All language subtitles for Everybody.Loves.Raymond.S05E20.Net.Worth.720p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-BS-ing

- Hey, hillbillies.
- Hey.

Hey, listen, some guy called
for you three times today.

Scott somebody?

- Oh, oh, scott friedman, yeah.

You know, you met him
and walter at my reunion.

You know, scott and walter.

They were, like,
my best friends in high school.

- Oh, yeah, the dorks.

- Okay, because
you were a cheerleader,

My friends are dorks.
- No.

They're dorks because,
at the reunion,

They talked to each other
on walkie-talkies.

- That they built themselves.

Huh, they're very smart,

And they're starting
a business together.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah, a go-kart track.

- Oh, that's a fun place
to use your walkie-talkies.

- Actually, I've been presented
with a very unique opportunity.

- What?
- Well, you see...

To get their business
off the ground,

They're looking
for a few select investors.

- Oh, go-karts?
Ray, I don't think--

- No, no, no, no, no,
this is a great opportunity.

can I feed the child?

- But come on,
though, I mean it.

Look, people love go-karts.
Who likes go-karts?

- Yay! Yay! Go-karts!
- Yeah, see?

- Yeah, why don't you
just tell them

We're moving into
a gingerbread house?

- Come on,
I'm serious about this.

These guys know what
they're doing, really.

Walter's dad
owned an amusement park,

And scott's an engineer.

And not a woo-woo engineer,

One who actually
designs stuff.

- Well, do they have,
like, a plan

Or something on paper
that we can see?

- Yeah, sure,
I'm sure that they do.

- I mean, not just,
like, a drawing

Of a go-kart on a napkin--

Something, you know,
tangible with numbers.

- All right, don't worry.
They got numbers.

Jeez, gotta spell everything
out for the cheerleader.

- The majority of your
investment in kart attack

Will go towards initial
construction costs,

A percentage of which
will be paid back

Through earnings,
which are outlined

In the booklet
I handed out earlier,

Primarily in sections a-2,
d-5, and e-15,

But also in the appendix,
sections 9, 11, and 12.

Listen, I know I'm throwing
a lot of numbers at you

And that can get confusing,

So let me give you something
a little more visual

To help show you
what we're all about.

Walter, we're ready.

My partner walter
is wearing

Our prototype racing gear.

It's standard issue
for all employees.

- Cool.
- It's just a prototype.

The actual uniform
will be flame retardant,

Which is a good thing,
don't you think?

'cause you are smoking,
my friend.

- So, uh, to sum up,

Kart attack--
much more than a go-kart track.

It's a family
sharing an ice cream cone

At our fully stocked
snack bar.

It's a safe
and secure place

For your kids to play
the latest video games.

It's a bar mitzvah

In one of our faith friendly
function rooms,

But most of all, it's...

fun.

- We hope you'll be
the next to experience

A kart attack.

Thank you.

- Ah, hey.

That was awesome, guys.

- Thank you, thank you.

I--you know, I was going
to use a fog machine

For walter's entrance,

But I figured it was
an intimate setting and--

- No, it was great.
Thanks.

So could we just have
a few minutes

To talk things over?

- Hey, yeah, talk away,
you know?

I'll just be breaking down
the set.

- All right.

So what do you think?
- Well, it was very good.

- Very professional.

- Yeah, I was surprised.

I mean, they've clearly done
their research.

- Yes, they have.
So we in?

- Oh, no.

- Why?

- Look, honey, I said that
I would hear their proposal,

And I did,
but nothing in it changes

The fact that
it's go-karts.

- Yeah, I know,
but come on,

That's what's fun about it.

Plus, it's a solid investment.

- Besides, you know,
they're thinking

Of naming a go-kart
after you.

Yeah, the debra.

It's black.

- That is every girl's dream.

- Come on,
I can't turn them down.

They did a show
and everything.

What am I
going to tell them?

- I don't know,
tell them what you want.

I got to go
pick up the kids.

- Kids--when are we
going to see a dime

From that investment?

- Just go talk to them.

I'm sure they can handle it.
They're professionals.

- Hey.

- Hey, man, all right.

So what did
debra say, huh?

Is she on board?

