All language subtitles for Humane.2024.hoetinkhof79

:
The chilling announcement
was made earlier today

by the Secretary
General of the UN,

who was overseeing the meetings
held by world leaders

at their Emergency Summit
in Athens.

:
While we every day bear witness

to the catastrophic
ecological collapse

that is plaguing our planet,
we must not forget that this is,

above all, a human crisis.

The sudden
and devastating scarcity

of food, water and resources,

once only an issue
for our most vulnerable,

now spares no one,

and it requires a response
like none before.

:
He went on to add
that starting tomorrow,

all international
borders will be closed,

and every nation
will have one year

to meet their population
reduction goals.

:
Come on, Professor, are you
seriously telling our viewers

that you are in favour
of conscription?

: I am in favour
of this government

doing whatever it takes
to win this war.

:
Please stop referring

to this crisis as a war.
It's not a war.

Wars have opposing sides.

:
Humanity is the opposing side.

We are engaged in nothing less
than a life and death struggle

against our own extinction.

:
Unbelievable.

So what else are you all for?

How about lowering
the age of eligibility?

: Why not?

Plenty of individuals

under the age of 18

have expressed a desire,

a willingness, to enlist.

I see no reason

why we shouldn't at least
consider their wishes.

:
Consider the wishes
of children?

:
I didn't say "children."

But I do have
a 10-year-old son myself.

10? Are you saying
that this administration

is considering letting
10-year-olds enlist?

Professor York I sincerely hope
your son is not watching today.

:
I sincerely hope he is.

He needs to know exactly
what's at stake.

Every nation on this planet

needs to honour
their commitments

to the Athens Accord,

and we are severely
behind our 20% pledge.

Not enough people
are willing to enlist!

Fuck that guy!

I don't see him signing up.

:
...our government come up

with its initial enlistment
estimates. Okay?

I am sorry, Mr. York.

: I made the mistake
of assuming...

:
No apology needed.

: ...selfless enough
to willingly enlist.

I agree.

:
...to volunteer.

Turns out people
are far more selfish

than I believed they were.

:
...the fallout continues

over the Kremlin's
announcement last week

that Russia has satisfied
their commitment

to the Athens Accord

three months
ahead of the UN deadline.

Oh, you're already working
on the mackerel?

It must be wonderful to be
handling fresh seafood again.

This is the hardest thing
I've ever done in my life.

And I'm including my years
as a war correspondent.

The piano looks so strange
in the bedroom.

But you were right.

It fits.

Want to come up
and see for yourself?

There's still time
before the kids arrive.

Oh, Dawn.

I'm sorry.

You said you wanted to cook.

I'll go.

Oh, honey. Come.

:
"...this is fake news.

We are not a branch
of the military.

We're a department made up
of compassionate individuals

dedicated to helping our nation
in its greatest hour of need."

Coming up after the break,

we'll bring you more
on the York Therapeutics

class-action trial.

The courtroom erupted today

when one of the plaintiffs
confronted CEO Rachel York,

blaming Ms. York personally for
her debilitating chronic pain.

:
Exterior UV levels
are moderate.

Proceed with caution.

-Hello?
-: What the fuck is
the matter with you?!

You go on TV and you tell your
son that he should kill himself?

That's not what I said, Beth.

I didn't say he should
kill himself.

That reporter fucking
twisted my words.

: No, no, no. Don't blame
the interviewer, Jared.

Okay? You said what you said,
and now Lucas is...

is bawling his eyes out.

Um, okay.

Um... can I just speak to him?

Would you mind putting
him on the phone?

I'd love to chat with him.

:
No! Not a chance!

Are you kidding me?

He doesn't want to speak to you.

Can I just come by later?

I'll be gone before curfew.

:
No. No, you can't come by.

I swear to God, Beth,

I didn't say our son
should enlist.

Fuck my life.

Oh!

What?

Dawn, most of this stuff
is prohibited.

Where'd you get it?

:
Oh, for God's sake.

Is Noah coming tonight
or something?

:
Of course he is.

He's your brother.

:
I mean, adopted.

Why don't you go relax
in the living room

until your father
comes downstairs?

Hm?

:
Just send me home in an Uber.

I'm fine now.
They don't want me here.

:
I don't care what they want.

You're staying with me.

Was that grandpa's
new car in the driveway?

: No, that's your
Uncle Jared's midlife crisis.

I don't think it's electric.

Oh, it's not.

She forced me to come.

Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart.

You know I'm always
happy to see you.

Mia, go ask Uncle Jared
about his car.

I said this was
an adults-only evening.

She shouldn't be here.

Yeah, well, you didn't
see her when I got home.

She saw me on the news
and she was a wreck.

-I couldn't leave her.
-Poor Mia.

If you don't want her here,
we're both leaving.

I don't have time
for whatever this is anyway.

No, no. It's okay.

Stay.

Please stay.

Now...

How are things going
with the lawsuit?

:
Mm! Smells good in here.

Hey, what happened?

I can't do it.

I thought that I could, but
the timing's not right and...

I don't know, Grace.

The last time I saw him,

he wouldn't even look at me.

: No matter
what your dad has planned,

he's not going to be upset
by what you have to say

after what he just did for you.

I know what he did for me.

But you don't know him.

You've never met him!

He hates surprises and I can't
just hijack his night

because he'd hate that.

And that's okay
because I just... I need...

: Noah.

I need more time.

Noah.

Close your eyes.

Take a deep breath.

Picture yourself calm.

Picture yourself in the place
you're most comfortable.

Now tell me: what do you see?

Our apartment.

You.

Just you.

: Go home.

I'll meet you there soon.

We can get under the sheets
and watch TV.

-I love you.
-And I love you.

:
Uh-uh. Not a chance.

If I'm doing this, so are you.

Get in!

In case you're wondering,

I just had a commercial audition
for a video game.

It's great. You know?

Five years of theatre school

and this is what my life
has come to:

praying to book a commercial
for a video game.

I'm sorry, Ash.

Something I could do?

Yeah, you could convince

the 50 other girls
I'm up against

to enlist.

That could help me a lot.

I could try.

Okay. Thank you.

