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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,350 --> 00:00:07,787 [Man] Now, this is what we sent them: "Out of 800,000 subscribers to our magazine, 2 00:00:07,854 --> 00:00:11,381 our research computers have selected you as the average American family." 3 00:00:11,458 --> 00:00:14,586 We've repeated that: "Average American family. 4 00:00:14,661 --> 00:00:19,621 "You'll receive $5,000, and our magazine will do a full picture story on your family. 5 00:00:19,700 --> 00:00:22,533 Details to follow." Who'd the wire go to, Mr. Morgan? 6 00:00:22,602 --> 00:00:26,834 We sent it to "Mr. And Mrs. Herman Munster, 7 00:00:26,907 --> 00:00:29,307 1313 Mockingbird Lane." 8 00:00:30,977 --> 00:00:35,380 Isn't it wonderful, Herman? They say we Munsters fit the average family statistics... 9 00:00:35,449 --> 00:00:37,417 almost to a "T." 10 00:00:37,484 --> 00:00:40,248 It's quite an honor for our family to be chosen, 11 00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:44,051 and that $5,000 prize will come in handy too. 12 00:00:44,124 --> 00:00:47,252 And it's going to be a cover story. Can't you just see it? 13 00:00:47,327 --> 00:00:50,694 Our picture in homes all over the country. 14 00:00:50,764 --> 00:00:55,497 Why, with your good looks and my handsome features, I'm sure we'll be a smash. 15 00:00:56,503 --> 00:00:59,028 [Shatters] 16 00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:10,167 [Chuckles] Well, now. According to the second telegram, 17 00:02:10,243 --> 00:02:13,906 a photographer and a reporter will arrive tomorrow to spend the weekend. 18 00:02:13,980 --> 00:02:18,440 Oh, good. That'll give me time to hang my new drapes in the guest room. 19 00:02:19,519 --> 00:02:22,454 We want to put on a good front for these people. 20 00:02:22,522 --> 00:02:25,980 - I'm gonna get my best suit down and take it down to be pressed. - Good idea. 21 00:02:26,059 --> 00:02:29,222 - Oh, and while you're there, have your head blocked. - Yes, dear. 22 00:02:29,296 --> 00:02:32,390 Oh, and Marilyn, why don't you go down to the beauty parlor... 23 00:02:32,466 --> 00:02:35,162 and get fixed up. 24 00:02:35,235 --> 00:02:37,760 Ooh, you might get them to give you a vulture egg shampoo. 25 00:02:37,838 --> 00:02:39,897 Yes, Aunt Lily, I will. Good. 26 00:02:39,973 --> 00:02:41,941 Dad? Yes, Eddie? 27 00:02:42,008 --> 00:02:44,943 I'll comb the snarls out of Spotty. 28 00:02:45,946 --> 00:02:49,279 And, uh, Grandpa, what are you gonna do to get ready for this happy event? 29 00:02:49,349 --> 00:02:52,682 What am I going to do? I'm gonna get out of here. That's what I'm going to do. 30 00:02:52,752 --> 00:02:54,913 Grandpa! 31 00:02:54,988 --> 00:03:00,119 Grandpa, don't you realize what an honor it is to be selected the "Average American Family"? 32 00:03:00,193 --> 00:03:03,890 Think what it'll do for our standing in the community... 33 00:03:03,964 --> 00:03:06,626 and how Eddie's playmates will all begin to notice him. 34 00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:11,000 Honor? Why, it's an insult to the family name to be called average. 35 00:03:11,071 --> 00:03:16,168 I happen to be a genuine count, with the blood of princes and dukes flowing in my veins. 36 00:03:16,243 --> 00:03:19,178 Grandpa, that was in the Old Country. 37 00:03:19,246 --> 00:03:22,010 Here in America, no one cares about royal blood. 38 00:03:22,082 --> 00:03:24,573 Spoilsports! 