All language subtitles for Velma.S02E04.480p.x264-RUBiK

[Velma] Previously on Velma...

I'm sorry I refused
to work on your science fair
project with you.

I thought you needed
a reality check.

But maybe what you really need

is a father
who's willing to listen.

Really?

Dr. Edna Perdue
is your grandmother?

You know, my mom went missing

when she was researching
her house.

Gigi, I swore you to secrecy!

I'm real tired of acting nice
to make people like me.

[chuckles] Okay.
Well, in that case,

would you like to learn
some real witchcraft?

[gasps] Norville,
is Daphne reading a spell book
with interest?

[Lola] Oh, no!
In neutralizing
his hallucinations,

Norville accidentally removed
all his empathy.

I think smoking weed
makes you a loser.

-[all] Ooh!
-[Velma] Oh!

Norville, that's just
the science talking.
Take it back.

Or you'll get detention.

And you can all join him.

Saturday, 7:00 a.m. sharp.

-[all gasp]
-What?

[Velma] What's great
about best friends

is that they know the real you.

Are you sure I'll like Beyonce?

I usually only listen

to public radio theme songs.

Trust me,
you're gonna love her.

[crowd cheering]

Whoa!

[Velma] But just like Daphne
knew the real me,

I knew the real her.

Daphne, come on.
Get off your phone.

Yeah, just one sec.

[Velma] And Daphne Blake
is no witch.

[gasps]

Right?

[theme music playing]

[classical music
playing on radio]

Ugh! Poser.

Hey, your Saturday detention

looks just like
The Breakfast Club.

Best movie of the best decade.

When you ignore the nukes,
crack and AIDS.

Dad, stop! No one
in their right mind

is still making
'80s references.

It's bad enough that Amber

has Daphne believing all this
'90s style witchy crap.

"Witchy crap"?

I hope that's a joke,
because this is me now.

So let's just burn some sage
to cleanse the...

Ugh, what is it?
Don't tell me.

-Negative energy.
-Negative energy.

-I knew that.
-[exclaims]

This isn't sage, Daphne.

It's an old pine cone.

-[screams]
-Stupid witchcraft.

How cool is it that we went
ghost hunting last night, Dad?

Though, I still can't believe
you locked me out of the van

for six hours
as you and Velma's mom

loudly fought
that ghost in here.

Yes, well, anything
to help my son

find the ghost
that possessed his mother.

You're doing the right thing,
pretending to believe him.

Eventually, he'll accept
the truth about Victoria
on his own.

Or, you know,
you adopt and try again.

[sighs] You're right.

Admitting your mom's
a serial killer isn't easy.

I went through the same thing
at his age.

Enjoy detention and do
everything the teacher says.

Unless he's a pervert.
Use your judgment.

Or if he's a pervert,
your pepper spray.

Way ahead of you.
I have regular

and spring break strength.

[blares]

Thanks for taking me
to detention, Mom.
Love you.

Suck a turd, Lamont.

I think you mean,
"Suck a turd, Dad."

You sure you got this?

His empathy isn't fully back.

He just called the mailman
"a blue shorts-wearing bitch."

He's not wrong, but still.

Oh, don't worry.
I so got this.

Great. Uh-huh.
Yeah, I'll be at the spa.
Don't bother me.

High school.
Best time of our lives.

Oh, best of times indeed.

I'd do anything to go back.

Hey, we should
catch up sometime.

You know, maybe take
a little trip down
memory lane?

Um, is that not
what we just did?

[Aman] Best time of our lives.

[upbeat music playing]

[both] Hey, Aman.

They just discovered
global warming...

-in our pants.
-[chuckles]

Come on.

Yeah. Maybe this trip
down memory lane
is better solo.

[Velma] Daphne,
I know you're mad.

Your mood ring is black.

Also, a mood ring? Really?

Forget it, Velma.

Daphne doesn't
want us anymore.

We're like rich kids
trying to get into
an Ivy these days.

Rejected, unless
you're super rich.

Only because
you all rejected Amber

without ever giving
them a chance.

Like they were a female
late-night talk show host.

I'm sorry,
but the popular clique

has already absorbed

a mouthy nerd
and brains in jars.

We have to draw
the line at witches,

or we're literally
just the drama club!

Stop yelling!

We're in a library.

This is where
you yell at nerds.

Norville...

Guys, I'm sorry
I got us all detention.

Fortunately, I feel
my empathy coming back.

