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1
00:00:01,035 --> 00:00:08,284
♪♪
2
00:00:08,284 --> 00:00:11,873
- ♪ Hey, everybody,
have you heard the news? ♪
3
00:00:11,873 --> 00:00:15,325
♪ Joe Bob is back in town ♪
4
00:00:15,325 --> 00:00:19,157
♪ He's over at the drive-in,
hanging around ♪
5
00:00:19,157 --> 00:00:22,298
♪ Watching crazy movies,
so come on down ♪
6
00:00:22,298 --> 00:00:26,440
♪ To Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" show ♪
7
00:00:26,440 --> 00:00:30,064
♪ Blood, beasties,
boobies, and more ♪
8
00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:33,309
♪ Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" show ♪
9
00:00:33,309 --> 00:00:37,209
♪ It's a spooky good time
with monsters and ghosts ♪
10
00:00:37,209 --> 00:00:40,937
♪ Crazy, kooky fun with
the world's greatest host ♪
11
00:00:40,937 --> 00:00:43,043
♪ Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" show ♪
12
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,527
♪ It's gonna be legendary ♪
13
00:00:44,527 --> 00:00:46,736
♪ Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" show ♪
14
00:00:46,736 --> 00:00:48,255
♪ It's gonna be very scary ♪
15
00:00:48,255 --> 00:00:51,189
♪ Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" show ♪
16
00:00:51,189 --> 00:00:52,397
♪ Let's go ♪
17
00:00:52,397 --> 00:00:57,091
♪♪
18
00:00:57,091 --> 00:00:58,334
[Thunder crashing]
19
00:00:58,334 --> 00:01:01,233
[Evil laughter]
20
00:01:01,233 --> 00:01:03,546
[Static]
21
00:01:03,546 --> 00:01:06,031
- Darcy, stop smirking.
- I'm sorry.
22
00:01:06,031 --> 00:01:07,895
- This is serious.
Have some dignity.
23
00:01:07,895 --> 00:01:10,277
This is Halloween.
This is our Super Bowl.
24
00:01:10,277 --> 00:01:13,418
Alright, Darcy,
when I name the item,
25
00:01:13,418 --> 00:01:15,558
you assure me that it's here.
26
00:01:15,558 --> 00:01:16,559
Right, boss.
27
00:01:16,559 --> 00:01:17,939
- Jack-o-lanterns?
28
00:01:17,939 --> 00:01:19,182
- They're here.
- Yeah, okay.
29
00:01:19,182 --> 00:01:21,322
- [Laughs]
- Uh, bats?
30
00:01:21,322 --> 00:01:23,531
- Yo.
- Alright.
31
00:01:23,531 --> 00:01:25,395
- Ghosts?
- There.
32
00:01:25,395 --> 00:01:26,810
- You know why I'm doing this,
don't you?
33
00:01:26,810 --> 00:01:28,571
- Because you're anal.
[Laughter]
34
00:01:28,571 --> 00:01:30,124
Because we suck at Halloween.
35
00:01:30,124 --> 00:01:31,574
Every year
we try to do Halloween
36
00:01:31,574 --> 00:01:33,093
and every year it's pathetic.
37
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:36,751
We are leaving no patch of
cursed Earth unturned this year.
38
00:01:36,751 --> 00:01:38,167
So, you made a list?
39
00:01:38,167 --> 00:01:40,100
That's your plan
for doing Halloween right?
40
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:43,517
- Yes, I made a list of every
possible Halloween icon,
41
00:01:43,517 --> 00:01:46,244
and I trust that we have
some simulacrum of that icon
42
00:01:46,244 --> 00:01:47,659
somewhere here on the premises.
43
00:01:47,659 --> 00:01:49,350
- Simulacrum?
- Yes.
44
00:01:49,350 --> 00:01:51,939
Some made in China,
marvel of technology,
45
00:01:51,939 --> 00:01:53,630
like that skeleton
driving a truck
46
00:01:53,630 --> 00:01:55,045
snow globe thing over there.
47
00:01:55,045 --> 00:01:57,220
So -- And oh, yeah, that's --
that's one of the items.
48
00:01:57,220 --> 00:01:58,635
Skeletons.
49
00:01:58,635 --> 00:02:00,189
- Are you asking me?
- Yes.
50
00:02:00,189 --> 00:02:01,604
Do we have skeletons?
51
00:02:01,604 --> 00:02:02,743
He's driving a truck,
52
00:02:02,743 --> 00:02:04,676
- Okay, skeleton.
[Laughter]
53
00:02:04,676 --> 00:02:06,609
Um, thank you.
Witches?
54
00:02:06,609 --> 00:02:07,955
Witches.
55
00:02:07,955 --> 00:02:09,336
Okay.
56
00:02:09,336 --> 00:02:10,337
Black cats?
57
00:02:10,337 --> 00:02:12,132
Behind the witch.
58
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,133
Okay.
59
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,858
Uh, skulls?
60
00:02:14,858 --> 00:02:16,239
Several.
61
00:02:16,239 --> 00:02:17,413
Alright.
62
00:02:17,413 --> 00:02:19,242
Uh, spiders?
63
00:02:19,242 --> 00:02:20,657
Between my boobs.
64
00:02:20,657 --> 00:02:22,072
- Oh, right. Yeah.
- [Chuckles]
65
00:02:22,072 --> 00:02:25,248
- Okay, yeah. N-Nice Elvira
package that she got.
66
00:02:25,248 --> 00:02:26,456
Oh, my God, I love her.
67
00:02:26,456 --> 00:02:28,976
- Well, she's not here,
however,
68
00:02:28,976 --> 00:02:32,324
Cassandra Peterson,
who created Elvira
69
00:02:32,324 --> 00:02:36,086
and lived inside Elvira skin
for many years is here tonight.
70
00:02:36,086 --> 00:02:39,159
- I know,
and that is insanely amazing.
71
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:43,301
But I notice that you have
ketchup on your hot dog suit.
72
00:02:43,301 --> 00:02:47,374
- Yes, Darcy, because Halloween
costumes must be horrifying.
73
00:02:47,374 --> 00:02:50,480
So if you buy the high end
hot dog costume at Party City
74
00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:53,138
or even the low end
hot dog costume on Amazon
75
00:02:53,138 --> 00:02:56,797
or really any hot dog costume,
it comes with mustard
76
00:02:56,797 --> 00:02:59,696
because that's what you put
on a hot dog.
77
00:02:59,696 --> 00:03:01,629
So in order to be horrifying,
78
00:03:01,629 --> 00:03:03,493
I painted the mustard red
to make it look
79
00:03:03,493 --> 00:03:06,151
like somebody
put ketchup on a hot dog.
80
00:03:06,151 --> 00:03:07,946
- That's exactly what
should be on a hot dog.
81
00:03:07,946 --> 00:03:09,292
- We discussed this
at Memorial Day.
82
00:03:09,292 --> 00:03:10,880
We put it to a vote,
you lost.
83
00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:13,296
- Every hot dog
has to have ketchup.
84
00:03:13,296 --> 00:03:14,642
You look delectable.
85
00:03:14,642 --> 00:03:16,679
Disembodied limbs?
86
00:03:16,679 --> 00:03:18,853
- I...know we have
a hand somewhere.
87
00:03:18,853 --> 00:03:21,718
- I think I see something
fleshy over there.
88
00:03:21,718 --> 00:03:25,205
- I need hands, legs,
elbows, knees, feet.
89
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:26,206
I need all of it.
90
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:28,000
I'll get back to you on that.
91
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,037
- Darcy, we have
no time to dawdle.
92
00:03:30,037 --> 00:03:33,074
- I will make sure there are many
body parts all over the set.
93
00:03:33,074 --> 00:03:35,111
- Okay, that's the spirit.
Alright.
94
00:03:35,111 --> 00:03:36,216
Black cats?
95
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,286
You already said that one.
96
00:03:37,286 --> 00:03:39,149
Oh, maybe I have it twice.
97
00:03:39,149 --> 00:03:41,876
Were those stuffed black cats
or live black cats?
98
00:03:41,876 --> 00:03:43,015
I think we have both.
99
00:03:43,015 --> 00:03:45,017
- Okay, because we're not --
100
00:03:45,017 --> 00:03:47,088
we're not messing
around here, Darcy.
101
00:03:47,088 --> 00:03:51,196
- I know.
- Um, candy corn?
102
00:03:51,196 --> 00:03:53,681
- That's an item
on your scary list?
103
00:03:53,681 --> 00:03:55,373
Candy corn is terrifying.
104
00:03:55,373 --> 00:03:57,340
I love candy corn.
105
00:03:57,340 --> 00:04:00,170
- Do we have candy corn
on the premises?
106
00:04:00,170 --> 00:04:02,759
- I actually have not seen
any candy corn.
107
00:04:02,759 --> 00:04:06,004
- Once again,
we have failed our public.
108
00:04:06,004 --> 00:04:07,005
- Because we don't have
candy corn?
109
00:04:07,005 --> 00:04:09,179
Yes, candy corn is iconic
110
00:04:09,179 --> 00:04:10,836
and can very easily
make you sick,
111
00:04:10,836 --> 00:04:12,631
so it's the ultimate
Halloween candy.
112
00:04:12,631 --> 00:04:15,151
- I will make sure that we
send out for candy corn.
113
00:04:15,151 --> 00:04:17,291
- You can't send out
for candy corn.
114
00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:20,087
You can send out for anything.
115
00:04:20,087 --> 00:04:21,261
There.
[Cellphone chimes]
116
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,815
Candy corn is on the way.
I just did it.
117
00:04:23,815 --> 00:04:26,749
- You do not have a candy corn
app on your phone.
118
00:04:26,749 --> 00:04:28,440
- I will explain it
to you later.
119
00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:29,648
What else is on your list?
120
00:04:29,648 --> 00:04:32,272
Um, the Grim Reaper.
121
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,929
- Uh, I think it him back,
yeah, back there.
122
00:04:34,929 --> 00:04:36,034
Alright. Coffins?
123
00:04:36,034 --> 00:04:37,173
Definitely.
124
00:04:37,173 --> 00:04:38,657
Uh, pitchforks?
125
00:04:38,657 --> 00:04:40,141
- [Singsong] Ta-da.
126
00:04:40,141 --> 00:04:43,766
- Alright.
Um, cauldrons?
127
00:04:43,766 --> 00:04:47,425
- Well, what exactly
do you mean by cauldrons?
128
00:04:47,425 --> 00:04:50,393
- Bubbling cauldrons
of boiling oil.
129
00:04:50,393 --> 00:04:53,431
- Well, we have a cauldron,
but no oil.
130
00:04:53,431 --> 00:04:55,191
- How can we possibly
do Halloween
131
00:04:55,191 --> 00:04:57,400
without bubbling cauldrons
of boiling oil?
132
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,299
- I'll get the coffee pot
and we'll improvise.
133
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,680
- You know, I don't
like skimping on cauldrons.
134
00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:04,131
- We will have
full fledged cauldrons.
135
00:05:04,131 --> 00:05:05,615
Don't worry about it.
136
00:05:05,615 --> 00:05:07,203
Candy apples?
137
00:05:07,203 --> 00:05:08,515
Done.
138
00:05:09,964 --> 00:05:12,588
- Candy apples are the most
iconic Halloween treat.
139
00:05:12,588 --> 00:05:15,280
- I thought candy corn was the
most iconic Halloween treat?
140
00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:17,386
- No, candy corn is vile.
[Laughter]
141
00:05:17,386 --> 00:05:19,249
- Candy corn is delicious.
- No.
142
00:05:19,249 --> 00:05:21,597
If it's delicious, why do they
only give it to --
143
00:05:21,597 --> 00:05:24,151
out at Halloween to clueless
kids in elementary school
144
00:05:24,151 --> 00:05:25,463
who will eat anything?
145
00:05:25,463 --> 00:05:26,740
What is your point?
146
00:05:26,740 --> 00:05:29,398
- I'm team caramel apple.
That's why we need the --
147
00:05:29,398 --> 00:05:30,640
We will vote later.
148
00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:32,953
- Alright.
Mexican skull?
149
00:05:32,953 --> 00:05:33,954
You already said that one.
150
00:05:33,954 --> 00:05:35,507
No, I said skulls.
151
00:05:35,507 --> 00:05:37,026
But I want some of those
colored, bug eyed,
152
00:05:37,026 --> 00:05:38,786
crazy ass skulls
from Guadalajara.
153
00:05:38,786 --> 00:05:40,374
- We have those?
- We have one.
154
00:05:40,374 --> 00:05:41,962
Only one?
155
00:05:41,962 --> 00:05:43,101
Maybe more?
156
00:05:43,101 --> 00:05:44,516
Oh, God.
157
00:05:44,516 --> 00:05:48,831
You know, the last time we tried
to do Mexican Halloween --
158
00:05:48,831 --> 00:05:50,004
- Za-za-za-za-za.
159
00:05:50,004 --> 00:05:51,558
You should not call it
Mexican Halloween.
160
00:05:51,558 --> 00:05:53,353
- Why?
- What you were trying to do
161
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,631
Days of the Dead
on the wrong day.
162
00:05:55,631 --> 00:05:58,012
- Well, okay, if it's not Mexican
Halloween, what do you call it?
163
00:05:58,012 --> 00:05:59,359
I mean, whatever
we were trying to do?
164
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,982
- Besides, Mexican Halloween
is a kinky sex act.
165
00:06:01,982 --> 00:06:03,535
[Laughter]
166
00:06:03,535 --> 00:06:04,985
- Really?
- I'll tell you about it later.
167
00:06:04,985 --> 00:06:06,469
- Mexican Hal--
168
00:06:06,469 --> 00:06:08,298
You're always
going to tell me later.
169
00:06:08,298 --> 00:06:11,543
You know, I can't believe
that you forgot candy corn.
170
00:06:11,543 --> 00:06:12,855
There is only one reason
171
00:06:12,855 --> 00:06:15,961
I think we might have
a good Halloween this year.
172
00:06:15,961 --> 00:06:19,517
That's because our special guest
is the Mistress of the Dark,
173
00:06:19,517 --> 00:06:21,795
or at least she portrays
the Mistress of the Dark.
174
00:06:21,795 --> 00:06:24,211
- I cannot wait.
- And in the meantime,
175
00:06:24,211 --> 00:06:27,110
I'm going to go ahead
and introduce the movie, and --
176
00:06:27,110 --> 00:06:29,319
Are we done with your list?
177
00:06:29,319 --> 00:06:33,082
- Well, I still have
question marks by candy corn
178
00:06:33,082 --> 00:06:34,911
and Mexican skulls.
179
00:06:34,911 --> 00:06:36,223
- I'm on it.
- Alright.
180
00:06:36,223 --> 00:06:38,052
That's why you're the mail girl
of mail girls.
181
00:06:38,052 --> 00:06:40,192
And Darcy the Mail Girl,
ladies and gentlemen.
182
00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:41,642
- Yay.
- She will be fielding your
183
00:06:41,642 --> 00:06:45,163
tweets, your emails,
your instants, your TikToks.
184
00:06:45,163 --> 00:06:46,992
She'll be here all night
at your service
185
00:06:46,992 --> 00:06:49,581
explaining the ins and outs
of Mexican Halloween.
186
00:06:49,581 --> 00:06:51,272
[Laughter]
187
00:06:51,272 --> 00:06:52,619
- But right now...
- Yeah.
188
00:06:52,619 --> 00:06:54,483
- .we're heading
over the Carpathian Mountains
189
00:06:54,483 --> 00:06:57,589
into Transylvania
for the 2002 insider parody
190
00:06:57,589 --> 00:06:59,246
of all the Roger Corman,
Vincent Price,
191
00:06:59,246 --> 00:07:00,868
Edgar Allan Poe movies
192
00:07:00,868 --> 00:07:03,768
and the Hammer films,
actually, of the '60s.
193
00:07:03,768 --> 00:07:05,252
You know what
I'm talking about.
194
00:07:05,252 --> 00:07:07,944
I'm talking about
"Elvira's Haunted Hills,"
195
00:07:07,944 --> 00:07:10,844
the movie where Elvira
and her abused servant
196
00:07:10,844 --> 00:07:13,502
are on the way to --
on their way to Paris in 1851
197
00:07:13,502 --> 00:07:16,159
so Elvira can perform
her cabaret show.
198
00:07:16,159 --> 00:07:17,747
Yes, I can-can.
199
00:07:17,747 --> 00:07:20,543
When they are swept into the
into an aristocratic coach
200
00:07:20,543 --> 00:07:23,339
by a suave doctor
and taken to a haunted castle
201
00:07:23,339 --> 00:07:26,653
where Elvira turns out to be
the exact double of the recently
202
00:07:26,653 --> 00:07:28,551
deceased wife of
an aristocratic doofus
203
00:07:28,551 --> 00:07:31,071
played by Riff Raff from
"The Rocky Horror Picture Show,"
204
00:07:31,071 --> 00:07:32,728
leading to a series
of double crosses,
205
00:07:32,728 --> 00:07:35,075
resulting in Elvira
being strapped to a slab
206
00:07:35,075 --> 00:07:37,180
with a giant pendulum
knife descending
207
00:07:37,180 --> 00:07:39,907
toward her heaving bazoomas
while a hunky stable boy
208
00:07:39,907 --> 00:07:42,462
straight out of the Gold's Gym
deltoid jamboree
209
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,705
pounds on the secret door
to the hidden dungeon.
210
00:07:44,705 --> 00:07:47,121
Sure, we've seen it before,
but have we seen it
211
00:07:47,121 --> 00:07:49,054
with a three-minute
musical production number
212
00:07:49,054 --> 00:07:50,953
that concludes
with Elvira's buttocks
213
00:07:50,953 --> 00:07:53,714
thrust into the frigid air
of Romania?
214
00:07:53,714 --> 00:07:55,302
I think not.
215
00:07:55,302 --> 00:07:59,306
Yes, they actually traveled
to Romania to make this movie,
216
00:07:59,306 --> 00:08:01,515
resulting in the following
drive-in totals.
217
00:08:01,515 --> 00:08:04,691
10 dead bodies,
1 analog bubble-bath,
218
00:08:04,691 --> 00:08:07,383
1 elaborate can-can interlude
featuring a song
219
00:08:07,383 --> 00:08:10,455
about being bound and gagged
and juggling balls,
220
00:08:10,455 --> 00:08:12,561
if you know what I mean
and I think you do.
221
00:08:12,561 --> 00:08:15,529
2 groin-kicking beatdowns,
1 zombie,
222
00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:18,601
Whips, chains, bricks,
sausage chomping,
223
00:08:18,601 --> 00:08:20,879
grinding and clinking,
nightgown torching,
224
00:08:20,879 --> 00:08:23,295
multiple aardvarking,
staircase plunging,
225
00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:26,126
open-grave plunging,
face licking, head pounding,
226
00:08:26,126 --> 00:08:30,164
boob groping, live burial,
random strangulation,
227
00:08:30,164 --> 00:08:32,512
multiple fainting spells,
multiple coughing fits,
228
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,168
cliff dangling,
boob plunging,
229
00:08:34,168 --> 00:08:36,377
boob dragging,
tower plunging,
230
00:08:36,377 --> 00:08:38,656
gruel slopping, knees slinging,
231
00:08:38,656 --> 00:08:40,830
grave digging, castle sinking,
232
00:08:40,830 --> 00:08:42,418
gratuitous random screaming,
233
00:08:42,418 --> 00:08:43,730
gratuitous boogie woogie,
234
00:08:43,730 --> 00:08:45,352
gratuitous white mouse,
235
00:08:45,352 --> 00:08:49,218
gratuitous wolf,
howl gratuitous raven cawing
236
00:08:49,218 --> 00:08:51,427
head rolls, choking fu,
237
00:08:51,427 --> 00:08:53,636
fast motion fu,
makeup case fu,
238
00:08:53,636 --> 00:08:55,293
doorknob fu.
lightning fu,
239
00:08:55,293 --> 00:08:57,364
fire poker fu,
earthquake fu,
240
00:08:57,364 --> 00:08:58,917
iron maiden fu,
241
00:08:58,917 --> 00:09:01,368
chamberpot ewww fu,
242
00:09:01,368 --> 00:09:03,025
and of course,
cleavage fu.
243
00:09:03,025 --> 00:09:04,509
Driving-In Academy Award
nominations
244
00:09:04,509 --> 00:09:07,201
for Cassandra Peterson as Elvira
for saying
245
00:09:07,201 --> 00:09:09,859
"that's quite a big hammer
You're swinging there,
246
00:09:09,859 --> 00:09:14,036
and in a double role as Elura,
the suicidal countess.
247
00:09:14,036 --> 00:09:15,900
Mary Jo Smith as a maidservant
248
00:09:15,900 --> 00:09:18,385
with a voluminous storage area
in her bra,
249
00:09:18,385 --> 00:09:21,768
who is sometimes used
as a pack animal by Elvira
250
00:09:21,768 --> 00:09:24,494
but ends up squeaking
in a sewer cage.
251
00:09:24,494 --> 00:09:26,876
Scott Atkinson
As Dr. Bradley Bradley,
252
00:09:26,876 --> 00:09:29,707
the sophisticated psychiatrist
who tells charming dinner
253
00:09:29,707 --> 00:09:32,502
table stories about patients
whose ears fall off.
254
00:09:32,502 --> 00:09:34,574
Richard O'Brien
as Lord Hellsubus,
255
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:38,647
the demented aristocratic sissy
who runs the castle.
256
00:09:38,647 --> 00:09:42,133
Heather Hopper as Lady Roxana,
the fainting niece.
257
00:09:42,133 --> 00:09:44,929
Gabi Andronache as Adrian,
258
00:09:44,929 --> 00:09:46,758
the pistol
polishing stable stud
259
00:09:46,758 --> 00:09:50,900
who says "Elvira, you are as
generous as you are beautiful."
260
00:09:50,900 --> 00:09:53,178
The Russian State Cinema
Symphony orchestra
261
00:09:53,178 --> 00:09:55,871
for providing a wall to wall
dramatic score.
262
00:09:55,871 --> 00:09:57,700
And Sam Ervin, the director,
263
00:09:57,700 --> 00:09:59,495
for doing things
the drive-in way.
264
00:09:59,495 --> 00:10:02,291
Three stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
265
00:10:02,291 --> 00:10:05,294
And...
266
00:10:05,294 --> 00:10:07,434
we're going to do this, right?
267
00:10:07,434 --> 00:10:09,816
We're going to stay on track
with Halloween tonight, right?
268
00:10:09,816 --> 00:10:11,127
- Yeah.
What are you worried about?
269
00:10:11,127 --> 00:10:13,233
- Well, we always get mail
from people saying,
270
00:10:13,233 --> 00:10:15,753
you know, "That was not
a Halloween movie."
271
00:10:15,753 --> 00:10:17,962
"You have no idea
what Samhain is,"
272
00:10:17,962 --> 00:10:20,378
or Sawhain.
[Laughter]
273
00:10:20,378 --> 00:10:21,724
Samhain, Sawhain.
274
00:10:21,724 --> 00:10:24,140
- Everyone celebrates Halloween
in a different way.
275
00:10:24,140 --> 00:10:26,280
- You know what I think
I'll do this year?
276
00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:29,076
I'm going to give Halloween
tips at every break.
277
00:10:29,076 --> 00:10:30,112
[Laughter]
278
00:10:30,112 --> 00:10:31,320
Don't do that.
279
00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:32,908
- Why not?
You know what I'm going to say?
280
00:10:32,908 --> 00:10:34,461
Why are you saying don't do it
when haven't even said --
281
00:10:34,461 --> 00:10:35,704
I have an idea.
282
00:10:35,704 --> 00:10:38,223
Alright, well...
283
00:10:38,223 --> 00:10:39,362
I have an idea.
284
00:10:39,362 --> 00:10:40,605
- No, you don't.
You have no idea.
285
00:10:40,605 --> 00:10:41,710
[Laughter]
286
00:10:41,710 --> 00:10:42,849
- Okay, then what are you
going to say?
287
00:10:42,849 --> 00:10:45,368
I'm going to say things like,
288
00:10:45,368 --> 00:10:48,371
if you're planning to throw
any rotten eggs this year
289
00:10:48,371 --> 00:10:50,615
because, you know, sometimes
you don't just TP the yard.
290
00:10:50,615 --> 00:10:54,377
You follow up with some,
you know, rotten eggs.
291
00:10:54,377 --> 00:10:57,518
- Yeah, this is exactly
why I said this was a bad idea.
292
00:10:57,518 --> 00:10:59,210
No, just listen.
293
00:10:59,210 --> 00:11:02,938
People don't let
their eggs get rotten
294
00:11:02,938 --> 00:11:05,734
because you can keep eggs in
the fridge for like six weeks.
295
00:11:05,734 --> 00:11:07,183
They're still good.
296
00:11:07,183 --> 00:11:09,254
You got to set them
outside in the sun for two
297
00:11:09,254 --> 00:11:10,670
full weeks before Halloween.
298
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,775
You got to be prepared
because they're much eekier
299
00:11:12,775 --> 00:11:14,397
when you do that.
300
00:11:14,397 --> 00:11:15,709
- Are you proud of yourself?
- Yeah.
301
00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:17,780
- Halloween tip, people
overlook the simple things.
302
00:11:17,780 --> 00:11:19,851
Don't just throw eggs,
throw rotten eggs,
303
00:11:19,851 --> 00:11:22,647
keep up the old,
ancient Halloween traditions.
304
00:11:22,647 --> 00:11:24,960
This stuff goes back
to the ancient Gaelic.
305
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:26,375
The ancient Gaelic what?
306
00:11:26,375 --> 00:11:30,931
- The ancient Gaelic tradition of
egging on Samhain or Sawhain
307
00:11:30,931 --> 00:11:33,002
- You don't even know
what you're saying.
308
00:11:33,002 --> 00:11:37,213
- Yeah, no, there was a there
was a village in Argyll
309
00:11:37,213 --> 00:11:39,906
where they had
a lot of chickens
310
00:11:39,906 --> 00:11:42,287
that we get sick every October.
311
00:11:42,287 --> 00:11:44,358
Happened seven years in a row,
312
00:11:44,358 --> 00:11:46,188
and they discovered that
if they took the eggs
313
00:11:46,188 --> 00:11:47,707
from the sick chickens
314
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:50,779
and they hurled them
at straw huts,
315
00:11:50,779 --> 00:11:53,747
it's what they called abodes
of wattles and clay,
316
00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:55,887
they would hurl these eggs
and the plague
317
00:11:55,887 --> 00:11:57,958
would disappear from the coop
and the roosters would become
318
00:11:57,958 --> 00:12:01,582
much more vigorous
and the plague would be over.
319
00:12:03,239 --> 00:12:05,103
- I'm not sure if I should
believe you or not.
320
00:12:05,103 --> 00:12:08,486
- No, the village
was called Butedale.
321
00:12:08,486 --> 00:12:11,696
It sits athwart
the river Soren.
322
00:12:11,696 --> 00:12:13,077
- Athwart?
- Yes.
323
00:12:13,077 --> 00:12:15,389
Half the village is on the east
side of the river Soren,
324
00:12:15,389 --> 00:12:16,839
the other half the village
325
00:12:16,839 --> 00:12:17,944
is on the west side
of the river Soren.
326
00:12:17,944 --> 00:12:20,394
It's close to the source
of [indistinct],
327
00:12:20,394 --> 00:12:22,500
and that's where
the tradition started.
328
00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:23,950
- And this is something
that really happened?
329
00:12:25,952 --> 00:12:28,851
- Would a man dressed like
a hot dog lie about rotten eggs?
330
00:12:28,851 --> 00:12:29,852
Yes.
331
00:12:29,852 --> 00:12:31,336
[Laughter]
332
00:12:31,336 --> 00:12:32,510
You almost bought it.
333
00:12:32,510 --> 00:12:34,305
[Laughter]
334
00:12:34,305 --> 00:12:40,000
♪♪
335
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:41,174
[Static]
336
00:12:41,174 --> 00:12:49,285
♪♪
337
00:12:49,285 --> 00:12:58,294
♪♪
338
00:12:58,294 --> 00:13:07,096
♪♪
339
00:13:07,096 --> 00:13:16,036
♪♪
340
00:13:16,036 --> 00:13:25,356
♪♪
341
00:13:25,356 --> 00:13:34,468
♪♪
342
00:13:34,468 --> 00:13:43,788
♪♪
343
00:13:43,788 --> 00:13:53,177
♪♪
344
00:13:53,177 --> 00:14:02,531
♪♪
345
00:14:02,531 --> 00:14:09,779
♪♪
346
00:14:09,779 --> 00:14:11,643
No. No!
347
00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:13,438
Help me!
348
00:14:13,438 --> 00:14:15,061
Help!
349
00:14:15,061 --> 00:14:16,786
♪♪
350
00:14:16,786 --> 00:14:18,927
No, no, no, no!
351
00:14:18,927 --> 00:14:20,583
No, no!
352
00:14:20,583 --> 00:14:21,895
[Gasping]
353
00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:24,277
♪♪
354
00:14:24,277 --> 00:14:25,657
No!
355
00:14:25,657 --> 00:14:28,557
No!
What do you think you're doing?!
356
00:14:28,557 --> 00:14:30,214
No!
357
00:14:30,283 --> 00:14:32,354
No!
358
00:14:32,354 --> 00:14:35,219
No! No!
359
00:14:35,219 --> 00:14:36,496
No!
360
00:14:36,496 --> 00:14:37,877
Help me!
361
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:40,569
Please, please!
362
00:14:40,569 --> 00:14:42,571
[Screaming]
363
00:14:42,571 --> 00:14:45,712
[Gasps]
364
00:14:45,712 --> 00:14:47,887
[Sighs]
365
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:51,269
[Banging on door]
366
00:14:51,269 --> 00:14:52,684
[Gasps]
367
00:14:54,203 --> 00:14:56,861
- It's after checkout time!
I want my money!
368
00:14:56,861 --> 00:14:58,725
- [French accent] Mistress,
the innkeeper!
369
00:14:58,725 --> 00:15:00,347
He wants to be paid.
370
00:15:00,347 --> 00:15:01,659
[Groans]
371
00:15:01,659 --> 00:15:03,454
Honey, when I spend the night
in a man's room,
372
00:15:03,454 --> 00:15:05,421
he better pay me.
373
00:15:05,421 --> 00:15:08,217
I want my money!
374
00:15:08,217 --> 00:15:10,599
- Zou Zou, just go back to sleep,
would ya?
375
00:15:10,599 --> 00:15:11,634
[Banging continues]
376
00:15:11,634 --> 00:15:13,188
What's he gonna do,
kill us?
377
00:15:13,188 --> 00:15:14,189
- [Grunts]
- [Gasps]
378
00:15:14,189 --> 00:15:15,673
- [Door crashes]
- [Gasps]
379
00:15:17,019 --> 00:15:20,574
Here's Johan!
380
00:15:20,574 --> 00:15:22,956
[Both screaming]
381
00:15:22,956 --> 00:15:24,509
Give me the money!
382
00:15:24,509 --> 00:15:25,717
Now!
383
00:15:25,717 --> 00:15:27,340
[Both panicking]
384
00:15:27,340 --> 00:15:30,446
I want my money!
385
00:15:30,446 --> 00:15:31,827
Give me the money!
386
00:15:31,827 --> 00:15:33,346
[Both grunting]
387
00:15:33,346 --> 00:15:36,211
♪♪
388
00:15:36,211 --> 00:15:37,350
- [Screams]
[Body thuds]
389
00:15:37,350 --> 00:15:38,558
[Groans]
390
00:15:38,558 --> 00:15:40,940
[Ducks quacking]
391
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,113
- Oops.
- Now I got you!
392
00:15:42,113 --> 00:15:43,114
[Door crashes]
393
00:15:43,114 --> 00:15:44,357
Come back here!
394
00:15:44,357 --> 00:15:45,358
[Indistinct shouting]
395
00:15:45,358 --> 00:15:46,980
Pay me the money!
396
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:49,845
♪♪
397
00:15:49,845 --> 00:15:52,123
- Hey!
- [Gasps]
398
00:15:52,123 --> 00:15:53,366
[Boing!]
399
00:15:53,366 --> 00:15:54,574
♪♪
400
00:15:54,574 --> 00:15:56,093
- Hurry, Mistress!
- Get up!
401
00:15:56,093 --> 00:15:58,371
♪♪
402
00:15:58,371 --> 00:15:59,372
Go on, go on!
403
00:15:59,372 --> 00:16:01,719
I'm coming down for you, eh?
404
00:16:01,719 --> 00:16:03,238
I want my money!
405
00:16:03,238 --> 00:16:04,653
[Panting]
406
00:16:04,653 --> 00:16:05,861
Ooh!
407
00:16:05,861 --> 00:16:09,761
♪♪
408
00:16:09,761 --> 00:16:11,073
[Wolves howling]
409
00:16:15,526 --> 00:16:16,837
You getting tired, Zou Zou?
410
00:16:16,837 --> 00:16:18,770
- [Exhales sharply]
No, Mistress.
411
00:16:18,770 --> 00:16:20,772
- Well, I am.
Pull over.
412
00:16:20,772 --> 00:16:22,222
[Birds cawing]
413
00:16:25,156 --> 00:16:27,434
[Panting]
414
00:16:27,434 --> 00:16:31,300
- Zou Zou, I thought I told you
to pay that inn creep.