39 00:03:24,651 --> 00:03:27,176 Well, when that reporter and photographer get here, 40 00:03:27,254 --> 00:03:32,021 I for one am making myself scarce, and I'm just the one who can do it. 41 00:03:34,227 --> 00:03:37,685 [Coughs, Grumbles] 42 00:03:37,764 --> 00:03:42,724 This ruins everything. We were chosen by statistics. 43 00:03:42,802 --> 00:03:47,739 We have to show two children, a pet, an aged grandfather and a bird. 44 00:03:47,807 --> 00:03:53,006 - [Caws] Who? Me? - Not you, stupid. I mean Igor. 45 00:03:53,079 --> 00:03:57,106 I feel just awful about Grandpa acting this way. 46 00:03:57,183 --> 00:04:00,118 I could just lie down and die... Ohh. 47 00:04:00,186 --> 00:04:02,177 Again. 48 00:04:07,694 --> 00:04:10,322 Grandpa, I wanna talk to you. 49 00:04:10,397 --> 00:04:12,957 Herman, you can talk yourself green in the face. 50 00:04:13,033 --> 00:04:17,697 I will have nothing to do with being part of an average American family. 51 00:04:19,139 --> 00:04:23,007 It may be the way you're made, but it is not the way I'm made. 52 00:04:23,076 --> 00:04:26,603 Grandpa, give me one good reason why you're against it. 53 00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:29,911 Well, think what this kind of publicity would do to my life story. 54 00:04:29,983 --> 00:04:32,884 Why, if everybody knows me as the typical old grandpa next door, 55 00:04:32,953 --> 00:04:35,854 who will believe the fantastic life that I've written about? 56 00:04:35,922 --> 00:04:39,722 Grandpa, when those reporters show up, I insist you be here. 57 00:04:39,793 --> 00:04:43,889 I won't! I won't! I won't! If you make me, I'll turn into a bone... 58 00:04:43,964 --> 00:04:46,228 and bury myself in the backyard. 59 00:04:46,299 --> 00:04:50,736 Last time you did that, the neighbors' dog dug you up, and we had a terrible time getting you back. 60 00:04:50,804 --> 00:04:53,932 I don't care. I won't be here. 61 00:04:54,007 --> 00:04:58,205 When those men show up, you are not leaving the house, you understand? 62 00:04:58,278 --> 00:05:02,408 All right. I promise I won't leave the house. 63 00:05:02,482 --> 00:05:06,851 Good. Don't worry, Herman. 64 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:11,550 I won't leave the house. But as we used to say in Transylvania, 65 00:05:11,625 --> 00:05:14,856 there's more than one way to skin a bat. 66 00:05:14,928 --> 00:05:18,830 [Igor Squeaking] All right. All right. 67 00:05:18,898 --> 00:05:22,459 Why is everybody around here so sensitive? 68 00:05:24,104 --> 00:05:27,596 You're booked on the morning flight, and don't forget, fellas: 69 00:05:27,674 --> 00:05:30,802 We want real coverage and depth on this average family. 70 00:05:30,877 --> 00:05:33,607 Togetherness and heart in words and pictures. 71 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:36,843 I think we oughta play it for laughs, satirize the whole thing. 72 00:05:36,916 --> 00:05:39,180 You're all wrong, as usual, Chip. 73 00:05:39,252 --> 00:05:43,450 This is right up my alley. All heart, these people... my kind of people. 74 00:05:43,523 --> 00:05:48,358 I don't care how you handle it. Just bring me back a story and pictures... plenty of pictures. 75 00:05:48,428 --> 00:05:51,124 And for once, see if you two can agree on something. 76 00:05:51,197 --> 00:05:53,995 Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll get great pictures. 77 00:05:54,067 --> 00:05:57,298 "Mr. Munster polishing his car. This fascinating shot was taken... 78 00:05:57,370 --> 00:06:00,999 at a great personal risk in a cockpit of a speeding power mower." 79 00:06:01,074 --> 00:06:04,669 Look. Stop playing the big-shot war correspondent, will ya? The boss is right. 