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1
00:00:07,063 --> 00:00:08,902
That was a great show
Thanks
2
00:00:08,902 --> 00:00:14,108
I have been waiting all year
to see Puppetry of the Penis
3
00:00:14,108 --> 00:00:15,779
It's just that the whole time
mine was thinking
4
00:00:15,779 --> 00:00:18,522
"I could do that"
5
00:00:20,456 --> 00:00:22,532
Will, Hi
What are you doing here?
6
00:00:22,532 --> 00:00:24,872
On a date
7
00:00:25,298 --> 00:00:27,119
Well, I'm on a date, too
8
00:00:27,119 --> 00:00:29,587
Will, Bill
Bill, Will
9
00:00:29,587 --> 00:00:31,478
Hey, Bill, Will
10
00:00:31,478 --> 00:00:33,465
Uh, Bill, Phil
Phil, Bill
11
00:00:33,874 --> 00:00:35,342
- Bill
- Phil
12
00:00:35,342 --> 00:00:36,682
And this is Grace
13
00:00:36,682 --> 00:00:38,300
It's a thrill
14
00:00:38,869 --> 00:00:40,597
Good save
15
00:00:40,597 --> 00:00:42,484
Would you guys mind
if we just...
16
00:00:42,484 --> 00:00:45,379
stepped out for a minute?
Hold on a second
17
00:00:49,994 --> 00:00:51,497
This is kind of funny
18
00:00:51,497 --> 00:00:53,842
Yeah, I got a thing
You got a thing
19
00:00:53,842 --> 00:00:54,717
Get out
20
00:00:56,916 --> 00:00:58,453
You get out!
21
00:00:59,391 --> 00:00:59,617
OK!
OK!
22
00:00:59,617 --> 00:01:01,191
Why don't you guys just
go into the bedroom?
23
00:01:01,191 --> 00:01:02,635
We're not ready to go
in the bedroom yet
24
00:01:02,635 --> 00:01:03,502
Why don't you go in the bedroom?
25
00:01:03,502 --> 00:01:05,874
We've already been
in the bedroom
26
00:01:07,904 --> 00:01:09,207
Slut!
27
00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:12,889
Why does this keep happening?
28
00:01:12,889 --> 00:01:15,193
We're constantly
on top of each other
29
00:01:15,193 --> 00:01:16,376
We have no privacy
30
00:01:16,376 --> 00:01:17,957
Last night, I heard noises
from your bedroom
31
00:01:17,957 --> 00:01:21,060
that sounded like
a pig being tickled
32
00:01:22,673 --> 00:01:25,684
So, I snore a little
33
00:01:25,684 --> 00:01:28,520
Well, you're a loud pee-er
34
00:01:28,520 --> 00:01:30,236
I swear, it sounds
like the last hour of
35
00:01:30,236 --> 00:01:33,466
The Perfect Storm in there
36
00:01:34,414 --> 00:01:36,279
Here we are, having
the apartment discussion again
37
00:01:36,279 --> 00:01:36,734
I know
38
00:01:36,734 --> 00:01:38,777
It seems to keep comin' up
39
00:01:38,777 --> 00:01:40,312
You know the logical thing to do
40
00:01:40,312 --> 00:01:40,736
I know
41
00:01:40,736 --> 00:01:44,213
- We need to get separate apartments
- That is the logical thing
42
00:01:44,213 --> 00:01:46,302
So, we'll get a bigger place?
43
00:01:46,302 --> 00:01:47,804
I mean, we talk
about it all the time
44
00:01:47,804 --> 00:01:48,938
and why else have
we been going to
45
00:01:48,938 --> 00:01:51,799
open houses every Sunday
for the last six months?
46
00:01:51,799 --> 00:01:53,319
You know, if we're
serious about this
47
00:01:53,319 --> 00:01:55,697
we should get a paper
tomorrow and start looking
48
00:01:55,697 --> 00:01:58,109
It's 10:00 Sunday paper
should be out already
49
00:01:58,109 --> 00:02:00,602
You're right
Let's hit the news stand on 86th
50
00:02:00,602 --> 00:02:03,053
Oh, wait
51
00:02:03,053 --> 00:02:06,356
We're forgetting somethin'
52
00:02:08,692 --> 00:02:09,995
Coats
53
00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:32,222
Ok, Karen
Strap yourself in
54
00:02:32,222 --> 00:02:33,691
because I have gotten you
55
00:02:33,691 --> 00:02:35,580
what I believe to be pants-down
56
00:02:35,580 --> 00:02:37,768
the best birthday gift
you're gonna get all year
57
00:02:37,768 --> 00:02:40,254
Oh! Honey
is my new liver in?