415
00:16:31,300 --> 00:16:34,131
- With what, Mistress,
my good looks?
416
00:16:34,131 --> 00:16:36,029
- Well, you got a point there,
girlfriend.
417
00:16:36,029 --> 00:16:37,444
But, I mean, couldn't
you have done
418
00:16:37,444 --> 00:16:38,687
something to pay for our room?
419
00:16:38,687 --> 00:16:40,965
You know, wash dishes,
dug ditches?
420
00:16:40,965 --> 00:16:42,656
Oui, Mistress, you are right.
421
00:16:42,656 --> 00:16:46,557
- I mean, Zou Zou, you should be
grateful to do any labor,
422
00:16:46,557 --> 00:16:50,526
no matter how menial,
because I can't.
423
00:16:50,526 --> 00:16:53,564
I am a professional entertainer,
424
00:16:53,564 --> 00:16:57,809
and I have to save every ounce
of my strength for my audience.
425
00:16:57,809 --> 00:16:59,363
[Insects chirping,
birds cawing]
426
00:16:59,363 --> 00:17:00,640
[Grunts]
427
00:17:04,644 --> 00:17:05,817
[Sighs]
428
00:17:05,817 --> 00:17:08,165
Any more of that blood
sausage left?
429
00:17:08,165 --> 00:17:09,269
[Sighs]
430
00:17:12,341 --> 00:17:13,515
[Sighs]
431
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:18,278
- Hmm.
This sausage is good.
432
00:17:18,278 --> 00:17:19,555
Too bad you're on a diet.
433
00:17:19,555 --> 00:17:20,625
I am?
434
00:17:22,006 --> 00:17:23,490
- Oh, but wait...
[Horse whinnies]
435
00:17:23,490 --> 00:17:25,285
Oh, oh!
436
00:17:25,285 --> 00:17:26,286
Ooh!
437
00:17:26,286 --> 00:17:35,019
♪♪
438
00:17:35,019 --> 00:17:43,476
♪♪
439
00:17:43,476 --> 00:17:48,101
♪♪
440
00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:49,447
Uh, did you call a cab?
441
00:17:49,447 --> 00:17:52,071
♪♪
442
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,934
Uh -- Uh, hold on there, baldy.
443
00:17:53,934 --> 00:17:55,074
Hold it just a minute.
444
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:57,731
♪♪
445
00:17:57,731 --> 00:18:00,907
I -- I -- I, uh...
446
00:18:00,907 --> 00:18:02,874
♪♪
447
00:18:02,874 --> 00:18:04,600
You forgot my makeup case.
448
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:06,533
♪♪
449
00:18:06,533 --> 00:18:08,087
[Grunts]
450
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:12,298
♪♪
451
00:18:12,298 --> 00:18:14,093
Oh.
452
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:15,508
[Chuckles]
453
00:18:15,508 --> 00:18:20,064
♪♪
454
00:18:20,064 --> 00:18:21,376
[Chuckles]
455
00:18:21,376 --> 00:18:22,894
Hello.
456
00:18:22,894 --> 00:18:25,034
May I offer you ladies a ride?
457
00:18:25,034 --> 00:18:27,416
- Well...
- Oui, oui, we'd love a ride.
458
00:18:27,416 --> 00:18:28,624
Oh.
459
00:18:28,624 --> 00:18:31,317
[Laughs] It depends.
460
00:18:31,317 --> 00:18:33,181
Where ya headed, sailor?
461
00:18:33,181 --> 00:18:35,528
- I'm traveling north
to visit a client.
462
00:18:35,528 --> 00:18:39,290
Perhaps I could offer you
and your servant a nice lodging.
463
00:18:39,290 --> 00:18:41,982
That is, of course, unless
you've made other arrangements.
464
00:18:41,982 --> 00:18:43,984
- Well --
- Other arrangements?
465
00:18:43,984 --> 00:18:45,020
Well, no, no, we do not have --
[Thud]
466
00:18:45,020 --> 00:18:47,298
- Oof!
- [Laughs]
467
00:18:47,298 --> 00:18:48,713
[Wolves howling]
468
00:18:48,713 --> 00:18:51,613
Well, then, shall we go?
469
00:18:51,613 --> 00:18:52,855
Please.
470
00:18:52,855 --> 00:18:57,377
♪♪
471
00:18:57,377 --> 00:18:59,483
My name is Dr. Bradley.
472
00:18:59,483 --> 00:19:01,761
Dr. Bradley Bradley.
473
00:19:01,761 --> 00:19:03,107
Oh. [Chuckles]
474
00:19:03,107 --> 00:19:04,557
Your mother must have thought
you looked so nice,
475
00:19:04,557 --> 00:19:05,385
she named you twice.
476
00:19:05,385 --> 00:19:06,524
[Laughs]
477
00:19:06,524 --> 00:19:07,939
[Horse whinnies]
478
00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:10,459
Ah.
479
00:19:10,459 --> 00:19:11,667
[Clears throat]
480
00:19:11,667 --> 00:19:14,118
Elvira's the name,
showbiz the game.
481
00:19:15,671 --> 00:19:17,190
Oh. [Chuckles]
482
00:19:17,190 --> 00:19:18,881
I'm just in the process
of fulfilling
483
00:19:18,881 --> 00:19:20,952
my lifelong dream of opening
484
00:19:20,952 --> 00:19:23,576
in a world-renowned
Parisian revue.
485
00:19:23,576 --> 00:19:25,233
I know.
486
00:19:25,233 --> 00:19:26,820
- You do?
- But of course.
487
00:19:26,820 --> 00:19:29,720
Your reputation precedes you.
488
00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:32,067
- Oh, damn, I hate
when that happens.
489
00:19:32,067 --> 00:19:34,690
Uh, I don't owe you
any money, do I?
490
00:19:34,690 --> 00:19:35,829
Good Lord, no.
491
00:19:35,829 --> 00:19:37,624
I found your play bill
in the village.
492
00:19:39,730 --> 00:19:40,765
- Oh.
[Horse whinnies]
493
00:19:40,765 --> 00:19:42,491
Yes, of course.
494
00:19:42,491 --> 00:19:45,874
- And I must say,
it's quite a titillating image.
495
00:19:45,874 --> 00:19:47,807
- Yes, it is quite a good
likeness, isn't it?
496
00:19:50,637 --> 00:19:52,570
Quite.
497
00:19:52,570 --> 00:19:55,504
♪♪
498
00:19:55,504 --> 00:19:57,057
[Horse whinnies]
499
00:19:57,057 --> 00:20:00,613
♪♪
500
00:20:00,613 --> 00:20:01,614
Oh!
501
00:20:01,614 --> 00:20:08,690
♪♪
502
00:20:08,690 --> 00:20:11,313
- So, what kind of medicine man
are you, man?
503
00:20:11,313 --> 00:20:13,867
I am a psychiatrist.
504
00:20:13,867 --> 00:20:16,801
- Oh, great!
'Cause my feet are killing me.
505
00:20:16,801 --> 00:20:18,527
♪♪
506
00:20:18,527 --> 00:20:19,804
Charming.
507
00:20:19,804 --> 00:20:25,603
♪♪
508
00:20:25,603 --> 00:20:27,329
Hm!
509
00:20:27,329 --> 00:20:31,437
- I say, perhaps we could arrange
for a private performance.
510
00:20:31,437 --> 00:20:34,025
♪♪
511
00:20:34,025 --> 00:20:36,338
- [Grunts]
- Oh!
512
00:20:36,338 --> 00:20:38,651
Lucky for you, I come equipped
with my own airbags.
513
00:20:38,651 --> 00:20:41,101
[Muffled] I beg your pardon?
514
00:20:41,101 --> 00:20:43,172
- [Pop!]
- [Gasps]
515
00:20:43,172 --> 00:20:45,278
[Horse whinnies]
516
00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:47,763
I'm so looking forward
to the next bump.
517
00:20:49,317 --> 00:20:51,871
- Oh!
- [Groans]
518
00:20:51,871 --> 00:20:55,288
- Uh, thanks
for the...lift, Doc,
519
00:20:55,288 --> 00:20:57,394
but I really gotta get going,
you know?
520
00:20:57,394 --> 00:21:00,017
Nobody told me this was gonna be
Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.
521
00:21:00,017 --> 00:21:01,846
♪♪
522
00:21:01,846 --> 00:21:03,607
[Screams]
[Horses neighing]
523
00:21:03,607 --> 00:21:06,057
[Gasping]
524
00:21:06,057 --> 00:21:09,820
♪♪
525
00:21:09,820 --> 00:21:12,754
[Screaming]
526
00:21:12,754 --> 00:21:14,445
Oh, my God!
527
00:21:14,445 --> 00:21:15,619
Help me! Help!
528
00:21:15,619 --> 00:21:16,999
[Grunting]
529
00:21:16,999 --> 00:21:18,622
Oh, oh!
530
00:21:18,622 --> 00:21:22,281
♪♪
531
00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:25,111
Oh, ow, ooh, ah!
532
00:21:25,111 --> 00:21:26,457
[Panting]
533
00:21:26,457 --> 00:21:28,217
♪♪
534
00:21:28,217 --> 00:21:29,874
[Bangs on roof]
535
00:21:29,874 --> 00:21:33,119
- I say, coachman, are you making
out all right up there?
536
00:21:33,119 --> 00:21:35,604
[Both moaning, horse whinnies]
537
00:21:35,604 --> 00:21:39,815
Coachman!
538
00:21:39,815 --> 00:21:41,472
[Sinister music plays]
539
00:21:41,472 --> 00:21:47,582
♪♪
540
00:21:47,582 --> 00:21:49,549
[Thunder crashing]
541
00:21:49,549 --> 00:21:58,731
♪♪
542
00:21:58,731 --> 00:22:04,806
♪♪
543
00:22:04,806 --> 00:22:07,084
[Howl hooting]
544
00:22:07,084 --> 00:22:09,224
Welcome to Castle Hellsubus.
545
00:22:09,224 --> 00:22:12,710
Hm, cheery.
546
00:22:12,710 --> 00:22:14,125
[Thunder rumbling]
547
00:22:14,125 --> 00:22:21,788
♪♪
548
00:22:21,788 --> 00:22:28,174
♪♪
549
00:22:28,174 --> 00:22:29,762
[Rhythmic knocking]
550
00:22:31,211 --> 00:22:32,661
[Door creaks]
551
00:22:34,387 --> 00:22:35,733
[Screaming]
552
00:22:35,733 --> 00:22:42,982
♪♪
553
00:22:42,982 --> 00:22:44,570
Lady Hellsubus,
554
00:22:44,570 --> 00:22:48,194
allow me to present Elvira.
555
00:22:48,194 --> 00:22:50,161
Charmed, I think.
556
00:22:50,161 --> 00:22:52,923
Please, forgive me, Madam.
557
00:22:52,923 --> 00:22:55,028
It's just that you --
558
00:22:55,028 --> 00:22:57,755
You -- you...
559
00:22:57,755 --> 00:23:00,896
Me, me, what?
560
00:23:00,896 --> 00:23:02,553
You look pretty.
561
00:23:04,762 --> 00:23:06,902
Please, come in.
562
00:23:11,528 --> 00:23:12,736
Oof!
563
00:23:18,673 --> 00:23:21,676
- The lady and her servant
will be spending the night.
564
00:23:21,676 --> 00:23:22,884
Very well.
565
00:23:22,884 --> 00:23:25,956
I'll have the maid
prepare the rooms.
566
00:23:25,956 --> 00:23:28,890
I trust that your stay here
will be...
567
00:23:28,890 --> 00:23:31,858
comfortable, madam.
568
00:23:31,858 --> 00:23:33,791
- Your cloak, ma'am.
[Bats screeching]
569
00:23:39,970 --> 00:23:41,696
Your gloves, ma'am.
570
00:23:50,221 --> 00:23:52,845
Your shoes, ma'am.
571
00:23:52,845 --> 00:23:54,156
Hold it right there.
572
00:23:54,156 --> 00:23:56,055
I mean, I usually get paid
for this sort of thing.
573
00:23:56,055 --> 00:23:57,608
- You know, when I take a --
- If you please, ma'am.
574
00:23:57,608 --> 00:24:00,335
I am afraid it is imperative.
575
00:24:00,335 --> 00:24:05,133
You see, my husband, he suffers
from an acute affliction
576
00:24:05,133 --> 00:24:06,755
of the hearing.
577
00:24:06,755 --> 00:24:09,931
Sounds that seem
commonplace to you
578
00:24:09,931 --> 00:24:16,558
or to I cut
into his head like knives!
579
00:24:16,558 --> 00:24:19,734
- Are you sure it's not just
some kind of kinky foot thing?
580
00:24:19,734 --> 00:24:21,598
The shoes, if you please.
581
00:24:27,707 --> 00:24:28,708
Ooh!
582
00:24:30,054 --> 00:24:31,400
[Vase rattles]
583
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:33,195
[Vase shatters]
584
00:24:33,195 --> 00:24:34,542
[Grunts]
585
00:24:34,542 --> 00:24:35,543
[Boing!]
586
00:24:35,543 --> 00:24:36,785
[Cat screeches]
587
00:24:36,785 --> 00:24:37,855
[Sighs]
588
00:24:37,855 --> 00:24:39,374
[Grunts]
589
00:24:39,374 --> 00:24:41,410
[Dishes clatter]
590
00:24:41,410 --> 00:24:42,653
- Zou Zou?
- Oh!
591
00:24:44,724 --> 00:24:46,830
Would you help me?
592
00:24:46,830 --> 00:24:47,969
- [Grunts]
- Oh!
593
00:24:49,177 --> 00:24:51,662
[Gong rings]
594
00:24:51,662 --> 00:24:54,113
- Lady Hellsubus,
would you mind informing
595
00:24:54,113 --> 00:24:56,080
Lord Hellsubus
that he has a guest?
596
00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:59,187
Something tells me
he's already figured that out.
597
00:25:01,983 --> 00:25:03,605
[Armor clatters]
598
00:25:15,755 --> 00:25:17,101
[Sloop!]
599
00:25:20,657 --> 00:25:29,113
♪♪
600
00:25:29,113 --> 00:25:31,840
♪♪
601
00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:33,635
Ooh, a piano bar!
602
00:25:33,635 --> 00:25:37,812
♪♪
603
00:25:37,812 --> 00:25:39,745
[Playing upbeat music on piano]
604
00:25:39,745 --> 00:25:43,438
♪♪
605
00:25:43,438 --> 00:25:44,439
Stop!
606
00:25:44,439 --> 00:25:45,820
[Music stops]
607
00:25:47,304 --> 00:25:50,514
No more, please!
608
00:25:50,514 --> 00:25:53,552
Oh, jeez, everybody's a critic.
609
00:25:53,552 --> 00:25:55,277
[Thunder rumbles]
610
00:25:56,900 --> 00:25:59,661
Elvira, allow me to present
611
00:25:59,661 --> 00:26:03,113
Lord Vladimere Hellsubus.
612
00:26:03,113 --> 00:26:04,701
- Enchanté.
[Whistle!]
613
00:26:04,701 --> 00:26:07,013
Ow!
Hey, we haven't even met yet!
614
00:26:07,013 --> 00:26:08,567
Oh, sorry.
615
00:26:08,567 --> 00:26:09,913
Hey, nice jacket.
616
00:26:09,913 --> 00:26:11,293
Who shot the stove?
617
00:26:11,293 --> 00:26:13,261
[Rim shot, both laugh]
618
00:26:13,261 --> 00:26:16,713
♪♪
619
00:26:16,713 --> 00:26:18,922
- Elvira is soon to be one
of Gay Paree's
620
00:26:18,922 --> 00:26:21,131
foremost entertainers.
621
00:26:21,131 --> 00:26:22,822
- Lots of straight guys
like me, too.
622
00:26:22,822 --> 00:26:25,860
[Laugh echoing]
623
00:26:25,860 --> 00:26:27,931
Thank you, thank you,
but seriously, folks --
624
00:26:27,931 --> 00:26:28,966
No!
625
00:26:30,589 --> 00:26:32,211
This cannot be.
626
00:26:34,316 --> 00:26:36,491
No!
627
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:37,906
No!
628
00:26:37,906 --> 00:26:40,806
♪♪
629
00:26:40,806 --> 00:26:43,360
Yeah, nice meeting you, too.
630
00:26:43,360 --> 00:26:44,948
Who's the old dude in the dress?
631
00:26:44,948 --> 00:26:46,674
Perhaps he has seen your act.
632
00:26:46,674 --> 00:26:48,365
[Laughs]
633
00:26:48,365 --> 00:26:49,573
[Scoffs]
634
00:26:49,573 --> 00:26:51,506
[Laughing continues]
635
00:26:51,506 --> 00:26:53,197
[Laughing stops]
636
00:26:53,197 --> 00:26:54,751
[Clears throat] Oui.
637
00:26:54,751 --> 00:26:59,203
♪♪
638
00:26:59,203 --> 00:27:00,964
[Door creaking]
639
00:27:00,964 --> 00:27:05,520
♪♪
640
00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:06,521
[Castle rumbling]
641
00:27:06,521 --> 00:27:09,731
♪♪
642
00:27:09,731 --> 00:27:10,974
Oh!
643
00:27:10,974 --> 00:27:13,148
♪♪
644
00:27:13,148 --> 00:27:14,840
Oh, oh, oh!
645
00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:17,636
♪♪
646
00:27:17,636 --> 00:27:19,154
Don't be frightened, Elvira.
647
00:27:19,154 --> 00:27:22,986
It's only the castle settling
down for the evening.
648
00:27:22,986 --> 00:27:24,850
Oh.
649
00:27:24,850 --> 00:27:27,611
- Come.
It's time for bed.
650
00:27:27,611 --> 00:27:28,750
Hmm.
651
00:27:30,441 --> 00:27:33,306
- The village people say
this castle is evil.
652
00:27:33,306 --> 00:27:35,757
- Ehh, who listens
to the Village People anymore?
653
00:27:35,757 --> 00:27:41,832
♪♪
654
00:27:41,832 --> 00:27:44,110
This castle and its occupants
are cursed.
655
00:27:44,110 --> 00:27:45,629
It's the Hellsubus family blood.
656
00:27:45,629 --> 00:27:50,220
It causes them to do strange
and unnatural things.
657
00:27:50,220 --> 00:27:51,842
Sounds like fun.
658
00:27:51,842 --> 00:28:00,264
♪♪
659
00:28:00,264 --> 00:28:03,198
♪♪
660
00:28:03,198 --> 00:28:04,441
Lucian Hellsubus.
661
00:28:04,441 --> 00:28:06,408
Vladimere's
great-great-grandfather.
662
00:28:06,408 --> 00:28:08,100
Sadist, murderer.
663
00:28:08,100 --> 00:28:10,723
Thousands of innocent souls died
by his torturous hands
664
00:28:10,723 --> 00:28:13,381
in the dungeon
of this very castle.
665
00:28:13,381 --> 00:28:15,279
Ew, nice hobby.
666
00:28:15,279 --> 00:28:22,321
♪♪
667
00:28:22,321 --> 00:28:24,288
Captain Teodore Hellsubus.
668
00:28:24,288 --> 00:28:26,359
Vladimere's grandfather.
669
00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:28,327
Smuggler, slave trader,
pathological liar,
670
00:28:28,327 --> 00:28:30,053
bad dancer, cross-dresser.
671
00:28:30,053 --> 00:28:31,433
That's really weird.
672
00:28:31,433 --> 00:28:33,815
Cross-dressers are usually
great dancers.
673
00:28:33,815 --> 00:28:40,270
♪♪
674
00:28:40,270 --> 00:28:41,547
[Gasping]
675
00:28:41,547 --> 00:28:44,170
♪♪
676
00:28:44,170 --> 00:28:46,069
[Panting]
677
00:28:46,069 --> 00:28:47,277
Careful.
678
00:28:47,277 --> 00:28:49,348
The tremors seem to have
caused a bit of damage.
679
00:28:49,348 --> 00:28:50,487
Yeah, duh.
680
00:28:50,487 --> 00:28:52,385
Anybody ever heard of Spackle?
681
00:28:52,385 --> 00:28:58,081
♪♪
682
00:28:58,081 --> 00:29:01,774
And last but not least,
the Lady Donya Hellsubus,
683
00:29:01,774 --> 00:29:03,362
Vladimere's mother.
684
00:29:03,362 --> 00:29:05,605
Slut, harlot, seductress.
685
00:29:05,605 --> 00:29:08,056
Just one man
couldn't satisfy her.
686
00:29:08,056 --> 00:29:10,645
- I hear you, Grandma.
[Chuckles]
687
00:29:10,645 --> 00:29:11,888
Right.
688
00:29:11,888 --> 00:29:13,303
I'll show you
to your room, then.
689
00:29:13,303 --> 00:29:19,550
♪♪
690
00:29:19,550 --> 00:29:27,904
♪♪
691
00:29:27,904 --> 00:29:29,284
This was her room.
692
00:29:29,284 --> 00:29:31,631
[Thunder crashes]
693
00:29:31,631 --> 00:29:33,633
Her? Her who?
694
00:29:33,633 --> 00:29:35,843
Elura, Vladimere's first wife.
695
00:29:35,843 --> 00:29:38,915
Nobody has set foot in it
since her passing.
696
00:29:38,915 --> 00:29:41,503
- [Sniffs] Whew, pee-eww.
697
00:29:41,503 --> 00:29:43,920
Pass of what is the question.
698
00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:45,784
Could you light a match
or something?
699
00:29:47,820 --> 00:29:50,512
- Elura died exactly
10 years ago tomorrow.
700
00:29:50,512 --> 00:29:58,244
♪♪
701
00:29:58,244 --> 00:30:04,803
♪♪
702
00:30:04,803 --> 00:30:06,045
[Thunder crashes]
703
00:30:06,045 --> 00:30:13,259
♪♪
704
00:30:13,259 --> 00:30:14,536
[Door opens]
705
00:30:14,536 --> 00:30:16,193
[Coughing]
706
00:30:16,193 --> 00:30:18,747
♪♪
707
00:30:18,747 --> 00:30:21,820
- Dr. Bradley, I-I thought
I heard a voice and I...
708
00:30:21,820 --> 00:30:26,894
♪♪
709
00:30:26,894 --> 00:30:33,383
♪♪
710
00:30:33,383 --> 00:30:35,868
Oh, what's her problem?
711
00:30:35,868 --> 00:30:38,871
- Don't mind her. She does this
sort of thing quite frequently.
712
00:30:38,871 --> 00:30:41,115
She's not well, as you can see.
713
00:30:41,115 --> 00:30:42,288
Who is she?
714
00:30:42,288 --> 00:30:44,083
♪♪
715
00:30:44,083 --> 00:30:47,431
- This pitiful creature
is Roxana Hellsubus,
716
00:30:47,431 --> 00:30:49,744
Lord Hellsubus' niece.
717
00:30:49,744 --> 00:30:52,057
She too is afflicted
with the Hellsubus family curse,
718
00:30:52,057 --> 00:30:57,200
which has ruined many a life,
including that of Elura.
719
00:30:57,200 --> 00:31:00,720
Beautiful, unfortunate Elura.
720
00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:02,308
I must say, the resemblance
between the two of you
721
00:31:02,308 --> 00:31:03,620
is remarkable.
722
00:31:03,620 --> 00:31:05,104
No wonder Vladimere
was so shocked
723
00:31:05,104 --> 00:31:08,073
at the very sight of you.
724
00:31:08,073 --> 00:31:09,868
[Gasps] Oh, my God!
725
00:31:09,868 --> 00:31:11,386
Not only that,
but we're both wearing
726
00:31:11,386 --> 00:31:13,941
the exact same nail polish.
727
00:31:13,941 --> 00:31:16,357
Really?
728
00:31:16,357 --> 00:31:17,599
How remarkable.
729
00:31:19,498 --> 00:31:20,740
- Well, it's getting
kind of late,
730
00:31:20,740 --> 00:31:22,708
and I'm off to Paris
in the morning.
731
00:31:22,708 --> 00:31:25,297
Must you leave so soon?
732
00:31:25,297 --> 00:31:28,576
- Dr. Bradley,
opening my show in Paris
733
00:31:28,576 --> 00:31:32,649
means more to me
than anything in the world,
734
00:31:32,649 --> 00:31:34,651
even playing "Hide the Hot Dog"
with you.
735
00:31:34,651 --> 00:31:36,342
[Chuckles]
736
00:31:36,342 --> 00:31:39,518
- Well, then.
What about a quick nightcap?
737
00:31:39,518 --> 00:31:40,657
- No.
- Brandy?
738
00:31:40,657 --> 00:31:41,830
- Mnh-mnh.
- Champagne?
739
00:31:41,830 --> 00:31:42,866
- Mnh-mnh.
- Sanka?
740
00:31:42,866 --> 00:31:44,454
- Lemonade with a twist?
- [Groans]
741
00:31:44,454 --> 00:31:45,731
- [Grunts]
- Ooh!
742
00:31:45,731 --> 00:31:46,732
[Crashes]
743
00:31:46,732 --> 00:31:47,975
[Water splashing]
744
00:31:49,079 --> 00:31:51,702
Mistress, it's time
for la douche.
745
00:31:51,702 --> 00:31:53,808
- Hmm.
- [Clears throat]
746
00:31:53,808 --> 00:31:55,189
Yes, quite right.
747
00:31:55,189 --> 00:31:58,709
Well, I'll send my carriage
around in the morning.
748
00:31:58,709 --> 00:32:00,884
Good night.
749
00:32:00,884 --> 00:32:04,370
- Oh, Dr. Bradley?
- Yes?
750
00:32:04,370 --> 00:32:05,958
Didn't you forget something?
751
00:32:10,790 --> 00:32:11,930
Ah, yes.
752
00:32:11,930 --> 00:32:13,552
Quite right.
753
00:32:25,115 --> 00:32:26,323
Good night.
754
00:32:28,429 --> 00:32:30,569
[Bats screeching]
755
00:32:30,569 --> 00:32:32,191
Oh, and Doc?
756
00:32:35,298 --> 00:32:36,989
I'll take a rain check
on that physical.
757
00:32:36,989 --> 00:32:38,059
[Clicks teeth]
758
00:32:41,097 --> 00:32:43,030
[Chord strikes]
759
00:32:43,030 --> 00:32:44,169
Oh hi, Ema.
760
00:32:45,964 --> 00:32:47,655
Thanks for spying on us.
761
00:32:47,655 --> 00:32:53,350
♪♪
762
00:32:53,350 --> 00:32:55,145
[Static]
763
00:32:55,145 --> 00:32:57,492
- The time has come
for the first
764
00:32:57,492 --> 00:33:00,254
of Joe Bob's Trick
or Treat tips.
765
00:33:00,254 --> 00:33:03,119
[Evil laugh]
766
00:33:04,913 --> 00:33:07,054
- You know, we're all about
Halloween safety here
767
00:33:07,054 --> 00:33:08,158
at "The Last Drive-in."
768
00:33:08,158 --> 00:33:10,298
And that's why
I always recommend
769
00:33:10,298 --> 00:33:12,093
that when you're planning
to put a paper bag
770
00:33:12,093 --> 00:33:14,199
full of dog doo doo
on someone's front porch
771
00:33:14,199 --> 00:33:16,477
and then light it on fire
and ring the doorbell,
772
00:33:16,477 --> 00:33:18,306
hoping that the resident
will stomp it out
773
00:33:18,306 --> 00:33:21,206
and get this disgusting crap
all over their shoes,
774
00:33:21,206 --> 00:33:23,415
always work in threes.
775
00:33:23,415 --> 00:33:25,520
One person to light
the bag and run.
776
00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:26,832
[Laughter]
777
00:33:26,832 --> 00:33:29,145
One person to ring the bell
778
00:33:29,145 --> 00:33:31,630
and run at the exact
same moment
779
00:33:31,630 --> 00:33:33,873
and one person to drive
the getaway car,
780
00:33:33,873 --> 00:33:37,015
which very important,
should never be parked
781
00:33:37,015 --> 00:33:39,638
to the dog doo doo.
victim's right.
782
00:33:39,638 --> 00:33:41,364
Always cheat it to the left.
783
00:33:41,364 --> 00:33:44,781
If this is the porch,
cheat it over here to the left
784
00:33:44,781 --> 00:33:48,681
so the rear license plate
is not visible until the car --
785
00:33:48,681 --> 00:33:50,373
The car is going
to accelerate rapidly
786
00:33:50,373 --> 00:33:52,168
with two criminal
misdemeanor vandals
787
00:33:52,168 --> 00:33:53,548
hanging out of the window.
788
00:33:53,548 --> 00:33:56,793
So also, do not use matches.
789
00:33:56,793 --> 00:33:58,829
Do not use a BIC lighter.
790
00:33:58,829 --> 00:34:01,970
Use a butane torch.
It's more efficient.
791
00:34:01,970 --> 00:34:04,835
Timing is everything.
12 seconds.
792
00:34:04,835 --> 00:34:07,286
The entire procedure
from lit paper bag
793
00:34:07,286 --> 00:34:09,047
to screeching tires
and disappearance
794
00:34:09,047 --> 00:34:12,257
around that first corner should
all occur within 12 seconds.
795
00:34:12,257 --> 00:34:14,569
Hit that 12 number
and you will be invisible
796
00:34:14,569 --> 00:34:17,779
to the person with the crap
encrusted footwear.
797
00:34:17,779 --> 00:34:19,712
Everybody wins.
798
00:34:19,712 --> 00:34:22,267
Happy Halloween.
799
00:34:22,267 --> 00:34:23,440
Alright,
Get this thing out of here.
800
00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:25,511
Yeah.
801
00:34:25,511 --> 00:34:27,410
That's my first Halloween
tip of the night, Darcy.
802
00:34:27,410 --> 00:34:28,721
- Wow.
- Yeah.
803
00:34:28,721 --> 00:34:30,620
- That was great.
- Alright.
804
00:34:32,863 --> 00:34:36,004
- There.
That enough candy corn for you?
805
00:34:36,004 --> 00:34:38,766
- I didn't say
I wanted to eat it.
806
00:34:38,766 --> 00:34:40,595
- What?
We can't eat all of this.
807
00:34:40,595 --> 00:34:42,597
- Well, candy corn
is one of those foods that,
808
00:34:42,597 --> 00:34:44,841
you know,
the first one tastes good,
809
00:34:44,841 --> 00:34:48,051
the second one tastes good.
Maybe the third one tastes good.
810
00:34:48,051 --> 00:34:50,018
That causes you eat
30 more of them,
811
00:34:50,018 --> 00:34:52,504
and then the 40th one
starts to taste kind of funky.
812
00:34:52,504 --> 00:34:54,299
And then after 50 of them,
you're still eating them
813
00:34:54,299 --> 00:34:56,059
because you're fascinated
by how you can bite off
814
00:34:56,059 --> 00:34:57,164
that white part on the tip
815
00:34:57,164 --> 00:34:58,820
and then, like,
eat the rest of it,
816
00:34:58,820 --> 00:35:01,720
or you can turn it upside down,
bite off the yellow part
817
00:35:01,720 --> 00:35:03,549
and eat the orange part
in the middle.
818
00:35:03,549 --> 00:35:05,620
And your mind is actually
telling you there's a difference
819
00:35:05,620 --> 00:35:08,485
in the taste if you eat it
[laughing] upside down
820
00:35:08,485 --> 00:35:09,969
and that the white part
taste different
821
00:35:09,969 --> 00:35:12,213
from the orange part
until you realize
822
00:35:12,213 --> 00:35:13,801
it's all exactly the same.
823
00:35:13,801 --> 00:35:16,942
It's candy corn and it's vile
and you're going to regret it.
824
00:35:16,942 --> 00:35:19,600
Your mouth is going to feel like
it's coated with Elmer's glue.
825
00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:21,912
- I have never regretted
eating candy corn.
826
00:35:21,912 --> 00:35:24,052
- Really?
Then how come nobody ever says,
827
00:35:24,052 --> 00:35:25,813
"You know,
this candy corn is so good?
828
00:35:25,813 --> 00:35:27,263
I'm going to order
several crates of it
829
00:35:27,263 --> 00:35:28,712
so we can have it year round.
830
00:35:28,712 --> 00:35:31,129
We don't have to eat it
at just at Halloween."
831
00:35:31,129 --> 00:35:33,441
Nobody does that.
Everybody says, you know,
832
00:35:33,441 --> 00:35:36,272
"That was enough candy corn
for the entire year.
833
00:35:36,272 --> 00:35:37,928
Maybe next year I'll forget
what it taste like
834
00:35:37,928 --> 00:35:39,413
and I'll buy it again."
835
00:35:39,413 --> 00:35:41,794
- It's better than your lame
caramel apple over there.
836
00:35:41,794 --> 00:35:43,589
- Yeah, you should like
a caramel apple.
837
00:35:43,589 --> 00:35:44,763
That's vegan.
838
00:35:44,763 --> 00:35:47,283
- Candy corn
is a guilty pleasure.
839
00:35:47,283 --> 00:35:50,838
- Well, candy corn is probably
seething with chemicals
840
00:35:50,838 --> 00:35:52,219
in addition to everything else
is wrong with it.
