Original subtitles

[Esther] Previously on Dead Boy Detectives...

- Edwin's in Hell? - Open up a door,

I bring him back, and we're all yours.

- I'm coming too. - You're not.

Leave Jenny's body and let me into Hell.

I can't, you stupid bitch.

You can't help me get to Hell, no more holding my memories.

[screaming]

You think you're gonna like what you find in those?

Edwin has been through more pain than you could ever imagine.

I just came up with a new plan.

- Hey, keep your paws off of him. - Stay out of my way.

I've moved on from the old revenge.

I'm gonna take the tortured-through-Hell one,

put him on this device, and his anguish will give me new power.

And I'm gonna take that power, steal children whenever I want.

Charles. I love you. As more than a friend.

I can't say I'm in love with you back,

but there's no one else I would go to Hell for.

[boys grunting]

Now, off to the Lost & Found for processing.

Excuse me. You need to file that form before you can remove them.

Don't go far.

[Edwin] Niko, that was amazing.

[Crystal] Here's what it's all been about. My memories.

[gasping]

Crystal, I don't understand. Why are you being so goddamn mean?

Believe me or don't,

but I know he's been cheating on you with, like, everyone.

Am I ever wrong about this shit? You think I get a kick out of telling you?

Excuse me, miss.

You can't just stroll out of here without paying.

[gasping]

- What are you even talking about? - That stuff in your bag.

What stuff? I don't have any stuff.

You don't have any stuff.

No. But I bet you're gonna have crippling nightmares

about snakes and flesh-eating spiders for weeks.

[gasping]

Just tell everyone to get here by 10:00. Bring some molly.

My parents won't say shit. They don't even...

[gasping]

Jesus Christ, you guys scared me!

Are you swallowing the marbles?

Look, whatever you have to do to get your memories back is good by us.

Obviously, recovering your memory is the top priority.

Um, is it, uh, working?

I only had one.

God, it's like being punched in the face and the stomach.

Hey, you... You look a bit knackered.

Um...

Remember when we met, and...

And, um...

I said I had the feeling people didn't like me very much?

I think... I think maybe I'm starting to see why.

But not, like, I...

It was just one marble.

And there's bound to be good ones too.

But did you learn anything useful?

We don't need to be all business all of the time, do we?

No, I... I did remember something.

My full name is Crystal Palace Surname-Von Hoverkraft

Sorry.

Just a tick.

Your surname is Von Hoverkraft.

No, "Surname" is part of it.

Okay, Crystal Palace Surname-Von Hoverkraft, like...

Like, hyphenated.

Right.

Well, that's a long name.

[scoffs] Yeah, well, blame my parents.

[gasps] Holy shit!

Uh...

My parents.

I remembered some stuff about them, like their phone number. [chuckles]

I could call them.

[Monty cawing]

I'm nobody. Why are you doing this?

You hush now.

You're not a nobody. You don't sell yourself short.

You're a soul. You're a ghost. That's big time. Yeah?

So, we're just gonna see how much juice we can squeeze

out of your pain and suffering.

Don't worry, you're just practice. Okay?

- So there's no pressure to perform. - [device whooshes]

[ghost screaming]

- [device whirring] - [screaming stops]

[sighs]

Monty. [chuckles]

[gasps]

It works. Oh! [inhales]

This power is de... Delicious.

Imagine what I could do to this entire town.

There's gonna be no more hiding, no more sneaking around.

They'll be... They'll be... They'll be leaving their children at my doorstep.

[sighs]

[scoffs]

[squawks]

Yes. I can see it didn't last, Monty.

Duh.

That's why we need your little valentine, right?

Because he knows real suffering from Hell.

That's real pain.

And, darling, I can keep him screaming forever.

Mmm.

Listen, Mommy's gonna run some errands.

Okay.

[squawking]

God, you're nosy. Fine.

I'm gonna gas up the Miata,

storm a butcher shop, snatch a pair of ghosts.

Is that okay with you? Kisses.

