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1
00:00:05,959 --> 00:00:07,639
Previously on Velma
2
00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:11,280
She has no brain!
3
00:00:11,359 --> 00:00:13,040
Now, when I try to
solve a mystery,
4
00:00:13,119 --> 00:00:16,399
my guilt triggers
a potentially heart
stopping hallucination.
5
00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:18,280
Wait, you think
I killed Brenda?
6
00:00:18,359 --> 00:00:21,239
You just said you were
going to do to me
what you did to her.
7
00:00:21,319 --> 00:00:24,560
I meant pay you
to keep quiet.
I'm innocent!
8
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:29,680
Uh, Velma,
you should see this.
9
00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:35,800
Oh God, it's Krista!
10
00:00:35,879 --> 00:00:37,600
And she also
has no brain.
11
00:00:43,719 --> 00:00:45,759
So, what'smore surprising?
12
00:00:47,839 --> 00:00:51,160
Fred Jones being arrestedfor murdering andremoving the brains
13
00:00:51,239 --> 00:00:53,039
of Brenda Brightand Krista McCray
14
00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:55,560
or that his delicate,teen heartthrob good looks
15
00:00:55,639 --> 00:00:58,359
stem from the factthat he hasn't gonethrough puberty yet?
16
00:00:59,919 --> 00:01:01,080
The murders.Obviously, it's the murders.
17
00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:03,319
It's not small, it's scared!
18
00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:04,920
But it justgoes to show,
19
00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:07,039
we all have secrets.
20
00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:09,879
Velma's birthday gift!
21
00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:12,239
Even the oneswe least expect.
22
00:01:18,119 --> 00:01:20,920
But as muchas you try to hidewho you really are...
23
00:01:20,999 --> 00:01:23,639
Your ass is mine,
best friend.
24
00:01:23,719 --> 00:01:26,919
...Velma Dinkleyalways knowsthe ugly truth,
25
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:30,039
Velma, have you
seen that sweater vest
I bought Sophie?
26
00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:31,719
Uh, no.
27
00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:43,479
Because without your ascot,you're naked.
28
00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:47,280
Jones Gentlemen's Accessories.
29
00:01:47,359 --> 00:01:49,600
What are you, poor?
30
00:01:49,679 --> 00:01:53,720
Yes, Fred Jones,
heir to the Jones Gentlemen's
Accessories fortune,
31
00:01:53,799 --> 00:01:55,679
was arrested last night
for murder.
32
00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:57,519
Yeah, thanks to me!
33
00:01:57,599 --> 00:02:00,359
And according to
the police, Jones would have
gotten away with it, too.
34
00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:01,879
if it wasn't for
his classmate...
35
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:02,959
Say my name, say my name.
36
00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:04,160
Vermin Dorkley.
37
00:02:04,239 --> 00:02:06,040
It's Velma Dorkley!
I mean Dinkley!
38
00:02:06,119 --> 00:02:10,840
And finally only
one lawyer has agreed
to represent Fred Jones.
39
00:02:10,919 --> 00:02:12,480
Vermin's own father,
40
00:02:12,559 --> 00:02:14,120
-Aman Dinkley!
-What?
41
00:02:14,199 --> 00:02:17,119
Velma, winning
this case could make
your father rich!
42
00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:19,959
I already bought
a baby monitor
that shoots on film.
43
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:21,519
It just looks more real,
you know?
44
00:02:21,599 --> 00:02:22,879
Exactly.
45
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:24,799
I mean, look at this
from my perspective, Velma.
46
00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:27,679
If you needed money
to keep your
pregnant girlfriend happy,
47
00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:30,239
and then you heard what
the Joneses are
willing to pay,
48
00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:33,640
I'm sure you'd agree
it's possible
Fred didn't do it.
49
00:02:33,719 --> 00:02:35,560
Fred's a rich white guy
with a tiny dong.
50
00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:37,239
He did it.
Now, excuse me.
51
00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:40,159
I have to go find
my missing mother.
52
00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:42,280
You didn't mention
Fred had a tiny dong.
53
00:02:42,359 --> 00:02:43,640
Oh yeah, real baby carrot.
54
00:02:43,719 --> 00:02:46,800
And I'm going to ride it
all the way to victory!
55
00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:51,560
Wow, people seem to
be taking to the fact
56
00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:53,080
that Fred is
a brain stealing sociopath
57
00:02:53,159 --> 00:02:54,760
-really well.
-All our classmates
58
00:02:54,839 --> 00:02:57,679
are idiots or sheep,
so let's assume
they're high.
59
00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:01,360
Man, if I ever even think
about getting into 420,
420 culture,
60
00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:03,960
or especially
420 related humor, kill me.
61
00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:05,560
You know what 420 is right?
62
00:03:05,639 --> 00:03:08,880
Um, yeah.
It's code for adults
who still watch cartoons.
