All language subtitles for Everybody.Loves.Raymond.S04E17.The.Adventures.of.Hackidu.720p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-BS-ing

- Hey, how much longer we got
to help out with this thing?

- Ray, all the parents
have to do their time.

Come on, you don't see
bill parker complaining.

- Oh, bill parker.

Mr. "look at me,
I'm king of the carnival."

- Oh, come on.

He's doing it
for the school.

He's a good father.

- Oh, what, he's a better
father than me?

Is that what you're saying?
I'm not a good father?

- You want to be
a good father?

Go help out
in the child care room.

- I'll go.
They got a tv in there?

- Hey, barone, what happened?

What are you doing?

- Hey, no, parker,
I'm just doing this.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Gimme that.

I can do that,
thank you very much.

- We're ready to finish
the rest of the booth frames.

I could use some muscle.

- Let's rock.

I'll be back
to check on those,

And they better be
spot-free, okay?

This isn't like home,
where I let that stuff slide.

Hey! Hey!

Come on!

My ankles.
You wet my ankles.

What's wrong with you?

That's toxic, that stuff.

That sinks right through
the socks and into the skin.

I like to bust her chops.
Keep her in line.

- All right, barone,
see if you can fasten it.

- All right.

All right, parker,
it's just fastening right?

It's not like
we're doing rocket--

Ah! Oh!

Mother of ugly!

- Again?

You okay there?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mammy!

- Maybe you should do
something a little less...

Strenuous.

How about stenciling
with the ladies?

- No.

No, I don't have
to do stenciling.

The only reason I cut myself
is 'cause I'm used to working

With the big tools.

Yeah.

- Hi, dad!
- Hey, dad!

- Hey, tyler.
- Hey.

- Look at all
my new hackidu cards.

- Hackidu.

You can't believe
how they love the hackidu.

- I can believe anything
you can, probably more.

- We traded, dad.

- Let's see what you
have there, son.

Ooh.

Veena-pod,
rain-whiffle, e-jazz.

- Hey, let's see what--yeah--
let's see what you got there.

"scra--uh, scrom..."

- Scramisaur.

- Scramisaur.
Let me see him.

- Don't get blood on him.

- Wait a minute, ally,
you gave away all your cards

For just one card?

- Now, tyler, that doesn't
seem quite fair, does it?

- It's okay.

- No, no, ally,
mr. Parker's right.

You gave away
all your cards there.

- Tyler, let me have
ally's cards back.

- Dad.

- Tyler, I don't want
to hear it.

Come on, let's have those cards.

- Sorry about this, barone.
- No, it's okay.

- Daddy...

- Ally, it's okay.
Daddy's handling this. Go ahead.

Thanks.
Thanks there, parker.

- Hey, you're welcome.

I don't usually interfere
in these things,

But sometimes
that's a dad's job.

And you taught him
a good lesson there too.

Okay, I'll see you later.

- Wait, where you going?

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, I thought I would

Go stenciling, like you said.

- Well, stenciling's
right there.

- Oh. Oh, there it is.
Okay, thank you.

- You could make that shot.

- You want to go
one-on-one right now?

- Ray, what is wrong
with you?

- Oh, I know this.
I know this one.

- Ally told me you
just undid her hackidu trade

With bill parker's boy.

- He's a lousy dad.
Give me another one.

Yeah, she was giving away
all her cards for one card.

I saved her from
getting ripped off, that's all.

What just happened?
Oh, come on.

You see?
You're making me miss it.

That's the trade
she wanted to make, all right?

You got to go back over
to bill parker

And undo what you undid.

- What are you getting
so excited for?

It's just stupid hackidu cards.
She'll get over it, okay?

- Wrong.

- What?
- You're wrong.

They're not just cards.

I never seen these,
whatchamacallem,

Hackensack cards?

- Hackidu.

- Okay, whatever, whatever.

But I know one thing:

Kids love this card crap.

When you were a kid, you were
all loopy about batman cards.

You loved 'em.

