All language subtitles for Alone.S01E10.Brokedown.Palace.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H264-_track3_[eng]

[dramatic music]

Gosh, I'm pretty sure I just
saw a cougar about 10 feet

from my front door.

It's just me and you,
and you're a camera.

Right?

I'm all alone right now.

And I want to build
a whole new shelter.

It's imperative.

Then I can be warm and cook my
food and have the rain off me.

That's huge.

ALAN: I'm just kind
of in a rut now.

So it's like, what's
left to prove, you know?

I'd rather be home, reading
a book to my kids right now.

I just started losing it.

I'm just bored and I
just want to go home.

I'm so sick of this place.

Sick, sick of it, sick of it.

So sick of it.

This is going to be a bitch.

We have to film it,
and we're totally alone.

Nobody knows what it's
like here, except for the 10

guys out here, doing it.

I'm going to get shelter.

MITCH: There's
nobody here but me.

LUCAS: It's so hard
doing this alone.

I'm scared to death right now.

ALAN: I feel like I'm starving.

[growling]

I'm pretty sure I
just saw a cougar.

Oh, [bleep].

SAM: The last man
standing wins $500,000.

[theme music]

MITCH: I don't want to go home.

I want to win.

This is the chance
in a lifetime,

but it's not worth dying over.

[music playing]

Hello.

I haven't filmed
anything for a few days,

because life has just
been that bad here.

The weather's terrible.

My body is just kind of shot.

All I've done is laid still.

And when I stand
up, I feel dizzy.

I don't know what I'm
trying to adjust to,

if it's food or what.

But between the inactivity
and just being laid out,

there's been nothing
to talk about.

[music playing]

Food is what's on
my mind right now.

Morale and psychology,
meh, they're there.

They fluctuate.

But the food thing, it's been
a bit lean the past few days.

When I stand up, it's like--

[blowing air]

[babbling]

I'm going to have to go get
some hemlock bark at some point,

because I'm going to need some
kind of starch or carbohydrate.

Because it's just like, my
energy level has dropped,

and I have to will myself
to take my foot up to walk.

It's like, move!

Come on, move!

I know you can do it.

You're sitting there, and like--

[groaning] --there's a step.

So when you get that
tired, something's missing.

You cannot maintain
this kingdom of manhood,

this temple of testosterone
on seaweed alone.

Can't be done.

I've been looking around for
slugs, anything-- you know,

better food.

Because I was starting
to feel the loop-di-dos.

Because of the
tides, I've not been

able to do anything about food.

I've not been able to
check my fish trap,

because I know I need
to do some work on it.

I've not been able to
look at the gill net.

I've not been able to do many
things that I need to do,

because the tides have all
been happening at night time.

It's been very, very hard on me.

Past four days have really
taken a toll, really have.

Not much ingestion
other than just

run down, get a
handful of seaweed--

which, I mean, you know, that's
just something in your stomach

to say, OK, don't die.

So that's that.

And hopefully I'll find
something-- insects,

slow-moving hikers, anything,
stray dog, cat, rat.

Wishing for a German
chocolate cake.

I'm going to find something--
hey, when I get out of here,

I'm going to find a
German, say, "Excuse me,

could you make me a cake please?

I couldn't help but
notice you were German.

I love what you've
done with the cake."

But yeah, it's
that kind of deal.

And I'm wondering how
long do I want to do this?

You start thinking about home.

You start thinking
about just stuff.

I mean, I've done everything
I came out here to do,

and feel like I've done it well.

But it's like, how long are
you going to keep going, bud?

I'm like, I don't
know, just whenever.

I guess I'll know
when the time's right.

Whenever that's-- enough's
enough, I'll Sally forth,

sashay, saunter, gallop,
frolic my way out of here.

So that's where we are.

[dramatic music]

[instrument playing]

[lucas harmonizing]

LUCAS: Been out here
about a month now.

I haven't gone too
crazy or I already am.

It doesn't sound
like a long time

when I think about it,
because it's just one month.

But the reality is,
is that it feels

like many different
experiences--

so many.

I've made like, two or
three different shelters.

That thing that looks like
it's on fire in the background

is really just my smoky teepee.

Just nice lean-to with a
flat top that provides me

a workspace, a fire.

[rain lightly falling]

I built here, emptied out,
got my boat operational,

found clams, started catching
fish, built an instrument.

It's just been a wild ride.

