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1
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♪♪
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I'm thinking about using the bathroom.
3
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Go for it. It's a no-brainer!
4
00:00:09,375 --> 00:00:11,243
Wow, this one's brand-new.
5
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Hold my purse.
I'm gonna christen this puppy.
6
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- Get it, girl!
- Drop one on 'em, Mama!
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Whoa, whoa!
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The boys forgot to chain this up.
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They know my mom's visiting next week.
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Dammit, she deserves a fresh one!
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You journaling right now, Steve?
12
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I'm working on an essay about my dad
13
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for a contest in English class.
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I'm focusing on Stan
Smith the softball star.
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Love that.
16
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You have a title yet?
17
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I'm thinking...
18
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"My Dad."
19
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Wow.
20
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I'm pretty sure I love that.
21
00:00:50,150 --> 00:00:53,751
Just look at him, Klaus...
totally in his element.
22
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Yeah, I don't like chicken
in my pasta, either.
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Switch it up.
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The picture of a ballplayer.
25
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Let's go, let's go, let's go,
let's go, let's friggin' go.
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♪♪
27
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Time, blue.
28
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[BAT HITS BALL]
29
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Stay down on that ball!
30
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Hey, it's okay, short memory, right?
31
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But don't [BLEEP] up like that again.
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♪♪
33
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Safe!
34
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[ALL CHEERING]
35
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It's only the second inning.
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- Not for us.
- Yes, it is!
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♪♪
38
00:01:33,327 --> 00:01:36,060
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
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♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
40
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♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
41
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♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
42
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♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
43
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- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
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Aah!
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♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
46
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STEVE:
Webster's dictionary defines "hero"
47
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as a mythological figure of
great strength or ability.
48
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- I define hero as my dad...
- "...I define hero as my dad.
49
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"My dad is strong. My dad is good.
50
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"My dad could hit a ball very far.
51
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"If my dad raced your dad, he'd win.
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"Because he's a winner.
53
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Because he's my dad."
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Steve...
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Yes, Dad?
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This essay is so bad.
57
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It's robotic, zero artistry,
58
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"maudlin drivel" comes to mind.
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What a dick.
60
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I wanna know more about Stan the man.
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The guy behind the uniform.
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I'll tell you what!
63
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Why don't you shadow me at the CIA?
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Really? Wow, thanks!
65
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Hey. Don't push it.
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Oh, my God. I can't believe Dad!
What a jerk!
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He just has high standards...
68
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Can I see your essay?
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Whoa... aren't you a little old
70
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to worship Dad like this?
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[SCOFFS] I don't worship Dad...
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00:03:02,949 --> 00:03:06,818
You just think if he
"fought a Tyrannosaurus Rex,
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- he would win"...
- Prove he wouldn't!
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[KNOCKING ON PLASTIC]
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FRANCINE: [MUFFLED] Hello?
76
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This is how it ends?!
77
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I'm gonna die in a Porta John?!
78
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[PLASTIC CRUNCHES]
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[MUFFLED] Wow,
this thing's light as [BLEEP]
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♪♪
81
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There's my little daddy's boy!
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Ready to hand in that essay?
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Mr. Fritz, I need an extension.
84
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Extension?!
85
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But I read the last draft
with the Tyrannosaurus Rex,
86
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it was terrific... What happened?
87
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My dad thinks it needs work.
88
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Look, Steve,
I started an essay contest about dads
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because I love and admire dads.
90
00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:54,632
But dads aren't always right.
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Most of the time, yes.
92
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99.9% of the time they're 100% right.
93
00:03:58,371 --> 00:04:00,372
But in this case, a dad is wrong.
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Your essay is perfection.
Just hand it in!
95
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:07,178
I can't hand in an essay about
my dad that my dad doesn't like!
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[SIGHS]
97
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I don't like an unhappy dad...
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I'll give you two more days.
99
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But that's it.
100
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Thank you, you won't regret it.
101
00:04:17,657 --> 00:04:19,725
I hope you're right.
102
00:04:19,727 --> 00:04:22,660
What, Billy, what do you want.
103
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I just wanted to say hi.
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Hi.
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♪♪
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For lunch I like the tuna from Rocky's
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but the macaroni salad
from Sub's Galore.
