Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,745 --> 00:00:06,018
So where's the movie?
2
00:00:06,018 --> 00:00:08,356
Did you get The Age of Innocence
the way I asked?
3
00:00:08,356 --> 00:00:11,153
Oh, I'm sorry
I must have misheard you
4
00:00:11,153 --> 00:00:12,802
I thought you said to rent...
5
00:00:12,802 --> 00:00:16,946
Turn Your Head and Cough
Army Physicals Caught on Tape
6
00:00:21,047 --> 00:00:24,401
Hey. Ok, I know I said it
before that I hate men
7
00:00:24,401 --> 00:00:25,664
There's an update
8
00:00:25,664 --> 00:00:28,227
Now they hate me
9
00:00:28,227 --> 00:00:29,841
Just now in the grocery store
10
00:00:29,841 --> 00:00:33,207
I was flirting with that cute produce guy
11
00:00:33,207 --> 00:00:35,015
I gave him the hair...
12
00:00:35,015 --> 00:00:39,217
The eyes...
The teeth
13
00:00:41,248 --> 00:00:46,296
He asked me if I needed something to
keep me from swallowing my tongue
14
00:00:47,042 --> 00:00:49,983
So you got dissed by some guy
in the producedepartment. Big deal
15
00:00:49,983 --> 00:00:52,155
Did I not mention what
also happened in the meat,dairy
16
00:00:52,155 --> 00:00:55,039
and customer service departments?
17
00:00:55,039 --> 00:00:59,080
Hey
H.R. Desperate-stuff...
18
00:01:00,066 --> 00:01:02,512
Why don't you stop trying to
pick up guys in the grocery store
19
00:01:02,512 --> 00:01:04,995
Did I not mention what also happened
at the hardware store, drugstore
20
00:01:04,995 --> 00:01:08,454
liquor store, and Big Apple Circus?
21
00:01:09,445 --> 00:01:12,695
Jack, your ass is ringing
22
00:01:12,695 --> 00:01:16,289
That means a gay
angel just got his wings
23
00:01:17,579 --> 00:01:21,110
Yeah?! Yeah?
24
00:01:21,110 --> 00:01:22,137
Oh, my God!
I'm so excited!
25
00:01:22,137 --> 00:01:25,691
I can't wait to tell my friends!
I'll see you guys later
26
00:01:25,691 --> 00:01:29,356
Wait a minute! Wait!
Whoa! What happened?
27
00:01:29,356 --> 00:01:30,665
Oh, I killed at my audition!
28
00:01:30,665 --> 00:01:33,496
I'm a finalist for the Manhattan
Gay Men's Chorus!
29
00:01:33,496 --> 00:01:34,966
Congratulations!
30
00:01:34,966 --> 00:01:36,821
Wow, Jack, that is huge
31
00:01:36,821 --> 00:01:38,950
I wonder--
Is the Gay Men's Chorus really
32
00:01:38,950 --> 00:01:42,381
any gayer than
the straight men's chorus?
33
00:01:42,381 --> 00:01:43,788
They're going to Europe this summer
34
00:01:43,788 --> 00:01:44,988
all expenses paid
35
00:01:44,988 --> 00:01:46,456
They said everyone
who goes gets per diem
36
00:01:46,456 --> 00:01:49,782
but I'll just drink bottled water
so I don't have to worry about that
37
00:01:50,650 --> 00:01:53,570
Portabella!
38
00:01:54,748 --> 00:01:59,522
Sweetie, let's hang out
all weekend together and hate men
39
00:01:59,522 --> 00:02:02,094
We'll sleep late
order in and watch
40
00:02:02,094 --> 00:02:04,625
Ooh! the Army one! Great!
41
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:06,300
Can't do it
I got plans this weekend
42
00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:08,561
Ooh? Ooh. Ooh!
43
00:02:08,561 --> 00:02:12,005
- With Karen
- Eww. Why?
44
00:02:12,005 --> 00:02:14,821
There's some big Valentine's day
party on Shelter Island
45
00:02:14,821 --> 00:02:16,419
She and Stan host it every year
46
00:02:16,419 --> 00:02:18,436
All the snooty vansnoots
get dressed up
47
00:02:18,436 --> 00:02:22,077
and dance their face-lifts off
48
00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:24,915
Anyway, with Stan in prison
she's got no one to go with
49
00:02:24,915 --> 00:02:26,273
so she asked a bunch of people
50
00:02:26,273 --> 00:02:29,696
who all wisely said no
and I... I don't know
51
00:02:29,696 --> 00:02:30,957
I felt bad
52
00:02:30,957 --> 00:02:32,044
What's wrong with me?
