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LINDA:
So, everyone enjoying the dinner
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00:00:04,208 --> 00:00:05,946
your father and I
nicely made you?
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00:00:05,946 --> 00:00:07,983
Don't be afraid
to shout out compliments.
4
00:00:08,116 --> 00:00:09,418
TINA:
Oh, sorry. It's really good.
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00:00:09,519 --> 00:00:11,356
- Thank you.
- It's chicken, right?
6
00:00:11,356 --> 00:00:12,826
- Yes, Tina.
- I knew it.
7
00:00:12,926 --> 00:00:15,531
Sorry, Mom, I'm just still
sort of reeling from school,
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00:00:15,531 --> 00:00:17,836
Where my grape-flavored
finger pop-pet
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00:00:17,936 --> 00:00:19,406
was cruelly taken from me!
10
00:00:19,507 --> 00:00:21,711
Yeah, you've mentioned
the finger candy thing.
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00:00:21,811 --> 00:00:23,146
Finger pop-pet!
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00:00:23,146 --> 00:00:24,950
Whoops. Hey.
13
00:00:25,050 --> 00:00:27,387
- No candy in class.
- But I wasn't eating it.
14
00:00:27,387 --> 00:00:28,791
Then why does it look
half-eaten?
15
00:00:28,891 --> 00:00:30,795
Because I've been savoring it,
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00:00:30,895 --> 00:00:32,264
slowly and responsibly.
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00:00:32,264 --> 00:00:34,268
Well, I'm gonna savor
doing this.
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00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:36,005
LOUISE: No, no, no, no, no, no!
Not the trash, no...
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00:00:36,106 --> 00:00:38,476
And that's why grown-ups
are monsters.
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00:00:38,578 --> 00:00:41,482
Okay. Uh, sorry
about that, Louise,
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00:00:41,584 --> 00:00:44,890
but, uh, kids,
we wanted to talk to you
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00:00:44,890 --> 00:00:46,493
- about something.
- Right.
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00:00:46,493 --> 00:00:49,098
Are we all getting
matching jumpsuits finally?
24
00:00:49,198 --> 00:00:50,100
- No.
- (Gene groans)
25
00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:51,604
So, uh, starting tomorrow,
26
00:00:51,704 --> 00:00:54,876
your father and I
thought it would be good
27
00:00:54,977 --> 00:00:58,283
and also re-really fun
to do chores.
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00:00:58,283 --> 00:01:00,187
- Chores?
- Didn't we try those before
29
00:01:00,187 --> 00:01:02,058
and we were all like, "Nah"?
30
00:01:02,058 --> 00:01:03,493
Uh, we're-we're gonna
try it again.
31
00:01:03,628 --> 00:01:05,397
Yep, you're gonna
clean the bathroom,
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00:01:05,397 --> 00:01:08,203
vacuum the floors,
dust... stuff.
33
00:01:08,303 --> 00:01:10,875
Um, are we getting a raise
in our very meager allowance
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00:01:10,875 --> 00:01:12,645
because of these
so-called chores?
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00:01:12,645 --> 00:01:14,617
Yeah! I mean, yeah.
36
00:01:14,617 --> 00:01:16,118
No. I think the reward
37
00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:18,456
is that you are contributing
to this family.
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00:01:18,456 --> 00:01:20,929
And learning that
it's important to pitch in
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00:01:20,929 --> 00:01:23,501
in society and stuff like that.
40
00:01:23,501 --> 00:01:25,705
You know, we do work
in the restaurant.
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00:01:25,705 --> 00:01:27,207
Every day. For free.
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00:01:27,207 --> 00:01:29,713
Not that any of us have called
child welfare or anything.
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00:01:29,713 --> 00:01:30,815
Except for that one time.
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I didn't love that you did that.
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00:01:32,351 --> 00:01:33,788
But the guy we talked to
was nice.
46
00:01:33,788 --> 00:01:35,625
Oh, yeah. Todd. What's he up to?
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00:01:35,725 --> 00:01:38,330
Where is all this chore stuff
coming from, anyway?
48
00:01:38,330 --> 00:01:40,167
- NPR?
- Well, if you must know,
49
00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:42,839
I was talking to Grandma Gloria
the other day
50
00:01:42,839 --> 00:01:45,110
and she reminded me
that they made me and Gayle
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00:01:45,110 --> 00:01:47,247
do chores every weekend
when we were growing up.
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00:01:47,347 --> 00:01:49,485
And she thought we should
be doing it with you kids.
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00:01:49,619 --> 00:01:51,156
She actually thought
we already were,
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00:01:51,156 --> 00:01:53,059
and I said we tried,
but it didn't really stick
55
00:01:53,059 --> 00:01:54,863
and then she made
that "hmph" sound.
56
00:01:54,863 --> 00:01:56,098
Ugh, Grandma Gloria.
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00:01:56,098 --> 00:01:57,769
No huggies from Genie
for a year.
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00:01:57,869 --> 00:02:01,877
All right. Well, what if
we refuse to do these chores?
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00:02:01,877 --> 00:02:03,648
- Yeah.
- Respectfully?
60
00:02:03,648 --> 00:02:06,821
Okay, well, then,
I would respectfully say
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00:02:06,821 --> 00:02:08,457
you don't have a choice.
62
00:02:08,558 --> 00:02:10,561
- Right, Bob?
- Uh, uh, right.
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00:02:10,661 --> 00:02:12,865
Well, then,
we're going to respectfully
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00:02:12,965 --> 00:02:14,301
stop eating our vegetables.
65
00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:16,506
Gene, Tina? Want to stop
eating your broccoli?
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00:02:16,506 --> 00:02:17,843
(whispering):
But I like broccoli.
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00:02:17,843 --> 00:02:19,145
- Tina!
- Right, sorry.
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00:02:19,245 --> 00:02:21,082
(normal volume):
Well, then, you are respectfully
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00:02:21,082 --> 00:02:21,983
not getting any dessert.
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00:02:22,084 --> 00:02:24,757
- Damn it!
- Okay, then we are respectfully
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00:02:24,890 --> 00:02:26,694
- not doing our homework.
- Ooh.
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00:02:26,694 --> 00:02:28,598
You're gonna play
this game with Mama?
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00:02:28,698 --> 00:02:30,066
Oh, yeah.
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00:02:30,066 --> 00:02:32,204
Oh, good.
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00:02:34,342 --> 00:02:35,845
(whispering):
But Lin, "no TV"
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00:02:35,945 --> 00:02:38,684
- means we don't get to watch TV.
- Show no weakness.
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00:02:38,684 --> 00:02:40,588
- They're gonna crack.
- What if they don't crack?
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00:02:40,588 --> 00:02:42,057
I'm worried
they're not cracking.
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00:02:42,157 --> 00:02:43,460
LOUISE (normal volume):
Mm-mmm. Nope.
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00:02:43,561 --> 00:02:44,697
- Not brushing them.
- (groans)
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00:02:44,697 --> 00:02:46,166
- BOB: Mm.