80 00:06:04,744 --> 00:06:08,202 These are real people... down-to-earth, heartland stuff. 81 00:06:08,281 --> 00:06:11,648 - Why, I might even get a Pulitzer Prize out of this. - Why don't you knock it off, Len? 82 00:06:11,718 --> 00:06:14,152 You sound like Chester Morris on the late, late, late show. 83 00:06:17,090 --> 00:06:21,459 Grandpa? Uh, Grandpa? 84 00:06:21,528 --> 00:06:23,826 Oh, Grandpa? 85 00:06:30,336 --> 00:06:34,830 I can't imagine where he is. He knows the reporters are coming this afternoon. 86 00:06:34,908 --> 00:06:38,173 I guess he's gone somewhere, but the question is when'll he come back? 87 00:06:38,244 --> 00:06:40,906 [Cawing] Nevermore. 88 00:06:40,980 --> 00:06:43,847 Will you stay out of this? 89 00:06:43,917 --> 00:06:46,647 Uncle Herman, I think he's trying to tell us something. 90 00:06:51,891 --> 00:06:53,984 [Caws] 91 00:06:56,296 --> 00:07:00,665 "Dear Mr. And Mrs. Average, Igor and I have flown the coop. 92 00:07:00,734 --> 00:07:04,761 Sorry we can't be there for the picture-taking. Grandpa. '" 93 00:07:04,838 --> 00:07:08,239 [Grumbles] And he promised me he wouldn't leave the house. 94 00:07:08,308 --> 00:07:11,539 Why, when those men show up and find that one of our statistics is missing, 95 00:07:11,611 --> 00:07:13,943 he's liable to call the whole deal off. 96 00:07:14,013 --> 00:07:16,811 Now we'll lose the prize money. 97 00:07:16,883 --> 00:07:21,718 Oh, and we were so looking forward to that vacation cruise on the Dead Sea. 98 00:07:21,788 --> 00:07:23,722 Fiddlesticks! 99 00:07:33,066 --> 00:07:35,432 [Crash] Now, Herman! 100 00:07:35,502 --> 00:07:38,494 Listen. The people from the magazine won't be here for a while. 101 00:07:38,571 --> 00:07:42,063 Maybe you can find Grandpa before they get here. Yes. 102 00:07:42,142 --> 00:07:44,235 And I know all his haunts. 103 00:07:44,310 --> 00:07:49,543 Now, when those men come here, Marilyn, you show them to their room and make some excuse for us. 104 00:07:49,616 --> 00:07:52,084 Don't worry about a thing. You just go out and find Grandpa. 105 00:07:52,152 --> 00:07:55,713 Right. We'll check all the places where he hangs out. 106 00:07:55,789 --> 00:07:57,848 Come... Come, Lily. 107 00:08:04,898 --> 00:08:07,093 Don't tell me this is it. 108 00:08:07,167 --> 00:08:10,159 Well, the place where we rented the car said this was the street. 109 00:08:10,236 --> 00:08:14,605 There's the number: 1313. House Beautiful it ain't. 110 00:08:14,674 --> 00:08:17,234 I've seen direct hits that looked better than this. 111 00:08:17,310 --> 00:08:20,438 Let's go see if Ma and Pa Kettle are home. 112 00:08:20,513 --> 00:08:23,641 [Wind Whistling] [Wolf Howling] 113 00:08:23,716 --> 00:08:27,880 [Door Knocker Banging] Hey, Chip, let's call the home office. 114 00:08:27,954 --> 00:08:32,482 Something's wrong here. I don't see anything very average about this. 115 00:08:33,893 --> 00:08:36,293 Neither do I. Miss Munster? 116 00:08:36,362 --> 00:08:39,661 I'm Marilyn Munster. You must be the men from Event Magazine. 117 00:08:39,732 --> 00:08:43,133 Yes. Right, right. ChipJohnson. Lennie Bates. 118 00:08:43,203 --> 00:08:45,296 Words. Pictures. How you doin'? 119 00:08:45,371 --> 00:08:48,465 Won't you come in, please? Thank you. 120 00:08:48,541 --> 00:08:51,203 Are you in a hurry to start taking pictures? Oh, no. 121 00:08:51,277 --> 00:08:54,769 No need to get down to business so soon. Good. Then I'll show you to your room. 122 00:08:54,848 --> 00:08:57,373 I suppose you're wondering where the rest of the family is. 123 00:08:57,450 --> 00:09:01,648 Frankly, it hadn't even entered my head. Well, they'll be back soon. 124 00:09:01,721 --> 00:09:05,316 "Be back soon." What a doll! 125 00:09:22,442 --> 00:09:26,401 Maybe Grandpa got hungry. Sometimes he comes here to grab a bite. 126 00:09:26,479 --> 00:09:30,176 You wait here. I'll see if he's in there. 