63
00:03:08,959 --> 00:03:11,040
Now, have you seen Daphne?
Her parents are detectives,
64
00:03:11,119 --> 00:03:13,479
so I need her help
to get my mom's
cold case files.
65
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:15,359
You want me to come with
in case you have
another hallucination?
66
00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:18,080
Thanks. But after
catching Fred,
I feel my hallucinations
67
00:03:18,159 --> 00:03:19,840
are like the return of
high waisted jeans.
68
00:03:19,919 --> 00:03:22,160
It took a while,
but we're finally through
the worst of it.
69
00:03:24,039 --> 00:03:27,240
Sweetie, are you sure
you don't want to take
a mental health day?
70
00:03:27,319 --> 00:03:29,200
It's not often your boyfriend
is arrested
71
00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:30,840
for removing
two of your friends' brains.
72
00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:33,479
Thank you.
But if the kids in
every teen show ever
73
00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:36,600
can get through a brush
with a deranged serial killer,
so can I.
74
00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:39,480
Good lord!
75
00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:42,040
It smells like the
Playboy Jazz Festival
out there.
76
00:03:42,119 --> 00:03:45,080
And a kid's eating
sheet cake at 8:00
in the morning.
77
00:03:45,159 --> 00:03:47,479
-You thinking
what I'm thinking?
-Let's go get a sheet cake?
78
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:48,439
High five!
79
00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:50,720
Hey, Daphne.
80
00:03:50,799 --> 00:03:52,480
What do you want, Vermin?
81
00:03:52,559 --> 00:03:54,960
Just to offer my
sincerest condolences
82
00:03:55,039 --> 00:03:58,000
for the loss of your
more popular friends
that you picked over me.
83
00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:01,400
Stop! I know you think
I'm a huge bitch
who ditched you to be cool.
84
00:04:01,479 --> 00:04:03,480
What? That's so not true.
85
00:04:06,279 --> 00:04:07,799
Fine.
86
00:04:07,879 --> 00:04:09,080
I need a favor.
87
00:04:09,159 --> 00:04:10,759
I need you to get me
my mom's cold case file.
88
00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:11,800
Why would I do that?
89
00:04:11,879 --> 00:04:12,920
We're not friends anymore.
90
00:04:12,999 --> 00:04:14,759
-We're nemesises...
-Nemeses.
91
00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:16,480
-That's why.
-Okay.
92
00:04:16,559 --> 00:04:19,719
Well, I was hoping
you'd get it for me
for old time's sake.
93
00:04:23,959 --> 00:04:25,240
I see.
94
00:04:25,319 --> 00:04:29,599
Well, for old time's sake,
I'll give you the file...
95
00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:32,319
-Really?
-For $500.
96
00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:34,840
Five hundred dollars?
That's like,
a million dollars.
97
00:04:34,919 --> 00:04:36,879
Well, like you said,
I'm a huge bitch.
98
00:04:36,959 --> 00:04:38,040
I was being sarcastic.
99
00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:39,719
You can't read tone
in graffiti.
100
00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:41,560
Five hundred dollars
or nothing.
101
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:45,960
Now, first, thank you
for taking my case.
102
00:04:46,039 --> 00:04:49,079
We could not be happier
you're on the team,
Velma's dad.
103
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:53,319
Sorry, what we meant
to say is that you are
our last choice.
104
00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:55,119
And if you blow this,
my family will bring
105
00:04:55,199 --> 00:04:57,279
the full weight of
Jones Gentlemen's Accessories
106
00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:59,479
and Jones Gentlemen's
Accessories for Women
107
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:00,679
down on your head!
108
00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:03,680
Okay, uh, well, the case
won't be easy.
109
00:05:03,759 --> 00:05:05,479
Of course it will.
I'm innocent.
110
00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:08,080
The only reason
people think I removed
those girls' brains
111
00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:10,240
is because I
"basically confessed"
112
00:05:10,319 --> 00:05:12,919
and have
"well documented anger issues".
113
00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:14,200
I mean, does that even mean?
114
00:05:14,279 --> 00:05:15,560
Hey! Am I on a hunger strike?
115
00:05:15,639 --> 00:05:17,520
Where the hell are my pancakes?
116
00:05:19,479 --> 00:05:22,040
Uh, are you trying to
choke me to death?
117
00:05:22,119 --> 00:05:23,319
You forgot cutties.
118
00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:25,399
You're embarrassing
ourself, Frederick.
119
00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:27,039
It's bad enough
you still eat pancakes
120
00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:29,679
and drink non alcoholic
beverages like a baby!
121
00:05:29,759 --> 00:05:31,920
Yes, Father.
Sorry... Sorry, Father.
122
00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:34,000
Our apologies, Aman.
123
00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:36,600
Freddie is due in court
this afternoon, and the case
has everyone out of sorts.
124
00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:39,679
No, this childishness
is actually perfect.