58
00:02:42,427 --> 00:02:42,949
No
59
00:02:44,031 --> 00:02:46,979
I'm making a film that
celebrates your life
60
00:02:46,979 --> 00:02:50,277
It's called
"Karen : A Celebration of Life"
61
00:02:51,378 --> 00:02:54,677
A film, breath taking
in its scope and ambition
62
00:02:56,483 --> 00:02:59,142
How much do you need?
63
00:02:59,142 --> 00:03:03,084
Karen, please I am insulted
64
00:03:03,084 --> 00:03:07,183
This is my gift to you
How much can you give me?
65
00:03:07,183 --> 00:03:08,625
Well, I'd give you a credit card
66
00:03:08,625 --> 00:03:12,949
but I used my Amex
to hit a face I didn't like
67
00:03:12,949 --> 00:03:15,757
I lose more credit cards that way
68
00:03:16,838 --> 00:03:18,083
Check book, ok?
69
00:03:18,083 --> 00:03:20,033
Yeah, um, I'm also
gonna need a crew
70
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:22,383
I was thinking 20 burly men
with bulging calves
71
00:03:22,383 --> 00:03:25,406
who aren't afraid to sweat
72
00:03:25,406 --> 00:03:27,449
- How about Rosario?
- Perfect
73
00:03:31,509 --> 00:03:33,456
So, what time are we meeting
this real-estateagent?
74
00:03:33,456 --> 00:03:35,118
Ayleen?
10:00
75
00:03:35,118 --> 00:03:36,122
I thought it was Eyleen
76
00:03:36,122 --> 00:03:38,415
It's spelled "Eyleen "
It's pronounced "Ayleen"
77
00:03:38,415 --> 00:03:41,402
- Why?
- "A" don't know
78
00:03:42,774 --> 00:03:44,022
You know
the more I think about it
79
00:03:44,022 --> 00:03:45,443
the more I hate it here
80
00:03:45,443 --> 00:03:46,785
The bathroom's too small
81
00:03:46,785 --> 00:03:48,833
There's not enough closet space
82
00:03:48,833 --> 00:03:51,171
My bedroom's filthy
83
00:03:51,513 --> 00:03:53,749
So, basically we're moving
so you don't have to clean your room?
84
00:03:53,749 --> 00:03:56,088
It's really messy
85
00:03:56,088 --> 00:03:58,386
You know the most annoying thing
about living here?
86
00:03:58,386 --> 00:03:59,690
Hello
87
00:04:03,098 --> 00:04:05,730
I swear I wasn't gonna say that
88
00:04:05,730 --> 00:04:09,832
We are here at the apartment
that sex forgot
89
00:04:12,363 --> 00:04:17,526
to hear from two of Karen Walker's
dearest, dearest, dearest...
90
00:04:17,526 --> 00:04:18,218
Line?
91
00:04:18,218 --> 00:04:21,124
- Friends
- Friends! That's right
92
00:04:21,124 --> 00:04:25,524
That is going on the gag reel!
That is hilarious!
93
00:04:26,093 --> 00:04:27,631
Jack, we really don't
have time for this
94
00:04:27,631 --> 00:04:31,252
- We're on our way
- Excuse me, we are live to tape!
95
00:04:31,252 --> 00:04:34,251
We're here with the sad couple
96
00:04:35,332 --> 00:04:36,770
If you're just joining us
97
00:04:36,770 --> 00:04:39,840
we're digging into
the mystery of Karen Walker
98
00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:41,232
We're going through her checkbook
99
00:04:41,232 --> 00:04:44,260
in an attempt to find
out who she is
100
00:04:44,260 --> 00:04:45,763
Now, Grace
right this way
101
00:04:45,763 --> 00:04:48,807
Thank you for coming
102
00:04:48,807 --> 00:04:49,787
On the18th
103
00:04:49,787 --> 00:04:52,428
Karen wrote you
a check for $280
104
00:04:52,428 --> 00:04:55,288
What does that mean to you?
105
00:04:56,616 --> 00:04:59,868
She paid me $10 a day
not to wear ruffles
106
00:04:59,868 --> 00:05:03,601
or eat Ruffles in the office
107
00:05:05,405 --> 00:05:10,132
Interesting, interesting
Yet not so
108
00:05:10,132 --> 00:05:11,157
right this way
Thank you, Will
109
00:05:11,157 --> 00:05:12,373
Thank you
Ok
110
00:05:12,373 --> 00:05:15,504
And here, Karen wrote you
a check a mere two days later
111
00:05:15,504 --> 00:05:17,793
for expense reimbursement
112
00:05:17,793 --> 00:05:20,913
I'm pretty sure only
one of those is a word
113
00:05:20,913 --> 00:05:23,773
But what could that mean to you?