127 00:09:53,139 --> 00:09:55,801 [All Screaming] 128 00:10:13,660 --> 00:10:16,652 Was Grandpa in there? No. The place is empty. 129 00:10:16,729 --> 00:10:21,996 They must serve terrible food. Well, let's keep looking. 130 00:10:34,180 --> 00:10:37,980 Grandpa goes down here once in a while to enjoy the damp earth. 131 00:10:38,051 --> 00:10:40,713 I'll see if he's down there. 132 00:10:46,192 --> 00:10:50,561 Grandpa? Oh, Grandpa? 133 00:10:50,630 --> 00:10:52,996 [Man's Voice] He ain't here. 134 00:10:53,066 --> 00:10:56,035 Okay. Okay. 135 00:10:58,404 --> 00:11:01,862 S'all right? S'all right. 136 00:11:06,512 --> 00:11:10,312 Grandpa sometimes comes here to feed the wolves. 137 00:11:21,761 --> 00:11:24,229 I tell you, Mr. Morgan. This place is weird. 138 00:11:24,297 --> 00:11:27,130 I think we oughta call it off. Research must have goofed this one. 139 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:30,692 Nonsense. Our computers are never wrong. They're infallible. 140 00:11:30,770 --> 00:11:33,170 Why, they picked my last three wives for me. 141 00:11:33,239 --> 00:11:37,972 All right. So... So the place is a little run-down. 142 00:11:38,044 --> 00:11:41,946 I mean, what do you... what do you expect the average family to live in? 143 00:11:42,015 --> 00:11:44,381 Huh? The Taj Mahal? 144 00:11:44,450 --> 00:11:47,942 Hey. We met the niece. She's a doll. Now, the rest of the family's gotta be great. 145 00:11:52,825 --> 00:11:56,022 [Chip] Well, you don't get candy apples off a lemon tree. 146 00:11:56,095 --> 00:11:59,758 Look, you boys come back here with a story, and check it all out. 147 00:11:59,832 --> 00:12:02,926 Make sure that family satisfies our computer to a "T." 148 00:12:03,002 --> 00:12:06,961 I want pets, kids and grandfather. One thing wrong, and it's off. 149 00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:09,406 And keep Lennie off the you-know-what. 150 00:12:09,475 --> 00:12:14,276 Now, don't worry. Lennie doesn't have a pint of the you-know-what on him. 151 00:12:14,347 --> 00:12:18,408 - Everything is under control. - Mr. Bates, your room is ready. 152 00:12:20,019 --> 00:12:22,852 But really under control. 153 00:12:24,590 --> 00:12:27,115 [Engine Idling] 154 00:12:28,428 --> 00:12:31,420 Well, we've checked all of Grandpa's hangouts. 155 00:12:31,497 --> 00:12:36,730 Where could he be? I think we should've looked for him out at Rose Lawn Memorial Park. 156 00:12:36,803 --> 00:12:39,738 Lily, that's 10 miles as the hearse drives. 157 00:12:39,806 --> 00:12:44,106 Well, he often goes out there to pick up a flower for his buttonhole. 158 00:12:44,177 --> 00:12:49,137 All right. We'll just have to start looking for him again early in the morning. 159 00:12:49,215 --> 00:12:53,584 It'll mean good-bye to $5,000 if we can't produce him for those pictures. 160 00:12:53,653 --> 00:12:57,851 How could a man who's 400 years old act so childish? 