All language subtitles for Yes Minister S01E01 - Open Government

At Birmingham East,

the Returning Officer is
declaring the result.

James George Hacker: 21,793.

Arthur William Gaunt: 19,321.

So Jim Hacker's back, and after

many years as a Shadow Minister

seems almost certain

to get a post in the new Government.

- I haven't had a call yet.
- Who from?

- Our new Prime Minister.
- What do you expect?

The car's only just got
back from the Palace.

Any moment now, then.

So who was on the phone?

Frank Wiesel. He's coming right over.

Why doesn't he just move in?

Annie, he's my political adviser.

- I depend on him.
- Why don't you marry him?

Darling, you do over-react
to everything, so.

Here we are!

Jim Hacker... yes. Oh, it's you.

Yes, was a good party, wasn't it?

Yes, I've got a bit of a headache, too...

Look, do you mind if I ring you back.

I'm waiting for a rather
important call... bye bye.

Alderman Spottiswood.

I wish people wouldn't
ring to congratulate me.

Doesn't they realise I'm
waiting for the call.

It's as if you're about
to enter the Ministry.

Yes, but which Ministry, that's the point.

It was a joke!

Oh, I see.

- Are you very tense?
- No, I'm not.

I'm just a politician's wife
is not allowed to have feels.

A happy carefree politician's wife.

- What are you looking for?
- A cigarette. I can't find any

Try the cigarette box.

- It's empty.
- Take a Librium.

I can't find the Librium, that's
why I'm looking for a cigarette.

Oh, Jim, I've had it. Would
you pop out and get some?

Sorry, I daren't leave the phone.

Look, if the PM wants you
to be in the cabinet,

he'll phone back. Or you can phone back.

I ran the campaign against
the PM for the leadership.

- If I'm out, well, who knows.
- I could take a message.

There it is.

Hello... yes, speaking...

Oh, it's you Michael...

I haven't had a call, have you had a call?

Bill's had a call?

What's he got? Europe?

- Bill's got Europe.
- Lucky Europe.

- Does Bill speak French?
- He can hardly speak English.

I'll call you back if I hear anything.
Right... Bye.

Fingers crossed.

Hello... Yes, speaking...

The Gas Board.

Good Lord man, that was weeks ago.

Would you mind I'm waiting for
a rather important call...

Look, Franklin there happened to
be a general election yesterday...

You voted for the other side, did you?

How did you get to the polling
booth on the right day?

With two assistants, three
return visits for spare parts?

Look, Mr. Franklin... Frankly Franklin,

I don't care if the whole central
heating system collapses in ruins.

I've got to get off this phone, goodbye.

They won't come now.

If I get Consumer Affairs, they'll come.

Hello?

Hello? Hello?

Darling, that was the front doorbell.

It'll be Frank.

- Did you know Martin's got the Foreign Office.
- Has he?

Jack's got Health and Fred's got Energy.

- Has anyone got Brains?
- Do you mean Education?

No, I know what I mean.

- What's left? What have I got?
- Rhythm?

Frank, I have heard absolutely nothing,

not that it's surprising.

My whole career is going down the drain

because the PM is unable to
reach me on the telephone.

You get it, darling.

- Hello.
- Hello, this is the BBC.

Would Mr. Hacker like to be

interviewed on the PM
program this afternoon?

- PM?
- PM?

Hello, Jim Hacker here...

Are you available this afternoon?

Yes. Any time you like.

Could we interview you?

I'd been hoping you'd call.

What job do you think you're likely to get?

I beg your pardon?

What job do you think you're likely to get?

It's hard for me to say, isn't it?
That's for you to tell me.

- What?
- Well, it's not up to me to say.

That's for the PM to say.
You're the PM's office...

Oh, I see. The BBC PM office!

How silly, what a silly mistake, Yes...
yes. Good bye.

I did try and tell you.

You answer the bloody thing.

Hello...

Mrs. Hacker speaking.

Oh, congratulations, "Prime Minister".
It's Annie here.

Give me that phone.

Hello... Yes... Prime Minister.

Yes, of course... Yes, I...

Righto.

I'll be on the next train.

Top tip for The Department of
Administrative Affairs is Jim Hacker.

