All language subtitles for s2-3

- Um, did you guys see this?

"Kevin Costner has announced
that he will no longer

"be spokesperson
for the Payne Turro

"or associated with
the Payne brand

due to the company's
recent scandals."

- Why does every celebrity
have to take a big moral stance

on every issue these days?

I mean, not everything
is personal.

- Well, in this case, it
is kind of personal to him.

- He has a ranch where
the fires broke out,

or I guess he hada ranch
where the fires broke out.

- This is not
making us look good.

"Costner Leaves
Payne in the Ashes."

But he's also about to star
in a Broadway adaptation

of "The Cutting Edge."

I wanna see that.

- If it helps, I do an
amazing Costner impression.

You can just swap me in.

Welcome
to the Field of Dreams.

- That's "Jurassic Park."

- Uh, no, it's
"Field of Dreams."

I literally just said the title.

- Well, we're just
gonna get someone else,

someone better
than Kevin Costner.

Or you know, just
another someone else.

- Wait, no, it's like, uh...

"Ah, looks like

you're on the Waterworld."

Mm.

- That was Connery.

- Yeah, no, I... I heard it
when I... when I said it.

- Yep.

- ♪ Bom bom
bom-bom-bom-bom-bom ♪

♪ Buh buh bom-bom-bom
buh bom-bom-bom-bom ♪

- Yep, I agree.

He is likable,
approachable, and handsome,

but Tony the Tiger is a cartoon

and the spokesman
for Frosted Flakes.

- I'm not saying he
should be our spokesman.

I'm just saying he's
a good template.

- Wow, it looks like
we have a lot of ideas.

- Yeah, kinda. I mean,
these are celebrities

that we could probably
get, but we don't want.

- AdamRayOkay, Horchata Soto.

Are those real people?

- They're the biggest
accounts on TikTok.

- Seriously?
- Yeah, I don't know.

The world's a mess.

And then these are celebrities

that we want, but
we could never get.

- Uh-huh, and what about
celebrities that we want

and can get?
- They're on that list.

- Ah.
- Yes.

- Not many A-listers
wanting to be associated

with the brand right now.

- Ooh, what about the
guy who played Snape?

He has a great voice.

- Alan Rickman? He
died six years ago.

- Snape is dead?
- Yeah.

- It's a damn shame.

I'ma start another
list. "Gone"...

- No more lists.
- "Too Soon."

- Oh, uh, James Gandolfini.

Uh, Ray Liotta.

- Uh, Kobe Bryant.
Betty White.

- Would we say Betty
White was gone too soon?

- Oh, that's...
- Excuse me?

- Have some respect, Cyrus.

- She was 99.

How is that
controversial to say?

- Oh, my God, I've got it.
Okay, what about Gerry Spier?

Hmm? Come on. Three-time
BAFTA nominee.

Lead of "Chasing the Alderman."

Really? You guys haven't heard

of "Chasing the Alderman"?
Where have you been?

- In America.
- Oh!

I played in a celebrity
golf tournament once

with Andy Richter.

He was awesome.

We were just knocking 'em
back and going insane.

Well, I was.

He was waiting for
me to play through,

but he said if I
never needed help,

I shouldn't be afraid to ask.

- You sure he wasn't
talking about rehab?

- I don't hate that
idea, actually.

Andy Richter's kind
of an everyman.

- Do you like him?

- I mean, I trust your
opinion on this stuff.

What do you think?
- Me?

Oh, well, yeah, he is
likeable and recognizable,

and he seems trustworthy.

- Okay. Richter's the victor!

- Uh, Jeremy Tugendhat?

Yeah, he plays the posh lord
lieutenant to the shire.

Anyone?

- No one knows what
you're saying, baby.

- No. Thank you.
- It's a great program.

- I... I really appreciate
the opportunity.

- We're all set.
- Yeah, yeah.

Looking forward to it.
- See you then.

Bye.

- Good news?
- Yeah, they wanna meet me

for the management
training program.

- Oh, I applied to that too.

- Oh. Yeah, well, I'm sure

you'll get a call
any second now.

Any second now.

- Guess who just jumped
on the Sade-train.

- Hmm?
- I was trying something.