53
00:02:32,044 --> 00:02:36,164
Nothing. You are a sweet
delicious man with great morals
54
00:02:36,164 --> 00:02:38,591
and great values
55
00:02:38,591 --> 00:02:42,701
Now, put the frickin' tape in
I'm want to some mensquirm
56
00:03:03,255 --> 00:03:06,550
Now, I don't want you to be intimidated
by these rich society people
57
00:03:06,550 --> 00:03:10,671
Remember.They're just like you
only infinitely better
58
00:03:10,671 --> 00:03:12,399
Karen, I'm no more intimidated here
59
00:03:12,399 --> 00:03:16,887
than you would be in a roomful
of people who were getting into Heaven
60
00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:21,525
Aren't you sweet?
61
00:03:21,525 --> 00:03:23,350
Listen, I'm gonna go check out my room
62
00:03:23,350 --> 00:03:24,452
I hope the bed is soft
63
00:03:24,452 --> 00:03:26,436
I cannot sleep on a hard mattress
64
00:03:26,436 --> 00:03:28,245
Last time I slept on a hard mattress
65
00:03:28,245 --> 00:03:30,150
I had this dream that I couldn't sleep
66
00:03:30,150 --> 00:03:32,392
because the mattress was too hard
67
00:03:32,392 --> 00:03:35,397
You should write that one down
and tell it atparties
68
00:03:35,397 --> 00:03:37,510
That's a keeper
69
00:03:37,510 --> 00:03:39,828
are you gonna be in your room
or here at the bar?
70
00:03:39,828 --> 00:03:41,781
Why am I even asking?
71
00:03:43,266 --> 00:03:47,134
Honey!
Give me a sapphire!
72
00:03:47,134 --> 00:03:49,001
Karen Walker...
73
00:03:49,001 --> 00:03:54,425
I thought I smelled
gin and regret
74
00:03:54,425 --> 00:03:56,091
Beverly Leslie...
75
00:03:56,091 --> 00:03:59,514
You look more like a woman
everytime I see you
76
00:03:59,514 --> 00:04:03,644
Thank you. You know
I had to speak up for youjust now
77
00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:06,714
The ladies were saying
how sad and pathetic you are being
78
00:04:06,714 --> 00:04:09,100
all alone here without Stanley
79
00:04:09,100 --> 00:04:10,539
but I defended you
80
00:04:10,539 --> 00:04:13,974
I said, "she's a hop head, too."
81
00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:17,088
Aw, Beverly, you're almost
82
00:04:17,088 --> 00:04:20,938
as sweet as a regular sized person
83
00:04:22,085 --> 00:04:24,036
I must confess
84
00:04:24,036 --> 00:04:27,522
We're gonna miss you
and that husband and a half
85
00:04:27,522 --> 00:04:31,672
closing out the weekend doing
the traditional spot light dance
86
00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:34,684
Can't very well do that by yourself
87
00:04:34,684 --> 00:04:35,868
- But...
- Oh ho!
88
00:04:35,868 --> 00:04:38,878
How the mighty have fallen
89
00:04:38,878 --> 00:04:41,665
Karen Walker sad and alone
90
00:04:41,665 --> 00:04:46,296
If I weren't so compassionate
I'd be laughing... Like this!
91
00:04:49,070 --> 00:04:52,236
Oh, cut it out, you teacup poodle
92
00:04:55,532 --> 00:04:57,975
It just so happens
I'm not here alone
93
00:04:57,975 --> 00:04:59,832
Oh, are you insinuating
that handsome
94
00:04:59,832 --> 00:05:03,834
handsome man you arrived
with is your lover?
95
00:05:03,834 --> 00:05:06,379
How dare you?!
96
00:05:06,379 --> 00:05:08,461
I love my husband!
97
00:05:08,461 --> 00:05:11,835
I would neverdream of violating
the sacred trust of our marriage
98
00:05:11,835 --> 00:05:14,429
by taking a lover!
99
00:05:14,429 --> 00:05:17,608
He's my whore
100
00:05:17,608 --> 00:05:18,494
Ah! Your gigolo ?
101
00:05:22,162 --> 00:05:23,825
I don't believe you!
102
00:05:23,825 --> 00:05:26,155
Well, I won't be getting
any sleep tonight
103
00:05:26,155 --> 00:05:29,252
It's as hard as a rock
104
00:05:36,264 --> 00:05:37,862
Ok, I'd like to do it again
105
00:05:37,862 --> 00:05:40,598
Uh, I guess we'll have to do it
without this Owen person
106
00:05:40,598 --> 00:05:44,687
Apparently he has something better to do
than show up for his call-back
107
00:05:44,687 --> 00:05:48,509
Jack, you take Owen's solo this time
108
00:05:48,509 --> 00:05:50,638
Oh, my God
109
00:05:50,638 --> 00:05:52,027
You want me to do the solo?
