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1
00:00:00,813 --> 00:00:02,269
It's so nice to be back.
2
00:00:02,369 --> 00:00:04,190
It is a little cramped, but...
3
00:00:04,290 --> 00:00:05,792
[chuckles]
It is home.
4
00:00:05,892 --> 00:00:07,873
Kelvin, stop being
everywhere I am!
5
00:00:07,973 --> 00:00:09,555
You stop being
everywhere I am!
6
00:00:09,655 --> 00:00:11,517
Oh, my gosh,
you're so annoying!
7
00:00:11,617 --> 00:00:12,678
- Just move!
- Whatever.
8
00:00:12,778 --> 00:00:14,719
Yeah, no one missed
having brunch here.
9
00:00:14,819 --> 00:00:15,680
- Ah!
- Ah!
10
00:00:15,780 --> 00:00:16,618
Ah, sorry.
I'm sorry.
11
00:00:16,703 --> 00:00:19,336
Ah, I'm just a little on edge
because it's Halloween.
12
00:00:19,421 --> 00:00:20,765
Oh, right.
13
00:00:20,865 --> 00:00:23,047
You're still waiting
for Connor to prank you?
14
00:00:23,147 --> 00:00:24,805
The old Scare-a-Sarah.
15
00:00:24,890 --> 00:00:26,031
Yeah, every freakin' year,
16
00:00:26,116 --> 00:00:28,032
even though it's not funny
anymore, Connor.
17
00:00:28,173 --> 00:00:30,395
[evil laugh]
18
00:00:30,495 --> 00:00:31,689
- Ah!
- Ah!
19
00:00:31,774 --> 00:00:34,138
- [laughs]
- Ugh, Connor!
20
00:00:34,793 --> 00:00:35,814
Stop it!
Ah!
21
00:00:35,899 --> 00:00:38,041
- Connor!
- [laughs]
22
00:00:38,141 --> 00:00:39,900
- [mechanical laughter]
- Ah!
23
00:00:39,985 --> 00:00:41,685
- Connor!
- [evil laugh]
24
00:00:42,198 --> 00:00:43,299
Every year.
25
00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:45,823
I wish I had a little sister.
26
00:00:46,312 --> 00:00:48,239
Even though this year...
27
00:00:48,372 --> 00:00:49,150
[chuckles]
28
00:00:49,235 --> 00:00:52,374
The scarer becomes the scaree.
29
00:00:52,474 --> 00:00:53,384
[laughs]
30
00:00:53,469 --> 00:00:54,607
Look at that.
Look how good that is.
31
00:00:54,691 --> 00:00:56,033
- That looks real.
- Right?
32
00:00:56,118 --> 00:00:57,618
Just one normal holiday.
33
00:00:57,718 --> 00:00:59,707
Well, if it's
any consolation,
34
00:00:59,792 --> 00:01:01,213
I'm a little on edge, too.
35
00:01:01,313 --> 00:01:02,720
I got a book reading tonight,
36
00:01:02,805 --> 00:01:04,299
and I don't think
anyone's going to show up.
37
00:01:04,383 --> 00:01:06,814
Aw.
That's no consolation, no.
38
00:01:06,899 --> 00:01:08,854
Tom, you wanted a reading
at Bay side Books,
39
00:01:08,939 --> 00:01:10,416
I got you a reading
at Bay side Books.
40
00:01:10,500 --> 00:01:11,808
Yeah, but not on Halloween.
41
00:01:11,893 --> 00:01:14,041
Everyone's going to be
too busy to go to some reading.
42
00:01:14,126 --> 00:01:15,853
OK, well, that was
the only time slot they had.
43
00:01:15,937 --> 00:01:18,563
Yes, again,
because Halloween.
44
00:01:18,648 --> 00:01:20,753
I think it's going
to be great, Daddy.
45
00:01:20,861 --> 00:01:21,802
Oh, thank you.
46
00:01:21,902 --> 00:01:23,305
Do the kids have to go too?
47
00:01:23,390 --> 00:01:24,305
No, don't worry.
48
00:01:24,390 --> 00:01:25,990
You're going
trick-or-treating with Lupe.
49
00:01:26,183 --> 00:01:27,164
[whispering]
Yes!
50
00:01:27,265 --> 00:01:28,246
I can hear all of that.
51
00:01:28,331 --> 00:01:29,344
And people might show up.
52
00:01:29,429 --> 00:01:30,850
Tom has fans.
53
00:01:31,273 --> 00:01:33,375
He... he has one fan.
54
00:01:33,498 --> 00:01:35,960
Good ol' HappyHarmony99.
55
00:01:36,045 --> 00:01:36,626
Who?
56
00:01:36,711 --> 00:01:38,109
It's this woman
who's like the first
57
00:01:38,193 --> 00:01:39,692
to comment on every post
I do about the book,
58
00:01:39,776 --> 00:01:41,037
like when I linked
to the review
59
00:01:41,137 --> 00:01:42,497
in "The Chronicle,"
which called it
60
00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:45,022
a "winning and winsome
return to form."
61
00:01:45,122 --> 00:01:46,560
We know.
We don't need to see it again.
62
00:01:46,644 --> 00:01:47,761
Please don't read it again.
63
00:01:47,845 --> 00:01:49,594
Oh, yeah, there she is,
HappyHarmony99.
64
00:01:49,679 --> 00:01:51,042
Wow, she loves that caps lock.
65
00:01:51,127 --> 00:01:53,830
Well, she's a very
passionate person.
66
00:01:53,930 --> 00:01:55,111
Tom's got a super fan.
67
00:01:55,211 --> 00:01:56,913
Oh, I don't know about that.
68
00:01:56,998 --> 00:01:58,199
Heh.
69
00:01:58,284 --> 00:01:59,284
Super fan.
[chuckles]
70
00:01:59,501 --> 00:02:03,391
Mom, tell Shamiah
to stop almost touching me!
71
00:02:03,476 --> 00:02:04,775
Ease up, Shamiah, OK?
72
00:02:04,860 --> 00:02:06,681
I don't want to take away
your Halloween candy
73
00:02:06,781 --> 00:02:07,642
before you even get it.
74
00:02:07,742 --> 00:02:09,059
Oh, Sarah,
what's that on your...
75
00:02:09,143 --> 00:02:10,044
- Ah!
- Ah!
76
00:02:10,144 --> 00:02:11,245
Oh. Connor!
