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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,050 Are they OK? 2 00:00:03,100 --> 00:00:05,330 OK... They're shouting in the street. 3 00:00:05,380 --> 00:00:09,790 At least someone's having a worse New Year's Eve than me. 4 00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:13,350 - Pauline... - What's going on? - Jason and Kelly are having an argument. 5 00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:15,250 They were meant to be seeing the new year in at the pub, 6 00:00:15,300 --> 00:00:18,990 - but they've come home. - I don't know why he doesn't just thump her. 7 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:22,270 - Reg! - Not hard. Just a little whack. 8 00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:25,590 - Just enough to shut her up. - Reg, stop it, that's awful. 9 00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:28,510 - Well... - If it was up to me, 10 00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:32,640 I tell you now, Cathy, I'd love to have sex with a black man. 11 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:37,590 That's got nothing to do with anything anyone's talking about. 12 00:00:37,640 --> 00:00:40,430 I would. I'd relish the opportunity. 13 00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:44,190 No, Maureen, it's Jason and Kelly. They're outside having an argument. 14 00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:46,670 - Yeah, I know! - We're not talking about sex! 15 00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:50,910 - I am! - Kelly's mum's here. - Oh, she's not, is she? 16 00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:52,870 - You all right, darling? - Yes. 17 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:57,030 - Do you think you might be more comfortable on the sofa? - I'm fine. 18 00:00:57,080 --> 00:00:59,750 - Or a nice Jew. - How much have you drunk? 19 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:02,670 Well, I'm just saying, before I die I'd like to have sex 20 00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:05,750 - with a black man and a Jew! - It's Jason and Kelly! 21 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:09,670 - Yeah, I know! - We're not talking about black people or Jewish people 22 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:12,230 - or anything like that! - I know! 23 00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:16,070 - But I've never had sex with one! - Good! You'd eat him alive. 24 00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:18,630 - Oh, shut up. - Like the Jews haven't got enough to worry about 25 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:21,270 - without you trying to sleep with them. - More sherry, Reg? 26 00:01:21,320 --> 00:01:23,860 Just a drop, Cathy. Don't go mad. 27 00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:27,780 Are you kidding me? 28 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:31,070 Why are you having a go at me? 29 00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:33,060 You're being racist. 30 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:36,150 I'm saying I want to make love to them! 31 00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:39,440 Yes, we've heard! Thank you. 32 00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:45,590 Kelly! Come back, I'm only joking. Kell! 33 00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:48,110 Stop being a drama queen! 34 00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:53,360 Look at the face, Jason! Jason! Look at her stupid face... 35 00:01:55,880 --> 00:01:59,070 You don't have to be so stupid all your life, Kell! 36 00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:03,020 - Seriously, babe! - Just tell me what I've said, Kelly! 37 00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:06,670 I got my ticket for the wrong way round 38 00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:09,910 Two bottle whiskey for the way 39 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:13,670 And I sure would like some sweet company 40 00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:16,910 Oh, I'm leaving tomorrow, what do you say? 41 00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:21,670 - When I'm gone - When I'm gone 42 00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:24,750 You're gonna miss me when I'm gone 43 00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:26,590 You're gonna miss me by my hair 44 00:02:26,640 --> 00:02:28,990 You're gonna miss me everywhere 45 00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:33,670 You're gonna miss me when I'm gone 46 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:38,030 I got my ticket for the long way round 47 00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:41,030 The one with the prettiest view 48 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:42,950 It's got mountains, it's got rivers 49 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,030 It's got woods that'll give you shivers 50 00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:48,190 But it sure would be prettier with you 51 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:53,470 - When I'm gone - When I'm gone 52 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:57,040 You're gonna miss me when I'm gone. 53 00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:04,190 I can't believe I've upset her. 54 00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:06,910 The one thing you have to remember about women, Jason, 55 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:10,990 - is that they are all despicable. - Oh, come on, Grandad. 56 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:13,310 Women are the same as men, if not better. 57 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:16,430 Yeah. They're little angels. - Yeah. - Mm. 58 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:19,630 You should see your grandmother in the shower. 59 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:22,200 That'd burst your bubble. 60 00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:25,430 What? 61 00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:27,510 I love New Year's Eve. 62 00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:30,910 I've been looking forward to it for... Well, for just under a year. 63 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:32,900 And now look at me. 64 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:37,470 Do you want to talk about it, love? 65 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:40,630 I've just been texting my friend, Mary? 66 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:42,310 The one I met from carol-singing? 