- And if we get painful cavities,
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00:02:46,299 --> 00:02:49,071
- we'll be the ones laughing.
- Yeah. Wait.
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00:02:49,071 --> 00:02:50,541
LINDA:
Okay, early bedtime,
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00:02:50,541 --> 00:02:52,746
in your room, lights out, now.
85
00:02:52,746 --> 00:02:55,183
- Nuh-uh. Not going to bed.
- Until we get tired.
86
00:02:55,283 --> 00:02:56,353
- Yeah.
- Guys.
87
00:02:56,453 --> 00:02:57,989
- I mean, never.
- Right.
88
00:02:58,089 --> 00:03:00,360
- Okay, then, no...
- What?
89
00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:01,831
- No...
- You got nothing.
90
00:03:01,831 --> 00:03:04,035
No, no Christmas ever again!
91
00:03:04,035 --> 00:03:07,074
Uh, Linda, want to have
a quick chat?
92
00:03:07,074 --> 00:03:09,444
I feel like it's not going well.
93
00:03:09,444 --> 00:03:11,316
What-what if I go buy
a bag of candy
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00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:12,619
and we give them candy
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00:03:12,619 --> 00:03:14,188
- if they do the chores?
- No, Bob.
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00:03:14,188 --> 00:03:15,758
They should do chores
'cause we told them to
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00:03:15,758 --> 00:03:17,494
and 'cause it'll make them
better people in society
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00:03:17,494 --> 00:03:19,232
and all that crap,
not to get candy.
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00:03:19,332 --> 00:03:21,469
I mean, what if they turn
into little delinquents
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00:03:21,469 --> 00:03:24,810
who won't listen to authority
and it-it ruins their lives?
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00:03:24,810 --> 00:03:27,548
Then we'll just pretend
we don't know them?
102
00:03:27,648 --> 00:03:28,551
Hmm. Maybe.
103
00:03:28,551 --> 00:03:29,920
Well, the kids
have to go to bed.
104
00:03:30,020 --> 00:03:32,558
So, we need a cease-fire,
I think.
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00:03:32,558 --> 00:03:34,729
(sighs)
Okay, fine. You're right.
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00:03:34,829 --> 00:03:36,399
Eh, we'll-we'll put a pin
in the chores thing
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and figure out a way
to make them do them tomorrow.
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00:03:38,805 --> 00:03:39,906
Blackmail, maybe?
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00:03:39,906 --> 00:03:41,676
Have you been writing
stuff down? I haven't.
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00:03:41,777 --> 00:03:43,346
- (groans)
- Kids.
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00:03:43,446 --> 00:03:45,216
Come in here. Come on.
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00:03:45,216 --> 00:03:47,121
- Okay.
- Hmm.
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00:03:47,221 --> 00:03:49,526
I'm sorry about
that "no Christmas" thing.
114
00:03:49,626 --> 00:03:51,462
Come on. Come up
in the bed with Mama.
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00:03:51,462 --> 00:03:53,567
- Come on.
- Are you gonna kill us?
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00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:54,737
No.
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00:03:54,737 --> 00:03:57,307
Let's, uh, revisit
the chores thing later.
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00:03:57,307 --> 00:03:59,513
Why don't we all
just relax, huh?
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00:03:59,613 --> 00:04:01,750
(yawns)
So tired, right?
120
00:04:01,750 --> 00:04:04,088
- No.
- Yes. Should we sing
a nice song
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00:04:04,088 --> 00:04:06,761
or tell a bedtime story? Huh?
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00:04:06,861 --> 00:04:08,664
A bedtime story?
Like you guys used to do?
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00:04:08,664 --> 00:04:10,835
- Back when we were children?
- Oh, yeah, Dad,
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00:04:10,835 --> 00:04:14,141
you used to tell that story
about Pepperoni the Sleepy Pony.
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00:04:14,275 --> 00:04:16,312
- Oh, right.
- Aw, Pepperoni.
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00:04:16,412 --> 00:04:19,151
Roaming the plains, looking
for a nice place to sleep.
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00:04:19,251 --> 00:04:20,956
- And a little pepperoni.
- GENE: Aren't we all?
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00:04:20,956 --> 00:04:22,458
Tell that story, Bob.
129
00:04:22,458 --> 00:04:24,863
Okay. Um, I think I remember it.
130
00:04:24,963 --> 00:04:27,635
- But maybe he's not sleepy.
- And maybe he's really buff?
131
00:04:27,635 --> 00:04:30,508
But also super humble.
About how buff he is.
132
00:04:30,608 --> 00:04:32,679
But he's still into pepperoni.
133
00:04:32,679 --> 00:04:33,981
Uh, okay, so,
134
00:04:33,981 --> 00:04:37,321
Pepperoni the super buff pony
wanders around,
135
00:04:37,321 --> 00:04:40,427
looking for a place
to, um, not sleep.
136
00:04:40,561 --> 00:04:42,598
And he ends up in a town.
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00:04:42,698 --> 00:04:44,736
It was a small mining town
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00:04:44,736 --> 00:04:47,709
- called W-Western-ville.
- LINDA: Oh, that's good.
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00:04:47,709 --> 00:04:49,444
BOB:
And there were three siblings
that lived there,
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00:04:49,546 --> 00:04:51,449
the Belch-earps.
141
00:04:51,449 --> 00:04:53,153
The-the Bearps.
142
00:04:53,153 --> 00:04:54,522
And they operated
the town's tavern.
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00:04:54,522 --> 00:04:55,824
The youngest ran the bar
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00:04:55,824 --> 00:04:57,327
and the gambling side
of things...
145
00:04:57,427 --> 00:04:59,031
LOUISE:
Oh, and give me giant boots
146
00:04:59,165 --> 00:05:00,467
with huge spurs on the back.
147
00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:03,406
- And the front.
- BOB: Uh, okay, sure.
148
00:05:03,406 --> 00:05:05,110
A-And the middle one
ran the entertainment.
149
00:05:05,110 --> 00:05:06,981
GENE:
And I have one of those
player pianos.
150
00:05:06,981 --> 00:05:08,316
But I can carry it around.
151
00:05:08,316 --> 00:05:10,420
BOB:
You carry around a player piano?
152
00:05:10,521 --> 00:05:12,525
- Yeah, because
it's cutting-edge.
- All right.
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00:05:12,525 --> 00:05:15,197
Uh, and the oldest
runs the hotel and stables.
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00:05:15,197 --> 00:05:17,836
TINA:
Well, more of a horse hotel
that also has rooms for people.
155
00:05:17,936 --> 00:05:18,938
Right this way, sir.
156
00:05:18,938 --> 00:05:20,775
- It's classy.
- LINDA: (clears throat)
157
00:05:20,875 --> 00:05:23,714
And, uh, maybe there's some
nice sheriffs in this town.
158
00:05:23,714 --> 00:05:25,685
- M-Married sheriffs.
- BOB: Uh, okay.