77
00:02:11,345 --> 00:02:12,126
[chuckles]
78
00:02:12,226 --> 00:02:13,807
Just one holiday.
79
00:02:13,907 --> 00:02:16,916
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
*HOME ECONOMICS*
80
00:02:17,001 --> 00:02:18,187
Season 03 Episode 06
Title: " Novel Signed by Author, $22.19"
81
00:02:18,271 --> 00:02:19,945
Upbeat music...
♪ Mr. Werewolf ♪
82
00:02:20,030 --> 00:02:21,772
♪ Mr. Werewolf ♪
83
00:02:21,992 --> 00:02:24,014
Please don't kill me,
Mr. Werewolf!
84
00:02:24,131 --> 00:02:25,560
[howls]
85
00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:26,688
Great.
86
00:02:26,773 --> 00:02:28,530
Great, I was afraid
people weren't going to be
87
00:02:28,614 --> 00:02:29,876
taking the night seriously.
88
00:02:29,976 --> 00:02:32,677
At least they're dressed
as literary characters.
89
00:02:32,762 --> 00:02:34,419
But... OK.
90
00:02:34,504 --> 00:02:35,886
Mr. Hayworth!
91
00:02:36,337 --> 00:02:36,997
Oh, sorry.
92
00:02:37,185 --> 00:02:39,287
Mr. Hayworth,
I'm Tod, with one D,
93
00:02:39,387 --> 00:02:40,929
co-manager of Bay side Books.
94
00:02:41,029 --> 00:02:43,611
Oh, hey, OK.
Tom, with one M.
95
00:02:43,711 --> 00:02:44,652
[laughs]
Nice.
96
00:02:44,752 --> 00:02:46,974
It's actually a pretty
good turnout, tonight.
97
00:02:47,074 --> 00:02:49,336
Is like, another reading
letting out or something?
98
00:02:49,436 --> 00:02:50,937
Tom, people love your book.
99
00:02:51,037 --> 00:02:52,218
Is that so hard to believe?
100
00:02:52,318 --> 00:02:54,260
[whispering]
Is this an AA meeting?
101
00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:55,261
Is Dean Koontz here?
102
00:02:55,361 --> 00:02:57,103
No, no,
everyone is here for Tom.
103
00:02:57,203 --> 00:02:58,480
It should be
a pretty full house.
104
00:02:58,564 --> 00:03:00,946
If you'll follow me, I'll set
you up before the reading.
105
00:03:01,046 --> 00:03:02,323
Now, we have three
types of water...
106
00:03:02,407 --> 00:03:04,429
Still, sparkling, and coconut.
107
00:03:04,529 --> 00:03:06,191
[whispering]
Go for the coconut.
108
00:03:06,291 --> 00:03:07,872
OK, I'll go coconut.
[chuckles]
109
00:03:07,972 --> 00:03:11,535
Sparkling can be a little
too intense for me anyway.
110
00:03:11,855 --> 00:03:13,797
Did you pay for people
to be here?
111
00:03:13,897 --> 00:03:14,838
I did not, no.
112
00:03:14,938 --> 00:03:18,481
I mean, I brought money
for that exact purpose.
113
00:03:18,595 --> 00:03:21,018
But guess I don't need it.
114
00:03:21,104 --> 00:03:22,805
Now I have all this cash.
115
00:03:22,905 --> 00:03:23,646
You want some?
116
00:03:23,746 --> 00:03:25,263
Is today actually
going to be a success?
117
00:03:25,347 --> 00:03:26,704
I mean, obviously,
I'm not surprised.
118
00:03:26,788 --> 00:03:28,250
- It's just...
- Surprising, yeah.
119
00:03:28,350 --> 00:03:29,251
It's so surprising.
120
00:03:29,351 --> 00:03:31,733
Like seriously,
like that woman over there,
121
00:03:31,833 --> 00:03:32,694
she's legit attractive.
122
00:03:32,794 --> 00:03:36,777
And you're telling me she's
here for Tom's book reading?
123
00:03:36,877 --> 00:03:38,219
That doesn't make sense.
124
00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:39,179
[shouts]
125
00:03:39,279 --> 00:03:42,002
- Hey, Sarah.
- Aw, dang it!
126
00:03:45,605 --> 00:03:46,746
- Nice try.
- Ah!
127
00:03:46,846 --> 00:03:47,707
Oh, my God.
128
00:03:47,807 --> 00:03:51,590
Let the Hayworth Halloween
Fashion Show begin!
129
00:03:51,690 --> 00:03:53,031
So that then it can be over.
130
00:03:53,131 --> 00:03:56,274
First, I give you Camila,
dressed as Mirabel
131
00:03:56,374 --> 00:03:59,317
from the hit movie, "Encanto."
132
00:03:59,417 --> 00:04:00,958
Ay, que Linda.
133
00:04:01,058 --> 00:04:03,200
Next is Gretchen as Isabela,
134
00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:05,602
also from the hit movie,
"Encanto."
135
00:04:05,702 --> 00:04:07,684
And if you're sensing a theme,
136
00:04:07,784 --> 00:04:10,247
I give you Kelvin as Bruno,
137
00:04:10,347 --> 00:04:14,210
the guy we don't talk about
from "Encanto."
138
00:04:14,310 --> 00:04:15,291
And finally,
139
00:04:15,391 --> 00:04:18,133
Shamiah as Luisa,
140
00:04:18,233 --> 00:04:20,435
from, you guessed it...
141
00:04:22,037 --> 00:04:22,978
That's not "Encanto."
142
00:04:23,078 --> 00:04:25,260
Has she not seen "Encanto"?
143
00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:26,821
Where's your Luisa costume?
144
00:04:26,921 --> 00:04:28,663
I decided to do
something different.
145
00:04:28,763 --> 00:04:32,746
KnifeEdge Nakasuke
from "Boom Boom Dojo?"
146
00:04:32,846 --> 00:04:33,387
Why?
147
00:04:33,487 --> 00:04:35,348
Whenever I watch anime,
you say it's stupid.
148
00:04:35,448 --> 00:04:36,750
- [doorbell rings]
- Oh.
149
00:04:36,850 --> 00:04:38,872
I got it, I got it.
150
00:04:38,972 --> 00:04:40,313
Hey, Xander.
151
00:04:40,413 --> 00:04:41,314
Hi, come on in.
152
00:04:41,414 --> 00:04:43,195
I like your costume.
153
00:04:43,295 --> 00:04:44,036
Thanks.
154
00:04:44,136 --> 00:04:45,838
I like yours, too. So cool.