Didn't work.

Katherine asked for my advice.

I gave it to her,
and she took it.

- Mm.
- Could you not?

I'm waiting for a
very important call.

- Oh, sorry.
- And I just got asked

to interview for the
management training program.

- Oh!
- Yeah.

- That's... that's great too.

- It's not that big a deal.
I've heard it's not that good.

- Well, I hope you get in.

I mean, we'll miss
having you around.

- Oh, no, I wouldn't
have to leave.

They switched it to
being remote this year.

- Oh, then I do hope you get it.

Yeah, so you'll have to

figure out another
way to get rid of me.

- Well, there's,
like, blackmail,

excessive force...

- Framing me for murder?

- The options, honestly,
they're endless.

- Shh!

- You'll hear it.

Okay. Wait. Here we go.

Boom, Gerry Spier
lays the smack down.

- He just handed the other
old dude a stack of papers.

- Yeah, right, yeah,
but wait until you see

what's in those papers.

- Okay, you've seen
other television, right?

Where things happen?

- Oh, ha-ha.

Okay, I'm sorry this isn't
the sort of sensationist trash

you two are used to watching.

You know, where
it's all drug deals

and teens eating each
other in the woods.

- I watch "7th
Heaven." Nobody is...

- Don't... don't listen to him.
- There's no drug deal

in "Touched by an Angel."

- Oh! Andy, my man!

Long time no see.
- Oh, yeah, hey.

It's... it's good to
see you again, yeah.

- Hey, look, I'm gonna let
the ladies do their thing.

I just wanted to
say, no pressure.

Don't feel like you have
to agree to anything

just 'cause we're friends.

- I... I appreciate
that. Thanks.

- Hi, Andy.

I just wanna say I'm
a huge, huge fan.

I mean, I'm blushing.
- Thank you.

- I mean, can you
see I'm blushing?

And sweating.

- No, I'm not.
I'm just blushing.

I'm just blushing.

Anyway, I'm gonna let
Sadie take it from here.

- So we've got the Payne
Turro driving through

all kinds of
different landscapes.

We got the quiet,
the hustle bustle...

- Probably what you're
used to, right, Andy?

- You dropped out.
What was that?

- Oh, say what you said.

- I said, "The
hustle bustle..."

- And I said, "You're
used to that."

- Oh, uh, yeah,
okay, yeah, sure.

You're losing him.

- Andy, we see you as the
next James Stewart, really.

- Oh, wow.
- Yeah.

Beloved and trusted,
America's friend.

I mean, there really
is no one else

who could lead this campaign.

- Except for Kevin
Costner, right?

- You know, honestly, I was
never really a fan of Costner.

I was rooting for the other
guy in "The Bodyguard."

- The stalker?

- No, the baseball...
The baseball movie?

- No, no, no, he's
a sex stalker.

- Yeah, no, it was a stalker.
- Huh.

Hey, Cyrus.

- Guess how much Andy
Richter-signed headshots

go for on eBay.

- Mm-mm-mm, 500?

- No, less than that.

But it's good.
- Hey, can I put you down

as a reference for the
management program?

- Of course! That's great.

You got to the
interview portion.

- Mm-hmm.
- Are you nervous?

Nervous?

No, no, no.

I just thought it was, like,
a casual meet and greet.

Or... or maybe less casual.

- Don't let me get in your head.

Try to think of it as a
normal, regular job interview.

- Right, I have never
actually had a job interview.

Yeah, I got the job
on the assembly line

because my buddy's
dad worked there.

Before that, kids at school
would just give me money

when I ate weird stuff.

- Jack, do you
even have a résumé?

- Mm, mm-mm.

- I'm sure it'll be fine.

- Look, I'm just
gonna call it out.

Costner cut ties with us

because of our
recent issues, okay?

But I can promise you that
we are coming back stronger,

and we would love for you to
be a part of that comeback.

- Well, uh, you know, I
believe in second chances,

and I like you guys.

So, uh, I'm in.

Let's do this.

Awesome.

- Well, we're
very, very excited.

We promise that you
won't regret it,

and we promise no more fires.

- You dropped out again.

What was that last part?

- Um, can we just end this now?