You know, the isolation,
the not steady diet,

the lack of full calories, not
eating, filling myself, doing

this all, dragging
around camera equipment,

building, making, doing,
trying to stay warm,

trying to stay healthy,
try not to get sick,

trying to find medicine, and
then working with your past,

and working with your present,
working with your future.

You know, my past is coming up.

It's already come up.

It still comes up.

My relationships with people
I used to have and still have

and making peace
with all of that.

You know, and making
peace with being alone.

This has just been--

it's unlike anything
I've ever experienced.

I can't run away.

I can't stress that enough.

I have to look at my life.

I have to look at how
I feel about things.

I can't stuff the emotion
away with something else.

I can't stuff it away with food
or with another relationship

or with a phone or with an
internet or with an activity.

I have to look at it.

And yesterday, I broke down.

I broke down and I wailed.

I wailed in the forest again.

I just--

[weakly laughing]

And it's amazing because
you can cry in the forest,

and nobody can hear you.

And you can just--

[imitating a yell]
let it out, man.

You can just yell.

You can just yell.

And I did for a little bit.

And most of time, I'm concerned
about my prestige or position

in the world or getting
ahead or being somebody.

Maybe it's because I wasn't
really great at sports

or I wasn't really
a great artist

or I was really a great musician
or I wasn't creating anything.

You know, a lot
of this, I think,

is just accepting
who I am at 32.

It's like a pre-midlife
crisis or something.

I don't know.

Damn it, I wish I was stronger.

I just don't know
if I got it in me.

[crying]

[dramatic music]

SAM: None of the traps
were triggered last night.

I am so hungry, and
it's just wearing on me.

So today, I said I am going
to try to hunt something.

[music playing]

I'm going to go ahead and take
the bow into the Enchanted

Forest back here to see
if we can't find ourselves

some squirrel.

When you bow hunt in
Nebraska, you get your bow,

and you set up on a deer trail,
and you wait for the deer

to come.

And when it gets to 15 or
20 yards, you shoot it.

On Vancouver Island,
I seen nothing--

no little animals, no medium
sized game like raccoons.

I haven't seen a
single porcupine.

There's nothing to get.

There's not even any
rabbits out here.

This is totally just a last
ditch effort to get some food.

I don't care if it's a
mouse or if it's a worm,

I just want something edible.

If I don't eat,
I'm going to die.

What is that?

[animal calling]

[music playing]

I'm going to go out and hunt,
find ourself some squirrel.

[suspenseful music]

What is that?

[animal calling]

[bow shooting]

Just missed him.

Man, this sucks.

So I do have a mouse that
I caught in the traps

this morning, so we'll eat that.

Other than that
though, pretty hungry.

Things are just going
south really, really fast.

[exhale]

Dear Lord, thank
you for this day.

Thank you for the mice
you blessed me with.

It helped me to not feel
down when I do have failures

out here.

And thank you for
every small success

that I've had out here, Lord.

Amen.

[somber music]

It's that first light.

The wind is blowing
in such a way--

I would estimate 60,
maybe 65 miles an hour.

It's that intense.

You can hear the wind.

I'm going to put
on socks and boots

and walk down and just kind of
see where the tide is at here.

This is kind of
near first light,

so I just want to look and
see kind of where it is.

I might grab some seaweed.

I'm pretty hungry.

And if it's low enough and
something's in the gill net,

I'll cut it up and
throw it in the pot.

Or just anything I can find
really, because it looks

like I'm going to be
laid in again today

because this
weather's pretty foul.

I'm not going to take
my pot or my knife,

because I've gotten rain water
in the pot that has collected

overnight.

I've got to funnel
it into my gallon.

[groan]

My feet feel numb.

The pins and needles--
achy, but kind of numb.

And the gill net's
not going to be

where I can get to it anyway.

There's a lot of
chop on the water.

Wasn't even worth
getting out here really,

but I felt like I
needed to come look.

So at first light, the gill
net is like, half exposed.

So in the next
two to three days,

it'll be optimal to
come out at first light

and check the gill net, and
I can start feeding again.

Because I'm not very
well nourished right now,

just to be honest with you.

I've not--

[sigh]

I've not eaten the past
couple of days like I need to.

It's been very minimal,
just enough to stay alive.

Just some seaweed, you know?

A couple limpets here and there.

So I'm going to come down
here and get some seaweed,

because I've got to keep going.

I can't just totally
neglect my nutrition.

I feel like I'm starving.

Hey, here's some bull kelp.

[music playing]

Yeah.

Let me look at this up close.