Kenneth, isn't he on the young
side for a Cabinet post?

Yes, well, he's in his late forties.

But it's certainly a jump up for him.

On the other hand, this department's been

a bit of a political graveyard recently.

A further group of Cabinet appointments

has now been announced from Number Ten.

The post of the Ministry of Administrative
Affairs goes to Jim Hacker,

the former Shadow Minister for Agriculture.

- Good afternoon, Minister.
- Good afternoon.

Bernard Wooley, Principal
Private Secretary.

Mr. Lloyd Pritchard,
Assistant Private Secretary.

This is my political adviser...

Oh yes, of course, Mr. Weasel.

Wiesel.

I was the Minister's
Principal Private Secretary

in the last government.

However if you...

I'm sure you'll be just the thing.

Thank you, Minister, how kind.

- Where are we all going to?
- You are going to your office.

What about Frank?

- Where's Frank?
- He's being taken care of.

- Would you wait here?
- This is the Waiting Room.

- Precisely, sir.
- I'm Jim Hacker's adviser.

He has a whole department to advise him.

- He needs me.
- Of course.

But until he sends for you, please, wait.

A sherry, Minister?

Jim.

Oh Gin.

No, no, Jim, Jim. Call me Jim.

I think if it means all the same to you,

I would prefer to call
you Minister, Minister.

Minister, Minister?

Oh quite, quite. I see what you mean.

Do I have to call you Private
Secretary, Private Secretary?

- No. Do call me Bernard.
- Thank you, Bernard.

You're most welcome. Your health, Minister.

Well what now?

Minister Allow me to present
Sir Humphrey Appleby,

Permanent Under Secretary of
State and Head of the D.A.A.

- Hello, Sir Humphrey.
- Hello, and welcome.

- Thank you.
- I believe you know each other.

Yes, we did cross swords in the
Public Accounts Committee.

I wouldn't say that.

You came up with all the questions
I hope nobody would ask.

Opposition's about asking questions.

And Government's about not answering them.

You answered all mine, anyway.

I'm glad you thought so, Minister.

Good luck.

- Who else is in this Department?
- I am the Permanent Under Secretary

of the State known as the
Permanent Secretary.

Wolley is your Principal Private Secretary.

And I too have a Principal
Private Secretary.

And he is the Principal Private
Secretary to the Permanent Secretary

Directly responsible to me
are 10 Deputy Secretaries

87 Under Secretaries, and
219 Assistant Secretaries.

Directly Responsible to the PPS

are Parliamentary Private Secretaries.

The PM will be appointing two
Parliamentary Under Secretaries,

and you will appoint your own
Parliamentary Private Secretary.

Can they all type?

None of us can type, Minister.

Mrs. McKay types.

She is the Secretary.

Pity we could have opened an agency.

- Very droll, sir.
- Yes, very very amusing.

- I suppose they all say that.
- Certainly not, Minister.

Not quite all.

Right, now then, to business.

You have to forgive me if I'm a bit blunt,

but that's the sort of chap I am...

Frankly, this depart...

This chair's a bit...

We can change it, Minister.

We can change anything, Minister.

The furniture, decor, office routine...

- Your wish is our command.
- I'd like a new chair.

I hate swivel chairs.

They do say that there
are two kinds of chairs

to go with the two kinds of Minister.

One sort folds up instantly,

the other sort goes round
and round in circles.

Now, frankly this Department has got to cut

a great swathe through all this
stuffy Whitehall bureaucracy.

We're going to throw open the windows,

let in a bit of fresh air, cut
through all the red tape,

streamline this creaking
old bureaucratic machine.

- You mean a clean sweep?
- A clean sweep.

Far too many people just
sitting behind desks.

Not like us, of course.

But we've got to get rid of all those
people just making work for each other.

- Get rid of them?
- I think you mean "Redeploy them".

Yes. Good Lord no, I don't
mean put them out of work.

Open Government, that's
what my party believes in,

that was the main plank of our manifesto.

Taking the nation into our confidence.

Now how does that strike you? Do sit down.

In fact, Just as you said in the
House on May 2nd last year,

and again on November 23rd,

and in The Observer and in The Daily Mail,

and as your manifesto made clear.