114
00:05:23,773 --> 00:05:25,733
It was a, It was
a guilt payment
115
00:05:25,733 --> 00:05:29,256
for throwing her
credit card at my face
116
00:05:31,592 --> 00:05:32,516
Just as I thought
117
00:05:32,516 --> 00:05:34,003
This checkbook is unlocking
118
00:05:34,003 --> 00:05:36,612
the mystery of Karen Walker
119
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:38,778
And I thought
shooting those pornos
120
00:05:38,778 --> 00:05:41,874
for Tommy Lee was a tough gig
121
00:05:46,198 --> 00:05:49,961
Ok, This is just the first one
We have a big day ahead of us
122
00:05:49,961 --> 00:05:51,971
What do you think?
It's charming, right?
123
00:05:51,971 --> 00:05:55,496
I love it!
Are we done?
124
00:05:56,066 --> 00:05:58,095
Well, I like the space
125
00:05:58,095 --> 00:05:59,866
great floors
126
00:05:59,866 --> 00:06:04,355
It's equidistant from
my gym and Krispy Kreme
127
00:06:04,355 --> 00:06:05,900
does it have a view?
128
00:06:05,900 --> 00:06:08,641
Does it have a view?!
129
00:06:18,233 --> 00:06:21,911
I'm guessing it's closer to
Krispy Kreme's than the gym
130
00:06:23,325 --> 00:06:25,519
I love this building!
131
00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:30,514
There's something about it
It just feels so warm and friendly
132
00:06:30,514 --> 00:06:34,564
- Hey, neighbor
- Hi!
133
00:06:34,564 --> 00:06:37,126
Let's get the hell out of here!
134
00:06:40,391 --> 00:06:41,006
Just so you know
135
00:06:41,006 --> 00:06:42,856
this one's been
on the market a long time
136
00:06:42,856 --> 00:06:47,052
It's a lease option to buy
and the seller's very motivated
137
00:06:47,052 --> 00:06:49,134
Don't look at him!
138
00:06:49,134 --> 00:06:51,547
He's just wiring
the place for the Internet
139
00:06:51,547 --> 00:06:53,218
I have a weird feeling
I've been here before
140
00:06:53,218 --> 00:06:54,513
Well, I shouldn't tell you this
141
00:06:54,513 --> 00:06:55,920
but a famous person lives here
142
00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:58,404
Do you love that
downtown comedy?
143
00:06:58,404 --> 00:07:01,356
Sandra Bernhard
Excuse me
144
00:07:01,765 --> 00:07:03,940
Oh, my God!
145
00:07:03,940 --> 00:07:07,177
Like a circle
in a spiral, like a
146
00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:08,985
- Hi
- Hi, again
147
00:07:08,985 --> 00:07:10,080
What are you two
Kate &Leopold
148
00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:12,951
looking mother f*****
149
00:07:14,288 --> 00:07:15,298
I thought I told you
150
00:07:15,298 --> 00:07:16,513
I never wanted
do to see your *****
151
00:07:16,513 --> 00:07:18,442
faces again
152
00:07:18,442 --> 00:07:20,597
We're serious this time
We are really interested
153
00:07:20,597 --> 00:07:21,877
in renting your ap...
154
00:07:21,877 --> 00:07:25,318
save it, bitches
155
00:07:25,318 --> 00:07:27,026
Ever since you two
f*** me over
156
00:07:27,026 --> 00:07:30,344
I haven't been able to
dump this piece of sh***
157
00:07:30,344 --> 00:07:32,089
We're gonna--
We're gonna go
158
00:07:32,089 --> 00:07:35,395
'cause this isn't gonna be
right for us anyway
159
00:07:37,278 --> 00:07:39,803
So, are you playing anywhere?
'Cause we'd really love to see you
160
00:07:39,803 --> 00:07:41,938
Would you get
the f*** out of here?
161
00:07:45,167 --> 00:07:45,927
So, honey
162
00:07:45,927 --> 00:07:47,306
Who else have you interviewed?
163
00:07:47,306 --> 00:07:48,905
Oh, all your closest friends
164
00:07:48,905 --> 00:07:53,805
Pharmacist, Butler, Jeweler
Backup Pharmacist
165
00:07:53,805 --> 00:07:55,266
I hope Pharmy and
Back up Pharmy
166
00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:57,926
don't find out
about each other
167
00:07:59,005 --> 00:08:01,841
That's a cat fight
waitin' to happen
168
00:08:06,499 --> 00:08:08,720
but you know, Karen
I'd love to include your mother
169
00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:11,523
in my "Project Queen-light"
170
00:08:11,523 --> 00:08:13,966
What institution is she in?