It's got some fungus
growing on it.

But I'm going to wash it
off and go for it anyway.

It's not too bad.

Yeah.

It's not bad.

It's nutrition anyway.

Now, I'm going to go
for some bladderwrack.

And I'm going to go lay back
in, cause this weather is not

the kind of weather
you want to be out in.

All right, back to bed.

Back in the house, I go.

[suspenseful music]

[lucas vocalizing]

LUCAS: At first I really wanted
to win because I didn't want

to look like a failure, and that
was like my own personal battle

with insecurity--

just being insecure and being
worried about what people

think of me.

Now I'm over it.

I've done some cool stuff
out here that I'm proud of,

that I'm proud of, and
hopefully my family and friends

are proud of.

You know, you start worrying
about how good you are compared

to other people,
you'll never win.

You'll never win at anything.

Being here gave
me the opportunity

to reflect upon my life
in a way that I've never

had a chance to reflect on it.

I realize that, for me, there's
something bigger going on here,

something bigger going on
that wasn't about the money,

wasn't about the prize, and
wasn't about being number one.

OK.

There's a point where
you just got to go.

[music playing]

[rain lightly falling]

All right, let's do this.

All right, I'm making the call.

This time I'm done.

You know, I was trying to
win, and I let that go.

I came in here with
two intentions--

to see if I could win,
and I also came in here

to experience being
alone in the wilderness

and to see what I could do
and see what it would be like.

And what I found was incredible.

It wasn't just the
physical stuff--

make a shelter and put up
fish lines and find water

and boil it.

There was a lot of stuff
inside that came out.

I started to find pieces of me
that I never yet shook hands

with or pieces in me that
I didn't want to look

at because they were painful.

It was hard.

I came in here to see
how far I could go.

[whistling]

And I don't want to
push myself past a point

that I can't come back out of.

I'm happy now because
there's a story in me that

needed to be written.

This chapter's done, and there's
another chapter coming up.

Those feelings and that
rawness I touched out here,

that vulnerability--
like, that compassion--

I'm going to see if I
can take it with me.

And I'm going back with
a different sense of me,

a different sense of who I am.

I can't wait.

[music playing]

MITCH: Check out
what I just found.

I just found a dead sea otter.

Move all this seaweed.

You know, the natives in this
area used to highly prize

their pelts.

Oh, man.

His hide might be salvageable.

That'd be pretty cool-- a
nice project to work on.

Would love to have a sea
otter hide back home.

[music playing]

My biggest fear is not
connecting to land,

not having a relationship
with the land,

not communicating with--

the land not
communicating with me.

Because when you go to a place,
they have feelings, you know?

Some places feel sacred,
some places feel sterile.

Sometimes the land
just rejects you,

and the person perishes,
their boat sinks,

their dog sled team dies.

Everything happens
and, like, they die.

If you keep wandering places
and not finding what you need,

it's like the land
doesn't want you there.

OK.

[sigh]

That was a brutal job.

It's completely dark
right now, and I had

to kind of hack and pack it.

This is my sea otter hide.

Oh, that's amazing.

What a gift.

[dramatic music]

SAM: I'm definitely losing it--

not good mentally.

I am not good in
the head right now.

Man.

I just-- I'm not used
to feeling this way.

I'm not used to
feeling this helpless.

I've never had this
feeling before.

It's like every time I'm in
the woods, I'm really happy.

But now, just how crazy
this whole thing has been

and how difficult it is and
the fact that I'm just so

isolated out here.

And that I just want
to speak to my wife.

And I just want to--

I just want a little
taste of comfort.

I'm not asking for much--

just, like, a little,
just something, you know?

And I'm just getting the
crap beat out of me out here.

It's not something
I can sustain.

Man.

There's no way to experience
how tough this is unless you've

actually been in a situation
like this or done this before.

There's no way to explain it.

It's like your heart's
just getting pounded on,

and you're just
hungry all the time.

All day, you're just
hungry, and you just

want a little something to eat.

Even, like, a handful
of just plain flour,

I'd take right now--

just, like, a little something.

Something like an orange
just sounds luxurious.

You just want
something, something

to eat to get you calories so
that you can just feel better,

but it's nothing there for you.

I just want something.

[music playing]

ALAN: All right,
I got suited up.

I got my pot.

I got the fire started,
and I put enough on there

to hopefully keep it
going while I'm gone.

But I went down, and
I was looking kind

of around the gill net area.

And I saw the gill net
pop a couple times,

the top line, which tells me
something's probably in it.

