All language subtitles for Everybody.Loves.Raymond.S04E24.Roberts.Divorce.720p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-BS-ing

- This is nice, isn't it?

- It's wonderful.

- Where the guy
with the water already?

I'm dying here.

- Good, before you go,
would you make a toast?

- Okay, here's to water.

The earth is covered with it.

Where the hell is my share?

- Raymond, please make a toast.

- All right, here's to robert
being back on the job.

We all think it's great.

Way to go.

Way to go.

- Cheers.
- There you go.

- All right.
There you go.

- Thank you.

This is a very special
night for me.

I finally feel like

I've put my bull wound
behind me.

I said "behind me."

No, but I got to tell you,

It's been a tough
few months

Getting back on my feet,

And now that I have
amy at my side again

And I'm back doing
the job that I love,

I've never felt better.

And also, I think
I have gotten over my anxiety

Vis-a-vis
public restrooms.

So if you'll excuse me,
I shall return presently.

- Oh, my god.

- It's that awful woman.

- That's definitely her,
right?

- It's her.
- Who?

- That's joanne,
robert's ex-wife.

- What the hell?

She's got water!

- Oh, my god.
So that's robert's ex-wife?

- Yep, the infamous
joanne.

- Mom, stuff's coming out.

- I almost didn't
recognize her

Without her broomstick
and flying monkeys.

- When was the last time
robert saw her?

- Oh, not since
the divorce was finalized.

- What, you don't know
the story, amy?

- No, he never
talks about her.

- That's 'cause
he's a nice boy.

- I'll tell you.

- Go ahead.

- Okay.
Ma, no spitting.

Uh, let's see; well,
we had just moved in

Across the street
from my parents, right?

- I don't remember.
I've blocked that out.

- Well, that's when it was,

'cause right
about that time,

Robert and joanne,
they had a little house.

- No, no, I'm serious.

I'm putting the movie
in my top five all-time.

- Any movie with a cop
or a dog in it

Goes in your top five.

- And this one had both.

Hey, remember when
the dog cleaned himself

In front of the mirror?

- That was funny.
I'll give you that one.

- You know what I liked best
about that movie?

We had to leave
our house to see it.

I mean, this is
the first movie we've seen

Since we had the twins.

- Hey, you're the one
whose egg divided.

- Hey, and you know what?

Your mother told me
they would babysit the kids

Whenever we wanted.

It is just so great

That we moved across the street
from them.

Hey, joanne.
- Hey, sweetheart.

- Hey, guys.
- What's happening?

- How was the movie?

- Oh, I'm telling you.
I wish you'd come with us.

I really liked it.

I'm thinking of
putting it in my top five.

- Really? Because the preview
looked kind of stupid.

- You know, now that
I think about it,

You know,
the dog drove a car.

What is that?

- That's why we can never
see movies together.

We have the exact
opposite taste

In movies, books--
stop--

Music, tv shows.

He likes
the kind of thing

Where someone
steps on a rake.

- Yeah. This movie
had that too.

- Yeah, right.

- Oh, no, no. No.

You can put your feet
on our furniture.

- It's all right.
I'm okay. I'm good.

I'm good right here.

- No, really,
it's--it's okay.

Until robert
gets a raise,

We are blessed with
your parents' old stuff.

If you get really close,

You can still
smell frank's feet.

- I'll pass.

Sorry?

- I thought we weren't
doing that anymore.

No crazy chin.

- Yeah, you're right.
You're right.

You know, sometimes
when I eat,

I do a little thing
with my chin.

- Oh, I didn't know.
- I didn't know that.

- So, debra, your hair
is looking good.

- Oh, thank you.

- It's not as ugh as it was

When you were pregnant.

- Thank you.

- What are you doing?

- I'm rubbing
your shoulders.

- Why?

- I don't know.
You're my mush-mush?

- It's okay.

- I'm sorry.
Was I hurting you?

Sometimes I don't know
my own strength.

- You and your big mitts.

That's why
we can't have pets.

- My funny lady.

Look out
for mr. Big hands.

- Okay, I'm going to bed.

- All right.
We'll keep it down out here.

- Oh, do whatever
you want.

Good night, guys.
Always good to see you.

Bobby, tonight
could you not plop into bed?

Sometimes I wake up
in midair.

- Okay, you got it.
No plopping.

Night,
mushy-mush-mush.

- So, robert,
I love what you guys--

- No, no, seriously,
we've got to keep it down.

- Ah.

Whoo.

Whoo, boy.

I am tuckered out.

- You guys want to play
monopoly or something?

- Shouldn't you
be getting home?

- Well, I really
have to make sure

That joanne is in a real
deep sleep, you know,

'cause I kind of have
the tendency to plop into bed.