We're done.
- Bye!

- Bye!
- Ah!

- Uh, hey, everyone,
uh, Andy Richter

is coming in today.

We're gonna be
showing him around,

signing contracts, all that.

So best feet forward, okay?

Uh, Cyrus, is the car ready?
- Yes.

We have a brand-new, luxury
trim, top-of-the-line

Payne Turro for
Andy to take home.

- And it's not, like, a
dumb color or anything?

- Correct. I chose one of our

non-dumb colors.
- Great.

- Oh, and I know it
can be intimidating

seeing a celebrity in person,

but as a friend of his,

I can assure you that
Andy is basically

the coolest guy
you'll ever meet.

But maybe don't,
like, approach him.

If you wanna meet
him, come to me.

I'll give you the thumbs-up
or the thumbs-down.

- Okay, I think
what we're saying

is be warm,

but don't go overboard
trying to impress him.

- Right, exactly, so like, Jack,

I love the effort, but, mm,

maybe probably didn't
need to dress up today.

Oh, this?

No, it's not about that.

I have an interview for
the management program.

- Oh!
- Congrats, dude!

You're like our
own Billy Madison.

Thanks, thanks.

Uh, you know, I'm
definitely nervous.

Oh,
stop looking at me, swan.

Okay, great.

Jack, let's not
pull focus, okay?

- Right.
- Today's about Andy Richter.

Tomorrow could be a Jack day.

All right, everyone! Good luck!

Hi, Andy. Welcome
to Payne Motors.

- Thank you, thank you. Hi.

- Hi.
- There's my guy!

- Hey, hi.
- Come here.

Oh, wow.

- Hi.
- Thank you so much

for coming all the way here.

- Oh, you know, I have
family in Michigan,

so you know, um,

coming here isn't a Payne.

- Dude, Andy, you're so frunny.

Funny... sorry. I
meant to say "funny."

I just... I mean,
obviously, it just...

Uh,.

- Well, Andy, we wanted
to kick things off

with a little token
of our appreciation.

How do you feel about a new car?

Wh...

- What?
- Oh...

- That is incredible!
Thank you!

- Sorry, Andy. Bit of
a misunderstanding.

That's actually my car.

- Your car?
- Your car's, uh... ah!

Right there, yeah.
- Uh, Andy,

this is the all-new Payne Turro.

- Oh.

Well, that's very nice too.

Thanks.

- Give him your car.
- What?

- Give him your car.
- Give him my car?

- Give him your car.
- You can't be serious.

He can get his own car.

Give him your car, Elliot.

- Katherine.

Right. Uh, Andy, uh, sorry.

Just a bit of Payne
Motors humor there,

pretending you were getting
the... the family sedan

and not my convertible,

which I don't really
want anyway, so...

- Oh, no, I... I'm
fine with this car.

- No, no, no...

I'm
kidding. Thank you!

- He's very...
- Wow!

A Ferrari!
- He's awfully funny.

- I know.

I know there's not
a lot on there.

- It's certainly sparse.
- Yeah.

- Uh, where'd you go to college?

- I didn't actually
fully graduate college.

- Oh, well, how many
more credits do you need?

- Well...

All of them.
- Oh.

- I should've just said
I didn't go to college.

- Oh.
- I'm sorry.

- Oh.

- Hope you're not writing
down that I'm a liar.

No, just some notes.

- Yeah, notes.
- Yeah.

- Over here, we have our
accounting department

crunching those numbers.

Crunch, crunch, crunch.

It's boring, but
it is necessary.

- Andy, Cyrus Knight.

I'm a huge fan.

- Oh, thank you so much.

- I hate to ask, but could
I get your autograph?

- Oh...
- Okay, Cyrus, we're...

- No, no, it's
fine. I'm happy to.

- Just make it out
to "my biggest fan."

- Okay, "To my
biggest fan, Cyrus."

- No, just to "my biggest fan."

- Okay.

Better not see
this on eBay later.

eBay?

That's good, eBay.

You're a funny, funny man.
- Thank you.

- Speaking of autographs,
how 'bout we get one of those

bad boys on a contract and
make this all official?

- Yes, I just need to
use the restroom first.