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Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow... slow down.
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Why am I here again?
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'Cause Dad won't drive
me to school afterwards.
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00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:40,678
Dad, could we circle back
to softball for a sec?
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00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:41,947
What's your batting average?
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00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:43,749
Eh, not much of a stats guy,
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more of a W's guy.
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Steve, check it out.
This is a thing I do
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that everyone loves.
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People love that?
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I... I think so...
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Hey, you guys love
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when I throw Dick's lunch
in the trash, right?
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That's your hero, Steve?
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Why does it bother you so much?
123
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:01,899
It doesn't bother me,
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I'm just trying to help you
grow up, gawd!
125
00:05:03,703 --> 00:05:05,303
I'll be in the car.
126
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:06,704
Four people said they love it,
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five said they really love it.
128
00:05:11,378 --> 00:05:12,778
SHADOWY FIGURE:
You're right about Stan...
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Aah!
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- Dick?
- I'm not Dick.
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Who are you?
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Call me "Deep Dick."
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- Why are you in my car?
- Because you're right.
134
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:22,920
Stan's no hero.
135
00:05:22,922 --> 00:05:25,390
This star softball player routine?
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A big lie.
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00:05:26,593 --> 00:05:28,326
He sucks [BLEEP]
138
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:29,861
But he's got everyone fooled!
139
00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:32,197
And I want him exposed.
140
00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:33,999
He's been on the team 10 years,
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00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:35,867
how could he fool everyone for so long?
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Tricks!
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[CAR DOOR OPENS]
144
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- What's Dick doing here?
- SHADOWY FIGURE: Deep Dick.
145
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He says Dad's bad at softball.
146
00:05:42,542 --> 00:05:44,876
He's probably pissed he
threw his lunch in the trash.
147
00:05:44,878 --> 00:05:47,545
Again?! Look, don't take my word for it.
148
00:05:47,547 --> 00:05:50,081
Go to the file room.
Check the softball records.
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Grrreat! I welcome the chance
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to slurp up that delicious evidence
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that Dad is all he says he is.
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You'll need to pass a
retina scan to get in.
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Are those... loose eyeballs?
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00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:05,897
Mmm... I hate to part with a green one.
155
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:07,633
- Jackson?!
- Jackson?!
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Guess again.
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- Whoaaaaa.
- Whoaaaaa.
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♪♪
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Man, it's been hours.
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You find anything yet?
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00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:20,378
Team rosters, game logs,
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00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:23,515
a recording of Bullock singing
John Fogerty's "Centerfield."
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- I'd like to hear that.
- What I didn't find
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is any actual statistics on Dad.
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Dad was in the lineup.
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00:06:29,256 --> 00:06:32,390
Why does it say zero for
zero for his at-bats?
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Maybe they walked him every time.
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Pitchers fear his mighty bat.
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He also had zero plays in the field?
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Hitters fear his mighty glove.
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Again zero...
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Every game.
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Zero, zero.
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It's like he's not even participating.
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He's... he's...
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He's avoiding the ball,
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ya damn fools!
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Your dad's a fraud!
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Open your eyes, my God!
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Sorry I lost my temper.
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00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:03,388
It's just I recently found
out that I'm a janitor.
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Dad's a fraud.
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00:07:06,791 --> 00:07:09,361
He literally avoided
the ball for 10 years!
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None of these documents prove that.
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00:07:11,498 --> 00:07:14,699
You're making assumptions
based on mere pieces of paper!
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- Ephemera!
- Oh, come on, man! Wake up!
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00:07:17,504 --> 00:07:20,171
I'm tired of you whispering
poison in his ear!
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He needs to see the truth!
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00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:23,174
I don't give a damn about the truth!
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Just print the legend!!
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00:07:25,845 --> 00:07:28,646
Steve, you got a gold star essay here,
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why are you digging?!
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00:07:30,383 --> 00:07:32,584
Because a deranged lunatic
has an axe to grind?
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00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:35,520
She's probably an old flame
looking for vengeance!
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She's my sister.
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00:07:37,056 --> 00:07:38,323
My... my dad's daughter...
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Let's review the facts.
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00:07:40,393 --> 00:07:42,728
Your dad is big. Your dad is strong.