- [woman]...a little crazy, but I don't... - [cell phone ringing]

Hello?

Mom? Oh, my God. Mom, is that...

Crystal, this is really a bad time.

Okay. Uh...

[sniffles]

And I'm okay. Uh, it's been a weird few weeks.

They can't block off the streets. They're wasting our goddamn time.

- Seth, go tell him. - Mom. Sorry.

Um...

It's me.

I know, honey. Don't speak to me like I'm submental.

- Here, talk to your dad. - Uh...

[Maddy] Could you?

Uh, Crystal. Hi. Just tell us what credit card has been declined this time.

Credit card? What are you talking about?

Oh, we're very busy here getting the art installation together,

and there's lots of moving parts.

Dad. I've been missing for weeks. You...

You didn't know that?

[laughing] Missing? What?

No, honey, you're always so dramatic.

Uh, but I don't have time for this right now

because that spotlight needs to be focused there!

This is art, for Christ's sake! Hello! Can someone take my phone please?

They didn't know I was missing.

What?

Ah, come on, Crystal, I'm sure they did.

What kind of parents don't even miss their own kid?

[sighs]

I don't understand.

Crystal, I'm certain there is an innocuous explanation for this.

[Crystal] Fair warning...

You guys might not wanna stick around for this.

- Uh, maybe you shouldn't do that. - [gulping]

[gasps]

[indistinct muttering]

Get your fucking hands off my boyfriend, you slut.

- You hear me? - [Crystal laughing]

[both grunting]

[girl] Oh, my God. Did you guys hear?

James got hit by a car. He stepped into traffic.

That's insane.

That is insane!

Have you seen the way he ghosts girls?

Maybe karma is just a bitch.

[gasps]

Oh, my God.

Oh, I'm a fucking awful person.

Oh, God. I'm the worst.

You what? Crystal, what...

It was never David.

I mean, he was a monster, but...

God, I was a bad person before him.

Like making-people-walk-into-traffic bad.

You made people walk into traffic?

[sighs]

Wait. What are you doing now?

Packing.

Clearly, there's a lot back in London I have to deal with.

Right. Good. We'll go with you.

No.

You guys did your job. I got my memories back. Everyone wins.

Case closed on Crystal Palace. Right?

[Charles sighs]

Come on, you can't be all that bad. We know you.

No, we don't.

You wanna sit there and watch me pack? Fine.

No upbeat optimism, okay?

- [Esther] I love your top. - Thanks.

Congratulations on your hairdo. [laughs] Okay.

Pretty day, isn't it?

[woman gasps]

- [girl crying] - Oh, no, honey.

[thunderclap]

[Esther laughing]

Niko, you do not want to catch your death.

I won't.

Well...

I wanted to thank you

for your quick thinking with the Night Nurse.

I daresay you saved me.

I'm sorry Monty turned out to be an evil spy crow.

Yes, well, that was a twist.

He was a good liar,

for a crow.

And worse things have happened.

[Niko chuckles]

I did actually tell the boy I like that I like him.

Oh, my God. What happened?

He did not feel the same way.

But I think that we are better friends because of it.

That sounds nice, but that also sucks.

I'm sorry.

Anyways.

- No more pesky Cat King bracelet. - [chuckles]

Time to go back home to London.

It's hard when the people you love leave.

London is not that far.

[scoffs]

[whispers] I'm just a mirror away.

Maybe I'll call my mom and talk to her about my dad.

Take it from a ghost,

no one is ever gone.

And if he is somehow looking down on you...

he's smiling.

You don't think it's a bit mental running off like this?

No.

- What's got you so upset? - Nothing.

It's just... If you say it, we can help fix it.

Charles, the person I saw in those memories,

she was so angry and so toxic.

And she's me, okay? I'm still her.

And I care way too much about you guys to ever let you meet her.

Because if you did...

God, you'd hate me.

[Jenny] What the actual fuck?!

What happened to me?