- Oh, yeah. Right
back the way we came.

First door on the right.
- Thanks.

- Mm-hmm.

- Really?

Mm-hmm.

- Dude, Andy, you're so funny.

Dude, Andy, you're so funny.

Dude, Andy,
you're so funny.

Oh, no!

Dude, Andy, you're so funny.

That's it.

Oh, Jesus. Oh, God.

Oh, hey, I wouldn't, uh...

- Oh, wow, ugh.
- Hey, Andy.

Hey, that's not mine.

I didn't do that.
- Yeah, well,

maybe call a janitor.

That should be fixed.
- No, no, no, no.

I'm saying I didn't do it.

I walked in here. That
was already bombed out.

That's got nothing
to do with me.

- Yeah, no.
- I haven't even gone yet.

I swear.
- I believe you.

I believe... it's
fine. It's fine.

- Dude, Andy, you're so funny.

- Okay, thank you.

- Uh...

oh, no.

- You know, I have not
been to Detroit in years.

- Oh, I have just loved it here.

There is so much to do.

- Oh, do you have
any recommendations?

- Um, yeah. Oh, God,
there's so much.

Uh, go downtown.

- Okay.
- Yeah, there is this one place

that is on a corner,

uh, in the main part.
- Mm.

- You're describing nothing.

- Oh, wait, you
talkin' about Ricky's?

- Yeah! It's
Ricky... oh, Ricky's.

- The titty bar?
- Oh.

- I guess it's nice as
titty bars go, Andy.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

We're a sex-positive company.

So we love Ricky's.
- We do.

We love them.
- I'm there all the time.

- Okay,

which one of you monsters
crap-blasted our bathroom?

Andy and I couldn't believe
how disgusting it was.

- I... I said it was okay.

- It's not okay.
- Mm.

- And whoever did
it should confess,

so this all gets cleared up.

- Yeah, we'll look into that.

Anyway, Andy, we're just...

We're so happy to
be working with you.

- Me too. You
know, it's funny,

because just last week,

I met Ryan Reynolds at a party,

and he kept going on and on

about how much he
loves Payne cars,

and now here I
am, the spokesman.

- Huh!

Ryan Reynolds, the actor?

- Yeah.
- Like, "Deadpool," "Free Guy,"

that Ryan Reynolds?
- Yeah, I'd have to check IMDb,

but yeah, I think so.

- Hmm.
- Well...

You know what?

I forgot the champagne.

Do you wanna help me get it?
- Absolutely, yeah.

You need two set of
hands there, sure.

- I do.
- Yeah, we gotta get

a ice bucket.
- Get one for...

- Yeah, okay.
- I'll help her out.

- Ryan Reynolds loves us?
- I know, I heard it too.

I mean...

So is this something you
think we should explore?

- I don't know. It's exciting.

- Yeah, yeah.
- But I just don't wanna be

like that dog with
the meat, you know?

That he crosses the stream,
and then he sees his reflection

and thinks that dog's got
a bigger piece of meat,

and then he drops the meat,
like, do you know what I mean?

Like, that's a thing, right?

- Uh, yeah, I think so.
Yeah, the meat dog thing.

- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, listen, so...

should we stick with Andy?
- See, now I'm picturing

Ryan Reynolds next
to a Payne Turro,

and I'm like, "What?"
- I really love that image too.

So it's your call.
- It's a good image.

- What do you wanna do?

- Got the contracts
for Andy to sign.

- Change of plans. Do
not let him sign those.

- Yes, great, and do not
let him out of that room.

You stall. Stall
like the wind.

- Champagne's this way, but
we're gonna get a bucket.

- And so that, along with
the death of my grandfather

when I was 12,

is probably why I
really fear failure.

- Okay, um, thank
you for sharing.

- Mm-hmm.
- The question was,

what's your biggest weakness?

Not your biggest fear.

- Yeah, I can... I'll
be happy to answer that.

- It was a moving story,
and I'm glad you shared it.

It's all... It's all
grist for the mill.

- Thank... thank you.
- So thank you for that.

- I'm just... yeah.
- Um, yeah.

- Uh, references made to
the agreement date as of...

