All language subtitles for The Munsters S01E05 Pikes Pique

Uh, Igor?
[Squeaking]

Igor? Igor, will you
hold this a second?

Dropped it again.
Butterclaws.

[Sneeze]

[Chuckles]
Are you feeling
any better, Herman?

Well, uh, uh,
my headache's gone.

But my sinuses are killing me.

Oh, and, uh, Grandpa.
This draft down here isn't
helping any either.

[Laughs]
Don't be ridiculous!

How can there be a draft
25 feet underground?

Mr. Pike, this is the property
in question right here.

Belongs to a family
named Munster.

They're some kind of holdout.

Well, we've only got 60 feet to go
for the two pipelines to connect.

Juncture-wise, that is.
So, Harkness, get somebody over there
to secure the right-of-way.

Well, we sentJohnson over, B.T.,
but, uh, he didn't come back.

Well, get him on the phone!

I tried to, B.T., but the doctor
at the sanitarium said there are
no phones in the padded rooms.

That's what you get
for hiring a neurotic.

If I don't get this pipeline
completed on schedule,

the mayor and the city council are
going to have my head on a platter.

I'll tell you what you do:
Put the pipeline under
the Munster's house.

We don't even need
to tell 'em about it.

Go down about 25 feet.
That should do it.

I don't know, B.T.
We could be in trouble.

Borden T. Pike laughs at trouble.

[Forced Laughing]
I don't intend to be intimidated
by the Munsters.

Besides, what kind of trouble would
we run into 25 feet underground?

Uh, that stuff you gave me yesterday
didn't work at all.

Uh, have you got
any-anything else?

I'll be right...
[Creaking]

Back!

Stay right here.
Don't go 'way!

Now, now, now.

Where did I put that stuff?

No, no, no, no. That's not
what I'm looking for.

And besides, I thought I told you
to wait in the washing machine!

Uh, this isn't gonna hurt, is it?

[Cackling]
Don't be such a baby, Herman.

?? [Humming]

[Gurgling]

Ahh!

?? [Continues]

[Liquid Sloshing]

?? [Hums]
[Sloshes]

And you expect me to believe
a ridiculous story like that?

Horrible creatures,
bats flying around...

Scare tactics, pure and simple.

They tried tojack up the price by
putting on those ridiculous disguises.

Well, I know it-it sounds ridiculous,
but that's the way this fellow
reported the story to me.

Nonsense. He just doesn't want
to assume the responsibility for
having broken into that cellar.

But sir, we never expected
anyone to have a cellar that deep.

No excuses. Now, get out of here.
And don't come back
until you get a haircut.

Yes, sir.

All right, Harkness.
I'll handle this myself.

Fanny, dear, I called to tell you that
I won't be home for supper tonight.

I have a very important
business engagement across town.

All right.
Who is she?

Fanny, I'm not seeing a woman.

Yes, I did have lunch with a woman.
It was my mother!

Fanny, stop being so jealous. I can't
help it if my mother was a woman.

It could happen to anybody!

All right. I'll speak to her about it.

[Rapid, High-pitched Babbling]
Yes, dear.

[Babbling Continues]
Yes, dear.

[Continues]
Yes, dear!

I'll show those Munsters that
Borden T. Pike will not be intimidated.

[Wolf Howling]

[Banging, Echoing]

[Snarling]
Spotty. Get away
from the door! Get away!

Eddie! Come and get Spot and
put him in the kitchen this instant!

I'm terribly sorry, but Spotty gets
so excited when we have visitors.

Won't you come in?
I'll come in, but remember...
I'm not easily taken in.

May I have your hat, Mr., uh...
Pike. Borden T. Pike.
City Gas.

Come right in, Mr. Pike.

I'm Herman Munster.
This is my father-in-law, the Count.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

Uh, won't you have a seat?

[Pike] Now, we realized
you were inconvenienced.

We're prepared to compensate you
for the damage... Why, hello...

...there.

For the damage done
to your basement.

In addition to which, we will pay you,
uh, fifteen... [Grunting]

Uh, $1,500 for the continuance of
the right-of-way through your property.

That is my final offer.

$1,500!

That would come in very handy
for a sunny day.

Boy, how much is that in cheese?

Uh, Eddie. You've been told before.
Don't play with that mousetrap.

The mice will never
go near it now.

Uh, well, Mr. Pike.
It sounds like a good deal to me.

Oh, good.
I'm against it.

The idea of sneaking a gas main
under our property.

Thank you.

I urge you
to accept my offer.

It will be good for
your neighbors and friends.

The entire community will
benefit from the pipeline.

Well, l-I would say, if it's good for
the community, we have to accept.

I think we should take Herman's advice.

After all, he's always been
the levelheaded one of the family.

I want no part of it.

I don't like the idea of anybody
digging on the premises.