- How and why am I in Niko's bed? - [door closes]

And why the ever-loving fuck is my hair braided?

- Uh... [sighs] - I did it while you were sleeping.

I think it really softens your face.

Okay, I can explain, or at least try. But maybe just keep an open mind?

Why's she giving you two thumbs up? What does that mean?

I just...

I think it is going well.

[Jenny] Fuck that!

That is bullshit.

Right. It was bound to be a bit of a shock, though,

hearing you were, what, possessed by a demon,

made to slash at people, and sing a Belinda Carlisle song.

So, you're a psychic.

- [Crystal clears throat] - You pulled tiny people out of your mouth,

we live with ghosts, and there was a demon inside of me?

- Correct. - Yes.

That is absolutely insane, so...

Maybe you shouldn't stand up just yet.

[Niko] Jenny, I have proof.

[both yelp]

- My Sprites. - [Kingham] My palm is being read.

- Excuse me. - [Litty] We're in the middle of a session.

- No fucking way. - "No fucking way" to you.

"No fucking way" to that side braid. What the fuck is that?

[Litty] I like it.

- [Kingham] Do you like it? - I do. It's really cute.

- Yeah. You and your Mormon sister wives... - Mmm.

...will land fantastic brother husbands.

[Kingham] Hopefully. They're really ugly, so maybe not.

- Praise be to the sisters. - [chuckles]

No.

No.

Just... I need...

[yelps] Fucking fuck!

[officer] Esther.

You're looking well.

Oh, flatterer.

[gasps]

I meant to tell you.

I was so relieved that they found Becky Aspen unharmed.

The whole thing was such a mystery.

I know.

I've gotta run. I just... I have so many things to do.

- No rest for the wicked, eh? - Mmm.

[both laughing]

[knock at door]

Hey.

How, uh...

How are we doing in here?

You sound like I just pitched a fit in a nursing home.

I think I'm reacting pretty well for someone who just found out

that ghosts and goblins are real.

Are goblins real?

Probably.

[Jenny] Hmm.

Look, I know it's a lot, but, uh...

If you want, I could, uh...

I could wipe your memory.

The demon, the ghosts, the Sprites.

You can do that?

Yeah. Only if you want me to.

Screw it.

[sighs]

I'd rather know my own life, no matter how fucked-up.

I mean, it's who I am, right?

Better than just being ignorant.

We all got to deal with the life we've got.

Even if you hate it?

Even if I hate it.

["When I'm Gone" playing]

[sighs] So, it's time to catch the ferry.

Bonus. Without me, you guys will be able to travel by mirror again. So...

I'm texting you all the time.

And if you don't text me back, I'm gonna fly to London.

I really will.

Okay.

Deal.

Okay, you gotta let go now, Niko.

[softly] Okay?

[Crystal clears throat]

Turns out my neglectful parents are loaded.

So, I'll send you some extra rent.

[smacks lips]

I don't know how you do it, but you always know just what to say.

[chuckling] Okay.

♪ 'Cause even when We tried to pass dust by ♪

♪ For all the times... ♪

A handshake will do for me.

Honestly, I could get used to this nicer, funnier Edwin.

Not a chance in hell.

♪ The levels have arised ♪

♪ I know that they can feel it... ♪

Why does this feel like a "good-bye" good-bye

instead of just a... A "see you back in London" good-bye?

♪ When I'm gone ♪

♪ I'll carry you home ♪

[shop bell rings]

♪ When I'm gone ♪

♪ I'll carry you home ♪

[people screaming]

[breathing heavily]

[car alarm blaring]

[breathing heavily]

[Crystal] Niko?

- [Jenny screams] Jesus, fuck! - Jenny?

- [coughing] - Oh, my God. Jenny, are you okay?

- Where's Niko? - She's right there. Help me.

Shit.

Niko.

Are you okay?

Niko!

[screams]

Oh, my God.

[panting] Am I dead? Crystal. You were gonna leave forever.

And you were really unconvincing when you said you would text me back.