155
00:04:45,938 --> 00:04:48,560
When you told me how much
you like anime, I was psyched.
156
00:04:48,660 --> 00:04:50,922
- Who's this bozo?
- Hm.
157
00:04:51,022 --> 00:04:55,046
Whew, that coconut water's
got a little kick.
158
00:04:55,146 --> 00:04:56,183
This is crazy, even though
159
00:04:56,267 --> 00:04:57,824
it's one of the busiest nights
of the year,
160
00:04:57,908 --> 00:04:59,930
folks really showed up.
161
00:05:00,030 --> 00:05:00,771
It's really...
162
00:05:00,871 --> 00:05:02,212
- Surprising.
- Gratifying.
163
00:05:02,312 --> 00:05:03,293
What'd you say?
164
00:05:03,393 --> 00:05:04,694
That's what
I was going to say.
165
00:05:04,794 --> 00:05:08,097
You writers always
have the exact word.
166
00:05:08,197 --> 00:05:09,498
Hi, sorry. Hi.
167
00:05:09,598 --> 00:05:13,342
It is so nice to meet you
in the flesh.
168
00:05:13,442 --> 00:05:13,942
Wow.
169
00:05:14,042 --> 00:05:16,104
Oh, well, nice to meet you.
I'm Tom.
170
00:05:16,204 --> 00:05:17,946
Oh, I know.
[laughs]
171
00:05:18,046 --> 00:05:19,347
[laughs]
OK.
172
00:05:19,447 --> 00:05:21,589
- You are?
- Right, sorry.
173
00:05:21,689 --> 00:05:22,950
Stupid. I'm Harmony.
174
00:05:23,050 --> 00:05:24,992
- Oh, HappyHarmony99.
- Yes!
175
00:05:25,092 --> 00:05:27,554
Oh, my gosh, you're like...
Like, aware of me.
176
00:05:27,654 --> 00:05:28,515
Oh, he really is.
177
00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:30,684
Well, I'm always happy
to read your comments.
178
00:05:30,769 --> 00:05:34,920
I mean, I'm happy, too,
to be here with you.
179
00:05:35,020 --> 00:05:36,001
Sorry, I'm really nervous.
180
00:05:36,101 --> 00:05:38,159
Oh, no, come on,
don't be nervous.
181
00:05:38,244 --> 00:05:39,417
I'm...
182
00:05:39,544 --> 00:05:41,646
I'm just a writer.
[chuckles]
183
00:05:42,036 --> 00:05:43,394
But you're so much more
than that.
184
00:05:43,479 --> 00:05:46,301
This is my wife, Marina,
and Denise.
185
00:05:46,386 --> 00:05:47,692
- Both: Hi.
- Really nice to...
186
00:05:47,792 --> 00:05:50,974
I read "Home Economics"
three times, actually.
187
00:05:51,074 --> 00:05:53,457
- Right.
- Because it's a revelation.
188
00:05:53,557 --> 00:05:54,297
Oh, well...
189
00:05:54,397 --> 00:05:55,995
[chuckles]
Thank you.
190
00:05:56,126 --> 00:05:57,155
Stop, thank you.
191
00:05:57,560 --> 00:05:59,422
'Cause it really spoke to me,
like, personally.
192
00:05:59,533 --> 00:06:01,133
Like every word
was, like, a puzzle piece
193
00:06:01,221 --> 00:06:05,792
just falling into place,
like, yes, yes, yes.
194
00:06:05,877 --> 00:06:06,417
[laughs]
195
00:06:06,589 --> 00:06:08,294
Well, "The Chronicle"
did say that my writing
196
00:06:08,378 --> 00:06:11,012
"fairly dances across the
page," whatever that means.
197
00:06:11,097 --> 00:06:12,380
- [chuckles]
- I know that you need
198
00:06:12,464 --> 00:06:14,394
to get ready for the reading,
but I would...
199
00:06:14,479 --> 00:06:18,151
Is there any way we could
talk after, kind of... in private?
200
00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:20,363
Anything for
my number one fan.
201
00:06:20,448 --> 00:06:21,957
- [both laugh]
- Thank you so much.
202
00:06:22,042 --> 00:06:24,225
OK, so I'll see you after,
and we'll talk.
203
00:06:24,482 --> 00:06:25,543
Looking forward to it.
204
00:06:25,628 --> 00:06:26,827
Should I have worn the hat?
205
00:06:26,927 --> 00:06:28,403
No, yes, the hat's fine.
206
00:06:28,488 --> 00:06:30,082
- Thank you.
- It looks great, right?
207
00:06:30,167 --> 00:06:31,911
- It looks great.
- It looks great.
208
00:06:32,011 --> 00:06:34,834
That right there,
that connection...
209
00:06:34,934 --> 00:06:37,371
[chuckles]
That's why you write.
210
00:06:37,456 --> 00:06:40,839
Um, there's something
really wrong with her.
211
00:06:41,125 --> 00:06:42,947
Yeah,
I think a bunch of things.
212
00:06:43,032 --> 00:06:45,230
Come on, what,
just 'cause she likes my book,
213
00:06:45,315 --> 00:06:46,540
she's got to be
some kind of weirdo?
214
00:06:46,624 --> 00:06:47,769
Ever occur to you
that my writing
215
00:06:47,853 --> 00:06:48,823
might mean something to her?
216
00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:50,305
Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
You're right.
217
00:06:50,405 --> 00:06:52,347
[laughs]
OK, come on.
218
00:06:53,479 --> 00:06:57,286
So do you want to go
figure out what her deal is?
219
00:06:57,433 --> 00:06:59,655
Yeah, we got
15 minutes to kill.
220
00:06:59,740 --> 00:07:00,792
Yeah.
221
00:07:01,768 --> 00:07:04,121
So I assume you
scaring me with my own spider
222
00:07:04,206 --> 00:07:06,362
this morning was not
my official scare.
223
00:07:06,624 --> 00:07:07,637
Maybe.
224
00:07:07,931 --> 00:07:09,993
Or maybe this year,
there is no scare,
225
00:07:10,206 --> 00:07:13,748
and the wait for the scare
is the scare itself.
226
00:07:14,050 --> 00:07:15,880
But no, there's definitely
a scare coming your way.
227
00:07:15,964 --> 00:07:18,004
Great. I don't understand
why you keep doing this.
228
00:07:18,089 --> 00:07:19,513
You've been at it
since we were like 10.