- Yeah, mush-mush
told us.

- Hey, I know.
How about pictionary?

I'll get a sketch pad.

- Oh, don't you feel bad
for robert?

- I-I feel bad for you,
'cause I'm going to bed.

- Now, wait a minute.
Wait.

Listen, you've got
to talk to robert.

He's so unhappy
with joanne.

- He's not unhappy.
What?

So she's a little bossy,
all right?

He seems
fine with that.

- She's always
putting him down,

And he just sits there
and takes it.

- Hey, that's marriage.

Their marriage.

That's their marriage
over there.

- Just tell him that
he should talk to joanne

About the way
she treats him

And how that
makes him feel.

- How about I'll just
tell him to go home,

And then you and I can go
upstairs and shake it up?

- If you don't talk
to him, I will.

- No, don't, no.

I'll talk to him,
okay?

I know--I know
what to say.

- Found a deck of cards.

Crazy 8s.

- Listen, robert.

You really, really
should go home

To your wife, 'cause...

Debra's got to pump
breast milk.

- Yeah.
You know what to say.

I don't have to pump,
robert.

It's just that, um...

You and joanne--I mean,
we think joanne is great.

Uh, but just sometimes,
you know, with you,

She can be
not very nice.

And, um, we were just thinking
that it would help you

If you told her--

Robert, stop looking
at my breasts.

- I'm sorry.

Listen, you know,

Joanne has to put up
with a lot from me, you know.

I am not the easiest
person to live with.

I, uh, I'm hairy
and smelly,

And I'm really
kind of like an animal.

- Hi, dears.
- Hey, marie, hi.

- I told you two--
come on--

You can't come in here
anymore if you don't knock.

- Gotcha.

Hey, your old lady's
looking for you.

- Joanne?

- Yeah, she was a little short
with me on the phone.

I think she's worried
about you.

- I don't like that one.

- Why can't you
just be happy

That robbie
found someone?

When are you gonna learn
that it's not our place

To meddle
in our children's lives?

- But, marie,
I don't think it's meddling

If you love and care
about the person.

- You know, you're just--

You're just strolling down
the railroad tracks,

And you don't hear
the whoo-whoo!

- Robert, I think what
your father is trying to say

Is that sometimes
joanne is--

- A nutcracker.

- Dad, you're talking
about my wife.

- A nutcracker.

- Robbie,
you really should--

No. No.
I'm not butting in.

Live your life.

- Robert, you just
seem so unhappy.

- What is this,
some kind of intervention?

I happen
to love joanne.

She's--she's strong.
She's independent.

You don't know
anything about her.

You don't know about
our...Private life.

We have chemistry.

- I remember when
you took chemistry.

That was the year
you had no eyebrows.

- I don't appreciate this.
I really don't.

A family's not supposed
to be like this.

If no one is
gonna support me,

Then I'd just rather
you all butt out.

- Wow, he really
hates that chair.

- What are you doing?
What are you doing?

You're supposed
to be studying

For your sergeant's exam.

How are we ever gonna afford
anything nice?

This is
how you study.

- I'm taking a cartoon break
and eating a banana.

- Oh, that's great.

You're gonna put it off
till the last minute

And then guess what--

You'll be watching cartoons
full-time

And coming to me
for banana money.

You think you can
answer the door?

- Hey.

- Hey.

What do you want?

- Um...

Well...

I-I wanted to come by
and apologize

For everybody yesterday.

- Let me tell you
something.

None of you know her
the way I do.

- Yeah, yeah. I know;
chemistry,

But, um...
I gotta tell you.

I did just kind of overhear

About the banana money.

- Bobby, if you're
not gonna get--

Oh. Hey, ray.

- Hey. Hi, joanne.

- Uh, bobby didn't tell me
you were coming over.

- Oh, that's 'cause bobby
didn't even know, you know?

It's a surprise.

- Oh, you know
how we love it

When you
come over, ray,

But bobby's got
a lot of studying to do,

And, you know, you are not
the best influence on him.

- Oh, okay. All right.
I'm sorry.

- Ray, wait.

Don't talk to him
like that.

- Excuse me?

- It's okay, robert.

- No, no. It's not okay.

I want you to apologize
to raymond.

- Apologize for what?

- For what you just
said to him

And for all the mean things
you've ever said about him.

- She says mean things
about me?

- Oh, sure, sure,
she's sweet to your face,

But as soon
as you leave,

She talks about
how your voice

Sounds like
a wounded cow

Or how when you run,
it looks like you're trying

To hold a pencil
between your cheeks.

- Hmm.

- I'm tired of the way
you treat him.

He's my brother.

And I'm gonna tell you
something else, joanne.