125
00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:41,920
See, I feel the only way
to prove Fred's innocence
126
00:05:41,999 --> 00:05:44,759
is to play up the fact
that he's a late bloomer.
127
00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:50,120
I mean, the world
sees Fred Jones,
teen sociopath.
128
00:05:50,199 --> 00:05:54,879
So instead,
let's show them Fred Jones,
innocent little boy.
129
00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:56,239
It can't miss, right?
130
00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:57,639
Please say it can't miss.
131
00:05:57,720 --> 00:06:00,239
My girlfriend just bought
a $2,000 stroller.
132
00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:01,840
-It hovers.
-William,
133
00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:03,359
our son cannot go to prison.
134
00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:06,320
He can barely survive
on the outside as is.
135
00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:10,840
Victoria, admitting
he's a little boy is worse
than any crime.
136
00:06:10,919 --> 00:06:12,360
It's embarrassing.
137
00:06:12,439 --> 00:06:16,360
He is the future CEO of
Jones Gentlemen's Accessories!
138
00:06:16,439 --> 00:06:17,799
Is he, though?
139
00:06:22,439 --> 00:06:24,000
Well, try it your way.
140
00:06:24,079 --> 00:06:26,439
Great. I just hope people
can actually think
I'm a little kid.
141
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,840
Ah, crap. I'm all syrupy.
142
00:06:28,919 --> 00:06:29,879
Bathies!
143
00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:34,880
So, Velma,
144
00:06:34,959 --> 00:06:36,679
what brings you to
Casa Del Norville Rogers,
Blythe Rogers
145
00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:38,840
and me, his father,
Lamont Rogers?
146
00:06:38,919 --> 00:06:41,079
Here for a Rogering,
as we might say?
147
00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:42,840
Oh, I was just in
the neighborhood.
148
00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:44,919
No ulterior motive whatsoever.
149
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,680
Hey, that's a nice vase.
150
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:48,440
Is that worth $500?
151
00:06:48,519 --> 00:06:51,480
Oh, hey, look who's busy
not finding my
missing mother.
152
00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,360
Actually, Daphne's moms
are here
153
00:06:53,439 --> 00:06:56,759
because they think we have
a Candy Man problem
at school.
154
00:06:56,839 --> 00:06:59,639
And as the principal,
I've asked them
to go undercover
155
00:06:59,719 --> 00:07:01,760
as high school students
to find them.
156
00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:04,600
And that's the 4-1-1,
home skillet.
157
00:07:04,679 --> 00:07:05,479
Words.
158
00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:06,479
Candy Man?
159
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:08,119
I think you mean
Sugar Daddy?
160
00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:09,280
And Sarah's 18.
161
00:07:09,359 --> 00:07:10,680
Her parents are cool with it.
162
00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:13,439
A Candy Man's
a drug dealer,
V-Dawg.
163
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:14,520
I knew that.
164
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:16,520
So is Norville in his room?
165
00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:18,679
What's going on, guys.
166
00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:20,680
So today on Norville Snacks,
our World Tour
167
00:07:20,759 --> 00:07:22,759
continues East,
as we say ni hao
168
00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:24,439
to Beijing style shrimp chips.
169
00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:26,359
-Norville!
-Velma! Not while I'm live.
170
00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:28,839
I can't get banned for
your thoughts on South Asian
desserts again.
171
00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:30,920
I'm so sorry,
but this is important.
172
00:07:30,999 --> 00:07:33,160
Daphne wants $500 for the file,
173
00:07:33,239 --> 00:07:35,559
and all my money
is tied up in
streaming services.
174
00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:37,359
Velma, I don't have it.
175
00:07:37,439 --> 00:07:38,920
My mom's birthday
is coming up, and this year
she just wants cash.
176
00:07:38,999 --> 00:07:40,680
Otherwise, you know
I'd give it to you.
177
00:07:40,759 --> 00:07:42,519
I know, it's okay.
178
00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:45,559
Like the dessert course
at an Indian restaurant
just forget it.
179
00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:51,280
Wait in teen movies,
180
00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:52,920
whenever a girl
needs money,
181
00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:54,479
a guy sells something
182
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:56,799
and then blackmails
the girl into dating him
for it.
183
00:07:56,880 --> 00:08:00,759
Problematic, but effective.
And hilarious!
184
00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:02,360
So it was not easy,
185
00:08:02,439 --> 00:08:04,120
but I got your $5.
186
00:08:04,199 --> 00:08:05,999
I assume I-O-U's are okay?
187
00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:07,639
It's $500, Velma.
188
00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:10,239
But if you don't have it,
there might be a way
you can earn it.
189
00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:12,279
I was thinking you could
come work for me.
190
00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:14,639
Doing what?
And is the office culture cool?
191
00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:15,960
Like, are there snacks?
192
00:08:19,159 --> 00:08:20,480
You're the Candy Man?
193
00:08:25,359 --> 00:08:26,880
Candy Woman.