Your dad could hit a ball very far.
199
00:07:42,730 --> 00:07:45,330
He can carry a Redwood tree,
karate-chop a python in half
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00:07:45,332 --> 00:07:47,465
and he makes giant
pancakes like Uncle Buck.
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00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,735
These are the things we know,
202
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these are the things that ground us!
203
00:07:52,406 --> 00:07:54,606
I still think he's all those things.
204
00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:58,075
I just need time to prove it.
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00:07:58,077 --> 00:08:00,212
Two more days.
206
00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:06,083
- Get outta here! Get!
- Myha!
207
00:08:06,085 --> 00:08:07,418
Trust me, Hayley.
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00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:10,155
Once you watch Dad play,
you'll see you were wrong.
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00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:12,890
♪♪
210
00:08:12,892 --> 00:08:14,692
Lefty! Switch!
211
00:08:14,694 --> 00:08:19,030
♪♪
212
00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:20,832
Okay, what was that?
213
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,100
An out?
214
00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:23,835
♪♪
215
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,570
Jackson, yours!
216
00:08:25,572 --> 00:08:27,372
♪♪
217
00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:29,775
Hey, you gotta call those out, Jackson.
218
00:08:29,777 --> 00:08:31,242
Communication.
219
00:08:31,244 --> 00:08:33,111
Come on, that was so obvious.
220
00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:36,448
[SCOFFS] Obvious Dad's not a ball hog?
221
00:08:36,450 --> 00:08:38,784
♪♪
222
00:08:38,786 --> 00:08:40,385
Looked like a snake.
223
00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:42,521
Okay, let's just talk to him.
224
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:48,059
So Hayley has this crazy idea
225
00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:50,261
that you have no stats
226
00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:52,330
because you've been avoiding
the ball for a decade
227
00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:53,465
because you suck at softball.
228
00:08:53,467 --> 00:08:55,733
That's an interesting theory.
229
00:08:55,735 --> 00:08:56,802
"Theory"?
230
00:08:56,804 --> 00:08:58,203
50 games.
231
00:08:58,205 --> 00:09:01,339
No hits, no put-outs. Nada.
232
00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:03,541
- Go ahead, check.
- I believe you.
233
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:06,211
- So you admit it?
- Admit our statistician...
234
00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:08,946
Dick's mom... has an axe to grind? Sure.
235
00:09:08,948 --> 00:09:12,217
Dick! Of course.
See, Hayley, I told you.
236
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:14,219
- I told her, Dad.
- We watched you play.
237
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:15,887
You spent the whole
game avoiding the ball.
238
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:18,756
And you did take yourself
out in the last inning
239
00:09:18,758 --> 00:09:20,291
when the score was tied...
240
00:09:20,293 --> 00:09:23,561
Because I shit my pants
from those fish tacos!
241
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:25,430
Has she gotten to you, Steve?
242
00:09:25,432 --> 00:09:27,032
Just prove her wrong, Dad!
243
00:09:27,034 --> 00:09:29,167
Play a whole game at second base.
244
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:31,102
No tricks.
245
00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:32,437
Come to today's game.
246
00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:34,572
- Should we ride together?
- Let's caravan it.
247
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:37,775
I gotta listen to Gwar at
max volume to get hyped.
248
00:09:37,777 --> 00:09:41,046
♪♪
249
00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:42,180
[WHISTLES]
250
00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:43,981
Dad's lookin' real confident.
251
00:09:43,983 --> 00:09:45,517
Yeah, he does.
252
00:09:45,519 --> 00:09:48,786
ANNOUNCER: Now batting,
Demetrius Mongoni.
253
00:09:48,788 --> 00:09:52,390
A damn fine hitter
and my brother-in-law.
254
00:09:52,392 --> 00:09:53,925
Easy out, guys!
255
00:09:54,862 --> 00:09:57,729
STAN: [THINKING] No-no-no-no-
no-please-God-no-Mommy-no-
256
00:09:57,731 --> 00:09:59,197
I'm-scared- I-don't-want-the-ball-
257
00:09:59,199 --> 00:10:01,199
nooooooooooo!
258
00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:04,069
♪♪
259
00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:07,205
Nooooooooooo!