841
00:35:52,219 --> 00:35:54,497
We should hire a chemist
to break it down,
842
00:35:54,497 --> 00:35:56,430
see what -- what's
What's really in there.
843
00:35:56,430 --> 00:35:58,086
- Are you being a little
overdramatic?
844
00:35:58,086 --> 00:36:00,813
- Candy corn comes from
the dark side, Dorothy.
845
00:36:00,813 --> 00:36:01,987
If you say so, man.
846
00:36:01,987 --> 00:36:03,126
- Somebody should make
a movie called
847
00:36:03,126 --> 00:36:04,783
"Children of the Candy Corn."
[Laughter]
848
00:36:04,783 --> 00:36:06,474
- Ooh, that would be a hit,
for real.
849
00:36:06,474 --> 00:36:08,407
- No, it'd be like,
well, it might be.
850
00:36:08,407 --> 00:36:10,202
It might be like
"Elvira's Haunted Hills."
851
00:36:10,202 --> 00:36:12,204
You know, it's not a hit
when it comes out,
852
00:36:12,204 --> 00:36:14,689
but it develops
a cult following.
853
00:36:14,689 --> 00:36:17,382
The candy corn freaks
like yourself who would love it.
854
00:36:17,382 --> 00:36:20,178
You know, they would build
enormous piles of candy corn --
855
00:36:20,178 --> 00:36:21,627
- candy corn mountains.
- Yeah.
856
00:36:21,627 --> 00:36:24,147
You know, they would have sex
on top of the candy corn
857
00:36:24,147 --> 00:36:25,873
while they were rubbing
melted candy corn
858
00:36:25,873 --> 00:36:27,357
all over their private parts.
859
00:36:27,357 --> 00:36:29,221
- What is wrong with that?
- It's freakish.
860
00:36:29,221 --> 00:36:30,257
You know, it's not right.
861
00:36:30,257 --> 00:36:31,534
[Laughter]
862
00:36:31,534 --> 00:36:34,330
- You mentioned
"Elvira's Haunted Hills."
863
00:36:34,330 --> 00:36:35,952
Maybe it's a good idea
to talk about that.
864
00:36:35,952 --> 00:36:37,195
And I certainly will.
865
00:36:37,195 --> 00:36:40,646
"Elvira's Haunted Hills,"
as you probably noticed,
866
00:36:40,646 --> 00:36:43,235
is not a sequel
to the other Elvira movie,
867
00:36:43,235 --> 00:36:44,926
"Elvira Mistress of the Dark,"
868
00:36:44,926 --> 00:36:48,447
because this one is set in
Transylvania in the year 1851.
869
00:36:48,447 --> 00:36:50,725
And when I first saw it,
I thought, "Wow,
870
00:36:50,725 --> 00:36:52,900
They went out to the old
Paramount Ranch in Agoura
871
00:36:52,900 --> 00:36:54,246
and made it look like Romania.
872
00:36:54,246 --> 00:36:57,525
But no, they actually
went to Romania.
873
00:36:57,525 --> 00:36:59,700
You know, they went into
the Carpathian Mountains
874
00:36:59,700 --> 00:37:02,323
and crossed those mountains
into Transylvania.
875
00:37:02,323 --> 00:37:04,946
And and it's not even
a Dracula story,
876
00:37:04,946 --> 00:37:06,362
but they're in Transylvania.
877
00:37:06,362 --> 00:37:08,605
Anyway, what's interesting
about the style
878
00:37:08,605 --> 00:37:09,917
they're working with here,
879
00:37:09,917 --> 00:37:13,438
and they said it was a parody
of the Roger Corman,
880
00:37:13,438 --> 00:37:15,440
Edgar Allan Poe movies
of the early '60s,
881
00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:18,891
stuff like "Tomb of Ligeia"
and "Pit in the Pendulum,"
882
00:37:18,891 --> 00:37:21,446
all that stuff he made
with Vincent Price.
883
00:37:21,446 --> 00:37:23,862
But it's kind of -- it's more
like a parody of Mel Brooks
884
00:37:23,862 --> 00:37:25,588
doing a parody
of those movies
885
00:37:25,588 --> 00:37:29,074
because Elvira speaks
1980s smart ass Valley girl
886
00:37:29,074 --> 00:37:32,836
and everybody else speaks
1851 Hollywood gothic.
887
00:37:32,836 --> 00:37:34,113
And in the very first scene,
888
00:37:34,113 --> 00:37:37,496
Elvira refers to her two
enormous talents as airbags.
889
00:37:37,496 --> 00:37:41,017
And she uses junior high joke
material like hide the hot dog.
890
00:37:41,017 --> 00:37:42,294
[Laughter]
891
00:37:42,294 --> 00:37:44,848
And there's that Village People
joke in there.
892
00:37:44,848 --> 00:37:46,919
So obviously the movie
is just going to rip
893
00:37:46,919 --> 00:37:48,093
right through reality,
894
00:37:48,093 --> 00:37:50,509
like a bulldog chewing
on a stuffed toy.
895
00:37:50,509 --> 00:37:52,787
The castle
and the period costumes
896
00:37:52,787 --> 00:37:55,928
and the gothic sets
are basically background
897
00:37:55,928 --> 00:37:58,172
for a treasure chest
of one liners,
898
00:37:58,172 --> 00:38:00,933
starting with big boob material
and evolving from there.
899
00:38:00,933 --> 00:38:02,487
My kind of movie.
900
00:38:02,487 --> 00:38:05,593
But why am I talking about the
writing when we have the star,
901
00:38:05,593 --> 00:38:07,250
the producer, and the co-writer
with us tonight?
902
00:38:07,250 --> 00:38:08,941
[Cheers and applause]
903
00:38:08,941 --> 00:38:10,391
We'll bring her out
at the next break
904
00:38:10,391 --> 00:38:13,014
and find out just how
"Haunted Hills" happen.
905
00:38:13,014 --> 00:38:15,016
- Right, Darcy?
- I have been fangirling
906
00:38:15,016 --> 00:38:17,156
over this woman my entire life.
907
00:38:17,156 --> 00:38:19,331
- Do you have questions
for Cassandra?
908
00:38:19,331 --> 00:38:20,712
- Oh, my God.
Like about a bajillion.
909
00:38:20,712 --> 00:38:23,059
- Alright. Just don't
give her any candy corn, okay?
910
00:38:23,059 --> 00:38:25,095
- If she wants candy corn,
she can have candy corn.
911
00:38:25,095 --> 00:38:26,165
Okay, back to the movie.
912
00:38:26,165 --> 00:38:28,064
- She can have
anything she wants.
913
00:38:28,064 --> 00:38:29,514
Alright.
914
00:38:29,514 --> 00:38:31,688
She wants to chew on a blood
sausage, I think, because --
915
00:38:31,688 --> 00:38:33,207
I mean, doesn't every girl?
916
00:38:33,207 --> 00:38:35,313
[Laughter]
917
00:38:35,313 --> 00:38:37,694
- Are we going to do Elvira
double entendre all night?
918
00:38:37,694 --> 00:38:39,178
I certainly hope so.
919
00:38:39,178 --> 00:38:42,285
- She obviously didn't feel
constrained in this movie
920
00:38:42,285 --> 00:38:44,252
to go for that PG rating,
921
00:38:44,252 --> 00:38:45,668
you know,
like in the first movie,
922
00:38:45,668 --> 00:38:47,946
cause she's already --
she's already made two jokes
923
00:38:47,946 --> 00:38:50,362
about how she normally
gets paid for sex.
924
00:38:50,362 --> 00:38:52,985
So, you know, all the moms
who brought their 10-year-old
925
00:38:52,985 --> 00:38:55,194
daughters to the theater
in Elvira cosplay
926
00:38:55,194 --> 00:38:56,679
were thrilled with that,
I'm sure.
927
00:38:56,679 --> 00:38:58,059
That's my girl.
928
00:38:58,059 --> 00:39:00,303
- Yeah, and you were one
of those 10-year-old girls.
929
00:39:00,303 --> 00:39:02,098
- -Yeah, I was already doing
the cleavage in the hair
930
00:39:02,098 --> 00:39:03,824
when I was like, eight.
931
00:39:03,824 --> 00:39:04,894
And then you outgrew it.
932
00:39:04,894 --> 00:39:06,792
Oh, I will never outgrow it.
933
00:39:06,792 --> 00:39:08,276
- I know that.
I was being facetious.
934
00:39:08,276 --> 00:39:09,657
[Laughter]
935
00:39:09,657 --> 00:39:14,248
♪♪
936
00:39:14,248 --> 00:39:15,422
[Static]
937
00:39:15,422 --> 00:39:21,359
♪♪
938
00:39:21,359 --> 00:39:22,946
Oh, this is so relaxing.
939
00:39:22,946 --> 00:39:24,534
- Oh.
- [Sighs]
940
00:39:24,534 --> 00:39:26,536
Zou Zou, turn on
the bubbles, would you?
941
00:39:26,536 --> 00:39:27,986
[Sighs]
942
00:39:29,919 --> 00:39:31,230
[Inhales deeply]
943
00:39:31,230 --> 00:39:32,611
[Crank squeaking,
bubbles popping]
944
00:39:34,302 --> 00:39:38,237
- Mm. Ahh.
More hot water, Zou Zou.
945
00:39:38,237 --> 00:39:40,032
- [Gasps] But, Mistress,
I will have
946
00:39:40,032 --> 00:39:42,345
to go all the way
down to the kitchen!
947
00:39:42,345 --> 00:39:43,795
- Yeah?
And I have to sit here
948
00:39:43,795 --> 00:39:46,176
In a bathtub full of tepid water
until you get back.
949
00:39:46,176 --> 00:39:47,315
[Chuckles]
950
00:39:47,315 --> 00:39:48,800
Now scoot, scoot.
951
00:39:48,800 --> 00:39:50,629
Oui.
952
00:39:50,629 --> 00:39:52,251
Sacrebleu.
953
00:39:52,251 --> 00:39:53,460
[Mumbling]
954
00:39:53,460 --> 00:39:57,498
♪♪
955
00:39:57,498 --> 00:39:59,845
[Sighs]
956
00:39:59,845 --> 00:40:01,985
[Whistle!]
957
00:40:01,985 --> 00:40:03,953
[Deep voice] Arr, ye dogs.
958
00:40:03,953 --> 00:40:06,058
We have come for your booty.
959
00:40:06,058 --> 00:40:08,578
[High-pitched] Oh, no, please,
please, Mr. Big Bad Pirate.
960
00:40:08,578 --> 00:40:10,269
Please don't pillage my booty.
961
00:40:10,269 --> 00:40:11,857
[Window bangs open,
wind gusts]
962
00:40:11,857 --> 00:40:15,861
♪♪
963
00:40:15,861 --> 00:40:17,207
[Normal voice] Zou Zou?
964
00:40:17,207 --> 00:40:18,761
Zou Zou, is that you?
965
00:40:18,761 --> 00:40:24,732
♪♪
966
00:40:24,732 --> 00:40:26,424
Hey, hey, what are you doing?
967
00:40:26,424 --> 00:40:28,287
You wanna blow the rating
on this picture?
968
00:40:28,287 --> 00:40:33,223
♪♪
969
00:40:33,223 --> 00:40:34,570
[Wind whistling]
970
00:40:34,570 --> 00:40:41,162
♪♪
971
00:40:41,162 --> 00:40:42,716
Oh.
972
00:40:42,716 --> 00:40:43,958
Ah.
973
00:40:43,958 --> 00:40:46,167
Oh. [Grunts]
974
00:40:46,167 --> 00:40:47,652
[Panting]
975
00:40:47,652 --> 00:40:50,378
♪♪
976
00:40:50,378 --> 00:40:51,587
[Sighs]
977
00:40:51,587 --> 00:40:57,938
♪♪
978
00:40:57,938 --> 00:41:04,703
♪♪
979
00:41:04,703 --> 00:41:06,533
Hmm.
Finders keepers.
980
00:41:06,533 --> 00:41:10,260
♪♪
981
00:41:10,260 --> 00:41:13,125
Where have I seen
this thing before?
982
00:41:13,125 --> 00:41:14,748
Oh.
983
00:41:14,748 --> 00:41:16,025
[Chord strikes]
984
00:41:17,578 --> 00:41:19,615
Come on, you're dripping
with jewels.
985
00:41:19,615 --> 00:41:22,549
You're not gonna miss
one little old ring, are you?
986
00:41:22,549 --> 00:41:24,102
[Screams]
987
00:41:24,102 --> 00:41:26,035
[Screams]
988
00:41:26,035 --> 00:41:27,830
- Zou Zou, you scared the
caca-doodie out of me!
989
00:41:27,830 --> 00:41:29,314
- Wha--
- Shh!
990
00:41:29,314 --> 00:41:30,971
[Doorknob rattling]
991
00:41:30,971 --> 00:41:38,634
♪♪
992
00:41:38,634 --> 00:41:46,124
♪♪
993
00:41:46,124 --> 00:41:49,817
♪♪
994
00:41:49,817 --> 00:41:52,958
[All screaming]
995
00:41:52,958 --> 00:41:55,443
- [Groans] Haven't you ever
heard of knocking?
996
00:41:56,893 --> 00:41:58,930
I'm so sorry.
997
00:41:58,930 --> 00:42:01,277
I didn't mean to startle you.
998
00:42:01,277 --> 00:42:03,935
I'm Lady Roxana.
999
00:42:03,935 --> 00:42:05,799
Oh, and I'm Elvira.
1000
00:42:05,799 --> 00:42:07,110
Hey, what do you know?
1001
00:42:07,110 --> 00:42:08,802
The lady and the tramp!
1002
00:42:08,802 --> 00:42:11,252
[Laughter]
1003
00:42:11,252 --> 00:42:12,909
[Coughs]
1004
00:42:12,909 --> 00:42:14,566
[Gags]
1005
00:42:14,566 --> 00:42:17,914
[Coughing]
1006
00:42:17,914 --> 00:42:19,053
[Sneezes]
1007
00:42:21,469 --> 00:42:24,231
- I think this is
a piece of your lung.
1008
00:42:24,231 --> 00:42:25,473
Eww.
1009
00:42:25,473 --> 00:42:27,337
Thank you.
1010
00:42:27,337 --> 00:42:32,688
I-I just came to apologize
for my ghastly behavior
1011
00:42:32,688 --> 00:42:34,759
earlier this evening.
1012
00:42:34,759 --> 00:42:38,486
I was just so shocked
by your appearance.
1013
00:42:38,486 --> 00:42:40,005
Yeah, well, most people are,
1014
00:42:40,005 --> 00:42:44,113
but they usually don't have
quite such a strong reaction.
1015
00:42:44,113 --> 00:42:48,566
- For a moment,
I thought that you
1016
00:42:48,566 --> 00:42:50,913
were my Aunt Elura,
1017
00:42:50,913 --> 00:42:53,018
risen from the grave!
1018
00:42:53,018 --> 00:42:55,883
- Yeah, I seem to be getting
that a lot lately.
1019
00:42:55,883 --> 00:43:01,095
So, Roxana, is it true
that you also have the curse?
1020
00:43:01,095 --> 00:43:04,167
Yes, I'm afraid I do.
1021
00:43:04,167 --> 00:43:08,171
- Really? And you still manage to
look so fresh all over.
1022
00:43:08,171 --> 00:43:11,278
- Uncle Vladimere says
there is no...
1023
00:43:11,278 --> 00:43:12,866
escape!
1024
00:43:15,006 --> 00:43:17,836
From the family curse.
1025
00:43:17,836 --> 00:43:18,941
Hey, cheer up.
1026
00:43:18,941 --> 00:43:20,114
I mean, maybe it's
like hair loss
1027
00:43:20,114 --> 00:43:21,840
and it'll skip a generation.
1028
00:43:21,840 --> 00:43:23,048
No!
1029
00:43:23,048 --> 00:43:27,121
Uncle Vladimere says
I am destined to remain
1030
00:43:27,121 --> 00:43:34,542
within these dark castle walls
for the rest of my short...
1031
00:43:34,542 --> 00:43:36,337
[Gags]
1032
00:43:36,337 --> 00:43:40,341
happy...
1033
00:43:40,341 --> 00:43:41,757
life.
1034
00:43:41,757 --> 00:43:44,829
[Scoffs] "Uncle Vladimere says,
Uncle Vladimere says."
1035
00:43:44,829 --> 00:43:46,520
You know, girl, I don't wanna go
sticking my nose
1036
00:43:46,520 --> 00:43:48,695
in where it don't belong,
but if I were you,
1037
00:43:48,695 --> 00:43:50,558
I would just pack
my little bags,
1038
00:43:50,558 --> 00:43:52,284
forget about
what Uncle Vladimere says,
1039
00:43:52,284 --> 00:43:55,598
and get the hell
on out of Castle Hellsubus.
1040
00:43:55,598 --> 00:43:58,325
Oh, if only I could.
1041
00:43:58,325 --> 00:44:00,741
- Well, what's stopping you?
Your legs painted on?
1042
00:44:00,741 --> 00:44:02,640
- Where will I go,
what would I do?
1043
00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:04,124
- We leave for Paris
in the morning,
1044
00:44:04,124 --> 00:44:06,471
you could come with us, no?
1045
00:44:06,471 --> 00:44:08,059
- Uh, no, actually,
where we're going
1046
00:44:08,059 --> 00:44:10,820
is kind of
an adults-only thing and...
1047
00:44:10,820 --> 00:44:11,959
No.
1048
00:44:11,959 --> 00:44:14,652
[Coughing, gags]
1049
00:44:14,652 --> 00:44:17,171
Of course, I...
1050
00:44:17,171 --> 00:44:19,484
I -- I understand.
1051
00:44:19,484 --> 00:44:21,797
[Coughing]
1052
00:44:21,797 --> 00:44:24,869
- Alright, alright,
you can go with us.
1053
00:44:24,869 --> 00:44:26,318
Just be sure to have
your stuff ready tonight,
1054
00:44:26,318 --> 00:44:28,562
'cause we're leaving
first thing in the morning.
1055
00:44:28,562 --> 00:44:30,391
Oh, thank you, Elvira.
1056
00:44:30,391 --> 00:44:33,394
You're wonderful!
1057
00:44:33,394 --> 00:44:34,741
Good night.
1058
00:44:38,227 --> 00:44:41,161
[All screaming]
1059
00:44:44,095 --> 00:44:45,337
[Sighs]
1060
00:44:45,337 --> 00:44:47,512
What do you want?
1061
00:44:47,512 --> 00:44:49,721
- I just came to see
if you needed
1062
00:44:49,721 --> 00:44:52,310
anything before you retire.
1063
00:44:52,310 --> 00:44:56,038
Uh, a cup of warm milk, perhaps?
1064
00:44:56,038 --> 00:44:59,006
- You know, actually, a cup of
warm milk sounds kinda good.
1065
00:44:59,006 --> 00:45:00,145
Thanks.
1066
00:45:00,145 --> 00:45:01,319
Very well.
1067
00:45:01,319 --> 00:45:03,908
I'll have the maid
milk the goat.
1068
00:45:03,908 --> 00:45:05,910
- Um, you know,
on second thought,
1069
00:45:05,910 --> 00:45:07,843
just send up a bottle
of scotch and a straw.
1070
00:45:09,741 --> 00:45:11,467
[Bat screeches]
1071
00:45:11,467 --> 00:45:12,986
[Door creaks]
1072
00:45:12,986 --> 00:45:13,987
[Door slams]
1073
00:45:13,987 --> 00:45:16,058
[Wolf howling, thunder rumbling]
1074
00:45:17,922 --> 00:45:19,440
[Clanking]
1075
00:45:31,521 --> 00:45:33,040
[Snoring]
1076
00:45:35,180 --> 00:45:36,526
[Muffled screaming]
1077
00:45:36,526 --> 00:45:38,528
- Oh, what --
- Shh! Mistress, it's me!
1078
00:45:38,528 --> 00:45:40,461
- Zou Zou, what the hell
are you doing?
1079
00:45:40,461 --> 00:45:42,636
Shh. Listen.
1080
00:45:42,636 --> 00:45:43,844
I'm scared.
1081
00:45:43,844 --> 00:45:45,812
[Whimpering]
1082
00:45:45,812 --> 00:45:49,056
- Zou Zou, that's just the
grinding and clanking noise
1083
00:45:49,056 --> 00:45:51,610
that, you know,
instruments of torture make.
1084
00:45:51,610 --> 00:45:53,992
[Whimpering]
1085
00:45:57,064 --> 00:45:59,239
Ah, alright, alright,
I'll throw on something
1086
00:45:59,239 --> 00:46:01,275
skimpy and head down
to the dungeon.
1087
00:46:06,694 --> 00:46:07,868
[Whimpering]
1088
00:46:07,868 --> 00:46:09,456
[Door creaks open]
1089
00:46:11,596 --> 00:46:14,944
♪♪
1090
00:46:14,944 --> 00:46:16,774
[Clanking in distance]
1091
00:46:16,774 --> 00:46:26,473
♪♪
1092
00:46:26,473 --> 00:46:34,101
♪♪
1093
00:46:34,101 --> 00:46:42,247
♪♪
1094
00:46:42,247 --> 00:46:50,324
♪♪
1095
00:46:50,324 --> 00:46:56,503
♪♪
1096
00:46:56,503 --> 00:46:59,609
- [Whispering] Let's see.
Now where's the secret door?
1097
00:46:59,609 --> 00:47:01,266
They always have one of those.
1098
00:47:01,266 --> 00:47:03,027
♪♪
1099
00:47:03,027 --> 00:47:04,718
[Clanking continues]
1100
00:47:04,718 --> 00:47:12,519
♪♪
1101
00:47:12,519 --> 00:47:14,107
Oh.
[Wall scrapes]
1102
00:47:14,107 --> 00:47:20,182
♪♪
1103
00:47:20,182 --> 00:47:21,286
[Thunder crashes]
1104
00:47:21,286 --> 00:47:23,081
[Grunting]
1105
00:47:23,081 --> 00:47:25,359
[Door scraping]
1106
00:47:25,359 --> 00:47:27,568
[Screams]
1107
00:47:27,568 --> 00:47:29,570
[Grunting]
1108
00:47:29,570 --> 00:47:35,059
♪♪
1109
00:47:35,059 --> 00:47:36,474
[Clanking]
1110
00:47:36,474 --> 00:47:42,652
♪♪
1111
00:47:42,652 --> 00:47:43,653
[Gasps]
1112
00:47:43,653 --> 00:47:45,000
[Rat squeaking]
1113
00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:46,173
Oh, hello.
1114
00:47:46,173 --> 00:47:48,175
♪♪
1115
00:47:52,593 --> 00:47:54,112
[Creaking]
1116
00:47:54,112 --> 00:47:55,769
[Footsteps approaching]
1117
00:47:59,669 --> 00:48:00,981
[Door opens]
1118
00:48:00,981 --> 00:48:08,402
♪♪
1119
00:48:08,402 --> 00:48:09,783
[Lock clicks]
1120
00:48:09,783 --> 00:48:18,965
♪♪
1121
00:48:18,965 --> 00:48:24,418
♪♪
1122
00:48:24,418 --> 00:48:25,523
[Door closes]
1123
00:48:25,523 --> 00:48:34,566
♪♪
1124
00:48:34,566 --> 00:48:39,571
♪♪
1125
00:48:39,571 --> 00:48:40,710
[Metal scraps]
1126
00:48:40,710 --> 00:48:42,195
[Door closes]
1127
00:48:42,195 --> 00:48:50,893
♪♪
1128
00:48:50,893 --> 00:48:57,210
♪♪
1129
00:48:57,210 --> 00:48:59,833
Hmm?
Is somebody in there?
1130
00:48:59,833 --> 00:49:00,938
Hello?
1131
00:49:00,938 --> 00:49:05,839
♪♪
1132
00:49:05,839 --> 00:49:06,840
[Thunder crashes]
1133
00:49:06,840 --> 00:49:09,808
Oh.
Roxana, is that you?
1134
00:49:09,808 --> 00:49:11,603
Oh, I just saw the light
on in here
1135
00:49:11,603 --> 00:49:14,537
and I was wondering
what you were doing down here.
1136
00:49:14,537 --> 00:49:16,056
Um, you know, I wanted to talk
to you about --
1137
00:49:16,056 --> 00:49:17,057
[Gasps]
1138
00:49:17,057 --> 00:49:19,370
[Squeaking]
1139
00:49:19,370 --> 00:49:21,372
Uh, careful, that thing might
go off in your hand.
1140
00:49:21,372 --> 00:49:22,821
[Squeaking stops]
1141
00:49:23,857 --> 00:49:26,756
Oh, you startled me.
1142
00:49:26,756 --> 00:49:28,724
- If you're looking
for something to steal,
1143
00:49:28,724 --> 00:49:30,036
uh, uh, there's really
not much here.
1144
00:49:30,036 --> 00:49:31,313
I already checked.
1145
00:49:31,313 --> 00:49:33,487
[Out of sync] Oh, sorry.
1146
00:49:33,487 --> 00:49:37,008
Lord Hellsubus' pistol
needed cleaning.
1147
00:49:37,008 --> 00:49:39,079
Allow me to introduce
myself, madam.
1148
00:49:40,978 --> 00:49:42,876
- [Whispering]
How does he do that?
1149
00:49:42,876 --> 00:49:43,877
Weird.
1150
00:49:43,877 --> 00:49:46,397
I am Adrian, the stable master.
1151
00:49:47,985 --> 00:49:50,194
I often come here secretly.
1152
00:49:50,194 --> 00:49:52,541
Books are my greatest pleasure,
and as you can see,
1153
00:49:52,541 --> 00:49:55,958
the master has
a magnificent collection.
1154
00:49:55,958 --> 00:49:57,201
[Normal voice] Of what?
1155
00:49:57,201 --> 00:49:58,857
[Chuckles]
1156
00:49:58,857 --> 00:50:00,963
Books.
1157
00:50:00,963 --> 00:50:02,758
Oh, books.
1158
00:50:02,758 --> 00:50:04,380
Yeah, I hadn't noticed.
1159
00:50:04,380 --> 00:50:07,659
- I'm constantly trying
to better myself.
1160
00:50:07,659 --> 00:50:08,695
It's working.
1161
00:50:08,695 --> 00:50:11,284
And who, may I ask, are you?
1162
00:50:11,284 --> 00:50:12,492
Oh, me?
1163
00:50:12,492 --> 00:50:13,976
I'm just Elvira.
1164
00:50:13,976 --> 00:50:15,978
You know, house guest,
bon vivant,
1165
00:50:15,978 --> 00:50:17,773
entertainer extraordinaire.
1166
00:50:17,773 --> 00:50:19,878
I'm just here for the night.
1167
00:50:22,088 --> 00:50:24,883
[Smooching, wood cracks]
1168
00:50:24,883 --> 00:50:26,920
[Smooching continues]
1169
00:50:26,920 --> 00:50:29,647
But then, a lot can happen
in a night.
1170
00:50:31,235 --> 00:50:32,753
[Giggles]
1171
00:50:33,685 --> 00:50:35,411
Woo, Lord have mercy.
1172
00:50:35,411 --> 00:50:36,792
It is warm in here, isn't it?
1173
00:50:37,793 --> 00:50:39,760
[Gasps] Your gown!
1174
00:50:39,760 --> 00:50:41,003
Ow, ow, ow!
1175
00:50:41,003 --> 00:50:43,971
[Grunting, groaning]
1176
00:50:43,971 --> 00:50:45,249
Are you all right?
1177
00:50:45,249 --> 00:50:46,871
Is the fire out?
1178
00:50:46,871 --> 00:50:49,736
- Honey, the fire's
just getting started.
1179
00:50:49,736 --> 00:50:52,152
I mean, it must have been
a cinder that landed
1180
00:50:52,152 --> 00:50:53,291
on my nightgown.
1181
00:50:53,291 --> 00:50:56,915
No, it was no accident.
1182
00:50:56,915 --> 00:50:59,780
This house is not
a healthy place for you to be.
1183
00:50:59,780 --> 00:51:01,610
Ew, not healthy?
1184
00:51:01,610 --> 00:51:04,302
I have been scratching myself
a lot lately.
1185
00:51:04,302 --> 00:51:05,786
And I'm sure Lord Hellsubus
1186
00:51:05,786 --> 00:51:08,582
has not been
the most gracious of hosts.
1187
00:51:08,582 --> 00:51:11,551
- Duh, that's the understatement
of the 19th century.
1188
00:51:11,551 --> 00:51:13,035
- Since the death
of his first wife,
1189
00:51:13,035 --> 00:51:14,899
he has not been
feeling himself.
1190
00:51:14,899 --> 00:51:15,969
Too bad.
1191
00:51:15,969 --> 00:51:18,627
It might relieve
a lot of that tension.
1192
00:51:18,627 --> 00:51:20,077
- I'm afraid the poor man
is grief-stricken
1193
00:51:20,077 --> 00:51:22,838
ever since the Lady Elura
committed suicide.
1194
00:51:22,838 --> 00:51:24,805
Committed suicide?
1195
00:51:24,805 --> 00:51:26,669
Why would anybody living here
at Sunnybrook Farm
1196
00:51:26,669 --> 00:51:28,499
want to kill themselves?
1197
00:51:28,499 --> 00:51:31,226
- The master blames himself
for her death.
1198
00:51:31,226 --> 00:51:35,195
Me, I blame the Hellsubus curse.
1199
00:51:35,195 --> 00:51:38,509
Oh, you poor darling!
1200
00:51:38,509 --> 00:51:41,063
- But I had nothing
to do with it.
1201
00:51:41,063 --> 00:51:43,652
I don't care.
1202
00:51:43,652 --> 00:51:45,895
[Footsteps approaching]
1203
00:51:45,895 --> 00:51:47,138
[Gasps]
1204
00:51:47,138 --> 00:51:49,244
I mustn't be found here.
1205
00:51:49,244 --> 00:51:50,555
Get behind the curtain, quick.
1206
00:51:50,555 --> 00:51:51,729
Yeah, good idea.
1207
00:51:51,729 --> 00:52:00,738
♪♪
1208
00:52:00,738 --> 00:52:02,981
I thought I heard voices.
1209
00:52:02,981 --> 00:52:05,536
- Oh, yeah, you and everybody
else in this bug house.
1210
00:52:05,536 --> 00:52:13,716
♪♪
1211
00:52:13,716 --> 00:52:14,786
[Gasps]
1212
00:52:16,754 --> 00:52:18,859
A spider.
1213
00:52:18,859 --> 00:52:20,137
[Chord strikes]
1214
00:52:20,137 --> 00:52:21,276
[Groans]
1215
00:52:21,276 --> 00:52:22,518
[Thunder crashes]
1216
00:52:24,141 --> 00:52:25,694
[Dog barking]
1217
00:52:25,694 --> 00:52:27,523
Hmm.
1218
00:52:27,523 --> 00:52:29,111
[Wind whistling]
1219
00:52:29,111 --> 00:52:34,979
♪♪
1220
00:52:34,979 --> 00:52:36,877
[Thunder crashes]
1221
00:52:36,877 --> 00:52:38,189
[Grunts]
1222
00:52:38,189 --> 00:52:46,922
♪♪
1223
00:52:46,922 --> 00:52:48,475
♪♪
1224
00:52:48,475 --> 00:52:49,959
[Tinkle!]
1225
00:52:49,959 --> 00:52:54,309
♪♪
1226
00:52:54,309 --> 00:52:55,862
[Static]
1227
00:52:55,862 --> 00:52:57,864
Your Ouija board didn't lie.
1228
00:52:57,864 --> 00:53:01,143
Here's Joe Bob Briggs
with another of his invaluable
1229
00:53:01,143 --> 00:53:02,938
trick or treat tips.
1230
00:53:02,938 --> 00:53:04,767
[Evil laughter]
1231
00:53:04,767 --> 00:53:06,907
♪♪
1232
00:53:06,907 --> 00:53:09,186
- Okay, our second Halloween
tip for the night
1233
00:53:09,186 --> 00:53:10,773
so that we ensure it's a safe
1234
00:53:10,773 --> 00:53:13,397
and wholesome holiday
for the whole family
1235
00:53:13,397 --> 00:53:17,055
brings us to the topic
of culinary gross outs.
1236
00:53:17,055 --> 00:53:18,781
The easiest one, of course,
1237
00:53:18,781 --> 00:53:22,785
is just fake poop in the candy
bowl, the old standby.
1238
00:53:22,785 --> 00:53:24,649
If you want
to enhance it a little bit,
1239
00:53:24,649 --> 00:53:28,446
make sure you take the fake poop
and rinse it off, you know,
1240
00:53:28,446 --> 00:53:31,449
right before you use it so that
it looks extremely fresh,
1241
00:53:31,449 --> 00:53:32,554
especially if positioned
1242
00:53:32,554 --> 00:53:34,556
next to some sort
of chocolate confection.
1243
00:53:34,556 --> 00:53:36,282
See, they put
the chocolates here,
1244
00:53:36,282 --> 00:53:38,284
you put the poop
right in the middle.
1245
00:53:38,284 --> 00:53:41,390
And speaking of chocolate,
always remember people will eat
1246
00:53:41,390 --> 00:53:43,634
anything coated with chocolate.
