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1
00:01:27,812 --> 00:01:31,410
Can you believe that? A musical version
of "Sweet Bird of Youth."
2
00:01:31,485 --> 00:01:34,684
- Who are they kidding?
- Thank God, you wanted to leave.
3
00:01:34,757 --> 00:01:38,491
Can you believe Madeline Ashton?
Talk about waking the dead.
4
00:01:38,564 --> 00:01:40,755
l gotta get a drink.
5
00:01:53,157 --> 00:01:57,290
% What do l see %
6
00:01:57,364 --> 00:02:02,863
% That�s the question
l�m most afraid of %
7
00:02:02,940 --> 00:02:12,447
% One that asks me
what l�m really made of %
8
00:02:14,594 --> 00:02:18,465
% What do l see %
9
00:02:18,535 --> 00:02:24,809
% Much more
than a reflection %
10
00:02:24,879 --> 00:02:32,724
% A romance with
sheer perfection %
11
00:02:34,564 --> 00:02:38,002
% l see me
l see me %
12
00:02:38,069 --> 00:02:41,735
% Actress, woman
star and lover %
13
00:02:41,809 --> 00:02:46,307
% Sister, sweetheart
slave and mother %
14
00:02:46,384 --> 00:02:48,080
% l see me %
15
00:02:48,154 --> 00:02:50,124
% And l like
what l see %
16
00:02:50,191 --> 00:02:53,788
% Virgin, temptress
dream of others %
17
00:02:53,863 --> 00:02:56,265
% Yes, it�s me %
18
00:02:56,335 --> 00:03:00,240
% Yes, it�s me %
19
00:03:06,553 --> 00:03:09,923
- % We see you %
- % You mean me %
20
00:03:09,993 --> 00:03:13,591
% ldol, goddess
shameless hussy %
21
00:03:13,666 --> 00:03:18,129
% Diva, princess
lewd and lusty %
22
00:03:22,014 --> 00:03:25,544
% Ah ah ah
ah ah ah %
23
00:03:25,620 --> 00:03:29,184
% Ah ah ah
ah ah ah %
24
00:04:00,882 --> 00:04:03,944
She�s sensational.
25
00:04:09,164 --> 00:04:12,658
% That�s not me
Can�t be me %
26
00:04:12,737 --> 00:04:16,198
- % Angel devil %
- % You can trust me %
27
00:04:16,276 --> 00:04:19,042
% Mon ami %
28
00:04:19,115 --> 00:04:21,347
% l see %
29
00:04:26,561 --> 00:04:28,496
% Whoo-whoo %
30
00:04:31,002 --> 00:04:35,032
% Everywhere l look, baby
all l see is %
31
00:04:35,110 --> 00:04:36,976
- % A contradiction %
- % Oh, come on %
32
00:04:37,046 --> 00:04:38,742
- % A bad addiction %
- % Knock it off %
33
00:04:38,816 --> 00:04:42,550
- % lnspiration to a generation %
- % Now you�re talkin� %
34
00:04:42,623 --> 00:04:45,150
% That�s you %
35
00:04:45,227 --> 00:04:51,762
% That�s me %%
36
00:04:55,012 --> 00:04:57,038
Wow!
37
00:04:57,116 --> 00:04:59,848
Oh, boy!
38
00:04:59,921 --> 00:05:02,391
Whoo!
39
00:05:02,458 --> 00:05:04,723
Whoo!
40
00:05:05,964 --> 00:05:10,302
Wrinkled, wrinkled little star,
41
00:05:10,372 --> 00:05:14,106
hope they never
see the scars.
42
00:05:19,889 --> 00:05:22,485
Your guests are here,
Miss Ashton.
43
00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:25,258
A Miss Helen Sharp
with a gentleman.
44
00:05:25,332 --> 00:05:28,634
- Ahh. How�s she look?
- Who?
45
00:05:28,705 --> 00:05:31,107
Helen, you idiot.
46
00:05:31,176 --> 00:05:33,874
l don�t know.
Smart, l guess, sort of classy.
47
00:05:33,947 --> 00:05:36,747
Classy? Really?
Compared to whom?
48
00:05:36,819 --> 00:05:41,054
Oh, shit.
49
00:05:58,057 --> 00:05:59,685
Mad!
50
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:02,322
Hel!
51
00:06:04,902 --> 00:06:07,839
- l don�t believe it.
- How are you?
52
00:06:07,907 --> 00:06:09,968
- lt�s been so long.
- l know.
53
00:06:10,045 --> 00:06:12,982
Don�t you dare say how long.
54
00:06:13,050 --> 00:06:16,181
Mad, l�d like you to meet...
55
00:06:16,256 --> 00:06:18,225
Dr. Ernest Menville, my fiance.
56
00:06:18,292 --> 00:06:21,024
You were just wonderful.
57
00:06:21,097 --> 00:06:23,897
Ernest Menville? Dr. Ernest Menville,
the plastic surgeon?
58
00:06:23,970 --> 00:06:28,239
- Yes. You were so terrific!
- Ernest is quite a fan.
59
00:06:28,310 --> 00:06:31,076
- l�ve read all about you.
- That dance number. Boy, oh, boy.
60
00:06:31,148 --> 00:06:34,643
- l can�t believe l�m meeting you.
- He never mentioned a Madeline thing.
61
00:06:34,722 --> 00:06:39,754
- We�re both huge fans.
- l�m sure he doesn�t have a... thing.
62
00:06:39,831 --> 00:06:42,893
Do you?
63
00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:48,502
Well, l�m so happy
for you... both.
64
00:06:48,580 --> 00:06:52,576
What ever happened to that,
um, writing thing?
65
00:06:52,653 --> 00:06:56,717
- Oh, well, um, l�m still trying.
- Helen, don�t be modest.
66
00:06:56,794 --> 00:07:01,257
- She�s a brilliant writer, Mrs. Ashton.
- Miss.
67
00:07:01,335 --> 00:07:03,703
Tell me, Doctor,
68
00:07:03,773 --> 00:07:07,234
do you think that
l�m starting to need you?
69
00:07:08,515 --> 00:07:09,881
Ahem.
70
00:07:09,950 --> 00:07:12,443
So...
71
00:07:14,024 --> 00:07:15,994
have you two set a date?
72
00:07:16,062 --> 00:07:18,430
- Yes... we have.
- No, actually--
73
00:07:19,968 --> 00:07:23,873
We see
the upper eyelid skin incision...
74
00:07:23,942 --> 00:07:27,380
from the medial canthus
to the lateral orbital margin.
75
00:07:27,449 --> 00:07:30,545
There are two fat compartments
in the upper eyelid, three in the lower.
76
00:07:30,620 --> 00:07:33,284
Oops. Look at all this bleeding.
77
00:07:33,358 --> 00:07:37,661
Needle-tip cautery. Quickly, please.
78
00:07:43,176 --> 00:07:46,579
For heaven�s sake,
Helen, it was a dinner.
79
00:07:46,648 --> 00:07:49,346
The woman wanted
my professional opinion.
80
00:07:49,420 --> 00:07:52,654
Ernest, you don�t know Madeline
the way l do.
81
00:07:52,726 --> 00:07:56,426
She wants you.
She wants you because you�re mine.
82
00:07:56,500 --> 00:07:58,936
l�ve lost men to her before.
83
00:07:59,004 --> 00:08:03,034
She just turns on that flash
and that glitter and they�re gone.
84
00:08:03,111 --> 00:08:06,173
That�s why l wanted you to meet her
before we got married.
85
00:08:06,250 --> 00:08:11,055
l just had to see if you could pass
the Madeline Ashton test.
86
00:08:11,125 --> 00:08:14,723
Please...
Please, don�t fail.
87
00:08:14,798 --> 00:08:18,794
l couldn�t
take it again.
88
00:08:18,872 --> 00:08:21,468
l don�t know
what l�d do.
89
00:08:21,544 --> 00:08:25,780
Do you know how
silly you�re sounding?
90
00:08:27,087 --> 00:08:29,147
Oh, darling,
91
00:08:29,224 --> 00:08:33,790
l have absolutely no interest
in Madeline Ashton.
92
00:09:53,081 --> 00:09:56,611
Mrs. Helen Sharp? lt�s your landlord.
Open the door, please.
93
00:09:56,688 --> 00:09:59,625
l know you�re in there!
94
00:09:59,693 --> 00:10:02,528
l have your final
eviction notice.
95
00:10:02,598 --> 00:10:04,659
lf you don�t come out,
96
00:10:04,735 --> 00:10:09,038
- l�m going to break the door.
- What are you doing here?
97
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:12,479
l have the police. lf you don�t open,
we�re going to break the door.
98
00:10:12,549 --> 00:10:17,456
- Well, speak!
- l�m going to charge you for it too.
99
00:10:17,525 --> 00:10:22,295
- Lady, let�s go.
- You heard what he said.
100
00:10:26,607 --> 00:10:31,104
You�re in trouble.
101
00:10:31,181 --> 00:10:35,451
Come on. Open it!
102
00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:53,749
Lady, listen.
You have the right to remain silent.
103
00:10:53,822 --> 00:10:56,258
lf you give up the right
to remain silent--
104
00:10:56,327 --> 00:10:59,423
Are you nuts?
105
00:10:59,498 --> 00:11:01,832
Come on.
Get her outta here!
106
00:11:01,903 --> 00:11:04,066
So...
107
00:11:07,145 --> 00:11:09,240
What about you, Helen?
108
00:11:09,316 --> 00:11:13,187
We haven�t heard from you
in a while.
109
00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:16,421
ls there anything...
110
00:11:16,495 --> 00:11:20,434
you�d like to...
talk about... with the group?
111
00:11:27,215 --> 00:11:29,184
Yes.
112
00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:37,395
l would like
to talk about...
113
00:11:37,465 --> 00:11:40,733
Madeline...
114
00:11:40,805 --> 00:11:42,171
Ashton.
115
00:11:42,241 --> 00:11:44,473
Stop! Stop it!
Stop!
116
00:11:44,545 --> 00:11:47,345
No! No!
117
00:11:53,094 --> 00:11:55,461
ls this where we are, Helen?
118
00:11:55,531 --> 00:11:58,901
Six months of therapy.
You�re not one pound lighter.
119
00:11:58,970 --> 00:12:01,873
And we are still talking
about Madeline Ashton!
120
00:12:01,942 --> 00:12:05,711
- You think l enjoy talking about her?
- Do you think l enjoy it?
121
00:12:05,782 --> 00:12:08,777
ls that what you think?
You better think again!
122
00:12:08,855 --> 00:12:13,522
Oh, Helen,
for you to have a life,
123
00:12:13,596 --> 00:12:17,000
for any of us
to have a life,
124
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:19,164
you have got to forget
about her.
125
00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:21,642
You have to erase her
from your mind.
126
00:12:21,711 --> 00:12:25,410
- You have to completely eliminate any--
- What?
127
00:12:25,485 --> 00:12:28,513
You have to completely
eliminate--
128
00:12:28,590 --> 00:12:31,083
You�re right.
129
00:12:31,161 --> 00:12:32,527
What?
130
00:12:32,597 --> 00:12:36,400
You�re absolutely right.
131
00:12:54,669 --> 00:12:56,605
Yes?
132
00:12:56,673 --> 00:13:00,578
l have a delivery for Madeline Ashton
and Dr. Ernest Menville.
133
00:13:35,742 --> 00:13:38,110
Good morning, madam.
134
00:13:38,180 --> 00:13:42,085
You look
absolutely marvelous.
135
00:13:42,153 --> 00:13:44,555
Hey, wait a minute.
136
00:13:45,726 --> 00:13:48,162
Aren�t you forgetting something?
137
00:13:48,230 --> 00:13:51,327
- lt�s only Thursday. l�m supposed to--
- Never mind.
138
00:13:51,403 --> 00:13:54,465
l think l need you
to say it every morning.
139
00:13:54,541 --> 00:13:56,704
Very well.
140
00:13:56,779 --> 00:13:59,341
Oh, madam,
you look younger every day.
141
00:13:59,417 --> 00:14:03,117
Thank you, Rose.
Thank you very much.
142
00:14:03,190 --> 00:14:05,319
lt�s so sweet--
What is this?
143
00:14:05,395 --> 00:14:09,732
Your tickets for
Helen Sharp�s book party.
144
00:14:09,802 --> 00:14:12,602
They just came.
145
00:14:12,674 --> 00:14:15,976
Helen Sharp�s book party!