110
00:05:52,027 --> 00:05:54,431
Ok, um, just so you know
111
00:05:54,431 --> 00:05:58,913
I'm dedicating this one to the men
and the women in the Armed Forces
112
00:06:00,379 --> 00:06:02,074
Goody
113
00:06:02,538 --> 00:06:03,319
And
114
00:06:06,811 --> 00:06:13,910
My baby, he don't talk sweet
he ain'tgot much to say, yeah
115
00:06:13,910 --> 00:06:21,301
But he loves me, loves me, loves me
I know that he loves me anyway
116
00:06:21,301 --> 00:06:29,129
And maybe he don't dress fine
but I don't really mind, yeah
117
00:06:29,129 --> 00:06:32,394
'Cause every time hepulls me near
I just wanna cheer
118
00:06:32,394 --> 00:06:35,427
- Let's
- Hey, sorry. I'm late!
119
00:06:35,864 --> 00:06:38,616
Hi. My boyfriend is having
this huge family crisis
120
00:06:38,616 --> 00:06:43,970
His mother was-- Ok
I tried bangs. It backfired
121
00:06:45,037 --> 00:06:48,084
We understand
122
00:06:50,898 --> 00:06:52,114
Uh, excuse me
123
00:06:52,114 --> 00:06:56,661
As Aretha said to Gloria,Celine
Shania and Mariah during Divas Live
124
00:06:56,661 --> 00:06:59,291
"Are you trippin'?"
125
00:07:00,068 --> 00:07:04,653
"No one interrupts
the Queen of Soul, bitch. Ok?"
126
00:07:07,098 --> 00:07:10,346
Well, I believe she also said
"Hey, Cuba,Canada, cowgirl, Crazy"
127
00:07:10,346 --> 00:07:15,091
"get out of my light and
away from my snacks,bitch."
128
00:07:16,024 --> 00:07:18,234
Uh, ok
Now that Owen's here
129
00:07:18,234 --> 00:07:19,995
let's take it from his part
130
00:07:19,995 --> 00:07:21,974
- But I--
- And...
131
00:07:21,974 --> 00:07:25,526
Maybe he's no Romeo
he's my lovin'one-man show
132
00:07:25,526 --> 00:07:27,091
oh~~ Let's hear it for the boy
133
00:07:34,567 --> 00:07:37,016
Very good
Very nice
134
00:07:37,016 --> 00:07:41,518
Just give me a minute
while I judge you and reapply
135
00:07:43,340 --> 00:07:45,355
Burton's no competition
136
00:07:45,355 --> 00:07:46,491
Sure he can sing
137
00:07:46,491 --> 00:07:50,289
but you can see
his pores from space
138
00:07:50,289 --> 00:07:53,662
This guy wasn't terrible
but those shoes...
139
00:07:53,662 --> 00:07:56,551
Not musical
140
00:07:56,925 --> 00:08:01,113
Now... This howdy doody
looking mother fella
141
00:08:02,822 --> 00:08:04,805
He could be trouble
142
00:08:04,805 --> 00:08:06,146
Oh, I'm so nervous
143
00:08:06,146 --> 00:08:09,610
Yeah, um, you were
kind of off-key and
144
00:08:09,610 --> 00:08:12,545
um... And your phrasing was kind of
145
00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:16,087
By the end I didn't really
want to hear it for the boy
146
00:08:16,087 --> 00:08:19,980
So, but, um
I don't think they noticed
147
00:08:19,980 --> 00:08:23,549
I was a little worried about the competition
so I just wore my tightest t-shirt
148
00:08:23,549 --> 00:08:26,191
and I do think they noticed
149
00:08:26,914 --> 00:08:30,375
Ok, we've narrowed
it down to two of you
150
00:08:30,375 --> 00:08:32,907
Uh, but not you two
151
00:08:32,907 --> 00:08:35,756
Jack, Owen
take a look at this music
152
00:08:35,756 --> 00:08:38,227
I'd like to hear you sing
with the chorus tomorrow
153
00:08:38,227 --> 00:08:40,182
Thank you
154
00:08:40,182 --> 00:08:42,739
- I'm such a loser
- Oh, Burton
155
00:08:42,739 --> 00:08:45,241
You're right
156
00:08:46,659 --> 00:08:49,173
helping Burton was good karma
157
00:08:49,173 --> 00:08:50,886
but how can I get rid of this guy?
158
00:08:50,886 --> 00:08:55,266
What's the one thing that could
keep him out of the Gay Men's Chorus?
159
00:08:56,765 --> 00:08:59,829
- Hey
- Hey
160
00:09:00,703 --> 00:09:05,223
Anne Heche-Laffoon!
He's straight!
161
00:09:07,627 --> 00:09:10,471
Um, excuse me
Will, is it?
162
00:09:10,471 --> 00:09:11,515
Yes
163
00:09:11,515 --> 00:09:16,346
Yes, I know that you're
How shall I say this?
164
00:09:16,346 --> 00:09:19,294
"Working" for Karen this weekend
165
00:09:19,294 --> 00:09:23,955
I was wondering
are you taking any other clients?
