All language subtitles for Doc Martin S02E09 Redigert

Martin, I'm --
I'm just so sorry.

Colonel.

Ellingham.

I was just mending
the chicken coop,

and I Went over on my ankle.

I see. And you'd call that
an emergency, would you'?

Didn't say it was
an emergency, Martin.

I just asked you to look at it.

You're sweating.

I had to walk here.

My car's still in the garage.

Fresh air will do you good.

Well, there's nothing broken.
It's just sprained.

But you will need to rest it.

- I said Keep off it.
-Ohhhh!

Ah. Ellingham.

Ah, yeah.

10:30
Time for a cuppa.

Well, I would get up,
but apparently I'm an invalid.

Oh, don't worry, old man.
I'm a professional.

It's for protection.

Uh, not for me,
you understand.

For the choughs.

Who are the chuffs'?

Well, they're birds, old man.

- Oh.
Extremely rare birds.

And they're nesting
on the cliffs

for the first time
for many years.

Luckily, word hasn't spread.

It's still
on a need-to-know basis.

We don't want a bunch of gawpers
disturbing the nesting site.

I thought
that shooting bird Watchers

was generally frowned upon.

Oh, wise up, man.

Rare birds' eggs are Worth
a fortune on the black market.

What's that, then?

Uh...nothing.

- Bert'?
-Oh. Almost done.

I just got to get a new part.
I'll be back in an hour.

Why haven't you finished it'?
You've been here over a week.

Well, you can't rush it.

I mean, do you want a proper job
or a job done quickly?

I'm beginning to wonder if
you're capable of doing either.

Oh, grumpy grumps.

That was close.

Now, you keep this info
about the birds on the Q.T.,

uh, Ellingham.

Doctor-patient confidentiality.
You understand?

The birds aren't my patients.

Who's he going to tell, anyway?

Well, a couple of warning shots
across his bow

should do the trick.

Like Robert Finn.

Well, uh, that was an accident.

- you shot him in the back.
-Yeah, b-but it was dark.

And anyway, I --

L, uh -- I thought he...

I-I...

I thought he was a wild boar!

Well, it wasn't permanent.

Can't think What the fuss
is all about. What?

Oh, that's reassuring.

Well, I'd love to stay and chat,

but I have a long walk
ahead of me.

Auntie Joan, in future,
unless it is a real emerg--

My God!

You've killed her!

Auntie Joan?

You bloody, bloody fool!

Why, I-l didn't do it
on purpose.

COLONEL: It wasn't my fault.
This one's entirely down to you.

Well, I'm not the one who left
a loaded gun lying around!

COLONEL:
Perfectly safe in my hands.

Oh, I'm so sorry.
ls my bleeding bothering you'?

That'd be because of
the gunshot wound.

It's just a few pellets.
The bulk of it missed you.

COLONEL:
It's all right, dear.

He -- He -- He just
winged you, Joanie.

Well, I think
we've all learned a lesson

about carrying around
loaded guns.

JOAN: Yes --
Keep them away from you!

Oh'?

Spanner slipped.

Mixer seized up again.
Got blood all over the bakery.

- Bet that hurts.
-The doc busy'?

He's on a house call.
He'll be back in a minute.

Have a seat
and try not to bleed.

Like a doughnut'?

They're not mine.

Supermarkets are gonna do me in.

And I'm not exactly getting rich
standing around here

waiting for the doc.

Calm down.
It's just a doughnut.

COLONEL: You -- You'll be
all right, Joanie, dear.

Yes, yes.
I'll be fine.

If it's all the same to you,
I, uh --

I think we should keep this
whole thing to ourselves, hmm'?

I mean, t-there's no point
in anybody getting a, uh --

a reputation
for this kind of thing.

Ah, yes.
Well, all right.

There's -- There's no point
in lugging it around.

I'll -- I'll, um --
I'll pick it up tomorrow, huh'?

Goodbye.

Right. I'll, uh,
check in on you tomorrow.

There'll be some bruising
and tenderness.

But, uh, you'll be fine.

Apology accepted.

Can I trust you to take
that thing with you

and drop it off with PC. Mylovv'?