You know about that?

Please, have a look at
these proposals Minister.

These are the ways to implement this policy

and proposals for a white
paper for your approval.

The white paper might be
called "Open Government".

- You mean it's all been...
- Taken care of, Minister.

- Who did all this?
- The old bureaucratic machine.

No, quite seriously.

We are fully seized of the need for reform.

- And we have taken it on board.
- I'm rather surprised.

I expected to have to fight you all
the way along the line with this.

People do have funny ideas
about the Civil Service.

We're just here to implement your policies.

"Proposals for shortening approval
procedures in planning appeals"?

Hansard Volume 497, page 1102, Column B.

Quote "Mr. Hacker:

Is the Minister aware
that planning procedures

make building a bungalow
in the 20th century

slower than building a
cathedral in the 12th century?

Opposition laughter and
Government cries of shame...

They didn't actually cry shame.

Quite so, Minister.

- Right, I think that's it then?
- There are one or two more things...

One more thing?

If you would just like to check
your diary for next week, Minister.

My diary? You didn't know I was coming.

You didn't even know
who'd win the election.

We knew there'd be a Minister, Minister.

Don't start that again.

I'm sorry, even though we
didn't know it would be you.

Her Majesty does like the
business of government

to continue even when there
are no politicians around.

- Bit difficult surely?
- Yes... and no.

It's gonna be quite a busy week, Minister.
Nine cabinet committees,

the Annual dinner of the Law
Institute On Monday at 8:00,

which you will have to make a speech.

Deputation from the British
Computer Association,

10:30 Tuesday morning.

Opening the National Union
of Public Employers meeting

at 11:00 on Wednesday,

which you will have to
make another speech...

Wait Wait a minute...

What about all the other
things I have to do?

What other things?

I'm on four policy committees
for the party for a start.

I'm sure you won't want to be putting
party before country, minister.

No, no, of course not.

I'll just fetch your boxes, Minister.

Boxes? Already.

We get manage to keep the last
Minister's work throughout the campaign,

but I fear... well, it's
not for me to criticise...

- What do you mean?
- It's a harsh thing to say.

Some of the boxes actually came
back with the work not done.

If you complete the first
four by Saturday evening,

your driver could collect them
and deliver the other two.

Villa's at home to Liverpool.

And I've got a surgery on Saturday.

We could minimise the paper work,

you need only take the
major policy decisions.

No, no. No. No. I will take
all the decisions round here.

Now then what time shall
I come in on Monday?

You'll catch the 7.45 train
from New Street, Minister,

- and your driver will meet you at Euston.
- Fine

If I could just put in
these draft proposals.

And here, this is your key, Minister.

Out of my way. I've had enough of this.

- You can't go in there.
- Just try and stop me.

- Jim, what's going on?
- Frank, where've you been?

Stuck in the waiting room.

Do you mind? We are in a private
conference with the minister.

- Then I should be here, too.
- Calm down, Frank.

Humphrey, Frank has got to have an
office of his own in the department.

- Certainly, if you insist.
- I do insist.

I do think we have some spare
office space in Walthamstow.

- Walthamstow?
- Yes, it's surprising.

The Government owns
property all over London.

- I don't want to be in Walthamstow.
- It's in a very nice part.

Walthamstow's a very
nice place so I gather.

- I need an office here in this building.
- Why's that?

Yes, I agree with Frank.

Bernard, we must find an
office here for Mr. Weasel.

Wiesel.

Copies of all the papers
that come to me go to Frank.

- All?
- All.

It shall be done.

All the appropriate papers.

How's your new Minister, Humphrey?

Learning the rules very
quickly for a new boy.

- How's your new Cabinet?
- No problem.

It's hard to tell the
difference with the last one.

Arnold, I hear the American
Ambassador's been spending

a lot of time with the PM.

- Yes.
- Defence or trade?

Both.

The aerospace systems contract?

Ssh. Don't want the cabinet
to hear about it yet.

This aerospace thingumy would be

rather a coup for the PM, wouldn't it?

Yes, now the new PM will take the credit.

Sorry to intrude Sir Arnold, Sir Humphrey,

if you could just OK the Minister's speech,

I can get it straight to the House.

Yes, of course. Like to join us?