1247
00:53:43,634 --> 00:53:45,187
If it has chocolate
on the outside,
1248
00:53:45,187 --> 00:53:47,948
they assume through generations
of brainwashing
1249
00:53:47,948 --> 00:53:49,191
by the Hershey Corporation
1250
00:53:49,191 --> 00:53:51,504
that it will also contain
chocolate on the inside.
1251
00:53:51,504 --> 00:53:53,885
So what we're going to do
is we're going to go to YouTube
1252
00:53:53,885 --> 00:53:55,853
and watch one of those
very informative videos
1253
00:53:55,853 --> 00:53:56,992
on how to dip chocolate
1254
00:53:56,992 --> 00:53:59,374
without an actual chocolate
dipping machine.
1255
00:53:59,374 --> 00:54:02,411
But we're not going
to dip homemade candy.
1256
00:54:02,411 --> 00:54:03,757
We're going to dip
Brussel sprouts.
1257
00:54:03,757 --> 00:54:04,793
[Laughter]
1258
00:54:04,793 --> 00:54:06,450
Coat 'em up good.
1259
00:54:06,450 --> 00:54:07,865
And Brussels sprouts,
as we all know,
1260
00:54:07,865 --> 00:54:08,935
have a cute shape,
1261
00:54:08,935 --> 00:54:10,902
but they taste
hilariously bitter
1262
00:54:10,902 --> 00:54:12,179
and they're really hard
on the stomach.
1263
00:54:12,179 --> 00:54:14,527
So we get the triple whammy.
1264
00:54:14,527 --> 00:54:18,151
We get the triple whammy of
the gastrointestinal gut punch,
1265
00:54:18,151 --> 00:54:20,774
the puke factor,
and of course, most important,
1266
00:54:20,774 --> 00:54:23,398
the surprise selfie that you
take at the moment of impact.
1267
00:54:23,398 --> 00:54:24,744
Now, there's a variation
on this one
1268
00:54:24,744 --> 00:54:28,920
where you dip a bell pepper
or a tomato in chocolate
1269
00:54:28,920 --> 00:54:31,371
so that it looks like
a caramel apple.
1270
00:54:31,371 --> 00:54:34,305
But I don't like the size factor
on those choices.
1271
00:54:34,305 --> 00:54:35,789
The victim is only
going to bite once
1272
00:54:35,789 --> 00:54:38,930
and then the chocolate covered
hill bite becomes a projectile.
1273
00:54:38,930 --> 00:54:40,484
He can easily hurl
that at your head.
1274
00:54:40,484 --> 00:54:42,071
So stick with
the Brussel sprouts
1275
00:54:42,071 --> 00:54:43,694
and you will bring
joy to all.
1276
00:54:43,694 --> 00:54:45,454
Happy Halloween.
[Laughter]
1277
00:54:45,454 --> 00:54:46,938
- Alright, you can take
this away.
1278
00:54:46,938 --> 00:54:48,077
Alright.
1279
00:54:50,148 --> 00:54:51,391
[Sighs]
1280
00:54:53,013 --> 00:54:55,153
- Hope it was worth it.
- [Whispering] He's ridiculous.
1281
00:54:57,466 --> 00:55:00,883
- Which role in this movie
would you imagine
1282
00:55:00,883 --> 00:55:03,127
was offered to Fabio
but he turned it down?
1283
00:55:03,127 --> 00:55:04,922
Yes, that's right,
the pistol-polishing
1284
00:55:04,922 --> 00:55:09,478
stable stud played
by Gabi Andronache,
1285
00:55:09,478 --> 00:55:11,756
who speaks
absolutely no English,
1286
00:55:11,756 --> 00:55:13,551
was originally intended
for the Italian
1287
00:55:13,551 --> 00:55:15,312
romance novel poster boy.
1288
00:55:15,312 --> 00:55:17,279
But this guy is hysterical.
1289
00:55:17,279 --> 00:55:20,075
I think Fabio
would have ruined it,
1290
00:55:20,075 --> 00:55:21,628
and I love the bad dubbing.
1291
00:55:21,628 --> 00:55:24,321
So many of these movies
had the bad Italian dubbing,
1292
00:55:24,321 --> 00:55:27,462
but let's not waste any more
time on my observations.
1293
00:55:27,462 --> 00:55:29,256
Let's bring out
the creative force
1294
00:55:29,256 --> 00:55:31,328
- behind "Elvira's Haunted Hills."
- Whoo!
1295
00:55:31,328 --> 00:55:33,778
My friend of many years,
the woman who's fearless
1296
00:55:33,778 --> 00:55:36,643
about breaking the fourth wall
and breaking men's hearts.
1297
00:55:36,643 --> 00:55:40,475
The co-writer, producer
and star, Cassandra Peterson.
1298
00:55:40,475 --> 00:55:42,580
[Cheers and applause]
1299
00:55:44,927 --> 00:55:46,032
I'm glad to see you do.
1300
00:55:46,032 --> 00:55:47,689
- You, too.
Great to see you.
1301
00:55:47,689 --> 00:55:49,173
- Come on, Darcy.
Come on out.
1302
00:55:49,173 --> 00:55:51,624
- So, Cassandra...
- Your dress is a weenie.
1303
00:55:51,624 --> 00:55:54,074
- ...is it -- is it true
that you spent
1304
00:55:54,074 --> 00:55:56,939
your life savings
getting this movie made.
1305
00:55:56,939 --> 00:55:59,873
- At the time, yes.
That was totally true.
1306
00:55:59,873 --> 00:56:00,909
Really?
1307
00:56:00,909 --> 00:56:03,256
- I had spent the previous
13 years
1308
00:56:03,256 --> 00:56:04,844
trying to get another film made
1309
00:56:04,844 --> 00:56:08,192
and writing scripts
with my partner, John Paragon,
1310
00:56:08,192 --> 00:56:10,539
taking them around,
trying to sell them,
1311
00:56:10,539 --> 00:56:11,920
and nobody would touch me.
1312
00:56:11,920 --> 00:56:14,750
I mean, the -- the box office
and my, you know,
1313
00:56:14,750 --> 00:56:17,719
"Elvira: Mistress of the Dark,"
was horrible.
1314
00:56:17,719 --> 00:56:19,203
So that was -- that was it.
1315
00:56:19,203 --> 00:56:21,239
- But it came back in video,
right?
1316
00:56:21,239 --> 00:56:22,344
- It did.
- I mean, you had a good --
1317
00:56:22,344 --> 00:56:23,725
you had good video numbers,
1318
00:56:23,725 --> 00:56:25,278
so you should have been able
to get a deal.
1319
00:56:25,278 --> 00:56:27,384
- You thought so,
you'd think so.
1320
00:56:27,384 --> 00:56:28,695
Still couldn't get a deal.
1321
00:56:28,695 --> 00:56:32,423
It was like I was
box office poison.
1322
00:56:32,423 --> 00:56:34,701
So we just had to take
a bunch of money that we had
1323
00:56:34,701 --> 00:56:37,773
and decided we'll make
our own damn movie,
1324
00:56:37,773 --> 00:56:39,292
which is a big, huge mistake.
1325
00:56:39,292 --> 00:56:40,431
Don't ever do that.
1326
00:56:40,431 --> 00:56:41,881
- Oh, really?
[Laughter]
1327
00:56:41,881 --> 00:56:43,192
Yeah, you heard that before.
1328
00:56:43,192 --> 00:56:45,643
- Well, that's the opposite
of Lloyd Kaufman advice.
1329
00:56:45,643 --> 00:56:47,231
He said, "Get out there and make
your own damn movie."
1330
00:56:47,231 --> 00:56:48,750
- Seriously?
- [ Laughs ]
1331
00:56:48,750 --> 00:56:49,889
That's Lloyd Kaufman for you.
1332
00:56:49,889 --> 00:56:51,442
[Laughter]
1333
00:56:51,442 --> 00:56:53,686
But, yeah,
a big mistake anyway.
1334
00:56:53,686 --> 00:56:55,550
Anyway, don't use
your own money.
1335
00:56:55,550 --> 00:56:58,553
That was the lesson number one
in show business.
1336
00:56:58,553 --> 00:57:01,694
And -- but we had
a great experience doing it.
1337
00:57:01,694 --> 00:57:03,489
I'm glad, you know,
when all is said and done,
1338
00:57:03,489 --> 00:57:04,938
I'm glad I did it
because you wouldn't have
1339
00:57:04,938 --> 00:57:06,423
a movie to show tonight,
you know?
1340
00:57:06,423 --> 00:57:08,770
- Right. Well, we have
so much to talk about
1341
00:57:08,770 --> 00:57:10,944
because you have a bestselling
book out right now.
1342
00:57:10,944 --> 00:57:14,672
"Yours Cruelly, Elvira,"
your autobiography.
1343
00:57:14,672 --> 00:57:18,849
You have an army of adoring fans
who were devastated
1344
00:57:18,849 --> 00:57:22,369
when you decided
to put away the Elvira makeup...
1345
00:57:22,369 --> 00:57:24,820
- I did?
- ...and the plunging neckline
1346
00:57:24,820 --> 00:57:26,822
and the trademark hair.
1347
00:57:26,822 --> 00:57:28,583
Well, I'm going to ask you,
is that true?
1348
00:57:28,583 --> 00:57:31,206
- Who said that?
- Have you put it away forever?
1349
00:57:31,206 --> 00:57:33,311
I say that every decade.
1350
00:57:33,311 --> 00:57:34,658
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
1351
00:57:34,658 --> 00:57:37,833
Whenever I turn
the big one,
1352
00:57:37,833 --> 00:57:40,146
I say I'm not going
to do Elvira anymore,
1353
00:57:40,146 --> 00:57:41,285
- and then I end up doing it.
- Yay.
1354
00:57:41,285 --> 00:57:43,494
But it does get to a point
1355
00:57:43,494 --> 00:57:46,324
where nobody's gonna
wanna see that stuff anymore.
1356
00:57:46,324 --> 00:57:47,464
That's not true.
1357
00:57:47,464 --> 00:57:49,707
You just did one
last year on Shudder.
1358
00:57:49,707 --> 00:57:53,090
I mean, it was very
well-received, very popular.
1359
00:57:53,090 --> 00:57:54,263
- Thank you.
You never know.
1360
00:57:54,263 --> 00:57:56,438
I mean, I could be doing this
till I'm 90.
1361
00:57:56,438 --> 00:57:59,337
- It just stuff that I'm...
- Yay.
1362
00:57:59,337 --> 00:58:00,718
- You always -- you always
did your own
1363
00:58:00,718 --> 00:58:02,858
- makeup and wardrobe, right?
- I did.
1364
00:58:02,858 --> 00:58:05,240
- Yeah.
- I did that because
1365
00:58:05,240 --> 00:58:06,621
I went through this period
1366
00:58:06,621 --> 00:58:08,899
of where I'd have
other makeup artists do it,
1367
00:58:08,899 --> 00:58:11,177
and they would do a much,
much better job than me,
1368
00:58:11,177 --> 00:58:12,489
and let me tell you.
1369
00:58:12,489 --> 00:58:15,043
But I'd always look
a little bit different.
1370
00:58:15,043 --> 00:58:16,493
It would never be the same,
and finally
1371
00:58:16,493 --> 00:58:17,908
I just kind of threw my hands up
and said,
1372
00:58:17,908 --> 00:58:19,634
"Let me just do it myself."
1373
00:58:19,634 --> 00:58:23,707
Then, good or bad, at least I
know I look the same every time.
1374
00:58:23,707 --> 00:58:25,398
- Well, one thing
that was interesting to me
1375
00:58:25,398 --> 00:58:27,952
is in your book is that you said
you were inspired
1376
00:58:27,952 --> 00:58:29,713
by these drag queens
that you worked with
1377
00:58:29,713 --> 00:58:31,059
- when you were very young...
- Oh, hell yeah.
1378
00:58:31,059 --> 00:58:34,200
- ...at The Purple Cow
and The Club A-Go-Go.
1379
00:58:34,200 --> 00:58:36,961
Where where was The Purple Cow
and The Club A-Go-Go?
1380
00:58:36,961 --> 00:58:39,101
Colorado Springs, Colorado.
1381
00:58:39,101 --> 00:58:41,241
I graduated high school,
believe it or not.
1382
00:58:41,241 --> 00:58:45,349
I did graduate,
and I danced.
1383
00:58:45,349 --> 00:58:47,282
- I did go-go dancing.
- Go-Go dancing.
1384
00:58:47,282 --> 00:58:51,838
- At Fort Carson
Air Force Academy, NORAD.
1385
00:58:51,838 --> 00:58:53,115
You were dancing for the guys
1386
00:58:53,115 --> 00:58:54,772
who control
the nuclear missiles?
1387
00:58:54,772 --> 00:58:55,773
Yeah.
1388
00:58:55,773 --> 00:58:57,672
[Laughter]
1389
00:58:57,672 --> 00:58:59,018
That says a lot
right there, right?
1390
00:58:59,018 --> 00:59:00,985
[Laughter]
1391
00:59:00,985 --> 00:59:03,609
- I thought one of the most
fascinating parts of your book
1392
00:59:03,609 --> 00:59:07,613
was the early part
where you were just, um...
1393
00:59:07,613 --> 00:59:11,444
You were the most enterprising
teenage girl in the whole world.
1394
00:59:11,444 --> 00:59:13,308
- I was.
- Y-You actually worked
1395
00:59:13,308 --> 00:59:16,207
Holiday Inns
all over the Midwest
1396
00:59:16,207 --> 00:59:18,589
during your school breaks,
right?
1397
00:59:18,589 --> 00:59:20,246
- I did, I did.
On my school breaks --
1398
00:59:20,246 --> 00:59:23,283
- You'd say, "Bye, Mom and Dad,
I'll see you in a week.
1399
00:59:23,283 --> 00:59:24,906
I'm going to the Holiday Inn
to dance."
1400
00:59:24,906 --> 00:59:27,218
- I'd drive to, like,
North Dakota
1401
00:59:27,218 --> 00:59:30,428
and South Dakota, Wyoming
and -- and, yeah.
1402
00:59:30,428 --> 00:59:32,223
I'd usually go-go dance
in the corner at, like,
1403
00:59:32,223 --> 00:59:34,571
a Holiday Inn or something
like that, you know,
1404
00:59:34,571 --> 00:59:36,262
Motel six, whatever.
1405
00:59:36,262 --> 00:59:40,507
And yeah, and then
I even had other showgirls --
1406
00:59:40,507 --> 00:59:41,923
Showgirls, excuse me,
Go-Go girls.
1407
00:59:41,923 --> 00:59:43,510
Showgirls was later.
1408
00:59:43,510 --> 00:59:47,031
Go-Go girls who I sent out
to these various places,
1409
00:59:47,031 --> 00:59:48,688
and I took a percentage
of their income.
1410
00:59:48,688 --> 00:59:49,965
- Wow.
- Oh, really?
1411
00:59:49,965 --> 00:59:53,072
So you had a whole go-go girl
traveling caravan.
1412
00:59:53,072 --> 00:59:54,176
Very enterprising.
1413
00:59:54,176 --> 00:59:55,937
- What did you need
to be a go-go girl?
1414
00:59:55,937 --> 00:59:56,938
You needed the boots, right?
1415
00:59:56,938 --> 00:59:59,043
You needed
the Nancy Sinatra boots.
1416
00:59:59,043 --> 01:00:01,528
- They said the boobs.
- Well, you needed the boobs,
1417
01:00:01,528 --> 01:00:03,082
but you also needed the boots,
right?
1418
01:00:03,082 --> 01:00:04,186
You needed the boots,
1419
01:00:04,186 --> 01:00:05,671
Oh, yeah.
Back then, it was little short,
1420
01:00:05,671 --> 01:00:07,983
fringy dresses, you know,
1421
01:00:07,983 --> 01:00:10,503
and the little white vinyl boots
and everything.
1422
01:00:10,503 --> 01:00:12,263
And yeah,
it was very, very tame.
1423
01:00:12,263 --> 01:00:14,990
When you talk about go-go girls
today, it's not quite the same.
1424
01:00:14,990 --> 01:00:17,337
- Right?
- Back then it was pretty tame.
1425
01:00:17,337 --> 01:00:20,617
- It was that era.
- It was.
1426
01:00:20,617 --> 01:00:22,791
- You also talk
about your groupie years,
1427
01:00:22,791 --> 01:00:24,862
you're climbing through
the window of tour busses
1428
01:00:24,862 --> 01:00:26,519
following bands and --
1429
01:00:26,519 --> 01:00:27,554
- Oh, yeah, I did
a lot of that.
1430
01:00:27,554 --> 01:00:29,453
[Laughter]
1431
01:00:29,453 --> 01:00:30,730
You know, it's funny,
I was just going to say
1432
01:00:30,730 --> 01:00:32,490
that I always told people
1433
01:00:32,490 --> 01:00:37,116
my whole life that the years
before Elvira was --
1434
01:00:37,116 --> 01:00:38,669
my life was really,
really exciting
1435
01:00:38,669 --> 01:00:40,498
and bizarre and weird.
1436
01:00:40,498 --> 01:00:42,086
And then when I finally
got to be Elvira,
1437
01:00:42,086 --> 01:00:44,157
everything just calmed down
and became normal.
1438
01:00:44,157 --> 01:00:45,642
- Oh, really?
- Mm-hmm, it's true.
1439
01:00:45,642 --> 01:00:47,333
- 'Cause you had a lot of years
in Italy.
1440
01:00:47,333 --> 01:00:48,575
You moved to Italy.
1441
01:00:48,575 --> 01:00:51,406
- I did.
I lived in Italy for a while.
1442
01:00:51,406 --> 01:00:54,651
I was a singer in a band
and did some acting there.
1443
01:00:54,651 --> 01:00:57,205
I was in a Federico Fellini
movie, "Roma."
1444
01:00:57,205 --> 01:01:00,864
- Oh, wow. And you had years in
Vegas or some time in Vegas?
1445
01:01:00,864 --> 01:01:03,798
- I was a showgirl at
the Dunes Hotel
1446
01:01:03,798 --> 01:01:05,454
and in Viva Le Girls.
1447
01:01:05,454 --> 01:01:08,112
- And you worked the
Playboy Club in Miami.
1448
01:01:08,112 --> 01:01:09,873
Playboy Club in Miami.
1449
01:01:09,873 --> 01:01:12,565
- And that's -- this is all like
when you're 20 years old, right?
1450
01:01:12,565 --> 01:01:13,877
You're not even 20 yet, right?
1451
01:01:13,877 --> 01:01:15,533
- Not even 20 yet.
Yeah.
1452
01:01:15,533 --> 01:01:18,053
I was like 19
when I did that show.
1453
01:01:18,053 --> 01:01:19,227
- Wow.
- Yeah.
1454
01:01:19,227 --> 01:01:20,849
I did a lot of hard living.
1455
01:01:20,849 --> 01:01:23,438
I'm 450 years old now,
and it's starting to show.
1456
01:01:23,438 --> 01:01:25,405
[Laughter]
1457
01:01:25,405 --> 01:01:27,753
- No, you are -- you are --
you are, obviously,
1458
01:01:27,753 --> 01:01:29,789
you had, like,
supernatural energy
1459
01:01:29,789 --> 01:01:33,897
and really understanding parents
1460
01:01:33,897 --> 01:01:35,899
who wanted you
to pursue your dreams, right?
1461
01:01:35,899 --> 01:01:38,177
- I don't know
if they were understanding.
1462
01:01:38,177 --> 01:01:39,834
They were like --
1463
01:01:39,834 --> 01:01:41,663
I was pretty...
1464
01:01:41,663 --> 01:01:43,216
How do I put that?
I don't know.
1465
01:01:43,216 --> 01:01:44,701
I pretty much did
what I wanted no matter
1466
01:01:44,701 --> 01:01:46,219
- what they told me to do.
- Okay.
1467
01:01:46,219 --> 01:01:49,119
- I was kind of every
parent's nightmare.
1468
01:01:49,119 --> 01:01:50,534
- Right?
- Yeah, unfortunately.
1469
01:01:50,534 --> 01:01:52,536
Now, how long when --
when you --
1470
01:01:52,536 --> 01:01:54,780
when you did Elvira,
like, for --
1471
01:01:54,780 --> 01:01:58,300
if you're going to do Elvira
at some big,
1472
01:01:58,300 --> 01:02:01,165
you know, event in London
or something,
1473
01:02:01,165 --> 01:02:03,927
how long does it take
to become Elvira
1474
01:02:03,927 --> 01:02:05,929
if you did to do the whole
make up and everything?
1475
01:02:05,929 --> 01:02:07,275
- It's like, well,
you should know.
1476
01:02:07,275 --> 01:02:09,001
- I mean, it's like a two hour --
- Probably two hours.
1477
01:02:09,001 --> 01:02:10,554
- I mean...
- Okay.
1478
01:02:10,554 --> 01:02:13,074
- You had some help.
I had to do it myself, so...
1479
01:02:13,074 --> 01:02:14,627
[Laughs]
1480
01:02:14,627 --> 01:02:15,939
- Yeah, it's like
a two-hour thing,
1481
01:02:15,939 --> 01:02:17,872
you know, to get the hair,
the makeup, the dress.
1482
01:02:17,872 --> 01:02:20,012
So I -- just add that up.
1483
01:02:20,012 --> 01:02:22,842
Imagine the hours I've spent
putting on makeup my whole life.
1484
01:02:22,842 --> 01:02:25,603
I mean, I would have
a whole other life.
1485
01:02:25,603 --> 01:02:26,604
- [ Laughs ]
- I know.
1486
01:02:26,604 --> 01:02:28,158
Really, probably 20 years
1487
01:02:28,158 --> 01:02:29,815
just because of makeup.
1488
01:02:29,815 --> 01:02:34,129
- Because you make these
choices in 1981 or whatever,
1489
01:02:34,129 --> 01:02:35,717
and then you you say, "Oh, I
shouldn't have made that choice.
1490
01:02:35,717 --> 01:02:36,891
- Right?
- You gotta stick with it.
1491
01:02:36,891 --> 01:02:38,962
- I had people say to me,
"What do you regret?"
1492
01:02:38,962 --> 01:02:41,550
I said I regret that I wasn't
wearing a momo and flip flops.
1493
01:02:41,550 --> 01:02:43,207
[Laughter]
1494
01:02:43,207 --> 01:02:44,277
Or dressed as a wiener.
1495
01:02:44,277 --> 01:02:45,934
- Right?
- [Laughs]
1496
01:02:45,934 --> 01:02:47,315
- Yeah, that's --
that's what I went for.
1497
01:02:47,315 --> 01:02:48,834
- It went for the easy choice.
- Yeah, you did.
1498
01:02:48,834 --> 01:02:51,353
But you -- you modeled
it on kabuki --
1499
01:02:51,353 --> 01:02:53,355
kabuki makeup originally.
1500
01:02:53,355 --> 01:02:54,840
- Yeah.
My friend who helped me,
1501
01:02:54,840 --> 01:02:58,084
Robert Redding,
was a makeup artist.
1502
01:02:58,084 --> 01:03:00,707
And he looked through
a kabuki theater book,
1503
01:03:00,707 --> 01:03:03,849
and that's where I got
the idea for that makeup,
1504
01:03:03,849 --> 01:03:07,818
which really wasn't being done
that much back then, you know?
1505
01:03:07,818 --> 01:03:09,613
- And the other thing
I learned from your book
1506
01:03:09,613 --> 01:03:14,342
is that your hair was modeled on
Ronnie Spector of The Ronettes.
1507
01:03:14,342 --> 01:03:15,930
- Mm-hmm.
- It's Ronnie Spector's hair.
1508
01:03:15,930 --> 01:03:18,380
- I love Ronnie Spector,
and my my friend, Robert,
1509
01:03:18,380 --> 01:03:21,590
that was his favorite,
favorite artist.
1510
01:03:21,590 --> 01:03:24,386
So, yeah, we did
the Ronnie Spector hair,
1511
01:03:24,386 --> 01:03:27,044
and she called it
a knowledge bump.
1512
01:03:27,044 --> 01:03:28,356
Not a beehive.
[Laughter]
1513
01:03:28,356 --> 01:03:29,771
- It's a knowledge bump.
- Knowledge bump. What's up?
1514
01:03:29,771 --> 01:03:31,600
So you know.
1515
01:03:31,600 --> 01:03:33,879
So all your brains
are stored in there, right?
1516
01:03:33,879 --> 01:03:35,190
- Yeah.
Mine are still growing.
1517
01:03:35,190 --> 01:03:36,571
- You're is small.
- I know.
1518
01:03:36,571 --> 01:03:38,366
- It's a baby right here.
- No, just saying.
1519
01:03:38,366 --> 01:03:39,608
- I'm learning
[Laughter]
1520
01:03:39,608 --> 01:03:40,817
- How many times --
- You'll get there.
1521
01:03:40,817 --> 01:03:42,508
- Yes.
- How many -- how many times
1522
01:03:42,508 --> 01:03:45,683
over the years do you think
you've suited up for Elvira?
1523
01:03:45,683 --> 01:03:48,031
- A million.
[Laughter]
1524
01:03:48,031 --> 01:03:50,930
I have no idea. I should try
to average that out.
1525
01:03:50,930 --> 01:03:53,864
But I couldn't even imagine
how many times.
1526
01:03:53,864 --> 01:03:56,729
I mean, thousands,
thousands, you know?
1527
01:03:56,729 --> 01:03:58,524
- Oh, I think you may be
the all-time champion
1528
01:03:58,524 --> 01:04:01,285
in terms of real people
1529
01:04:01,285 --> 01:04:03,943
who are the inspiration
for Halloween costumes.
1530
01:04:03,943 --> 01:04:05,980
Because there are three --
1531
01:04:05,980 --> 01:04:07,740
You know, we go to conventions
all the time.
1532
01:04:07,740 --> 01:04:10,329
There are three-year-old girls
who come dressed up
1533
01:04:10,329 --> 01:04:12,158
- like Elvira at Halloween.
- I know. That's scary.
1534
01:04:12,158 --> 01:04:13,850
That's a little scary.
1535
01:04:13,850 --> 01:04:16,162
- Well, you --
We should ask Darcy.
1536
01:04:16,162 --> 01:04:19,441
You've been dressing up
like Elvira your whole life.
1537
01:04:19,441 --> 01:04:20,477
- Forever, yeah.
- Yeah.
1538
01:04:20,477 --> 01:04:22,065
- From what age?
- I don't know.
1539
01:04:22,065 --> 01:04:23,894
- I think you owe me
some royalties.
1540
01:04:23,894 --> 01:04:26,138
- I think paid them,
believe me.
1541
01:04:26,138 --> 01:04:27,656
I have so much
Elvira merchandise.
1542
01:04:27,656 --> 01:04:29,417
- What attracted you
to the Elvira character
1543
01:04:29,417 --> 01:04:30,728
when you were a little girl?
1544
01:04:30,728 --> 01:04:33,904
- I mean, she's spooky
and beautiful
1545
01:04:33,904 --> 01:04:36,251
and a boss bitch who doesn't
take shit from anyone.
1546
01:04:36,251 --> 01:04:37,770
Like, how do you not love that?
1547
01:04:37,770 --> 01:04:38,805
Yeah.
1548
01:04:38,805 --> 01:04:40,014
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
1549
01:04:40,014 --> 01:04:41,947
How much, Cassandra,
1550
01:04:41,947 --> 01:04:43,914
how much do you have
to tone down
1551
01:04:43,914 --> 01:04:48,608
the sexuality of the character
when you do a movie,
1552
01:04:48,608 --> 01:04:51,301
which you did more in the first
movie than the same movie.
1553
01:04:51,301 --> 01:04:52,405
You know that those
three-year-old
1554
01:04:52,405 --> 01:04:54,752
- girls are out there.
- I do. I try.
1555
01:04:54,752 --> 01:04:57,100
I walk a fine line with --
with the Elvira character.
1556
01:04:57,100 --> 01:05:00,517
I mean, obviously, she's sexy,
but I try to keep the jokes,
1557
01:05:00,517 --> 01:05:03,106
double entendre,
you know, so that...
1558
01:05:03,106 --> 01:05:04,693
- The adults get it
and the kids don't?
1559
01:05:04,693 --> 01:05:06,212
- Go over, yeah,
they go over the heads
1560
01:05:06,212 --> 01:05:07,317
of the little ones, you know?
1561
01:05:07,317 --> 01:05:10,216
And Elvira does not use
any bad language.
1562
01:05:10,216 --> 01:05:13,426
She uses hell and damn,
things like that,
1563
01:05:13,426 --> 01:05:16,050
but never uses...
1564
01:05:16,050 --> 01:05:18,328
- But she does say things
like normally I get paid
1565
01:05:18,328 --> 01:05:19,536
for doing something.
[Laughter]
1566
01:05:19,536 --> 01:05:20,917
Oh, yeah, she says all that,
1567
01:05:20,917 --> 01:05:22,573
but that, again, I don't think
a three-year-old
1568
01:05:22,573 --> 01:05:23,850
- or the five-year-old...
- That's true, that's true.
1569
01:05:23,850 --> 01:05:24,886
- seven or eight-year olds
would get it.
1570
01:05:24,886 --> 01:05:26,025
Well, nowadays, I don't know.
1571
01:05:26,025 --> 01:05:27,406
They're pretty smart.
That's true.
1572
01:05:27,406 --> 01:05:29,166
- Alright.
- A newborn might get them now.
1573
01:05:29,166 --> 01:05:30,892
- I don't know.
- Well, we appreciate it,
1574
01:05:30,892 --> 01:05:32,652
and we appreciate
the love and money
1575
01:05:32,652 --> 01:05:34,275
that you put into this movie.
1576
01:05:34,275 --> 01:05:35,621
- Thank you.
- I hope you don't
1577
01:05:35,621 --> 01:05:36,760
regret it [laughing] too much.
1578
01:05:36,760 --> 01:05:38,072
- I don't.
I don't regret it.
1579
01:05:38,072 --> 01:05:41,730
- And you used many performers
from the Groundlings
1580
01:05:41,730 --> 01:05:43,387
Improv company in L.A.
1581
01:05:43,387 --> 01:05:45,355
- You were former Groundlings.
- I was.
1582
01:05:45,355 --> 01:05:48,461
- And you're very identified
with The Groundlings...
1583
01:05:48,461 --> 01:05:50,567
- Thanks.
- ...and Phil Hartman.
1584
01:05:50,567 --> 01:05:53,432
I see you dedicated
the movie to his memory.
1585
01:05:53,432 --> 01:05:54,778
He was at Groundling.
Was he at Groundling?
1586
01:05:54,778 --> 01:05:56,711
- He was at Groundling
for a long, long time,
1587
01:05:56,711 --> 01:05:59,196
and we were in
the Groundlings together
1588
01:05:59,196 --> 01:06:01,336
before he left to do
"Saturday Night Live."
1589
01:06:01,336 --> 01:06:04,408
But we were great friends
for many years, and --
1590
01:06:04,408 --> 01:06:07,066
- And based on the casting
of this movie,
1591
01:06:07,066 --> 01:06:08,412
you trusted anyone.
1592
01:06:08,412 --> 01:06:09,655
You even use
the New Groundlings.
1593
01:06:09,655 --> 01:06:11,346
You trusted anyone
who was a Groundling.
1594
01:06:11,346 --> 01:06:13,038
- Mary Scheer.
We -- we loved her.
1595
01:06:13,038 --> 01:06:15,350
She had -- we'd never seen her,
she hadn't even been
1596
01:06:15,350 --> 01:06:16,524
in a movie that I know of.
1597
01:06:16,524 --> 01:06:17,766
I don't believe she had,
1598
01:06:17,766 --> 01:06:19,389
but she was so damn funny
on stage
1599
01:06:19,389 --> 01:06:20,459
that we really built that
character around her.
1600
01:06:20,459 --> 01:06:22,185
- She's the one who played
Lady Ema.
1601
01:06:22,185 --> 01:06:23,462
She played Zou Zou.
1602
01:06:23,462 --> 01:06:25,015
Oh, Oh. Uh...
1603
01:06:25,015 --> 01:06:26,154
- Oh, no. I said Mary Scheer.
- Mary Scheer.
1604
01:06:26,154 --> 01:06:27,362
Mary Scheer played --
I'm sorry.
1605
01:06:27,362 --> 01:06:28,708
Lady Ema.
1606
01:06:28,708 --> 01:06:29,951
Yeah, the other Mary.
1607
01:06:29,951 --> 01:06:31,401
There's two Mary,
so it gets complicated.
1608
01:06:31,401 --> 01:06:32,816
Mary Jo Smith played Zou Zou.
1609
01:06:32,816 --> 01:06:34,645
- Right, Mary Jo Smith
was in The Groundlings.
1610
01:06:34,645 --> 01:06:36,440
Mary Scheer was brilliant.
1611
01:06:36,440 --> 01:06:38,166
She was from "MAD TV"
and everything.
1612
01:06:38,166 --> 01:06:41,583
So, we kind of wrote that one
character of Zou Zou though,
1613
01:06:41,583 --> 01:06:43,689
- for, uh. Mary Jo.
- Mary Jo Smith.
1614
01:06:43,689 --> 01:06:45,863
- Because, yeah,
because she had a funny,
1615
01:06:45,863 --> 01:06:47,279
very funny character
in The Groundlings
1616
01:06:47,279 --> 01:06:48,901
that we kind of based that on.
1617
01:06:48,901 --> 01:06:50,213
- Okay.