166
00:09:26,447 --> 00:09:31,579
Well... Servicing Karen takes
up a lot of my time
167
00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:35,290
Seems like I'm down there constantly
168
00:09:37,062 --> 00:09:39,173
but... Um, I could
probably squeezeyou in
169
00:09:39,173 --> 00:09:44,272
Ok. great
Um, I'm a little nervous
170
00:09:44,272 --> 00:09:49,126
I use done of you guys before
and I wasn't very happy
171
00:09:49,126 --> 00:09:51,569
Oh, well, you don't have to
worry about that with me
172
00:09:51,569 --> 00:09:52,405
When I take someone on
173
00:09:52,405 --> 00:09:56,710
I don't sleep until
they're completely satisfied
174
00:09:56,710 --> 00:09:59,091
There was this one woman
When she came to me
175
00:09:59,091 --> 00:10:01,396
she was afraid
she'd never get off
176
00:10:01,396 --> 00:10:07,941
and I just pushed and pushed
177
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:11,449
I mean, I came at this thing
from every angle
178
00:10:11,711 --> 00:10:14,499
And not only did she get off
but she named her child after me
179
00:10:14,499 --> 00:10:16,803
Isn't that sweet?
180
00:10:16,803 --> 00:10:18,932
Sounds great
181
00:10:18,932 --> 00:10:20,430
- Do you have a card?
- Sure
182
00:10:20,430 --> 00:10:22,718
- I want one, too
- Me, too!
183
00:10:26,374 --> 00:10:28,897
Now, listen, it's real cool of you
to invite meover to rehearse
184
00:10:28,897 --> 00:10:33,896
Well, I'm a giver with
no ulterior motive
185
00:10:33,896 --> 00:10:35,431
Would you like something to drink?
186
00:10:35,431 --> 00:10:37,469
Maybe a white wine spritzer
187
00:10:37,469 --> 00:10:39,417
or an American beer in a can that
you can crush on your forehead
188
00:10:39,417 --> 00:10:41,772
when you're done drinking it
189
00:10:41,772 --> 00:10:44,983
Uh, no, I'm good
I just want to get started
190
00:10:44,983 --> 00:10:47,155
Man, it would be really
cool to go to Europe
191
00:10:47,155 --> 00:10:49,155
I almost went once
with my girlfriend
192
00:10:49,155 --> 00:10:52,051
And by "girlfriend" I mean
you know, hey, girl friend!
193
00:10:52,051 --> 00:10:55,421
What you wearing to Europe?
194
00:10:57,400 --> 00:11:01,454
Yeah, it was a guy
You know, huge arms
195
00:11:01,454 --> 00:11:03,388
Well, that's a sweet story
196
00:11:03,388 --> 00:11:05,431
- Hug me
- What?
197
00:11:05,431 --> 00:11:09,309
Well, I feel that we're close now
We shared
198
00:11:10,582 --> 00:11:13,060
Oh, interesting
You gave me the straight guy
199
00:11:13,060 --> 00:11:17,056
double pat on the back
no hip contact hug
200
00:11:17,865 --> 00:11:20,022
Actually it was more the gay guy
bend at the waist feel
201
00:11:20,022 --> 00:11:22,584
your delts check out your shoeshug
202
00:11:22,584 --> 00:11:25,415
Ah, yes, how could
I have mistaken the two?
203
00:11:25,415 --> 00:11:28,209
Interesting
Interesting
204
00:11:29,448 --> 00:11:33,290
Um, why don't we start
with some vocal exercises
205
00:11:33,290 --> 00:11:34,847
What gym do you go to?
Why haven't I seen you in the clubs?
206
00:11:34,847 --> 00:11:36,238
And who have we slept with in common?
207
00:11:36,238 --> 00:11:37,639
I work out at home
I'm allergic to smoke
208
00:11:37,639 --> 00:11:39,618
And I'min a long-term relationship
with my high school boyfriend
209
00:11:39,618 --> 00:11:40,737
Name? / Ben
I know him / No, you don't
210
00:11:40,737 --> 00:11:44,311
- How do you know?
- He told me you don't
211
00:11:45,117 --> 00:11:48,873
I think I'll have
that spritzer now
212
00:11:50,739 --> 00:11:52,125
Jack!
213
00:11:52,125 --> 00:11:53,608
Why is my door locked?
214
00:11:53,608 --> 00:11:58,241
You better not be using my hair
crimper on your bad place again
215
00:12:01,521 --> 00:12:05,752
That's a mistake you just make once
Excuse me
216
00:12:08,180 --> 00:12:11,606
What are you doing here?!
I'm in the middle of infotaining
217
00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:12,802
Jack, I'm not in the mood
218
00:12:12,802 --> 00:12:16,391
Oh, my dog!
I have a brilliant idea
219
00:12:16,391 --> 00:12:19,832
- I have, in my apartment
- My apartment
220
00:12:19,832 --> 00:12:22,902
In there right now is a hetero
posing as a homo
221
00:12:22,902 --> 00:12:25,849
I need you to help me get proof
222
00:12:25,849 --> 00:12:31,273
So you want me to
"in" him for you?
