All language subtitles for What.About.Bob.1991.1080p.WEBRip.x264-RARBG

[LIGHTHEARTED ORCHESTRAL MUSIC]

– I feel good, I feel great,
I feel wonderful.

I feel good, I feel great,
I feel wonderful.

I feel good, I feel great,
I feel wonderful.

I feel good, I feel great,
I feel wonderful.

Good morning, Gil.

I said, "Good morning, Gil".

I gotta go to work. See ya.

Wish me luck, Gil.

– Don't ask me, she's your mother!

[SIRENS WAIL]

[HORNS HONKING]

[DOGS BARKING]

[LOUD RAP MUSIC]

– Doctor, it's your wife on the phone.

– Thank you, Claire.

Fay, are we sitting down?

My publisher thinks
it's gonna happen.

He thinks good morning America
is coming up to

Lake Winnipesaukee
next week to interview me.

It's a tremendous
shot in the arm for my book.

No! It's very unusual.

I think they did visit
Dr.Ruth's house once,

But other than that…
[BUZZER]

Hold on a second, honey.

Yes?
– Excuse me, doctor.

But there's a Dr.Carswell
fensterwald on the phone.

– Thank you.

Fay, I have to go. There's
another colleague on the phone.

Boy, they sure do come out of
the woodwork when you're famous.

[CHUCKLES]

Good-bye, dear.

Carswell!

– Leo!
Long time no see, huh?

You got a big book out.

Things are really clicking,
huh?

– That's the way I planned it.

– Listen, Leo, I'm quitting
my practice for a while.

I'm leaving town,

And I have one patient
I'd like to refer to you.

– Exactly what kind
of a case is it, carswell?

He's not psychotic, is he?

– Uh, no, no.
Nothing like that.

No, listen, his name is,
uh, Bob Wiley.

He pays early.
He comes on time.

And he just needs
someone brilliant, Leo.

– You know, I know that you
don't like flattery,

But if there's
anyone I know

Who could win the nobel prize, it's you.

– Well…

I suppose I could
find an hour for him

Sometime after labor day.

Okay, I'll work him in
for an interview.

Say, carswell, how come you're
quitting the business?

– We're a dying breed, Leo.
Good luck.

[DIAL TONE]

Free!

– Claire, if a Bob Wiley calls,

Schedule him
for a short interview

Right after I get back
from my vacation.

– He's already called,
Dr.Marvin, twice.

He's your next appointment.

– That's persistence.

– I feel good, I feel great,
I feel wonderful.

I feel good…

– Son-of-a-bitch!
Dirty bastard!

I'll get you.
Son-of-a-bitch!

– I feel good, I feel great,

I feel wonderful!

I feel good.

– Help you, sir?

– Yes, Dr.Marvin.
Dr.Leo marvin.

– Second elevator,
44th floor.

– Thank you.

Elevator?

[BELL DINGS]

[PANTING]

Oh, ooh…

[GASPS]

Bob wi…

– Bob Wiley?

Um, why don't you sit down?

It'll be a few minutes.

[KNOCKING]
Dr.Marvin, Bob Wiley.

– Thank you.

Thank you for working me in.

– Hello.

– Should I call you
Dr.Marvin or Leo?

– Whichever you'd like.

– Call me Bob.
– Bob.

– Is that your family?
– Yes.

– Oh, wait, let me guess.
I'm very good at this.

Uh, that's harriet,

And then Ronnie,
Gretchen…

And Rita.

Ah, wait, wait a second.

Uh, Cecilia, Dorothy…

And this is Kenneth,

And… Bambi.

– This is my son Sigmund and my wife fay

And my daughter Anna
and that's my sister Lily.

– Lily?
I was close.

It's a beautiful family.

– Thank you.

Have a seat.

– Why don't I start, huh?

The simplest way to put it?

I have problems.

Uh, I worry about diseases,

So I have trouble touching things.

Uh, in public places
it's almost impossible.

I have a real
big problem moving.

– Talk about… Moving.

– As long as I'm in
my apartment I'm okay.

But when I want to go out, I get…

Weird.

– Talk about weird.

– Talk about weird.

Well, I get
dizzy spells.

Nausea, cold sweats…

Hot sweats,

Fever blisters, difficulty breathing,

Difficulty swallowing,

Blurred vision, involuntary
trembling, dead hands,

Numb lips, fingernail sensitivity,

Pelvic discomfort.

– So the real question is,
what is the crisis, Bob?

What is it that you
are truly afraid of?

– What if my heart stops beating?

What if I'm looking for a bathroom?

I can't find it… And…

My bladder explodes.

Have you ever heard of
tourette's syndrome?

– Mm-hmm.

– Involuntarily shouting profanity.

– It's exceptionally rare.

– Shit-eating son
of a bitch!

Bastard, douchebag, twat!

Numb-nuts,
dickhead, bitch!

– Why, exactly,
are you doing this?

– If I fake it,
then I don't have it.

You know, it's the same
with the cardiac arrest.

[GRUNTS AND GASPS]

– Are you married?

– I'm divorced.

– Would you like
to talk about that?

– There are two types
of people in this world.

Those who like Neil Diamond
and those who don't.

My ex-wife loves him.

– I see.

So what you're saying
is that even though

You are
an almost paralyzed,

Multi-phobic personality

That is in a constant
state of panic,

Your wife did not leave you,
you left her

Because she liked
Neil Diamond?

– Now, you're saying
that maybe…

Maybe I didn't leave her
because she likes Neil Diamond,

But maybe…
maybe she left me?

– Yes.

– Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ow!

Ow!

Dr.Marvin…
You can help me.

For the first time in my life
I feel like there's hope.

I feel like
I can be somebody.

– Bob, there's
an old saying…

That the best psychiatrist
in the world…

Is the one right
inside of you.

– Yeah.

– I can help you,
yes.

– Thank you.

– Bob, there is
a groundbreaking new book

That has just
come out.

Ah!

Now, not everything
in this book,

Of course,
applies to you,

But I'm sure
that you can see,

When you see the title,

Exactly how it could help.

– Baby steps?

– It means setting small,
reasonable goals for yourself

One day at a time,
one tiny step at a time.

– Baby steps.

– for instance, um,
when you leave this office,

Don't think about
everything you have to do

In order to get out
of the building.

Just think of what you must
do to get out of this room.

And when you
get to the hall,

Deal with that hall
and so forth.

You see?

– Baby steps!
– Baby steps.

– Oh, boy.

Baby steps.
Baby steps.

Baby steps
through the office?

Baby steps out the door.

It worked.

It works.

All I have to do

Is take one little step
at a time

And I can do anything.

Hmm.

Baby step around the office.
Baby step around the office.

– That should give you
a lot to digest

While I'm on vacation.

– va… vacation?

– Oh, certainly
my secretary told you.

As of this afternoon,
I'm taking my family

On vacation
until labor day.

– That's a month.

What if I need you?
What if I need to talk?

– Well, my associate,
Dr.Harmon,

Would be happy to talk.

And, Bob,
I'll be back.

Just read
baby steps.

– Baby steps
out of the office.

– very good.

– Baby steps
to the hall.

– very good, Bob.
Keep going.

– That's it.
Bye.

I'll see you
in a month.

– Baby steps
to the elevator.

Baby steps
to the elevator.

– July 31st, Bob Wiley,
introductory interview.

Multi-phobic personality,

Characterized by acute
separation anxiety

And extreme need
for family connections.

Bill the usual rate
for the interview

And $29.95
for the book.

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

– It's your publisher.

He says good morning america
is definitely coming

To lake winnipesaukee!

– Yes!
– Oh!

– Thank you.

– Baby steps
to the elevator.