161 00:12:57,924 --> 00:13:00,791 Now, where could he be? 162 00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:02,794 [Squeaking] [Grandpa] Well, Igor, 163 00:13:02,862 --> 00:13:06,628 I promised I wouldn't leave the house, and I didn't. [Cackles] 164 00:13:06,699 --> 00:13:11,033 We'll just hang around up here until those men from the magazine have gone. 165 00:13:11,104 --> 00:13:15,939 [Squeaking] Shh. Will you be quiet, Igor? They'll hear us. 166 00:13:16,008 --> 00:13:19,171 Just play dead. 167 00:13:21,547 --> 00:13:23,845 So, your folks collect antiques, huh? 168 00:13:23,916 --> 00:13:27,784 Antiques fascinate me. Tell me more. 169 00:13:27,854 --> 00:13:31,312 Maybe you'd like to see some of them? Yes. Yes. 170 00:13:31,390 --> 00:13:34,587 Especially if they're stuck away in some dark corner. 171 00:13:34,660 --> 00:13:38,118 Well, on second thought, it's getting a little late. 172 00:13:38,197 --> 00:13:43,191 I wonder what's keeping your partner. Oh, he has to unpack all those cameras. 173 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:50,600 [Creaking] 174 00:14:08,828 --> 00:14:12,355 It certainly is a marvelous antique. 175 00:14:12,431 --> 00:14:15,696 What's it called? "Early San Quentin"? 176 00:14:15,768 --> 00:14:20,068 [Lennie] Chip.! Oh, there's the reprieve from the governor. 177 00:14:21,107 --> 00:14:24,133 Well, don't go away, doll. I'll be right back. 178 00:14:24,210 --> 00:14:27,270 Well, I think I'll say good night now, but I'll see you in the morning. 179 00:14:27,346 --> 00:14:29,405 Okay. 180 00:14:30,650 --> 00:14:33,483 [Low Chuckle] Good night. 181 00:14:39,759 --> 00:14:42,023 What do you want? I was just beginning to soften her up. 182 00:14:42,094 --> 00:14:45,860 Chip, there's something awfully wrong here. A man got onto this thing... 183 00:14:45,932 --> 00:14:50,301 and then turned into a suit of armor. [Heavy Clank] 184 00:14:53,806 --> 00:14:56,866 I suppose the next thing you're gonna tell me is you saw little men. 185 00:14:56,943 --> 00:15:00,811 Well, I was afraid to mention it before, but when we first came in, 186 00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:05,783 I did see one run across the hall... and then later, he ran up the stairs. 187 00:15:05,851 --> 00:15:08,684 My boy, you need a good night's rest. 188 00:15:14,694 --> 00:15:18,562 It's discouraging, Herman. Grandpa is just nowhere around. 189 00:15:18,631 --> 00:15:23,068 I know. How many places are there in a town like this where a man can bury himself? 190 00:15:23,135 --> 00:15:28,129 When I think of losing that $5,000, it makes me so mad I could blow my top! 191 00:15:28,207 --> 00:15:32,041 Well, don't do that, dear. It's always so messy. 192 00:15:36,549 --> 00:15:40,007 What are you doin' with the binoculars? 193 00:15:40,086 --> 00:15:43,317 No, thank you. Now, put that away, will you? 194 00:15:43,389 --> 00:15:46,654 No wonder you've been seeing little men. Now, come on. Let's go to bed. 195 00:15:46,726 --> 00:15:51,095 We don't wanna look like a couple of weirdos when we meet the rest of the family, hmm? 196 00:15:52,965 --> 00:15:56,401 Put it away. [Pats Back] 197 00:16:49,355 --> 00:16:51,346 [Yawning] 198 00:16:57,763 --> 00:17:00,357 Chip. Chip. Chip, wake up. Huh? Huh? 199 00:17:00,433 --> 00:17:03,334 What's the matter? What's the matter? There's a monster in the hall. 200 00:17:03,402 --> 00:17:08,203 Lennie, ya big dope, will you stay out of the binoculars? I saw it; I swear it! 201 00:17:08,274 --> 00:17:13,473 He's about seven foot tall, and his head is bolted to his neck, and he's wearing a nightshirt. 202 00:17:13,546 --> 00:17:17,607 I saw it. Come on. I swear. I swear. Come on. All right! All right! 203 00:17:17,683 --> 00:17:19,913 Let go. 204 00:17:27,693 --> 00:17:29,718 [Lennie] Isn't it awful? 205 00:17:34,967 --> 00:17:38,130 It's frightening. But it was there! 