-I'm pretty convincing.
-Yeah, you are.

:
Any idea why Dad invited us to--

No. Uh... my guess is
he's gonna tell us

that he's going back to work.

Must be killing him he retired

just before the story
of the century broke.

And you know Dad,
it's all about his legacy.

Why did I even bother coming?

Hang tight.

Who's Grace?

Uh...

Nobody. Just a friend.

Oh, my God, do you have
a booty call after dinner?

I mean, it's not a booty call
if you live together.

I met her, um... at a meeting.

You know, she's been clean
for a long time, and...

Look, I was gonna
tell Dad tonight,

but it's not the time

because I don't want to get
in the way of...

you know, whatever, and...

Could we just... just not...
say anything to him?

Yeah, no, I won't.

-Please, just...?
-Yeah.

Won't say... anything.

Please don't hate me.

I could never hate you.

It's you and me against
the world... always.

Just... no more secrets.

Promise.

Promise.

Okay.

: Like this.

That's it!

You're a natural.

: Uncle Noah!

Auntie Ashley!

Hey, Nugget. I've missed you.

Hi!

You look good, Son.

Oh, really good.

: hm.

"Hey, Ashley,
you look good, too."

Hey, Ashley,
you look good, too.

Oh, thanks, Dad.

Okay! Everyone to the table.

Time for kaiseki.

Thank you.

:
Thank you, Dawn.

Wow.

: Just in case.

This is sakizuke,
the appetizer.

Miso-marinated tofu
with grilled aubergine

and seasonal vegetables.

This is the first dish
I learned to make

when I started
my training in Japan.

Oh, Dawn, this is like
a work of art.

Your guests
must go crazy for this.

She closed her restaurant.

A toast.

We are so happy you all joined
us tonight for a family dinner.

It's so important.

I am so sorry my work kept me

from being home for dinner

so often.

And breakfast. And lunch.

-Sorry, I was just...
-: No, no.
You're right.

It's inexcusable.

I loved my job.

But you're my children.

And I should've been
here for you.

I should've been here.

Oh, well, that's not
much of a toast, is it?

What I'm trying to say is...

we are so happy
all of you could join us.

It means the world to us.

To family.

: To family.

To... family.

:
Oh, my God, I'm gonna burst.

Please tell me that's it.

Still one more course,

the mizumono.

A very small dessert.

So before dessert, I, um...

I do have something that, uh,
I want to say to everyone.

And we can't wait to hear it,
but first...

I think these two
need to tell us

what the fuck
we're all doing here.

Rachel.

: What?!

You invited us here for this...

fabulous fancy dinner,

told us we couldn't invite
anybody, what is going on?

We've decided to enlist.

What...?

Mia, go watch TV.

-No, I want to stay.
-Mia, go.

That's why we wanted
only adults here this evening.

: Well, if you would've
given me a heads-up

on what this night
was all about,

I would've found
a fucking sitter.

-Rachel, watch your mouth.
-Are you fucking kidding me?

You've got a lot of nerve

telling me to watch my fucking--

Watch! Your! Mouth!

Save my dessert.

No social media.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

If you'd like to talk about
this in a respectful manner,

we're here for questions.

Yeah, I'll go first.
Uh, why?

Why would you enlist?

You don't need the money.

:
For over three decades
I delivered the evening news,

and there was not a week
that went by

where I was not reporting
on some horrific

ecological disaster.

Droughts, floods, wildfires.

Crumbling glaciers.

I remember vividly staring
into my monitor

the day that
the Amazon rainforest

burnt out of existence,
just gone.

And I knew full well

that the last thing
this planet needed

was more people.

And what did I do?
I had children.

-: Four of them.
-Oh, my God!

: And now,
the government is talking about

drafting people
to be euthanized.

If any of your names
were called,

I couldn't live with myself.

-They won't call our names.
-: You don't know that.

I do, I do, I do.

And even if they did,
they can't call all of us.

Okay, I'm not supposed to say
any of this yet,

but the legislation only permits
one person per family.

That means if one of us
were called,

the rest of us would be safe.

And if at that point
you felt inclined

to take one of our places,
you could,

because they're going
to let parents do that.

But none of that's gonna happen

because these rules aren't made
for people like us.

So let's just fucking forget it.

We can't take that chance.

Oh, my God.

Both our first marriages
ended tragically.

Neither of us ever expected
to find love again,

but by the grace of God, we did.

And we think this is
the right thing to do.

Okay, I'm going to try
my hardest not to swear.

Um, but Dawn, why would you
agree to this bullshit?

Well, we were thinking
we're both public figures,

and we believe if we do this,
we can set a good example.

: Oh, my God.

This is about elevating
the York name, isn't it?

: No, it's not.

It's about doing
the right thing.

No, it's not.

It's about the fact that
we all embarrass you.

-What?
-It's true.

I mean, much to your obvious
disappointment,

none of us turned out
to be anything special,

so enlisting is
your way of going out

with the York name
forever remembered

as the epitome
of self-sacrifice.

Dawn, be honest with me:
this wasn't your idea, right?

My dad convinced you?

We decided together.

Bullshit.

Everybody just leave Dawn alone.

I'm sorry, I can't do this.
I just--

-Son! Sit down.
-: I gotta go.

Please stay. Please!

No, this is not...

Dad... dad, you just said...

You just said that you want
to spend more time with us?

And, and... this doesn't make
any... any fucking sense!

It doesn't make any sense!

Noah, stop! Put that down!

We'll continue this discussion
after dessert.

-Right, dessert!
-Yeah.

: I will come and get you
when it's ready.

: The rioting
continued throughout the night

with protestors vowing
not to give up

until the government
provides transparency

into the full extent
of D.O.C.S. powers.

We'll be right back.

:
Week 39 Enlisters of the Week
are Luis and Rosa Gonzalez.

Luis was employed as a high
school custodian for 25 years,

while Rosa stayed home
and raised their son, Ignacio.

Luis and Rosa bestowed their
enlistment benefit payments

to Ignacio and
his new bride, Maria,

who plan to use the money
to buy their first home.

Luis and Rosa, a grateful
nation thanks you.

: Dad, look,
you don't have to do this.