146
00:14:16,047 --> 00:14:19,018
- "Forever Young"?
- l like that title.
147
00:14:21,756 --> 00:14:25,456
Oh, forever young!
Right.
148
00:14:25,530 --> 00:14:28,559
And eternally fat!
149
00:14:28,636 --> 00:14:33,303
Oh, clever little witch.
She sent seating assignments.
150
00:14:34,679 --> 00:14:37,149
l find it very hard
to believe...
151
00:14:37,217 --> 00:14:41,088
that he got up early
and made his side of the bed.
152
00:14:41,157 --> 00:14:45,495
- No, madam.
- So where did he sleep?
153
00:14:45,566 --> 00:14:47,660
Again?
154
00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:54,002
The beaver has always
been of interest to man.
155
00:14:56,151 --> 00:14:59,384
lt is the second largest
rodent in the world.
156
00:15:06,035 --> 00:15:08,768
Dr. Menville?
157
00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:13,177
Dr. Menville?
158
00:15:15,719 --> 00:15:18,485
ls this an angel
l see before me?
159
00:15:18,557 --> 00:15:23,157
- Dr. Menville, you�re so cute.
- Thank you, Rose.
160
00:15:28,508 --> 00:15:32,002
Oh!
161
00:15:32,082 --> 00:15:35,645
More vodka.
162
00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:38,122
An outstanding characteristic
of a beaver...
163
00:15:38,192 --> 00:15:43,224
is the large, flat tail.
164
00:15:49,278 --> 00:15:52,340
- ls it up yet?
- Yes, sir.
165
00:15:52,417 --> 00:15:55,217
lt�s in the bath.
166
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:59,888
Your beeper was beeping.
lt�s Mr. Franklin again.
167
00:16:10,716 --> 00:16:13,312
Rose!
Oh, it�s you.
168
00:16:13,387 --> 00:16:16,086
Fine, dear, thank you.
Like a rock.
169
00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:18,288
You�re dressed.
Special occasion?
170
00:16:18,363 --> 00:16:20,299
- Work.
- Ghoul!
171
00:16:20,367 --> 00:16:23,361
Dr. Menville,
thank God.
172
00:16:23,438 --> 00:16:27,104
- l�m sorry to call at the last minute.
- Yes.
173
00:16:27,179 --> 00:16:31,643
He�s completely prepped. Our top staff
have been summoned and are waiting.
174
00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:34,155
Good, l�m sure he�ll be fine.
Just calm down.
175
00:16:34,225 --> 00:16:37,560
Calm? l am calm.
Everyone is calm here.
176
00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:40,157
- Who is it?
- Fernando Rivas, the actor.
177
00:16:40,235 --> 00:16:44,470
He drowned in his hot tub.
Very bloated, very swollen.
178
00:16:44,542 --> 00:16:47,673
He was making love
to his new fiancee.
179
00:16:47,748 --> 00:16:50,878
Eighteen years old,
from Cuba.
180
00:16:50,954 --> 00:16:53,721
He�s got this expression of happiness
that is completely inappropriate.
181
00:16:53,793 --> 00:16:58,028
Thank you, Mr. Franklin, we�ll see
if we can�t give him a little character,
182
00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:00,764
- a little depth.
- Depth?
183
00:17:00,838 --> 00:17:05,370
Oh, no, Dr. Menville, you can�t
give him any character or depth.
184
00:17:05,447 --> 00:17:08,509
People have
to recognize him.
185
00:17:08,585 --> 00:17:12,456
- Good afternoon, Miss Ashton.
- 3:00 with Anna.
186
00:17:12,525 --> 00:17:14,586
Yes, l know.
You may go down.
187
00:17:20,907 --> 00:17:24,846
Miss Ashton, how are you?
So good to see you!
188
00:17:24,914 --> 00:17:28,978
Listen, l�ve got a really
important party tonight.
189
00:17:29,055 --> 00:17:32,322
Really important.
You understand?
190
00:17:32,394 --> 00:17:35,992
You will be the best one!
191
00:17:36,067 --> 00:17:38,697
l have to be
better than that.
192
00:17:38,772 --> 00:17:40,901
l am sorry,
but the plasma separation...
193
00:17:40,976 --> 00:17:43,606
is a very traumatic
process to the body!
194
00:17:43,681 --> 00:17:46,174
Our policy
clearly prohibits...
195
00:17:46,252 --> 00:17:49,223
more than one
in a six-month period.
196
00:17:49,290 --> 00:17:51,817
So? lt�s been nearly
that long already.
197
00:17:51,895 --> 00:17:56,359
Miss Ashton, you had one
three weeks ago.
198
00:17:56,437 --> 00:18:00,001
- How about a nice collagen buff?
- "A collagen buff"?
199
00:18:00,077 --> 00:18:03,310
You might as well ask me
to wash with soap and water!
200
00:18:05,286 --> 00:18:08,189
Tonight is
very important to me.
201
00:18:08,257 --> 00:18:12,128
- l could do your makeup myself.
- Makeup is pointless!
202
00:18:12,198 --> 00:18:14,896
lt does nothing anymore.
203
00:18:14,969 --> 00:18:17,235
Are you listening to me?
Do you even care?
204
00:18:17,307 --> 00:18:20,609
You stand there with your 22-year-old
skin and your tits like rocks...
205
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:23,549
and laugh at me.
206
00:18:30,196 --> 00:18:32,428
Mmm.
207
00:18:32,501 --> 00:18:36,838
l could pay you extra.
208
00:18:36,908 --> 00:18:40,608
Something...
on a personal basis.
209
00:18:40,681 --> 00:18:43,516
You know what l mean?
How about that?
210
00:18:43,586 --> 00:18:46,558
Money is no object.
lt means nothing to me.
211
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:49,062
Ahem.
212
00:18:49,130 --> 00:18:52,863
l�m sorry, Mr. Chagall.
l�m really, really sorry.
213
00:18:52,937 --> 00:18:55,772
Anna, don�t talk,
just go away.
214
00:18:55,842 --> 00:18:58,278
Leave us alone, mmm?
215
00:18:58,346 --> 00:19:01,476
- l don�t want to look at you anymore.
- Oh, okay.
216
00:19:01,552 --> 00:19:03,681
Thank you so much.
217
00:19:05,592 --> 00:19:08,222
Please.
218
00:19:09,934 --> 00:19:12,803
- l suppose l should apologize.
- Oh, no, no.
219
00:19:12,872 --> 00:19:17,540
l am very sensitive
to your torment.
220
00:19:17,614 --> 00:19:20,915
- Excuse me?
- But unfortunately we are mere mortals.
221
00:19:20,986 --> 00:19:26,360
We are restricted by the...
laws of nature.
222
00:19:26,429 --> 00:19:29,458
Well, what more
could one expect?
223
00:19:29,535 --> 00:19:32,438
Mmm, mmm,
that depends.
224
00:19:32,507 --> 00:19:37,949
l could not help but overhear your
little joke about money being no object.
225
00:19:38,016 --> 00:19:40,920
- That was no joke!
- l see.
226
00:19:43,292 --> 00:19:45,660
l wonder, Miss Ashton,
227
00:19:45,730 --> 00:19:49,829
if perhaps you have
ever heard of...
228
00:19:52,008 --> 00:19:53,978
Lisle Von Rhuman?
229
00:19:54,045 --> 00:19:56,607
Ah... no.
230
00:19:56,683 --> 00:19:59,620
No, of course you haven�t.
Very few have.
231
00:19:59,688 --> 00:20:01,817
Only a select group.
232
00:20:01,892 --> 00:20:04,795
She may be able to help you.
233
00:20:06,133 --> 00:20:09,697
Here is her address.
234
00:20:09,773 --> 00:20:12,175
She accepts callers day...
and night.
235
00:20:12,244 --> 00:20:13,678
Eh...
236
00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:18,049
lt is a very, very select group,
you understand?
237
00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:20,556
Sure.
238
00:20:22,963 --> 00:20:26,834
l�m glad this happened,
Miss Ashton.
239
00:20:26,903 --> 00:20:31,240
We shall be seeing
more of you, l think.
240
00:20:31,310 --> 00:20:33,405
Yes, l think so.
241
00:20:39,792 --> 00:20:41,681
Weirdo.
242
00:20:48,761 --> 00:20:51,789
Could you just
not breathe?
243
00:21:01,717 --> 00:21:04,882
Jesus, what�d she do?
Hire extras?
244
00:21:04,956 --> 00:21:06,926
Good evening.
245
00:21:09,631 --> 00:21:12,568
Evian, please.
No ice.
246
00:21:13,805 --> 00:21:16,207
- Dr. Menville?
- Yes.
247
00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:19,145
- Ernest Menville?
- Yes.
248
00:21:19,214 --> 00:21:23,484
- Hi, l�m Vivian Adams.
- Hi, h-h-have we met?
249
00:21:23,556 --> 00:21:25,992
Long ago. l never had
a chance to thank you...
250
00:21:26,061 --> 00:21:31,264
for the spectacular job
you did with my Aunt Esther.
251
00:21:31,336 --> 00:21:33,772
Oh, well,
thank you very much.
252
00:21:33,841 --> 00:21:36,573
Her color, her tone.
253
00:21:36,646 --> 00:21:40,676
- You even brought out her cheekbones.
- Well, that�s my job.
254
00:21:40,753 --> 00:21:43,451
lt was almost a shame
to bury her.
255
00:21:43,524 --> 00:21:45,790
lt�s so sweet of you
to say that.
256
00:21:45,862 --> 00:21:48,765
Can l ask you
what your secret is?
257
00:21:48,834 --> 00:21:50,963
Spray paint.
258
00:21:52,340 --> 00:21:56,940
You see, you can�t just use
regular makeup on dead skin.
259
00:21:57,015 --> 00:21:58,950
The pores are too dry.
260
00:21:59,018 --> 00:22:02,012
You�ve gotta use a palette
and grind the stuff in.
261
00:22:02,091 --> 00:22:05,529
One day l�m in the hardware store and
l think, "What about mannequin paint?"
262
00:22:05,597 --> 00:22:10,436
lt�s got its own chemical adhesive,
comes in a variety of flesh--
263
00:22:11,775 --> 00:22:14,439
Excuse me!
264
00:22:30,374 --> 00:22:32,571
Have you seen her yet?
265
00:22:32,645 --> 00:22:36,812
What a joke. She�s not even here.
266
00:22:38,556 --> 00:22:42,689
- Oh, look over there.
- Wh--
267
00:22:42,763 --> 00:22:47,396
Oh, looks as though
she�s lost a few pounds!
268
00:22:53,114 --> 00:22:56,347
- We�re leaving.
- Nonsense. Let�s go talk to her.
269
00:22:56,420 --> 00:23:00,588
No. l�ll talk to her.
270
00:23:02,064 --> 00:23:06,663
l just want you to know
that l am at your disposal.
271
00:23:06,738 --> 00:23:10,074
You can call me day or night.
272
00:23:10,144 --> 00:23:12,808
l did give you all my numbers?
273
00:23:26,239 --> 00:23:27,572
Mad?
274
00:23:27,643 --> 00:23:30,478
Hel!
275
00:23:36,624 --> 00:23:40,119
l don�t believe it!
276
00:23:40,197 --> 00:23:45,503
Helen, darling, 12 years!
12 long years!
277
00:23:45,573 --> 00:23:48,943
And look at you,
you have a... waist.
278
00:23:49,013 --> 00:23:52,178
Oh, you haven�t changed.
279
00:23:52,253 --> 00:23:55,383
Gosh, l�m glad you came.
l didn�t know if you would.
280
00:23:55,458 --> 00:23:57,928
l spoke to my P.R. woman
and she said,
281
00:23:57,996 --> 00:24:00,933
"Madeline Ashton goes
to the opening of an envelope."
282
00:24:01,001 --> 00:24:03,767
Those people can be so cruel.
283
00:24:03,839 --> 00:24:07,141
l fired her.
Well, l almost fired her.
284
00:24:07,212 --> 00:24:09,512
Well, that was
sweet of you, dear.
285
00:24:09,583 --> 00:24:11,644
- Would you mind?
- Not at all.
286
00:24:11,721 --> 00:24:16,354
- So, how�s it been?
- Heaven, it�s absolute heaven.
287
00:24:16,428 --> 00:24:19,365
- Ernest is a dream.
- l�m so happy for you both.