223
00:12:32,465 --> 00:12:35,469
- Forget it
- Ok, yeah. That's fine
224
00:12:35,469 --> 00:12:37,150
You probably couldn't
get him anyway
225
00:12:37,150 --> 00:12:39,536
I mean, your flirt's on the fritz
226
00:12:39,536 --> 00:12:40,840
It's no big deal
I'll just get somebody else
227
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:44,863
You know, someone
who is actually sexual
228
00:12:44,863 --> 00:12:46,735
Yeah, Jack
That's gonna work
229
00:12:46,735 --> 00:12:50,474
If I was Screechon
"Saved By the Bell."
230
00:12:51,443 --> 00:12:53,631
Hey, Jack, can we get started?
231
00:12:53,631 --> 00:12:54,152
Hi
232
00:12:58,542 --> 00:13:02,164
That's him?
Give me a minute
233
00:13:02,164 --> 00:13:03,977
to paint on some cleavage
234
00:13:11,669 --> 00:13:14,568
Uh, 1:00?
Yeah, I am booked
235
00:13:14,568 --> 00:13:18,590
But you and
Mrs. Sandwall are friends, right?
236
00:13:18,590 --> 00:13:23,175
Well, would you mind
if I just did you two together?
237
00:13:23,175 --> 00:13:25,480
Great
Ok
238
00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:29,845
I'm scared and excited, too
239
00:13:32,582 --> 00:13:34,262
You!
240
00:13:34,262 --> 00:13:36,776
Oh, good Lord!
You scared me!
241
00:13:36,776 --> 00:13:40,274
Shouldn't you be
in your tree making cookies?
242
00:13:42,341 --> 00:13:44,297
You're a liar
Karen Walker
243
00:13:44,297 --> 00:13:47,239
I don't for one minute believe
that man is your zheegolo
244
00:13:47,239 --> 00:13:48,518
I'm in the room next door
245
00:13:48,518 --> 00:13:50,344
and I haven't heard
a peep from that room
246
00:13:50,344 --> 00:13:54,408
And, honey, believe you me
I've been listenin'!
247
00:13:54,408 --> 00:13:56,482
If you're being deceitful
I'd hate for people to find out
248
00:13:56,482 --> 00:14:00,882
but I would love
to be the one to tell 'em!
249
00:14:01,623 --> 00:14:03,620
Oh! Hello, Will
250
00:14:03,620 --> 00:14:05,662
Karen, I don't know what you've been
saying to people but thank you
251
00:14:05,662 --> 00:14:09,551
You know how many appointments
I've set for potential clients this weekend?
252
00:14:09,551 --> 00:14:10,802
Oh, my God!
That is huge!
253
00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,281
- That's great
- I know
254
00:14:20,281 --> 00:14:20,756
Yeah
It's funny, though
255
00:14:20,756 --> 00:14:23,024
You know, a lot of
these women are so needy
256
00:14:23,024 --> 00:14:26,417
A few of them asked
if I'd hold them afterwards
257
00:14:26,417 --> 00:14:29,751
Oh, wow!
That is good, really good
258
00:14:29,751 --> 00:14:32,340
Oh, yeah!
Oh, it's good! Yeah!
259
00:14:32,340 --> 00:14:35,427
- Karen
- Aah! Yeah! What?
260
00:14:35,427 --> 00:14:37,717
What is going on?
Oh, my God
261
00:14:37,717 --> 00:14:39,314
If you're about to
shed your human form
262
00:14:39,314 --> 00:14:43,595
please don't make
my body the next host
263
00:14:43,595 --> 00:14:46,382
No, silly. I told everybody
you were a whore
264
00:14:46,382 --> 00:14:47,130
and I just want to make sure it
265
00:14:47,130 --> 00:14:50,256
sounds like we're
having sex in here, ok?
266
00:14:50,256 --> 00:14:52,128
Oh...
What?!
267
00:14:52,128 --> 00:14:53,332
Have you lost your mind?!
268
00:14:53,332 --> 00:14:56,660
Yes! Yes!
Yes! Yes! Oh!
269
00:14:56,660 --> 00:14:57,980
- Stop it!
- What?
270
00:14:57,980 --> 00:15:00,966
My God! Why would you spread
such a horrible rumor?!
271
00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:03,807
What if I went around saying
"Karen Walker flies coach"?
272
00:15:03,807 --> 00:15:06,775
That would be a damaging lie!
273
00:15:07,619 --> 00:15:09,011
God!
This is so embarrassing
274
00:15:09,011 --> 00:15:10,001
Here I am thinking
275
00:15:10,001 --> 00:15:11,824
I'm Julia Roberts
in Erin Brockovich
276
00:15:11,824 --> 00:15:15,028
and meanwhile I'm Julia Roberts
in Pretty Woman!
277
00:15:15,028 --> 00:15:16,852
God!
I am getting out of here
278
00:15:16,852 --> 00:15:18,018
You're not going anywhere!