194
00:08:26,959 --> 00:08:29,559
And I have
your sugar right here.
195
00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:31,199
Daphne, why would you
deal drugs?
196
00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:32,920
You're beautiful and popular.
197
00:08:32,999 --> 00:08:35,160
Being a bad girl too
just muddles your brand.
198
00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:37,320
This doesn't make me
a bad girl.
199
00:08:37,399 --> 00:08:40,320
According to TV,
it's morally okay
to deal drugs
200
00:08:40,399 --> 00:08:42,079
if your life is just
kind of crappy.
201
00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:44,840
Like your kid's sick,
you're a widow
with a mortgage.
202
00:08:44,919 --> 00:08:46,479
You have to live on a lake
in Missouri.
203
00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:48,160
Those are all
white people, Daphne.
204
00:08:48,239 --> 00:08:51,320
Minorities on TV
can only deal drugs
to escape poverty.
205
00:08:51,399 --> 00:08:52,960
Wait, that's it.
206
00:08:53,039 --> 00:08:55,040
This is about you
trying to run with
your fancy rich crowd.
207
00:08:55,119 --> 00:08:56,920
Yup, that must be it.
208
00:08:56,999 --> 00:08:59,800
Because the brilliant
Velma Dinkley knows
everything about everyone,
209
00:08:59,879 --> 00:09:01,480
and isn't afraid to say it.
210
00:09:01,559 --> 00:09:03,599
Exactly. I spit truth
without a filter,
211
00:09:03,680 --> 00:09:06,120
like every
comedian before
hashtag "MeToo".
212
00:09:06,199 --> 00:09:08,440
Look, are you in
or are you out?
213
00:09:08,519 --> 00:09:09,800
Oh, I'm out.
214
00:09:09,879 --> 00:09:11,679
Because if you
don't give me
that file,
215
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:13,599
I'll tell your
police officer moms
216
00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:16,120
their perfect daughter is...
217
00:09:16,199 --> 00:09:20,039
You. Wouldn't. Dare.
218
00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:23,319
Yeah, no, it was a dumb idea.
219
00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:24,800
So what are we selling?
220
00:09:24,879 --> 00:09:27,879
Oh, just the usual.
Zoinks, Jeepers,
Mystery Machine,
221
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:30,319
and of course,
guh-guh-guh-guh-ganja.
222
00:09:31,159 --> 00:09:32,440
Only $80?
223
00:09:32,519 --> 00:09:35,159
But I need $500
to get a girl to date me.
224
00:09:35,239 --> 00:09:37,520
Hilarious. But no.
225
00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:43,280
Psst. You want to
make some real money?
226
00:09:43,359 --> 00:09:46,040
I don't have time
to flip houses,
but I'll hear you out.
227
00:09:47,719 --> 00:09:48,640
Nice roller bag.
228
00:09:48,719 --> 00:09:50,320
You selling bibles later?
229
00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:52,559
Nice outfit.
You driving a big rig
to Bakersfield later.
230
00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:55,039
No, dummy.
This is a disguise.
231
00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:57,599
Because what we're doing
is illegal.
232
00:09:57,680 --> 00:10:01,560
Oh, sorry we can't
all make it rain
cool shades, El Chapo.
233
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:02,880
You know what?
Let's just do this.
234
00:10:02,959 --> 00:10:04,960
Don't you want any tips
on selling?
235
00:10:05,039 --> 00:10:06,839
Mmm, I think I got it.
236
00:10:06,919 --> 00:10:09,439
Drugs are like crack
to these people.
237
00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:13,119
Now most cultures of the worldas a rule, wouldn't mixkiwi and whitefish.
238
00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:15,319
But they don't playby the rules in North Korea.
239
00:10:15,999 --> 00:10:16,920
Drugs here!
240
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,400
Get your drugs here!
241
00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:22,039
Narc, narc.
242
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:24,239
White girl
with too much money
white girl with too much money.
243
00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:26,600
You don't know me.
I'm a white girl who's bored.
244
00:10:26,679 --> 00:10:27,919
Let's roll.
245
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,439
Yeah. Go. I don't care.
246
00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:33,200
Enjoy your slow descent
into organic farming, losers.
247
00:10:33,279 --> 00:10:34,880
Look, I know you're a genius...
248
00:10:34,959 --> 00:10:36,959
-Thank you.
-Who thinks she has
everyone pegged.
249
00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:39,800
-Only because I do.
-But you might have
more success with this
250
00:10:39,879 --> 00:10:41,880
if you went in
just a little less judgy.
251
00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:43,080
Wait, I'm judgy?
252
00:10:43,159 --> 00:10:44,600
You would say
something like that.
253
00:10:44,679 --> 00:10:47,239
You want your mom's
cold case file, right?
254
00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:48,359
Yes. Fine.
255
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,439
I'll try. I'll try.