No, I --

I don't want Gilbert
stalking the cliffs with it.

No.
No, I suppose not.

Um, how do you find the safety
switch on this'?

I'd feel much happier if you
weren't playing around with it.

I'm not playing around with it.
I'm just trying...

Fine.
I'll give it to Mylovv.

And mind you don't shoot anybody
on the Way home.

Yes.

BAKER: Third time
the mixer's gone down this week.

Can't afford to buy a new one.

The doc gonna be back soon'?

Just don't fancy
bleeding to death, that's all.

He should have been here by now.

I'll take care of it.

Come this way, please.

Are you sure'?

Shush.

If you'd like to sit down there.

I might just wait.

It's fine.
I don't need the doc.

I'm his loco.

As long as you know
what you're doing.

There is nothing to worry about.

I'm almost a trained nurse.

Well, in three years or so.

If a university accepts me.

Mmh.

I really don't think
you should be doing this.

- I've worked here for ages.

- I'm a medical professional.

Aah! Ooh!

What the hell's going on'?

I knew he wouldn't like it.

It's a superficial laceration.

No, it isn't.

Pauline, you don't acquire
medical knowledge

simply by sitting
in the next room to a doctor.

Couldn't go off by accident
or anything, could it'?

No. Course not.

Call, uh, PC. Mylovv, would you,
and have him come and get it.

PAULINE:
Mark's on his honeymoon.

Hawaii. Alone.

How depressing.

Could you get a move on, Doc'?
I need to get back to the shop.

All right.
Hold that.

Aah! Oh!

Oh, God.

Stop whining.

You're not hemorrhaging.
Your life isn't in danger.

You have a minor wound.

- Ohh.
-Shush.

Can I help you'?

Your doctor has a unique Way
of dealing with his patients.

Don't you agree'?

Do you have an appointment?

I'm here to see the doctor
on a private matter.

You'll still need
to make an appointment.

Uh, I'll come back later.

BERT: So...

Right, then.

Something bothering you, Bert?

Oh, no. No.

These birds...

- Which birds?
-Chough birds.

They're valuable, aren't they?

Oh, I wouldn't know
about that, Bert.

I'm gonna feed the chickens.

Right.

The hardest bit was Writing
something about myself.

I had to sum myself up
in a paragraph.

Do you think three pages
is too long for a paragraph?

It's gonna be weird,
you not being here.

They have this great invention
called a phone, you know?

Yeah, I know, but...

Well, be a little different,
Won't it'?

Maybe I Won't even get accepted.

Nah.
Of course you will.

You got your GCSEs, didn't you'?

Like metalwork and woodwork
and P.E.

Don't mess with me, Al Large.

Want me to post it for you'?
I go right past the postbox.

Thank you.

Yeah?
See you later.

Oh, Doc!

Mrs. Tishell, I was just --

I was just thinking about you.

In the latest issue of the MHRA,

there's a fascinating article
on elephantiasis.

- Um...
-Time for a cup of tea'?

I ordered some antiseptic wipes.

Yes.
That's right.

- And'?
- Yes'?

- Have they arrived yet'?
-Oh. No, not yet.

- I have biscuits.
-I see.

You look like
a Hobnob sort of man.

I need a tube of tolnaftate
cream on my personal account.

Is it for yourself, Doctor?

Yes, it is.

Is it athlete's foot
or the...dhobi's itch?

Just the feet.

Right.

Yes. Sorry.

Sorry.

How long have you had it'?
Is it in both feet'?

I've got just the thing.

It's an aerosol.
Combination spray.

It'll clear it up in no time.

I'm sure I'll survive.

Well, I'll express order it.

- Morning.
-Morning, Dennis.

Ah, Louisa.

Were you following me'?

No. I Wasn't.

I'm -- I-|-I'd been
to see Mrs. Tishell.

Well, I'd hate
to accuse you of stalking.

'Cause I know what it's like
to be accused

of being something
that you're not.

Like, oh, I don't know,
a certain doctor claiming

that I suffered from
delusional romantic attachments.

L-- Well, perhaps when
I said that, I was being --

Rude?