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00:05:25,685 --> 00:05:28,123
LINDA:
Yeah, and they're really great,
but the townspeople
160
00:05:28,223 --> 00:05:30,394
don't listen to the sheriffs
because the townspeople
161
00:05:30,494 --> 00:05:32,766
can be big pains in the butt sometimes.
162
00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:36,338
But I thought this was supposed
to be a relaxing bedtime story?
163
00:05:36,338 --> 00:05:38,644
- Yeah, so one
of the sheriffs says...
- Yeah.
164
00:05:38,644 --> 00:05:40,515
Hey, Bearps,
maybe you could try and keep
165
00:05:40,515 --> 00:05:42,151
your area nice and clean today?
166
00:05:42,151 --> 00:05:43,554
Hmm, let me think about that.
167
00:05:43,554 --> 00:05:45,123
(blows raspberry)
Oh, and also...
168
00:05:45,223 --> 00:05:46,526
- (blows raspberry)
- But I mean,
169
00:05:46,526 --> 00:05:49,533
maybe you could, you know,
sweep up all the glass?
170
00:05:49,533 --> 00:05:52,104
Um, I think I know
the gambling business, m'kay?
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00:05:52,104 --> 00:05:54,910
(grunts) It's read 'em and weep,
not read 'em and sweep.
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00:05:55,010 --> 00:05:57,214
♪ And I'm not cleaning up
anything, either ♪
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00:05:57,214 --> 00:05:59,786
♪ In the Wild, Wild West. ♪
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LINDA:
They wouldn't listen to anything
the married sheriffs said,
175
00:06:02,592 --> 00:06:03,894
who were actually a lot older
176
00:06:03,894 --> 00:06:05,865
and smarter
than the townspeople,
177
00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:07,802
but still good-looking
for their age.
178
00:06:07,802 --> 00:06:09,271
But there was a reason
the townspeople
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00:06:09,271 --> 00:06:11,276
didn't want to listen
to the married sheriffs.
180
00:06:11,376 --> 00:06:13,012
- No, there wasn't.
- Yes, there was.
181
00:06:13,012 --> 00:06:14,983
- Because one night...
- Hey, you're not telling
the story.
182
00:06:15,084 --> 00:06:16,653
Because one night,
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00:06:16,653 --> 00:06:18,891
after they ordered
the townspeople to go to bed...
184
00:06:19,025 --> 00:06:21,229
- LINDA: Townspeople, go to bed.
- BOB: Yeah.
185
00:06:21,229 --> 00:06:22,665
- LINDA: 'Cause we're the boss.
- Yeah.
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00:06:22,765 --> 00:06:23,967
LOUISE:
And after all the old-timey
187
00:06:24,067 --> 00:06:25,403
Old West lights were out,
188
00:06:25,403 --> 00:06:27,441
the married sheriffs
got on their horses
189
00:06:27,441 --> 00:06:29,512
and they rode off
into the night.
190
00:06:29,512 --> 00:06:31,249
But not everyone went to bed.
191
00:06:31,249 --> 00:06:33,520
The three Bearps
followed the sheriffs.
192
00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:35,056
Attaboy, Pepperoni.
193
00:06:35,056 --> 00:06:37,695
Three riders on him and
he's not even breaking a sweat.
194
00:06:37,695 --> 00:06:39,131
So buff.
195
00:06:39,131 --> 00:06:41,135
LOUISE:
They tracked them to the mine
outside of town.
196
00:06:41,135 --> 00:06:43,874
And there, they discovered
that the married sheriffs
197
00:06:43,874 --> 00:06:46,012
were having a sneaky
nighttime meeting
198
00:06:46,012 --> 00:06:50,521
with owner of the mine and
super rich guy Mr. Goldoeder.
199
00:06:50,521 --> 00:06:52,592
Hello. I was just
kissing my gold good night.
200
00:06:52,692 --> 00:06:55,430
So, how's the secret plan
to have those nitwit townspeople
201
00:06:55,531 --> 00:06:57,568
keep the place
nice and tidy going?
202
00:06:57,568 --> 00:07:00,675
So that Big G will be impressed
and want to buy the town,
203
00:07:00,775 --> 00:07:04,615
the mine and all this land,
and we get our big payout?
204
00:07:04,615 --> 00:07:07,488
Wait, what? No, the married
sheriffs are good guys.
205
00:07:07,488 --> 00:07:09,058
Yeah, that's what
they want you to think.
206
00:07:09,058 --> 00:07:11,697
It turns out their intentions
were not so good.
207
00:07:11,697 --> 00:07:14,368
- In fact, they were bad.
- No.
208
00:07:14,368 --> 00:07:17,374
And all to serve
their own greedy purposes.
209
00:07:17,374 --> 00:07:18,644
- No.
- (grunts)
210
00:07:18,744 --> 00:07:20,782
LOUISE (whispering):
We got to get rid
of the married sheriffs.
211
00:07:20,782 --> 00:07:22,451
- TINA: Yep.
- GENE: The Merriffs?
That what I call them.
212
00:07:22,552 --> 00:07:24,221
- (Pepperoni sighs)
- GENE: Pepperoni likes it.
213
00:07:28,463 --> 00:07:29,832
So, the plan--
the tidy townspeople plan--
214
00:07:29,832 --> 00:07:31,035
catch me up.
How's it going?
215
00:07:31,035 --> 00:07:32,338
It's going really good.
216
00:07:32,471 --> 00:07:34,776
- It-It's not going good.
- It's not going good.
217
00:07:34,776 --> 00:07:36,211
Well, you two need to get tough.
218
00:07:36,312 --> 00:07:37,481
Maybe make an example
of one of them.
219
00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:39,451
Blast 'em with your
bean blaster.
220
00:07:39,451 --> 00:07:41,022
Like this. Pew!
221
00:07:41,155 --> 00:07:43,727
That's uh, the exact rock
I was aiming to hit.
222
00:07:43,827 --> 00:07:45,397
I should have,
uh, said that beforehand.
223
00:07:45,497 --> 00:07:47,001
Anyway, everything
has to be perfect
224
00:07:47,001 --> 00:07:48,704
for when Big G comes.
225
00:07:48,804 --> 00:07:50,774
She does not approve
of messy towns
226
00:07:50,874 --> 00:07:52,712
or ill-behaved townspeople.
227
00:07:52,712 --> 00:07:54,315
And if Big G doesn't approve,
228
00:07:54,315 --> 00:07:56,052
then she's not gonna buy us out
229
00:07:56,052 --> 00:07:57,321
and we don't get the money,
230
00:07:57,321 --> 00:07:59,124
which I know
we're all big fans of.
231
00:07:59,224 --> 00:08:01,730
Don't worry, we'll make sure
Big G is happy.
232
00:08:01,730 --> 00:08:03,332
(sniffs)
What am I smelling?
233
00:08:03,433 --> 00:08:06,105
Oh, that's me.
I-I don't wash myself.
234
00:08:06,105 --> 00:08:07,742
That's...
(sighs) Okay.