229
00:07:19,597 --> 00:07:21,746
Why does the caged bird sing,
Sarah?
230
00:07:21,831 --> 00:07:25,066
That is not what that means.
Please let me buy you a book.
231
00:07:25,151 --> 00:07:28,183
Oh, man, did you hear about
that giant crypto crash today?
232
00:07:28,268 --> 00:07:30,963
Yeah, the entire market
collapsed overnight.
233
00:07:31,063 --> 00:07:32,746
- It's crazy.
- I just invested, like,
234
00:07:32,831 --> 00:07:34,446
a ton of money in crypto
last month.
235
00:07:34,737 --> 00:07:36,387
Are you serious?
You must be so scared.
236
00:07:36,472 --> 00:07:38,225
I got to call my money guy.
This is a disaster.
237
00:07:38,309 --> 00:07:39,370
Call him.
238
00:07:39,470 --> 00:07:42,172
[phone ringing]
239
00:07:42,272 --> 00:07:44,128
- Hello.
- Nice try, Sarah.
240
00:07:44,604 --> 00:07:46,042
Dang it.
241
00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:51,003
Thanks, guys, good effort.
Good effort.
242
00:07:55,065 --> 00:07:58,707
So this is exciting...
The big book reading.
243
00:07:58,987 --> 00:08:00,215
Do you live in
the neighborhood?
244
00:08:00,299 --> 00:08:01,640
Uh, no, Colorado.
245
00:08:01,753 --> 00:08:02,753
Really?
246
00:08:02,864 --> 00:08:04,878
You didn't fly in
just for this, did you?
247
00:08:04,963 --> 00:08:05,704
Oh, God, no.
248
00:08:05,887 --> 00:08:07,903
Oh, OK.
'Cause I was going to say...
249
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,132
I drove.
[eerie musical sting]
250
00:08:09,216 --> 00:08:11,878
19 hours straight through,
no breaks.
251
00:08:11,978 --> 00:08:14,089
I've got a pretty big bladder.
252
00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:16,801
Yeah, just got into town
253
00:08:16,886 --> 00:08:18,417
and pulled up to the store
an hour ago.
254
00:08:18,502 --> 00:08:19,883
Cool.
255
00:08:21,027 --> 00:08:22,504
Where are you going to stay
while you're here?
256
00:08:22,588 --> 00:08:24,512
I have not even thought
that far ahead.
257
00:08:24,597 --> 00:08:27,004
- Oh, oof.
- But anyway, it doesn't matter.
258
00:08:27,089 --> 00:08:29,339
Everything's going to change
for me after tonight.
259
00:08:29,496 --> 00:08:32,399
[shady music]
260
00:08:32,733 --> 00:08:34,034
[♪ ♪]
261
00:08:34,158 --> 00:08:34,858
Code red.
262
00:08:34,958 --> 00:08:37,060
She drove from Colorado
for this,
263
00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:37,981
straight through.
264
00:08:38,081 --> 00:08:39,395
What, no bathroom breaks?
265
00:08:39,487 --> 00:08:42,582
I think we're dealing with
an adult diaper situation.
266
00:08:42,667 --> 00:08:43,637
Oh.
267
00:08:43,722 --> 00:08:44,742
Well, I did some research.
268
00:08:44,826 --> 00:08:46,124
She only follows
three accounts...
269
00:08:46,208 --> 00:08:48,793
Tom, the official
"Home Economics" account,
270
00:08:48,878 --> 00:08:50,993
and a bird watching
for singles account
271
00:08:51,093 --> 00:08:51,953
called Toucan Play.
272
00:08:52,053 --> 00:08:54,195
I think it's a pun,
but it's also just sad.
273
00:08:54,295 --> 00:08:56,239
Good Lord, what is her story?
274
00:08:56,324 --> 00:08:58,292
I knew I was getting
a weird vibe from her.
275
00:08:58,377 --> 00:08:59,320
I read her aura.
276
00:08:59,420 --> 00:09:02,003
It's dark red
with a touch of dark green.
277
00:09:02,088 --> 00:09:03,527
And we know what that means.
278
00:09:03,612 --> 00:09:04,777
Oh, we do?
279
00:09:04,871 --> 00:09:06,050
Yeah, we do.
280
00:09:09,709 --> 00:09:16,275
[♪ ♪]
281
00:09:17,155 --> 00:09:18,527
Oh, my God.
282
00:09:18,612 --> 00:09:20,153
She's going to
"Misery" you, Tom,
283
00:09:20,238 --> 00:09:21,665
like in the movie, "Misery."
284
00:09:21,750 --> 00:09:22,931
OK, come on.
Let's be nice.
285
00:09:23,016 --> 00:09:25,238
She stole your water bottle
out of the trash can.
286
00:09:25,453 --> 00:09:26,354
Why would she do that?
287
00:09:26,501 --> 00:09:29,152
Uh, maybe because
I should have recycled it?
288
00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:30,283
You know, I couldn't
figure out why a woman
289
00:09:30,367 --> 00:09:32,365
would drive a thousand miles
to come to your book reading.
290
00:09:32,449 --> 00:09:34,270
But if she's like a homicidal
stalker maniac,
291
00:09:34,370 --> 00:09:35,707
I mean, mystery solved.
292
00:09:35,792 --> 00:09:36,969
She's going to "Misery" you
with a sledgehammer.
293
00:09:37,053 --> 00:09:39,715
You know, this would make
a great true crime podcast.
294
00:09:39,814 --> 00:09:41,301
Oh, I was just thinking that.
295
00:09:41,386 --> 00:09:43,128
- We can call it, "Killer Fan."
- [gasps]
296
00:09:43,213 --> 00:09:44,950
Or "Murder She Did,"
297
00:09:45,035 --> 00:09:46,521
or "Only Murders
in the Bookstore."
298
00:09:46,621 --> 00:09:48,207
[gasps]
Literal chills.
299
00:09:48,292 --> 00:09:50,845
- This is so exciting.
- [giggles]
300
00:09:50,945 --> 00:09:52,957
- And concerning.
- Oh, my God.
301
00:09:53,042 --> 00:09:54,715
Why can't you guys
just let me have this?
302
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:57,122
After all these years
and years of failure,
303
00:09:57,207 --> 00:09:58,841
people finally care
about Tom Hayworth.
304
00:09:58,926 --> 00:10:01,917
It's like... it's like it's
not good enough for you guys.
305
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:04,003
My own family.