288
00:24:19,434 --> 00:24:22,303
l often thought to myself
"l don�t deserve this"...
289
00:24:22,373 --> 00:24:25,469
because it came
at your expense.
290
00:24:25,544 --> 00:24:29,108
And that thought
made me feel... terrible.
291
00:24:29,184 --> 00:24:32,452
Listen, that was a long time ago.
292
00:24:32,524 --> 00:24:36,793
You didn�t steal him.
He went to you.
293
00:24:36,865 --> 00:24:39,961
lt wasn�t you.
lt was him.
294
00:24:40,037 --> 00:24:42,941
l want you to know something.
295
00:24:43,009 --> 00:24:48,474
l have never ever blamed you.
Never!
296
00:24:57,001 --> 00:25:01,338
- Do you believe how she looks?
- How old is she?
297
00:25:01,408 --> 00:25:04,038
- Fifty.
- Fifty?
298
00:25:04,113 --> 00:25:06,515
You�ve gotta be kidding.
299
00:25:06,584 --> 00:25:10,114
l wonder what
her secret is.
300
00:25:32,263 --> 00:25:36,896
- Life has turned out as quite a party.
- You used to hate parties.
301
00:25:36,971 --> 00:25:40,171
That was when l was old.
You should see me now.
302
00:25:40,244 --> 00:25:43,648
l didn�t know
you were so unhappy.
303
00:25:47,489 --> 00:25:49,982
Never could lie to you.
304
00:25:52,231 --> 00:25:56,638
l know about the kind of...
work you�re doing now.
305
00:25:56,706 --> 00:25:58,868
lt�s not work.
306
00:25:58,943 --> 00:26:03,111
l would sell my soul
to be able to operate again.
307
00:26:03,185 --> 00:26:07,682
- Oh, Helen, l�ve wasted my life.
- No, Ernest.
308
00:26:07,759 --> 00:26:10,594
She�s wasted you.
309
00:26:10,664 --> 00:26:13,659
She married
a brilliant surgeon...
310
00:26:13,736 --> 00:26:16,536
and turned him
into an undertaker.
311
00:26:16,608 --> 00:26:19,545
l want you
to know something.
312
00:26:19,613 --> 00:26:23,245
l have never blamed you
for leaving me.
313
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:26,486
l always knew it was her.
314
00:26:26,559 --> 00:26:29,428
She�s a woman.
315
00:26:29,497 --> 00:26:33,129
A woman, Ernest.
316
00:26:33,204 --> 00:26:35,504
From Newark, for God�s sakes.
317
00:26:35,575 --> 00:26:40,915
l will never forgive her
for what she�s done to you.
318
00:26:42,621 --> 00:26:44,648
Never.
319
00:27:16,881 --> 00:27:19,249
Dakota!
320
00:27:19,319 --> 00:27:21,881
Oh!
321
00:27:21,956 --> 00:27:23,892
Oh!
322
00:27:26,298 --> 00:27:28,130
- What�s wrong?
- Nothing.
323
00:27:28,201 --> 00:27:30,262
l didn�t know
you were coming over.
324
00:27:30,339 --> 00:27:32,901
- Oh, my God, you�re not alone.
- Of course l am.
325
00:27:32,976 --> 00:27:35,776
- l�m completely alone.
- Dakota?
326
00:27:35,848 --> 00:27:39,014
Actually, completely
isn�t quite what l meant.
327
00:27:39,088 --> 00:27:42,857
- How dare you make me feel cheap!
- Madeline, l forgot.
328
00:27:42,928 --> 00:27:45,922
- She�s here to-- She�s here to fix--
- Who is she?
329
00:27:45,999 --> 00:27:48,868
- l�m trying to tell you--
- Who is the little piece of meat?
330
00:27:48,938 --> 00:27:52,206
She�s a friend of, of,
the guy who was here to--
331
00:27:52,277 --> 00:27:56,216
- Jesus, at least lie quickly!
- l am trying to.
332
00:27:56,284 --> 00:28:01,954
Look, you gotta believe me.
This is perfectly innocent.
333
00:28:15,952 --> 00:28:17,922
Hey, hey, hey.
334
00:28:17,990 --> 00:28:20,323
l�m sick of this shit,
you know that?
335
00:28:20,393 --> 00:28:23,058
- l am doing you a favor here.
- Doing me a favor?
336
00:28:23,132 --> 00:28:26,433
- l gave you--
- Yeah, you gave, l gave. Big deal!
337
00:28:26,504 --> 00:28:29,202
Somebody told me we look
ridiculous together.
338
00:28:29,276 --> 00:28:31,712
How do you think
that makes me feel?
339
00:28:31,780 --> 00:28:34,114
You never think
about my feelings.
340
00:28:34,185 --> 00:28:37,555
Go find someone
your own age, Madeline!
341
00:29:43,641 --> 00:29:47,444
Madeline! l need to speak
to Madeline at once!
342
00:29:48,584 --> 00:29:50,815
No.
343
00:29:53,893 --> 00:29:58,162
Madeline. l need to speak
to Madeline at once!
344
00:29:58,233 --> 00:30:00,294
Yeah.
345
00:30:40,357 --> 00:30:42,884
Geez.
346
00:31:01,329 --> 00:31:04,960
- Good evening. l hope it�s not too--
- Not at all, Miss Ashton.
347
00:31:05,035 --> 00:31:07,733
Miss Von Rhuman�s expecting you.
348
00:31:07,807 --> 00:31:11,006
She is?
349
00:31:19,594 --> 00:31:22,258
Wait here, please.
350
00:31:48,578 --> 00:31:51,572
Follow me, please.
351
00:32:19,733 --> 00:32:22,796
Excuse me.
352
00:32:24,642 --> 00:32:27,374
l hoped you�d come.
353
00:32:27,447 --> 00:32:31,854
Make some room for my friend,
for Christ�s sake!
354
00:32:31,922 --> 00:32:36,555
But...
355
00:32:36,630 --> 00:32:39,157
keep your ass handy.
356
00:32:47,884 --> 00:32:53,292
May l say that
l�ve always thought yours...
357
00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:58,324
to be one of the most
beautiful faces...
358
00:32:58,402 --> 00:33:01,932
ever to grace
the silver screen.
359
00:33:02,009 --> 00:33:03,272
Oh.
360
00:33:03,344 --> 00:33:05,541
And that husband of yours,
361
00:33:05,615 --> 00:33:09,679
l can only say that
his reputation is unsurpassed.
362
00:33:09,756 --> 00:33:11,691
Oh.
363
00:33:11,759 --> 00:33:16,291
l just arrived in town.
l follow the spring.
364
00:33:16,367 --> 00:33:18,769
l haven�t seen an autumn
or winter in years.
365
00:33:21,710 --> 00:33:24,272
We are creatures
of the spring, you and l.
366
00:33:24,348 --> 00:33:28,948
Uh-huh. l�m not really
quite sure why l came.
367
00:33:29,023 --> 00:33:32,358
You�re scared as hell...
of yourself,
368
00:33:33,497 --> 00:33:37,163
of the body you thought
you once knew.
369
00:33:37,237 --> 00:33:39,764
l beg your pardon?
370
00:33:40,877 --> 00:33:44,372
l am the one
who understands.
371
00:33:44,451 --> 00:33:48,254
l am the one
who knows your secret.
372
00:33:50,461 --> 00:33:52,624
Who is it?
373
00:33:55,870 --> 00:33:59,365
Madeline.
l need to speak to Madeline.
374
00:33:59,443 --> 00:34:01,675
She�s not here.
375
00:34:01,748 --> 00:34:04,913
Ah, thank God!
376
00:34:09,461 --> 00:34:13,332
How did you get in?
l didn�t hear the gate.
377
00:34:15,506 --> 00:34:18,204
l didn�t want you to hear.
378
00:34:18,277 --> 00:34:20,405
Ernest, ask me to go.
379
00:34:20,480 --> 00:34:23,350
Ask me to leave
this house immediately!
380
00:34:23,420 --> 00:34:26,220
- You just got here.
- l know, l know.
381
00:34:26,291 --> 00:34:29,923
But it just took me a glimpse
and l was back where l started.
382
00:34:29,998 --> 00:34:32,263
Where�s that?
383
00:34:32,335 --> 00:34:35,670
- Don�t pretend you�re not aware of it.
- Of what?
384
00:34:35,741 --> 00:34:40,148
You�re a powerful
sexual being, Ernest.
385
00:34:40,216 --> 00:34:41,946
l am?
386
00:34:42,019 --> 00:34:43,817
Yes, you are.
387
00:34:43,888 --> 00:34:47,019
lf l never told you before,
it�s because...
388
00:34:47,095 --> 00:34:50,534
l wasn�t the sort of girl
that could say the word...
389
00:34:50,601 --> 00:34:54,164
"sexual" without blushing.
390
00:34:56,946 --> 00:34:59,438
Well, l can now.
391
00:35:01,153 --> 00:35:04,181
Sexual.
392
00:35:04,926 --> 00:35:07,488
Sensual.
393
00:35:09,067 --> 00:35:11,230
Sexy.
394
00:35:12,673 --> 00:35:15,473
Sex.
395
00:35:15,545 --> 00:35:18,516
Sex.
396
00:35:18,583 --> 00:35:20,610
Sex!
397
00:35:24,461 --> 00:35:29,060
So warm, so full of life.
398
00:35:29,135 --> 00:35:33,303
And already
it ebbs away from you.
399
00:35:33,377 --> 00:35:36,507
This is life�s
ultimate cruelty.
400
00:35:36,582 --> 00:35:40,248
lt offers us the taste
of youth and vitality...
401
00:35:40,322 --> 00:35:44,352
and then makes us
witness our own decay.
402
00:35:45,698 --> 00:35:48,032
Well, it is
the natural law.
403
00:35:48,102 --> 00:35:50,572
Screw the natural law!
404
00:36:44,201 --> 00:36:46,728
What is that?
405
00:36:46,806 --> 00:36:51,042
What you came for.
406
00:36:51,114 --> 00:36:54,108
A touch of magic...
407
00:36:54,186 --> 00:36:58,489
in this world
obsessed with science.
408
00:37:00,331 --> 00:37:02,767
A tonic.
409
00:37:04,404 --> 00:37:06,704
A potion.
410
00:37:08,445 --> 00:37:10,415
What does it do?
411
00:37:10,482 --> 00:37:13,976
How old would you guess l am?
412
00:37:16,893 --> 00:37:19,989
l wouldn�t--
413
00:37:20,065 --> 00:37:22,831
Come on.
Don�t try to flatter me.
414
00:37:22,903 --> 00:37:25,396
Thirty eight.
415
00:37:26,443 --> 00:37:28,503
Oh, twenty eight.
Twenty... three?
416
00:37:28,581 --> 00:37:32,280
l am seventy-one years old.
417
00:37:32,353 --> 00:37:35,689
That�s what it does.
418
00:37:35,760 --> 00:37:39,221
lt stops the aging process
dead in its tracks...
419
00:37:39,299 --> 00:37:41,531
and forces it into retreat.
420
00:37:41,604 --> 00:37:46,374
Drink that potion and you�ll
never grow even one day older.
421
00:37:46,445 --> 00:37:51,785
Don�t drink it...
and continue to watch yourself rot.
422
00:37:52,689 --> 00:37:54,625
How much is it?
423
00:37:57,198 --> 00:38:01,137
The sordid topic of coin...
424
00:38:01,205 --> 00:38:03,937
l�m afraid is not so simple.
425
00:38:04,010 --> 00:38:08,382
The cost, you see,
it�s different for everyone.
426
00:38:08,451 --> 00:38:11,753
Well, for me, how much?
427
00:38:27,017 --> 00:38:32,152
Well, thank you very much.
l think l should be going.
428
00:38:32,227 --> 00:38:34,458
Sit!
429
00:38:49,423 --> 00:38:52,223
Hold out your hand.
430
00:38:55,935 --> 00:38:59,199
What are you, nuts?
431
00:38:59,334 --> 00:39:01,428
Watch.
432
00:39:28,251 --> 00:39:30,687
Check okay?
433
00:39:30,756 --> 00:39:32,691
Fine.
434
00:39:32,759 --> 00:39:35,389
But you must make me a promise.
435
00:39:35,463 --> 00:39:38,333
The secret that we share
must never become public.
436
00:39:38,403 --> 00:39:41,033
You may continue your career
for ten years,
437
00:39:41,107 --> 00:39:44,340
ten years of perfect,
unchanged beauty.