235
00:08:07,742 --> 00:08:09,145
So, the townspeople
had to figure out
236
00:08:09,245 --> 00:08:12,016
how to get rid of the terrible,
greedy, smelly sheriffs.
237
00:08:12,016 --> 00:08:14,021
(whispering): What if I just
pop down to the pharmacy
238
00:08:14,121 --> 00:08:16,159
and ask for drugs
that put kids to sleep?
239
00:08:16,159 --> 00:08:18,462
Probably not. But maybe?
240
00:08:18,462 --> 00:08:19,766
(normal volume):
Anyway, the three siblings had
241
00:08:19,866 --> 00:08:21,469
a secret meeting of their own.
242
00:08:21,469 --> 00:08:23,607
Okay, all the townspeople
chipped in.
243
00:08:23,607 --> 00:08:25,544
We've got about
a thousand dollars here.
244
00:08:25,544 --> 00:08:28,684
TINA:
Or we can offer you and your
horses a free, all expenses paid
245
00:08:28,684 --> 00:08:30,454
weekend here at the inn,
246
00:08:30,454 --> 00:08:32,324
which includes drinks,
horse massages,
247
00:08:32,324 --> 00:08:34,261
our finest
pretty-clean chamber pots.
248
00:08:34,261 --> 00:08:35,731
Your own personal entertainer.
249
00:08:35,831 --> 00:08:37,835
♪ Look at you,
using your chamber pot. ♪
250
00:08:37,935 --> 00:08:39,506
I think we'll just
take the money.
251
00:08:39,506 --> 00:08:40,642
But I like that song.
252
00:08:40,742 --> 00:08:42,645
So, how exactly does the whole
253
00:08:42,745 --> 00:08:45,016
"taking someone and leaving them
in the middle of nowhere"
254
00:08:45,116 --> 00:08:45,952
business work?
255
00:08:45,952 --> 00:08:47,522
Well, basically
we just take 'em
256
00:08:47,655 --> 00:08:49,392
and then we, uh, leave 'em
in the middle of nowhere.
257
00:08:49,392 --> 00:08:50,561
LOUISE:
Okay, then.
258
00:08:50,661 --> 00:08:51,596
Yup, with no money,
259
00:08:51,696 --> 00:08:52,932
uncomfortable walking shoes,
260
00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:55,505
only, like, a super small
thing of sunscreen.
261
00:08:55,505 --> 00:08:56,306
No podcasts.
262
00:08:56,306 --> 00:08:57,709
Okay, but what if then,
263
00:08:57,709 --> 00:08:59,679
one of the leave-in-
the-middle-of-nowhere guys
264
00:08:59,679 --> 00:09:00,782
starts asking some questions?
265
00:09:00,782 --> 00:09:01,883
Are you sure you want to
266
00:09:01,883 --> 00:09:03,353
get rid of the married sheriffs?
267
00:09:03,353 --> 00:09:04,789
I mean, uh I haven't
been here long,
268
00:09:04,889 --> 00:09:06,125
but they seem nice to me.
269
00:09:06,259 --> 00:09:07,661
And-and loving, I want to say?
270
00:09:07,661 --> 00:09:10,333
Yeah, and wise. Like,
they've got all this wisdom
271
00:09:10,434 --> 00:09:12,270
to pass on about life,
and the world...
272
00:09:12,270 --> 00:09:13,306
Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh.
273
00:09:13,306 --> 00:09:14,709
They're forcing us to do chores.
274
00:09:14,809 --> 00:09:15,744
- (gasps)
- Do what?
275
00:09:15,744 --> 00:09:17,414
No way. You guys seem like
276
00:09:17,414 --> 00:09:19,218
you work so hard all the time.
277
00:09:19,318 --> 00:09:20,420
And you're delightful.
278
00:09:20,420 --> 00:09:22,123
- I know.
- Well, I'm gonna enjoy
279
00:09:22,123 --> 00:09:23,661
leaving them
in the middle of nowhere.
280
00:09:23,761 --> 00:09:25,864
And maybe only one
bathroom break on the way,
281
00:09:25,864 --> 00:09:27,434
and then, after that,
we'll be like,
282
00:09:27,434 --> 00:09:29,037
-"You got to hold it."
- Yeah.
283
00:09:29,037 --> 00:09:31,275
But if we have to go,
we still stop.
284
00:09:31,375 --> 00:09:32,979
I-I have a small bladder.
285
00:09:32,979 --> 00:09:34,615
But a big heart.
286
00:09:35,685 --> 00:09:37,120
LINDA (whispering):
Married Sheriff Bob,
287
00:09:37,253 --> 00:09:38,858
I think something weird
might be going on.
288
00:09:38,958 --> 00:09:40,961
BOB:
Why, 'cause some strangers
threw us on a horse
289
00:09:40,961 --> 00:09:42,799
- and put a blanket over us?
- Yeah.
290
00:09:42,799 --> 00:09:44,267
I'm beginning to think
maybe this isn't
291
00:09:44,367 --> 00:09:46,539
about a surprise
birthday party for us at all.
292
00:09:46,639 --> 00:09:49,712
I mean, for one thing, it's not
anywhere close to our birthdays.
293
00:09:49,712 --> 00:09:50,781
Yeah. Come to think of it,
294
00:09:50,781 --> 00:09:52,217
I was actually the one who said
295
00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:53,987
"Is this, like, a surprise
birthday party thing?"
296
00:09:53,987 --> 00:09:55,591
And they said "Sure, whatever."
297
00:09:55,691 --> 00:09:57,060
(normal volume):
Ooh, that's bright.
298
00:09:57,160 --> 00:09:58,897
- Where are we?
- The middle of nowhere.
299
00:09:58,997 --> 00:10:00,400
- What town is that near?
- None.
300
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,171
- This is your stop.
- Aah!
- Aah!
301
00:10:02,171 --> 00:10:05,377
Can we have our bean blasters
back? No reason. Also,
302
00:10:05,377 --> 00:10:08,316
can you maybe give us
your bean blasters? No reason.
303
00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:09,484
- Nope.
- BOB: Fair enough.
304
00:10:09,585 --> 00:10:10,988
And don't you start
pleading with us
305
00:10:10,988 --> 00:10:12,491
not to leave you here
'cause we don't feel
306
00:10:12,625 --> 00:10:13,827
emotionally compromised
about this at all.
307
00:10:13,827 --> 00:10:16,098
Uh, please don't leave us here?
308
00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:17,433
- Dang it!
- Please!
309
00:10:17,535 --> 00:10:19,071
I'm not wearing
the right bra for this.
310
00:10:19,171 --> 00:10:20,874
Sorry. Best of luck.
311
00:10:21,576 --> 00:10:23,146
Are they still looking at us?
312
00:10:23,146 --> 00:10:25,585
Uh, let me check. Yeah.
313
00:10:25,585 --> 00:10:26,787
Do they look PO'd?
314
00:10:26,887 --> 00:10:28,524
Pretty-pretty PO'd.