67 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:44,350 Oh, yeah. What does she say? 68 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:47,310 Well, she's nice and she listens, 69 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:50,430 but then she just goes on about the New Testament. 70 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:53,270 - Have you read it? - Not really. 71 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,260 She made me read it. 72 00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:57,990 Poor Jesus. 73 00:03:58,040 --> 00:03:59,840 What a way to go. 74 00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:06,590 Do you know which woman I've always liked? Fergie. Sarah Ferguson. 75 00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:08,990 Oh, yeah. Bloody hell. 76 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:11,390 And her kids. 77 00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:14,030 She's really... deep. 78 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:17,630 She really cares about normal people. It keeps her awake at night. 79 00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:20,190 She's very down to earth. 80 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:22,710 - You read her books? - No. Are they good? 81 00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:24,670 Oh, they're bloody brilliant. 82 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:27,910 And it isn't that he was talking to a girl. I mean, it's Jason, 83 00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:31,880 isn't it? He wouldn't cheat on anyone, not even me. 84 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:37,550 - You know he said he didn't get that job in Australia? - Yeah. 85 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:39,710 He was telling this girl he did. 86 00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:42,150 - He was just boasting, love. - No. 87 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:43,870 He was telling her all about it, 88 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:47,020 saying he's going to move there in February. 89 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:51,510 - Do you need to answer it? Sorry. - No. I'm sure someone will get it. 90 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:54,310 - Sorry, my hands are all covered in chicken. - I'll get it. 91 00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:57,470 - I want to hear about this budgie. - No, Reg. He's a helicopter. 92 00:04:57,520 --> 00:05:00,390 But he just happens to be called Budgie. 93 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:04,390 My God, she's clever. 94 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:06,830 Answer it. Go on. Don't worry about me. 95 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:10,430 - I need to reply to Mary. - No, I'm sure someone will let them in. 96 00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:20,880 - I should probably go down. - Yeah. 97 00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:27,150 Look who I found in the gutter! 98 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:30,920 Can I make myself a tea, Cathy? If I can work out which tin it's in! 99 00:05:33,280 --> 00:05:36,350 Hello, Michael. Everything OK with your mum? 100 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:39,910 - Yes... - He stuck a pillow in her face. Put her out of her misery. 101 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:44,800 How did she know? 102 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:57,940 Do you know where the tea's kept? 103 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:04,040 Pauline, babe. Do you know where the tea's kept? 104 00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:08,750 Er... there's a pot somewhere with "tea" written on it. 105 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:11,710 Yeah. Exactly. 106 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:30,150 So, how was Christmas? 107 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:33,870 Yeah, it was quiet, yeah. We had Reg and Maureen for lunch. 108 00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:37,030 - I bet that was nice. - Michael... 109 00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:41,110 - How was yours? - Yeah. It was nice to have the girls together. 110 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:43,160 Less nice to see Abi. 111 00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:50,110 - New shoes? - Yeah. 112 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,310 - The girls got me them. - Ah. 113 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:54,510 And now you feel guilty if you don't wear them? 114 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:57,560 Why do you think I'm wearing this cardigan? 115 00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,790 Oh, and Maureen... you'll like this... 116 00:07:00,840 --> 00:07:03,840 she wants to have sex with a black man. 117 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,310 - Where did that come from? - Nowhere. 118 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:11,910 Had nothing to do with anything that anyone was saying about anything. 119 00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:15,480 She just came out with it. - Any black man in particular? - Nope. 120 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:21,830 - Lovely. - Oh, erm... - Cathy... 121 00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:24,430 Cathy, can I get the code for your wifi? 122 00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:27,190 Erm, I was just about to make some tea for Maureen so... 123 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:30,150 There's some pretty influential people trying to contact me 124 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:33,840 so it's rather more important than a cup of tea for that racist bitch. 125 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:37,030 Right. 126 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:53,990 Me and Geoff's New Year's Eve parties were legendary. 