So whatever that takes, I
got to get one meal there.

One meal's better than no meal.

There is one dogfish, that my
net was moving for a reason.

It's not too shabby.

Not too shabby of
a meal right there.

Two nice fish, a lot of good
vegetables, limpets, mussels.

I'm just going to cap it off
and take that puppy to camp.

And it did start raining, but
now it's backed off again.

So I'm glad I did it.

I hope my fire is still it.

All I've got to do is bring this
to a boil, and then I'm eating.

Be interested to see what's
happening with the fire.

Yeah.

Gone.

Dag gone, that fire is gone.

[music playing]

Full raging fire and that's
all that's left, coals.

Walk down to the beach,
come back, it's gone.

That's how fast
this stuff burned.

I'm running out of time.

But just real quick,
I'll show you.

See I put those curly
pieces on there?

So when you stoke them--

[blowing]

- -they just come
right back to life.

That's how you
recover your fire.

Still got that going.

I'm just getting
pieces like that,

and I'm setting them in there,
trying to keep it alive,

keep it going.

This thing is a
constant struggle.

And with the weather,
I've just had to lay in.

It's been really challenging.

It's like wait, wait--

now, run!

Go, get it!

And you got an hour to do all
these things-- fire, food,

clean up, get water, come
back, get it boiling.

Mm.

Jackpot.

Yeah.

These aren't the best
tasting fish in the world,

but I'm blessed to have them.

Because somewhere in
the world right now,

there's somebody that
would give anything

if they could have this meal.

Here comes the rain.

Boy, I'll tell you.

This place here will
keep you hopping.

[rain rapidly falling]

Please let that rain hold off.

Give me 10 minutes.

Not going to happen.

Oh, well.

I've been wet before.

[rain pouring]

Now that's starting
to feel like a storm.

I got to eat what's left of
this chow with a quickness.

This is without a doubt
some of the worst weather

I've ever lived through.

This place just--

[sigh] it changes so rapidly.

And sometimes
it'll toy with you.

You know, it'll look like it's
about to rain and it won't.

And then here you're
looking, thinking,

OK, well, I need to do this
so I'm going to get up.

And in about time you
stick a toe out the door--

- [imitating explosion]
- -rain, and then a blizzard.

It's just-- wow.

Who can keep up?

[dramatic music]

MITCH: So I got up
at 10:00 today--

beautiful, a perfect day.

Ready to take on the world, man.

You know, this is good.

You know, I'm, like,
putting my microphone on

and doing everything
I have to do to film.

And I was going to do
my intro for the day.

And then I was like, no.

I don't want to do
my intro right now.

I'm just not feeling
good all of a sudden.

[thoughtful music]

It's amazing how quick
your emotions can turn.

Before I left, my mom
became really sick.

She was diagnosed with
cancer, brain cancer.

She knew she might not
be there when I get back.

She told me to keep going, if
I was here when it happened.

She made me promise I'd stay.

I don't know if I can do that.

I think tomorrow's just
like Thanksgiving, you know?

But I don't know if she's going
to be there when I get back.

Because the doctor said
the cancer was very bad,

the prognosis was very short.

I could lose what time
I have left with her.

I just think maybe
I'm making a mistake,

and I just keep thinking
about how fast it happened.

I'm not ready to lose my mom.

I'm just not ready
to lose my mom.

[crying]

And the longer I stay here, it's
like more time away from her.

I don't get it.

[music playing]

ALAN: I'm so over it.

The weather--

[disapproving humming]

There's snow on the ground,
and now it's raining.

So now we have the combination
of frigid cold and raining.

It's just-- wow.

So I'll be laying
here today in the bed.

I can't think of any good reason
to get up and get out there.

Just in the time it takes
me to get out of bed

and go to the door of
my shelter to urinate,

my hands just tighten
up, the skin on them.

You know, it's just this
penetrating cold and moisture

combined.

So I won't be doing anything
until the weather changes.

I have water laid in.

And that's all I
really need today,

is to lay here and hydrate.

The psychology part
is really kicking in.

I'm really thinking to myself,
OK, what are you doing here?

What more is there to do?

You know, you can live here.

You've came, you've done.

Now-- what?

Now what?

Who are you doing
any good out here?

You know?

I'm not helping anybody,
not doing anything.

I'm just doing survival stuff,
which I already know I can do.

So it's like hm, yeah, you start
to sort of think about that.