I hadn't thought through
the diagnosis.

And that's your apology.

I didn't apologize.

Here. Um...

What's this'?

It's a card.

Hmm. Martin.

Happy birthday.

Joan put you up to this,
did she'?

DOC MARTIN:
It's a birthday card.

LOUISA: Oh, I see.
Thank you.

And, um, I was wondering,

perhaps, if you weren't
doing anything later,

you might like to have, um,
dinner with me.

I don't believe it.

Dad?

Well, What are you doing here'?

Oh! It Wouldn't have been
a surprise, then, would it'?

- Ah, you look beautiful.
-Oh, no, I don't.

Yes, you do.
Just like your mother.

Terry, this is Dr. Ellingham.
Uh, this is my dad.

- I thought He was dead.
-I Never said that.

Oh, I must have dreamt it.

What happened
to old Doc Sim, then?

Uh, he -- he is dead.

WOMAN: Tosser!

Uh, don't worry.
That was meant for me.

Local dialect
for "Welcome back."

Uh, well, I-I-I have to go.
Yeah.

Thank you.

I'll bet he's the life and soul
of the party.

No, Martin's all right.

He's just, you know --
He's just different.

I'm sorry -- I'm just a little
bit surprised to see you.

Especially here.

I thought it was time
to pay you a visit.

Couldn't forget your birthday.

Why?
You usually do.

Turned over a new leaf.

So you staying
in the village or...

Oh. Well, come on.

I wish I wasn't empty-handed.

I saw this lovely dress
in a shop in London.

All flowers.

Would look beautiful on you,
really.

I Went in.
They said, "Wholesale only."

LOUISA:
Yeah, school's fine.

And I got a promotion.

Headmistress.

- No.
-Yep.

Well, that's great.

I'd better behave myself, then.

I think you're a little bit old
for detention.

Not that you'd ever turn up.

Can't get higher than that,
can you'?

Head of school.
What's the pay like'?

Why'?

I was just --
I'm interested.

Look, Louisa, don't worry.

I didn't come back here
to try and borrow money off you,

if that's What you're thinking.

No, it Wasn't.
So Why are you back?

I missed you.

I knew you'd be
on school holidays.

I hoped to see you.

Oh.

Cup of tea'?

You always change the subject,
don't you'?

No, I don't.
I just wanted a cup of tea.

I know what it's like down here.

Listen hard, you can hear
the curtains twitching.

Can't have been easy for you,

putting up with
What people said about me.

No, it Wasn't.

And I know I'm not gonna win
a father-of-the-year award.

But, well...

I'm not getting any younger.

I thought we could spend
a bit of time together.

What?

Well, when people say that,
they usually follow it up with,

And I've only got

No, no.
I'm not dying.

I just missed my daughter.

I tell you what...

Why don't you sit down'?

I'll make you
a special birthday dinner.

Uh, well, the thing is,

I'm supposed to be meeting up
with some people in the pub.

- That's all right.
-No, no, no.

It doesn't matter
because it's not definite.

And -- And I would love that.

Oh, great.

Just two questions.

Do you have beans?
Do you have toast?

In the cupboard.

BAKER: All very well, you saying
things will get better.

You don't have an ex-wife
who wants you destitute, do you'?

And you're not competing with
that supermarket in Delabole.

Well, you got to make
your ovvn luck, don't you'?

Taken half my customers, it has.

I mean, who wants
a sausage roll from me

when you can get light bulbs and
toilet roll in the next aisle'?

Here.
You take a look at this, right'?

Here.
Chough birds, eh'?

Now, just think of this, eh'?

All those rare-bird fanatics

that go up and down the land
in search of them,

and we got them right here.

That doesn't help me none.

Well, you got to think about it,
right'?

Now, I made some phone calls,
and I told them twitohers,

You pack your throw, missus,

Tomorrow the place will be
teeming with them.

And that's when I can do
my bird-Watching tours, see'?

- They rare, then?
-Oh, the Colonel thinks so.

He thinks those eggs
are Worth thousands.

The only trouble is he's not
letting anybody near them.

It's a bugger for my tours.

You...