127 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:56,470 In 2004, at Emma Marston's Easter brunch, 128 00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:58,430 they were still going on about my blinis. 129 00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:00,710 Well, I'm sure it won't be the same without you. 130 00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:03,430 No, it won't. I know it won't. 131 00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:07,110 I mean, they'll all be there. Peter and Sarah Beckwith, obviously. 132 00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:09,470 They'll leave as soon as they've eaten. 133 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:11,830 The Morgans and their daughter with the MBE. 134 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:15,630 - Wow! What did she get that for? - Oh, please. 135 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:19,030 If it was a CBE I'd be impressed, Cathy, but an MBE? 136 00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:21,910 Come on. It's not even an OBE. 137 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,710 Sorry, I'm just trying to think where I've put that little card 138 00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:27,230 - with the wifi code on it. - Don't be sorry, Cathy. 139 00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:28,630 Thanks. 140 00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:30,420 Just be quicker. 141 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:34,950 - One year at midnight, we all ended up in the pool. - No! 142 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,230 Oh, yeah. They threw me in! 143 00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:39,350 You'll have to speak louder. I can't hear you. 144 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:43,190 - She's not speaking to you, Reg. - Right. Sorry. As you were. 145 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:45,150 I used to have a swimming pool. 146 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:48,000 A swimming pool? What do you do in it? 147 00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:50,830 - Swim. - Where? 148 00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:54,270 - To the end. - Then what? 149 00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:56,030 Back again. 150 00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:58,480 What a fucking waste of time. 151 00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:01,750 When my divorce settlement comes through, 152 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:03,950 I'll be able to afford 34 swimming pools. 153 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,870 I'm sure they're all texting you, sweetie, wondering where you are. 154 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:10,350 Yes, I know and saying what a boring party it is without me. I know. 155 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:12,600 I'm not bothered, anyway. 156 00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:17,710 - I've heard it's prosecco this year, rather than champagne. - God...! 157 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:20,230 Oh, how the mighty have fallen. 158 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:24,350 - Small J. - How small? 159 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:25,750 Er... 160 00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:27,630 The smallest one you've got. 161 00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:29,710 - Go on. - Seven. 162 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:31,310 - Seven? - Yep. 163 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:34,630 - The number or the word, Cathy? - The number. 164 00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:37,220 - And a capital P. - Thank you. 165 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:44,140 They sometimes take a while to come through, don't they? 166 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:53,700 - Have you tried refreshing... - I don't need your help. 167 00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:57,950 Oh, wow, Michael! 168 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,790 Just some bits and pieces for the family. 169 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:02,430 Just to say happy Christmas. 170 00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:05,880 Oh, lovely. Thanks. I've always wanted diabetes. 171 00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:09,920 No, thanks, that's really kind of you. 172 00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:12,480 - Erm... - Michael! 173 00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:15,510 Michael! Come here 174 00:10:15,560 --> 00:10:18,670 before I come out there and I grab your lovely little bum! 175 00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:20,990 - Right, I'd better... - Yeah. 176 00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:22,990 Sorry. 177 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:26,340 Hey, Michael, do you know where the tea's kept? 178 00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:29,550 Cathy? Cathy? 179 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:31,710 Can I take this for the cats? 180 00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:33,830 - Is Kelly all right? - Quick, it's dripping. 181 00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:36,870 Not really, love. I think you should go and talk to her. 182 00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:40,030 - Yeah. Probably. - Cathy! 183 00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:43,510 People might want some, Reg. It's the nice one, it was expensive. 184 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:45,150 Good. They'll like that. 185 00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:48,630 - Take all of it. I'll have some in the morning. - I am! 186 00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:53,270 Has she got any roll mops? 187 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:56,030 - Yeah, it's right next to my bed. - OK. 188 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:59,590 - Yeah. It's basically next to my pillow. - Very nice. 189 00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:02,790 So, in the mornings, I don't have to get up or anything. 