Baby step
onto the elevator.

Baby steps into the elevator.

I'm in the elevator.

[SCREAMING]

– ♪ Here's the story
of a lovely lady

♪ who was bringing up three
very lovely girls

♪ all of them had hair of gold
like their mother

– Mid-manhattan
exchange.

– Yes, this is Bob Wiley.

I'm a patient of Dr.Marvin's.

I have to speak with him
right away.

It's urgent.

– I'm sorry, mr. Wiley,
but Dr.Marvin's out.

– It's Bob.
And you are?

– Betty.

– Betty, hi.

– Bob, Dr.Marvin's
out of town

And Dr.Harmon's
taking his calls.

– I know that, betty.

It's just that there's
been some confusion.

I was supposed
to call Dr.Marvin,

But I've lost
his phone number.

– Bob, I can't give
out that number.

– I know that, betty,
but you could

Call him
on the other line

And tell him that
I'm on hold on the other line.

Couldn't you, please?
Thanks, betty, please?

– Siggy, honey,
put that down in front

Of that other chair,
okay?

[PHONE RINGS]
– Okay, mom.

Hone ringing]

– phone, daddy.

– Thank you, Anna.

– Sure.

– Thank you,
sweetheart.

Yes?
– Dr.Marvin?

This is betty
at your exchange.

I'm sorry to disturb you,
but I have a Bob Wiley

On the line who says
you'll want to talto him.

– Betty, you know
better than that.

Dr.Harmon is
covering for me.

– I told him that,
doctor,

But he said he lost your number
and that it was urgent.

– All right,
put him through.

– Go ahead, Bob.

– This is Dr.Marvin.

What's the problem, Bob?

– Dr.Marvin,
how's the weather up there?

– What?

– How's your brood?

You all getting
a chance to relax?

– Bob, I thought
I made it clear

To you that
I'm on vacation.

– Well, I know, but I'm just
worse than usual this time.

Really bad.

– Bob, if this is
really an emergency,

Go to the emergency room.

And if it isn't,
call Dr.Harmon.

I'm sure he can help you.

– Well, I'd just feel
so much better

If I knew where
you were.

It's martha's vineyard,
right?

– Bob.

– Well, can't we just talk?

– Yes, we can.

In my office
after labor day.

– After you're back from
fire island, huh?

– Good-bye, Bob.

– What, you want to keep maine
all to yourself?

– Good-bye, Bob!

– Is this
a fake hang up?

It's a fake hang up.

– Eat these beans.
– No, no.

[PHONE RINGING]

– I'll get the phone.
I'll get the phone.

Hello?

– Doctor,
it's betty again.

I have an urgent call
from your sister.

– My sister?
Put her through.

– Go ahead.

– It's not you,
it's me.

– Lily,
what's wrong?

– Dr.Marvin,
please don't be angry.

This is Bob.

I know that I shouldn't
be calling you here…

– Bob, the doctor/patient
relationship is based on trust.

When you call me and pretend
to be my sister,

I can't trust you anymore.

Go to the emergency room,
but please

Do not call
me here again.

– Oh, no, no.

That was not smart.

That was not smart.

[KNOCKING]

– Who is it?

– Detective roberts
from homicide.

I have some questions
about a Bob Wiley.

– What?

– That was the Bob who
kept calling Dr.Marvin.

– That was that Bob
who kept calling.

Unfortunately, Bob committed
suicide about 15 minutes ago.

– Oh, my god.

– That's terrible.
– Oh.

– very sad.

Should never have happened.

He was a very sweet guy.

But he did leave a note,
however.

He mentioned
the name betty.

– She's betty.
– I'm betty.

– Oh, so you're betty.

– Uh, Bob calledere trying
to reach his psychiatrist.

– Oh, well,
where is he?

I'll have to ask him
some questions, too.

– Dr.Marvin's on vacation
in new hampshire.

– New hampshire?

– I can get him
on the phone for you.

– Good.
No, don't.

If I really need to,
I can have somebody

From nhpd
drop by, you know.

Uh, but, what if I wanted
to write him a letter?

Would you have a mailing address
of some kind up there?

– Oh, sure.

That's, uh,
p. O. Box 14…

– Yes?

– Lake winnipesaukee.

– Which is spelled…

– W-I-n-n-I…

[OVERLAPPING DIALOGUE]

That's two ns.
– Two es.

– E-e, two ns,
two es.

Thank you very much,
ladies.

I'm crazy about you,
especially you, betty.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[PHONE RINGING]
– Hmm?

[MUMBLES]

[PHONE RINGING]

Better not be
who I think it is.

[CLAPS]

Hello.

What?

All right.

Thank you
for calling, betty.

It was the service.

That patient,
the one who called before?

– Mm-hmm.

– He committed suicide.

– Oh, Leo, how horrible.

– Oh, well, let's not let it
spoil our vacation.

– Baby steps,
get on a bus.

Baby steps,
get on a bus.

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

– This is the last bus
to winnipesaukee, Bob.

– Yes, I know, wing, thank you.

Baby steps toward the bus.

Baby steps toward the bus.
Baby steps toward the bus.

– Do you think you can
do it today, Bob?

We have a baby
schedule to keep.

– Baby steps
get on the bus.

Baby step down the aisle.
Baby step down the aisle.

Baby step…
And sit in the seat.

Hello, I'm Bob.

Would you knock me out,
please?

Just hit me in the face.

– Do we have enough to feed
the entire film crew, dear?

– Honey, we have enough
to feed the entire network.

– Oh, great.

Another vacation
that's not a vacation.

– Why do I have to dress up
for this stupid show?

– What do you mean?

You've already tried on
everything you own.

– I have not!

All right,
all right, gosh.

It's probably gonna be
a short interview, anyway.

You know, just me and
the family, and my book.

– Easy, fella,
we're almost there.

[VOMITING NOISES]

False alarm.

[CHEERING]

Dr.Marvin!

Dr.Leo marvin!

Dr…Marvin!

Dr.Leo marvin!

– Thank you.

– Good-bye, doctor.
– Thanks again.

– Dr…Leo…Marvin!

– Honey, is someone
calling you?

– Dr.Marvin!

– Right over there.

– Dr.Leo marvin!

– Oh, my god.

– Doctor!
Leo!

– Leo, do you know
that man?

– Get in the car.

Come on, hurry,
hurry, hurry.

– Dr.Marvin!

Oh, ho, ho!

I really appreciate this.

– Everyone in the car.
Come on.

– Dr.Marvin.
Ha!

Is this a bad time?

[SIGHS]

– Who's that guy?

– Oh, the fam!

– Who's that?

– I don't know.

– What are you
doing here?

I thought
you were dead.

– Oh, no.
They told you.

Well, I fibbed a little bit,
but don't be mad.

– Bob, your behavior is
completely inappropriate.

– You're angry.

– No, no, I don't get angry.

– Well, you're upset.

– I don't get upset.

– Well, then let's have
a little talk.

– Bob.

I do not see patients
on vacation.

Ever.

How many ways
can I make that clear?

Now, what I'd like you
to do

Is to get on this bus
and go back to new york.

– I can't.
I'm totally paralyzed.

I'm all locked up.

– You got yourself here.

– Barely!

– Well, getting back
will be therapeutic.

– But can't we just have
a little talk?

– Bob, you are testing
my patience.

– Come on.
I've come so far.

– Bob!
– I'm baby steppin'.

I'm doing the work.

I'm baby stepping!

I'm not a slacker!

– Listen to me.
– Check it out.

Lookit, I'm in really
bad shape.

Come on, please!
Please!

– Bob, Bob!

– Gimme, gimme, gimme!
I need! I need!

– Bob, Bob.
Listen, Bob.

Okay, okay!
All right!

All right! All right!

All right,
it's 2:00.

Go to the bus station,
buy yourself a ticket home,

And then wait for me
in that coffee shop.

– You'll meet me?

– I'll call you…
In two hours.

– Oh, my god.
You're the greatest.

– No, no. Just you
have to promise me

That you will buy your
ticket and go home.

– Absolutely.

I'm gonna
do it right now.

– All right,
I'll call you at 4:00.

– You couldn't possibly make
it 3:30, could you?

– Bob!

– 4:00, 4:00, okay.

Exactly, 4:00.

It's better.

Okay, thank you,
Dr.M.

Baby step to 4:00.

Baby step to 4:00.

Baby step to 4:00.

Baby step to 4:00.

Baby step to 4:00.

Baby step to 4:00.

Oh, my gosh!
I need a bowl!

– What?
– A bowl.

He's been locked in
for about eight hours.

He's about to scream.
He's furious.

Sorry, Gil.

A little negligence
on my part.

Here you go.
Come on.

Hang tight, fella.

Geronimo!

It was a long ride, wasn't it?

I know you needed to stretch.

Hey, no, no, no!

I'm expecting a phone call.

Thank you. Thanks a lot.

Thanks, everybody.
I really appreciate it.

Also, uh,
if I lose consciousness

Or black out
or something explodes,

Would you tell Dr.Marvin
when he calls…

– Dr.Leo marvin?
– Do you know him?

– Yeah, he bought
our dream house.

Worked a lifetime
to save for a down payment.

– And he swooped down
with his bag full of money

And grabbed it
out from under us.

Son of a bitch.

– She never says that.

– Stay as far away
from him as possible.

– Well, that'll be easy.

He won't see me.

That's why I'm waiting
for the phone call.

– He won't see you?

Well, we'll show you
where he lives.

– You will?

– The son of a bitch!

– She never says that.

– Siggy, I have the whole house
to fix, all the art to hang.

I have no idea what I'm
gonna wear on the tv show.

But I have stopped everything in
order to teach you how to dive,

Because it is as important
for me to see you dive

As it is for me to appear
on good morning america.

– Oh, man, this is
really precious.

– Come on,
take off your robe.

Why are you always
wearing black?

What is it with you and
this death fixation?

– Maybe I'm in mourning
for my lost childhood.

– All right, come on.
Come on, turn around.

Toes at the edge.
That's it.

Remember what we
learned last year.

Okay, one, two, three,
spring.

Now bend at the knees,
bend at the waist,

Hands out stiff as a board.

One, two, three, spring.

– One, two,

Three…

Spring.

Spring…
Summer, fall.

Time to go, dad.

– I don't understand.
Why won't you dive?

– With all the horror that's
going on in the world,

What difference
does it make?

– Hi, Lily.

I'm just calling
to remind you

About Leo's surprise party.
Thursday night, 7:00.

Okay?

Well, it'll be
after his interview,

So he should be rela…
uh-oh, wait a minute.

Oh, well, of course
I'm thrilled, Lily.

The last person they interviewed
on vacation was Dr.Ruth.

Uh-huh.

Here he comes.

Thursday night, 7:00.
Don't forget.

Okay, bye-bye.

He didn't dive?

– No.

– Now come on, sweetheart.

He's just a little
afraid of it.

Have patience.

– It's not like
I'm making him jump

Out of an airplane
or anything.

When I was growing up,
I thought diving was fun.

– I thought you were born
grown-up, daddy.

– Yes, I'd like the number
to the guttmans' coffee…

What are you doing here?
– I'm sorry.

Don't be mad.
The guttmans brought me.

Thank you,
mr. And mrs. G.

– You're welcome, Bobby.

Hello, Dr.Marvin.

The house looks good.

– Burn in hell, Dr.Marvin!

[ENGINE TURNS]

– Bob, we agreed that
I would call you.

Your coming here is
unbelievably inappropriate.

– Dad, can I, um…
oh, sorry.

– Hi, you're Anna,
aren't you?

I saw your picture.
I'm Bob.

– Hi, Bob.
Nice to meet you, Bob.

– Hi, I'm Bob!

– I'm Fay.

– Oh, mrs. M,
you are even prettier

Than your picture.

[CHUCKLES]

– And younger.

[GIGGLES]
thank you.

– fay, Anna, would you
please excuse us?

I think Bob and I have
something to talk about.

– Really?
You think so too?

– Let's take a walk.

– Bob, could I
take your fish?

– Oh, yes.
Thank you.

He's already eaten.

Don't let him
tell you otherwise.

This is a great place.

No wonder the guttmans
wanted it.

Whoa!

I'm sorry about barging
in here like this.

– That's all right.
I understand.

Problems don't go away
just because I do.

[GIGGLING]

– Bob, I'd like you to…

Take a long look
around you.

What does everything you
see here have in common?

Vacation, Bob.

– vacation.

– Now I can't, Bob,
at this time give you

The kind of therapeutic
attention you need

To solve all your problems
and you know why.

– You're on vacation.
– Exactly.

What I can do is this.

– Aww, don't give me pills.

I already have pills.

– Uh-uh-uh,
this is not pills.

Read it.

– It says,
"take a vacation…

From my problems".

– I'm giving you permission
to take a vacation, Bob.

Not a vacation
from your work

And not a vacation
from your daily life,

But a vacation…

– from my problems.

– Exactly!

Now, I want you to get on that
bus and go back to new york.

But every single time
a problem arises,

I want you to take
that prescription out

And follow it
to the letter.

Doctor's orders.

I'll see you in new york
in my office in one month.

– This is incredible.
This is astounding.

For the first time
since eselin I feel free.

You've given me
a great gift, doctor.

The gift of life.

You're a great man.

I knew coming up here
was the right thing to do.

– It feels right
because you're here…

And it feels right
because you're leaving.

– Have a great vacation.

– You too, Bob.

– A vacation
from my problems!

You bet I will!

– There you go.

Baby steps.

[WHISTLING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

– Is everything
all right, honey?

– Yes, everything
is perfectly fine.

– He seemed
pleasant enough.

– Mm-hmm,
when he's controlled.

[CHUCKLES]

I got so excited
I forgot to bring you with me.

Gil.

– Oh, the fish!

– Oh, that's a very
nice likeness of you.

– Thank you very much.
– Of everyone, actually.

– Bye, Bob.
– Bye-bye, Bob.

– Bye-bye.
So long.

You've got to be sigmund.

– Yes, this is sigmund
and this is Bob

And Bob was just
leaving.

– Hi.

– Oh, this is Gil,
my fish, sigmund.

– Did you get him out
of the lake?

– No, he's a city fish.

– Cool.

– But he's loving it
up here.

[CHUCKLES]

Your father is the most
incredible psychiatrist.

I certainly hope
you appreciate him.

Have a great vacation, family.

[QUIETLY]
me too.

– Good-bye, Bob.

– Bye, Bob.
– Nice to meet you.

– Good-bye.
– Bye-bye.

– Bye.

– Well, he's
different.

– Uh-huh.

– Neat fish.

– I think I do look
younger than that picture.

– Or…

[GRUNTS]

[HUMMING]

[CHUCKLES]

– This?

– I told you
I like the rifle.

I think it's a symbol
of virility.

Now can I eat
breakfast?

I'm supposed to go sailing
on george stark's boat.

– Wait, wait, wait.

– fay, I need your opinion.

Rifle or bust?

– I think both look
so wonderful, sweetie.

– Oh, Fay.

You know I can't live
with that kind of answer.

I need…
I need feedback.

[BELL RINGING]

– Good morning,
Dr.Marvin.

No, these aren't for you.

They're for fay…
For yesterday

For your hospitality
to Gil and me.

I didn't say thank you.

I thought about
what you said.

Take a vacation from
my problems and I did.

– But you're back.
– No, I'm not.

– You're not?
– No, I'm not.

I'm on vacation.

This isn't an appointment.
I'm dropping by.

This is my first time
over the lake.

This is my
first time anywhere.

I'm a little anxious 'cause
I haven't figured out

How to get food yet, but I'm
staying at the guttmans'.

When I told them what you said,
they insisted.

– No, no, no, no, no!

– So,
I know we can't work,

But let's get the friendship
thing going.

See you later.

– Sure seems like he's
staying, doesn't it?

– Hey, paper boy,
this was on your porch.

– Thank you.

– family conference!
Family conference!

All right.

Now, I don't want
any of you

Letting Bob
into this house.

– Why?
– Why?

– Sweetheart, aren't you
overreacting just a little bit?

– Good, I'm glad we're all
in agreement.

Family conference is over.

[CHUCKLING]

– vacation from my problems.

There's nobody here.

There's nothing to fear.

There's nobody here.

I'm completely alone.

I'm all by myself.

There's nobody here!

Oh!

There's nobody here!

– Hi, Bob.
– Hi.

– Where ya going?
– Just going to town.

Buy some kleenex.

– Well, you want a ride?

– I'd love one.

Do a lot of people
use this car?

– Just us.

– So what's it like being the
daughter of a brilliant analyst

Who's sleeping
in the next bedroom

At night when you need him?

Is it great?

– No,
it's not great.

I have problems
the same as anyone else.

The same as you.

– You're afraid
your bladder will explode?

What other ones are the same?

Like what?
Like what?

– Well, like analyzing
everything tdeath

To see if what
I'm feeling is normal.

– Yes, I have that.

– Do you freeze up and turn
into wood when you're around

A good-looking guy
and you don't even know

If he likes you or not?

– Well, not a guy,
but, yes, I freeze…

You know what I do?

I treat people
as if they were telephones.

If I meet somebody who I don't
think likes me, I say to myself,

"Bob, this one is just
temporarily out of order.

"you know,
don't break the connection.

Just hang up and try again".

– And does it work?
– It seems to be.

I'm on vacation at
lake winnipesaukee, aren't I?

– Do you want to come
sailing with me

On my friend
george's boat?

– No, no.

– That's okay.
You don't have to.

– No, I'd love to.
[CHUCKLES]

It sounds great.

I've never been
on a boat

And I don't think
I could handle it.

It just makes my lips numb
to think about it.

But if your friend
is a good sailor

And the craft is seaworthy,
yes, I will go sailing.

Yeah, let's go sailing.

I have no other plans.

I'm sailing!

I'm sailing!

I'm sailing!

I'm sailing!

I'm sailing!
I'm sailing!

I'm sailing!

– This is child abuse.

If you drop me,
I'll prosecute.

– I'm not gonna let go until
you're ready, okay?

Trust me.

Put your hands out
like I showed you.

– I'm not ready.

You hear me?
I'm not ready.

Don't drop me.
I'm not ready.

– Dr.Marvin,
I'm sailing!

– Whoa!

– How about that, doc?
– Oh, siggy.

Oh, oh!

– Murderer!

– Hitler!

– Hi, dad!

– I sail!

– Anna!

Anna, come here,
please.

– Dad?

– Anna, I'd like
to speak to you, please.

– Dr.Marvin, Dr.Marvin,
guess what.

Ahoy!

I sail.
I'm a sailor. I sail.

– I'd like to talk
to my daughter alone.

– But isn't this
a breakthrough?

I mean,
that I'm a sailor.

I sail.

I sail now.

– keep sailing,
Bob.

– Out on a boat
on the lake

Way far away
from the dock

Into the wind
with the sky and everything.

Ahoy!

– I thought I told you
to stay away from Bob Wiley.

– Daddy, I was
with my friends.

Where are we going?
– Home.

– Well, what about the car?
– Leave it.

It's been
a long time since

I've had a talk
with my daughter.

– Oh, daddy,
not here.

– Anna, Anna,
Anna, Anna.

[SIGHS]

– Anna, I know you won't
listen to your father,

But you always
listen to me.

So I'm asking you
not to see Bob Wiley.

– Daddy, I am just…

– I can't hear you.

Where are you, Anna?

Ooh!

– I am just having
fun with my friends.

– And Bob Wiley.
– Yes, and Bob Wiley.

– Bob Wiley is your
father's patient.

– Bob Wiley is a very
sensitive person.

– Your father's
sensitive.

– Bob listens
to people.

– Your father
listens to people!

Except when he's up here
in lake winnipesaukee.

[SIGHS]

He is fun!

Ugh!

– Your father's…
Kind of fun.

– I'm fay marvin,
Dr.Marvin's wife…

And I'm very happy
to be on your program.

And these are our children,
Anna and siggy.

– I'm a failure.
– What?

– I'm going on national
television tomorrow

As an expert
in human behavior

And in the space
of the last hour,

Both of my children have
told me that they hate me.

– Come on, you know
they don't mean it.

– Anna accused me
of being insensitive.

No.
No.

What she
actually said was

I was insensitive
and I didn't listen

And I wasn't any fun

And that Bob Wiley was.

– ♪ give me some time

♪ to blow the man down

Notice anything
different about me?

– No.
– Do you sail?

– No.

– Well, I just
picked it up.

[CHUCKLES]

Wonder what I'm
going to pick up next.

– Try diving.
– All right, diving.

– I know a great teacher.

[SIGHS]
I mean, my dad,

He just dropped me in the water
without warning me first.

I mean,
I nearly drowned.

My whole life
flashed before my eyes.

– Well, you're lucky
you're only 12.

– It was still grim.

What is it
with him and diving?

What's the big deal?

– Well, he, he prob… whoa.

He probably just wants
you to beat it.

That's all.

You know, he probably
just wants you to dive

Because you're afraid
of diving.

Did I tell you
I sailed on my first try?

I just let the boat
do the work.

That was my secret.

But with diving,
what is the, uh…

What's the thing?
What's the trick?

– I don't know.
It's supposed to be easy.

– Well, can you give me
a handle on it?

Thanks.

Careful.
Oh, careful!

– Let's go
to the edge.

– Careful.
– Go to the edge.

Come on, toes up,
toes up, to the edge.

Don't worry.
Come on.

– Right here.

Let's call this the edge
right here.

– Okay, then step up
to the edge.

Well, then walk up
to our edge.

Okay, got you.

Now bend your knees.
Bend your knees.

Very good.

Bend your knees
and be stiff as a board.

– I am stiff
as a board.

– Now, lean forward.
Lean.

– All right, just a second.
Don't rush it.

Just a second.

This is my first dive.

– Okay, lean.
Lean.

– Wait, I can't see
what you're doing.

Why don't you
get in front?

All right, careful.
Hold it, hold it, hold it.

Wait, wait.
– Okay, come on, come on.

Now hold my shirt.

I'll show you what
we're supposed to do.

– I got it.

– Okay.
– All right.

– And bend my knees.
– Bend your knees.

– Lean forward.
Arms out.

– Arms out straight.
Stiff as a board.

– Honey, come here.
Look.

– Bend over.

– Come here.
– All right, I got ya.

I got ya.

I don't want to
have to see this.

No, please.
– One.

– No.
– Two.

– Don't do it,
please!

– Three.

– Yes.
– Yeah!

– Yeah.

– Bravo, siggy!
– Good boy!

– very nice, Bob!
Thank you!

Thank you!

I'll take it
from here.

– You dove.
That's wonderful.

– Did you see me dive, dad?

Did you see me dive?
I dove!

– Thank you.
Excellent.

– Watch this!
I can do it again.

– I'll take it from here.

– Did you see, dad?

Here, I'm gonna do it again.

– Thank you very much.

That was very nice.

– Ow!

[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]

– Bob!
– Bob!

– kick your feet, Bob!

– Ooh!
– keep breathing.

– keep breathing.
– Bob, catch!

– What are you staring at?

I had every right
to buy this house!

– Come on,
kick harder.

– Oh!

Am I gonna die?

[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]

– Bob?
– Help.

– He's over here.

– Bob!
– Am I gonna die?

– No!

[RASPBERRIES]

– Fay.

Look, everybody,
I'm not wrong often,

But when I am
I admit it.

I mean it.

I would like you all
to accept my apology.

– Well, what about Bob?

– What about Bob?

– Yeah, dad.

Don't you think you should
apologize to Bob?

– I will not apologize to Bob.

– Why not?

– All right,
I'll apologize to Bob.

And now I'd
like him to go.

– Leo, why are you so
hostile to the poor man?

– Because he's a patient.

Fay, don't you get it?

He's a patient.

A patient.
A patient.

– Mom, can we have Bob
over for dinner?

– Dinner?
– Yeah!

– I don't want Bob
for dinner, Fay.

– Leo, it's for the kids.

– I don't want Bob
for dinner.

Fay, I want to think about
my interview tomorrow.

– I'm sorry, Leo.
Right is right.

– Oh, mmm-mm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm-mm.

Mmm.

Mmm-mm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Fay, this is so scrumptious.

Is this hand-shucked?
– Mm-hmm.

Would you like
some more chicken, Bob?

– Mmm.

Leo, do you want
the breast?

– No, no, no, no, that's fine.
Eat up.

– Mmm, great biscuits,
huh, Bob?

– Mmm, yeah.
Great biscuits,

Great corn,
great potatoes.

– You want some
more salad, Bob?

– Yeah,
I think I do.

Pile it high and deep,
will you, please?

Could you get that
tomato off there, please?

– Sure.
– Thank you.

Mmm!

Mmm.

Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.

Mmm.

Mmm!

Jesus, this is delicious!

Mmm.
Mmm!

– Will you stop
that, please?

– Leo, I see salt
and pepper.

Is there a salt substitute?

– Mmm.
I'll get it.

And don't
call me Leo.

– But you said in your office
that I could call you Leo.

– That was in my office.

In my home, I'd like you
to call me Dr.Marvin.

– He's just a little nervous
about his interview tomorrow.

– Oh, yeah, I heard about
your upcoming debut.

Congratulations,
le… Dr.Marvin.

[CHUCKLES]

Your book is gonna
do a lot of good

For a lot of people.

I'm walking proof
of that.

[COUGHING]

– Is this butter
or margarine?

– Butter.

– Dad?

[COUGHING]

– Dad, are you okay?
– Dad!

– Honey?

– Dad!

– Don't panic.
I know what to do.

Don't worry.
I got it.

Okay?

– Oh, my god!

[OVERLAPPING YELLING]

– I'm doing
the right thing.

– He's still
choking!

– He's turning blue!
– Now?

There's one
other thing I can do.

[OVERLAPPING YELLING]

– Honey, I love you!
Breathe!

– Harder!
Maybe with your knee more.

– Hit him harder!
Jump higher.

– Oh!
– Spit it out!

– He's still blue!
– He's still blue!

– Ah!
– Spit again! Breathe!

[GAGS AND EXHALES]
– Leo, are you okay?

– Get him off me.

Get him off me!

– Dad.

– Bob, you
saved him!

– That was
incredible.

– I just never
gave up hope.

[THUNDER]

– Aah!
Oh!

– Shh, it's all right.
It's okay.

[MUFFLED SINGING]

All:♪ we're singin'
in the rain

♪ just singin'
in the rain

♪ what a glorious feeling

♪ I'm happy again

♪ I walk through
the kitchen

♪ with a bowl
full of chicken

♪ and I put it
in fay and Leo…

♪ I mean Dr.Marvin's
refrigerator

– ♪ thank you
– ♪ For the night

– ♪ I'm singin' in the rain

♪ singin' in the rain

– I don't like being
a party poop,

But tomorrow's
very important

And I think we better
call it a night.

[SINGING CONTINUES]

I don't wAnna be rude,

But maybe it's time for
Bob to sing his way home.

– Honey, he can't
walk home in this.

– Did I say that?
I'll drive him.

– Oh, dad, the car's still
at the marina.

– What?

– You said to leave it.
Remember?

– Well.

Rain's got to let up soon.
He can go home then.

– Well, what if it
starts up again?

– He can borrow
my slicker!

[THUNDER]

– Leo.
– Shh!

– Leo!
– Shh!

I think
it's letting up.

– Leo, honey,
it's 1:00 in the morning.

We can't make that poor fella
just sit here all night.

Now let's just let
him stay over.

– fay!

Good morning america
will be here at 7:00.

You don't want them
to find

A severely disturbed patient

Sleeping on one of my couches
when they get here.

– There's an extra bed
in siggy's room.

– fay!

– Leo, you were very upset
over Anna and siggy.

Well, now here's you chance
to show them

What kind of a guy
Leo marvin really is.

[THUNDER]

Come on, sweetie.
Come on.

Bob, we'd love for
you to spend the night.

– That's a great idea.

– Do you have
a dacron pillow?

– Sure, sure.

Anna, would you get a pillow
and some sheets for Bob?

– Sure.

– Siggy, would you get one
of your father's robes for Bob?

– Yeah.

– Are you sure
I'm not imposing?

– Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Not at all.

[CHUCKLES]
okay.

[THUNDER]

– Do you care
which bed?

– Well, I prefer
facing southeast.

– This one.

Did you find
a toothbrush?

– Yes.

– fay, do you know where
my new toothbrush is?

– Should be in the bathroom.

– Well, I know it should be
in the bathroom, darling,

But it's not
in the bathroom.

– Leo, honey,
just because you're

Going on television
tomorrow, well,

It doesn't give you any
right to be so snippy.

– It is not that that is
making me snippy.

It's him.

– Him who?
Bob?

– Yes, Bob!

Who else
am I talking about?

– Shh!

Quiet,
he'll hear you.

– Well, so what
if he hears me?

It's my house,
isn't it?

Don't you get it?

He faked suicide.
Eh?

– Isn't that a cry for help?

– What is the matter with all of you?

Don't you understand
this man is crazy?

I mean, for all we know,

The guy could be a… uh,
uh…

A mass murderer.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, come on, Leo.

He's a sweet guy.

He's perfectly
harmless.

Maybe a little neurotic,
but not crazy.

– Don't you realize that
everything he's done

Violates the doctor-patient
relationship?

And now he's in there
with our son.

– Bob?

– Yeah?

– Are you afraid
of death?

– Yeah.

– Me too.

There's no way out of it.

You're going to die.

I'm going
to die.

It's going
to happen.

What difference does it make
if it's tomorrow or 80 years?

Much sooner,
in your case.

Do you know how
fast time goes?

I was six, like yesterday.

– Me too.

– I'm going to die.

You are going to die.

What else is there
to be afraid of?

– Well,
not diving anymore.

Huh?

But, uh…

Tourette's syndrome.

– What's tourette's syndrome?

What's tourette's syndrome?

– Oh, I'm very proud
of baby steps.

Very encouraged by its success.

I think the greatest challenge
to me, aside from writing…

– Shit-for-brains!

– Butt-head!

– Dingleberry-butt!

– Snot-face!

– vulture-vomit!

– Turkey-tits!

Belch-breath!

– Open this door.
Sigmund!

Sigmund,
open this door immediately.

– I'm sorry, dad.

– Sorry.

Sorry.

– What is going
on around here?

– Tourette's, dad.
Tourette's.

– I'm sorry,
dad… Leo… Dr.Marvin.

– I don't wAnna hear another
peep out of this room.

People are trying
to sleep around here!

– Honey, it's just kids
being kids.

– Well, tomorrow is the most
important day of my career!

– I'm sorry.
We'll stop.

– We just got carried away.

It'll never happen again.

– I want you
out of here by 6:30.

Do you understand me?

The camera crew is coming at 7:00.

I want you out by 6:30.

– Sure.

Would you like something for sleep?

– What?

– I have valium, if you need it.

– No, I don't
need any valium.

– Halcyon? Seconal?

– I want some peace and quiet.

– I'll be quiet.

– I'll be peace.

[LAUGHING]

– Come on, Bob.

Come on. Here we go.

Now we've just gotta get your father

Through good morning america
tomorrow.

– Bob gave me a great thing to
be afraid of instead of death.

– That's nice, sweetie.

That's very nice, Bob.

– Yeah, I know.

– Good night, fellas.

– Mrs. M?

Could you leave the door open
just a crack?

– Okeydoke.

[ROOSTERS CROWING]

– 6:00, Bob, time to wake up.

Come on, let's go.

Come on, Bob, get up.

Bob. Come on, Bob.

Bob, rise and shine.
Come on.

Bob, come on.
Bob,et up!

Bob! Bob!

Bob!

Bob! Get up!

Come on!
Come on, it's 6:00.

Rise and shine.
Rise and shine.

Anna, go get the car right now.
Come on, Bob.

Come on, Bob.

Bob.
Bob! Bob!

Cock-a-doodle-doo!

Bob.
Bob!

Oh!

[ALARM CLOCK RINGS]

– Hi.

– Honey, relax.

– ♪ baby stepping
down the stairs

♪ baby stepping
down the stairs

Success.

Is this a beautiful
morning or what?

– Get out.

– I had the most
incredible dream last night…

– Leave.

– Good-bye, mrs.M. See you later.

– Bye-bye, Bob.

– Bye, Anna.
– Bye, Bob.

– Good-bye, rat-dick, suck-nut.

– Bye, dog-piss and barf-brain!

– Siggy!

– Later, testicle-head,
bosom-beaver.

Good morning america's here.

– Everybody, let's go.

– Hi, I'm marie grady.
– Hi.

– Lifestyle reporter
with good morning america.

– I'm a big fan.
I watch your stuff all the time.

– Gee, I hope we're not too early.

– No, no, no. Not at all.

– I'm howie katrell, the director.

And this is our producer, lennie burns.

– Hi, nice to meet you.
– Good to see you.

– Well, may we come in?

– Yeah, oh, sure.
Yeah, absolutely.

Um, this is uh… this is our home.

I was thinking of
something by the fire.

– It's a fireplace shot, fellas.

– This is even nicer
than the pictures.

– Thank you.
– Is this your family?

– Yes, yes, yes, it is.

Oh, excuse me.
I'm sorry.

This is my wife, Fay.

– Hi.

– Oh, I'm sorry.

And this is my, uh… my… my
daughter, Anna.

– Hi.
– Hi.

– And my son, uh…

– Siggy.

– Siggy!

– Oh, hi, I'm marie.

– Hello, marie,
I'm Bob.

– Ah, yes, this was Bob.

He's a patient.
He lives down the road.

– Dr.Marvin, what a great idea.

A "baby-stepper" in action.
– What?

– Howie, Dr.Marvin's going
to have a patient on with him.

– fine.

Lenny, let's not shoot
this fireplace.

Let's set up over here and…
– Oh! Wait a minute!

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

– No problem, Dr.Marvin.

We can still use the fireplace.

You on one side
and Bob on the other.

– I don't think it's such a good idea

To have a patient on with me.

– It is.
– It is?

– Yeah, dad.
– It's a great idea.

– What better way to show
the effectiveness

Of your book than have
a patient on with you?

– I think it's a fireplace shot.

– May I speak to you outside
for just one second?

Thank you so much.

I worked very hard
to get where I am.

Do you understand me?
– Well, schooling alone, yes…

– I do not want you
on this show with me.

Do you understand?
– I think I do…

– Now make up some excuse.

– Dr.Marvin, Bob,
can we have you

In here for a minute, please?

– I can't. Dr.Marvin doesn't want me.

[CHUCKLES]
– No?

– No, get in there.
They're waiting for us.

– Okay.

– Right this way.

[UPBEAT SMOOTH JAZZ]

– In three, two, one.

Marie grady in lake
winnipesaukee, new hampshire.

And marie, what is so special
about lake winnipesaukee?

– Well, joan,
among other things,

It's the summer home
of Dr.Leo marvin,

Author of the newest sensation
in therapy, baby steps.

And with Dr.Marvin is
Bob Wiley, who is a patient

And obviously a big fan
of baby steps therapy.

Good morning, Dr.Marvin, Bob.

– Good morning.
– Good morning.

– Now clearly, to come
on national television live

With a patient shows
a remarkable amount

Of confidence in your meth… ods.

[RETCHING]

False alarm. Sorry.

– Okay?

Good.

Now, Dr.Marvin,
exactly how does baby steps

Work on someone like Bob?

– Well, joan, I'm very proud
of baby steps

And enormously gratified
by its success.

I think the greatest challenge,
aside from the writing,

Is finding ways to make
the ideas within it

Accessible to laymen
as well as to my colleagues.

– Bob, tell us your
impressions of baby steps?

– Mashed potatoes and gravy, marie.

I couldn't be happier
about baby steps.

I was a total disaster

And now, because of this man,

This morning I'm on tv
in front of, you know,

Millions and millions
of people.

I don't even think
Dr.Marvin knows

What the heck's going on.

He can't believe
what's going on.

I'm very excited.

– You know, it sounds like
a very intriguing process.

How long have you been
a patient of Dr.Marvin's?

– Um, three or four days.

– Three or four days?

[CHUCKLES]
actually…

Book is not really
meant to work that quickly.

It only worked that
quickly with boob.

Bob.
– You can call me "boob".

– I don't… no, I don't wAnna
call you "boob".

– Even if you do it
as an accident…

– No, no, I really don't want
to call him "Boob".

The book isn't, you know,
meant to work that quickly.

– But it did work that way.

That's the miracle of…
of baby steps

Is that it's not just this book.

It's this man.
It's the compassion.

It's the dignity.
It's the wisdom.

It's the horse-sense
of the guy that gets you

And has turned me…

He actually had me stay here
last night in his jammies.

Using his toothbrush… In his house.

And I spent the day swimming
and sailing with his family.

Fay and Anna and siggy,
come here.

[STUTTERING]

– Here's the fam. The marvins.

This is fay and Anna and siggy,

Whom I went diving with yesterday

And Dr.Marvin accidentally
pushed me in.

– You have a very nice family.

– Thank you.
– Thank you.

– Thank you for coming.

– Thank you.
– Thank you.

Thank you for coming.

– Marie, you're wise.

What do I say to someone who has
turned my whole life around?

Who has given up
so much of their time

And their vacation
to make me better?

What I'd really like
to do is put

The greatness
of this man in perspective.

I think there's really only
three names.

Dr.Albert schweitzer,
mother teresa of calcutta,

Probably, and Leo marvin.

– The book is baby steps.

The author is Dr.Leo marvin.

And we've been
talking with Bob Wiley.

Pretty impressive stuff, Bob,
Dr.Marvin.

Back to you, joan.

– Way to go, Bobby!

[LAUGHING AND CHEERING]

– That was wonderful, Bob.

– Thank you very much, marie.

– Can we come back in a few months

And update your progress?

– Uh…As long as it's
okay with my doctor.

– What?
Oh, absolutely.

That's a very good idea.
– Okay, great.

– Come on, dad,
we're taking a picture.

– Come on, dad.
– Come on, Dr.Marvin.

– Nah.
Nah.

No.
No, you go ahead.

– All right.

– How long were you
planning on staying up here?

– Just till labor day
and then we all

Go on back to new york city.

– Okay, big smiles, everybody.

– All right, what's the magic word?

All: cheese!

[LAUGHTER]

– Okay, bye-bye.

– Good-bye, marie.
– Bye-bye.

– Gonna miss you.
– Bye.

– Bye-bye.
It was nice having you.

– Bye, howie.
Bye, marie.

– Come again.
– Bye.

– They're so nice.
– You were great, Bob.

– You really were.
– You were incredible.

I mean, dad choked,
you saved him.

[LAUGHTER]

– It's such a big day
for the whole family.

And here's the one
who made it happen.

Dr.Leo marvin.
Dr.Leo marvin.

– Get out.

– No, we won't get out.

We won't.
You deserve it.

– I mean get out!

Get out!

– Is it something I said?

– You've ruined my life!

You've ruined my career.

You've ruined my book.

You've turned a perfectly
peaceful house

Into an insane asylum.

Get out!
– Daddy!

– My god, Leo.
What's gotten into you?

– It was a disaster, fay!

– No, it wasn't.
You were wonderful, sweetie.

– You were fine, dad.
– Yeah.

– Why did you need to kick Bob
out of the house?

– You think he's gone?
He's not gone.

That's the whole point.

He's never gone!

– Is this some
radical new therapy?

– You see?

– We can't be expected
to understand him.

He's so far above us,

We're like ropes
on the goodyear blimp.

– Are you
all right?

– I want to apologize to you
for that terrible outburst.

I'm truly sorry.

Call it a case of
show-business nerves.

– Well, we can all certainly
understand that.

– A lot of people
freeze on tv, dad.

– Thank you.

Bob, how would you feel
about you and me

Having a little talk?

– Just me and you?
– Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

I think I'd like to spend
a little time with you.

Pay you back for all
the time you spent with me.

What do you say?

Feel like going
for a little ride?

– Do I?

– This is so sweet.

– It's really great of you, dad.

– It's really nice.

– Look how happy he is.

[CHUCKLES]

– Try to be home by 7:00.

– Where are we going?

– Intensive psychotherapy.

– Whoa!

Okay.

Some free associations
from my infancy.

A beach ball, a dog, a frog,

A log, a poodle,
a noodle, a doodle.

– Dr.Marvin to see Dr.Tomsky.

– Dr.Leo marvin.

– Main building, doctor.
They're expecting you.

Hey, you're Bob Wiley,
aren't you?

– Yeah.

– I saw you on tv.
You were great.

– Ha!

– Hello, Leo. Long time no see.

Sorry I missed your show this morning.

Well, is this the friend
you called about?

– Bob Wiley, I'd like you to meet

Your new pal, Dr.Tomsky.

– Hello, Bob.

– New pal?
What's wrong with my old pal?

– Would you show
mr. Wiley to his room, please?

– Oh, no, wait a second.

Doctor you're coming with, aren't you?

Fellas, I have convulsions.
My bladder is feeling funny.

Fellas!

– Really appreciate you helping
me out on this, Catherine.

– I can only hold him
for 24 hours, Leo,

Without staff corroboration.

[CHUCKLES]

I'm not worried about
that in the least.

I'm sure your entire
staff will corroborate.

Thank you.
Thank you very much, Catherine.

– You're welcome.

– Thank you.

[CONTINUES CHUCKLING]

You see, Bob,
I will not be defeated.

I will negotiate
and I will compromise.

But defeat?
Ha, ha, ha.

Uh-uh.

Cigarette, Bob?

Oh, sorry. Didn't realize
you were in a straitjacket.

[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]

[SCATTING]

– Honey, Catherine tomsky's
on the phone.

– Hello?

What?
No! No!

Son of a bitch!
– Where's Bob?

– Son of a bitch!

– Honey,
where's Bob?

What about Bob?
What about Bob?

[YELLING]
what about Bob?

– "Is it male or female?"

"It's a female.

What do you think,
I'm weird or something?"

[LAUGHTER]

But it reminds me
of my favorite poem,

Which is, roses are red,
violets are blue,

I'm a schizophrenic
and so am I.

[LAUGHTER]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

So the psychiatrist
has a patient.

He draws a circle and says,

"what do you think of when
you see this?"

He says, "Sex".
[LAUGHTER]

– That's not the joke yet.
Wait a second.

He draws a picture
of a tree and he said,

"What do you
think of that one?"

"Sex". "All right".

And then he draws a picture
of a car, a house.

"Sex, sex, sex".

The doctor says,
"You're obsessed with sex".

And the patient says,
"Well, you're the one

Drawing all the dirty pictures".

– I'm giving you back
your admitting form, Leo,

To save you any embarrassment.

– Embarrassment?
– Yeah.

Catherine, you have
been duped

By a textbook narcissist.

A brilliant sociopath.

– Brilliant enough to dupe
my entire staff?

I doubt that.

It's perfectly natural
for a patient

To bond with his analyst.

– Oh, it's not…

– If you want to be rid of him,
just tell him

You won't treat him anymore.

– Catherine, that's easy
for you to say!

The man is
human krazy glue.

– You should have never let
him sleep in your pajamas, Leo.

– Oh, I can't believe
that I'm hearing this!

– Relax, Leo.
– I'm relaxed!

– Take a vacation.

– I'm on vacation!

– Maybe you should check in
here for a few days.

Get a handle on things.

[LAUGHTER]

– It was an interesting
morning, fruitful.

But it lacked the intensity that
you and I generate together.

The sparks that
we get one-on-one.

We just gotta figure out a way
to work around your schedule.

Could we work
afternoons?

2:00 to 4:00?
3:00 to 5:00?

Monday, Wednesday, Friday,
Saturday and Sunday?

[SCREAMING]

[TIRES SQUEALING]

– Are you saying you'd
rather work mornings?

– Get out [INDISTINCT]!

– It's a combustible
relationship, isn't it?

Is it just you and me
or is it you and everybody?

What is this?
Isolation therapy?

[SIREN]

[POLICE RADIO CHATTER]

– Ahoy!

Excuse me, officer, can you make
sure he's home by 7:00?

– Hey, didn't I see that guy on TV?

– Certainly very shrewd, Bob.

Really very shrewd.

You stayed free
and I wrecked my car.

But it's over, Bob!

Oh, damn.

Son-of-a-bitching Bob!

I'm home!

Fay?

– We're out here, sweetie.

All: Surprise!

♪ Happy birthday to you

♪ Happy birthday to you

♪ Happy birthday,
Leo marvin

♪ Happy birthday to you

[CHEERING]

♪ For he's
a jolly good fellow

♪ For he's
a jolly good fellow

♪ Which nobody can deny

♪ Which nobody can deny

♪ Which nobody can deny

[SINGING FADES OUT AND STOPS]

– Dad, what happened?

– Dad!

– Honey, you're a mess.
Are you all right?

– Oh, yeah, yeah.

I just had a little car trouble.

– Oh, on your birthday?

– Mmm.

– Happy birthday, Leo.

All: Happy birthday, Leo.

– Speech!

– Sweetie, we have a great
big surprise for you.

Your sister Lily's
here from chicago.

– Happy birthday, Leo.

– Lily!

– We're all here for you, Dr.M.

This is your night!

– Don't touch my sister!

Aah!

[CROWD GASPS AND SCREAMS]

– I've never seen him like this, Phil.

– He's been under
a lot of stress, Fay.

His book, his interview,

Which, frankly,
didn't go so well.

– And his birthday.

– Exactly.

It's a lot to bite off all at once.

The sedative's probably taking effect.

He should be sleeping now.

– Phil, do you think
Leo was surprised?

– Oh, I think so.
– How is he?

– I'm leaving a prescription for prozac.

– Excuse me, Phil, but with
these particular symptoms,

Is prozac
the right choice?

– You think prozac
is a mistake?

– With this kind of
manic episode,

I would think
that librium might be

A more effective
management tool.

– You could be right.

I'll rewrite the prescription.

– Bob, why do you think Leo
went after you like that?

– I don't know.
He's been tense today.

But don't worry,
no matter how long it takes,

I'm going to stay on
and help out the family.

I'll just be the daddy.

– You are such a good friend.

Leo's lucky to have you.

– Lily, honey.
Thank you, sweetie.

– Oh, no problem.

It'll be all right.
Good-bye.

– It's been a real pleasure.

– keep me posted.
– Okay.

– Bye, aunt Lily.
– Good night.

– Bye-bye, Lily.
– Good night, Lily.

– Bye, Lily.
– Bye…Bob.

– It's so hard, Bob.

But, now listen.

We're not defending Leo's
recent behavior in any way,

So please don't
take this personally.

– No.

– But we've been thinking that
however irrational the reasons,

Leo's just so upset
with you right now that…

We just think it would be best

If you're not here
when he wakes up.

Please?
It's not the way I want it.

– Me either.

– Or me.

– You want me to go.

– I'm sorry.

– Really?

– Good-bye.

Green-puking pissant.

– Later…
Barf-breath douche-mouth.

[CHUCKLES]

– Good-bye, Bob.
– Good-bye, Anna.

– Take care
of yourself.

– Okay and you take
care of Leo.

Just temporarily
disconnected, that's all.

You know, I've gotta tell you,

I've had the greatest
vacation with y'all.

Y'all!
I am country now!

– Naw,
too messy.

No, no.
Not painful enough.

Yes!

– He's not at the dock.

– He's not downstairs.

– Let's get in the car.
Come on.

– Maybe he went for a walk.

– I think that's a
mass-murderer's stunt.

No one sees it coming
then, snap!

[WHISTLING]

[CREAKING]

[owl hooting,
wings flapping]

Hello?

[COYOTE HOWL]

Oh, gosh!
Dr.Marvin!

Doctor!

Dr.Leo marvin!

Dr.Marvin!

Dr.Le…

Dr.Marvin!

– Hello, Bob.

– What are you doing
with the rifle?

– Leo?
– Get back!

Get back!

– What are you doing with that?

– Quick! Quick!

– Daddy?
– Stand there!

– Dad!
– Dad!

– Daddy,
where are you?

– Leo?
– There goes the fam.

– Shh!
Be very quiet!

And do exactly as I say.
Turn around.

Now, move.

– What are we up to?

– Death therapy, Bob.

It's a guaranteed cure.

– Wow, should I put my hands up?

– Yes, that's good. Do that.

– Which way?
– To the left.

To the left,
yes.

– It's so right that you
and I have come together,

Isn't it, Dr.Marvin?

I know it was meant to be.
– You think so, Bob?

– Yes, because it's time
and I'm ready.

With Dr.Carswell fensterwald,
I wasn't ready.

With Dr.Rosengay and
pancheski, it wasn't time.

I certainly wasn't ready
for mallmerstien

Or miller or hill.

But with you, finally, I'm ready.

– The only significant difference

Between those other guys
and me, Bob,

Is that I'm
going to kill you.

– But if you shoot me…

Then our therapy will be over.

– I'm not going to shoot you, Bob.

I don't think I
could shoot anybody.

I am going to blow you up.

See, this is called
black powder, Bob.

One teaspoon of this stuff
can blow up a tree stump.

There we go.

– And how much is is?

– 20 pounds' worth.

You understand, don't you?
There's no other solution.

You won't go away.

– I will.

– No, you won't.

You're just saying you will.

Then after I don't kill you,

You'll show up again
and you'll do something else

To make everyone in my life
think you're wonderful

And I'm a schmuck.

But I'm not a schmuck, Bob,
and I'm not gonna

Let you breeze into town

And take my family away
from me just because

You're crazy enough to be fun.

[HUMMING]

[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

– You'll take care of Gil for me?

– Yeah, don't worry.

I'll feed him
till he's big and fat

And then I'll eat him, Bob!

– You sure are convincing, Dr.M.

[TICKING]

This is tricky.

– What?

Oh, it's terrible news, Fay.

Well, he did try to
commit suicide once before.

Maybe we should
have seen it coming.

More fish, anyone?

– I'm all tied up.

I'm tied up.

Yeah, that's it.

You're saying
I'm all tied up inside.

Okay, I'm all tied up inside.

And these phony bombs mean that…

If I don't…

Untie myself… Inside,

the emotional knots,

I'm going to explode!

Yeah!
Oh, it's so simple.

Yet, so brilliant.

Okay, Dr.M. I get it.

Baby step…

Untie your knots.

– free!

Free!
[LAUGHING]

– free!

Dr.M., you did it!

– free!

– Dr.Marvin, Dr.Marvin!
You did it!

You did it! Leo!

Ollie ollie I'm free!

– On Tuesday, we'll eat Gil.

On Wednesday,
we'll eat Bob.

[LAUGHING]
no, no, no.

That's going too far.

– Dad!
– Daddy!

– Dad!
Dad, are you all right?

– Where were you?

Honey, we've been worried sick.

– I'm fine!
I'm fine.

I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
Really.

Thank you for asking.
I'm fine now.

Bob's gone.

– We know, sweetie.
– You do?

How?
I didn't hear it go off.

– ♪ For he's
a jolly good fellow

♪ For he's
a jolly good fellow

– It's Bob.

– ♪ For he's
a jolly good fellow

– Bob, just leave,
please.

– No, no, no, no.

– ♪ For Leo marvin's a genius

♪ your death therapy cured me,
you genius

– What are
you doing here?

– You cured me, doc-o!

Bob…

The bags I put around your neck,
Bob, where are they?

– In the house.

Why?

[EXPLOSION]

– Sweetie, our house.

– Oops.

Both: burn, burn, burn, burn!

[LAUGHTER]

– Burn, burn!

[INDISTINCT WHISPERING]

– Can we talk to him?

– I don't know if
it will help, but try.

– Come on, sweetie.

Leo, sweetie?

Leo?

Can you hear me?

– Daddy, it's me,
Anna.

– Leo, it's me, Lily,
your sister.

– We don't care about the house.

Come back to us.

The worst is over.

– Yeah, dad.
How much worse can it get?

[WEDDING MARCH]

– Do you, Bob Wiley,
take Lily marvin

To be your lawful wedded wife

To love, honor and cherish
till death do you part?

– I do.

– Do you, Lily marvin,
take Bob Wiley

To be your
lawful wedded husband

To love, honor and cherish
'til death do you part?

– I do.

– If anyone here knows any reason

Why these two should not
be joined together

In holy matrimony,

Speak now or forever hold your peace.

[GRUNTING]

– Then by the power vested in me
by the state of new york,

I pronounce you
man and wife.

– No!

– Dad's back!
– Daddy!

– Leo!
– Leo!

Leo!

I'm married, Leo!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[CHEERFUL MUSIC]