438
00:39:44,413 --> 00:39:49,116
But at the end of that time,
before people become suspicious,
439
00:39:49,188 --> 00:39:52,091
you have to disappear
from public view forever.
440
00:39:52,160 --> 00:39:54,357
You can retire.
441
00:39:54,431 --> 00:39:57,665
You can stage
your own phony death...
442
00:39:57,737 --> 00:40:00,299
or...
443
00:40:00,375 --> 00:40:03,904
as one of my clients
simply said,
444
00:40:03,981 --> 00:40:06,885
"l vant to be alone, yah."
445
00:40:06,953 --> 00:40:09,890
No! She�s not!
446
00:40:11,060 --> 00:40:12,995
Wow!
447
00:40:39,311 --> 00:40:41,907
Bottoms up.
448
00:40:55,038 --> 00:40:59,137
- Now, a warning.
- Now, a warning?
449
00:40:59,212 --> 00:41:02,707
Take care of yourself.
450
00:41:02,785 --> 00:41:08,557
You and your body are going
to be together a long time.
451
00:41:08,628 --> 00:41:11,326
Be good to it.
452
00:41:13,037 --> 00:41:16,942
Siempre viva.
Live forever.
453
00:41:57,982 --> 00:42:02,116
l can�t believe--
Did you--
454
00:42:02,191 --> 00:42:04,991
Oh... l�m a girl!
455
00:42:05,062 --> 00:42:08,363
Shh.
456
00:42:08,435 --> 00:42:11,770
Ernest, oh, we gotta stop.
457
00:42:11,841 --> 00:42:14,334
l know we-- l know we--
458
00:42:14,412 --> 00:42:16,780
Really, Ernest. Oh.
459
00:42:16,850 --> 00:42:19,343
Ernest, don�t be angry with me.
460
00:42:19,421 --> 00:42:22,791
l�m fighting this as hard
as l can, but just--
461
00:42:22,861 --> 00:42:24,523
Look at you!
462
00:42:26,968 --> 00:42:29,734
She�s already destroyed
your career.
463
00:42:29,806 --> 00:42:32,402
Now she�s breaking
your heart,
464
00:42:32,477 --> 00:42:35,209
stealing your pride,
465
00:42:35,282 --> 00:42:37,650
flaunting her lovers...
466
00:42:37,720 --> 00:42:41,090
- all over town.
- You know about that?
467
00:42:41,159 --> 00:42:44,757
Everyone does.
468
00:42:44,833 --> 00:42:48,430
At the party,
people spoke of nothing else.
469
00:42:48,505 --> 00:42:51,306
How can you love me, Helen?
470
00:42:51,378 --> 00:42:55,750
l�ve been so weak for so long.
471
00:42:55,818 --> 00:42:59,450
l should�ve divorced Madeline
a long time ago.
472
00:43:01,796 --> 00:43:05,758
By God, that is exactly
what l am going to do!
473
00:43:05,836 --> 00:43:08,032
The first thing
tomorrow morning,
474
00:43:08,107 --> 00:43:11,545
l am gonna go downtown and obtain
a divorce from Madeline Ashton.
475
00:43:11,613 --> 00:43:15,552
- Ernest?
- Monday. At the very least Tuesday.
476
00:43:15,620 --> 00:43:19,457
Divorce?
ln California?
477
00:43:19,527 --> 00:43:23,432
That�s exactly what
she wants you to do.
478
00:43:23,500 --> 00:43:25,834
You have no talent
for poverty.
479
00:43:32,249 --> 00:43:35,015
You can�t let her
get away with that.
480
00:43:36,490 --> 00:43:39,519
Then there�s nothing
l can do.
481
00:43:41,399 --> 00:43:44,029
Oh, yes, there is.
482
00:43:48,212 --> 00:43:50,647
Listen to me, Ernest.
483
00:43:50,715 --> 00:43:55,281
l�ve thought this through carefully,
and it�s the only way.
484
00:43:55,357 --> 00:43:59,091
Tonight, while she�s asleep,
you�ll sneak downstairs quietly,
485
00:43:59,164 --> 00:44:03,832
and take one of each kind
of wine glass from the shelf.
486
00:44:03,906 --> 00:44:06,341
Then you�ll take
this Narconal...
487
00:44:06,411 --> 00:44:08,812
and lightly coat
each glass.
488
00:44:08,881 --> 00:44:12,946
As you know, Narconal is a very
powerful alcohol-base tranquilizer,
489
00:44:13,022 --> 00:44:14,991
so you won�t need much.
490
00:44:15,059 --> 00:44:17,723
Tomorrow, l�ll call Madeline
to say good-bye.
491
00:44:17,797 --> 00:44:22,738
- l�ll get her to invite me to dinner.
- Why don�t you come to dinner?
492
00:44:22,806 --> 00:44:26,802
Then, at dinner,
we propose a toast.
493
00:44:26,879 --> 00:44:29,145
No matter which glass
she drinks from,
494
00:44:29,217 --> 00:44:33,384
Narconal will be
on the glass.
495
00:44:33,458 --> 00:44:36,897
You and l work together.
First, we finish dinner.
496
00:44:36,964 --> 00:44:40,334
Then we load her in the car,
take her to the top of Mulholland Drive,
497
00:44:40,404 --> 00:44:45,573
call the police and report we�ve seen a
drunk woman swerving close to the edge.
498
00:44:45,646 --> 00:44:49,210
Some drunk woman up here on Mulholland�s
swerving dangerously close to the edge.
499
00:44:49,286 --> 00:44:52,951
We�ll sit her up
in the driver�s seat...
500
00:44:53,026 --> 00:44:54,892
and make it look like
she�s had...
501
00:44:54,963 --> 00:44:58,925
just a little bit
too much to drink.
502
00:44:59,003 --> 00:45:01,235
We drop the car into gear,
503
00:45:02,977 --> 00:45:05,812
wedge her foot
down on the accelerator,
504
00:45:07,385 --> 00:45:10,413
clamp her hands
on the steering wheel...
505
00:45:10,490 --> 00:45:13,393
and send her on her way.
506
00:45:24,348 --> 00:45:27,251
By the time
they perform the autopsy,
507
00:45:27,320 --> 00:45:29,984
the Narconal will be
completely dissolved,
508
00:45:30,058 --> 00:45:32,824
leaving only traces
of alcohol.
509
00:45:32,896 --> 00:45:37,337
She�ll be classified
as just another drunk driver.
510
00:45:37,405 --> 00:45:42,938
- They�ll check her blood alcohol...
- Point four-0. She had it coming.
511
00:45:43,014 --> 00:45:45,484
...and think
nothing more of it.
512
00:45:45,552 --> 00:45:50,255
The case is closed.
Madeline is dead.
513
00:45:50,328 --> 00:45:53,891
And we�re free!
514
00:45:53,968 --> 00:45:56,768
What are we saying?
515
00:46:03,117 --> 00:46:07,056
- We can�t go through with this, Helen.
- lt�s the only way.
516
00:46:07,124 --> 00:46:09,389
After she�s gone,
517
00:46:09,462 --> 00:46:12,797
you can start your life
all over again.
518
00:46:12,867 --> 00:46:16,203
l can start my life
all over again.
519
00:46:16,274 --> 00:46:20,714
Oh, we�ll be so happy!
520
00:46:23,352 --> 00:46:26,483
She�s killing you.
521
00:46:28,228 --> 00:46:32,133
So... it would be
self-defense.
522
00:46:32,201 --> 00:46:35,696
Self-defense.
523
00:48:06,389 --> 00:48:09,849
My God, it�s back!
524
00:48:19,412 --> 00:48:21,678
We have to talk.
525
00:48:21,750 --> 00:48:25,119
- Have another drink and go to bed.
- You�d like that.
526
00:48:25,188 --> 00:48:28,354
You�d like to see me drink
myself into an early grave.
527
00:48:28,428 --> 00:48:30,830
That is not going
to happen, by God!
528
00:48:30,899 --> 00:48:35,168
- You are not going to take my money!
- What are you talking about?
529
00:48:35,240 --> 00:48:38,474
When was the last time
you worked, Madeline? A real job?
530
00:48:38,546 --> 00:48:42,918
Anything you had left, you owed me
a long time ago. Your face owed me.
531
00:48:42,987 --> 00:48:45,480
You�ve changed your hair?
532
00:48:47,829 --> 00:48:49,923
What an eye.
533
00:48:49,999 --> 00:48:51,935
Don�t wait up.
534
00:48:54,174 --> 00:48:56,473
Cheap.
535
00:48:59,383 --> 00:49:01,819
What did you say?
536
00:49:01,887 --> 00:49:04,356
l called you cheap.
That�s what l think of you.
537
00:49:04,425 --> 00:49:06,894
Who do you think
you�re talking to?
538
00:49:06,962 --> 00:49:09,627
You�re a cheap,
tacky little tramp.
539
00:49:09,701 --> 00:49:12,000
Who do you think
you are?
540
00:49:12,071 --> 00:49:15,475
- Nothing like the woman l married.
- You�re nothing!
541
00:49:15,544 --> 00:49:19,039
- You�re a broad!
- You�re a tragic, boozy, flaccid clown.
542
00:49:19,117 --> 00:49:22,954
- Watch it, Madeline.
- That�s it. Flaccid.
543
00:49:23,024 --> 00:49:25,050
- Watch what you say.
- Flaccid.
544
00:49:25,128 --> 00:49:27,724
l don�t have to take
this any longer!
545
00:49:27,800 --> 00:49:30,703
You�ll take everything l have to give!
You always have.
546
00:49:30,771 --> 00:49:33,207
You�re not even a man anymore.
And l need a man!
547
00:49:33,276 --> 00:49:37,409
A real man, not some drunken,
broken-down flaccid undertaker...
548
00:49:37,483 --> 00:49:40,648
who is just as dead below
the waist as his clients are.
549
00:49:40,723 --> 00:49:43,489
Hey, l might have more fun
with one of your clients!
550
00:49:43,561 --> 00:49:46,999
At least l�d know l�d be
getting something stiff--
551
00:50:03,963 --> 00:50:06,935
Did you think that l was just going
to take it forever, Madeline?
552
00:50:07,002 --> 00:50:08,493
Did you?
553
00:50:08,571 --> 00:50:11,771
You cruel, vicious,
loathsome bitch!
554
00:50:16,252 --> 00:50:19,485
Please? Please?
555
00:50:22,163 --> 00:50:25,328
Oh, God! Oh!
556
00:50:25,401 --> 00:50:29,431
- Madeline, l�m so sorry.
- Oh, help me! Help me!
557
00:50:32,013 --> 00:50:34,313
Hurry!
558
00:50:34,384 --> 00:50:36,547
Help me!
Hurry up, you wimp!
559
00:51:00,630 --> 00:51:02,623
Oh, boy.
560
00:51:08,879 --> 00:51:12,544
Oh, oh.
561
00:51:12,618 --> 00:51:15,488
Oh.
562
00:51:17,260 --> 00:51:20,254
Oh, boy!
563
00:51:47,480 --> 00:51:49,848
Oh, boy!
564
00:52:00,670 --> 00:52:02,866
Suite 1110, please.
565
00:52:02,940 --> 00:52:05,775
Helen, it�s me, Ernest Menville!
l did it!
566
00:52:05,846 --> 00:52:08,145
l didn�t think l�d be able to,
but l did it!
567
00:52:08,216 --> 00:52:11,347
l pushed her down the stairs.
She is absolutely stone cold.
568
00:52:11,422 --> 00:52:14,883
She was saying the most
monstrous things and she�s dead.
569
00:52:14,962 --> 00:52:17,558
l just had this feeling inside
of me that l couldn�t contain.
570
00:52:17,634 --> 00:52:20,366
We�re free, Helen.
But l�m afraid l�m gonna burn in hell.
571
00:52:20,438 --> 00:52:23,307
Her neck is broken and
there�s no pulse and she�s dead.
572
00:52:23,377 --> 00:52:27,009
Exactly which part of the plan
were you unclear on?
573
00:52:27,083 --> 00:52:30,647
- We went over it three times, Ernest.
- You don�t understand.
574
00:52:30,723 --> 00:52:34,560
- Ernest, we went over it three times.
- You don�t understand.
575
00:52:34,630 --> 00:52:36,896
lt just happened.
lt was an accident.
576
00:52:36,968 --> 00:52:39,267
lt�s better than an accident. At least
it�s gonna look like an accident.