There's no telling
who they'll come up with.

I urge you to accept my offer.
And don't think you're gonna
get me to raise it,

because I don't scare easy.

[Stammers]
Mr. Pike. Wait.

This is my house,
and it's gonna be my way.

Uh, l-I agree with Lily.
We accept.

Eddie. My boy.

I want you to be a witness
to my degradation.

Now someday, you'll have
creatures of your own.

You'll know what to expect.

[Groans]

[Chuckles]

This is what you want?
This is what you'll get.

If you want me,
I'll be in my room.

[Shivers, Gasps]

Good night!

[Explosion]

[Chirping]

Oh, Grandpa!

Uh, you'll have to
excuse Grandpa, Mr. Pike.

You know how old people...
[Door Slamming]

Mr. Pike?

Mr. Pike?

[Crash]
[Eddie]
Ow.!

Ow! Boy.

I told him to keep
his big trap shut.

Eddie!

I don't care what
Grandpa says.

I'm gonna go
call Mr. Pike right now
and tell him we accept.

After all, we can't always
think of ourselves.

W-We have to think
of our neighbors too.

Herman, you certainly have
a good heart.

Best money can buy.

Eddie!

[Phone Ringing]

Hello.

Uh, Mr. Munster?
[Chuckles]
Yes, this is Mr. Pike.

Oh, oh, Mr. Pike.
You left in such a hurry.
We didn't finish the deal.

If you like, I can drop over
right now, sign the papers,
and pick up the check.

No, no, don't do that!
I'll-I'll have my secretary
m-mail it to you tomorrow.

Borden, who's that
on the telephone?

Another one
of your girlfriends?
No, it's a business call!

On, uh, second thought, Mr. Munster,
it might be a good idea for you
to drop over this evening.

I'd like my wife to meet you.

Yes. I know where.

Oh, just a headstone's throw
from here.

Be right over. Bye now.

Oh, come on. Ow!
That hurts!

Stop it.
There. That's a good boy.

Now, Herman, I don't want you
going out. You've already had
a sinus attack today.

And you're not looking well.
Ooh, you've even got color
in your cheeks.

Really? Oh. Well, um,
maybe you're right.

L... My sinuses have
been acting up.

Well, they were probably
worn out when you got them.

Grandpa! Are you going to hang
around here sulking all night?

Why don't you go to your room?
Hmm! Why should I?

Anyplace I hang myself
is home.

Hi, Grandpa.
Oh, Marilyn.

I'm so glad you're here.
Would you mind going on...

an errand for us, to Mr. Pike's?

- I'd be happy to.
- Oh, and be sure to introduce
yourself to his wife.

Uh, Mr. Pike said he'd like us
to meet her.

And be warm and friendly.
It always pays off.

The idea. A man your age
carrying on like that.

Anything you say, dear.
And don't "dear" me!

As soon as you do,
I know you're up to something.

Really, Borden, after all these years
of marriage, you'd think you know
where your place is by this time.

And as far as I'm concerned...
[Doorbell Chimes]

I'll get the door, dear.
Don't you bother.
Don't you bother.

I'll get the door.
Fanny, dear, I think you'd better
let me get the door.

[Chuckles]
We'll just see about that!

I'm Marilyn Munster.
Well. I just happen to be
Mrs. Pike.

I'm here for the money.
Your husband knows
what it's for.

You horrible creature!

Well, what did you think of that?

[Crashes]
Well! What did you
think of that?

Now are you going to listen to me?
Oh, how I would like to boil
that Mr. Pike in oil!

But no. You had to give away
my cookbook to the Goodwill.

Okay. Okay.
Don't worry about it.

I'll handle this myself.
The nerve of those people.

It makes me furious!

Herman, don't lose your head.

I'm-I'm gonna go call
that Mr. Pike right now!

That's right, dear.
Don't be afraid.

You just show him
who you're made of!

[Dialing]

Pike? This is Herman Munster.

Never mind that.
You can't treat my niece
that way!

Oh, yeah? Usually,
I'm not a violent man.

But I'm coming over there right now
and punch you in the nose.

Fanny? Fa...

Fanny!
Yes?

Who was that at the door
a few minutes ago?

Huh! As if you didn't know!

It's that snippy little blonde
of yours, that Marilyn Munster,
or whatever her name is.

Oh, that's what he meant!

Her uncle is on his way here now.
He's...

We-Well, he's indescribable!
You'll have to leave immediately.

I'll stay here
and defend our home.
Oh!

I get the picture.

Really, Borden, you're not about
to use child psychology on me again.

No!
You can't get rid of me that way.

Obviously that little blonde creature
is on her way here right now.

No, it's her uncle.!
Well, don't think I'm gonna make it
easy for the two of you.

I'm not about to! And if there's
any home defending to do,

you can be sure
I'm gonna do it!