190 00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:07,310 I just wake up, reach in my little fridge and get myself a can of Coke. 191 00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:08,830 Very nice. 192 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:13,500 I keep beers in it, too, for bedtime. 193 00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:16,750 - Nice shoes. - Thanks. 194 00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:19,510 Geoff and I didn't have a fridge in our bedroom. 195 00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:22,950 We had a little woman with a limp. We got her over on a coach 196 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:27,360 from Gdansk and we just used to ring a bell and she'd get us things. 197 00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:33,310 There you are. Has anyone been in touch? 198 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:36,270 No, not yet, but it's fine. 199 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:40,110 I've decided I'm not bothered by it all, so... I'm sure they'll text 200 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:42,910 in the morning and tell me how bad it was without me 201 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:46,310 and, in the meantime, I'm just going to relax and have a nice evening. 202 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:57,310 - Sorry, I was wondering where you were. - Yes. 203 00:11:57,360 --> 00:11:59,610 No, and that's fine. Yes. 204 00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:04,590 Yeah, come in, love. Come in. It's freezing out there. 205 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:06,470 She's just upstairs. 206 00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:08,070 This is my boyfriend, Ryan. 207 00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:11,390 Ryan. It's spelt with a Y not an I. 208 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:12,670 Yeah. 209 00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:14,950 A lot of people think it's short for Brian. 210 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:18,030 Do they? - Yeah. - But it's not short for anything, is it, babe? 211 00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:21,950 No, it's just a normal name like Mark or Jonathan. 212 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:23,390 Interesting. 213 00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:24,710 All right, babe? 214 00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:27,390 - Kelly! Debbie's here! - And Ryan. 215 00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:28,840 And Ryan! 216 00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:34,430 Oh, my God, what am I like?! 217 00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:36,880 Here she is! The drama queen! 218 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:39,870 Yeah! 219 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:46,980 - Has Carol made a cocktail? - Yeah. 220 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:50,960 - Do you want to try some? - Oh, don't. I can smell it from here. 221 00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:56,630 - Do you know she's got Dave's fridge in her bedroom? - Yeah. 222 00:12:56,680 --> 00:13:00,110 - I think that's a good idea, don't you? - I thought that. 223 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:04,400 Put some milk in it, buy a kettle, I'd never have to get out of bed. 224 00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:08,980 - Where would you wee? - The kettle. 225 00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:13,390 Then just flick on the switch, make myself a cup of tea... 226 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:15,630 Ha! Michael! 227 00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:17,630 Michael! Happy new year! 228 00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:19,390 I'm wearing a waistcoat. 229 00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:21,710 Oh. Yeah. 230 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,350 Very nice, mate. 231 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:25,070 Feel it, then. 232 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:36,150 - How was yours? - Yeah, good, actually. Thanks. 233 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:39,590 Pauline likes to spend her Christmas on the beach so I took her 234 00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:42,070 to Mykonos. Didn't I, didn't I? 235 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:44,430 - Yes. - I did it all like a big surprise. 236 00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:46,870 Packed her bags for her, got Priority Boarding, 237 00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:48,150 took off Christmas Eve. 238 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:50,270 It was freezing cold and nothing was open. 239 00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:52,430 Well, it's December, isn't it, darling? 240 00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:54,630 It was warmer in the sea, but she wouldn't get in. 241 00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:57,280 - You all right, love? - Yeah... 242 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,240 No, I'm great. Yeah. 243 00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:06,200 - My mum's just being hilarious again. - Oh, Kell... 244 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:08,950 Yeah... 245 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,390 Um... 246 00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:11,980 What, love? 247 00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:15,580 You just called me Kell. 248 00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:19,860 Does that mean you like me or...? 249 00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:24,840 Oh, Kelly, love. Of course I like you. 250 00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:29,120 Oh, Kelly... 251 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:31,550 No, I'm sorry, 252 00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:35,720 but that's just the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. 253 00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,840 Well, this is boring. 254 00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:50,100 I think they've forgotten about us, babe. 255 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:52,550 Honestly. 256 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:56,600 New Year's Eve and I'm stood in some old woman's hallway. 