I have a friend
in the program.

He says the government is lying

about the enlistment numbers.

: Oh, fuck, here we go.

Conspiracy theory time,
is it?

:
He's not a wacko, Jared.

He works for a watchdog group,

and Dad, what they're saying
is that way more

than 9% of people
have enlisted.

It's more like 16%.

Yeah, what's this person's name?

His name, why?

: Because people
who spread disinformation

should be held accountable,
so what's his name?

His name is the same as mine.

He's anonymous.

Oh, he's anonymous.

Those ones
are always the bravest.

I assume you told
this fucking clown

he has no idea
what he's talking about.

:
How do you know?

You don't know this person.

No, but I do know

this person is speaking
utter nonsense.

Why would the government
lie about that?

Why would they lie?

You do know who's enlisting,
don't you?

And it's only gotten worse

since they opened up enlistment

to undocumented immigrants.

Now, that's a very unfair
picture you're painting.

That's a very popular program.

First off,
those people are paid.

Second off,

their children are fast-tracked

toward citizenship.

-"Those people"?
-: Oh, for fuck's sakes,

that's not what I meant.

I just meant it is a...

very good opportunity
for people...

like him.

Jared, he is your brother.

: I said "like him,"
I don't mean him.

He's got all the opportunity
he needs.

Rachel, please help me out here.

No. Never, never.

Okay, guys, I know that,
yeah, times are grim

and rumours are swirling.

But this administration

would never fabricate
enlistment numbers

just to gerrymander,
trust me!

Why should we trust you?

You're on TV every day
defending a government

that is made up
of the same buffoons

who would come onto my show

and deny that climate change
even existed.

I don't know why I expected
anything different from you.

You spent an entire career
in mainstream media

just pointing fingers.

Asking questions
is not pointing fingers.

Pointing fingers is when
this administration

repeatedly refers to this crisis
as the "Asian Collapse."

But that's true!

China, Japan, India,
they're responsible for this!

Shame on you!

That sort of hateful rhetoric

is why Dawn can't even
go outside anymore.

For God's sake!

They burned down her restaurant.

Oh, I know you crave
the spotlight, Jared.

But you're
embarrassing yourself.

And you embarrass me.

Okay, cool.

So, I guess next time

I go on television,

I should just make a pit stop

at one of Noah's meetings

and just see what the deadbeat
junkies have to say?

Jared, shut up!

He met his girlfriend
at a meeting.

You're dating another addict?

Son?

Her name is Grace.

And um...

she... she's been clean
for 10 years, Dad.

And...

she's been very,
very good for me.

Do you have a picture?

Yeah.

:
Well, she's lovely.

What does she do?

She's a manager at Sports World
at the Oakwood Mall.

And...

I work there, too.

Um... I play the piano
in the food court.

You're playing again?

:
Just jazz standards and Muzak.

You know, it's nothing.

No, it's not nothing.

It's perfect.

Well, I better go help Dawn.

:
Anyone else see the way he...

bandied about
that fireplace poker?

I thought he was gonna kill me.

Can I see?

:
Oh! My God!

She's gone.

: What?

"I'm sorry, I can't do it.
I will always love you, Dawn."

What does she mean,
"I can't do it"?

Dad, did you already sign up?

Hi, I'm Bob.

: It's them!

-Oh, they're early.
-: What?

:
Hey, Bob from D.O.C.S.,

Department of Citizen Strategy.

I'm sorry we're a bit early.

Our last appointment
was a no-show.

You scheduled it for tonight?

We wanted you all here with us

as we said goodbye.

What the fuck, Dad!

-You can't just spring
that on us!

Tell him to leave!
We're not done here.

Jesus!

Hi. Bob again.

We can't park our vehicle
in the driveway

with all the cars.

Mind if we park it

along the side here?

It's a tight fit,
but Tony's a pro.

Uh... sure.

-Yeah, okay, Tony, we're good.
-Alright.

Well... normally, I'd start
by asking who people are,

but I... I certainly know
who you are, sir.

I'm a big fan.

"Charles York: Most Reliable
Source for News."

Is that James Earl Jones
who does that voice?

No, that's CNN.
That was years ago.

Anyway, I love it.
I love it.

It makes you want
to listen, you know?

Uh...

Wow!
You're married to Dawn Kim.

I saw her on Iron Chef.

Me and the missus
have always wanted

to go to her restaurant,

but just a little too rich
for our blood, you know.

Anyway.
Do you mind if I come in,

or did you want to do
the procedures

in the driveway?

I'm so sorry. That was rude.

That was rude.

I'm just a little
out of sorts these days.

It's just impossible to take
time off right now.

Circling back. May I come in?

Please. Come in.

Hello. I'm Bob.

-Hi.
-Hello.

Hello.

Wow!

This place is stunning.

I don't get to see inside
a lot of houses

in this neighbourhood.

I love how you've updated things

and kept the historical
elements.

And that chandelier just, like--

Fish?

Yes. Uh, hi, I'm Jared.

I'm Charles's son.

I know you.
You're on TV, too.

I... I am!
Yeah, lately, anyway.

You're that government guy.

Well, no. I'm...
I'm an anthropologist.

But I have been working
in coordination

with the government.

Ah, that's great.
Where's Dawn?

Uh, she's not here.

She got cold feet and she left.

Oh. So it's just you, then.

Yes. But my wife and I decided
to enlist together,

so if it's alright with you,

I'd like to ask you
to come back another time.

I'm sure once she and I connect,

she'll be back on board.

That's... that's great.
Yeah, right.

Do you... uh, can I talk to you
in private for a sec?

I mean, don't worry.
Don't worry.

Just need to sign some
confidential paperwork

to cancel the procedure.

You know the government

and their paperwork?

Like a dog with a bone.

Absolutely.
I'll sign whatever.

Please follow me.

: Just initial the bottom
of each page,

sign the last one,
and we're all set.

Fine. Well...

I'd like to look it over first.

Sure. Take your time.

Wow. That's Mandela.

I recognize him.

And Bono.

Whew! Is that Queen B?

Oh, my God, I love her.
It is, isn't it?

Oh, what a life
you've led, my friend.