[Door Chimes]
It's him!
It's her.

[Giggling]

[Hiccups]
[Giggles]

Now, you stop that laughing, Eddie.
I can't help it.

Daddy looks so funny with
that thing on his nose!

Never mind that.
Now you just finish your breakfast,

and you'd better start dawdling,
or you're going to be on time for school!

As I was saying, before I was
so rudely interrupted,

when Mr. Pike...
Morning, folks!

Morning.
Good morning.
[Eddie] Morning.

- Oh, isn't this a beautiful day!
- Thank you!

Does anybody mind if
I continue with my story?

Not while I'm eating.

All right. I won't tell you
what happened!

[Scoffs]
Please, Herman, dear.
Do tell us what happened.

All right.

When Mr. Pike came out
and saw his wife lying on the floor,

he thought I hit her!

- He punched me in the nose.
- Oh, you poor dear!

Ooh! Ooh!
Well, oh, one thing though.

I think it cured my sinus.

[Loud Banging On Door]
I'll get it.

[Creaking]

- Truce!
- Truce.

Oh, dear, it stopped raining.
I'm afraid the weather's
turning bad.

Uh, I came to apologize.

You see, when your niece came
to my house, my wife was expecting
someone else who,

uh, never showed up.

That's all right, Mr. Pike.
I can understand it.

It happens to me a lot too.

I'm-I'm sorry I hit you.
I'm not ordinarily a violent man, but...

when I saw my wife lying there, l-l-l...

Oh, uh, lost your head?

Y-Yes, that's right.
Right on the nose!

Oh! Please don't!
Don't say, "on the nose."

Well, if you're still interested
in the deal, I brought a check
for the amount that we agreed upon.

$1,500 for the right-of-way,
if you'll just sign the contract.

Huh, don't you sign that!

But the mayor's waiting in my office!

If I don't bring this contract back
with your signature, he'll have my head!

Grandpa, we made a deal.

Majority rules.
Don't be a sore loser.

Mr. Pike, you won't
get away with this!

I'm sorry, Grandpa,
but we made a deal.

[Explosion]
[Growling]

[Lily]
Heel, Grandpa. Down, Grandpa. Down.!

[Groans]
Oh, missed again.

Oh, these darn contact lenses.

Uh, you'll have to forgive Grandpa,
Mr. Pike. He doesn't give up easily.

Oh, that-that's all right.

Here. You can use my pen.

Oh. Thank you.

[Electrical Buzzing, Sparking]

I don't understand!
It's a brand new pen.

Well, I'm a man that always knows
when he's beat.

Here. Why not use mine?

Thank you, Grandpa.
You won't be sorry.

You can say that again!

Thank you. Thank you!

Won't you come in, Mr. Pike?

I was just about to brew
a fresh flagon of tea.

No. No, thank you.
I want to thank you, Mr. Munster.

Ever since your visit to my house,
my wife's been a changed woman.

She says, from now on,
she'll believe anything I say.

Well, it's nice to know,
as we go through life,

we can bring
a little happiness to others.

Well, you've made me
a very happy man.

Ha!

Nice man.
[Phone Rings]

I'll get it.

[Ringing Continues]

Hello?

Oh! It's Mrs. Cribbins,
from next door.

Oh? Really?

I see. Yes. Yes, that's fine.

Thanks for calling, Mrs. Cribbins.

Herman?
What's the matter?

Wh-What's the matter,
Herman?

Mrs. Cribbins, and everyone
else on the block, got $3,500
from the gas company.

And we only got $1,500.

He took advantage
of our good natures.

I was right! I knew
we couldn't trust that man!

Wait a minute! Here's
another check for $5,000.

"Dear Munsters,
A little bonus for all your trouble
and inconvenience.

Your friend, Borden."

Oh, how generous ofhim.!

[Stammering]
There's more.

"P.S. After 30 years, I am finally
a happily married man.

Since my wife and I met you,
we've never looked so good
to each other."

How sweet!

- [Herman] Isn't it?
- We can't possibly keep the money.

I mean... Well, we just can't
take money for helping people.

I guess you're right as usual, Lily.
It's like taking blood money.

Don't try to cheer me up.
I feel bad enough.

- What do you mean?
- My pen...

was filled with disappearing ink.

I just can't seem to get
the right wavelength.

Grandpa, that crystal ball
doesn't work anymore.

All you ever get are
the reruns of My Little Margie.

I got it! I got it! I got it!

Pike, you're a disgrace!

Men like you give gas
a bad name!

But, Your Honor, I saw
Mr. Munster sign that
with my own eyes!

L-I don't understand...
Pike, I suggest you resign
and give up drinking.

In that order!

Grandpa, how did you do that?

I guess it's just in his blood!

I'll drink to that!
[Snaps Fingers]