I should be able
to apologize to my dad

and get us out of here.

Wait. Really?

Yes, Dad.

I'm so sorry...

that you're a little
bitty baby.

And I'm sorry
you zapped your brain

and aren't really yourself.

But there's only one thing
that'll end detention

and it's not an apology.

Oh, here comes the perv stuff.

What? No, no, no.

See, as your
guidance counselor,

it's my job to monitor
your well-being.

Which I do via our school's
closed circuit camera system.

What? Principal Rogers said

those are for
a Japanese reality show

called Unsafe American
High School.

[crackling]

Yes, well, the point is
I know each of you

is dealing with
a common teen issue.

Who am I?

Girlfriend is now a witch.

Don't even know
where to start.

Brain in a jar.

Has hallucinations
because he accidentally

killed Fred's mom
with a stalactite.

This is all
standard stuff, people.

Hold on. Saturday detention,

teens reduced to a single
character trait?

[gasps] Was my dad right?
Oh, no.

-You wouldn't.
-Oh, I would.

We're doing
a Breakfast Club, baby.

[all groan]

By following the rules
of the '80s best movie,

you'll be here
until unsanctioned hijinks

lead to tidy teen
issue resolution.

But teens
are over '80s references.

And yet, every time pop culture
tries to move forward,

some Gen X loser like you

holds a boom box
over his head

and we all have
to moonwalk back to 1982.

The moonwalk wasn't
debuted until 1983, you dork!

Nobody cares anymore!

I see. And you all feel this
way about '80s references?

Unless we're talking
trickle-down, I'm out.

Perfecto-mundo!

'Cause there's nothing
more '80s

than dorks, misfits
and popular kids

uniting against
an authority figure.

Let the catharsis through
minor rebellion begin.

Yes, Daphne's
already sneaking out.

Relax, I'm just going to pee.

Something girls
didn't start doing

until '90s independent films.

If you're here to apologize
about earlier, don't.

I'm not that mad.

Wait, really?

I came in thinking
you might cram me
in the tampon dispenser.

That's just it.

Being popular is all about
power and domination.

Wicca is about kindness.

Putting my faith into
positive energy and...

Shoot! What's the third thing?

Following the Wiccan Rede.

Have you been using
the flashcards I made you?

This is my point, Daphne.

Amber, I have nothing
against you personally.

And yes, Daphne's more calm.

And that dress is,
like, "Damn." But...

Where was I going with this?

You feel threatened
by the waning influence

-you have over Daphne?
-No.

I feel threatened by you
feeding her a bunch

of neo-pagan garbage.

Before you, the only magic
she liked was Mike.

See, that negativity
is exactly why

you could never be Wicca.

Wiccan. Which is it again?

You gotta use the flashcards!

Still, as my girlfriend,

can you at least
try to support me?

Fine. But only
as your girlfriend.

As a friend, I still hate it.

Blessings.

And as your best friend,

I am gonna prove

that this is not who you are.

[cell phone rings]

-Hey, there.
-I got a text alert

that someone
logged into my computer.

Are you using the cameras
to monitor yet another

'80s movie detention?

You swore you'd stop those.

We installed those cameras

for a Japanese reality show.

I know. I'm not.

And even if I were,
the kids aren't doing

anything fun or rebellious.

They're just doing nothing.

Like in a '70s movie.

-[squelching]
-[screams]

This is your
final chapter, Norville!

Please, no. Not wordplay.

Norville! Oh, God!
You're hallucinating.

Yes, they just came back.

But seeing Victoria
is good news.

If my hallucinations
have completely returned,

that means my empathy
has also completely returned.

Norville, I don't think
you're having

hallucinations of Victoria.

I saw an energy around you.

I think you're being haunted
by Victoria's ghost.

[thunderclap]

What?

[gasps] Wait.
That makes perfect sense.

Mother's been haunting Norville
as revenge for killing her.

Mother, if you're here,
send a sign.

[gasps] It is her ghost.

She's ignoring me.

Fred, that makes no sense.

Why would eating
make her go away?

Is she a ghost or a boyfriend?

Velma, Mother was a rich
bottle blonde in her fifties.

Nothing scared her
more than food.

Well, the only way
we'll know for sure

is to try and summon
Victoria with...

a seance.

[all] A seance?

Yeah, Amber, I don't know.

Thank you. Finally.

A seance is exactly
the kind of rebellious thing

Lamont would want us to do

to fulfill his overdone
'80s fantasies.