By all accounts,
a virtuous one.

Not everyone can say that.

Some men in your position,

well, they take advantage.

Lives ruined, careers destroyed,
and all for what?

A little...
a little hanky-panky.

Yeah.

When those bozos are gone,

all anyone is gonna remember
is the nasty stuff.

Not you.

When you're gone,

people are gonna remember you

as one of the greats.

That is unless something
comes to light

that makes people
see you differently.

What is this?

I'm not signing this.

Do you know who I am?

I do.

As I said, I'm a big fan,

and I will never stop feeling
that way toward you.

No matter what list
your name is on.

The way he plays...

it's beautiful.

Dad, I don't understand.

You said that you wanted
to do this with Dawn.

What changed?

-Did he...?
-Oh, no. No, no, no, no.

And you were right.

I did try to convince
Dawn to enlist.

But I'm still set on doing this.

I'm sorry I wasn't
a better father.

I was too hard on all of you.

Especially
after your mother died.

The estate will be divided
evenly amongst you all.

-Be good to one another.
-: Mom!

:
Support one another.

Do better than I did.

:
This is the anaesthetic.

Once I administer it,

you'll fall asleep
and you won't feel a thing.

: Grandpa!

:
That was very moving.

From the music
to the reconciliations.

I mean, that procedure
ranked right up there

with the best of them.

Just go.

Alright, then.

Bye.

Oh... I can't leave quite yet.

Why not?

You're not gonna like this.

But I need a second cadaver.

A body. I need a second body.

No, I already told you:
Dawn left.

No, and that's unfortunate.

But we're here to collect, um...

two bodies.

What's he talking about?

You're scaring my niece.
Get out.

Fine, fine...

-Holy shit!
-: Oh, my God!

-: Jesus Christ!
-: Calm down, calm down.

-Mom!
-: It's alright.

Look, we've got three hours
until our next appointment,

then it's... what?
Roughly a half hour from here.

Another half hour to perform
the procedure.

And that leaves you
two full hours to decide

which one of you
is gonna take Dawn's place.

:
Okay. I don't know if this is

some kind of ill-timed joke,

but it ends now.

Uh... I'm calling some friends
of mine in the Administration.

Yeah, that's not gonna happen.
We scrambled the house.

We can't have you wasting time

when you should be concentrating

on the task at hand.

Now the little one here.
Mia, right?

You don't talk to her.

Relax. I was just gonna
tell you that she's exempt.

We don't get paid for minors.

Paid?

Well, sure.

D.O.C.S. contracts out
cadaver collections

to private companies

such as the one that employs me
and my colleagues here.

We used to work in Corrections,

but prisons emptied out
in a hurry

when enlistment opened up

to incarcerated convicts.

It's such a shame, too.

Housing, feeding convicts
over time

paid a lot more dough
than cadaver procurement.

That's strictly a one-time fee,

and currently, the government
isn't paying for minors.

But maybe some day soon,
right, Professor?

You're a lunatic.

No!

I'm doing my job, just like you.

-Now give us the girl.
-Mom?

It's okay.

You're not taking her.

-Uncle Noah!

:
Tony, take her.

-Mom?
-No!

You're not taking her!

-You can't have her!
-It's okay, it's alright.

We're not gonna hurt her.

You have my word.

She's gonna sit with us
in our vehicle

until this situation
is resolved.

Now trust me.

You don't want her here
for this next part.

Okay, Mia, listen to me.

You need to go
with the man, okay?

No, no, Mom, I'm so scared.

It's okay.

We just need to figure this out.

I promise.

Okay? Come on.

: Let's go.

:
You're gonna be okay.

Why are you doing this?

We didn't enlist. Dawn did.

Please go find her.

We already have people
looking for Dawn,

but the odds that she's located
in the next two hours

are not good,

and we are not falling further
below our quota,

no way, no how.

What did you say to our father?

Nothing.

I just gave him the paperwork

to cancel this procedure.

Then he read it over

and decided not to sign.

Which, you know...

See? You can back out
no problem.

But your bank accounts
are frozen,

you lose your assets
and you go to jail

for the rest of your lives.

Either way, my company
gets paid.

Jared, is that true?

Yeah, it is.

Nothing seemed to bother him
as much as the fact

that his name would one day
be published

on the government's
Cowards' List.

Yep, we're gonna let people
know the names of all the bums

who turn their backs on their
country when it mattered most.

Your dad cared a lot about
what people thought of him, huh?

Alright.

Uh, Bob...

Bob?

Um... you don't have to do this.

-Well...
-: Okay?

I... I am sure,
as leader of this unit,

you have some discretion as
to how the D.O.C.S. regulations

are applied.

So... I... I'm gonna
tell you this as a favour,

you don't want to do this.

You're on the wrong
side of history.

This... this is a mistake.

: I know people,
important people.

You know what? You make
a very good point, Jared.

I really appreciate that.
Thank you.

Of course, of course,
no problem.

I hate to be that guy--

Yeah, yeah, but
here's the thing.

I don't care who you know.

And I certainly don't care

for you telling me
how to do my job.

The rules are the same
for everybody.

That's how I roll.

So here's what I suggest.

You all go into separate rooms,

take some time,
think about your lives.

I'm sure one of you
is gonna realize that

it's not all that great.

And to get things started,

I brought a little
reading material.

You see, this situation happens

a lot more often than you think,

and that's why our Familial
Research Department

compiles concise personalized
notes on all family members

based on information gathered
from browser histories,

e-mails, texts,
DMs and phone calls.

And not just from them,

but from the people
they interact with.

So, let's start with Jared York.

-Please don't.
-This is good, this is good.

Your very young girlfriend
Kaylee,

who you abandoned your wife
and child for last year,

she's having carnal relations

with three to five
additional people,

depending on the week.

She's what?

Speaking of your son, Lucas,

he hopes that you'll enlist

so he never has to see your,

and I quote here,

"stupid AF face again."

-Oh, and you often Google--

Oh, okay.

You Google shit,
you Google shit.

Next up, Rachel York.

It's okay. I'm pretty sure
I know what's on there.

Um, my daughter is being bullied
because of me.

Yes. Says so right here.