315
00:10:28,524 --> 00:10:29,659
How about now?
316
00:10:29,659 --> 00:10:32,599
- Hmm. Look still pretty upset.
- Aw, man.
317
00:10:32,599 --> 00:10:33,901
JIMMY JR.:
Hey, cheer up. Let's go get you
318
00:10:34,034 --> 00:10:35,738
- a western omelet.
- ZEKE: Okay.
319
00:10:35,738 --> 00:10:37,842
So the married sheriffs
got what they deserved.
320
00:10:37,942 --> 00:10:39,545
- The end. What a great story.
- I mean,
321
00:10:39,679 --> 00:10:41,717
- the structure's
a little all over the place...
- LINDA: Up, bup, bup.
322
00:10:41,717 --> 00:10:44,154
That's not the end.
No, no, no. You know why?
323
00:10:44,154 --> 00:10:45,658
GENE:
Because nobody's kissed yet?
324
00:10:45,791 --> 00:10:47,795
Because the married sheriffs
didn't give up.
325
00:10:47,895 --> 00:10:50,066
They weren't gonna let
those punky townspeople win.
326
00:10:50,166 --> 00:10:52,037
Not that it was about
winning or losing.
327
00:10:52,037 --> 00:10:55,209
No, it was.
So, they started walking.
328
00:10:56,278 --> 00:10:57,681
And they kept on walking.
329
00:10:57,681 --> 00:10:59,919
And sure, there were
some piggy back rides.
330
00:10:59,919 --> 00:11:01,255
And then they switched.
331
00:11:01,355 --> 00:11:03,660
Uh, yup. And-and they,
332
00:11:03,660 --> 00:11:04,796
uh, fought wolves.
333
00:11:04,796 --> 00:11:06,331
They danced with wolves,
334
00:11:06,331 --> 00:11:08,069
and they fought more wolves
because those wolves
335
00:11:08,202 --> 00:11:11,108
didn't like the fact that they
danced with those other wolves.
336
00:11:11,208 --> 00:11:13,479
Anyway, it was all
to get back to the townspeople
337
00:11:13,479 --> 00:11:14,882
to help them
and watch over them.
338
00:11:14,882 --> 00:11:18,089
Oh, no, the townspeople
are having an amazing time
339
00:11:18,089 --> 00:11:20,293
and just totally
taking care of themselves.
340
00:11:20,293 --> 00:11:22,965
- ♪ ♪
- (cheering)
341
00:11:23,065 --> 00:11:24,435
Yeah!
342
00:11:24,435 --> 00:11:26,973
Well, that's because they
didn't know what was coming.
343
00:11:27,073 --> 00:11:29,646
It was trouble.
Real bad trouble.
344
00:11:29,746 --> 00:11:30,981
The bad kind.
345
00:11:30,981 --> 00:11:32,952
You naughty little nincompoops.
346
00:11:32,952 --> 00:11:35,624
You couldn't just do what you
were told, could you?
347
00:11:35,725 --> 00:11:38,362
Big G is gonna
change this whole place.
348
00:11:38,362 --> 00:11:39,665
You could have been part of it.
349
00:11:39,665 --> 00:11:42,170
A wonderful, new,
civilized society.
350
00:11:42,170 --> 00:11:44,575
The well-mannered West,
she's gonna call it.
351
00:11:44,675 --> 00:11:46,445
And also,
I'm gonna get even richer,
352
00:11:46,445 --> 00:11:48,583
which will be pretty cool.
353
00:11:48,583 --> 00:11:50,821
So, what's it gonna be?
You leave town
354
00:11:50,821 --> 00:11:53,293
or my miner minions and I
355
00:11:53,293 --> 00:11:55,162
fill you full of beans.
356
00:11:55,296 --> 00:11:56,331
In a bad way?
357
00:11:56,432 --> 00:11:58,002
In a very bad way.
358
00:11:58,002 --> 00:11:59,639
- Linda.
- What? Too harsh?
359
00:11:59,639 --> 00:12:00,541
It's a western.
360
00:12:00,641 --> 00:12:02,343
Don't you make me
scared of beans, woman!
361
00:12:06,352 --> 00:12:08,557
So, the townspeople--
who could have avoided all this
362
00:12:08,557 --> 00:12:10,359
by just listening
to the sheriffs
363
00:12:10,359 --> 00:12:11,529
and cleaning up the place,
364
00:12:11,529 --> 00:12:14,134
but no--
now they were staring down
365
00:12:14,235 --> 00:12:16,773
the bean blaster barrels
of Mr. Goldoeder
366
00:12:16,873 --> 00:12:19,946
and his miner minions.
It was a standoff.
367
00:12:19,946 --> 00:12:22,117
They were so standoffish. Sorry.
368
00:12:22,117 --> 00:12:24,054
Standoff music.
369
00:12:24,054 --> 00:12:26,859
♪ ♪
370
00:12:39,752 --> 00:12:40,654
(Linda panting)
371
00:12:40,755 --> 00:12:41,590
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
372
00:12:41,590 --> 00:12:43,392
- Whoa!
- Stop, stop, stop.
373
00:12:43,492 --> 00:12:44,394
We're here to protect you.
374
00:12:44,494 --> 00:12:45,964
Who? Me? That's nice.
375
00:12:46,064 --> 00:12:47,802
- No, them.
- Oh, boo.
376
00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:49,405
Also, water would be great.
377
00:12:49,405 --> 00:12:51,241
Anyone have water?
378
00:12:51,341 --> 00:12:52,244
Uh, I-I'll ask later.
379
00:12:52,244 --> 00:12:52,979
Wait, wait, wait.
380
00:12:52,979 --> 00:12:54,014
Why should we trust you?
381
00:12:54,014 --> 00:12:55,483
- Because.
- Because why?
382
00:12:55,584 --> 00:12:57,955
Because we're the sheriffs
and it's our job to protect you.
383
00:12:57,955 --> 00:12:59,959
But how do we know you're
not just out for yourself,
384
00:12:59,959 --> 00:13:02,799
working with Goldoeder
to get your big payday
385
00:13:02,899 --> 00:13:03,901
by impressing Big G?
386
00:13:03,901 --> 00:13:05,336
Okay, yeah, maybe we wanted
387
00:13:05,436 --> 00:13:07,942
to impress Big G a little bit.
So sue us.
388
00:13:08,042 --> 00:13:09,444
Not that this town has a lawyer.
389
00:13:09,545 --> 00:13:11,015
- I'm a lawyer.
- Oh, you are?
390
00:13:11,015 --> 00:13:13,086
Yup. Personal injury, mostly.
391
00:13:13,219 --> 00:13:15,056
- Oh, uh, great.
- A little tax law.
392
00:13:15,156 --> 00:13:16,291
- Okay, yeah, I got it.
- Yup.
393
00:13:16,291 --> 00:13:17,861
LINDA:
Anyway, what if doing chores
394
00:13:17,861 --> 00:13:19,298
was actually good for you?