- Yeah.
1618
01:06:50,213 --> 01:06:51,731
- Well, we have many more things
to ask you about,
1619
01:06:51,731 --> 01:06:53,181
so please stick with us.
1620
01:06:53,181 --> 01:06:57,427
But let's get back to the movie
made in scenic Romania,
1621
01:06:57,427 --> 01:06:59,532
"Elvira's Haunted Hills."
1622
01:06:59,532 --> 01:07:00,913
Roll the movie.
1623
01:07:00,913 --> 01:07:02,570
What was Romania like?
1624
01:07:02,570 --> 01:07:03,881
You were over there
around the same time
1625
01:07:03,881 --> 01:07:06,332
that Eli Roth
was making "Hostel."
1626
01:07:06,332 --> 01:07:07,644
- Yeah.
- In another --
1627
01:07:07,644 --> 01:07:08,921
in another impoverished
1628
01:07:08,921 --> 01:07:11,303
Eastern European country,
Slovakia.
1629
01:07:11,303 --> 01:07:14,754
And you know those burly guys
in the black jackets
1630
01:07:14,754 --> 01:07:17,136
that are two sizes too small
that are always hanging around?
1631
01:07:17,136 --> 01:07:19,207
They just scare
the holy crap out of me.
1632
01:07:19,207 --> 01:07:21,175
Did you ever run across
those guys over there?
1633
01:07:21,175 --> 01:07:23,211
- No. No, I can't say
that I did in Romania.
1634
01:07:23,211 --> 01:07:25,006
I don't know.
1635
01:07:25,006 --> 01:07:27,008
Romania was fantastic.
It was great.
1636
01:07:27,008 --> 01:07:30,115
It was kind of like going back
to the 15th century.
1637
01:07:30,115 --> 01:07:31,150
- Really?
- Yeah.
1638
01:07:31,150 --> 01:07:33,773
When you get
to the Transylvania area.
1639
01:07:33,773 --> 01:07:34,843
We have a scene
in the movie
1640
01:07:34,843 --> 01:07:36,431
where there are
a bunch of peasants
1641
01:07:36,431 --> 01:07:38,226
in the beginning
of the movie,
1642
01:07:38,226 --> 01:07:40,228
driving geese along
and everything,
1643
01:07:40,228 --> 01:07:41,367
and everyone said,
"God, you have
1644
01:07:41,367 --> 01:07:42,886
such great production value."
1645
01:07:42,886 --> 01:07:43,921
And it wasn't production value,
1646
01:07:43,921 --> 01:07:45,613
it was just the people
in the town.
1647
01:07:45,613 --> 01:07:46,614
- Those are the people
that happened
1648
01:07:46,614 --> 01:07:47,753
to be there
driving the geese.
1649
01:07:47,753 --> 01:07:49,375
- Those weren't
costumes or anything.
1650
01:07:49,375 --> 01:07:50,997
It was just the people
in the town.
1651
01:07:50,997 --> 01:07:52,654
- Oh, that's great.
- Yeah.
1652
01:07:52,654 --> 01:07:55,968
They -- they always,
when you visit those, you know,
1653
01:07:55,968 --> 01:07:57,901
remote Eastern European places,
1654
01:07:57,901 --> 01:08:00,697
they always want to take you
to the monastery.
1655
01:08:00,697 --> 01:08:02,871
They say.
"Have you taken the tour?
1656
01:08:02,871 --> 01:08:04,597
We have a famous monastery,"
1657
01:08:04,597 --> 01:08:06,151
and I'm not going
to that monastery
1658
01:08:06,151 --> 01:08:07,807
because that's where
the Eli Roth guys
1659
01:08:07,807 --> 01:08:09,395
with the torture devices.
1660
01:08:09,395 --> 01:08:10,914
You know, that place
in the "Hostel?"
1661
01:08:10,914 --> 01:08:13,537
You know, that's where they park
their Mercedes at front.
1662
01:08:13,537 --> 01:08:15,091
You know,
I'm not going there.
1663
01:08:15,091 --> 01:08:17,438
- No, I got to hang out
at Dracula's castle, though.
1664
01:08:17,438 --> 01:08:19,060
- Oh, yeah,
that's Dracula castle.
1665
01:08:19,060 --> 01:08:21,200
What they say is
Dracula's castle, right?
1666
01:08:21,200 --> 01:08:22,201
- Yeah, well.
[Laughs]
1667
01:08:22,201 --> 01:08:23,582
Yeah, that's it.
1668
01:08:23,582 --> 01:08:25,963
- I spent a lot of time there.
It was -- it was awesome.
1669
01:08:25,963 --> 01:08:26,964
- I had a good time.
- Really?
1670
01:08:26,964 --> 01:08:28,069
- Yeah.
- I got to go there.
1671
01:08:28,069 --> 01:08:29,312
- Yes.
- You should go.
1672
01:08:29,312 --> 01:08:31,314
- I'd rather go there
than the monastery
1673
01:08:31,314 --> 01:08:32,315
with the guys in
the tiny leather jackets.
1674
01:08:32,315 --> 01:08:34,144
- Any day, any day.
- Yeah.
1675
01:08:34,144 --> 01:08:38,769
♪♪
1676
01:08:38,769 --> 01:08:39,943
[Static]
1677
01:08:39,943 --> 01:08:42,290
♪♪
1678
01:08:42,290 --> 01:08:43,809
[Rooster crowing]
1679
01:08:43,809 --> 01:08:47,744
♪♪
1680
01:08:47,744 --> 01:08:50,056
Hello?
1681
01:08:50,056 --> 01:08:51,748
Can anybody help me
with my bags?!
1682
01:08:51,748 --> 01:08:53,819
♪♪
1683
01:08:53,819 --> 01:08:55,717
Zou Zou?
[Footsteps approaching]
1684
01:08:55,717 --> 01:08:57,685
- Zou Zou!
- I'm coming!
1685
01:08:57,685 --> 01:08:59,825
♪♪
1686
01:08:59,825 --> 01:09:00,964
[Door closes]
1687
01:09:00,964 --> 01:09:03,311
Zou Zou, what do I pay you for?
1688
01:09:03,311 --> 01:09:07,108
- But, Mistress, you have not
paid me in months.
1689
01:09:07,108 --> 01:09:08,937
Oh, right.
1690
01:09:08,937 --> 01:09:18,084
♪♪
1691
01:09:18,084 --> 01:09:20,397
♪♪
1692
01:09:20,397 --> 01:09:22,054
Ah, ah, ah...
1693
01:09:22,054 --> 01:09:23,435
[Whiffle!]
1694
01:09:23,435 --> 01:09:24,988
[Screams]
1695
01:09:24,988 --> 01:09:26,127
[Clank!]
1696
01:09:27,646 --> 01:09:29,337
I'm ready to go, Elvira.
1697
01:09:31,684 --> 01:09:33,548
Elvira?
1698
01:09:33,548 --> 01:09:34,584
[Gasps]
1699
01:09:36,689 --> 01:09:39,071
- Mistress,
do you need some help?
1700
01:09:39,071 --> 01:09:41,280
- No.
No, I don't need any help.
1701
01:09:41,280 --> 01:09:42,488
Do I look like I need help?
1702
01:09:43,938 --> 01:09:45,353
Get rid of that damn cake.
1703
01:09:48,322 --> 01:09:49,323
Merci.
1704
01:09:49,323 --> 01:09:54,673
♪♪
1705
01:09:54,673 --> 01:09:56,364
♪♪
1706
01:09:56,364 --> 01:09:58,642
Where's that coach
that quack promised us?
1707
01:09:58,642 --> 01:10:02,198
- I tried to tell you, Mistress,
Dr. Bradley has the emergency!
1708
01:10:02,198 --> 01:10:03,751
Emergency?
1709
01:10:03,751 --> 01:10:06,409
What about my emergency?
1710
01:10:06,409 --> 01:10:08,065
- He said something about people
in the village
1711
01:10:08,065 --> 01:10:10,171
dying of the plague.
1712
01:10:10,171 --> 01:10:11,724
- Plague-shmague.
1713
01:10:11,724 --> 01:10:14,037
I have a show to do in Paris.
1714
01:10:14,037 --> 01:10:17,799
Oh, some people are so selfish.
1715
01:10:17,799 --> 01:10:19,284
Huh?
1716
01:10:19,284 --> 01:10:21,872
Oh, Adrian.
1717
01:10:21,872 --> 01:10:23,840
Uh, I've got an idea.
1718
01:10:23,840 --> 01:10:25,082
You two wait right here.
1719
01:10:25,082 --> 01:10:27,292
- But, Mistress,
where are you going?
1720
01:10:27,292 --> 01:10:29,363
If I'm not back in an hour...
1721
01:10:29,363 --> 01:10:30,778
wait another hour.
1722
01:10:30,778 --> 01:10:32,676
- Wha--
1723
01:10:32,676 --> 01:10:34,713
[Sighs]
1724
01:10:34,713 --> 01:10:36,646
Oh.
1725
01:10:36,646 --> 01:10:38,303
Ooh! [Grunts]
1726
01:10:38,303 --> 01:10:40,719
[Sighs]
1727
01:10:40,719 --> 01:10:43,135
Adrian! Adrian!
1728
01:10:43,135 --> 01:10:47,208
♪♪
1729
01:10:47,208 --> 01:10:48,658
[Bird cawing]
1730
01:10:48,658 --> 01:10:53,801
♪♪
1731
01:10:53,801 --> 01:11:00,152
♪♪
1732
01:11:00,152 --> 01:11:02,050
[Bird caws]
[Gasps]
1733
01:11:02,050 --> 01:11:06,883
♪♪
1734
01:11:06,883 --> 01:11:08,022
[Screams]
1735
01:11:08,022 --> 01:11:12,958
♪♪
1736
01:11:12,958 --> 01:11:16,824
♪♪
1737
01:11:16,824 --> 01:11:18,481
[Screams]
1738
01:11:18,481 --> 01:11:20,034
[Bunny munching]
1739
01:11:20,034 --> 01:11:21,104
Oh!
1740
01:11:21,104 --> 01:11:27,317
♪♪
1741
01:11:27,317 --> 01:11:28,767
[Screams]
1742
01:11:30,596 --> 01:11:32,460
[Screams]
1743
01:11:32,460 --> 01:11:34,566
♪♪
1744
01:11:34,566 --> 01:11:35,567
[Gasps]
1745
01:11:37,362 --> 01:11:38,570
Oh, it's you.
1746
01:11:39,847 --> 01:11:41,849
Oh, you scared the hell
out of me.
1747
01:11:41,849 --> 01:11:45,542
- Would that it was otherwise,
my dear.
1748
01:11:45,542 --> 01:11:47,544
They've struck again.
1749
01:11:47,544 --> 01:11:48,683
What, gophers?
1750
01:11:48,683 --> 01:11:52,066
- No, grave robbers,
in a never-ending search
1751
01:11:52,066 --> 01:11:54,758
for the Hellsubus family jewels.
1752
01:11:54,758 --> 01:11:58,417
Oh, for the love of God,
why can't they leave us alone?!
1753
01:11:58,417 --> 01:12:00,971
Hasn't my family
suffered enough?
1754
01:12:00,971 --> 01:12:03,629
What manner of fiend
is it that would --
1755
01:12:03,629 --> 01:12:06,494
that would desecrate a human
grave in their hunger
1756
01:12:06,494 --> 01:12:08,116
for mere riches?
1757
01:12:08,116 --> 01:12:10,774
Oh, Why? Why?
1758
01:12:10,774 --> 01:12:12,155
Why!
1759
01:12:12,155 --> 01:12:13,294
Snap out of it!
1760
01:12:13,294 --> 01:12:15,641
God, what are you going for,
an Oscar?
1761
01:12:15,641 --> 01:12:18,195
My eyes, my eyes!
1762
01:12:18,195 --> 01:12:19,714
Would you mind, my dear?
They're over there.
1763
01:12:22,165 --> 01:12:23,546
God.
1764
01:12:23,546 --> 01:12:26,203
Here's your precious horse
blinders, you big baby.
1765
01:12:26,203 --> 01:12:29,448
- You don't understand.
My -- my eyes are tortured
1766
01:12:29,448 --> 01:12:31,554
by all but the faintest
of light.
1767
01:12:31,554 --> 01:12:34,280
- Oh, so you've got
a hangover too, huh?
1768
01:12:34,280 --> 01:12:38,630
- No, I suffer from acute
ocular sensitivity, my dear.
1769
01:12:38,630 --> 01:12:39,907
Oh, too bad.
1770
01:12:39,907 --> 01:12:41,426
Um, listen, you know,
your friend
1771
01:12:41,426 --> 01:12:43,186
Dr. Bradley
stood me up this morning,
1772
01:12:43,186 --> 01:12:46,603
so I was wondering if Adrian the
stable boy could give me a ride.
1773
01:12:46,603 --> 01:12:51,746
Oh, frailty, thy name is woman.
1774
01:12:51,746 --> 01:12:53,230
- Look, I just thought
you were Adrian,
1775
01:12:53,230 --> 01:12:54,853
that's why I was following you.
1776
01:12:54,853 --> 01:12:57,234
- I know.
- You do?
1777
01:12:57,234 --> 01:12:58,960
Don't tell me
you're psychic, too.
1778
01:12:58,960 --> 01:13:02,826
No, I heard your footsteps.
1779
01:13:02,826 --> 01:13:05,588
Each and everyone of them echo.
1780
01:13:05,588 --> 01:13:06,589
[Echoing] Echo?
1781
01:13:06,589 --> 01:13:07,866
Echo.
1782
01:13:07,866 --> 01:13:09,074
[Echoing softly] Echo.
1783
01:13:09,074 --> 01:13:11,870
- My hearing's hyper-sensitive,
too.
1784
01:13:11,870 --> 01:13:15,045
I hear everything,
each cry in the night,
1785
01:13:15,045 --> 01:13:19,325
the deafening whisper of
woodworm devouring the coffins,
1786
01:13:19,325 --> 01:13:22,294
the scratching of rats' claws
upon the stone.
1787
01:13:22,294 --> 01:13:25,228
I -- I hear it all.
1788
01:13:25,228 --> 01:13:27,333
[Howling in distance]
1789
01:13:27,333 --> 01:13:28,507
What's that?
1790
01:13:28,507 --> 01:13:30,302
- What?
[Howling in distance]
1791
01:13:30,302 --> 01:13:31,683
There it is again!
1792
01:13:31,683 --> 01:13:34,306
- Really,
what does it sound like?
1793
01:13:34,306 --> 01:13:36,826
- Kinda like, "Ah-woo"!
1794
01:13:36,826 --> 01:13:39,138
[Groans] Ah!
1795
01:13:39,138 --> 01:13:40,554
Oh, an animal, perhaps.
1796
01:13:40,554 --> 01:13:45,351
Wolves attracted by the scent
of rotting flesh.
1797
01:13:45,351 --> 01:13:46,767
Wolves?
1798
01:13:46,767 --> 01:13:48,700
Maybe we should head back
to the...
1799
01:13:48,700 --> 01:13:50,529
[Howling in distance]
1800
01:13:50,529 --> 01:13:52,255
♪♪
1801
01:13:52,255 --> 01:13:54,533
My beloved wife's grave.
1802
01:13:54,533 --> 01:14:03,956
♪♪
1803
01:14:03,956 --> 01:14:07,132
She passed away
10 years ago this --
1804
01:14:07,132 --> 01:14:08,236
this very day.
1805
01:14:08,236 --> 01:14:09,721
[Thunder crashes]
1806
01:14:09,721 --> 01:14:12,586
♪♪
1807
01:14:12,586 --> 01:14:14,760
Oh, Elura.
1808
01:14:14,760 --> 01:14:18,523
So beautiful, so young,
so full of life.
1809
01:14:21,180 --> 01:14:23,182
But as I carried her
over the threshold
1810
01:14:23,182 --> 01:14:26,151
of Castle Hellsubus
on our wedding day,
1811
01:14:26,151 --> 01:14:28,325
a strange darkness
befell her.
1812
01:14:28,325 --> 01:14:33,883
♪♪
1813
01:14:33,883 --> 01:14:40,890
♪♪
1814
01:14:40,890 --> 01:14:42,754
Soon after,
she took to her bed.
1815
01:14:42,754 --> 01:14:45,411
She would neither eat
nor sleep.
1816
01:14:45,411 --> 01:14:47,413
I tried everything
to cheer her up.
1817
01:14:47,413 --> 01:14:49,415
[Upbeat music plays]
1818
01:14:49,415 --> 01:14:56,837
♪♪
1819
01:14:56,837 --> 01:15:05,190
♪♪
1820
01:15:05,190 --> 01:15:14,751
♪♪
1821
01:15:14,751 --> 01:15:16,857
Each night, Elura took
to wandering
1822
01:15:16,857 --> 01:15:19,411
the halls of Castle Hellsubus,
1823
01:15:19,411 --> 01:15:23,208
listening to the accursed
voices of the demented souls
1824
01:15:23,208 --> 01:15:26,522
emanating from within
its blood-soaked walls.
1825
01:15:26,522 --> 01:15:28,662
[Woman screaming,
indistinct groaning]
1826
01:15:28,662 --> 01:15:33,114
♪♪
1827
01:15:33,114 --> 01:15:37,394
I prayed that I might rescue her
from this infernal nightmare,
1828
01:15:37,394 --> 01:15:41,364
but aided by the corrupting
powers of diabolical cunning,
1829
01:15:41,364 --> 01:15:42,952
she eluded me.
1830
01:15:42,952 --> 01:15:46,024
♪♪
1831
01:15:46,024 --> 01:15:48,785
And then one night,
1832
01:15:48,785 --> 01:15:53,031
those demonic deceivers
of suicidal destruction
1833
01:15:53,031 --> 01:15:55,689
imposed their poisonous
and cankerous
1834
01:15:55,689 --> 01:15:57,932
will upon this sweet,
1835
01:15:57,932 --> 01:16:01,798
unblemished child
of innocence and grace
1836
01:16:01,798 --> 01:16:05,871
and ordered her to climb
to the top of the tower.
1837
01:16:05,871 --> 01:16:10,151
♪♪
1838
01:16:10,151 --> 01:16:13,327
And then...
1839
01:16:13,327 --> 01:16:14,500
to jump.
1840
01:16:14,500 --> 01:16:19,057
♪♪
1841
01:16:19,057 --> 01:16:20,265
[Fabric tearing]
1842
01:16:20,265 --> 01:16:27,479
♪♪
1843
01:16:27,479 --> 01:16:28,687
[Body thuds]
1844
01:16:28,687 --> 01:16:32,208
♪♪
1845
01:16:32,208 --> 01:16:36,281
We were married
for just one year.
1846
01:16:36,281 --> 01:16:37,489
Well, you know what they say.
1847
01:16:37,489 --> 01:16:39,871
I mean, 50 percent of all
marriages end in divorce,
1848
01:16:39,871 --> 01:16:42,287
so it wouldn't have
worked out anyway, probably.
1849
01:16:42,287 --> 01:16:43,633
[Laughs]
1850
01:16:43,633 --> 01:16:46,325
♪♪
1851
01:16:46,325 --> 01:16:47,499
Are you okay?
1852
01:16:49,052 --> 01:16:50,640
It's you.
1853
01:16:50,640 --> 01:16:53,505
You. You.
1854
01:16:53,505 --> 01:16:54,817
Me, me, me, what?
1855
01:16:54,817 --> 01:16:56,991
Elura. Elura.
1856
01:16:56,991 --> 01:16:58,475
Elura.
1857
01:16:59,856 --> 01:17:02,272
No, Elvira, Elvira, Elvira.
1858
01:17:02,272 --> 01:17:05,068
- I'll send you back to hell!
- [Choking]
1859
01:17:06,898 --> 01:17:11,247
[Groaning]
1860
01:17:11,247 --> 01:17:12,351
Ooh.
1861
01:17:12,351 --> 01:17:15,216
Oh, that smarts.
What happened?
1862
01:17:15,216 --> 01:17:17,529
Uh, you don't remember?
1863
01:17:17,529 --> 01:17:21,257
No, I must have undergone
some kind of blackout.
1864
01:17:21,257 --> 01:17:24,053
- Yeah, yeah.
Uh, you tripped.
1865
01:17:24,053 --> 01:17:26,572
[Howling in distance]
1866
01:17:26,572 --> 01:17:29,127
You know, I'm a little sheepish
when it comes to wolves.
1867
01:17:29,127 --> 01:17:31,267
What do you say we head on back
to the castle, okay?
1868
01:17:31,267 --> 01:17:32,958
Oh, yes, good idea.
1869
01:17:32,958 --> 01:17:37,929
♪♪
1870
01:17:37,929 --> 01:17:45,350
♪♪
1871
01:17:45,350 --> 01:17:47,766
Oh!
1872
01:17:47,766 --> 01:17:49,941
Oh, thank you, my dear.
1873
01:17:49,941 --> 01:17:56,706
I think I might just go upstairs
and rest for awhile.
1874
01:17:56,706 --> 01:17:58,397
Okay, you do that.
1875
01:17:58,397 --> 01:17:59,675
And while you're at it,
1876
01:17:59,675 --> 01:18:01,849
you might want to grab
an ice pack.
1877
01:18:01,849 --> 01:18:03,057
Yes.
1878
01:18:03,057 --> 01:18:12,895
♪♪
1879
01:18:18,486 --> 01:18:21,904
Ah-ah-ah! Ah-ah.
Hold it right there.
1880
01:18:21,904 --> 01:18:24,354
[Gasps] Mutton stew.
1881
01:18:26,391 --> 01:18:28,151
Mm, mm. Whoa, dude.
1882
01:18:28,151 --> 01:18:30,775
Somebody went a little heavy
on the Tabasco.
1883
01:18:30,775 --> 01:18:33,812
- This is my husband's
chamber pot, madam.
1884
01:18:41,199 --> 01:18:43,097
[Rumbling]
1885
01:18:46,411 --> 01:18:48,896
[Clock chiming]
1886
01:18:58,009 --> 01:19:00,528
[Rumbling]
1887
01:19:06,776 --> 01:19:12,402
- Disturbing, yes, but perfectly
harmless, I assure you.
1888
01:19:12,402 --> 01:19:14,197
Oh, yeah, no problemo.
1889
01:19:14,197 --> 01:19:16,717
I'm from California.
1890
01:19:17,822 --> 01:19:20,790
- So, as I was saying,
I was in the village,
1891
01:19:20,790 --> 01:19:22,619
cleaning out the pusy,
runny sores
1892
01:19:22,619 --> 01:19:24,794
of this poor old woman,
and I said to her,
1893
01:19:24,794 --> 01:19:26,451
"Madam, I believe
you have the plague."
1894
01:19:26,451 --> 01:19:28,936
And she said, "Oh, no, sir,
I don't have the plague."
1895
01:19:28,936 --> 01:19:31,076
And just at that moment,
her ear dropped off.
1896
01:19:31,076 --> 01:19:32,284
[Chuckles]
1897
01:19:32,284 --> 01:19:33,976
Roll?
1898
01:19:33,976 --> 01:19:37,013
I can assure you, Ema,
it was rousing good fun.
1899
01:19:37,013 --> 01:19:38,187
[Laughs]
1900
01:19:38,187 --> 01:19:42,536
Bradley, you always have
the most amusing stories.
1901
01:19:42,536 --> 01:19:44,365
[Laughs]
1902
01:19:47,610 --> 01:19:49,750
Mmm, gee. This looks...
1903
01:19:49,750 --> 01:19:51,234
delicious.
1904
01:19:51,234 --> 01:19:52,891
It's gruel.
1905
01:19:52,891 --> 01:19:55,273
Yeah, damn straight it's cruel.
1906
01:19:55,273 --> 01:19:57,723
I mean, I was really hungry.
1907
01:19:57,723 --> 01:20:01,797
No, madam, it's hot gruel.
1908
01:20:01,797 --> 01:20:03,764
That's...It's fine.
1909
01:20:08,389 --> 01:20:10,702
- I'm afraid those of
the Hellsubus clan
1910
01:20:10,702 --> 01:20:14,119
can consume
only the most pallid mash,
1911
01:20:14,119 --> 01:20:17,053
wear only the softest
of clothing,
1912
01:20:17,053 --> 01:20:20,954
tolerate only
the faintest of light.
1913
01:20:20,954 --> 01:20:22,576
You see...
1914
01:20:29,410 --> 01:20:31,757
My husband and Roxana suffer
1915
01:20:31,757 --> 01:20:37,004
from certain peculiarities
of temperament.
1916
01:20:37,418 --> 01:20:39,904
- Yeah, where I come from,
they call it hypochondria.
1917
01:20:39,904 --> 01:20:41,388
Pardon?
1918
01:20:41,388 --> 01:20:43,045
I said...
1919
01:20:43,045 --> 01:20:45,323
Maybe it's just all
in their mind.
1920
01:20:45,323 --> 01:20:46,876
Precisely.
1921
01:20:46,876 --> 01:20:49,672
And when something is
in someone's mind,
1922
01:20:49,672 --> 01:20:54,711
it is more real,
more powerful than any mere...
1923
01:20:54,711 --> 01:20:56,403
physical malady.
1924
01:20:56,403 --> 01:20:58,784
- Yeah, right. Like there's
something going on in my mind.
1925
01:20:58,784 --> 01:21:00,994
Well, now, shall we see?
1926
01:21:00,994 --> 01:21:02,581
What do you know about hypnosis?
1927
01:21:02,581 --> 01:21:04,135
It's a bunch of hooey.
1928
01:21:04,135 --> 01:21:06,309
I once did a show with
Ivan the Incredible.
1929
01:21:06,309 --> 01:21:09,312
He tried to hypnotize me
and make me bark like a dog.
1930
01:21:09,312 --> 01:21:11,452
And did it work?
1931
01:21:11,452 --> 01:21:12,902
Well, by the time he was done,
1932
01:21:12,902 --> 01:21:15,525
he was the one who was
sitting up and begging.
1933
01:21:15,525 --> 01:21:17,217
[Barks]
1934
01:21:17,217 --> 01:21:19,219
Girlfriend.
1935
01:21:19,219 --> 01:21:21,014
Oh!
1936
01:21:21,014 --> 01:21:22,429
I assure you, Elvira,
1937
01:21:22,429 --> 01:21:25,225
the powers of hypnotism
are very real.
1938
01:21:25,225 --> 01:21:26,847
Allow me to demonstrate.
1939
01:21:32,818 --> 01:21:35,200
Look deeply into my eyes.
1940
01:21:36,270 --> 01:21:38,824
Trust me, I'm a doctor.
1941
01:21:38,824 --> 01:21:39,929
[Scoffs] Wish I had a peso
1942
01:21:39,929 --> 01:21:41,206
for every time I heard
that old line.
1943
01:21:41,206 --> 01:21:43,381
Give your will over to mine.
1944
01:21:56,290 --> 01:21:57,326
Whew.
1945
01:21:57,326 --> 01:21:59,328
- Your hands are melting
into mine.
1946
01:21:59,328 --> 01:22:02,918
Soon, very soon, they will
become one with mine.
1947
01:22:02,918 --> 01:22:05,713
- Yeah, just watch the nails,
will you?
1948
01:22:05,713 --> 01:22:07,267
Close your eyes.
1949
01:22:07,267 --> 01:22:09,752
You will try, you will try,
but you will not be able.
1950
01:22:09,752 --> 01:22:11,340
You will try very soon,
you will try now,
1951
01:22:11,340 --> 01:22:14,446
but you will not,
you cannot move them!
1952
01:22:14,446 --> 01:22:17,415
- Will you please hold it down?
I'm just trying to sleep here.
1953
01:22:20,245 --> 01:22:21,867
Is she hypnotized?
1954
01:22:21,867 --> 01:22:23,731
No, I am not hypno...
1955
01:22:24,422 --> 01:22:25,768
[Snoring]
1956
01:22:25,768 --> 01:22:27,494
Elvira.
1957
01:22:27,494 --> 01:22:31,187
You're a little girl,
very happy, so young,
1958
01:22:31,187 --> 01:22:34,950
so happy,
so very, very happy.
1959
01:22:38,505 --> 01:22:40,956
It's all brightness
and butterflies.
1960
01:22:40,956 --> 01:22:42,578
They're a wonder to behold.
1961
01:22:42,578 --> 01:22:44,097
See them.
1962
01:22:44,097 --> 01:22:45,581
See them?
1963
01:22:45,581 --> 01:22:48,998
- [High-pitched voice] I just
love butterflies ever so much.
1964
01:22:48,998 --> 01:22:51,656
- Why, look, there's one
on a flower.
1965
01:22:51,656 --> 01:22:54,417
Reach out, Elvira,
you can almost touch it.
1966
01:22:54,417 --> 01:22:56,557
Reach out --
Oh, it's a bee, it stung you!
1967
01:22:56,557 --> 01:22:57,765
Ow, ow! Ow!
1968
01:22:57,765 --> 01:23:00,803
No, no, no tears, Elvira.
1969
01:23:00,803 --> 01:23:03,116
There's no reason to weep.
1970
01:23:03,116 --> 01:23:05,463
[Thunder crashes]
1971
01:23:13,954 --> 01:23:16,370
- [Elura's voice]
Don't weep for me.
1972
01:23:16,370 --> 01:23:18,890
Weep for Vladimere.
1973
01:23:19,960 --> 01:23:23,688
I have come to wreak
my vengeance.
1974
01:23:24,137 --> 01:23:25,759
Oh!
1975
01:23:30,591 --> 01:23:33,008
- [Normal voice] Wow,
who turned out the lights?
1976
01:23:33,008 --> 01:23:36,390
See, I told you that hypnotism
thing was a bunch of hooey.
1977
01:23:36,390 --> 01:23:38,082
Ow.
1978
01:23:41,395 --> 01:23:45,468
- I'm -- I'm afraid I'm feeling
a bit "unstab-le."
1979
01:23:45,468 --> 01:23:46,987
- Speaking of "unstab-le"...
1980
01:23:46,987 --> 01:23:50,059
stable, where's
Lord Loco anyway?
1981
01:23:52,924 --> 01:23:55,375
[Thunder crashing]
1982
01:24:04,487 --> 01:24:06,731
[Piano playing]
1983
01:24:07,766 --> 01:24:09,182
So plague or no plague,
1984
01:24:09,182 --> 01:24:10,942
your coach is picking me up
tomorrow, right?
1985
01:24:10,942 --> 01:24:12,392
Oh, absolutely.
1986
01:24:12,392 --> 01:24:14,808
I assure you, Elvira, you won't
be spending another night
1987
01:24:14,808 --> 01:24:16,430
in Castle Hellsubus.
1988
01:24:19,882 --> 01:24:26,026
♪♪
1989
01:24:26,026 --> 01:24:28,132
Happy anniversary, Elura.
1990
01:24:31,238 --> 01:24:32,998
Poor guy's had a tough day.
1991
01:24:32,998 --> 01:24:35,208
Yes, poor Vladimere.
1992
01:24:35,208 --> 01:24:39,350
I don't believe I've ever
seen him looking so morose.
1993
01:24:39,350 --> 01:24:42,732
- Well, I mean, who wouldn't be
with this dirge playing?
1994
01:24:42,732 --> 01:24:48,738
♪♪
1995
01:24:48,738 --> 01:24:50,015
Move over, honey.
1996
01:24:50,015 --> 01:24:51,362
[Discordant notes play]
1997
01:24:51,362 --> 01:24:54,710
Let's see if we can't
turn that frown upside down.
1998
01:24:57,092 --> 01:25:00,716
[Music playing]
1999
01:25:00,716 --> 01:25:05,203
♪ Many years ago
when I was so small ♪
2000
01:25:05,203 --> 01:25:09,552
♪ I slipped into a music hall ♪
2001
01:25:09,552 --> 01:25:13,246
♪ How was I to know curiosity ♪
2002
01:25:13,246 --> 01:25:15,420
♪ Would cost me my... ♪
2003
01:25:15,420 --> 01:25:18,078
♪ Virginity? ♪
2004
01:25:18,078 --> 01:25:21,046
♪ In a single night
I learned all the facts ♪
2005
01:25:21,046 --> 01:25:24,326
♪ About the birds and bees
and tit for tat ♪
2006
01:25:24,326 --> 01:25:27,467
♪ I remember seven
Turkish acrobats ♪
2007
01:25:27,467 --> 01:25:30,746
♪ Who taught me
an unnatural act ♪
2008
01:25:30,746 --> 01:25:31,885
Ooh!
2009
01:25:31,885 --> 01:25:34,059
Come on!
2010
01:25:34,059 --> 01:25:37,546
♪ I was asked to play
with the entire band ♪
2011
01:25:37,546 --> 01:25:41,066
♪ I had them
all right in my hand ♪
2012
01:25:41,066 --> 01:25:43,897
♪ The pianist confessed to me ♪
2013
01:25:43,897 --> 01:25:48,591
♪ There was a horse
in his family tree ♪
2014
01:25:48,591 --> 01:25:50,800
[Horse neighs]
2015
01:25:50,800 --> 01:25:53,907
♪ A contortionist needed
to get his kicks ♪
2016
01:25:53,907 --> 01:25:57,117
♪ Forcing little me
to do the Chinese split ♪
2017
01:25:57,117 --> 01:26:00,258
♪ Girlfriend, the trained dogs
were quite a treat ♪
2018
01:26:00,258 --> 01:26:03,330
♪ They thought moi
was a bitch in heat ♪
2019
01:26:03,330 --> 01:26:04,711
Grr!