306
00:10:04,615 --> 00:10:06,156
[door opens, closes]
307
00:10:06,241 --> 00:10:09,621
I am so glad
I didn't sleep with her.
308
00:10:10,125 --> 00:10:11,666
Was that a possibility?
309
00:10:11,774 --> 00:10:13,167
I mean...
310
00:10:14,065 --> 00:10:15,183
It's a simple question
311
00:10:15,268 --> 00:10:16,746
anyone wearing this costume
should know.
312
00:10:16,830 --> 00:10:19,573
I don't remember the name
of KnifeEdge Nakasuke's mom.
313
00:10:19,658 --> 00:10:21,560
Ah!
It's a trick question.
314
00:10:22,053 --> 00:10:23,671
KnifeEdge Nakasuke
never knew her parents.
315
00:10:23,755 --> 00:10:25,457
Yeah, she grew
up in an orphanage.
316
00:10:25,550 --> 00:10:27,852
I'm not talking to you,
SpearPoint Hidemasa.
317
00:10:27,952 --> 00:10:29,723
Lupe, can you please help?
318
00:10:29,808 --> 00:10:31,815
Kelvin, your mom
said I could confiscate
319
00:10:31,915 --> 00:10:33,657
candy for any reason.
320
00:10:33,757 --> 00:10:34,858
Uh-huh, yeah, sure.
321
00:10:34,958 --> 00:10:36,949
You want to fudge
around and find out?
322
00:10:39,617 --> 00:10:42,600
[shady music]
323
00:10:42,887 --> 00:10:45,550
[♪ ♪]
324
00:10:45,635 --> 00:10:48,003
[gasps] She's going to
the True Crime section.
325
00:10:48,309 --> 00:10:50,126
It's like she
wants to be caught.
326
00:10:50,211 --> 00:10:52,794
Oh, I thought of
more podcast names...
327
00:10:52,894 --> 00:10:55,676
Final Chapter,
End Pages, Killing Tom.
328
00:10:55,776 --> 00:10:57,582
I should really write
some of these down.
329
00:10:57,751 --> 00:11:00,550
Harmony,
don't chicken out now.
330
00:11:00,635 --> 00:11:02,230
Hey, you've come all this way.
331
00:11:02,379 --> 00:11:03,808
Go up to him and do it.
332
00:11:03,924 --> 00:11:05,894
Do it, and it will be done.
333
00:11:06,766 --> 00:11:08,503
Oh, my God.
334
00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:10,137
We have to warn Tom.
335
00:11:10,222 --> 00:11:11,884
This is gonna be
great for the pod.
336
00:11:11,969 --> 00:11:13,790
No, yeah, your thing.
337
00:11:13,875 --> 00:11:15,394
[gasps]
338
00:11:15,962 --> 00:11:17,113
Where did she go?
339
00:11:17,322 --> 00:11:19,911
Your family's probably
just jealous of your success.
340
00:11:19,996 --> 00:11:21,848
You know, when I was made
co-manager of this place,
341
00:11:21,932 --> 00:11:23,048
my grandpa was such a bitch.
342
00:11:23,132 --> 00:11:25,277
Oh, well, I guess
haters gonna hate.
343
00:11:25,362 --> 00:11:27,402
He's suing me right now,
so I can't really get into it.
344
00:11:27,486 --> 00:11:28,627
- You don't have to.
- OK.
345
00:11:28,712 --> 00:11:30,963
Anyways, I'm going to
get you another coco H2O.
346
00:11:31,048 --> 00:11:32,120
You just relax.
347
00:11:32,205 --> 00:11:34,198
All right, keep 'em coming.
[laughs]
348
00:11:35,065 --> 00:11:37,213
[creaking, door closes]
349
00:11:37,605 --> 00:11:40,518
[chuckling]
Chapter 17... no, no.
350
00:11:40,603 --> 00:11:42,144
[clears throat]
351
00:11:42,326 --> 00:11:43,588
[gruffly]
Chapter 17.
352
00:11:43,673 --> 00:11:44,909
Nah.
353
00:11:46,102 --> 00:11:47,350
[normally]
Chapter 17.
354
00:11:47,435 --> 00:11:49,496
Yeah, that's it, the everyman.
355
00:11:49,735 --> 00:11:51,212
[foreboding music]
356
00:11:51,297 --> 00:11:53,299
Hello?
357
00:11:54,526 --> 00:11:57,331
Sorry, is there
someone back there?
358
00:11:58,095 --> 00:12:04,932
[♪ ♪]
359
00:12:05,653 --> 00:12:07,291
- [evil laughter]
- Oh.
360
00:12:08,051 --> 00:12:09,051
[chuckles]
361
00:12:09,416 --> 00:12:11,229
- [dramatic musical sting]
- Ah!
362
00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:12,916
I finally got you alone.
363
00:12:13,045 --> 00:12:14,565
[chuckles]
364
00:12:16,118 --> 00:12:17,755
Harmony, I thought
we were going to talk
365
00:12:18,198 --> 00:12:19,486
after the reading.
366
00:12:19,571 --> 00:12:21,180
Mm, we need to talk now,
because I drove
367
00:12:21,265 --> 00:12:23,321
all the way here for this,
but...
368
00:12:23,406 --> 00:12:24,422
[sighs]
369
00:12:24,507 --> 00:12:26,766
Tom, watch out for
the creepy hot lady.
370
00:12:27,743 --> 00:12:28,781
Not you.
371
00:12:28,866 --> 00:12:30,134
Hey, what do you
want with my husband?
372
00:12:30,218 --> 00:12:31,816
And do we have your
permission to record this
373
00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:32,961
for future broadcasting?
374
00:12:33,046 --> 00:12:36,493
I just need to talk to him
about... everything.
375
00:12:36,812 --> 00:12:38,657
Ugh, I like...
I rehearsed this.
376
00:12:38,742 --> 00:12:40,102
But I'm just like having
377
00:12:40,189 --> 00:12:42,274
so many thoughts
that I'm just like...
378
00:12:42,359 --> 00:12:44,220
Her aura is on fire.
379
00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:46,056
God, you just have
to understand
380
00:12:46,141 --> 00:12:48,360
where I'm coming from,
what my life was like
381
00:12:48,445 --> 00:12:49,552
growing up in Colorado!
382
00:12:49,637 --> 00:12:50,665
I was an only child, OK?
383
00:12:50,750 --> 00:12:52,798
It was just me and my mom,
Harmony and Christine,
384
00:12:52,883 --> 00:12:55,213
Christine and Harmony.