Oh, thank you, Sir Humphrey,
so long as I'm not too long.

Get yourself a cup of coffee.

So it would be rather an
embarrassment to the PM,

wouldn't it? if a hypothetical
Minister were to rock

the Anglo American boat?

Grave embarrassment.

How grave?

Man overboard, I should think.

Enough to cut short a promising
new Ministerial career?

No question.

Pull up a chair, Bernard...

And tell us what you think
of our new Minister.

Well absolutely fine.

Yes, we'll have him
house trained in no time.

He swallowed the whole diary,

and I gather he did his boxes
like a lamb last weekend?

Yes. Yes he did.

We must head him off this
Open Government nonsense.

I thought we were calling the
White Paper "Open Government".

Always dispose of the
difficult bit in the title.

Does less harm there than in the text.

The less you intend to do about something,

the more you have to keep talking about it.

What's wrong with open government?

Why shouldn't the public know
more about what's going on?

Are you serious?

Well, yes, I mean it's the
Minister's policy, after all.

It's a contradiction in terms.

You can be open or you can have government.

But surely the citizens of a
democracy have a right to know.

No. They have a right to be ignorant.

Knowledge only means complicity and guilt.

Ignorance has a certain dignity.

But if the Minister wants...

You don't just give people what they want,

if it's not good for them.

Do you give brandy to an alcoholic?

If people don't know what you are doing,

they don't know what you are doing wrong.

I am the Minister's Private
Secretary, and if he wants...

You must not help him to
make a fool of himself.

Look at the Ministers we've had.

Everyone of them would have been
a laughing stock in three month

had it not been for the most rigid
secrecy about what they were up to.

What do you propose to do?

- Can you keep a secret?
- Of course.

So can I.

Excuse me, I have to make a phone call.

Well, I'd better be getting
this back to the Minister.

Martin. Has the weasel had
a copy of the invoice

for the new American addressing machines?

I thought you said it was sensitive.

So it is. Get it to him today.

Oh, and Martin, let him find it
near the bottom of the pile.

Jim, Jim.

- Yes.
- Look what I've found.

- We've got them by the short and curlies.
- What're you talking about?

We've got Sir Humphrey Bloody Appleby

and Mr. Toffee Nosed Snooty Wolley

just where we want them. See this?

This innocent-looking piece of paper.

Political dynamite.

Calm down. What are you talking about?

This is an invoice for 1.000
computer video display terminals.

At 10.000 pounds each, that
is, ten million pounds.

So?

Made by the Pittsburgh
Manufacturing Corporation Inc.,

- Imported from America?
- I know.

But we make computer
peripherals in this country.

- In my constituency.
- I know!

- What about unemployment?
- I know!

This must be stopped.

- Sir Humphrey to see... oh sorry.
- Oh no. No, come in.

I want to see you both, come on.

Sir Humphrey, take a seat.

Thank you, Minister.

Now then, Frank here has just
discovered this contract

for the import of ten million pound's worth

of video display terminals, from America.

May I see?

Oh yes. For the whole Civil
Service in Whitehall.

- But they're not British.
- That is unfortunately true.

- We make these machines in this country.
- Not of the same quality.

Better quality. In my constituency.

- We were advised...
- This contract must be stopped.

It's beyond my power, Minister. This
can only be cancelled by the Treasury.

Why's that?

Would be a major policy
change for the Civil Service

to cancel contracts, especially
with overseas suppliers.

If you'd like to take
it up with the Cabinet.

How am I to face my constituency party?

Why need they know?

Why need anybody know?

We can see that it never gets out.

- Open Government.
- That's right. Open Government.

If the order can't be cancelled,
it must be published.

That's right. It must be published.

Why?

- Why, Frank?
- The manifesto.

Also it will make your
predecessor look like a traitor.

- Two unanswerable reasons.
- You didn't bargain for this!

You're not suggesting

that the Minister should
make a positive reference

to this confidential
transaction in a speech?

Speech. That's it.

Jim, what about the speech to
the Union of office Employees?

I'll tell them about this
scandalous contract.

And we'll release it to the press today.

- Who's running the country now?
- Well... yes.

- You object?
- It might be regrettable,

- if we upset the Americans.
- The Americans.