Oh, my God. Is that why that Magic 8 Ball kept saying "outlook not so good"?

You're alive, okay?

I was only 30 feet away when this happened.

It's okay... Just breathe.

Wait, where are the boys?

Esther Finch. She came in right after you left.

She had a glass box. I saw her.

She trapped the boys in it with witch's magic or whatever.

Esther's a witch? I thought she was just an asshole.

Wasn't she supposed to be in another realm?

Fuck!

Okay.

- I have to go get them back. - [Jenny] What?

You said good-bye to them forever. Now you're gonna risk your life?

Yeah. I guess I am.

- I'm coming with you. - No, you're human. It's too dangerous.

You are human too, aren't you?

You know what? Honestly, I... I can't keep up.

Crystal, the boys wouldn't leave me.

I know.

[both gasp]

[sighs] Okay. Well, I have the wreckage of my family business to take care of.

Here.

I figure a meat cleaver can cut up a witch,

- but what the fuck do I know anymore? - [siren wailing]

You guys better hurry before help starts showing up.

Hey, ladies.

Don't die or anything.

[cats meowing]

[Crystal] First off, we need to know how to fight this witch.

[cat meows]

Are you the Cat King?

Are you?

Niko, it's not.

[Niko sighs]

[Crystal] Okay, please, we need your help!

Esther Finch has taken Charles and Edwin.

[Cat King] So what?

You come brandishing meat cleavers to ask for my help.

Why should I get my paws dirty for you?

Because whatever fucked-up little thing you have going on with Edwin,

you must care about him a little.

I may look incredibly powerful and alarmingly sexy,

but I'm not really equipped to fight Esther.

I've known that witch for decades.

And she just killed me.

She quite literally beat me to death right here.

So I'm not eager to go through all that again.

But you'll let her do it to Edwin?

Do you know how it feels to be brutally beaten to death?

To have to crawl out of your own corpse?

We'll do the fighting.

But we need to know everything about her, and you said you've known her forever.

If we lose, it's no skin off your hide. But if we win,

sweet revenge.

[sucks tongue]

[sighs] Sit.

It's a long-ish story, but I'll try to stick to the highlights.

We don't have time to sit.

Esther could be doing anything to them literally right now.

I didn't ask if you have time to sit.

I said, sit!

Now, this was all before Port Townsend.

And pioneers came by boat, by land, by hook and by crook.

They cut forests, raised towns.

Now, one of these pioneers was Esther Finch.

She was so tough and so beautiful.

- [woman laughing] - So was her wayward husband.

A real swinging dick.

[sobs]

[Cat King] Betrayed, Esther turned to secret books.

It was her mother's books of blasphemous magic.

[woman chuckles]

Her husband and his little tart were too easy to kill with magic.

[both screaming]

But you know the saying, "A single lick of cream is never enough."

And magic, well, it's the same.

As Esther grew older and stronger in magic,

her arrogance drove her to bite off more than she could chew.

She wanted immortality.

And called on to an ancient goddess to give it to her.

That goddess was Lilith.

Lilith?

That's the name Esther said at the butcher shop. Who is she?

Lilith?

The first woman.

Tossed out of Eden for wanting equal rights.

A go-to goddess for scorned women.

Blood magic.

Blah, blah, blah...

- Come on. - [Niko] Wait.

There was a painting of her at the lighthouse gift shop.

Asha, the shopkeeper, said I could use the painting to speak to her.

You mean, talk to the painting? That specific painting?

No. She said I could use any image of Lilith to speak to her.

[clears throat] Oh, I'm sorry.

Did you want me to take your lunch order while you sit and chat?

- I thought you said you were in a hurry. - Sorry.

Continue, Your Highness.

Thank you.

[sighs] Lilith.

Esther summoned her and asked for immortality.

But you always read the fine print.

Esther got eternal life,

but realized that did not mean eternal youth.

She would age, but never ever die.

Doomed to end up as a living skeleton

unless she found a workaround.