256
00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:53,039
If you want to
get swole, try Zoinks!
257
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:54,799
You'll be bouncing them
big old man boobs
258
00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:56,719
faster than you can say,
"Who is this for?"
259
00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:58,040
Yeah, we like the
sound of that.
260
00:10:58,119 --> 00:10:59,079
What'll it cost?
261
00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:00,719
Not much.
Just your dad's love
262
00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:03,120
when you blow out
your knee and
lose your scholarship.
263
00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:06,079
I was being helpful.
264
00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:08,440
The sooner he can
focus on getting his real
estate license, the better.
265
00:11:08,519 --> 00:11:10,039
Jeepers raises
your dopamine levels,
266
00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:11,959
so it will definitely
help you memorize your lines.
267
00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:14,039
- Huzzah!
- Huzzah!
268
00:11:14,119 --> 00:11:14,959
Huzzah!
269
00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:16,440
Yeah. I'm sorry, Velma.
270
00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:18,040
I could feel you forcing that.
271
00:11:18,119 --> 00:11:20,039
Yeah. You know
what else feels forced?
272
00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:23,000
Your belief that
you're the only one
sleeping with the lead.
273
00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:26,440
Oh, my God.
274
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:27,479
Sorry. Sorry.
275
00:11:27,559 --> 00:11:29,119
Okay. You're fired.
276
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:30,439
What? Why?
277
00:11:37,159 --> 00:11:39,279
Uh, will I sell you a kidney,
278
00:11:39,359 --> 00:11:42,279
to get the $500
I need to make Velma date me?
279
00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:44,759
I mean, I'd be a fool
not to at this point, right?
280
00:11:44,839 --> 00:11:46,840
Justice for
Brenda and Krista!
281
00:11:46,919 --> 00:11:50,040
It's a mob scene here
as Fred Jones arrives
282
00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:51,479
for his day in court.
283
00:11:52,399 --> 00:11:54,000
Aman, over here.
284
00:11:54,079 --> 00:11:57,199
Aman! How could
you risk your career
and entire livelihood
285
00:11:57,280 --> 00:11:59,159
on the most
unlikeable defendant
286
00:11:59,239 --> 00:12:01,759
since that chimpanzee
who ate a woman's face?
287
00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:04,280
Because what you see as risk,
288
00:12:04,359 --> 00:12:08,280
I see as mere... child's play.
289
00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:11,599
Hewo fwends! My name is Fwed!
290
00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:12,760
What's yours?
291
00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:18,599
Wow, I think I speak
for the entire journalistic
community when I say,
292
00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:20,399
"Don't I feel like an asshole!"
293
00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:24,359
No way this scrumptious muffin
removed those girls' brains!
294
00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:26,200
T'anks, news lady!
295
00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:32,960
Stop! No pictures!
296
00:12:33,039 --> 00:12:34,600
Unless it's in portrait mode!
297
00:12:34,679 --> 00:12:35,400
Oh, God,
298
00:12:35,479 --> 00:12:37,200
he looks like Hitler!
299
00:12:37,279 --> 00:12:39,240
And not just because
we compare everyone
to Hitler these days.
300
00:12:39,319 --> 00:12:40,719
Ugh, come on!
301
00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:44,679
You couldn't keep
your opinions to
yourself, could you?
302
00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:46,879
I literally
had to take five Jeepers
303
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:49,319
not to strangle you... Whoa!
304
00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:52,039
Oh, sorry, I can't just
conjure up a whole
new personality
305
00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,200
whenever I want
like some sort of sexy witch.
306
00:12:54,279 --> 00:12:55,639
Is that really
what you think of me?
307
00:12:56,839 --> 00:12:58,119
Hey, girlies!
308
00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:03,439
Okay, since you know so much,
309
00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:05,239
why am I selling drugs?
310
00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:06,840
Um, easy.
311
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:08,440
You're looking
to rebel against
your overprotective parents
312
00:13:08,519 --> 00:13:10,159
but don't have
the balls to get pregnant.
313
00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:11,439
Wrong!
314
00:13:11,519 --> 00:13:13,280
I'm saving money
to hire a private investigator
315
00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:15,160
to find my biological family.
316
00:13:15,239 --> 00:13:18,040
Yeah. Unexpected twist.
317
00:13:18,119 --> 00:13:19,280
Holy crap. Really?
318
00:13:19,359 --> 00:13:20,879
Looking for
your family is a big deal.
319
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:22,519
Yeah, it's just
320
00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:25,080
you know how
different I am from my moms.
321
00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:27,599
I need to
find out who I really am.
322
00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:29,000
Where do I come from?
323
00:13:29,079 --> 00:13:31,360
And how is my hair
the color of buffalo wings?
324
00:13:31,439 --> 00:13:33,680
I just always
figured your parents
were Wilma Flintstone
325
00:13:33,759 --> 00:13:35,559
and Daniel Dae Kim.