257 00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:02,790 I don't think they liked me, you know. 258 00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:04,790 Of course they liked you, babe. 259 00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:06,990 I don't know. 260 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:11,190 I think they might've found me a bit too... unconventional? 261 00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:14,590 Yeah. Do you know what? I wouldn't be surprised, actually. 262 00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:16,630 They're all, like, so conventional. 263 00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:18,510 Yeah. 264 00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:21,430 I know you're, like, four times as old as me... 265 00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:25,790 - Not quite. - .. but even if Jason does go to Australia and dumps me 266 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:29,390 and I never leave the house again, can we still be friends? 267 00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:31,240 Of course we can. 268 00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:36,470 My friend Mary from carol-singing, she's 89. 269 00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,830 I'm a little bit younger than her, aren't I? 270 00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:41,430 Oh, you're considerably younger, yeah. 271 00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:45,430 - And also you do look younger than she does. - Thanks. 272 00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:49,360 No, you do. Honestly. I'm not just saying that. 273 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,040 I don't want Jason to go. 274 00:15:57,840 --> 00:16:00,880 - I can't live in Australia. - I know. 275 00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:05,480 I feel as sad as the sisters of Lazarus. 276 00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:14,390 He's upset about something. 277 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:16,150 No, babe, he smiled at me. 278 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:18,830 No, I can tell these things, babe. I'm an observer. 279 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:21,220 I observe life. It's a gift. 280 00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:26,080 - Was that Jason? - Yeah. 281 00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:32,990 I think they're going upstairs to have sex together. 282 00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:36,390 - Ryan! - What? - That's his mum! - Is it? 283 00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:38,950 - Yeah, babe! - You're kidding me. 284 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:42,630 - I can't believe you just said that, babe. - Oh, my God, you're kidding me! 285 00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:44,110 She's fit. 286 00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:46,800 But then you can also wear it... 287 00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:53,030 - Very nice. - Yeah. 288 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:55,830 So it's basically like buying two coats for the price of one. 289 00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:58,350 - Well done, love. - Yeah. 290 00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:02,150 - Looks nice, doesn't it? - Oh, it's lovely. 291 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:03,940 Kelly chose it. 292 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:10,460 So things didn't go well down the pub, then? 293 00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:14,920 Erm... No. Not really. 294 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:20,510 Yeah. 295 00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:23,310 It's a shame, really, cos Kelly loves New Year's Eve. 296 00:17:23,360 --> 00:17:25,990 It's like one of her best days of the year. 297 00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:30,070 It's up there with, like, Christmas, Halloween, April Fool's Day. 298 00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:34,190 - Do you remember Kelly on April Fool's Day? - Yeah. 299 00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:36,040 She's so funny. 300 00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:43,510 Did she, er... 301 00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:48,280 - Did she tell you what's wrong? - Erm... 302 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:51,670 Yeah, she did, love. Yeah. 303 00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:56,350 So, erm... 304 00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:00,060 What's wrong with her, then? 305 00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:04,480 I think you know what's wrong with her, love. 306 00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:13,670 Why didn't you tell me you got the job? 307 00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:19,580 You've done so well. 308 00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:24,960 Your dad would've been blown away. 309 00:18:28,360 --> 00:18:30,350 If you want to go to Australia, 310 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:33,000 if it's really important to you... 311 00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:36,910 .. you have to go. 312 00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:43,070 I think the problem is, though, Mum, that... 313 00:18:43,120 --> 00:18:44,720 I love Kelly. 314 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:48,430 I've never met anyone like her. 315 00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:52,480 I mean, she's a nutcase, but she makes me laugh. She's hilarious. 316 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,750 And there's not a bad bone in her body 317 00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:59,900 and the way she's been with me with everything with Dad... 318 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:02,200 I'm so lucky to have her. 319 00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:06,240 - And she really likes you. - Yeah. I've noticed that. 320 00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:11,350 But, like... 321 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:14,030 She doesn't want to go Australia. 