395
00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:21,770
Huh? Did you ever think
about that, you punks?
396
00:13:21,770 --> 00:13:22,906
That-that we love.
397
00:13:23,039 --> 00:13:25,510
Maybe making you do chores
is protecting you.
398
00:13:25,610 --> 00:13:27,280
From being delinquents. Ugh!
399
00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:30,052
- Why didn't you
just listen to us?
- Now!
400
00:13:31,022 --> 00:13:32,992
- Aah!
- Huh?
- Hey!
401
00:13:33,092 --> 00:13:35,531
See? That's what happens
when we listen to you--
402
00:13:35,631 --> 00:13:38,302
we get all distracted and
we get our bean blasters stolen.
403
00:13:38,302 --> 00:13:40,206
Damn it! Mine tied
my whole outfit together.
404
00:13:40,206 --> 00:13:42,411
LINDA:
But then Married
Sheriff Linda said...
405
00:13:42,512 --> 00:13:44,949
Well, you can't bean blast
all of us, Goldoeder.
406
00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:47,253
For one thing,
it would be a big beany mess,
407
00:13:47,387 --> 00:13:49,391
and you know Big G
doesn't like messes.
408
00:13:49,491 --> 00:13:50,627
That's true. Dang it.
409
00:13:50,727 --> 00:13:51,829
LOUISE:
But then he had an idea.
410
00:13:51,930 --> 00:13:53,967
I have an idea.
Let's have some fun.
411
00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:54,936
- Yay!
- Yay!
412
00:13:54,936 --> 00:13:56,506
Bearps? Married sheriffs?
413
00:13:56,506 --> 00:13:57,941
How about a quick draw contest?
414
00:13:57,941 --> 00:14:01,048
Each round is two people,
two beans. Best shot wins.
415
00:14:01,048 --> 00:14:02,584
And the winner
of the whole thing
416
00:14:02,584 --> 00:14:05,389
gets to decide
who stays and who goes.
417
00:14:05,389 --> 00:14:06,960
Oh, and also, I'm entering
418
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:09,031
and I'm an amazing shot.
419
00:14:09,131 --> 00:14:09,999
Pew!
420
00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:13,673
Yup, that's... the one
I was trying to hit.
421
00:14:13,673 --> 00:14:15,209
And I did.
422
00:14:15,209 --> 00:14:16,880
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
the sheriffs would not
423
00:14:16,980 --> 00:14:19,117
get into a quick draw contest
with their own people.
424
00:14:19,117 --> 00:14:21,756
Also, Louise,
this sounds a lot like
425
00:14:21,756 --> 00:14:23,259
the movie
The Quick and the Dead.
426
00:14:23,359 --> 00:14:25,430
GENE:
Which came first,
the movie or this story?
427
00:14:25,430 --> 00:14:27,000
Uh, the movie.
428
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,169
So, is it like a rom-com, or...
429
00:14:28,269 --> 00:14:29,471
Have you seen that
movie, Louise?
430
00:14:29,471 --> 00:14:31,843
Only, like, the parts
they showed on TV.
431
00:14:31,943 --> 00:14:33,614
While you were
asleep on the couch,
432
00:14:33,714 --> 00:14:35,116
when I watched the whole movie.
433
00:14:35,216 --> 00:14:36,553
Anyway, of course
the sheriffs would do it
434
00:14:36,653 --> 00:14:38,723
because, deep down,
they knew it was the only way
435
00:14:38,823 --> 00:14:40,426
to prove who's boss
of this town.
436
00:14:40,426 --> 00:14:42,163
- No, I don't think so.
- She's right.
437
00:14:42,264 --> 00:14:43,734
- What?
- They got to do the bean blaster
438
00:14:43,834 --> 00:14:45,604
competition thingy
to show who's boss.
439
00:14:45,704 --> 00:14:47,040
And Sheriff Bob
and Sheriff Linda
440
00:14:47,140 --> 00:14:48,042
somehow both win, the end.
441
00:14:48,142 --> 00:14:49,512
Dut, ba, dut-dut-dut-dut!
442
00:14:49,612 --> 00:14:51,015
So, the contest began.
443
00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:54,187
First up, Married Sheriff Bob
vs. Louise.
444
00:14:54,187 --> 00:14:56,492
And please enjoy my tiny hat.
445
00:14:56,492 --> 00:14:57,795
A baby gave it to me.
446
00:14:57,795 --> 00:15:00,634
Just kidding, I had it made.
By a baby.
447
00:15:03,472 --> 00:15:05,143
You're going down.
448
00:15:05,243 --> 00:15:07,447
Uh, can I go against
someone else?
449
00:15:07,548 --> 00:15:10,352
Maybe someone, uh,
less i-intimidating?
450
00:15:10,453 --> 00:15:11,355
Maybe the lawyer?
451
00:15:11,455 --> 00:15:12,792
- Hey.
- Nope.
452
00:15:12,792 --> 00:15:14,995
Okay, I-I just...
453
00:15:17,568 --> 00:15:18,704
My butt's out, isn't it?
454
00:15:18,704 --> 00:15:20,541
- It is.
- Disgusting!
455
00:15:20,541 --> 00:15:21,876
Well, that's not fair.
456
00:15:21,876 --> 00:15:23,947
Also, Louise, why would
my butt flap be open?
457
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:25,283
Wouldn't it be closed?
458
00:15:25,283 --> 00:15:27,087
Oh, they don't invent
closing butt flaps
459
00:15:27,087 --> 00:15:28,156
for another 50 years.
460
00:15:28,156 --> 00:15:29,559
Everybody, just listen.
461
00:15:29,659 --> 00:15:30,661
Mom, I didn't
get to the part
462
00:15:30,661 --> 00:15:31,896
where you shoot Gene's belt off
463
00:15:31,996 --> 00:15:33,934
- and his butt is hanging out.
- Nice.
464
00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:37,574
Why?! Why?! No!
465
00:15:37,574 --> 00:15:39,378
(weakly): Ashes to ashes.
466
00:15:39,478 --> 00:15:41,181
Butt to butt.
467
00:15:42,049 --> 00:15:43,085
Wait. Did I die?
468
00:15:43,185 --> 00:15:44,522
No, you were just
being dramatic.
469
00:15:44,522 --> 00:15:45,824
Got it. Continue.
470
00:15:45,824 --> 00:15:47,661
How did I do, Louise?
Pretty good?
471
00:15:48,764 --> 00:15:50,166
Get ready for me to,
472
00:15:50,166 --> 00:15:51,969
um, shoot you with...
473
00:15:52,069 --> 00:15:53,840
Oh, you won.
474
00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:54,776
So, not great.
475
00:15:54,776 --> 00:15:55,845
LOUISE:
Then it was time
476
00:15:55,945 --> 00:15:57,380
to find out who would face off
477
00:15:57,380 --> 00:15:58,817
with Goldoeder
in the final round.
478
00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:00,086
And that's
when Goldoeder decided
479
00:16:00,086 --> 00:16:01,756
to make it more interesting.