577
00:52:39,338 --> 00:52:41,672
- Have you called the police?
- No, l called you first.
578
00:52:41,742 --> 00:52:45,146
Ernest, you...
poor, sweet thing.
579
00:52:45,216 --> 00:52:49,679
lf the police check the phone records,
don�t you think it�ll look unusual...
580
00:52:49,756 --> 00:52:53,890
- that you called me before them?
- Oh, my God.
581
00:52:53,965 --> 00:52:56,458
- You�re right.
- Of course l�m right!
582
00:52:56,536 --> 00:52:58,471
- Should l call them right now?
- No.
583
00:52:58,539 --> 00:53:02,137
We have to decide what
you�re going to say first.
584
00:53:03,381 --> 00:53:05,908
- Well?
- l�m thinking.
585
00:53:07,088 --> 00:53:09,216
Okay, l�ve got it.
Where�s the body?
586
00:53:09,292 --> 00:53:13,060
- At the foot of the stairs.
- Good. Don�t move her.
587
00:53:13,131 --> 00:53:15,658
- Soon as we hang up, call the police.
- Okay.
588
00:53:15,736 --> 00:53:19,470
Tell them you were on the phone with me
when you heard a terrible scream.
589
00:53:19,542 --> 00:53:22,514
You turned around and saw Madeline
fall down the stairs.
590
00:53:22,582 --> 00:53:24,676
- Right. Perfect.
- Stick to that story.
591
00:53:24,752 --> 00:53:27,918
lf they check the phone records,
it�ll confirm what you told them.
592
00:53:27,991 --> 00:53:30,757
- Got it.
- What about the time of death?
593
00:53:30,829 --> 00:53:34,461
- Could they prove the call came after?
- No, no.
594
00:53:34,536 --> 00:53:37,632
lt�s very difficult to determine
time of death within a few hours.
595
00:53:37,708 --> 00:53:41,477
- lt�s not an exact science.
- Ernest? Ernest!
596
00:53:41,548 --> 00:53:46,148
Ernest, you pushed me
down the stairs!
597
00:53:51,533 --> 00:53:53,969
Stay away from me!
598
00:53:54,037 --> 00:53:56,667
You bet l will!
Animal! Psycho!
599
00:53:56,742 --> 00:53:59,736
- Don�t come near me.
- Wife pusher!
600
00:53:59,815 --> 00:54:04,482
Don�t come near me,
follow me or talk to me.
601
00:54:04,556 --> 00:54:06,423
l don�t intend to.
602
00:54:06,493 --> 00:54:09,396
l just have to make
a telephone call.
603
00:54:12,871 --> 00:54:16,742
l just have to make
a telephone call.
604
00:54:16,811 --> 00:54:18,973
9-1-1, right?
605
00:54:22,221 --> 00:54:26,058
You�re in the shit house now, pal!
606
00:54:27,096 --> 00:54:29,258
Madeline, look at yourself!
607
00:54:29,333 --> 00:54:32,202
- Huh?
- Look at yourself!
608
00:54:36,078 --> 00:54:38,378
Ernest!
609
00:54:38,449 --> 00:54:41,421
My ass!
610
00:54:41,488 --> 00:54:44,948
l can see...
my ass!
611
00:54:45,027 --> 00:54:49,991
- Something�s wrong with your neck too.
- l would say so.
612
00:54:50,069 --> 00:54:54,806
l would friggin� well say so!
613
00:54:56,181 --> 00:54:59,243
Oh!
Are you okay, honey?
614
00:54:59,319 --> 00:55:02,120
Yeah. Oh.
615
00:55:05,897 --> 00:55:09,803
Ernest...
616
00:55:09,872 --> 00:55:12,171
what�s wrong with me?
617
00:55:12,242 --> 00:55:15,476
lt�s a dislocated neck.
That�s what it is.
618
00:55:15,548 --> 00:55:19,146
lt could happen. l�ve never seen
it happen, but it could happen.
619
00:55:19,222 --> 00:55:22,660
Yeah, so? Fix it.
620
00:55:22,727 --> 00:55:25,528
- How?
- l don�t know. Just do it!
621
00:55:25,600 --> 00:55:28,571
l wouldn�t know where
to begin, Madeline.
622
00:55:28,638 --> 00:55:30,631
For God�s sake!
623
00:55:36,519 --> 00:55:38,546
Ah!
624
00:55:38,623 --> 00:55:41,059
Oh!
625
00:55:45,635 --> 00:55:49,506
Honey, l think
l need a doctor.
626
00:55:53,850 --> 00:55:56,743
- What�s the matter with this guy?
- She�s at death�s door!
627
00:55:56,877 --> 00:55:58,743
Doctor, she�s at death�s door.
628
00:55:58,813 --> 00:56:01,842
Why don�t you let me
be the judge of that?
629
00:56:01,919 --> 00:56:03,945
What seems to be the problem?
630
00:56:04,022 --> 00:56:06,458
l fell down the stairs.
631
00:56:06,527 --> 00:56:09,293
Whoopsie.
Anything broken?
632
00:56:09,365 --> 00:56:12,235
l don�t think so. l mean,
it would hurt, wouldn�t it?
633
00:56:12,304 --> 00:56:14,900
l should think so, yeah.
634
00:56:14,975 --> 00:56:19,415
Maybe my wrist,
but my neck feels sort of sore.
635
00:56:19,483 --> 00:56:22,045
Let�s have a little look at you.
Which wrist is it?
636
00:56:22,121 --> 00:56:24,182
Right.
637
00:56:24,258 --> 00:56:27,058
- Does it hurt when l do this?
- No.
638
00:56:27,130 --> 00:56:30,124
- How about this?
- Nope.
639
00:56:32,139 --> 00:56:35,475
- Ah, okay, this?
- Hmm, no, uh-uh.
640
00:56:36,480 --> 00:56:39,884
- This doesn�t hurt?
- Uh-uh. No.
641
00:56:39,953 --> 00:56:42,788
Are you telling me
it doesn�t hurt when l do this?
642
00:56:42,858 --> 00:56:45,522
lt doesn�t hurt.
l told you that.
643
00:56:45,596 --> 00:56:49,091
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
644
00:56:49,169 --> 00:56:52,437
Okay, what�s this you�re talking
about with your neck?
645
00:56:52,509 --> 00:56:55,844
lt hurts when l kinda
turn it, you know?
646
00:56:55,914 --> 00:56:58,681
Maybe you just--
647
00:56:58,753 --> 00:57:02,486
Okay, right.
l see. Gotcha.
648
00:57:02,560 --> 00:57:06,829
- What about shock? Should we check?
- lt could be shock.
649
00:57:06,901 --> 00:57:09,167
lt could be shock.
650
00:57:23,964 --> 00:57:26,264
What is--
651
00:57:36,052 --> 00:57:38,318
What? What is it?
What�s the matter?
652
00:57:38,389 --> 00:57:41,053
lt�s, uh,
it�s interesting.
653
00:57:41,127 --> 00:57:43,689
lt�s okeydokey.
654
00:57:43,765 --> 00:57:47,033
l think that
just about covers it.
655
00:57:47,105 --> 00:57:50,805
- Might l have a little sip of that?
- Of course.
656
00:57:53,216 --> 00:57:56,985
Well, l�ll tell you what.
We, this, uh, odd thing.
657
00:57:57,056 --> 00:58:00,221
Your wrist,
as far as l can tell,
658
00:58:00,295 --> 00:58:03,699
it�s fractured in three places.
659
00:58:03,768 --> 00:58:06,204
And you�ve shattered,
uh, two, uh, vertebrae.
660
00:58:06,273 --> 00:58:09,802
l can�t really be certain
without an X ray.
661
00:58:09,878 --> 00:58:14,581
But the bone protrusion through
the skin, that�s not a good sign.
662
00:58:14,654 --> 00:58:17,352
And, uh... your body temperature
is below 80...
663
00:58:17,425 --> 00:58:20,488
and, your, your, your...
664
00:58:20,564 --> 00:58:22,864
your heart�s stopped beating.
665
00:58:22,936 --> 00:58:26,339
What the hell does that mean?
666
00:58:26,408 --> 00:58:28,776
Exactly! Exactly what--
667
00:58:28,845 --> 00:58:32,113
l think...
l�m gonna get a second opinion.
668
00:58:32,185 --> 00:58:33,949
Doctor?
669
00:58:34,021 --> 00:58:36,753
Well, could be worse.
670
00:58:36,826 --> 00:58:39,695
- l�m gonna examine you myself.
- No.
671
00:58:39,765 --> 00:58:42,030
- Sit still.
- Don�t touch me.
672
00:58:42,102 --> 00:58:46,064
- My God, he�s right.
- He is not right. Don�t be ridiculous.
673
00:58:46,142 --> 00:58:48,237
- This is incredible.
- What would it mean if he were right?
674
00:58:48,313 --> 00:58:52,845
You�re in violation
of every natural law that l know.
675
00:58:52,922 --> 00:58:54,948
l, l, l,
l violated what law?
676
00:58:55,025 --> 00:58:57,120
ln violation of every
natural law that l know!
677
00:58:57,196 --> 00:59:02,035
You�re sitting there,
you�re talking to me, but you�re dead!
678
00:59:02,105 --> 00:59:04,301
l�m gonna get help!
679
00:59:09,076 --> 00:59:11,478
l need a doctor!
Room 147!
680
00:59:11,547 --> 00:59:15,919
Hey! Hey!
681
00:59:15,989 --> 00:59:21,590
Respiratory therapist
to E.R. Therapist to the E.R.
682
00:59:21,665 --> 00:59:25,365
Where are all the doctors?
683
00:59:31,248 --> 00:59:34,014
No, no, no!
Not that lab!
684
00:59:34,087 --> 00:59:37,059
Everyone clear.
685
00:59:37,126 --> 00:59:40,222
- What do we have now?
- No pulse!
686
00:59:46,542 --> 00:59:49,445
Where is she?
687
00:59:53,922 --> 00:59:56,950
l�m terribly sorry, sir.
l know how difficult this must be.
688
00:59:57,027 --> 00:59:59,759
You don�t understand.
She didn�t--
689
00:59:59,832 --> 01:00:01,961
This is very hard to explain.
690
01:00:02,036 --> 01:00:04,973
l know it is.
How can anyone explain it?
691
01:00:05,041 --> 01:00:08,172
- Where did you put my wife?
- Don�t worry about that now.
692
01:00:08,248 --> 01:00:10,650
Just give yourself
some time to grieve.
693
01:00:10,719 --> 01:00:14,988
- Where did you put my wife?
- She�s dead. She�s in the morgue.
694
01:00:15,059 --> 01:00:18,862
The morgue!
She�ll be furious.
695
01:01:27,855 --> 01:01:31,225
- Help!
- Yes, it�s me, darling.
696
01:01:31,295 --> 01:01:34,596
Oh, Ernest!
697
01:01:34,668 --> 01:01:38,801
l fainted and l woke up
and it was all dark.
698
01:01:38,875 --> 01:01:41,675
l kept yelling
and yelling and yelling.
699
01:01:41,746 --> 01:01:44,546
Nobody heard me.
Nobody did anything.
700
01:01:44,618 --> 01:01:47,020
Then l didn�t know where
l was and l got scared.
701
01:01:47,089 --> 01:01:50,584
lt�s okay.
lt�s all right.
702
01:01:50,662 --> 01:01:54,533
Ernest, l�m in the morgue.
703
01:01:54,602 --> 01:01:56,834
- Why am l in the morgue?
- Shh! lt�s okay. lt�s okay!
704
01:01:56,907 --> 01:01:59,343
Listen! l understand now.
lt�s incredible!
705
01:01:59,411 --> 01:02:02,473
lt�s physically impossible,
but now l understand it.
706
01:02:02,550 --> 01:02:06,649
- They think l�m dead, Ernest.
- Yes! But you�re not!
707
01:02:06,724 --> 01:02:09,524
ln the whole of recorded
medical history,
708
01:02:09,595 --> 01:02:12,829
this has never happened
to another single human.
709
01:02:12,901 --> 01:02:16,704
Yeah, so, why did it have
to happen to me?
710
01:02:16,775 --> 01:02:20,009
- Do you know what you are, darling?
- Uh-uh.
711
01:02:20,081 --> 01:02:24,214
You�re a sign.
You�re an omen, a burning bush!
712
01:02:24,288 --> 01:02:26,986
- l am?