Maybe if you just showed
a little warmth to people,

They wouldn't be
so scared of you.

And maybe if you just
gave me a clue

That you still
cared about me,

I wouldn't spend
so much time

Hiding out
at ray and debra's.

And you want to know
something else?

Things are gonna have to start
changing around here.

- I want a divorce.

- What?

- Ah, that felt good.

I've been waiting
for the right time.

Thank you.

- I'll get that.

- I'm glad we talked.

How much time
do you think you'll need

To get your stuff
out of the house?

- Hello, raymond.
- Hi, ma. Uh, listen,

Could you drive me
to the mall?

'cause I could really use
a sweater.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

- We'll go Saturday.

- No, no, no.

- Oh, hello, joanne.
How nice to see you.

Robbie, I made you
a bundt cake.

What's the matter?

- Joanne just...Dumped me.

- I don't understand.

- Yeah, you know what, ma?

I'll tell you about it
in the car, okay?

It's kind of chilly.
I could really use--

- Joanne dumped you?
- I want a sweater!

- Joanne dumped you?

You.

You.

You never appreciated
my robbie.

- I could use a sweater.

- You never loved him

For the decent,
delightful boy he is.

You never realized
how lucky you are

To be a part
of this wonderful family.

I have held my tongue
for two years,

And I have given you

Every benefit
of the doubt.

That's the kind
of person I am.

- The kind of person
you are.

You're an angry, pushy,
manipulative bitch.

- Oh! No! No!
Raymond, no!

- Stop! Stop!

- Raymond, no!

You monster!
You monster, you.

N--no, you're not
a monster.

You're a creature.

- I'm not the one being
restrained right now.

- And I'm not the one who danced
topless in atlantic city.

That's right.
I know all about you...

Cinnamon.

But as long
as my son seemed happy,

I decided to let him live
in blissful ignorance.

- I knew she was a showgirl, ma.

- You knew?

You knew this,
and you still married her?

- You didn't tell me?

Could have saved money
on the bachelor party.

- Oh, come on.
Enough, enough.

I don't want to hear

This kind of thing anymore.

Someone has to protect
this family,

And I'm through
sitting idly by.

And as for you...

Nobody dumps my son.

You think
you're dumping my son?

- Okay, let's calm down.

- Oh, yeah, well,
let me tell you something.

My son is dumping you.
That's right.

It's time to take out
the trash.

- Three minutes ago,

I was watching cartoons
and eating a banana.

She still there?

- No.
What's scary is,

I think
I just saw a bat fly away.

- You knew
she was a showgirl?

Raymond, I hope
you're not keeping

This kind of a secret
about debra.

- You mean peppermint?

- I don't like that,
raymond.

Thank god I live
across the street from you.

And now...

We all need to have
a piece of this cake.

- What do I do now?

- I'll tell you
what you don't do.

You don't call mom
a bitch.

- Oh, my god.

- I usually
don't get that way,

But you know how strong
maternal instincts are.

- Yeah, I know.

It still hurts
when it rains.

- Shh, shh, shh.
Here he comes.

- Oh, my god.

Did you see
who's sitting over there?

Joanne.

- Get outta here.
- She is?

- Huh.

- Do you think she saw me?

Should I go say hi?

- No, no.
You don't have to go.

- What? She's
a horrible person.

- She's a creature.

- Hi.

- Hey, joanne.
- Hey, look at this.

- Hello, barones.
Hi, bobby.

- Hi.

- Oh, what a pleasant
surprise.

- Oh, how have
you been?

- Yeah.
Thanks, good.

Yeah.
Good to see you.

You're looking well.

Ow. What?

Oh, amy, my girlfriend,
my girlfriend amy.

- Oh, nice to meet you.
- Hi.

- Quite a grip
you got there.

So, um...

Well, I guess
I'd better be getting back

To my table there.

- Sure, sure, yeah.

- Uh, listen. Um...

Now that
I'm back in town,

It might be fun to catch up
if you want.

Um, here's my number.

Uh, so, uh,
it was really good

To see all of you again.

- You too.
Take care.

- It was a really
nice surprise.

- What?

- She went back
to her maiden name, glotz.

- Cinnamon glotz?

- Joanne,
joanne glotz.

Biggest mistake
of my life.

- It could be worse, robert.

Some mistakes
last 43 years.

I don't see what's wrong
with itemizing the bill

So we each pay
for what we ate.

- Yeah, all right,
it's just easier

To split it up equally, dad.

- Yes, easier for
those of you who had appetizers.

- Hey, hey, you know what?
I'll catch up with you.

I want to check dad's tip.

- You don't tip
on the tax or the liquor.

- All right, all right.

Get in the car.
You're drunk.