480
00:16:01,756 --> 00:16:03,225
Let's make it more interesting.
481
00:16:03,225 --> 00:16:04,628
Now that we're down
to the real-deal
482
00:16:04,628 --> 00:16:06,032
head honchos around here,
483
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:08,837
why don't we switch to
the real-deal bean.
484
00:16:08,937 --> 00:16:10,239
Lima.
485
00:16:10,239 --> 00:16:11,141
(gasping)
486
00:16:11,241 --> 00:16:13,045
You can't be serious.
487
00:16:15,951 --> 00:16:17,855
But lima beans are huge.
And they hurt like hell.
488
00:16:17,855 --> 00:16:19,358
And they taste okay at best.
489
00:16:19,458 --> 00:16:21,662
I mean, if you sauté them
with a little butter...
490
00:16:21,662 --> 00:16:22,931
- Bob, shush.
- Dad, shh.
491
00:16:22,931 --> 00:16:24,635
- Sorry.
- And Married Sheriff Linda said:
492
00:16:24,635 --> 00:16:27,575
I can't believe you're about
to blast me with a lima bean.
493
00:16:27,675 --> 00:16:28,777
LOUISE:
And Louise said:
494
00:16:28,877 --> 00:16:30,346
I can't believe you're about to
495
00:16:30,446 --> 00:16:31,616
blast me with a lima bean.
496
00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:34,321
Just do the frickin' chores.
497
00:16:34,421 --> 00:16:35,824
No frickin' way.
498
00:16:35,924 --> 00:16:39,599
Aah! Why can't you just do
something when I ask you to?
499
00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:42,437
I'm in charge and I know
what's best for you.
500
00:16:42,437 --> 00:16:44,542
It's like you don't
respect me at all,
501
00:16:44,642 --> 00:16:47,447
even though everything I do,
I do it for you.
502
00:16:47,447 --> 00:16:48,951
Okay, Bryan Adams.
503
00:16:48,951 --> 00:16:50,219
Sorry. Not doing them.
504
00:16:50,219 --> 00:16:53,359
Ugh! It's so frustrating!
505
00:16:53,359 --> 00:16:54,829
(sniffs) You know what?
Forget it.
506
00:16:54,829 --> 00:16:57,502
Forget everything, I don't care.
I don't care what you do.
507
00:16:57,602 --> 00:16:58,704
(sniffs)
508
00:16:58,704 --> 00:17:02,578
Are you crying?
During a quick draw competition?
509
00:17:02,578 --> 00:17:04,047
No, I'm fine.
510
00:17:04,147 --> 00:17:07,286
Just, I'm in charge
and I'm fine. I'm fine.
511
00:17:07,286 --> 00:17:09,257
Uh-oh. Uh, hey, everyone,
512
00:17:09,257 --> 00:17:12,163
uh, look at, uh,
Pepperoni the Pony.
513
00:17:12,163 --> 00:17:13,600
(clucks tongue)
514
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,606
- So hot.
- It's not all about
you, Pepperoni.
515
00:17:16,606 --> 00:17:18,075
(cries) It's not...
516
00:17:18,075 --> 00:17:21,114
Uh, do I... win?
517
00:17:25,356 --> 00:17:26,526
Is Mom okay? I'm only asking
518
00:17:26,526 --> 00:17:28,062
'cause she ran out
of the room crying.
519
00:17:28,195 --> 00:17:29,799
Maybe it's part of her
nightly beauty regimen
520
00:17:29,899 --> 00:17:31,302
that we just aren't aware of.
521
00:17:31,302 --> 00:17:32,437
If it works, it works.
522
00:17:32,437 --> 00:17:34,474
I'm gonna, uh, go talk to her.
523
00:17:34,474 --> 00:17:35,911
Or maybe I go?
524
00:17:36,011 --> 00:17:37,848
Oh. Uh, okay.
525
00:17:37,949 --> 00:17:41,556
So, anybody have
any fun weekend plans?
526
00:17:41,656 --> 00:17:42,791
- No.
- Okay.
527
00:17:42,925 --> 00:17:44,629
Uh, Mom?
528
00:17:44,629 --> 00:17:46,866
Hi. I'm fine.
529
00:17:46,966 --> 00:17:48,268
I just needed to fart,
530
00:17:48,268 --> 00:17:50,240
so I ran out here to fart.
531
00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:52,176
And I'm-I'm not crying,
532
00:17:52,276 --> 00:17:54,949
even though it's really cool
for moms to get angry
533
00:17:54,949 --> 00:17:56,953
and frustrated and cry
in front of their kids.
534
00:17:56,953 --> 00:17:59,626
I'm sorry I made you not cry.
535
00:17:59,626 --> 00:18:01,061
Now I feel like a jerk.
536
00:18:01,061 --> 00:18:02,698
I just... It's not easy
537
00:18:02,698 --> 00:18:03,900
having someone bigger than you
538
00:18:03,900 --> 00:18:05,704
telling you what to do
all the time.
539
00:18:05,804 --> 00:18:07,006
And then that thing at school,
540
00:18:07,006 --> 00:18:09,611
Labonz taking my beautiful
finger pop-pet.
541
00:18:09,712 --> 00:18:12,618
You, uh, you caught me
at a bad time.
542
00:18:12,618 --> 00:18:13,987
I know, I know.
543
00:18:14,121 --> 00:18:16,258
But I just had that
phone call with Grandma
544
00:18:16,258 --> 00:18:18,596
and her whole chores spiel
got in my head.
545
00:18:18,596 --> 00:18:20,634
So let's call it
all Grandma's fault.
546
00:18:20,634 --> 00:18:22,203
No, we love Grandma.
547
00:18:22,203 --> 00:18:23,239
But, yes, sort of.
548
00:18:23,239 --> 00:18:24,708
Also, I mean, one of our chores
549
00:18:24,842 --> 00:18:26,344
was to light Grandpa's cigars.
550
00:18:26,344 --> 00:18:28,215
Like, in our mouths, so...
551
00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:29,552
I can still taste it.
552
00:18:29,652 --> 00:18:31,221
So, maybe she's not
mother of the year.
553
00:18:31,321 --> 00:18:32,324
Well, now she sounds great.
554
00:18:32,324 --> 00:18:33,894
It's just, you know...
555
00:18:33,994 --> 00:18:35,564
It's been so much pressure
556
00:18:35,664 --> 00:18:38,235
trying to raise good kids.
Good humans.
557
00:18:38,235 --> 00:18:40,740
It can mess you up.
And then I get mad at you guys,
558
00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:42,210
but you're just being kids.
559
00:18:42,210 --> 00:18:43,780
It's-it's just... (sniffs)
560
00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:44,982
You know, it's just a lot.
561
00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:47,487
Mostly 'cause of Tina, right?
And Gene?
562
00:18:47,588 --> 00:18:48,589
Come here, you.
563
00:18:48,589 --> 00:18:51,094
You know, I'm glad
you're so spunky.