I know, but we have to try.
I'm desperate.

And if we concoct
an elaborate scheme

so my dad doesn't know we're
doing an elaborate scheme,

then it becomes a comment
on '80s movies.

[Lola] Ooh, and that's
meta, which is our
generation's thing.

Wait, elaborate scheme?

[gasps] That's it.

I can use this seance
to prove to Daphne

that Amber's a fraud.

[chuckles]

Was that an evil laugh?

Nope. Just getting
into the witchy spirit.

[cackles]

[cell phone ringing]

Velma,

where are you?
I don't see you.

[Velma] I know.

I was trying
to make a peephole
into the girls' showers

and got stuck
in the wall. Help!

No! Peepholes
were one of the things

we had to leave in the '80s.

Like high-paying factory jobs.
I'll be right there.

And not a word
of this to Blythe.

It worked. We have
at least 20 minutes

before he discovers I'm lying.

Okay, to commune
with the dead,

we'll need something
that belonged to Victoria.

Oh! What about Steve Buscemi?

Mother won him
in a poker game.

Something smaller will do.

Steve Buscemi's hand?

Daphne why don't you
and Velma go with Fred

to find something
of Victoria's

and make sure it wasn't stolen
from marginalized people.

Jeez, how tight are the rails
on this gonna be?

Actually, if my memories
of laughing through books

on spiritualism hold true,

candles always seem
to be part of seances.

Maybe Olive, Gigi and I could
go get some Bunsen burners

from the chemistry lab?

Good idea. Oh, and Norville,
we'll need something

to make a pentagram
on the floor.

Can you get goat blood?

Yes, actually. There's a ton
of it in the cafeteria.

Perfect. I'll go with you
in case you have
another encounter.

All right. Let's summon
a ghost, my witches.

[all cheering]

[upbeat music playing]

God, I was the king here.

And I remember exactly
where it all went wrong.

Hey, Aman. You wanna go party
in the newspaper office?

I got something
that's gonna blow your mind.

And chicks supposedly
go crazy for it.

You ever heard of law school?

Law school?

You remember the '60s, guys?

Lots of Vietnam
films out right now.

-[grunts]
-Lamo!

[cell phone vibrates]

Velma, have you
seen your father?

Does any child really see
their father, Sophie?

Now I gotta go.
Amber's doing a seance.

[Sophie] A seance?

I knew something was up

with those new
witchy neighbors.

All their wind chimes
have totally screwed up
Amanda's nap schedule.

[babble box] Go back in Mom!

No chimes in Mom.

Steer clear of them, Velma.

Dark forces are at play.

Don't worry, they're harmless.

This witch business
is all a bunch of BS

and I'm about to prove it.

BS?

But you were just so gung-ho
about helping with a seance,

we were gonna make fun of you
behind your back.

It was for show. I know Daphne
doesn't believe this stuff,

but the more I tell her that,
the more she digs in.

Like girls with
noncommittal boyfriends.

But this is our chance
to expose Amber as a fraud.

Yes! What if we make Amber

think they're channeling
someone dead

but then we bust them
by revealing the person's

actually still alive.

It's the classic Jesus prank.

Perfect. Daphne will then
see the error of her ways

and we welcome her back
into the warm glow

of her ring light.

Really? You don't think
this will work?

[sighs] All right.

Well, I keep some other
stuff of Mother's in here.

Perfume, creams made
from whales...

Wait, is that locket
your mother's?

Yes.

Oh, it's her dogs.

Yeah, it's her backup locket.

She had one of father
and me as well,

probably, but was
buried with it.

Probably.

[Lola] We have to go.

Lamont's on his way back
from the girls' locker room.

Well, I just have to assume
Velma was another victim

-of the shower snakes.
-[metal scrapes]

Hmm?

Where's that old article
Blythe wrote?

[gasps] Found it!

[chuckles] Here's to Aman

getting an internship
at my old man's law firm.

Yeah. As a morally
virtuous young man,

I can't wait to help people.

Help people?

Don's dad just figured
out a way

to buy musicians' song
catalogs out from under them.

What? I want no part of that.

No way I'm taking
that internship.

Hey, get out.

You're supposed to be watching
for the principal, Lamo.

It's Lamont, Aman.

And what are you
doing in here?

Taking a trip down memory lane

to when Principal Smith gave
us our awesome detention? Nice!

Drinking in school? Detention.