- Of course you are.
713
01:02:27,060 --> 01:02:29,929
We�re being told that
we belong together.
714
01:02:29,998 --> 01:02:33,630
And l�m being called.
l�m being challenged.
715
01:02:33,705 --> 01:02:37,007
Don�t you see, Madeline?
lt�s a miracle!
716
01:03:12,540 --> 01:03:17,709
Oh, my God!
717
01:03:42,193 --> 01:03:46,257
Shit!
718
01:04:02,930 --> 01:04:04,899
Oh!
719
01:04:32,147 --> 01:04:34,276
Formaldehyde.
720
01:04:34,352 --> 01:04:37,620
What in God�s name?
721
01:05:08,311 --> 01:05:10,281
Darn it.
722
01:05:15,558 --> 01:05:17,493
lt�s just not the right balance.
723
01:05:17,562 --> 01:05:20,590
- How�s it goin�, Ern?
- l don�t wanna rush things, Madeline.
724
01:05:20,667 --> 01:05:24,299
Who keeps calling?
725
01:05:24,374 --> 01:05:26,844
- Huh?
- Who is that?
726
01:05:26,912 --> 01:05:29,974
l can�t have these interruptions!
727
01:05:32,788 --> 01:05:36,454
l�m gonna need you
to hold very still.
728
01:05:36,528 --> 01:05:38,998
Oh!
729
01:05:39,066 --> 01:05:42,334
- What?
- Madeline!
730
01:05:42,406 --> 01:05:45,809
- l asked you to sit still.
- Mmm, what�s the matter?
731
01:05:45,878 --> 01:05:48,873
- l need more turpentine now.
- Are we almost done?
732
01:05:48,951 --> 01:05:52,515
The highlights of your eyes
are unbalanced. Want people to stare?
733
01:05:52,624 --> 01:05:57,394
l can�t use kerosene
because it�ll affect the skin.
734
01:05:59,569 --> 01:06:02,939
Where is she?
735
01:06:06,314 --> 01:06:10,344
Oh, my gosh, Helen!
What are you doin� here?
736
01:06:10,421 --> 01:06:12,914
What�s that on your hands?
Blood?
737
01:06:12,993 --> 01:06:15,190
- Paint!
- Paint?
738
01:06:15,264 --> 01:06:17,234
What would you be doing that
you have paint on your hands?
739
01:06:17,301 --> 01:06:19,668
- Painting.
- Ernest.
740
01:06:19,739 --> 01:06:22,904
Are you doing something funny
with Madeline?
741
01:06:22,977 --> 01:06:26,313
- Define funny.
- Oh, come on, Ernest. Cough her up!
742
01:06:26,384 --> 01:06:28,683
Shh, shh, shh,
listen, Helen.
743
01:06:28,754 --> 01:06:31,122
- We should go outside and talk.
- Why are you whispering?
744
01:06:31,192 --> 01:06:35,633
- She�s resting and in a foul mood.
- Are you nuts?
745
01:06:35,700 --> 01:06:38,500
- She�s resting!
- She�s not resting.
746
01:06:38,572 --> 01:06:43,036
She�s dead, Ernest, just like we wanted,
just like we plotted together.
747
01:06:43,113 --> 01:06:46,984
Remember? You may have done it alone,
but l can�t walk away now.
748
01:06:47,054 --> 01:06:49,923
- Not after you put us both in jeopardy!
- Shh!
749
01:06:49,992 --> 01:06:54,489
We have to bury her in Death Valley
and be done with her once and for all.
750
01:06:54,566 --> 01:06:58,061
- You have to listen to me.
- Stop waffling. She deserved it.
751
01:06:58,139 --> 01:07:02,671
She was a home wrecker.
She was a man-eater.
752
01:07:02,748 --> 01:07:05,651
And she was a bad... actress.
753
01:07:05,720 --> 01:07:11,128
- Would you please listen to me!
- Oh, stop it!
754
01:07:11,196 --> 01:07:13,723
Madeline is not ready
to be buried yet.
755
01:07:13,800 --> 01:07:16,327
- She�s upstairs resting peacefully.
- Oh, fine!
756
01:07:16,405 --> 01:07:18,637
lf she�s not dead,
you tell her to come here.
757
01:07:18,709 --> 01:07:21,179
Tell her to come here,
walk right up to me...
758
01:07:21,247 --> 01:07:23,809
- and kiss me on the--
- Kiss you on the what?
759
01:07:25,521 --> 01:07:30,121
- Mad?
- Hel.
760
01:07:30,196 --> 01:07:33,099
- Darling.
- What have you two...
761
01:07:33,168 --> 01:07:37,267
been plotting down here
or should l say, what else?
762
01:07:37,342 --> 01:07:42,579
Are you angry, dear?
Are you very angry?
763
01:07:42,652 --> 01:07:47,319
- lt�s alive.
- Madeline?
764
01:07:47,393 --> 01:07:51,800
Oh, boy! Helen, l think you
should leave right away.
765
01:07:51,868 --> 01:07:55,773
l see a very bad
situation developing here.
766
01:07:55,842 --> 01:07:59,439
Dear? Madeline?
767
01:08:09,399 --> 01:08:11,494
l just want you
to know one thing, Hel.
768
01:08:13,072 --> 01:08:15,007
You brought
this on yourself.
769
01:08:15,076 --> 01:08:20,016
Madeline!
770
01:08:20,084 --> 01:08:24,388
Oh, my God!
771
01:08:24,459 --> 01:08:28,660
- What have you done?
- What have l done? Defended myself.
772
01:08:28,733 --> 01:08:30,999
You plotter, coconspirator!
773
01:08:31,071 --> 01:08:34,440
- She�s dead!
- She is?
774
01:08:34,511 --> 01:08:39,042
These are the moments
that make life worth living.
775
01:08:39,118 --> 01:08:42,352
My God, Madeline, that was horrible.
lt was brutal.
776
01:08:42,425 --> 01:08:45,453
lt was stupid!
The police, Madeline! The police!
777
01:08:45,530 --> 01:08:48,558
What are they gonna do? Put me
in the gas chamber? Big deal.
778
01:08:48,635 --> 01:08:51,732
Life in prison? Know what that
means to a person in your condition?
779
01:08:51,808 --> 01:08:56,943
- So negative. Let me enjoy the moment.
- What about the neighbors?
780
01:08:57,017 --> 01:09:01,582
Neighbors? ln 12 years in Los Angeles,
have you ever seen a neighbor?
781
01:09:01,658 --> 01:09:04,721
Oh! l gotta think!
l gotta think!
782
01:09:04,797 --> 01:09:06,789
One of us has
to stay rational.
783
01:09:06,868 --> 01:09:11,365
l am completely rational.
We�re going to bury her.
784
01:09:11,442 --> 01:09:13,935
ln Death Valley.
You and l.
785
01:09:14,013 --> 01:09:16,449
l most certainly will not!
786
01:09:16,518 --> 01:09:21,653
Oh, no? Pretty strong words
for a murderer on the run,
787
01:09:21,727 --> 01:09:25,222
which is exactly
what you are, Ernest.
788
01:09:27,470 --> 01:09:30,840
What if the police should receive
an anonymous phone call about you...
789
01:09:30,910 --> 01:09:35,715
and find me on the floor
not breathing, no pulse?
790
01:09:35,785 --> 01:09:39,120
Ain�t nobody can play dead
like me, Ernest.
791
01:09:39,191 --> 01:09:44,098
What will you tell them? You�re going
to be very popular in prison.
792
01:09:44,167 --> 01:09:47,071
- Prison?
- Prison.
793
01:09:47,139 --> 01:09:51,340
Do you know what they do to soft,
bald, overweight Republicans...
794
01:09:51,413 --> 01:09:54,852
in prison, Ernest?
795
01:09:54,920 --> 01:09:56,928
l�ll get the shovels, dear.
796
01:10:01,570 --> 01:10:04,370
And she even paid
for the hardware.
797
01:10:04,442 --> 01:10:08,472
Don�t you just love it?
798
01:10:08,549 --> 01:10:11,680
Oh!
799
01:10:13,024 --> 01:10:15,586
- Are you just gonna sit there?
- What?
800
01:10:15,662 --> 01:10:18,633
- l won�t be your accomplice by myself.
- l�ll help.
801
01:10:18,700 --> 01:10:21,102
- l�m happy to help.
- Help me stretch this out. Get the end.
802
01:10:21,171 --> 01:10:25,042
- l�m very happy to help.
- Put the body right here.
803
01:10:25,112 --> 01:10:27,844
Today really shaped up
in a hurry, didn�t it?
804
01:10:27,917 --> 01:10:31,287
Did you ever notice how some days
can start out so shitty--
805
01:10:34,295 --> 01:10:37,425
...and then suddenly something wonderful
happens and your whole outlook...
806
01:10:37,500 --> 01:10:42,875
just suddenly... changes.
807
01:10:42,944 --> 01:10:46,473
That... was totally uncalled-for.
808
01:11:00,841 --> 01:11:05,976
Look at me, Ernest, just look at me.
l�m soaking wet.
809
01:11:06,050 --> 01:11:10,650
And there seems to be something wrong
with your, uh, blouse.
810
01:11:12,295 --> 01:11:16,428
l have a hole in my stomach!
811
01:11:16,503 --> 01:11:19,269
Oh!
812
01:11:19,341 --> 01:11:22,403
l have a hole
in my stomach!
813
01:11:22,480 --> 01:11:26,647
Yeah, and you�re still alive.
814
01:11:26,720 --> 01:11:30,523
- lt�s another miracle!
- No, it isn�t.
815
01:11:37,306 --> 01:11:40,675
Ha! Ah-ha!
You took the potion!
816
01:11:40,745 --> 01:11:42,942
- How do you know about that?
- Oh!
817
01:11:43,016 --> 01:11:46,682
- You took the potion too.
- Well, l hardly needed it.
818
01:11:46,756 --> 01:11:50,627
So that�s why you look
the way you do and you are dead.
819
01:11:50,696 --> 01:11:54,362
- When did you take it?
- October 26, 1985. Way before you!
820
01:11:54,437 --> 01:11:56,805
- What are you talking about?
- The potion!
821
01:11:56,874 --> 01:11:58,843
- How much did you pay?
- Everything l had.
822
01:11:58,911 --> 01:12:00,972
- And that was cheap!
- You took a potion?
823
01:12:01,048 --> 01:12:04,987
- Beauty book, my butt!
- Wait a second.
824
01:12:05,055 --> 01:12:07,821
l don�t think this is
a miracle at all!
825
01:12:07,893 --> 01:12:11,263
You�re a fraud, a walking lie
and l can see right through you!
826
01:12:11,333 --> 01:12:16,604
Speaking of which,
as a friend, some advice.
827
01:12:16,676 --> 01:12:20,410
l would stay out of
a bathing suit for a while.
828
01:12:20,483 --> 01:12:22,851
At least, a two piece.
829
01:12:22,920 --> 01:12:25,116
Or if l--
830
01:12:34,608 --> 01:12:38,980
Damn. l just fixed this.
831
01:12:47,497 --> 01:12:49,967
En garde.
832
01:12:50,035 --> 01:12:51,833
- Bitch.
- Girls, girls!
833
01:12:51,905 --> 01:12:56,846
Let�s just calm down. l�m sure we can
settle this peacefully-- Whoa!
834
01:12:56,914 --> 01:13:00,250
You should learn not to compete with me.
l always win.
835
01:13:00,320 --> 01:13:02,551
Yah! Yah!
836
01:13:02,623 --> 01:13:05,595
You may have always won,
but you never played fair.
837
01:13:05,663 --> 01:13:08,759
Oh!
838
01:13:08,834 --> 01:13:11,703
Who cares how l played?
l won!
839
01:13:11,774 --> 01:13:14,243
l�ll just be upstairs.
840
01:13:14,311 --> 01:13:18,718
That�s �cause you could raise
your legs higher than anyone.
841
01:13:18,786 --> 01:13:23,419
But look at you now! You couldn�t
raise an eyebrow without surgery!
842
01:13:23,494 --> 01:13:25,929
l�ve raised a lot more
than an eyebrow in my day.
843
01:13:25,998 --> 01:13:28,629
You skinny, phony,
hollow bitch!
844
01:13:28,704 --> 01:13:30,798
You�ve lost
your one and only talent.
845
01:13:30,873 --> 01:13:34,368
Which was one more talent
than you had, you former fatso!