564
00:18:51,194 --> 00:18:52,531
It'll be good for you
when you're older.
565
00:18:52,531 --> 00:18:54,668
Nobody's gonna
push my Louise around.
566
00:18:54,768 --> 00:18:56,872
You'll be the toughest little
cutie in prison. (grunts)
567
00:18:56,973 --> 00:18:58,208
- Thanks, Mom.
- And I'm still gonna try
568
00:18:58,208 --> 00:18:59,912
- to make you do chores.
- Mmm, never.
569
00:19:00,012 --> 00:19:01,549
- What if I give you candy?
- Deal.
570
00:19:01,649 --> 00:19:03,285
Maybe some of those
finger blasters?
571
00:19:03,285 --> 00:19:04,254
Finger pop-pets.
572
00:19:04,354 --> 00:19:05,757
The candy thing was my idea.
573
00:19:05,757 --> 00:19:07,159
I'd clean the crap out
of this place for some candy.
574
00:19:07,159 --> 00:19:09,164
As usual, candy
solves everything.
575
00:19:09,164 --> 00:19:10,534
Now can we go back
to Mom and Dad's bed
576
00:19:10,634 --> 00:19:12,571
and finish the story?
I need to know
577
00:19:12,571 --> 00:19:14,207
what happens to that
intriguing piano player.
578
00:19:14,207 --> 00:19:16,145
Does he ever play Coachella?
579
00:19:16,145 --> 00:19:17,715
Oh, hurry it up already.
580
00:19:17,715 --> 00:19:19,117
I need to go home
and wash these miners
581
00:19:19,117 --> 00:19:22,189
before tomorrow.
They're filthy.
582
00:19:24,595 --> 00:19:25,530
What the...
583
00:19:25,530 --> 00:19:27,734
Yeah, we're on
the same side now.
584
00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:28,837
Yeah, deal with it.
585
00:19:28,837 --> 00:19:30,139
- Yay!
- Same sidesies!
586
00:19:30,273 --> 00:19:32,177
Oh, whatever.
I'll just bean you both.
587
00:19:32,177 --> 00:19:33,947
Could you stand just
next to each other?
588
00:19:33,947 --> 00:19:35,684
And-and also stand closer to me?
589
00:19:35,684 --> 00:19:37,019
What is going on?
590
00:19:37,153 --> 00:19:39,457
Oh, Big G.
When did you get here?
591
00:19:39,457 --> 00:19:40,492
Just now.
592
00:19:40,492 --> 00:19:42,397
I took a coach
from the train station.
593
00:19:42,397 --> 00:19:45,436
The driver was
very rough with my bags,
594
00:19:45,436 --> 00:19:48,009
and his horses
were way too loud.
595
00:19:48,009 --> 00:19:50,012
Oh, sorry to hear that.
596
00:19:50,012 --> 00:19:51,616
Well, everything's fine, Big G.
597
00:19:51,616 --> 00:19:54,889
Just gonna get rid of all these
naughty townspeople real quick
598
00:19:54,889 --> 00:19:56,091
and then I can take you
599
00:19:56,191 --> 00:19:58,328
on a fun tour.
FYI, the married sheriffs
600
00:19:58,428 --> 00:19:59,765
are not cool anymore.
601
00:19:59,765 --> 00:20:04,040
Ech. Is nobody doing
any chores around here?
602
00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:05,242
I do not approve.
603
00:20:05,375 --> 00:20:08,683
Well, guess what? That's fine.
You don't have to approve of it.
604
00:20:08,683 --> 00:20:10,654
LOUISE:
Yeah. Agree to disapprove.
605
00:20:10,654 --> 00:20:13,292
This is our town.
These are our people.
606
00:20:13,292 --> 00:20:15,730
And that tart, onion-y odor
is our smell.
607
00:20:15,830 --> 00:20:17,901
And sure, us sheriffs
may not always do
608
00:20:18,001 --> 00:20:20,874
what we're supposed to do,
but we do what we need to do.
609
00:20:20,874 --> 00:20:22,109
For the good of this town.
610
00:20:22,209 --> 00:20:23,814
And I'm gonna
be a better sheriff
611
00:20:23,814 --> 00:20:25,115
if I listen to my gut,
612
00:20:25,115 --> 00:20:28,021
and not someone else's gut
who doesn't even live here.
613
00:20:28,121 --> 00:20:31,128
And right now,
my gut is telling me
614
00:20:31,128 --> 00:20:32,898
back off, Big G.
615
00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:34,434
Aah!
616
00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:35,704
BOB: Wait, there's a canon?
617
00:20:35,837 --> 00:20:37,340
And I ride it, somehow?
618
00:20:37,340 --> 00:20:38,643
LINDA: Yeah, a bean canon.
619
00:20:38,744 --> 00:20:40,212
BOB:
And it's rolling on its own?
620
00:20:40,313 --> 00:20:41,683
LINDA:
Well, that's how some canons
621
00:20:41,783 --> 00:20:43,151
worked back then,
I'm pretty sure.
622
00:20:43,151 --> 00:20:44,187
Psst, hey.
623
00:20:44,187 --> 00:20:45,223
Should we move them?
624
00:20:45,223 --> 00:20:46,759
No, they look so sweet.
625
00:20:46,859 --> 00:20:47,895
We can all fit, right?
626
00:20:47,995 --> 00:20:50,600
Yep. Half my body
is probably fine just floating.
627
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:53,472
(yawning):
Wait, you forgot something.
628
00:20:53,472 --> 00:20:55,409
- Yeah.
- Oh, right.
629
00:20:57,480 --> 00:20:59,986
This is some good pepperoni.
630
00:21:00,788 --> 00:21:03,492
♪ Ah, Pepperoni
roamin' the plains ♪
631
00:21:03,492 --> 00:21:07,033
♪ Yes, sir,
he's one handsome pony ♪
632
00:21:07,033 --> 00:21:08,468
♪ One handsome pony ♪
633
00:21:08,468 --> 00:21:11,274
♪ Looks like
he found some pepperoni ♪
634
00:21:11,374 --> 00:21:13,713
♪ He's super buff
and super humble ♪
635
00:21:13,813 --> 00:21:17,487
♪ The only thing hotter than
his muscles are his morals ♪
636
00:21:17,588 --> 00:21:19,057
♪ He's got hard morals ♪
637
00:21:19,057 --> 00:21:22,129
♪ Go on and look at him
flexing his pectorals ♪
638
00:21:22,129 --> 00:21:25,369
-♪ Ah, come on, Pepperoni ♪
-♪ No sliced ham ♪
639
00:21:25,469 --> 00:21:28,943
-♪ Or baloney ♪
-♪ Don't want no ham
or more baloney ♪
640
00:21:29,043 --> 00:21:31,749
♪ Sure hope he finds
more pepperoni. ♪
641
00:21:31,749 --> 00:21:33,953
Captioning sponsored by
BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT
642
00:21:33,953 --> 00:21:36,424
and TOYOTA.
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