206 00:17:38,204 --> 00:17:41,196 I'm gonna take you to a psychiatrist. 207 00:17:42,541 --> 00:17:46,500 Chip, I swear it. I saw it. I swear I saw it. 208 00:17:46,579 --> 00:17:49,139 If you weren't dreaming, what were you doing at the door in the first place? 209 00:17:49,215 --> 00:17:53,652 I was going to get a glass of water. Well, the big, bad bogeyman's gone. Go get your water. 210 00:17:56,756 --> 00:18:00,089 Eddie, are you in bed? 211 00:18:00,159 --> 00:18:02,354 [Eddie] Yes, but I can't stay awake. 212 00:18:02,428 --> 00:18:06,364 You'll be able to. Just lie there with your eyes open, dear. 213 00:18:18,277 --> 00:18:20,268 [Muttering, Indistinct] 214 00:18:20,346 --> 00:18:23,509 I'm getting out of here. 215 00:18:23,582 --> 00:18:27,018 Now, look here. What do you wanna do? Get us both fired? 216 00:18:27,086 --> 00:18:29,520 I'll tell ya what I'll do. 217 00:18:29,588 --> 00:18:34,048 Wait a minute. I'll tell you what I'll do. We'll go through the whole house together. 218 00:18:34,126 --> 00:18:39,496 [Grumbling] No. I'll prove to you that there's nothing here but a gorgeous creature named Marilyn... 219 00:18:39,565 --> 00:18:42,193 and her harmless, average American family. 220 00:18:42,268 --> 00:18:46,705 Okay? I'll be with you every minute. 221 00:18:48,441 --> 00:18:51,410 Okay. Come on. 222 00:19:02,087 --> 00:19:07,081 Gee, you certainly go through an awful lot, Lily, to make yourself beautiful just to go to bed. 223 00:19:07,159 --> 00:19:10,424 Anything for you, pussycat. 224 00:19:10,496 --> 00:19:14,330 [Door Opening, Closing] Did you hear that? 225 00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:17,062 Hmm? It's downstairs. 226 00:19:17,136 --> 00:19:19,661 Oh. Good. 227 00:19:19,738 --> 00:19:25,108 - It's burglars. Herman, you go down and have a look. - Do I have to? 228 00:19:25,177 --> 00:19:28,613 Of course! Go down and scare them off! 229 00:19:28,681 --> 00:19:31,616 Me? Scare them off? How? 230 00:19:31,684 --> 00:19:34,152 Herman. 231 00:19:35,721 --> 00:19:38,713 All right. Just a moment. 232 00:19:45,898 --> 00:19:48,867 Oh, will you hurry? All right. Just let me see if it's loaded. 233 00:19:52,538 --> 00:19:55,632 Come on! I'm going. I'm going. 234 00:20:13,225 --> 00:20:15,819 [Chip] It's a little far out, but you don't see any monsters, do you? 235 00:20:15,895 --> 00:20:19,058 [Lennie] So far. I'm sure I heard footsteps. 236 00:20:19,131 --> 00:20:21,622 Let's look in there. 237 00:20:33,612 --> 00:20:36,581 [Chip] You see, there's nothing unusual in here, right? Hey, look. 238 00:20:36,649 --> 00:20:38,640 Aww. Nice kitty. 239 00:20:38,717 --> 00:20:41,083 [Roars] 240 00:20:44,189 --> 00:20:47,090 Careful. Looks like an electric chair. 241 00:20:47,159 --> 00:20:50,026 Let's get out of here. It might be plugged in. 242 00:21:00,906 --> 00:21:03,773 Well, you gotta admit we didn't find anything, right? [Footsteps Approaching] 243 00:21:04,877 --> 00:21:06,970 Hmm. I guess you're right. 244 00:21:07,046 --> 00:21:10,072 [Footsteps Grow Louder] What's that? 245 00:21:15,087 --> 00:21:18,682 It's just our own footsteps, ya dope. 246 00:21:18,757 --> 00:21:23,353 Our own footsteps, huh? Then how come they're still walkin'? 247 00:21:25,164 --> 00:21:28,429 We'll look back together. 248 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:38,300 Shh. See, ya big dope? You got me doin' it now. 249 00:21:38,377 --> 00:21:41,107 It's just your imagination. 250 00:21:41,180 --> 00:21:43,774 - [Lily Screams] - [Both Scream] 251 00:21:43,849 --> 00:21:48,377 - Help! Grandpa! - [Men Muttering, Screaming] 252 00:21:51,657 --> 00:21:53,716 It's me, Chip. 253 00:21:55,394 --> 00:21:59,057 - [Screams] - Herman! 