171
00:08:15,232 --> 00:08:16,449
I was just kidding
172
00:08:16,449 --> 00:08:19,265
when I told you
she was in the loony bin
173
00:08:19,265 --> 00:08:21,426
Funny story, actually
174
00:08:22,039 --> 00:08:24,047
She's dead
175
00:08:26,059 --> 00:08:28,079
What's funny about that?
176
00:08:28,079 --> 00:08:33,189
Well, she was alive
and now she's dead, Get it?
177
00:08:34,365 --> 00:08:36,311
Um, who's Lois Whitley?
178
00:08:36,311 --> 00:08:39,083
Huh?! What?! Who?!
179
00:08:40,707 --> 00:08:43,136
Well, I've been working my way
through your checkbook
180
00:08:43,136 --> 00:08:44,750
trying to figure out
who you are
181
00:08:44,750 --> 00:08:48,784
by how you spend
Who is she?
182
00:08:48,784 --> 00:08:53,712
Oh Well, honey, I think
that's somebody driver ran over
183
00:08:53,712 --> 00:08:55,889
But usually, when Driver runs
somebody over
184
00:08:55,889 --> 00:08:59,996
there's a little frowny face
in the memo part of the check
185
00:08:59,996 --> 00:09:01,896
Yeah, well
186
00:09:01,896 --> 00:09:04,866
maybe it was one of
those double-pedestrian dealios
187
00:09:04,866 --> 00:09:05,539
Who cares?
Listen
188
00:09:05,539 --> 00:09:09,254
I gotta go see
a man about a horse pill!
189
00:09:10,494 --> 00:09:12,001
Lois Whitley
190
00:09:12,001 --> 00:09:14,191
I don't think
we've heard the last of her
191
00:09:14,191 --> 00:09:17,476
Come with us now
as we begin to unravel
192
00:09:17,476 --> 00:09:19,706
the mystery of Karen Walker
193
00:09:26,273 --> 00:09:28,962
Come on
Keep 'em closed
194
00:09:28,962 --> 00:09:29,964
One step
195
00:09:34,150 --> 00:09:36,034
we really don't want to
play this game anymore
196
00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:39,714
Last time we did this
I stepped on the owner
197
00:09:40,031 --> 00:09:42,421
And open!
198
00:09:48,231 --> 00:09:51,532
Three-bedroom duplex
3200 square feet
199
00:09:51,532 --> 00:09:55,040
walk-in closets
meditation room, library
200
00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:57,099
Do I need to continue?
Because you should be kissing
201
00:09:57,099 --> 00:10:00,341
my ass at this point
202
00:10:01,148 --> 00:10:03,323
- I love it, do you love it?
- I love it, do you love it?
203
00:10:03,323 --> 00:10:04,660
But we don't need a library
204
00:10:04,660 --> 00:10:06,373
That's right
We don't read
205
00:10:07,646 --> 00:10:09,112
And we don't need
a meditation room
206
00:10:09,112 --> 00:10:09,748
That's right
207
00:10:09,748 --> 00:10:12,043
We don't believe in anything
208
00:10:14,486 --> 00:10:17,581
So, what are we gonna use
those two extra rooms for?
209
00:10:17,581 --> 00:10:18,332
Shoes!
210
00:10:22,980 --> 00:10:24,640
We'll take it!
211
00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:25,422
Ok!
212
00:10:26,438 --> 00:10:29,743
There's just one little thing
213
00:10:30,018 --> 00:10:31,169
One little thing
214
00:10:31,169 --> 00:10:33,421
It's three times
what you wanted to pay
215
00:10:33,421 --> 00:10:35,353
What?!
216
00:10:35,353 --> 00:10:36,995
Why didn't you tell us, then?!
217
00:10:36,995 --> 00:10:39,249
Because I wanted you
to fall in love with it
218
00:10:39,249 --> 00:10:41,493
Do you love it?
219
00:10:43,986 --> 00:10:46,778
- Yeah, we love it
- We love it
220
00:10:51,836 --> 00:10:54,077
Are you sure
this is the right address?