322 00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:17,600 She sort of pretends she does, but she's such a bad liar. 323 00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:23,150 I can't make her move there, can I? 324 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:28,030 Mum... 325 00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:31,910 .. I can't, though, can I? 326 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:35,510 That's not for me to say, love. 327 00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:46,240 You can learn to surf in Cornwall. 328 00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:49,070 Yeah. I've heard that. 329 00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:53,510 And I was thinking one year me and Kell could save our holidays up 330 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:56,470 and we could go Australia for, like, a month or something. 331 00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:59,060 - That would be lovely. - Yeah. 332 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,750 I should go and talk to her about it, shouldn't I? 333 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:06,670 Yeah, that would be a nice thing to do. 334 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:11,790 What do you think you're going to say? 335 00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:13,240 Dunno. 336 00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:16,380 That I'm not going? 337 00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:23,310 I think, sometimes, what you gotta do in life, Mum, is you've got to 338 00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:27,470 think about what's best and what's important in the long term, 339 00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:30,800 and not just always do what you want to do in, like, the short term. 340 00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:36,560 I sort of don't ever want to be away from her, do I? 341 00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:39,700 She's like my twin. 342 00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:42,380 Do you know what I mean? 343 00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:45,280 Yeah. I do. 344 00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:04,120 Just need a wee first or I won't be able to concentrate. 345 00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:10,070 And then he comes in with this little mouse. 346 00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:11,430 Tiny little thing it was. 347 00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:13,470 Sorry, Reg, Pauline's not really in the mood. 348 00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:15,670 All right, all right. Just let me finish. 349 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:18,790 About this big he was. Still alive. He's got it in his mouth. 350 00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:22,150 He puts it down on the carpet, it's still alive, this tiny 351 00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,950 little mouse. You could fit it on your finger. Sweet little fella. 352 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,910 He comes in with it in his mouth and he drops it on the carpet. 353 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:30,390 - Can we talk about this later? - It won't take long. 354 00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:33,390 So I take him by his tail. Tiny little thing. 355 00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:36,070 I take him by his tail and he's spinning about, 356 00:21:36,120 --> 00:21:39,310 he's absolutely terrified. I took him by his tail, 357 00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:43,200 looked him in the eye and smashed his skull against the wall. 358 00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:47,390 What's he saying?! 359 00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:49,840 Left a mark on the wallpaper. 360 00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:51,830 She'll never notice. 361 00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:53,870 You killed a mouse? 362 00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:56,120 It was only a little one. 363 00:21:57,120 --> 00:21:58,560 Oh. 364 00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:10,350 I thought you'd given up. 365 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:11,800 So did I. 366 00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:26,630 I've never really liked New Year's Eve. 367 00:22:27,120 --> 00:22:28,860 No, me neither. 368 00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:33,360 I never understood what it was I was supposed to be celebrating. 369 00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:37,910 Dave used to love it, didn't he? 370 00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:40,360 - Mm. - But he was like that. 371 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:42,510 Yeah. 372 00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:49,110 It's been a funny year. 373 00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:51,830 Mm-hm. 374 00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:55,190 I lost my husband, but I gained Kelly, so... 375 00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:57,240 I guess it evens out. 376 00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:03,040 - And your wrist. - Oh, yeah! Forgot about that. 377 00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:06,350 How is it? 378 00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:09,790 Oh, yeah, it's completely fine. Yeah. 379 00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:11,440 That's good. 380 00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:16,310 What about you? 381 00:23:16,360 --> 00:23:18,670 I think you've got a fan in Carol. 382 00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:20,790 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 383 00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:24,150 No, no, no, no. I'll not be going there, don't worry. 