Uh, my board wants to fire me
from my own company.

Yeah, that's--

Oh, and I'm also wanted

for a string of bank robberies?

That's not-- agh!

Fuck you, you piece of shit!

Stand down, stand down.
Here, read them yourselves.

Just flick the porch lights
off and on

when you've made your decision.

Wait, wait, uh, what...
what if we can't decide?

What if we can't
make a decision?

I will decide for you.

Shit.

:
Procedure 16 complete.

Heading to 17's location.
Over.

You know, I'd... I'd ask you
to play cards with me,

but I don't
much appreciate your mom

punching me in the face.

I appreciated it.

Fuck you! Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck you, you piece of shit!

What the fuck do you know?!
"Melodramatic," my fucking ass!

Fuck! Agh!

Yeah... let me...

Come on, Jared.
Come on, Jared.

Come on, Jared.

: Would you please move?
Thank you.

So, anyone--

Yeah, I think Noah should
sacrifice himself for us.

Screw you, Jared.

No, really? Screw him.

Screw him.

When Mom and Dad adopted him,

he was given every opportunity
under the sun.

He went to the best schools.

He had the top piano
instructors.

But, but...

not only did he piss
his own life away,

he also fucking killed
that woman in the accident!

So, if you ask me,

Noah should
sacrifice himself for us.

It only makes sense.

:
No. You know what makes sense?

-Putting it to a vote!
-Okay.

Who here thinks that Jared
should take Dawn's spot?

Jared? How fucking dare you?

I have a child!

: Who hates you!

Like everyone else in your life.

Oh, do you know everyone
else in my life?

:
Oh, my God, no, maybe I don't.

-But I know Beth.
-: Hey.

:
Oh, you remember her?

Your beautiful,
amazing wife?

The one you bailed on
the second someone showed you

just a little bit of attention?

: Stop it!

I bet if she were here,

her hand would be held
fucking high!

No, it wouldn't!

Yes, you would!

Stop fighting!

I didn't get to say this
earlier...

but I came here tonight
to apologize.

I've been nothing but a drain
on this family

for far too long.

But the accident woke me up.

I'm clean.

I found love.

And for the first time
in my life,

I see a future for myself.

And I want nothing more

than for that future to include
the people in this room.

We can get through this,
but we have to stick together,

like Dad said.

Like Dad said?

:
Before he died.

Dad said to be kind
to one another,

to support one another.

So let's stop fighting,

and let's work together.

It's what Dad would've wanted.

: Are you serious?

That asshole signed one of his
own fucking children up to die.

He couldn't have known
about that, obviously.

Oh, no. Not obviously.

No. Nothing with him
was ever obvious.

The man could've given
a fucking Ted Talk

on withholding,

and all of a sudden,
I'm supposed to give a shit

because he got all weepy
on his deathbed?

Fuck you.

: Nice, nice.

Now what the fuck do we do?

Where is it? Where is it?

I mean, where is it?
It's gotta be here somewhere.

No, no, no. Is it here?

No, no, no...

There it is!

There's the card I needed.

Why don't you shove it
up your butt

so you'll always have it?

You have your mother's charm.

Boss, they blinked the light.

Decision time. BRB.

Hello! Hi.

We ready to proceed?

No, uh, we just...
we had a question.

You said that if we couldn't
decide who has the procedure,

you'd decide for us.

How will you decide?

Very good question.

You'll be happy to know that
I use a very scientific system

perfected over time.

What if we gave you a body?

What, did you find one
in the freezer?

No, you fuck.

I'm asking if you have
to do the procedure,

or can we just
deliver you a body?

A procedure is preferable
from a paperwork standpoint.

But I would figure
something out.

No, no decision yet.

My cards.

What did you...?

What did you do?
Why would you do this?

Because you're a bully.

What was that about?

What?

You said that we were
just gonna ask Bob

how he would decide?

Yeah. And we did that.

And then, I had a follow-up
question.

A very pointed one.

:
No, a very logical one.

I don't want to draw straws,
do you?

Fuckin' no, of course not.
But...

maybe it's what's fair?

Fuck fair.

I don't want a one in four
chance of dying tonight.

Sorry, those odds
don't work for me.

Okay, so what is
your suggestion, then?

I don't have one.

I've made mistakes,
a lot of them,

especially recently.

But I am sure as hell not ready
to throw in the towel.

None of us are!

That's kind of beside
the point, isn't it?

: No, it isn't.

Because here's the thing.

I barely know
you fucking people.

I know we're family
and all, but what?

We see each other three,
maybe four times a year?

Always here at Dad's.

I mean, we never get
together on our own.

We never even call each other

unless it's an obligatory
birthday call.

I am closer with the lady
who does my nails

than I am with any of you.

What's your point?

My point is...

if Bob needs a second body,

I can tell you all
right fucking now,

it's not gonna be mine.

-: Holy fuck!

:
Noah, let me see.

What the fuck?!

He doesn't deserve
a cent of Dad's money!

He's just gonna fucking
snort it all away!

Oh, my God!

-She's not wrong.
-: Yes, she is!

I'm fucking clean, Jared!

:
Oh, whatever. It never sticks.

Listen, guys, one less sibling

means more of Dad's money
for the rest of us.

You trying to recruit them
to gang up on me?

No, I know where Jared stands.

Ashley, you do get the severity
of the situation, don't you?

You do get that one of us
is leaving here tonight

in a fucking body bag?

One of our cold dead bodies

is being wheeled out that door

and thrown in the back
of that mobile morgue

at the end of the driveway
right alongside Dad.

Now do you want that dead body
to be your pretty little body?

No, you don't.

Because you have a dream, right?

You're gonna be
a famous actress.

And it'll happen for you, too.

You just gotta keep following
your heart.

As if you care.

You've never even seen
her on stage.

: No!

I haven't.

But I do know that following
your heart isn't cheap.

Now, I don't know how big
Dad's estate is,

but think of how much more
of a nest egg you could have

with one of us out
of the picture.

Yeah. Nice try.

But we're stronger than that.

Noah already got
his inheritance.

:
What do you mean?

I mean, he's not going to trial.

The woman's family dropped
the charges

because Dad paid them off.