- Oh, not really.

- What?

- What?

- What are
you talking about, man?

She said we did
a great job.

I had
good eye contact going,

I did the summary hands.
It was killer stuff.

- I know, I know.
She just--she wasn't biting.

- What about you?

I mean, you want
to live like this

The rest of your life?

- I know, I know.

- Oh, man,
your wife sucks.

- Hey, hey, walter,
that is not cool.

We're still
in a business meeting.

- I'm sorry, man.

It's just this suit
is so friggin' hot.

- Listen, I'm sorry, guys.

I mean, you did a good job.
Really, you did.

- So that's it?
You're out?

- Yeah, I think.

Oh, you know, I'm gonna
need that check back.

- What?

- That deposit I gave you
a couple of weeks ago,

Yeah, I'm going
to need it back.

- Oh, yeah, the deposit,
yeah.

It's gone.

- What do you mean gone?

- Well, you know,

Spent it
on the whole presentation--

The suit, the easel.
This is new.

- You spent all of it--
$1,000?

Come on,
how could you do that?

- Hey, I just told you,

The only reason we came here
today was to get more money.

- Oh, my god, how am I gonna
tell debra I lost $1,000?

- I wouldn't talk
to her anymore.

- Hey, we're gonna
have better luck with robert.

He still has dreams.

- Hey, can I take
a shower here, man?

- Hey, there, miss teen usa.

- Hey.

- Hey.

What, are those new sheets
in the bed there?

Those look nice.

- They're not new.
- Oh, oh.

Well, something about them
looks nice.

Maybe it's the person
in them.

- What are you after, ray--
sex or golf?

- Neither.
Oh, jeez.

Can't a guy
admire linens?

Hey, you know, uh,
remember--

Remember that restaurant
we went to in the city

And the guy out front
was asking for money

And I didn't have any--
I didn't have change,

So you gave him a $5?

- Yeah, I remember that.

He ran away after you tried
to get it back from him.

- Yeah.

But then I realized that he
needed it more than we did,

And I stopped chasing him.

- We all have fond memories
of that day.

- Yeah.

Yeah, I was just
thinking of that,

'cause I did
something similar recently.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

I gave scott and walter
$1,000.

- What?

- Okay, look, I know--

I know you're going
to get upset about this--

- My god, $1,000?

- Remember the happy hobo.

- I gave him $5!

- Okay, but to a hobo,
that's like $1,000.

- So you gave scott
and walter money

After I asked you not to?

- No, no, no,

I gave it to them
before you asked me not to.

- How could you do that?

- Okay, listen, I'm sorry.
I'll get the money back.

- It's not about the money.

- Well, then I really
don't understand

The hateful screaming.

- You really have
so little respect for me

That you would do that
without asking me?

- I respect you.

- Obviously not,
because you wrote the check

Before you even
talked to me about it.

- That's because I thought
you would say yes.

- Well, I'm saying no.

- Okay, you changed your mind.

So you want to
get back in the sheets

Where you look so nice?

- I can't believe you did this.
- Okay.

Listen, I screwed up, okay?

But I mean, it's my money
to screw up with.

- What did you say?

- With which to screw up?

Oh, what?
What did I say?

What?

If you're doing a load,
I got some socks.

No wonder.

Hey, why is this on 59?

- I was hot last night
with all those covers on me.

Why, were you uncomfortable?

- No.

I had a towel and a bath mat.
I slept like a baby.

- Here.
- What's this?

- A little something
I worked up last night.

- "laundry, $75 a week.

General house cleaning,
$200 a week."

What is this, a bill?

- That's right.

- Full-time child care,
$1,000 a week.

- Yeah, I gave you
a break on that

When I billed the twins
as one item.

- So you're charging me now
to be the wife?

- Well, if it's all your money,
then the wife should get paid.

- Uh-huh.

"personal chef, $300."
yeah.

I think we're using
the word "chef" pretty loosely.

- Hey, those girl scout cookies

I ordered from ally
come in yet?

- No, not yet.
- Damn!

Am I jonesing
for a tagalong.

- Have a hydrox.
Take the edge off.

- Wait here. I'll get you
a pair of rainbow suspenders.