You know what you need to do,
don't you'?

You need to make some of
those bird-shaped pasties.

They'd fly off the shelves.

Don't think that's gonna solve
my financial problems.

They'd fly
off the shelves.

Oh, don't worry.

Things are looking right up,
my friend.

Things are looking right up.

Morning, Doc.

Ah. Hello again.

I thought I'd catch you
before the morning rush.

Gavin Peters.
I'm a doctor's friend.

You're what?

I work as a liaison
between practitioners

and the local medical committee.

I assist colleagues
with complaints.

It's part of the
Cause for Concern initiative.

There are certain issues

that have been brought
to our attention

regarding your patient care.

Right.

Oh.

Oh, that's -- that's good luck.

I got it.

Right.

Yeah, we've had a few complaints
about your manner,

the Way you deal with patients.

I don't want to go
into specifics,

just to say that certain people
felt you're a little brusque.

- Can I come in'?
-Brusque'?

Yeah, first of all,
I want to assure you

that nobody's
in any trouble here.

But patient care

isn't just about
the right diagnosis, is it'?

We have a pastoral duty,
as Well.

What do you think is
a doctor's greatest tool'?

Hmm'? Take a guess.

A thermometer.

No. It's these.

When we listen --
really listen to patients --

we let them know we're here.

Can I just stop you there?

Sure.

Doc, can I have a word'?

- not now.
-it's quite important.

What?

Ah! Ellingham!

Now, what did I tell you'?

Not to broadcast it
around the village!

Broadcast What
around the village'?

You told the baker about
the choughs, didn't you'?

Hmm'?

Now that man can't keep
his trap shut, either.

He probably told the butcher
and Lord knows who else.

Now people know there are
ohoughs nesting on the cliffs.

- There are chuffs on the cliffs'?
-Uh...

I don't care where the choughs
are nesting or who knows it.

Well, you're obviously not aware

of how common the theft
of rare birds' eggs is.

Not aware, don't care.

Unless you have
a medical problem, please leave.

Doc, about that word'?

Can't help you.

All I need
is to borrow your boat

for an hour or two on Wednesday.

There's 50 quid in it for you.

And where'd you get
the money, eh'?

Don't start with that.

£60.

I don't need your money.

Fellas!

Listen, fellas.

Can you help me out'?

What are you doing'?

Hello, boy.

Another feather
in your dad's cap.

- That's the police car.
-I know.

PC. Mylovv asked me to look
after it while he was away.

Yeah, I don't think he meant
turn it into a tour bus.

Tours of what, anyway'?

- you Ever heard of Chough birds?
-Nope.

What we have here
is a real money spinner.

Here, don't go
spreading it about, but...

Are we gonna do any work today'?

- you Having a problem?
-No.

- Troubles with your girl'?

Well, whatever it is,
you can be sure of one thing --

At the end of the day,
it'll all be your fault.

I mean, that's the Way
their mind works.

Come on.
Lend us a hand.

You see, the thing is,
it's just easier to apologize.

It gets you off the hook,
and before you know it,

she's cooking you
something tasty for your tea

and you're watching
Match of the Day.

Result.

You remember
that conversation we had

about some things
I don't want you interfering in'?

This is one of them things?

Yeah.

All right.

Lend us a hand
with the other side.

Come on.

Like I said, all you have to do
is apologize.

What about
a nice bunch of flowers?

Always worked for me.
Nice bunch of flowers.

Did your mom send you a card'?

What do you think?

Oh, you know what she's like.
She was never good at dates.

I know.

I'm not sure
this is a good idea.

Come on. It's just a drink.
It's gonna be fine.

I mean, some people will
probably make the odd comment,

talk about us behind our backs.

But, you know,
that's just villages for you.

It's not that
that I'm worried about.

It's when they grab the flaming
torches and the pitchforks.

Still, you've always
believed in me.

Terry! Hey!

Hey!

There you are.

Jonathan'?

I didn't expect to see you here.

Surprise.

Uh, this is my friend Jonathan.

This is my daughter, Louisa.

Pleased.

Good to meet you.

We have to talk.

Sure. Later.