I saw an e-mail
from Dad's lawyers.

He paid them $3,000,000.

-: Holy shit!
-No, no, no!

I had nothing to do with that!

Dad did that!

I didn't even know about it
until Dawn told me

when she invited me to dinner!

So Dad's estate isn't
being split evenly,

is it? Because you're
already up three mil.

I don't give a shit
about the money!

You guys can have it! Ash!

Ash...

You promised me no more secrets!

: Jared, put that back!

Jared, put that back!
What the fuck?!

Huh...

:
3 million fucking dollars?

Stop! This is fucking crazy!

All of you, stop!

Get the fuck back, Jared!

-Hit him!
-It's not as easy as it looks!

-You fucking hit him!
-: I already did!

Just swing, you fucking pussy!

: Stop! Stop!

Swing!

-Do you want it to be you?
-No!

-We're a fucking family!
-: Just fucking swing!

Stop it!
We're a fucking family!

-Fuck this!
-No!

Jared...

Jared...

Agh!

Jesus, fuck!

Ash, please, come on.

Don't do this. Ash, please.

: Oh!

Hm...

Hm...

So you're a test tube baby?

That because your mom
couldn't mate with a man

without killing him?

No.

My mom said it's because

she didn't want to waste any
of her love on some idiot man.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't think your mom
is a person

with a whole lot of love
in reserve.

This is a waste.

I have to pee.

Back there, to the right.

Wait, wait, wait, wait!

I don't want you peeing on this.

Sir, great news.

We have apprehended Mrs. Kim,

and are en route
to your location.

You can release the Yorks.

ETA 20 minutes.

Uh, no, no, no, no,
no, no... no.

Um... just... bring her
back to headquarters.

: Sir, she says she wants
to do the procedure at home.

Yeah, I don't give a rat's
ass what she wants.

Take her back to headquarters.

I wiped myself on
your hand towel.

Of course you did.

Ah!

Close your eyes,
close your eyes...

Picture yourself calm.

Picture yourself calm.

:
Picture yourself calm.

Picture yourself calm.

Oh, my God.

Grace...

Grace.

: One, two...

One, two...

One, two...

One, two, three,
four, there we go.

Apologies for the counting.

The instructions say it's ready

when you can count to three
between pops.

So that's what I do.

You gotta be careful

'cause the second
you burn one kernel,

the whole bag is ruined.

I don't know why,

but it just tastes off,
you know?

One time, I only...
had four unpopped kernels.

I put a photo of it on Insta.

You should check it out.

I'm @WhatAboutBob42.

Amazing.
I'll do that for sure.

: Hey!

Don't you want any popcorn?

:
It's been over an hour.

What are they still
doing in the house?

Well, based on my experience
in similar situations,

I want to say, you know,
killing one another?

: What?!

No, they're not.
Why would they do that?

Hey, that's not on me.

Your mom came up with that idea
all by herself.

She did not.
She would never do that.

Oh, why?

Because she's such
a good person?

Please.

You know those terrible things

your classmates are saying
about her online

are true, right? Yeah.

Your mom was fully aware

that those pills didn't work,

and yes, she refused
to pull them off the shelf.

So those women got sicker
and sicker because of her!

Stop lying!

: Tony!

...our expectation,
our desire

to achieve victory
on a volunteer basis

is an abject failure.

Noah.
Please don't.

What are you doing here?

:
I had to get away.

I couldn't take it.

Noah, I'm so sorry.

I don't know what happened.

It was Rachel.
She got in my head.

Where are they?

They're in the living room.

They have Dawn's knives.

I'm gonna go talk to them.

Did you not just hear
what I said?

:
This has to stop.

Ash...

it has to stop.

You stay here.

No.

I should go with you.

They should hear it from
the both of us.

Get behind me, in case
they gang up on you, too.

Okay.

Hey.

Look at us.

You look so happy.

I'd just started taking piano.

Nobody called me
a prodigy back then.

It was still fun.

And I had a new little sister
to call my own.

You and me against the world.

Look at those chubby
little cheeks.

-Noah...
-: Yeah?

: Aw! Fuck!

Ash, help me!

Help me!

-: I can't!
-Ash! Ash!

Agh!

Ah!

:
Open the fucking door!

You're fuckin' dead!

Agh!

Fuck!

Die already!

-: Oh!

Tell Mia I love her.

Tell her yourself.

Ah!

I'm not racist.

Uh... no, I...
I'm an ally.

Okay? So, uh...

you, uh, Mia...

uh... Dawn...

I love...
I love you all, okay?

I... I know you're not
supposed to say,

"I don't see colour,"
but I don't see colour,

so none of this has anything
to do with white privilege

or systemic anything.

Agh! Ugh!

Got it, Jared.

I got it.

: Agh!

Oh! Oh...

Oh, my God.

Oh! Oh, sh...

You think I'm the bad guy,
but I'm not.

I'm only here tonight because
your grandpa invited me.

He knows I'm doing important
work to save the planet

for your generation.

Giving me a fucking break.

Your generation ruined
the planet.

Hey, language.

You need to improve
your outlook, young lady.

I mean,
I don't think you realize

how lucky you are to be living
where you do.

Most of the world now,
it's total anarchy,

but we still have law and order,

and we're still
protecting your freedoms.

Okay. Look.

You don't understand this
because you're a kid.

And I get that.

But when the dust settles,

when we hit our enlistment goal,

the great people this country
used to have,

the really decent,
the righteous people,

they're gonna be gone.

Yeah. Whatever.

No, no, no! Enough with
the fucking attitude!

After everything I've done,
after everything I've sacrificed

you damn well better
show me some respect!

:
Boss, everything okay in there?

Boss?

Yeah, Tony, I'm good!

It's all good, it's all good,
it's all good...

Look, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to frighten you.

I'm just... I know what
I'm talking about. You know?

I've been inside
these people's homes.

I've sat with their families.

And these aren't
the Richie Riches of the world,

like your kind, with your
massive carbon footprints.

No, these are... these people
are salt of the earth.

They've worked hard
their whole lives

and just couldn't catch a break.