And our old picnic table
was wobbly,

And I took
a bunch of those cards

And stuck 'em under the leg.

- I remember that.

They got destroyed
in the rain.

- You're not gonna cry,
are you, raymond?

- No. That's the thing.
He didn't cry.

He just looked...
Betrayed.

It tore my heart out.

I can't forget that look.

Stop it.

- What?

- That look. There it is.
Stop it.

- I'm not doing anything.

- Don't lie.

It's subtle, but it's there.

Hey, I'm sorry about
your cards already.

It's the one thing
I did wrong.

- The one thing?

How about when I was
10 years old,

And you backed your car
over my big toe?

- Doesn't ring a bell.

- Frank...
I'm sick of this.

Go clean your whiskers
out of the sink.

- After you.

- Wait a second, dad.

The batman thing
is not the same, okay?

'cause you ruined
my cards.

I saved ally's cards.

She wanted to get rid of
all her cards for one.

- Which is what
she wanted to do.

- Will you stop, please, huh?
It's over.

- What kind of cards?

- Nothing, ma, just this
korean thing

The kids are into now.

- Oh, hackidu.

What card did she have?

- Yeah, I don't know.
Scrammie something or other.

- A scramisaur?

- You know about this stuff?

Scramisaur's the fastest
creature on hackidu mountain.

He starts off as a slugawog,
very slow,

And he can only evolve
into a scramisaur

If he gets
the sonic crystal.

That's why scramisaurs
are rare and valuable.

I'm grandma.

I have this and candy.

- Well, wait a minute, mom.

How valuable is
a scramisaur card?

- Oh, you can't find 'em
in the stores.

But if you find one
mint condition, no creases,

That's $65.

$65?

- Holy crap.

This is the work
of the north koreans.

- So you had a scramisaur,
and you lost it?

- Yep. What do you know, ray?

Ally knew what she
was doing all along.

- Or parker did.

- What?

- You, sir, are a numbskull.

- Numbskull-awog.

- Wait a minute.
Parker didn't know.

He was just trying to show me
what a great dad he is.

- He took you for a ride,
satchmo.

- Come on.
- Hey, wake up.

You think this is
just hackidu cards?

You think it's about daddy

And setting a nice example
for a little boy?

This is business.

This is 65 bucks.

Pull your head
out of your pants.

- No, frank,
bill parker's not like that.

Where you going?

- I got a little
unfinished business

With your boyfriend.

- Boyfriend?

- Well, this could explain
why all the kids are blond.

- And smart.

- Oh, hey, parker.

- Oh, hey, barone.

I was thinking about
how we made the kids

Trade the hackidu cards back,

And I kind of felt bad
for taylor.

- Tyler.
- Tyler.

- No, no. He's fine.
- Yeah?

- Okay, all right,
'cause, you know,

They seem fine, then later on,
they get all upset.

So, you know, it's okay
if your boy wants to trade back.

- Oh, thanks, you know, that's
really nice of you, barone,

But that wouldn't be fair
to ally, would it?

- No, you're right, yeah.

You know what might be
the fairer thing

To, like, even the trade out?

Maybe ally could give your son
just a couple cards

For that scrabby--
something.

Whatever that thing,
whatever they call it.

- I don't know.
They have the weirdest names.

- Yeah, yeah, that hackidu.

I think that's korean
for "stupid americans."

Yeah, so what do you say?

- Oh, thanks,

But we should probably leave
well enough alone.

Don't you think?

- Okay, listen, you know...

You want to know
the truth?

My mother has this connection
with the kid and that card,

And my mother kind
of wants to give it to her,

'cause, you know,
she's...Old.

So you know what?

Why don't I just
give you a couple bucks,

And you can get a couple
more cards for your son,

And I can tell ally that
my mother gave it to her,

And we make
the old lady happy?

- You want to buy it?
- Yeah, I'll buy it.

You know,
just be done with it.

Who cares?
Whatever.

So what do you think,
like, 3 bucks?

- I was thinking
more like 100.

- You knew.

You knew, you knew,
didn't you, parker?