[dramatic music]

[heavy sigh]

MITCH: I have a lot of anxiety
not knowing if my mom is OK.

And it just hit me really hard
when I was splitting wood.

It just stopped me
dead in my tracks.

It just, like, took my breath.

I couldn't-- I couldn't pick
up my ax for another swing.

I just couldn't do it.

I still haven't done it.

My ax is still laying there.

[thoughtful music]

How is she doing?

I have no idea.

Is she back in the hospital?

I have no idea.

Like, how do those
treatments go?

I have no idea.

Made me promise I'd stay
and not go back home.

I don't know if I can do that.

I mean, the cancer's
in her brain.

They said it can't be beaten.

She had, like, up
to a year prognosis,

maybe even a couple more
months, the doctor said.

She's probably doing fine,
but sudden things can happen.

You know, her getting
sick was sudden.

It was instant.

It was like, mom's fine.

Like, no, what do you mean?

Nothing-- mom's 100%.

And all of a sudden
it was like, mom

gets rushed to the hospital.

Something is very wrong.

I remember talking to her when
they were wheeling her out

of the ambulance towards
the emergency room doors.

That was tough.

Even if she's 100% right
now, everything's not fine.

I don't know.

I really don't
know why I'm here.

[music playing]

[heavy sigh]

I have a lot of anxiety
not knowing if my mom is OK.

How is she doing?

I have no idea.

I don't know.

I really don't
know why I'm here.

I'm just trading more time
at home for time here,

and it just seems wrong.

I can sit here and keep
living off the land.

It's like, I can just keep
doing that, and for what?

For more enjoyment?

For more money?

No.

No.

I'm her son.

That's my mother.

And I know in my heart,
I need to go see her.

I'm done.

I want to go home.

[music playing]

I need to see my mom, man.

You know?

And I know it.

So when you know these things,
you know these things, period.

When you think for as long as
I have out here in the woods

alone for this many
days, it changes you.

I mean, it changes you.

I'm not the same person.

I just can't wait to get back
home to make people's lives

better, to make people happy, to
take the weight off of people's

shoulders, to
lighten their step.

I can't wait to do that.

[suspenseful music]

[rain falling]

[exhaling]

The frustration is kind
of kicking in a little bit.

I'm getting a little more,
just, cranky, I guess.

SAM: You just get to
the point where you're--

[exhaling]

- -when you just don't want
to be out here anymore.

ALAN: I set my mind
to come in here

and survive and do this thing,
and that's what I'm doing.

And part of me is like, man,
how long do you want to do it,

you know?

You're sick of it.

You're just sick of it raining.

You're sick of the wind just
pounding on your shelter,

and you're sick of it all.

[groan]

This place, you know--

I'm starting to hate it.

I could make a
phone call right now

and say, hey, I'm tapping out.

I'm done with this.

This is just not fun anymore.

ALAN: I'm ready to go home.

I guess what I'm waiting
on is to hit a wall.

To just kind of come
to a point-- either,

I don't know, physically,
mentally, or whatever--

to where I just, I'm done.

I really, really want
to just get out of here

and get warm and get dry and
get food and talk to my family.

So I guess I'm going to just
keep driving on until I can't

drive on, you know?

I'm not real big
into quitting anyway.

Most things that I
do, I don't quit at.

I just get it done.

This is not good right
now, but you know what?

That doesn't matter,
because sometimes--

like, sometimes in your life
you're going to want to quit.

Things aren't going
to just be happy.

It's not always just going
to be sunshine and roses

every single day.

Bad things are going to happen.

So even though I might want
to just go be comfortable

right now, absolutely no
part of me is tapping out.

That's a fact.

They'll either come
and get me one day

and say, OK, you're done.

You can stop now.

Or they'll medevac
me out of here.

I just don't
believe in quitting.

I don't.

I just don't quit.

Absolutely no quit in me.

I'm a tough Nebraska dude.

I'm not quitting.

I'm not giving up.

I'm staying here no matter what.

[dramatic music]

When you don't have any
food, you just kind of--

it's like you're
walking in a mental fog.

SAM: Wow.

Shoot, I look really bad.

And it just keeps
getting worse and worse.

This is bad.

ALAN: The weather has
just been terrible.

It's been high winds,
hurricane force.

I haven't taped
anything in three days

because there's
nothing to tape other

than me just sitting here.

SAM: This is the toughest thing
I've ever had to do in my life.

This place is just beating
the crap out of me.

ALAN: I still honestly
don't know how long I have.

I could just go home.