384 00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:25,950 Why not? 385 00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:27,470 Not my type. 386 00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:30,230 Oh, so you've got a type, have you? 387 00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:31,640 Yeah. 388 00:23:45,120 --> 00:23:47,350 Well, thank you for the chocolates and the biscuits, 389 00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:51,600 I'll be sure to let my doctor know that I'll be eating them. 390 00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:55,040 I've been trying to give you this. 391 00:23:57,320 --> 00:23:59,150 - Have you? - Mm. 392 00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:00,750 It's just to say thank you 393 00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:04,030 because I don't think I could've got through this year without you, so... 394 00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:06,820 The year would've been a lot quicker. 395 00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:10,270 No, it's just a thank you. That's all. 396 00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:12,060 Happy Christmas. 397 00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:14,670 Thank you. 398 00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:18,900 Aren't you going to open it? 399 00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:21,420 Mm. 400 00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:36,150 It's very nice. Thank you. 401 00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:39,140 Are you not going to look at the, erm...? 402 00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:42,320 Aw. 403 00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:52,280 - Do you remember that Chinese meal? - I remember. I remember. 404 00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:56,750 Oh! 405 00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:58,150 Oh, I tried my best. 406 00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:01,720 - Well, it tasted better than it looked. - Move on. 407 00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:05,270 Oh, I'm not... I'm not really sure what that's meant to be. 408 00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:08,030 Well, it's Kelly, wasn't it, on April Fool's Day but... 409 00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:11,550 - Oh, yeah, God, she was mad! - Yeah, I know! 410 00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:13,040 Aww! 411 00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:18,630 Ha! I got it up eventually. 412 00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:22,360 You did very well for a man who'd never put a telly on a wall. 413 00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:26,030 I didn't know what to put. 414 00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:28,350 - Very arty. - Thank you. 415 00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:30,670 Oh... 416 00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:34,750 Oh, thanks, thanks, Michael. 417 00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:36,470 It's your face, it's funny. 418 00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:39,320 Oh! Just wait till we get to November. 419 00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:45,270 - Oh, that was a long night for you, you poor wee thing. - Mm. 420 00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:47,920 I had you there with me, didn't I? 421 00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:49,790 Yeah. 422 00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:53,840 Oohhh... 423 00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:57,790 Oh, God! 424 00:25:57,840 --> 00:25:59,990 I can't... I can't even remember taking that. 425 00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:04,600 No, no, I expect you were too busy smashing my digital photo frame. 426 00:26:44,120 --> 00:26:47,920 Oi! Dickheads! It's nearly midnight! 427 00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:51,480 I think she means us. 428 00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:53,640 Yep. 429 00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:59,070 - I've never really thought of myself as a dickhead. - I have. 430 00:26:59,120 --> 00:27:02,510 Have you? That's really nice of you. Thanks, Michael. 431 00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:05,550 But I think I'm... I think I'm more of an arsehole. 432 00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:08,030 - Oh, yeah, I can see that. - Can you? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 433 00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:12,080 I've always definitely thought you were a right arsehole. 434 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:22,300 Hello, everyone. 435 00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:26,910 All right, Michael? 436 00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:30,550 - We're not going to Australia. - Ah, good, mate. 437 00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:33,750 Mum, he's not going to Australia... 438 00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:59,590 Michael! Michael! It's nearly midnight! 439 00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:06,430 Big Ben! Shush! 440 00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:08,110 It's Big Ben! 441 00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:09,750 Ten, nine 442 00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:11,750 eight, seven, 443 00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:13,750 six, five, 444 00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:15,510 four, three, 445 00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:17,630 two, one! 446 00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:21,230 I got my ticket for the long way round 447 00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:24,390 Two bottle whiskey for the way 448 00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:28,190 And I sure would like some sweet company 449 00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:31,790 And I'm leaving tomorrow, what do you say? 450 00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:33,630 When I'm gone 451 00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:36,030 When I'm gone 452 00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:39,350 You're gonna miss me when I'm gone 453 00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:41,110 You're gonna miss me by my hair 454 00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:43,350 You're gonna miss me everywhere 455 00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:46,640 You're gonna miss me when I'm gone. 35058

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