You can be a rodeo clown.

- Yeah, well, it got
a little chilly here last night.

Hey, what are you doing
with that cap?

- Oh, yeah, kart attack.

I guess you and me
are partners now.

- Oh, so you invested, too?
- Are you kidding me?

Those guys
did a great presentation,

Blew me away--
fog machine and everything.

- So where's your hat, ray?

Why don't you put on
your $1,000 hat?

- Why don't you pour me
a $300 bowl of cereal?

- You should wear the hat, ray--
free advertising.

- Yeah, well, I don't know
if I can wear a hat.

I haven't asked
permission yet.

- Hey, robert can invest
his money however he wants.

He's not married.
He's alone.

doo-dah, doo-dah

- Yeah.

Don't worry about it, robert.
You're better off.

Look at this, here's
a list my wife gave me

Of what she's charging me
to be married to her.

- Wow, you know what, debra?

You have beautiful handwriting.
- Thank you.

- Come on, it's not
about the handwriting.

Look at what
she's charging me for.

I mean, what the hell
is that number right there?

- That's the total
for the fiscal year.

- That's more than I earn.

- Oh, you noticed that?

- Yeah, but I actually earn it.

- Hi, dears.

Debra, I need
to borrow your washer.

Frank broke ours.

- It's not broken.

Just, before you put that in,
let me take theirs apart

So I can see what
it's supposed to look like.

- Look, we're kind of
in the middle of something here,

So could you come back
in a couple years?

- What are you doing,

Making moonshine
in the bathtub?

- Where are those nice pajamas

With the baseball players
I got you?

What's this?

- You want to know
what that is?

- Hey, yeah, I'll tell you
what that is, marie.

Look, you're a homemaker
like me.

- Okay.

- Don't you think that
you're entitled to an equal say

In your family's
financial decisions?

- Absolutely, dear.

- Okay, well, this is
a list I put together

To make that point
with ray.

- Look how she puts
a line through her sevens.

Isn't that nice?

- What?

- Well, just looking through

Some of this housekeeping
things you claim you do, and...

I think maybe I'm entitled
to some of this money.

- Well, looks like someone's
padding the bill.

- Look, ray, I can't help it

If people break in here
and clean.

- Yeah, well, the "in here"
you're talking about

Is the house we bought
with my paycheck.

- Are you saying that
you're more valuable than me

Because you bring home
a paycheck?

- I'm not saying that.

I think society says that,
all right?

You should talk to them.

- Actually, raymond,

The best way to determine
the value of someone's life

Is with a wrongful-death
settlement.

- Well, good, good,
'cause we're about to have one.

- No, really, I dated a
wrongful-death claims adjuster,

And it was her job
to figure out

What a jury
would award a family

If a loved one were killed
in an accident--

In other words,
what they were worth.

It's fascinating to see
what she had to consider.

Too morbid for a second date,
but fascinating.

- What?
Like what?

- Well, like they consider
what kind of person you were.

Take, uh, dad, for example.

Let's say someone
dropped a piano on him.

- Okay.

- The jury would be asked
to consider

What kind of life he led.

Was he a happy person?

Did he bring joy to others?

Did he stop
and smell the roses?

- Yes, yes, and yes.

- You don't enjoy life.

You spend three hours
every afternoon

Locked in the bathroom.

- Hiding from you.

That's how I enjoy life.

- So we can assume
he wouldn't fetch much.

Mom would fare slightly better,

Because they factor in
pain and suffering.

- Yeah, all right, we all know
what they're worth, okay?

But who would win
between me and debra?

- Oh, well, we're talking
about death here, raymond.

There's really no winning.

- Okay, yeah,
who's worth more?

- Well,
it's a little complicated.

I mean, the jury could look
at almost anything.

For example, did you know
that they're more sympathetic

To an attractive person?

- Say good night, raymo.

- I'm sure if debra's life
was presented to a jury,

They would see
that she was very active...

- Yeah, yeah, okay.

- That she worked out,
she was healthy, spirited,

She had a zest for life.

- Got it.

- And they would also
be more sympathetic to debra

Because she is the primary
caregiver and nurturer.

- I win.

- Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
What about me?