279
00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:20,767
The dance is at 8:00 tonight
and I need you to be my partner
280
00:15:20,767 --> 00:15:21,490
Forget it
281
00:15:21,490 --> 00:15:22,623
Get somebody else
from your staff
282
00:15:22,623 --> 00:15:25,926
butcher or baker or painkiller-maker
283
00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:28,646
Oh, I forgot
They were all smart enough to say no
284
00:15:29,339 --> 00:15:31,691
Honey, wait
You're the only one I asked
285
00:15:31,691 --> 00:15:32,843
What?!
286
00:15:32,843 --> 00:15:35,194
Yes. you're the one
that I wanted to be here
287
00:15:35,194 --> 00:15:37,354
Why? So you could
take advantage of me?
288
00:15:37,354 --> 00:15:39,634
No
Be-because I
289
00:15:39,634 --> 00:15:42,632
- Good-bye
- No! Wait a minute, honey
290
00:15:42,632 --> 00:15:46,390
Because ever since
Stanley went to prison
291
00:15:46,390 --> 00:15:51,789
you're the only man in my life
that I can count on
292
00:15:52,834 --> 00:15:55,234
Well, you should have
thought of that before
293
00:15:55,234 --> 00:15:57,336
Good-bye
294
00:16:00,123 --> 00:16:05,441
What is it about Grandma's Tummy
Mint tea that just makes me feel so...
295
00:16:05,441 --> 00:16:06,317
Sexual?
296
00:16:08,285 --> 00:16:09,661
I don't know
but if that does it for you
297
00:16:09,661 --> 00:16:13,273
you might want to
avoid Red Zinger
298
00:16:13,644 --> 00:16:14,682
Grace, can I talk to
you for a minute?
299
00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:16,202
I have a furf in my shmankman
300
00:16:16,202 --> 00:16:18,643
and I think I caught
my hrmm in my whoo!
301
00:16:20,112 --> 00:16:22,734
What is taking you so long?
Seduce him already! God!
302
00:16:22,734 --> 00:16:26,496
Never send a woman
in to do a man's job
303
00:16:26,496 --> 00:16:28,128
Jack, we're straight
304
00:16:28,128 --> 00:16:32,250
It's a little more complicated
than "your turn."
305
00:16:34,675 --> 00:16:36,823
Well, turn it up a nacho
306
00:16:36,823 --> 00:16:38,591
So what? You want me to be
more aggressive?!
307
00:16:38,591 --> 00:16:40,572
Yes. Good
Go. Great
308
00:16:40,572 --> 00:16:41,886
Oh! Wait
Your hair
309
00:16:41,886 --> 00:16:43,638
I just...
310
00:16:53,305 --> 00:16:54,553
That's a lovely song
311
00:16:54,553 --> 00:16:56,374
Thanks
It's the English version
312
00:16:56,374 --> 00:17:00,330
of the French song
"mwa mwa mwa mwa"
313
00:17:04,733 --> 00:17:07,944
Oh! Look at that
314
00:17:10,548 --> 00:17:12,992
My tea's cold
I'm gonna get a refill
315
00:17:12,992 --> 00:17:17,444
Oh! God! Darn!
Look at that!
316
00:17:17,444 --> 00:17:18,692
I should take this off
317
00:17:18,692 --> 00:17:21,559
It's not good to be wet too long
318
00:17:21,559 --> 00:17:22,340
Oh!
319
00:17:23,373 --> 00:17:26,739
What am I doing?!
Oh, wait a minute
320
00:17:26,739 --> 00:17:29,703
You don't care
You're gay, right?
321
00:17:29,703 --> 00:17:32,277
Oh, right
Right. I'm gay
322
00:17:32,277 --> 00:17:33,716
So you don't mind if I...
323
00:17:33,716 --> 00:17:37,100
No, I'm gay. You should
definitely take your shirt off
324
00:17:48,019 --> 00:17:50,140
It's cute, right?
325
00:17:50,140 --> 00:17:53,100
Oh, I'm sorry
I'm making you uncomfortable
326
00:17:53,100 --> 00:17:58,184
no. I'm not uncomfortable
I'm gay. We love bras, right?
327
00:17:58,184 --> 00:18:01,370
That is a really
really good one
328
00:18:01,370 --> 00:18:04,066
I mean, it is awesome!
329
00:18:05,225 --> 00:18:09,464
Uh, I mean, it's, uh
it's fantabulous
330
00:18:09,932 --> 00:18:11,226
Well, if you like that
331
00:18:11,226 --> 00:18:15,614
you're gonna love the jeans
Touch 'em. It's ok
332
00:18:15,614 --> 00:18:17,244
You know, 'cause you're gay
333
00:18:17,244 --> 00:18:19,715
Right. I mean
why should you care, you know?
334
00:18:19,715 --> 00:18:23,220
My hand seems to be traveling up
your thigh towards your
335
00:18:23,220 --> 00:18:25,782
Rockin'ass!