221
00:10:54,077 --> 00:10:57,485
The landlord said Lois Whitley
works at Paddy's Pub
222
00:10:57,485 --> 00:11:00,074
This place is Paddy's Pub
223
00:11:00,074 --> 00:11:00,596
Ok
224
00:11:01,163 --> 00:11:05,006
It's not the fact you
spit that bothers me
225
00:11:05,006 --> 00:11:08,585
It's the fact
you spit Tabasco
226
00:11:10,870 --> 00:11:12,437
All right
this obviously isn't the place
227
00:11:12,437 --> 00:11:14,287
Look, just grab the gear
and we'll do the interview
228
00:11:14,287 --> 00:11:16,173
with Karen's hair dresser
and we'll get that in the can
229
00:11:16,173 --> 00:11:20,007
Take it easy
Martin Scorsissy
230
00:11:20,685 --> 00:11:23,455
I schlepped this equipment
all over Yonkers
231
00:11:23,455 --> 00:11:27,303
I want to sit down
and toss back a few
232
00:11:27,804 --> 00:11:30,008
Rosario, we are on a schedule!
We don't have time... / I'm buying
233
00:11:30,008 --> 00:11:32,271
Maybe something with an umbrella
234
00:11:33,159 --> 00:11:36,918
Excuse me, miss
Yeah, we're ready to order over here
235
00:11:36,918 --> 00:11:39,679
- What's good?
- What's good?
236
00:11:39,679 --> 00:11:43,493
Me in Hawaii
with Richard Crenna
237
00:11:44,782 --> 00:11:47,892
I heard that, sister
238
00:11:48,905 --> 00:11:50,186
What do we got here?
239
00:11:50,186 --> 00:11:51,649
You look like a bus and
truck company
240
00:11:51,649 --> 00:11:54,090
of West Side Story
241
00:11:55,203 --> 00:11:57,850
You know, I played Maria
a time or two
242
00:11:57,850 --> 00:12:00,618
It's true, I tell ya
243
00:12:00,618 --> 00:12:02,378
Anyway, I'll have a club soda
244
00:12:02,378 --> 00:12:05,653
with two teaspoons of sugar
a splash of Rosa's Lime Juice
245
00:12:05,653 --> 00:12:09,611
half crushed ice
half cubed, and an umbrella
246
00:12:10,723 --> 00:12:13,062
One beer
247
00:12:13,708 --> 00:12:17,041
Excuse me!
Rudeness!
248
00:12:17,041 --> 00:12:18,961
I would like the drink
I ordered!
249
00:12:18,961 --> 00:12:20,560
And maybe even a
"Hello, my name is pbblt."
250
00:12:20,560 --> 00:12:23,581
"I'll be your server tonight"
251
00:12:23,581 --> 00:12:26,102
Listen, Maria
252
00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:31,810
I've been on this shift since
What time is it now?
253
00:12:31,810 --> 00:12:34,318
Uh, 1947
254
00:12:35,050 --> 00:12:36,555
My back aches
my feet hurt
255
00:12:36,555 --> 00:12:40,492
and the only thing holding up
my boobs is hope
256
00:12:40,492 --> 00:12:43,146
So, you'll enjoy your beer
257
00:12:43,146 --> 00:12:45,269
A beer would be great
Thanks
258
00:12:45,269 --> 00:12:49,624
Make that two, and
a couple of hard-boiled eggs
259
00:12:51,875 --> 00:12:53,764
By the way
my name is Lois
260
00:12:53,764 --> 00:12:57,032
I'll be your server tonight
261
00:12:57,438 --> 00:13:00,222
Lois?
Lois Whitley?
262
00:13:00,222 --> 00:13:01,878
Yeah
How'd you know?
263
00:13:01,878 --> 00:13:05,577
Well, we we`re looking
for a Lois Whitley
264
00:13:05,577 --> 00:13:08,282
What a coincidence
265
00:13:08,282 --> 00:13:11,371
Anyway, tomorrow I want to
shoot the outside of the apartment
266
00:13:11,371 --> 00:13:12,680
Schmucko
267
00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:15,321
Oh, Lois!
Oh, Lois Whitley!
268
00:13:15,321 --> 00:13:16,727
We came here to film you
269
00:13:16,727 --> 00:13:17,798
Film me?
270
00:13:17,798 --> 00:13:23,142
Oh, honey, I haven't done
those kind of movies in 30 years
271
00:13:25,619 --> 00:13:27,350
Just give me a few minutes
to freshen up
272
00:13:27,350 --> 00:13:28,101
Oh, no
273
00:13:30,099 --> 00:13:31,844
It's not that at all
274
00:13:31,844 --> 00:13:34,247
I'm doing a film tribute
to a friend of mine
275
00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:36,303
and I come here today
with my crew
276
00:13:36,303 --> 00:13:36,825
Hi
277
00:13:40,626 --> 00:13:43,607
To ask you a few questions
about said friend
278
00:13:43,607 --> 00:13:45,439
Roll it
279
00:13:46,501 --> 00:13:48,341
So, Lois Whitley
tell us
280
00:13:48,341 --> 00:13:53,517
What exactly is your relationship
to one Ms Karen Walker?