You knew all along.

- Yeah, like you didn't,
coming in here,

Telling me sad stories
about your mother.

Everyone knows
you hate your mother.

- That's my scramisaur.

- No, it's my scramisaur.
- You ripped me off.

- A deal's a deal.
No givesies backsies.

- No, you gavesy backsy first.

- Tough noogies, barone.

- It isn't tough noogies.

Wait'll I tell my wife the guy

She thinks
is better than me is not.

There's your king.
There's your king.

Long live the king,
right?

Taking advantage
of a little girl.

That's who you're
working for.

Don't--quit.

Don't work. Come on.
Come on.

He's taking advantage
of all of you.

He looks nice. He's the iceman.
That's who he is.

Come on, everybody, come on.

Come on.

Let's go.

fly on hackidu mountain

Where the flames shoot forth
in the night

From the source
of the hackidu power

The power of justice and might

Buy 'em, buy 'em hackidu
buy 'em, buy 'em hackidu

Buy 'em, buy 'em, buy 'em,
buy 'em, buy 'em hackidu

- Buy 'em, buy 'em hackidu!

- Buy 'em, buy 'em hackidu!

- All right, all right.
Easy, easy.

Let's be careful.

Uncle robert has a boo-boo
on his upper thigh.

- Daddy says it's your hiney.

- Okay.
All right.

That's enough tv.

Who wants some sugar?

- Me!

- Okay, there you go.

- Daddy.

Did you get
my scramisaur back?

- Well, here's the thing,
honey.

It turns out that mommy's hero
mr. Parker is a big stinking--

- Ray.

- No, I couldn't get
the cards back, ally.

I tried.
- Oh.

- Yeah, I even went
to a lot of stores.

They don't have
hackidu cards.

But I did get you this.

Huh?
It's a troll on a pencil.

Hey, hey.

Whoa. Ha-ha.

Somebody needs
their hair combed.

- Thank you.

- Eh, you got to hand it
to little ally.

She didn't cry.

She just looked...

Betrayed.

- Well, why'd you get 'em hooked
on the cards anyway?

- Me?

You're the one that had 'em
watch the tv show.

That leads to the cards.

- I didn't know that was
the tv show.

I was just turning the tv on
to keep 'em quiet.

- Why don't you try to read 'em
a book once in a while?

- Reading, that's your
answer for everything.

- Do you even know
how to read, ray?

Oh, I read, I dance,
I'm pretty.

- All right, all right,
all right.

Here.
Save your marriage.

His name is
brother russell.

He owns a comic book shop.
He's got cards there.

- Russell's
vintage comics?

- Yeah. He's a good guy.

If anyone has scramisaur,
he does.

- Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

This is in hohokus,
new jersey, all right?

I'm not going all the way out
to frickin' hohokus.

Come on.

It's an hour and a half.

Some of that's still
indian territory.

- Ray--

- No, look, I'm sorry
ally's upset,

But I'll talk
to her, all right?

I'm putting an end
to this card baloney.

$65. Come on.

- Buy 'em, buy 'em hackidu!

- Yeah, okay.
Knock it off.

Upper thigh hole.

Ally.

Oh, those cards.

Here, give me those
for a second, okay?

Listen, I want to talk to you.
I want to talk to you.

Come over here.

Look, I know you want
that scramisaur.

But there are some
people out there,

And all they want want to
do is get rich,

So they make kids think
that things are more valuable

Than they really are,

Things like--like...

Pieces of paper
with pictures on 'em.

- You mean like money?

- No, no, no.

No, money is important pieces
of paper with pictures on 'em.

Look, what daddy doesn't like
about the hackidu people

Is that they've
made you believe

That this scramisaur thing
is worth $65.

- $65?

- Yeah, yeah, that's why
you wanted it, right?

- No.

- Well, why'd you trade
all your cards for it?

- 'cause scramisaur's
my favorite.

I love him.

- What do you mean,
you love him?

That's the only reason
you wanted it?

- Yeah.

It's okay, daddy.

- Come on.