- Well, raymond, I guess
you're the financial provider.

- You're damn straight.
I make the cheddar, baby.

Yeah, what else?

- Um...

I don't know.

- Come on.
I-I enjoy life.

I have a zest for life.

I'm totally zesty.

How about
my sense of humor, huh?

How about that?

- What about it?

- I have a good one.
I have a good sense of humor.

- That is true.

Tell one of your jokes, dear.

- Which one?

- Oh, tell the one

About the guy
who goes into a bar

And he sees
there's a dish of peanuts

That says nice things
to him,

And he asks the bartender,

"what's with these peanuts?"

And the bartender says,
"they're complimentary."

Tell that one, dear.

- You just told it, ma.

- No, no, no,
you tell it so funny.

- Well, you just
told the ending, ma.

- Well, tell the beginning.

I love it when you--
- I'm not telling the joke,

Because you
blew the punch line,

You understand that?
- All right.

- What a zest for life.

- She said,
"they're complimentary."

That's the whole joke.

- Aw, stop defending yourself.

You bring home the paycheck.

Whoever brings home
the money

Is the king,
end of story.

- Well put, father.
You see?

He can do whatever
he wants with the money.

- Marie, doesn't that
bother you?

- She has no choice
in the matter.

I am the king.

And now his majesty
will retire to his castle,

Where he will await

The royal
grilled cheese sandwich.

Come, oaf.

You amuse me.

- I'll see you in hell.

- Marie, how could you
let him talk that way?

- Frank can say
whatever he wants.

He never
controlled the money.

When he brought home
a paycheck,

I did whatever I wanted
with it.

- What--
what are you talking about?

Dad had no idea about that?

- Oh, no,
sometimes he'd get nosy,

But I'd make him
a heavy dinner,

And then he'd fall asleep
on the couch

And I started moving
the money around.

- Diabolical.

- It's amazing
how clueless he is.

Do you know that
for more than 30 years

I've been giving money
to buy books

For children
in south america? Yeah.

You think your father
would have approved of that?

- He didn't like
buying us books.

- He never knew about
all that money I saved

For our trip to Italy,

And, debra,
I never told frank

About the loan
I gave you two.

- What loan?
- Uh, that's okay, marie.

- When you first got married

And you were living
in that apartment.

- What loan?
- No, it wasn't much.

It was just
a little something

To get us
over a rough spot.

- Yes, dear.
It was just $2,500.

- Whoo!

- $2,500?

You never
told me about that.

- Yeah, but, you know,
we needed new tires,

And the dishwasher
was broken,

And you hadn't
gotten your bonus yet,

And you were doing
the best you could.

- So you went to my mother?

- No, I told debra she didn't
have to pay me back.

I mean, she's family,

And you can't
put a price on love,

And anyway, I'm not
the kind of person--

- I paid her back
in two weeks.

- Your life made possible
by a grant

From the marie barone
foundation.

- Oh, my god.

What else did you do?

What else don't I know about?
- Nothing.

- Well, come on,
if you can do things

Like borrow money
from my mother,

What other money stuff
don't I know about?

- Nothing.

Look, you did
the go-kart thing,

And I did the thing
with your mother that one time,

So, you know, we're even.

- Whoa, wait a minute.

- Look around, raymond.
You got it good.

Whatever she's doing
is working.

- No, no, no, really,
what else did you do?

- Raymond.

- No, no, listen,
I want to know--

- Hey, listen, cubby,

When the little monkey
rings a bell

And the pellet comes out,

He doesn't ask
how the pellet got there.

He just enjoys the pellet.

- You know what?
Maybe you were right.

I'm just saying maybe that
we should consult each other

Now on all the money stuff,
okay?

- All right, okay, sure.

- That's so nice.

- Honey, why don't you
just go sit on the couch?

I'll make you
a nice meal, okay?

- All right.

- Nice and heavy.

- Listen, I want to be included
in everything, okay?

In all the decisions, okay?

- Definitely.
- Let's go.

- I work for her, don't I?
- Mm-hmm.

- Hey, marie,

Who the hell
is miguel velasquez,

And what is this crap
he's saying

About "curious george"?

- I got turkey tetrazzini.

- Oh, hey.