260
00:10:07,207 --> 00:10:09,875
[HEARTBEAT]
261
00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:16,481
♪♪
262
00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:19,184
- [GROANS]
- Pick up the ball, Smith!
263
00:10:20,554 --> 00:10:22,220
STAN: Where is it, where is it?!
264
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:25,690
♪♪
265
00:10:25,692 --> 00:10:28,293
ANNOUNCER: Uh-oh,
he's in a full-on panic!
266
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:30,428
He's fishing around in his jock!
267
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:32,230
[LAUGHTER]
268
00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:34,299
Why is this happening to me?
269
00:10:34,301 --> 00:10:36,167
Oh, I got it! I got the ball!
270
00:10:36,169 --> 00:10:37,903
A pine cone?
271
00:10:37,905 --> 00:10:41,172
And it looks like it belongs
to fan favorite Ricky Raccoon,
272
00:10:41,174 --> 00:10:44,509
the unofficial mascot of the
left-field bleacher bums.
273
00:10:44,511 --> 00:10:45,711
- [SCREAMING]
- [RACCOON SNARLING]
274
00:10:45,713 --> 00:10:47,913
[CROWD GASPS]
275
00:10:48,666 --> 00:10:51,983
[MUFFLED] Hello? A little help here?
276
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:55,453
We got a straggler. Yee-haw!
277
00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:57,255
[TIRES SCREECH]
278
00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:59,724
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not you!
279
00:10:59,726 --> 00:11:01,659
Ooh, look at that! We got a runner!
280
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,528
Yee-haw!
281
00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:07,199
- Aaaaah!
- Soooey!
282
00:11:14,742 --> 00:11:17,008
Sir, I'm so sorry about the game.
283
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:20,077
I just don't get why that
raccoon was so butt hurt
284
00:11:20,079 --> 00:11:21,079
about his pine cone.
285
00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:22,680
A mystery indeed.
286
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:24,882
The important thing
is I want you to know
287
00:11:24,884 --> 00:11:28,019
there's still a place
for you at the CIA.
288
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,421
Thank you, sir.
289
00:11:29,423 --> 00:11:30,622
[URINATING]
290
00:11:30,624 --> 00:11:33,625
Ahhhhhhh.
291
00:11:33,627 --> 00:11:36,361
You're welcome, piss boy.
292
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:38,964
Goodbye, martinis!
293
00:11:38,966 --> 00:11:41,333
[LAUGHING]
294
00:11:45,505 --> 00:11:46,638
Hey, kiddo.
295
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:49,274
Want to toss the ol' pill around?
296
00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:52,911
I got to go meet my friends.
297
00:11:58,532 --> 00:12:02,119
"The man I admired didn't really exist.
298
00:12:02,121 --> 00:12:08,125
He was a phantom, a figment,
the product of a con man."
299
00:12:08,127 --> 00:12:10,061
[CRYING]
300
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:12,063
"I realized my Paul Bunyan
301
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:16,267
was actually my Paul
[CRYING] Bla-a-a-rt!"
302
00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:18,904
[SOBS] Steve? Hello?
303
00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:25,711
Myeehhh!
304
00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:31,282
I owe you an apology, Dad.
305
00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:34,019
Stan's gone. It's all in the note.
306
00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:37,755
"You're better off without me.
307
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,557
"Don't try to find me.
308
00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:40,892
"I'm a broken man.
309
00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:43,829
I've gone to the place
all broken men go."
310
00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:45,230
Where's that?
311
00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:46,498
Beats me.
312
00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:48,299
Hey, have you seen your mom lately?
313
00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:50,902
- Aaaaaah!
- [GIGGLING]
314
00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:52,337
Sooey!
315
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:57,875
♪♪
316
00:12:57,877 --> 00:12:59,945
Dad left! We have to find him!
317
00:12:59,947 --> 00:13:01,747
- Pass.
- Pass?
318
00:13:01,749 --> 00:13:04,215
Steve, he's your dad.
Are you drinking beer?
319
00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:07,619
It's actually nonalcoholic,
but I've had 30 of them.
320
00:13:07,621 --> 00:13:10,288
Ask me why. Dad! He's a fraud.
321
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:11,623
Who's a frog? Kermit?