That is, until the government
offered them a quarter million

tax-free dollars
to sacrifice themselves,

and now, they're dying happy

knowing that their families

are being taken care of,
you know?

And that's beautiful.

My wife Ruth,
she enlisted on Day 14.

Yeah, she had Parkinson's
for years,

but we managed, you know,
we managed. It's all good.

Still, she decided that
since the enlistment program

didn't give two hoots
about a pre-existing condition,

she might as well sign up
and get the money

instead of dying
for nothing, you know?

Hey, I disagreed.

But I never won an argument
in all our years of marriage.

Look, I'm sorry that
you're all broken up

about what's going on
in your grandpa's house,

but come on, come on!

Is it so wrong to not want
the new world

to be filled with terrible
people like your family?

No.

I guess not.

But I don't think
you care about that.

I just think you like
to watch people die.

Can't it be both?

: Jesus Christ,
this is so fucking bleak.

I don't know, I...

Oh, ugh...

Jesus, is there no way
Bob can just come in here

and fucking kill him
so we don't have to?

No, he won't do it.

No, but he might.

We could at least ask him.

It's a waste of time.

That sadistic fucker is loving
what's happening in here.

This is what he wanted
all along.

If we want out,
we have to deliver the body.

Guys, the way he looked at me
when he realized I betrayed him.

-I can't...
-: Yeah.

He could've finished me off,
but he didn't.

Me, too.

Sorry, Ash, it's okay.

We're gonna just get this
done real quick.

It'll be over with
before you know it.

-On three.
-Yeah, okay, on three.

Okay.

-: Ugh!
-: Oh, God.

-One...
-: Yeah, one.

Two...

-: Agh...
-: Three.

: Noah? Noah!

Noah, please!

-Who's that?
-Who's that?

-: Noah,
are you still here?

:
Ma'am, stop right there!

: You stay there!

-: Noah, where are you?
-: Ma'am!

Let me go! I don't know
what's going on here,

but I'm recording everything.

-Where is Noah?
-Holy shit, that's Grace!

Oh my God, we're saved.
Grace!

Hey! Hey, you guys,

-you're Noah's family, right?
-Yeah.

: What's going on here?
Where's Noah?

Ma'am, I can answer
all your questions.

I didn't ask you.
I asked them.

Get back in the house.

Get them back in the house
right now, come on.

-Mom!
-Mia!

:
Back in the vehicle!

Ma'am, you're interfering in
official D.O.C.S. business.

That's a federal offence.

I thought D.O.C.S.
just euthanized people?

We've diversified.

Shit!

Hey! Hey, stop the vehicle!

-Mom!
-: Mia!

:
No, no, no, no, no!

-: Mm!
-Tony, help me out here.

Just... careful,
she's a child!

:
Be gentle, Tony, gentle.

Yorks, back in the house!

-You still owe me a body!
-: Owe him a body?!

What is going on here?
Where is Noah?

Tell me he's alive!

He is, Grace, he's alive!

But he needs help!
Please run and get help!

Okay! Okay!
I'm gonna go get help.

Just... tell Noah I love him!

Go, go, run!

Stop her.

They killed her.
They fucking killed her!

She didn't do anything!

-Oh!
-So, that's it, right?

You have your second body.

What, are you kidding me?

She's not my second body.

I'm here to collect
two York bodies.

Now get back inside the house
and finish what you started.

And don't you dare try
to pin this on me.

If your family did its part,

that poor woman would
be alive right now.

Now get in there.
You've got 15 minutes.

I meant go get her.

Don't... don't say anything.

Let's just go upstairs
and do what we have to do.

Don't think about it.
Let's just do it.

I mean, Noah wouldn't want
to be alive right now anyway.

That woman lying dead out there
was his whole world.

Yeah... Yeah.

If you think about it,
we're really doing him a favour.

I mean... it's fucked up.

But it's the right thing to do.

-You know it is.
-Yeah.

Okay?

Noah?

: Fuck...

: Noah?

Noah?

: We had nothing to do
with what happened to Grace.

: Noah?

Come on, Noah,
we don't have much time.

:
We're not mad anymore.

Noah, come on,
you're freaking us out!

: This is bad.
This is so fucking bad.

Oh, fuck...

Noah!

-: Oh, my God!

No, no, no!

Oh, my God!

Noah...

Noah, I'm so sorry.
We're so sorry.

Agh!

:
No!

-Get off her!

: Fuck you!

If Bob needs a body, it can be
this lying bitch's body.

: Please
just leave her alone.

What would Dad think, huh?

What would Dad think?

Huh?

Ah!

Don't you fucking
talk about him.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Okay! Okay!

Just leave Ash alone!

I'm volunteering
for the procedure!

You don't have to do it!

You don't have to do it.
I'm volunteering.

Everything that's happened
tonight is on me.

You're not the worst of us,
Noah.

I am.

I'm cold. I'm selfish.

So take Mia.

Please.

Just take her. Okay?

You never wanted fame or money.

You just wanted
a fucking family.

Just flick the lights.

-I'm ready, okay?
-: No, no.

It should be me.

'Cause I'm the eldest.

And I was supposed to look out
for you guys.

I was always supposed
to look out for you guys

and I never fucking did.
I'm a really bad brother,

and I'm a bad husband
and a bad father.

So if someone...

is going to have the procedure,
it should be me.

I have nothing.

: Jared, stop!
You have Lucas!

He needs you to be here for him.

No one needs a two-faced
failure.

If anyone should do
the procedure, it should be me.

Fuck that!

No one is volunteering.

It has to be one of us.

We have no choice.

I volunteered first.

: No, we've always had
another choice.

Let's get Bob.

:
I need to see my family.

You'll see them when they blink
the porch lights, not before.

By then it'll be too late.

Someone I love
is gonna die in there.

Please... please.

Please, Bob, please!

Please!

I need to say goodbye,
at least.

:
Let me say goodbye!

Why?! Why won't you
let me see them?!

: A little bit longer,
Ash. Ash, stay with us.

: Fuck, she's losing
a lot of blood.

:
Jared, hurry up.

:
A few more seconds.

: Rach, are you
keeping the pressure?

: Yes, but we need
to do this now.