And she did.

Care to guess what?

Little girls fed to her big, hungry snake.

[snake hisses]

You guessed it. It keeps her young.

The townspeople kept her at bay with pitchforks

and burning down any house that she kept, ostracizing her.

Until she learned to blend in better.

But Edwin's not a little girl, or even alive.

Why did she take him?

She's immortal. How do we kill her? Can we kill her?

Oh, well, I would at least get some black salt.

Fuck me. Did you even listen to my story?

Black salt from the grocery store?

What? No. Enchanted black salt.

It's a precise mixture of volcanic ashes and Dead Sea salt.

Do you two not know anything about anything?

Okay.

[sighs] Thank you so much.

Do not thank me.

I already hate myself enough

for ever caring about that thin, stuffy little British tease.

[gasps]

Oh.

There he is.

Pow! Bam! Fire, burning.

Remember that? [laughs]

I'm feeling bad that I trapped you in that little glass box,

but you teens, you're just so hard to pin down.

And if I'm being honest,

I didn't want you to ruin my plan and try to rescue your pal.

- [Esther] Oh! - [grunting]

Nasty sting. The choker's iron.

Where is Edwin?

- Don't you dare... - "Where is Edwin? Where is he, mate? Oh."

[laughs]

Honey, don't be jealous.

Once I get him up and screaming, I'll come back and play with you. Yeah.

Just you...

wait.

Boop!

♪ Talking about time... ♪

- [Monty squawking] - [Esther sighs]

♪ Is all I need ♪

♪ Talking about time... ♪

Well...

Charles says hi.

Charles!

Darling, I know you escaped Hell,

but you're not gonna be able to escape this.

- [device whirring] - [vocalizing]

How is it? Hell.

I am so curious. I'm honestly, like... I'm a big fan.

What...

- What are you doing to me? - Nothing.

Right now. [chuckles]

[Edwin breathing heavily]

Okay. I'll tell you.

So, your soul has been tempered by decades of torture in Hell, right?

So, that suffering has made your soul tough enough

to withstand the pain I'm about to deliver. Get it?

Your pain gives me power.

[screams]

[breathing heavily]

[Crystal] Sorry to burst in here and demand things,

but we need black salt.

The kind to take down a witch. Now, I know...

Oh, you... You really had that handy.

Ayup.

Do you have any other high-quality murdering tools for murdering witches?

[Tragic Mick] Oh.

I think you're talking about Esther Finch.

And I sure wish I could talk you two out of that.

Okay. We appreciate the warning, but we...

[Tragic Mick] No!

She's built something.

An awful device no one should make.

That's why we have to help.

Even if it's scary and the odds are bad and we might die horrifically.

[Tragic Mick] Have a lucky charm.

On me.

A gift.

Tragic Mick.

For me? But why?

A while back, you listened to my story, and you tried to help.

You never know when the good you do may come back around.

Thank you.

Does it really work?

Can't hurt, especially for what you're about to face.

[door opens]

All this just for more power?

Listen to him. [chuckles]

Look, hon, I figured out a long time ago how to be predator instead of prey.

And I'm gonna own this town,

- thanks to you. - [grunts]

You might wanna bite down. This is... This is gonna hurt.

[device whirring]

[Edwin grunting]

Please.

[moaning]

Ah.

[chuckles] This is amazing.

I know it hurts, but you're taking it like such a champ.

Such a good boy.

Don't worry, it's gonna get a lot worse.

[laughing]

[thunder rumbling]

Stop. She probably put a, like, kill-you-instantly spell

or some witchy shit on the door.

[Edwin screaming] Stop!

That's Edwin.

What is she doing to him? We have to go in.

Wait. I'll go first.

Stay behind me, okay?

And be careful. Let's go.

[Edwin gasping]

- ♪ Just like I cried... ♪ - [Monty squawking]

[low growling]

Look. There's Charles.

- [Crystal] What is that? - Come on.

[Edwin] No! Please, don't come any closer!