Even you, Lamo.

It's Lamont, Principal Smith.

Principal Smith?

What are you
talking about, Lamo?

Oh! Blythe!
What are you doing here?

I was talking about the past
with my homeslice Aman.

Huh? Where'd he go?

I cut my spa day short,

because I knew you were
forcing these poor kids

into an '80s detention, Lamont!

So now, you get to stay
in detention

and make sure
no one does anything.

All right. You may
have fooled her,

but I know you're
up to something,

and I've never been happier.
What is it?

Well, we might
as well tell you.

Norville's hallucinations
are back,

but Amber now thinks
they are actually a ghost.

So we're having a seance
to prove Amber right.

Or wrong. [chuckles]

A seance?

That's incredible.

No. What's incredible

is how you ever had
enough testosterone
to sire a child.

[all gasp]

JK. JK. I was just checking
that my empathy is fully back.

And it is. I can't
believe I said that.

Oh, God. I'm gonna be sick.

Son, please don't
beat yourself up.

Kids today are already
so stressed out.

That's actually why I planned
these detentions.

So you're forced
to have some fun.

My detention back in the day
was so awesome, I fainted.

Missed the whole thing.

I've been trying
to relive it ever since.

And if I can help some teens

like you along the way,
even better.

Well, then, good news, Lamont.

Because to pull off our seance,

we need you
to distract Blythe

by recreating the most iconic

'80s movie scene ever.

Why are we looking up?

Oh.

Lamont!

What the hell are you
doing up there?

The Triple Lindy

from underrated '80s comedy,
Back to School.

Wait! Velma meant

crawl through the ceiling
like in The Breakfast Club.

Oh, damn it!

Oh, God!

[thud]

Ouch. Classic.

-[chuckles]
-[groans]

All right, everyone,

hold hands in a circle
around Norville.

Here we go.

Spirit of Victoria Jones,

are you-- Wait.

I'm getting some
real bad energy from Velma.

Who, me? Nope.
Everything's normal.

Velma, I know you
and your flop sweat.

-You're up to something.
-No, I'm not.

I just feel it's weird
when adults hold hands.

Don't like it on Thanksgiving,
don't like it now.

Not buying it. Olive, Gigi,

I invoke a force stronger
than any magic...

Girl Code.

If you know my girlfriend
is up to something,

you have to tell me.

Uh, Girl Code is just a myth

perpetuated by early
2000s comedy.

Velma wanted us to help
her expose Amber as a fraud.

[gasps] What?

Velma, I thought you were
trying to support me.

This is worse than when
you secretly threw
away my clogs.

I know. But you know
I can't get behind
the idea of ghosts or magic

or higher powers
in the universe.

Which is so interesting,

seeing as how you have had
an inexplicable,

otherworldly experience
with a higher power

and we both know it.

[crowd cheering]

Hey, you can stop.
The song ended.

I don't care.
This feels too good.

Wait, what's happening?

What are you?

[Orb of Light] What am I?

I'm as close as you're
getting to Beyonce, kid.

What is this place?

And is the line
for merch shorter?

[Orb of Light] This is where
you go when Beyonce's music
awakens your soul.

To the endless possibilities
of our universe.

Whoa! So if possibilities
are endless,

can I float
closer to the stage?

-[Orb of light]
You're not on the list.
-[Velma] Oh, God!

Pssht! I was just light-headed

from yelling at people
who told me to stop singing.

You can try to brush it off,
but you know in your heart

that you encountered a power
higher than yourself
that night.

It was an outdoor concert

sponsored by a microwave
burrito company.

Everyone was higher
than me that night.

Just face it.

You know I'm right.

I'm your best friend.

-I know the real you.
-[gasps]

This is exactly why
I don't want you
doing these detentions.

People get hurt!

And healthcare
is way worse now.

You only say that because
you had an awesome detention.

But I missed it.

And worse, you won't even
tell me how awesome it was.

Because it wasn't awesome.

Hey, should we help him?

-[screams]
-[crashing]

Oh, no!
I've committed vandalism!

I'm gonna get expelled!

No. You can fake an injury
and sue the school.

[chuckles] My dad
will represent you...

if you take that internship
at his law firm.

What? But a moral
compromise like that

could change my whole life.

I wish you had never
introduced me to the law, Don.

Aman sued the school
to avoid expulsion.

But it cost him his soul.

I became a principal to ensure

no more lives
were ruined by detention.