2020
01:26:04,711 --> 01:26:10,510
♪♪
2021
01:26:10,510 --> 01:26:16,171
♪♪
2022
01:26:16,171 --> 01:26:17,793
Hit it!
2023
01:26:18,794 --> 01:26:22,246
♪ I was gagged and bound ♪
2024
01:26:22,246 --> 01:26:24,144
♪ By a psycho clown ♪
2025
01:26:24,144 --> 01:26:27,285
♪ I'm not even married,
but I've been tied down ♪
2026
01:26:27,285 --> 01:26:30,426
♪ By the way, the jugglers
were living dolls ♪
2027
01:26:30,426 --> 01:26:33,498
♪ And they taught me
how to juggle all their balls ♪
2028
01:26:33,498 --> 01:26:35,500
- [Glass shatters]
- ♪ I learned how ♪
2029
01:26:35,500 --> 01:26:36,984
♪ To expose my derriere ♪
2030
01:26:36,984 --> 01:26:39,987
♪ Show my legs and bam,
get them in the air ♪
2031
01:26:39,987 --> 01:26:46,062
♪ Yes, I often stop
thinking to recall ♪
2032
01:26:46,062 --> 01:26:48,893
♪ Life is like a music hall ♪
2033
01:26:48,893 --> 01:26:50,032
Yah!
2034
01:26:50,032 --> 01:26:59,731
♪♪
2035
01:26:59,731 --> 01:27:09,500
♪♪
2036
01:27:09,500 --> 01:27:19,199
♪♪
2037
01:27:19,199 --> 01:27:20,787
[Song ends]
2038
01:27:23,859 --> 01:27:26,171
[Snoring]
2039
01:27:28,726 --> 01:27:30,072
[Static crackles]
2040
01:27:30,452 --> 01:27:33,593
Gather all ye Halloweenees
2041
01:27:33,593 --> 01:27:36,699
for yet another
Trick or Treat tip.
2042
01:27:36,699 --> 01:27:38,391
[Laughs]
2043
01:27:40,220 --> 01:27:42,187
- All right,
our next practical Halloween tip
2044
01:27:42,187 --> 01:27:44,120
for the season
to make sure you and yours
2045
01:27:44,120 --> 01:27:46,916
have an enriching
and educational holiday
2046
01:27:46,916 --> 01:27:50,299
is how to properly
soap a car or egg a car.
2047
01:27:50,299 --> 01:27:51,473
Now, the reason
I put them together
2048
01:27:51,473 --> 01:27:53,268
is you're probably one
or the other.
2049
01:27:53,268 --> 01:27:55,856
Some people are soapers,
some people are eggers.
2050
01:27:55,856 --> 01:27:58,480
You rarely find somebody
that can do both effectively.
2051
01:27:58,480 --> 01:28:02,346
So know in advance,
am I soaper, or am I an egger?
2052
01:28:02,346 --> 01:28:06,350
Now, next, if you're a soaper,
which most people are,
2053
01:28:06,350 --> 01:28:09,525
we're going to use
the windshield only.
2054
01:28:09,525 --> 01:28:12,804
If you use something like Dawn
dishwater soap on a paint job
2055
01:28:12,804 --> 01:28:14,289
or even just regular hand soap,
2056
01:28:14,289 --> 01:28:16,118
you can get into
felony vandalism
2057
01:28:16,118 --> 01:28:18,431
because of what the body shop
is going to charge for that.
2058
01:28:18,431 --> 01:28:21,848
So what we want is no actual
damage to the vehicle,
2059
01:28:21,848 --> 01:28:24,195
but really,
really obnoxious stuff
2060
01:28:24,195 --> 01:28:25,852
on the windshield messaging.
2061
01:28:25,852 --> 01:28:28,958
What I suggest is a penis.
2062
01:28:28,958 --> 01:28:31,858
- [Laughter]
- A penis says it all.
2063
01:28:31,858 --> 01:28:33,377
Draw your penis
on the windshield.
2064
01:28:33,377 --> 01:28:36,069
Make the head extremely large,
2065
01:28:36,069 --> 01:28:38,071
out of proportion
to the shaft.
2066
01:28:38,071 --> 01:28:42,558
That's that's the standard
Halloween penis.
2067
01:28:42,558 --> 01:28:45,389
If you put that penis
on the windshield,
2068
01:28:45,389 --> 01:28:47,252
you have basically said
to the victim,
2069
01:28:47,252 --> 01:28:48,875
"I have the mind
of a third grader,
2070
01:28:48,875 --> 01:28:50,773
and I put a penis
on your car."
2071
01:28:50,773 --> 01:28:52,534
But if you really want
to get fancy,
2072
01:28:52,534 --> 01:28:56,158
get some isopropyl
rubbing alcohol
2073
01:28:56,158 --> 01:28:58,471
and use it to write
a message for the driver.
2074
01:28:58,471 --> 01:29:01,197
Now, you'll put it on there.
It will be invisible.
2075
01:29:01,197 --> 01:29:02,337
But in most parts
of the country,
2076
01:29:02,337 --> 01:29:03,786
that windshield
is going to fog up
2077
01:29:03,786 --> 01:29:05,754
sometime during the night
of October 31st.
2078
01:29:05,754 --> 01:29:07,790
And when you turn
on the the defroster,
2079
01:29:07,790 --> 01:29:09,861
the message will
magically appear.
2080
01:29:09,861 --> 01:29:14,279
Now, I say go
with something simple.
2081
01:29:14,279 --> 01:29:15,660
"Happy Halloween." Okay?
2082
01:29:15,660 --> 01:29:17,938
You've made your point
with "Happy Halloween."
2083
01:29:17,938 --> 01:29:21,217
"You suck" is too aggressive
because we're in the guy's car.
2084
01:29:21,217 --> 01:29:23,358
It's his temple.
It's a sanctuary.
2085
01:29:23,358 --> 01:29:25,221
We don't want him
hunting you down like a dog
2086
01:29:25,221 --> 01:29:27,154
and getting nasty
with a blunt force implement.
2087
01:29:27,154 --> 01:29:29,847
So "Happy Halloween" is going
to piss him off sufficiently.
2088
01:29:29,847 --> 01:29:33,091
But if you want to get fancy,
put something on there.
2089
01:29:33,091 --> 01:29:35,093
This confusing.
2090
01:29:35,093 --> 01:29:39,512
I would recommend, "I know what
you did, and it's time to pay."
2091
01:29:39,512 --> 01:29:42,377
Okay, now he starts thinking
about that,
2092
01:29:42,377 --> 01:29:44,517
and you have a prank
that lasts the entire year.
2093
01:29:44,517 --> 01:29:48,210
You've actually made it possible
to celebrate Halloween 24/7/365.
2094
01:29:48,210 --> 01:29:50,661
So have fun, kids.
2095
01:29:50,661 --> 01:29:52,490
- Wow.
- All right.
2096
01:29:52,490 --> 01:29:54,492
[Laughter]
2097
01:29:54,492 --> 01:29:56,839
And just when you thought
this movie had everything,
2098
01:29:56,839 --> 01:29:59,083
we get a full bore
musical production number
2099
01:29:59,083 --> 01:30:02,051
reminiscent of your days
in the "Viva La Girls"
2100
01:30:02,051 --> 01:30:04,053
musical revue at The Dunes.
2101
01:30:04,053 --> 01:30:06,608
Was that at The Dunes in Vegas?
2102
01:30:06,608 --> 01:30:08,506
Your first career
was as a dancer.
2103
01:30:08,506 --> 01:30:10,922
- That's right.
I started out as a dancer.
2104
01:30:10,922 --> 01:30:14,063
And I was a showgirl
at the Dunes,
2105
01:30:14,063 --> 01:30:16,721
as you said, which has now, of
course, been destroyed.
2106
01:30:16,721 --> 01:30:17,722
All those old hotels are gone.
2107
01:30:17,722 --> 01:30:19,241
- But the Dunes,
that was classic.
2108
01:30:19,241 --> 01:30:20,449
- That was the Rat Pack.
- It was classy.
2109
01:30:20,449 --> 01:30:22,727
- That's where the Rat Pack
hung out.
2110
01:30:22,727 --> 01:30:25,454
And that production number
was actually choreographed,
2111
01:30:25,454 --> 01:30:28,250
and the song was written
by the director
2112
01:30:28,250 --> 01:30:30,114
of the Folies Bergère, right?
2113
01:30:30,114 --> 01:30:31,529
That's right, Jerry Jackson,
2114
01:30:31,529 --> 01:30:36,085
who -- he was the choreographer
in Vive Les Girls,
2115
01:30:36,085 --> 01:30:38,398
and he was the choreographer
of that little number
2116
01:30:38,398 --> 01:30:40,538
I just did in the movie.
2117
01:30:40,538 --> 01:30:42,920
- And in the part of the movie
that we just watched,
2118
01:30:42,920 --> 01:30:46,717
you have an extended sequence
with Richard O'Brien,
2119
01:30:46,717 --> 01:30:49,167
the distinguished
classical actor
2120
01:30:49,167 --> 01:30:51,860
best known for
"The Rocky Horror Picture Show."
2121
01:30:51,860 --> 01:30:53,931
Was he having a good time
in Romania?
2122
01:30:53,931 --> 01:30:55,173
I would suspect he would.
2123
01:30:55,173 --> 01:30:56,589
You know, he was having
2124
01:30:56,589 --> 01:30:59,246
a little bit too much
of a good time.
2125
01:30:59,246 --> 01:31:00,385
Oh, okay.
2126
01:31:00,385 --> 01:31:01,697
- I won't go
into the details there.
2127
01:31:01,697 --> 01:31:05,356
But yes, I think
he enjoyed himself quite a bit.
2128
01:31:05,356 --> 01:31:10,188
- All right. I know he was
from New Zealand, I think.
2129
01:31:10,188 --> 01:31:14,054
We think of him as a Brit,
but he was in
2130
01:31:14,054 --> 01:31:16,436
the London stage production
of "Jesus Christ Superstar."
2131
01:31:16,436 --> 01:31:17,748
And of course "Rocky Horror."
2132
01:31:17,748 --> 01:31:19,750
Yeah. And "Rocky Horror."
2133
01:31:19,750 --> 01:31:21,648
And then you also have
extensive scenes
2134
01:31:21,648 --> 01:31:24,513
with Scott Atkinson
as Dr. Bradley Bradley
2135
01:31:24,513 --> 01:31:26,481
doing his best
Vincent Price parody.
2136
01:31:26,481 --> 01:31:29,691
Actually, I think it was written
as a Vincent Price parody,
2137
01:31:29,691 --> 01:31:32,625
but he said he was
channeling the character actor
2138
01:31:32,625 --> 01:31:34,523
George Sanders, which he --
2139
01:31:34,523 --> 01:31:36,974
He did just exactly right on.
2140
01:31:36,974 --> 01:31:38,700
I mean, if you're familiar with
George Sanders.
2141
01:31:38,700 --> 01:31:40,736
- Yes. I mean, not many people
know George Sanders.
2142
01:31:40,736 --> 01:31:43,256
But he was doing
a George Sanders.
2143
01:31:43,256 --> 01:31:44,464
- It was fantastic.
- And I know he was having
2144
01:31:44,464 --> 01:31:45,879
a good time in Romania.
2145
01:31:45,879 --> 01:31:47,743
- He was having a great time,
and I loved and adored him.
2146
01:31:47,743 --> 01:31:50,884
He did such a fantastic job
in that part.
2147
01:31:50,884 --> 01:31:53,577
And he had to kind of do dual
characters in that part, so.
2148
01:31:53,577 --> 01:31:55,579
- Right.
- Yeah.
2149
01:31:55,579 --> 01:31:57,097
I was sad about
him passing away.
2150
01:31:57,097 --> 01:31:58,271
- He gets stranger
as the movie goes on.
2151
01:31:58,271 --> 01:32:01,412
But he did lots
of episodic TV after that,
2152
01:32:01,412 --> 01:32:03,966
and unfortunately,
he died just last year.
2153
01:32:03,966 --> 01:32:05,968
- It was really sad.
- Too early.
2154
01:32:05,968 --> 01:32:07,901
Way too early.
2155
01:32:07,901 --> 01:32:11,802
- Were the Romanians aware
of Elvira's fame?
2156
01:32:11,802 --> 01:32:14,908
Did they get any
Elvira shows in Romania?
2157
01:32:14,908 --> 01:32:16,220
No. [Laughs]
2158
01:32:16,220 --> 01:32:19,188
Mostly they had no idea
what the hell I was.
2159
01:32:19,188 --> 01:32:21,121
- They just knew you were
a big Hollywood star.
2160
01:32:21,121 --> 01:32:22,847
- Yeah, that's all.
And that was enough for them.
2161
01:32:22,847 --> 01:32:24,159
Believe me. They loved me.
2162
01:32:24,159 --> 01:32:25,643
- Okay, well, we've been
trying to get you
2163
01:32:25,643 --> 01:32:29,026
on the show for a while now,
but you're busier than ever.
2164
01:32:29,026 --> 01:32:31,787
The thing I wanted to ask you,
or maybe you should ask
2165
01:32:31,787 --> 01:32:35,791
this, Darcy, how many
Elvira products are there?
2166
01:32:35,791 --> 01:32:38,829
Because I know you've got
every Elvira product.
2167
01:32:38,829 --> 01:32:42,073
It seems like your name
is on thousands of costumes
2168
01:32:42,073 --> 01:32:44,248
and collectibles
and paraphernalia.
2169
01:32:44,248 --> 01:32:48,493
And you have
the complete set, right, Darcy?
2170
01:32:48,493 --> 01:32:50,599
- I don't think it's possible to
have the complete set.
2171
01:32:50,599 --> 01:32:51,980
Probably slot machines.
2172
01:32:51,980 --> 01:32:53,602
You can't even buy
the slot machines.
2173
01:32:53,602 --> 01:32:55,190
- Yes, exactly.
- What's the weirdest
2174
01:32:55,190 --> 01:32:57,088
Elvira spin off product?
2175
01:32:57,088 --> 01:32:58,745
Is there one you would name?
2176
01:32:58,745 --> 01:33:01,541
- Well, I had a recent one
that is pretty weird to me.
2177
01:33:01,541 --> 01:33:03,543
I have an Elvira Vespa.
2178
01:33:03,543 --> 01:33:05,752
- Yes, yes, exactly.
- Oh, wow!
2179
01:33:05,752 --> 01:33:07,789
- That's bizarre.
- I need to get one.
2180
01:33:07,789 --> 01:33:09,653
- Okay.
- I had one long time ago.
2181
01:33:09,653 --> 01:33:11,516
There was one of those
smelly things
2182
01:33:11,516 --> 01:33:13,242
- in your car that you hang.
- Oh, the air freshener.
2183
01:33:13,242 --> 01:33:15,451
And I'm going,
"What do those smell like?
2184
01:33:15,451 --> 01:33:16,660
I don't know.
2185
01:33:16,660 --> 01:33:18,800
- Well, truck drivers, see,
they use those,
2186
01:33:18,800 --> 01:33:21,147
so that would be -- I can see
how that would work.
2187
01:33:21,147 --> 01:33:22,562
- I thought that was a weird
Elvira product.
2188
01:33:22,562 --> 01:33:24,184
Is there an Elvira bra?
2189
01:33:24,184 --> 01:33:26,773
- No, and that's something
I'd always, always love to have.
2190
01:33:26,773 --> 01:33:28,672
I mean, because it's
really kind of a Miracle Bra.
2191
01:33:28,672 --> 01:33:29,845
- After all these years?
- Has to happen.
2192
01:33:29,845 --> 01:33:31,295
- I know. I've never -- you know,
2193
01:33:31,295 --> 01:33:32,917
I got to get my licensing guy
on that.
2194
01:33:32,917 --> 01:33:34,609
- Okay.
- That's a good idea.
2195
01:33:34,609 --> 01:33:37,163
- Well, you loaded this movie up
with boob jokes?
2196
01:33:37,163 --> 01:33:39,337
- Oh, yeah, of course.
- You may have the most famous
2197
01:33:39,337 --> 01:33:40,822
boobs since Jayne Mansfield.
2198
01:33:40,822 --> 01:33:43,756
- Possibly
- So, is that a lot of pressure?
2199
01:33:43,756 --> 01:33:45,102
- Just on my boobs.
- [Laughter]
2200
01:33:45,102 --> 01:33:48,553
- But, you know,
I am very thankful for my boobs
2201
01:33:48,553 --> 01:33:53,110
because I've basically made a
career since I was 14 years old,
2202
01:33:53,110 --> 01:33:55,077
till now, thanks to my boobs.
2203
01:33:55,077 --> 01:33:56,941
- Oh, really?
- Think about it.
2204
01:33:56,941 --> 01:33:59,875
- I owe them a lot.
- Yes. Yay boobs.
2205
01:33:59,875 --> 01:34:02,188
- Were you thinking about that
when you're 14?
2206
01:34:02,188 --> 01:34:04,811
"Hey, I have the boobs.
I should be a go-go dancer."
2207
01:34:04,811 --> 01:34:06,192
- Well, eah, it helped.
Let me tell you.
2208
01:34:06,192 --> 01:34:08,781
They called me Big Red,
and it wasn't for nothing.
2209
01:34:08,781 --> 01:34:11,576
- Oh. Okay.
- Yeah.
2210
01:34:11,576 --> 01:34:13,509
So I'm very fortunate.
2211
01:34:13,509 --> 01:34:15,650
- I also wanted to ask you,
what is your favorite
2212
01:34:15,650 --> 01:34:18,066
non-Elvira performance?
2213
01:34:18,066 --> 01:34:19,723
Because you've had
many of those.
2214
01:34:19,723 --> 01:34:21,000
I have had many.
2215
01:34:21,000 --> 01:34:22,795
Just, you know,
I don't go out for acting work,
2216
01:34:22,795 --> 01:34:25,004
but once in a while,
a friend will call up and say,
2217
01:34:25,004 --> 01:34:26,591
"Oh, do you want to be
in this movie?"
2218
01:34:26,591 --> 01:34:28,317
I think my favorite one so far
2219
01:34:28,317 --> 01:34:31,424
was "All About Evil"
with Peaches Christ.
2220
01:34:31,424 --> 01:34:33,460
- Peaches Christ, yes.
- He directed it,
2221
01:34:33,460 --> 01:34:37,361
Joshua Grannell,
and I play this very normal
2222
01:34:37,361 --> 01:34:40,053
mom role, and I love doing that.
2223
01:34:40,053 --> 01:34:42,918
I love being a normal person
for once in my life.
2224
01:34:42,918 --> 01:34:44,989
It was hard, though. It's scary.
2225
01:34:44,989 --> 01:34:47,785
But I got to -- the great thing
was I got to kill
2226
01:34:47,785 --> 01:34:49,787
the villain in the end.
2227
01:34:49,787 --> 01:34:51,237
Oh, well, I won't give
away the ending.
2228
01:34:51,237 --> 01:34:53,826
Uh-oh, I think I just did.
Darn.
2229
01:34:53,826 --> 01:34:56,138
- Do you have to ask
casting directors, you know,
2230
01:34:56,138 --> 01:34:59,797
or when you were going out
for casting,
2231
01:34:59,797 --> 01:35:04,871
you know, who did you call
for this, Cassandra or Elvira?
2232
01:35:04,871 --> 01:35:06,770
- Well, the funny thing
that happened to me early on
2233
01:35:06,770 --> 01:35:09,600
when I became Elvira was
I started getting all these
2234
01:35:09,600 --> 01:35:11,982
calls from casting directors
around L.A.
2235
01:35:11,982 --> 01:35:13,328
And when I'd go in,
you'd just see
2236
01:35:13,328 --> 01:35:15,192
this big look of disappointment
on their face.
2237
01:35:15,192 --> 01:35:16,607
I mean, they'd just be like --
2238
01:35:16,607 --> 01:35:19,023
you know, they thought
they were bringing
2239
01:35:19,023 --> 01:35:22,958
in this big, tall Amazon
with black hair and big boobs.
2240
01:35:22,958 --> 01:35:24,649
And then I come in, la la la,
2241
01:35:24,649 --> 01:35:28,343
you know, red hair,
and they were like, "Go home."
2242
01:35:28,343 --> 01:35:30,034
- Oh, gosh.
- Yeah, that was confusing
2243
01:35:30,034 --> 01:35:31,760
and bad for my career.
2244
01:35:31,760 --> 01:35:33,451
- All right, well, we're going
to go back to the movie.
2245
01:35:33,451 --> 01:35:37,076
The book is
"You're Cruelly, Elvira."
2246
01:35:37,076 --> 01:35:41,494
And we are back to the story
of Elvira and Elura
2247
01:35:41,494 --> 01:35:45,740
in the land of Dracula,
"Elvira's Haunted Hills."
2248
01:35:45,740 --> 01:35:50,296
You have one visual joke in the
movie that you do not explain,
2249
01:35:50,296 --> 01:35:55,473
and that is the door of
the castle has a giant knockers.
2250
01:35:55,473 --> 01:35:58,476
Oh, we had those knockers made.
2251
01:35:58,476 --> 01:36:00,409
We just had them
specifically made.
2252
01:36:00,409 --> 01:36:02,032
- Okay.
- Didn't want to hit
2253
01:36:02,032 --> 01:36:03,481
that joke too much.
2254
01:36:03,481 --> 01:36:04,724
I thought it spoke for itself.
2255
01:36:04,724 --> 01:36:06,588
- Were the giant knockers
in the script, though?
2256
01:36:06,588 --> 01:36:08,797
- Oh, yeah.
- Okay.
2257
01:36:08,797 --> 01:36:10,695
- Can't have a castle
without giant knockers.
2258
01:36:10,695 --> 01:36:14,803
- Okay. We insiders at
the keg party,
2259
01:36:14,803 --> 01:36:17,185
we say,
"Hey, hit the giant knockers."
2260
01:36:17,185 --> 01:36:18,358
There you go.
2261
01:36:18,358 --> 01:36:19,774
[Laughter]
2262
01:36:24,054 --> 01:36:25,400
[Static crackles]
2263
01:36:26,021 --> 01:36:27,643
[Thunder crashes]
2264
01:36:32,545 --> 01:36:34,858
[Snoring]
2265
01:36:39,966 --> 01:36:43,176
[Elura] Vladimere...
2266
01:36:46,041 --> 01:36:48,561
Vladimere...
2267
01:36:48,561 --> 01:36:50,805
Who...Who is it?
2268
01:36:52,737 --> 01:36:54,360
Who's there?
2269
01:36:55,292 --> 01:36:57,190
Vladimere!
2270
01:37:04,888 --> 01:37:07,338
Vladimere...
2271
01:37:09,478 --> 01:37:11,101
Oh!
2272
01:37:12,688 --> 01:37:14,518
[Screams]
2273
01:37:20,179 --> 01:37:22,043
Vladimere, what is it?
2274
01:37:22,043 --> 01:37:24,114
I saw her.
2275
01:37:24,114 --> 01:37:25,425
it was her.
2276
01:37:25,425 --> 01:37:28,566
- Who, man?
Whom did you see?
2277
01:37:28,566 --> 01:37:30,223
I saw...
2278
01:37:30,223 --> 01:37:32,812
I saw...
2279
01:37:32,812 --> 01:37:34,055
No one.
2280
01:37:34,055 --> 01:37:35,746
Nothing, I...
2281
01:37:35,746 --> 01:37:38,197
I must have been dreaming.
2282
01:37:38,197 --> 01:37:39,543
[Laughs]
2283
01:37:46,274 --> 01:37:49,001
[Speaking Gibberish]
2284
01:37:49,001 --> 01:37:51,831
All of you! All of you!
2285
01:37:51,831 --> 01:37:53,350
[Groans]
2286
01:37:57,699 --> 01:37:59,459
Oh.
2287
01:38:00,633 --> 01:38:02,738
What?
2288
01:38:03,498 --> 01:38:05,051
What? What happened?
2289
01:38:05,051 --> 01:38:07,812
Uh, you tripped again.
2290
01:38:09,366 --> 01:38:11,195
You got to lay off
of that absinthe.
2291
01:38:11,195 --> 01:38:13,094
Thank you.
2292
01:38:13,094 --> 01:38:14,302
[Gasps]
2293
01:38:14,302 --> 01:38:15,959
That ring!
2294
01:38:15,959 --> 01:38:18,133
Where did you get that ring?
2295
01:38:18,133 --> 01:38:20,480
Uh, this old thing?
2296
01:38:20,480 --> 01:38:22,482
I just found it in my room.
2297
01:38:22,482 --> 01:38:23,725
It was Elura's!
2298
01:38:23,725 --> 01:38:26,383
Her wedding ring.
You took it!
2299
01:38:26,970 --> 01:38:29,006
Sheesh, calm down, will you?
2300
01:38:29,006 --> 01:38:31,733
Here, you can have it.
It's too tacky for me, anyway.
2301
01:38:31,733 --> 01:38:33,977
- No, no!
No, get it away, get it away!
2302
01:38:33,977 --> 01:38:35,668
Will you make up your mind?
2303
01:38:35,668 --> 01:38:39,361
- Elura was wearing
that ring...
2304
01:38:39,361 --> 01:38:41,467
when I buried her.
2305
01:38:42,778 --> 01:38:44,539
Ew.
2306
01:38:50,683 --> 01:38:52,927
Don't even think about it.
2307
01:38:52,927 --> 01:38:54,756
Then it's true!
2308
01:38:54,756 --> 01:38:56,792
It is true!
2309
01:38:56,792 --> 01:38:58,553
She's alive!
2310
01:38:58,553 --> 01:39:04,041
- Vladimere, you know very well
that's not possible.
2311
01:39:04,041 --> 01:39:07,734
- Well, there's only
one way to find out.
2312
01:39:09,840 --> 01:39:13,085
[Thunder crashing]
2313
01:39:15,294 --> 01:39:18,262
- Oh, here, let me
help you with that.
2314
01:39:18,262 --> 01:39:19,850
- Mmm...
- Here, here.
2315
01:39:19,850 --> 01:39:21,403
All spic and span.
2316
01:39:21,403 --> 01:39:23,198
I'll get the rest later.
2317
01:39:41,906 --> 01:39:43,978
Almost got it.
2318
01:39:51,157 --> 01:39:53,470
Oh, my God!
2319
01:39:53,470 --> 01:39:55,713
It's true!
2320
01:39:55,713 --> 01:39:57,336
She is alive!
2321
01:39:58,233 --> 01:40:00,097
[Thunder crashes]
2322
01:40:00,097 --> 01:40:01,374
[Thuds]
2323
01:40:01,374 --> 01:40:03,721
- Girl, you are starting
to get on my last nerve.
2324
01:40:05,654 --> 01:40:08,519
[Owl hooting]
2325
01:40:16,872 --> 01:40:19,496
- Good Lord.
No heartbeat.
2326
01:40:20,980 --> 01:40:22,602
Mirror?
2327
01:40:27,676 --> 01:40:30,093
No breath, either!
2328
01:40:30,093 --> 01:40:32,233
I'm afraid she's quite...
2329
01:40:32,233 --> 01:40:33,234
dead.
2330
01:40:33,234 --> 01:40:35,477
[Gasps]
2331
01:40:35,477 --> 01:40:39,723
- Well, at least we'll get
some use out of that coffin.
2332
01:40:39,723 --> 01:40:41,483
[Howling in distance]
2333
01:40:43,934 --> 01:40:45,591
[Thunder crashes]
2334
01:40:47,558 --> 01:40:49,008
Poor Roxana.
2335
01:40:49,008 --> 01:40:51,493
She's found peace at last.
2336
01:40:51,493 --> 01:40:54,427
- For a member of
the Hellsubus line,
2337
01:40:54,427 --> 01:40:57,327
even death can bring no peace.
2338
01:40:57,327 --> 01:40:59,294
Oh!
2339
01:40:59,294 --> 01:41:02,608
If only it were me
instead of her.
2340
01:41:02,608 --> 01:41:05,542
Yes, if only it was you.
2341
01:41:05,542 --> 01:41:09,408
Yes, if only...
2342
01:41:09,408 --> 01:41:10,892
it was.
2343
01:41:10,892 --> 01:41:12,514
Yes, if...
2344
01:41:14,827 --> 01:41:16,449
...only.
2345
01:41:25,389 --> 01:41:27,081
[Fly buzzing]
2346
01:41:36,400 --> 01:41:37,643
[Lock clicks]
2347
01:41:37,643 --> 01:41:40,404
- Must you close the casket
so soon, Vladimere?
2348
01:41:40,404 --> 01:41:42,234
- Yeah, boy, you guys don't
waste any time, do you?
2349
01:41:42,234 --> 01:41:45,444
I mean, the body's
not even cold yet.
2350
01:41:45,444 --> 01:41:51,312
- It's time for Roxana to join
the rest of the Hellsubus clan.
2351
01:41:51,312 --> 01:41:53,141
Come.
2352
01:41:54,211 --> 01:41:56,386
Why, why, why?
2353
01:41:56,386 --> 01:41:59,078
She was so young and so...
2354
01:41:59,078 --> 01:42:00,976
young!
2355
01:42:00,976 --> 01:42:01,977
Roxana!
2356
01:42:01,977 --> 01:42:03,807
We hardly knew ye!
2357
01:42:03,807 --> 01:42:05,222
She was a good girl!
2358
01:42:05,222 --> 01:42:06,913
She never "hoit" nobody!
2359
01:42:06,913 --> 01:42:09,606
You're with the angels now,
darling.
2360
01:42:09,606 --> 01:42:10,814
[Sobs]
2361
01:42:10,814 --> 01:42:12,402
[Thunder crashes]
2362
01:42:12,402 --> 01:42:14,058
Oh, man, I don't know about
the rest of you guys,
2363
01:42:14,058 --> 01:42:16,130
but I need a drink.
2364
01:42:19,581 --> 01:42:21,204
[Thunder crashes]
2365
01:42:22,722 --> 01:42:24,621
[Thunder crashes]
2366
01:42:25,415 --> 01:42:27,900
[Creaking]
2367
01:43:02,141 --> 01:43:04,074
[Iron clanking]
2368
01:43:14,671 --> 01:43:16,190
[Dog barking]
2369
01:43:43,803 --> 01:43:46,220
[Clanging]
2370
01:43:48,877 --> 01:43:49,913
Hello?
2371
01:43:49,913 --> 01:43:51,535
Adrian?
2372
01:43:56,989 --> 01:43:59,681
[Horse snorts]
2373
01:44:02,408 --> 01:44:04,479
[Sizzling]
2374
01:44:07,344 --> 01:44:09,243
Mm, mm.
2375
01:44:18,597 --> 01:44:20,012
Adrian.
2376
01:44:20,012 --> 01:44:22,773
That's quite a big hammer
you're swinging there.
2377
01:44:22,773 --> 01:44:24,119
Elvira.
2378
01:44:24,119 --> 01:44:27,191
I was just shoeing a horse
for your trip tomorrow.
2379
01:44:27,191 --> 01:44:29,470
- Yeah, well, I thought
I'd just bring you
2380
01:44:29,470 --> 01:44:32,438
a little something
to remember me by.
2381
01:44:32,438 --> 01:44:34,060
A book!
2382
01:44:35,786 --> 01:44:39,514
Elvira, you are as generous
as you are beautiful.
2383
01:44:40,619 --> 01:44:42,966
Ah, "Kama...
2384
01:44:42,966 --> 01:44:44,450
Sutra."
2385
01:44:44,450 --> 01:44:46,625
- Yeah.
Have you read it already?
2386
01:44:46,625 --> 01:44:48,523
I'm afraid I haven't.
2387
01:44:48,523 --> 01:44:50,525
Oh, too bad.
2388
01:44:50,525 --> 01:44:53,045
- I hope there aren't
too many big words.
2389
01:44:53,045 --> 01:44:54,633
- Yeah, well,
don't worry about it.
2390
01:44:54,633 --> 01:44:56,393
I mean, it's mostly pictures.
2391
01:44:56,393 --> 01:44:59,016
Here, let me show you
the first chapter.
2392
01:45:04,608 --> 01:45:06,403
I'm not sure I follow.
2393
01:45:06,403 --> 01:45:08,647
Oh, read on.
2394
01:45:08,647 --> 01:45:10,580
Mm.
2395
01:45:14,515 --> 01:45:16,310
[Humming]
2396
01:45:21,591 --> 01:45:23,247
[Gasping]
2397
01:45:23,247 --> 01:45:25,008
[Glass breaking]
2398
01:45:33,637 --> 01:45:35,777
Mmm...
2399
01:45:35,777 --> 01:45:37,607
Nicholai.
2400
01:45:39,263 --> 01:45:40,886
Elura...
2401
01:45:43,302 --> 01:45:45,925
At long last.
2402
01:45:45,925 --> 01:45:49,688
My brother would have my head
if he knew about this.
2403
01:45:49,688 --> 01:45:52,932
Vladimere will never find out.
2404
01:46:10,398 --> 01:46:12,435
No!
2405
01:46:13,056 --> 01:46:15,196
[Screams]
2406
01:46:15,817 --> 01:46:17,750
Help me!