Please, don't come any closer! Please!

[yelling]

Wow.

[Monty squawks]

[whispering] Crystal.

You're still here.

Get me out of this thing.

- We have to help Edwin. - So do I.

You have to kill the snake in the cupboard.

It's keeping her young and strong. We'll handle Esther.

Crystal.

Crystal.

[breathing heavily]

- [sizzling] - [grunting]

[Edwin shouting] Stop!

Please!

[whispering] Okay. You try to save Edwin.

I'm gonna get Esther's attention focused on me.

How are you gonna do that?

Let's find out.

You ready?

Okay.

[Edwin screaming]

Let's see now.

[sighs]

Let Edwin go, Esther.

[panting]

[chuckles] You just can't stay away, can you?

[sighs]

I'm beginning to think you're obsessed with me.

- [chuckles] - Hi.

[Esther] I can't blame you. I do have that effect.

- Keys. - Okay.

[Esther laughing]

[Monty squawks]

[grunting]

[sighs]

[Monty squawking]

Fat lot of good you turned out to be.

You tricked my best mate. Set us up.

[grunts]

When I get out of this thing, crow,

you're gonna find you backed the wrong side.

[squawks]

[squawking]

That's what I'm talking about.

Redemption arc, eh?

Good lad.

Now, let's find my lock pick kit.

[Edwin yelping]

You already got immortality from a goddess. Isn't that enough?

No. And here's some advice, just women helping women, and all.

Don't ever trust a goddess to grant your wishes.

Because she'll definitely screw you over good.

I mean, I never thought I'd be eating kids to stay young and beautiful.

But, you know, fine print.

It seems like only monsters need that fine print. [grunts]

Oh, God!

Oh, God! No, my face...

is fine.

Black salt should've burned, right? Except it's not amateur hour. In Salem...

Niko. In my pocket. A string.

I got a little glow-up, thanks to your friend.

You didn't notice?

Oh, you're definitely gonna clean this up before I kill you.

[Crystal grunting]

- [Edwin grunts] - Ooh.

Nice try, nerd.

Looks like we're gonna have to kick it up a notch. [sighs]

[screaming]

[snake hissing]

- [hissing] - [grunting]

[screaming]

Please!

[gasping]

[Crystal grunts]

[Esther gasps]

Oh, my God, my own sacrificial knife?

I'm impressed.

- [whimpers] - But I'm not fucking around

that you're also gonna patch that wall before you die.

[grunts]

[Crystal grunts]

I know I left one in here somewhere.

[objects clattering]

Now that is mint.

Let's go, snake.

Esther, wait!

I know what happened to you.

I know how badly your husband betrayed you.

You what? [chuckles]

I am so sorry he was a colossal prick.

But inflicting that same hurt on others, it isn't the answer.

You're an infant. You don't know anything about hurting.

I know how toxic anger can be.

I know if I hadn't met Edwin and Charles and people who care no matter what,

I might have gone on being a pawn for a demon,

or made people suffer to distract me from my own pain.

See, Edwin and Charles,

they have been through awful, unfair tragedies,

but they still choose to do good.

And we...

See, we still have that choice.

[keys jingling]

[Edwin gasping]

[Esther laughing] Who the fuck are you?

- [Niko grunts] - [gasps]

- [panting] - Wow. You almost got me. That was close.

But it's enough sensitivity training for today.

I did get you a parting gift.

[Niko gasping]

No!

[Crystal] Niko!

No, Niko!

- Stay with me. Yeah. You're okay. - [Niko gasping]

[exhales]

Niko?

Shoot. Or, as the French say, merde.

It is her fault, though.

On the bright side, you have another little ghost friend.

- [yells] - [gasps]

- [choking] - You still don't get it, do you?

This is a new kind of power, and it's all mine.

And no one will be more powerful than me ever again.

No one?

Oh, you wanna dig around in my mind?

Yeah, do your worst.

'Cause you're not gonna surprise me this time because the past is just that.

It's the past.