281
00:13:53,517 --> 00:13:55,961
I'm her mother
282
00:13:57,759 --> 00:14:01,424
Santa Maria
it has a mother?!
283
00:14:05,515 --> 00:14:07,982
I wish I'd never seen that place
284
00:14:07,982 --> 00:14:10,704
Now I can't stop
thinking about it
285
00:14:10,704 --> 00:14:12,790
It was so great
286
00:14:12,790 --> 00:14:15,300
Not like this dump
287
00:14:15,300 --> 00:14:16,592
Come on
This place is fine
288
00:14:16,592 --> 00:14:18,601
Oh, it's a dump, Will!
289
00:14:18,601 --> 00:14:19,830
This is a beautiful apartment
290
00:14:19,830 --> 00:14:21,719
People would kill for
a place like this
291
00:14:21,719 --> 00:14:23,611
It's got a doorman, a terrace
292
00:14:23,611 --> 00:14:25,176
It's in a great neighbor hood
293
00:14:25,176 --> 00:14:27,301
Damn it! What idiot builds
a step up to a kitchen?!
294
00:14:27,301 --> 00:14:30,077
This place sucks!
Crappy design!
295
00:14:30,947 --> 00:14:32,434
Well, you'd better
get used to it
296
00:14:32,434 --> 00:14:34,049
'cause we're stuck in a shoebox
297
00:14:34,049 --> 00:14:36,660
until I'm an old maid
in a threadbare cardigan
298
00:14:36,660 --> 00:14:40,246
and you're an old maid
in a threadbare caftan
299
00:14:41,885 --> 00:14:42,776
Thanks
300
00:14:42,776 --> 00:14:44,880
You know the worst part
about this apartment?
301
00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:48,005
Oh my God! You're not gonna
believe what happened!
302
00:14:48,965 --> 00:14:51,410
Honest to God
I was not gonna say that
303
00:14:51,410 --> 00:14:52,587
I met Karen's mother
She's not dead
304
00:14:52,587 --> 00:14:54,458
She's a cocktail waitress
305
00:14:55,407 --> 00:14:57,384
It turns out Karen's father died
when she was seven. Oh, my God
306
00:14:57,384 --> 00:14:59,333
Can you imagine what Karen looked like
when she was seven years old?
307
00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:02,228
Cute little pumps, cute little martini
cute little pills
308
00:15:05,314 --> 00:15:07,489
Anyway, from then on
they moved around a lot
309
00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:09,602
until Lois met a man
a ne'er-do-well named Bernie
310
00:15:09,602 --> 00:15:10,555
Or was it Todd?
311
00:15:10,555 --> 00:15:11,535
I don't know
I can't remember
312
00:15:11,535 --> 00:15:12,715
'cause at that point
I zoned out
313
00:15:12,715 --> 00:15:15,748
'cause some real hot fireman
came into the bar
314
00:15:16,682 --> 00:15:18,128
Oh, his name was Todd
That's right
315
00:15:18,128 --> 00:15:20,564
Hot Toddy
316
00:15:21,787 --> 00:15:23,402
Anyway, what did
I do with his number?
317
00:15:23,402 --> 00:15:25,273
Actually
, when Karen was 16
318
00:15:25,273 --> 00:15:27,772
her and her mother had
some big falling-out
319
00:15:27,772 --> 00:15:29,013
and Lois wouldn't tell me
what it was
320
00:15:29,013 --> 00:15:32,246
but I have a feeling Karen killed
a man with her bare breasts
321
00:15:33,277 --> 00:15:36,494
All this is in my movie
I smell sequel
322
00:15:42,626 --> 00:15:44,530
Karen has a mother?
323
00:15:44,530 --> 00:15:47,424
Yeah, that's huge
324
00:15:47,424 --> 00:15:50,087
So, we've got to figure out
how to get that apartment
325
00:15:50,087 --> 00:15:51,488
It's too much money
326
00:15:51,488 --> 00:15:53,124
Perhaps
327
00:15:53,124 --> 00:15:56,415
But not if we have more money
328
00:15:56,415 --> 00:15:57,524
My God, Grace
You've done it
329
00:15:57,524 --> 00:16:00,163
That apartment is as good as ours
330
00:16:00,163 --> 00:16:01,419
- Oh, wait!
- What?
331
00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:03,904
- No / Uh?
- Well / Yeah?