And Don got as far away
from the law as possible

by joining the military.

I wrote an article
about it back then

but never published it.

There's still a copy
in the newspaper
office, though.

Come on.

Wait, it's gone!

Okay, fine, Daphne.

Maybe there might be
some kind of higher power,

but it's still a stretch
to go from passing out

at a Beyonce concert
to summoning ghosts.

Well, then what if
we don't call it a seance?

What if instead, we honor
your Beyonce experience

and call it a...

Se-yonce?

A Se-yonce. That's so...

beautiful.

That just might work.

Wow, Daph,
you really do know me.

And just to be clear,
this is still about
figuring out

if I'm haunted
by a ghost, right?

Wait. I thought
it was about my mother

explaining she's innocent.

It can still be
about those things.

I'm just way more invested
now that it's also about me.

That's right. And I know
the perfect chant

to get us started.

Everyone knows Beyonce's
song, "Haunted," right?

It's what you do,

it's what you see.

[all chanting] I know
if I'm haunting you,

you must be haunting me.

I know...

Uh, did George R.R. Martin
finally release his next novel

or are my nipples erect because
the temperature just dropped?

It's Mother.

Flickering lights was her
favorite wasting energy flex.

Keep chanting, everyone!

A magnificent spirit is near!

Ah, nuts. I scared it off.

I knew I was coming
on too strong.

[all scream]

Oh, God, there's something
in here with us.

It's Mother. Tell them
you're innocent!

And also that we are using
your backup locket,

not the one
with my picture in it!

There's a hidden inscription.

"This locket contains the only
things I've ever truly loved."

"I own no other lockets."

What?

[screaming]

Oh, God! It's the ghost.
Kill it!

[thud]

Amber? I knew it was you
as soon as I saw it was you.

But it wasn't.
I was just trying
to catch the real spirit.

We all felt it, right?

The only thing I feel
is the satisfaction
of being right.

Face it, Amber.
You staged everything.

How could they?

They've been with us
the whole time.

Just because
there are mysteries in life

that the great Velma Dinkley
can't solve,

doesn't mean you should
take it out on Amber!

Oh, but I can
solve this mystery.

All Amber would have to do

is distract us with some
seance mumbo jumbo

while they fiddled
with this old electrical box.

[crackling]

And cranking up the AC

not only provided the spooky

supernatural chill
in the room,

but it also blew the books
and papers off the shelves.

[air blowing]

I have to admit, Amber.

I thought your skills
were relegated

to the handmade soap realm,

but apparently I was wrong.

What? None of that is true.

Yeah. They didn't
do it, Velma.

You're more off base
than when you tried
to go to second.

I'm off base?

What about you
and all this witchy stuff?

This isn't you, Daphne.

It's a whim, like when
we made Pride and Prejudice

our whole personality.

No, it is me.

I went to Thorn's bookstore,
read a lot

and gave it a ton of thought.

You, of all people,
know how much

I've struggled
to find the real me.

And I finally did.

This is who I am.

That's not true. It can't be.

Because it's not the unknown
that freaks me out.

It's idiots like you
who ignore facts
and science that do.

-[thud]
-What's going on here?

It's 4:45.

Your parents can
and will sue

if we keep you past 5:00.

-Oh, God!
-[thud]

Aman?

["Haunted" playing]

So how was detention, son?

How was it?

I lost my innoc-once.

Ah-huh. Well, uh...

Are you ready
for tonight's ghost hunt?

More than ever.

♪ It's where we go ♪

♪ It's where we'll be ♪

♪ I know if I'm onto you
I'm onto you ♪

♪ Onto you
You must be onto me... ♪

So how did the seance go?

It was bad,
but I am glad I tried.

You're right about me
needing to relax.

Maybe the '80s
can still teach us stuff.

No, they can't.

It's time for me
and every guy my age

to stop living in the past.

And start living
in the even more

distant past of the Civil War
like we're supposed to.

I don't know.

There's a lot to be said
for a tidy '80s ending.

Today's endings are all
about the throw forward.

Wait, what's that?

Hey, I'll catch up
with you guys later.

Why would Mr. S
have something

from the Crystal Cove
Insane Asylum?

Dr. Dane Dupree?

Holy crap.
Is my grandma alive?

[theme music playing]

Hey, buddy. Remember this?

I was serious when I said

I wanted to catch up.

You owe me.
And lives are at stake.

Hey. [shushes]

[speaking Japanese]