846
01:13:39,756 --> 01:13:43,422
- Aaah!
- Yes! No! Oh, damn!
847
01:13:43,496 --> 01:13:46,592
This is pointless!
Wait a minute, this is ridiculous!
848
01:13:46,668 --> 01:13:48,934
We can�t even hurt each other!
We can�t even inflict pain!
849
01:13:49,006 --> 01:13:51,238
Pain!
850
01:13:51,310 --> 01:13:55,010
l�ll tell ya about pain!
Bobby O�Brien!
851
01:13:55,083 --> 01:13:58,681
Scott Hunter! Ernest Menville!
That�s pain!
852
01:13:58,757 --> 01:14:01,557
l loved every one of them
and they loved me.
853
01:14:01,628 --> 01:14:04,793
l will not speak to you till
you put your head on straight.
854
01:14:08,040 --> 01:14:10,567
They were all l had and
you took them away from me.
855
01:14:10,644 --> 01:14:13,376
Not because you loved them,
not because you cared...
856
01:14:13,449 --> 01:14:16,181
but just to hurt me on purpose.
857
01:14:16,254 --> 01:14:18,247
- That is not true!
- Liar!
858
01:14:18,325 --> 01:14:20,921
- You attacked me first!
- Me?
859
01:14:20,996 --> 01:14:23,728
Do you think
l was blind, deaf?
860
01:14:23,801 --> 01:14:28,833
l couldn�t hear what you and your
snotty friends were saying about me?
861
01:14:28,910 --> 01:14:33,316
- You thought l was cheap.
- Oh, please. You�re insane.
862
01:14:33,384 --> 01:14:36,845
Then how come you never invited me
to one of those parties at your parents?
863
01:14:36,924 --> 01:14:40,158
Because we didn�t think
you�d feel comfortable.
864
01:14:40,230 --> 01:14:43,497
- lt wasn�t usual for-- Stop that!
- l�m trying.
865
01:14:43,569 --> 01:14:47,633
- lt wasn�t usual for us to have--
- Trash in the house!
866
01:14:47,710 --> 01:14:50,977
You�re avoiding the issue. You stole
my boyfriends to hurt me on purpose!
867
01:14:51,049 --> 01:14:52,985
- l did not!
- Admit it!
868
01:14:53,053 --> 01:14:56,718
No, you admit it.
You look me in the eye...
869
01:14:56,793 --> 01:15:02,531
and you admit
you thought l was cheap.
870
01:15:15,159 --> 01:15:20,624
Okay, l thought you were cheap.
871
01:15:25,677 --> 01:15:29,446
Well,
872
01:15:29,517 --> 01:15:32,079
l hurt you on purpose.
873
01:15:32,155 --> 01:15:36,960
and l�m... really sorry.
874
01:15:39,836 --> 01:15:41,659
l�m sorry too.
875
01:15:45,032 --> 01:15:47,298
Ern, darling.
876
01:15:47,370 --> 01:15:51,366
Helen and l want to apologize
for that little thing downstairs.
877
01:15:51,444 --> 01:15:55,816
- We�ve got it out of our systems now.
- Yeah, thank God.
878
01:15:55,884 --> 01:15:59,220
lt was so awful hating you
and envying you at the same time.
879
01:15:59,291 --> 01:16:01,625
You envied me?
l envied you!
880
01:16:01,695 --> 01:16:03,960
- You did not!
- l did too.
881
01:16:04,032 --> 01:16:06,696
- Specifically, what part did you envy?
- Your grade point for one.
882
01:16:06,771 --> 01:16:09,674
Excuse me. Excuse me!
883
01:16:12,180 --> 01:16:17,918
l just wanted to tell you both
that l�ve come to a decision that�s...
884
01:16:17,990 --> 01:16:22,294
very important
and long overdue.
885
01:16:22,365 --> 01:16:24,800
- l�m leaving.
- You�re what? Leaving? No.
886
01:16:24,870 --> 01:16:27,898
- We need you.
- l promised Hel you would fix her.
887
01:16:27,975 --> 01:16:30,309
And Maddie needs work too.
888
01:16:30,379 --> 01:16:34,876
- You can go first.
- Oh, that�s so sweet of you!
889
01:16:34,953 --> 01:16:36,980
Thank you. Ern?
890
01:16:37,058 --> 01:16:42,159
Come on. What do you say?
For old times sake.
891
01:16:42,233 --> 01:16:44,259
Please!
892
01:16:48,211 --> 01:16:53,117
On one condition.
When l�m done, l go.
893
01:16:55,023 --> 01:16:58,826
You don�t look for me.
You don�t ask about me.
894
01:16:58,896 --> 01:17:00,888
You don�t even think
about me ever again.
895
01:17:00,966 --> 01:17:05,304
l have no problem with that.
Do you?
896
01:17:05,374 --> 01:17:08,709
Not anymore.
897
01:17:22,872 --> 01:17:25,570
- Oh!
- Oh! lt�s amazing!
898
01:17:25,643 --> 01:17:28,479
- Oh!
- Not a blemish! Not a pore!
899
01:17:28,549 --> 01:17:33,182
Oh! Say what you will about Ernest,
but the man is a genius.
900
01:17:33,257 --> 01:17:35,557
He is. He�s a genius.
901
01:17:35,628 --> 01:17:38,463
- Wait. You�ve got a little thing.
- Ooh!
902
01:17:38,533 --> 01:17:41,003
Probably shouldn�t have done that.
Ha-ha!
903
01:17:41,070 --> 01:17:43,563
- l think it�s still... wet.
- Can Ernest fix this?
904
01:17:43,642 --> 01:17:45,635
- Yeah, l�ll get him before he leaves.
- But wait a minute.
905
01:17:45,712 --> 01:17:47,203
What if this
happens again?
906
01:17:47,282 --> 01:17:49,752
What if it fades? Chips?
What if it rains?
907
01:17:49,820 --> 01:17:51,949
- Will he come back for touch-ups?
- Even if he does,
908
01:17:52,024 --> 01:17:54,016
he�s not gonna live forever.
909
01:17:54,093 --> 01:17:56,894
- That�s not good.
- What are we gonna do?
910
01:17:56,966 --> 01:17:59,436
- He�ll have to take the potion.
- Yeah!
911
01:17:59,504 --> 01:18:01,473
We�ll take him to Lisle�s.
She�ll talk him into it.
912
01:18:01,540 --> 01:18:04,272
He won�t go to Lisle�s. You heard him.
He�s made up his mind about leaving.
913
01:18:04,345 --> 01:18:07,840
That�s true.
We have to respect that.
914
01:18:07,918 --> 01:18:11,448
l know. We�ll drug him.
915
01:18:11,525 --> 01:18:14,087
Ern, darling.
916
01:18:14,163 --> 01:18:16,690
My taxi here?
917
01:18:16,767 --> 01:18:20,433
We thought you might
like some breakfast.
918
01:18:24,481 --> 01:18:28,113
You know,
l was just thinking.
919
01:18:28,188 --> 01:18:31,751
l was questioning myself.
l was wondering why...
920
01:18:31,827 --> 01:18:34,594
l didn�t pack this thing
five years ago,
921
01:18:34,666 --> 01:18:38,160
six years ago, ten years ago,
instead of sticking around here...
922
01:18:38,238 --> 01:18:42,235
and suffering
every indignity and humiliation.
923
01:18:42,313 --> 01:18:46,081
l�ll tell ya why.
Because l made a promise...
924
01:18:46,153 --> 01:18:48,145
and that meant
everything to me.
925
01:18:48,223 --> 01:18:51,992
Yes, it�s all very noble
to keep your word.
926
01:18:52,063 --> 01:18:54,431
Ernest? Your drink?
927
01:18:54,501 --> 01:18:57,803
Do you know what they call someone who
sticks by their word no matter what?
928
01:18:57,874 --> 01:19:00,936
- At the cost of all else? Do you know?
- No.
929
01:19:01,012 --> 01:19:05,042
An idiot. From now on l�m gonna be
the kind of idiot l wanna be.
930
01:19:05,119 --> 01:19:08,022
An idiot with a modicum of pride,
because you know what?
931
01:19:08,091 --> 01:19:11,757
l finally realized something.
l�ve lived up to my promise.
932
01:19:11,831 --> 01:19:15,270
Till death do us part.
933
01:19:15,338 --> 01:19:19,505
Well, you girls are dead.
934
01:19:19,578 --> 01:19:22,573
And l�m parting.
935
01:19:22,651 --> 01:19:24,882
Cheers.
936
01:19:26,458 --> 01:19:29,156
You know something else?
937
01:19:33,436 --> 01:19:37,535
l drink too much.
938
01:19:40,115 --> 01:19:42,085
What?
939
01:20:21,321 --> 01:20:26,820
l�m glad to see you�re
awake, Dr. Menville.
940
01:20:33,375 --> 01:20:36,279
l hope you don�t mind...
941
01:20:36,348 --> 01:20:40,344
that Harry and Dick
had to dress you.
942
01:20:40,422 --> 01:20:45,260
You were improperly
attired for the occasion.
943
01:20:45,331 --> 01:20:47,493
What occasion?
944
01:20:48,769 --> 01:20:52,173
l�m throwing a party upstairs.
945
01:20:52,243 --> 01:20:55,875
l throw one every spring
for my clients.
946
01:20:55,949 --> 01:20:58,715
All right.
947
01:20:58,787 --> 01:21:00,779
Okay.
948
01:21:07,202 --> 01:21:09,798
- What do you want with me?
- To you...
949
01:21:09,873 --> 01:21:15,042
l would like to give
a present.
950
01:21:15,117 --> 01:21:17,986
The gift of life...
951
01:21:18,055 --> 01:21:22,552
and youth forever.
952
01:21:28,774 --> 01:21:33,237
l saw your wife
and friend.
953
01:21:33,316 --> 01:21:35,444
You did
brilliant work.
954
01:21:35,519 --> 01:21:37,455
Show me your hand.
955
01:21:40,861 --> 01:21:44,061
Come on.
l won�t bite.
956
01:21:46,439 --> 01:21:50,242
What are you doing?
957
01:21:51,648 --> 01:21:54,710
l�m loving you.
958
01:22:45,710 --> 01:22:48,614
My God!
959
01:22:51,220 --> 01:22:53,747
Oh, thank you.
960
01:22:57,898 --> 01:23:02,099
But don�t be modest.
That�s what you do.
961
01:23:02,172 --> 01:23:05,269
This is what
you�ve always done.
962
01:23:05,345 --> 01:23:09,307
Stopped time in people�s
faces and in their hands.
963
01:23:09,386 --> 01:23:12,516
You are like
Don Quixote,
964
01:23:12,591 --> 01:23:16,894
tilting at
nature�s windmill.
965
01:23:16,966 --> 01:23:20,028
Drink it.
966
01:23:20,104 --> 01:23:23,075
Go on.
967
01:23:23,143 --> 01:23:28,210
lt is the completion
of your life�s work.
968
01:23:28,285 --> 01:23:31,519
You gave
other people youth...
969
01:23:31,591 --> 01:23:34,289
and wasted your own.
970
01:23:34,363 --> 01:23:36,663
Drink!
971
01:23:36,734 --> 01:23:39,899
You�ll be able to work again...
forever.
972
01:23:39,972 --> 01:23:42,636
Drink.
973
01:23:42,710 --> 01:23:45,306
Drink!
Dr. Menville!
974
01:23:45,382 --> 01:23:50,255
You owe yourself
another chance. Drink!
975
01:23:50,324 --> 01:23:53,490
Make the right choice!
The only choice!
976
01:23:53,564 --> 01:23:56,831
Drink!
Siempre viva!
977
01:23:56,902 --> 01:23:59,600
Live forever!
978
01:23:59,675 --> 01:24:02,942
Then what?
979
01:24:03,013 --> 01:24:05,779
What?
980
01:24:05,852 --> 01:24:08,790
- Then what happens?
- What?
981
01:24:08,858 --> 01:24:12,729
l don�t wanna
live forever.
982
01:24:12,798 --> 01:24:16,897
lt sounds good, but what am l gonna do?
What if l get bored?
983
01:24:16,972 --> 01:24:19,704
- What?
- What if l get lonely?
984
01:24:19,776 --> 01:24:21,905
Who am l gonna hang around with,
Madeline and Helen?
985
01:24:21,981 --> 01:24:24,075
What if something happens to me?
What if l get maimed?
986
01:24:24,150 --> 01:24:27,179
What if l get shot?