[both gasping]

- [panting] - [Esther laughs]

We've done this little dance before.

It's just a harmless memory.

I'm a whole lot stronger this time!

And I'm immortal.

So what could you possibly do to me here?

Who says I'm here for you?

Lilith!

You're supposed to be the goddess of wronged women, right?

This witch, she took your gift

and then she killed hundreds of little girls to stay young!

Who gets justice for them?

Do you hear me?

Who?

No.

[both gasp]

[snake hissing]

[Charles grunting]

Magic snake, magic wounds.

Brills.

What the fuck? Hey, hey! No!

- What did you just do? - [Edwin sighs]

What did you do?

I went over your head and found someone more powerful.

[Esther] No.

- Hubris is a bitch, am I right? - No.

God! Edwin, hold on!

[Esther] Shh. He's not going anywhere.

Okay? Because this is just the first of so many sessions for him.

He's gonna hurt...

[distorted]...more than anyone has ever hurt in the history of the world.

Oh, now...

[gasping]

I wish... I wish I cut you first.

[snake hissing]

[Charles yells]

[both grunting]

[gasping]

No. No.

No!

Hey.

The snake's dead.

[both panting]

[Esther yells]

[yelps, grunts]

Lilith?

No.

No! No! No!

No! No!

[Charles speaking indistinctly]

[Crystal speaking indistinctly]

We gotta go. Come on.

["Loss & Relax" playing]

♪ Oh, the loss of you ♪

♪ Brings me to a place that I call home ♪

♪ Oh, the loss of you ♪

♪ Brings me to a place That was our home... ♪

She was, uh...

She was a unique kind of good.

♪ Bring me back... ♪

These guys are gone too, I guess.

She was a true friend.

What happens now?

I contacted Niko's mother.

They'll ship the body back to Japan.

God, that sounds so fucking procedural.

What actually happens now?

She's moved on to her afterlife.

What about us?

I thought you had a lot to figure out back in London.

Alone.

[sighs]

I don't have to give up my new fucked-up life

while I'm trying to sort out my old fucked-up life.

Does this mean...

you'll stay on?

[chuckles] I mean, I...

[clears throat]

I don't know how who I used to be is gonna change me,

but I like who I am now.

And that is thanks to you two.

So, if you'll have me...

♪ Oh, the loss of you... ♪

I suppose, given all the hours of fieldwork logged,

one might think of this as your unofficial welcome

to the Dead Boy Detective Agency.

[Edwin] Mmm!

[sighs]

Again, a handshake would suffice.

Yup.

- [cat meows] - Oh, this is gonna be brills.

We'll get you set up in the office,

and we'll have to find somewhere else for you to sleep.

This is gonna be great.

Solving cases together, I mean.

[Crystal] Mmm-hmm.

That's sweet.

It's really, really nice for all of you. I'll be fine.

Yeah. I don't know if my insurance covers supernatural arson.

But I'll be fine.

Why don't you come back with us?

I'm pretty sure they have meat in London,

- right? - Mmm-hmm.

What, and leave Port Townsend,

where I was born and raised and ran a niche...

barely successful butcher shop that a witch blew up.

I will think about it.

But probably not.

[Crystal] Hmm.

Well, I think that sounds like a hard maybe.

Yeah, that's definitely a... A hard maybe.

Ugh.

[meows]

[Cat King] There he is.

Now that you cut off our little friendship bracelet,

I wasn't sure I'd ever see you again.

We don't all have nine lives.

My condolences for your brave friend.

This is very thoughtful.

Niko was quite an amazing person.

Yes.

Would you like a hug?

Thank you for helping my friends and for helping me.

Even though this was mostly your fault for trapping me here at the start.

Well, I do work in mysterious ways.

I think I understand you better now.

Ooh.

Do tell me all about me.

You are lonely.

[chuckles]

You play games.

And change outfits.

You chase toys to distract yourself from it.

You were right. We are a lot alike.

We are both lonely.