254 00:21:59,131 --> 00:22:04,501 - No! Not Grandpa! The burglars! - [Herman Muttering] 255 00:22:08,007 --> 00:22:10,373 [Gasps] 256 00:22:10,442 --> 00:22:13,172 It's me! 257 00:22:13,245 --> 00:22:15,509 Ohh. Ohh. 258 00:22:15,581 --> 00:22:18,175 [Both Screaming] 259 00:22:21,353 --> 00:22:24,516 Aunt Lily, Uncle Herman, what happened? 260 00:22:24,590 --> 00:22:28,026 There were burglars in the house, dear. We just chased them off. [Car Zooming Away] 261 00:22:28,093 --> 00:22:32,689 Burglars? Those were the two men from Event Magazine. 262 00:22:33,832 --> 00:22:38,166 Oh, bats! There goes our $5,000, Herman. 263 00:22:38,237 --> 00:22:43,038 Well, I guess there's only one thing to do. 264 00:22:45,277 --> 00:22:49,338 Oh, darn. I forgot. [Laughing] 265 00:22:52,518 --> 00:22:57,012 - [Lennie On Phone] But, boss, they are monsters. - Yeah, yeah. I saw them. It was horrible. 266 00:22:57,089 --> 00:22:59,853 Look. You boys have been at that binocular case too much. 267 00:22:59,925 --> 00:23:03,122 Now, you get back there and get that picture, or you're both fired! 268 00:23:05,731 --> 00:23:08,222 Well, you heard the man. Back we go. 269 00:23:10,169 --> 00:23:14,663 [Lennie] Four lenses cracked before I got it. I finally used the strongest one we had, 270 00:23:14,740 --> 00:23:17,072 the one for elephant stampedes. 271 00:23:17,142 --> 00:23:20,009 It's magnificent. Hmm? What? 272 00:23:20,079 --> 00:23:23,310 Look, we have shown the average American family celebrating New Year's, 273 00:23:23,382 --> 00:23:27,842 Christmas, Mother's Day, the Fourth ofJuly and Susan B. Anthony's birthday, 274 00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:32,880 but this is the first time we have ever shown the average American family celebrating Halloween. 275 00:23:32,958 --> 00:23:36,689 Boys, you are brilliant. Send a check to the Munsters... 276 00:23:36,762 --> 00:23:39,492 and pick up a $1,000 bonus from the cashier. 277 00:23:39,565 --> 00:23:42,932 And congratulations. [Chortles] 278 00:23:43,001 --> 00:23:46,937 [Lily] Isn't it a beautiful picture, Herman? 279 00:23:47,005 --> 00:23:50,236 Mm. Yeah, but... 280 00:23:50,309 --> 00:23:53,335 but look what it says here: 281 00:23:53,412 --> 00:23:56,438 "America's Average Family Celebrates Halloween." 282 00:23:56,515 --> 00:23:59,882 Halloween? What are they talking about? This is the way we look every day of the year. 283 00:23:59,952 --> 00:24:04,753 Yeah, on Halloween, we put on masks and try to frighten people. 284 00:24:04,823 --> 00:24:07,986 Wait a minute. It's a mistake. They switched headlines. 285 00:24:08,060 --> 00:24:13,555 Here's the Halloween picture: "The Pierpont van Schuylers in their latest family portrait." 286 00:24:13,632 --> 00:24:16,692 Why, that's the weirdest bunch of trick-or-treaters I ever saw. 287 00:24:16,769 --> 00:24:19,829 How could a magazine like that make such a mistake? 288 00:24:19,905 --> 00:24:22,897 Say, Herman, you think maybe we could sue them? 289 00:24:22,975 --> 00:24:28,470 Oh... Oh, my goodness, no. I think we should just be good sports and laugh it off. 290 00:24:28,547 --> 00:24:30,913 - Laugh it off? - Why, sure, Lily. 291 00:24:30,983 --> 00:24:34,544 We're not just the plain old Munsters anymore, you know. 292 00:24:34,620 --> 00:24:38,078 We're the average American family, 293 00:24:38,157 --> 00:24:42,423 and I think we owe it to our country to keep our sense of humor. 26342

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