I didn't know where my dad was.
385
00:12:55,305 --> 00:12:58,789
My mom said it was a mistake
she made in the fall of '88.
386
00:12:58,874 --> 00:12:59,575
Thanks, Mom.
387
00:12:59,660 --> 00:13:02,821
And she was always working
at that stupid research lab.
388
00:13:02,924 --> 00:13:04,025
I'm rambling.
389
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,453
Oh, focus, Harmony.
390
00:13:05,538 --> 00:13:07,243
Focus, focus.
391
00:13:08,708 --> 00:13:12,532
OK, thank you for that,
uh, info.
392
00:13:13,145 --> 00:13:14,501
I think I'm going to go
do the reading now.
393
00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:15,606
- No, no, no.
- No?
394
00:13:15,691 --> 00:13:17,360
- I need to get this out.
- Okey doke.
395
00:13:17,445 --> 00:13:18,501
Yeah, so all my life,
396
00:13:18,586 --> 00:13:20,970
I just dreamed of being part
of a big family
397
00:13:21,055 --> 00:13:23,034
with brothers
and sisters and parents.
398
00:13:23,119 --> 00:13:24,501
And then I read your book.
399
00:13:24,865 --> 00:13:26,736
And I knew how you based it
on your family.
400
00:13:26,821 --> 00:13:29,748
And, and suddenly, all the dots
started connecting for me,
401
00:13:29,848 --> 00:13:32,188
you know what I mean?
It was like pew, pew, pew, pew.
402
00:13:32,273 --> 00:13:34,495
And then I realized it.
403
00:13:34,636 --> 00:13:35,633
[laughter]
404
00:13:35,718 --> 00:13:37,907
I mean, realized what?
405
00:13:37,992 --> 00:13:39,574
That I could be your sister.
406
00:13:39,659 --> 00:13:45,047
And that I could finally have
the family I've always wanted.
407
00:13:45,132 --> 00:13:46,673
Hello.
[all shout]
408
00:13:47,212 --> 00:13:51,116
I know, the costume,
it's kind of scary, right?
409
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:53,886
My wife said, Tod, don't do it.
410
00:13:54,064 --> 00:13:55,188
But I did it.
411
00:13:55,273 --> 00:13:56,977
Anyways,
they're ready for the reading.
412
00:13:57,062 --> 00:13:58,403
Oh, sorry.
413
00:13:58,488 --> 00:14:00,797
Um. OK, I'll see you out there.
414
00:14:02,283 --> 00:14:03,624
She's great.
415
00:14:03,817 --> 00:14:05,039
That was something,
416
00:14:05,124 --> 00:14:07,025
- Whoa.
- [sighs]
417
00:14:07,156 --> 00:14:08,698
Of course.
418
00:14:09,143 --> 00:14:11,649
Of course, you guys were right.
419
00:14:11,734 --> 00:14:13,766
My book has one fan.
420
00:14:13,947 --> 00:14:15,808
And of course,
she's completely insane.
421
00:14:16,103 --> 00:14:18,196
I thought my career
was taking a turn here.
422
00:14:18,288 --> 00:14:19,500
But it's like...
423
00:14:21,911 --> 00:14:24,750
All this work,
and it's for what?
424
00:14:25,750 --> 00:14:27,688
Hey, no, Tom,
I mean, you were right.
425
00:14:27,807 --> 00:14:30,188
Yes, Harmony is...
Is-is intense.
426
00:14:30,273 --> 00:14:31,680
But all of those
people out there,
427
00:14:31,765 --> 00:14:33,438
they came here to see you.
428
00:14:33,523 --> 00:14:35,678
Yeah, I didn't pay
a single one of them.
429
00:14:35,763 --> 00:14:38,055
And now I have all
this extra cash on me
430
00:14:38,140 --> 00:14:39,314
that I don't even know
what to do with.
431
00:14:39,398 --> 00:14:41,157
I tipped the bathroom
attendant 100 bucks.
432
00:14:41,242 --> 00:14:42,860
We don't have
a bathroom attendant.
433
00:14:42,945 --> 00:14:44,899
Tom, we are so proud of you.
434
00:14:45,391 --> 00:14:48,457
Yeah, we make jokes
because it's fun and very easy.
435
00:14:48,557 --> 00:14:50,618
But you filled this
whole bookstore.
436
00:14:50,879 --> 00:14:52,661
You're a really good friend
to me too.
437
00:14:52,753 --> 00:14:54,868
You know what?
Yeah, you're right.
438
00:14:56,338 --> 00:14:57,338
Thank you.
439
00:14:57,563 --> 00:15:00,172
Let's go read, uh,
a little bit of chapter 17.
440
00:15:04,783 --> 00:15:06,524
We don't even
have a bathroom.
441
00:15:06,609 --> 00:15:08,384
What did you do?
And where was it?
442
00:15:11,924 --> 00:15:15,078
OK, can you just hold off
any scare attempts
443
00:15:15,163 --> 00:15:16,602
until after Tom's reading?
444
00:15:16,687 --> 00:15:17,748
There's a lot going on.
445
00:15:18,039 --> 00:15:20,621
Sarah, you know
I can't promise that.
446
00:15:20,838 --> 00:15:23,797
[phone ringing]
447
00:15:23,973 --> 00:15:25,074
Oh.
448
00:15:25,464 --> 00:15:26,542
Hey, sweetie, what's going on?
449
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:29,409
Kelvin won't leave me
or Xander alone.
450
00:15:29,494 --> 00:15:30,789
He's being so annoying.
451
00:15:30,874 --> 00:15:32,258
Oh, I'm sorry.
452
00:15:32,343 --> 00:15:34,565
I guess I... I forgot
to tell him that
453
00:15:34,650 --> 00:15:35,928
Xander was joining you guys
tonight.
454
00:15:36,012 --> 00:15:38,034
Can I have permission
to hit him with my sword,
455
00:15:38,119 --> 00:15:39,578
like on the arm or something?
456
00:15:39,663 --> 00:15:41,164
Mm, permission not granted.
457
00:15:41,300 --> 00:15:42,601
I'm sorry that
he's bugging you.
458
00:15:42,686 --> 00:15:44,521
But he's probably
just a little sad
459
00:15:44,606 --> 00:15:46,494
that you don't spend as much
time with him these days.
460
00:15:46,578 --> 00:15:48,236
It's not a real sword.
It's like hard foam.