322
00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:13,625
Dad. He left.
323
00:13:13,627 --> 00:13:16,361
Said he went to the
place all broken men go.
324
00:13:16,363 --> 00:13:17,429
- Orlando?
- What?
325
00:13:17,431 --> 00:13:19,765
The place broken men go. Orlando.
326
00:13:19,767 --> 00:13:22,500
So are you going? I'd go. Let's go!
327
00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:24,902
♪ Orlando-o-o ♪
328
00:13:24,904 --> 00:13:28,140
♪ We're gonna make it happen ♪
329
00:13:30,577 --> 00:13:31,943
STAN: Hey!
330
00:13:31,944 --> 00:13:33,344
_
331
00:13:34,047 --> 00:13:36,047
Every day.
332
00:13:36,049 --> 00:13:42,053
♪♪
333
00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:47,725
♪♪
334
00:13:47,727 --> 00:13:49,194
Get him, Stan!
335
00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:51,529
I just want to sell my drugs!
336
00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:53,865
I saw an iguana use my toilet!
337
00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:55,266
I can give you a free soda.
338
00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:57,669
- [DOOR OPENS]
- Didn't I say Orlando?
339
00:13:57,671 --> 00:13:59,537
First place we checked too.
340
00:13:59,539 --> 00:14:00,872
We're here to bring you home, Dad.
341
00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:04,275
Your family needs you.
Your son needs you.
342
00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:05,410
He's not the same.
343
00:14:05,412 --> 00:14:07,745
Well, he lost an incredible hero.
344
00:14:07,747 --> 00:14:10,015
Now I'm a laughingstock, a pariah.
345
00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:11,749
I could never make that up to him.
346
00:14:11,751 --> 00:14:14,285
You could try. I could help you.
347
00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:15,687
Are you thinking gifts?
348
00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:17,889
Like a platinum ID bracelet or toe ring?
349
00:14:17,891 --> 00:14:19,757
I was thinking more we practice softball
350
00:14:19,759 --> 00:14:21,693
so you could redeem yourself in a game.
351
00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:23,695
Become the hero he
always thought you were.
352
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:26,698
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no. No.
353
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:29,367
The truth is... I'm afraid of the ball.
354
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:30,702
Yeah, no shit.
355
00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:33,771
As a boy,
I witnessed something terrible.
356
00:14:33,773 --> 00:14:35,373
It traumatized me.
357
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:38,577
WOMAN: That's what the iguana did to me!
358
00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:41,779
Pop-ups.
359
00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:43,649
People will tell you to use two hands,
360
00:14:43,651 --> 00:14:45,316
but I'm a confident guy.
361
00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:48,020
I use one. Check it out.
362
00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:55,560
[CHILDREN GASP]
363
00:14:58,465 --> 00:15:01,199
There must've been something
else going on with his face.
364
00:15:01,201 --> 00:15:04,736
Anyway, the point is, I'm a broken man.
365
00:15:04,738 --> 00:15:07,673
Yeah, well,
you've got a broken son right now.
366
00:15:07,675 --> 00:15:10,341
He needs someone to believe in again.
367
00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:11,743
He needs a hero.
368
00:15:11,745 --> 00:15:14,546
He needs his dad.
369
00:15:14,548 --> 00:15:15,613
What do you say?
370
00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:17,482
No. Hey!
371
00:15:18,352 --> 00:15:22,153
You're Houston Astros legend
Mudcat Ranelli, aren't you?
372
00:15:22,155 --> 00:15:25,891
I could just be an anonymous
old man paying for sex.
373
00:15:25,893 --> 00:15:27,292
Mudcat's my childhood hero.
374
00:15:27,294 --> 00:15:30,161
Okay, yes, I'm Mudcat Ranelli.
375
00:15:30,163 --> 00:15:32,564
And that's why I'm a broken man
376
00:15:32,566 --> 00:15:34,165
living in exile in Orlando.
377
00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:35,967
Maybe you're a broken man,
378
00:15:35,969 --> 00:15:38,836
but you got a broken son right now.
379
00:15:38,838 --> 00:15:41,506
He needs someone to believe in again.
380
00:15:41,508 --> 00:15:43,775
He needs a hero.