326
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:37,359
Freeze, person in baseball hat,
327
00:13:37,439 --> 00:13:39,160
putting drugs
in my daughter's locker
328
00:13:39,239 --> 00:13:40,680
and other Oompa Loompa person!
329
00:13:40,759 --> 00:13:42,839
-We know you're the candymen!
-Linda!
330
00:13:42,919 --> 00:13:44,599
You're a cop
and not a teenager?
331
00:13:44,680 --> 00:13:45,799
But I love you!
332
00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:47,240
What do we do?
I can't go to jail.
333
00:13:47,319 --> 00:13:48,640
-Run!
-You know I can't.
334
00:13:48,719 --> 00:13:49,639
I'd prefer jail.
335
00:14:06,919 --> 00:14:08,439
I'm trapped!
336
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:14,160
Oh, God!
337
00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:26,360
Oh, God, Daphne, no!
338
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:45,400
Baby want sheet cake?
339
00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:50,240
Hey, hurry up in there!
340
00:14:50,319 --> 00:14:51,840
Give me the money!
341
00:14:51,919 --> 00:14:54,399
You wish, guy from
that "wanted" poster
all over town,
342
00:14:58,040 --> 00:14:59,999
All right. Don't make me
come in the bathroom.
343
00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:01,760
I'm a thief, not a perve.
344
00:15:03,719 --> 00:15:04,640
Nothing can stop me
345
00:15:04,719 --> 00:15:06,680
from buying Velma's love!
346
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:08,760
Oh, that might.
347
00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:10,439
Hey!
348
00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:12,600
It is Norville
from Norville Snacks.
349
00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:13,920
Like, let him go, man.
350
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,519
Wait, you stoners
watch Norville Snacks?
351
00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:22,160
Damn it! This is exactly
what happened to my
vlog about Lil Wayne.
352
00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:25,600
God, where is that candyman?
353
00:15:25,679 --> 00:15:27,800
I mean candyperson.
It could be anybody.
354
00:15:27,879 --> 00:15:30,039
Even though we both
definitely know it's a man.
355
00:15:31,719 --> 00:15:34,120
"I'm home and want
to adopt a sick cat.
Where are you?"
356
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:36,479
A cat needs our love!
357
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:38,119
Out of our way!
358
00:15:40,199 --> 00:15:42,679
Whoa, that totally
worked, Velma.
359
00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:43,919
A lotta help.
360
00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:52,920
Oh, sorry. I was just
wiping some garbage
slime off your cheek.
361
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,839
Oh. Yeah, me too. Slime.
362
00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:59,720
Okay. Well, thankfully,
your moms are still
hella bad detectives.
363
00:15:59,799 --> 00:16:01,280
Yeah,
364
00:16:01,359 --> 00:16:04,560
they still think I spent
$200 on a math tutor
named Coachella.
365
00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:08,000
Wait. Am I enjoying
hanging out with you again?
366
00:16:08,079 --> 00:16:09,999
Or is it the high
of moderate exercise?
367
00:16:10,079 --> 00:16:12,760
I don't know. Maybe I'm
not the shallow monster
you think I've become.
368
00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:14,400
Maybe you
judge people so harshly
369
00:16:14,479 --> 00:16:16,279
because it's easier
to feel right from afar
370
00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:18,359
than risk
getting close
and being wrong.
371
00:16:18,439 --> 00:16:19,959
Okay, Easy, Dr. Phil.
372
00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:21,519
I'm the brains
of this operation.
373
00:16:21,599 --> 00:16:23,799
You're just the look,
style and effortless charm.
374
00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:25,920
We do make
a good team, don't we?
375
00:16:27,399 --> 00:16:28,680
Well,
376
00:16:28,759 --> 00:16:31,160
speaking of teams,
someone's looking to score.
377
00:16:31,239 --> 00:16:32,599
and if you
want your mom's file,
378
00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:34,560
you're going
to sell to them my way.
379
00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:39,839
That's him.
The guy in the beanie.
380
00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:42,439
It's always
the guy in the beanie.
381
00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:44,600
A beanie? It's 90 degrees out!
382
00:16:44,679 --> 00:16:45,960
And I'm not supposed to assume
383
00:16:46,039 --> 00:16:48,119
-he's hiding a bald spot?
-No! Less assuming!
384
00:16:48,199 --> 00:16:49,479
More criminal behavior.
385
00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:50,360
Go!
386
00:16:50,959 --> 00:16:51,959
Drugs here.
387
00:16:52,039 --> 00:16:53,360
Get your fresh
hot drugs here.
388
00:16:53,439 --> 00:16:55,040
Hey, do you have
anything that can
389
00:16:55,119 --> 00:16:57,559
make me feel better about
having ruined my life?
390
00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:58,600
Wait, Dad?
391
00:16:58,679 --> 00:16:59,639
Velma?
392
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:03,520
Why were you
selling drugs?