461
00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:49,221
Yeah, still no.
462
00:15:49,306 --> 00:15:50,416
He's annoying his big sister
463
00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:52,529
because he wants you
to pay attention to him.
464
00:15:52,613 --> 00:15:55,836
Believe it or not, it... it...
It comes from a place of love.
465
00:15:57,670 --> 00:16:01,664
Even if he doesn't realize that
that is why he's doing it,
466
00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:04,594
he's just trying to stay
in his big sister's life.
467
00:16:04,679 --> 00:16:06,555
OK, but he's being a jerk.
468
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:07,906
OK, good talk, have fun.
469
00:16:07,991 --> 00:16:09,922
No, you didn't even...
[line beeps]
470
00:16:10,063 --> 00:16:13,446
[soft music]
471
00:16:13,565 --> 00:16:14,391
What?
472
00:16:14,476 --> 00:16:16,907
Nothing, little brother.
473
00:16:18,025 --> 00:16:19,508
Is this you
trying to scare me?
474
00:16:19,593 --> 00:16:20,695
'Cause this is working.
475
00:16:20,780 --> 00:16:25,235
Good evening, and welcome
to Bay side "Boo-ks."
476
00:16:25,437 --> 00:16:26,257
[both laugh]
477
00:16:26,342 --> 00:16:27,403
Just kidding.
478
00:16:27,488 --> 00:16:29,961
Halloween.
I'm not actually a vampire.
479
00:16:30,046 --> 00:16:33,309
It is my pleasure to introduce
tonight's author,
480
00:16:33,394 --> 00:16:35,461
who I'm proud to call
my new friend,
481
00:16:35,546 --> 00:16:36,993
reading from his new novel,
482
00:16:37,078 --> 00:16:39,399
"Home Economics," Tom Hayworth.
483
00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:40,553
[applause]
484
00:16:40,638 --> 00:16:41,946
- Yeah!
- Bravo!
485
00:16:42,648 --> 00:16:44,030
Whoo.
486
00:16:44,923 --> 00:16:46,696
Thank you all for coming out.
487
00:16:46,781 --> 00:16:48,782
Go, Tom!
488
00:16:49,551 --> 00:16:50,813
Heh.
489
00:16:51,609 --> 00:16:53,953
"Chorpter" 17...
[nervous laughter]
490
00:16:54,135 --> 00:16:55,596
Right off the bat.
491
00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:58,315
[clears throat]
Obviously, chapter 17...
492
00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:00,172
Shake it off.
493
00:17:00,635 --> 00:17:02,508
Tim Hayward loved Halloween.
494
00:17:02,593 --> 00:17:04,883
When he was a kid, he'd swear
it was because of the candy.
495
00:17:04,968 --> 00:17:06,906
But deep down,
he loved Halloween,
496
00:17:06,991 --> 00:17:08,860
because it was a day
he didn't have to be himself.
497
00:17:08,944 --> 00:17:11,781
Tim, even as a boy, was already
trying on the heavy sweater
498
00:17:11,866 --> 00:17:14,398
of self-doubt that he'd come
to wear full-time
499
00:17:14,483 --> 00:17:15,994
as he made his way
into adulthood.
500
00:17:16,109 --> 00:17:17,187
The opportunity to be someone...
501
00:17:17,271 --> 00:17:19,173
Wow, this is so good.
502
00:17:19,273 --> 00:17:20,974
You still haven't read it?
503
00:17:21,074 --> 00:17:23,657
[chuckling]
Sarah, I've read it.
504
00:17:23,757 --> 00:17:25,738
I just haven't, like, read it.
505
00:17:25,838 --> 00:17:28,981
Hovered above the
Hayward House in 1988.
506
00:17:29,241 --> 00:17:31,218
Their mom and dad
hit a rough patch.
507
00:17:31,452 --> 00:17:33,866
Dad was finding reasons
to spend more and more time
508
00:17:33,966 --> 00:17:34,991
traveling for work.
509
00:17:35,077 --> 00:17:37,669
To Tim and Tara,
he seemed to be in Colorado
510
00:17:37,769 --> 00:17:39,551
more than he was at home.
511
00:17:39,651 --> 00:17:42,913
[shady music]
512
00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:45,523
Colorado... uh, sorry.
513
00:17:45,897 --> 00:17:47,429
For weeks at a time...
[clears throat]
514
00:17:47,537 --> 00:17:49,719
He was off in
a different time zone,
515
00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:52,608
toiling away in a research lab.
516
00:17:52,693 --> 00:17:53,962
Research lab.
517
00:17:54,047 --> 00:17:55,228
She said '88, right?
518
00:17:55,344 --> 00:17:57,554
Uh, but he'd
call every night.
519
00:17:57,639 --> 00:17:59,188
Mom would pass the phone
over to the kids
520
00:17:59,272 --> 00:18:01,530
with barely a word, not that
he ever had much to report,
521
00:18:01,630 --> 00:18:04,532
just that his days
working in the lab,
522
00:18:04,632 --> 00:18:07,257
with a fellow scientist
named Chris,
523
00:18:08,225 --> 00:18:11,398
who I'd always assumed
was a man,
524
00:18:11,483 --> 00:18:13,397
but could just as easily
be Christine.
525
00:18:13,482 --> 00:18:14,663
Both: Christine.
526
00:18:15,018 --> 00:18:17,405
[softly]
My mom.
527
00:18:18,094 --> 00:18:20,374
And the long weeks
of traveling...
528
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,508
OK, please tell me
this is your prank.
529
00:18:22,671 --> 00:18:24,190
You did it.
I'm scared.
530
00:18:24,290 --> 00:18:25,633
Now just make this stop.
531
00:18:25,718 --> 00:18:27,718
I was hoping this
was you scaring me.
532
00:18:27,803 --> 00:18:29,995
What? No, I was just going
to put this rubber vomit
533
00:18:30,095 --> 00:18:32,437
- on your car later.
- So this is not a prank?
534
00:18:32,537 --> 00:18:34,195
This is really happening.
535
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:36,429
Dad would always return
from these marathon trips
536
00:18:36,514 --> 00:18:38,642
exhausted, talking about
experiments that lasted
537
00:18:38,742 --> 00:18:40,364
late into the night with Chris.
538
00:18:40,449 --> 00:18:42,110
Oh, my God.
539
00:18:42,195 --> 00:18:44,057
[inhales]
540
00:18:44,142 --> 00:18:46,324
[exhales]
Yeah.