332
00:16:03,904 --> 00:16:06,429
There is one thing we could do
but it might make us bad people
333
00:16:06,429 --> 00:16:07,981
So let me ask you
334
00:16:07,981 --> 00:16:09,843
would you rather be
good people in a bad apartment
335
00:16:09,843 --> 00:16:13,359
or bad people
in a great apartment?
336
00:16:13,359 --> 00:16:16,292
I think you know
the answer to that
337
00:16:17,707 --> 00:16:19,101
We sublet
338
00:16:19,101 --> 00:16:20,517
We find somebody else
to take this place
339
00:16:20,517 --> 00:16:22,477
Then we charge a lot
more money than we should
340
00:16:22,477 --> 00:16:23,697
We gouge 'em!
341
00:16:23,697 --> 00:16:26,940
You are brilliant!
342
00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:30,594
Guys, open up!
Ellen has to pee
343
00:16:31,253 --> 00:16:32,201
- Hey
- Hi
344
00:16:32,201 --> 00:16:33,967
Sorry we're late
Traffic was ridiculous
345
00:16:33,967 --> 00:16:36,072
Well, maybe if you had taken
the tunnel like I told you to
346
00:16:36,072 --> 00:16:38,226
instead of taking us on
a scenic tour of murderville
347
00:16:38,226 --> 00:16:40,221
we could've been here on time!
348
00:16:40,221 --> 00:16:43,998
I'm irritable, I'm fat
and I have to pee
349
00:16:44,403 --> 00:16:46,849
Wow I forgot Ellen
stopped coloring her hair
350
00:16:46,849 --> 00:16:48,819
Is it weird that
she's not a redhead anymore?
351
00:16:48,819 --> 00:16:49,493
Yeah, yeah
352
00:16:49,493 --> 00:16:51,314
It's weird she's not
a lot of things anymore
353
00:16:51,314 --> 00:16:54,847
Red-headed, fun, nice
354
00:16:55,588 --> 00:16:57,673
I just don't think
she likes me anymore, guys
355
00:16:57,673 --> 00:16:58,919
Come on
Why do you say that?
356
00:16:58,919 --> 00:17:00,561
Well, it's the little things
she says, like
357
00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:03,082
"I don't like you anymore, Rob!"
358
00:17:04,659 --> 00:17:06,338
Pregnant women say things
359
00:17:06,338 --> 00:17:07,391
Yeah
She doesn't mean it
360
00:17:07,391 --> 00:17:10,874
Yeah, and she's on this kick
about moving back to the city
361
00:17:11,841 --> 00:17:13,863
Really?
362
00:17:14,202 --> 00:17:14,811
Oh, yeah
363
00:17:14,811 --> 00:17:16,588
She was grumbling about
how New Jersey might not
364
00:17:16,588 --> 00:17:19,081
be the right place for us
to raise our kid
365
00:17:19,081 --> 00:17:21,212
I'm sure it'll pass
366
00:17:21,614 --> 00:17:24,567
Oh, Trenton, Secaucus
Fort Lee, Passaic
367
00:17:24,567 --> 00:17:25,933
- Places that suck!
- Yes
368
00:17:25,933 --> 00:17:27,156
Hey!
369
00:17:27,156 --> 00:17:28,947
Guys We live near Secaucus
370
00:17:28,947 --> 00:17:29,808
Don't slow us down
371
00:17:29,808 --> 00:17:34,290
Ok, uh, bad accents, bad taste
overworked hair, social stigma
372
00:17:34,290 --> 00:17:36,196
Things kids have
who are born in New Jersey!
373
00:17:36,196 --> 00:17:38,795
- Right!
- Hey!
374
00:17:38,795 --> 00:17:40,169
Oh, guys It's just a game
375
00:17:40,169 --> 00:17:42,470
I'm sure your kid won't
have any of that Grace, go
376
00:17:42,470 --> 00:17:46,121
Ok, uh, culture, great restaurants
amazing shopping
377
00:17:46,121 --> 00:17:47,381
The advantages
of living in New York
378
00:17:47,381 --> 00:17:49,823
Ding!
We're burnin' up!
379
00:17:54,112 --> 00:17:56,979
Honey, what's wrong?
380
00:17:56,979 --> 00:17:59,601
I hate New Jersey
381
00:18:00,069 --> 00:18:01,363
Our kid's gonna grow up
382
00:18:01,363 --> 00:18:05,048
with a bad accent
and overworked hair
383
00:18:05,048 --> 00:18:06,664
I wanna move back to the city
384
00:18:06,664 --> 00:18:08,359
and I swear to God
if we don't do it
385
00:18:08,359 --> 00:18:10,715
I'm divorcing you!