I'm taking my daughter
for a drink.

Mmh, great.
I'm parched.

What'?

What, I can't join you
for a drink, Terry'?

Sure you can.

Garage has returned your car.

Can I sit down'?

No.

What I am about to say
is gonna come as a shock.

Ah, this is really hard.

Okay.

Okay. Now, we've been
through a lot, you and me.

I mean, I don't want
to leave you in the lurch.

I know you've come
to rely on me.

What are you talking about?

I'm going to university.

To train as a nurse.

I'm leaving.

Goodbye.

Not straightaway.

I'll help you find
my replacement.

Not that it will
ever be the same.

I know.

I am gonna miss you.

Thanks, Doc.

And -- And don't bother
about my reference.

I've already written one
for you.

Okay.

You never said
you had a friend coming.

He's my lodger.

He said he'd say hello
if he was in the area.

What was that
about him having to talk'?

He seemed upset.

Probably nothing.

I never thought I'd miss
this place.

Same old decor.

Yeah, it's the same old bird,
too.

You knovv, uh, the government
are making a camera

that can go
into the eyes of birds.

Really'?
-Mm-Hmm.

It's a very miniature thing.

It's, uh, nanotechnology
for, um, you know, surveillance.

Don't ask
where they put the battery pack.

LOUISA: Painful.

Everyone is watching me.

Give me some money
to put in the box.

- No, they're not looking at you.
-Yeah, they are.

No, they're looking at me.

I left Portvvenn
under a bit of a cloud.

Wish they'd mind
their own bloody business.

Yeah, well, they better stop.

- Like elephants, this lot.
-lgnorant old sods.

Don't worry about it.
It's not worth it.

L...

I don't like this.
I don't --

There's too much coverage here,
Terry.

I don't like this at all.

Keep calm.
Finish your drink.

You should be ashamed
of yourselves, you know?

My dad is a good man.

He doesn't deserve
to be treated like this.

It didn't have anything
to do with him.

And it is because
of people like you that --

Look, I know
that my father is innocent.

- I'm onto you, you know.
JERRY: Jonathan.

LOUISA: ...disgusting,
the Way that he's...

No.
There's no point pretending.

- I know you're watching me.
-bird: give us a kiss.

Don't make fun out of me.
All right?

TERRY: That's it!

Come on.

I-I-I just wanted to say that.
Right. That's all.

And that had nothing to do
with my father.

His friend
just doesn't like parrots.

What do you want'?

Just a chat.

Then chat with the receptionist.
I'm busy.

Dr. Ellingham...

May I call you Martin?

No.

There have been complaints about
your attitude towards patients.

Have there?

They always complain.

That's What patients do,
isn't it?

Yes.

Well, What I'm here to do
is to make a report --

talk to people,
find out what's What.

Nothing to worry about.

Send me a copy
when you've finished.

Well, this is
an official matter.

I'd appreciate your cooperation.
I have a job to do.

So do I.

Ideally, We'd like
to resolve this issue

without it going
to a screening panel.

The practice is clean.

My medical knowledge is current.

Patients with
urgent medical needs

can consult with me immediately,
and I work within budget.

There is no problem here.

That's not for you to decide.

The medical committee
will decide

whether the G.P. should have to
undergo training or...

Are you saying that my position
is in jeopardy here'?

I urge you
to help me to help you.

Indeed.

I'll get the door.

Very Well.

Unfortunately, you leave me
with little choice

but to set up a review panel
to look into your conduct.

You will be required to attend.

- Morning.
-Morning.

Which Way to the choughs'?

Up to the top of the hill
and turn right.

Thanks, mate.

A right's gonna take us
over the cliff.

You mean left, don't you'?

Right.

I had no idea that bird watching
was so popular.

Now, look here.

If you're going to take those
ghastly tvvitchers up there,

you better make sure they don't
get too close to the choughs.

Right.

But I thought it'd be nice for
you to meet like-minded folk.

Aah.

This Way for the Large Tours!

We are the best ornithological
tour operator in town!

Come and see the amazing birds!

Hey, Al.

Oh'?

Open it.

PAULINE; Oh!