336
00:18:29,029 --> 00:18:33,448
but who cares, right?
Because I'm gay!
337
00:18:33,448 --> 00:18:35,498
So it's all right if I tell you
you're beautiful and throw you down
338
00:18:35,498 --> 00:18:37,524
on this couch and make out
with you fiercely, right?
339
00:18:37,524 --> 00:18:39,059
Yep
Because you're gay
340
00:18:39,059 --> 00:18:41,212
I should be on top
341
00:18:45,868 --> 00:18:48,427
You know, you're
a good kisser for a gay guy!
342
00:18:48,427 --> 00:18:51,237
And I've kissed a lot of gay guys!
343
00:18:53,648 --> 00:18:56,540
Gotcha, you sick straight bastard!
344
00:18:57,555 --> 00:18:59,980
Jack, get lost
I'm not done!
345
00:19:01,075 --> 00:19:02,513
Good for you
You got me
346
00:19:02,513 --> 00:19:03,935
But the joke's on you
347
00:19:03,935 --> 00:19:07,088
I'm still gonna be in that chorus
'cause you don't have any proof
348
00:19:07,088 --> 00:19:08,685
Exhibit A
349
00:19:08,685 --> 00:19:10,061
There's no film in that camera
350
00:19:10,061 --> 00:19:12,009
What, you think I'd be so stupid
not to put film in my own camera?
351
00:19:12,009 --> 00:19:12,760
Hello!
352
00:19:15,944 --> 00:19:19,454
Damn you sneaky heteros!
353
00:19:19,454 --> 00:19:21,824
That's right
Your word against mine, buddy
354
00:19:21,824 --> 00:19:23,472
but thanks for the help
355
00:19:23,472 --> 00:19:25,073
And thank you for the tea...
356
00:19:25,073 --> 00:19:26,377
and A
357
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:33,483
Well, I really appreciate a woman
who knows how to turn it on
358
00:19:33,483 --> 00:19:34,266
Yo!
359
00:19:38,271 --> 00:19:41,653
Well, Jack, look on the bright side
360
00:19:41,653 --> 00:19:44,269
I'm back
361
00:19:44,269 --> 00:19:47,184
Grace Adler's back!
362
00:19:47,184 --> 00:19:49,643
And I know a produce guy
363
00:19:49,643 --> 00:19:52,748
who's gonna get a nice
little flirt right about now
364
00:19:52,748 --> 00:19:55,391
Then I'm gonna come home
watch some gay porn
365
00:19:55,391 --> 00:19:59,429
Happy Valentine's Day to me!
366
00:20:04,427 --> 00:20:08,463
Ok, everybody. Hush
Clear the floor
367
00:20:08,463 --> 00:20:10,673
It's time to end this event
368
00:20:10,673 --> 00:20:13,300
with the traditional spot light dance
369
00:20:13,300 --> 00:20:17,708
Led by our hosts Karen Walker
and her husband
370
00:20:17,708 --> 00:20:22,279
Oh, wait, no
He's in the big house
371
00:20:22,279 --> 00:20:25,426
Everything's a big house to you
372
00:20:27,064 --> 00:20:28,841
But she brought somebody else
373
00:20:28,841 --> 00:20:31,550
Oh, wait. no
He's not here either
374
00:20:31,550 --> 00:20:33,518
I guess it's just
gonna be Karen Walker
375
00:20:33,518 --> 00:20:36,883
Can we get as pot
on this sad little lady?
376
00:20:36,883 --> 00:20:40,329
All right, Thumbelina
you got me
377
00:20:40,329 --> 00:20:42,617
I'm all by my self, ok?
Everybody happy?
378
00:20:42,617 --> 00:20:45,149
Karen Walker is all alone
379
00:20:45,149 --> 00:20:48,473
Oh, no, she's not
380
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:54,394
She's got a drink in both hands
381
00:20:54,394 --> 00:20:57,498
probably one in her purse
382
00:20:57,498 --> 00:20:59,960
and she's got me
383
00:21:04,875 --> 00:21:07,207
May I have this dance?
384
00:21:13,727 --> 00:21:17,350
Thanks, honey
Why'd you come back?
385
00:21:17,350 --> 00:21:20,338
Who else you gonna count on?
386
00:21:24,163 --> 00:21:26,226
So they really think I'm a gigolo?
387
00:21:26,226 --> 00:21:27,986
Yeah
388
00:21:27,986 --> 00:21:30,461
Let's give 'em
something to talk about
389
00:21:39,979 --> 00:21:44,670
Oh, honey! Now I know
why Grace married you
390
00:21:49,205 --> 00:21:54,283
Wishin' and hopin' and thinkin'
and prayin', plannin' and dreamin'
391
00:21:54,283 --> 00:22:01,032
each night of his charms
that won't get you into his arms
392
00:22:01,032 --> 00:22:08,394
So if you're looking to find
love you can share
393
00:22:08,394 --> 00:22:12,523
all you gotta do is hold him
and kiss him and love him
394
00:22:12,523 --> 00:22:16,452
and show him that you care
395
00:22:16,452 --> 00:22:20,313
Show him that you care just for him
396
00:22:20,313 --> 00:22:24,269
Do the things he likes to do
397
00:22:24,269 --> 00:22:27,889
Wear your hair just for him
398
00:22:27,889 --> 00:22:31,063
'Cause you won't get him
399
00:22:31,063 --> 00:22:35,081
- Thinkin' and a-hopin'
- Wishin' and a-prayin'
400
00:22:35,081 --> 00:22:37,605
- Lyin' and a-cheatin'!