One hundred and forty-seven cats in Port Townsend.

Close.

But there are 146 cats in Port Townsend.

You forgot to count yourself.

You'll miss me.

[bell ringing faintly]

[Charles] There you are.

[Edwin] Where else should I be?

I was just helping Crystal and Jenny clean up the shop.

It was a big job, that.

- They missed you. - I find that dubious.

Believe it or not, mate, you're properly missable.

You know, I left them halfway through the tidy-up.

- And don't forget... - [sighs]

...we did promise Crystal that we'd travel back to London with her.

You know, the long way.

I just have this nagging feeling that the final penny has not dropped yet.

Mate.

Niko was murdered,

Crystal almost died,

I was nearly eaten,

and you barely escaped an eternity as a pipe-smoking witch's battery.

Honestly, how many more pennies do you need?

[postman] Delivery!

Oh, bloody hell.

And you're always just popping up. Where do you even come from?

The Dead Letter Office.

[chuckles]

Who would send us a box?

[Edwin inhales] Hmm.

Right, you two. Do not move.

I cannot move.

I'm afraid I haven't had the pleasure of an introduction.

Ah.

They speak.

Well, you're not Death.

So who are you?

Ah.

Well, just think of me

as one of the little cogs that makes the very big wheel go round.

And you boys have your afterlives awaiting.

It's time. So let's be off.

You heard her. Spit-spot!

No more deals or bargains or technical clauses.

I'd like to request asylum on the grounds that I do not belong in Hell.

Oh, for pity's sake.

Formal request.

You can't just wave it away and ignore us.

[chuckles]

I can do anything I like.

A formal request for asylum requires Form 239, Schedule L.

Do you have that?

You see what I've had to deal with so far?

You're both overdue an extreme reality adjustment.

You will forgive me, but I do not believe that you are in charge here.

[woman] What is all this?

Explain this.

Oh.

It's our case file.

The ones marked "closed" are cases that me and Edwin have solved.

[Edwin] We help ghosts resolve their mysteries. We help them move on.

We're already dead. So we're not prejudiced against ghosts.

Your Finality, shall we wrap this up?

I believe I issued a commendation to your Lost & Found Department

for the number of outstanding cases you wrapped up in recent decades.

Yes.

Yes, you did.

Aren't these boys doing the same thing?

The Devlins, the Vernons, Morry Fitzgibbon, the Jollity Twins,

all these souls who have moved on

because of their help.

It isn't the same thing, of course. Still...

Boys.

There are more human beings dying every day than ever before.

And that means more room for error.

You are making a difference.

It wouldn't serve anyone's interest

to stop you from doing what you clearly do so well.

The idea of these boys continuing unchecked...

Beggars belief.

[woman] Ah, yes.

Good idea.

These boys do need a...

A what?

A chaperone? An operator?

And you are a perfect gem to volunteer.

[Charles snickers]

You will enjoy working here on Earth.

With respect, she hates us.

[woman] And you will all adjust.

Now, I will check in on you when time permits.

So, remain...

useful.

You never know,

how the souls you help,

the marks you make,

you never know

when the good you do may come back around.

Wow. I did not see that one coming.

Allow me to welcome you formally to the Dead Boy Detective Agency.

How should we address you?

No.

No. No!

You may not address me at all.

And... And "the Dead Boy Detective Agency"?

That is a stupid name.

[Edwin sighs]

[Charles sighs]

[both chuckling]

[Charles sighing]

Not going back to Hell, are you?

[laughs]

What an unexpected relief.

[chuckles]

I...

I...

I do not have the words.

Edwin, this is brills.

Well, now we have to figure out

how we fit our new minder and Crystal into the agency.

God, it's getting crowded.

You think that Night Nurse will let me call her Charlie?

From that program, Charlie's Angels.

No, Charles, I do not.

[laughs]

Well, I'll ask her anyway, won't I?

You never know.

I mean,

my smile is pretty convincing.

[Kingham and Litty] So, what now?