Dinner.
At your place.

- That's romantic.
-Maybe.

Wait.

You're not gonna dump me,
are you'?

What?

I know the signs.

No, Pauline,
I'm not gonna dump you.

Well, of course not.
Why would you'? I'm great.

- AL: See you then, yeah?
-Yeah.

- Morning, Doc.
-Yeah.

Next patient, please?

I'm next.

It'll be a lot easier
if you let me explain it.

Sit down.
Take a seat.

There you go.

He needs lithium.

400 milligrams
is the usual dosage.

Is it'?
That's not how it works.

I'm just trying to save you
a bit of time.

I'm not in the habit of Writing
prescriptions to save time.

JONATHAN'. I'm fine.

I'm just here
because he is annoyed with me.

He doesn't want me here.
He didn't want me on this job.

Jonathan!

Surname?

Crozier with a zed.

G.P.'s name?

I don't, um -- I don't remember.

He smells like soup, though.

Trust me.

You'll give them to him
in the end.

Mr. Glasson, don't tell me
how to be a doctor,

I won't tell you how to be
an absentee parent.

There's a couple of tests
I need you to do

before I hand out
any prescriptions.

Tests?

L, uh, don't like tests.

Sadness -- Choose from
is a strong word.

He's not in trouble, is he'?

Well, "trouble"
is another strong word.

Well...

Of course.

Anything you want to know,
just ask.

Much appreciated.
Makes my job easier.

You talk to his patients.
They talk to you.

Excuse me.

Dr. Ellingham is
a wonderful man!

Warm.

Caring.
Even charming.

We are truly blessed

to have such a giant of a man
in our small village.

That's my professional opinion.

- I see.
-I'm a scientist.

But if anyone has healing hands,
it's our doc.

Big hands.

Big heart.

Fascinating.

That's not quite the impression
that I have, but I suppose --

Mr. Crozier'?

Right.

TERRY: Thank you.

Doc'? Sweetheart.

MRS. TISHELL:
Isn't he just'?

Ohh.

And anyone who says otherwise
is a tooty liar!

Wow.
She was a looker.

Will you shut up'?

Take one of these.

It'll make you feel
a lot better.

You'd like that, Wouldn't you'?

I told you
not to come down here.

I told you I wanted
to collect it myself.

What part of that
don't you understand?

You're hurting my hand.

It's just that you never...

You never tell me anything.

You take that pill,
I'll tell you.

The boat arrives tomorrow
at 12:00.

And when I get the package off
it, we'll leave town, head home.

Is that clear enough for you'?

Good boy.

What on earth are you doing,
Auntie Joan?

You shouldn't be
exerting yourself.

Oh, shouldn't I, now'?

Does that mean
you're going to pitch in

and help around here, Marty'?

Um...

Well...

JOAN; Oh!

The more you rest, the shorter
your healing process will be.

I Wouldn't need
the healing process

if someone hadn't shot me.

Now, nobody actually shot you,
did they'?

You just got shot.

- What am I doing'?
-Eggs.

Right.

Colonel is feeling very guilty
about the whole thing.

Yes.
So he should be.

Oh.

Entirely his fault.

Shoo.

Shoo.

Running around the cliffs
with a loaded gun.

He's paranoid.

Yes, he is.
But he could have a point there.

He thinks he saw someone
on the cliffs the other night,

trying to steal the eggs.

Yes, of course he thinks
he saw someone on the cliffs.

The man's a nutcake.

And Terry Glasson
is back in town.

I certainly Wouldn't
put it past him.

- What, Louisa's father?
-Oh, have you met him'?

Yeah.
Thoroughly disagreeable.

Does that makes him
an egg thief?

Oh, you obviously haven't heard
Why he left in the first place.

There was an incident
involving money

for Charity for the Lifeboat
that Went missing.

Quite a large amount.

That must have been
embarrassing for Louisa.

She didn't believe it.

But he was prosecuted?

Um, no.

Oh, I see.

Oh, you all must have been
so disappointed

when they stopped
burning Witches around here.

Martin, I caught him red-handed.
He took the money.

You should have called
the police.