393
00:17:03,599 --> 00:17:04,760
To make money, genius.
394
00:17:04,839 --> 00:17:05,840
The real question is,
395
00:17:05,919 --> 00:17:07,520
why were you
wearing a beanie?
396
00:17:07,599 --> 00:17:09,239
Those are only
for television actors
397
00:17:09,319 --> 00:17:11,119
who want you to know
that their roots
are still in theater.
398
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:14,039
Wait, you don't care
that I was buying drugs?
399
00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:15,320
That makes sense.
400
00:17:15,399 --> 00:17:17,439
You gambled our future
on Fred Jones' innocence
401
00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:19,160
and now drugs
are the only escape.
402
00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:21,559
But what do you
possibly need
drug dealing money for?
403
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:24,439
I already buy you
all the inhalers
you could ever want.
404
00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:26,519
Oh, fine.
405
00:17:26,599 --> 00:17:29,440
Daphne will give me Mom's
cold case file for $500.
406
00:17:31,319 --> 00:17:34,839
Okay, look, I'll give you
the $500 for her file
407
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:37,599
if you help me
prove Fred's innocent.
408
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:39,119
What? Are you crazy?
409
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:41,240
Finding Fred innocent
would require me
410
00:17:41,319 --> 00:17:44,039
to admit I'd incorrectly
pre-judged someone.
411
00:17:44,120 --> 00:17:44,999
Wait.
412
00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:51,759
Yeah. No, I was right.
413
00:17:51,839 --> 00:17:53,799
Homeslice is like
Robert Durst level guilty.
414
00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:56,720
Okay. But instead of just
staring at the evidence
415
00:17:56,799 --> 00:17:58,000
and swearing very loudly,
416
00:17:58,080 --> 00:17:59,920
do you maybe want
to ask me some questions?
417
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,039
Yeah, I do.
Why frame me?
418
00:18:02,119 --> 00:18:04,199
Yeah, exactly.
Why would I do that?
419
00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:05,400
Before you just
started talking,
420
00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:08,120
I thought you were
our housekeeper.
421
00:18:08,199 --> 00:18:10,200
Oh, my God,
could that be colder?
422
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:12,400
You know what?
Now I'm in a snit.
423
00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:14,799
Let's regroup
after lunch.
424
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:18,240
Cutties.
425
00:18:19,719 --> 00:18:21,840
Holy crap.
You are innocent.
426
00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:23,720
He is?
427
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:27,320
Okay, here's
your $500 reward.
428
00:18:27,399 --> 00:18:30,320
Good luck using it
to coerce Velma
into dating you.
429
00:18:30,399 --> 00:18:32,560
Keep it. The stoners
caught him, not me.
430
00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:34,160
If I want Velma
to like me now,
431
00:18:34,239 --> 00:18:35,999
I'm just gonna have to do it
the old-fashioned way.
432
00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:37,679
Bet a friend
I can make her fancy.
433
00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:40,600
Ha! That's how
we got together.
434
00:18:40,679 --> 00:18:42,520
Okay.
For my next witness,
435
00:18:42,599 --> 00:18:44,639
I would like to call
the woman who caught Fred
436
00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:47,320
my own daughter,
Velma Dinkley.
437
00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:52,960
Velma, do you swear
to tell the truth,
438
00:18:53,039 --> 00:18:54,519
the whole truth
and nothing but the truth?
439
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,640
So help me,
Shonda Rhimes, I do.
440
00:18:56,719 --> 00:18:59,719
Now, Velma,
how long have you
known the defendant?
441
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:01,239
We met at lunch
in the eighth grade
442
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:03,000
when he confused me
for a beanbag chair.
443
00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:04,159
Classic.
444
00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:06,439
And what did you
think of my client?
445
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,600
Honestly, that
he was super hot.
446
00:19:10,159 --> 00:19:12,759
But also that he was
just another
entitled rich guy
447
00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:15,239
who might kill someone
because he has a tiny dong.
448
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:22,840
Unfortunately,
I was wrong about Fred.
449
00:19:22,919 --> 00:19:24,400
The way it's possible
450
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:26,040
I might have been wrongabout other people.
451
00:19:27,479 --> 00:19:30,079
Weird. It feels like
she's looking right at me.
452
00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:33,519
Why would Velma want
to send me a message, Daphne?
453
00:19:33,599 --> 00:19:36,680
Fred Jones did not kill
those two girls.
454
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:40,919
His whole life, Fred has
never had to lift a finger
455
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:42,959
to do anything.
He's been so pampered,
456
00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:46,359
his body hasn't even felt
the need to fully mature.
I mean,
457
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:48,520
Fred literally
can't feed himself.
458
00:19:49,559 --> 00:19:51,120
Uh, that's not true.
459
00:19:51,199 --> 00:19:52,760
No, you...
You just cut the food
and put it on the...
460
00:19:52,839 --> 00:19:54,439
W... What's the dumb thing
called? A dinglehopper!