- Yeah.
- That's where the month

all goes, so you got that.
- Right.

- And on the day of...

That's where we'll
put today's date.

- Yeah, we don't have
to read the whole thing.

I mean, I get it.
It's a contract.

- Well, and I'm sure you've
had a lot of experience

with contracts in Hollywood.

You know, but that's
show business,

and this is the car business,

which is whole nother business.

- Okay.
- Hands are tied somewhat.

- All right.

- I think this is the
right move, right?

- Yeah, I mean, look,
I've never had a sex dream

about Andy Richter.

- Have you had one
about Ryan Reynolds?

- Oh, yeah.

I mean, it's more of
a sex/anxiety dream.

- Right.
- Like, he's pleasuring me,

but I keep staring at this
plate of chicken Alfredo

and worrying about how
long it's been sitting out.

- Yeah, them cream sauces
will turn on you real quick.

Like that.

Ryan Reynolds' autograph goes
for way more than Andy's.

I definitely think
this is the right move.

- Plus, he's so
holier-than-thou.

Like, "I'm Andy Richter.
I'm from Hollywood.

I would never clog a toilet."

- Hey, guys.
- Hey!

- Hi!
- Hi!

Sorry, Ryan.

We were just talking about how
someone clogged the toilet.

- Uh, no problem.

Happens to the best of us.

- No, no, no, no. It wasn't me.

I... I walked in, and
I saw it like that.

- Okay. I believe you.

- Okay, good.

- Well, I do think we
can wrap this up...

- Mm.

- Unless you have
any questions for me.

- For sure, yeah.
Yeah, for sure.

Uh, do you...

Have any plans this weekend?

- Nope. No, just...
just staying in.

- That's cool.
- Yeah.

- That's very cool.

- Well, uh, it was
nice to meet you, Jack.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Okay.

I'm charming.

- What?
- I'm usually very charming,

but I'm... I'm nervous,

because I've never
actually done this before,

but normally... Normally,
I'm... I'm smooth.

- Mm.
- I am... I'm smooth.

- Mm.

- Right.
- And that's the end... okay.

All right.
- Yep. Yep.

- Good to know.
Thank you very much.

- Ryan, we really see you
as the next Jimmy Stewart.

Beloved, trusted.

There's no one else who
can lead this campaign.

Guys, I'm so...

I'm really sorry.

My kids are... They're
yelling for me,

so I'm just gonna cut
to the chase right here.

Look, I love your company,

I love the cars,

and I would absolutely
love to do this.

Oh!

I think I speak for all of us

when I say we love you, Ryan.

Hey, we'll be in
touch with your agent.

- Awesome, awesome,
awesome. Talk soon.

Whoo!

- Whoa!
- Wow!

- Amazing.
- You know, I never really got

the whole Ryan Reynolds thing,

but after seeing him
on Zoom, I get it.

Mm-hmm.

- Nice work, Sadie.
- Thanks.

- How are you gonna
break it to Andy?

- Me?
- Yeah, you kind of

took the reins on
this one, so yeah.

- I feel like it was both of us.

Like, one hand each
holding the rein thing.

- I don't think
that's how reins work.

- There we go, see? A
double comma, you know?

That's... we'll have
to get that sorted out

before we go any further.

I...
- Hey.

- Hi.
- I am so sorry

to keep you waiting.
- Oh, it's all good.

I... I think we're
about ready to sign.

I mean, I really,
really hope we are.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.

But just before we do,

I just wanna make
absolutely sure

that you're comfortable
being associated with us

with the recall and
the terrible fire.

If you think that doing
this could harm your career

in any way, I would
understand completely.

- You know, honestly,
just you saying that

shows what a great
place this is.

I'm not gonna quit
over one mistake.

Well...

Full disclosure, it's
not just one mistake.

There's a lot of
shady stuff that's...

You know, it could
break any day now.

- What shady stuff?
- I can't give any details.

I'm so sorry, but it's...
it's drugs and sex.

- Wait, what? Okay,
stop talking right now.

- Let me... I...
I... I'm a loyal guy.

Okay? So whatever happens,

we can weather it together.

- Andy, I'm so sorry.
It's not gonna work out.