381
00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:46,444
He needs his dad.
382
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:47,512
What do you say?
383
00:15:47,514 --> 00:15:49,046
- Yes.
- Just said that.
384
00:15:49,048 --> 00:15:52,351
You have a wonderful way
of communicating, Mudcat.
385
00:15:53,987 --> 00:15:56,989
Let's get it going! Hit me one!
386
00:15:58,325 --> 00:15:59,424
[GRUNTS]
387
00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:02,861
Wowza!
388
00:16:05,064 --> 00:16:08,533
Dad, you can't quit!
You've got to keep going!
389
00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:11,069
For Steve. For me.
390
00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:13,138
- For you?
- Yeah.
391
00:16:13,140 --> 00:16:15,473
I guess this whole thing reminded me
392
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,475
you used to be my hero too.
393
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:19,344
So, when did that stop?
394
00:16:19,346 --> 00:16:23,014
Worshipping your parents is just
a thing kids grow out of, Dad.
395
00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:26,684
"There is one sure thing
about the fall of gods.
396
00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:28,353
"They do not fall a little.
397
00:16:28,355 --> 00:16:33,158
They crash and shatter,
or sink deeply into green muck."
398
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:34,292
Steinbeck.
399
00:16:34,294 --> 00:16:35,427
Also there was that time
400
00:16:35,429 --> 00:16:36,962
you pissed yourself at Chuck E. Cheese.
401
00:16:36,964 --> 00:16:39,164
I was drunk! All the dads were doing it.
402
00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:43,100
But I think I could look up
to you again, if you could just
403
00:16:43,102 --> 00:16:44,970
face something that scared you.
404
00:16:44,972 --> 00:16:47,839
Like finally watching
"Hotel Transylvania"
405
00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:48,841
with my eyes open?
406
00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:50,308
No, like softball.
407
00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:51,376
Shit.
408
00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:53,244
[SIGHS] Okay.
409
00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:54,346
I'll try.
410
00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:59,050
Whoa, Mudcat!
Let me get you to a hospital.
411
00:16:59,052 --> 00:17:02,187
I can drive myself.
I just need to find my keys.
412
00:17:02,189 --> 00:17:03,189
Okay, Dad.
413
00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:05,323
Let's get you over
your fear of the ball.
414
00:17:05,325 --> 00:17:07,725
[JOHN FOGERTY'S "CENTERFIELD" PLAYS]
415
00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:09,661
Got to keep those eyes open, Dad!
416
00:17:09,663 --> 00:17:12,197
♪♪
417
00:17:12,199 --> 00:17:13,999
David "Flincher" over here.
418
00:17:14,001 --> 00:17:16,934
[CHUCKLES] That's a good one.
419
00:17:16,936 --> 00:17:20,430
- ♪♪
- _
420
00:17:20,431 --> 00:17:21,831
_
421
00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:24,009
♪ Put me in, Coach ♪
422
00:17:24,011 --> 00:17:26,544
♪ I'm ready to play ♪
423
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:28,146
♪ Today ♪
424
00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:30,215
Thought process here was
that watching "Fear Factor"
425
00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:32,750
would also help you conquer
your fear of the ball.
426
00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:35,687
Oh, don't eat those habanero peppers!
427
00:17:35,689 --> 00:17:37,689
♪ Put me in, Coach ♪
428
00:17:37,691 --> 00:17:39,424
♪ I'm ready to play ♪
429
00:17:39,426 --> 00:17:40,625
♪ Today ♪
430
00:17:40,627 --> 00:17:41,693
See, Dad, you're doing it!
431
00:17:41,695 --> 00:17:42,960
♪ Look at me ♪
432
00:17:42,962 --> 00:17:44,162
♪ I can be ♪
433
00:17:44,164 --> 00:17:47,432
I'm not afraid anymore!
434
00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:49,967
[ALL GASP]
435
00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:51,703
And I'm gettin' veneers!
436
00:17:51,705 --> 00:17:52,704
[ALL CHEER]
437
00:17:52,706 --> 00:17:54,840
♪ Centerfield ♪
438
00:17:54,842 --> 00:17:57,375
[SOLEMN MUSIC PLAYS]
439
00:17:57,377 --> 00:18:03,981
♪♪
440
00:18:03,983 --> 00:18:05,783
Hey. You're ready, Dad.