2407
01:46:17,750 --> 01:46:20,097
Help me! No!
2408
01:46:21,513 --> 01:46:23,342
Help me!
2409
01:46:23,998 --> 01:46:25,551
No!
2410
01:46:25,551 --> 01:46:28,278
Help!
2411
01:46:28,278 --> 01:46:29,693
Help me!
2412
01:46:30,522 --> 01:46:33,076
No, help me, Elvira!
2413
01:46:33,076 --> 01:46:35,665
[Screams]
2414
01:46:38,150 --> 01:46:40,704
[Dog barking]
2415
01:46:58,722 --> 01:47:01,000
[Thunder crashes]
2416
01:47:21,262 --> 01:47:23,264
[Gasps]
2417
01:47:29,063 --> 01:47:31,341
[Coughs]
2418
01:47:55,261 --> 01:47:56,918
[Thunder crashes]
2419
01:48:07,688 --> 01:48:09,448
[Thunder crashes]
2420
01:48:17,318 --> 01:48:19,078
Ugh!
2421
01:48:39,582 --> 01:48:41,445
[Muffled cries]
2422
01:48:41,445 --> 01:48:42,999
Who's there?
2423
01:48:44,172 --> 01:48:46,381
[Muffled cries]
2424
01:48:48,383 --> 01:48:50,558
Zou Zou, is that you?
2425
01:48:50,558 --> 01:48:52,733
What do you think you are,
a freaking parakeet?
2426
01:48:52,733 --> 01:48:54,597
[Muffled cries]
2427
01:48:59,498 --> 01:49:01,189
[Muffled cries]
2428
01:49:07,817 --> 01:49:11,234
Oh, you will not believe
this weird dream I had.
2429
01:49:11,234 --> 01:49:13,581
I think that Elura's buried
alive down here somewhere,
2430
01:49:13,581 --> 01:49:16,377
and I think
that I know who...
2431
01:49:16,377 --> 01:49:18,068
Ah!
2432
01:49:18,068 --> 01:49:19,932
How did you two get down here?
2433
01:49:19,932 --> 01:49:23,177
This dungeon has been locked
for 100 years.
2434
01:49:23,177 --> 01:49:24,972
Yeah, right, and I suppose
2435
01:49:24,972 --> 01:49:26,352
you've never been
down here either.
2436
01:49:26,352 --> 01:49:29,666
- Madam, I swear to you,
I've never before set foot in...
2437
01:49:29,666 --> 01:49:32,117
in this place.
2438
01:49:32,117 --> 01:49:35,292
- Look, little Lord Paranoid,
I didn't say you did.
2439
01:49:35,292 --> 01:49:38,019
I just said that if you are
the only person with the key...
2440
01:49:38,019 --> 01:49:41,989
- It was in this foul dungeon
that my great-grandfather,
2441
01:49:41,989 --> 01:49:43,956
Lord Lucian Hellsubus,
2442
01:49:43,956 --> 01:49:48,236
committed unspeakable
acts of torture.
2443
01:49:48,236 --> 01:49:50,584
- Ooh, like, "Whip me, baby,
whip me"?
2444
01:49:50,584 --> 01:49:53,552
In a nutshell, yes.
2445
01:49:53,552 --> 01:49:55,312
Ouch.
2446
01:49:57,556 --> 01:50:00,870
Oh, my God!
2447
01:50:02,665 --> 01:50:04,736
This is it!
2448
01:50:04,736 --> 01:50:05,978
It's this wall! It's...
2449
01:50:05,978 --> 01:50:08,429
It's the wall from my dream!
2450
01:50:08,429 --> 01:50:10,500
- What on Earth are you
talking about, my dear?
2451
01:50:22,546 --> 01:50:23,755
[Gasps]
2452
01:50:23,755 --> 01:50:25,549
It wasn't a dream.
2453
01:50:25,549 --> 01:50:27,724
It really happened!
2454
01:50:27,724 --> 01:50:29,623
Elura didn't kill herself.
2455
01:50:29,623 --> 01:50:31,901
You killed her!
2456
01:50:31,901 --> 01:50:34,455
I had to do it, Elura.
2457
01:50:34,455 --> 01:50:36,906
Don't you see?
2458
01:50:36,906 --> 01:50:39,874
You wanted to leave me.
2459
01:50:39,874 --> 01:50:41,738
Leave this castle.
2460
01:50:41,738 --> 01:50:44,672
No one in the Hellsubus clan
can ever leave,
2461
01:50:44,672 --> 01:50:48,055
as I told dear Roxana.
2462
01:50:48,055 --> 01:50:50,091
You mean Roxana was...
2463
01:50:50,091 --> 01:50:53,129
- Yes, about to be
buried alive, too.
2464
01:50:53,129 --> 01:50:57,271
That's another unfortunate
Hellsubus family trait.
2465
01:50:57,271 --> 01:50:59,791
Catalepsy.
2466
01:50:59,791 --> 01:51:01,931
Fear of cats?
2467
01:51:01,931 --> 01:51:04,588
- It's a condition which
completely parallels
2468
01:51:04,588 --> 01:51:06,763
the look of death.
2469
01:51:08,213 --> 01:51:09,939
You mean, then...
2470
01:51:09,939 --> 01:51:12,079
she was...
2471
01:51:12,079 --> 01:51:13,218
and you knew?
2472
01:51:13,218 --> 01:51:14,978
- Yes.
- And...
2473
01:51:14,978 --> 01:51:16,255
Yes, I'm afraid...
2474
01:51:16,255 --> 01:51:18,810
I'm afraid burying people alive
2475
01:51:18,810 --> 01:51:22,641
is another unfortunate
Hellsubus family trait.
2476
01:51:23,055 --> 01:51:24,850
And now, Elvira,
2477
01:51:24,850 --> 01:51:28,371
it's time to send you back
from whence you came.
2478
01:51:28,371 --> 01:51:30,235
To hell!
2479
01:51:30,235 --> 01:51:32,168
No!
2480
01:51:39,727 --> 01:51:43,386
- [Laughs] I shall rip your
black heart out
2481
01:51:43,386 --> 01:51:47,045
and feed it
to the carrion crows!
2482
01:51:50,496 --> 01:51:51,739
[Gags]
2483
01:51:51,739 --> 01:51:53,430
[Grunts]
2484
01:51:53,983 --> 01:51:55,950
[Groans]
2485
01:52:00,403 --> 01:52:02,819
- Sheesh, you'd think he would
have learned by now.
2486
01:52:02,819 --> 01:52:04,165
[Door opening]
2487
01:52:11,448 --> 01:52:14,313
Ah, there he is.
2488
01:52:14,313 --> 01:52:16,419
Pretty as a picture.
2489
01:52:18,145 --> 01:52:21,665
It is rather amusing,
isn't it, dearest?
2490
01:52:21,665 --> 01:52:26,809
Your first wife, Elura,
an adulteress.
2491
01:52:26,809 --> 01:52:30,847
Your brother Nicholai,
an adulterer.
2492
01:52:30,847 --> 01:52:34,955
Your second wife, an adulteress.
2493
01:52:34,955 --> 01:52:39,925
Your trusted doctor and friend,
an adulterer!
2494
01:52:41,237 --> 01:52:42,997
[Laughs]
2495
01:52:46,173 --> 01:52:47,899
Mm!
2496
01:52:47,899 --> 01:52:50,280
[Moaning]
2497
01:52:58,530 --> 01:53:00,014
Ah!
2498
01:53:12,475 --> 01:53:14,063
[Cockney accent] Oy, mate!
2499
01:53:15,340 --> 01:53:16,479
[Whistles]
2500
01:53:16,479 --> 01:53:19,068
No, he's completely
off it this time.
2501
01:53:19,068 --> 01:53:21,242
We've done it.
2502
01:53:21,242 --> 01:53:24,314
Look at the pathetic milksop.
2503
01:53:24,314 --> 01:53:26,178
He'd be better off dead.
2504
01:53:26,178 --> 01:53:28,215
- Yeah, but we wouldn't,
would we, love?
2505
01:53:28,215 --> 01:53:30,873
And now that he's off his nut,
you and I are completely
2506
01:53:30,873 --> 01:53:33,772
in control
of the Hellsubus family fortune.
2507
01:53:33,772 --> 01:53:37,189
- And no one will question
his need for constant care
2508
01:53:37,189 --> 01:53:40,572
from his trusted doctor,
2509
01:53:40,572 --> 01:53:45,128
with the help of his
faithful wife, of course.
2510
01:53:45,128 --> 01:53:48,373
- I hope you've learned
your lesson.
2511
01:53:48,373 --> 01:53:52,239
- Never sign
a pre-nuptual agreement!
2512
01:53:52,239 --> 01:53:53,965
[Laughs]
2513
01:53:55,138 --> 01:53:56,830
[Creaking]
2514
01:53:57,416 --> 01:53:59,004
Elvira.
2515
01:53:59,108 --> 01:54:00,212
Oh. [Laughs]
2516
01:54:00,212 --> 01:54:03,802
How nice of you to join us.
2517
01:54:03,802 --> 01:54:05,493
- Hi there.
Um, I was just leaving,
2518
01:54:05,493 --> 01:54:07,426
so I'll see you guys around!
2519
01:54:08,255 --> 01:54:09,843
No, you don't, love.
2520
01:54:09,843 --> 01:54:13,191
- Oh, no.
Don't leave, Elvira.
2521
01:54:13,191 --> 01:54:16,228
The fun is just beginning.
2522
01:54:16,228 --> 01:54:19,197
[Laughs]
2523
01:54:19,197 --> 01:54:20,923
[Static crackles]
2524
01:54:20,923 --> 01:54:22,165
Never fear.
2525
01:54:22,165 --> 01:54:23,822
Joe Bob is here
2526
01:54:23,822 --> 01:54:27,722
with one more indispensable
trick or treat tip.
2527
01:54:27,722 --> 01:54:29,448
[Laughing]
2528
01:54:31,243 --> 01:54:33,073
- You know, we just don't have
time to cover
2529
01:54:33,073 --> 01:54:34,695
all the great
Halloween traditions.
2530
01:54:34,695 --> 01:54:36,766
We'll have to save some
for next year.
2531
01:54:36,766 --> 01:54:39,562
But most of them
are really simple.
2532
01:54:39,562 --> 01:54:42,323
Halloween is always the week
before Election Day, right?
2533
01:54:42,323 --> 01:54:44,153
So remember, 2020,
2534
01:54:44,153 --> 01:54:45,879
all you had to do
is go through the neighborhood,
2535
01:54:45,879 --> 01:54:48,364
put the "Vote for Biden" signs
in the Trump yards
2536
01:54:48,364 --> 01:54:50,504
and the Trump signs
in the Biden yards.
2537
01:54:50,504 --> 01:54:53,817
And we got so much mileage
out of that very little effort.
2538
01:54:53,817 --> 01:54:56,441
I mean, there were people
doing eight hours scary makeup,
2539
01:54:56,441 --> 01:54:57,614
and we all pranked them
2540
01:54:57,614 --> 01:55:00,514
just with the campaign sign
switcheroo.
2541
01:55:00,514 --> 01:55:03,724
There's always the old
honey on the doorknob trick,
2542
01:55:03,724 --> 01:55:07,452
or for the hard core,
super glue on the doorknob.
2543
01:55:07,452 --> 01:55:10,593
If you're going to do
a bloody shower,
2544
01:55:10,593 --> 01:55:13,492
there's always that moment after
you unscrew the showerhead.
2545
01:55:13,492 --> 01:55:17,186
Do I use Kool-Aid powder,
or do I use Easter egg coloring?
2546
01:55:17,186 --> 01:55:18,946
I can tell you
from years of experience,
2547
01:55:18,946 --> 01:55:23,364
go bunny rabbit with it,
much bloodier.
2548
01:55:23,364 --> 01:55:27,921
I haven't covered fake mice
in the egg carton in the fridge.
2549
01:55:27,921 --> 01:55:31,890
I haven't covered severed hand
attached to the milk carton.
2550
01:55:31,890 --> 01:55:35,721
Bugs and spiders frozen
inside the ice cubes.
2551
01:55:35,721 --> 01:55:38,517
Fake cockroaches
all over the kitchen table.
2552
01:55:38,517 --> 01:55:40,864
The random severed finger.
2553
01:55:40,864 --> 01:55:44,592
But I'm going to close
with this educational series
2554
01:55:44,592 --> 01:55:47,423
with the old standby -- TP.
2555
01:55:47,423 --> 01:55:48,769
[Laughter]
2556
01:55:48,769 --> 01:55:50,771
If you're going to
toilet paper yard,
2557
01:55:50,771 --> 01:55:55,431
first of all,
do not use Charmin or Bounty.
2558
01:55:55,431 --> 01:55:56,777
Too think.
2559
01:55:56,777 --> 01:55:58,399
You can't get a good long roll
when you're hoisting
2560
01:55:58,399 --> 01:55:59,849
that over the tree branches.
2561
01:55:59,849 --> 01:56:03,439
Use the cheapest stuff
you can buy -- single ply.
2562
01:56:03,439 --> 01:56:05,372
And do the trees first.
2563
01:56:05,372 --> 01:56:09,134
You can do the trees, especially
these outer perimeter trees,
2564
01:56:09,134 --> 01:56:10,894
you can do these trees
from the street side
2565
01:56:10,894 --> 01:56:12,793
before anybody notices.
2566
01:56:12,793 --> 01:56:15,209
You're going to want to do
the -- everything inside you
2567
01:56:15,209 --> 01:56:16,762
is going to say,
"I want to do the porch,
2568
01:56:16,762 --> 01:56:17,867
I want to get to that porch."
2569
01:56:17,867 --> 01:56:19,731
Resist that impulse.
2570
01:56:19,731 --> 01:56:22,354
For a proper TP, you need to
establish a perimeter
2571
01:56:22,354 --> 01:56:24,253
and work toward the porch.
2572
01:56:24,253 --> 01:56:26,462
You can flee at any time,
but you will probably get
2573
01:56:26,462 --> 01:56:28,947
very close to the house
before you're interrupted.
2574
01:56:28,947 --> 01:56:31,087
And if you only get
half of this done,
2575
01:56:31,087 --> 01:56:33,365
you know, here you go
to the outer tree line.
2576
01:56:33,365 --> 01:56:35,160
You do the inner trees.
2577
01:56:35,160 --> 01:56:37,956
You're over here at the
shrubbery and in the garden
2578
01:56:37,956 --> 01:56:40,165
that's right up on the house.
2579
01:56:40,165 --> 01:56:43,203
And then if you only get
half of it done,
2580
01:56:43,203 --> 01:56:46,861
the visual from the street,
from here,
2581
01:56:46,861 --> 01:56:50,555
if you only have gotten to one
or two, or one, two, and three,
2582
01:56:50,555 --> 01:56:53,592
and you haven't gotten
the real porch TP done yet,
2583
01:56:53,592 --> 01:56:56,388
the visual is still outstanding.
2584
01:56:56,388 --> 01:57:01,255
Okay, kids, that concludes
our Halloween tutorial for 2022.
2585
01:57:01,255 --> 01:57:05,604
And remember, if there are
no treats, take to the streets.
2586
01:57:05,604 --> 01:57:08,504
Halloween forever.
2587
01:57:08,504 --> 01:57:10,437
All right.
You can take this away now.
2588
01:57:10,437 --> 01:57:11,748
All right.
2589
01:57:13,578 --> 01:57:16,374
- Don't leave.
The fun is just beginning.
2590
01:57:16,374 --> 01:57:19,825
And so it is, as we realize
that not only
2591
01:57:19,825 --> 01:57:22,794
is Dr. Bradley Bradley
a charlatan,
2592
01:57:22,794 --> 01:57:24,796
but he has a Cockney accent.
2593
01:57:24,796 --> 01:57:26,177
- [Laughs]
- Yeah.
2594
01:57:26,177 --> 01:57:28,662
- That's a nice touch.
- I know.
2595
01:57:28,662 --> 01:57:31,147
- Was that in the script?
- No, that was Scott's idea.
2596
01:57:31,147 --> 01:57:33,632
And all of a sudden,
he went from upper class
2597
01:57:33,632 --> 01:57:36,808
Englishman to Cockney.
2598
01:57:36,808 --> 01:57:38,534
- He's just a limey from the --
2599
01:57:38,534 --> 01:57:41,261
- Yeah. So he was like another
con artist, you know?
2600
01:57:41,261 --> 01:57:44,298
So he really, he threw
that in, and we were like,
2601
01:57:44,298 --> 01:57:45,575
"Oh, this is so fabulous."
2602
01:57:45,575 --> 01:57:47,888
He was a very brilliant guy.
I loved him.
2603
01:57:47,888 --> 01:57:49,648
- All right, well, we haven't
talked much about the script,
2604
01:57:49,648 --> 01:57:51,167
but you wrote this
with your partner,
2605
01:57:51,167 --> 01:57:53,721
John Paragon,
another Groundling,
2606
01:57:53,721 --> 01:57:57,104
who also wrote
"Elvira Mistress of the Dark"
2607
01:57:57,104 --> 01:57:58,761
and "Pee-wee's Playhouse."
2608
01:57:58,761 --> 01:58:02,454
And he was a great actor
in his own right.
2609
01:58:02,454 --> 01:58:04,387
You guys worked together
a lot, right?
2610
01:58:04,387 --> 01:58:05,457
We did.
2611
01:58:05,457 --> 01:58:09,116
We were writing
partners for 20...
2612
01:58:09,116 --> 01:58:12,947
I can't remember how many
years -- 20 something years.
2613
01:58:12,947 --> 01:58:17,987
Yeah, and sadly,
John passed away.
2614
01:58:17,987 --> 01:58:20,921
I actually have him
in my closet.
2615
01:58:20,921 --> 01:58:22,060
- What?
- His ashes.
2616
01:58:22,060 --> 01:58:23,337
Yes, not his whole body.
2617
01:58:23,337 --> 01:58:27,030
- 2021.
Something like that?
2618
01:58:27,030 --> 01:58:29,378
- Yeah, we're laying him
to rest this November
2619
01:58:29,378 --> 01:58:31,897
at the Hollywood Forever
Cemetery.
2620
01:58:31,897 --> 01:58:33,865
- Oh, wow. Okay.
- Yeah.
2621
01:58:33,865 --> 01:58:35,349
- Are you going to acknowledge
that he was
2622
01:58:35,349 --> 01:58:37,524
- Jambi the Genie --
- Oh, we are.
2623
01:58:37,524 --> 01:58:40,630
We have a little Jambi box
built to put his ashes in.
2624
01:58:40,630 --> 01:58:41,873
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.
2625
01:58:41,873 --> 01:58:44,013
- Oh, that's great.
We'll have to be there for that.
2626
01:58:44,013 --> 01:58:45,670
- Yeah.
And we have a little sign.
2627
01:58:45,670 --> 01:58:47,223
"Meka Leka Hi Meka Hiney Ho."
2628
01:58:47,223 --> 01:58:49,467
- Shut up.
- Yeah, that's great.
2629
01:58:49,467 --> 01:58:51,814
- I know, so I want the fans to
be able to come and see him,
2630
01:58:51,814 --> 01:58:54,610
you know, for what he
was best known for.
2631
01:58:54,610 --> 01:58:57,475
But behind the scenes,
I mean, he was really part
2632
01:58:57,475 --> 01:58:58,717
of the Elvira character.
2633
01:58:58,717 --> 01:59:00,029
I mean, without John,
I don't think
2634
01:59:00,029 --> 01:59:03,101
Elvira would be who Elvira is.
2635
01:59:03,101 --> 01:59:05,966
- So, you guys worked together
in the same writing room?
2636
01:59:05,966 --> 01:59:07,726
- Yes, we did.
And we had a blast.
2637
01:59:07,726 --> 01:59:09,487
We always worked together.
2638
01:59:09,487 --> 01:59:10,833
We'd watch the movies together,
2639
01:59:10,833 --> 01:59:13,801
and then just start
throwing jokes back and forth.
2640
01:59:13,801 --> 01:59:16,459
And he would write up
the script, physically do it.
2641
01:59:16,459 --> 01:59:19,704
But he and I would come up
with all the jokes
2642
01:59:19,704 --> 01:59:21,119
for "Mistress of the Dark",
2643
01:59:21,119 --> 01:59:22,638
for all my
"Movie Macabre" shows.
2644
01:59:22,638 --> 01:59:25,744
And it was invaluable.
Brilliant guy.
2645
01:59:25,744 --> 01:59:28,678
- That's great.
Well, and you had that --
2646
01:59:28,678 --> 01:59:31,543
I wanted to mention, also,
you had that hot sex scene
2647
01:59:31,543 --> 01:59:36,238
with Gabi,
the 19 non-English speaking
2648
01:59:36,238 --> 01:59:38,032
hunk-a-rama in the movie.
2649
01:59:38,032 --> 01:59:40,034
- Hunk-a-rama?
- Was that a fun thing to do?
2650
01:59:40,034 --> 01:59:41,864
- It was sort of fun,
except his wife
2651
01:59:41,864 --> 01:59:44,522
was standing like
two feet away, like...
2652
01:59:44,522 --> 01:59:46,420
"What are you doing with Gabi?"
You know?
2653
01:59:46,420 --> 01:59:49,423
So it was -- I was
a little intimidated.
2654
01:59:49,423 --> 01:59:51,218
I was trying to relax,
but, you know...
2655
01:59:51,218 --> 01:59:52,392
Awkward.
2656
01:59:52,392 --> 01:59:54,048
- It was a little awkward.
- [Laughs] Yeah.
2657
01:59:54,048 --> 01:59:56,810
- All right, well, before
I let you flee this scene
2658
01:59:56,810 --> 01:59:58,846
and go back
to the Pacific Northwest,
2659
01:59:58,846 --> 02:00:01,642
tell me what's in store for your
future and Elvira's future.
2660
02:00:01,642 --> 02:00:04,542
The paperback is out now.
2661
02:00:04,542 --> 02:00:06,371
Out this month. Just came out.
2662
02:00:06,371 --> 02:00:07,821
"Yours Cruelly, Elvira:
2663
02:00:07,821 --> 02:00:10,030
Memoirs of
the Mistress of the Dark."
2664
02:00:10,030 --> 02:00:13,102
And now, does Elvira
have a future?
2665
02:00:13,102 --> 02:00:15,587
Elvira...[Laughs]
2666
02:00:15,587 --> 02:00:17,451
Yes, I think Elvira
does have a future.
2667
02:00:17,451 --> 02:00:18,970
I have a lot of things
lined up.
2668
02:00:18,970 --> 02:00:21,386
I'm now working
on my second book.
2669
02:00:21,386 --> 02:00:24,182
It's not an autobiography,
as you might guess,
2670
02:00:24,182 --> 02:00:25,735
but it's a really awesome book.
2671
02:00:25,735 --> 02:00:26,909
Can't talk about it too much.
2672
02:00:26,909 --> 02:00:28,704
Just signed a contract
two days ago.
2673
02:00:28,704 --> 02:00:30,223
But it does involve Elvira?
2674
02:00:30,223 --> 02:00:32,052
- Oh, it definitely
involves Elvira.
2675
02:00:32,052 --> 02:00:33,536
I think it'll be
a really fun book
2676
02:00:33,536 --> 02:00:36,263
for everybody
who's into Halloween.
2677
02:00:36,263 --> 02:00:37,609
- Yay.
- Okay.
2678
02:00:37,609 --> 02:00:41,441
- And then working on a couple
of other projects, TV,
2679
02:00:41,441 --> 02:00:45,445
film projects, a documentary
of my life based on the book.
2680
02:00:45,445 --> 02:00:47,757
And so I have a lot
of other things going.
2681
02:00:47,757 --> 02:00:49,932
What about Knott's Berry Farm?
2682
02:00:49,932 --> 02:00:52,521
Is there ever a chance of going
back to Knott's Berry Farm
2683
02:00:52,521 --> 02:00:55,248
and doing your big production
Halloween show?
2684
02:00:55,248 --> 02:00:57,215
I mean, that was a staple.
2685
02:00:57,215 --> 02:01:01,184
That's where everyone went
in L.A. every Halloween.
2686
02:01:01,184 --> 02:01:03,911
- It was, and it was a super,
super fun show to do.
2687
02:01:03,911 --> 02:01:07,812
I mean, you know,
Knott's turns into
2688
02:01:07,812 --> 02:01:11,678
completely haunted, you know,
for the month of October,
2689
02:01:11,678 --> 02:01:13,852
and they did that show for
I don't know how many years,
2690
02:01:13,852 --> 02:01:16,476
maybe 28, 32, I don't know.
2691
02:01:16,476 --> 02:01:20,134
But it's a damn hard show to do.
You know, three shows a night.
2692
02:01:20,134 --> 02:01:22,309
And I was singing and dancing
and telling jokes
2693
02:01:22,309 --> 02:01:23,931
and dressing up
and changing costumes.
2694
02:01:23,931 --> 02:01:26,486
And I just got to the point
where, like,
2695
02:01:26,486 --> 02:01:29,074
"This is too damn hard."
2696
02:01:29,074 --> 02:01:30,662
- [Chuckles]
- So I quit.
2697
02:01:30,662 --> 02:01:32,319
[Laughter]
2698
02:01:32,319 --> 02:01:34,183
- Sorry.
- All right, Cassandra,
2699
02:01:34,183 --> 02:01:38,636
what if we made it two shows
a night, three costume changes?
2700
02:01:38,636 --> 02:01:39,809
Hm.
2701
02:01:39,809 --> 02:01:43,226
- How about one show a night,
no costumes?
2702
02:01:43,226 --> 02:01:44,538
- Okay.
- Sold.
2703
02:01:44,538 --> 02:01:45,574
- Alright!
- Yay.
2704
02:01:45,574 --> 02:01:46,851
Calling Knott's tomorrow.
2705
02:01:46,851 --> 02:01:48,059
[Laughs]
2706
02:01:48,059 --> 02:01:49,612
- Alright, well, I've been
honored to have you here
2707
02:01:49,612 --> 02:01:51,027
on "The Last Drive In."
2708
02:01:51,027 --> 02:01:54,065
You can come back at absolutely
any time you want.
2709
02:01:54,065 --> 02:01:55,135
- Any time?
- Any time.
2710
02:01:55,135 --> 02:01:56,826
- Any time.
- You tell us the movie,
2711
02:01:56,826 --> 02:01:57,758
we'll run it.
2712
02:01:57,758 --> 02:01:59,415
How about I just host the show?
2713
02:01:59,415 --> 02:02:00,623
- Okay!
- Okay.
2714
02:02:00,623 --> 02:02:01,659
We'll do that, too.
2715
02:02:01,659 --> 02:02:04,558
- Bye, bye.
- Okay.
2716
02:02:04,558 --> 02:02:07,078
And now we return
to the stunning conclusion
2717
02:02:07,078 --> 02:02:10,150
of "Elvira's Haunted Hills."
2718
02:02:10,150 --> 02:02:13,395
And I forgot to ask you
about Maila Nurmi.
2719
02:02:13,395 --> 02:02:14,982
- Is that how you spell her name?
- Yes.
2720
02:02:14,982 --> 02:02:17,709
- Say her name, Maila Nurmi?
Vampira.
2721
02:02:17,709 --> 02:02:19,159
Yeah.
2722
02:02:19,159 --> 02:02:21,403
- Did you ever actually
meet Vampira?
2723
02:02:21,403 --> 02:02:23,025
- Oh, yes.
- Because I know she sued
2724
02:02:23,025 --> 02:02:25,303
the station that premiered
"Movie Macabre"...
2725
02:02:25,303 --> 02:02:27,167
- Sued me, too.
- ...in the '80s.
2726
02:02:27,167 --> 02:02:28,789
But you were always a class act.
2727
02:02:28,789 --> 02:02:33,380
You never said anything
snarky about Maila.
2728
02:02:33,380 --> 02:02:34,657
- Well, if there's anything
about Elvira
2729
02:02:34,657 --> 02:02:36,832
everybody knows,
is that she's classy.
2730
02:02:36,832 --> 02:02:38,005
- [Laughter]
- Yeah.
2731
02:02:38,005 --> 02:02:40,491
Well, did you meet Maila?
2732
02:02:40,491 --> 02:02:43,908
- Oh, yes.
Yes, I sure did.
2733
02:02:43,908 --> 02:02:48,084
- Okay, well, you can start now
being snarky if you want to.
2734
02:02:48,084 --> 02:02:50,432
- Okay, if you promise
you won't tell anybody.
2735
02:02:50,432 --> 02:02:51,847
- I won't.
- Okay.
2736
02:02:51,847 --> 02:02:54,539
Well, there were
all these things about her...
2737
02:02:58,819 --> 02:03:00,373
[Static crackles]
2738
02:03:00,373 --> 02:03:01,822
Whoa!
2739
02:03:07,276 --> 02:03:10,072
[Rooster crows]
2740
02:03:15,146 --> 02:03:17,804
- Yoo-hoo, Elvira!
2741
02:03:17,804 --> 02:03:20,116
Your carriage awaits!
2742
02:03:20,116 --> 02:03:21,463
Elvira!
2743
02:03:23,119 --> 02:03:26,260
Hmm, maybe she's upstairs.
2744
02:03:32,577 --> 02:03:36,409
- God, it's great, isn't it?
Look at the size of that rack.
2745
02:03:36,409 --> 02:03:38,756
Elvira, I must confess,
2746
02:03:38,756 --> 02:03:42,415
I find the sight of you in pain
particularly arousing.
2747
02:03:42,415 --> 02:03:43,485
Ow!
2748
02:03:43,485 --> 02:03:46,039
- Careful, Bradley,
or you'll be next.
2749
02:03:46,039 --> 02:03:48,455
I swear, you guys,
I didn't hear a thing.
2750
02:03:48,455 --> 02:03:49,905
Ow!
2751
02:03:49,905 --> 02:03:52,355
About you and the doctor
having an affair.
2752
02:03:52,494 --> 02:03:53,771
[Screams]
2753
02:03:53,771 --> 02:03:56,946
And -- and you trying to make
Vladimere insane
2754
02:03:56,946 --> 02:03:59,155
so that you could steal
the family jewels.
2755
02:03:59,155 --> 02:04:01,641
Ow, ow!
2756
02:04:01,641 --> 02:04:03,297
Nicholai!
2757
02:04:03,297 --> 02:04:05,299
[English accent] Oh, Vladimere.
2758
02:04:05,299 --> 02:04:06,473
How are you?
2759
02:04:06,473 --> 02:04:08,820
I must confess
you're looking better.
2760
02:04:08,820 --> 02:04:10,477
Thank you, dear brother.
2761
02:04:10,477 --> 02:04:11,996
That's very kind.
2762
02:04:11,996 --> 02:04:13,411
- I think that -- Brother?
2763
02:04:13,411 --> 02:04:15,206
Vladimere, whatever on
Earth do you mean?
2764
02:04:15,206 --> 02:04:17,208
It was always you, Nicholai!
2765
02:04:17,208 --> 02:04:18,658
- No!
- Always you!
2766
02:04:18,658 --> 02:04:19,900
No.
2767
02:04:19,900 --> 02:04:21,488
- First you stole my toys.
- No!
2768
02:04:21,488 --> 02:04:24,249
- Then our dear mother's
sweet love,
2769
02:04:24,249 --> 02:04:27,667
and then finally,
my beloved Elura.
2770
02:04:27,667 --> 02:04:29,323
You must die, Nicholai!
2771
02:04:29,323 --> 02:04:30,601
You must die!
2772
02:04:30,601 --> 02:04:32,637
Vladimere, no!
2773
02:04:34,570 --> 02:04:38,712
- As for you, you, too,
will suffer for your
2774
02:04:38,712 --> 02:04:40,887
faithlessness, Elura.
2775
02:04:40,887 --> 02:04:45,305
- But, husband,
I'm not Elura, I'm Ema!
2776
02:04:45,305 --> 02:04:47,341
Before this day is out,
2777
02:04:47,341 --> 02:04:52,001
you will beg me to release you
from the unimaginable hell
2778
02:04:52,001 --> 02:04:54,763
into which you're about
to be plunged.
2779
02:04:55,315 --> 02:04:56,765
[Gasps]
2780
02:04:58,663 --> 02:05:01,942
Die, die in agony, Elura!
2781
02:05:01,942 --> 02:05:04,220
[Screams]
2782
02:05:06,740 --> 02:05:10,123
I'm not Elura!
2783
02:05:10,123 --> 02:05:12,953
She is!
2784
02:05:15,059 --> 02:05:17,164
[Chuckles] Oh, that Ema!
2785
02:05:17,164 --> 02:05:18,476
She's such a kidder.
2786
02:05:18,476 --> 02:05:20,961
[Laughing]
2787
02:05:20,961 --> 02:05:23,170
Oh, forgive me.
2788
02:05:23,170 --> 02:05:26,864
My slutty adulteress, darling.
2789
02:05:26,864 --> 02:05:28,831
Hey, don't call me darling.
2790
02:05:28,831 --> 02:05:32,110
- Let me release you
from your bondage.
2791
02:05:32,110 --> 02:05:33,387
Uh, yeah, that'd be great,
2792
02:05:33,387 --> 02:05:36,321
because I'm really not into
this kinda thing anyway.
2793
02:05:36,321 --> 02:05:37,840
Ah! Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
2794
02:05:37,840 --> 02:05:41,050
No, the other way,
the other way, the other way!