We have decided to go in
a different direction,

spokesman-wise.

Mother!

What did I do wrong?

What did I do?
- You didn't do anything.

- Is it a looks thing?

- Nope.
- Because I can look better.

I can get a trainer, and
I build muscle so fast.

- It's not that, Andy.
- Or do you want me to get fat?

Do you want, like,
a funny fat guy?

Because I can get so
fat for you.

- No, it's not.
We don't need fat.

We don't need thin.

- What am I gonna
tell my family?

I mean, my dad was so
proud of me, and...

What am I gonna tell him?

- He'll understand.
- No, he won't!

You don't know him!

- I don't.
- I guess I'll just have to

tell him that his boy's
a loser, like always!

- You're not a loser.
- You don't have to tell him.

- What I meant to say was,
"This program will help me

excel at a job that
I'm passionate about."

But what came out
of my mouth was,

"I'm charming."

- Oh, baby, that's rough.

- Sounds like you
really bombed it.

- Thanks, Dale.
- Listen, just go back down

and say it to him now.

- Oh, it's too late,
Cyrus. I already blew it.

- Jack, you have
nothing left to lose.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

- Come on, Jack.
- Okay.

- Believe in yourself.
- I'm gonna do it.

- Yes.
- Yeah.

- Yes.
- Yeah. Feel it.

- You're kind, you're
smart, you important.

- Head up, head up.
- That's right.

- You got this, Jack.
- Yeah!

- And maybe mention me
while you're in there.

- Dale, for the last time,

you need to find
your own path, baby.

- Excuse me. I'll
just be a second.

- Gary, I just wanna...
- Hey!

Hey! Uh...

- God!
- No!

- No!
- Uh, okay.

- I'm so sorry! I'm
so, so, so sorry.

- Should just be a minute.

- I can't believe
we're getting Ryan.

- I know.

Do you end up having sex
with him in the dream?

- Oh, no, we never get that far.

- Mm.
- I eat the pasta, though.

- Yum.
- Mmm, it is so good.

Katherine,

I'm so sorry to
keep you waiting.

So Ryan's not gonna do this.

- Well, we just spoke to
him about ten minutes ago,

and he said he was.

- Well, I spoke to
him one minute ago,

and he said he wasn't.

- He literally told us,

"I would absolutely
love to do this."

- Ryan would love to
do a lot of things,

but come on.

He's not interested in
Costner's sloppy seconds.

Plus, we've been in
talks with Dannon Yogurt,

and I think that's really

where his head is at right now.

He appreciates the
interest, though.

- We dropped the meat.

- Yeah, we're meat dogs.

- Really? Just right
there in his office?

- Yep, and then when
I got back here,

there was a voicemail
saying I'm in the program.

- Oh, there you go!
- Hey.

- No, I'm not gonna take it.

He's only letting me in

because he's worried that
I'm gonna report him.

It'd be like blackmail.

Oh, Jack.

So young, so stupid.

Let me give you the first lesson

in the world of business:

take every advantage
you can get.

- Mm-hmm. Some folks
have rich parents

who send them to ritzy schools.

Other folks walk
in on supervisors

jerking it to daytime porn.

That's just the game.

Okay. Okay.

Okay, I'm gonna take it.

- As you should.
- I know that's right.

- Great call.
Just to be clear,

uh, is there an actual rule
against masturbating at work,

or is it just,
like, frowned upon?

- We screwed up.

- We gambled.
- Yeah.

- If you've got a
16 in blackjack,

and the dealer's showing a 7,

what are you gonna do?

Stay?
- I do not know.

- You hit. I mean,
unless you want

some chain-smoking grandma

cursing you out in Mandarin.

God, I miss Vegas.

Point is, even if you bust,

hitting was still
the right call.

- It was exciting.

Just going for broke.

- Watch out. Future
gambling addict.

Put it all on red!

Oh, no, no, no, no.
- No, it's just...

- You don't play roulette.
- I would never.

- I mean, that's a
sucker's game, Sadie.

I know you might've been
thinking that you were

making a funny
joke, but I'm not...

I don't think that's funny.
- I would never.

- You're not stupid like that.

- Yeah, I wouldn't do it.
- No.