Stebe?!
159
00:14:18,922 --> 00:14:20,123
Why?
160
00:14:20,202 --> 00:14:22,643
Deb, please! Help me.
161
00:14:30,442 --> 00:14:33,523
I hope you like your beef... well done.
162
00:14:58,722 --> 00:15:00,523
Told you you were running too fast.
163
00:15:07,722 --> 00:15:11,123
Stebe, I've never seen you take charge
like this. Do you know something I don't?
164
00:15:27,842 --> 00:15:30,043
- Damn it, we're trapped.
- What up, limp dicks!
165
00:15:30,643 --> 00:15:33,163
Theo! Oh, thank God. You're never going
to believe it, but this mall is...
166
00:15:33,243 --> 00:15:36,202
Haunted? Yeah, no shit, dude.
Tell them what you told me, pervert.
167
00:15:36,283 --> 00:15:38,322
Oh, the weiner joke about
the masturbating cow?
168
00:15:38,403 --> 00:15:39,883
What? No!
169
00:15:48,682 --> 00:15:50,523
You fucked with the wrong mall!
170
00:15:52,322 --> 00:15:53,483
- Oh, God!
- Stebe, help!
171
00:15:54,283 --> 00:15:57,643
Let her go!
Killing her won't win me back!
172
00:15:57,722 --> 00:16:01,202
I barely knew you! We went out one time
because you wouldn't leave me alone!
173
00:16:01,283 --> 00:16:03,043
Stebe, you know this escalator?
174
00:16:03,123 --> 00:16:05,283
Before I met you, I proposed
to someone else, okay?
175
00:16:05,363 --> 00:16:08,163
Right here at this mall. She was
so overcome with emotion
176
00:16:08,243 --> 00:16:10,322
that she accidentally got eaten alive
by the escalator.
177
00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:12,883
You were just some creepy guy who sat
by himself at the food court
178
00:16:12,962 --> 00:16:14,562
watching me eat
lunch on my break.
179
00:16:14,643 --> 00:16:16,523
You proposed to someone else?!
180
00:16:16,602 --> 00:16:19,003
It was a long time ago.
I thought she was the one!
181
00:16:19,082 --> 00:16:21,003
You told me I was your one and only!
182
00:16:21,082 --> 00:16:23,562
Well, forgive me for being
such a hot commodity!
183
00:16:23,643 --> 00:16:25,483
That is such bullshit, Stebe!
184
00:16:26,763 --> 00:16:29,962
Or maybe I wasn't the second choice.
Who knows where I am on the list.
185
00:16:30,403 --> 00:16:33,043
- Deb!
- Get... get off me!
186
00:16:39,883 --> 00:16:40,802
No!
187
00:16:44,403 --> 00:16:48,163
Brenda, I'm sorry, okay? I know you
weren't expecting me to propose that day.
188
00:16:48,243 --> 00:16:50,082
You're right,
we barely knew each other.
189
00:16:52,842 --> 00:16:56,763
I guess I just really wanted to be in
love. And I felt bad for a long time,
190
00:16:56,842 --> 00:17:01,442
but the truth is if you hadn't gotten
mutilated by this faulty escalator,
191
00:17:01,523 --> 00:17:04,802
well... then I never would have
met the true love of my life, Deb!
192
00:17:04,882 --> 00:17:06,802
Oh, you mean your second choice?
193
00:17:06,882 --> 00:17:09,322
Maybe if I'd have known that,
I would have said, no!
194
00:17:20,763 --> 00:17:23,763
Stebe, that's it!
That's my unfinished business.
195
00:17:23,842 --> 00:17:25,443
I never got to answer
your question.
196
00:17:27,402 --> 00:17:31,802
Brenda Kokono, will you make me
the luckiest man in the whole world?
197
00:17:33,043 --> 00:17:34,402
No!
198
00:17:41,362 --> 00:17:47,003
No, Stebe, I will not, and nor would I
ever under any circumstances, marry you.
199
00:17:47,082 --> 00:17:48,523
Yeah!
200
00:18:16,443 --> 00:18:19,283
No one turns down a marriage
proposal from my husband!
201
00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:24,402
Oh my, you hate to see that.
202
00:18:26,483 --> 00:18:28,003
Happy anniversary, babe.
203
00:18:28,082 --> 00:18:31,122
Wow, that was pretty messed up.
Seemed a little unnecessary.
204
00:18:31,203 --> 00:18:33,723
Okay, sure, happy anniversary.
205
00:18:36,923 --> 00:18:40,683
Well, old-timer, I guess this is where
our wild ride comes to an end.
206
00:18:40,763 --> 00:18:46,402
There is just one more piece of
unfinished business to take care of.
207
00:18:49,162 --> 00:18:52,483
I used to be the manager
of Tower Records.
208
00:19:08,203 --> 00:19:10,322
Man. You're a real fucking
weirdo, you know that?
209
00:19:13,923 --> 00:19:16,162
Well, I'm just glad it's all
over and everyone is okay.
210
00:19:23,763 --> 00:19:25,562
Well, well, look who it is.
211
00:19:25,642 --> 00:19:28,082
Was wondering if you were gonna show
your face around here again.
212
00:19:28,162 --> 00:19:30,642
You reconsider my offer on that beer?
213
00:19:30,723 --> 00:19:34,243
Tellin' ya, my fellow gang members would
love to make your acquaintance.
214
00:19:34,322 --> 00:19:37,723
I'm sorry, sir. I'm very flattered,
but I'm already in a gang.
215
00:19:37,802 --> 00:19:41,003
And that gang
is called my family.
216
00:19:46,203 --> 00:19:51,003
Hey! I built this 'dillo for you
guys, for your anniversary.
217
00:19:53,122 --> 00:19:55,562
That's actually very sweet.
218
00:19:55,642 --> 00:19:59,402
Yeah, I'm actually finding it very
difficult to be angry about this, so...
219
00:20:00,283 --> 00:20:01,322
Thank you.
19120
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