What if somebody pushes me down--
987
01:24:27,257 --> 01:24:29,819
What if l fall down a flight
of stairs or something?
988
01:24:29,895 --> 01:24:33,390
- But you never grow old.
- But everybody else will.
989
01:24:33,468 --> 01:24:35,733
l�ll have to watch
everyone around me die.
990
01:24:37,308 --> 01:24:39,300
l don�t think
this is right.
991
01:24:39,378 --> 01:24:42,076
This is not a dream.
This is a nightmare.
992
01:24:42,149 --> 01:24:44,483
You people all
have to be stopped.
993
01:24:44,554 --> 01:24:47,218
Dick, Tom, Harry.
994
01:24:48,594 --> 01:24:50,962
Get the potion from him!
995
01:24:56,608 --> 01:25:00,479
- Get him! Get him!
- Relax. He won�t go far.
996
01:25:00,548 --> 01:25:02,722
Not at his age.
997
01:25:44,864 --> 01:25:50,704
Welcome, everyone.
Lisle will be down in a few minutes.
998
01:25:55,483 --> 01:26:00,150
First, l must remind all of you
who staged your own deaths...
999
01:26:00,225 --> 01:26:03,060
of our very strict
policy against...
1000
01:26:03,130 --> 01:26:06,967
popping up in public
to grab a few headlines.
1001
01:26:08,672 --> 01:26:12,668
l won�t name names.
You know who you are.
1002
01:26:15,050 --> 01:26:18,420
l was just trying to have some fun.
That�s all.
1003
01:26:19,659 --> 01:26:21,651
Look!
There�s Ernest!
1004
01:26:23,365 --> 01:26:26,269
Oh, my God!
He still looks like hell.
1005
01:26:26,337 --> 01:26:28,363
l don�t think she gave him
the good stuff.
1006
01:26:28,440 --> 01:26:31,172
Look!
1007
01:26:31,245 --> 01:26:33,613
He�s still got it!
1008
01:26:35,520 --> 01:26:36,920
Let�s go.
1009
01:26:36,989 --> 01:26:39,357
Oh, everybody
gather round.
1010
01:26:39,427 --> 01:26:41,362
Lisle will be with us
in a very few seconds.
1011
01:26:41,430 --> 01:26:44,196
Gentlemen, please,
seal the room.
1012
01:27:07,243 --> 01:27:09,736
He�s going up.
1013
01:27:09,814 --> 01:27:11,681
ldiot!
1014
01:27:29,716 --> 01:27:31,776
Aaah!
1015
01:27:59,168 --> 01:28:01,263
Oh, boy!
1016
01:28:52,362 --> 01:28:54,696
Ernest!
1017
01:29:00,544 --> 01:29:03,481
Ernest!
1018
01:29:03,549 --> 01:29:06,418
- Helen!
- Grab it!
1019
01:29:09,693 --> 01:29:11,855
- l--
- Ernest!
1020
01:29:11,930 --> 01:29:14,059
Ernest! Grab it!
1021
01:29:14,134 --> 01:29:17,071
Grab it!
1022
01:29:17,140 --> 01:29:19,632
Grab it!
Grab it!
1023
01:29:24,752 --> 01:29:28,316
Ernest! Do you still have the potion?
Do you still have it?
1024
01:29:28,392 --> 01:29:31,124
Find it! Find it!
1025
01:29:31,197 --> 01:29:34,533
lt�s the only way
you�ll survive if you fall.
1026
01:29:34,604 --> 01:29:37,006
Drink it!
Drink it or you�ll die!
1027
01:29:39,078 --> 01:29:40,980
- Oh!
- After you fall,
1028
01:29:41,048 --> 01:29:44,042
you can put yourself
back together again.
1029
01:29:45,857 --> 01:29:49,056
Drink it!
1030
01:29:49,129 --> 01:29:51,929
- Drink it. Drink it!
- Drink it!
1031
01:29:53,971 --> 01:29:56,533
Drink it! Drink it!
1032
01:29:58,713 --> 01:30:01,275
You have to!
1033
01:30:01,351 --> 01:30:03,981
We need you!
1034
01:30:08,897 --> 01:30:11,129
l�m sorry, dears.
1035
01:30:11,202 --> 01:30:13,900
You�re on your own.
1036
01:30:53,410 --> 01:30:55,345
So...
1037
01:30:55,413 --> 01:30:57,906
are you gonna be
done soon or what?
1038
01:30:59,655 --> 01:31:04,652
Oh, yes!
l�m gonna be done very soon.
1039
01:31:09,405 --> 01:31:12,502
That was pretty neat.
1040
01:31:45,936 --> 01:31:49,067
lt�d be better for both of you
to get him back.
1041
01:31:49,142 --> 01:31:53,206
- Yes?
- Nothing. lt�s too late. He got away.
1042
01:31:53,282 --> 01:31:55,548
- Damn!
- l said we should go to the airport!
1043
01:31:55,620 --> 01:31:58,284
- You said no such thing.
- l knew he wasn�t coming back here.
1044
01:31:58,358 --> 01:32:01,557
- You have all the answers, don�t you?
- Ohh! Look!
1045
01:32:01,630 --> 01:32:04,602
- l�m peeling already!
- Oh!
1046
01:32:04,669 --> 01:32:08,233
- Me too!
- Who�s gonna fix this?
1047
01:32:08,309 --> 01:32:11,109
- We�re in trouble. Ernest is gone.
- Uh-huh.
1048
01:32:11,181 --> 01:32:15,280
We can�t go back to Lisle�s.
She told us to take care of our bodies.
1049
01:32:15,355 --> 01:32:19,055
- And look at us! We�re dead!
- Yeah!
1050
01:32:19,128 --> 01:32:21,860
This is so embarrassing.
1051
01:32:21,933 --> 01:32:26,431
You know what this is? This is simply
a question of, uh, maintenance!
1052
01:32:26,508 --> 01:32:30,914
Yeah, this is upkeep. We just have
to be very careful with ourselves.
1053
01:32:30,982 --> 01:32:33,316
We have to take
care of each other.
1054
01:32:33,387 --> 01:32:37,417
l�ll paint your ass;
you paint mine.
1055
01:32:37,494 --> 01:32:39,657
- Who could have imagined?
- Yeah.
1056
01:32:39,731 --> 01:32:42,463
- You and me... together.
- Yeah, l know.
1057
01:32:42,536 --> 01:32:45,439
Depending on each other.
1058
01:32:45,508 --> 01:32:48,571
Painting each
other�s asses.
1059
01:32:48,647 --> 01:32:51,948
- Day and night.
- Oh, yeah. Forever.
1060
01:32:52,019 --> 01:32:55,178
Forever.
1061
01:33:02,257 --> 01:33:05,627
We�re gathered here today
to honor the passing...
1062
01:33:05,697 --> 01:33:09,898
of a man of courage
and of vision.
1063
01:33:09,971 --> 01:33:14,878
Now, Dr. Ernest Menville
always felt life begins at 50.
1064
01:33:14,946 --> 01:33:18,316
And since we know so little
of Ernest before that age,
1065
01:33:18,386 --> 01:33:21,016
perhaps in his case,
it�s really true.
1066
01:33:21,091 --> 01:33:25,588
Because it wasn�t until 50
he met his lovely wife, Claire,
1067
01:33:25,665 --> 01:33:29,365
that he had two sons
and four daughters...
1068
01:33:29,438 --> 01:33:32,808
and then like a
biblical patriarch...
1069
01:33:32,878 --> 01:33:35,644
began to spread
his message of hope...
1070
01:33:35,716 --> 01:33:40,282
to his adopted children
all around the world.
1071
01:33:40,358 --> 01:33:44,991
A brilliant academic
as well as a rugged outdoorsman,
1072
01:33:45,066 --> 01:33:49,005
Dr. Menville pursued with vigor
a variety of pursuits...
1073
01:33:49,073 --> 01:33:52,842
not just to attain
some personal ambition...
1074
01:33:52,913 --> 01:33:56,613
but to enhance
the world for us...
1075
01:33:56,687 --> 01:34:01,253
and make it a better place
than he found it.
1076
01:34:01,329 --> 01:34:03,856
Oh, and that he did.
1077
01:34:03,933 --> 01:34:06,870
The Menville Marriage
Counseling Clinic,
1078
01:34:06,938 --> 01:34:10,342
the Menville Center
for the Study of Women,
1079
01:34:10,411 --> 01:34:15,978
and of course, Ernest�s AA chapter
will carry on long after his death.
1080
01:34:26,373 --> 01:34:30,312
...was for him
a delightful adventure.
1081
01:34:30,380 --> 01:34:34,844
Who among us never knew
Ernest the prankster? Hmm?
1082
01:34:34,921 --> 01:34:37,323
Ernest the storyteller?
1083
01:34:37,393 --> 01:34:42,960
We�ve all heard his tall tales about
the living dead in Beverly Hills.
1084
01:34:43,036 --> 01:34:48,478
- Ah, but you see--
- Oh, what?
1085
01:34:48,545 --> 01:34:53,077
- You�re not crying, are you?
- l�m not crying.
1086
01:34:53,154 --> 01:34:56,957
l have...
something in my eye.
1087
01:35:00,867 --> 01:35:03,667
- Oh!
- Yech!
1088
01:35:03,739 --> 01:35:07,007
Oh! Do you have
that number 9 acrylic?
1089
01:35:07,079 --> 01:35:09,606
Look. l put it in your bag.
1090
01:35:09,683 --> 01:35:11,811
- Oh!
- l must have dropped it somewhere.
1091
01:35:11,886 --> 01:35:15,416
- No. l put it in your bag!
- Well.
1092
01:35:15,493 --> 01:35:18,328
Who could drop a big can of
spray paint for God�s sake?
1093
01:35:18,398 --> 01:35:21,962
l had it
when we left the car, okay?
1094
01:35:22,038 --> 01:35:24,668
Let�s get the hell
outta here.
1095
01:35:24,743 --> 01:35:29,912
l, for one, honestly believe
this teacher, this benefactor,
1096
01:35:29,985 --> 01:35:34,983
this man,
had in his own way...
1097
01:35:35,061 --> 01:35:39,468
learned the secret
of eternal life.
1098
01:35:41,639 --> 01:35:47,549
And it�s here, among us,
in the hearts of his friends.
1099
01:35:47,617 --> 01:35:52,524
And the secret
of eternal youth right here...
1100
01:35:52,592 --> 01:35:57,590
in the lives of his children
and his grandchildren.
1101
01:35:57,668 --> 01:36:01,971
lt is my opinion
that our beloved Ernest...
1102
01:36:02,042 --> 01:36:05,811
is one man
who will indeed...
1103
01:36:05,882 --> 01:36:10,516
live forever.
1104
01:36:10,591 --> 01:36:14,120
Blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah.
1105
01:36:14,197 --> 01:36:16,895
What�d you do
with that spray paint can?
1106
01:36:16,969 --> 01:36:20,407
Come on. Get off that. Let me see what
kind of a mess you�ve made of yourself.
1107
01:36:23,213 --> 01:36:25,206
Oh, yeah,
you�re all runny.
1108
01:36:25,283 --> 01:36:29,416
- l must look ridiculous.
- No, l don�t think anyone will notice.
1109
01:36:29,491 --> 01:36:32,554
But l think you�re gonna need
a little bondo on the chin, babe.
1110
01:36:32,630 --> 01:36:35,226
- l gotta get to the hardware store.
- Oh, now, come on!
1111
01:36:35,301 --> 01:36:37,497
How could you have lost
an entire can of spray paint?
1112
01:36:37,571 --> 01:36:40,600
Why do l have to carry everything?
You get to carry a baby purse.
1113
01:36:40,677 --> 01:36:43,079
- Where did you see it last?
- lf l knew, l�d know where it was.
1114
01:36:43,148 --> 01:36:46,176
- An entire can of spray paint.
- Get off it!
1115
01:36:46,254 --> 01:36:48,781
Has that ever worked? When you ask me
where l last saw something?
1116
01:36:48,858 --> 01:36:51,761
Yes. When you lost
your index finger.
1117
01:36:51,830 --> 01:36:55,291
- l didn�t lose it. lt broke off.
- That�s because you crack--
1118
01:36:57,607 --> 01:37:01,010
Help me! My legs aren�t working!
Help me!
1119
01:37:32,769 --> 01:37:36,316
Do you remember
where you parked the car?
85277
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