461
00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:56,080
Great. Show us.
462
00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:10,560
Cutties.
Mother, cutties.
463
00:20:10,639 --> 00:20:13,320
Oh, my God,
he is just like a little boy.
464
00:20:13,399 --> 00:20:14,680
Exactly.
465
00:20:14,759 --> 00:20:15,960
So tell me this.
466
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,999
How could someone
who can't even cut a steak
467
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:20,840
remove two girls' brains?
468
00:20:20,919 --> 00:20:23,799
He couldn't!
Clearly Fred's innocent.
469
00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:25,599
But at what cost
to his reputation
470
00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:27,040
and that of his
family's business?
471
00:20:28,319 --> 00:20:30,200
That lump has made
a mockery of us!
472
00:20:30,279 --> 00:20:32,400
Be nice. Our son is free.
473
00:20:32,479 --> 00:20:34,440
I'd say that lump
did quite well.
474
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:43,080
That's not true.
475
00:20:43,159 --> 00:20:44,760
I'm a big boy.
476
00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:46,960
A big boy who could
have removed those
dumb girls' brains,
477
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:48,639
no problem
if I wanted to!
478
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:50,439
Hear, hear!
479
00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:52,000
Guilty.
480
00:20:52,079 --> 00:20:53,480
Based on what?
481
00:20:56,680 --> 00:21:00,439
Wow. Blonde-haired people
have bad days, too.
482
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:03,199
Oh, my God,
what have I done?
483
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:04,279
I'm ruined.
484
00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:05,359
They wouldn't even
let me represent
485
00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:06,999
a gymnastics coach now.
486
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:10,360
Daphne?
487
00:21:10,439 --> 00:21:11,959
What are you doing here?
488
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:14,039
Wait. Did you
realize I stole
all your Zoinks?
489
00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:15,760
-Please don't kill me.
-No, you're good.
490
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:17,879
I mean, return it
or I'll hurt you
very badly,
491
00:21:17,959 --> 00:21:20,439
but I saw you on TV
and brought you this.
492
00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:23,719
My mom's
cold case file! Thank you!
493
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:25,919
Wait, do you not
have potentially
fatal hallucinations
494
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:27,800
when you try to solve
mysteries anymore?
495
00:21:27,879 --> 00:21:29,119
You remember that?
496
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,120
You had one of your
first ones at my house
497
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:32,440
back before...
498
00:21:32,519 --> 00:21:34,999
Well, your fear pee stain
is still on my rug.
499
00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:36,199
Well, I think I'm fine.
500
00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:37,599
Norville helped me
get over them
501
00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:40,759
in the last episode
of my hallucinations.
502
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:42,080
Velma!
503
00:21:42,159 --> 00:21:44,079
Are you hallucinating?
I'll put down newspaper.
504
00:21:44,159 --> 00:21:45,320
No, it's a clue.
505
00:21:45,399 --> 00:21:47,359
The last place my mom's
cell phone pinged
506
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:50,120
the night she went missing
was at Fred's house.
507
00:21:50,199 --> 00:21:51,999
Damn it! I knew
that jerk was guilty.
508
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:54,840
Too bad
you'll never know for sure.
509
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:57,400
Ahhh! I was wrong again!
I'm hallucinating! Help!
510
00:21:57,479 --> 00:22:00,280
No one can help
you now, Velma.
511
00:22:00,359 --> 00:22:04,280
Solving mysteries
only causes pain.
512
00:22:04,359 --> 00:22:07,280
Velma.
What do I do? Velma!
513
00:22:07,359 --> 00:22:08,960
Try to make me laugh.
514
00:22:09,039 --> 00:22:11,079
Okay, I, uh, oh,
I don't know any jokes
515
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:13,720
but my moms love my
impression of my Aunt Cindy.
516
00:22:13,799 --> 00:22:16,399
I am sad
my husband died.
517
00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:17,560
Anything?
518
00:22:17,639 --> 00:22:19,640
No. Try something else.
Anything. Quick!
519
00:22:21,599 --> 00:22:22,839
Oh God, my heart!
520
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:24,919
What do I do? What do I do?
What do I do?
521
00:22:35,759 --> 00:22:37,480
Did that work?
522
00:22:37,559 --> 00:22:38,519
Yeah.
523
00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:46,760
Great. Now even just
being myself won't work.
524
00:22:46,839 --> 00:22:48,720
Romcoms can kiss my ass.
525
00:23:02,239 --> 00:23:04,399
My name's Fred.
Who are you?
526
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:07,520
They call me The Thief.
527
00:23:07,599 --> 00:23:09,560
What are you in for?
528
00:23:09,639 --> 00:23:12,479
Thieving. But I'm innocent.
529
00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:13,879
Aren't we all?
530
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:15,919
Ooh! Bunk beds!
531
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:17,319
Hoisties!
40009
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