441
00:18:05,785 --> 00:18:07,985
Show Steve, show me,
442
00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:10,155
show everyone what you're made of.
443
00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:14,792
[CROWD GASPS]
444
00:18:14,794 --> 00:18:16,061
What's the meaning of this, Smith?
445
00:18:16,063 --> 00:18:19,597
I'm ready, sir. Please.
Give me a chance.
446
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:22,467
I won't let you down.
447
00:18:22,469 --> 00:18:25,403
Smith is... in.
448
00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:28,874
Damn it, no! This is a mistake!
449
00:18:28,876 --> 00:18:33,344
Two outs, man on third.
Everything on the line.
450
00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:34,612
Thoughts?
451
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,081
He'll never score, sir.
452
00:18:36,083 --> 00:18:37,949
That's great news!
453
00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:41,753
- Mongoni?
- Mongoni?
454
00:18:41,755 --> 00:18:43,088
KLAUS: Yeah, Mongoni.
455
00:18:43,090 --> 00:18:45,290
Mm, he's a total ringer.
456
00:18:45,292 --> 00:18:47,225
Plays on, like, five teams.
457
00:18:59,106 --> 00:19:03,408
Ye-e-e-s-s-s!
458
00:19:08,782 --> 00:19:11,583
No-o-o-o-o!
459
00:19:11,585 --> 00:19:13,985
Mmm-m-m.
460
00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:16,521
[GRUNTING]
461
00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:17,923
I got it!
462
00:19:17,925 --> 00:19:20,592
- [SCREAMING]
- [SNARLING]
463
00:19:20,594 --> 00:19:21,626
[ALL GASPING]
464
00:19:22,930 --> 00:19:24,863
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
465
00:19:31,204 --> 00:19:33,805
You cost me a shutout, Smith!
466
00:19:33,807 --> 00:19:35,941
You already proved your point!
467
00:19:35,943 --> 00:19:38,876
Did you really need to
tear Dad down again?!
468
00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:41,079
I wasn't trying to tear him down.
469
00:19:41,081 --> 00:19:43,581
I was trying to build him back up.
470
00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:44,616
- You were?
- Yeah.
471
00:19:44,618 --> 00:19:46,684
I used to worship him too, you know?
472
00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:49,755
And I am sorry for taking
that away from you.
473
00:19:49,757 --> 00:19:51,222
It's okay.
474
00:19:51,224 --> 00:19:54,159
Even though I wasn't quite
ready to lose my superhero,
475
00:19:54,161 --> 00:19:56,494
everyone's time comes, I guess.
476
00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:57,629
Not me.
477
00:19:57,631 --> 00:20:01,699
I still have my superhero...
Chris Pratt.
478
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,568
So funny. So sexy.
479
00:20:03,570 --> 00:20:06,237
He's an important
reminder that we all have
480
00:20:06,239 --> 00:20:09,975
a responsibility to
be both those things.
481
00:20:12,245 --> 00:20:15,380
Dad, Hayley and I wrote a new essay.
482
00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:16,714
Read it.
483
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:21,787
[WEAKLY] "Our dad might not be
a superhero or a sports hero.
484
00:20:21,789 --> 00:20:24,389
"But he showed up and tried.
485
00:20:24,391 --> 00:20:25,857
"For us.
486
00:20:25,859 --> 00:20:29,327
And that's why he's... our hero."
487
00:20:29,329 --> 00:20:33,531
Thank you, guys.
But this is still very bad.
488
00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:36,802
Shhhh. Just rest now.
489
00:20:36,804 --> 00:20:38,603
Have you seen your mother?
490
00:20:39,206 --> 00:20:41,473
[DRAMATIC CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS]
491
00:20:41,475 --> 00:20:47,879
♪♪
492
00:20:47,881 --> 00:20:54,486
♪♪
493
00:20:54,488 --> 00:20:56,822
FRANCINE: Hello?
494
00:20:56,824 --> 00:20:58,690
MAN: Hey, what's up?
495
00:20:58,692 --> 00:21:00,625
Bye! Have a great time!
496
00:21:02,602 --> 00:21:04,329
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
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