-: Jared?!
-: Okay, it's ready!

You got to hold her down,
though.

: Ash, Ash...

Ash, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.

-I'm so sorry.
-It's not your fault.

It's supposed to be me and you
against the world,

and I screwed it up.
Not you, Noah. It was me.

-Uh, do you want a countdown?
-No! Just fucking do it.

: Alright, here we go,
here we go, here we go.

Oh, no, no!
I have to do it again.

-I'm going again, I'm going--

:
Ashley. Ashley...

Ash, Ash, come on.

Ashley, Ashley, wake up.

Wake up, come on.
Ashley!

Well, time's up.

One way or another,
we're nearly done here.

Hello! Anybody home?

Huh.

Not who I expected.

Where are the rest
of you Yorks at?

We don't have all night.

Okay.

:
Stop right there.

Shirts up.

Turn in a circle.

Okay.

Well, whoever's
responsible for this,

I really appreciate you
saving us the effort

of bringing
our equipment back in here.

So, thank you for that.

Let's get the gurney
in though, Tony.

:
All set to go here.

I guess I owe
you guys some money.

Now I can split the total
between the three of you,

but one of you is gonna get
a penny more than the others.

Some people wouldn't think
that's an issue,

but some families, they just
fight like crazy over it.

-: Agh!

Fuck!

Oh, you bitch! Agh!

Shut the fuck up!

Ashley, that was quite
a performance.

I've seen a lot of dead bodies.
I'm not easily fooled.

Well done.

: Hey!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

:
Guns down or they're dead!

: Do it!

You don't want to
do this, Yorks.

We're all bleeding out anyway.

You tell them to put
their guns down

-or you'll be joining us.
-: Put your guns down.

Do what he fucking says!

They're not listening.

They say it's hard to saw
through someone's windpipe, Bob,

but I bet I could do it
in just one swipe!

Okay, give 'em your weapons.

:
Put your weapons down. Do it.

Hand over your weapons.

-Down! Fucking down!
-: Do what they say!

: Give them to me.
Give me your guns.

Yeah, he's gonna cut
his fuckin' throat.

-On the ground!
-Listen.

Hands on your heads,
do as they say.

Oh.

:
Hands on your head!

: Well, if you think
we've never been in a situation

like this before,
you'd be wrong.

So let me tell you how
this is gonna play out.

Ash?

Ashley!

Okay. Alright, I'm good,
let's take 'em--

Agh!

:
Please, I have a wife.

: Shut up.

: I have a son, too.
Tony, Jr.

: Cut it out,
or I'm gonna swap you for Bob.

: He's awake.

:
Boss, I'm sorry.

They forced me to show them
how to set everything up.

Tony, Tony, Tony,
Tony, it's okay.

I've got it all
under control, babe.

Oh, yeah.

This is not looking good
for you guys,

I'm not gonna sugarcoat it.
I'm not gonna sugarcoat it.

Yeah, this is looking
really bad for us.

Well, I'm just sayin',

based on what I'm seeing here,

not only are all of you
going to jail,

but the government
now has official custody

of both Mia and Lucas.

Excuse me?

Not me. Not my company.

We're not in the minor
accommodation business,

I swear.

However, if any D.O.C.S.
employee is injured

in the enactment
of their duties,

the perpetrators' children

automatically become wards
of the state.

It's true. Ask Tony.

It's true.

Don't kill me.

Yeah, you should see
the deplorable conditions

of these facilities.

I mean, remember the kids
in cages at the border?

Yeah. Think that,
but far worse.

I think you probably want
to keep your fucking hands

off our kids.

Then we're screwed no matter
what we do, huh, Bob?

No reason to leave anyone alive.

Nugget, gonna have to ask you
to step outside again, okay?

I'm sorry about your wife.

It sounded like she was
a really nice person.

So I doubt the two of you are
gonna end up in the same place.

Look, I know you're all
very upset,

I can... I can tell. I...

It's been a... it's been
a hell of a night, huh?

So, here's what
I'm willing to do.

Just forget about
this whole situation,

and me and my men will
just pick up your sister

off the floor,
and we'll go, okay?

Deal's a deal.
What do you say?

Come on.

That's not Ashley on the floor.

It isn't?

Yeah, no, our first attempt
at the procedure

didn't go too well.

Tony forgot to tell us to take
the air out of the IV tubes.

: You ever see somebody
die of an embolism, Bob?

It's not quick.

It's not really fair

considering that your friend
killed my girlfriend instantly.

But as my lovely sister
over here put it earlier...

fuck fair.

Okay. I can save you all.

I can save you.

I can save you
and your children.

I could've sworn you said
we were all doomed.

: No, it's just a matter
of paperwork, that's all.

I can write something up
to cover for you.

You can cover us for murdering
a D.O.C.S. agent?

Yeah, I'll just say your father
reacted violently

when his wife departed,

and took us by surprise.
That's actually happened.

My bosses will believe that.

Then when he calmed down,

he decided to go ahead
with the procedure

for his children's sake.

That part is true.
It's so true.

Alright, no, please.

Okay. Wait, wait.

What about Dawn?
What about Dawn?

What about her?

We have her at headquarters.

Yeah, yeah, we have her--

Agh!

-I don't know shit about that.

Look, I'll bring Dawn
back to you.

She doesn't have to have
the procedure.

Your family has given up enough.

Please don't push that.
Please don't push that.

You'll never see her
alive again.

They'll kill her
and it'll be on you.

It'll be all on you.
Come on!

Hold on, hold on...
Come on!

What don't you people
understand?

Huh? What... what?

There's a worldwide crisis
going on

and I'm doing important work!

And you, you, you...

you're just pieces
of human excrement

polluting the planet
with your every breath!

I don't deserve to die!

You deserve to die!

Not me! You!

:
Week 40's Enlisters of the Week

are Grace Dawson
and Ashley York.

Friends for years,
the inseparable pair

told our D.O.C.S.
procedure practitioner

that they chose
to enlist together

so they could inspire others
to do everything they could do

to help heal our ailing planet.

It was a beautiful procedure.

It ranked right up there
with the best of them.

:
Grace and Ashley,

a grateful nation thanks you.