It's time they lose their
commercial complacency.

- We must think of the British poor, not the American rich!
- Right

If that is your express wish,

the Department will back
you, up to the hilt.

That is my express wish.

I'd better circulate the speech to the
relevant department for clearance.

Clearance? It got nothing to
do with other department.

Open Government demands that we
should include our colleagues,

as well as our friends in Fleet Street.

- Oh yes, that's fair enough.
- I'm not sure.

Thank you. And Humphrey...

See that goes straight to the press.

We shall serve your best interests.

Thank you.

Now then...

Let me see.

Open Government.

As you know, We've made a pledge to
the people about open government.

So let's have some.

I have discovered that only last
month, the previous government

signed a contract to import
10,000 pounds of office equipment

- to used by the Civil Service...
- Bureaucracy!

Used by the Civil Service bureaucracy.

So, we are being fobbed off
with second rate American junk

by smart Aleck salesmen from Pittsburgh

while British factories stand empty

and British workmen queue up for the dole.

- Unemployment benefit.
- The dole, Bernard.

"Much as I personally value the
friendship of our great cousins

from across the sea".

- Excuse me Minister, something's come up.
- Yes?

- A minute from the PM's Office.
- I'm pretty busy.

- I do think you ought to read this, Minister.
- What does it say?

The PM is planning a visit
to Washington next month

for a valuable Anglo American
defence trade agreement.

Its importance cannot be overestimated.

Fine. God Has my speech gone to the press?

I presume so, as you requested.

I'm sorry, but all hell's just
broken loose at Number Ten.

They're asking why your speech
didn't obtain clearance.

- What did you say?
- I said we believed in open government.

But it seemed to make things worse.

The PM wants to see you
in the House, right away.

What's going to happen?

The Prime Minister giveth and
the Prime Minister taketh away.

Blessed be the name of the Prime Minister.

Hello, Vic...

Sir Humphrey Appleby, Vic
Gould, our Chief Whip.

You really are a pain
in the ass, aren't you?

The PM's going up the wall.

Hitting the roof.

You can't go around making
speeches like that.

It's Open Government.

- Shut up, Weasel.
- Wiesel!

But Open Government was the
main plank in our manifesto.

- The PM believes in it too.
- Open, yes. But not gaping.

In politics you have to learn
say things with tact, you berk!

And when to say nothing at all.

- How long have you been a Minister?
- Week and half.

I think You may find a place in
the Guinness book of records.

I can see the headlines already.

"Cabinet split on U. S. Trade.

Hacker leads revolt against Prime Minister.

That's what you want, is it?

Ah, Sir Arnold, what news?

That speech is causing
the PM some distress.

Has it definitely been
released to the Press?

Well, the Minister gave express
instructions for noon.

- Isn't that right?
- I'm appalled at you, Humphrey.

How could you let the Minister
put himself in this position

without going to the public channel?

We believe in open government.

We want to open the windows and
let in a bit of fresh air.

Isn't that right, Minister?

It's good party stuff,

but it puts the PM in a
very difficult situation.

What about our commitment
to Open Government?

This seems to be the closed
season for open government.

Do you want to give thought

to a draft letter of resignation?

Just in case...

Can't we hush it up?

- Hush it up?
- Yes, hush it up.

You mean... suppress it?

Yes, I suppose I do.

You mean that within the
framework of the guidelines

about open government
that you have laid down,

you're suggesting we should
adopt a more flexible posture?

Am I? Oh yes. Yes.

Minister about the press release...

There appears to be a development

could precipitate a
reappraisal of our position.

We forgot the interdepartmental
clearance procedure.

The supplementary stop
order came into effect.

So, it's all right, Minister.
Your speech hasn't gone to the Press.

It's only gone to the PM's Private Office

and the Duty Officer had no
instructions to pass it out

- without clearance of the PM and the foreign office.
- But how come?

The fault is entirely mine, Minister.

The procedure of the holding up
of press releases dates back to

before open government,

and I unaccountably omitted to rescind it.

- I hope you forgive this lapse.
- Well, yes, of course.

- That's quite all right.
- Thank you, Minister.

After all, we all make mistakes.

Yes, Minister.