386
00:18:13,832 --> 00:18:15,570
Honey I mean, if you want to
move back to New York
387
00:18:15,570 --> 00:18:18,118
we'll move back to New York
388
00:18:18,118 --> 00:18:20,544
I just don't know how we're
gonna find an apartment here
389
00:18:20,544 --> 00:18:22,872
I think we can help
390
00:18:24,995 --> 00:18:27,776
So, Karen, on this
the centennial of your birth
391
00:18:27,776 --> 00:18:30,070
Jack wants me to wish you
a happy birthday
392
00:18:30,070 --> 00:18:31,358
I hope all your wishes come true
393
00:18:31,358 --> 00:18:33,470
and when you do
become Satan's mistress
394
00:18:33,470 --> 00:18:37,938
don't you forget the little people
395
00:18:37,938 --> 00:18:40,704
And that's the end of part one
396
00:18:40,704 --> 00:18:42,958
- Oh, bravo
- Speech, speech
397
00:18:42,958 --> 00:18:44,690
Leave, leave
398
00:18:45,092 --> 00:18:49,227
Oh, thank you, everyone
399
00:18:49,227 --> 00:18:51,211
To be surrounded
on your birthday
400
00:18:51,211 --> 00:18:53,421
by your closest friends
401
00:18:53,421 --> 00:18:54,950
Well
402
00:18:54,950 --> 00:18:57,387
Would've been nice
403
00:19:00,116 --> 00:19:02,768
But instead
I'm stuck with you kids
404
00:19:03,054 --> 00:19:05,228
I'm kidding
I'm kidding
405
00:19:05,228 --> 00:19:09,633
But seriously, you people
just mean the world to me
406
00:19:09,633 --> 00:19:11,270
Rosie
407
00:19:11,270 --> 00:19:13,317
You're more than just my maid
408
00:19:13,317 --> 00:19:15,994
You're my friend
409
00:19:15,994 --> 00:19:18,186
And little Gracie
410
00:19:18,186 --> 00:19:20,379
You're more than just my friend
411
00:19:20,379 --> 00:19:22,645
You're my maid
412
00:19:24,188 --> 00:19:27,560
And Will
Oh, boy
413
00:19:28,103 --> 00:19:28,998
I know
414
00:19:28,998 --> 00:19:32,292
I know I've given you
a lot of grief over the years
415
00:19:32,292 --> 00:19:35,203
Abused you
called you names
416
00:19:35,203 --> 00:19:37,987
And Jackie
417
00:19:40,797 --> 00:19:43,963
I love you more
than you love yourself
418
00:19:43,963 --> 00:19:46,040
and I love my movie!
419
00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:49,320
Oh, wait It's not over yet
That's still one more part
420
00:19:51,215 --> 00:19:52,714
So, uh
421
00:19:52,714 --> 00:19:54,991
when should we tell everyone
about our new apartment?
422
00:19:54,991 --> 00:19:57,467
Well, we gotta wait for
the right time It's big news
423
00:19:57,467 --> 00:19:58,321
I know
424
00:19:58,321 --> 00:20:00,233
So, when am I gonna
know when it's time?
425
00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:02,268
Maybe you can give me
some kind of signal
426
00:20:02,268 --> 00:20:03,812
A signal?
Ok
427
00:20:03,812 --> 00:20:05,861
When Ethel comes
in wearing the barrel
428
00:20:05,861 --> 00:20:07,598
you'll know it's time
429
00:20:08,557 --> 00:20:10,067
Ok, Karen
430
00:20:10,067 --> 00:20:11,580
When you look back on your life
431
00:20:11,580 --> 00:20:14,250
what is the one thing
that has gotten away from you?
432
00:20:14,250 --> 00:20:19,898
Who is that one person that could
make your life complete again?
433
00:20:19,898 --> 00:20:21,500
Sunny's out of bed?
434
00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:26,326
Finally! Von Bulow
get your ass in here!
435
00:20:27,035 --> 00:20:30,221
No, not Sunny VB, silly
436
00:20:30,221 --> 00:20:33,493
Your mother!
Roll it
437
00:20:33,493 --> 00:20:35,204
Hi, you kiki
438
00:20:35,204 --> 00:20:37,113
Happy birthday!
Finally
439
00:20:37,113 --> 00:20:39,631
the mystery is solved!
440
00:20:41,077 --> 00:20:42,650
I told you
441
00:20:42,650 --> 00:20:47,360
I never wanted
to see you again!
442
00:20:49,561 --> 00:20:53,095
Guys, we're moving to
a bigger place!
31500
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