2795
02:05:41,050 --> 02:05:42,293
Whoops.
2796
02:05:45,641 --> 02:05:49,921
Please forgive me, my dear,
but old habits die hard.
2797
02:05:49,921 --> 02:05:51,336
Yeah.
2798
02:06:00,518 --> 02:06:02,106
Wow.
2799
02:06:02,106 --> 02:06:04,039
[Cartoon noises]
2800
02:06:04,764 --> 02:06:06,524
Huh?
2801
02:06:11,702 --> 02:06:13,324
Elvira?
2802
02:06:17,086 --> 02:06:18,225
Elvira?
2803
02:06:18,225 --> 02:06:19,986
It's your stable stud.
2804
02:06:19,986 --> 02:06:21,712
Time to go to the train st--
2805
02:06:21,712 --> 02:06:24,887
- [Elvira screaming]
- [Gasps]
2806
02:06:24,887 --> 02:06:26,475
[Screams]
2807
02:06:46,288 --> 02:06:47,841
Help me!
2808
02:06:59,577 --> 02:07:01,717
- Do you know where
you are, Elura?
2809
02:07:01,717 --> 02:07:05,652
Shall I tell you
where you are, Elura?
2810
02:07:05,652 --> 02:07:07,792
- Would you stop
with the Elura stuff?
2811
02:07:07,792 --> 02:07:09,173
Elura is dead.
2812
02:07:09,173 --> 02:07:11,762
I'm Elvira, remember?
2813
02:07:11,762 --> 02:07:14,523
Life is like a music hall, yeah!
2814
02:07:14,523 --> 02:07:18,182
- Oh, prepare to enter hell,
Elura, the netherworld,
2815
02:07:18,182 --> 02:07:22,289
the abode of the dead,
the infernal regions.
2816
02:07:22,289 --> 02:07:27,294
That place of torment,
pandemonium, abandonment,
2817
02:07:27,294 --> 02:07:30,677
that vast unbottomed
place that's...
2818
02:07:30,677 --> 02:07:32,955
really, really hot.
2819
02:07:36,062 --> 02:07:38,064
Araka.
2820
02:07:38,064 --> 02:07:39,548
[Hissing]
2821
02:07:39,548 --> 02:07:40,963
Gehenna.
2822
02:07:42,620 --> 02:07:44,449
Hades.
2823
02:07:45,209 --> 02:07:46,486
The boundless...
2824
02:07:46,486 --> 02:07:49,316
- All right, all right,
I got it, I got it.
2825
02:07:49,316 --> 02:07:52,285
Geez, will somebody
take away his thesaurus?
2826
02:07:52,285 --> 02:07:55,668
- Don't interrupt when
I'm on a roll, Elura.
2827
02:07:57,014 --> 02:07:58,291
Elvira!
2828
02:07:58,291 --> 02:08:00,189
Where are you?
2829
02:08:00,189 --> 02:08:01,777
I need help!
2830
02:08:05,022 --> 02:08:08,301
I'm in here, in the dungeon!
2831
02:08:08,301 --> 02:08:09,958
Oh, Elura.
2832
02:08:09,958 --> 02:08:13,513
In this place, no one
can hear you scream.
2833
02:08:16,067 --> 02:08:18,552
No! [Screams]
2834
02:08:18,552 --> 02:08:20,037
Adrian, help!
2835
02:08:20,037 --> 02:08:21,624
Elvira!
2836
02:08:21,624 --> 02:08:22,556
Adrian!
2837
02:08:22,556 --> 02:08:24,075
Elvira!
2838
02:08:24,075 --> 02:08:29,943
- Now let me present for your
final enjoyment, the pit...
2839
02:08:29,943 --> 02:08:31,669
and the pendulum!
2840
02:08:33,084 --> 02:08:35,052
[Laughing]
2841
02:08:37,744 --> 02:08:39,401
Oh, oh, my God!
2842
02:08:39,401 --> 02:08:41,127
Oh, my God!
2843
02:08:41,127 --> 02:08:43,198
Adrian, Adrian, hurry!
2844
02:08:43,198 --> 02:08:44,406
Hurry!
2845
02:08:55,417 --> 02:08:57,108
[Screams]
2846
02:08:57,108 --> 02:08:58,489
[Laughing]
2847
02:09:06,152 --> 02:09:08,154
Adrian!
2848
02:09:09,189 --> 02:09:11,260
Where are you?
2849
02:09:11,260 --> 02:09:12,641
Elvira!
2850
02:09:12,641 --> 02:09:15,299
[Gasps]
2851
02:09:17,888 --> 02:09:22,582
[Laughing]
2852
02:09:24,895 --> 02:09:26,310
- Adrian, I haven't
got all day here!
2853
02:09:26,310 --> 02:09:28,968
[Laughing]
2854
02:09:28,968 --> 02:09:30,486
Who is that laughing?
2855
02:09:30,486 --> 02:09:33,731
[Laughing]
2856
02:09:33,731 --> 02:09:36,216
Who is that laughing?!
2857
02:09:36,216 --> 02:09:38,253
- Hurry! Really, hurry up!
I'm not kidding!
2858
02:09:38,253 --> 02:09:39,875
[Laughing]
2859
02:09:45,432 --> 02:09:48,228
Adrian, help!
2860
02:09:48,573 --> 02:09:50,506
Oh, oh!
2861
02:09:53,647 --> 02:09:55,304
[Bubbling]
2862
02:09:57,375 --> 02:09:59,688
Help, help!
2863
02:10:00,689 --> 02:10:03,726
- Hold on!
- I can't!
2864
02:10:04,417 --> 02:10:06,695
Do I have to do
everything myself?
2865
02:10:06,695 --> 02:10:08,455
Ah!
2866
02:10:09,146 --> 02:10:10,699
Oh!
2867
02:10:11,631 --> 02:10:12,977
Aah!
2868
02:10:12,977 --> 02:10:13,944
Ah!
2869
02:10:18,258 --> 02:10:20,088
[Screams]
2870
02:10:31,271 --> 02:10:33,929
You can never escape me, Elura.
2871
02:10:38,520 --> 02:10:40,177
[Elura's voice] No, it is you
2872
02:10:40,177 --> 02:10:43,007
who will never escape me,
Vladimere!
2873
02:10:43,663 --> 02:10:45,009
[Grunts]
2874
02:10:48,633 --> 02:10:50,463
[Laughing]
2875
02:10:54,847 --> 02:10:56,296
[Groans]
2876
02:10:58,160 --> 02:10:59,679
[Screams]
2877
02:11:02,406 --> 02:11:04,649
My eyes! My eyes!
2878
02:11:10,483 --> 02:11:14,970
[Screaming, grunting]
2879
02:11:19,423 --> 02:11:22,046
- [Normal voice] Whoa, talk about
your dysfunctional families.
2880
02:11:22,598 --> 02:11:23,737
[Screams]
2881
02:11:23,737 --> 02:11:25,670
[Gasps]
2882
02:11:27,949 --> 02:11:29,433
[Gasps]
2883
02:11:37,199 --> 02:11:39,788
My eyes, my eyes!
2884
02:11:42,411 --> 02:11:44,551
Help, Elura!
2885
02:11:44,551 --> 02:11:47,727
[Screaming]
2886
02:11:49,418 --> 02:11:51,800
Elvira!
2887
02:11:51,800 --> 02:11:53,698
Adrian!
2888
02:11:53,698 --> 02:11:56,149
You came too late!
2889
02:11:56,149 --> 02:11:57,771
Again.
2890
02:12:02,293 --> 02:12:03,916
Oh!
2891
02:12:03,916 --> 02:12:06,401
- Don't worry!
We're safe now.
2892
02:12:09,128 --> 02:12:10,405
[Gasps]
2893
02:12:14,374 --> 02:12:15,893
[Rumbling]
2894
02:12:21,174 --> 02:12:22,555
[Muffled cries]
2895
02:12:24,833 --> 02:12:26,145
Oh, yeah, almost forgot.
2896
02:12:26,145 --> 02:12:27,940
It's your maid, Zou Zou.
2897
02:12:30,804 --> 02:12:32,151
What to do?
2898
02:12:33,807 --> 02:12:35,188
Here!
2899
02:12:35,188 --> 02:12:36,327
Keep your shirt on.
2900
02:12:36,327 --> 02:12:38,398
We've got everything under con--
2901
02:12:38,398 --> 02:12:40,366
[Screams]
2902
02:12:40,366 --> 02:12:41,712
Oh.
2903
02:12:43,369 --> 02:12:46,441
Here, give me your hand!
2904
02:12:46,441 --> 02:12:47,718
That's it.
2905
02:12:49,616 --> 02:12:51,446
- Come.
- Come on, come on, hurry!
2906
02:12:51,446 --> 02:12:53,034
Move it!
2907
02:12:55,622 --> 02:12:58,418
Wait. Wait for me!
2908
02:12:59,488 --> 02:13:01,456
[Rumbling]
2909
02:13:05,874 --> 02:13:08,808
[Glass shatters]
2910
02:13:08,808 --> 02:13:10,637
Hurry!
2911
02:13:10,637 --> 02:13:12,398
[Rumbling]
2912
02:13:12,398 --> 02:13:14,814
This place is coming down!
2913
02:13:18,714 --> 02:13:22,477
- Bradley?
Where are you going?
2914
02:13:22,477 --> 02:13:24,272
Save me!
2915
02:13:24,272 --> 02:13:26,067
Ema, there's no time!
2916
02:13:26,067 --> 02:13:28,069
It's you or the family jewels!
2917
02:13:28,069 --> 02:13:32,763
- If I ever get out of here,
I'm going to kill you!
2918
02:13:33,419 --> 02:13:35,386
Right, it's the jewels then.
2919
02:13:37,354 --> 02:13:39,977
Damn you, Bradley!
2920
02:13:39,977 --> 02:13:43,567
Damn you!
2921
02:13:43,567 --> 02:13:45,224
[Rumbling]
2922
02:13:45,224 --> 02:13:46,570
[Horse neighs]
2923
02:13:46,570 --> 02:13:48,192
Wait, wait!
2924
02:13:48,192 --> 02:13:49,607
[Horse neighing]
2925
02:14:00,135 --> 02:14:02,241
[Grunting]
2926
02:14:08,109 --> 02:14:10,249
[Rumbling]
2927
02:14:17,739 --> 02:14:19,258
[Glass shattering]
2928
02:14:19,258 --> 02:14:21,225
[Rumbling]
2929
02:14:26,851 --> 02:14:28,784
Save me!
2930
02:14:29,682 --> 02:14:32,098
Save me!
2931
02:14:34,307 --> 02:14:36,654
My God! It's Ema!
2932
02:14:36,654 --> 02:14:39,485
She's still alive.
I must go back.
2933
02:14:39,485 --> 02:14:41,211
- No, no, you can't
go back in there.
2934
02:14:41,211 --> 02:14:42,557
What are you, nuts?
2935
02:14:42,557 --> 02:14:44,559
You don't understand, Elvira.
2936
02:14:44,559 --> 02:14:47,838
I'm Ema's illegitimate
half-brother.
2937
02:14:47,838 --> 02:14:49,011
No!
2938
02:14:49,011 --> 02:14:50,875
Bye!
2939
02:14:50,875 --> 02:14:53,533
Come back, you crazy bastard!
2940
02:14:53,533 --> 02:14:55,328
[Rumbling]
2941
02:15:05,614 --> 02:15:08,272
[Grunts]
2942
02:15:12,552 --> 02:15:14,313
My jewels!
2943
02:15:14,382 --> 02:15:15,383
My jewels!
2944
02:15:15,383 --> 02:15:17,039
[Groans]
2945
02:15:18,110 --> 02:15:20,112
Ema!
2946
02:15:22,010 --> 02:15:24,323
Ooh, ow!
2947
02:15:28,223 --> 02:15:30,156
[Sobs]
2948
02:15:32,503 --> 02:15:34,609
[Rumbling]
2949
02:15:44,998 --> 02:15:47,553
[Rumbling]
2950
02:16:00,911 --> 02:16:03,051
Thank you, Elvira.
2951
02:16:09,368 --> 02:16:10,610
Oh, my God! That's...
2952
02:16:10,610 --> 02:16:12,612
that's incredible!
2953
02:16:12,612 --> 02:16:13,751
What, Mistress?
2954
02:16:13,751 --> 02:16:16,892
That the spirit of Elura
is finally set free?
2955
02:16:16,892 --> 02:16:20,310
- No, that -- that we can afford
such a groovy special effect!
2956
02:16:20,310 --> 02:16:21,897
Oh, oui!
2957
02:16:21,897 --> 02:16:24,141
[Laughing]
2958
02:16:28,594 --> 02:16:30,768
[Wolf howling]
2959
02:16:37,775 --> 02:16:41,123
- Remind me never to hitch a ride
in a strange coach again.
2960
02:16:41,123 --> 02:16:42,918
[Horses neighing]
2961
02:16:46,059 --> 02:16:48,130
[Whimpering]
2962
02:17:01,592 --> 02:17:04,285
[Whimpers]
2963
02:17:04,285 --> 02:17:06,563
[Sighs]
2964
02:17:06,563 --> 02:17:07,633
- Yoo-hoo!
2965
02:17:07,633 --> 02:17:10,118
- [Boing!]
- [Tires screeching]
2966
02:17:10,118 --> 02:17:12,051
[Horse neighing]
2967
02:17:16,607 --> 02:17:19,783
Ladies, may I offer you a ride?
2968
02:17:19,783 --> 02:17:22,475
- Whoa, it's like déjà vu
all over again!
2969
02:17:25,340 --> 02:17:27,273
So anyway, we're lucky
we even got out of there
2970
02:17:27,273 --> 02:17:28,619
with our lives.
2971
02:17:28,619 --> 02:17:30,345
- Oui, oui, if it was not
for Elvira,
2972
02:17:30,345 --> 02:17:31,898
I would be squished
like a French grape.
2973
02:17:31,898 --> 02:17:34,453
- Where did you say
this castle was?
2974
02:17:34,453 --> 02:17:36,731
- Just there,
in the Carpathian Mountains.
2975
02:17:36,731 --> 02:17:40,252
- Yeah, Castle Hellsubus.
You ever heard of it?
2976
02:17:40,252 --> 02:17:42,184
[Chuckles]
2977
02:17:42,184 --> 02:17:44,980
You could not possibly
have visited there.
2978
02:17:45,567 --> 02:17:47,362
- Hello. I think I know
where I just spent
2979
02:17:47,362 --> 02:17:49,053
the worst weekend
of my whole life.
2980
02:17:49,053 --> 02:17:54,611
- Castle Hellsubus was destroyed
100 years ago.
2981
02:17:54,611 --> 02:17:56,337
Oh!
2982
02:17:58,373 --> 02:18:01,445
[Wolf howling]
2983
02:18:05,725 --> 02:18:07,658
[Horses neighing]
2984
02:18:11,144 --> 02:18:13,388
[Laughing]
2985
02:18:17,737 --> 02:18:19,118
[Laughing]
2986
02:18:19,118 --> 02:18:20,602
[Horses neighing]
2987
02:18:20,602 --> 02:18:22,397
[Laughing]
2988
02:18:22,397 --> 02:18:24,572
[Thunder crashes]
2989
02:18:27,299 --> 02:18:36,135
♪♪
2990
02:18:36,135 --> 02:18:44,937
♪♪
2991
02:18:44,937 --> 02:18:53,773
♪♪
2992
02:18:53,773 --> 02:19:02,644
♪♪
2993
02:19:02,644 --> 02:19:11,550
♪♪
2994
02:19:11,550 --> 02:19:20,352
♪♪
2995
02:19:20,352 --> 02:19:29,222
♪♪
2996
02:19:30,500 --> 02:19:39,750
♪♪
2997
02:19:39,750 --> 02:19:48,932
♪♪
2998
02:19:48,932 --> 02:19:58,182
♪♪
2999
02:19:58,182 --> 02:20:07,433
♪♪
3000
02:20:07,433 --> 02:20:16,649
♪♪
3001
02:20:16,649 --> 02:20:25,865
♪♪
3002
02:20:25,865 --> 02:20:35,081
♪♪
3003
02:20:35,081 --> 02:20:44,332
♪♪
3004
02:20:44,332 --> 02:20:53,583
♪♪
3005
02:20:53,583 --> 02:21:02,799
♪♪
3006
02:21:02,799 --> 02:21:12,084
♪♪
3007
02:21:12,084 --> 02:21:21,334
♪♪
3008
02:21:21,334 --> 02:21:30,551
♪♪
3009
02:21:30,551 --> 02:21:39,801
♪♪
3010
02:21:39,801 --> 02:21:48,983
♪♪
3011
02:21:48,983 --> 02:21:58,233
♪♪
3012
02:21:58,233 --> 02:22:07,484
♪♪
3013
02:22:07,484 --> 02:22:16,769
♪♪
3014
02:22:16,769 --> 02:22:26,020
♪♪
3015
02:22:26,020 --> 02:22:27,539
[Static crackles]
3016
02:22:28,436 --> 02:22:30,611
Darcy, what am I?
3017
02:22:30,611 --> 02:22:31,888
A priest?
3018
02:22:31,888 --> 02:22:34,994
- Yep, I'm a priest.
What kind of priest, though?
3019
02:22:34,994 --> 02:22:37,065
Druid priest.
3020
02:22:37,065 --> 02:22:38,791
Remember that time
I went to the vampire ball
3021
02:22:38,791 --> 02:22:40,034
- like a priest?
- Yes.
3022
02:22:40,034 --> 02:22:41,518
- You're not scared
to go the vampire ball...
3023
02:22:41,518 --> 02:22:42,864
- No.
- ...dressed like priest.
3024
02:22:42,864 --> 02:22:45,626
Anyway, all right.
one of the finest productions
3025
02:22:45,626 --> 02:22:47,766
ever to come out of
Buftea, Romania,
3026
02:22:47,766 --> 02:22:49,975
home of Media Pro Studios,
where they built
3027
02:22:49,975 --> 02:22:53,495
those massive interior sets
for the Castle of Hellsubus.
3028
02:22:53,495 --> 02:22:55,221
The design of the set
was actually based
3029
02:22:55,221 --> 02:22:57,327
on the 1963 Roger Corman film
3030
02:22:57,327 --> 02:22:59,916
"The Haunted Palace",
starring Vincent Price.
3031
02:22:59,916 --> 02:23:01,607
But for my money,
3032
02:23:01,607 --> 02:23:04,196
the funniest character
in "Elvira's Haunted Hills"
3033
02:23:04,196 --> 02:23:06,370
is the guy who doesn't
speak any English,
3034
02:23:06,370 --> 02:23:08,165
Adrian the stable stud.
3035
02:23:08,165 --> 02:23:12,411
And his voice, by the way,
was done by Rob Paulsen,
3036
02:23:12,411 --> 02:23:14,896
who volunteered for the job.
3037
02:23:14,896 --> 02:23:17,796
He was uncredited and unpaid.
Rob just wanted to do it.
3038
02:23:17,796 --> 02:23:19,763
Rob is best known for voices
3039
02:23:19,763 --> 02:23:23,905
in the Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtles.
3040
02:23:23,905 --> 02:23:26,011
We should do a
"Where is he now?"
3041
02:23:26,011 --> 02:23:27,115
on the stable stud.
3042
02:23:27,115 --> 02:23:28,392
Yeah.
3043
02:23:28,392 --> 02:23:30,740
- And I also neglected
to praise Heather Hopper,
3044
02:23:30,740 --> 02:23:33,018
who played Lady Roxana.
3045
02:23:33,018 --> 02:23:36,366
And she played, of course,
zombie Lady Roxana.
3046
02:23:36,366 --> 02:23:38,299
She had been a child actress,
3047
02:23:38,299 --> 02:23:40,612
and she left the business
shortly after this movie
3048
02:23:40,612 --> 02:23:42,614
came out to be a full time mom.
3049
02:23:42,614 --> 02:23:45,962
"Elvira's Haunted Hills"
was directed by Sam Irvin.
3050
02:23:45,962 --> 02:23:48,827
Journeyman director,
started out as an assistant
3051
02:23:48,827 --> 02:23:50,829
to Brian De Palma
back in the '70s.
3052
02:23:50,829 --> 02:23:53,521
He was a nerd kid
from Asheville, North Carolina.
3053
02:23:53,521 --> 02:23:55,661
Published a fanzine
that allowed him to interview
3054
02:23:55,661 --> 02:23:58,630
all the most famous actors
and directors of the time.
3055
02:23:58,630 --> 02:24:00,390
This audience would probably
know him best
3056
02:24:00,390 --> 02:24:02,495
for his science fiction
westerns.
3057
02:24:02,495 --> 02:24:04,774
"Oblivion" and "Oblivion 2."
3058
02:24:04,774 --> 02:24:07,121
Have you seen those?
They're good.
3059
02:24:07,121 --> 02:24:08,778
- I have, yeah.
- Those were also shot
3060
02:24:08,778 --> 02:24:10,745
in Romania.
3061
02:24:10,745 --> 02:24:13,299
Worked a lot with Liza Minnelli.
3062
02:24:13,299 --> 02:24:15,957
He's the -- Oh, And he's the
world's leading authority
3063
02:24:15,957 --> 02:24:18,201
on Kay Thompson.
3064
02:24:18,201 --> 02:24:20,203
She's the nightclub singer
and vocal coach
3065
02:24:20,203 --> 02:24:22,550
who was Judy Garland's
best friend,
3066
02:24:22,550 --> 02:24:25,311
and wrote the Eloise
children's books.
3067
02:24:25,311 --> 02:24:28,349
And anyway,
"Elvira's Haunted Hills"
3068
02:24:28,349 --> 02:24:30,592
was not a success
at the box office.
3069
02:24:30,592 --> 02:24:32,802
Cassandra and her
husband/manager at the time,
3070
02:24:32,802 --> 02:24:37,427
Mark Pierson, had a lot
of trouble getting distribution.
3071
02:24:37,427 --> 02:24:38,877
They took it out themselves.
3072
02:24:38,877 --> 02:24:42,674
They did a lot of benefit
screenings for AIDS charities,
3073
02:24:42,674 --> 02:24:46,022
and they actually raised
half a million dollars for
3074
02:24:46,022 --> 02:24:48,852
AIDS related causes.
3075
02:24:48,852 --> 02:24:51,579
Anyway, Darcy, what's
your opinion of this movie?
3076
02:24:51,579 --> 02:24:52,994
I love it. Of course.
3077
02:24:52,994 --> 02:24:55,031
- You have anything
with Elvira in it, though?
3078
02:24:55,031 --> 02:24:56,411
I really do.
3079
02:24:56,411 --> 02:24:59,863
- So, what's your stance
on breaking the fourth wall?
3080
02:24:59,863 --> 02:25:01,831
It's Elvira. I expect it.
3081
02:25:01,831 --> 02:25:03,695
- If I have one major criticism
of the movie
3082
02:25:03,695 --> 02:25:05,558
it's that they break
the fourth wall too much.
3083
02:25:05,558 --> 02:25:08,941
You can do that once or twice,
but constantly doing
3084
02:25:08,941 --> 02:25:11,012
that kind of takes you out
of the narrative.
3085
02:25:11,012 --> 02:25:12,393
There's a narrative?
3086
02:25:12,393 --> 02:25:14,257
Okay, Good point.
3087
02:25:14,257 --> 02:25:15,534
What you got for me?
3088
02:25:15,534 --> 02:25:17,605
I have a sweet letter for you
3089
02:25:17,605 --> 02:25:20,781
from Sean Garrington
of Wellsburg, Iowa.
3090
02:25:20,781 --> 02:25:22,610
- You keep giving me
sweet letters.
3091
02:25:22,610 --> 02:25:24,336
I don't want sweet letters.
3092
02:25:24,336 --> 02:25:25,440
I've told you that.
3093
02:25:25,440 --> 02:25:27,166
This show has given me
diabetes already.
3094
02:25:27,166 --> 02:25:29,686
- I mean, do you want
hate letters?
3095
02:25:29,686 --> 02:25:30,791
How about just, you know,
3096
02:25:30,791 --> 02:25:33,966
movie discussion letters,
film debate?
3097
02:25:33,966 --> 02:25:36,831
- Okay. I'm sorry that
we have so many nice fans.
3098
02:25:36,831 --> 02:25:38,453
All right, anyway.
3099
02:25:38,453 --> 02:25:42,147
"Dear Joe Bob, I never miss
an episode of
3100
02:25:42,147 --> 02:25:43,424
'The Last Drive-In.'
3101
02:25:43,424 --> 02:25:44,908
I was just out of high school
when you were
3102
02:25:44,908 --> 02:25:45,875
on 'MonsterVision.'
3103
02:25:45,875 --> 02:25:47,566
I worked nights, so I had a VCR
3104
02:25:47,566 --> 02:25:50,189
set to record
every Saturday night
3105
02:25:50,189 --> 02:25:52,122
just to make sure
I didn't miss anything.
3106
02:25:52,122 --> 02:25:54,400
TNT, 'MonsterVision'
and USA 'Up All Night'
3107
02:25:54,400 --> 02:25:56,506
were staples of my life.
3108
02:25:56,506 --> 02:25:58,197
You will be happy to know
that Joe Bob has become
3109
02:25:58,197 --> 02:26:00,475
a mainstay in our household.
3110
02:26:00,475 --> 02:26:04,445
I do foster care, and I have
adopted a couple of sons.
3111
02:26:04,445 --> 02:26:06,619
There's currently five children
in my house
3112
02:26:06,619 --> 02:26:09,070
ranging in age from 3 to 13.
3113
02:26:09,070 --> 02:26:10,762
I try to keep them
well-educated,
3114
02:26:10,762 --> 02:26:14,006
so I talk frequently about
the legend of Joe Bob."
3115
02:26:14,006 --> 02:26:15,456
[Laughter]
3116
02:26:15,456 --> 02:26:19,322
"We even have what has become
known as the Joe Bob chair.
3117
02:26:19,322 --> 02:26:22,428
It's an oversized auction find
that I've been wanting
3118
02:26:22,428 --> 02:26:24,430
to put bullhorns on
to look kind of similar
3119
02:26:24,430 --> 02:26:27,399
to the chairs in your
dusk to dawn to dusk
3120
02:26:27,399 --> 02:26:30,505
to almost dawn horror marathon
a couple of years ago.
3121
02:26:30,505 --> 02:26:34,233
We've also recently
acquired a bearded dragon.
3122
02:26:34,233 --> 02:26:37,789
And guess what we've named him?
Yep, Joe Bob.
3123
02:26:37,789 --> 02:26:41,378
We put our
betta tank in with him.
3124
02:26:41,378 --> 02:26:44,726
And guess what her name is?
Yep. Darcy the Mail Girl.
3125
02:26:44,726 --> 02:26:48,213
Once you see the set of fins
on her, you will understand."
3126
02:26:48,213 --> 02:26:50,318
- What?
- "Sean Harrington,
3127
02:26:50,318 --> 02:26:53,149
Wellsburg, Iowa."
3128
02:26:53,149 --> 02:26:55,116
Well, you're right.
This is a sweet letter.
3129
02:26:55,116 --> 02:26:56,255
- It's a foster home.
- Right?
3130
02:26:56,255 --> 02:26:58,223
He's telling all
the orphans about our show.
3131
02:26:58,223 --> 02:26:59,741
- Did you ever watch
"MonsterVision"
3132
02:26:59,741 --> 02:27:01,709
when you were in foster care?
Weren't you in foster care?
3133
02:27:01,709 --> 02:27:03,676
- Group home
It's very different.
3134
02:27:03,676 --> 02:27:06,231
- Okay. You can tell me later.
- I will.
3135
02:27:06,231 --> 02:27:08,474
[Laughs]
3136
02:27:08,474 --> 02:27:10,304
Sean, thanks for the love.
3137
02:27:10,304 --> 02:27:12,513
And thanks even more
for transferring the love
3138
02:27:12,513 --> 02:27:15,343
to those kids in foster care
that need it.
3139
02:27:15,343 --> 02:27:16,793
- Aren't you ashamed
of yourself now?
3140
02:27:16,793 --> 02:27:18,070
For what?
3141
02:27:18,070 --> 02:27:20,038
- For turning up your nose
at such a sweet letter.
3142
02:27:20,038 --> 02:27:21,902
- It's nothing against
Sean and the foster kids.
3143
02:27:21,902 --> 02:27:23,765
I just want to have
more movie debates.
3144
02:27:23,765 --> 02:27:25,353
I used to have those
all the time.
3145
02:27:25,353 --> 02:27:27,873
People would challenge
what I said.
3146
02:27:27,873 --> 02:27:29,461
It was stimulating.
3147
02:27:29,461 --> 02:27:31,704
- I will try to find you
more stimulating mail.
3148
02:27:31,704 --> 02:27:32,982
Thank you.
3149
02:27:32,982 --> 02:27:35,018
And now we're going
to take a short break
3150
02:27:35,018 --> 02:27:37,124
and then head straight
into our second feature,
3151
02:27:37,124 --> 02:27:39,333
which happens to be one of your
favorite movies of all time.
3152
02:27:39,333 --> 02:27:41,956
- Yes, it does!
- And we have the star of
3153
02:27:41,956 --> 02:27:44,269
the movie here with us tonight.
3154
02:27:44,269 --> 02:27:45,926
- You know what I'm talking about?
- Yes, I do.
3155
02:27:45,926 --> 02:27:49,619
- I'm talking about "Popcorn"!
- Yay! Love it! Whoo!
3156
02:27:49,619 --> 02:27:51,276
- And in the meantime,
this is Joe Bob Briggs
3157
02:27:51,276 --> 02:27:53,105
and Darcy the Mail Girl
reminding you
3158
02:27:53,105 --> 02:27:56,660
to always remember the law
of cybernetic entomology --
3159
02:27:56,660 --> 02:27:59,836
there's always one more bug.
3160
02:27:59,836 --> 02:28:02,218
And the drive in
will never die.
3161
02:28:02,218 --> 02:28:06,394
I thought in honor
of "Elvira's Haunted Hills",
3162
02:28:06,394 --> 02:28:08,120
we needed a few vampire jokes.
3163
02:28:08,120 --> 02:28:10,088
Ooh, I love vampire jokes.
3164
02:28:12,193 --> 02:28:14,920
- Are any Halloween
monsters good at math?
3165
02:28:17,543 --> 02:28:19,856
Not unless you count Dracula.
3166
02:28:19,856 --> 02:28:21,271
[Light laughter, groaning]
3167
02:28:21,271 --> 02:28:25,241
I love good vampire jokes.
3168
02:28:25,241 --> 02:28:27,622
- How do you know when Dracula
has COVID?
3169
02:28:29,314 --> 02:28:31,074
He's always "coffin."
3170
02:28:31,074 --> 02:28:32,075
[Light laughter]
3171
02:28:32,075 --> 02:28:33,214
Very topical.
3172
02:28:33,214 --> 02:28:34,940
Very topical. Yes.
3173
02:28:36,252 --> 02:28:38,495
Why did Dracula become a vegan?
3174
02:28:40,290 --> 02:28:43,397
Because this doctor said stakes
were bad for his heart.
3175
02:28:43,397 --> 02:28:44,398
[Laughter]
3176
02:28:44,398 --> 02:28:46,469
That's just good advice.
3177
02:28:49,782 --> 02:28:52,095
- Why did Dracula
fail art class?
3178
02:28:53,441 --> 02:28:55,719
He could only draw blood.
3179
02:28:55,719 --> 02:28:56,755
[Laughter]
3180
02:28:56,755 --> 02:28:58,274
Okay. Okay.
3181
02:29:00,103 --> 02:29:03,072
- Where does Dracula have
his headquarters.
3182
02:29:03,072 --> 02:29:05,039
The vampire state building.
3183
02:29:05,039 --> 02:29:06,420
[Silence]
3184
02:29:06,420 --> 02:29:08,940
No. [Laughs]
3185
02:29:08,940 --> 02:29:11,943
- What's the difference between
the two Vladimirs,
3186
02:29:11,943 --> 02:29:13,945
Dracula and Putin?
3187
02:29:16,637 --> 02:29:19,122
One kills innocents
and has eternal youth.
3188
02:29:19,122 --> 02:29:21,090
The other is Dracula.
3189
02:29:21,090 --> 02:29:23,230
- Oh.
- Yeah.
3190
02:29:23,230 --> 02:29:25,335
- Topical.
- Yeah, I know, I know.
3191
02:29:25,335 --> 02:29:26,888
Wow.
3192
02:29:26,888 --> 02:29:31,134
- What does Dracula
do when he needs money?
3193
02:29:31,134 --> 02:29:34,172
Puts up nude pictures
on "Only Fangs."
3194
02:29:34,172 --> 02:29:35,656
- All right, I think that's
enough for tonight.
3195
02:29:35,656 --> 02:29:37,002
- Are you sure?
- I'm sure.
3196
02:29:37,002 --> 02:29:38,659
[Laughter]
3197
02:29:38,659 --> 02:29:40,316
I was like...
3198
02:29:40,316 --> 02:29:41,869
- I'm sure.
- Okay.
3199
02:29:41,869 --> 02:29:47,288
♪♪
3200
02:29:47,288 --> 02:29:48,220
[Static crackles]
224318
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