- Tubby and a-tone-deaf!
401
00:22:37,605 --> 00:22:38,606
Stop it!
402
00:22:42,045 --> 00:22:46,619
I can't take it anymore!
This man is straight!
403
00:22:48,674 --> 00:22:49,329
You're crazy!
404
00:22:49,329 --> 00:22:53,331
I'm as gay as the locker room
at the Ice Capades!
405
00:22:53,331 --> 00:22:57,220
This is just your pathetic attempt
to eliminate the competition
406
00:22:57,220 --> 00:23:02,153
And besides, I think
Jack is the straight one
407
00:23:03,727 --> 00:23:07,414
I have never been
accused of something so heinous!
408
00:23:07,414 --> 00:23:09,640
Heinous
409
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:12,983
How dare you, sir?!
You are an impostor!
410
00:23:12,983 --> 00:23:14,982
And I have a woman who he made out
with who can be here in five minutes
411
00:23:14,982 --> 00:23:16,533
That'sright, five minutes
because she has no life!
412
00:23:16,533 --> 00:23:18,131
Damn!
413
00:23:18,753 --> 00:23:20,129
Tell them the truth
414
00:23:20,129 --> 00:23:20,962
Ok. I'm straight
415
00:23:27,824 --> 00:23:29,983
And it was wrong of me
to deceieve you guys
416
00:23:29,983 --> 00:23:31,950
It's just that
417
00:23:31,950 --> 00:23:34,320
I love to sing
418
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:37,170
I love to sing choral music
419
00:23:37,170 --> 00:23:39,155
It makes me feel like I'm...
420
00:23:39,155 --> 00:23:42,745
Being gently chucked
under the chin by God
421
00:23:42,745 --> 00:23:45,687
But there's no room for
a straight man in that world
422
00:23:45,687 --> 00:23:48,131
You don't know how hard
it is for me to fit in
423
00:23:48,131 --> 00:23:50,406
The looks, the murmurs behind my back
424
00:23:50,406 --> 00:23:52,133
I mean, I know what they're saying
425
00:23:52,133 --> 00:23:55,819
"Ooh, he likes girls."
426
00:23:55,819 --> 00:24:00,478
So I tried to pass as gay
It was wrong. I'm sorry
427
00:24:00,478 --> 00:24:05,113
All I wanted was
to sing and be accepted
428
00:24:05,113 --> 00:24:08,443
And maybe dance a little, too
429
00:24:11,206 --> 00:24:14,138
Cry all you want, straightie
430
00:24:14,138 --> 00:24:15,833
This is the gay men's chorus
431
00:24:15,833 --> 00:24:16,829
Who cares about choral music?
432
00:24:16,829 --> 00:24:21,465
We just want to go to Europe
and shower together
433
00:24:21,740 --> 00:24:24,407
And you can't come
434
00:24:25,001 --> 00:24:27,563
Yes, he can
435
00:24:27,563 --> 00:24:29,871
Confuse me?
436
00:24:29,871 --> 00:24:33,215
We here at the chorus
have a policy of tolerance
437
00:24:33,215 --> 00:24:35,503
We used to have
a policy of openness
438
00:24:35,503 --> 00:24:37,633
but that got too many giggles
439
00:24:37,633 --> 00:24:40,018
You should be ashamed of yourself!
440
00:24:40,018 --> 00:24:42,067
Congratulations, Owen
441
00:24:42,067 --> 00:24:45,495
You're going to Europe!
442
00:24:45,495 --> 00:24:47,701
Don't change your hair
443
00:24:48,277 --> 00:24:50,594
And we're sharing a room
444
00:24:53,353 --> 00:24:56,559
You know...
You may have won
445
00:24:56,559 --> 00:24:58,255
but I still have my dignity
446
00:24:58,255 --> 00:25:00,749
I don't have to pretend to be
anything other than who I am
447
00:25:00,749 --> 00:25:02,218
What do you have?
448
00:25:02,218 --> 00:25:03,966
I have a free trip to Europe
a huge per diem
449
00:25:03,966 --> 00:25:06,409
and a chance to sing
in all the best venues in the world
450
00:25:06,409 --> 00:25:08,870
And a winning smile
451
00:25:10,734 --> 00:25:12,208
Perhaps
452
00:25:12,852 --> 00:25:16,869
But I still
get to sleep with men
33852
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof