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Improved By: FidelPerez.
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00:00:20,184 --> 00:00:21,515
Nice!
3
00:00:41,582 --> 00:00:42,712
I love this belt.
4
00:00:53,719 --> 00:00:56,259
Only 30 minutes more TV.
Okay, hon?
5
00:00:59,307 --> 00:01:02,807
This lamp. Sweet. Oh.
6
00:01:06,564 --> 00:01:08,314
Donnie's gonna be here
any minute.
7
00:01:08,900 --> 00:01:11,281
Yeah. Whoa.
8
00:01:49,149 --> 00:01:50,739
Welcome home, Sean Floyd.
9
00:01:53,653 --> 00:01:55,632
All right, Donnie's here.
So, I guess I'll see you guys tomorrow.
10
00:01:55,656 --> 00:01:56,656
All right, honey.
11
00:01:56,740 --> 00:01:58,409
- Have fun camping, kiddo.
- Bye!
12
00:01:59,659 --> 00:02:02,409
Oh, yeah. Ah, Ooh.
13
00:02:02,495 --> 00:02:04,075
Oh, my God.
14
00:02:04,164 --> 00:02:05,373
Ooh.
15
00:02:05,456 --> 00:02:06,456
Holy shit.
16
00:02:06,500 --> 00:02:08,000
- What is this?
- I don't know!
17
00:02:08,085 --> 00:02:10,164
- Oh, my God.
- Work!
18
00:02:10,711 --> 00:02:13,472
- Just walk over, hit the button on the TV.
- What are they doing?
19
00:02:13,549 --> 00:02:15,049
Okay, I'll see you guys later.
20
00:02:15,509 --> 00:02:17,639
What are you doing?
21
00:02:18,262 --> 00:02:20,222
Dude, what are you doing?
Are you serious?
22
00:02:20,305 --> 00:02:24,094
Sean Floyd, back on American soil
for one week only!
23
00:02:24,183 --> 00:02:26,465
Dude, turn that off.
My little brother is crying in there.
24
00:02:26,562 --> 00:02:28,231
That's crazy porn.
25
00:02:28,312 --> 00:02:29,402
She's a big girl.
26
00:02:30,106 --> 00:02:31,437
What are you wearing?
27
00:02:32,776 --> 00:02:34,066
They're my hiking shorts.
28
00:02:34,152 --> 00:02:36,588
Why do those shorts cover your belly button
but not your balls?
29
00:02:36,612 --> 00:02:39,013
What's that on your face?
You spilled something on your face.
30
00:02:39,115 --> 00:02:42,325
It looks like you drank a glass
of Ed Sheeran's pubes.
31
00:02:42,411 --> 00:02:45,211
One fact, the '80s nostalgia wave
we're living in, it's about to crest.
32
00:02:45,288 --> 00:02:47,516
And when it does, I'm gonna be swimming
in puss. Doy you know why?
33
00:02:47,540 --> 00:02:49,227
What, are you growing
a Narcos coke 'stache?
34
00:02:49,251 --> 00:02:51,251
I am growing a Narcos
coke 'stache, my friend.
35
00:02:51,336 --> 00:02:54,754
- You're growing a coke 'stache.
- Mm-hmm. Donnie Escobar, right here.
36
00:02:54,756 --> 00:02:55,756
- Wow.
- That's right.
37
00:02:57,091 --> 00:02:58,301
How you doing, pal?
38
00:02:58,384 --> 00:03:00,384
- I'm good. How are you?
- Glad to have you back.
39
00:03:00,469 --> 00:03:02,599
Ah, it's good to be back and...
40
00:03:03,264 --> 00:03:04,305
Oh, we're hugging.
41
00:03:04,390 --> 00:03:06,441
♫ That I'm sipping on ♫
42
00:03:06,518 --> 00:03:09,268
♫ Ass that I'm gripping on
Leather that I'm sitting on ♫
43
00:03:09,396 --> 00:03:10,646
♫ Put this in your stereo ♫
44
00:03:10,730 --> 00:03:12,360
♫ Press play, now here we go ♫
45
00:03:14,193 --> 00:03:15,203
Oh, hey, dudes.
46
00:03:15,276 --> 00:03:17,106
'Sup, Virgin Megastore?
47
00:03:17,195 --> 00:03:19,365
- Excuse me?
- Oh, shit.
48
00:03:20,490 --> 00:03:21,699
- Hey, Mrs. Abelar.
- Hey.
49
00:03:21,783 --> 00:03:22,783
Hi.
50
00:03:23,326 --> 00:03:26,037
Jeremy, what are you doing
over there?
51
00:03:26,121 --> 00:03:28,251
Jeremy!
52
00:03:28,331 --> 00:03:31,211
I can see you are jerking off
the walking stick!
53
00:03:31,293 --> 00:03:32,552
Mom, I'm packing.
54
00:03:32,961 --> 00:03:36,010
Your dad and I are leaving in an hour,
and I want you out of here ASAP.
55
00:03:36,088 --> 00:03:37,218
Okay, I'm going!
56
00:03:37,591 --> 00:03:39,341
Oh, God,
I so need this vacation.
57
00:03:39,425 --> 00:03:41,885
Six hours, I'll be in Napa
with a Zinfandel.
58
00:03:41,969 --> 00:03:43,389
Bye, Mrs. Abelar.
59
00:03:43,472 --> 00:03:44,812
Look who the fuck is back.
60
00:03:44,889 --> 00:03:47,189
- What's up, man?
- What's up, man?
61
00:03:47,266 --> 00:03:51,266
Yo, you dogs ready to get...
fucked up?
62
00:03:51,354 --> 00:03:52,514
- Oh, yeah.
- Show him the ID.
63
00:03:53,064 --> 00:03:54,775
It's a military ID.
64
00:03:54,858 --> 00:03:56,608
1991, dude.
65
00:03:56,692 --> 00:03:59,242
- What? You actually buy stuff with this?
- Fuck yeah, he does.
66
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:01,491
Jack Jessop reporting for booze.
67
00:04:01,657 --> 00:04:02,826
You don't look like this guy.
68
00:04:03,282 --> 00:04:04,483
This guy looks like a soldier.
69
00:04:04,533 --> 00:04:06,221
You look like Pocahontas.
70
00:04:06,245 --> 00:04:08,495
- Dude, no one says shit to an Army ranger.
- All right.
71
00:04:08,580 --> 00:04:11,419
I found this outside the booth
at the gun and knife show
72
00:04:11,667 --> 00:04:14,586
when I was picking up this bad boy.
Check it out. Check it out.
73
00:04:14,752 --> 00:04:15,592
Huh?
74
00:04:15,670 --> 00:04:16,761
- Whoa.
- Oh, shit.
75
00:04:16,838 --> 00:04:17,838
Hoo-rah!
76
00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:19,358
- Pretty tight, huh?
- Yeah, it's cool.
77
00:04:19,382 --> 00:04:22,512
This is in case we run into
any crazy shit out in the woods.
78
00:04:22,593 --> 00:04:25,463
- Like, fucking crazy shit! Shit. Fuck!
- Whoa, man!
79
00:04:25,555 --> 00:04:27,355
- I'm... Sorry, dude.
- Come on, man.
80
00:04:27,723 --> 00:04:31,014
I try to act like I'm riding a bike,
but I still got the training wheels on.
81
00:04:31,103 --> 00:04:32,403
- You feel me?
- Yeah.
82
00:04:32,812 --> 00:04:34,499
- Let's just pack up the van.
- Let's do it!
83
00:04:34,523 --> 00:04:38,572
- Yeah, let's just get the fuck out of here.
- Let's pack it up. Hit the road.
84
00:04:38,985 --> 00:04:40,425
Why are there so many bags?
85
00:04:40,487 --> 00:04:41,646
- What is all this shit?
- Oh!
86
00:04:42,322 --> 00:04:47,081
Uh... Yeah, there's a slight
change of plans, dude.
87
00:04:47,159 --> 00:04:50,329
It sucks total donkey dick.
88
00:04:50,413 --> 00:04:52,824
- Stop going through my shit, perv.
- Sarah?
89
00:04:53,709 --> 00:04:55,338
No. No. No!
90
00:04:55,418 --> 00:04:57,459
No, no. No way. No, no, no.
91
00:04:57,545 --> 00:04:59,836
- For real?
- Why does this feel so awkward?
92
00:05:00,007 --> 00:05:01,966
Jeremy, did you not tell them
that we were coming?
93
00:05:02,634 --> 00:05:05,803
I was... I'm telling them now.
Like, they're learning of it right now.
94
00:05:05,887 --> 00:05:07,927
- Are you kidding?
- They're coming.
95
00:05:08,889 --> 00:05:10,019
Welcome back, Sean.
96
00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:11,889
Hey! Hey, what's up?
97
00:05:13,394 --> 00:05:15,665
- Do you not hug people anymore?
- Oh, yeah, sorry.
98
00:05:15,689 --> 00:05:17,369
- They don't hug in Germany?
- Yeah.
99
00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:19,940
Welcome back. I mean, I'm back.
You're not back.
100
00:05:20,026 --> 00:05:22,356
I'm just back for the next week.
Hey, Sarah, what's up?
101
00:05:22,446 --> 00:05:23,526
Were you really in Germany?
102
00:05:23,612 --> 00:05:26,550
There was a whole rumor going around that
you were actually in rehab for bath salts.
103
00:05:26,574 --> 00:05:28,574
- Everyone's talking about it.
- What? No.
104
00:05:28,660 --> 00:05:30,579
Nein! Nein!
I was in Germany. Yeah.
105
00:05:31,495 --> 00:05:32,495
Cool hiking gear.
106
00:05:32,831 --> 00:05:34,211
Hmm? Oh. What?
107
00:05:34,290 --> 00:05:36,420
- How'd that get tucked in?
- Stop!
108
00:05:36,543 --> 00:05:38,213
- You're ruining my bra!
- I don't care.
109
00:05:38,295 --> 00:05:40,545
This shit's expensive. Stop!
110
00:05:40,629 --> 00:05:43,009
Jeremy said we're going like,
six miles into the woods.
111
00:05:43,091 --> 00:05:43,930
Yeah!
112
00:05:44,050 --> 00:05:45,600
Yeah. I'm glad
you're coming, though.
113
00:05:45,677 --> 00:05:47,529
You know. It's all gonna be worth it
when you see me twerking
114
00:05:47,553 --> 00:05:49,173
with Mother Nature.
115
00:05:49,514 --> 00:05:52,183
Are you gonna be twerking
against a tree or...
116
00:05:52,350 --> 00:05:54,350
- How does that work?
- I don't know.
117
00:05:55,853 --> 00:05:57,093
Excuse me!
118
00:05:57,480 --> 00:05:59,321
This is supposed to be
a bros trip.
119
00:05:59,399 --> 00:06:02,278
So, I need a group meeting.
Now! Sean!
120
00:06:02,944 --> 00:06:05,064
- Sounds mad. Yeah.
- So, I gotta go. Um...
121
00:06:06,072 --> 00:06:07,072
Bye.
122
00:06:08,033 --> 00:06:10,872
Hey, did you guys know
that people think I've been in rehab?
123
00:06:10,951 --> 00:06:11,831
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
124
00:06:11,911 --> 00:06:15,041
Yeah, it's just... it's some
bullshit rumor, dude. Forget about it.
125
00:06:15,122 --> 00:06:17,632
Look, I'm feeling fucking betrayed
with you right now, J-Tron.
126
00:06:17,709 --> 00:06:19,228
Chad and my sister broke up
yesterday,
127
00:06:19,252 --> 00:06:21,172
so she bailed on the Cancun trip
with his family.
128
00:06:21,213 --> 00:06:23,302
- That's fine.
- Oh, what? They broke up?
129
00:06:24,716 --> 00:06:27,636
- That sucks.
- Yeah, she found out he cheated on her...
130
00:06:27,718 --> 00:06:29,718
I don't care what happened.
131
00:06:30,012 --> 00:06:32,682
I'm not going camping
with my ex this weekend.
132
00:06:32,766 --> 00:06:35,055
Wait, I thought you guys
were never, you know "official."
133
00:06:35,143 --> 00:06:37,302
Yeah, that's one of our many disputes.
Thank you, Sean.
134
00:06:39,021 --> 00:06:41,401
Spring break. Indigonanza...
135
00:06:42,149 --> 00:06:45,029
- is about bros. Bonding.
- Uh-huh.
136
00:06:45,112 --> 00:06:46,492
Ceremoniously drinking
137
00:06:46,571 --> 00:06:49,951
a bottle of Indigo
Caribbean Spiced Rum in 48 hours.
138
00:06:51,283 --> 00:06:53,244
- That's the tradition.
- This is true.
139
00:06:53,327 --> 00:06:56,538
Plus, we only have Sean for one week
before he goes back to dipping his balls
140
00:06:56,622 --> 00:06:58,423
in sauerkraut
for the rest of the school year.
141
00:06:58,457 --> 00:06:59,877
That's not something we do.
142
00:06:59,959 --> 00:07:02,209
All right.
This is shitty for me too, okay?
143
00:07:02,295 --> 00:07:04,148
I mean, my girlfriend freaked out
when she found out
144
00:07:04,172 --> 00:07:06,221
ladies were coming
and I didn't invite her.
145
00:07:06,298 --> 00:07:09,098
Jeremy, how many times do I have to
tell you? You're being catfished.
146
00:07:10,262 --> 00:07:12,721
Her name is Kendall Jenners.
147
00:07:13,348 --> 00:07:14,518
With an S.
148
00:07:14,723 --> 00:07:16,973
- Not real.
- That's her name, okay?
149
00:07:17,351 --> 00:07:18,651
She's real, all right?
150
00:07:18,728 --> 00:07:22,317
We're gonna meet this summer
at theater camp and we're gonna have sex.
151
00:07:22,983 --> 00:07:25,322
Hey, actually,
that reminds me, Sean.
152
00:07:25,401 --> 00:07:28,951
You know, this weekend might actually,
finally be your chance to bang my sister.
153
00:07:29,029 --> 00:07:31,120
- Whoa, whoa!
- What the fuck?
154
00:07:31,199 --> 00:07:34,869
She's my twin sister, okay?
We have this special connection thing.
155
00:07:34,952 --> 00:07:37,332
If she's having sex,
it's like if I'm having sex.
156
00:07:37,413 --> 00:07:40,074
- Dude, that's gro... Don't say that! Because, now...
- Why not?
157
00:07:40,167 --> 00:07:42,747
Why would you not want me to feel sex?
Sex is great.
158
00:07:42,836 --> 00:07:43,745
It's your fucking twin.
159
00:07:43,836 --> 00:07:45,197
Don't be disgust...
160
00:07:45,254 --> 00:07:48,584
- Jesus Christ!
- Stop pouting in there, cheddar bush.
161
00:07:50,384 --> 00:07:52,754
It's gonna be like this
the whole fucking time.
162
00:07:53,180 --> 00:07:54,519
Scared me.
163
00:07:55,639 --> 00:07:56,889
Here we go.
164
00:07:57,516 --> 00:07:59,346
- Bye!
- Bye, Mrs. Abelar.
165
00:07:59,435 --> 00:08:02,055
- Bye!
- Fuck you, Mrs. Abelar.
166
00:08:02,146 --> 00:08:03,937
Don't say "fuck you"
to my mom, man.
167
00:08:04,024 --> 00:08:07,894
- We say "fuck you" to Mom all the time.
- Well, yeah, but she's, like, our mom.
168
00:08:08,653 --> 00:08:11,783
I just don't think any Abelar woman
should be disrespected...
169
00:08:12,406 --> 00:08:13,406
like that.
170
00:08:14,617 --> 00:08:15,697
Yeah.
171
00:08:16,076 --> 00:08:17,617
Ah, they're good kids.
172
00:08:17,870 --> 00:08:20,040
- They're nightmares.
- I know, hon. Let's go.
173
00:08:20,122 --> 00:08:22,343
- They're my suicidal nightmares.
- I know, I know.
174
00:08:28,632 --> 00:08:30,971
♫ ...to do what I want ♫
175
00:08:31,134 --> 00:08:35,173
- Uh...
- ♫ So free ♫
176
00:08:41,311 --> 00:08:42,951
- ♫ I'm free ♫
- Uh, thanks, man.
177
00:08:46,232 --> 00:08:48,393
Hey, um, I'm really sorry
about Chad.
178
00:08:48,442 --> 00:08:51,113
Thanks.
179
00:08:51,654 --> 00:08:55,235
So, do you guys
keep in touch at all? Or...
180
00:08:55,491 --> 00:08:58,331
Oh, well,
we broke up 17 hours ago.
181
00:08:58,870 --> 00:08:59,960
So...
182
00:09:00,038 --> 00:09:01,327
I'll keep you posted.
183
00:09:01,413 --> 00:09:04,913
♫ To show the love you lack ♫
184
00:09:06,586 --> 00:09:11,336
♫ Even if nobody loves you back ♫
185
00:09:14,385 --> 00:09:16,005
Hey!
186
00:09:17,389 --> 00:09:19,229
Are you going to the
Sadie Hawkins dance?
187
00:09:19,307 --> 00:09:20,346
Oh, wow, really?
188
00:09:20,432 --> 00:09:22,745
You know what, Sarah?
I'm think gonna have to think about it,
189
00:09:22,769 --> 00:09:23,808
but thank you for asking.
190
00:09:23,894 --> 00:09:26,315
Actually, I just wanted to warn
whoever you end up going with
191
00:09:26,398 --> 00:09:27,727
that you shart during blow jobs.
192
00:09:27,816 --> 00:09:29,775
- That happened one time!
- Happened two times.
193
00:09:30,150 --> 00:09:31,990
You said you'd never...
194
00:09:32,070 --> 00:09:35,549
- Dog, you sharted mid-beej?
- ♫ Got me ready Why are you taking long? ♫
195
00:09:42,163 --> 00:09:44,883
All right. Stay in the van.
Be cool. I got this.
196
00:09:45,457 --> 00:09:46,587
Hoo-rah!
197
00:09:47,168 --> 00:09:49,918
♫ Now do it, do it, do it, do it ♫
198
00:09:52,423 --> 00:09:55,084
What's up?
199
00:09:56,260 --> 00:09:57,260
You got ID?
200
00:09:58,471 --> 00:09:59,721
Blammo!
201
00:10:03,100 --> 00:10:04,650
Hmm... Ranger, huh?
202
00:10:05,769 --> 00:10:07,190
$47.65.
203
00:10:08,648 --> 00:10:10,477
Military discount.
204
00:10:10,567 --> 00:10:14,356
- Stop. Wipe it on your dirty butt.
- No! Not on my... Ah! Not on my butt!
205
00:10:14,446 --> 00:10:15,865
You know what?
Just keep the change.
206
00:10:15,947 --> 00:10:19,076
You have a great day.
No receipt. Heh.
207
00:10:23,078 --> 00:10:27,838
♫ Djamayo ounalyendé aounana
Dougou badia dela ♫
208
00:10:32,004 --> 00:10:36,884
♫ Djamayo ounalyendé aounana
Mogo gnana djé dela ♫
209
00:10:40,054 --> 00:10:41,554
That's not funny, man.
210
00:10:42,432 --> 00:10:45,231
Yeah, you're great.
Yeah, I'm just gonna put it in there.
211
00:10:45,309 --> 00:10:49,269
All right, guys. Let's get these
Snow Mates ready for their cover shoot.
212
00:10:49,355 --> 00:10:52,025
♫ While they laugh and shake their head
Still we coming in ♫
213
00:10:52,107 --> 00:10:55,738
♫ Now, love, you lead the way
We go, go, go ♫
214
00:10:55,820 --> 00:10:58,159
♫ We go, go, go ♫
215
00:10:58,740 --> 00:10:59,580
Ow.
216
00:10:59,658 --> 00:11:01,488
♫ Still we coming in ♫ - Here.
217
00:11:01,576 --> 00:11:04,405
♫ We go, go, go ♫
218
00:11:04,495 --> 00:11:06,206
♫ We go, go, go ♫
219
00:11:07,749 --> 00:11:09,418
♫ Yeah ♫
220
00:11:12,086 --> 00:11:13,626
♫ Yeah ♫
221
00:11:13,712 --> 00:11:16,842
♫ Let it play, let it play
Let's make it a holiday ♫
222
00:11:16,924 --> 00:11:18,004
♫ Yeah ♫
223
00:11:18,092 --> 00:11:21,062
♫ Every day, every day
A party every way ♫
224
00:11:21,136 --> 00:11:22,256
♫ Yeah ♫
225
00:11:22,346 --> 00:11:24,096
Jeremy, where are you taking us?
226
00:11:24,849 --> 00:11:28,519
We're going deep
into Mother Nature's puss...
227
00:11:29,269 --> 00:11:31,649
all the way up past the ovaries.
228
00:11:32,106 --> 00:11:34,106
Whoo!
229
00:11:39,905 --> 00:11:42,025
Kendall gets so wet
for this shit.
230
00:11:42,575 --> 00:11:44,745
I'm sure that he does.
231
00:12:07,100 --> 00:12:08,190
Oh, this is it, dogs.
232
00:12:09,351 --> 00:12:10,351
This is base camp.
233
00:12:10,437 --> 00:12:13,187
Fucking finally! Jesus Christ.
234
00:12:15,482 --> 00:12:16,783
Oh, here we go.
235
00:12:17,610 --> 00:12:19,990
Here we go. Oh, what the fuck?
236
00:12:28,163 --> 00:12:29,423
Fuck Chad, right?
237
00:12:29,496 --> 00:12:31,787
Uh, yeah.
238
00:12:31,875 --> 00:12:34,085
High school relationships
are bullshit, anyway.
239
00:12:34,376 --> 00:12:36,506
I just feel really embarrassed.
240
00:12:36,962 --> 00:12:37,962
Yeah.
241
00:12:38,798 --> 00:12:40,628
But what if you tried to just...
242
00:12:40,716 --> 00:12:44,177
you know, do something to take your
mind off of it, for a little bit?
243
00:12:47,389 --> 00:12:48,730
You could hook up with Sean.
244
00:12:50,058 --> 00:12:54,019
Come on, it might be fun just to hook up
with someone that's nice for a change.
245
00:12:54,105 --> 00:12:58,184
Plus, you've always kind of liked him,
and he got kind of hot in Germany.
246
00:13:00,653 --> 00:13:02,113
I wouldn't say "hot."
247
00:13:02,864 --> 00:13:05,524
I feel like he finished going
through puberty.
248
00:13:08,912 --> 00:13:11,461
- You're blowing it with Becky.
- Man, they just broke up.
249
00:13:11,538 --> 00:13:14,288
This is the Rent cast party
all over again.
250
00:13:14,375 --> 00:13:16,955
This is not like the Rent cast party.
Okay? It's not like that.
251
00:13:17,044 --> 00:13:18,914
Remember what happened
at the Rent cast party?
252
00:13:19,004 --> 00:13:21,674
You sat on the couch
sipping your Mike's Hard.
253
00:13:21,758 --> 00:13:23,388
Her hand on your thigh.
254
00:13:23,467 --> 00:13:25,427
You were on the couch
and you squeezed his thigh.
255
00:13:25,511 --> 00:13:27,721
Then I asked if he wanted to go smoke
on the roof.
256
00:13:27,806 --> 00:13:29,596
Wait, yeah,
what did he say again?
257
00:13:29,682 --> 00:13:32,272
I told her
that I passed on grass.
258
00:13:32,351 --> 00:13:36,442
Which doesn't make any sense
because we smoke literally all the time.
259
00:13:36,523 --> 00:13:38,033
They literally smoke
all the time.
260
00:13:38,106 --> 00:13:39,826
And then you sat there watching
as she left.
261
00:13:40,192 --> 00:13:41,202
I just got up and left.
262
00:13:41,277 --> 00:13:43,947
I told you that I couldn't
stand up because...
263
00:13:44,029 --> 00:13:46,909
- Maybe he just had a boner.
- I had a boner.
264
00:13:46,990 --> 00:13:48,081
Oh, ew.
265
00:13:48,158 --> 00:13:50,158
Who gets a boner
from someone touching their thigh?
266
00:13:50,245 --> 00:13:52,914
You're being cock blocked, literally,
by your own cock.
267
00:13:52,996 --> 00:13:54,537
I don't know, man.
I can't control it.
268
00:13:54,624 --> 00:13:56,624
She then goes upstairs,
makes out with Chad,
269
00:13:56,709 --> 00:13:59,062
and they've been fucking dating
till this moment, right now.
270
00:13:59,086 --> 00:14:00,086
The Rent cast party?
271
00:14:00,171 --> 00:14:02,482
That was your chance to be with Becky,
and you blew it, dog.
272
00:14:02,506 --> 00:14:04,326
- Yeah, Donnie's right, man.
- Thank you.
273
00:14:04,327 --> 00:14:06,759
Musical theater's the ultimate
aphrodisiac.
274
00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:09,322
I mean, that's why me and Kendall
are composing an R-rated musical
275
00:14:09,346 --> 00:14:11,226
based on the songs of
Britney Spears.
276
00:14:11,349 --> 00:14:14,399
Dude, get this, all right? It's called
Blonde to Bald to Back Again.
277
00:14:14,476 --> 00:14:16,937
Shit is gonna be so fucking tight, dude.
I can't wait.
278
00:14:17,020 --> 00:14:19,020
I mean, you remember
Christmas Eve, right?
279
00:14:19,106 --> 00:14:21,986
Dude, when I sang Kendall my
"Oops! I Did It Again" solo?
280
00:14:22,067 --> 00:14:25,778
Dude, I had to Urban Dictionary the shit
she said she was gonna do to my body.
281
00:14:25,864 --> 00:14:27,274
Oh, dude, I almost forgot.
282
00:14:28,157 --> 00:14:30,236
I got you something, dude.
It's for you and Becks.
283
00:14:30,326 --> 00:14:31,865
It glows in the dark and shit.
284
00:14:32,370 --> 00:14:34,620
What? "The Fuck King Condom"?
285
00:14:34,706 --> 00:14:36,745
Yeah. King of fucking, dude.
286
00:14:37,625 --> 00:14:41,085
Or you can go raw, dog.
I mean, I'm down to be an uncle.
287
00:14:41,169 --> 00:14:43,509
What? Stop it with the fucking
your sister stuff.
288
00:14:43,590 --> 00:14:46,679
I mean, look, as weird as this fucking
guy is, he's right about one thing.
289
00:14:46,842 --> 00:14:48,552
Becky's always had
a thing for you, dude.
290
00:14:48,635 --> 00:14:50,216
No, that's a 100% conjecture.
291
00:14:50,429 --> 00:14:53,230
I don't know.
I'm slow-playing it, okay?
292
00:14:53,307 --> 00:14:55,687
You are no-playing it.
Be her rebound, okay?
293
00:14:55,768 --> 00:14:58,607
Take off your practice sweats
and crash the fucking boards.
294
00:14:58,687 --> 00:15:00,081
- Yeah.
- Play dirty if you have to.
295
00:15:00,105 --> 00:15:03,145
You think I didn't throw a few 'bows
to get where I am with Sarah?
296
00:15:03,234 --> 00:15:05,644
What? Where do you think
you are with Sarah?
297
00:15:05,736 --> 00:15:06,817
You guys hate each other.
298
00:15:07,654 --> 00:15:08,654
Donnie?
299
00:15:11,491 --> 00:15:12,792
Drink up, bitch.
300
00:15:12,869 --> 00:15:14,408
Oh!
301
00:15:14,495 --> 00:15:15,556
- Snap.
- Fuck!
302
00:15:15,580 --> 00:15:16,620
What was that?
303
00:15:16,706 --> 00:15:17,706
Oh!
304
00:15:17,749 --> 00:15:19,338
Why?
305
00:15:19,958 --> 00:15:20,999
Fuck!
306
00:15:21,085 --> 00:15:23,205
Well, nature's great now,
but it's still spring break.
307
00:15:23,546 --> 00:15:25,255
- Oh!
- And I'm ready to rage.
308
00:15:25,673 --> 00:15:26,802
Let the games begin.
309
00:15:27,008 --> 00:15:30,048
Actually, Sarah, this is a bros trip
that you're intruding on.
310
00:15:30,302 --> 00:15:31,602
Indigonanza's our thing.
311
00:15:31,721 --> 00:15:34,681
So I'm gonna be the one
who officially starts everything off.
312
00:15:34,765 --> 00:15:35,596
Okay.
313
00:15:35,682 --> 00:15:37,273
- Let...
- Indigonanza begin.
314
00:15:39,937 --> 00:15:41,357
Okay. Let...
315
00:15:41,438 --> 00:15:43,292
- Let Indigonanza begin.
- Please, this is my thing.
316
00:15:43,316 --> 00:15:46,536
- Guys, it's important to him, so...
- Let Indigonanza...
317
00:15:47,946 --> 00:15:48,946
begin.
318
00:15:50,697 --> 00:15:52,738
I liked it better
when she said it.
319
00:15:52,825 --> 00:15:56,284
♫ Turn down for what, turn down for what
Turn down for what ♫
320
00:15:56,370 --> 00:15:58,671
♫ We don't turn down for what
We in VIP, yellin' ♫
321
00:15:58,748 --> 00:16:00,207
♫ More bottles, more bitches ♫
322
00:16:00,291 --> 00:16:02,801
♫ We all VIP, yellin'
More bottles, more bitches ♫
323
00:16:02,876 --> 00:16:05,086
♫ We in VIP, yellin'
More bottles, more bitches ♫
324
00:16:05,171 --> 00:16:08,301
♫ We in VIP, yellin'
More bottles, more bitches ♫
325
00:16:08,383 --> 00:16:10,592
♫ Hey, more bottles of that rosé ♫
326
00:16:10,677 --> 00:16:12,846
♫ More redbones that look like Solé ♫
327
00:16:12,928 --> 00:16:15,389
♫ Booty fatter than a burrito
From Chick-fil-A ♫
328
00:16:15,472 --> 00:16:18,062
♫ I'm trying to take that ass home
Like Triple-A ♫
329
00:16:20,894 --> 00:16:23,014
♫ You better, you better
Listen what the core say ♫
330
00:16:23,105 --> 00:16:25,275
♫ Turn down for what
Turn down for what ♫
331
00:16:25,357 --> 00:16:27,988
♫ Unless you turning her
Face down and ass up ♫
332
00:16:29,403 --> 00:16:30,653
♫ More bottles, more bitches ♫
333
00:16:31,614 --> 00:16:33,614
♫ More bottles, more bitches ♫
334
00:16:34,033 --> 00:16:36,123
♫ More bottles, more bitches ♫
335
00:16:36,661 --> 00:16:38,661
♫ More bottles, more bitches ♫
336
00:16:44,293 --> 00:16:47,013
I mean, look at him.
337
00:16:47,087 --> 00:16:49,048
He's just going to town
on that trail mix.
338
00:16:49,090 --> 00:16:50,840
Do you still have your bong bear?
339
00:16:50,966 --> 00:16:51,966
Yeah, I do.
340
00:16:52,092 --> 00:16:54,263
Get over there and make a move.
341
00:16:54,721 --> 00:16:56,681
You should fuck my sister.
342
00:16:57,472 --> 00:16:59,994
- I'm gonna go take a piss.
- Thanks for letting me know.
343
00:17:00,018 --> 00:17:01,518
- Go get 'em, tiger.
- Okay.
344
00:17:01,601 --> 00:17:03,442
- Nice ass.
- Okay. Fine.
345
00:17:05,230 --> 00:17:06,280
Hey!
346
00:17:06,857 --> 00:17:09,278
- Quit hogging that trail mix.
- Okay.
347
00:17:12,113 --> 00:17:14,373
- Oh...
- Coming in.
348
00:17:14,699 --> 00:17:17,999
- Beep, beep, beep.
- No, that's enough. Thank you.
349
00:17:22,957 --> 00:17:25,787
Uh, so did you hear about the...
the bear thing?
350
00:17:27,002 --> 00:17:28,053
- No.
- Yeah.
351
00:17:28,128 --> 00:17:30,219
Here's one right now. Oh!
352
00:17:30,298 --> 00:17:32,087
- Whoa! What?
- What?
353
00:17:32,174 --> 00:17:34,174
- It's just a... It's a bong bear.
- The bear bong.
354
00:17:34,218 --> 00:17:36,097
Bear bong!
355
00:17:37,387 --> 00:17:41,938
Hey, if you wanted, we could...
we could go hot box the tent later.
356
00:17:44,144 --> 00:17:45,515
We could do that.
357
00:17:45,605 --> 00:17:46,855
- I'm free now.
- You're free?
358
00:17:47,147 --> 00:17:49,738
Uh, that's kind of perfect,
'cause I'm free.
359
00:17:49,817 --> 00:17:52,277
Yeah, our schedules lined up
perfectly.
360
00:17:52,361 --> 00:17:54,070
- Uh, let's go now.
- Okay!
361
00:17:54,154 --> 00:17:55,065
- Here we go.
- Cool.
362
00:17:55,155 --> 00:17:56,365
Oh, my God. Did you hear that?
363
00:17:56,449 --> 00:17:58,509
Jeremy's talking to himself.
Come, on. We gotta go fuck with him.
364
00:17:58,534 --> 00:18:00,403
We gotta go.
We gotta go right now. Let's go.
365
00:18:00,619 --> 00:18:02,539
Sorry.
366
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:03,921
Bye.
367
00:18:04,039 --> 00:18:05,500
This knife is so sharp,
368
00:18:06,250 --> 00:18:07,420
it can cut piss.
369
00:18:09,377 --> 00:18:10,377
Oh, what's that?
370
00:18:10,630 --> 00:18:14,049
- Are you pissing on this endangered fern?
- What the fuck is he doing?
371
00:18:14,133 --> 00:18:18,063
Oh, shit, it's an anthill.
I'd better get 'em.
372
00:18:18,136 --> 00:18:18,967
Let's get him.
373
00:18:19,055 --> 00:18:21,224
- We approach a wild teen.
- You're dead!
374
00:18:34,987 --> 00:18:37,656
- Oh, shit. I think I cut myself.
- Did you... Did you just...
375
00:18:37,740 --> 00:18:39,240
Oh, no!
376
00:18:39,325 --> 00:18:41,552
Why... why are you looking down there?
Why are you looking down there?
377
00:18:41,576 --> 00:18:43,656
Keep your eyes above... No.
What are you doing?
378
00:18:43,746 --> 00:18:45,246
That's not okay. That's...
379
00:18:54,298 --> 00:18:56,387
Where'd my dick go?
Did you see my dick, Sean?
380
00:18:56,467 --> 00:18:57,386
Sean, you didn't see it?
381
00:18:57,468 --> 00:19:00,097
What about you, Donnie?
Did you see my dick? Did you see my dick?
382
00:19:00,555 --> 00:19:02,424
What is... What is happening?
383
00:19:02,515 --> 00:19:05,384
- I just cut off my dick.
- Jeremy, is this a fucking prank?
384
00:19:05,601 --> 00:19:07,320
Don't be stupid.
Come on, show me your dick.
385
00:19:07,394 --> 00:19:08,805
I cut off my dick, Becky!
386
00:19:08,895 --> 00:19:13,645
I cut my dick off!
387
00:19:13,817 --> 00:19:15,962
- Oh, my God, it's not a prank.
- Help! Help him!
388
00:19:18,029 --> 00:19:19,410
I don't think it'll be okay.
389
00:19:19,490 --> 00:19:21,079
You'll be fine, man.
We'll lay you down.
390
00:19:21,159 --> 00:19:22,828
Come on.
391
00:19:22,910 --> 00:19:24,410
Here we go.
Put this under his head.
392
00:19:24,494 --> 00:19:27,704
Shit. That's a lot of blood, goddammit!
That's a lot of blood.
393
00:19:27,789 --> 00:19:30,685
- I think I'm gonna fucking die. I'm gonna fucking die.
- Jeremy's gonna die.
394
00:19:30,710 --> 00:19:34,269
We can all stand here and have a meltdown or
we can get our shit together and save Jeremy.
395
00:19:35,213 --> 00:19:36,624
Oh, my God, I'm gonna die!
396
00:19:36,715 --> 00:19:39,675
- We need to call 911, now.
- Yeah, get our phones.
397
00:19:39,759 --> 00:19:42,680
- Kendall... theater camp.
- My phone's in the van.
398
00:19:43,263 --> 00:19:45,826
- Don't die, dude.
- Fuck. I don't have any service. Do you have service?
399
00:19:45,849 --> 00:19:46,993
- I don't.
- Fuck. Me neither.
400
00:19:47,018 --> 00:19:48,871
- Yeah, I got nothing.
- Fuck. You don't have any service?
401
00:19:48,894 --> 00:19:50,555
Just... Oh, give me
one second to think.
402
00:19:50,645 --> 00:19:53,083
Okay. Everybody, I'm going to the top
of the ridge. Give me your phones.
403
00:19:53,106 --> 00:19:55,146
Okay. One of them
has to have service, right?
404
00:19:55,233 --> 00:19:57,604
- Okay, what's the passcodes?
- Um, 3-5-3-2.
405
00:19:57,694 --> 00:20:00,565
69-69, which is pretty ironic now.
406
00:20:00,655 --> 00:20:03,036
- Mine's 0-0-4-7.
- 0-0-4-7.
407
00:20:03,491 --> 00:20:04,886
- Go.
- What's your passcode, Donnie?
408
00:20:04,911 --> 00:20:06,661
- All ones, dude. All ones.
- Okay.
409
00:20:06,746 --> 00:20:10,826
Guys! Hey, guys, in times like these,
we... we gotta... Fucking...
410
00:20:10,916 --> 00:20:12,644
- Just go!
- Get out of here!
411
00:20:12,667 --> 00:20:15,087
- Yeah, I'm going!
- Oh, my God. Okay, Jeremy.
412
00:20:15,378 --> 00:20:18,969
Someone... Someone needs
to find the... penis.
413
00:20:19,049 --> 00:20:20,430
- Get my penis.
- Okay.
414
00:20:20,509 --> 00:20:21,929
- Get my penis.
- Yeah.
415
00:20:22,010 --> 00:20:23,864
Dude, I'm gonna get
your fucking peen, all right?
416
00:20:23,887 --> 00:20:25,567
I'm taking this.
I'm getting a flashlight.
417
00:20:25,597 --> 00:20:27,878
- I'm gonna go with Donnie.
- Yeah, I'll stay with Jeremy.
418
00:20:27,933 --> 00:20:30,662
- It's gonna be okay, right, Becky? It's gonna be good?
- It's gonna be okay. Yeah. Yeah.
419
00:20:30,685 --> 00:20:32,788
You're gonna get my dick.
I'm gonna get my dick back right?
420
00:20:32,813 --> 00:20:34,272
Yeah, we're gonna find it, for you.
421
00:20:34,356 --> 00:20:37,817
Just for scale, what am I looking for here?
Like half this? A... a quarter?
422
00:20:38,361 --> 00:20:40,040
I'm not gonna tell her
how big my dick is.
423
00:20:40,112 --> 00:20:42,372
I'm gonna take it as a quarter.
424
00:20:42,656 --> 00:20:44,406
If this doesn't work out, Becky,
425
00:20:45,159 --> 00:20:46,909
- I'm gonna be your sister now.
- Okay.
426
00:20:46,993 --> 00:20:48,703
- You already have the hair for it.
- Yeah.
427
00:20:52,165 --> 00:20:54,536
Hey! That is a cliff.
428
00:20:54,626 --> 00:20:58,086
All right. Okay.
429
00:20:58,172 --> 00:20:59,801
Nope. All right, come on.
430
00:21:00,508 --> 00:21:02,468
Crap. No, come on! Come on!
431
00:21:02,550 --> 00:21:04,010
Come on! Bars! Bars! We got bars!
432
00:21:04,095 --> 00:21:06,674
We got bars. Oh, baby mama.
433
00:21:06,763 --> 00:21:09,683
All right. I can hear you now.
434
00:21:10,601 --> 00:21:11,651
Fuck yeah.
435
00:21:13,479 --> 00:21:15,068
911, what's your emergency?
436
00:21:15,314 --> 00:21:16,354
Hello! Hello! Hello!
437
00:21:17,066 --> 00:21:20,395
911. I have a medical emergency.
I need a medevac pronto.
438
00:21:20,486 --> 00:21:24,776
My friend has lost his penis.
He cut it off. I think it was an accident.
439
00:21:24,865 --> 00:21:25,865
Okay.
440
00:21:27,410 --> 00:21:30,250
Okay. Come on. Okay.
441
00:21:30,328 --> 00:21:32,328
Fuck.
442
00:21:32,455 --> 00:21:33,455
Shit!
443
00:21:36,419 --> 00:21:39,919
- If I was a dick, where would I be?
- Oh, you are a dick. So, that shouldn't be hard.
444
00:21:40,006 --> 00:21:41,148
Oh, my God.
445
00:21:41,173 --> 00:21:42,192
- What?
- Found it!
446
00:21:42,215 --> 00:21:43,215
Where?
447
00:21:43,925 --> 00:21:44,925
Oh.
448
00:21:45,552 --> 00:21:46,603
It's a pine cone.
449
00:21:46,679 --> 00:21:47,888
It's gotta be here somewhere.
450
00:21:47,971 --> 00:21:50,021
I mean, how fucking far
could this dick fly?
451
00:21:50,473 --> 00:21:52,594
It could be anywhere
within a thousand-foot radius.
452
00:21:52,684 --> 00:21:55,515
Okay, sir, I'm working on
triangulating your current location.
453
00:21:55,604 --> 00:21:57,183
Uh...
454
00:21:57,522 --> 00:22:00,573
"Hey, babe, I'm sorry I was an idiot.
Where are you?"
455
00:22:01,067 --> 00:22:03,907
"I bailed on Cancun.
Are you at your house?"
456
00:22:03,988 --> 00:22:06,173
- Oh, come on.
- Okay, we're sending out a medevac helicopter.
457
00:22:06,198 --> 00:22:07,367
Okay, yes. Thank you.
458
00:22:08,366 --> 00:22:11,457
"I want to make this work. I miss you.
You're the shit."
459
00:22:15,082 --> 00:22:16,461
Crash the boards, Sean.
460
00:22:18,376 --> 00:22:20,626
Fuck Chad, man. Fuck you.
461
00:22:22,256 --> 00:22:23,546
You're a...
462
00:22:27,553 --> 00:22:28,553
dirty taint.
463
00:22:29,055 --> 00:22:30,055
Fuck, yeah.
464
00:22:32,307 --> 00:22:33,478
Shit.
465
00:22:33,558 --> 00:22:34,558
Send.
466
00:22:37,938 --> 00:22:38,938
Fucking send.
467
00:22:40,106 --> 00:22:42,186
- Send it. Come on.
- Did you get a signal?
468
00:22:44,737 --> 00:22:47,027
- Oh!
- Sean?
469
00:22:48,656 --> 00:22:50,336
Please tell me
that wasn't all the phones.
470
00:22:50,367 --> 00:22:51,367
No, no.
471
00:22:52,494 --> 00:22:55,204
- I mean, yes, it was...
- It was.
472
00:22:55,288 --> 00:22:57,749
All the phones.
But, hey, hey, I called 911.
473
00:22:57,833 --> 00:23:00,383
I talked to them. They're gonna send
a medevac in 30 minutes.
474
00:23:00,877 --> 00:23:02,064
- So... So that's good!
- Okay.
475
00:23:02,087 --> 00:23:03,417
- Yeah!
- Let's go. Let's go.
476
00:23:03,506 --> 00:23:04,715
That's... All right.
477
00:23:06,258 --> 00:23:08,968
Hold on! Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait! Whoa!
478
00:23:09,053 --> 00:23:10,432
It's a fucking mushroom, dude.
479
00:23:10,762 --> 00:23:13,522
- Everything looks like a dick at night!
- What is that?
480
00:23:14,057 --> 00:23:14,887
Hmm?
481
00:23:14,974 --> 00:23:17,474
Is that a piece of coyote scat?
Are there coyotes here?
482
00:23:19,188 --> 00:23:20,188
That's not shit.
483
00:23:21,315 --> 00:23:22,474
What do you mean?
484
00:23:22,817 --> 00:23:24,186
That's Jeremy's dick.
485
00:23:24,276 --> 00:23:25,276
Oh, my God.
486
00:23:31,616 --> 00:23:32,616
Damn it.
487
00:23:33,035 --> 00:23:35,404
I'm gonna get some sticks
to pick that up with.
488
00:23:37,288 --> 00:23:39,038
The medevac's on its way.
489
00:23:39,125 --> 00:23:40,125
We got the dick!
490
00:23:40,209 --> 00:23:41,709
- Yes.
- And Sarah puked on it.
491
00:23:41,794 --> 00:23:43,394
- Donnie!
- Sean lost the phones.
492
00:23:43,461 --> 00:23:44,342
- What?
- What?
493
00:23:44,422 --> 00:23:46,551
First my dick, and now my 7, Sean!
494
00:23:48,134 --> 00:23:49,423
Is my pee-pee okay?
495
00:23:49,509 --> 00:23:51,720
- Okay. We gotta keep this warm.
- Okay.
496
00:23:52,930 --> 00:23:54,430
Where is it? I wanna see it.
Where...
497
00:23:54,515 --> 00:23:55,924
Warm it up, baby. Come on.
498
00:23:56,224 --> 00:23:57,724
- Whoa!
- What are you doing?
499
00:23:57,809 --> 00:24:00,269
I'm keeping the capillaries open.
Stop yelling at me.
500
00:24:00,354 --> 00:24:01,623
You gotta put that on ice, dude!
501
00:24:01,646 --> 00:24:03,834
I don't know. They don't exactly
teach you this in health class.
502
00:24:03,857 --> 00:24:08,298
- My dick is on a stick!
- Just gotta put it on some ice. Ice, ice!
503
00:24:11,156 --> 00:24:12,156
- Ew!
- Ew!
504
00:24:30,718 --> 00:24:32,718
Do you think the helicopter
is gonna find us?
505
00:24:35,472 --> 00:24:36,472
I hope so.
506
00:24:37,223 --> 00:24:38,763
Yeah, I do. Yeah.
507
00:24:40,894 --> 00:24:43,974
♫ I think I did it again ♫
508
00:24:45,273 --> 00:24:47,854
♫ I made you believe ♫
509
00:24:48,443 --> 00:24:51,693
♫ We're more than just friends ♫
510
00:24:52,323 --> 00:24:53,623
Is this normal?
511
00:24:53,699 --> 00:24:57,078
It's a song from his Britney Spears musical
he's writing with his fake girlfriend.
512
00:24:58,203 --> 00:25:01,324
♫ Oh, baby, it might... ♫
513
00:25:01,624 --> 00:25:05,124
♫ ...seem like a crush ♫
514
00:25:06,211 --> 00:25:08,511
♫ But it doesn't mean ♫
515
00:25:09,632 --> 00:25:13,392
♫ That I'm serious ♫
516
00:25:14,345 --> 00:25:20,884
♫ 'Cause to lose all my senses ♫
517
00:25:21,059 --> 00:25:25,980
♫ That is just so typically me ♫
518
00:25:26,815 --> 00:25:28,894
♫ Oh, baby, baby ♫
519
00:25:28,983 --> 00:25:32,523
♫ Oops, I did it again ♫
520
00:25:33,364 --> 00:25:36,153
♫ I played with your heart ♫
521
00:25:36,659 --> 00:25:39,659
♫ Got lost in the game ♫
522
00:25:39,744 --> 00:25:41,704
♫ Oh, baby, baby ♫
523
00:25:41,788 --> 00:25:45,749
♫ Oops, you think I'm in love ♫
524
00:25:46,626 --> 00:25:49,757
♫ That I'm sent from above ♫
525
00:25:49,837 --> 00:25:52,008
- Hey! Look at this!
- ♫ I'm not ♫
526
00:25:52,090 --> 00:25:55,050
- Yes! Yay!
- ♫ That innocent ♫
527
00:25:55,134 --> 00:25:57,924
Over here! Come on! Hey!
528
00:25:58,055 --> 00:25:59,490
- Wait. Where are you going?
- Hey!
529
00:25:59,515 --> 00:26:01,535
Oh, my God. It didn't see us.
It didn't fucking see us.
530
00:26:01,558 --> 00:26:02,558
Okay.
531
00:26:02,893 --> 00:26:05,613
- This. This'll get their attention.
- What are you doing?
532
00:26:05,688 --> 00:26:07,147
Fuck this! Everybody run.
533
00:26:07,230 --> 00:26:09,671
- What is...? Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God. What? Yo! Yo!
534
00:26:10,984 --> 00:26:13,065
Get your head down, Jeremy.
535
00:26:13,153 --> 00:26:14,913
Fuck you, Donnie!
536
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:17,490
Oh... Okay.
537
00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:19,200
Guys?
538
00:26:20,118 --> 00:26:21,749
- What the fuck?
- Guys!
539
00:26:23,247 --> 00:26:24,247
Seriously?
540
00:26:24,914 --> 00:26:27,994
Wow, Donnie, I am so impressed.
This is some of your best work.
541
00:26:41,390 --> 00:26:42,730
Becky! Becky!
542
00:26:43,851 --> 00:26:47,020
- What the fuck!
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
543
00:26:47,395 --> 00:26:49,476
Damn, that was dope.
544
00:26:49,565 --> 00:26:50,791
- You okay?
- No.
545
00:26:50,816 --> 00:26:52,175
Holy shit. That was crazy.
546
00:26:52,233 --> 00:26:55,104
Oh! Oh, hey! It worked!
Hey, we're here!
547
00:26:55,194 --> 00:26:58,575
- Let's get the dick. I got it. Let's go.
- Let's go, Jeremy.
548
00:26:58,656 --> 00:27:01,076
Oh, hey!
549
00:27:01,410 --> 00:27:02,789
Hey, guys. Come on!
550
00:27:06,539 --> 00:27:08,380
- Hey, look! Hey!
- Hey!
551
00:27:08,459 --> 00:27:09,578
- Hey!
- Hi.
552
00:27:09,792 --> 00:27:11,712
Hey!
553
00:27:13,881 --> 00:27:17,221
We'll get him to the
East General Hospital, ASAP.
554
00:27:17,300 --> 00:27:21,010
As long as it's within twelve hours,
a severed member can still be reattached.
555
00:27:21,096 --> 00:27:22,266
- Yes!
- Okay, thank you.
556
00:27:22,347 --> 00:27:24,116
Your friends did a good job.
You're gonna be okay.
557
00:27:24,141 --> 00:27:24,980
Thank you so much!
558
00:27:25,058 --> 00:27:27,558
Whose idea was it
to set off the fireball?
559
00:27:27,644 --> 00:27:28,855
That was all me, dude.
560
00:27:28,936 --> 00:27:30,267
You're a fucking idiot!
561
00:27:30,355 --> 00:27:32,605
We saw you guys
on our initial approach.
562
00:27:32,691 --> 00:27:35,990
Hike down to your car
and you can meet him at the hospital.
563
00:27:36,528 --> 00:27:38,657
Okay. Okay, okay. Hey.
564
00:27:38,739 --> 00:27:42,409
You're gonna be okay. Yeah.
We're gonna see you at the hospital, okay?
565
00:27:42,492 --> 00:27:45,333
Becky, you need to shut the fuck up.
You're wasting time. We gotta go.
566
00:27:45,412 --> 00:27:46,461
Okay, yeah! Yeah!
567
00:27:46,538 --> 00:27:48,417
- He's not gonna die!
- He's gonna be fine.
568
00:27:49,500 --> 00:27:52,339
Stay strong, Jeremy!
569
00:27:52,419 --> 00:27:53,798
Bye, Jeremy.
570
00:27:57,257 --> 00:27:59,467
Look. He's reverse-Terminator-ing.
571
00:27:59,550 --> 00:28:00,721
That's epic.
572
00:28:03,681 --> 00:28:05,891
Okay. He's gonna be okay.
573
00:28:05,973 --> 00:28:08,394
Oh, my God. Thank God.
574
00:28:12,230 --> 00:28:14,611
- He's good.
- He's good.
575
00:28:20,196 --> 00:28:21,366
Whoo!
576
00:28:43,261 --> 00:28:46,471
- He really lost like a lot of blood.
- Yeah, man, I'm covered.
577
00:28:46,557 --> 00:28:49,846
Can I propose a little toast
to the first responders?
578
00:28:50,018 --> 00:28:51,768
- Yes.
- May the heroes that...
579
00:28:54,021 --> 00:28:56,031
- Guys?
- What?
580
00:28:56,191 --> 00:28:58,111
- What?
- Guys!
581
00:28:59,068 --> 00:29:00,318
What? Ah!
582
00:29:01,279 --> 00:29:04,240
- What is it?
- What?
583
00:29:08,703 --> 00:29:09,703
Sean?
584
00:29:09,954 --> 00:29:12,204
You gave the EMT
the wrong cooler?
585
00:29:12,833 --> 00:29:15,383
No! No, no. No way.
586
00:29:15,461 --> 00:29:17,961
- Wait. Wait, we have the dick!
- Donnie, no!
587
00:29:18,046 --> 00:29:19,898
- Wait! Come back!
- Oh!
588
00:29:19,923 --> 00:29:23,012
- Oh, shit!
- The ice...
589
00:29:33,561 --> 00:29:34,902
We have my brother's dick.
590
00:29:35,355 --> 00:29:37,724
With no ice and no phones.
591
00:29:38,192 --> 00:29:41,322
- We have 12 hours, right?
- Yeah, I think the EMT meant if it's,
592
00:29:41,403 --> 00:29:42,403
you know, on ice.
593
00:29:42,945 --> 00:29:44,736
Oh, shit! Oh, wait. They... they...
594
00:29:44,823 --> 00:29:46,063
They also told us to hike down.
595
00:29:46,115 --> 00:29:47,801
They probably don't think
we're here anymore.
596
00:29:47,826 --> 00:29:50,155
- Shit.
- Look, I'm willing to wait and see.
597
00:29:50,244 --> 00:29:52,404
But by that time,
Jeremy's dick is gonna be like rotten
598
00:29:52,455 --> 00:29:53,455
and have flies on it...
599
00:29:53,499 --> 00:29:56,219
No, no, no, no, we can't freak out.
Don't freak out. Don't freak out.
600
00:29:56,250 --> 00:29:57,250
We'll hike down.
601
00:29:57,544 --> 00:30:01,463
We'll... We'll find someone with ice
or a phone along the way.
602
00:30:01,714 --> 00:30:02,964
And worst case,
603
00:30:03,299 --> 00:30:06,759
we'll be back in the parking lot
in, like, six or seven hours.
604
00:30:07,679 --> 00:30:08,769
This is gonna work.
605
00:30:11,349 --> 00:30:13,190
Yeah, okay, Becky's right.
Let's do this.
606
00:30:13,268 --> 00:30:15,018
This is gonna work.
That's a good plan.
607
00:30:16,730 --> 00:30:19,230
Okay, let's leave our shit.
We'll move faster.
608
00:30:19,316 --> 00:30:21,516
- Okay. It's gonna be a long way down.
- Okay, let's go.
609
00:30:21,692 --> 00:30:22,692
Okay.
610
00:30:25,446 --> 00:30:29,326
Hey, stay with us.
Don't head for the light!
611
00:30:29,409 --> 00:30:30,538
Hang in there, buddy.
612
00:30:30,618 --> 00:30:33,209
We got a male. Severed penis.
Cut clean to the base.
613
00:30:33,788 --> 00:30:35,288
- Oh, shit.
- What?
614
00:30:35,374 --> 00:30:38,124
There's no penis.
It's just two cans of Flittson.
615
00:30:38,210 --> 00:30:39,299
My dick isn't in there?
616
00:30:39,877 --> 00:30:42,718
Just cans. There's literally no penis.
It's just two cans of beer.
617
00:30:43,006 --> 00:30:47,175
You guys, where's my dick?
618
00:30:52,057 --> 00:30:53,727
I don't think
this is a good plan, man.
619
00:30:53,808 --> 00:30:57,121
I told Becky it was. We've been hiking for
over an hour, and there's no one out here.
620
00:30:57,144 --> 00:31:00,684
Well, of course it's not a good plan, Sean.
There are no good plans in this situation.
621
00:31:00,773 --> 00:31:02,233
Look, um...
622
00:31:02,358 --> 00:31:03,439
- Dude.
- What?
623
00:31:03,568 --> 00:31:05,568
- Uh, he texted her.
- Who texted her?
624
00:31:05,820 --> 00:31:07,030
- Chad.
- What?
625
00:31:07,154 --> 00:31:09,025
When I was calling 911
from Becky's phone,
626
00:31:09,115 --> 00:31:10,445
Chad texted her,
627
00:31:10,534 --> 00:31:11,885
and said he wants
to get back together.
628
00:31:11,910 --> 00:31:14,119
- Rent cast party, man.
- Yeah, I, um...
629
00:31:15,122 --> 00:31:16,582
Oh, man, I think I fucked up.
630
00:31:16,664 --> 00:31:19,244
I, like, I think
I texted him back as her.
631
00:31:20,085 --> 00:31:22,255
Whoa. That is epic.
What did you say?
632
00:31:22,336 --> 00:31:25,217
I said, "Fuck you,"
and then I called him a dirty taint.
633
00:31:25,298 --> 00:31:26,719
Guys! Guys?
634
00:31:27,217 --> 00:31:29,096
We're gonna stop and pee
really quick.
635
00:31:29,176 --> 00:31:31,846
Ginger Pablo Escobar,
please keep your eyes downhill.
636
00:31:31,930 --> 00:31:33,980
Ha! Hope you pee on your shoes.
637
00:31:34,641 --> 00:31:35,730
People are noticing.
638
00:31:35,808 --> 00:31:37,689
It still looks like you blew
Chester Cheetah.
639
00:31:37,769 --> 00:31:39,269
- Oh, shit!
- What?
640
00:31:39,605 --> 00:31:41,444
- Is Donnie coming to perv on me?
- No, no, no.
641
00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:42,730
Hey, Sean!
642
00:31:43,066 --> 00:31:46,066
Sean, there's a ranger lookout station
over there. They might have ice.
643
00:31:46,569 --> 00:31:47,910
Hey, that's good.
644
00:31:47,988 --> 00:31:49,427
That's awesome. Yeah, yeah.
Let's go.
645
00:31:49,489 --> 00:31:51,909
- ♫ I'm gonna win for you ♫
- Sorry.
646
00:31:51,991 --> 00:31:55,122
- ♫ Like I know you want me to do ♫
- Over there. Come on.
647
00:31:55,202 --> 00:31:56,623
♫ Hey! ♫ - Let's go!
648
00:31:57,204 --> 00:31:58,285
Let's go!
649
00:31:59,833 --> 00:32:00,833
Hello?
650
00:32:01,084 --> 00:32:03,294
- Hello, anybody?
- Hello?
651
00:32:04,253 --> 00:32:05,713
- Hello?
- Hello?
652
00:32:06,213 --> 00:32:08,584
We need some help! It's an emergency!
653
00:32:08,674 --> 00:32:09,835
- Excuse me?
- Hello?
654
00:32:09,926 --> 00:32:11,217
- Hello?
- Hello?
655
00:32:11,303 --> 00:32:12,353
Is anybody home?
656
00:32:12,429 --> 00:32:14,308
Seems like we have to break into
this bitch.
657
00:32:14,388 --> 00:32:15,866
What talking about?
We're not doing that.
658
00:32:15,891 --> 00:32:17,618
I don't know, man.
This is government property.
659
00:32:17,643 --> 00:32:18,853
I feel like it would be...
660
00:32:18,935 --> 00:32:20,096
a bad idea.
661
00:32:21,020 --> 00:32:22,070
Damn.
662
00:32:23,065 --> 00:32:25,025
But, yeah, you know,
this is a time-sensitive case
663
00:32:25,067 --> 00:32:26,817
so, it's a good call.
It's a good call.
664
00:32:33,741 --> 00:32:35,372
Mm, it's empty.
665
00:32:35,451 --> 00:32:36,582
Great.
666
00:32:39,998 --> 00:32:42,248
Please have ice. Please have ice.
667
00:32:42,375 --> 00:32:44,455
Oh, dude. No, close that.
668
00:32:46,837 --> 00:32:49,483
All right, well, maybe there's still a
phone or radio or something, right?
669
00:32:49,508 --> 00:32:50,798
- Yeah? Yeah.
- Yeah. Okay.
670
00:32:56,347 --> 00:32:58,887
Oh, my God!
671
00:32:58,976 --> 00:33:00,516
Oh, my God!
672
00:33:05,272 --> 00:33:06,823
- Oh!
- No, no, no.
673
00:33:07,317 --> 00:33:08,957
I think the rattlesnake
just bit the dick.
674
00:33:08,986 --> 00:33:11,026
Oh, my God.
A snake bit the dick?
675
00:33:11,113 --> 00:33:12,873
We have to get
the venom out somehow.
676
00:33:12,948 --> 00:33:14,884
- Yeah. How do we do that?
- We have to get it out.
677
00:33:14,907 --> 00:33:17,498
Maybe if we shake it a lot,
the venom will just pour out.
678
00:33:17,661 --> 00:33:18,871
No, we have to, uh...
679
00:33:21,832 --> 00:33:23,541
Someone has to suck it out.
680
00:33:27,128 --> 00:33:31,088
It seems only fair to me that the person who's
had that dick in their mouth be the one do it.
681
00:33:33,593 --> 00:33:35,563
Donnie, what the fuck
are you talking about?
682
00:33:36,346 --> 00:33:39,175
- I'm obviously referring to Becky.
- What?
683
00:33:39,266 --> 00:33:43,096
You guys shared a womb together,
so obviously at some point in the dark...
684
00:33:43,228 --> 00:33:45,478
- that dick went in your mouth.
- This idiot.
685
00:33:45,980 --> 00:33:47,916
- Are you fucking kidding me right now?
- Fumbling around.
686
00:33:47,941 --> 00:33:51,570
Donnie, I didn't suck his fetus penis
when I was in the womb.
687
00:33:51,653 --> 00:33:53,032
I am his sister.
688
00:33:53,113 --> 00:33:55,073
I am obviously the last person
to suck the dick.
689
00:33:55,156 --> 00:33:57,737
- You're sucking before I do.
- I'm sucking...
690
00:33:57,826 --> 00:33:59,826
I am not sucking my brother's dick.
End of story.
691
00:33:59,911 --> 00:34:02,390
I think it's pretty clear that the women should be the one
to suck the dick. We don't even know how to suck a dick.
692
00:34:02,413 --> 00:34:06,124
It's not even the same kind of sucking,
you stupid idiot.
693
00:34:06,209 --> 00:34:09,759
- I am not going to do it!
- Well, you should do it. Because, this is your all fault.
694
00:34:09,838 --> 00:34:11,878
- Yeah, you should do it.
- I'll do it.
695
00:34:12,257 --> 00:34:16,467
I'll do it! I'll do it! I'll suck it!
I will suck the dick.
696
00:34:18,722 --> 00:34:19,722
I lost the phones.
697
00:34:20,474 --> 00:34:22,014
I gave them the wrong cooler.
698
00:34:24,101 --> 00:34:25,192
I'll suck the penis.
699
00:34:26,730 --> 00:34:28,780
- It's really cool of you. Thanks.
- Yeah.
700
00:34:29,106 --> 00:34:30,106
Just, uh...
701
00:34:31,443 --> 00:34:32,782
I'd like to do it...
702
00:34:33,945 --> 00:34:34,945
alone.
703
00:34:35,530 --> 00:34:36,570
Yeah, you got it.
704
00:34:36,655 --> 00:34:38,365
- I'll tell your story.
- Okay.
705
00:34:38,992 --> 00:34:39,992
You're a hero.
706
00:34:40,034 --> 00:34:41,034
Yup.
707
00:34:48,085 --> 00:34:49,085
You da man.
708
00:35:19,074 --> 00:35:20,074
Thanks.
709
00:35:24,579 --> 00:35:26,998
Man, we came all the way up here
for nothing.
710
00:35:28,166 --> 00:35:31,585
I really fucked this up. I'm sorry.
711
00:35:32,003 --> 00:35:34,981
So, what now? We're just gonna run down
this mountain and pray that J-Tron's D
712
00:35:35,005 --> 00:35:36,565
doesn't fester
before we get to the car?
713
00:35:37,675 --> 00:35:39,795
We've only been hiking
for three hours.
714
00:35:40,679 --> 00:35:42,518
That means we still have
nine hours.
715
00:35:42,597 --> 00:35:45,936
That was before it got bit
by a snake.
716
00:35:47,853 --> 00:35:48,853
You guys hear that?
717
00:35:50,813 --> 00:35:52,063
Dude, look!
718
00:35:52,983 --> 00:35:53,983
A drone?
719
00:35:54,733 --> 00:35:56,143
Wait a minute. Wait.
720
00:35:56,570 --> 00:35:57,409
If there's a drone,
721
00:35:57,487 --> 00:36:00,447
that means there's a person,
and they probably have a phone.
722
00:36:01,240 --> 00:36:03,701
We should... We should follow it.
Let's go get Sean.
723
00:36:04,161 --> 00:36:06,751
Sean! Sean, there's a drone... Oh!
724
00:36:08,123 --> 00:36:10,543
- Don't look at me!
- Sorry. Sorry.
725
00:36:10,625 --> 00:36:14,414
Uh, it's just... There's a drone, so there's
people, and we need to go like now.
726
00:36:14,503 --> 00:36:16,414
Oh, my God. Yeah, that's great.
Okay. Um...
727
00:36:16,505 --> 00:36:20,295
Just... Stop looking.
One second. I gotta...
728
00:36:20,385 --> 00:36:22,175
I'm getting a lot of venom
out of this thing.
729
00:36:27,434 --> 00:36:28,434
Hey!
730
00:36:31,896 --> 00:36:33,067
Come here!
731
00:36:34,231 --> 00:36:35,231
There. Get it.
732
00:36:35,983 --> 00:36:36,983
Stop!
733
00:36:40,572 --> 00:36:42,871
- Where'd it go?
- Does anybody see it?
734
00:36:45,284 --> 00:36:46,614
Oh! There it goes.
735
00:36:47,077 --> 00:36:48,077
I got this shit.
736
00:37:24,324 --> 00:37:26,034
- Sarah!
- Oh, shit!
737
00:37:26,117 --> 00:37:26,947
Fuck!
738
00:37:27,034 --> 00:37:29,864
- Oh, my God! Oh!
- Fuck!
739
00:37:30,163 --> 00:37:31,833
I got it!
740
00:37:32,539 --> 00:37:35,039
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, totally!
741
00:37:35,751 --> 00:37:38,422
- There are people there. They have a boat.
- Nice!
742
00:37:38,630 --> 00:37:39,760
Watch this.
743
00:37:41,298 --> 00:37:43,259
Let's get wet!
744
00:37:43,342 --> 00:37:45,012
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, my God.
745
00:37:47,097 --> 00:37:49,766
- Holy fuck.
- Whoo!
746
00:37:49,849 --> 00:37:50,849
Yeah!
747
00:37:51,226 --> 00:37:52,806
- That was pretty cool.
- Yeah.
748
00:37:53,353 --> 00:37:55,023
Yeah. It looks easy.
He made it look easy!
749
00:37:55,105 --> 00:37:57,394
- Yeah. Do... do you wanna go next?
- Yeah!
750
00:37:57,731 --> 00:37:58,862
Yeah, yeah. No, I'll go.
751
00:37:58,942 --> 00:38:02,282
Hey, I get the feeling
that you maybe don't wanna jump.
752
00:38:02,362 --> 00:38:05,572
So, uh, we can try to find
a way to hike down.
753
00:38:05,657 --> 00:38:08,197
- No, I wanna... I want to go.
- Okay.
754
00:38:08,284 --> 00:38:09,824
Es geht um die Wurst, ja?
755
00:38:09,911 --> 00:38:12,001
Which means
"it's do or die" in German.
756
00:38:12,079 --> 00:38:13,920
Actually, the literal
German translation is,
757
00:38:13,998 --> 00:38:15,918
"it's all about sausage,"
which is funny...
758
00:38:16,001 --> 00:38:18,311
Wait, are you making a dick joke right now?
We, like, gotta go.
759
00:38:18,335 --> 00:38:19,981
Yeah. Obviously.
Yeah, okay. Let's do it, huh?
760
00:38:20,005 --> 00:38:21,106
- Let's do it.
- All right, yeah.
761
00:38:21,130 --> 00:38:24,300
I'm not gonna take the long way down,
I'm gonna take the Sean way down, huh?
762
00:38:24,384 --> 00:38:26,094
- Oh, shit!
- Oh, my God!
763
00:38:26,177 --> 00:38:28,347
- Fuck! Oh, fuck.
- Oh!
764
00:38:34,728 --> 00:38:35,768
Yeah!
765
00:38:36,313 --> 00:38:39,282
I'm good! I'm good! Whoo!
766
00:38:41,525 --> 00:38:44,445
So, the "Sean way" is going for
767
00:38:44,612 --> 00:38:47,032
the maximum amount of pain
you can inflict on your body?
768
00:38:47,114 --> 00:38:48,945
No, no. Honestly,
it didn't hurt that much.
769
00:38:49,034 --> 00:38:52,454
It was actually really fun.
I actually... It was a fun ride.
770
00:38:52,536 --> 00:38:53,996
Ooh. Oh, my God.
771
00:38:55,623 --> 00:38:58,043
Dude, uh, your back is like...
772
00:38:58,835 --> 00:38:59,835
red raw.
773
00:39:03,590 --> 00:39:05,590
Oh my... Oh, my God.
774
00:39:05,717 --> 00:39:07,637
Oh, fuck me.
775
00:39:07,719 --> 00:39:08,759
You guys, look.
776
00:39:09,387 --> 00:39:10,387
Huh?
777
00:39:11,597 --> 00:39:14,688
Oh! That's so dumb.
778
00:39:14,768 --> 00:39:18,228
They fucking came back.
And we're not there. That's awesome.
779
00:39:18,313 --> 00:39:21,282
Ow!
780
00:39:21,398 --> 00:39:24,818
- Damn it!
- All right, man! Jesus. We're all mad.
781
00:39:24,902 --> 00:39:26,742
No, the wind blew against my back.
782
00:39:27,072 --> 00:39:28,411
It's okay. I'm fine.
783
00:39:30,367 --> 00:39:31,367
What?
784
00:39:31,909 --> 00:39:34,909
You guys, come on. Let's...
Let's just keep going.
785
00:39:40,251 --> 00:39:43,130
- The helicopter went back to the campsite.
- Yes.
786
00:39:43,213 --> 00:39:45,222
- But your friends weren't there.
- No.
787
00:39:45,672 --> 00:39:49,603
So, the doctor's gonna need to operate
before this gets infected.
788
00:39:49,677 --> 00:39:51,257
Okay. No, my friends,
789
00:39:51,346 --> 00:39:53,715
they'll... they'll get me my penis back.
I know they will.
790
00:39:53,806 --> 00:39:58,056
Okay, I know they will, too.
If they don't, though, you'll be fine.
791
00:39:58,478 --> 00:40:02,527
We can do a full penal reconstruction
using a graft from your forearm or glute.
792
00:40:02,731 --> 00:40:04,112
The results are fantastic.
793
00:40:04,650 --> 00:40:06,201
- Really?
- Absolutely.
794
00:40:06,277 --> 00:40:08,277
In addition to increased self-esteem,
795
00:40:08,362 --> 00:40:10,663
most patients report
successful ejaculation
796
00:40:10,739 --> 00:40:12,329
in ten percent of sexual encounters.
797
00:40:12,409 --> 00:40:15,248
On a pleasure scale,
we're hitting mid-to high-threes.
798
00:40:15,494 --> 00:40:16,534
Is that good?
799
00:40:16,788 --> 00:40:18,288
Those numbers sound bad.
800
00:40:18,748 --> 00:40:21,208
Well, in comparison
with not having a penis,
801
00:40:21,291 --> 00:40:22,853
I think those numbers sound
pretty great.
802
00:40:22,876 --> 00:40:25,126
Okay. I will wait for my dick.
803
00:40:25,797 --> 00:40:29,047
I have a strong dick.
I know it'll last days out in the wild.
804
00:40:29,134 --> 00:40:29,963
No.
805
00:40:30,050 --> 00:40:32,851
Everyone thinks their penis
is special. It's not.
806
00:40:32,929 --> 00:40:37,179
Okay? It's like one of these flowers.
Right?
807
00:40:37,724 --> 00:40:41,184
If you remove it from the body,
cut off its flow of blood,
808
00:40:41,688 --> 00:40:45,648
and then eventually,
if left on its own, it will wilt...
809
00:40:46,443 --> 00:40:47,443
and die.
810
00:40:54,367 --> 00:40:55,827
HBO's on Channel 3.
811
00:41:00,623 --> 00:41:02,213
Come on, guys.
812
00:41:03,168 --> 00:41:06,668
I know you're doing whatever it takes
to get here as fast as you can.
813
00:41:08,715 --> 00:41:09,795
Hey, Becky!
814
00:41:09,882 --> 00:41:14,353
Hey, don't... don't beat yourself up
over the helicopter.
815
00:41:14,429 --> 00:41:17,559
I think you're doing really great.
I've always thought you were really great.
816
00:41:17,639 --> 00:41:20,809
Uh, are you forgetting the time
you totally rejected me?
817
00:41:21,268 --> 00:41:24,059
That never happened.
I don't remember that happening.
818
00:41:24,313 --> 00:41:27,273
Come on. Remember
the Rent cast party?
819
00:41:27,733 --> 00:41:30,103
- Kinda made a move.
- I... might remember.
820
00:41:31,070 --> 00:41:33,530
I had a momentary crush on you.
821
00:41:36,242 --> 00:41:38,512
- You had a crush on me?
- I just thought...
822
00:41:38,536 --> 00:41:40,536
Sean, emergency bro discussion.
823
00:41:40,621 --> 00:41:42,371
- One sec, man.
- 911, Sean.
824
00:41:42,456 --> 00:41:44,876
- You better go. Sounds very important.
- Sorry.
825
00:41:44,958 --> 00:41:48,259
Sean, Sean, you are not gonna believe
what I found in the woods.
826
00:41:48,588 --> 00:41:50,878
Wait till you feast
your eyes on these.
827
00:41:52,425 --> 00:41:54,215
What are those?
Why do you have those?
828
00:41:54,677 --> 00:41:57,097
When Sarah went behind that big bush
to dry off or whatever,
829
00:41:57,179 --> 00:41:58,889
I went after her,
'cause I needed to pee.
830
00:41:58,972 --> 00:42:01,773
Okay, I find those waiting
on a rock.
831
00:42:02,309 --> 00:42:03,349
For me.
832
00:42:03,644 --> 00:42:05,014
I knew she came to win me back.
833
00:42:05,103 --> 00:42:09,483
What are you talking? Maybe she just didn't
want to wear wet underwear, you psychopath.
834
00:42:09,858 --> 00:42:11,608
That's like serial killer behavior.
835
00:42:11,693 --> 00:42:12,853
Okay, these are a sign.
836
00:42:12,945 --> 00:42:15,985
She wants us to be together.
And you know what, Sean?
837
00:42:16,074 --> 00:42:18,034
I'll tell you the truth.
I'm ready to forgive her.
838
00:42:18,284 --> 00:42:19,403
Forgive her for what?
839
00:42:19,786 --> 00:42:21,746
Over Christmas break, usual spot,
840
00:42:21,829 --> 00:42:23,224
abandoned church
my grandma used to take me to.
841
00:42:23,248 --> 00:42:25,538
Before we start hooking up,
I throw around I want a DTR.
842
00:42:25,625 --> 00:42:28,045
- She freaks out.
- DTR?
843
00:42:28,126 --> 00:42:29,547
You said you wanted dick to rim?
844
00:42:29,628 --> 00:42:32,418
No. What? I wanted to
"define the relationship."
845
00:42:32,507 --> 00:42:34,967
- What the fuck is dick to rim?
- I don't know. Butt stuff.
846
00:42:35,467 --> 00:42:37,137
What has happened to you
in Germany?
847
00:42:38,429 --> 00:42:41,309
Anyway, I tell her I wanna DTR.
848
00:42:41,516 --> 00:42:43,686
And she's all like,
"Relationships are bullshit."
849
00:42:43,768 --> 00:42:45,768
Then I feel like an idiot.
I don't know what to do.
850
00:42:45,853 --> 00:42:48,483
So I kick her out of a car...
may or may not have been moving.
851
00:42:48,565 --> 00:42:51,105
- Wow, that's really mean.
- I also told her...
852
00:42:51,192 --> 00:42:52,782
um, that I never liked her.
853
00:42:52,985 --> 00:42:55,356
- Wow, man.
- And she was gaining weight.
854
00:42:59,032 --> 00:43:01,253
Sean! This is a power play.
855
00:43:01,536 --> 00:43:02,536
She wants me back.
856
00:43:02,619 --> 00:43:04,659
Come on, Donnie.
The camp's around this bend.
857
00:43:06,498 --> 00:43:08,998
- Hi! Hello. Hey, bud!
- Hey, buddy.
858
00:43:09,085 --> 00:43:10,605
- Hey, there.
- Hey, hi.
859
00:43:10,670 --> 00:43:12,050
- Oh, my God.
- Okay.
860
00:43:12,130 --> 00:43:13,590
- Whoo!
- Hey.
861
00:43:14,090 --> 00:43:15,289
I believe this belongs to you.
862
00:43:15,340 --> 00:43:19,221
And I believe you're the bitch
that fucked it up!
863
00:43:19,304 --> 00:43:20,423
- What now?
- Whoa.
864
00:43:20,512 --> 00:43:22,603
You better have cash to pay for this.
865
00:43:23,056 --> 00:43:25,266
Okay, uh, where are your parents?
866
00:43:25,351 --> 00:43:27,440
My dad went fly-fishing.
867
00:43:27,519 --> 00:43:29,570
What about the boat?
Where are the keys?
868
00:43:29,646 --> 00:43:32,067
Because we're in an emergency,
and we need some help.
869
00:43:32,190 --> 00:43:36,490
All right. If I'm gonna give you the keys,
then I wanna see some stuff.
870
00:43:37,572 --> 00:43:39,702
Okay.
871
00:43:39,782 --> 00:43:42,831
- No. Ugh.
- We are not going to show you our boobs.
872
00:43:42,909 --> 00:43:44,000
Bitch, please!
873
00:43:44,369 --> 00:43:46,289
I'm 11, not five.
874
00:43:46,748 --> 00:43:49,168
I've seen thousands of titties.
875
00:43:49,876 --> 00:43:51,626
I wanna see you two scissor.
876
00:43:53,003 --> 00:43:54,083
- Yeah!
- Oh!
877
00:43:54,130 --> 00:43:56,880
- Take that, you little perv. Gross.
- That is inappropriate.
878
00:43:57,257 --> 00:43:59,137
I'm not helping you with shit!
879
00:43:59,469 --> 00:44:01,219
Stay the fuck away from me!
880
00:44:02,096 --> 00:44:04,556
- Kid's a monster.
- Jesus Christ.
881
00:44:05,057 --> 00:44:06,478
I kind of love him, though.
882
00:44:06,684 --> 00:44:08,844
Okay, if we're not outta here in,
like, an hour...
883
00:44:08,936 --> 00:44:11,414
- Jeremy will be permanently dickless...
- The rest of his life.
884
00:44:11,438 --> 00:44:13,188
That's decades with no dick.
885
00:44:13,690 --> 00:44:15,280
No. We need that boat.
886
00:44:15,568 --> 00:44:17,487
Fuck this little baby Bieber wannabe.
887
00:44:17,862 --> 00:44:19,202
What are you doing?
888
00:44:19,989 --> 00:44:22,789
Listen here, you little terrorist.
This is my brother's dick.
889
00:44:23,117 --> 00:44:25,536
He's in the hospital right now,
and he needs us.
890
00:44:25,619 --> 00:44:29,000
We need your boat so we can get
to the hospital to reattach it.
891
00:44:29,498 --> 00:44:33,088
Listen, kid, when we're around,
dicks get cut and dicks get sucked.
892
00:44:33,168 --> 00:44:34,628
I saw him suck this dick.
893
00:44:34,711 --> 00:44:37,302
I sucked that dick this morning.
Now, give us the keys.
894
00:44:40,092 --> 00:44:41,092
Yes!
895
00:44:41,344 --> 00:44:45,384
All right, kid. Tell your dad the boat's gonna
be at the south campground parking lot, okay?
896
00:44:45,472 --> 00:44:47,483
Jesus, Sean,
that dick really fucked him up.
897
00:44:47,557 --> 00:44:49,648
He hasn't said a word
since you showed him the dick.
898
00:44:49,726 --> 00:44:51,266
What if he never talks again?
899
00:44:53,313 --> 00:44:55,376
- Whatever. Fuck this kid.
- The worst. You know.
900
00:44:55,400 --> 00:44:56,650
Piece of shit, anyway.
901
00:45:00,530 --> 00:45:01,530
Hey, buddy.
902
00:45:03,157 --> 00:45:05,407
Son are... Are you okay?
903
00:45:06,202 --> 00:45:07,621
Dicks get cut.
904
00:45:09,079 --> 00:45:10,869
Dicks get sucked.
905
00:45:13,208 --> 00:45:15,798
- All right. I got you.
- Okay.
906
00:45:15,878 --> 00:45:17,757
Good God. Hey!
907
00:45:17,838 --> 00:45:19,838
- Hey!
- Oh, shit!
908
00:45:19,965 --> 00:45:23,385
- Oh, my God! Go!
- Guys, we gotta go!
909
00:45:23,469 --> 00:45:26,559
- Go! Shit! There's too many keys.
- I'm getting the anchor.
910
00:45:26,639 --> 00:45:29,438
Hello, sir, I can completely explain
what's going on here.
911
00:45:29,516 --> 00:45:31,396
What have you done to my son?
912
00:45:31,476 --> 00:45:33,197
It's a good thing you're...
Okay, fuck this.
913
00:45:33,271 --> 00:45:35,110
I'll kill all of you perverts!
914
00:45:40,445 --> 00:45:42,588
Hey, he has a bruise.
Leave him alone.
915
00:45:42,612 --> 00:45:44,123
You're a fucker!
916
00:45:44,197 --> 00:45:46,157
Hit me again.
I fucking dare you!
917
00:45:46,242 --> 00:45:49,331
Oh, my God. Ugh. Go.
918
00:45:49,454 --> 00:45:51,204
Let's go! Come on! Move!
919
00:45:51,329 --> 00:45:52,329
I got it!
920
00:45:52,373 --> 00:45:54,003
I'm gonna kill you,
son of a bitch.
921
00:45:54,083 --> 00:45:55,172
Back the fuck up!
922
00:45:55,918 --> 00:45:58,007
Oh, fuck.
923
00:45:58,086 --> 00:46:00,836
Oh, God. It's slipping, guys!
924
00:46:00,922 --> 00:46:03,893
Shit! He's Cliffhanger-ing!
Oh, hold it, Sean.
925
00:46:04,719 --> 00:46:06,259
Fucker!
926
00:46:06,344 --> 00:46:08,425
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God.
- I got it.
927
00:46:11,099 --> 00:46:13,769
- Fucker!
- Auf Wiedersehen!
928
00:46:13,853 --> 00:46:15,443
Hey! That's my boat!
929
00:46:15,521 --> 00:46:16,981
Come back with my boat!
930
00:46:17,648 --> 00:46:20,318
- Holy shit.
- Whoo!
931
00:46:21,485 --> 00:46:22,815
That was insane.
932
00:46:23,320 --> 00:46:26,070
- That guy tried to murder us.
- Yeah. He was crazy.
933
00:46:26,239 --> 00:46:29,789
I mean, in all fairness,
he probably thought we molested his kid.
934
00:46:29,869 --> 00:46:32,539
I shouldn't have said,
"Dicks get cut and dicks get sucked."
935
00:46:32,621 --> 00:46:33,672
That was too much.
936
00:46:34,873 --> 00:46:36,204
Nice going, pinch hit.
937
00:46:36,626 --> 00:46:39,246
Yeah, thanks.
I learned from the best.
938
00:46:41,130 --> 00:46:43,840
When you nailed me in the head
with a beer can.
939
00:46:44,300 --> 00:46:46,800
Oh, yeah. That was awesome.
940
00:46:49,889 --> 00:46:54,849
By the way, I got your sign and...
message received.
941
00:46:55,061 --> 00:46:56,940
- My sign?
- Yeah.
942
00:46:58,731 --> 00:46:59,731
Look familiar?
943
00:47:01,108 --> 00:47:05,157
If I'm wearing your underwear,
that means you're not wearing any.
944
00:47:06,030 --> 00:47:07,530
Those aren't my underwear.
945
00:47:08,699 --> 00:47:11,742
- Oh, my... Oh, my God.
- Man, that's gross.
946
00:47:11,744 --> 00:47:13,744
- Okay, don't tell anyone.
- I...
947
00:47:13,829 --> 00:47:15,960
I really appreciate that you tried.
948
00:47:16,498 --> 00:47:19,378
I think we're actually gonna make it
to the hospital in time.
949
00:47:19,460 --> 00:47:21,420
- We're a good team.
- Yeah.
950
00:47:22,755 --> 00:47:25,755
♫ Stop, drop ♫
951
00:47:25,842 --> 00:47:27,851
- Yeah!
- Yeah.
952
00:47:27,969 --> 00:47:29,759
- Oh, yeah.
- ♫ Oh ♫
953
00:47:29,846 --> 00:47:31,846
Time to cooler it up. Whoo!
954
00:47:31,931 --> 00:47:33,981
♫ That's how Ruff Ryders roll ♫
955
00:47:34,057 --> 00:47:37,148
- Whoo! Yeah!
- ♫ Stop, drop, shut 'em down ♫
956
00:47:37,228 --> 00:47:39,108
♫ Open up shop ♫ - Whoo!
957
00:47:39,188 --> 00:47:44,108
♫ Oh, no
That's how Ruff Ryders roll ♫
958
00:47:44,402 --> 00:47:46,152
Let's find Jeremy
and get some ice.
959
00:47:46,237 --> 00:47:48,677
- Get that dick to the hospital!
- God! Donnie!
960
00:47:48,739 --> 00:47:49,619
Oh, my God.
961
00:47:49,699 --> 00:47:52,119
It's all crumbed. Like a churro.
962
00:47:52,577 --> 00:47:55,264
- Oh, my God. We made it!
- All right, let's get in, go get some ice.
963
00:47:55,288 --> 00:47:56,288
Yes!
964
00:47:57,623 --> 00:47:59,382
♫ Shut 'em down, open up shop ♫
965
00:47:59,458 --> 00:48:01,708
Let's go! Let's go!
966
00:48:04,672 --> 00:48:08,302
I have read the literature,
and I've come to the conclusion
967
00:48:08,384 --> 00:48:10,793
that I do not
fucking want this, okay?
968
00:48:11,177 --> 00:48:12,557
- I don't want a butt dick.
- Hey!
969
00:48:13,179 --> 00:48:16,519
Don't you yell at me. I'm not the one
who got drunk and... Pfft.
970
00:48:16,601 --> 00:48:19,400
Ob... Obviously,
you don't have a dick.
971
00:48:19,478 --> 00:48:21,568
No, I don't have a dick!
972
00:48:21,898 --> 00:48:23,728
No one in this room has a dick.
973
00:48:25,358 --> 00:48:26,358
Right?
974
00:48:26,985 --> 00:48:28,856
- Yeah.
- Okay.
975
00:48:35,994 --> 00:48:37,994
Let's hope they're on their way.
976
00:48:42,083 --> 00:48:43,684
Think we should call
your parents?
977
00:48:43,753 --> 00:48:45,422
What's your mom's number?
978
00:48:46,130 --> 00:48:47,300
Uh, it's... Uh...
979
00:48:49,215 --> 00:48:50,585
I don't know it.
980
00:48:51,010 --> 00:48:52,760
- At all? No?
- No. Mm-mm.
981
00:48:52,844 --> 00:48:56,885
I don't know. I just like, programmed them
into my first phone. You know? I was 11.
982
00:48:56,974 --> 00:48:59,554
We can maybe check if they left
a message on your phone.
983
00:48:59,643 --> 00:49:01,393
Don't leave a message,
just text me.
984
00:49:02,396 --> 00:49:04,646
You have one new message.
985
00:49:04,731 --> 00:49:07,362
Fuck you, Becky.
You're the taint.
986
00:49:08,193 --> 00:49:09,813
- Is that Chad?
- You hear me?
987
00:49:09,903 --> 00:49:11,130
- Um...
- You're the real taint.
988
00:49:11,155 --> 00:49:12,235
I'm glad this is over.
989
00:49:12,614 --> 00:49:14,155
You deserve to be alone.
990
00:49:14,449 --> 00:49:18,079
I want you to take that note I wrote you
our four-month anniversary and burn it.
991
00:49:18,161 --> 00:49:19,751
I don't mean
any of that shit anymore.
992
00:49:19,829 --> 00:49:20,750
Ah!
993
00:49:20,831 --> 00:49:22,880
You made me so mad,
I dropped my vape!
994
00:49:23,250 --> 00:49:26,670
You owe me a new vape, Becky.
You hurt my feelings, dawg.
995
00:49:29,590 --> 00:49:31,840
Becky, um,
I have to tell you something.
996
00:49:32,134 --> 00:49:33,173
When... Um...
997
00:49:33,510 --> 00:49:37,521
- I'm really sorry, but...
- What? No, no. It's not your fault.
998
00:49:38,224 --> 00:49:39,594
It's just really fucked up
999
00:49:39,684 --> 00:49:43,103
how someone you thought cared
about you can lie to your face.
1000
00:49:46,065 --> 00:49:47,065
Yeah. Yeah.
1001
00:49:55,907 --> 00:49:58,947
Wow. Damn. Girl, you are
a really good driver.
1002
00:49:59,119 --> 00:50:03,320
- Thanks.
- God. You're like a young Furiosa.
1003
00:50:14,677 --> 00:50:16,967
All right, man, we gotta get this dick
on life support.
1004
00:50:17,054 --> 00:50:18,923
- We need bags and ice.
- Oh, my God, dude.
1005
00:50:19,014 --> 00:50:20,724
This looks like
a cat shat in a cooler.
1006
00:50:20,807 --> 00:50:22,438
- Oh, shit.
- Ugh.
1007
00:50:22,559 --> 00:50:23,849
Should we... Should we clean it?
1008
00:50:23,936 --> 00:50:26,856
I'm fucked if I know.
What do you even clean a dick with?
1009
00:50:26,938 --> 00:50:28,358
Doxycycline.
1010
00:50:29,275 --> 00:50:30,275
Or a Z-Pak.
1011
00:50:31,735 --> 00:50:34,155
I've had everything in the book.
It works. Trust me.
1012
00:50:34,655 --> 00:50:36,864
Which one of you's is it? You?
1013
00:50:37,992 --> 00:50:38,992
You?
1014
00:50:39,744 --> 00:50:40,824
Or is it the ranger?
1015
00:50:40,911 --> 00:50:44,251
Yeah, actually it is for the...
the young, uh, ranger.
1016
00:50:44,331 --> 00:50:46,130
We need stuff to clean his wound.
1017
00:50:46,666 --> 00:50:47,956
A wounded soldier?
1018
00:50:48,501 --> 00:50:50,961
Um... We need to clean his, uh...
1019
00:50:56,302 --> 00:50:57,302
Penis.
1020
00:50:57,635 --> 00:50:59,806
Three inches. Severed at the base.
1021
00:51:00,931 --> 00:51:02,181
I've seen this before.
1022
00:51:02,932 --> 00:51:03,932
You have?
1023
00:51:03,976 --> 00:51:07,556
It would be my honor and a privilege
if I could do this for you.
1024
00:51:10,775 --> 00:51:11,855
- Let's do it.
- Okay.
1025
00:51:11,942 --> 00:51:13,952
Let's do it!
1026
00:51:15,028 --> 00:51:16,239
All right, let's go.
1027
00:51:16,322 --> 00:51:17,802
He's been in this situation.
1028
00:51:17,864 --> 00:51:20,184
If we're gonna trust someone,
it might as well be this guy.
1029
00:51:23,829 --> 00:51:25,079
Whoa, whoopsie.
1030
00:51:49,896 --> 00:51:51,567
His dick's gonna be even better.
1031
00:52:03,409 --> 00:52:04,750
Wow.
1032
00:52:05,704 --> 00:52:07,364
Fresh ice. Good as new.
1033
00:52:08,289 --> 00:52:10,670
Oh, wow.
1034
00:52:11,793 --> 00:52:12,914
That is amazing.
1035
00:52:13,003 --> 00:52:14,242
Yup.
1036
00:52:14,295 --> 00:52:16,545
- Thank you.
- My pleasure.
1037
00:52:17,423 --> 00:52:18,423
Good luck, soldiers.
1038
00:52:18,509 --> 00:52:19,929
- Hey, yeah.
- Oh, hey.
1039
00:52:20,219 --> 00:52:23,099
If you need anything,
this is my card.
1040
00:52:24,472 --> 00:52:27,603
- Let your sergeant know what happened.
- Absolutely. Will do.
1041
00:52:27,684 --> 00:52:29,304
Yeah. What the hell's that?
1042
00:52:30,019 --> 00:52:31,190
It's just my wallet.
1043
00:52:32,648 --> 00:52:35,987
- Ow!
- Crestview High School.
1044
00:52:36,652 --> 00:52:37,742
Junior.
1045
00:52:39,612 --> 00:52:40,873
The hell's going on here?
1046
00:52:40,947 --> 00:52:43,077
It's just a really old
high school ID.
1047
00:52:43,159 --> 00:52:44,199
Says it's from this year.
1048
00:52:44,284 --> 00:52:46,034
- Does it? Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
1049
00:52:46,119 --> 00:52:47,369
- Okay.
- Fuck.
1050
00:52:50,331 --> 00:52:53,711
Did you boys lie about being servicemen
so you could buy alcohol?
1051
00:52:53,793 --> 00:52:55,623
No. No, absolutely not.
1052
00:52:55,713 --> 00:52:58,632
There is no way
we would ever lie. It's...
1053
00:53:02,677 --> 00:53:04,887
Our... Our friend Jeremy, he lied.
1054
00:53:05,514 --> 00:53:08,474
You mean, I just cleaned
a civilian dick?
1055
00:53:08,559 --> 00:53:11,059
- I am so, so sorry.
- Stay cool, man.
1056
00:53:11,144 --> 00:53:13,014
- Get the hell over here!
- Fuck.
1057
00:53:13,105 --> 00:53:14,514
- Go, dude! Go!
- Come back here.
1058
00:53:18,693 --> 00:53:20,483
We have got to go!
1059
00:53:21,280 --> 00:53:22,280
Oh, God, he looks mad!
1060
00:53:22,322 --> 00:53:24,163
- Go!
- Oh, come on. Okay.
1061
00:53:24,532 --> 00:53:26,543
- Here it is! Unlock!
- Unlock the door, Becky.
1062
00:53:26,619 --> 00:53:28,909
- I'm pressing unlock.
- Open the door.
1063
00:53:32,208 --> 00:53:34,378
Shit! He's got a fucking
bow and arrow! Go!
1064
00:53:34,460 --> 00:53:38,590
The only dicks that I touch
are mine and my husband's.
1065
00:53:39,088 --> 00:53:40,219
Go! Shit!
1066
00:53:40,298 --> 00:53:42,929
Go, go, go, go, go, go!
1067
00:53:43,635 --> 00:53:44,545
Hey!
1068
00:53:44,637 --> 00:53:46,637
Go! Go, go, go, go, go!
1069
00:53:46,722 --> 00:53:48,199
- That was crazy.
- God.
1070
00:53:48,224 --> 00:53:50,134
Oh, my God. Holy shit.
1071
00:53:50,226 --> 00:53:52,476
Guys, we made it.
1072
00:53:55,648 --> 00:53:57,978
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God! Holy shit!
1073
00:53:58,067 --> 00:53:59,067
Fuck you!
1074
00:53:59,485 --> 00:54:01,065
Yeah, fuck you!
1075
00:54:01,152 --> 00:54:03,163
- Holy fuck! Are you okay?
- Ow...
1076
00:54:03,280 --> 00:54:05,579
You look okay. Looks like
just the tip went in.
1077
00:54:05,657 --> 00:54:08,157
Come on, Donnie. I thought you love
just the tip.
1078
00:54:08,244 --> 00:54:10,114
Fuck, that's really funny,
but not right now.
1079
00:54:13,206 --> 00:54:16,286
Did you say Kendall Jenners?
With an S?
1080
00:54:16,376 --> 00:54:18,836
We're supposed to meet
for the first time this summer.
1081
00:54:18,920 --> 00:54:21,510
That name is like Catfishing 101.
1082
00:54:21,590 --> 00:54:22,650
Why does everyone
keeps saying that?
1083
00:54:22,675 --> 00:54:24,693
She likes to text. She doesn't like
talking on the phone.
1084
00:54:24,717 --> 00:54:26,257
That is definitely a catfish.
1085
00:54:26,844 --> 00:54:28,965
Okay, look.
Anyway, if I'm gonna die,
1086
00:54:30,014 --> 00:54:33,344
I need her to know...
that I love her.
1087
00:54:33,434 --> 00:54:36,434
You're not gonna die.
You just won't have a penis.
1088
00:54:36,521 --> 00:54:38,442
I'd rather die
than not have my penis.
1089
00:54:38,523 --> 00:54:39,934
We've waited all day.
1090
00:54:40,108 --> 00:54:41,898
It's been almost 12 hours.
1091
00:54:41,985 --> 00:54:43,735
We haven't heard anything
from your friends.
1092
00:54:43,820 --> 00:54:46,161
- Yeah, but there's still time.
- Nah.
1093
00:54:46,447 --> 00:54:49,157
Look at the flower. Look.
It still has most of its petals.
1094
00:54:49,784 --> 00:54:52,284
What? No. Dude... The flower...
1095
00:54:52,621 --> 00:54:54,041
that was an example.
1096
00:54:54,123 --> 00:54:57,713
Did you think that that flower
was magically linked to your penis?
1097
00:54:59,670 --> 00:55:01,840
This isn't Beauty and the Beast.
1098
00:55:01,922 --> 00:55:05,722
But me and my friends are fucking idiots.
They're gonna need more time.
1099
00:55:05,800 --> 00:55:07,800
Honestly, it's not looking good.
1100
00:55:08,012 --> 00:55:11,472
So, let's just hope your friends
are arriving right now.
1101
00:55:17,478 --> 00:55:20,318
Hi! Hi! We're here for
Jeremy Abelar.
1102
00:55:20,815 --> 00:55:23,025
We have a... a special delivery.
1103
00:55:23,402 --> 00:55:25,242
Uh, one moment.
1104
00:55:25,445 --> 00:55:27,315
- Abelar? Abelar.
- Abelar. Yes.
1105
00:55:27,447 --> 00:55:28,907
A-B-Oh... Ooh...
1106
00:55:28,990 --> 00:55:31,161
I just gotta go back here.
1107
00:55:31,242 --> 00:55:33,333
That's it.
1108
00:55:33,746 --> 00:55:35,576
Ah! Yep.
1109
00:55:35,914 --> 00:55:37,664
Ah, we don't have a patient
under that name.
1110
00:55:38,083 --> 00:55:41,713
Uh, the helicopter EMT said
they would be bringing him here.
1111
00:55:41,795 --> 00:55:43,554
I don't know what to tell you.
He's not here.
1112
00:55:43,588 --> 00:55:44,918
They sometimes reroute medevacs.
1113
00:55:45,007 --> 00:55:47,217
I'd try Clarkson Memorial.
They have a helipad.
1114
00:55:53,599 --> 00:55:55,139
Fu...
1115
00:56:00,105 --> 00:56:01,105
ck!
1116
00:56:01,231 --> 00:56:03,400
Let's go.
1117
00:56:06,362 --> 00:56:07,362
Go, go, go, go, go!
1118
00:56:09,614 --> 00:56:11,364
Everybody, listen up!
1119
00:56:11,617 --> 00:56:13,697
There is a penis in this cooler!
1120
00:56:13,786 --> 00:56:15,496
Are we in the right place or what?
1121
00:56:15,704 --> 00:56:16,744
Is that the penis?
1122
00:56:16,829 --> 00:56:18,170
- Yes! Yes!
- Thank God. Yes.
1123
00:56:18,456 --> 00:56:20,706
Oh! We didn't think you guys
were gonna make it.
1124
00:56:21,376 --> 00:56:23,547
The penis is here!
1125
00:56:23,836 --> 00:56:26,626
Page the anesthesiologist.
I want to get into surgery immediately.
1126
00:56:26,715 --> 00:56:28,545
- Yes!
- Hey!
1127
00:56:30,719 --> 00:56:31,809
You guys did good.
1128
00:56:32,679 --> 00:56:34,599
Ooh! Also, it got bit by a snake.
1129
00:56:34,889 --> 00:56:37,980
I sucked it pretty good,
but you should still check for venom.
1130
00:56:41,730 --> 00:56:42,730
Prep the OR!
1131
00:56:42,815 --> 00:56:43,894
Goddamn hero.
1132
00:56:44,358 --> 00:56:47,148
Yes!
1133
00:56:47,235 --> 00:56:49,525
- Yes! Oh, God.
- Ow! Oh, ow!
1134
00:56:49,612 --> 00:56:52,083
- Someone's thumb went in my hole.
- You okay?
1135
00:57:00,833 --> 00:57:03,172
You can scoot closer.
1136
00:57:04,128 --> 00:57:05,958
You're kind of far away.
1137
00:57:06,045 --> 00:57:07,255
Yeah.
1138
00:57:11,969 --> 00:57:14,139
Hey, thank you for your shirt, also,
by the way.
1139
00:57:14,221 --> 00:57:15,561
Oh, yeah, no problem.
1140
00:57:15,639 --> 00:57:18,389
- It's comfortable. It smells good.
- Looks great on you.
1141
00:57:18,474 --> 00:57:19,474
Thanks.
1142
00:57:27,192 --> 00:57:29,282
Hey, um, you know what? Uh...
1143
00:57:30,862 --> 00:57:34,242
Remember at the Rent cast party?
1144
00:57:35,617 --> 00:57:39,327
- Mm-hmm?
- I actually had a crush on you, too.
1145
00:57:46,836 --> 00:57:47,836
You... you did?
1146
00:57:49,422 --> 00:57:50,422
Yeah.
1147
00:57:50,882 --> 00:57:53,472
Yeah, also momentarily.
1148
00:57:54,802 --> 00:57:55,972
- Um...
- Right.
1149
00:57:56,847 --> 00:57:57,847
Yeah, I mean...
1150
00:57:58,389 --> 00:57:59,480
I don't know.
1151
00:58:05,813 --> 00:58:07,353
Wow, the Fuck King?
1152
00:58:08,483 --> 00:58:11,143
The Fuck... Are you the Fuck King?
1153
00:58:11,820 --> 00:58:14,070
Uh, no, that's not me.
I'm not the Fuck King.
1154
00:58:14,572 --> 00:58:16,583
- Just a fuck prince.
- I wouldn't even...
1155
00:58:16,992 --> 00:58:18,411
I think I'm more of a jester.
1156
00:58:18,494 --> 00:58:19,693
- You're a fuck jester.
- Yeah.
1157
00:58:20,036 --> 00:58:21,286
That's... that's more fun.
1158
00:58:21,788 --> 00:58:24,418
You wanted to use it
at the hospital here?
1159
00:58:24,958 --> 00:58:26,338
Well... Um...
1160
00:58:28,920 --> 00:58:32,721
Jeremy actually gave it to me
to use with you.
1161
00:58:33,592 --> 00:58:36,181
- And I said, "That's crazy."
- That's really weird.
1162
00:58:36,260 --> 00:58:38,681
- I'm on the same page. It's weird.
- I'm his sister.
1163
00:58:38,764 --> 00:58:40,094
So it's not really mine.
1164
00:58:40,181 --> 00:58:42,271
- Ew! Ew!
- I know! I know!
1165
00:58:42,976 --> 00:58:44,226
- Why?
- Yeah.
1166
00:58:44,393 --> 00:58:46,474
- The Fuck King? Come on.
- I know. It's weird.
1167
00:58:46,938 --> 00:58:50,278
I mean, it's not like you still
have a crush on me.
1168
00:58:53,695 --> 00:58:54,974
Do you still have a crush on me?
1169
00:58:58,492 --> 00:58:59,661
- Excuse me.
- Wha...
1170
00:58:59,742 --> 00:59:01,833
Come with me.
The doctor would like to see you.
1171
00:59:01,954 --> 00:59:04,414
- Okay, yeah, great. Let's go.
- Yeah, let's go.
1172
00:59:04,498 --> 00:59:07,338
Um... Donnie. Hey.
1173
00:59:08,085 --> 00:59:09,664
The doctor wants to see us.
Let's go.
1174
00:59:10,086 --> 00:59:12,007
- Okay.
- Were you just...
1175
00:59:12,088 --> 00:59:13,298
God damn.
1176
00:59:15,842 --> 00:59:17,512
- Sean. Let's go.
- Yeah.
1177
00:59:18,512 --> 00:59:21,561
Yeah. Yeah, I'm on my...
Yeah, I'm on my way.
1178
00:59:23,684 --> 00:59:25,264
- What's your problem?
- Nothing.
1179
00:59:25,351 --> 00:59:28,271
I lost something.
I can't remember...
1180
00:59:28,813 --> 00:59:29,813
if I...
1181
00:59:30,940 --> 00:59:33,400
- Sean, do you have a boner?
- I don't have a boner.
1182
00:59:33,485 --> 00:59:34,985
Just my back hurts, and...
1183
00:59:35,487 --> 00:59:36,487
So...
1184
00:59:36,780 --> 00:59:40,449
basically every time you touch Sean,
he gets a raging bonie.
1185
00:59:42,327 --> 00:59:44,907
See? I told you.
You give him boners.
1186
00:59:44,996 --> 00:59:45,996
What?
1187
00:59:47,123 --> 00:59:48,244
I don't have a bonie.
1188
00:59:51,628 --> 00:59:52,628
Did you just fart?
1189
00:59:52,670 --> 00:59:53,670
No, it was the seat.
1190
00:59:53,755 --> 00:59:56,085
Oh, my God. Do you have the farts
and a boner?
1191
00:59:56,173 --> 01:00:00,554
- I don't have farts or a boner. (SCOFFS)
- One of those is definitely a lie.
1192
01:00:00,637 --> 01:00:03,927
- Let's... You got it. You got it.
- Do you, buddy.
1193
01:00:04,557 --> 01:00:06,188
- Thank you.
- Shocking, man.
1194
01:00:06,351 --> 01:00:07,351
Thanks.
1195
01:00:19,239 --> 01:00:21,949
Good news. Surgery went perfectly.
1196
01:00:22,034 --> 01:00:23,324
Oh, my God.
1197
01:00:23,409 --> 01:00:25,000
Well, not perfectly.
1198
01:00:25,077 --> 01:00:26,867
But as good as we could have hoped.
1199
01:00:27,164 --> 01:00:30,333
We have a successful reattachment,
and your friend's gonna be fine.
1200
01:00:30,958 --> 01:00:32,708
What about the snake venom?
1201
01:00:33,085 --> 01:00:34,416
There was no venom in the penis.
1202
01:00:34,963 --> 01:00:36,672
Yeah, man.
You sucked that shit out.
1203
01:00:36,757 --> 01:00:38,757
No.
1204
01:00:38,842 --> 01:00:41,931
- There was never any venom in the penis.
- Huh?
1205
01:00:42,094 --> 01:00:44,385
It's impossible to suck venom
out of a bite wound.
1206
01:00:45,474 --> 01:00:46,724
It was a defensive bite.
1207
01:00:47,059 --> 01:00:48,059
Whatever, man.
1208
01:00:48,143 --> 01:00:50,773
- Don't listen to him. He doesn't know shit.
- Yeah.
1209
01:00:50,853 --> 01:00:52,393
Right. I'm just a doctor.
1210
01:00:52,938 --> 01:00:56,489
Anyway, your friend whose dick you sucked
for no reason
1211
01:00:56,568 --> 01:00:59,858
is gonna be under a bit longer from the
anesthesia, but you can go in and see him.
1212
01:00:59,945 --> 01:01:02,365
Sure he'd love to wake up
to some friendly faces.
1213
01:01:04,076 --> 01:01:05,076
Salty.
1214
01:01:09,039 --> 01:01:10,039
Here we go. All right.
1215
01:01:11,583 --> 01:01:12,922
Let's do it.
1216
01:01:24,804 --> 01:01:25,925
Who's this?
1217
01:01:28,474 --> 01:01:30,304
Um, hi, excuse me. Nurse.
1218
01:01:30,434 --> 01:01:33,974
The doctor told us the wrong room.
We're looking for Jeremy Abelar.
1219
01:01:34,188 --> 01:01:36,398
Jeremy... Abelar.
1220
01:01:37,400 --> 01:01:40,110
No, we don't have a Jeremy Abelar
in recovery.
1221
01:01:40,195 --> 01:01:43,235
The doctor told us that he transferred
from surgery.
1222
01:01:43,322 --> 01:01:46,123
Let's make this simpler. It's the guy
that got his wiener reattached.
1223
01:01:46,201 --> 01:01:48,581
Yeah. That's him.
Reginald Knudson.
1224
01:01:48,954 --> 01:01:51,114
- No, no, no.
- The other person for a severed penis.
1225
01:01:51,206 --> 01:01:52,206
Yeah.
1226
01:01:53,083 --> 01:01:57,092
If there was somebody else here with a
severed penis, trust me, I'd know about it.
1227
01:01:57,170 --> 01:01:58,340
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
1228
01:01:58,422 --> 01:02:02,141
If... if Jeremy's not here, then...
1229
01:02:02,842 --> 01:02:05,143
We gave someone else
Jeremy's penis.
1230
01:02:05,721 --> 01:02:06,721
What?
1231
01:02:07,597 --> 01:02:08,927
That's our friend's dick?
1232
01:02:09,432 --> 01:02:10,693
That's our friend's dick.
1233
01:02:10,766 --> 01:02:13,396
- That's our friend's dick! Oh, my God.
- That right?
1234
01:02:13,478 --> 01:02:15,568
- What kind of fucking hospital is this?
- Security!
1235
01:02:18,190 --> 01:02:20,240
You have my friend's penis.
1236
01:02:20,318 --> 01:02:22,657
Hang on for one second.
It's a simple mistake.
1237
01:02:22,737 --> 01:02:25,867
It's an honest mistake, I'm sure.
But you guys have the wrong penis, okay?
1238
01:02:25,949 --> 01:02:27,619
You have the wrong penis and...
1239
01:02:28,994 --> 01:02:31,574
You all saw that!
You're witnesses!
1240
01:02:31,746 --> 01:02:33,166
- Are you okay?
- That's a felony!
1241
01:02:33,248 --> 01:02:36,088
All right, we need to figure out
if there's a head of the hospital
1242
01:02:36,168 --> 01:02:38,378
and explain the situation and see if...
1243
01:02:38,461 --> 01:02:41,092
And what? They'll just grow him
another dick
1244
01:02:41,172 --> 01:02:42,932
with their magic
dick-making machine, Sean?
1245
01:02:44,342 --> 01:02:47,681
- I'm not just gonna give up.
- You have no idea where Jeremy is.
1246
01:02:48,346 --> 01:02:49,596
It's pretty obvious we're done.
1247
01:02:49,681 --> 01:02:50,731
That's awesome, Donnie.
1248
01:02:50,806 --> 01:02:53,244
Sarah, I'm sorry. But, can you tell
your boyfriend or whatever he is
1249
01:02:53,268 --> 01:02:55,608
to stop throwing a little baby boy
tantrum right now.
1250
01:02:57,146 --> 01:02:59,936
Maybe I should be more like you.
Right? Manipulate things.
1251
01:03:00,025 --> 01:03:03,644
Make 'em go my way.
Kinda like what you did with the medevac.
1252
01:03:04,028 --> 01:03:06,068
- Shut the fuck up.
- What are you talking about?
1253
01:03:06,197 --> 01:03:09,657
Uh, while your brother was lying there,
maybe about to die, uh...
1254
01:03:10,409 --> 01:03:13,539
Sean was pretending to be you
and texting Chad from your phone.
1255
01:03:14,998 --> 01:03:15,998
Sean.
1256
01:03:16,541 --> 01:03:17,880
Sea... Sean?
1257
01:03:18,585 --> 01:03:19,795
Are you serious?
1258
01:03:20,295 --> 01:03:23,255
- You...
- It was... It was an accident. I was...
1259
01:03:23,340 --> 01:03:25,969
How is texting my boyfriend
as me an accident?
1260
01:03:26,050 --> 01:03:27,778
You guys weren't even
technically together at that time.
1261
01:03:27,802 --> 01:03:30,393
What? What? What did you say?
What did you say to him?
1262
01:03:31,597 --> 01:03:35,018
I said, "Fuck you. We're done."
And then I called him "dirty taint."
1263
01:03:36,644 --> 01:03:37,474
Wow.
1264
01:03:37,561 --> 01:03:39,572
- Yeah.
- Um, okay.
1265
01:03:39,773 --> 01:03:41,532
The... the voicemail?
1266
01:03:43,108 --> 01:03:45,199
The voicemail he sent me.
1267
01:03:46,445 --> 01:03:49,275
I, um... I need to...
I need to go.
1268
01:03:50,074 --> 01:03:52,824
- I'm sorry. I need to borrow your phone.
- No. What the hell?
1269
01:03:52,911 --> 01:03:54,710
You do not want to fuck with me
right now!
1270
01:03:56,581 --> 01:03:58,960
Just messaging Chad
and telling him to pick me up.
1271
01:03:59,041 --> 01:04:00,382
Becky...
1272
01:04:04,672 --> 01:04:06,222
Of course, he's online. Okay.
1273
01:04:06,298 --> 01:04:07,889
He's coming to pick me up.
1274
01:04:08,300 --> 01:04:09,300
Thank you.
1275
01:04:09,927 --> 01:04:10,927
Sarah, let's go.
1276
01:04:18,311 --> 01:04:21,481
Becky! Becky!
1277
01:04:21,565 --> 01:04:22,605
Becky.
1278
01:04:24,650 --> 01:04:26,320
Use the twin connection.
1279
01:04:27,528 --> 01:04:28,528
Find me.
1280
01:04:28,822 --> 01:04:32,242
If you can hear me, but please hurry up
and come and save me.
1281
01:04:33,367 --> 01:04:34,197
Becky!
1282
01:04:34,286 --> 01:04:36,496
Nope, it's me Darlene. Hello.
1283
01:04:36,621 --> 01:04:38,371
Um, so...
1284
01:04:38,456 --> 01:04:40,416
we got you an operating room.
1285
01:04:40,500 --> 01:04:41,670
I'm telling you, lady.
1286
01:04:42,001 --> 01:04:43,172
My friends are close.
1287
01:04:43,503 --> 01:04:45,882
And I'm telling you, it doesn't matter
if they're close.
1288
01:04:45,963 --> 01:04:50,844
By now, unless your penis somehow got
fresh, oxygenated blood in it,
1289
01:04:52,429 --> 01:04:53,429
it's dead.
1290
01:04:53,597 --> 01:04:57,556
No, no, no, no! Don't.
1291
01:04:57,641 --> 01:04:58,641
Oh, my God.
1292
01:04:59,101 --> 01:05:02,822
There's no point in waiting any longer
for trash to arrive.
1293
01:05:03,188 --> 01:05:05,358
Okay, fine.
1294
01:05:06,318 --> 01:05:07,777
Let's do the butt-skin dick.
1295
01:05:07,860 --> 01:05:09,911
A graft is no longer an option.
1296
01:05:09,987 --> 01:05:11,527
- What?
- Do you smell that?
1297
01:05:11,614 --> 01:05:14,324
You know we don't serve blue cheese
in the cafeteria, right?
1298
01:05:14,409 --> 01:05:15,489
That... that is...
1299
01:05:16,244 --> 01:05:17,284
That's your hole.
1300
01:05:17,829 --> 01:05:18,829
I'm sorry.
1301
01:05:19,831 --> 01:05:22,041
The anesthesiologist will be in shortly.
1302
01:05:26,170 --> 01:05:27,920
Wow. So this is really happening.
1303
01:05:32,092 --> 01:05:34,052
I can't believe I shat
on your chances with Becky.
1304
01:05:34,137 --> 01:05:37,726
Yeah, it's my own fault.
I'm a fucking idiot.
1305
01:05:38,141 --> 01:05:39,351
Uh, no.
1306
01:05:40,559 --> 01:05:44,570
Also, I'm really sorry I started the rumor
about you going to rehab for bath salts.
1307
01:05:45,065 --> 01:05:46,065
What? That was you?
1308
01:05:46,190 --> 01:05:49,201
I feel like we both now know
I have problems with abandonment.
1309
01:05:49,277 --> 01:05:50,463
- Yep.
- Man, I still can't believe
1310
01:05:50,487 --> 01:05:52,157
I found a dick in the sewer.
1311
01:05:52,447 --> 01:05:55,527
Believe it, young'un.
You just got your dick cherry popped.
1312
01:05:55,617 --> 01:05:56,827
Gonna need a new cooler.
1313
01:05:57,702 --> 01:05:58,862
- Fuck.
- Dude.
1314
01:05:58,911 --> 01:06:02,211
- Yo. Yo, yo, yo.
- They have the redneck's dick.
1315
01:06:02,873 --> 01:06:03,873
If...
1316
01:06:04,708 --> 01:06:06,298
we can get it to the doctor...
1317
01:06:07,086 --> 01:06:11,507
then the doctor can reattach it
and we can get Jeremy's penis back.
1318
01:06:11,840 --> 01:06:13,521
We haven't been good friends
to each other.
1319
01:06:13,550 --> 01:06:15,851
- I feel like I've been a good friend...
- But...
1320
01:06:15,971 --> 01:06:17,811
we can be best friends for Jeremy.
1321
01:06:18,722 --> 01:06:19,722
Let's do it.
1322
01:06:31,695 --> 01:06:32,695
Hey, man.
1323
01:06:33,278 --> 01:06:34,409
Who the hell are you?
1324
01:06:35,322 --> 01:06:37,952
- I said no visitors.
- Uh, I'm really sorry.
1325
01:06:38,367 --> 01:06:40,788
There's something
that you should know about...
1326
01:06:41,746 --> 01:06:42,865
your penis.
1327
01:06:43,206 --> 01:06:45,706
Er, I mean,
it's not your penis...
1328
01:06:46,291 --> 01:06:48,172
You have our friend Jeremy's penis.
1329
01:06:48,836 --> 01:06:50,277
What the hell are you
talking about?
1330
01:06:50,338 --> 01:06:52,838
- They put our friend's penis on you.
- Yes, they did.
1331
01:06:53,967 --> 01:06:57,047
Like, not like when I was out,
they put your friend's dick on my face...
1332
01:06:57,177 --> 01:07:00,177
I don't know, maybe that happened.
But then they sewed it on you.
1333
01:07:03,351 --> 01:07:06,481
You're gonna see right away
it's our friend Jeremy's penis.
1334
01:07:07,230 --> 01:07:09,610
Oh, my God.
1335
01:07:10,400 --> 01:07:11,400
That is not my dick.
1336
01:07:11,483 --> 01:07:13,233
That's not your dick.
It's what I said.
1337
01:07:13,318 --> 01:07:15,909
Why? Why? Why is it so ugly?
1338
01:07:15,989 --> 01:07:17,528
- Yeah.
- Oh, my God.
1339
01:07:17,865 --> 01:07:20,115
Where did they find this?
A little Navajo boy?
1340
01:07:20,201 --> 01:07:21,451
It's a normal-looking dick.
1341
01:07:21,536 --> 01:07:23,576
Once the swelling goes down,
it's gonna get smaller?
1342
01:07:23,663 --> 01:07:26,882
Are you fucking kidding me?
How am I supposed to work with this?
1343
01:07:27,666 --> 01:07:30,706
Ugh. You two again? Hey!
Am I gonna have to call security?
1344
01:07:30,795 --> 01:07:32,625
Oh, hey, it's Dr. Malpractice.
1345
01:07:32,755 --> 01:07:35,295
Guess what? You sewed the wrong dick
onto the wrong body.
1346
01:07:35,382 --> 01:07:37,820
If you don't want us to fuck
your world up, you're gonna have to listen.
1347
01:07:37,844 --> 01:07:41,134
Two water sanitation workers just came
into the hospital with his dick.
1348
01:07:41,431 --> 01:07:43,351
- What? My real penis is here?
- Yeah, man.
1349
01:07:43,432 --> 01:07:45,563
What we need you to do
is reattach 'em.
1350
01:07:45,893 --> 01:07:49,764
Guys... You don't just
pop 'em on and off.
1351
01:07:49,856 --> 01:07:51,606
It's a delicate operation.
1352
01:07:52,108 --> 01:07:53,487
It's not a fucking LEGO set.
1353
01:07:54,068 --> 01:07:56,318
That dick is staying on that body.
1354
01:07:56,905 --> 01:07:59,614
Are you trying to tell me
that I'm stuck with this...
1355
01:08:00,784 --> 01:08:02,614
- this thing?
- Hey, man.
1356
01:08:03,036 --> 01:08:04,036
That thing...
1357
01:08:04,661 --> 01:08:05,791
that fucking thing...
1358
01:08:06,623 --> 01:08:09,503
belonged to a goddamn
majestic person.
1359
01:08:09,876 --> 01:08:11,335
And you need to respect
1360
01:08:11,418 --> 01:08:14,628
that you got a part of my friend
on you now forever.
1361
01:08:15,422 --> 01:08:17,052
Okay? You got a piece of Jeremy.
1362
01:08:17,509 --> 01:08:18,639
It's a good dick.
1363
01:08:20,595 --> 01:08:22,465
You need to honor that penis.
1364
01:08:22,555 --> 01:08:26,685
And bring it as much joy
as Jeremy brings us
1365
01:08:26,768 --> 01:08:28,688
every time you take it out.
1366
01:08:28,770 --> 01:08:31,270
Because it belonged to
a great dude.
1367
01:08:31,355 --> 01:08:32,355
The best.
1368
01:08:33,483 --> 01:08:35,903
You guys seem like
some really good friends.
1369
01:08:37,945 --> 01:08:39,626
I wish I would have listened
to my buddies
1370
01:08:39,697 --> 01:08:42,327
when they told me
that Cheryl was a psycho bitch.
1371
01:08:42,699 --> 01:08:44,100
Never would have let her
tie me up.
1372
01:08:44,452 --> 01:08:46,412
I thought she just wanted
to get freaky.
1373
01:08:46,496 --> 01:08:49,206
- Maybe do some butt stuff.
- That's awesome.
1374
01:08:49,289 --> 01:08:50,500
Anything goes, you know?
1375
01:08:51,251 --> 01:08:54,631
She put on her sexy little
Juicy Cooter slip.
1376
01:08:57,006 --> 01:08:58,586
Got my rod all hard.
1377
01:08:58,675 --> 01:08:59,585
Cool.
1378
01:08:59,676 --> 01:09:02,386
She started licking all up
in my ear, you know.
1379
01:09:03,011 --> 01:09:05,391
Saying sexy sweet nothings
and whatnot.
1380
01:09:05,765 --> 01:09:07,765
And she leans in and
she whispers...
1381
01:09:09,310 --> 01:09:11,560
"I know about you and my sister."
1382
01:09:14,106 --> 01:09:16,936
Yeah, and then she whips out
a pair of scissors... and bam!
1383
01:09:17,734 --> 01:09:19,814
She snips my dick clean off.
1384
01:09:19,904 --> 01:09:21,564
- Yep.
- And then she flushed it.
1385
01:09:21,864 --> 01:09:24,484
She flushed
my pee-pee like a poo-poo.
1386
01:09:24,576 --> 01:09:27,246
She sounds like one bag of trash.
1387
01:09:27,328 --> 01:09:28,328
Yep.
1388
01:09:28,829 --> 01:09:30,329
You know what the craziest
part is?
1389
01:09:33,585 --> 01:09:34,664
I still love her.
1390
01:09:35,377 --> 01:09:36,377
There it is.
1391
01:09:36,796 --> 01:09:39,586
You know, I know it's just
a dirty toilet dick but, doctor...
1392
01:09:41,216 --> 01:09:44,716
I'd like to give these two young men
my old penis.
1393
01:09:45,721 --> 01:09:47,891
- That's awesome.
- You know, that might work.
1394
01:09:47,974 --> 01:09:49,684
Yeah. Because...
1395
01:09:51,060 --> 01:09:54,649
everybody deserves
a second chance.
1396
01:09:54,771 --> 01:09:56,731
Even me?
1397
01:09:58,484 --> 01:09:59,484
Cheryl.
1398
01:10:00,485 --> 01:10:03,235
Oh, baby. I'm sorry, baby.
1399
01:10:03,823 --> 01:10:05,243
Baby, I'm so sorry.
1400
01:10:05,324 --> 01:10:08,194
No, baby, I'm sorry.
I don't know what I was doing.
1401
01:10:08,286 --> 01:10:10,786
I don't know what I was thinking.
1402
01:10:10,872 --> 01:10:15,752
I just went in. I... I grabbed 'em
and I snipped it.
1403
01:10:15,835 --> 01:10:18,835
You got through it real easy, too.
I was surprised.
1404
01:10:18,921 --> 01:10:20,471
Can you ever forgive me?
1405
01:10:20,547 --> 01:10:22,927
If I could suck it back on, I would.
1406
01:10:23,009 --> 01:10:25,509
I know it was the drugs.
I know it was the drugs.
1407
01:10:25,595 --> 01:10:27,215
You know it was the drugs.
1408
01:10:27,305 --> 01:10:28,715
- Baby.
- Yeah?
1409
01:10:28,805 --> 01:10:31,845
- And how about a little kiss?
- Yeah, okay.
1410
01:10:32,518 --> 01:10:34,518
That feels good.
Little kisses of an angel.
1411
01:10:34,604 --> 01:10:37,394
- Yeah. It's okay.
- Oh, my God.
1412
01:10:38,233 --> 01:10:41,283
- Baby. Oh, I love you so much.
- Oh, I love you so much.
1413
01:10:41,360 --> 01:10:42,451
- Let's go.
- Oh, Jesus.
1414
01:10:42,528 --> 01:10:45,528
- You're my king.
- The scepter has been repaired.
1415
01:10:45,614 --> 01:10:47,854
When's little Reggie
gonna be ready for me to...
1416
01:10:47,908 --> 01:10:50,038
Hey, guys! Guys, guys! Look...
1417
01:10:51,078 --> 01:10:53,618
I think they can attach Reginald's penis
to your friend.
1418
01:10:54,082 --> 01:10:57,421
Okay? It's in the cold storage.
One floor up, end of the hall.
1419
01:10:57,918 --> 01:10:58,998
Take my key card.
1420
01:10:59,671 --> 01:11:01,881
- Why aren't you coming?
- "Why aren't you coming?"
1421
01:11:01,965 --> 01:11:05,045
How about I don't want to get sued?
If they ask, I'll tell them you stole it.
1422
01:11:05,134 --> 01:11:07,423
Wow. That's so great of you.
You're so nice.
1423
01:11:07,511 --> 01:11:09,311
Oh!
1424
01:11:09,389 --> 01:11:10,219
Oh, Scheiße!
1425
01:11:10,305 --> 01:11:11,805
What the fuck
did you do that for?
1426
01:11:11,890 --> 01:11:15,890
So they believe we stole the key card. I don't know.
I have a super fucking sensitive nose, you guys.
1427
01:11:17,396 --> 01:11:20,226
Why? Why?
1428
01:11:20,315 --> 01:11:21,985
Oh, my God!
1429
01:11:22,359 --> 01:11:24,449
- Holy shi...
- Oh, my God!
1430
01:11:24,529 --> 01:11:25,359
She cut it off again!
1431
01:11:25,445 --> 01:11:29,826
I did, 'cause you don't deserve no cock,
you cheating son of a bitch.
1432
01:11:29,908 --> 01:11:32,288
Oh, you fucking crazy ho bag!
1433
01:11:32,369 --> 01:11:34,579
- Whoa, whoa, whoa! We need that!
- It's my cock!
1434
01:11:34,706 --> 01:11:36,076
It's my dick.
1435
01:11:40,795 --> 01:11:42,335
- Jesus!
- Oh!
1436
01:11:42,421 --> 01:11:44,471
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna cut it up
1437
01:11:44,548 --> 01:11:46,719
like a little three-year-old's lunch.
1438
01:11:46,801 --> 01:11:49,850
- She will do it. Trust me.
- I'll do it. I'm crazy!
1439
01:11:49,929 --> 01:11:51,609
Oh! You're crazy, lady!
1440
01:11:53,932 --> 01:11:55,523
Ow! Where'd she go?
1441
01:11:55,600 --> 01:11:57,650
Where is she?
1442
01:11:57,729 --> 01:11:59,019
Oh, my God.
1443
01:12:00,105 --> 01:12:01,725
- Oh, fuck!
- What the fuck?
1444
01:12:01,815 --> 01:12:05,525
I don't care how many times
you reattach it, Reggie.
1445
01:12:05,903 --> 01:12:08,953
I'm gonna find you,
I'm gonna cut it off,
1446
01:12:09,032 --> 01:12:12,542
and I'm gonna flush it
every time.
1447
01:12:12,618 --> 01:12:14,805
- Don't you dare.
- Get it, Donnie! Get it, Donnie!
1448
01:12:14,828 --> 01:12:16,078
She'll do it.
1449
01:12:16,163 --> 01:12:19,493
Cheryl, give me that.
1450
01:12:24,421 --> 01:12:26,681
Oh!
1451
01:12:28,301 --> 01:12:30,930
Blow it down! Blow the dick down.
1452
01:12:32,680 --> 01:12:33,890
I got you now.
1453
01:12:35,307 --> 01:12:38,478
Whoa! Whoa!
1454
01:12:38,560 --> 01:12:40,270
- Wait a minute, baby!
- What?
1455
01:12:40,354 --> 01:12:41,685
I love you.
1456
01:12:42,189 --> 01:12:45,899
I love you too, Reggie.
Why do you think I'm doing all this?
1457
01:12:46,109 --> 01:12:47,319
Security!
1458
01:12:48,988 --> 01:12:51,528
- Mission accomplished, bitch!
- God damn it!
1459
01:12:51,615 --> 01:12:53,115
Oh!
1460
01:12:55,912 --> 01:12:58,122
It was just supposed to be camping.
1461
01:13:00,666 --> 01:13:02,746
- Oh, fuck.
- I'm gonna pick it up.
1462
01:13:03,920 --> 01:13:06,340
I'm gonna flip it like dog poop.
1463
01:13:09,841 --> 01:13:12,851
Well, boys, I guess you get your wish.
You got your friend's dick back.
1464
01:13:12,929 --> 01:13:14,969
Thanks! Let's go. Come on.
1465
01:13:15,055 --> 01:13:16,305
Good luck, boys!
1466
01:13:17,057 --> 01:13:18,057
Oh, shit.
1467
01:13:21,104 --> 01:13:22,104
You okay?
1468
01:13:25,733 --> 01:13:28,243
- Oh, hey, it's the girls. It's the girls.
- What?
1469
01:13:31,238 --> 01:13:32,238
Hey. What's going on?
1470
01:13:34,617 --> 01:13:36,867
We... we have Jeremy's penis.
1471
01:13:36,953 --> 01:13:38,832
Thought it got sewn on
to that other guy.
1472
01:13:39,122 --> 01:13:40,792
- Oh, it... It did.
- Well, yeah.
1473
01:13:48,296 --> 01:13:49,296
'Sup, babe?
1474
01:13:49,340 --> 01:13:50,720
It's fucking Chad.
1475
01:13:59,516 --> 01:14:02,186
Here. Take... take it.
1476
01:14:04,354 --> 01:14:08,475
I know you're done with me, but the receptionist said
there are five other hospitals Jeremy could be in.
1477
01:14:08,525 --> 01:14:12,865
We're gonna drive around and call around
and see if we can find out where he is.
1478
01:14:12,947 --> 01:14:15,367
And if we figure it out before you...
1479
01:14:16,117 --> 01:14:19,537
I will text you. I'll text... Chad.
1480
01:14:20,787 --> 01:14:22,417
As me this time, not as you.
1481
01:14:25,042 --> 01:14:26,171
Do it.
1482
01:14:26,836 --> 01:14:30,216
You know what, I am really sorry
that I sent that text.
1483
01:14:30,381 --> 01:14:32,551
But you deserve to be with somebody
who respects you.
1484
01:14:36,011 --> 01:14:37,311
Not somebody who cheats on you.
1485
01:14:40,725 --> 01:14:43,265
You're amazing,
and I really like you.
1486
01:14:43,728 --> 01:14:44,938
And I've always liked you.
1487
01:14:45,479 --> 01:14:48,689
And not... always... I haven't...
1488
01:14:48,899 --> 01:14:51,319
I don't, like, like you like a lot.
Like a lot, a lot.
1489
01:14:51,402 --> 01:14:53,912
I just think you're cool,
and I think you think I'm cool,
1490
01:14:53,988 --> 01:14:56,868
and that we're cool together.
And it's cool that we...
1491
01:14:56,948 --> 01:14:58,618
have this thing and...
1492
01:14:58,909 --> 01:15:01,369
You know, I am not trying to make...
1493
01:15:08,085 --> 01:15:10,454
God. Oh, no, no, no, no.
No. No, no, no.
1494
01:15:10,546 --> 01:15:12,756
Don't worry, I put it in a baggie
like dog shit.
1495
01:15:13,216 --> 01:15:14,676
It's still pretty gross.
1496
01:15:14,759 --> 01:15:16,469
- Ugh.
- Sorry.
1497
01:15:18,887 --> 01:15:19,887
Ugh.
1498
01:15:22,766 --> 01:15:25,766
Anyway, I'm really sorry
about everything and...
1499
01:15:27,896 --> 01:15:29,146
I hope that you can forgive me.
1500
01:15:30,065 --> 01:15:32,395
Yeah.
1501
01:15:36,863 --> 01:15:39,323
- Come on down here, babe. Let's go.
- Great.
1502
01:15:39,783 --> 01:15:40,783
One sec.
1503
01:15:41,786 --> 01:15:43,746
Why the fuck did I message Chad?
1504
01:15:45,664 --> 01:15:46,664
Come on. Let's go.
1505
01:15:47,917 --> 01:15:50,247
We're going to save Jeremy.
1506
01:15:52,880 --> 01:15:54,220
You guys coming or...
1507
01:15:54,840 --> 01:15:57,840
What? So, my speech was good?
1508
01:15:58,261 --> 01:15:59,261
No.
1509
01:15:59,595 --> 01:16:02,265
But, hey, I think I got
what you were trying to say.
1510
01:16:02,597 --> 01:16:06,137
You messed up. You're sorry.
I deserve respect.
1511
01:16:06,560 --> 01:16:07,730
We like each other.
1512
01:16:08,770 --> 01:16:09,820
Yeah.
1513
01:16:10,146 --> 01:16:11,146
I got it.
1514
01:16:12,440 --> 01:16:15,951
- Cool.
- Let's go get Jeremy his dick back.
1515
01:16:16,028 --> 01:16:18,238
- Yeah!
- Whoo!
1516
01:16:20,073 --> 01:16:22,904
- 'Sup, babe?
- Sorry, Chad, we're broken up. Bye.
1517
01:16:22,993 --> 01:16:25,783
- 'Sup, Chad?
- What the fuck? Are you serious?
1518
01:16:25,871 --> 01:16:27,331
I drove all the way out here!
1519
01:16:27,664 --> 01:16:28,914
Your loss, Becky.
1520
01:16:29,000 --> 01:16:32,250
I even got a fake ID
so we could drink margaritas in Cancun.
1521
01:16:33,296 --> 01:16:35,256
- Wait. Holy shit. Stop the car.
- What?
1522
01:16:35,338 --> 01:16:36,878
- What?
- Stop the car. Stop.
1523
01:16:36,966 --> 01:16:38,716
- I know how to find Jeremy.
- How?
1524
01:16:38,842 --> 01:16:41,070
Jeremy bought us booze on the drive
out to the mountains.
1525
01:16:41,095 --> 01:16:42,095
So, what?
1526
01:16:42,137 --> 01:16:45,097
The military ID was the one
in his wallet. His fake!
1527
01:16:45,181 --> 01:16:48,981
Oh! So, the hospital admitted him
under the name on his fake ID.
1528
01:16:49,060 --> 01:16:52,230
Jack motherfucking Jessop!
1529
01:16:52,314 --> 01:16:53,475
What the fuck?
1530
01:16:53,565 --> 01:16:55,206
- Holy shit.
- I'm calling it in.
1531
01:16:55,275 --> 01:16:59,996
- Which hospital? You said there were five.
- East General. The first place. East General Hospital?
1532
01:17:01,282 --> 01:17:05,582
Hi, can you connect us
to Jack Jessop, please?
1533
01:17:05,703 --> 01:17:06,703
One moment.
1534
01:17:13,293 --> 01:17:14,753
And connecting you now.
1535
01:17:14,837 --> 01:17:17,216
- Yes.
- Yes! No, yes!
1536
01:17:19,884 --> 01:17:21,134
Just relax.
1537
01:17:22,177 --> 01:17:23,637
And count back from 100.
1538
01:17:23,720 --> 01:17:25,970
We'll be back shortly to take you
into the OR.
1539
01:17:34,731 --> 01:17:37,192
- Hello?
- Jeremy!
1540
01:17:37,275 --> 01:17:38,145
Jeremy!
1541
01:17:38,234 --> 01:17:40,774
Becky, where are you guys?
They're trying to sew up my nub.
1542
01:17:40,863 --> 01:17:43,622
No, no, no! Tell them no.
We're gonna be there soon, okay?
1543
01:17:43,698 --> 01:17:45,198
Please tell me you have
my pee-pee.
1544
01:17:45,283 --> 01:17:46,404
We have it!
1545
01:17:46,493 --> 01:17:49,203
- Yes.
- Please, I just want my pee-pee back.
1546
01:17:49,287 --> 01:17:52,037
- Stop calling it your pee-pee.
- The doctor, Becky.
1547
01:17:52,792 --> 01:17:54,542
He said it's too late.
1548
01:17:55,043 --> 01:17:58,463
They pumped me with a lot of drugs,
and now they're taking me to surgery.
1549
01:17:58,546 --> 01:18:00,546
- Ooh, no, no, no, no, no.
- No, no, no, no, no.
1550
01:18:00,632 --> 01:18:01,643
Don't. Hold off.
1551
01:18:01,716 --> 01:18:04,506
- Nurse. Nurse.
- We're gonna be there really soon.
1552
01:18:04,595 --> 01:18:07,345
- Do not let them take you into surgery.
- Hi, Grandpa.
1553
01:18:09,307 --> 01:18:10,807
- Oh, shit.
- We gotta go.
1554
01:18:11,476 --> 01:18:13,306
- Yeah, we gotta.
- We gotta go. We gotta go.
1555
01:18:16,273 --> 01:18:20,703
Oh! He is out.
Let's get him into surgery.
1556
01:18:21,779 --> 01:18:23,529
Say night-night to The Danish Girl.
1557
01:18:31,706 --> 01:18:32,706
Let's go!
1558
01:18:34,166 --> 01:18:35,166
Come on!
1559
01:18:40,213 --> 01:18:44,134
♫ Oops, I did it again ♫
1560
01:18:44,217 --> 01:18:49,557
♫ I played with your heart
Got lost in the game ♫
1561
01:18:49,890 --> 01:18:51,640
♫ Oh, baby, baby ♫
1562
01:18:51,725 --> 01:18:55,105
♫ Oops, you think I'm in love ♫
1563
01:18:55,645 --> 01:18:59,985
♫ That I'm sent from above ♫
1564
01:19:00,067 --> 01:19:03,277
♫ I'm not that innocent ♫
1565
01:19:05,280 --> 01:19:08,990
♫ Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♫
1566
01:19:09,076 --> 01:19:10,365
No!
1567
01:19:10,493 --> 01:19:14,823
♫ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♫
1568
01:19:15,416 --> 01:19:18,296
♫ I think I did it again ♫
1569
01:19:18,877 --> 01:19:21,417
♫ I made you believe ♫
1570
01:19:21,505 --> 01:19:24,085
♫ We're more than just friends ♫
1571
01:19:24,759 --> 01:19:29,679
♫ Oh, baby
It might seem like a crush ♫
1572
01:19:29,764 --> 01:19:31,554
♫ But that doesn't mean ♫
1573
01:19:31,640 --> 01:19:35,649
- Hey, stop those kids!
- ♫ That I'm serious ♫
1574
01:19:35,728 --> 01:19:41,068
♫ 'Cause to lose all my senses ♫
1575
01:19:41,149 --> 01:19:44,909
♫ That is just so typically me ♫
1576
01:19:45,570 --> 01:19:46,990
♫ Ooh, baby, baby ♫
1577
01:19:47,072 --> 01:19:50,912
- ♫ Oops, I did it again ♫
- Crash the boards!
1578
01:19:50,993 --> 01:19:53,122
♫ I played with your heart ♫
1579
01:19:53,578 --> 01:19:56,038
♫ Got lost in the game ♫
1580
01:19:56,122 --> 01:19:57,752
♫ Oh, baby, baby ♫
1581
01:19:57,832 --> 01:20:00,712
♫ Oops, you think I'm in love ♫
1582
01:20:00,795 --> 01:20:01,835
Yes!
1583
01:20:01,921 --> 01:20:05,381
♫ Got sent from above ♫
1584
01:20:05,466 --> 01:20:08,636
♫ I'm not that innocent ♫
1585
01:20:09,094 --> 01:20:11,094
♫ Yeah, yeah ♫
1586
01:20:11,764 --> 01:20:14,134
♫ Yeah, yeah ♫
1587
01:20:14,390 --> 01:20:18,520
♫ Yeah, oh! ♫
1588
01:20:18,604 --> 01:20:21,524
♫ I'm not that innocent ♫
1589
01:20:22,358 --> 01:20:28,488
Stop! Stop the surgery!
I have the dick!
1590
01:20:36,204 --> 01:20:37,204
Oh, shit.
1591
01:20:40,751 --> 01:20:43,261
Um, excuse me?
1592
01:20:47,550 --> 01:20:48,970
I think this belongs to him.
1593
01:20:59,270 --> 01:21:03,609
Look, I'm really sorry that I freaked out when
you tried to ask what our deal was earlier.
1594
01:21:07,444 --> 01:21:09,804
But if you're still interested,
maybe we could DTR sometime.
1595
01:21:09,863 --> 01:21:10,863
Yes.
1596
01:21:11,782 --> 01:21:13,372
What? Yeah. No, yeah.
1597
01:21:13,449 --> 01:21:15,449
- That was a really quick answer.
- What?
1598
01:21:15,536 --> 01:21:16,536
That'd be cool.
1599
01:21:18,247 --> 01:21:20,497
I can't wait, Sarah.
1600
01:21:23,711 --> 01:21:24,711
Me too, Donnie.
1601
01:21:28,591 --> 01:21:30,890
Just to clarify, we're talking
about "dick to rim,"
1602
01:21:30,967 --> 01:21:32,757
not "define the relationship," right?
1603
01:21:36,724 --> 01:21:37,724
I'm kidding.
1604
01:21:43,980 --> 01:21:46,740
Well, this is probably
my last moment of freedom.
1605
01:21:46,817 --> 01:21:49,027
As I'll be grounded
for the rest of my life.
1606
01:21:49,319 --> 01:21:51,359
I'm really sorry your parents
are gonna kill you.
1607
01:21:51,447 --> 01:21:52,777
Oh, no. It's fine.
1608
01:21:52,864 --> 01:21:56,154
I mean, the rest of this year
is gonna be super boring, anyway.
1609
01:21:56,702 --> 01:21:58,752
Someone I know is going back
to Germany.
1610
01:22:07,212 --> 01:22:09,091
- Uh... nope.
- Oh.
1611
01:22:09,422 --> 01:22:11,342
Uh, I'm sorry, I just...
1612
01:22:12,301 --> 01:22:15,511
I just remembered that you had
my brother's dick in your mouth earlier.
1613
01:22:16,680 --> 01:22:18,220
Uh, so maybe...
1614
01:22:19,350 --> 01:22:20,350
maybe we should wait.
1615
01:22:20,850 --> 01:22:22,020
Okay, yeah.
1616
01:22:22,101 --> 01:22:23,021
That makes sense.
1617
01:22:23,103 --> 01:22:25,233
- Totally makes sense. I'm on board.
- Cool.
1618
01:22:30,109 --> 01:22:31,529
- Don't.
- Oh.
1619
01:22:31,612 --> 01:22:33,742
- Still got dick lips.
- Still... Yeah.
1620
01:22:33,822 --> 01:22:36,082
- Dick mouth.
- Yeah.
1621
01:22:37,576 --> 01:22:39,865
- Can you smell the dick? Okay.
- No. No, no, no.
1622
01:22:39,953 --> 01:22:41,953
- It's just the image of it. Yeah.
- Right.
1623
01:22:58,596 --> 01:23:02,096
- Jesus, dude. What do you have in here?
- I got a lot of stuff. I got books.
1624
01:23:02,184 --> 01:23:03,264
Books on what?
1625
01:23:03,351 --> 01:23:06,061
- Books on Germany.
- Don't they have those books in Germany?
1626
01:23:06,689 --> 01:23:09,359
- All right, this is it.
- Yeah.
1627
01:23:10,567 --> 01:23:12,777
Really think your brother's
gonna miss you, bro.
1628
01:23:12,903 --> 01:23:14,743
Yeah, I know what you mean.
1629
01:23:14,779 --> 01:23:16,739
Make it stop!
1630
01:23:16,823 --> 01:23:19,113
- Make it stop!
- What the fuck? Seriously? Again?
1631
01:23:19,201 --> 01:23:20,201
- It's so good!
- Stop!
1632
01:23:20,661 --> 01:23:23,161
You have to protect
your Wi-Fi, Mr. Floyd.
1633
01:23:23,247 --> 01:23:25,497
I don't know how!
1634
01:23:25,582 --> 01:23:28,091
Turn it off, man.
1635
01:23:28,627 --> 01:23:30,207
What? Is this my ride?
1636
01:23:30,295 --> 01:23:32,164
- What?
- What is this thing?
1637
01:23:35,676 --> 01:23:37,256
- Hey.
- Hey.
1638
01:23:37,970 --> 01:23:39,970
- Ready to go?
- Yeah! Oh, yeah.
1639
01:23:40,096 --> 01:23:41,726
Sean, good luck finishing rehab.
1640
01:23:42,265 --> 01:23:43,886
- Ha!
- Thank you.
1641
01:23:45,351 --> 01:23:47,391
I know I said I'd drive you
to the airport, just us,
1642
01:23:47,438 --> 01:23:49,358
but someone got out
of the hospital early.
1643
01:24:01,577 --> 01:24:02,867
What's up?
1644
01:24:03,328 --> 01:24:04,247
Dude!
1645
01:24:04,328 --> 01:24:05,788
- Cool.
- That's so sick.
1646
01:24:05,872 --> 01:24:07,002
What's up, dogs?
1647
01:24:07,082 --> 01:24:09,921
Jeremy insisted
that our parents rent him
1648
01:24:10,002 --> 01:24:11,921
a wheelchair van.
1649
01:24:12,003 --> 01:24:15,583
It's like we have a dumb Stephen Hawking
just rascaling around the house.
1650
01:24:15,673 --> 01:24:17,543
- Heh.
- I cut my dick off.
1651
01:24:17,634 --> 01:24:20,094
Fucking pimp, right?
I look like Professor X.
1652
01:24:20,261 --> 01:24:21,561
"Scott, you're a chump.
1653
01:24:21,721 --> 01:24:24,431
Logan's been tapping Jean
since day one."
1654
01:24:24,807 --> 01:24:26,018
Oh, yeah.
1655
01:24:26,100 --> 01:24:29,690
Hey, Sean, also, don't tell Kendall
about S-ing my D.
1656
01:24:29,771 --> 01:24:32,481
She's already pissed she can't be riding
this dragon, you feel?
1657
01:24:32,983 --> 01:24:35,113
Right, yeah, she would be pissed
if she were real.
1658
01:24:43,743 --> 01:24:45,203
Hey, guys. I'm Kendall.
1659
01:24:45,287 --> 01:24:48,417
Jennersss.
1660
01:24:49,248 --> 01:24:51,998
Thanks for making sure Little J
made his way back home.
1661
01:24:52,086 --> 01:24:54,166
- Little J.
- Oh, our pleasure.
1662
01:24:54,337 --> 01:24:57,358
- She calls it Little J? Disgusting.
- I gotta give you two more kisses.
1663
01:24:57,381 --> 01:24:59,551
- Okay. Two more kisses, but just two.
- Okay.
1664
01:25:00,802 --> 01:25:03,393
Kendall, I told you just two!
You're gonna rip the stitches.
1665
01:25:03,471 --> 01:25:05,181
I'm sorry,
I just love you so much.
1666
01:25:05,265 --> 01:25:06,845
Why did you fuck with the ramp?
1667
01:25:06,975 --> 01:25:09,095
You gotta get back in.
We're going to the airport.
1668
01:25:09,728 --> 01:25:10,768
Fuck me! All right, yeah.
1669
01:25:10,854 --> 01:25:12,434
- Let's get back in the van.
- Come on.
1670
01:25:12,523 --> 01:25:13,823
Nice meeting you guys.
1671
01:25:13,899 --> 01:25:15,649
- Get back in the van.
- Let's roll.
1672
01:25:15,734 --> 01:25:17,604
- Okay.
- You got this. Come on, babe.
1673
01:25:17,694 --> 01:25:21,404
Bye, Jeremy's girlfriend. Hope you enjoy
his Franken-peen when it's healed.
1674
01:25:21,532 --> 01:25:23,372
Franken-peen's funny.
1675
01:25:23,449 --> 01:25:25,329
- Good, right?
- Come on. Keep it up.
1676
01:25:25,409 --> 01:25:26,409
I love you, babe.
1677
01:25:26,494 --> 01:25:29,034
- I love you too, babe.
- ♪MeToo, babe.
1678
01:25:29,122 --> 01:25:33,712
So, I could drive you to soccer practice
if you wanted.
1679
01:25:34,545 --> 01:25:35,545
Yeah.
1680
01:25:35,878 --> 01:25:38,088
Maybe we can stop by
the church parking lot on the way.
1681
01:25:38,631 --> 01:25:43,011
Yeah, absolutely. Yes. Yeah.
Thank you. Is it weird to say thank you?
1682
01:25:43,095 --> 01:25:45,135
- Little bit.
- Yeah, it's strange.
1683
01:25:45,930 --> 01:25:46,930
All right.
1684
01:25:47,306 --> 01:25:48,936
So I wanted to...
1685
01:25:49,309 --> 01:25:50,559
give you something...
1686
01:25:50,644 --> 01:25:54,394
when I dropped you off at the airport,
but now we got these two tagging along.
1687
01:25:54,480 --> 01:25:55,480
Ah, bummer.
1688
01:25:55,524 --> 01:25:59,894
Yeah, but what I wanted
to give you was, um...
1689
01:26:01,363 --> 01:26:02,453
Give you this.
1690
01:26:03,282 --> 01:26:04,492
Oh.
1691
01:26:04,615 --> 01:26:06,076
- The Fuck King.
- The Fuck King.
1692
01:26:06,159 --> 01:26:08,539
What is the Fuck King
without his condom crown?
1693
01:26:08,619 --> 01:26:10,539
Wow. Returns.
1694
01:26:10,622 --> 01:26:14,042
- Mm-hmm.
- I don't know... I don't know why I...
1695
01:26:14,126 --> 01:26:15,126
Right, yeah.
1696
01:26:20,841 --> 01:26:22,470
Oh, my God.
1697
01:26:23,385 --> 01:26:25,345
You know we can see you, right?
1698
01:26:26,721 --> 01:26:30,141
Yo, Jeremy, Sean's tonguing your sister
pretty hard right now.
1699
01:26:30,225 --> 01:26:32,845
What? Hold on. I'm missing it.
I'm missing it. Hold up.
1700
01:26:32,935 --> 01:26:34,695
You know he had a dick
in his mouth?
1701
01:26:34,770 --> 01:26:37,150
Yeah, well, in 20 minutes,
I'll have a dick in mine.
1702
01:26:39,775 --> 01:26:41,945
What? What? Really?
1703
01:26:42,779 --> 01:26:43,779
No.
1704
01:26:44,948 --> 01:26:45,948
Great. Thanks.
1705
01:26:46,574 --> 01:26:48,074
♫ If I was one of the good ones ♫
1706
01:26:48,159 --> 01:26:50,430
- Yo, can you see them?
- I can't, babe.
1707
01:26:50,453 --> 01:26:51,493
I gotta get out.
1708
01:26:51,579 --> 01:26:53,880
- Becky!
- Go, Sean. Take it horizontal.
1709
01:26:53,957 --> 01:26:57,207
- Stop making out with him!
- Okay, I'll just do it myself.
1710
01:26:57,293 --> 01:26:59,003
Oh, my God.
He's gonna get a boner.
1711
01:26:59,171 --> 01:27:01,051
Yeah!
1712
01:27:02,341 --> 01:27:03,680
- Babe?
- Wait.
1713
01:27:03,759 --> 01:27:05,929
- Jeremy!
- Get back in the car.
1714
01:27:06,052 --> 01:27:08,682
- Jeremy, get back in the car.
- You're gonna get dirty.
1715
01:27:08,764 --> 01:27:10,634
Get it, Becky!
This is her choice.
1716
01:27:10,724 --> 01:27:12,684
Jeremy, it's not like
you can't walk.
1717
01:27:12,768 --> 01:27:15,938
- Your legs are fine.
- What are you doing? Oh, my God!
1718
01:27:16,104 --> 01:27:18,104
Hips! Use those hips, girl!
1719
01:27:18,189 --> 01:27:21,359
Jeremy, stop being
so fucking weird. It's your sister.
1720
01:27:21,443 --> 01:27:23,743
Oh, my God, babe.
How's Little J?
1721
01:27:24,488 --> 01:27:27,328
- Oh, my God.
- I'm gonna grab my own ass.
1722
01:27:27,407 --> 01:27:29,537
And then, Becky,
tell me if you feel it, too.
1723
01:27:29,618 --> 01:27:32,908
- There's no twin connection, dude.
- Oh, here we go.
1724
01:27:32,996 --> 01:27:34,036
It's beautiful.
1725
01:27:34,122 --> 01:27:37,502
I thought it'd be weird
to watch your best friend make out, but...
1726
01:27:38,377 --> 01:27:39,417
I'm getting into it.
1727
01:27:39,795 --> 01:27:43,085
You guys, this is awesome.
But I think I fucked up my stitches.
1728
01:27:43,172 --> 01:27:45,972
- I told you to be careful.
- Let's cut to the music.
1729
01:27:46,009 --> 01:27:49,179
♫ I miss my dick, dick, dick ♫
1730
01:27:49,262 --> 01:27:52,682
♫ I miss my dick
I miss my dick, dick, dick, yeah ♫
1731
01:27:52,765 --> 01:27:55,935
♫ Dragon shirt, camping best
Merrell boots, they're the best ♫
1732
01:27:56,019 --> 01:27:59,399
♫ Lauryn Hill swaggin', playin' suckers
Like a game of chess ♫
1733
01:27:59,480 --> 01:28:02,690
♫ Pants sagging, cargo pocket
Packing heat, no Smith & Wes ♫
1734
01:28:02,775 --> 01:28:05,945
♫ Mess with the balisong
Let's take a trip and ride along ♫
1735
01:28:06,029 --> 01:28:09,279
♫ Bags packed, I got the bong
Cheefing on some Tommy Chong ♫
1736
01:28:09,365 --> 01:28:12,655
♫ Oh, my God, what is wrong?
I think I chopped my fucking dong ♫
1737
01:28:12,743 --> 01:28:15,863
"♫ Yeah, it's true if you ain't noticed
6'1", two balls with no dick ♫
1738
01:28:15,956 --> 01:28:19,286
♫ What the fuck, I don't deserve this
Chopped my dick, not on purpose ♫
1739
01:28:19,376 --> 01:28:22,336
♫ And Sean is out here nature twerking ♫
1740
01:28:22,421 --> 01:28:25,631
♫ Donnie's drunk and Sarah's mad
Becky's pissed at Mom and Dad ♫
1741
01:28:25,716 --> 01:28:29,136
♫ Trying to throw a party
After breaking up with fucking Chad ♫
1742
01:28:29,219 --> 01:28:32,349
♫ Now I'm here with no dick
I pray to God and still no dick ♫
1743
01:28:32,430 --> 01:28:35,230
♫ I ain't got a dick
But it don't mean shit ♫
1744
01:28:35,309 --> 01:28:38,479
♫ I can still smoke weed
I can still get lit ♫
1745
01:28:38,561 --> 01:28:41,731
♫ And if you staring at my crotch
Might as well take a pic ♫
1746
01:28:41,814 --> 01:28:45,185
♫ All the ladies come and flock
'Cause they miss my dick ♫
1747
01:28:45,277 --> 01:28:48,317
♫ I miss my dick
I miss my dick, dick ♫
1748
01:28:48,404 --> 01:28:51,725
♫ I miss my dick, dick, I miss my dick
I miss my dick ♫
1749
01:28:53,076 --> 01:28:54,826
♫ Dick, dick, yeah ♫
1750
01:28:54,911 --> 01:28:58,421
♫ I miss my dick, dick, dick ♫
1751
01:28:59,041 --> 01:29:02,091
♫ Balls wrapped in rubber bands
Ready to die just like a cramp ♫
1752
01:29:02,168 --> 01:29:05,469
♫ Dead lobster, helicopter
Pick me up, went to the hospital ♫
1753
01:29:05,546 --> 01:29:08,506
♫ Doctor says, "Impossible
I have to sew your Popsicle" ♫
1754
01:29:08,591 --> 01:29:11,681
♫ Life is full of obstacles
But this shit can't be possible ♫
1755
01:29:11,761 --> 01:29:14,931
♫ Like the way I lost my dick
Doctor says too late, can't fix ♫
1756
01:29:15,015 --> 01:29:18,135
♫ Tell me, how could it be like this?
Yo, dog, think of something quick ♫
1757
01:29:18,225 --> 01:29:21,895
♫ Tell me how am I gonna fuck my bitch
How am I gonna live life without my dick ♫
1758
01:29:21,979 --> 01:29:24,529
♫ Can I get a boner? Organ donors?
Put me on a wait list ♫
1759
01:29:24,608 --> 01:29:26,688
♫ Doc says face it
I tried to tell you once ♫
1760
01:29:26,777 --> 01:29:28,817
♫ I don't wanna tell you twice ♫
1761
01:29:28,904 --> 01:29:30,444
♫ Major case of blue balls cooking ♫
1762
01:29:30,529 --> 01:29:33,699
♫ I'll be cumming rice
By the time I get it back ♫
1763
01:29:33,783 --> 01:29:35,404
♫ Too late now, it's in his hands ♫
1764
01:29:35,493 --> 01:29:38,743
♫ Homies punked a redneck
They said, "Nah, boy, you getting jack" ♫
1765
01:29:38,829 --> 01:29:41,630
♫ I ain't got a dick
But it don't mean shit ♫
1766
01:29:41,707 --> 01:29:44,917
♫ I can still smoke weed
I can still get lit ♫
1767
01:29:45,002 --> 01:29:48,172
♫ And if you staring at my crotch
Might as well take a pic ♫
1768
01:29:48,256 --> 01:29:51,386
♫ All the ladies come and flock
'Cause they miss my dick ♫
1769
01:29:51,467 --> 01:29:52,467
♫ I miss my dick ♫
1770
01:29:52,551 --> 01:29:56,181
- ♫ I miss my dick. I wish it was here. ♫
- ♫ I miss my dick ♫
1771
01:29:56,264 --> 01:29:59,804
- ♫ I dunno, I might... grow a beard, ♫
- ♫ I miss my dick ♫
1772
01:29:59,893 --> 01:30:04,113
♫ I might start playing World of
Warcraft. ♫ - ♫ I miss my dick ♫
135847
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