You should be
a bad boy, right?

Be a bad man, right?

Stupid new jersey.

How you doing?

I'm looking for russell.
Is russell here?

- You I.R.S.?

- What?

- Are you with the I.R.S.?
- No.

- You look like I.R.S.

- I do?

- No. That's just it.
You don't.

- I'm a friend
of your sister amy.

- Oh, yeah?
I'm russell.

- Ray barone,
robert's brother.

- Oh, robert's brother.

Get out.

Thanks, clarence.
See you at the convention.

- Listen, I just--

- Let me tell you
about your brother.

Two childbearing years
into gigantor.

Then he dumps her without
so much as a smack-me-bum.

- I don't really know
what you mean, but...

I think amy was the one
who broke up with robert

Without the...
Smack-your-bum.

- Can you blame her?

I mean, the guy's
got no backbone.

He can't commit
to anything.

What kind of person's that?

- Yeah, well, you know,
robert and I,

We're really not that close.

But listen,

I saw you had a sign
saying you got hackidu cards.

- We're closed.
Good day, sir.

- Listen.
Listen to me, please.

I just drove two hours
in the rain and the traffic,

And my back is all sore,

And the only thing
I had to eat

Was cheerios on the seat
of the car.

- Your brother was
very lucky to have amy.

She's very supportive.

- She's the one who said,
"open your comic book store,"

When the rest of
the family was saying,

"up your medication."

- Look, I love amy,
believe me.

- Your brother needs help.

If he could just learn
to love himself.

He needs to learn
to love himself.

I mean, that's the greatest love
of all, right?

- Amy should be with you.

- Hey, don't think I haven't
thought of that, you know?

Listen...

Okay, I need a certain type
of hackidu card.

- No, you don't.

- Yes, I do.

My daughter needs a scramisaur.

- Let me tell you
about hackidu.

It's evil.

- Oh, god.

- It's got no substance,
no truth.

It's like junk food
for the mind.

It's kiddie crack.

- Yeah, okay, it's kiddie crack.

Well, I need $65 worth of it.

- How old is
your daughter?

- Seven.
- Seven.

I'll tell you
what she needs.

Are you familiar with
little lotta?

You see, lotta's a little girl
with a bow on her head,

And although
she's morbidly obese,

She still finds happiness.

- Do you have a partner?

'cause maybe...I could
talk to him about this.

- Don't you get it,

You long island
suburban automaton?

You can't hear the truth
over your lawnmower, man.

- No, wait.

Listen, russell...
Do you have a daughter?

- I have a snake.

- All right, well, then you know
what I'm talking about.

I agree with you, russell.

Look, I hate this hackidu thing,
and I hated the last thing,

And you know what?

I'm gonna hate
the next thing too,

But when your daughter
or your reptile

Looks up at you
with those eyes,

How are you gonna say no?

- Have you even given
comic books a chance?

- Do you have a scramisaur?

- I might.

- All right.
I'm buying some comic books.

- There you go.

You see, kids have
such wonderful open minds.

They need to be shown--

- Yeah, okay, all right,
I'll take these right here.

- Ooh, some
excellent choices.

This one's a classic.

You know your daughter
is gonna love--

- Where's the scramisaur?

- Here you are, my friend.

Mint condition.

No creases.

- Thank you.
- Ah-ah-ah.

Let's have
a little smile.

That's what
it's all about, man.

Your total's $289.50.

- Got it.
- Hey, what'd I tell you?

That russell,
good guy, huh?

- Yeah, yeah.
He's got a message for you.

Go love yourself.

- Ah, that's nice.

- Ally, come down here.

- Hi, daddy.

- Got you something.

- Scramisaur.
Thank you, daddy.

- How about that,
raymond, huh?

Little girl smile.

You can't put a price
on that.

- How about 289.50?

And while I was there,

I got you
some comic books too.

- Daddy,
you're the best.

- Ha-ha.

No. What?

Don't fold it!

- Hey, look at this.
Little lotta.

Look how fat she is.

Look at that.