Yes, I know,
but I couldn't do that to her.

Louisa is the only one
you'll find around here

who still thinks he innocent.

That's the funny
thing about families, Marty.

Loyalty is but a step away
from delusion.

For an extra fiver,

you can travel shotgun
up front with me, love.

Bert.

- Terry Glasson.
-How are you'?

- Busy.
-So I see.

Listen, you still got
that old dinghy of yours?

What's it got to do
with you, then?

Well, I'd like to borrovv it
for a couple of hours tomorrow.

You don't borrow, Terry.
You take.

I'll give you 60 quid.

70.

No.

Look, I'm not asking you
to do me a favor.

I'm giving you money.

80 quid.
Final offer.

Where'd you get
that money from, then?

Won it on a horse.

Whistling Beau.
6-to-1.

No. And I'll tell you
the reason Why.

It's a poor man
who steals from his friends.

Look, Bert,
I'm giving you 80 quid

for two hours on your dinghy.

You're a man of principle.
I respect that.

But you'd be an idiot
to turn down an offer like this.

- I'm not an idiot.
-Then Take the money.

Good to see you.

I'll drop by at 11:00 tomorrow.

Right!

Let's be having you!

Gonna have to
hurry you along, Doc.

Not long before I need to --
you know -- again.

How are your bowel movements?

Not pleasant.
Not pleasant at all.

- Any pain'?

Mmh.

I'll need to take a stool sample
and have it analyzed.

Don't envy you on that one.

I'll get you a container.

Oh.

In the meantime,
it would be a good idea

to take some time off work.

Chance would be a fine thing.

Got a couple of hundred pasties
to bake

for the eating competition
tomorrow.

Biggest earner of the year.
Interested in taking part'?

I warn you -- Bert's won it
five years in a row.

No. Cancel it.

No, Doc.

In all probability,
you have a stomach infection.

Until I can find out What it is,

I don't want you spreading it
around the village.

It's a tradition, our contest.

Oh, yes, the tradition
of mass food poisoning

and the complications
that ensue.

Cancel it.

BERT:
Afternoon, Colonel.

Which Way to the birds?

West of Germany, I'm afraid,
old man.

What?

Yeah, the birds have
flown the nest, literally.

You've got to be joking.

Probably disturbed by all the
attention they've been getting.

Well, What am I gonna do
with my customers?

Well, with your well-known charm
and personality,

no doubt you'll
sort everyone out, right'?

Yeah. Good.

Aye.

Uh, excuse me.

I've just been informed
by my learned co-associate

that the birds have
unfortunately flown away.

There are plenty more
rare bird types

for you to do your observations.

We just might
have to drive around for a bit

until we find them.

Now, if anybody
sees a rare bird type,

just give me a holler directly.

Right. In we get.
Lovely.

There we are.

And the next one.
Thank you.

Oh, you'll be glad to know --
no extra charge.

Thanks. Cheers.

Louisa.

Martin.

Ice cream.

Oh, no.
It hurts my teeth.

Dad always used to take us
for ice cream every Weekend,

He said that up to the age of 6
my arteries vvere made of ice.

That sounds fun.

Mmh.

Said you had a bit of difficulty
at the surgery yesterday.

Uh, no.
Not really.

He said he practically
had to force you

to give his friend
some medication.

I told him that was just how you
liked to welcome new patients.

It's not.
There are procedures.

Blood out of a stone.
That's What he said.

Well, at least I'm not a thief.

Martin, I was just teasing you.

And I Wouldn't have thought
that you, of all people,

would join in with local gossip.

I'm not.

All this time, you keep
your distance from everyone.

And when you finally decide
to show some community spirit,

it's to join in with malicious
rumors about my father.

But they're not rumors.
Ask Joan.

She said she caught him
red-handed, stealing money.

Louisa --

Ah.

You've received
your official notification

about the review tomorrow?

Yes, I did.

Then I expect
I'll see you there?

Do I have a choice?

I don't bear
any ill will towards you,

as I'm sure you don't
towards me.

Take your hand off me,

you unctuous,
platitudinizing eunuch.

- You have ice cream --
-I know.