541
00:18:46,671 --> 00:18:48,691
This morning,
I wished for a sister.
542
00:18:48,776 --> 00:18:50,303
And now I just get one?
543
00:18:50,415 --> 00:18:51,892
I mean, what kind of
superpower is that?
544
00:18:51,976 --> 00:18:54,077
She can't be our half-sister.
She just can't.
545
00:18:54,162 --> 00:18:55,744
Well, all the details line up.
546
00:18:55,829 --> 00:18:57,085
No, no, no, no.
547
00:18:57,170 --> 00:18:59,905
Because that would mean that I
thought my half-sister was hot.
548
00:18:59,990 --> 00:19:02,212
And that is just...
That is just not ideal.
549
00:19:02,297 --> 00:19:04,439
That's why she took
Tom's water bottle,
550
00:19:04,524 --> 00:19:05,345
to match his DNA.
551
00:19:05,430 --> 00:19:07,101
And that's why I sensed
a weird aura around her,
552
00:19:07,185 --> 00:19:08,819
because she's a Hayworth.
553
00:19:08,904 --> 00:19:10,085
No offense.
554
00:19:10,170 --> 00:19:10,790
Hey.
555
00:19:10,875 --> 00:19:12,288
- Oh, hey.
- Hey.
556
00:19:12,373 --> 00:19:13,314
- Hey.
- Hi.
557
00:19:13,399 --> 00:19:14,483
Look who it is.
558
00:19:14,568 --> 00:19:16,046
Hey, soul sistah.
559
00:19:16,718 --> 00:19:17,819
No? OK.
560
00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:20,577
Yeah, it's a lot to process
all at once.
561
00:19:20,662 --> 00:19:21,662
- Nah.
- No.
562
00:19:21,759 --> 00:19:22,860
- W-we're super...
- No.
563
00:19:22,945 --> 00:19:24,065
- It's what it is.
- Chill.
564
00:19:24,150 --> 00:19:25,828
And I'm really sorry
about what happened before.
565
00:19:25,912 --> 00:19:28,043
I was just so wired
from the drive
566
00:19:28,128 --> 00:19:31,110
and freaking out about meeting
a family I never knew I had.
567
00:19:31,195 --> 00:19:32,734
And you guys must have
thought I was a stalker.
568
00:19:32,818 --> 00:19:33,799
- What?
- No.
569
00:19:33,884 --> 00:19:34,884
- No.
- The ruler?
570
00:19:35,069 --> 00:19:37,460
We are go-with-the-flow
type people.
571
00:19:37,545 --> 00:19:40,087
And Tom thought you were hot.
And I said, no, Tom.
572
00:19:40,197 --> 00:19:41,928
Yeah, there's definitely
no way we wanted
573
00:19:42,013 --> 00:19:43,421
to start a podcast about you.
574
00:19:43,541 --> 00:19:45,499
So yes, I saw an interview
where you talked about
575
00:19:45,584 --> 00:19:46,842
how much was based on your life.
576
00:19:46,926 --> 00:19:49,432
And I just pieced it together
with clues from my own.
577
00:19:49,517 --> 00:19:53,093
And yeah,
it seems like your dad is,
578
00:19:53,178 --> 00:19:54,600
well, my dad.
579
00:19:54,707 --> 00:19:56,225
[♪ ♪]
580
00:19:56,513 --> 00:20:00,136
Well, we did know
he had an affair years ago.
581
00:20:00,243 --> 00:20:03,280
Yeah, we just didn't know
that anything came of it.
582
00:20:03,378 --> 00:20:04,194
Right.
583
00:20:04,279 --> 00:20:06,843
Like... you.
584
00:20:07,926 --> 00:20:10,428
Well, hi.
585
00:20:10,513 --> 00:20:12,335
I'm Harmony.
586
00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:15,843
- Both: Hey.
- [together] Hi.
587
00:20:18,799 --> 00:20:20,550
But you did like
the book, right?
588
00:20:20,816 --> 00:20:22,402
Uh, which one is he again?
589
00:20:22,487 --> 00:20:23,808
That's Baron Yohiro.
590
00:20:23,893 --> 00:20:25,635
He acts like a friend
to the Boom Boom Brotherhood,
591
00:20:25,719 --> 00:20:27,517
but you're going to want
to keep an eye on him.
592
00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:28,394
Hmm.
593
00:20:28,479 --> 00:20:31,061
Well, let's watch one more
episode after this one's over.
594
00:20:31,145 --> 00:20:32,754
Whatever.
595
00:20:33,098 --> 00:20:34,113
Oh, boy.
596
00:20:34,268 --> 00:20:35,889
Guys, our DNA tests are in.
597
00:20:35,974 --> 00:20:37,356
- Well?
- Oh.
598
00:20:37,705 --> 00:20:41,808
Uh, we officially
have a half-sister.
599
00:20:42,193 --> 00:20:44,160
[exhales]
600
00:20:44,245 --> 00:20:46,363
Whoa.
601
00:20:47,909 --> 00:20:50,565
Oh, also,
we're 2% Ashkenazi Jew.
602
00:20:50,650 --> 00:20:51,351
Huh.
603
00:20:51,436 --> 00:20:52,938
Oh, I'm 4% Italian.
604
00:20:53,023 --> 00:20:54,551
Mama mia.
605
00:20:54,636 --> 00:20:56,504
Wait, why did you
get a DNA test?
606
00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:58,380
What, everything has
to be about the Hayworths?
607
00:20:58,464 --> 00:20:59,670
Well, who's going to tell Dad?
608
00:20:59,755 --> 00:21:00,942
Yeah, and what's Mom
going to think?
609
00:21:01,026 --> 00:21:02,826
I mean, she barely
forgave him for the affair.
610
00:21:02,910 --> 00:21:04,106
This is like
a whole other level.
611
00:21:04,190 --> 00:21:04,808
That's it.
612
00:21:04,893 --> 00:21:06,474
I can't take this
emotional stress.
613
00:21:06,567 --> 00:21:07,973
Tonight I'm having cookies.
614
00:21:08,058 --> 00:21:10,560
- Ah!
- [laughs]
615
00:21:10,718 --> 00:21:11,742
Yes!
616
00:21:11,827 --> 00:21:14,146
I got you, finally!
617
00:21:15,599 --> 00:21:18,215
Not the best timing,
really, really bad timing.
618
00:21:18,300 --> 00:21:20,528
But I finally did it.
619
00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:22,226
Whoo!
43486
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